#random little ramble but I keep thinking this while I'm writing and it's driving me mad

[whatthisfemsheplikes]

Despite the fact that I've been writing stories for years, my brain just never seems to realize that I can just... change stuff I wrote??? Especially when it's not even posted anywhere yet??? I'll be staring at a document, write some lore or something, and then realize, "Oh, shit, that contradicts this other thing I wrote earlier" or "Damn, that doesn't sound like something this character would do or say at all."

And I spend WAY too long feeling like a total failure before a voice that's way too quiet in the dark recesses in my brain tries to yell at me, "HEY, WHY DON'T YOU JUST FIX IT??"

And every single time, that feels like a SHOCKING revelation. Like, "oh yeah! I CAN change what I already wrote! That's great!" But, in reality, I feel like my brain should've figured this out by now. Then again, I've been out of school for years and I still catch myself leaving work sometimes thinking "well, time to go home and do my homework."

Excuse me??? I don't have any homework??? I am an adult out of school??? Hello???

I think my brain has missed an update and I need to install it please and thank you.

[vivacoded]

October 2, 2023

Current Mood: fine, a little anxious

Day Rating: 5/10

Another day doing online college... Or so I thought. That makes it sound like I spent the day on some thrilling adventure, but really I just didn't have any work to do. I had the whole house to myself like I usually do on weekdays, so I spent today just lounging around at my kitchen table with my dog.

I feel bad for her though lmao. The kitchen window was open so we could hear all the birds tweeting outside, but I had a song stuck in my head. The Song with Five Names, a​.​k​.​a. Soapbox Tao, a​.​k​.​a. Checkmate Atheists! a​.​k​.​a. Neospace Government, a​.​k​.​a. You Can Never Know by Will Wood to be exact. Say that 10 times fast. See, when I have a song stuck in my head, I can't just listen to it once. Not twice. Not even three times. I have to listen to it over and over and over and overandoverandoverandoverandover again on repeat until I'm satisfied. I think that's a form of stimming. Lately I've been having one Will Wood song stuck in my head per day. I wouldn't be surprised if he's the only artist that shows up in my Spotify Wrapped. Anyways, back to my dog, poor girl just wanted to rest her old bones and take a nap, but here I am blasting some evil jazz on repeat because I can't function otherwise. Or maybe she's used to it by now :P

Later today, after dinner to be exact, my mom took me out driving again. I've only ever driven in parking lots, so she wanted me to get at least some experience on the road before I meet with my instructor on Wednesday (which, by the way, I found out there's no female instructors at that school. Being in a car with some random man? Yuck!) The original plan was just to drive around the block, but I eventually wanted to practice some more since I felt like I was getting the hang of things.

I drove around the whole town for a while, which wasn't really a lot since I live in a small town, and I eventually got the courage to drive on a real road. I didn't drive on the real road too much, to be fair, but it was still my first time actually being on one. It was a little scary, but there weren't many cars out this evening. The most aggravating part was waiting for cars to pass so I could actually turn onto the road.

Tomorrow, my mom wants me to take on more populated roads. Nothing big, just in the next town over. She specifically wants me to go to this store, and it makes me wonder if it's just an excuse to take her out shopping lmao.

Oh! I drove by some houses in my town that are already decorated for Halloween. There was one house in the very back road that did an excellent job utilizing the small yard they had to strategically place props. There didn't seem to be any specific theme, but I'm not complaining. All the stuff they had put out there was awesome. I'm going to go window shopping for Halloween props and decorations later this month, so maybe I can find where those people got their stuff from. People always hype up Spirit Halloween, but other stores like Party City and Home Depot have really cool things too. Sometimes they're even better!

I hope when I'm living on my own, I'll be able to make enough money where I can buy cool Halloween props too. Hell, I'd keep a couple in my house all year long if they fit my decorations. Man, if I had money, I'd be so cool. I hate that I need money in order to express myself and be happy, but I also want money so bad. The world is tough like that, I suppose.

Another diary entry where I rambled a lot about an uneventful day. I wonder what will happen when I have an eventful day. I might end up writing a novel lmao. Not that it matters. This is my corner of the internet. It's possible that no one will even read these entries anyways. Just me and my own thoughts. Marking my existence on the internet so I won't be forgotten.

[he-calls-me-kitten]

I literally just read through your entire blog and I am so impressed with how you write for the obey me characters. Could I request the obey me characters with a reader that's half succubus/incubus so they have certain needs once in a while but just try and hold it till it physically hurts? But it comes at random no matter the time or place. Whether it be in school, at a meeting, what was supposed to be a fun shopping spree ect.

Aww thanks for reading my little rambles :') and for being so sweet. Also wow I love this ask so damn much. Going into heat will never not be hot.

Desperate Measures

Obey me characters x Sub GN!MC

It had been growing inside you for quite a while now - this knot in your stomach, a dull constant ache. But you'd trained yourself to deal with it. You could handle it pretty well, especially given that you were half succubi/incubi.

However, you knew it would grow to the point you couldn't hold it anymore. You just had to make sure you were alone when that happened, away from friends and family. And you'd have to relieve yourself over and over for the next three days.

Atleast...that was the plan. But now you were leaning against the wall, barely keeping yourself upright with the pounding in your head and the desire spreading rapidly into your blood. This was worse than anything you'd experienced before. Your hands made way into your underwear, trying to provide yourself some sort of relief.

Yet, that wasn't even the worst part. You weren't alone. He was there, right next to you, feeling your arousal that hung so heavily in the air.

"MC..." He called out your name and the flame inside you lapped at your heart. Fuck, you need him. NOW. One glance and you knew he'd readily relieve you. He was holding back, just waiting for you to ask. You watched his face flush red as you desperately whispered his name.

"Lucifer..."

He didn't need to be asked any further. He promptly fixes your dishevelled state before taking you straight to the student council. He locks the door securely as you hold onto his arm for support.

"Noone is supposed to come here for the next three hours." You see him pull off his gloves with his teeth, unbuttoning the RAD uniform. "Will that be enough for you?"

You nodded wordlessly, rubbing your thighs together to hide your excitement. He unbuckled his belt and zipped down his pants before he pulled you into his lap.

"Next time just summon me. What were you thinking doing in the hallway in uniform?" Lucifer muttered in your ear, his hands cupping your sex.

"Heat...too much at once...sorry..." You mumbled apologies as he unbuttoned your shirt and let his cold hands skim over your perked nipple. He smirked. "I haven't done this in a while. Be prepared. I might get rougher than you're used to."

🥀

"Mammon..."

He draws a sharp breath as he realises what he might have to do. He promptly puts a protective arm around you and takes you to the closest storage room he can find.

"Oi, could you not look at me like that?" He struggles to meet your needy gaze, his heart pounding. "You're driving me crazy, MC..."

"I'm sorry I couldn't help it..." You turn your gaze downwards. And now it's worse. Mammon holds your face with both his hands before kissing you tenderly. The way your tongue darts out at him catches him off-guard.

He meets your intensity eagerly. At the back of his head, he imagines what would happen if it was someone else who saw you like that. And he hates it. Mine. He repeats quietly as he bites into your neck.

His hands move downwards, pulling you tight towards him, his erection pushing between your thighs. You moan into his mouth. He lets out a guttural growl. "You better not to go anyone else when you're like this, get that MC?"

🥀

"Levi..."

"M-MC!" His head is turning to mush even as you try to explain what's going on. Only he already knows it and is losing his mind seeing you like this.

"Please help...Levi..." You plead. He should have been the last possible choice. He wouldn't even know how to do it well, so it relieves you. Aren't you better off asking Asmo?

And yet he says none of this out loud. He helps you to his room, his body trembling and burning at your proximity and what he knows is about to come. You rush out of your clothes, sitting in his bathtub. His heart is about to jump out of his chest looking at your eager eyes.

"L-lean back." Levi cushions your head against his hand, on the edge of the tub. "This must be so uncomfortable I'm sorry..." You simply shake your head and close your eyes. He takes the hint. Gingerly, he lets his unworthy lips touch yours.

And in the very next, he loses all restraint. Your entire bodies are entangle, his whimpers and desperate kisses against your skin already driving you insane. He thrusts into you like there's no tomorrow, like his life depends on it.

🥀

"Satan.."

There are a dozen potions and a hundred spells he knew, all that could have helped you out of this. And Satan could have definitely used any one of those. But calling his name out like that...was foul play.

"Are you sure you want me to relieve you?" He tucked a stray hair behind your ear, as you both hid behind a bookshelf in the library. His touch sent you reeling for more. "I may not be able to stop once I start, MC..."

"I won't stop you." You held onto his hand as he tried to pull away. "Use me as you will. Just please, touch me, Satan." Something snapped in his mind.

His hands were fast and greedy as he almost ripped the buttons off your shirt. You threw your head back, overwhelmed by his vigor and ferocity. You felt his teeth sinking into your skin to leave marks all over.

But then he was deliberately slow. While he did want to relieve you, make you more comfortable - he didn't want to let this side of you go. He wanted to savor your taste,touch and moans longer. Much, much longer.

🥀

"Asmo.."

The absolute delight on his face is unparalleled. It's as if he'd been waiting for this very day. Honestly, he was the best possible person to run into in your situation. Who can better take care of you than the Avatar of Pleasure himself?

"Oh, MC. Tsk tsk, why did you wait so long?" He scooped you up in his arms and carried you to the comfort of his bed. He wants your smell to linger. He wants to lay in it at night, jerking himself off again.

You throbbed with desire as he stripped himself off and unbuttoned your uniform painfully slow. You whined his name to hurry him up. "So impatient, so adorable..." He chuckles.

He sits up pulling you to his lap. You didn't even need prep at this point, you are already dripping on his sheets as he suckles on your chest.

"So smooth and tight...ah MC you really are something else aren't you?! Ahaha I think I might get addicted to your body like this...what will you do about it then?" He bounces you on his dick like his favourite fuck toy.

🥀

"Beel..."

He's worried more than anything else as he carries you to your room. You look so much in pain, can you get you medicine? How can he help?

He doesn't understand what's wrong until you let him see your dampening underwear. "Hm? Oh..." He goes quiet as he blushes. Your smell is slowly intoxicating him.

He presses a finger to the growing damp spot, making you yelp, "B-Beel..." His face inches closer, he wants to drink you in like Demonus. His tongue lashes out, slurping you up through the panties.

You moan and rut into his face as he pulls down the underwear and sucks you off relentlessly. It's a never ending cycle - the more he sucks, the more aroused you are and the more you release.

"Use this now, Beel. Please..." You carress his bulge through his pants, letting your feet lightly run over it. And he's more than ready to do it at command.

🥀

"Belphie..."

"Come to bed." He takes you by the hand and plops himself down the bed first, asking you to be on top of him. Turns out he required assistance too.

"You caused this, MC." He smirked, raising his hips to rub his erection on you. "So turn youself around. Let's help each other out."

You groaned and did as he asked. Even now, he wouldn't stop being a brat. You felt him pull down your pants, groping your ass.

It seems he was using anticipation to turn you on, and it was working. You felt heat pool between legs, dripping and ready as he pushed his fingers deep inside you. You gripped his erection making his groan and grip your thighs.

"You're such a tease, MC." He bites into your soft flesh. "You're no different." You snap back and you both break into smiles.

🥀

"Solomon..."

He runs his thumb over your trembling lips. As much as he wants this, he's conflicted. The way you are pulling him closer, your fingers dancing on his neck - how painfully tempting.

"I have spells to calm you temporarily. And once we go home I can make you a potion to suppress-" You shut him up with a kiss. He couldn't hold back his arms from wrapping around you, lifting you off the ground.

"I'd much rather have you...please..." You whisper urgently into his ear, placing a kiss right under it. His desire grows tenfold, his fears now put to rest. "Then I'll be delighted to oblige."

Seconds later you are both naked and entangled under his sheets, the door to his room locked shut. He devours your moans hungrily, as he fills you up with himself. Over and over and yet it wasn't enough for either of you.

He littered your skin with bites and marks, holding your hands above your head. Hours upon hours and yet he never stopped once. "S-Solomon, too much, I can't.. can't cum anymore..." You lost count of how many times you've done it but he simply kisses your forehead. "One last round, MC, I know you can do it..."

🥀

"Simeon..."

He lets you lean on him, as your knees sway and buckle under your weight. Your cheeks feel warm and tingly on his shoulders. He knows what you're asking but he's not sure he can give it to you.

But his head gets clouded with deep-set anger and jealousy as he pictures you with anyone else. "Not here,MC, let's go somewhere quieter."

You sit in his room, between his legs, his hands wrapped around your waist. "Does this help?" He whispers as he lets his hands carress your chest, over your shirt. You nod as his touch turns more eager, more aggresive. One of hands unbuttoning you and slipping inside.

"Mmh...Simeon!" You yell out his name as he takes the shirt right off you, kissing your neck to your shoulder. His breath is so ragged and heavy, his restrain is admirable. Especially given the growing bulge against your hips.

"Your expression..so pretty...I can't stop watching you, MC." You watched him stare at you in the mirror, his hands now spreading apart your legs, palming your crotch. The lust in his eyes was overwhelming.

🥀

"Barbatos..."

The man is overflowing with the need to serve, to please. He asks no questions about it. Simply lifts you up in his arms and carries you off to his chambers. He sets you down gently on his bed, taking his gloves off. He wants no layers between your bodies. None.

Your needy eyes drive him crazy as he hurries to undress you. You cover up your naked self, embarrassed and excited. "Don't worry, MC, I'll do my very best. I'll make you enjoy every minute of it."

It takes him barely fifteen minutes to get you overstimulated and crying out for release. He's building it up to the epic end; you can tell by his smile. "B-Barbatos please...too much...just let me please...just..."

"As you wish, MC." His tail appears out of nowhere, wrapping around your legs and spreading them apart, right before his penetrates you all at once. His mouth latches onto your neck. He feels the vibrations as you scream his name in pleasure.

"Please be sure to come to me, if such a problem arises again. Am I understood, MC?" He mumurs into your back, after he's flipped you around. You simply nod, your words incoherent as he pounds into you again.

🥀

"Diavolo..."

He wouldn't have cared about the people or place if your need was too dire. He's the Prince after all, who would dare speak up against him? And especially when he's simply trying to help out a student in need?

"Diavolo...there would be better." You had to point towards the washrooms as he was already lifted you into his arms, making your legs cross behind his back, arms draped around his neck.

He was silent at first. Eyes dark with lust and desire as you lifted your arms for him to undress. "I didn't know humans are...this beautiful..." He let his fingers run down your bare chest and stomach.

"...so soft." He mumbled as he pressed his face against your chest. "...so good." His tongue savored the taste of your skin. "Mhmmm Diavolo..." Your voice was so much prettier like this. Should he always keep you in this state?

It was a miracle how you fit his whole length inside you. Diavolo traced your abdomen, he could see himself bulge inside. It drove him mad with excitement. You were already leaking out and he hadn't even started thrusting yet.

[frenchfrywrites]

omg omg omg french fry!!! that luci fic is so good!! my favorite moment is when the reader starts jerking off and Luci appears out of nowhere and scares them. And then he's smug about it ugghhhh I hate him I love him I love YOU

when he puts his hand on his tummy and you can see your dick inside him??? omg omg I came!!!

Oh and and AND I can't stop imagining the shenanigans of mc and ghost Luci, they'd be having so many secret moments that nobody would ever believe, but you don't want them to....

And omg omg Luci's lived to 32?? Headcanon that he's 42 and a dilf. And he lied. It's a headcanon about fanfiction, is it weird? Yes, Do I care? No

Ohhhh and another thing I love about that fic is Luci pining, staring at the reader when they shower. I can imagine his train of thoughts --- he's guilty but he likes them so much, how can he not?? Him driving himself crazy because how could he fall for the new house owner? So ridiculous but here he is...

Omg and ANOTHER thing I loved was when you asked if he was the satan and not just some random dude named Lucifer. Imagine if he didn't know there was a demon called that and thought you were refering to his brother and he's like *drags the thingy to NO so quickly the ouija table catches on fire*. And you're like okay okay buddy I get it. Maybe that's OOC but it is funny

Sorry for rambling but ugh I just love it so much. Now I can't stop envisioning the other charas as ghosts😍. Permission to do it here??? Pls and thank you

What an experience, I missed your writing! Also lmao the TITLE PUN!! So spook-tacular!

- ♟💙

Thank you, thank you, thank you bestie!! 😚💖💖💖

I'm glad you liked the moment when Luci scared the reader because that was a very fun part to write hehe >:) also yeah once I decided I wanted to write about ghost Luci I knew I was going to have to write about be able to see yourself in him because hello???! Very fun 🤤🥴!!!

Actually he was going to be 42 bc yeah dilf Luci supremacy always, but because I wanted him to have a shorter rebound time between orgasms I made him 32 and now that I write this I'm realizing I could've just used ghost magic to explain away that bit I'm so silly goofy 😔

Hehehe speaking of silly goofy when I was writing that bit about Satan it crossed my mind to give you guys a little twist mid way through and keep Lucifer a demon, who was lying and pretending to be a ghost, because you asking "are you Satan" and him moving it to "no" while rolling his eyes like "how dare you compare me to him" was very funny to me.

Please please please send in your thoughts, I'd love to hear what you're thinking about with the other characters as ghosts 👁️👁️

[justasimplesinner]

Ok ok Eddie with a jock friend (and eventual s/o), here's what I'm thinking: High school Eddie (whatever version honestly) mouths off to some teachers or embarrasses them with his superior intellect in an insulting way and gets sent to the principal's office. Since this is a repeat offense (try seven times and counting) the punishment is more severe...but the principal says she'll lighten his detention sentence if he uses his smarts for good and enters the high school's peer tutoring program for at least a month. Cue jock who is eager to learn but maybe has a learning disability or ADHD and their course material just isn't sticking.

They come to Eddie for help and he's a bit of an ass at first but then he realizes that they're not just looking for answers; they are genuinely interested in what he has to say and wants to learn so they can do their homework on their own. He gets to know them and how intelligent they are in other ways and his little heart goes doki-doki.

this invoked violent daydreaming in me, i've gotten distracted by my own thoughts every 5 minutes while writing this

Edward with a dumb jock s/o hcs:

safe to say, this situation isn't ideal, and Eddie is not happy at all. he has to deal with idiots and brutes every day anyway, and now they're taking some of his only spare time away from them all just because he was right and his teacher was wrong? why is he constantly being punished for being right, for being smart?

he doesn't get along with his fellow peers from the program at all. some of them recognized him already and knew it was better to stay away lest they wanted to get insulted either by him or everyone else for talking to him, some of them tried to reach out but gave out pretty quickly. in highschool, Edward became way more bratty and mean. in middle school, he was still trying to fit in but he was incredibly overwhelming for other kids and also an easy target, and that really made him resent everyone around him. so getting along with the other students wasn't really an option

however, he dreaded meeting the ones he had to tutor even more. partly because he did not want to deal with some idiots that couldn't get an equation right, partly because he knew most of those idiots are going to be the same ones that always pick on him. half the football team had to be assigned to that program so they would pass their classes. sports don't always give you a get out of jail free pass apparently, and they were forced to study, which didn't sit well with them at all

and then, you came along. he didn't know if you were better or worse than the rest of the jock community that he had the displeasure of meeting. you were just so... dense. it's like you were smart but didn't even know it and couldn't quite use that to your advantage. it fucking annoyed him. incredibly so. you were frustrating beyond imagination. you were getting distracted so easily, and he had to explain the same thing over and over to you and it was driving him up the wall. why couldn't you just get it? Edward both thinks he's the smartest and that nobody will ever understand the lengths his knowledge goes to, and can't quite grasp the fact that people just can't understand something that's so blatantly obvious to him. safe to say, he would not be a good teacher

Ed is absolutely appaled by your eagerness to learn though. practically everything he says flies over your head and despite all his rambling, you still don't understand jack shit, but at the same time... you're such an avid listener. you genuinely think this peer tutoring program could help you get better. you want to get better. and as much as he doesn't want to admit, it really scores you some brownie points in his eyes. because despite everything, you at least try. you don't expect him to do your homework for you and guarantee you a good grade, you genuinely want to work for it. you expect him to explain things to you so you can do that homework yourself and you can be proud of yourself for doing something right. sometimes, he thinks he'd prefer it if you just threatened him to do your work for you because getting you to remember something is an impossible task, but he doesn't mean that

he remembers one of your first study sessions together when he just snapped and almost screamed at you that you were an idiot. to his absolute astonishment, you didn't beat his ass, you didn't even scream back. you just smiled your stupid dorky smile and laughed your stupid dorky smile, saying that he clearly wasn't in the mood so instead of studying you took him for a late lunch. a lunch. and instead of learning more about what you were supposed you, you were trying to learn more about him. best thing is, that day was the first and only time he shared any form of personal information with you and - as opposed to the Mendeleev's table - you memorized most of what he said. hell, next time you saw him, you brought him that specific chocolate he somehow admitted to liking

more and more often, you were bringing him small things, 'thank you gifts' as you called them. as if you knew you were hard to put up with sometimes, at least for him. of course, at first he took it as some sort of bribe, that you tried to worm your way into his graces so he'd do your homework for you or whatever but soon enough you made him realise that you were just genuinely being nice. he has never met someone quite like you, you were an enigma to him

soon enough, he didn't even realise he was looking forward to those study sessions with you. he was constantly lying to himself about how annoying and dense you were, and yet he started feeling more comfortable around you and talking with you freely. he started liking your stupid inquires that usually were something along the lines of "what kind of animal is the Pink Panther", even smirking at them under his nose as if he found idiocy amusing. it was both a nightmare and a blessing to have you around

he couldn't quite understand the weird feeling he got whenever you referred to him as your friend or greeted him at the corridors. or when you offered to have some study sessions at your house because you couldn't keep quiet in the school library and put all the librarians on edge. he didn't really get what was going on with him when he smiled and laughed along with you, in your messy room, as you were trying to figure out how to write a proper essay

he... liked coming to your house. it was admittedly better than the library. your parents were really warm and welcoming, weirdly supportive which he couldn't quite understand since you weren't... well, the brightest. the food was nice, too. and your room was so... you. that's the only way to describe it, what with all the little trinkets and posters and things laying around, and with some music or movies in the background. he also noticed a constantly reoccuring theme amongst your possessions and he was surprised how much knowledge you had on one or two specific subjects. your small little obsessions that you somehow learned about a lot easier than anything else

at some point, without even realising it, you two started hanging out. like, really hanging out, not just meeting up to study. you played some games and talked about random stuff, with you always inquiring about everything, which in turn made him feel like someone actually listened to him for once and rambling for hours to no end. you even tried to teach him your favourite sports, despite his protests, and he was really shocked when you didn't laugh at his general clumsiness and awkwardness when it came to physical activities. you were actually just as weirdly supportive of him as your parents were of you. he didn't see you get annoyed at him even once, and you always tried to explain to the best of your abilities how things worked in sports. show him the proper moves and stances. he didn't quite pick it up, but you two had... fun

spending so much time with you made him notice your strengths, and there were suprisingly many, not just physical (but god, you could just lift him up like a stick? like he wieghed nothing?). he started to slowly figure out your thinking process which made him use different teaching methods that suited you better and lo and behold, there was progress. nothing too crazy, but it was progress. he didn't know which one of you was more proud - you or him

you finally found a way to learn and you started getting better grades. you didn't have to sacrifice school for sports or vice versa. you were going to pass. and all those small victories made Ed realise that soon enough, you won't need him anymore. you'll be capable of learning by yourself, since now you found a good way to do it. you weren't going to meet up with him so often, instead going out with your actual friends since now you could. now you had time. and when i tell you that he almost sabotaged you both just to force you to stick with him for a little while longer-

who was going to tell him stupid jokes now? who was going to listen to him? who was going to talk to him? who was going to cuddle him on your bed and fall asleep there with him from the pure exhaustion from studying? who was going to be his golden retriever friend when you were gone? he wouldn't ever imagine he'd be so sad to get rid of a bumbling idiot in his life? you were his bumbling idiot, and he really didn't want to go back to how things were before he knew you. he didn't want to be alone again. he didn't want to stop being so happy

so let me tell you, the pure fucking relief on his face when you start telling him about how many fun things you two can do now that you don't have to study all the time and hang out more is unimaginable. you never felt him hug you so tight as in that one moment

[lifesbetterasamermaid]

I'm so curious about what Niall was thinking during that breakup in the last chapter *eye emoji*

a fun fact: this story was born from my boredom back when the world kinda imploded in march and i wrote/shared this with two friends and it was all in niall’s pov....and then i got REALLY bored and decided to write a whole thing

anyways, below the cut is the end of part 4 (also known as the only break up i’ve ever written) from lost in the light set in niall’s pov. enjoy :)

Some people needed a reason for everything. Niall was one of those people. Sometimes it was just little things he was curious about; why did every sunset look different, why did mosquito bites itch so badly, why could he never understand maths while in school. Small, inconsequential things. But Niall always wanted to know. More often than not it got him in trouble. No one ever liked the kid always asking, why? Then he grew up. And the thing with growing up was life got even more confusing. 

All those small curiosities evolved. Taking on a life of their own. Like the night his mum had packed Niall and his brother, still in pajamas, in the back of the car and driven away -their home nothing more than a still life in the rearview mirror. Niall had babbled endlessly, asking his mum why they had left. Eventually, she had pulled the car over, face in her hands, and explained they would have two houses now. There was the time Niall had been sixteen and his first proper girlfriend Riya had broken up with him outside the pub. Shattered, Niall hadn’t been able to help but ask why? Turned out she had wanted someone with real goals -university, a degree a career. Not someone who wanted to play in pubs and try out for reality shows. 

Looking back on that one, there is a certain irony to it. 

Years when Niall’s life had made no sense and there had been no reason behind the success that he could put a finger on. Just a kid plucked out of the middle of fucking nowhere in Ireland playing stadiums. Dumb luck, he figured. 

That was a lie though. Maybe luck in the beginning, behind everything there was a reason though. Looking back on his life -the records he had made, the success he had now -what had started as a random stroke of luck had morphed. Days and months and years, Niall had run himself ragged. The reason behind his success was hard work. His life had reasons behind nearly every aspect of it. Niall understood why things had played out the way they did. It made sense to him. 

But now, with a small box of Charlie’s things packed neatly by his front door, Niall really couldn’t seem to figure out a reason for how they had ended. 

Sure, Niall had said some pretty shitty things that kept him awake and staring at the ceiling for the past few weeks. And hindsight, he should have called Charlie the second his publicists told him about the photos. But Niall hadn’t really expected her to say, I don’t want to do this anymore….I can’t do this anymore. 

Standing in his living room, Niall lifted the beer to his lips, offhandedly thinking he should stop drinking. 

One, single box. 

It seemed odd to him how Charlie fit into one box. The past year she had seemed like the biggest thing in Niall’s life. This larger than life presence who had imploded his world with her snark and random knowledge of plants and brown eyes. That was his Charlie. No -not his. Never had been. Because even now Niall could hear Charlie giving him an earful about how women were not things who belonged to men. 

None of that was in the box. 

The box was filled with such practicality it bored him. Her toothbrush that had fit in the spot next to his on the bathroom counter. A half empty bottle of shampoo Niall knew she would want back because it cost nearly fifty dollars. A random coffee mug she had left in his cabinets ages ago. Her favorite coffee, which Niall was pretty sure he had bought but he didn’t mind. A million little details of their relationship were scattered throughout this house. Evidence of how their lives had woven together seamlessly. 

And now it all fit into an old Amazon box. 

Outside was cruelly perfect. A warm breeze blowing through the open back doors, bringing with it the smell of eucalyptus and orange trees. And the sun was just arching over the Santa Monica mountains. 

Niall had loved this about this place. So different from how he had grown up. This city was always moving, always changing, the sun always shining. The city demanded people to do something. Because when the days were this perfect it seemed careless to waste it. 

Suddenly, Niall had a longing for home. Grey skies and misting rain, Nothing but small brick homes dotting the landscape and endless green hills stretching all the way to the cliffs. The air so cold your breath froze before it got all the way out. Puddles littering the narrow streets, smoke filling the pubs, and old wooden floors sticky with spilled beer.

Once, Niall had mentioned to Charlie the idea of showing her where he had grown up. While they had laid in hotel robes off some highway in Colorado. Even half asleep he had felt her tense beside him. Because Charlie always wanted to keep Niall at arms length. They could pretend all they wanted, but the moment anything got to real, Charlie would run. 

But Niall had wanted it all. To take Charlie home. Show her London and Dublin and all the tiny places in between. Have her meet his friends in the city and show her all his favorite spots. Then take her out to the country. Show her how the night sky should look. Watch her run through the fields. Introduce her to his mum. 

Maybe that was what really ate at him. All the things he and Charlie never got to do. 

Whatever it was, it had him stomping into his bedroom and throwing open the closet doors. Hands wrapping around an old denim jacket. Tossing it into the box, and then reaching down to fold it nicely and tuck it into the bottom. Even if he was pissed, Niall hated messy things. 

And if Charlie wanted to run. Hide away and pretend it had been nothing but casual sex between them. Niall wanted her to have something to remember what a massive lie that was. 

His thoughts were cut short as his phone lit up on the coffee table. He dragged his hands over his face. Christ mate pull it together, he thought. 

I’m out front, want to let me in? 

“Fuck,” Niall breathed out, falling down onto the couch. It sunk under his weight as he reached for his beer. Eight words. And all Niall wanted to do was scroll up through their messages to a couple weeks ago. Was this how it always happened? One week everything was fine, the next nothing more than polite strangers. 

Weeks ago, Charlie would have punched the code in, used her key, and walked in like she lived here. Because she practically had. Now? Now she asked to be let in even though she had a code. And Niall would bet she would even knock.

He sent back an equally polite reply and then opened up the gate. Did he sit here? Wait? Stand up? Wait awkwardly by the door? 

Quickly, he downed the rest of his beer and then ran over to the kitchen to throw it away. Couldn't have Charlie thinking he had done nothing all day but drink beer and be sad. Sure, that was exactly what he had done but she didn’t need to know that. 

As expected, a knock echoed through the house. Freezing Niall halfway between the living room and front hall. He wiped his palms over his jeans and closed the distance to the door, reaching for the handle. 

She still looked the same. 

Niall wasn’t exactly sure what he had been expecting. Something different maybe. Something to physically show there had been a shift between them. But Charlie looked just like the girl who had laid around in his bed wearing his old shirts and who had danced around in his kitchen making omelettes. Only now she was the girl with a key in her outstretched hand. 

But on a second look, there were the subtle differences in the Charlie in front of him and the Charlie he had seen four weeks ago. Lilac colored bags under defiant eyes. Back ramrod straight, daring anyone to bother her. Her lips were chapped and pressed tightly together. And she seemed smaller than the last time Niall had seen her. Always had been small, but the edge of her jaw looked sharper and her clothes hung on her frame more than before. 

The end of a relationship was an odd thing. Because what was there left to do? Charlie had made up her mind. And Niall knew her, he knew there was nothing that could change this. Hurling insults or begging would achieve nothing. Charlie would still pick up the box and walk away. That’s who she was. 

So, they wove through the intricate parts. Small talk between two people who had held each other in the middle of the night. Both, eyes darting around and hesitancy on their lips. Polite nothings and the exchange of keys and Niall rambling to keep Charlie standing at his front door a little longer. 

But then it came. 

Their end. 

Charlie turned on her heel and walked down the steps and Niall couldn’t breath. Because was he really about to just let her get in the car and drive through Laurel Canyon and not know?

“I love you.” Niall blurted out. Palms sweating and heart about to burst out of his chest. Three words. Surely if Charlie knew, they could fix the mess they had found themselves in. Niall briefly wondered if he should elaborate because while Charlie had stopped, she hadn’t turned around. Explain. Niall needed to tell Charlie how he wanted to know everything about her the moment he walked in on her in the men’s room. How he thought about sleeping with her the first time their hands brushed passing the sugar at the diner. How he wanted to love her when he combed out the tangles of her hair that one night when Charlie watched him in the bathroom mirror with fresh stitches above her left eye. How Niall knew he loved her when they had danced around his house back in the summer, laughing in each other’s mouths. 

But Niall didn’t. Because those words weren’t enough to make her stay. I love you, wasn’t enough to make Charlie change her mind. 

“That’s against the rules.”

And something in Niall cracked a little with those four words.

[historicalfrenchgays]

Odd numbers for monchevy, multiples of 3 for exr and multiples of 4 for athelnar?? (Don't feel obliged to do them all lmao I'm just thirsty for hcs)

MONCHEVY---

1) Who rocks the Ferris Wheel seat and who flips out and begs them to stop?

Chevy rocks the ferris wheel while Philippe very uncomfortably clings to the middle and regrets his whole life. Pls Chevy I would much rather be in the middle of a battlefield than dealing with this shit

3) Who is more into taking showers/baths together? Who tries to make it relaxing and who tries to make it sexy time?Philippe seems to be the bath person, so he can try to take a bath to relax, but Chevalier joins him and well there goes relaxing! :D

5) Who sleeps on the couch when they get into a fight?Chevy, Philippe’s bed is sort of high priority. That said, he wouldn’t last very long before he joined Chevy on the couch. 

7) Who said “I love you” first? and who ends their arguments in a fight with “Because I love you”? 

Aaaaaaaaaah difficult, but I’m going with Philippe for both ;)I think Chevalier has loved Philippe all along, but never dared to say it because Philippe has heard it from so many people he doesn’t want to sound like just another desperate mignon and it would break his heart if Philippe didn’t believe him or take him seriously and when Philippe finally tells him wow, he definitely cries from relief from all of those years biting it back.

9) Who wakes the other up in the middle of the night to tell them a cool dream they had? Who has the most nightmares, and who sings them back to sleep after?

I don’t think either of them are particularly safe to wake up, Philippe would strangle you and Chevy hates being woken up. Philippe has a lot of nightmares because of his PTSD from the war. Chevalier soothes him back to sleep (or sexes him back to sleep ;) ).

11) Who makes fun of the other for having a crush on them, and who has to remind them that they are in a relationship?Chevalier definitely.“Ooooh someone has a cruuush.”“We are literally living together.”also in canon: “Honestly, I don’t know what you see in him” even though that particular joke was painful 8)

13) Who initiates duets? and who is the better singer?

sdklfhssdfChevy?! Probably drunk Chevy. AnD NOW I KNOW THAT CHEVY IS THE BETTER SINGER *WEEPS* 

15) Who likes writes the others name on their wrist?

Philippe when he’s definitely not missing Chevalier because he’s definitely not super dependent of him mmhmm

17) Who is more protective? They are fairly even, but I think when it comes down to it Chevalier would kill for Philippe 8)Aaah I really want to see them go to war together as scary as that would be for my poor Chevalier loving heart!

19) Who drives and who has the window seat?

Philippe drives, he’s the ‘responsible one’.

21) Who cuts the others hair?

AAAH CUTTING THAT HAIR?!

23) Who thinks they are not good enough for the others love? and who’s more afraid of loosing the other? Who thinks they keep messing up, only for the other to tell them they don’t need to worry?

Chevalier thinks he’s not good enough for Philippe’s love. He isn’t a royal, he doesn’t have a job at Versailles he is kind of politically disposable and he feels like he could be kicked out at any moment except for Philippe’s love how stressful is that?? Philippe is a charming prince and he thinks he’s a nobody aaah my heart. SO yeah, he’s afraid of losing him and being banned from his life I’m sure of it. And Philippe worries he’s messing up all the time and Chevy talks him up and that’s so important to me

25) Who says shitty puns and sex jokes just to see the other giggle and blush?

Chevy, probably at the worst/best possible times :3

During church services…Louis’ speeches etc….

27) Who orders take out at two in a morning? and who wakes the other up at three in the morning to go downstairs with them to get a glass of water because it’s too dark? Both of them would order take out at two in the morning those bums. Philippe makes Chevy do it what a rude. 

29) Who does some crazy stunt to try and impress the other and who ends up driving them to the emergency room after it backfires?

OKCHEVYthough it’s possible Philippe puts him in the ER to begin with aaah

ENJOLTAIRE———��

3) Who is more into taking showers/baths together? Who tries to make it relaxing and who tries to make it sexy time? 

Grantaire. Enjolras is just trying to take a practical bath but then suddenly there is a Grantaire omg what a butt it’s so cute though who could turn him down? 

6) Who takes photos of the other while they sleep? 

Both, and they both think they’re so sneaky and the other has no idea. Enjolras like :x….damnit he’s so cute….I just….you know appreciate this citizen….Grantaire like, aaaah he looks like an angel!  9) Who wakes the other up in the middle of the night to tell them a cool dream they had? Who has the most nightmares, and who sings them back to sleep after? 

Enjolras wakes Grantaire up: I HAD THE COOLEST DREAM WE WON THE REVOLUTION AND WE HAD A CONSTITUTION AND EQUAL RIGHTS FOR MEN AND OMG EVEN WOMEN CAN VOTE CAN YOU IMAGINE GRANTAIRE AAAHBoth have nightmares for various reasons, usually related to the barricade ending horribly. Enjolras is the one who sings to get Grantaire to sleep. Enjolras prefers to rest his head on Grantaire’s chest as he rambles away, his voice soothes him to sleep.  

12) Who starts a food fight in the kitchen?

Grantaire starts it - ENJOLRAS FINISHES IT

15) Who likes writes the others name on their wrist?

Grantaire writes his own name on Enjolras’ wrist. Enjolras secretly keeps it there.

18) Who talks to the other while they are sleeping?

Literally both.Grantaire falls asleep while Enjolras is off on one of his speeches, and Enjolras actually enjoys falling asleep to Grantaire talking away

21) Who cuts the others hair?

I once did this heart wrenching rp where Grantaire cut Enjolras’ hair right before the barricade. For Enjolras it was practicality, for Grantaire it was heartbreak.

24) Who starts random slow dancing with the other in the kitchen? Who holds the other just above the ground and kisses them?Grantaire does both. Enjolras is so startled but enjoys it, that is, as long as he’s in the mood for it otherwise Grantaire is going to end up wrestled to the floor.

27) Who orders take out at two in a morning? and who wakes the other up at three in the morning to go downstairs with them to get a glass of water because it’s too dark?Enjolras orders take out at two in the morning because they’re not done arguing about politics or discussing weird philosophies yet. Grantaire makes Enjolras go for the glass of water and he does, grumbling about his cute stupid lazy boyfriend.

30) Who is embarrassed when they have to wear their glasses and who thinks they look super cute?Enjolras is embarrassed by his glasses. Grantaire is a melted puddle of goo on the floor @almostasunking

ATHELNAR —-

4) Who likes to walk around the house naked and who tells the other to go put some clothes on?

Ragnar, what is the point of clothes. Athelstan blushes all the way down his neck and shouts at him to put some clothes on vikings honestly!

8) Who likes to wear the others sweatshirts?Athelstan wearing Ragnar’s old tunic that’s a little too big for him QuQ

12) Who starts a food fight in the kitchen?

Ragnar throws food at Athelstan when he’s not paying enough attention to him. Somehow sex happens, the food is burned, Lagertha is pissed

16) Who is more seductive when they are drunk? and who is louder in bed?Ragnar is permanently in smolder mode but he gets even more so when he is drunk, Athelstan never stood a chance. Athelstan is louder in bed, bless him he is new to all this ;).   

20) Who falls asleep in the others lap and who carries them to bed?Smol Athelstan falls asleep on Ragnar and Ragnar tucks him into bed.

24) Who starts random slow dancing with the other in the kitchen? Who holds the other just above the ground and kisses them?Ragnar, and Ragnar. he’s a general pest when Athelstan is trying to cook things. 

28) Who writes poems/stories and love songs about the other? Do they sing the songs the write for them?ATHELSTAN AAAHHe writes them in English to try and hide them from Ragnar, but Ragnar discovers them and makes him sing them to him QuQ

[cyclone5000]

Your conversation with 50cyg makes me want to ask you something~ What do you think Yamato likes the most about Taichi? What is your favorite scene of them?? Do you think they think about the reasons why they two can form omegamon??!! I'm very curious *^*

You know, at first I thought these questions seemed harmless, but when I got to thinking about them...they took me a while to answer lol

I already know these answers are going to be long. So I’m just going to put them under a cut. 

What do you think Yamato likes the most about Taichi?

I wound up rewriting this answer like six times. 

Yamato is a little on the ambiguous side when it comes to him being direct about his feelings. I think he only ever blatantly said how he was feeling with Gabumon...I think Takeru a little bit too...

But, if it’s personal opinion, I think that Yamato ‘likes’ Taichi for...being Taichi. Lol I know that might contradict what a lot of my fanfics have to say, but in truth I believe that Yamato has an affinity to Taichi’s natural self. (Opposites attract right :P lol jk) 

One of Taichi’s core attributes is his undying conviction in the strength of his friends. The idea that “everything will be okay because I’m with everyone.” Taichi character is built off of his natural state of belief--It’s a major factor behind Taichi’s reasoning and one of the main reasons why he can be so ‘fearless’ in most situations. Especially if you look them starting at the first season and then transgressing through time. 

And Yamato...at first didn’t think like this. Not even in the sense that he was untrustworthy toward others. But more of the idea that Yamato had to be the one doing things. He had to be strong. He had to take matters in his own hands. If it was him doing these things--there’s no god damn point. His whole character arc is Yamato learning about friendship and it’s strength.And most importantly, believing he has others that will stand by his side no matter what--is valid.  And while Yamato does most of this internally...well honestly, a good external factor of him learning this is Taichi. Taichi is both his catalyst and his deterrent--and its because of that is why I think Yamato gains such a strong bond by being with Taichi. 

Cause like, Yamato does eventually come to terms with himself. He admits that his biggest fear is loneliness, and how he’s afraid about being useless because he has no one beside him. Then he also learns how to combat that loneliness. Friendship! By believing in his friends and confiding in them, he can have the strength to not only find a purpose, but to actually believe in himself.

While Yamato finds this through himself. Taichi had little bits and pieces throughout. Starting from idk episode nine when Taichi proclaims “I won’t let go of you! Even if we both end up dying!” To ending it with idk episode 51! Where Yamato is just weeping, holding Taichi in his arms going “you’re my true friend and I won’t let our friendship be in vain!” Yamato comes to term with himself because he had someone like Taichi who always knew that he could. 

Taichi’s natural self is a huge reason why Yamato was able to grow stronger as a person. Why? Cause Taichi believed in him. Even when Yamato didn’t believe in himself. Even if Yamato acted questionable. No matter how many times they wound up fighting. During the first season all of Taichi’s actions were within Yamato’s best interests because deep down Taichi knew that Yamato would do the right thing. Eventually Yamato would get over...whatever he needed to get over--and he’d be back stronger than ever and everything would turn out fine. 

So...I had to pick a trait that Yamato ‘likes’ best about Taichi, it’d be this. The fact that Taichi can believe in others so strongly. I think Taichi’s unwavering faith in others really affected Yamato. Hell, I think that’s why Yamato is so concerned with Taichi’s lack of action in Tri. It’s not so much that ‘oh Taichi you just wanna sit around and be lazy and let bad digimon kill everyone wth is wrong with u bruh’ It’s the idea that, the Taichi that changed Yamato for the better...isn’t there. And he doesn’t know why, and he can’t sit still while his friend suffers like how he used to. So he wants to know what’s going on in Taichi’s head. But Taichi is going through so much turmoil that he can’t even bring himself to say it--thus cue the minutes of screen time with tense glares at each other xD 

Lol, Taichi’s conviction was a pillar Yamato used to build his own strength. He’s hard pressed without it. I think its why Yamato is trying so damn hard to make Taichi get it back. 

What is your favorite scene of them??

...........I can’t pick one. Lol I have several. Like. I’ve tried to shorten the list but I honestly can’t really pick *one*. These TaiYama scenes might as well be horcruxes. A part of my soul dies if I try to get rid of one. 

I mean, when I rewatched the Adv and 02 in Japanese for the first time, that’s when I really started realizing all of the TaiYama moments that made them both so interesting. In the first season there’s episode Nine. 21. 38. 45. 51. Then the whole kaiser kidnapping agumon arc in 02. 

Then there are the movies. Our war game is still my digimon movie.  I wrote a fic based off of diablomon strikes back (i’m actually in the process of rewriting that one too. god i love those movies). Then after years of letting my thoughts drift off one by one. Toei came in and gave me the best TaiYama verse/setting which is Tri. 

With Reunion I was just crossing my fingers hoping for an omage to their hand holding scene, and what I got was sosososo much more. The self reflection bits, the ferris wheel scene, omegamon breaking apart against Alphamon. Then in Determination, there’s the Gintama sauna scene rip off, Hikari confronting Taichi, Yamato’s kabedon. Then in Confession there is that random ice cream date. Then in Loss omg, like that bit where Yamato says ‘i expect too much from him’ like confirmed every hc and plot idea i’ve ever had. And then like everything else in that movie kept my heart pumping lol 

yeah for real I can’t pick *one*. Like every time I try, I just think of four more scenes I like....I’m sorry I’m not the right person to ask about this I am like the greediest fan you’ll ever meet--I just hoard all that is given to me and I refuse to let go >///> 

Do you think they think about the reasons why they two can form omegamon??!!

Oh yeah. I don’t know if there is a correct way of thinking about it though. I’ve seen people write it off as it’s the writer’s will. I’ve also seen people talk about the prophecy and how go into huge amount of details about Taichi and Yamato’s uniqueness. 

On a personal level. I think the strength in Omegamon comes from the strength the two of them in each other. Even if Yamato and Taichi often on opposite sides of the spectrum, they’re two sides of the same coin. And when they work together, things pan out great--and for someone like me, I really do enjoy seeing them work together. 

BUt...it’s also really powerful when Omegamon fails. Like in Diablomon Strikes Back. Omegamon didn’t get destroyed. His arms fell off. The figurative and near symbolic sense of Taichi and Yamato as a fighting force for the digidestined failed.  Or in Tri, when Omegamon broke apart into Wargreymon and MetalGarurumon. His strength started failing when Taichi began to doubt himself. Quite literally shattering away as Taichi’s confidence dissipated away. 

I feel like it’s obvious, but Omegamon is a symbol of Taichi and Yamato’s bond. When their bond is strong, they are invincible. If one of them falters, then they can’t succeed. Again that’s why I think it factors in to how Yamato has been acting the way he has been in Tri. If Omegamon isn’t strong--that’s like the biggest red flag ever. So he knows something is up with Taichi, he just wants to know what. 

Idk, Omegamon is the fusion of Taichi and Yamato’s spirit. Their drive, their will to fight. Their conviction. And it’s a united front. It’s when they both stand together. That’s the whole concept of fusion at least. Taichi and Yamato are the arms fighting for a cause that they believe is just. And if one of them falters...well...so does everything else. 

lol Anyway, this is just me rambling on and off. Thanks for the ask ^^ I just wish I were more articulate so I wouldn’t keep digressing....lol