#rather than fem and masc options (bc gendered language)

[theoriginaleurotrashbitch]

i wish i did not know the ache of love.

in my youth i heard rumours, stories, women driven to flame, men transforming into ice. but i still yearned for it. maybe it was because i wanted to be electrified by passion, maybe i wanted to be seen by the gaze of death. maybe i simply feared that a lack of love would hurt more than its presence.

that much is true, at least. for i have felt love, it has coursed through my veins and it burns. i nourish the emptiness inside my soul every day he is gone. there is a cavity in my heart, one only he could fill, so it shall remain hollow. but without that pain, he would become a mere memory, diluting into nothing more than air and bones. food for the vultures.

even then, i wish i did not need to know the ache of love.

михаиле, мій лю́бий, поверта́йся, до мені́. пий мої́ сльо́зи, коли́ бу́ду пи́ти ва́ші, і трима́й ме̏не в ва́ших рука́х, коли́ бу́ду трима́ти тебе́ в мої́х. якось, бу́демо спокі́йний ра́зом

[thedevilsdom]

If you find this too invasive, feel free to ignore it but I have a question.

You say your pronouns are they/them so why do you write fem reader? Or commonly have the boys refer to the reader as mommy? I'm just a bit confused. Of course, ignore this if you aren't comfortable answering but I was just curious

They/them is what I prefer in a conversational setting and such, and even in a sexual setting I prefer those pronouns. Tho that doesn't mean that I would shy away from typically gendered language geared towards dominants, often bc there's no other option lol. I'll break this down into a couple of points bc I can't think on how to string em all together cksbxjsk

- I write fem reader bc I can also write for masc or gn reader too, either or, doesn't bother me one bit! I can stick myself in the shoes of any of them relatively easily, and I don't exclusively write for my own enjoyment when it's a request from someone

-I like "mommy" and it's variants bc of the caretaking aspect associated with them, rather than something like "daddy" which has a more domineering connotation and context

- in other d/s writing that isn't mommy kink, I prefer master over mistress generally, bc while master is technically a male term, it can be used for all other genders as well

- my relationship w gender is complicated, I'm comfortable being referred to as female in only a few circumstances, and being called mommy is one of em

[sweetbfs]

as a trans guy i get p dysphoric about my clothes, and ive tried wearing “””guy””” jeans for a while now but i dont think they help me much as passing bc im rather short (5’1”) so they tend to look a little baggy or loose especially when i sit down and i know clothes dont matter but some part of me tells me im not really trying when i want to wear my old jeans that actually fit :// (i also feel bad that my mom buys me jeans n i barely wear them) (i do enjoy the larger pockets tho)

as a trans guy with huge hips and a tiny waist, i’ve had so much trouble finding jeans that fit. not all guys jeans will look masc on you, and not all “girls” jeans will look fem on you. imo the best types of jeans are high waisted, plus if they’re too long i just cuff the ends up once or twice for added Gay Artsy look. in addition, the only thing you can do is try on guys jeans until you find the type right for you. belts help a lot, and you can find cheap and durable ones at h&m or target. as for “girls” jeans, try high waisted styles a size or two up. they should be baggy enough so they’re not skin tight, but not too baggy/loose. tbh i’ve had better luck w “girls” jeans, but you never know! try target, h&m, forever21, or old navy/gap. and don’t feel bad, at the end of the day it’s fabric and some types won’t always make your body look masc. good luck bud! - mod andy

Hey, I´m 5´1 and I have the exact same problem ! The thing about jeans is that you need to look for the right cut. Also, a good rule of thumb is that women´s run small and men´s run large - us short guys wanna aim right down the middle. If I´m in the women´s section I always look for boyfriend, straight leg, or relaxed fit jeans. In the men´s/boys sections, I look for skinny, tapered, sometimes bootlegs, or I try on enough jeans to find something that works.

Find something that can stay up without a belt, but fits perfectly when wearing one. Belts are a really ”masculine” accessory that not only can help you keep from looking frumpy, but that add a streamlined and professional look to your outfit as well. This is a tangent, but I´ve discovered (due to private school dress codes) the magic of belts as of late, and I´d recommend all guys out there pick up 2 belts - one brown, one black (there are some cheap & plain ones at Walmart - just make sure they fit). Also, it´s conventional to match your belt color to your dress shoe color. If you ain´t wearing leather shoes, you can forget about that.

Back to pants ! A fact of life for shorter guys is ill-fitting pant legs. For jeans, the easy way out it to cuff them, James Dean style. Rolled up legs don´t stick out or look frumpy so long as you style them right and that the cut of the jeans allows for a cuff that hangs closer to your legs rather than looking like Kevin Smith´s jorts. If you´re going the cuffing route, cuff them while trying them on in the store to make sure they look alright. If you think cuffing looks bad, you´re gonna have to have them altered.

Altering jeans isn´t as scary as it sounds. The easiest way is to just measure out the right amount and cut them off. It gives a worn and frayed look to the denim, as well as ensuring that you don´t trip on the long legs. If you hate the frayed denim trend, either you or a family member/friend are gonna have to seam the new pant legs - either by hand or by sewing machine. I´m rusty with my sewing skills, but there are plenty of youtube videos that can walk you through the process better than I can. If you don´t have that option, find a local tailor. Taking up pant legs is one of, if not the, easiest alterations out there, so it shouldn´t cost you much.

I know you only mentioned jeans, but I´m going to talk about slacks as well (sorry, like I said, I´m a private school kid). I never wore slacks before this year, aka my first year at Catholic school. They aren´t for everybody, I´ll tell you that much, but I´d recommend at least trying out one pair, preferably cheaply made and without a liner. Again, I get all of mine from walmart. It all depends on your fashion sense, but because my fashion sense lies along the lines of ivy-league dropout, slacks work great for me. Even if you´d never touch slacks with a 10-foot pole for street clothes, they work great whenever you´re going to someplace snazzy and want to avoid the possibility of having only skirts or dresses to wear, so try and find one pair that fits and you think are half decent. As my grandma said: better to have them and not need them, than to need them and not have them.

Because slacks aren´t denim, there aren´t many skinny-jean-like slacks in the women´s section - most are more relaxed. The men´s section tends to have slacks that run wider in the ass than most men´s jeans, at least from what I´ve noticed, so do be mindful of that as well. You can cuff slacks, but tbh I never do and always have mine altered. I´m just the opposite with jeans, if you were curious.

As for where to shop, I can´t recommend thrift stores enough. They´re cheap and have great selection, as well as it´s easier to convince parents to let you try on clothes there that they would think are silly (ie clothes that go along with your gender identity) then it is at a Macy´s or something, at least from my experiences. Also - Walmart is great (g-d knows I´ve plugged them enough in this post), but I also wanna mention Target. While Xmas shopping for my dad, I bought myself a nice dress shirt from their brand Goodfellows that fit great for being a men´s dress shirt, which are usually a nightmare for me. They looked to have some really nice stylish pants that I´d recommend peeping.

I had the same problem with guilt over unworn feminine clothes. Talk to your parents about your clothes ! Tell them that your fashion sense has been evolving as of late, or you want to try the current trend of more relaxed pants. It´s annoying, but it keeps them from buying clothes that make you feel dysphoric, and help improve your chances of your parents buying you clothes that you actually like ! Though I don´t celebrate Christmas, my mother got me clothes that I loved this year as a gift. Last year I hated every piece of clothing she got me, but everything this year was wonderful and masculine, and even though we have to go back to the store because nothing fit (lol), I was genuinely really happy with my clothes.

And clothes do matter. Since coming to the conclusion that I was trans, I gradually changed both my closet and my body language over the past years and they´ve helped me pass a lot better. Despite being 5´1, skinny as a rail, and a junior, I had everyone at my Catholic school (correctly) assuming I was a boy, and (incorrectly) assuming I was a freshman for a good 2 weeks at the beginning of the school year ! Passing doesn´t matter at all, unless passing makes you feel better. It´s a shitty, cisnormative ideal that can be easy to reach sometimes, and impossible to reach other times. But if passing helps alleviate dysphoria for you, as it does for me and a ton of other trans people, then I wish you all the best ! Oh, also, get a watch ! Don´t ask me why it works, I honestly have no idea, but I swear it made me pass like a dream when I started wearing one. Get a decent, gender neutral/manly watch that´s at least medium on the size scale between tiny ”women´s” and giant ”men´s” watches, and you pass SO much better. Drop $20 at, of course, walmart, hit up the jewelry section of your local thrift shop, ask your parents if they have any you might like - just get one.

It´s like 1am here and I spent ages typing out that monster of an answer, I hope that helps and is somewhat cohesive. G´night anon, good luck with your pants !

- Mod Llewellyn