#randomjournalentry

[medginespeaks]

Novembre 11 2020

Process.

Today I read in a creative writing prompt book that something that often blocks the creative process is not fully trusting your instincts. When I read this, it hit a nerve. something more tender than I care to admit. but it was a wound that this sentence made me realize I had within me. 

I’ve been feeling frustrated. Feeling like I have words that are stuck inside and I’m growing impatient with myself and my process. Feeling that the deadline I imposed has long expired and I’m running against a clock. I also think this clock is something that my mind calibrated based on where I think other creatives are around me. 

I often say “I don’t know” after sharing my thoughts, as if to say that I’m not sure of myself. But sometimes I do, but I say I don’t know anyways. I think this default ‘stutter’ is exposing this doubt that has been plaguing my own view of my instincts. 

When did doubt infiltrate my instinct? What happened to me? How do I undo it? How do I re-engage it and nurture it again?

[worstgf]

just in case you don’t remember this but i’m sure you will. he told you he didn’t want you to leave. you went to thanksgiving got drunk, cried a lot and then woke up hungover, but still so in love with him.

let’s not forget all the drunk sex..

[madisonmeetstumblr]

July 2010

Today I truly learned to pray, and I am so terribly sorry that I hadn't spoken to you sooner than now. This life that I am no pursuing is so much greater than anything else I have experienced. I love this life, and I love living for you. I will pray for the strength to continue living for you. I ask for forgiveness again for the sins that I have committed, and for anything I have done or said to hurt you in any way. I love you. I truly hope that I can spread your love and the love you have shown me. and to everyone I love. I hope that everyone around me chooses to follow you and hold you in their heart like I hold you in mine. I feel like the thick shell that I surround myself with is cracking, and I'm so happy that this finally happened.