#rare cheekin attempts to write dialogue

[cheekinpermission]

Erin's Birthday Interview

Interviewer (I): Happy birthday, Erin! How are you this evening? Erin (E): I’m good, thanks. Are you here to interview me? I: That’s correct. I’ll start with the basics. How is your birthday going so far? E: Pretty well, actually. I didn’t expect this big of a turn out. I: That’s good to hear! Have you received any gifts? E: I have! Ace and Deuce worked together with Trey to bake me a peach cobbler. Kalim gave me a necklace and Vil got me a bunch of fancy soaps and skincare products. Riddle said I could spend an hour with the hedgehogs in Heartslabyul… under his supervision, of course. Ortho made me a music playlist and Grim gave me a can of tuna.  I: A can of tuna? E: Yeah, he gives everyone a can of tuna as a gift. I think he just gives people things he likes. I: I see. So, Erin, you don’t have any magic. E: Nope. I: You’re also from another world. What was it like for you when you first got here?  E: The first thing I saw when I woke up was a cat looking monster trying to take my clothes. Then, a masked man showed up to bring me into a room full of guys wearing black eyeliner and matching robes. I thought I was about to be sacrificed to a cult. I: A cult? You thought our orientation was part of a cult? E: It was the only thing that made sense at the time! I: Right… so, what is the world you’re like from? E: Next question. I: I- excuse me? E: Next question. I: Oh, alright. What is your family like? E: Pass.  I: Do you not want to talk about your home? E: Nope. There’s no point, is there?  I: I won’t pressure you. Let’s just get to some of the other questions, then. If you could pick any student to be your sibling, who would you choose?  E: I certainly don’t need any more siblings, but… I’ll go with Deuce.  I: Deuce, huh?  E: Yeah. Besides from the fact he’s someone I already consider a friend, I think he’d make a good brother. He treats his mother well, so I imagine he’d treat a sister the same way. Did you know he sends his mother flowers at least once a month? It’s adorable.  I: I’m sure Deuce will be pleased with your answer. Ace? Not as much. E: Sorry, Ace. You played yourself.

I: If you were to join any other dorm other than Ramshackle, which dorm would you choose?  E: Probably Pomefiore. I: Why Pomefiore?  E: I like the uniforms the best. Purple suits me well. I: Is that your only reason? E: Not at all. Epel is cool, and I get along well with Rook and Vil. I don’t really mind Vil’s high beauty standards because I have high standards, too. I want to look good AND feel good. 

I: Aren’t your closest friends in Heartslabyul? E: Heartslabyul would be my second choice, but the aesthetic is a bit much for me. Riddle is fine, but I wouldn’t want to live under him. I: Why not? E: Why not? I can name 810 reasons why not. Vil’s skincare regime or whatever is one thing, but Heartslabyul’s rules are a whole other beast. Do you have any idea how weird it is to walk into a room of dozens of dudes singing because a hedgehog sneezed?  I: It’s not for everyone, I suppose. Is there a dorm you wouldn’t want to join? E: Octavinelle. I would rather sit at the bottom of the fish tank than deal with Azul.  I: Care to elaborate? E: And ruin such a nice birthday celebration? No thanks!  I: Alright, then. I’ll leave you to your celebrations. Thank you for your time, Erin.  E: No problem. Good luck with your article.