#rbs appreciated i really like how i look in these :3
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ozomatli · 2 years ago
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happy trans day of visibility! ive been out for... 8 years now, give or take? im so happy with how ive progressed, and im so excited to see where life takes me next!
(he/its/17self pronouns, please do not use they/them for me!)
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parkjayssi · 5 months ago
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✦ PAC : TWISTED FANTASIES
what does ur future partner think about you at night? 18+
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!MINORS PLEASE DNI
like & rb are appreciated
i'm a beginner in tarot so please take everything with a grain of salt
do not copy or steal my work
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🖤 | pile one!
okay, pile one, seems like your fs has a thing for power imbalance when it comes to sex. they imagine you completely submitting to their will and doing it raw and wild. they'd make sure to have a safe word but definitely wants to make sure that you are a stuttering mess or they won't be satisfied because they feel like they haven't even gave you their best. they also imagine indulging you with a nice meal at restaurant or just spending some money on you before doing it. pampering you a lot is something they want to do to make this experience so much more indulging.
they seem to have a strong masculine presence, pile one, because the idea of trapping you under them and making you submit seems to be a repeating pattern here. they also seem to have a corruption kink, this isn't necessarily taking your virginity but introducing you to some new things that could elevate it. bondage is evident, blindfolds and handcuffs or ropes. as I said, definitely wants to make you feel helpless. their only goal is to make you feel the most pleasure as possible and so they'd do everything to enhance the experience, even if it's just a fantasy in their pretty little head (・ω<)
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🖤 | pile two!
goddamn, pile 2, your fs really put you on a pedestal for their fantasies. they see you as this untouchable god/goddess and they feel blessed to even look at you. they think that even imagining how they treat you in bed is a sin but they still dare to imagine that doing it with you might alleviate those sins, even if it's just a bit. they really think that only you can liberate them from their dirty thoughts that they should've never had in first place. they are really attentive to your needs too, pile 2. they make sure to be gentle and not hurt you in any way.
this pile is really just soft and sweet, caring sex. they also imagine that having sex with you is a scared experience, wanting to intertwine not only your bodies but your souls as one. they also imagine you voicing your needs as they are also open to anything you'd want to do. they probably seem to be a gentle dom/sub. really precious people, pile 2 <333
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🖤 | pile three!
ooh, pile 3, your fs has a really interesting fantasy. they imagine exploring new boundaries with you that they previously placed on themselves. probably trying something new that they were scared to or just did not seem interested before you entered their life. they seem to be quite assertive with what they like or dislike so this is very different from the usual self that they are.
they have this fantasy of trying positions that let you be on top and just admiring you while they sit back and relax. they want to give you this illusion of you being in control and just let you have your way for some time and then they switch up to assert themselves since, as i said, they are quite assertive, both in real life and in bed. there's also another interpretation for some of you out there, that they have this fantasy of having sex to make up, basically angry sex to let both of your frustrations out. also pile 3, if you get attracted to pile 1, there might be extra messages for you
extra : this pile gives gojo satoru from jjk vibes so ifykyk
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starrieangel · 15 days ago
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🎄❤️Mouthwashing Crew on Christmas💚🎁
Merry Christmas, everyone! I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday ♡ Here's my present to you all: more headcanons!!
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Features: Curly x Reader, Anya x Reader, Daisuke x Reader, Jimmy x Reader
rb's appreciated! 💚❤️
Curly☃️
I think Curly would love surprising you..!
He's up before you, already has the coffee (or hot chocolate or tea) ready for you when you wake up. 
When you finally get out of bed, there's extra presents under the tree, and the tree is even more festive and beautiful than how you left it!!
(Is Curly Santa..??)
He's not materialistic in the slightest, but a good gift means a lot to Curly if it shows you put a lot of thought into it..! It makes him feel special that you are thinking about him ^u^
He's a good gift giver, but bad at wrapping them XD He's trying his best ok !!!
After opening presents, you guys cuddle and watch your favorite goofy christmas movie while cuddled up in your new sweaters/socks/blankets :)
His favorite part of Christmas is Christmas dinner tho, and you guys whip up a big feast and invite all your friends and family !!! 
He’s the classic “my boyfriend only cooks meat” stereotype, like he cant cook but he will fuck up a christmas ham or a thanksgiving turkey or a barbecue.. let him cook fr
Bonus: Curly is definitely the Santa at the office Christmas party..!! Maybe you get to sit on Santa's lap ;D 
Anya❄️
Panicking because she's bad at getting gifts..!! 
She gets to the store and.. oh no there's too many choices
“I'm not sure what candy Y/N likes... I'll just get one of each.. oh dear..”
She would try making handmade gifts like sewing or knitting or crochet but she doesn't get them done til the last minute...
She dang near cries when you see the itchy, raggedy sweater she made you and you beam at her “I love it!!!” and you do! because she made it ♡
I feel like she likes peppermints and candy canes... just her vibe
You two make a gingerbread house together !!
Yes it falls apart a little, but it doesn't matter because you both had so much fun making it :) (and decorating it with all that candy she bought !!)
Bonus: She is a based eggnog drinker. And maybe she does spike her and Daisuke's eggnog at the office Christmas party ;D
Daisuke🎁
Ugly Christmas Sweater Party Winner 3 years in a row
(I like the popular headcannon that Daisuke likes thrifting, so) He loves going to the thrift to find ugly christmas sweaters (so you can match) and even finding cool antiques/retro items to give as gifts!
Always gives at least one prank gift, but otherwise he is pretty thoughtful! 
He doesn't get you a present unless it really reminds him of you! I feel like he gifts thrifted vinyls and jewelry, secondhand designer, like his gifts are honestly peak and they're always perfect for you
He's in charge of the Christmas party!! and he's committed to packing as many christmas themed activities into it as possible
Dedicated Christmas Movie Showing, gotta watch all the classics!
Hot chocolate bar, christmas cookie buffet, pin the nose on the reindeer, ALL OF IT 
Strategically ties mistletoe to ensure highest occurrence of Kissing You ;3 “Uh, oh, Y/N! Looks like we're caught under the mistletoe.. again! How unlucky.. guess we'll have to.. you knowww..” >:3c
Bonus: He would get tipsy at the office christmas party and would try to hug you or kiss you the whole time, and you’re like “plz ur embarrassing me”
Jimmy🎄
Jimmy is actually really good at getting gifts. Like, really good. Like, you mentioned this thing in passing 6 months ago, and he either remembered it or bought it for you and hid it for 6 months. He knows exactly what to get you!
He's not really a huge fan of the holidays
That being said: He enforces Mistletoe rules like it's his job
Everyone thinks he's a grinch, so he doesn't usually get the best presents from others. It doesn't help that he never makes a christmas list or tell anyone what he wants 
(mostly because he doesn't want to be disappointed when he asks for something and doesn't get it, or he's afraid to ask for something “dorky” that he actually really wants)
When you ask him what he wants for christmas, he just kind of shrugs and says he'll like whatever you get him
So it's extra special when you return the favor and get him a gift just as thoughtful as he gave you :) You get him the video game or album or band tee (idk what men like) that he offhandedly mentioned weeks ago :) He can't hold in his surprise that you remembered!
“Woah, babe! I can't believe you remembered.. This is perfect, thank you baby” And then he wraps you into a tight hug!
Bonus: Yea, Jimmy had to fill in as Santa one year when Curly was busy/sick....... He made a kid cry.
Hope you enjoyed! Let me know in the replies what you think, send an ask if you have a request, and rb if u liked! Thanks for reading!💚❤️
Merry Christmas!! ☃️💚🎄❤️❄️❤️🎄💚🎁☃️❄️❤️❄️❤️🎄💚
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pupwashing · 20 days ago
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older brother!jimmy x younger sister!reader
warnings: INCEST, NONCON, anal, unprotected sex, blood mention, cigarette burning on skin, lowercase intended
A/N: AT LAST I HAVE TIME TO POST :3 I really liked writing this even though it’s a drabble,, as always I love feedback! comments & rbs are appreciated!
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jimmy’s a fucking weirdo.
being his younger sister, you’re the most qualified person to claim this as fact.
ever since you could remember, jimmy’s been the weird kid. the odd one out.
he doesn’t know care about doing things the right way or making people feel uncomfortable, including you.
he’s a terrible older brother, but you didn’t know he was going to get worse.
much, much worse.
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jimmy stays in the basement; hasn’t made an effort to move out yet. probably never will.
you prefer him living down in the basement. means you don’t have to see him as much.
when the basement door opens, you think nothing of it. he’s probably coming up for food, like he usually does.
except, he makes a beeline for the living room, where you’re watching some trashy romcom. he hates your taste in films; fake bullshit that uses handsome faces to sell you a pipe dream.
maybe it’s jealousy, or maybe it’s pent up resentment. 
either way, it’s pissed him off, and he’s already having a bad day.
curly keeps trying to drag him everywhere under the sun.
he knows its out of pity, so he declines.
but curly is persistent.
that persistence just adds to his likability. something jimmy lacks, something he craves, deep down.
this anger jimmy feels, all his pent up rage leads him to make a drastic decision.
if he can’t take his frustrations out on the people that cause him, then he can surely use his younger sister as a punching bag.
you should’ve been more aware of your brother’s tendencies. should’ve known he’d snap sooner or later.
you just didn’t realize you’d be the victim when he did.
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when you regain consciousness, you realize you aren’t in the living room anymore.
you’re in the basement, on a stained mattress.
attempting to move, you notice that your ankles and wrists are bound with zip-ties.
when you try to speak, you realize that there’s duct tape on your mouth.
you don’t have much time to ponder what’s happened before jimmy comes in.
his appearance is rough; a stained wifebeater and worn black boxers, with a unlit cigarette hanging from his lips.
he looks like shit, just like any other day.
he walks over to the mattress, not uttering a word as he flips you to lie on your stomach.
the cogs are beginning to turn in your head, and you don’t like where this is going.
he positions your body as if you were a mannequin; face down, ass up.
jimmy’s silent as he flicks his lighter on, lighting his cigarette.
he makes quick work of your shorts and panties, ignoring your whimpers of protest.
he kneads at your ass, letting the plump flesh fill his palms. 
he gropes you for a while before you feel it: a warm glob of spit on your asshole, trickling down to your pussy.
when it finally clicks what jimmy plans to do, it’s too late.
his cockhead nudges against your puckered entrance, forcing its way into your formerly virgin hole.
you scream, but the tape muffles it. jimmy doesn’t even flinch.
taking a drag of his cigarette, he exhales the smoke as he begins his thrusts.
he’s fucking you deep. feels like he’s messing with your organs.
jimmy presses a palm on the small of your back, forcing you to arch more as he violates you.
he doesn’t utter a word, nor does he grunt or groan. he just smokes his cigarette as he fucks you.
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you don’t know how many hours it’s been, but you know he’s been through ten cigs. its easy to count, because he’s been putting them out on you.
your body aches, you feel like he’s ripped you in two, but he hasn’t stopped.
every snap of his hips has you talking to god, praying that he’d end your suffering, one way or another.
your prayers were interrupted by jimmy putting out his cigarette on your hip, rubbing this thumb over the fresh mark.
you don’t even scream this time. you’re too exhausted to even cry. you have no tears left.
jimmy gets up, the mattress creaking under the loss of his weight.
it’s finally over.
he leaves you on the bed in a crumpled heap, cum and blood creating a grotesque river as it slowly drips out of your abused hole.
but you know this isn’t the end of it.
he’s kept you tied up for a reason, he’s just taking a break.
you close your eyes, hoping that somehow, someway, you’ll get your dignity back, after jimmy stole it from you.
you fucking hate your older brother.
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minnaci · 1 year ago
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SHIEDA KAYN | nsfw abc's — headcanons
contents: gender-neutral!reader, reader is implied to be kayn's partner, mentions of heavy/intense kinks, kayn is a lil slut (affectionate), some soft!kayn for the soul, top-leaning switch kayn, penetrative sex (reader receiving)
written with both heartsteel & canon kayn in mind! lemme slut out our collective boyfriend <3 nsfw alphabet hc prompts taken from @/the-coldest-goodbye. as always, thanks for reading! comments + rbs + asks always appreciated :3 stream paranoia!
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a (aftercare) — what are they like after sex?
kayn is surprisingly considerate— he's pretty good about matching his aftercare to whatever activity you've done. for a long night of hard sex, you might get a bath and cuddles. for a vanilla quickie, he might toss a snack at you, pull you into his lap, and rest his chin on your shoulder while he makes sure you eat it.
b (body part) — favorite body part of theirs? their partners?
kayn has a not-so-secret thing for your hips. it doesn't matter how big or small, how curvy or flat, just as long as he can get his hands on them and squeeze. on himself... well, he's worked hard for his abs. it'd be a shame if he didn't appreciate them fully! (in the rare, soft moments, he'll tell you he likes his hands. he likes the way they fit with yours)
c (cum) — what's up with the cum situation?
kayn loves using his own cum as lube. it's thick and creamy and sticky, and something about the way it drips from your skin makes his head spin. he also makes adjustments to his diet to make sure he tastes good because he's freaky like that (read: he absolutely licks his own cum off his fingers after he jerks off, and he relishes in the taste)
d (dirty secret) — what's their dirty little secret?
sometimes, when he's feeling particularly wretched, kayn will ask rhaast to take over his body and jerk him off. the combination of giving up control and rhaast's taunting, filthy praises makes him cum harder than anything he could do to himself.
e (experience) — how experienced are they?
kayn knows how sex works, but more importantly, he's well-versed in pleasure. he's perfectly capable of figuring out just what makes you tick (and what makes your brain melt out of your leaking hole). it's just a matter of how nice he's feeling.
f (favorite position) — what's their favorite position?
kayn absolutely loves doggy. there's just something about the way he can manhandle you, and mount you, hands spanning over your hips, pulling you back onto his cock, that makes him hopelessly aroused. the only downside is that he can't see your pretty face when you cum on his cock, but he's generally okay with that. after all, there's always next round.
g (goofy) — are they more serious? more humorous?
kayn tends to be a force of nature when it comes to fucking you. the only time he really laughs during sex is in disbelief of how good you feel, nice and warm and wet around his cock, or if he's being mean, he'll laugh at how needy and desperate you are. if you catch him in a good mood, though, he'll grin and engage in a bit of teasing banter while he does his best to make you lose your train of thought.
h (hair) — how well-groomed are they? do the carpets match the drapes?
kayn doesn't really shave, but he doesn't really need to— he's naturally got a bit less hair down there. he occasionally does a little trim, just to keep everything looking neat and enticing, including the tempting patch of hair that trails down his tummy. as for the color... the carpet matches the drapes, though he won't dye his pubes to match if he dyes his hair. he learned that lesson a while ago.
i (intimacy) — how romantic are they? how sensual?
it really depends. he has the capacity for romance— it's one of those fantasies that he keeps in a secret back corner of his mind, only to be pulled out when he's feeling at his weakest. he likes linking his fingers with yours. he loves kissing you while you cum. and if you specifically ask for something sweet and slow, he'll oblige (though not without making a little fuss about how he's big, bad, dark and powerful first)
j (jerk off) — masturbation headcanon
kayn is a huge supporter of jerking off. he proudly fails no nut november on november 1st every year. but it's not really his fault— his balls just feel so full and heavy if he doesn't cum at least once or twice a day. and it's no joke, either— the ache between his legs often becomes overwhelming, sending him stumbling to his bed to curl a rough palm around his length. even rhaast lets out a soft sigh of relief once the familiar pleasure starts to coil in kayn's gut. if you're not around to help him through it, what else can he do but fuck his fist?
k (kink) — what's a kink they have?
kayn's got a corruption kink a mile wide. he loves watching his partners go from put-together, well-adjusted members of society to needy, slutty little puddles of arousal. the higher they fly, the farther they have to fall, and kayn loves tugging you down just a little further into the depths of degeneracy.
l (location) — what's their favorite place to get it on?
he's not picky, but if you let him choose, kayn has nothing wrong with fucking in a bed— yours or his, it doesn't matter. of course, he's had his fair share of public sex, and he can't deny he loves the thrill of almost getting caught, but his possessive streak balks at the idea of someone else getting to hear all of your pretty little sounds. he likes to keep you to himself, desperate and debauched in his bed.
m (motivation) — what turns them on?
a slight breeze could turn him on. really. it's almost a little pathetic how easily he can get going, but what turns him on the easiest is you. it's the littlest things, really. the sliver of skin between your shirt and your pants when you reach up and stretch, the soft curl of your smile when he's done something sweet that surprised you— there are so many small things you do that drive him insane. and he's determined to make you accept the consequences.
n (no) — what turns them off?
kayn will try (almost) anything once, but he's not a huge fan of ageplay. he'll let you call him daddy, sure, but he's not a caretaker at heart.
o (oral) — giver or receiver? skill level?
kayn won't lie— he prefers receiving head over giving it. there's just something so gutwrenching about having a pretty little thing between his thighs, lips spread wide around his cock, glancing up at him with pleading, desperate eyes. but that's not to say he never gives head. just because he prefers to receive doesn't mean he doesn't enjoy giving head. in fact, he loves to return the favor. what he lacks in technique he makes up for in pure, filthy passion. he doesn't fuck you with his tongue as much as he makes out with your dripping hole.
p (pace) — fast and rough? slow and sensual? other?
kayn's got a penchant for those deep, overwhelming thrusts— the kind that make you feel like his cock is drilling straight up into your throat. most nights, he'll come in hard and fast, fucking you stupid with single-minded devotion. but on the rare occasion where he's patient enough to take his time with you, watch out. he'll take you apart slowly, methodically, until you're nothing more than a warm, pliant hole, begging for more.
q (quickie) — opinions on quickies?
kayn loves a good quickie, especially when he's got his heartrate up and pumping. he makes sure to make it good for you, too— in fact, he doesn't tell you, but he's got a mental tally of just how fast and how often he can make you cum (hint: it's very fast and very often). the one downside is that kayn is a little shit, so he sometimes makes a mess of you and, after helping you calm down with a quick cuddle and a few sweet, lazy kisses, he'll cackle and leave you to clean up the mess of cum he's left dripping between your thighs. it doesn't happen very often, though— most of the time, he'll kiss it all off your skin. can't have any going to waste, after all.
r (risk) — do they like to experiment? do they take risks?
again, kayn will try (almost) anything once. in the world of kinks, fetishes, and pleasure, there's very little he hasn't (or won't) try. as for risk... what's life without a little adrenaline rush every once in a while? he loves a good thrill, and the high is even better when he's balls-deep inside of you, letting the cocktail of hormones and pleasure overwhelm him as his cock paints your walls with spurt after spurt of thick, creamy seed
s (stamina) — how many rounds? how long do they last?
kayn's stamina is the stuff of legends. a league of legends, even (lol). his self-control is extremely impressive, and his love for overstimulation makes him the perfect candidate for marathon sex. he can go for hours, and his refractory period is surprisingly short. on the off chance that you manage to tire him out, rhaast is always waiting in the wings, burning with the desire to take you for himself.
t (toys) — sex toy headcanon
if you ask kayn, he'd say he isn't super into toys (he's lying). he has a solid collection of them. it's mostly fleshlights, back from the days before he met you, but he also has a more discretely hidden collection of anal toys, vibrators, and massagers that his prostate is intimately and lovingly familiar with. once he meets you, he'll expand his collection to include a few nice, thick dildos— perfect for filling any empty holes that he can't take with his cock.
u (unfair) — how much do they like to tease?
kayn's ability to tease is directly correlated with how pent up he is. when he's planned a scene with you or is coming in calm, he loves to tease. he likes getting a little condescending, letting his voice take on a smug, patronizing lilt while he turns you into a dripping puddle of need, denial, and aching desire. but when he's amped up and high on adrenaline, he needs you on his cock and he needs you immediately. there's no tease— only a feral, growling beast of a man, desperate to ravage you until you're as depraved as he is.
v (volume) — how loud are they? what sounds do they make?
kayn has absolutely no self-consciousness when it comes to being loud, and he is loud. he sounds good and he knows it— he's seen your pupils dilate when he lets a particularly obscene moan slip from his throat— and he's happy to let you hear exactly what you're doing to him. his sounds range from soft, needy moans to deep, animalistic growls. on rare occasion, when he lets you ride him, you can even draw a few trembling little whimpers from his lips as he bucks his hips up, searching for more, hotter, deeper.
w (wildcard) — random hc!
sometimes, kayn's control slips when he orgasms, and rhaast peeks through. luckily for everyone, rhaast is surprisingly weak to the pleasures of the mortal flesh. one rhaast is finished having his way with you, it's pretty easy for kayn to take control again, leaving rhaast's consciousness to soak in the afterglow.
x (x-ray) — what's going on under their clothes?
kayn's not obscenely big, though he might claim otherwise. he's actually pretty average when he's hard— around 5.5 inches (14cm), but he's veiny and thick. his cock is unfairly pretty, especially when his slit drools out pearly little drops of pre-cum. when it's inside of you, it feels so heavy and hot and good that it's more than enough to keep you coming back for more. his balls are always full and always heavy, and if he lets you edge him a few times, his head goes from a deep, dusty pink to a pretty purple.
y (yearning) — how's their sex drive?
his sex drive is insane. if he's not working himself up, then rhaast is behind the scenes, whispering filthy demands in kayn's subconscious. if he were any less disciplined, he'd waste his days away, jerking himself off until you were available for him to play with. as it is, he still cums at least twice a day— once in the morning before he gets out of bed, and once at night before he goes to sleep. otherwise, his poor cock throbs with the lack of attention, and his balls get all swollen and achy, and he can't focus or relax until he's emptied himself into his fist, or, if you're around, into a warm, willing hole.
z (zzz) — how quickly do they fall asleep after?
it takes kayn a while to come down from his post-coital high. even after he's done with aftercare (both for himself and for you) and you're both sated and comfortable, he sometimes finds it hard to calm down completely. he likes to burn off that extra energy by pulling you into a slow, sensual make out session, which usually ends up with you mouthing sleepily at his neck while you both drift off to sleep.
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angelshimaa · 3 months ago
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𝐆𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐒 ;; 𝐕𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 (pt. 2)
⤷ feat. midoriya & todoroki <3
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✧ cw :: gn!reader, fluff, izuku calls you 'sweetheart' + 'angel', shoto calls you 'love'
✧ a/n :: I love these ones personally ^^ a quick feed bc i'm starting exams !
pt 1.
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𝐈𝐙𝐔𝐊𝐔 watches you walk in holding a huge bouquet of flowers, your wide smile covered a little by them. you're struggling a little, but it only encourages a giggle to bubble out of you.
“and these?” izuku laughs, walking over to help you carry them.
as best as you can, you outstretch them to him. “for you, izu!” your laughter prompts his laughter— neither of you understand what's really so funny, but you simmer into the cheerful mood with him.
“you didn't have to, sweetheart,” he tries to get a hold of the bundle of stems, which only has some petals brushing up against his lower face and incites another round of light giggles. “i didn't know they made them this big!”
“as big as my love for you, izu,” you muse, watching the beauty in the colour his refreshed laughter brings to his freckled cheeks. “i won't lie, maybe even bigger—”
izuku twists the bouquet to the side enough to press a kiss to your face. “thank you angel. do we have a vase for these?”
you look at the huge bouquet, laughing once more. “...does anyone have a vase for these?”
“...we can go get one?”
deku smiles once more when he watches your eyes glimmer. “i'll grab the car keys.”
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𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐎 holds onto the beautiful flowers you bought, his fingers delicately wrapped around the stems as if he fully expects you to just take them back, tell him you were only joking. he hasn't gone out on many dates with you before, but he's pretty sure he’s the one meant to give you flowers.
“...for me?”
you giggle at your boyfriend. “yes, shoto, for you. do you like them?”
his pretty eyes glance down at the delicate petals and the complimentary colours bring a soft smile to his face— your thoughtfulness makes his heart so warm and he can't believe just how good you are to him.
shoto kisses your temple, his soft lips pressing against your skin. he's so close, and the faint smell of his cologne lingers on him— he's so attractive. “yes, my love. thank you.”
your smile sparkles, more vibrant than his flowers. “you’re welcome, baby— when should I get ready for dinner?”
shoto sets his flowers aside before looking you up and down slowly— only heaven knows why you're so pretty. “you could go like that and you'd still light up the room.”
you smile wider at him, draping your arms around his neck. infatuation sinks into you, sending you loopy as you share tender smiles. “flattery will get you everywhere, mr todoroki.”
his slender fingers hold onto your hips and he gives you a sweet, chaste kiss on the lips.
“i just need it to keep me with you.”
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✧ — thank you for reading !! rbs and feedback are greatly appreciated <3
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gor3-hound · 10 months ago
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bark like you want it !
ft. ryomen sukuna x fem!reader
cw: 18+ content, pet play, true form sukuna, sexual slavery(?) sukuna has a harem p much, degradation, oral(m!recieving), double penetration, p in v, anal, creampie, objectification, size difference, biting, barking, almost soft sukuna for a second, sukuna is his own warning tbh
a/n: idk i'd bark for him.. feedback/rbs always appreciated, esp this one bcs... i felt like he was hard to write and would love any feedback on him :3 this is ONLY smut btw. not proofread.. sorry :/ jjk works now being uploaded to @puppykento
word count: 1.5k words
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Sukuna's gaze flicks across the row of kneeling concubines, analysing each of their features to see which one would be most suitable for his needs tonight. As he walks alongside the row of undressed women, he stops occasionally to have a closer look at the ones that particularly interest him. His hands explore them, groping every inch of them before he's lost interest once more, skulking further down the line.
He looks at you curiously once he reaches you, all four eyes trained on your body. He kicks your knees wider apart with a foot, tilting his head.
"You aren't completely hopeless." He says as he examines you, his two lower arms keeping your legs spread as he squats down. One of his other four hands begins to roughly grope one of your tits while his final hand explores between your folds, his fingers gathering up the slick that's begun to drip from you.
“With me, pet.” He orders after a moment, giving you a slight squeeze before standing up. Pet. That was all he had ever addressed any of you as. He did not learn the names of those deemed lesser than him. Your name would never register in his mind - you'd remain another pet for him to use and discard once he was bored. You keep your gaze down as you follow after him, staying quiet. It was best to be obedient when captured by Sukuna - something you had learned after witnessing the many punishments he'd made women endure.
You hadn't been chosen before. You could feel yourself shaking slightly as you were led to his chambers. He sat on the bed with his legs spread, letting his robe fall open. Your eyes widen at the sight, a tremble developing in your hands. You'd heard the stories, but you thought them to be exaggerations.
Sukuna laughs at your reaction, clearly amused. “Impressive, are they not?” He muses, languidly stroking one of his large cocks, his eyes trained on your face. He thumbs over the leaky tip, his grin growing as he watches your gaze trail the movement.
“On your knees, pup.” He waits for you to comply before tugging you even closer by your collar - the only thing you were permitted to wear. He looks down at you, his eyes trailing your form. He slips one of his legs between your thighs, then pushes you down by your shoulder so you're practically seated on his ankle.
“Such a drippy cunt.” He teases, tapping the head of one of his cocks against your lips until you open up, pushing the head past the entrance of your mouth. “Go on, puppy. You look like a bitch in heat. Hump it and show me how badly you want your master.”
He laughs harder when you start to rub your pussy against his leg and desperately try to suck his cock. Your jaw is stretched to the limits to accommodate his girth, and all you can really do is suck on the tip.
“Is that the best you can do?” He grunts, pulling you off his cock with a look of dissatisfaction spreading across his features. “You're more of a dirty mutt than a pup, really. An entirely pathetic little thing. Can't even suck cock right. Are you sure you're one of mine? Usually I have a talent for picking sluts…”
He lets out an exasperated sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose like your very existence is an annoyance to him. He clicks his tongue, hoisting you up and onto the bed unceremoniously by your collar. “Not that it matters. A bitch is a bitch. They all take dick the same.”
He has your legs dangling off the edge of the bed, your ass in the air. He settles between your legs, spreading your folds with two thumbs. “Humans are such fragile things.��� He murmurs, sounding like he's talking more to himself than he is addressing you. He fucks two fingers into your weeping hole, scissoring them open. “Need to make sure you can take me, little one.”
You hear him spit, a sudden wetness hitting your tighter hole that makes you flinch, your eyes widening. “Don't give me that look, pup. You have two perfectly good holes for my cocks. I'm going to use them.” He grunts, and then he's pushing a finger past the tight ring of muscle.
It takes a while to adjust, your chest heaving with heavy breaths as you grip the sheets beneath you. You open your mouth to speak, but all that comes out is a pathetic whine, your brows pinching together.
“Good dog.” He coos, doing his best to stretch you open. His patience wears thin after a few more moments, and he pulls his hands away from your body, stroking his cocks. “Want a treat, puppy?”
He grabs a handful of your hair and yanks your head, shaking it up and down to mimic a nod. He grins at that, pinching one of your cheeks before he's rubbing the tip of one of his cocks up and down your folds, parting them before he presses his hips forward, filling you up inch by inch.
He bottoms out with a low groan, his hand lazily stroking his second cock as he focuses his eyes on you. “Such a fat pussy, pup. Sucks me in so good…”
He pulls out so just the tip is in, but he doesn't thrust back in like you expect. You make a noise of protest, arching your back and trying to push back against him. “Such a greedy fuckin’ dog. I told you you're taking both my dicks tonight, so be fuckin’ patient while I get it in. I've torn sluts in half before, and I'll do it again.”
Your heart beats faster at his threat, and you instantly still your movements. You feel the head of his cock nudging your ass, and it's not long before he's pushing forward, splitting both of your holes open on his cock. The pain of the stretch has your eyes watering. You feel like it's hard to suck in a breath, your body shaking as the air is fucked out of your lungs.
He's brutal. He doesn't give you a chance to adjust. This isn't for you, after all. You're his pet. His property. He pounds you into the mattress, pulling you harshly into his thrusts with his grip on your hips, using you like a fleshlight.
“Speak, pup.” He hisses through gritted teeth, yanking you back repeatedly as he fucks you on both of his cocks. The nails of his fingers dig harshly into the flesh of your hips, leaving marks in the skin.
“S'good, feels so-” You're cut off as he yanks your hair back painfully, making you yelp. Your body is folded in half, your back arched almost unnaturally as he drags the upper half of your body to be flush against his while he thrusts into you from behind.
“Stupid mutt.” He grunts out, one of his free hands grabbing at your stomach to pull you closer to him. He buries his face into the crook of your neck, biting down harshly. “Dogs don't talk. Try again.”
Heat creeps up your face and neck as you register his command, your heart dropping to your stomach. You bark once, as if just testing the waters. Clearly you've pleased him, cause he moans loudly in your ear and adjusts his hips so he's pounding relentlessly against that gummy spot that makes your stomach tighten up.
“Good… good fuckin’ pup. Just like that. Make some noise f’me.” His thrusts are slow and deep, knocking the air out of you each time he bottoms out. You bark again, and he speeds up, making you keen and arch into him further. You feel the coil tightening in your stomach, your mouth hanging open as he uses your cunt for his own pleasure.
A bark is forced from your lips every time his hips smack the fat of your ass. It isn't long before you cum, your eyes rolling back as you moan loudly, shaking in his grasp. Sukuna growls loudly at the feeling of you clenching around him, your walls fluttering around his cock while his other cock gets milked by your tight ass. He pins you to the mattress with his large frame as he forces his way balls deep into you, filling you with an inhuman quantity of cum.
He pulls out with a shuddering breath, cleaning himself off before slipping his robe back on. He watches your holes leak his cum with satisfaction, giving you a moment before addressing you again.
“Up, pet. Time to go.” He murmurs, patting your ass a few times. He seems to pause for a moment, his expression softening almost imperceptibly as he looks at you.
“I'll have someone run you a bath.” Is all he says before he waves you off, his eyes lingering only a moment too long.
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bubble-dream-inc · 2 years ago
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hii! i love ur fics!! can u write something about medical f/reader and her being scared of Ghost and can't look him in the eyes (he makes her really nervous and shy) and Ghost kinda find it amusing:))
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an apple a day...
At first, Simon wasn't fazed by the rumors about the cute new head doctor on base; that is, until he realized the effect he had on you - and how fun was it to tease you with it.
Simon "Ghost" Riley x Medic Reader
rbs greatly appreciated!
WC: 1,4K
a/n: hi anon! thank you for this ask, i had a lot of fun writing this <3 bear in mind i used the little medical knowledge from my brief pharmacist student era and i actually have no idea how medical regs work in the army so take these inaccuracies with a grain of salt lmao. thank you my love @chaoskrakenuwu for the beta read <333333
tags: profanity, pure fluff, medical innacuracies, female reader, Simon is a smug little shit.
Ghost was many things, but amongst it all, he silently took pride in being good at reading people.
At first, he didn’t know exactly why he was doing it, and later he’d come to realize it was an amusing game for him, oddly enough, considering Simon Riley was never a man to bask in mundane pleasures.
It started with the rumors around the base about the allegedly cute new head doctor. Simon had been around these men for long enough to grow used to their touch deprived selves thirsting over literally any woman that came close to their general vicinity, so at first the talk didn’t stir his curiosity - it almost never did; he didn’t like to gossip. This changed one morning when he woke up with a killer headache, and unwillingly made way to the infirmary to try and get some painkillers. Gingerly knocking on the door and waiting for the approval of whoever was on the other side - which came in the form of a meek ‘come in’ - he had completely forgotten about the rumors going around until he set foot in the room and instantly came across the new head doctor.
They didn’t do it justice. You weren’t cute, you were a fucking spectacle.
He blinked, seemingly expressionless behind the mask, but he embarrassingly had to admit he might have let his gaze wander more than usual as you looked up from the papers you were looking over, clearly confused as to why you heard your door open but not a word out of the person who came in, and, as you did so, he recognized all the emotions people felt whenever they looked at him for the first time: confusion, shock - be it by his sheer absurd size or the mask - and, lastly, intimidation. It wasn’t unusual, but he’d be lying if he said it didn’t bother a very hidden part of him, the fact he was intimidating such a small and seemingly harmless woman such as yourself. He had half a mind to speak first, but you beat him to it.
“Oh, uh…Hello, er, Lieutenant Ghost? How can I help you?” You clearly fiddled with your fingers as you stared at him with wide eyes, refusing to meet his gaze. Simon was slightly annoyed you already knew who he was - the whispers about him on base weren’t exactly positive, and he wondered what you might have heard.
“Yeah. Got one fuckin’ headache, I need some meds.” He was aware of how much more coarse his already gruff voice sounded, courtesy of the annoying pain and the sour mood he was already in, and took notice of the way the sound of it made your eyes widen even more. Clearing your throat, you mumbled something in agreement, heading to a cabinet near your desk, and he couldn’t help but watch you like a hawk - entranced by how you looked with the clearly frantic tied up hair and the white lab coat moving in tandem with your body. You looked so small compared to him and the thought made him more satisfied than he’d like to admit.
Finally reaching the drawer you were looking for, you searched it around for a bit until grabbing a small blister with four duo colored pills, hastily making your way over to Ghost and handing him the medication. You gave some instruction on how he should take it - once every six hours, if the pain didn’t go away, but not more than three a day - but he barely registered it, too caught up on watching you from above. Deciding to end your torture, he looked over at the blister on his hand and raised it slightly as if it were a toast.
“Cheers. Thanks, doc.”
With that, he left, not going unnoticed how surprised you were at his cordialness.
After that, he unconsciously made a habit out of it, popping into your office for the stupidest of reasons and he wasn’t even sure why; he’d find himself gravitating towards the infirmary, like a lost dog, to the point you updated his file with the recently known information that he had constant headaches - he didn’t. Simon took some sort of sick pleasure from watching you squirm under his gaze, never able to keep his eye contact for long, even more so when you heard his voice, and things took an interesting turn when he realized you probably weren’t intimidated - but flustered instead. It clicked with him one day as he entered your office in casual clothes before heading to the gym and you thought you were being subtle about the way you ogled his arms in the tight black shirt he was wearing. As he was leaving, he subconsciously turned to grip the doorway above him - not by much - to bid you goodbye, and he couldn’t help but to smirk under the mask when your eyes widened and your face visibly reddened at the motion.
So, he decided to test his theory. That day, he didn’t even need to fake a headache to go see you, he actually had gotten injured when helping out with some maintenance, a moment of recklessness giving him a cut on his hand. If it were another circumstance, he would just have taken care of it himself, considering how desensitized he was to pain these days, but for once he had a good reason to bother you, so that’s exactly what he did. Even if his presence made you so shy, this time you couldn’t help but look at him with worry as he entered the infirmary.
“Ghost, you really have to look into those headaches of yours.”
“Not my head this time.”
He showed you the bleeding cut on his hand, and almost chuckled at the way your eyes widened and you got into professional mode, hastily walking around to gather materials he knew all too well - gauze, iodine, all fun stuff. Simon was used to the sting of stitches, but they rarely felt as gentle as you did it, the way he relished on how close you were while fixing his hand, a focused flash in your eyes, not helping his case one bit, even if it was slightly disappointed how all of your shy nature disappeared the moment you had to be professional. He could appreciate how good you were at what you did, though.
Too soon for his liking, you were done, going around mumbling about a specific anti-inflammatory you were going to give him while he admired the neat work on his hand. Still sitting on the infirmary bed, he watched as you realized where the medication was, which just so happened to be on the tallest shelf of the medication cabinet. You sighed, grumbling about the reckless nurse that always messed with the placement of the medications, too caught up in trying to stand on your tiptoes to reach it that you missed Ghost moving right behind you, noticing only when his torso was inches away from your back and he had one hand gingerly touching your waist, the way you shivered not going unnoticed. He indulged in the way you stilled, turning to look at him with a surprised expression, and he almost chuckled at how adorable your eyes looked when wide like that, but, instead, he only looked down at you for a few moments before effortlessly getting the medicine box from the shelf - which was almost at his eye level - and handing it to you, putting minimal distance between your bodies. Mumbling a small ‘thanks’ you averted your eyes from him, visibly gulping while you quickly found the blister inside the box and handed it to him. However, even after taking it from your hands, he made no move to leave, keeping his stare at you while tilting his head lightly to the side.
“Do I make you flustered, Doc?”
You blinked, processing his words before opening and closing your mouth like a fish and looking to the side, breaking eye contact.
“…Yes. I knew you were doing it on purpose…” You mumbled, embarrassed, and he finally chuckled, not a bit ashamed that you caught him red handed.
He was never so glad to be able to read people so well as that day, when he went back to his room leaving behind a bashfully grinning you and the promise to take you out on a real date whenever you’d be free.
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pepperonidk · 18 days ago
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ii. the song's about to start (can you feel it?) || to.you
↳ "... i'm about to fall for you.''
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Pairing: Jeon Wonwoox gn!Reader Summary: Creative constipation. That's what Wonwoo calls the feeling he gets when he realizes he wants to write about how he feels about you. What exactly does he feel about you? That's... inconclusive, he thinks. Warnings: alcohol mentions, cursing Songs Mentioned: partners in crime - finneas, (only) about love - grentperez, buzz - niki
A/N: I'll be releasing a new chapter every day until Christmas, as a gift. :)
let me know if you'd like to be tagged! comments and rb's are appreciated :)
⏮ previous track || back to playlist || next track ⏭ 
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Mingyu is the worst person to have in the car when all you want to do is think.
The thought popped into Wonwoo’s mind as he swatted at a wandering hand reaching for the volume dial on his dashboard. A groan sounded from beside him and Wonwoo rolled his eyes in return. Mingyu was a regular in the front seat of his car, and to his dismay, felt much too comfortable touching everything he could on the dashboard. His chair was leaned back absurdly far and the vents on the air conditioning seemed pointed in every which direction. 
“Wonwoo, I like this song,” he huffed as he reached forward to mess with the volume again. His drunken clumsy hands turned the dial much too far until Wonwoo adjusted it back to a reasonable level. With a sigh Wonwoo gave in and looked forward to his later drive home in silence.
He tapped his fingers against the wheel as Mingyu sang along. Croaked, more like. Mingyu had a melodic singing voice, but that wouldn’t be obvious to anyone hearing him right now. But Wonwoo was used to this, and although he pretended to be annoyed by it, he really didn’t mind. He liked this song too and he hummed along, quiet enough that Mingyu wouldn’t notice.
“You couldn’t look any more like a lover Or a partner in crime Or something of mine”
The song ended and Mingyu reached over to turn the volume down. Wonwoo was thankful, but realized if the radio volume went down, Mingyu’s would have an inverse effect. He looked over at Wonwoo whose eyes were trained on the dark and empty 3 a.m. freeway ahead of him.
“You know,” Mingyu began with a smirk in his voice and Wonwoo tensed, steeling himself for whatever nonsense would escape his friend’s lips. “Seungcheol said he saw you dragging Chan’s friend upstairs earlier.” Wonwoo’s hands grew tighter on the wheel and Mingyu didn’t miss the flush of red that appeared on his cheeks as Wonwoo remembered the brief feeling of your skin on his. He shifted his glasses higher up on his nose bridge. Mingyu’s laugh was grating, Wonwoo thought.
He chose not to say anything. A mistake, really, as now Mingyu, the yapper, had found an opportunity to fill in the blanks with his own speculations.
“Mr. Jeon, I never took you for the frat-party quickie type,” Mingyu continued, laughing to himself. “Especially not with people you write songs about.”
“Shut up,” Wonwoo huffed. “It wasn’t a quickie, I was–”
“Oh so you took your time,” Mingyu cut him off with a playful slap to his shoulder. Somehow he felt his face heat up some more. Wasn’t Mingyu drunk? How was he this perceptive? Thankfully, they weren’t too far from Mingyu’s home.
“We were looking for those two other idiots that hang around Chan,” Wonwoo tried to speak up over the sound of his friend’s guffaws.
“I’m just teasing, you grump,” Mingyu finally relented. He waited a beat before continuing. “But that new song of yours was definitely about them right?”
Wonwoo thought for a second before answering, even though he knew Mingyu already knew what he’d say. He simply nodded in response.
“Knew it,” Mingyu spoke again. The teasing lilt in his voice was soon replaced by something softer. “It’s been a while since you’ve written anything new. It felt new.” 
“What do you mean?” Wonwoo asked curiously. He’d always had a particular style when it came to writing songs, and Mingyu had known him long enough to see it become what it was. He didn’t particularly intend to write anything different, he just… wrote as he always did.
Mingyu leaned against the window, thinking to himself. “I’m not really sure myself,” he finally answered after a beat. “It just felt more like you, I guess.” 
The last time Wonwoo wrote a new song was when Joshua was still part of their band. 
Last spring, right as the trees were beginning to turn into various shades of light pinks and pastels, Joshua asked them all to stay after practice to talk. It was an unusual rehearsal from the start, and Joshua seemed nervous much unlike his usual calm and collected self. His dark hair was ever so slightly disheveled and he wore pajama pants instead of his nicer trousers that he usually wore to save time before heading to his office internship after practice.
Joshua clumsily missed notes that he had never missed before, and Wonwoo was more shocked than anyone else to see the founder of their band fumble around like he’d never held a guitar before. So when it came time for them to talk, Wonwoo was intrigued and surprised again when he finally spoke.
“I’m moving,” Joshua blurted out without his usual level of tact.
“You’re–”
“What–”
“Moving–”
Mingyu, Seungcheol, and Wonwoo all spoke at once and Joshua let out a sigh of relief that melted into a soft laugh, as if a weight had finally been lifted off his shoulders.
“Moving? Where?” Wonwoo asked again.
Joshua nodded with a sheepish smile before explaining. “You’ve all met my girlfr— fiance before. We’re both graduating next semester. She got accepted to a music conservatory overseas and my internship offered me a position at their branch in the same city, it just feels like the stars were aligning. It all feels like a sign.” In the many years he’d made music with Joshua, learned his cues and learned his melodies, he saw that Joshua spoke with a twinkle in his eye that Wonwoo had only ever seen when he spoke about his partner.
“I’m sorry to announce I’m leaving the band like this,” Joshua continued. “But I’ll help you find a replacement before I leave. In fact, I already have someone in mind.”
That’s how they found Chan, a friend of Joshua’s fiance who played in the university orchestra with her. They watched his end-of-year recital and sat through his flawless performance of a cello concerto by Saint-Saëns.  It all happened rather quickly after that and without even auditioning, the passionate but impulsive sophomore had become their new bassist.
After going out for a round of drinks at the local pub to celebrate Joshua’s news, Wonwoo found himself outside on the patio, resting his elbows against the railing and thinking about all of this until a voice cut through his thoughts.
“Wonwoo,” Joshua called as he moved to stand beside him. “What’s on your mind?”
He turned around to glance over at his friend. Joshua looked happier now, like he was constantly basking in the glow of something bright, and Wonwoo supposed that in a way, he was. “What does it feel like?” Wonwoo asked vaguely, but Joshua knew what he meant, as he usually did.
“It’s… hard to explain,” Joshua replied with a faraway smile. Wonwoo looked at him and waited for him to continue. “At first, it felt like… well you know, right before a show when we first turn on the amps? There’s a buzz, but it feels electric. It’s a little bit like that, anticipation because you know something good is about to happen.” Wonwoo nodded thoughtfully at Joshua’s response as he continued. “Now it feels so big… like exploring space, if space was safe and warm.” 
After a slight chuckle, a wave of silence washed over the two of them until Joshua spoke again. “Are you going to be okay?” Joshua glanced over at his friend.
“I will be,” Wonwoo answered. “Will you?”
Joshua turned around to face the window and smiled to himself as he watched his fiance laugh at something Mingyu and Seungcheol were saying. “I think so,” he said quietly. “But I’m happy to be here right now.”
“Yeah,” Wonwoo agreed. “Me too.”
When Wonwoo came home to his apartment that night, he reached for his guitar. He strummed quietly as he felt the familiar wash of inspiration take over him. A soft melody seemed to untangle itself into something that made sense in his head and soon, lyrics came along with it.
“Take my hand and come with me to another place We can walk around the universe tonight.”
He hoped he understood what Joshua had told him. Love as a concept was simple enough to put into an analogy, but difficult to really get, but for his friend, he’d try. He sent Joshua off later that spring with the lyrics and sheet music folded neatly in an envelope, a gift from Wonwoo to the happy couple and felt satisfied leaving it at that between the two of them. And so it was, until Joshua asked him to play it at his wedding six months later. It was his first time singing a song without the rest of the band, but it didn’t feel as scary as he imagined it to be. It was like having a conversation, or writing a letter to his friend. To Joshua.
He hadn’t written a song since then, not until he met you. Mingyu was right and the realization had heat seeping into his cheeks.
“Something something Halloween party,” Mingyu recalled the lyrics to his song, snapping him out of his thoughts. “That line about living in a VHS was pretty cute, what did you say to them to make you think of that one?”
“Nothing,” Wonwoo replied and that was an answer enough on its own.
“Oh Wonwoo,” Mingyu cooed as he ran a hand through his hair and shifted to find a more comfortable way to drift off for the last few minutes of the ride, content to let Wonwoo have a reprieve from the teasing.
After dropping off a drunk Mingyu and driving back to his apartment, he couldn’t decide whether to grab his notebook and pen or his guitar. This was a rather frustrating dilemma to have. Usually, he’d feel something akin to lightning and either a simple line or a melody would come to him and he’d grab whatever vessel he needed to bring it alive. 
The song he wrote about you two weeks ago began as lyrics first. He had watched you walk down the sidewalk in your pumpkin costume and groaned to himself as he realized half of your entire conversation was him saying, “cool.” He walked back into the party and through a sea of stupid costumes to find his guitar case and fished out the worn brown leather notebook that he always kept with him and grabbed a pen.
“I want to erase the things I said, but I’ll probably say them again. Wish I could hit rewind and not be so in my head.”
With a few tweaks and a chorus, it had become a song, and Wonwoo was proud of himself. It wasn’t until after he had finally set his pen down and saw he’d written the words “I wouldn’t have let you go leave me,” that he wondered if he really felt that way or if it was just a good line.
At the next party, when you told him you liked the song, the song he wrote about you, he felt something else, and he wondered what to call the flutter he felt in his chest. Attraction, maybe? He learned about the feeling of attraction in class, how the spike in your heart rate and cortisol levels can be read as attraction in the right circumstances… or stress in the wrong ones. With his adrenaline running high after his performance, he decided that the evidence presented was too inconclusive to be labeled one way or another.
Now, he decided to grab his notebook to look back at the page he’d scribbled on, to see if something could give that final push for lightning to strike. He scoured the margins, looking through the various doodles and squiggles and crossed out words. It was incredibly frustrating, Wonwoo thought, to have the desperate urge to write, but not know what to write. It’s probably because he still couldn’t figure out how he felt about you. Anxiety? Attraction? It was something new, but not something he knew how to explain. All he knew was that he wanted to write about you.
Nothing came to him even after flipping through his book, so with a sigh, he gave up and flopped onto his bed. His eyes fluttered shut and hoped inspiration would find him in his dreams.
The next morning, Wonwoo woke up feeling unrested and uninspired. He was expecting to wake up with that familiar whisper of a new melody or a new lyric in his ear, but instead he woke up to the sound of thunder outside. He ran a frustrated hand down his face. Creative constipation, he thought to himself.
Then as he settled into his seat for his psych class, he found himself so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice you call his name. His gaze was fixed on his lyrics notebook in front of him until you reached out and tentatively put your hand on his shoulder. The contact snapped his attention towards you and he felt a haze begin to clear.
“Wonwoo?” The tone in your voice surprised him. It was soft and laced with concern. “You okay? I’ve said your name like three times now.” 
“Yeah,” he shook his head as he muttered quickly. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”
He watched as you gave him a kind smile, tilting your head. “I hate to break your concentration, but my usual seat has been… taken over.” He watched as you nodded your head towards the row in front where Soonyoung, who was hunched over his laptop, was completely oblivious to the girl in your seat who was leaning toward him with a hopeful, dazed grin. “We’re picking project partners today and I think she’s trying to get Soonyoung to pick her.”
Wonwoo scoffed at the scene in front of him. “She’s wasting her time. I’ve never seen him pay attention to anything in this class that wasn’t a Fortnite stream.”
“Harsh, but accurate,” you agreed with a chuckle. “So can I…?”
“Oh, right, yeah,” he scrambled to move his backpack off the seat so you could settle into it. He watched you sit down and when you smiled at him he suddenly felt his cheeks heat up. He awkwardly tried to bring his gaze back to his notebook, not knowing what to say, but waiting for you to continue the conversation. 
After a beat, you continued. “So,” you leaned in conspiratorially. “Think she’ll succeed?”
He thought for a second before answering, his lips twitching as he did. “Not unless she pays him in… Robucks.”
“V-Bucks,” you corrected him with a playful grin.
“Right,” he twirled his pen in his hand, as if needing something to fidget with. “That.”
You chuckled in amusement. “Well, if she steals Soonyoung, I’ll settle for Chan. We’ve been project partners since we were little, so I’m used to picking up his slack.”
Wonwoo raised an eyebrow at you. “And if Chan gets taken?”
You simply shrugged as you smiled at him playfully. “Then I guess I’d be stuck with you.”
His pen slipped out of his fingers and he blinked at you, his glasses sliding down his nose. “Me?” he echoed.
“Yeah, you,” he blushed as you laughed at his surprise. “Unless you’ve already made plans?”
“I don’t know anyone else in class,” he admitted sheepishly. 
“Neither do I,” you replied easily. “Looks like we’re a great match already.”
For a beat, Wonwoo caught himself just staring at you, unsure of what to say. The tips of his ears felt red hot, and he looked down at his notebook again, scribbling in the margins. “Sure, a good match,” he repeated. 
“So what is it that had you thinking so deeply?” you asked as you pulled your laptop out of your bag.
Wonwoo paused for a beat, wondering how to reply. He wasn’t particularly fond of letting people into his writing process. It felt too intimate. Even Mingyu and Seungcheol had only ever looked into his notebook once and then decided it wasn’t worth being on the receiving end of Wonwoo’s death glare (not to be confused with his usual resting neutral glare). For some reason, he felt as though you wouldn’t be too much of a threat to his creative process.
“I have to write about a feeling,” he began tentatively. “But I can’t really figure out what it is.”
“Oh is this for, like, an essay?” You asked. You tapped on your chin as you thought about what to say.
“Yeah, something like that.” “What’s the feeling?” you continued to ask. Wonwoo found himself intrigued at your willingness to help him, but remembered how quickly you relent to offering your notes to Soonyoung and Chan when they miss something. He figured it’s probably second nature for you.
“Honestly, I’m not too sure myself,” Wonwoo answered honestly but still nervous that you’d see through his flimsy details. 
He was aware of how vague his answer was, but this was the closest thing he could tell you without divulging his thoughts. He wasn’t even sure how much of a help you’d actually be. Songwriting, Wonwoo recognized, was not something that everyone could do, but it was something he did well. He had a knack for being able to step into someone else’s shoes and write about their feelings. Like some sort of twisted empath, he could write a damn good love song without ever having been in love. He figured whatever higher being created him thought it would be funny to have such a stoic man only be able to express himself through a melody, like he was in some goddamn musical. 
The other members of his band had a bit of experience writing as well, but their styles were different from Wonwoo’s. They had a special knack for writing songs that sounded like them. Mingyu’s songs were always more upbeat and catchy, good for parties, and a little quirky. Seungcheol’s songs were much more focused on the rhythm and had fewer lyrics. Chan, although only having written a couple of songs so far, definitely had a more angsty, grungy vibe. It was only from Joshua’s leadership that they all learned to blend their styles into something cohesive.
Most people outside of the band assumed that the majority of songs were written by Mingyu or Seungcheol or even Chan now that he was part of it. But surprisingly, Wonwoo was the real lyrical mastermind behind No Name, although he never opts to correct anyone who thinks otherwise.
“Just write it down,” you replied as if it was the most simple answer. “Even if the feeling doesn’t have a name, you’ll get the point across.” When you looked over to see Wonwoo eyeing you skeptically, you continued.
“Not all feelings have a name,” you went on. “Like the feeling when you’re about to turn a door handle into a surprise party you knew about, or like when you get the first cup of hot coffee for the season because it’s finally cold enough outside for it. It’s like you know it’s the start of something new, something good.” 
Wonwoo could see warmth flashing in your eyes as he watched you list these feelings. It reminded him of Joshua’s words that night. Something about anticipation…
There it was. Lightning. His head shot up as you spoke and you turned to him with wide eyes. You watched as he reached for his notebook and began scribbling into it madly. Before you could ask him more about it, the sound of the professor’s voice filled the room. Wonwoo, however, did not lift his head.
“It’s the feeling of the first coffee run in autumn – can you feel it?”
The last part was a question for himself.
Sure enough, today was the day project partners were being assigned and although Wonwoo spent the majority of the class writing madly into his journal, his ears perked up at the announcement.
“Since you’re all adults and there’s over 60 of you in this class, it’s easier for everyone to just partner up with their current desk partner.” Wonwoo turned and met your eyes and you both let out a sigh of relief. He was glad it was you.
He managed to set his pen down as the professor continued to explain the assignment. “This project is about relationships,” he announced as he walked down the aisle to hand papers out to the class. “For the rest of the semester, you’re going to be getting to know your partner and hopefully yourself, quite well. Hopefully, if nothing else, you can leave the class with a new friend.”
The both of you turned your heads at the sound of Chan groaning as he looked over at Soonyoung. Soonyoung  looked wistfully at the girl who stole your seat, finally giving her attention. Unfortunately, she was in a separate desk cluster. Wonwoo was thankful that things worked out the way they did.
Wonwoo watched you stifle a chuckle at the two in front of you and pass him the worksheet. He scanned over the paper. It was mostly blank, save for a few sentences of instructions and two sections of items to note. 
Under the first section were three items: First impressions of your partner? Who do you think you are? How do you think others see you?
The second section simply stated: At the end of this project, reflect on your earlier impressions and see how they’ve changed. What’s changed about how you see your partner? How they see you? How you see yourself? What social theories or effects do you believe may have affected this change?
“You get out of this project what you put into it,” the professor stated. “The more time you spend with your partner, the more change you’ll see in any or all of the criteria. However, if you decide not to spend any time with them after the initial meeting, you still have some theories to write about.” He chuckled to himself as he scanned the students’ faces.
He continued on. “There’s no criteria for how much or how you spend time with your partner outside of being safe and respectful. But I suggest you do things together that mean something to you. Be intentional with the time you spend together.”
Wonwoo’s previous feelings of relief had suddenly dissipated as quickly as they came. This was a rather intimate project, and although the questions seemed simple enough, being in this class for the semester taught him nothing was ever psychologically simple. He snuck a quick glance over at you, busy writing your name on the top of your paper and writing down quick reminders to yourself in the margins of your notebook where you had neatly organized your notes from class. Your cheeks were pink, and so were the tips of your ears. He was sure his were too.
He looked down at his own notebook, filled with nothing that could help him on an exam. But he had half a song written down. 
It wasn’t until the professor had dismissed the class and Wonwoo was setting his things back in his bag that you finally turned up to look at him with your phone out towards him. “Before you head out, can I get your number?” you asked.
“Sure thing,” Wonwoo reached out for your phone, accidentally brushing his fingers against yours in the process. There was that flutter again, but Wonwoo was ready to chalk this one up to stress. Until he caught a glimpse of your tinted cheeks and suddenly he was at a loss once again. He focused back on the phone long enough to put his number in before handing it back to you, letting his fingers brush yours once again. For research purposes, he had said to himself. Results still inconclusive.
That afternoon, Wonwoo sat at his desk with the worksheet in front of him. The first question seemed easy enough to answer. He didn’t need to think too hard before writing a response.
First impressions of your partner: 
He thought back to his first time seeing you in class. Did that even count? All he ever saw was the back of your head and the way you would raise your hands to rub at your temples at the end of class as you slid your notebook for Soonyoung and Chan to take pictures of. He picked up his pen anyway. Begrudgingly kind, he wrote.
The first time he really saw you was that night at the frat party. You were quick to laugh at his jokes, and quicker to add on. And later, he watched as you danced with Soonyoung, who Wonwoo watched get shot down by a girl who was clearly more interested in the girl with her, even in your stupid pumpkin costume that stood out like a sore thumb. There was something about you that drew people in, he realized. Charming, good friend, obnoxious.
He thought about when you finally left that evening to go study. Hard-working, warm.
The next questions were a lot more difficult to answer.
Who do you think you are?
“Annoyed, mostly,” he muttered aloud as he forced himself to try to think. Although he had a knack for writing about other people, he wasn’t a huge fan of introspection. A musician, he wrote simply. I’m good at what I do, and I do what I’m good at. Simple. Blunt. It wasn’t much, but it was enough, he thought.
How do you think others see you?
This was such a dumb question, Wonwoo thought to himself. He never really cared about how other people saw him. Mingyu always said it was one of his charms, especially on stage, and he agreed. His Twitter DMs seemed to agree as well. But a question was a question, and he wasn’t going to hurt his stellar grade over a dumb question. Charismatic, quiet, intense, cold. 
He finally set his pen down and picked up his phone to see a text from an unknown number.
Unknown: Hey Wonwoo, are you free this evening?
Before Wonwoo could feel confused at who the hell would be so bold as to message him like this, you quickly sent a follow up text with your name and Wonwoo scoffed. He was amused. He saved your number before replying to you.
Wonwoo: Sure Wonwoo: Did you want to do something?
He didn’t wait long for a response as you quickly texted him an address and a time. The campus cafe, which thankfully was near his apartment, at 7 p.m. so he still had a few hours before he had to meet you. He pulled out his lyrics notebook and looked back at what he’d written during class. It felt like it was coming together and Wonwoo felt content as he grabbed his acoustic and began to strum absentmindedly, trying to figure out what his words sounded like in a melody. It was something simple, but he was happy with it. Mingyu was right, this song felt like him.
For the first time in a long time, he was writing about himself.
When Wonwoo walked into the cafe promptly at 7 p.m., he let out a soft sigh. The smell of pastries, cinnamon, and coffee wrapped around him like a comforting embrace and he took a moment to appreciate the smells of autumn. He scanned around the cafe and found you sitting at a booth by the window, staring out at the street. Now that October had passed, the jack-o-lanterns and skeletons had been replaced with the warm glow of fairy lights and other various holiday decor. As he walked towards you, he found himself catching his breath at the warm glow the lights left on your skin. Pretty, he thought to himself. When you finally turned your head and caught his eye, you smiled at him with a wave. As pretty as he thought you were looking away from him, it had nothing on the way your eyes lit up at the sight of him. 
“Hey Wonwoo,” you greeted as he finally made it to your table. He unwrapped his scarf from his neck and slipped out from his coat, setting them both neatly beside him on the leather seat of the booth. “I went ahead and ordered a little bit before you got here. Figured you’d look forward to something warm to fight the cold.” You gestured at the cream colored mugs that sat on the table and Wonwoo cautiously inspected the one in front of him. The steam still rose from its contents and the smell of Earl Grey tea made his shoulders relax. He wasn’t a coffee person.
“Thanks,” Wonwoo replied softly. “How’d you uh, how’d you know I prefer tea?”
You blushed as you looked away. “I was a little nervous,” you began, your attention once again on the sights outside. “I texted Chan on the way here and asked what kind of drink you preferred.” 
Wonwoo felt himself blush and was thankful that you weren’t looking directly at him. He scoffed before taking a sip of his tea. Seems like Chan pays attention. “Nervous, huh?” He didn’t mean for it to come out as teasing as it did.
You finally turned your attention back to him. “Yeah,” you chewed your lip. “This is kind of an intimate project. Did you see the questions? It felt like some sort of first date survey.”
He nearly choked on his next sip. You were right, and now that you had pointed it out, Wonwoo couldn’t help but fixate on the idea. A first date, he repeated to himself. He hoped the mug hid his blush.
“We don’t have to think of it that way,” you quickly added. Wonwoo let out a soft chuckle at your panic. “I mean, not that it would be terrible, but this is for class so I think we can keep it professional and then be friends, which I guess would not really be prof-” 
“You’re rambling,” Wonwoo cut you off. He felt relieved that he wasn’t the only one who was nervous about all of this, but he also took note of how you said it wouldn’t be terrible for this to be a date. He let out a sigh and set his mug down. “There’s no pressure at all. We can spend as much or as little time together as you’re comfortable with, and how we spend that time doesn’t have to be anything in particular. We could study, talk, or just sit here in silence too, if you wanted.” He hoped of course, that he’d see you more often, but he wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t. He knew people saw him as somewhat unapproachable. Even people who scream his name at performances seem to tense up and freeze when they see him on campus. He didn’t want you to be one of them.
To his credit, his words did seem to have an effect on you and he watched your shoulders begin to relax as you reached for your own mug to take a sip. “Thanks,” you began. “Sometimes I get too in my own head. But you’re right. No pressure.”
Glad that you were finally more relaxed, he let a beat of silence sit comfortably between the two of you. When he first met you at that party, you seemed a lot more sure of yourself, not that you seemed unconfident now, but more that you handled interactions with new people in a charming, easy way that he couldn’t. It made him relax knowing he wasn’t the only one who tends to overthink things. He made a mental note to write that down for his assignment later.
It was much easier to just talk after that. Wonwoo felt he had finally redeemed himself after that night where all he could say was “cool.” He was a man of few words… but not that few.
You told Wonwoo about how you’d met Chan, Seungkwan, and Hansol. How Seungkwan had come up to you at recess in elementary school after you had just moved to town and asked about the book you were reading. He was the first to speak to you, and Hansol was the first to drag you along to their adventures. Chan, who was your next door neighbor (and the same age as you), had declared himself your older brother when he found out you didn’t have one. “Everyone should have a big brother,” he had decided at 9 years old.
Wonwoo told you about the band, why it was called No Name in the first place. He and Joshua had started the band in high school with his best friends and kept it going since they somehow ended up at the same university. Mingyu wanted to call themselves The Four-Eyes “because it’s funny. Because you wear glasses.” And when Wonwoo nearly pounced across the table, Seungcheol suggested The Cherry-pops which Wonwoo hated even more. It wasn’t until Joshua broke up the argument and shoved Mingyu back to his seat on the couch that Joshua decided, “If we can’t decide on a name, then we go with No Name.” And that was that.
Wonwoo had found himself smiling at the memory, and chuckled at how long ago that was. Now, somehow, he had become the leader of the band, filling in Joshua’s role as a singer and at times, a mediator.
It was easy to be nostalgic with you, but maybe it was the tea, or the fairy lights that set him up. It wasn’t until both your mugs were halfway empty after a refill that Wonwoo remembered to ask. “So why a cafe?” he asked curiously. 
Your eyes lit up as you began to speak. “Oh, right,” you began. “Remember how we were talking earlier about feelings that don’t have a name and I mentioned the first coffee run in autumn?” Wonwoo nodded. “Well, I finally had some time today, and I thought I’d invite you to join me so you could feel it firsthand.”
Now that it was November, it was well past Wonwoo’s first run to the cafe. In fact, he’d been here at least twice a week since September.
“I know that it’s really late into the season,” you spoke again as if you knew what he was thinking. “And I’ve had plenty of coffee since September. But I’d just been so busy that I hadn’t had a chance to actually sit down inside a cafe and enjoy a cup of coffee.” You smiled as you looked down into your mug.
This is nice, Wonwoo thought to himself. “So what are you feeling?” Wonwoo probed as he recalled your words from earlier. Something new, something good. This was definitely that.
“Like life is about to fall into place.”
Later that evening, Wownoo found himself itching for his phone to text you.
It had only been an hour since the two of you parted ways after he walked you to your car, but he already found himself thinking about when he would see you again. You were easy to talk to but you didn’t mind when he only had a few words to say either. It felt easy. He hadn’t been on many first dates but he knew that none of them had him feeling this way afterwards… Not that this was a first date. Right?
Wonwoo: Hey Wonwoo: Are you free tomorrow? We can meet again if you want.
Tomorrow?  Wonwoo had sent the message before he could think too hard about it. He shoved his phone under his pillow and walked out to the kitchen of his apartment. He grabbed a glass of water and leaned against the island, running a hand down his face. He took a sip and began to pace back and forth.
Like a phone toss when it’s risky but you hit send.
He ran to his desk, momentarily forgetting about the phone, and wrote down the line. And another one. And another one. Until finally, he had a song. He took a deep breath before reaching under his pillow for his phone.
Coffee Addict (psych): I’m not busy :) where do you want to meet?
He thought for a second before an idea popped into his head.
Wonwoo: You know the music studies building? Meet me on the basement floor.
And so the next day he found himself sitting on the floor across from you in a cramped practice room with his hands clasped on his lap. He’s not really sure what had come over him last night after asking you to meet him, but he can’t say he regretted inviting you either. In fact, he woke up bright and early, feeling that flutter again as he thought of seeing you.
“This is cozy,” you joked as you looked around. The room really was cramped, and with a standing piano against one wall of the room, it made it feel even smaller. He wasn’t used to sharing this space with other people, but he didn’t really mind sharing it with you.
He chuckled and shook his head. “Sorry it’s cramped, I know,” he acknowledged. “I just… I wanted to show you something.”
“Oh?” you asked. “What is it?”
Wonwoo looked up at the piano before standing up and offering his hand out to you. A buzz in his fingertips. A flutter in his stomach. He sat down on the piano bench and patted the space beside him to his right. The bench was wide enough to fit both of you, but Wonwoo didn’t miss the feeling of your leg pressed against his. Before he could overthink himself into a panic, he stretched his fingers over the keys and began to play.
“It’s the anticipation when the amps turn on Just cables and crackle. It’s the first flicker of the neon sign It’s the words stuck in your Adam’s apple.”
He glanced over at you before continuing on to the next verse. Your hands fidgeted in your lap, but you watched as his fingers moved across the keys.
“It’s a bumblebee on a blossom The first coffee shop run in autumn.”
You looked up at him, eyes wide as you recognized your own words.
“The song’s about to start, can you hear it? The door’s about to open, can you feel it? The flower’s about to fruit, can you see it? I’m about to fall for you.”
A buzz. A flutter. He knew what this was.
“About to fall for you.”
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A/N: a fun fact about this chapter: Chan knows everyone's favorite drinks. It sounds sweet, but he learned it's an easy way to get on their good sides when he's late for practice.
Also I gave myself butterflies when writing this chapter hehe
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pepperonijem · 2 months ago
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II. the song's about to start (can you feel it?) || to.you
"... I'm about to fall for you."
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summary: Creative constipation. That's what Levi calls the feeling he gets when he realizes he wants to write about how he feels about you. What does he feel about you? That's... inconclusive, he thinks. pairing: Levi Ackerman x gn!reader content: alcohol consumption, levi is a bumbling mess of feelings, cursing songs mentioned: partners in crime - finneas, (only) about love -grentperez, buzz - niki || the title of this chapter comes from the song buzz
A/N: I've never written anything that made me blush and twirl my hair the way this chapter did. why am I the one catching feelings rn. should I post the playlist?
let me know if you'd like to be tagged! comments and rb's are appreciated :)
previous chapter || masterlist || next chapter
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Hange Zoe is the worst person to have in the car when all you want to do is think.
The thought popped into Levi’s mind as he swatted at a wandering hand reaching for the volume dial on his dashboard. A groan sounded from beside him and Levi rolled his eyes in return. Hange was a regular in the front seat of his car, and to his dismay, felt much too comfortable touching everything they could on the dashboard. Their chair was leaned back absurdly far and the vents on the air conditioning seemed pointed in every which direction. 
“Levi, I like this song,” they huffed as they reached forward to mess with the volume again. With a sigh Levi gave in and looked forward to the drive home in silence.
He tapped his fingers against the wheel as Hange sang along. Croaked, more like. Hange had a melodic singing voice, but that wouldn’t be obvious to anyone hearing them right now. But Levi was used to this, and although he pretended to be annoyed by it, he really didn’t mind. He liked this song too and he hummed along, quiet enough that Hange wouldn’t notice.
“You couldn’t look any more like a lover Or a partner in crime Or something of mine”
The song ended and Hange reached over to turn the volume down. Levi was thankful, but realized if the radio volume went down, Hange’s would have an inverse effect. They looked over at Levi whose eyes were trained on the dark and empty 3 a.m. freeway ahead of him.
“You know,” Hange began with a smirk in their voice and Levi tensed, steeling himself for whatever nonsense would escape his friend’s lips. “Miche said he saw you dragging Eren’s friend upstairs earlier.” Levi’s hands grew tighter on the wheel and Hange didn’t miss the flush of red that appeared on his cheeks as Levi remembered the brief feeling of your skin on his. Hange’s laugh is grating, Levi thought.
He chose not to say anything. A mistake, really, as now Hange had found an opportunity to fill in the blanks on their own.
“Mr. Ackerman, I never took you for the frat-party quickie type,” Hange continued, laughing to themselves. “Especially not with people you write songs about.”
“Shut up,” Levi huffed. “It wasn’t a quickie, I was–”
“Oh so you took your time,” Hange cut him off with a playful slap to his shoulder. Somehow he felt his face heat up some more. Thankfully, they weren’t too far from Hange’s home.
“We were looking for those two other brats that hang around Eren,” Levi tried to speak up over the sound of his friend’s guffaws.
“I’m just teasing, you grump,” Hange finally relented. They waited a beat before continuing. “But that new song of yours was definitely about them right?”
Levi thought for a second before answering, even though he knew Hange already knew what he’d say. He simply nodded in response.
“Knew it,” They spoke again. The teasing lilt in their voice was replaced by something softer. “It’s been a while since you’ve written anything new. It felt new.” 
“What do you mean?” Levi asked curiously. He’d always had a particular style when it came to writing songs, and Hange had known him long enough to see it become what it was. He didn’t particularly intend to write anything different, he just… wrote as he always did.
Hange leaned against the window, thinking to themself. “I’m not really sure myself,” they finally answered after a beat. “It just felt more like you, I guess.” 
The last time Levi wrote a new song was when Erwin was still part of their band. 
Last spring, right as the trees were beginning to turn into various shades of light pinks and pastels, Erwin asked them all to stay after practice to talk. It was an unusual rehearsal from the start, and Erwin seemed nervous much unlike his usual calm and collected self. His blonde hair was ever so slightly disheveled and he wore sweatpants instead of his nicer trousers that he usually wore to save time before heading to his office internship after practice.
Erwin clumsily missed notes that he had never missed before, and Levi was more shocked than anyone else to see the founder of their band fumble around like he’d never held a bass before. So when it came time for them to talk, Levi was intrigued and surprised again when he finally spoke.
“I’m getting married,” Erwin blurted out without his usual level of tact.
“You’re–”
“What–”
“Married–”
Hange, Miche, and Levi all spoke at once and Erwin let out a sigh of relief that melted into a soft laugh, as if a weight had finally been lifted off his shoulders.
“Married?” Levi asked again.
Erwin nodded with a sheepish smile before explaining. “You’ve all met my girlfr— fiance before. We’re both graduating next semester. She got accepted to a music conservatory overseas and my internship offered me a position at their branch in the same city, it just feels like the stars were aligning. It all feels like a sign.” In the many years he’d made music with Erwin, learned his cues and learned his melodies, he saw that Erwin spoke with a twinkle in his eye that Levi had only ever seen when he spoke about his fiance.
“I’m sorry to announce I’m leaving the band like this,” Erwin continued. “But I’ll help you find a replacement before I leave. In fact, I already have someone in mind.”
That’s how they found Eren, a friend of Erwin’s fiance who played in the university orchestra with her. They watched his end of year recital and sat through his flawless performance of a cello concerto by Saint-Saëns.  It all happened rather quickly after that and without even auditioning, the passionate but impulsive brat had become their new bassist.
After going out for a round of drinks at the local pub to celebrate Erwin’s news, Levi found himself outside on the patio, resting his elbows against the railing and thinking about all of this until a voice cut through his thoughts.
“Levi,” Erwin called as he moved to stand beside him. “What’s on your mind?”
He turned around to glance over at his friend. Erwin looked happier now, like he was constantly basking in the glow of something bright, and Levi supposed that in a way, he was. “What does it feel like?” Levi asked vaguely, but Erwin knew, as he usually did.
“It’s… hard to explain,” Erwin replied. Levi looked at him and waited for him to continue. “At first, it felt like… well you know, right before a show when we first turn on the amps? There’s a buzz, but it feels electric. It’s a little bit like that, anticipation because you know something good is about to happen.” Levi nodded thoughtfully at Erwin’s response as he continued. “Now it feels so big… like exploring space, if space was safe and warm.” 
After a slight chuckle, a wave of silence washed over the two of them until Erwin spoke again. “Are you going to be okay?” Erwin glanced over at his friend.
“I will be,” Levi answered. “Will you?”
Erwin turned around to face the window and smiled to himself as he watched his fiance laugh at something Hange was saying. “I think so,” he said quietly. “But I’m happy to be here right now.”
“Yeah,” Levi agreed. “Me too.”
When Levi came home to his apartment that night, he reached for his guitar. He strummed quietly as he felt the familiar wash of inspiration take over him. A soft melody seemed to untangle itself into something that made sense in his head and soon, lyrics came along with it.
“Take my hand and come with me to another place We can walk around the universe tonight.”
He hoped he understood what Erwin had told him. Love as a concept was simple enough to put into an analogy, but difficult to really get, but for his friend, he’d try. He sent Erwin off later that spring with the lyrics and sheet music folded neatly in an envelope, a gift from Levi to the happy couple and felt satisfied leaving it at that between the two of them. And so it was, until Erwin asked him to play it at his wedding six months later. It was his first time singing a song without the rest of the band, but it didn’t feel as scary as he imagined it to be. It was like having a conversation, or writing a letter to his best friend. To Erwin.
He hadn’t written a song since then, not until he met you. Hange was right and the realization had heat seeping into his cheeks.
“Something something Halloween party,” Hange recalled the lyrics to his song. “That line about living in a VHS was pretty cute, what did you say to them to make you think of that one?”
“Nothing,” Levi replied and that was an answer enough on its own.
“Oh Levi,” Hange cooed as they pulled their glasses to sit on top of their hair to find a more comfortable way to drift off for the last few minutes of the ride, content to let Levi have a reprieve from the teasing.
After dropping off a drunk Hange and driving the hour back to his apartment, he couldn’t decide whether to grab his notebook and pen or his guitar. This was a rather frustrating dilemma to have. Usually, he’d feel something akin to lightning and either a simple line or a melody would come to him and he’d grab whatever vessel he needed to bring it alive. 
The song he wrote about you two weeks ago began as lyrics first. He had watched you walk down the sidewalk in your pumpkin costume and groaned to himself as he realized half of your entire conversation was him saying, “cool.” He walked back into the party and through a sea of stupid costumes to find his guitar case and fished out the worn brown leather notebook that he always kept with him and grabbed a pen.
“I want to erase the things I said, but I’ll probably say them again. Wish I could hit rewind and not be so in my head.”
With a few tweaks and a chorus, it had become a song, and Levi was proud of himself. It wasn’t until after he had finally set his pen down and saw he’d written the words “I wouldn’t have let you go leave me,” that he wondered if he really felt that way or if it was just a good line.
At the next party, when you told him you liked the song, the song he wrote about you, he felt something else, and he wondered what to call the flutter he felt in his chest. Attraction, maybe? He learned about the feeling of attraction in class, how the spike in your heart rate and cortisol levels can be read as attraction in the right circumstances… or stress in the wrong ones. With his adrenaline running high after his performance, he decided that the evidence presented was too inconclusive to be labeled one way or another.
Now, he decided to grab his notebook to look back at the page he’d scribbled on, to see if something could give that final push for lightning to strike. He scoured the margins, looking through the various doodles and squiggles and crossed out words. It was incredibly frustrating, Levi thought, to have the desperate urge to write, but not know what to write. It’s probably because he still couldn’t figure out how he felt about you. Anxiety? Attraction? It was something new, but not something he knew how to explain. All he knew was that he wanted to write about you.
Nothing came to him even after flipping through his book, so with a sigh, he gave up and flopped onto his bed. His eyes fluttered shut and hoped inspiration would find him in his dreams.
The next morning, Levi woke up feeling unrested and uninspired. He was expecting to wake up with that familiar whisper of a new melody or a new lyric in his ear, but instead he woke up to the sound of thunder outside. He ran a frustrated hand down his face. Creative constipation, he thought to himself.
Then as he settled into his seat for his psych class, he found himself so wrapped up in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice you call his name until you reached out and tentatively put your hand on his shoulder. The contact snapped his attention towards you and he felt a haze begin to clear.
“Levi?” you said his name with concern.
“Yeah, sorry, I was just thinking,” he explained. “Did you need something?”
“I was going to ask if I could sit next to you,” you began before leaning in towards him and lowering your voice conspiratorially. He could smell your shampoo and the perfume you sprayed on this morning. He felt that flutter again. “Some rando took my seat beside Jean. I think they heard we were picking our partners for the project today.” You subtly gestured over to the girl in your usual seat who was staring intently at Jean who was staring intently at a Fortnite stream on his laptop.
Levi let out an amused chuckle before sliding his backpack off from the seat next to him and pulling it out for you to take. He watched you curiously as you sat down, trying to figure you out. Trying to figure out why he wanted to figure you out so desperately. He resisted the urge to look away when you smiled at him. All he could muster up to do was nod back and hope you didn’t notice him staring.
“So what is it that had you thinking so deeply,” you asked as you pulled your laptop out of your bag. Levi paused for a beat, wondering how to reply. He wasn’t particularly fond of letting people into his writing process. It felt too intimate. Even Hange and Miche had only ever looked into his notebook once and then decided it wasn’t worth being on the receiving end of Levi’s death glare (not to be confused with his usual resting neutral glare). For some reason, he felt as though you wouldn’t be too much of a threat to his creative process.
“I have to write about a feeling,” he began tentatively. “But I can’t really figure out what it is.”
“Oh is this for, like, an essay?” You asked. You tapped on your chin as you thought about what to say.
“Yeah, something like that.” “What’s the feeling?” you continued to ask. Levi found himself intrigued at your willingness to help him, but remembered how quickly you relent to offering your notes to Jean and Eren when they miss something. He figured it’s probably second nature for you.
“Honestly, I’m not too sure myself,” Levi answered, nervous that you’d see through his flimsy details. But this was the closest thing he could tell you without divulging his thoughts. He wasn’t even sure how much of a help you’d actually be. Songwriting, Levi recognized, was not something that everyone could do, but it was something he did well. He had a knack for being able to step into someone else’s shoes and write about their feelings. Like some sort of twisted empath, he could write a damn good love song without ever having been in love. He figured whatever higher being created him thought it would be funny to have such a stoic man only be able to express himself through a melody, like he was in some goddamn musical. 
The other members of his band had a bit of experience writing as well, but their styles were different from Levi’s. They had a special knack for writing songs that sounded like them. Hange’s songs were always more upbeat and catchy, good for parties, and a little quirky. Miche’s songs were much more focused on the rhythm and had fewer lyrics. Eren, although only having written a couple of songs so far, definitely had a more angsty, grungy vibe. It was only from Erwin’s leadership that they all learned to blend their styles into something cohesive.
Most people outside of the band assumed that the majority of songs were written by Hange or Miche or even Eren now that he was part of it. But surprisingly, Levi was the real lyrical mastermind behind No Name, although he never opts to correct anyone who thinks otherwise.
“Just write it down,” you replied as if it was the most simple answer. “Even if the feeling doesn’t have a name, you’ll get the point across.” When you looked over to see Levi eyeing you skeptically, you continued.
“Not all feelings have a name,” you went on. “Like the feeling when you’re about to turn a door handle into a surprise party you knew about, or like when you get the first cup of hot coffee for the season because it’s finally cold enough outside for it. It’s like you know it’s the start of something new, something good.” 
Levi could see warmth flashing in your eyes as he watched you list these feelings. It reminded him of Erwin’s words that night. Something about anticipation…
There it was. Lightning. His head shot up as you spoke and you turned to him with wide eyes. You watched as he reached for his notebook and began scribbling into his notebook. Before you could ask him more about it, the sound of the professor’s voice filled the room. Levi, however, did not lift his head.
“It’s the feeling of the first coffee run in autumn – can you feel it?”
The last part was a question  for himself.
Sure enough, today was the day project partners were being assigned and although Levi spent the majority of the class writing madly into his journal, his ears perked up at the announcement.
“Since you’re all adults and there’s over 60 of you in this class, it’s easier for everyone to just partner up with their current desk partner.” Levi turned and met your eyes and you both let out a sigh of relief. He was glad it was you.
He managed to set his pen down as the professor continued to explain the assignment. “This project is about relationships,” he announced as he walked down the aisle to hand papers out to the class. “For the rest of the semester, you’re going to be getting to know your partner and hopefully yourself, quite well. Hopefully, if nothing else, you can leave the class with a new friend.”
The both of you turned your heads at the sound of Eren groaning as he looked over at Jean. Jean looked wistfully at the girl who stole your seat – unfortunately, she was in a separate desk cluster. Levi was thankful that things worked out the way they did.
Levi watched you stifle a chuckle and pass him the worksheet. He scanned over the paper. It was mostly blank, save for a few sentences of instructions and two sections of items to note. 
Under the first section were three items: First impressions of your partner? Who do you think you are? How do you think others see you?
The second section simply stated: At the end of this project, reflect on your earlier impressions and see how they’ve changed. What’s changed about how you see your partner? How they see you? How you see yourself? What social theories or effects do you believe may have affected this change?
“You get out of this project what you put into it,” the professor stated. “The more time you spend with your partner, the more change you’ll see in any or all of the criteria. However, if you decide not to spend any time with them after the initial meeting, you still have some theories to write about.” He chuckled to himself as he scanned the students’ faces.
He continued on. “There’s no criteria for how much or how you spend time with your partner outside of being safe and respectful. But I suggest you do things together that mean something to you. Be intentional with the time you spend together.”
Levi’s previous feelings of relief had suddenly dissipated as quickly as they came. This was a rather intimate project, and although the questions seemed simple enough, being in this class for the semester taught him nothing was ever psychologically simple. He snuck a quick glance over at you, busy writing your name on the top of your paper and writing down quick reminders to yourself in the margins of your notebook where you had neatly organized your notes from class. Your cheeks were pink, and so were the tips of your ears. He was sure his were too.
He looked down at his own notebook, filled with nothing that could help him on an exam. But he had half a song written down. 
It wasn’t until the professor had dismissed the class and Levi was setting his things back in his bag that you finally turned up to look at him with your phone out towards him. “Before you head out, can I get your number?” you asked.
“Sure thing,” Levi reached out for your phone, accidentally brushing his fingers against yours in the process. There was that flutter again, but Levi was ready to chalk this one up to stress. Until he caught a glimpse of your tinted cheeks and suddenly he was at a loss once again. He focused back on the phone long enough to put his number in before handing it back to you, letting his fingers brush yours once again. For research purposes, he had said to himself. Results still inconclusive.
That afternoon, Levi sat at his desk with the worksheet in front of him. The first question seemed easy enough to answer. He didn’t need to think too hard before writing a response.
First impressions of your partner: 
He thought back to his first time seeing you in class. Did that even count? All he ever saw was the back of your head and the way you would raise your hands to rub at your temples at the end of class as you slid your notebook for Jean to take pictures of. He picked up his pen anyway. Begrudgingly kind, he wrote.
The first time he really saw you was that night at Eren’s party. You were quick to laugh at his jokes, and quicker to add on. And later, he watched as you danced with Jean, who Levi watched get shot down by a blonde girl who was clearly more interested in the girl with her, even in your stupid pumpkin costume that stood out like a sore thumb. There was something about you that drew people in, he realized. Charming, good friend, obnoxious.
He thought about when you finally left that evening to go study. Hard-working, warm.
The next questions were a lot more difficult to answer.
Who do you think you are?
“Annoyed, mostly,” he muttered aloud as he forced himself to try to think. Although he had a knack for writing about other people, he wasn’t a huge fan of introspection. A musician, he wrote simply. I’m good at what I do, and I do what I’m good at. Simple. Blunt. Clean. It wasn’t much, but it was enough, he thought.
How do you think others see you?
This was such a dumb question, Levi thought to himself. He never really cared about how other people saw him. Hange always said it was one of his charms, especially on stage, and he agreed. His Twitter DMs seemed to agree as well. But a question was a question, and he wasn’t going to hurt his stellar grade over a dumb question. Charismatic, quiet, intense, cold. 
He finally set his pen down and picked up his phone to see a text from an unknown number.
Unknown: Hey Levi, are you free this evening?
Before Levi could feel confused at who the hell would be so bold as to message him like this, you quickly sent a follow up text with your name and Levi scoffed. He was amused. He saved your number before replying to you.
Levi: Sure Levi: Did you want to do something?
He didn’t wait long for a response as you quickly texted him an address and a time. The campus cafe, which thankfully was near his apartment, at 7 p.m. so he still had a few hours before he had to meet you. He pulled out his lyrics notebook and looked back at what he’d written during class. It felt like it was coming together and Levi felt content as he grabbed his acoustic and began to strum absentmindedly, trying to figure out what his words sounded like in a melody. It was something simple, but he was happy with it. Hange was right, this song felt like him.
For the first time in a long time, he was writing about himself.
When Levi walked into the cafe promptly at 7 p.m., he let out a soft sigh. The smell of pastries, cinnamon, and coffee wrapped around him like a comforting embrace and he took a moment to appreciate the smells of autumn. He scanned around the cafe and found you sitting at a booth by the window, staring out at the street. Now that October had passed, the jack-o-lanterns and skeletons had been replaced with the warm glow of fairy lights and other various holiday decor. As he walked towards you, he found himself catching his breath at the warm glow the lights left on your skin. Pretty, he thought to himself. When you finally turned your head and caught his eye, you smiled at him with a wave. As pretty as he thought you were looking away from him, it had nothing on the way your eyes lit up at the sight of him. 
“Hey Levi,” you greeted as he finally made it to your table. He unwrapped his scarf from his neck and slipped out from his coat, setting them both neatly beside him on the leather seat of the booth. “I went ahead and ordered a little bit before you got here. Figured you’d look forward to something warm to fight the cold.” You gestured at the cream colored mugs that sat on the table and Levi cautiously inspected the one in front of him. The steam still rose from its contents and the smell of Earl Grey tea made his shoulders relax. He wasn’t a coffee person.
“Thanks,” Levi replied softly. “How’d you uh, how’d you know I prefer tea?”
You blushed as you looked away. “I was a little nervous,” you began, your attention once again on the sights outside. “I texted Eren on the way here and asked what kind of drink you preferred.” 
Levi felt himself blush and was thankful that you weren’t looking directly at him. He scoffed before taking a sip of his tea. Seems like Eren pays attention. “Nervous, huh?” He didn’t mean for it to come out as teasing as it did.
You finally turned your attention back to him. “Yeah,” you chewed your lip. “This is kind of an intimate project. Did you see the questions? It felt like some sort of first date survey.”
He nearly choked on his next sip. You were right, and now that you had pointed it out, Levi couldn’t help but fixate on the idea. A first date, he repeated to himself. He hoped the mug hid his blush.
“We don’t have to think of it that way,” you quickly added. Levi let out a soft chuckle at your panic. “I mean, not that it would be terrible, but this is for class so I think we can keep it professional and then be friends, which I guess would not really be prof-” 
“You’re rambling,” Levi cut you off. He felt relieved that he wasn’t the only one who was nervous about all of this, but he also took note of how you said it wouldn’t be terrible for this to be a date. He let out a sigh and set his mug down. “There’s no pressure at all. We can spend as much or as little time together as you’re comfortable with, and how we spend that time doesn’t have to be anything in particular. We could study, talk, or just sit here in silence too, if you wanted.” He hoped of course, that he’d see you more often, but he wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t. He knew people saw him as somewhat unapproachable. Even people who scream his name at performances seem to tense up and freeze when they see him on campus. He didn’t want you to be one of them.
To his credit, his words did seem to have an effect on you and he watched your shoulders begin to relax as you reached for your own mug to take a sip. “Thanks,” you began. “Sometimes I get too in my own head. But you’re right. No pressure.”
Glad that you were finally more relaxed, he let a beat of silence sit comfortably between the two of you. When he first met you at that party, you seemed a lot more sure of yourself, not that you seemed unconfident now, but more that you handled interactions with new people in a charming, easy way that he couldn’t. It made him relax knowing he wasn’t the only one who tends to overthink things. He made a mental note to write that down for his assignment later.
It was much easier to just talk after that. Levi felt he had finally redeemed himself after that night where all he could say was “cool.” He was a man of few words… but not that few.
You told Levi about how you’d met Eren, Armin, and Mikasa. How Armin had come up to you at recess in elementary school after you had just moved to town and asked about the book you were reading. He was the first to speak to you, and Mikasa was the first to drag you along to their adventures. Eren, who was your next door neighbor, had declared himself your older brother when he found out you didn’t have one. “Everyone should have a big brother,” he had decided at 9 years old.
Levi told you about the band, why it was called No Name in the first place. He had started the band in high school with his best friends and kept it going since they somehow ended up at the same university. Hange wanted to call themselves The Titans “because it’s funny. Because you’re short.” And when Levi pounced across the table, Miche suggested The Walls which Levi hated even more. It wasn’t until Erwin dragged him back to his seat on the couch of Erwin’s apartment that Erwin decided, “If we can’t decide on a name, then we go with No Name.” And that was that.
Levi had found himself smiling at the memory, and chuckled at how long ago that was. Now, somehow, he had become the leader of the band, filling in Erwin’s role as a singer and at times, a mediator.
It was easy to be nostalgic with you, but maybe it was the tea, or the fairy lights that set him up. It wasn’t until both your mugs were halfway empty after a refill that Levi remembered to ask. “So why a cafe?” he asked curiously. 
Your eyes lit up as you began to speak. “Oh, right,” you began. “Remember how we were talking earlier about feelings that don’t have a name and I mentioned the first coffee run in autumn?” Levi nodded. “Well, I finally had some time today, and I thought I’d invite you to join me so you could feel it firsthand.”
Now that it was November, it was well past Levi’s first run to the cafe. In fact, he’d been here at least twice a week since September.
“I know that it’s really late into the season,” you spoke again as if you knew what he was thinking. “And I’ve had plenty of coffee since September. But I’d just been so busy that I hadn’t had a chance to actually sit down inside a cafe and enjoy a cup of coffee.” You smiled as you looked down into your mug.
This is nice, Levi thought to himself. “So what are you feeling?” Levi probed as he recalled your words from earlier. Something new, something good. This was definitely that.
“Like life is about to fall into place.”
Later that evening, Levi found himself itching for his phone to text you.
It had only been an hour since the two of you parted ways after he walked you to your car, but he already found himself thinking about when he would see you again. You were easy to talk to but you didn’t mind when he only had a few words to say either. It felt easy. He hadn’t been on many first dates but he knew that none of them had him feeling this way afterwards.
Levi: Hey Levi: Are you free tomorrow? We can meet again if you want.
Tomorrow? My place??  Levi had sent the message before he could think too hard about it. He shoved his phone under his pillow and walked out to the kitchen of his apartment. He grabbed a glass of water and leaned against the island, running a hand down his face. He took a sip and began to pace back and forth.
“Like a phone toss when it's risky and you hit send.”
He ran to his desk, momentarily forgetting about the phone, and wrote down the line. And another one. And another one. Until finally, he had a song. He took a deep breath before reaching under his pillow for his phone.
Coffee Addict (psych): I’m not busy :) where do you want to meet?
He thought for a second before an idea popped into his head.
Levi: You know the music studies building? Meet me on the basement floor.
And so the next day he found himself sitting on the floor across from you in a cramped practice room with his hands clasped on his lap. He’s not really sure what had come over him last night after asking you to meet him, but he can’t say he regretted inviting you either. In fact, he woke up bright and early, feeling that flutter again as he thought of seeing you.
“This is cozy,” you joked as you looked around. The room really was cramped, and with a standing piano against one wall of the room, it made it feel even smaller. He wasn’t used to sharing this space with other people, but he didn’t really mind sharing it with you.
He chuckled and shook his head. “Sorry it’s cramped, I know,” he acknowledged. “I just… I wanted to show you something.”
“Oh?” you asked. “What is it?”
Levi looked up at the piano before standing up and offering his hand out to you. A buzz in his fingertips. A flutter in his stomach. He sat down on the piano bench and patted the space beside him to his right. The bench was wide enough to fit both of you, but Levi didn’t miss the feeling of your leg pressed against his. Before he could overthink himself into a panic, he stretched his fingers over the keys and began to play.
“It’s the anticipation when the amps turn on Just cables and crackle. It’s the first flicker of the neon sign It’s the words stuck in your Adam’s apple.”
He glanced over at you before continuing on to the next verse. Your hands fidgeted in your lap, but you watched as his fingers moved across the keys.
“It’s a bumblebee on a blossom The first coffee shop run in autumn.”
You looked up at him, eyes wide as you recognized your own words.
“The song’s about to start, can you hear it? The door’s about to open, can you feel it? The flower’s about to fruit, can you see it? I’m about to fall for you.”
A buzz. A flutter. He knew what this was.
“About to fall for you.”
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a/n: some more fun facts! This chapter was so fun to write. 1) Eren, who'd never admit it out loud, actually knows all his friends' go-to drinks. He often brings his bandmates drinks as apology for being late to practice 2) Armin is the biggest social butterfly of the group. He's just really kind and disarming. 3) I gave myself butterflies writing the scene where Levi is playing on the piano with you beside him.
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saerins · 2 years ago
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─── 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐑
+ itoshi rin x f!reader | wc 6k | content: mostly fluff, some angst, rin is so awkward, childhood friends to lovers
notes: my first time writing something for rin so i’m nervous but i hope you guys like it <3 pls i hope i didn’t butcher him >_< rbs & feedback appreciated muwah !
summary: rin thinks about you all the time, for better or for worse. problem is, he really shouldn’t be anymore. things never seem to work out for the both of you, will trying even make a difference this time?
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rin knows you don’t like flowers. no wait, you like them, you just don’t like receiving them. you cried once, when the flower he plucked for you died within a few days in your makeshift vase.
rin also knows that while other girls dream of their dream wedding, you dream of a nice cosy house, a modern one with touches of japanese accents. he likes to hear you talk about it. he likes to hear you talk about anything at all, actually.
he’s known you ever since you were both little, since you were both five and just two kids in the playground playing hide and seek.
rin would always win, because you’re as clumsy as it gets and you’re not that observant. you could never find him, even if he’s right there. he likes it though; seeing you look for him, that little panicky look in your eyes when you think he’d ever actually abandon you and run off.
he played with you whenever he could—you were both neighbours after all. it was fun, being with you was fun.
you reminded him of new beginnings, like how it feels like jumping into a pool after a long hard day of training, or how the sun feels like hitting your skin on a cold winter day.
it was second nature for him—to seek you out whenever he had a hard time, to look for you when he needed a distraction, to search for you in the crowd to seek some familiarity.
but it’s easy for flimsy things to break. the both of you were just kids, and kids did childish things, like think only for the moment and not further into the future, did silly things like saying you’d marry one another with fake paper rings and forget it the very next day (rin remembers). kids also handle things in a bad way, in the way that leaves no room for the friend they pushed away.
if rin regrets anything from his past, it’s that he took sae’s departure out on you.
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rin doesn’t know how to process things well. can’t decide why exactly he’s so pressed about sae’s choice of words. doesn’t know what to make of why he even plays soccer. is it just because of his brother?
he doesn’t fucking know.
rin’s sorry.
it isn’t your fault his brother found a different path. you had nothing to do with it. you and those brownies you cooked for him. he’s sorry that he let them fall to the ground and just stormed off.
that was what, three or four years ago? you’d moved out by then, and the both of you had never spoken since.
if he’s being honest, he misses your presence. maybe it’s the fact that you were his manifestation of a safety net, someone that he could fall back on, someone he could lean on.
maybe he’s just being an asshole.
now he’s seventeen and probably even more of an asshole. if anything, sae’s departure left a bitter taste in his mouth that he wasn’t able to cleanse.
but he’s lucky you’re you. you’re you and that means you don’t hold grudges and you’re still the kindest person he’s ever known.
“rin?”
he stops his hand in mid motion, the key between his fingers dropping onto the wooden floorboards below. rin can’t seem to function anymore—he knows that voice. all too well.
it’s the voice that made him excited as a kid, it’s the same voice that comforted him whenever he fell short of perfect, the same voice that haunts his dreams sometimes at night, even now.
rin turns around and sees you there, at his front porch, smiling all awkwardly and chuckling nervously, your hands in your pocket because you never know what to do with them when you’re uncomfortable.
“hi,” is all he manages to choke out because he’s still a little stunned and his key is long lost and forgotten on the ground.
“hey stranger,” you grin, and his heart beats faster and faster as you get closer and closer.
the both of you are no longer kids, and it’s so painfully obvious now in front of him. he can’t stop fucking staring even if his inner voice is screaming at him to.
“i thought you moved away,” rin manages to say, and because he’s really curious as to why you’re even here, in this place you’re not supposed to be, talking to someone you haven’t spoken to in years.
“i’m, uh, here just to visit my family,” you stutter out, and rin wants to call you out on it so bad, but he can’t do that without exposing himself.
how could he possibly tell you that he knows none of your family is left here in the neighbourhood because he’s asked everyone who used to be in contact with your family? how can he possibly say that without exposing himself for going through your social profiles just to find out that you’ve moved out to another city with your entire family?
so, what are you here for then?
“hey, you wanna, uh, go eat dinner together? or something? later?” you’re so awkward rin could die. rin’s so awkward he could just kill himself.
the silence is deafening and it’s not that he doesn’t want to have dinner with you, it’s just that he has soccer training in the evening and he’s still in shock from the fact that you’re here in the flesh and—
“it’s okay, forget i asked, i was just—”
“no, i mean,” rin trips over his own words and the two of you are just two stupid idiots standing on the itoshi family’s porch doing stupid idiot things. he takes a deep breath, “where should we eat?”
that smile you shoot him is deadly and he wants to keep it forever. if that’s even possible. but he’s really awkward with his feelings and he doesn’t even know what he feels for you. all he knows is that he wants you to stay here again, be within reach for him.
“pick me up at six on your bike?” you nod over to his bicycle, and he blushes so hard because despite getting countless valentines from other girls, none of them have the same effect on him as you do.
rin thinks he should shake his head and say no and pretend like you don’t exist again. he shouldn’t go on this pseudo date with you.
yet he does. he picks you up where you said you’d be, at a hotel near the heart of the city. he’s on his bicycle, just like you asked of him, and you definitely dressed for the ride, comfortable in shorts and a tank top. you’ve gotten from cute to so so pretty and rin finds it so damn difficult to tear his eyes away from you.
when you get on the back of his bicycle, you put your hands around his waist and he can actually feel how fast your heart is beating. rin’s is too, but he’s grateful you probably can’t tell.
also at your request, he takes you to a spot he chose—which is nothing extravagant because you’re both still broke students who haven’t earned your own money, but he thinks you’ll like it anyway.
after getting some cup noodles from a nearby convenience store, he pedals over to the playground the both of you used to spend ages at when you were kids. the place where you used to play hide and seek with each other.
it’s a place of significance. at least, to him. he wonders if you even remember this place.
“nice choice, itoshi rin,” you say, and rin has his answer. “i missed this place.”
and rin missed you, but he isn’t going to say that.
“i’m surprised you remember,” he tells you, choosing to sit down on the swings. you follow and sit on the only other one beside him, your cup noodle hot and ready in your hands. “how’s kyushu?”
you slurp up some of your noodles, and rin thinks you look beautiful just like this anyway. “it’s okay, made some friends so that makes it more tolerable.” you’re shrugging like it’s no big deal, but he can tell by the faraway look in your eyes that there’s more to it.
“tokyo’s better, huh?” he isn’t much for small talk, but he can’t help himself—it’s been far too long without you, and he wants to feel close to you again. it’s as though after everything that happened—sae moving abroad, you moving away, rin feeling lost—it’s like he doesn’t really know how to be your friend anymore.
nodding your head, you turn to him. “much better.”
and rin can’t help but think that there’s a deeper meaning to your answer. but he doesn’t press.
maybe he should’ve, because when you switch the topic, he finds he doesn’t like what he’s hearing.
“anyway, i’m only here for a day,” you tell him, going back to your noodles. “i fly back tomorrow.”
some part of him wants to ask you why you’re even here. he wants to know about the you now, about how much has changed in these few years, what you like now—do you still like hot chocolate in the winter, do you still get colds easily, do you still think about him after all this time?
“are you… going to come back for college?” because if you still wanted to go to university in tokyo, you’d have to move back here. rin thinks he’d like that.
you’re a little taken aback because from what you’d heard from your old friends, rin had become someone they barely recognised; cold, blunt, more like his brother than himself. but in front of you now, you feel like the rin you know is still in there.
but this is where it gets hard.
“actually…” you trail off because you don’t really know where to start. “i got into a university in america. my mother got a job there and she wants me to go with her.”
you don’t even want to look at him right now. you don’t really know what you want to see. some silly part of you wants to see that he minds, that he’ll make a big deal out of you going away somewhere even further than the other side of japan. but if he doesn’t, if he looks like it doesn’t affect him at all, then you don’t think you can handle that.
“oh.” ever the best at giving a non-response, you’re not surprised.
it’s silent for a while, and the two of you are just eating your noodles, and it’s so suffocating that you want to bolt and run but that means you probably won’t ever get to see rin again and you don’t want that.
your body is screaming at you to do something, to say anything, to savour whatever time you have left with rin now properly—but you can’t.
beside you, the gears are turning in his head. rin’s noodles are already gone and he isn’t even aware his chopsticks are grappling around for nothing but soup.
america? that’ll mean you’re at least twelve hours away and he can’t even imagine what that’ll mean for your friendship. or whatever the fuck this muddy waters is.
rin wants to say something, anything—but what? don’t go? when are you coming back? are we ever going to be at the same place at the same time again after tonight?
he’s conflicted between his possible feelings and his selfishness. so he resigns to not saying anything at all. all that’s left for the night is hearing the wind blowing past your faces and the creaking of the swings, very much like how he envisioned a bad goodbye to go.
that night he gives you a ride back to your hotel despite your insistence that it’s late. because who do you take him for? did it mean nothing to you that this might be the last time?
“so, uh, i’ll see you around, i guess,” you say as you step off of his bicycle, after a trip that seems way too fast. rin already misses the sensation of your arms around his waist.
he thinks it’s a stupid sentence. realistically, in every single way he can think it’ll play out, it ends with the both of you drifting apart anyway, and he finds himself wishing you never came back.
which is untrue. which is the furthest it could possibly be from the truth. but rin doesn’t want to think about that right now.
“okay then, goodbye,” rin decides, because he’s not about to get his own hopes up for nothing. if you’re about to vanish, then maybe it’s high time he gets it done.
rin steps on the pedal, but then you stop him, voice clear as the first day he met you. “rin, wait!”
you’re not sure why it slipped out, but it did.
“what is it?”
his eyes are cool, calm, a dead teal that stares right through you. you’re almost intimidated because you’re not sure just what he’s thinking of you right now. he must think you’re a freak, showing up like this and dropping a bomb that he may or may not care about.
“um, nothing, it’s just- is there anything else?”
some part of you wants him to ask you to stay in tokyo. maybe the both of you could find a university together and stay in close proximity, just like when you were kids, just like how you liked it.
just like everything you missed.
and now the two of you are staring at each other, knowing yet not knowing everything that’s going through one another’s mind. but it gets lost in translation because neither of you can find the words to say.
rin blinks at you, and you can’t even read him if you tried. “no, nothing. is there something you wanna say?”
you shake your head, smiling through it. “no, nothing. goodbye.”
you’re back through the hotel double doors before you know it, and rin’s left to watch your silhouette fade away.
for the first time in his life, he feels like he’s lost something precious that he’ll never find again.
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life goes on.
rin graduates from high school and so do you. the texting stopped, and that much he expected. better to cut the cord sooner rather than later, even if rin wished for otherwise.
he rides on a full scholarship to university, and from the online grapevines, he hears that you’re doing the same. you’re smart, so he’s not surprised.
this is the right thing to do; both of you have your own lives to concentrate on. some stupid crush doesn’t matter. and yes, rin has already conceded to the feeling because he can’t explain this any other way.
his frustration that comes from your separation, his anger when it comes to being helpless, his endless regret from not saying anything that night—it’s only because he wants you.
“i hear y/n’s doing good at her new school,” rin hears his mom cooing from the kitchen. he sighs. of course she did, yours and his moms are both close. yet another channel through which he can get updates on you, warranted or not.
“yeah?” he pretends not to care much, but he’s hanging on her every word.
“yeah, it’s valentines’ day around the corner too, i hear she has lots of guys lining up.”
kill him. kill him right fucking now.
“good for her.” good for you he’s not there to stare daggers at all the guys ogling at you. good for you he’s not there to commit bloody murder.
“i think so too, ah she’s all grown up,” his mother chatters on, completely oblivious to the torment she’s subjecting her son to. “i hear she’s having her first date next week, i heard he’s a model too, did she talk to you about it?”
you must’ve played it off to your mother that you and rin are fine. rin sighs, tired of the thoughts running through his head. as if soccer wasn’t tiring enough already.
“don’t know, maybe.”
just like his feelings for you, and his willingness to act on it.
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two years into university and it isn’t that hard for him anymore.
actual lectures and assignments take up half of his time, and the other half is reserved for soccer. with teammates like isagi yoichi and bachira meguru annoying him even outside of practice, rin doesn’t even have much time to think of you.
until he’s forced to.
“what about you, rin? is there anyone special in your life?”
bachira tuts, “isagi, he’s always buried in books and practicing soccer, it’s obviously a no.”
rin’s annoyed, half because what bachira said is true and half because isagi made him think of you. it’s been a while since he knew what was up with you. you’re probably doing well, probably thriving in that environment, probably all in love with your boyfriend—that stupid yukimiya kenyu that you accepted for valentine’s last year.
he carefully extracts himself from isagi and bachira’s bickering, feigning that he’s looking through the aisle for books except what he’s really doing is scrolling through his phone and hunting for your profile.
what other way is he supposed to get updates? definitely not from you, because you’ve been so fucking radio silent since that night.
all that rin sees that day is a story posted to your account. just a backdrop of the view in your city with the words some things just aren’t meant to be.
you’re right. some things aren’t. including the both of you. so rin tucks his phone away in his pocket and goes about his day, half happy that it sounds like you’re not with yukimiya anymore, half concerned that this is what the both of you became.
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somehow he’s here. he’s right fucking here and it’s him this time that’s going to surprise you. unintentionally. or intentionally, if you argued that he agreed to come in the first place.
“isn’t this place so beautiful?” his mother’s words are lost on him. he’s too busy thinking of you.
his mother’s here to visit your mother and by extension he guesses you’ll be there. it’s supposedly the summer break anyway.
and you really are there, on your front porch this time, freezing up when you catch sight of rin walking up your driveway.
nothing can describe his relief when you actually walk up to him and talk to him, because a part of him was expecting you to slap him for some reason.
“still watching horror movies for fun?” you ask him when you’re finally alone together, away from the ruckus of both your moms.
you missed him, he and his teal eyes and his absurdly longer fringe and his awkward demeanour. he’s a long shot from the person you knew as a kid. he’s taller, more muscles, more stoic, handsome. you were too shy to look at him properly that night in tokyo, but you can now.
“i don’t really have time for fun.” rin turns away, a little horrified you remember as much about him as you do. you’d been asking him things you remember from back when you guys were five. “how’re things here?”
you hum in contemplation, like you’re considering your words, and rin looks at you this time, admiring the way you look in the sunlight, the smile stuck onto your face, the voice that he’d never get tired of.
“it’s fine, school’s great, boyfriend’s great, everything’s… great.”
boyfriend?
“that yukimiya guy?”
fuck. fuck fuck fuck. he didn’t mean to say that. fuck. you’re gonna know he stalked you. he doesn’t even fucking follow you, he has no good excuse for knowing that.
you blink once, twice, confused and then getting bashful from the realisation. “um, yeah. things were rocky at first and then it got better so…”
rin is internally strangling himself. he needs to stop having thoughts about a taken girl. he needs to stop wondering what you taste like, what you look like in the mornings when you just wake up, what you’d sound like when you’re sleepy.
“that’s… good.”
the two of you are awkward to bits and he wishes he was someone different right now.
the day ends with nothing substantial. rin couldn’t talk much after he hears you’re still with yukimiya. you couldn’t even stay much because you had plans with him anyway. who’s he to stand in your way? rin’s just an old friend from the past. that’s all. there’s nothing more.
that’s what he thinks. until that same night when he’s all packed and ready to go for the next afternoon’s flight. all because you called him out of the blue. he’s amazed you still have his number.
“hey, rin.”
from the first moment you opened your mouth, he can tell you’re crying. shit, why are you crying?
“are you okay?” because you’re probably the only person in the world who can tug on his heartstrings like this. for being the only person in this world he has feelings for.
you’re forcing a laugh, like you’re not sure what to say. rin doesn’t really know either.
“am i not worth anything?” your question takes him off guard.
doesn’t take a genius to know something probably happened between you and yukimiya. and it doesn’t take much for you to get rin bolting out the door.
“where are you?”
“home,” you sniffle, and you must hear him getting into a cab, “i’m fine, you don’t have to come—”
“i’m coming,” he tells you, firmly, and he can almost tell you’re smiling from the other side of the line.
rin’s heart is racing, adrenaline pumping through his veins. he’s not sure why, but he’s ached to get closer to you since forever, and he passed it up the last time, the previous time you met in tokyo.
his heart’s still racing when you let him into the house, when it’s all dark and unfamiliar and you’re so close to him he can smell the shampoo off your hair.
apparently yukimiya never got over his first love, and you’d caught him locked in a kiss with her right before your dinner.
he’s not good with these situations. at comforting people, at being so close to the girl he likes that he’s trying his very best not to fucking kiss her right now. how does he tell you that you’re good enough, right now, when you keep rambling on and on about how you think you’re not? he really wants to shut you up but he can only think of kissing you and maybe that’s not a can of worms you want to open right now.
besides, if he does that, you might look at him as something temporary, a crutch you need right now but not for the long run and call him crazy but if he’s going to try this much for you, he doesn’t want to be the rebound.
but god fucking damn it, he’ll kill himself if he chickens out now.
you fall asleep after crying your guts out, and rin’s barely said ten words to you all night. he carries you to your room, puts you down on your bed and he resists placing a kiss on your forehead even if you won’t know it.
there’s no time left here for him, he’ll have to go back home tomorrow afternoon and you’ll be worlds apart once again. tonight may have been just a fluke; you probably just needed someone and rin was a safe bet.
he writes something down on a rough paper sitting on your desk and leaves it there before he goes. it’s irritating, how much you’re making him think, how much you’re making him flip flop between various moods.
one moment he decides to leave you alone and the next moment he doesn’t want to leave your side. there’s just something about seeing you so heartbroken that he can’t forgive.
and how kind the world is, to serve the guy who broke your heart to rin in a silver platter. he’d recognise that hair and those glasses anywhere—yukimiya kenyu.
“who’re you?”
rin doesn’t respond, only pushes him away. “if you know what’s good for you, leave.”
“what are you talking about?”
“i know what you did to y/n.”
yukimiya sighs, “look that’s what i wanted to talk to y/n about. i wanted to do this properly, to talk it out with her properly but then my ex was the one who—”
“shut the fuck up, i don’t care.”
yukimiya looks like he wants to retaliate, like he wants to argue back, and it would’ve probably turned into an all-out brawl if your mother didn’t rush out of the house at just the right time.
rin doesn’t bother with anything else after that. he leaves even though your mother tells him he can stay. frankly, he’s not sure he can stand being in the same room as yukimiya without giving him a punch.
the next morning comes and you haven’t left any messages. rin’s already back in japan for a while when you decide you’re finally ready to call him. but he’s heartbroken from thinking he was stupid to leave you that note so he rarely pays attention to his phone.
you end up having to leave it on his voicemail instead.
you said to call you if i wanted to try and… i do.
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whatever yukimiya had come to say to you that night, it probably didn’t work, because rin does hear your voicemail. he hears your voice saying that you want to try, with him, and he thinks he may have been dreaming for a while.
but then he plays it over and over and over again.
he’s a few years late, but better late than never, he thinks.
you have two more years before you get your degree, and rin’s not about to get in between that. what he does do is pay you a visit from time to time because he hates this goddamn physical distance between the both of you.
it starts with the both of you talking to each other over the phone, the painfully awkward conversations turning more and more bearable. after a while, you’re the one getting him out of his shell, purposely teasing him all the time, getting reactions out of him.
he stays over at your apartment near school whenever he visits. you share the same bed for the first time and somehow it’s not uncomfortable. he lays beside you like he’s meant to be there. and you fall asleep so fast whenever he’s there, like he’s your damn lullaby.
distance starts to feel like nothing for the both of you, because it never wanes your feelings. even when he’s in japan and you’re halfway across the world, it doesn’t feel like you’re very far.
besides, he likes how it is—you chase your dreams, he chases his. the future can wait. the uncertainties can come later.
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they come faster than he bargained for.
you’re nearing graduation while he’s nearing the end of his current contract term with a japanese club, but you’ve scored a job with one of the hottest startups in america. which means you’re going to be there.
for a long while.
“take it,” rin tells you, because you’ve called him to tell him this because you don’t know if you want to. but he can tell, like he always can when it comes to you. you want to take it, and he’s the only factor that’s stopping you. because before now, you’ve been thinking of coming back to tokyo and working at one of the bigger firms here.
looks like that plan’s not going to pan out though, because rin will kill himself before he becomes the reason that you’re not being the best version of yourself.
“but that means…”
there you go, hesitating again.
“we’ll figure it out. we did it once before, we’ll do it again.”
you chuckle in relief because somehow, itoshi rin has become your rock. he went from being some stoic and inexpressive human to being your voice of reason.
“you’re right, you’re right,” you concede. because yes, he’s always right somehow.
so you accept the offer, signing yourself away for another five years.
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“what does that mean for the both of you though?”
you sigh. you’re not sure. rin hasn’t said much beyond what he did during that phone call nearly a year back, and he hasn’t come to visit for a few months now so you can’t really tell what’s going on in his head.
long distance sucks.
“i don’t know, mom,” you confess, “i don’t want this to be the end. but i can’t see a future where the both of us are always in different countries.”
your mother doesn’t say anything much after that, it’s not like she has any personal experience on the matter.
you think about it all throughout your finals period, all throughout your graduation transition. you’re not sure that you and rin can just make it through this by just winging it like how you’d always been. and you think maybe rin is just full of it, maybe he’s just as much in denial about this as you are. he hasn’t even been texting you as much nowadays, not after the news.
your phone vibrates on your table as you’re idly staring out the window. it’s a week to graduation.
a text from rin.
meet me after your ceremony next week, we need to talk.
and the anxiety kicks in.
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rin shows up at your graduation ceremony like he said he would. he dresses up nicely, white dress shirt and black pants—simple, classy, handsome. you can spot him even from where you are, up near the stage.
yeah, you’d been nervous ever since he sent you that text.
it didn’t help that he didn’t talk to you much up until today, when his flight landed and he’d told you about it even though he knows you have his flight details in your handy little app.
when you run over to him after the ceremony, you find quite a funny sight before your eyes. never in your life did you think you’d ever see rin looking sharp as ever in a white shirt and pants only to be carrying what looks like a bouquet of—not flowers but—nuggets on sticks and chocolate.
rin smiles sheepishly when you get to him. “you don’t want flowers right?”
yeah, you’re in love with him. dorky, stupid rin with his abstract ways of showing love. you love how he remembers details like this since way back when you were kids. you love his awkwardness and his acts of service. you love him and everything he has and all that he doesn’t.
“thanks, i love it,” you gush, taking the bouquet from him, accepting your parents’ offer to help take a picture of the both of you.
they take a ton of pictures.
in one of them, rin kisses your temple and you think you might melt. in another, you kiss his cheeks in return and he’s a deep shade of red. those are before the last picture where he turns you to face him and presses a kiss on your lips, earning a few whistles from the people around you.
you punch him playfully on the chest for that. you hear him chuckle and that might be your favorite sound ever.
rin surprises you too, because the next thing you know, he’s dragging you along with him, running to his car parked by the curb; you’re wondering how he even had the time to rent it.
“where are we going?”
your gown is long discarded into the back seats and rin only offers you a smirk in return. he’s not telling, and you roll your eyes and let it be.
whatever it is, you’re excited.
maybe it’s the fact that you had been thinking the worst up until this point. or maybe it’s the fact that he has his hand on your bare thigh. hell, it could even just be the fact that you’re sitting in a car with the prettiest guy you’ve ever met. but your heart is beating out of your chest and for the first time, you feel like this can be nothing but good news.
rin proves you right, because he takes you somewhere unfamiliar and then tells you why exactly he’s been distant the past week. he takes your hand and leads you through the front doors of what he now calls “our house”.
everything you’ve ever told him you wanted in your dream house; wooden overheads, small koi pond out back, a beautiful rooftop garden with a wooden porch swing.
everything.
he made it real. he made your dream house without you asking. he’s telling you he’ll move here if that’s what it takes to be with you. he tells you he loves you more than he can ever imagine loving anything else at all. he says that he’ll always be with you, and this time he doesn’t want to be apart to do it.
he asks you, “will you try to make it work with me?”
as if he even needs to.
if anyone asked you back then if you thought rin was capable of any of this, you’d say no. because the boy you knew at five is passive, quiet, not the kind to make declarations like these.
yet here he is, almost twenty years later, promising to put you first and make this last because he’s sure this is what he wants.
“itoshi rin,” you slowly call his name, roping your arms around his shoulder while the both of you look at each other and only each other as you stand on the staircase landing. “what would you have done if i said no?”
because this is all extravagant—rin put his everything into this. dug up all the memories of your dream house, ran himself haggard just to get all of this done on time, and who knows what else because he kept all of this from you?
rin has a straight face, beautiful teal eyes rolling to the side as he contemplates. “guess that was never an option in my head.”
“you’re so stupid,” you tease, pressing a kiss onto his soft lips and relishing in the fact that this is just the first kiss of many to come.
because he’s now here. here with you. and he’s here to stay.
“guess that’s why i need you around to take care of me,” rin teases back, biting his lower lip and smirking at you.
you jump up and he catches you, your legs crossed behind his back as he carries you to the kitchen, setting you down on the countertop.
“so, itoshi rin,” you say again, suppressing a grin. “does that mean you’re gonna make me your wife one day?”
rin sighs and rolls his eyes, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “okay, trouble, dial back a bit now. one step at a time.”
he’s lying through his teeth, a ring passed down through his family for generations already nestled neatly in the hidden compartment of the nightstand in the bedroom. he’s lying—but you don’t need to know that. not yet.
you’re all trouble, and all beautiful and all his and rin is going to marry you someday.
because he may be dumb in a lot of ways, may be a little awkward and terrible in most situations and not the friendliest guy out there. but somehow you chose him and you always did and you always will so he’s not going to let you regret that decision.
so before you can make a comeback and expose him for really wanting to marry you, he kisses you to shut you up, and you know anyway.
because you’ve known rin since you were five, playing hide and seek in the playground. you never won because you could never find him. but you think now you have; you’ve found him and he’s not going anywhere. not anymore.
“i’m never gonna let you leave me, itoshi rin.”
he chuckles, “i’m all yours, trouble.”
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piftamere · 8 months ago
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part twenty-three - something stupid (wc : 0.4k)
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“what do you want to eat?” maki asks you, as you both stand in front of the colorful food stall.
“um let me think,” you reply, tapping your chin while examining your options as if you were making a life-threatening decision, “how about candied strawberries?” you finally suggest, your face lighting up.
maki seems to ponder for a moment, her brow furrowing slightly before a small smile appears onto her face,“yeah, that sounds good.”
you hand over the money to the vendor and receive two sticks of shiny, ruby-red candied strawberries.
“i don’t think we’re gonna have a good view of the fireworks from here.” you say as you inspect your surroundings, sounding a little disappointed.
she looks around and then back at you with a determined expression. “let’s look for a better spot then, hurry they’re gonna start soon,” she grabs your hand firmly, “i won’t loose you this time.” threading her fingers through yours and leading you into the crowd.
you trail behind her, focused on trying not to stumble as you match her pace, though the feeling of her warm skin on yours is a little distracting.
finally, you find a perfect spot with a clear view of the sky. settling down on the grass next to her, still holding hands.
“i’m glad you and megumi are cousins” you mutter matter-of-factly, as you hand maki her candied strawberries.
she looks at you with a puzzled smile. “that’s a bit random, but ok.”
you chuckle, “i meant that i’m happy you and megumi are cousins because that way i got to know you. i’m really glad i met you.”
her face softens as she gazes into your eyes. “i’m really glad i met you too.”
you sit in silence before maki speaks up hesitantly. “can i confess something?”
“sure go ahead” you turn to her, your curiosity peaked.
“i never really liked strawberries…” she admits, barely above a whisper.
you stare at her, then at the strawberries in your hands. “why didn’t you say so?? i would’ve bought something else! or we could’ve eaten different things!!”
she looks down at the snack, a small smile on her lips. “you seemed so excited, and i wanted to share with you… turns out strawberries aren’t as bad as i remembered them to be.”
you bump your shoulder into hers, laughing lightly “you’ve gotten soft maki.”
she bumps you back, but she doesn’t move away, instead resting her head on your shoulder and sighing contentedly as the first fireworks light up the sky. “i guess i have.”
[tl:dr : you buy snacks, run through a crowd to get to a spot with a better view while holding hands, and watch the fireworks]
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fun facts
maki and y/n rented their yukatas after spending all afternoon the day before the festival trying different ones on, in the end maki picked y/n's and y/n picked maki's
kugisaki didn't comment on y/n's "possible feelings" since y/n's feeling down but she's taking notes, and pulling her hair out at their stupidity
the song maki mentioned was written by y/n alone about how confused she's been feeling lately, especially because of her feelings and relationships
author's note
megumi needs to grow up fr
can you tell i like holding hands? i feel like i always end up incorporating it lol
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⋆⭒˚。⋆ tugging on heartstrings ⋆⭒˚。⋆
as an aspiring solo artist, you dream of making it big in the music industry. With your talent and unwavering determination, you find yourself entangled in a web of romantic pursuits amidst rumors and betrayal. Will you emerge unscathed and manage to navigate your love life in the chaos of fame?
Part twenty-three - Next
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rbs and interactions are highly appreciated <3
taglist : closed :) to be added leave a comment on the masterlist of the smau
@lysaray @swissy23 @d6za1 @minzxec @sleepy-waffle @saturn-alone @dreamxiing @selysixn @reiluvr @lavender-hvze @mellozhi @cre8inghavoc @ichorstainedskin @inosfavgf @k4sss133 @taelattecookie @cheese-enjoyer9471 @wateronlyhaha @sonicsolos @bkgs-girl @colortheoryrocks @kinkybandages @woahguy278 @cuteandohsodeadly @weewooooweew @peqch-pie @myguumi @r0ckst4rjk @jun1p3rlol @juliiizh @seikamuzu @theweirdfloatything @h3xi2g0n3 @xbarrjallenx @0range-juiceee @xenop0p @reagan707 @eyes-ofhell @fyodorisbbg @theresmeaninginthat @emlient @danhengswifey @cherrypieyourface @bitchycloudstrawberry @ofherchaos @shanye1112 @eusaevi @fuyuzemi @cupkiki @lvtilzs
if you're name is crossed out i couldn't tag you, if it's not fixed in a week i'll remove you sorry :(
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parkjayssi · 1 year ago
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✦ PAC : HER AURA WAS A WARM CHAOS
your fs's first impression about you
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like & rb if resonates
i'm a beginner in tarot so please take everything with a grain of salt.
it is a general reading so only take what resonates
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🍃| pile one!
it seems that you would be in a difficult situation when you'll meet your fs for the first time. you'll be going through a massive change, like letting go of a person or a betrayal. and it looks like it would be evident for your fs.
they can see this gloomy, intimidating energy around you and they'll find it hard to approach you. they might want to share their burden, willing to take care of you and wanting to be there for you. they know that you can be so much better when you're at your best and hence why they might wanna help you.
overall, they think that you are very strong to be going through such a difficult phase of life and yet here you are in front of them and they really respect you for that. they also believe you are really brave and headstrong which is really admirable.
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🍃| pile two!
your fs's first impression would be you acting like you have no care in the world, quite literally. you would seem to go with the flow in life and particularly have no plans in life. you also seem to be taken advantage of and naive, which your fs would be very concerned about.
they also seem to realize that you are pretty bubbly and positive, which they definitely appreciate and would want to protect you. i see them wanting to help you find your path, wherever you might wanna take you next step into.
overall, it seems like you'll be transitioning from this stage, where you finally decide to be headstrong and they'll be there to back you. they would be able to see your conflict between letting go of your previous carefree life and taking a step for next big change. nonetheless, they find you adorable so they'd wanna keep you in their pocket.
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🍃| pile three!
i pulled a suit of pentacles when channeling messages for you, pile 3 and it seems like you're all "go big or go home" energy and your fs LOVES it. you seem very powerful and don't back down easily which is really admirable. you seem to be in a quite powerful position or just very intimidating in general and your fs sees you more of a challenge lol. i'm loving the energy here, they truly admire you.
it also seems that they think you keep up this front in order to not let people hurt you and to hide any hardship you're facing through. they believe this front has lead you to push people and you're lonely deep down, but even then you never let yourself falter which is truly amazing.
overall, you seem very grounded and stable with proper goals in mind and they like how you don't let anyone stop you from reaching that goal.
p.s : this might be an office romance ;)
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0oolookitsme · 1 year ago
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Daddy of Three
Type - A One Shot again!
Verse - Footballer!Harry x Art Director!Y/n
Word Count - 2.2k
Warnings - None that I can find! (other than the fact that this is pure smut ofc)
A/n - Lowkey hate the title (you will too when you find out the context) but I just hope you enjoy this hahah <3
Kinks - Daddy kink, Face Fucking, Breeding Kink, Praise Kink.
KINKTOBER MASTERLIST | MASTERLIST
Please rb to share!
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Y/n was chopping up the vegetables she'd need for the meal she was going to cook tomorrow morning for Harry and Karan's lunch. Her eyes remained on her iPad's screen, on which she could see the page Carla was presenting in the meeting.
Clicking on the little mic icon by her knuckle, she unmuted herself. "Marla, don't you think that we should use red and yellow undertones? It's going to be a violent and a sad scene, I think it would work better," she said, not exactly agreeing with her idea of using green undertones.
"I agree," a few people wrote in the chat.
"But ma'am, we probably wouldn't have as much screen time for that scene. Plus, we have a scene inside the hotel's bathroom after that, which they tell us would give off green hues," Marla said, sliding photos till the bathroom set was on the screen.
Y/n hummed, laughing at how she'd absolutely forgotten about that. "Then I'd say that we do put green undertones but less. We need the switch between the scenes to be slightly puzzling – nothing like 'what the hell are they doing in the bathroom now' though," she said, making the other woman laugh and other people text the laughing emojis.
They agreed on trying the directory for the same the next day, and planned out a few more things before bidding goodbyes. Right at that time, Harry and Karan also got up from the couch as the show they were watching just ended.
"Are you done?" Harry asked her, walking behind Karan who seemed to be growing taller and taller everyday. It still mesmerized her, the resemblance between the two – same green eyes, same curly hair, same nose. Only his mouth matched with hers, other than that, he was a ditto copy of Harry.
"Yes," Y/n groaned while getting up, stretching the moment she was on her feet while taking a big yawn. "Not really, just a bit tired from all the screen time," she said when Harry asked her if she was feeling sleepy.
"Serve the dinner, will you? I just quickly need to wind my stuff up." She looked at Harry with pleading and slightly guilty eyes, kissing the corner of her mouth once he mumbled an 'of course.'
"Don't take too much time, though!" He yelled as she hurried up the stairs.
Karan climbed up in his chair on his own with a bit of struggle. He'd finally grown tall enough to be able to sit on the main dinner table, but still he needed a taller chair to sit on.
"Look at you going, already a big boy," Harry grinned at the little one, who was about to turn four this year. A breathy chuckle escaped his mouth when the boy's ears turned pink, he was born a shy persona but that never deterred him from speaking up when he wanted to.
Y/n watched from atop as Harry talked to Karan about the show they were just watching. It had shown some wild animals tonight, from what she could hear. She couldn't help but swoon a little bit on the inside as Karan climbed down the chair with a bit of grunting and helped Harry serve the table.
"Bring me a glass, please," Harry asked the kid just because he was eager to help. "Thank you," he appreciated him once the glass was on the table.
"Y/n –" Harry was about to call for her when he saw her watching him from the doorframe of their room. "C'mon, what are you waiting for?" He laughed, feeling a tad bit of shyness creep up on him when he realized that she'd been watching him.
They've known each other since childhood yet she still manages to turn his ears pink by just her gaze – it was yet another trait that Karan got from Harry.
"Could watch you be a baby daddy all day long. Just makes me feel so hot," she whispered in his ears, grinning when he slapped her bum sneakily.
"Did you tell daddy about the puzzle we solved today?" Y/n asked Karan and melted on the inside when his eyes lit up and he sat upright, suddenly excited and eager to tell Harry all about it.
And Karan's energized talking about the animals was how they spent their time eating dinner. Talking about Karan's puzzle, Harry's practice routine for the next day and Y/n's plans for visiting the set for a run-through were some add-ons in the talk here and there. Once they'd finished, Y/n took Karan up to his room to read him one of his nightly-stories, and lull him to sleep – it was Harry's turn to do the dishes tonight.
The toddler was extra tired today. He'd had football practice for a small upcoming match in his school, solved a lot of math problems and a whole puzzle in one day. So, it only took about four paragraphs of the story in the calming voice of his mother for him to pass out.
Y/n climbed down the stairs as silently as she could and pressed a feather-light kiss on Harry's neck, who didn't get scared in the slightest – probably because he heard her jam her toe in the leg of the dining table.
Harry hummed to acknowledge her presence, loading the last plate into the dishwasher. She stood back patiently, and once he was done, Harry turned around and leaned his bottom on the kitchen counter with his arms crossed in front of his chest.
Then, y/n leaned in to press a chaste kiss onto his lips.
"Mm, someone's feeling needy," he smirked when she pulled back, pulling her in again by her waist when she nodded. "What do you need, love?" Harry asked her, pecking her lips again with a soft smile on his mouth.
"Need to taste you, daddy – been so long," she mumbled, slowly and slowly relaxing into his body.
He continued tracing the outline of her lips, "Is that so?" He asked again, and when she nodded he released her lower lip from under the weight of his thumb, watching it rise back to its place.
"Then we'll put that mouth of yours to a good use," he rasped, reaching for her mouth again as he slid one of his hands on the back of her head, pulling her hair back to give him space to litter her neck in kisses.
When her mouth met his skin, she left open-mouthed kisses on it and bit on a few spots before Harry started pushing her down on her knees. Once she was down, she pulled down his sweats on his command and watched as his cock stood up, already hard. She spit on her palm, lubricating his length as she stroked him.
"Hands behind your back," Harry told her, and started lowering her head on his length when she took him in his mouth. "Fuck," he breathed, watching her as he pushed her lower and lower on him slowly.
He cherished the feeling of her warm mouth on him, and when she reached his base, he let out a groan as the feeling of his tip touching the very back of her throat.
Y/n could taste his salty pre-cum that had started to leak from his slit. It would've been more convenient for her if she could've placed her hands on his thighs, but somehow, this position was only making her panties wetter.
When Harry asked her if she was ready to go, she quickly showed him a thumbs up before holding her wrist behind her back again.
Slowly and slowly, Harry started bringing her head back and forth by his grip on her hair. Her lips wrapped around him felt every vien as he brought her head up till his reddened tip. She managed to take a lick at his slit before he brought her down again, faster this time.
Now, her head was bobbing faster on his cock and with the way her saliva was starting to dribble down her chin, she could feel him pulsing in mouth as she hollowed out her cheeks when she hit the base.
She gagged a bit when Harry pushed in till the back of throat. And then, he quickened the pace.
He held her head in one place as she tried to swallow some of his arosual fucked into her mouth, the sounds of her gagging filling the kitchen. "Fuck- you're doing so well, darling," Harry moaned above her, creating a pace again – his eyes unable to move from the sight of strings of her saliva and his arousal moving with each bob of her head.
He fucked her mouth with a fast pace, his tips dragging along her tongue before hitting the back of her throat with each thrust. "Jesus- fuck," he choked, his hold on her head getting tighter as he began ruthlessly fucking into her mouth.
"Breath from your nose, baby," Harry told her, continuing to thrust his cock deep down her throat by now. She started gurgling on her own saliva and his precum, her arms starting to ache as tears leaked out of her eyes and she clenched around nothing, her pussy feeling like it were ready to be pounded.
"Oh lord," he grunted, slowing down his pace just when Y/n thought he was close to releasing down her throat, he brushed his hand through her hair.
Gradually, Harry pulled out of her mouth and just when she was beginning to think that something had gone wrong, Harry helped her get up on her legs.
She stumbled a bit, her legs a bit numb, and knees hurting because of the hard floor. She freed her arms then as well, holding onto his biceps as she balanced herself.
"Fuck you're such a wreck," Harry breathed, wiping away at her damp skin – not able to tell the difference between her tears and her sweat. "And because of me too," he chuckled, brushing her hair back as she caught up with her breath.
"C'mon, wanted to come down your throat, but I need something else more than that right now," Harry said as he picked her up bridal style in his arms, the veins in his biceps popping out.
"What is it?"
"Need to feel your pussy, darling."
When Harry dropped her on their bed, she immediately got up on her elbows, her knees touching but feet wide apart. "Fill me up, daddy? Want another baby," she whispered, looking at him through her lashes.
Squeezing his eyes shut, Harry groaned, climbing up on the bed while stroking himself. "Fucking hell – 'course I will," he told her as he sat back on his calves in front of her. "Gonna make me daddy of three, aren't you -- since you clear need one at all times, as well?" Harry teased her.
"Open your legs for me, wanna see ya." Y/n did as Harry told her and he swiped his middle finger through her folds, realizing that she was already soaking wet, ready to take him.
"Gonna give you all my babies, darling. Gonna fill you up to the brim and get you pregnant again," he rasped, lining himself against her hole, wetting his tip. "Fuckin' missed watching your belly swell up with a baby – my baby, " he said while watching himself disappear inside her pussy.
Beginning to thrust into her, Harry's hand came to knead one of her boobs. "Need to see you breastfeed a little one again – see those leaking nipples," he choked out, so turned on that he already felt close to climaxing.
"Gonna come for daddy, love?" Harry cooed at her, feeling her thighs begin to shake around his hips already. "Give it to y' husband."
Y/n lied there under him, shaking and moaning as the knot in her belly moved lower and lower. "Gonna cum- fuck –" she coughed, shaking harder as her skin felt like it was on fire when Harry started rubbing her clit.
"Come for Daddy, darling. Doing so good," Harry praised her, increasing his pace as he felt his own balls tighten. As he thumbed tighter and faster circles on her sensitive bundle of nerves, he felt her walls clenching around him.
"So good for me, so fuckin' good around me – fucking made for me," Harry grunted, feeling like he was going to combust.
"Co-coming daddy – O-Oh I'm cuming fuck-" Y/n stuttered, her back arching as Harry fucked into her pussy mercilessly. She could feel him pulsing inside her, and once he hit her g-spot again, she felt like she had been electricuted as she came on his cock.
Her cum went everywhere as Harry continued fucking into her, the bed creaking under his pace. "So good for daddy, look how much you came," he chuckled breathlessly, looking down where she had soaked him and the mattress, white strings of her cum sticking to his base.
Y/n intionally cleanched around him again, lying fucked out of her mind and breathless.
"Good girl- that's a good fucking girl," Harry cursed before he shot ropes of his cum deep in her pussy. Ramming into her pussy until she had milked him dry, he finally stopped when some of his cum started spilling out of her.
"Gonna fill you up again, make sure I put a baby in you," Harry told her as he wiped sweat off his forehead – grinning down at her when she hooked her arms under her knees, giving him full access to her pussy.
"Daddy's gonna give it to you good, sweet girl," Harry said gleefully, laughing when Y/n managed to swat at his chest.
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bokutone · 1 year ago
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˗ˏˋ LOVING THEM ˎˊ˗
including: semi eita, sugawara kōshi, kuroo tetsurō, kita shinsuke, ushijima wakatoshi. genre/warnings: nothing but pure fluff! a/n: here's a little christmas present from me to all of you because i miss my boys and we need to bring the hq content back<3
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semi — loving him is red, full of passion and love. you’re his muse and he’s your superstar, your love for him is like a roller coaster and every day feels different; mondays are for soft love, soft touches, sweet kisses and bear hugs. while fridays are for rough love, desperate kisses, red marks on his skin and possessive words coming out from your lips. but he loves it, you love him, and the combination of your souls together creates a beautiful shade of red. 
sugawara — loving him is blue, like the deep ocean and dark sky. your love for him flows like the waves you two watch every night, it’s calm, revitalizing and harmonious. it feels like the first kiss and last hug, your eyes hold his secrets while your lips savor his love. loving him is drinking the first drops of water after a long day of work, loving him is feeling safe, loving him is knowing your heart is safe within the walls of a shared house, loving him is having a home to go back to when the world seems to collapse on top of you.  
kuroo — loving him is yellow. it’s the bright yellow that lightens up your day, the color you see when his eyes close and his mouth opens every time he laughs. loving him is seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, the happiness when you wake up with his arms around your body while the sunlight reflects on his skin, loving him is hating when he decides that comedy should be his career even when he knows he sucks at it. full of energy, fun and bad jokes, loving him is the yellow that shines around him when he loves you back. 
kita — loving him is white, white like the clouds above your head while you help him with work. white and pure like the way he looks at you and how your heart pounds on your chest when he says how much he loves you, loving him feels like sleeping under the trees’ shadow that saw how you two shared kisses and strawberries. it doesn’t feel rushed, it doesn’t feel wrong, it feels perfect because the love between two angels is always blessed. 
ushijima — loving him is purple. pleasant and calming like a sunset. his love is calming and peaceful, his love is full of tenderness and stability, making the worst day feel like another battle conquered after a hug. loving him is having the patience to understand his silence but also his words, loving him is learning to love without the pressure of loving wrong. loving him is tripping with your own feet and feeling a soft and strong hand pulling you out of your stupor, laughing about it with sparkling eyes and big smiles. his love is straightforward but not overwhelming. his love is simply yours.
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rbs and comments are really appreciated!
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yzashaven · 1 year ago
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✰ ━━━ how they show affection for you <3
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FEATURING scaramouche, tartaglia, xiao, albedo, thoma, kazuha, alhaitham, cyno x gn!reader
WARNINGS some are prob ooc 😭
NOTE (omfg these images are so low quality LMAO) on my past blogs, i usually only write nsfw so this is like... a change of pace? sort of... anyways hope you enjoy, likes and rbs are ofc appreciated! also, referring to wanderer as scaramouche since his name is player dependant
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okay so hear me out when i say he seems like the type to take you to places with the prettiest views (shout out to his birthday voiceline) whether it be views of the sunset, a flower field, an ocean or beach view... as long as it's a pretty site to see, he'll take you there! scaramouche loves the way the places give him a peaceful feeling, and the way that it's just the two of you there? he's in paradise and heaven combined.
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a bit similar to scara, tartaglia would take you to places. and by places i mean his homeland, snezhnaya, for the snow and to see his family. his little brother, teucer is certainly very fond of you, and tartaglia loves to watch you spend time with his siblings. he's such a family oriented guy... another thing he'd do is cook delicious meals for you! ranging from simple snacks to your personal favorites, and definitely some snezhnayan delicacies~
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xiao is sweet to his lover, no doubt. but that doesn't mean he'll ignore his duties as an adeptus and focus on them. he expresses his love by protecting you... and maybe sharing his almond tofu. need his help? call out for him and he'll be there in an instant. also this whole love thing is very new to xiao, soo he's not used to things like hugging and kissing, yk those kinda stuff but he'll get used to it eventually. he does really like your company though, brings a smile to his face.
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we all know albedo is a very amazing alchemist, he can make basically anything within a few hours or even minutes. he'd use his skill and powers to give you sentimental itemsㅡ such as a bouquet of flowers that never wither or ones that glow in your favorite color. If you don't really like flowers, don't worry, he can make whatever it is that you want! oh you want a dragon? he'll try and will come back to you with a small, cute, non-hostile looking one that protects you <3
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he is sometimes busy due to work for the kamisato clan and being the "fixer" in inazuma, but he never forgets to make time for you! his love language is definitely quality time as he loves to just relax and accompany you wherever. another way thoma shows affection is through doing errands and other things for you such as cooking, cleaning around in your teapot realm, curing for your wounds if you ever get hurt, and maybe doing a commission or two of yours!
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kaedehara kazuha... he's such a romantic man when it comes to his lover. he'll write you a poem literally every single day and compliment you every minute. kazuha also likes to run his hands through your hair as he whispers sweet nothings in your ear while you watch the sun set together at the best vantage point in wherever it is you're traveling at. he also definitely introduced you to his mom(beidou) so he takes you with him on the crux for fun adventures together! or just taking naps as the boat sets sail.
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as the akademiya's scribe, alhaitham is often busy attending to those missions along with his personal investigations and other matters. so to prevent any lost time, he takes you with him. you're quite the strong fighter yourself so there won't be any problems, right? and if something bad does happen, he's your savior. despite talking sharply at times about how you weren't being careful or being reckless, he still loves you and will be happy that you're safe. alhaitham would reassure you about that too. also you study together at the akademiya library sometimes, he really likes having you around :3
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cyno is a man of few words but reassures you about how much he loves you and would quite literally tear apart, limb from limb anyone that tries to harm you. cyno keeps a close eye on you especially when he senses danger is near, he wouldn't even wish for anything bad to happen to you. as the general mahamatra, fighting is practically his specialty which is why he uses that fighting experience and knowledge to protect you even if you tell him that you can handle yourself, he insists as he doesn't want to risk losing you like that.
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