#ramen... he made like 4 different cups and just kept leaving them on the counter lol

[wolfylch]

Answer the question, Benjamin.

[catflorist]

The Garden (ao3 / ffn) catflorist Summary: SasuSaku. Sasuke left Konoha for a cottage in the woods. One day, Sakura arrives injured at his doorstep. They recall their past and think about what comes next. Slow burn, post-canon, about how Sasuke and Sakura grew close again. Rated T through Chapter 5, then M. 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7

The Garden  Chapter 2

True to the instincts of a traveling shinobi on constant alert, the instant Sakura opened her eyes in the morning light she was awake.

She spotted a pitcher of water and a wooden cup beside her bed, next to a platter of bread and a selection of fruit. Sitting up, the water was down her throat before she could even think. She filled the cup again and drank slower this time, testing out her limbs one by one. The location of her old wound was smooth as if it hadn’t been open and bleeding half a day before. Except for an ache in her skull, not a whisper of pain remained in her body.

After quenching her thirst, Sakura reached for the food and began chewing. Her eyes fell upon a third offering next to her bedside: a folded pile of clothes. Her skin twitched under its layer of grime, dirt, and blood. She vowed to bathe before dressing in the clean clothes.

Basic needs met, Sakura shifted her attention to her surroundings. The interior of the cottage was small, with tall ceilings, and built in the traditional style. Except for hand-carvings decorating the door and window frames, there were no frills. Leaves pressed up against windows and morning light dappled the room. The sound of nearby moving water and the smell of dried wood soothed her senses.

Sakura sorted through the clothes Sasuke had left. There were loose pants and a shirt that were clearly his. A rough bar of soap. He had even thought of underthings: a pair of cropped shorts, wrappings for her chest snatched from a medical kit and coiled in a careful bundle. Heat prickled her cheeks as she eyed the last two items.

The events of yesterday filtered through her mind. She stilled, remembering the sensation of Sasuke’s chakra coursing through her, healing her. The soft weight of his hand on her skin.

Sakura could not believe she was here. Part of her had expected never to see Sasuke again.

Sakura couldn’t help it: she thought back to months ago, before he decided to leave the village for the third time.

* * * *

Once Sakura learned how to read the signs of Sasuke’s friendship, they were everywhere.

As Genin, after her one-sided infatuation with Sasuke had transformed into mutual respect and understanding, she learned the subtle ways in which he expressed his affection. He always listened when she spoke, even if he sometimes only responded with silence, a grunt, or a rare smirk. When it was his turn to cook on Team Seven missions, he reserved the crispy crust of rice at the bottom of the pot—the okoge—for her. She could never recall informing him of this preference. As they learned how to fight, he corrected her form and technique without mercy, but scowled at Naruto if he also commented on Sakura’s performance. Racked with the pain of Orochimaru’s curse mark during the Chunin exams, he had reached desperately for her hand and squeezed.

She could never reconcile these old memories of Sasuke with the memories of him that gave her nightmares. Those jerked her out of sleep, shaking and convinced he was still pressing a kunai blade to her neck.

When Sasuke returned to the village after his period of wandering, they had both grown and changed. As Genin on Team Seven, common experiences, hopes, and fears united them.

Now they were both adults, each defined by experiences and efforts that were unknown to the other. They had been enemies. Sakura didn’t know how to be around him anymore.

* 

Sakura left the hospital late one night.

In the cool night air, her heart leap with joy and pride. Another group of students training under her in medical ninjutsu had graduated that day and joined her growing cohort. Sakura was committed to Tsunade’s dream of lowering the mortality rate on missions by dispatching a medical-nin with each team. Slowly but surely, she was increasing the number of shinobi in the village with medical knowledge.

Sasuke rounded the corner of the empty street. Sakura nearly jumped. She was still not used to the sight of him in the village. He had returned to Konoha a month ago in the spring. They had not spoken much.

He nodded at her, acknowledging her presence. She nodded back. That concluded the normal extent of their interactions. But Sakura was in a good mood, so she called, “You’re out late tonight.”

Sasuke raised an eyebrow at her. “You’re one to talk,” he observed. He continued walking.

Sakura squinted at his back. She kept waiting to detect the familiar note of contempt in this voice. She had yet to do so. This was also new.

*

Sasuke didn’t sleep much these days. His body still craved the movement and discomfort of constant travel. After dark, he wandered the streets of the village until exhaustion came.

On one of these nights, Sakura stood on the steps of the hospital as he passed by. He wasn’t shocked to see her here so late—talk of her accomplishments expanding the Konoha medical system were everywhere since he came back to the village.

Sakura was different. This was already clear when they fought briefly together during the war. Back then she had stunned him on the battlefield with the full extent of her strength and power. She had grown fierce and confident. Holding back no emotion, she lashed out at him in passionate anger. She cried over his wounded body and healed him without hesitating. She asked him not to go. She did not accept his apology.

Now, all of Sakura’s strong feelings seemed to be gone. She did not avoid him when they crossed paths, but she did not seek him out.

A clear joy marked her face tonight. For a moment, there was no difference between Sakura now and the Sakura he knew as a child. A part of Sasuke stilled, realizing how little of herself she showed to him now. It was just a fact. He was not allowed to have an opinion on the matter.

She greeted him.

Later, Sasuke felt light in his bed. He slept.  

*

If a third party like Naruto had initiated the contact, Sakura and Sasuke politely spent time together. It seemed one commonality they still shared was a penchant to please Naruto.

To Naruto’s clear delight, his friendship with Sasuke had picked up without skipping a beat. The two of them fell back into their friendly competitiveness. They sparred for hours on end. They bickered with what might closely be described as affection. Sakura had even seen Naruto tease a smile out of Sasuke. Despite her guardedness towards Sasuke, Sakura softened in those moments. She did want him to be happy.

Naruto had dragged a group to Ichiraku’s. Lee wept solemn tears over a portrait that Sai had presented to him. Hinata, Ino, and Choji watched horrified as Naruto slurped ramen at a frightening speed. Sasuke was there.

Sakura was in a bad mood.

“Is it Ito-sama again?” Naruto asked, watching Sakura slam her bowl down, sloshing broth on the counter.

Sakura glanced around Ichiraku’s to make sure it was just them.

She let out a deep breath. “He won’t increase my training budget,” Sakura complained. Ito-sama on the village council praised her for training the next generation of medical shinobi yet refused her the resources she needed to do her work. It was infuriating. “I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do.”

“Maybe it’s because your hair is getting too long. You could cut it again,” Ino suggested.

The others laughed, recalling Sakura’s dramatic haircut during the Chunin exams years ago. It was funny precisely because the moment illustrated Sakura’s creativity and determinism in the face of a challenge. They knew she would find a way out of this bind.

 “Get your scissors, Ino,” Choji called.

“Don’t think I won’t do it again,” Sakura kindly threatened the group.

“I’m afraid for the council,” Naruto gulped. He clung to Hinata.

Amid the banter, Sasuke’s eyes met hers, wary and watchful.

Half-asleep in bed that night, she remembered Sasuke’s reaction. In the moment, she found it odd. Another thought occurred to her now.

Sasuke lacked the context of their conversation. He didn’t know the details of Sakura’s recent work lobbying the council. He was not familiar with Ino’s language of teasing.

He only knew the shared memory. In the same fight where Sakura had sliced off her own hair, Sasuke released the dark power of his curse mark against the people who hurt her. He had done this to protect her. It was also the first step he had taken away from her. The first moment he had tasted the power that tempted him away from the village.

It was possible he wanted to see whether she had been upset.

Sakura was wide awake.

*

Sakura sat on the steps of the hospital. The moon was up high. She had just recruited a new cohort of students and stayed late to finalize the details. She was exhausted.

When Sasuke rounded the corner, irritation ticked in her stomach.

Her indifference to him faltered then. “Leaving again?” she jested, even though it was clear he was taking a walk. How dare he disturb her solitude when all she wanted was to be alone?

How dare he worry whether she was upset?

Sasuke halted. He didn’t scowl, but he was not happy.

Sakura felt calm. This was familiar territory. She prepared for his retort.

Then his features shifted. He grunted a short, “No.”

Sakura let up.

“All right,” she sighed. “Good night.”

He stood silent for a while. Sakura’s brow furrowed. She could never tell what he was thinking.

Head turned away, Sasuke finally said, “Good night, Sakura.”

*

It was the middle of summer. Sakura was busy. When she wasn’t teaching her team, she worked to establish policies at the academy and hospital that made medical training mandatory in the teaching of all shinobi. She fought with the village council. She also worked her regular shifts at the hospital. And trained her own abilities. Naruto wailed at her busy schedule and started inviting himself over to her apartment in the evenings.

“It’s important to spend time together, Sakura-chan,” he insisted, arriving unannounced at her door the first time. “You’re too busy.”

She loved the time with Naruto. He sometimes brought Ichiraku take-out, or instant-ramen which he enhanced with poorly chopped green onions. In return she coaxed him to eat her health-conscious meals. Sometimes Ino or Hinata joined, or members of the medical team that Sakura trained.

Then one day Naruto brought Sasuke.

The first time, she struggled to keep a straight face when she saw him at the door behind Naruto.

At the door, Naruto exclaimed, “Whatever you’re cooking smells great! Oh, yeah, I thought it was about time we had Sasuke over! That’s okay, right Sakura-chan?”

“I thought she knew we were coming,” Sasuke mumbled to Naruto, who was already bounding past them and removing his shoes.

“Oh.” Sakura said. “Well—”

Sasuke glanced down the hallway. Sakura realized he was waiting for her cue. One downward shift of the mouth or brow and he would go.

On a different night, on many nights, Sakura might have given him that cue, and he would have left.

“—the rice is almost ready,” Sakura finished. She opened the door wider.

Tonight, she didn’t want him to leave.

Sasuke paused, then crossed into the apartment.

It was strange to see him in the same landscape where she lived her daily life. He sat on the couch next to Naruto, head turned to read the titles on her bookshelf. Naruto’s friendliness and chatter kept silence and Sakura’s nerves at bay. Though Sasuke had never been a conversationalist, he was listening. And when nudged enough, he chipped in.

Naruto was laughing. “Sakura, you always had the best chakra control out of all of us. I couldn’t believe it when you first walked up that tree.”

Sakura smiled, remembering the feeling of chakra pooling on the soles of her feet for the first time. As natural as breathing, she ran up the bark of that tall tree into the sky. Her world had changed.

“Sasuke was so mad!” Naruto shoved Sasuke with his shoulder. “You had to ask me how she did it.”

Sakura didn’t know this.

“You weren’t a very good teacher,” Sasuke grumbled in response.

For the first time that evening, Sakura let her gaze rest on Sasuke for longer than a polite glance. He was busy scowling at Naruto. The tips of his ears were pink.

“Maybe,” Sakura retorted, “you should have asked me first.”

The corners of Sasuke’s mouth twitched.

“Maybe I should have,” he answered. His quiet voice contained a tease.

The night had gone well.

* * * *

Sakura’s eyes refocused. She picked up the bundle of clothes, slid open the door to outside, and followed the sound of the water.

*

*

*

*

[freefallingup13]

Toni Au; The Organization pt. 3

Here comes the boom EMOTIONAL WHUMP HERE WE GOOOO

TW: Does mention parental death in passing

Part 1 here Part 2 here

Part 4 here Part 5 here

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Derek's father never talked about his wife. Her death was so sudden, Derek had said to Toni before, and it really hit them hard. His father doubled down on everything, immersing himself in his work, his Organization. He stopped treating Derek as a child and turned his lessons to a darker tone. Derek began to learn the intricacies of war. 

He knew that his mother's death had something to do with why his father had suddenly decided that he needed to get married. Most likely has everything to do with that... He thought to himself as he slammed open the door to his apartment. What the hell is he thinking? 

Gritting his teeth, he sat down at his desk. He raised his arm to throw everything off, but he clenched his fists together. All day, all day he'd been working. It would be stupid to make a mess of it all now.

Christ, he's messed me up so much that I can't even be angry right... 

Derek slammed his fist onto the desk and his head followed suit. There was no talking his father out of anything. That was just the way he'd always been. A stubborn old man, now out to force Derek to become the same as him. Who cares if Derek wanted to go to college? Who cares if Derek doesn't want anything to do with all this weaponry? Who cares if Derek wants to pick his own significant other?

He stayed like that for a while before sitting up. Wiping his face with his sleeve, he went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. He grabbed a metallic packet and tossed it on the counter, then went to the pantry to get a packet of ramen. He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed, watching it boil, when he heard approaching footsteps in the hallway. Light, tender footsteps. The door clicked open. Toni was back.

"Hey, Toni." He muttered in greeting as she closed the door behind her.

"Hello, Master Derek." She replied, the ruffle of cloth filling his ears as she walked towards her room. She'd put on a dress for the dinner. He himself had a dress shirt and pants on. He'd forgotten to change.

Unbuttoning the top button of his shirt, he stepped over to stir the ramen in the pot. "How did the rest of the dinner go?"

"Master Alaric dismissed me early. I was able to get the recipe from the kitchen before I left. If you'd like, we can gather the ingredients so I can cook it for dinner sometime."

So he had heard paper as well. She always liked to get new recipes so she could make nice dinners. He didn't think he deserved such treatment at all. It was weird when she'd started cooking. She wouldn't let him anywhere near the kitchen at first, but she started allowing him to cook for himself after a year or two. He couldn't lie, though; at that point, she was far better at cooking than he was, and she was always able to make her versions of recipes taste better.

The door to her bedroom closed softly as he tore open the flavor packet. Taking the pot off the stove and a trivet off the wall, he settled down onto the couch and began to eat. A few bites in, he remembered the second packet and groaned. He hated the damn stuff cold, but the ramen was too warm off the stove to mix it in. He'd have to eat it plain tonight.

"You didn't have your dose today yet?"

"Mm?" She'd caught him in the middle of squeezing a mouthful of pink-brown paste into his mouth from the packet. Swallowing the mouthful, his face contorted into a grimace as he set it down onto the table. "Uh... no..."

"Master, you've got to set an alarm or something. You know you need it every day."

"Not, every day, just-" The smell of salt cut him off. It wasn't his ramen. That scent had a fake chicken smell and spices mixed in with it. This kind of salt was different.

He looked up at Toni. She was standing in her bedroom door, a thin shawl wrapped around herself, fully dressed for bed. A tank top and loose pants, as always. Her posture seemed relaxed, and so did her face, but her eyes betrayed the truth. They were red. she'd been crying. 

"Toni... are you okay?"

Her eyebrows furrowed. "Of course I'm okay, Master Derek. Nothing's wrong."

Derek shook his head, standing up. "No, don't lie to me. What did he say?" he asked, all sorts of things running through his head. What could be wrong? Did he threaten her? Did he tell her to change Derek's mind? Had he hurt her?

She sighed, looking down at the ground, then away from him. "He explained his reasoning. I can see where he's coming from about the... wife thing. He thinks I'm the best fit because of the work I do and... and how I care for you."

It clicked in his head. That made sense. If his mother's death had put the idea in his father's head, then of course Toni would be the best possible candidate. But Toni hadn't been crying about that.

"Toni, I... L-Look..." He walked towards her, and she looked up at him, taking a step back. She hadn't meant to do it, he could tell, but he'd startled her. Maybe she thought he was still angry. "I..."

Her eyes searched his, and she pulled her shawl tighter. She was so tense standing there, as if she was trying to hide from him in the thin fabric pulled around her shoulders. Looking at her now, he felt his stomach clench, and he gulped to regain his composure.

"I-I didn't mean it like that. I mean, I... I didn't mean to say it like that. I... honestly... I -"

She was looking up at him, confused. I'm not making any sense. Christ...

With probably his fifteenth groan this evening, he ran his hands through his hair and sat back down on the couch, staring at his dinner. Stovetop ramen. The apartment. That damn paste. He hated it. He hated it all.

"Master Derek?"

He didn't respond. What the hell did words matter? They don't, he thought to himself as he felt Toni's weight on the couch beside him. It wasn't until he felt her hand on his shoulder that he looked away from the table. 

"... Don't you hate it?" He croaked weakly. All the pressure on him suddenly felt physical, all around his body, trying to collapse his torso in on itself.

"Hate what?"

"This! All of this!" He thrust a hand at the table, at the half-empty packet leaking paste in front of him. "He just takes everything for granted, he takes our lives and moves us around like toys, it's like he doesn't care at all!"

Toni stayed silent. They'd fought about this before, and he was sure she remembered. She had been able to stop him just in time, before his father found out he was involved. Only just.

Derek sighed, leaning back into the couch and staring into the ceiling. "... Look, I know you don't understand anymore, but you used to. You used to want to leave, too, to get away from him and all this stupid... all of it. Then he went and messed you up too."

He heard her gulp, and the sound of her hair shifting as she looked at the ground. I shouldn't have said that.

"No, I-I... I don't mean that, look-"

"Master Derek, I think it's time for you to go to bed. You've been up too long and working too hard."

"Toni-"

"Come on." She gathered her shawl into one hand as she took his hand in hers, standing up. He obliged, his face turning red as he followed her. 

I can't just leave it like this, he thought to himself in a panic. She probably thinks I hate her, I can't do that to her, not after everything she's done for me. Come on, think, Derek, think...

He stopped, and she stopped as well. "... Toni... Let me try something. Turn around."

She looked over her shoulder, pausing for a moment, then turned to face him. "Yes, Master Derek?" 

He gulped again and looked down at the ground. He hated to do this right after he ate the paste, that stuff tasted disgusting. But it was worth a try, wasn't it?

One more glance, one moment of hesitation, and then he put his hand on her cheek and stepped forward, tilting his head to kiss her.

Another moment passed. Then another. Then another. Then their lips parted, and she looked up at him with an expression that she couldn't hide. It didn't matter, though. He couldn't read it.

Derek stared down at her. This was Toni he'd just kissed. Toni, who took care of him all the time. Toni, who advised him and kept him out of trouble as best she could. Toni, who grew up with him and used to color with him and read books about the outside world. Who laughed and giggled so much then, and now...

His lips pressed together and he let his hand fall as he looked away. Tears started to rim his eyelids as his eyes darted around the carpet, trying to keep the tears from being seen. "I-I... I'm sorry."

Her shawl was drooping. She wasn't holding his hand anymore, and she'd loosened her grip. Half of her shawl had fallen over her arm, and was cascading onto the floor behind her. "W... W-What?"

"I'm sorry." He stepped back from her and raised his hands up. "I... I don't like you that way. I can't."

Her eyes were too much. The expression in her eyes... he forced his gaze down. What could he do? "I just can't."

They stood in silence, and Derek kept his gaze at the floor. She wasn't saying anything. Why isn't she saying anything?

After forever, it all became too much for him to bear. "I'm going to go to bed," He muttered as he walked around her, his eyes glued to the floor in front of him. "Don't worry about the ramen. I'll clean it up tomorrow." 

He didn't even bother changing. He just walked to the bed in darkness and lied down. He couldn't talk to her, but he had to know that she was okay.

She stood in shock for a few moments. He heard the rest of her shawl fall to the floor. Light thuds as she fell to her knees.

Toni's hand cupped over her mouth, and she slowly began to double over, shaking to keep herself silent. Why did this hurt so much? How could she expect something from him, anything from him? That wasn't her job. It wasn't her duty. Besides, he'd been so offended at the idea of being with her. It wasn't what he wanted. It's not what he wants.

It was a while before he heard her get back up again and walk to the table. Of course she'd clean it up for him instead. It would make the entire apartment smell. What was he thinking? 

Metal clanked against metal as she fit a lid onto the pot and put it onto the stove. He could reheat it in the morning. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw that the packet was still on the table, leaking some. She used a napkin to wipe the table, and she walked over to the trash can. The lid stuck slightly as she tried to open it with the pedal, but it opened. Needs repair, She noted as she moved to throw the packet away.

But she paused. It was only half empty. The Sire had explained that it was best that he eat a full packet a day. It would keep him healthiest and at his peak. Derek never liked the taste, but... 

He sighed as he heard a drawer open, then a ziploc bag. She was saving the rest of the paste for later. She'd probably sneak it into his breakfast tomorrow morning. Knowing her, it'd be right in the pancakes and he'd barely even notice. Oh, look at me, he chided himself. Thinking bad of her after all that. What's wrong with me?

Toni flicked the light in the kitchen to its dimmest setting and began to walk to her room. She'd opened her door when she noticed a pile of light blue on the floor. Of course. Her shawl. She'd forgotten it. Walking over to it, she gathered the fabric into her hands. It had always felt so soft, like water flowing over her palms. She stroked it softly for a moment before folding it over her arm and going to her room.

He laid awake for a long while, listening to Toni's breathing in the other room. He didn't need to sleep that much, he'd be fine with only a couple of hours. He only hoped that she wouldn't have as much trouble as he was keeping her eyes closed.

It was hours before she jumped awake, the visions of a nightmare fading away as she took rapid breaths. With a hand on her chest, she collapsed back into bed. She tried to remember what it was she dreamed about as she calmed down, but she just couldn't.

Turning over to her side, she clutched her blankets tightly. 

Everything hurt. Her body felt warm and cold and tense and numb, all at the same time, and her heart... It felt like a hand had clenched around it, grabbing hold of it and determined to not let go. If anybody had told her that somebody was trying to squeeze every last drop of blood out of her heart, she'd believe them. The thing was a stone in her chest.

Derek was not awake to hear her sobbing.

At least, she thought so.

What's wrong with me?

[pocket-luv101]

Dramatic Blond || Part 2

Fandom: Servamp Ships: LawLicht (main), KuroMahi (side) Characters: Hyde, Licht, Kuro, Mahiru, Lily

Summary: Hyde enrolls in Juilliard to win back his ex. But then he meets Licht who helps him discover a new dream. He will become a famous actor and show his ex that he’s someone serious. (Legally Blonde AU)

Part 1 || (Part 2)  || Part 3 || Part 4

“I thought you were going to help me practise my improv, Angel Cakes. You’re paying more attention to Dr. Jekyll. He’s cute and all but I asked you to come over to help me with my improv class. You can pet him and read lines from a hat at the same time.” Hyde waved the upside-down hat in front of Licht. When he didn’t respond, he tapped the hat against his nose.

Licht swiped the hat from him and used it to lightly hit him as retaliation. Slips of papers flew into the air between them and Hyde waved them away. He picked one of the papers from blond hair and unfolded it. “Scenario: You are a demon who patrols the underworld. One day, you see an angel on the other side of the gate. What is the first thing you say to this angel?”

“I don’t remember writing that as a prompt.” Hyde took the paper from him and found that it said something different. He chuckled and said: “Of course, you would make something up with angels and demons, Lichtan. Can’t you take this seriously and read the lines like I asked you to?”

“You asked me to help you with improv and that’s what I’m doing. These prompts are from your textbook so you already thought of lines in response while you wrote them down. This is the best way to help you create a scene on the spot.” Licht told him. His reasoning made sense to Hyde so he nodded. “The angel tells you that he intends to break down the gate. How do you respond, Demon?”

“With a declaration of peace and love.” He cupped his hands around Licht’s. “Sweet angel, there’s no need to be so violent. Give us a chance before you decide we’re all evil demons. I will open the gate for you and show you the Demon Realm. We’ll go wherever your heart desires. Maybe you’ll discover that we’re not so different and decide to stay with us.”

“Demons took the love of my life. I cannot forgive them for their crimes against angels.” Licht said to change the direction of the improv skit. Even if he was merely practising his acting, he felt flustered by his light flirting. Hyde was attractive and he could easily picture him on a large stage. More than his looks, he was talented. His eyes appeared sincere and his smooth voice was almost able to trick him.

“Your angel left you for a demon? Then there’s only one thing we can do, Angel Cakes. Let’s date and make your ex jealous! So, what do you say?” He asked but Licht’s response was to hit him with a pillow. Hyde managed to catch the pillow and tossed it back to him. He chuckled and gathered the loose papers. “I guess I went too far. Let’s pick another scenario.”

“Give me a second to think of one you can’t turn into a cheesy rom-com. Do you have any suggestions, Jekyll? Squeak, squeak.” He spoke with the hedgehog as if it could understand him. Their interaction made him chuckle. He could almost believe that the two were having a conversation. He was certain that there wasn’t anyone else like Licht though.

His hedgehog hopped off his lap and scurried into an opened closet. Licht stood and followed the small animal. He guessed that it wanted to explore its new home and it was drawn to dark places. He pulled a cardboard box out of the closet so he could find Jekyll. As he set the box aside, he noticed a colourful scrapbook inside. He didn’t think Hyde would own something so childish.

Hyde noticed him staring at the scrapbook and he took it out of the box. He sat next to Licht and opened it on his lap. “I made this when I was a kid. My baby brother must’ve put it in here when we were packing. Lily is pretty sentimental. It’s a scrapbook of my dreams. My drawings haven’t improved since I made this so it would be impossible for me to get into Juilliard on my art skills.”

“Your drawings aren’t the best but these dreams are interesting. Is this a farm of hedgehogs?” Licht found Dr. Jekyll and petted him fondly.

“A petting zoo, actually. I planned to only have hedgehogs in my zoo. They’re the cutest animal in the world so you don’t need anything else.” He told him but he was a little embarrassed of his six year old self. Licht didn’t laugh at his silly dream though. He pointed to the next picture and Hyde told him, “That’s me building a fortress on the moon. I also want to find a talking whale and befriend him.”

They continued to go through the scrapbook together. He flipped to the next page where there was a stage drawn in crayon. “I forgot about this one. I wanted to star in a production of Hamlet with my friend, Ophelia. We planned to rewrite the play and have Ophelia actually team up with Hamlet. They would pull an elaborate prank on the Uncle. The ghost dad helps them too.”

“You read a Shakespearean tragedy like Hamlet when you were a kid? I can barely understand those plays at this age.” Licht didn’t know if he should be impressed or question how a child discovered the play. “You know a lot of quotes from Shakespeare’s plays. Did you practice them with Ophelia like what we’re doing right now?”

“She joined the drama club in high school and I would help practice her lines. Ayato didn’t like me hanging out with her though. I tried to tell him that Ophelia and I were just friends but he was pretty possessive. Ophelia and I eventually stopped talking and we drifted apart.” He shrugged but Hyde now regretted losing that friendship.

“Isn’t that a big, red flag?” Licht understood that it was difficult for the person in the relationship to see those flags in the moment. His mother dated demons because she thought they were fallen angels. She was a hopeless romantic and believed she could fix them. They broke her heart more often than not. It taught him that demons won’t change until they want to improve themselves.

Hyde closed the book. “My new dream is for Ayato to see me on that stage and regret dumping me.”

“Why is your new dream still centered around your ex when you have this scrapbook of better goals?” Licht leafed through the pages. He thought that it was a shame he gave up on himself long ago. He didn’t know if he could say anything to dissuade him. “Greedy isn’t the worst thing to be, as long as you’re honest and work hard to get what you truly want.”

Hyde’s phone buzzed and he checked the email. “They just posted the audition dates and requirements. It looks like we have to cancel our study session next week. I have to pick a monologue and memorize the short scene they sent me. This is going to take up my weekend and I probably won’t get a big part.”

“Only if you act half heartedly. Print out that script and I’ll read through it with you.”

Mahiru hummed softly as he polished a trumpet. He considered himself lucky to have a music shop close to Juilliard but it kept him very busy. At least he managed to find free time that day. He was expecting a visit from Hyde and Licht since they agreed to have lunch together. He loved both cooking and music. Mahiru offered to cook for them and they were out buying groceries.

The door chime rang, signalling that someone had entered his store and he looked up. It wasn’t Hyde or Licht though. Mahiru didn’t recognize the man. Due to his blue hair, he assumed he was also attending Juilliard. He put on a professional smile and greeted the man. “Welcome. Is there anything you’re looking for? I would be happy to help you.”

“Are you Mahiru?” The question made him pause but he nodded. Mahiru didn’t know how the man knew his name before he gave it. Then, he said: “Hyde told me about you. I wanted to talk to you about him.”

“You must be Ayato.” His brown eyes narrowed. Hyde had only told him about one other man in his life that went to Juilliard. He had to admit that he looked different than he imagined. The man was handsome but much older than Hyde. He appeared to be only a few years older than Mahiru. When he started to speak, Mahiru raised his hand.

“Let me stop you right now. Hyde told me about you, Ayato. It was wrong for you to string him along and I won’t let you do that again. Hyde is my friend. Whatever you want from me, my answer is no. So, please leave my store right now.” Mahiru gestured to the door but then he noticed Hyde’s car in the store window.

Mahiru tried to think of what to do as Hyde parked his car. He was worried that Hyde would cause a scene once he sees his ex-boyfriend again. Before he could, Hyde spotted them as well and waved happily to them. He walked inside and yelled: “Hi, Nii-san! You came earlier than I thought he would.”

“Nii-san?” Mahiru repeated in shock. He looked between the two and Kuro nodded. He couldn’t find a family resemblance between them. Yet, it was clear that the two were siblings by the way they interacted with each other. Hyde poked Kuro and then hugged him briefly. After he talked with Kuro, he faced Mahiru to introduce his brother.  

“It looks like you already met my brother, Kuro. Is it okay if he joins us for lunch? I accidentally agreed to hang out with him today without realizing it’s the same day we were supposed to have lunch. Kuro doesn’t drive down to New York often.” Hyde explained. Mahiru felt guilty for his earlier assumption and readily nodded. “It looks like Licht needs help with the bags. You two talk while I help him.”

“Just put the bags on the counter. I’ll start cooking in a minute.” Mahiru waited for Licht and Hyde to leave until he apologized to Kuro. “I am so sorry I mistook you for Ayato. Hyde didn’t tell me he had a brother but it was still wrong of me to make assumptions. I was planning to cook ramen. Is there anything special you want in your bowl? It’ll be my way of apologizing.”

“Don’t worry. I know the family resemblance is hard to see.” He was glad to see that Kuro was understanding. “I’m happy that Hyde has a friend who would defend him. Honestly, I was concerned about him enrolling in Juilliard. It would be troublesome if he started dating Ayato again. He’s an adult but I still worry about him. Actually, I wanted to ask about him and Licht.”

“They’re close friends despite their differences.” It was clear to Mahiru that he cared for his family. He smiled up at Kuro and placed the trumpet in a case. “But they do need supervision or else they’ll find something to fight over. Go join them upstairs while I flip the open sign. You and your brother must have a lot of catching up to do.”

“I’m pretty sure Hyde has a lot more to tell me than the reverse. I don’t get the chance to meet interesting people often. Well, today might be an exception.” He said before he walked away. Mahiru could feel himself blushing as he watched Kuro leave. He didn’t know if he was flirting with him but his subtle smile was rather charming.

Hyde stayed behind while his brother walked up the stairs. He looked between the two and a knowing smile spread across his face. After Mahiru locked the shop door and flipped the open sign, he approached him. In a teasing voice, Hyde said: “What do you think of my brother? He seems to like you. It’s rare that he’s taken with someone so quickly. You should have another lunch with just him.”

“Kuro seems like a good guy but I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship.” He told him. “Anyways, I’m busy with my music shop. I don’t know if I have a lot to offer him in a relationship.”

“Don’t say that, Mahiru.” Hyde clapped his hand on his back. While he and Licht were neighbours, he doubted they would’ve become so close without Mahiru’s advice. He thought he could repay the favour. “We’ve known each other for a few months now but I rarely see you go out. Close the shop on a Sunday and go on a date with Kuro.”

“I doubt he’ll ask me out.” Mahiru shook his head.

“Let me show you a trick! It’s called the ‘bend and snap’. When you want to catch a guy’s attention, pretend to drop something. You bend down, wait a few seconds and then stand up like so. It shows off your ass and he won’t be able to take his eyes off you. Now, follow me.” He dropped a pen on the ground. Hyde bent down but then he heard a loud clatter behind him.  

He looked back and saw that Licht was struggling with a drum set. He must’ve accidentally walked into the instrument. Hyde went to help him and straightened the drums. He laughed and asked him, “Are you okay, Lichtan? You’re not the clumsy type who walks into things.”

“It was nothing!” He insisted with a blush. He hoped Hyde wouldn’t be able to see how flustered he was. Licht didn’t know how Hyde would react if he told him that he distracted him and made him walk into the drum set. He couldn’t meet his red eyes so he turned to Mahiru. He changed the subject and said, “I came down to ask if you want any help cutting the vegetables.”

“That would be great.” Mahiru smiled at his friend. “I’ll have lunch ready in twenty minutes.”

“I’ve never been to a musical before. It was more fun than I thought it would be but it’s a little too flashy for my tastes.” Licht told him as they walked out of a small, local theater. The sunlight made him wince after sitting in the dark for an hour. A shadow fell over him when Hyde held a textbook over his head. He grinned down at him and lightly tapped the book against his hair.

“Lighting and other technical things are the unsung heroes of a production. They enhance the actor’s performance. I guess you wouldn’t feel the same since you want to be a concert pianist. You’re the type who prefers working alone too.” Hyde said and replaced his textbook in his bag. “I picked the musical so what do you want to do next?”

“I need to stretch my legs after sitting for so long. Let’s walk through the plaza and look around.” Licht suggested but he was already walking forward. They fell into step next to each other and discussed the musical. He was rarely about to pull himself away from his piano but going to the theater was a fun change of pace. Hyde’s company made it better than he would admit.

Licht left his class and his attention was drawn to a crowd across the courtyard. He was curious about what had their attention. “What’s so interesting about this wall?”

“Our professor must’ve just put up the audition result.” He took his hand and pulled him towards the crowd. Hyde thought that it was best to wait for the crowd to thin before he checked the list. He did his best at the audition but he doubted he got a large part. “Will you come watch me even if I’m just an extra on stage?”

“Did you see what part you got already?” Licht stood on his toes in a vain attempt to see past everyone to the audition result sheet. The text was too small for him to see at a distant. In the corner of his eyes, he noticed Hyde shake his head. “Then why would you say you’re an extra? You’re hopeless, Shit Rat. I’m interested in seeing that play though. What is it?”

“Romeo and Juliet. I like that play but I was hoping that they would put on one of his lesser known plays. Maybe a comedy like…” Hyde trailed off. Licht noticed his gaze appear far away and he turned around to see what caught his attention. A man approached them but he didn’t recognize who he was. He saw how Hyde stiffened. “Oh, Ayato. I don’t see you around campus often.”

“I switched programs a week ago.” Ayato told him. Licht found himself stepping in front of Hyde slightly. He didn’t know why he felt protective of him.

“You switched majors in the middle of the semester?” Licht didn’t hide how doubtful he was.

“His parents are influential people in the music industry and they’re almost as wealthy as my family. Almost.” Hyde whispered into his ear. Licht rolled his eyes at Ayato and it was clear that he was far from impressed by the man. “I didn’t see you at the audition. What part did you try out for?”

“My fiancé and I auditioned to be Romeo and Juliet.” He answered. The short answer echoed in Hyde’s mind and he felt himself froze. Fiancé? They dated for nearly seven years yet Ayato proposed to someone else shortly after their break up. A few months ago, the news would’ve devastated him. Hyde neither felt sad nor upset now.

“Shit Rat, who’s Tybalt?” Licht interrupted them. He faced them and tapped his knuckles on the piece of paper. “You’re playing him and not an extra. I don’t remember much from high school English class but I think he’s important.”

“I got the part?” Hyde knew Licht wasn’t the type to lie but he was still in disbelief. He skimmed his finger over the names until he found his own. Next to his name was ‘Tybalt’ in black and white. He read it a few times and a smile slowly spread across his face. Suddenly, Hyde hugged Licht. He spun in a circle and his feet was lifted off the ground. “I got the part!”

“I know, Shit Rat. I was the one who pointed it out to you. Put me down before all this spinning makes me puke. I will throw up on you.” He warned. He felt dizzy when he placed him on his feet again. Licht wasn’t angry after he saw Hyde’s large grin. He had never seen him so happy or proud. That smile had a charm that made his heart skip.

“I wouldn’t have been able to get the part without you, Lichtan. Thank you. I’ll take you out for dinner as a treat.” He took Licht’s hand and started to pull him away. He faced Ayato and said, “You’re playing Mercutio. I can’t wait for our big scene together.”

Hyde grinned at Ayato before he walked away with Licht.

[xuhoon]

paper roses

part 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

author’s note: its fluff, i will add links later :)

The night of your birthday, Minghao decided to take you to a nice restaurant close to the ocean. You sat outside and enjoyed the ocean waves before the sun dipped below them. It was a quiet evening, as you talked about anything and everything. As much as you two enjoyed your dinner, Minghao was itching to get home so he could give you his gifts.

You open the door to his apartment to find a glass vase full of paper roses on the dining room table. A pink ribbon tied them together

“These are for you. It’s a dozen origami roses. I folded sheets of paper with lyrics to the songs in my playlist for you. Yeah… I made you a playlist. These are twelve songs that make me think of you. Happy birthday, honey.”

“Minghao, they’re so well done. I couldn’t even come close to this perfection!”

“Thank you, I tried my best. You told me not to spoil you just yet, so I only spent money on our dinner. I wanted to be creative with your gift, while still showing the meaning. Did I do a good job?”

“Hao, you did wonderful. Thank you. I…” You began to tear up, choking on your words. “I don’t want to cry, but…” Hao laughed and wiped your tears away. “You mean so much to me. I can’t wait to listen to the playlist you made me. Can we listen to it together?”

“We can listen to it on the drive to your place.” He pulled you close, holding you for a long while before bending down to give you a kiss. “Happy Birthday, my darling girl.”

--

Instead of taking the bus to and from school, Hao now did all the driving. It took less time than the bus and you appreciated the kind gesture from your boy. You both had classes spread through the week, but Tuesday’s and Thursday’s were when you spent most time together. Some days you would attend dance class to watch your beau’s gorgeous sweat, other days you’d use the extra hours to study or watch YouTube videos. Occasionally, and this being rare, you’d cuddle up with a hoodie and sleep in the backseat of Hao’s car. He’ll crack the windows, kiss your forehead, and call you after dance when it was time to head over to class. The rest of October and November went on like this, with dates piling up every weekend.

Dates with Hao included the occasional cuddle session back at his apartment just like that first day. But, you also loved to go out together to malls for shopping where his fashionista side thrived, parks where you walked around hand in hand enjoying nature, and other fun date spots. Hao was also taking photography, so his most recent assignment was of you at the Aquarium with deep blue’s surrounding your silhouette. Hao asked you to be his girlfriend that day, as he fell deeper and deeper with his new muse. On November 7th, you two went to Disneyland to celebrate your combined birthdays.

You spent the night at Minghao and Junhui’s shared apartment more frequently than you’d like to admit. It felt so right to be there, even if it had only been a few months since you two started dating. Things were still pretty fresh and comfortable, so neither of you were complaining. As December finally arrived, snuggling in was more appropriate for the cold weather.

“Y/N!” Minghao yelled from the kitchen, “CAN YOU COME HERE?”

You got up and made your way to the sound of Minghao dropping things. “What up?”

“Can you grab the rice wine vinegar from the cabinet?” He struggled to hold all of the ingredients in his hand, refusing to put anything down.

“Hao, I can’t reach it.”

“Oh, you’re so cute and small honey,” finally putting down things, Minghao released the contents of his arms onto the counter letting everything roll wherever it wanted to.

Struggling to reach the rice wine vinegar, even on your tippy toes, you suddenly feel your feet leave the ground as Minghao snakes his arms around your waist to lift you up.

“You could’ve just grabbed it yourself. Or, alternatively, you could’ve put your ingredients down before accumulating too many in your hands causing you to drop the soy sauce. It broke, Hao. There’s broken glass on the floor. You also dropped the sesame seeds, thank fuck that’s plastic,” you kept going, “Junhui! Can you bring the broom?”

Instead of putting you down, Hao shifts his grip and swings you around to hold you princess style. Before you could protest, he says, “I’m protecting my princess from the glass she spoke about.”

“What’s all this for, anyway, sweetie?” Smiling sweetly, you notice Minghao has also pulled out other various ingredients that would be common in ramen.

Putting you down, Minghao says, “I wanted to make ramen for us, but I seem to have spilled the soy sauce. All of it. On the floor.”

“So, this is what you’ve been doing while I was writing?”

“What were you writing about anyways?” Hao bent down with some paper towels to clean the mess. As you handed him a damp one, he said, “I’m listening I promise; oh, thank you that’s probably smart to start with.”

“It’s a research paper on circumbinary star systems and their planets, but I more talked about its role in pop culture.”

“Babe, that’s really cool, can I read it?”

“Maybe after dinner. Do we need soy sauce?”

“Yes! Yes, to both of those.”

Junhui helped sweep up the broken glass into the trashcan and offered to drive to the store to buy more soy sauce while Minghao continued to cook dinner for the three of us.

“Y/n, why don’t you go with me? You can pick out ice cream for our movie tonight.”

“Have we decided on a movie to watch yet?” You responded with as the two of you walked out the door to Minghao’s car. “Okay, wait, Minghao lets you drive his car?”

“I think he trusts me more than himself to drive.” Junhui smirked and tossed the keys into the air, grabbing them before they fell back into his hand from gravity. “Come on! Hop in!”

You feel your phone buzz in your pocket.

mingHOE: babyyy~ be safe with jun and get ben n jerry’s strawberry cheesecake plss

(y/n/n)bunny: have you changed my contact name back from the monstrosity that (y/n/n)bunny is

mingHOE: not unless you change that overused joke and buy me ice cream, and I aint no hoe bb I am loyal to u and only u

(y/n/n)bunny: ok fine but you know that it’s my fave flavor too and I’ll be having most of it

(y/n/n)bunny changed mingHOE’s contact name to secretly a merman

(y/n/n)bunny: better?

secretly a merman: much ;)

(y/n/n)bunny: ok ur turn bb boy

secretly a merman: nope!! I love it, it’s as cute as uuuuu

(y/n/n)bunny: pick a damn movie, asshole

secretly a merman: :O not with that attitude young missy

“Jun, I’m leaving your roommate” You turn to the driver, straight-faced.

“Hahaha, you know he wouldn’t ever change something he’s so proud of. Plus, it sounds like ‘(Y/n/n)-Money’ your street name.”

“That is not my street name, I don’t have a street name!” You hold in giggles, “That makes it worse!”

“Why’d you change his name to ‘secretly a merman’ though?”

“At the aquarium, I swear he was about to transform if any water got on him. When we went to the pier he felt at peace with the waves and zoned out a bit. He likes the sea.”

Jun’s phone buzzed this time. “Can you check that? We’re almost at the market.”

frogboi: she’s so cute

“I don’t need to respond to him.” You smile softly as you slip Jun’s phone back into the cup holder.

junnieboi: Walkin into the market now. I know man. You should use this time to write in your planner before she comes back and you two fall asleep on the couch together, like last time. We’ll be home before you know it.

“Come on Jun! Let’s hurry home!” He puts his phone in his pocket and jogs to meet you inside.

As the two of you snake through the aisles while humming and singing Half Moon, you both laugh and chase after one another to see who gets to the items first. Jun, being athletic, won every time. Your out-of-shape ass was too slow, and you gave up halfway through, still laughing. On your way home, you blasted Monsta X’s new album, singing and laughing the whole way.

“Hao!” You called as Junhui opened the door for the two of you, “We’re home!”

As you turn to put the ice cream in the freezer, you noticed something different about Minghao. “Honey, where… where is your shirt?”

“I took it off when I went to write in my planner.”

“So, it’s your ripped light blue jeans, froggy socks, and your… apron.” You say, eyeing your boyfriend up and down.

“Those froggy socks are so punk, Minghao.” Jun adds.

“You bought them for me for my birthday!” Minghao pouts, and then shows them off.

“You bought Minghao… socks. Really cute frog socks, as if it wasn’t domestic enough.” You bent down to pet the shown off socks.

“Y/n, I promise we aren’t dating in disguise.” Jun leans against the counter.

“I never said that.” Looking up, you meet Minghao’s eyes and the three of you erupt into giggles.

“Dinner anyone?”

After dinner, you and the boys cuddled up on the couch to watch a movie with your bowls filled with ice cream. It was getting pretty late so Jun suggested that we pause the movie and finish it another night, because everyone was yawning frequently. Except, it took a minute for the boys to realize that you had already fallen asleep. Minghao carried you to bed, making you wake up, and you clung tighter to him. You both sleepily changed into pajamas and found your way to the bathroom to brush your teeth and wash your faces. As you climb into bed, you notice Hao’s planner out and open to read:

December 3rd: ramen night!! + ice cream and cuddles

[zoemurph]

before sunrise

on ao3 (full note on ao3) 

its been a really tough week, but as always, i really love the murphy siblings. i also really love my friends. thank you for putting up with me and im sorry for the silence. ill try to make it up somehow if youll let me.

warning: minor mentions of throwing up from "it's around 1:30" to "'zoe?' connor asks softly", because zoe is sick. its not described much at all, but figured id throw it out there. let me know if theres anything else i should warn about.

enjoy

It’s 4:17 in the morning when Zoe tip toes down the stairs and then makes eye contact with Connor, who’s sitting on the couch, eating cereal and staring at a blank TV screen.

Connor takes another bite of cereal and then puts the bowl down in his lap. “Hey.”

Zoe nods and walks into the kitchen, putting her instrument case on the floor by the table when she passes it.

Connor stares ahead at nothing for another few seconds before he takes his cereal and moves to join her.

“What are you doing up?” he asks, leaning against the island in the center of the room.

Zoe keeps her back toward him as she rummages through the fridge. “Competition,” she says shortly.

“At four in the morning?” Connor asks in surprise.

Zoe glances at him over her shoulder, eyebrows furrowed. “Yeah? Transportation time?”

Oh right. “Still, that’s really fucking early.”

She keeps staring at him. “Well you’re up.”

“That’s different,” Connor points out before stirring his cereal mindlessly.

“Why, ’cause you’re not leaving?” Zoe pulls out an orange and closes the fridge door with her elbow.  

Connor rolls his eyes. “No. Cause I never went to bed. There was no ‘waking up’ involved here.”

She frowns as she peels her orange. “Why didn’t you sleep?”

He shrugs and takes another bite of cereal.

“Hm.” Zoe slowly pulls apart the orange. “So did you just sit on the couch all night and stare at the TV?”

“Yes.” She looks surprised. “And then I grabbed a bowl of cereal and then I kept staring at the TV.” Connor keeps his gaze steady as Zoe decides what to do with that information.

Eventually, Zoe settles for “Oh.” And all other aspects of their relationship considered, Connor will settle for it.

“I have to go,” Zoe says suddenly. She slips past Connor and back into the dining room. She scoops up her case and grabs her keys off the hook without another word.

“Good luck,” Connor says from the kitchen doorway.

Zoe pauses at the front door. “Thanks.”

It’s 5:23 in the morning and Connor is sitting on the kitchen counter eating cold pizza.

Zoe hesitates in the doorway before she steps into the kitchen and leaves her backpack on the island.

“Early,” Connor says.

Zoe hums in agreement. She pulls a loaf of bread out of the cabinet and pops two pieces in the toaster. “Why are you up?” she asks as she opens the door to the fridge and pulls out the jelly. Someone, probably Connor, used the rest of the strawberry. She’ll settle for grape.

Connor shrugs.

They sit in silence as they wait for the toast to pop.

“Coffee?” Connor asks suddenly.

Zoe shakes her head. “I’ll stop at Starbucks on my way into school.”

Connor squints at the time on the stove. “It’s early.”

“I’m helping Alana with setup for the assembly today.” The toast pops. Zoe grabs a knife and a plate.

“You’re part of Student Council?” Connor asks. He doesn’t seem surprised. She’s not sure how to take that.

“No.” She focuses on spreading jelly evenly across the pieces of bread. Easier said than done. “I’m just helping Alana, you know how Student Council is.”

There’s a pause before Connor says, “No. Not really.”

Zoe looks up from her toast. “No one does shit,” she says flatly.

He lifts his pizza in acknowledgement. “Mood.”

She rolls her eyes. “Fuck off, Alana does everything. People don’t care, it just looks nice on college apps.”

“Sorry she has to deal with that,” Connor says after a moment. “It’s cool that you care.”

Zoe looks over to him. He’s staring off into the distance as he eats his pizza, like he didn’t say the words at all.

It’s 1:02 in the morning. Connor is hanging off the side of the couch upside down as Evan snores softly on the other end, curled up in a ball and hugging a pillow.

The stairs creak and he sits up, groaning as he uses abs that he definitely doesn’t have. The sudden change makes the blood rush from his head, and he grabs onto the arm of the couch as black spots burn his vision and his head spins. When it passes, he squints up at Zoe in the darkness.

She’s frozen in the middle of the stairs, eyes wide.

Connor hauls himself off the couch, moving for the first time in at least eight hours, which his body hates. He motions for Zoe to follow him into the kitchen and hears her following him quietly after a moment. He flicks on the light as he enters the kitchen and immediately heads to the fridge. Cynthia bought whipped cream and he’s not above squirting it directly into his mouth.

Zoe leans against the counter and crosses her arms over her chest.

“Did you want something?” Connor asks softly, pulling the can of whipped cream from the shelf.

She starts to shake her head then stops. “Couldn’t sleep,” she admits after a minute.

Connor puts the cover on the island before shaking the can. “Relatable.”

“When did Evan fall asleep?” she asks.

Good move. Evan is always a safe conversation topic. Just like Evan is a safe person to be around. Evan is just safe, that’s the best description Connor has come up with for him so far. “Maybe like half an hour ago. Long day.”

Zoe nods slowly and stares out of the kitchen into the darkness of the living room. “I can’t believe he fell asleep on the couch.”

Connor smiles. “Evan can fall asleep anywhere if he’s tired enough. He fell asleep leaning against Jared the other day.”

He watches Zoe fight a smile before he tips his head back and squirts whipped cream into his mouth. She’s probably judging him, but he remembers doing this with her when they were young. Younger. Their mom would put out strawberries and put a little bit of whipped cream on their plates. When she left the room, they’d sneak into the kitchen and squirt whipped cream into their mouths.

“That couch is the worst,” Zoe mutters. “Dad needs to move on so we can get a new one.”

Connor lowers the whipped cream and nods. They’ve had that old couch for as long as either of them can remember. It’s one of the only parts of the house that isn’t constantly updated. At one point it was comfortable, but now the cushions are flattened and the springs are dead. A night’s sleep on it is a guaranteed back ache for at least two days afterward.

“As long as Evan is asleep,” Connor says. He holds out the whipped cream to Zoe.

She stares at the can for a long moment before she takes it from him. “Why aren’t you asleep?”

Connor raises his eyebrows at her. “Sleep is for the weak.”

Zoe gives him a flat look.

“I took a nap after school in the library while waiting for Evan,” Connor says. “I can’t sleep.”

Zoe keeps her eyes on the floor for a moment before she lifts the whipped cream to her mouth and squirts it in.

Avoidance. Nice.

“You should go to sleep soon,” Connor says eventually. “You have that rehearsal today, right?”

She nods slowly. “It’s fine. I can sleep on the bus.”

Connor makes a face.

“I’ve done longer rehearsals on less sleep.” Zoe grabs the cap off the island and covers the whipped cream. “Besides, this is good practice for college.”

Connor watches her as she opens the fridge door to put away the can. They don’t talk about college. Or the future. For a while there they didn’t talk at all. And then talking about the future was too tentative, because it wasn’t something they thought they’d actually look at together. “Performance or education?” he asks as the fridge door swings closed.

“Performance,” Zoe murmurs. “But I’m also thinking about music therapy. There aren’t many schools with great programs but…” She trails off and looks at her feet. The socks she’s wearing are mismatched, one is covered with stars and the other with Marvel superheroes.

“You should go to bed,” Connor says.

Zoe nods. “You too.”

At 2:49, Zoe gives up and closes her history textbook. Her brain hurts and her eyes hurt and her neck hurts. She pushes away from her desk and stands up, stretching out her back and wincing when something pops. Then she goes down the stairs as quietly as possible because she desperately needs chocolate before she starts crying.

She almost has a heart attack when she flicks on the kitchen light, because Connor is sitting on the floor in the dark eating cup ramen.

“Oh my god,” she gasps, stumbling backward.

Connor looks up at her and then raises a hand. “Hey.”

“Don’t do that!” Zoe hisses. “I almost screamed.”

“Cool.” Connor takes a sip from his cup ramen.

She puffs up her cheeks and blows air out from between her lips as she pulls open the cupboards. “What are you doing up?”

“Studying. Emphasis on the dying part.” She glares at him and he shrugs. “I got sick of writing about literary fiction versus commercial fiction, fucking sue me.”

“Maybe I will.” Zoe finds a half used bag of chocolate chips from the last time they made pancakes. She pulls it out of the cabinet and tosses the bag clip on the island before joining Connor on the floor. “Want some?”

“Nah I’m eating healthy.”

She rolls her eyes and dumps a handful of chocolate chips into her palm. “Okay then. Are you just writing that paper or…?”

“Yeah at the moment.” Connor picks at the styrofoam cup. “Ev and I are meeting up after school tomorrow so he can study for Environmental Science and Alana promised she’d help me with math.”

“Alana is a gift,” Zoe muses before stuffing the entire handful of chocolate chips in her mouth.

“Mhm. What about you?”

Zoe holds up a hand as she chews the chocolate chips. She has so much to do and she’s trying not to think about it too much. Mostly she’s just stress eating, which is admittedly better than Evan’s stress not eating, but not by much. “Right now it’s history,” she says after she swallows. “I’m trying not to think about music theory. Or precalc. Or graphic design.”

“Ask Jared,” Connor says. “He’s good at that shit. He might be able to hack onto the computers and fix something real quick after class if you need him to.”

“That’s cheating, Connor.” Zoe takes another handful of chocolate chips.

“Do I look like I give a shit?” Connor asks before tipping his head back and draining the rest of the broth in his cup ramen.

Zoe shakes her head. “You look like you want to have too much salt in your body.”

“I’m already mostly salt,” Connor deadpans. “A little more can’t hurt.” He holds out his hand for a chocolate chip. Zoe generously gives him two. “You’ve got White for precalc, right? Because we need to talk about how terrible she is.”

Connor glances up from his laptop screen at 3:19 in the morning to see Zoe hovering at the edge of the stairs, hugging herself. He pauses the YouTube video he was mindlessly watching and pulls his earbuds out. “Why are you up, Zo?”

She shakes her head. “Couldn’t sleep.”

He wonders if she’s really that tired and out of it that she didn’t notice the nickname slip. “Why’d you come down here?” he asks. “Do you need like…food or something?”

She shakes her head again. “You’re always up.”

Connor can’t argue with that one. He still hasn’t figured out how to force himself to adopt a normal sleep schedule yet. He’s working on it, but every few weeks it gets really out of whack and he has to start all over. It’s a process. An annoying one.

“Do you…want to talk about it?” he asks slowly.

Zoe hesitates. “I kind of just want to sit,” she says.

Connor sits up and swings his legs off of the couch. “Then sit.” He scooches over as far as he can so she can have all the space she needs.

Zoe curls up on the other end of the couch, leaning against the armrest and wrapped up in a ball.

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”

She nods. “Yeah.”

He frowns.

“Go back to what you were doing,” Zoe murmurs. “I don’t want to bother you.

Connor looks to his YouTube video. He hadn’t been all that invested before but he’s even less invested now. After a few minutes, he clicks the search bar and looks for a composer, one he overheard Zoe talking about the other day that she supposedly really likes.

He’s not sure if he should know her favorite composer or not. He’s not really sure how any of this works. He just hopes he gets the name right.

Connor listens to songs while checking in on Zoe every few minutes out of the corner of his eye. Eventually, he finds a song that seems calming enough and unplugs his headphones, turning his laptop volume on low.

Zoe looks over to him in surprise.

Connor just shrugs and stuffs his headphones in his pocket. He clicks over to a new tab and does his own thing as the music plays.

Zoe moves closer as the song ends. “Can I…?” she trails off, gesturing to his laptop.

Connor blinks. “Oh yeah, sure.” He pulls the YouTube page back up before handing it over. He rubs his eyes as Zoe looks through the recommended videos.

He’s startled by the first note of the next song.

“Sorry about that,” Zoe apologizes.

“It’s cool.” Connor runs a hand through his hair. “Just tired.”

“You should sleep,” she mumbles.

You too. “On this couch?” Connor asks. “Fuck that.”

Zoe moves to hand Connor his laptop back.

Connor pushes it back towards her. “Keep it. You’ve got better taste in music.”

“You finally admit it,” she murmurs.

He pulls his legs up onto the couch and crosses them, letting his thoughts sink into the music. Zoe does have a nice taste in music, at least when it comes to instrumental band music. He glances over to her at one point and she’s nodding along to the beat, swaying back and forth with some of the dynamic changes.

Connor gets a weird feeling in his chest. Zoe’s hair is longer than he thought it was and she has circles under her eyes. She looks tired and he doesn’t think he can blame that on just tonight.

He has the overwhelming need to protect her. It’s weird.

“What’s this?” she asks, tilting the screen and pointing to a video that shows up in the recommended videos column.

Connor squints at it. “Some comedy sketch. I just kind of let YouTube run on autoplay when I’m out of it and weird shit starts showing up in my recommended videos.”

Zoe purses her lips before scooting closer. “I wonder if it’s funny,” she says as she clicks the video.

Zoe falls asleep on him about six videos later, when they’ve somehow gotten to a video on the top ten animated villain songs. Connor shuts his laptop and sets it on the table in front of them, careful not to move too much so he won’t disturb her.

It’s around 1:30 when Zoe stumbles out of bed and down the hallway, barely throwing the bathroom door open in time to bend over the toilet. She wipes her mouth with a tissue and flushes the toilet, grimacing.

Gross.

She groans as she sinks to the cold tile floor. It’s nice against her hot skin, but doesn’t change the fact that everything hurts and is awful right now.

And she thought she was maybe getting better.

“Zoe?” Connor asks softly.

She doesn’t turn away from the toilet, just lifts a hand in acknowledgement.

“You okay?”

Zoe takes a few slow breaths before she says, “I’m okay.”

“Here.” He flicks the light on and sits on the side of the tub. “Not going to school, huh?”

Zoe groans. “Please…”

Connor gives her a weak smile and yanks a hair tie out of his hair, his hair falling out of its ponytail as he does so. “Here.”

Zoe takes it and pulls her hair up into a messy bun. At least it’s out of her face now. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. You’re sick.” Connor leans closer and presses the back of his hand to her forehead. “And burning up. Shit, Zo, when did you take medicine?”

“Um…” She scrunches up her face. “Before bed?”

Connor looks up as he does some math in his head. “Yeah okay, you can take more now.”

“How long has it been?” she asks.

“Like nine hours.”

Zoe blinks. “Are you sure?”

“Sleep is weird and so is time.” Connor stands. “Do you think you can come downstairs with me or is staying hunched over a toilet a better idea?”

Zoe slowly gets to her feet. Connor grabs her arm when she wobbles a little. “I think I’m okay. I’ll be down in a second.”

“I’ll be in the kitchen.” Connor pauses in the doorway. “If you fall, just start yelling or something.”

“Sorry for waking you up,” she calls after him.

“You didn’t,” Connor promises.

Zoe brushes her teeth and stares at herself in the mirror for a minute. She looks like a corpse. She hates being sick and all of her homework is just piling up into a terrifying mountain of death.

She also feels like she’s going to pass out.

Water is good.

She leans heavily on the railing as she climbs downstairs, following the trail of lights Connor left on into the kitchen. He’s drinking orange juice and sitting on the island. He’s left out a medicine cup filled with purple grape flavored lies. Zoe scowls as she picks it up.

“Bottoms up,” Connor says, lifting his glass in a toast. “Actually wait.” He hops down from the island and opens the fridge, pulling out chocolate syrup. “Go.”

Zoe huffs and downs the medicine, trying not to gag.

“Open wide,” Connor says, uncapping the chocolate syrup.

Zoe opens her mouth again as Connor squeezes chocolate syrup in. Then he does the same to himself.

“You didn’t take medicine,” Zoe says.

“I’m taking care of you,” Connor says. “This is my payment.”

Zoe rolls her eyes. “‘m fine.”

Connor gives her a look. “Sure.”

“I’m almost an adult, I can take care of myself.”

He shudders. “Don’t remind me.”

“Why? Is me being an adult that scary?”

“No, it reminds me that I’m an adult.”

Zoe laughs. It turns into a cough and Connor pats her back until she can breathe right again.

“My laptop is still hooked up to the TV if you want to illegally watch Disney movies,” Connor says.

Zoe nods. “Yeah, that’d be good.”

She curls up on the couch with a blanket because now she’s too cold even though Connor insists her fever is up, and takes a water bottle from Connor when he hands it to her over the back of the couch. He pulls up Princess and the Frog without Zoe even having to argue that it’s way better than Lilo and Stitch.

“Thanks,” she mumbles. “Was I supposed to take that medicine with food?”

“Not sure,” Connor admits. “But here.” He holds out a box of Saltines. “Found these in the back of the cabinet. Bland, salty, and white. Just like me.”

Zoe snorts as she takes them from him. “You aren’t that bland.” She opens the box. “Don’t you have school in a few hours?” Connor shrugs. “Whatever.”

 At 12:36, Zoe pulls open the front door. Connor ducks his head as he squeezes past her and into the house.

“Thanks,” he whispers as he pulls down his hood. It started raining as he had walked home and now all of him is a little damp.

Zoe crosses her arms. “Where were you?”

“Out.” Connor moves to go into the kitchen. He needs something warm to eat or drink right now. He can’t feel his hands.

She grabs onto his jacket, yanking him backwards. “Seriously?!”

Connor sighs and gives in. “Can you let me, like, get a snack? It’s not a big deal.”

“It is if it involves you sneaking in and out.” She shoves him. “I thought you were getting better than this.”

“I am,” Connor snaps. He jerks free and stalks off to the kitchen. He pulls open the fridge and stares at its contents, which doesn’t help the fact that he’s freezing.

“Here.” Zoe grabs a container of leftovers out of the fridge and shoves it at Connor. “Those are going to go bad. If you’re going to be midnight snacking, at least eat something we need to get rid of.”

“Closer to one am,” Connor corrects. “Round up.”

Zoe glares at him.

She continues to watch him with an unimpressed gaze as he heats up pasta from last week in the microwave.

“When did you sneak out?” she asks when there are fourteen seconds left.

Connor pulls the microwave door open before it can beep. “About nine.”

“Why.”

He ignores her and bumps her over to get to the silverware.

“Connor,” she says warningly. “I won’t help you sneak in and out if you won’t tell me what’s going on. There’s nothing stopping me from getting mom or dad right now.”

“You wouldn’t,” he says flatly.

Zoe takes a deep breath.

“It’s none of your business,” he hisses.

She scowls. “You making me let you back in makes it my business. Why didn’t you bring your key? Come on. That’s basic.”

Connor shrugs. “I left it at Evan’s my mistake.” He focuses on his pasta and tries not to look at her.

“Evan’s?” Zoe asks. “You haven’t been over his house for like…two days. Besides, you had your key earlier…today…”

Connor stuffs his mouth full of pasta. She can’t question him if he can’t talk and he can’t talk if he’s eating.

There’s a long pause that gives him far too much time to chew the way too big bite of pasta he took.  

“You were at Evan’s?” Zoe asks softly.

Connor nods and continues to not look at her.

“Why?”

“He needed someone,” Connor mumbles. “His mom was at work and Jared was working on a project and Ev didn’t want to bother them.”

Zoe sighs. “You could’ve just told me that.”

“It really wasn’t any of your business. And besides,” he meets her eyes, “you assumed the worst.” Which stung more than he was willing to admit it did.

Zoe shifts uncomfortably under his gaze. “Yeah, I did. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he mutters. He stabs a piece of pasta with his fork. “It’s whatever. Thanks for letting me in.”

“Always.” Zoe clears her throat. “You can always like…tell me stuff. If you need to. I know I’m not like… I know it’s different but— yeah.”

Connor glances at her. “Yeah.”

It’s 3:44 in the morning when Zoe wakes up with a cramp in her calf and an incredibly dry throat. She practically stumbles down the stairs as she tries to walk off the cramp and bumps into the doorframe when she tries to enter the kitchen.

She grumbles to herself and rubs her shoulder before flicking on the kitchen lights. She blinks in surprise. “Connor?”

Connor looks up from where he’s sitting on the floor, hair messy and face streaked with tears.

“Are…are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he mutters. His voice sounds hoarse.

Zoe hesitates. “Do you— Can I do anything? To help?”

Connor presses a hand to his forehead and squeezes his eyes shut.

“Connor?” she asks softly. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

He takes a shaky breath. “No.”

“What can I do?” She steps a little closer. “How can I help?”

“Just…stay. For a minute.”

Zoe sits down on the kitchen floor an arms length away from Connor. She’s supposed to be good at this comforting thing, but now that she’s here she has no idea if she’s supposed to do or say anything. She settles for just sitting in silence, because that’s all Connor wanted. For her to be here.

There’s probably something deep in that, but she’s tired.

“I’m sorry,” Connor chokes out after a few minutes.

Zoe furrows her eyebrows. “For what?”

“Everything.” He buries his face in his knees. “Everything,” he repeats, voice muffled.

Zoe takes a breath. “I’m not leaving,” she promises as she stands up. She pulls two plastic cups from a cabinet. The colors are faded and old but for some reason, their mom hasn’t thrown them out yet. She fills both up with water before joining Connor on the floor again. “Here,” she says, holding out one of the cups to him. “Hydration is important or something.”

Connor looks up to her with watery eyes before taking the cup. He wipes his face with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. “Sorry.”

“I just got you some water,” Zoe says. “It’s not a big deal. And it’s what I came down here for anyway.”

Connor stares down into his cup. “Still.”

Zoe sighs. No time like the present. “I accept your apology,” she says. “I don’t forgive you for everything, and I don’t think I can, but I accept your apology and I want to move past it. Look to the future and all that stuff. I… I want to help, Con. If you’re okay with that.”

Connor sniffs. “You don’t have to do that.”

“Yeah but I want to.” There were years where she had just given up and she’d stopped thinking he could get better. And in the end he proved her wrong. “I offered to.”

Connor takes a deep breath. “Don’t. Not if— it’s not worth it if you’re going to be like mom and think this is fixed quickly because I’m sick of pretending I’m better than I am.”

“I know,” Zoe murmurs. “I want to know if you’re actually okay or not. I want to know if I should be worried or… You’re my big brother. I just want you to be that.”

Connor’s face crumples and Zoe puts her cup down on the floor before taking his cup from his hands and putting it down next to hers. She touches his shoulder. “Connor?”

He pulls her into a tight hug, burying his face in her shoulder.

For a moment, she’s frozen. She can’t remember the last time they hugged. Or the last time that it felt real.

Zoe hugs him tight as they sit on the kitchen floor, the sun not even above the horizon yet. She still doesn’t really know what to say. Because she doesn’t actually know if things will get better. She wants to hope, but years have made her cynical and that’s really sad for her to say as a seventeen year old. So she just hugs Connor until he’s ready to let go.

Then they sit on the couch and watch Lilo and Stitch together, illegally on the first site that doesn’t threaten to give Connor’s laptop a virus. And she doesn’t even argue against it.

[tmntl0verthings]

Green with Jealousy RaphXreader

Dedicated to pizzapocket21

"You don't need water to feel like your drowning, do you?" -Anonymous  

🐢🐢🐢🐢🐀I'll label Part one and Part Two so you can choose to read only lemon or Storyline and Lemon :D

part one

As the song "My no. 5 " by lou bega was playing in the kitchen as you were baking cookies for the boys..And of course yourself too. You bopped your hips side to side, moved your head as your (hair flew side to side/ Rustled).

"A little bit of Monica in my life

A little bit of Erica by my side A little bit of Rita is all I need A little bit of Tina is what I see A little bit of Sandra in the sun A little bit of Mary all night long A little bit of Jessica here I am

A little bit of you makes me your man!"

you sang off key with a cookie dough covered spoon. You Lifted your one leg behind; you twirled to stand in a different place and moved your shoulders up and down with a smolder. You Slid to one side then to the other side to then shimmy your shoulders. You heard someone huff. You stopped to look over your shoulder to see raph. "O dear.." You saw him smiling at you as he stood there looking at you wearing Grey Sweats and no weaponry on. You stood like a frozen statue as you watched his tongue rearrange his toothpick. His smile grew brighter making your heart melted; you exhaled as you relaxed your body. "how long were you there?" "long enough." he smirked. "well I hope you enjoyed the show." you told him walking over to the oven. "Oh I did. 'specially that shimmy" He sat down at the table "O shush" you told him without looking at him. "Whatcha making?" his new york accent bled through his words which made you smile but quickly wiped it as you bent down to get the try of cookies. you turned around to show him the tray "cookies." "Chocolate chip. how'd you know they where my favorite?" he teased. "Its america's Favorite." And just when you felt like you were having a moment with raph the new girl showed up. She wore a tight White tank top fitting her Barbie waste with a pair of jeans; bedazzled pockets. Brown belt, Sketchers and her Brown hair was a river of curls that flowed to her hips. Her eyes were always done up in makeup and her lips Shined. Her fingers were longer than yours and she always smelled of Vanilla. She's been coming down here for 4 months now, but you secretly still call her the new girl. "Hey raphie bear!" she squealed. he turned around to focus on her now. "Hey, sup MJ (maryjane)." (Option: I hate even more how we share the same name) "Hey y/n!" her perfect teeth smiled "hey!" you faked a smile as you placed the tray on the kitchen counter with your back facing everyone. "She's even younger than raph and me." (She's 17-Your 21- He's 22). You placed the rest of cookies on a plate, turned the oven off and looked over to tell raph you were gonna go watch Tv but he was too busy interacting with miss perfect. You just left the area.

6:45 pm:  You and the turtle family, including MJ were sitting in the living room watching Batman Returns from 1992. You would glance at Raph whom was sharing popcorn with..Her. You breathed out as you licked your lips trying to ignore them but it was hard. how could he NOT like her? 'so stupid..(you looked over at raphael laughing with MJ) ugh..So many times (you looked back at the TV) I've wanted to tell you but i just don't think your ready..even though your older than me. you haven't changed since your old 16 year old self. Your still immature, and your just to involved with your family and Practices-not thats its a bad thing. your just too busy also to have someone like me in your life. But this girl--I don't want her being yours either...' You continued thinking to yourself as Donnie from afar for awhile has been watching your reactions with MJ and raph. You act nice enough around her but there's something off and you seem to look at raphael allot when she's around. Next scene

   After the movie You were drinking Cocoa with Leo. But he was drinking Matcha tea. Donnie was having his Late night snack, ramen. Raph was benching as MJ had already left for her parents home. "Soo y/n, what do you think of MJ?" Don asked trying to pick your brain. "She's alright. Why?" He shrugged as he puckered his bottom Lip for a moment "Just wondering. It just seems like you don't entirely like her." Leo looked over at you intrigued by Don's Accusations. "No i like her." You told him as you sipped your cocoa. "okay good, Cause I saw Raph and her go into the dojo alone earlier. Raph came out all..funky. not sure what entirely happened." Donnie lied. Your cocoa on the table; He watched as your one hand was in a light fist as you looked around thinking. 'the hell did they do? what if He kissed her? or worse, She kissed him. Or what if they did more?!' your eyes had narrowed unintentionally as you considered all possibilities. Leo swallowed more tea as he looked at don then down at his tea to set it down. " I'll be back." leo informed as he stood up to leave. You looked at your chocolaty Drink to then look at don 'Maybe he already knows. He is smart, and he can figure anything out. He learned Mandarin within a month..It would be nice to tell someone I can trust. Just to have some relief.' "Don, Can I tell you something. Its important that you don't tell anyone else." he focused all his attention onto you. "I kinda may have a thing.." you stopped talking as you looked at him. "A thing? Like what? A mole?" "what ew no. I have (exhale) I have a thing for..-" "Forrrr?" "For No-no I can't do this." you put your hands up as you then picked up your drink to sip some more. "Y/n..(He put his hand on yours which held a mug) You can tell me anything. you can trust me."  His glasses enlarged his emerald eyes. It made it impossible for you To not want to tell him anything. "It doesn't matter. I think he likes someone else anyways." "raph?" he guessed "Yea.." you gave in. He didn't seem to thrilled but you assumed it was because Raph is a hard person to get to know cause he never lets anyone in and a bit of a mild Brute. "Why haven't you told him yourself?" "eehh He doesn't show interest." Don mentally smirked as he knew what raph thought about you. During Practice he would do spot on but when you would come in his focus would shift and he would consistently mess up unless you left the room. And he would always look immediately around when someone said your name hoping you were around. Next scene

You were walking into the dojo area to see Raphael. He just finished up his workout as he was wiping his sweat off with his towel. "Hey" you greeted, He looked up as he was wiping his face to accidently shove his towel in his eye. "Ow!" he took the towel, dropping it to the ground as he covered his eye. "Aw damnit!" "are you okay?" you rushed over to him "let me see." He lowered himself as his one eye looked at you to then remove his hand to see his other eye. You used his shoulder to balance yourself. "mm..It doesn't look like anythinngg is realllyy wrong with it." You looked from his left eye to look at both of them. 'I've never been this close to his face..And his eyes. They're so deep, That churning, passionate green that the ocean turns during a storm.' "So nothings wrong?" he asked knocking you out of your dream-like state. "yep, nothings wrong." you smiled as you took your hand off his shoulder letting his stand back up. "So Don told me something interesting." "That's surprising. You never find anything he says interesting." He walked up to you making your heart beat harder. He kept walking until you started backing away until you were up against the wall. "where you going?" he asked playfully "Just..over here." "Hey-Hey careful!" You tripped backwards on a weight for him to catch you in his arms. You made a little squeak as you faced him. "you okay?" he rose a brow "Ye-ye i'm good." "So you think i'm just a boy?" he asked making your eyes widened "aw naw..he told youuuuu for reallllll. ugh Donnie, i swear." you looked away "well?" he asked as his eyes sassed you.  You gave up and confessed "I thought you just may not have been ready for a real relationship is all. Your just a boy and plus there her." "her?" "MJ."  He huffed at your explanation as he let you stand up "you know i'm not just a boy. I'm a man. And i'm ready for whatever comes my way.." he smirked as  you felt the cold brick wall at your fingertips and shoulders. "And I'm ready..for you." he nodded his head down once in a head slant. You were a little surprised taken off guard making you nervous but you played his game "Oh is that so?" you half smiled as him as he towered above you. "Oh--(He walked closer to you as he had now Bent down a little as his hands were on his Knees looking at you) You better believe it." An uncontrolable smile covered your face as you tried to hide it by trying to close your mouth but all you did was bite your lip. "Your smile is the literally the cutest thing I've ever seen." "Oh shut up." you smile wider as you covered your face. "alright, But I'll need your help." You uncovered your face to feel his lips against yours in surprise. your eyes widened, Your heart Stopped. 'oh my god' was your only thought. You felt his hands cup your face as you moved your hands up to his shoulders.

 After Dessert (30 minutes ago) you and Raph were sitting on the couch watching a movie as the other turtles were doing there own thing. He rearranged himself as he slipped his hand to lay under your bum to rub his one finger from your Flower to your clit, over and over slowly. You felt your self become warm as he then felt something different. He felt a feint wetness bleed through your jeans.

Part Two:

Dark room, only light was the burning singe on his intense plate. Door locked. He had you stripped down already with you on your hands and knees. His mask still on as his hard Shelled chest was laying on your shoulder blades while his hands squished, n' squeezed your boobs. His knees supported most of his body. Your eyes were relaxed as your mouth was opened showing your teeth letting out gasps of pleasure as he then used his fingers to tug and twist your nipples. breahtly moans escaped your lips as your hand twitched. You felt something throb against your sternum while You felt him play rougher with you as he then took his right hand away to pet your slippery wet pinkness. His other hand took over both of your breasts, squeezing them hard together like a stress Reliever ball. Squeaky moans were made as he smirked from the pleasure he was giving you. He's only watched porn so he assumed this is how humans procreated. His finger slid with ease inside. You felt something beefy insert inside 'is this his? feels like a human man's..' you thought as you were slightly swaying back and forth from his finger motions. His palm laid on your one but cheek making your eyes widen 'This is only his hand?!' Removing his hand He backed up his pelvis as his hands moved down to your hips to keep em' steady. He removed one hand from your skin to hold his cucumber so he could insert it. He pressed his tip against your opening to feel it swallow him tightly. To him, You felt so succulent and real. Your eyes were widening with fear but you couldn't turn back now. He only got half way inside of you for that's all he could fit. Saliva built up on your tongue as you swallowed while he then began his first thrust. His huge palm landed on the crest of your neck n' shoulder. You felt his thickness grow one size. Your throat hummed moans of pleasurable pain. He took ahold of your shoulders like reins to a horse and used your body to bounce back onto his thrusting hips. Your moans became more powerful as he felt your jiggling ass beat against him. He grew intense as he then moved your body to Lay on its side, Your thigh was in his grasp as he got a full view of your wet, pouty core while his manhood forced your walls to move along with his sinful acts. He watched as your breasts bounced with every thrust. He slammed his cock against your womb with one teeth grinding thrust. You screamed a moan as he spun you to lay you on your back for him to bring his lips to your breasts. His iced your nipples in saliva as his hand entertained the other with his fingers. You leaned your head back into his comforters as you could smell the deodorant he uses on a daily basis embedded in each thread. You closed your eyes as you let the smell that enchanting aroma. It was nothing like your fathers, his scent was so much more exotic; you could recognize the brand of cologne he used – one of your favorites – intermingling with the outlandish aroma of charcoal flames and cinnamon. You opened your eyes to see his green eyes pierced through the Darkness; almost like your vision was able to see in the dark now. His eyes were beautiful as you could see a Golden rim with deep darkness No matter the mood, his eyes were always, always passionate when they turned upon me. I guess I could consider myself lucky if he weren't so dangerous. You watched as his hands picked up your body to have your butt hang off the edge of the bed making his Biceps bulge and burst with strength as they were the size of my head. You felt the urge to pee as you knew what was happening. Your moans were the complete opposite of descrete. Loud, intense, and above all He still found it sexy. You felt this release of complete...i don't know. Peace? Relief? or a craving for more of him? The feeling of a woman's oragasm was never the easiest thing to describe. Even if right now, You decided to describe it. Could you? His shoulders moved in swift motions while you could see his neck muscles tighten a bit for a moment. everything he did made me want him more even though i had him all to myself at this very moment. No one was here but him..and me. Not even that chick, MJ. She could never be close to him like i am. And she never will be. Is this an awkward moment to say i love you? the first i love you should always be special right, and this is pretty special. God damn he's so sexy. I'd love it if he was just Mine! And only mine; no sharing. He became faster and faster with his might. With the door closed every pretense falls. The facade we show the world melts away and all we want is to fuck each other's brains out. Every kiss has a raw intensity - breathing fast, heart rates faster. Then before I know how it happened we are naked and our skin is moving softly together, like the finest of silk. I feel his hand enter from below moving fast, our tongues entwined in a kiss, and then he's inside, changing my breathing with every thrust, hearing my moans timed to his body. Then all at once he stops and kisses from my breasts to my stomach, his hands light; then he's licking and using his fingers all at once, watching my reaction, feeling how my legs move, watching my body. I just let out a moan, unable to articulate a response. In seconds he's on me again, fucking me harder, just long enough to intoxicate my mind before stopping again. He pulls himself out to face another direction onto an old pair of shorts he doesn't really ever wear. You lay there done and used. Naked on his bed you curled up your legs to yourself; pushing your heels into his bedding making yourself scoot more onto his bed. He got paper towels to wipe his Tip off.   You and him laid there under the covers in relief as some sweat still stuck to you. He just pulled off his mask with his hand and laid it on his wooden bedside while the Burning singe was almost complete. He rolled back over to face you. Your cheek bone laid on the pillow, sinking your head into it. It felt amazing. So comfortable and cool at the same time. He smirked as he joined you "comfy?" "absolutely." you tiredly smiled at him with heavy eyes. He yawned making his tongue curl like a dogs. You smiled amused as he finished to crack open an eye to see your toothly smile "Whats up?" he asked with a yawn finishing up. "You yawn so cutely, i never noticed you curled you tongue." "Oh shush." He rearranged his shoulder and leg. "Raph? can i ask you something." "anything." he answered.  "Remember back at the dojo when you confronted me about this--thing i have for you. Do you have a thing for me too?" his eyes never left your face as you could the white of his eyes in the dense darkness. "What if i did?" "I'd sayy..You wanna be a thing together?" "Well..i don't know..we don't wanna make things too awkward since we just had sex, ya know." he teased as you saw one of his fangs showing from behind his lips. "I'll take that as a yes." you smiled lightly. "damn right." he put his arm around you as he pulled your closer so your forehead was under his chin. You closed your eyes as you inhaled his manly perfumes.

the end

[yoonia]

About Time // Part 4

Character: Jungkook x reader / Jimin x reader (feat. BTS)

↳ Type/Genre/words: Angst, Alternate Universe (Time Travel!au/Time Leap!au, Soulmate!au) / 7,505 words

↳ Prompts: “What if you find your soulmate… at the wrong time?” - Lauren Kate, Passion

↳ Summary: Be careful for what you wish for, because you may never know how to deal with them once it comes true. What would you do when your wish for a second chance actually came true? But was it really a fulfilled wish? Too many questions lie when it actually happened. Were they real memories? Or perhaps a part of a past life? Was it only a dream all along? Will everything be different this time?

↳ Warning: Mentions of cancer

↳ ⤎ Previous Chapter | Series Index: About Time | Next Chapter ⇢

—West Valley Apartment, year 2026—

I was falling.

Everything was dark and I could feel myself falling from heights. I saw a light from the corner of my eyes and I tried to reach out for it with my hands. But I just kept on falling and drifting away from it. I called out for the face that appeared from the center of the light; he who only stared at me in silence as I fell. But nothing came out from my lips. I could feel myself falling further away into the darkness which felt like an eternity. A fall that would never stop.

It’s over.

I woke up with a loud gasp, desperately inhaling air to relieve my tight chest. It took me a while before I was finally able to gain control over my body, until I could finally feel the warm breeze of the morning, and the warm sheets beneath me. But it was only when I blinked away the sleep in my eyes and breathed in the mixture of musky scent of cologne and cigarettes that I was finally reminded of where I was.

But my mind kept trailing back into the dream I had just woken up from.

Why do I keep having the same dream?

I adjusted my eyes against the light—which was not hard to do when the curtains were only half-opened. I felt the foreign bed beneath me slightly dipping as I stretched out my hands, and my droopy eyes glanced towards the unfamiliar window across the room, gazing out absentmindedly before I realized I was not sleeping in my room. The memories from the previous night flashed through my mind as I sat there in silence, taking my time before I then stepped out of the bed and walked out past the bedroom door.

It took me a while to adjust myself to the sight I saw as I left the bedroom, to recognise my surroundings for it was only the second time I had ever set foot in this place. I looked around, still breathing the air that was filled with the scent of musky cologne and hints of cigarettes, before I finally saw him standing in the kitchen with his back facing me. I walked towards the man that was still unaware of my presence, too busy making food while humming random notes with his raspy voice.

“I didn’t know that you can cook,” I mused from behind him, and I watched as his shoulder subtly flinched, a sign that I had caught his attention when I accidentally startled him. He turned around to look at my face and gave me a shy grin, before going back to continue what he had been doing since before I came.

“Well, I do cook, although I usually don’t make breakfasts. And I usually don’t have guests sleeping on my bed either, so this morning will be the first of everything,” he said while chuckling, expertly stirring and flipping the food he had burning on the pan.

I stood by the kitchen counter as I watched him work, laughing fondly at his confession. “Why do I have a feeling like there are some parts in that sentence that are consisted of lies?”

He only laughed at me, looking over his shoulder to flash another grin. “Well, too bad I can’t tell you which one is which. But I do make a sick ass ramen.”

“Hmm—Right,” I taunted. I watched him as he finished cooking our morning meal and plated the food for both of us. I sat with him not long after at the kitchen counter, eating our breakfast lethargically—it was still really early in the morning, after all—with hot coffee on the side. He was silent at first, letting me eat in peace while completely lost in my own thoughts, until he suddenly lifted his face to look at me and cleared his throat to catch my attention.

“How was your sleep last night?” He asked.

I looked up to him, pursing my lips as my eyes were met with his concerned stare. “It was—okay. Thank you for letting me use the bed. You could’ve let me use the couch instead.”

“Nah—I couldn’t,” he said, shaking his head and giving me another deep chuckle. “After what happened, and from the way you looked last night when you stood right in front of that door, you totally deserved to get the bed. Besides, this way, I got to know that it’s probably about time for me to change that couch to a new one.” He huffed, stretching his back while scrunching his nose as if he was in pain, before smirking and laughing with me.

“Well, you can have your bed back by tonight. I should probably find somewhere else to stay in for tonight.”

“No,” he quickly responded, making me look up to meet his gaze. I already knew that it would be hard to argue with him once he made a decision to let me stay. “Where would you go? It’s much safer for you to just stay here.”

“Yoongi,” I sighed, trying to find the right words to reason with him. “I can go anywhere, and it would have been better if I find some other place to stay in. What if I stay longer and Jungkook finds me here? Don’t you think that could only make things worse? I’m already giving you enough trouble by coming here and staying the night, I don’t want to drag you any deeper into my problems.”

“Let him come,” he scoffed, before reaching for his coffee to hide his clenched jaw. “I don’t fucking care, and I’m not afraid of him. Let him come here and the moment he shows his face on that door, I promise you I will knock some sense out of him before telling him to fuck off.”

“Yoongi—Please, I can take care of things myself. You don’t have to—”

“Oh, really? If you can really manage everything, then why are you here? Why did you come running to me last night?” He placed his cup of coffee down on the table with a loud tap before clenching his hands. “Don’t you dare think that I don’t know what you’ve been going through. And don’t you think that I don’t know how you will always forgive him the moment he kneels down in front of you, begging for you to come back to him, because I’ve seen it happen too many times already. I’m not fucking blind. And you came to me, of all people. That only shows the lack of choices you have in finding shelter.”

He was right.

I didn’t even try to deny him because every word he said to me was true. And as much as I hated how right he was, I was too tired to argue. I just sat there in silence, avoiding his gaze by staring into my cup of coffee while I let his words sink in.

But the most important thing that he got right was the fact that I didn’t have anywhere else to go or anyone else to run to. I gnawed at my lips by the thought it, suddenly feeling so alone and so small. So pathetic.

I released a sigh. “Alright,” I whispered to him, and I could see him yielding. “I’ll stay, but the minute things get out of control I am walking out through that door only to make sure that he won’t hurt you.”

“Fair enough,” he said while nodding his head. He leaned forward, placing his chin over his intertwined fingers with his elbows resting on the table, keeping his eyes on me when he spoke, “But only if you promise you won’t go running back to him the moment he shows his face in front of you.”

I only nodded. I had to silently admit that even when I was so sure about how ready I was to leave Jungkook for good when I left the previous night, the minute I was miles away from him my own regrets started to creep into my heart, already begging me to come home to him.

Yoongi kept staring at me, pursing his lips while studying my face with his intimidating gaze. “Why do you keep forgiving him, ______? Why do you keep giving him more chances even after he had screwed you up so many times?”

“I don’t know,” I answered him, hesitantly. “I honestly don’t know, Yoongi.”

I could never understand why. It was too painful to love him, but it was too painful to think of myself living without him. And I couldn’t figure out what those feelings could mean.

Yoongi let me stay in his apartment while he was away to work.

I tried my best to focus on my own work while I was there, but I was too afraid to stay on my laptop for too long and to give myself a chance to open my emails, afraid that I might find something Jungkook had sent me. It would probably be one of the ways he would do to reach me since I had left my phone behind. I also felt terribly exhausted, too overwhelmed with everything that had happened to continue working. So all I ended up doing all afternoon while he was out was roamed around in his empty apartment. I tried to distract myself by watching movies, went to check out his fridge and tried to make some food for myself, even listened to music. But nothing worked.

It took only moments for all of the activities to help my mind occupied, then I would start picturing the fight inside of my head, before I could feel the pain and anger coming back to haunt me. I finally gave up on finding things to do, and I went ahead into the bedroom to rest.

I couldn’t tell how much time had passed when I opened my eyes, awakened by the hushed voice s from outside the room. Once I was completely awakened, I noticed that they were the sound coming from Yoongi who seemed to be conversing in the living room.

I sat on the bed for a few brief moments before leaving the bedroom to find him. He was in the middle of the living room, brushing his hand through his hair a couple of times as he spoke to the phone with a soft tone.

“….I’ll keep an eye on her, okay? Can’t you just trust me?”

I couldn’t really catch on to what he was saying, yet I didn’t wait and listen before calling for him. “Yoongi?”

He instantly turned around, looking all flustered as he saw me standing there. “I—I have to go,” he said to the phone before turning it off and putting the device away into his pocket. “Hey, did I wake you? I went to check on you but you were sleeping.”

“Uhm—No, not really. I don’t usually sleep in that long,” I said with a sigh. I suddenly felt completely frail that I could feel as if my body was trying its best to drag myself back onto the bed. “Who did you talk to earlier?”

“Oh, uhm—it’s just, uh, one of our clients. It was something related to work. Nothing really important, though,” he said, clearing his throat after and looked away, as if trying his best to hide the flustered look on his face. Yet I was completely clueless about them since my mind was clouded by the throbbing pain happening in my head and around my back.

“Oh, I see. Have you eaten anything yet? I went out to the market across the street to get some vegetables and stuff earlier. Perhaps I could fix you a little something to eat if you want,” I told him, passing him by as I walked towards the kitchen.

“What? No, it’s fine. I was actually planning to order something for our—”

“Nah, that’s okay. I want to make it up to you.” I turned around slightly to flash him a smile and convince him to let me cook for him.

A terrible decision.

My head was already spinning from the headache I was having, and the sudden movement I made only worsened it, making me lose my balance all of a sudden. My breath hitched to the sudden pain stabbing in my head and inside my chest, and everything instantly stopped. I fell over without warning, completely taken over by darkness even before I suffered the pain from my own fall.

—St. Vincent’s Hospital, Emergency Unit, year 2026—

 A blurry sight of Yoongi shouting on his phone came first when I opened my eyes, before I shut them close again and everything disappeared.

There were blinding lights and the faint sound of sirens that came next. Strained voices of people around me were muffled by the throbbing sound in my head.

Fast-paced lights started moving over me. Oh, wait, no—actually it was me that was moving in speed. I could not feel or move my body, but I knew I was moving.

I could see everything from the corner of my eyes as I came in and out of my consciousness.

This has happened before. Wait, when was it? Oh right, it was that night. It’s happening again. Then this must be the hospital.

I could hear Yoongi’s voice speaking from a distance right after I felt my body had stopped moving around. This also happened before, but it’s—different. Who was it then? Taehyung? Tae—where could he be—

“…and she just fell to the floor. One second she was fine, and the next…”

“…as we can. Are you her relative…”

“…he’s on his way here.”

“…when she wakes up, we’ll…”

But I’m awake. I’m here. Why can’t I open my eyes? Why can’t I say anything? I can hear everything, but why can’t I feel my own body, what is wrong with me?

Wake up, _____. Please wake up—

I couldn’t tell how long I was out. But when I finally came to, I was welcomed by silence. A thick scent of antibiotics was wafting in the air, making me feel nauseated. I opened my eyes as I inhaled a deep breath, letting the air out with a sigh while I adjusted my eyes to the bright lights around me.

I hated hospitals. And I was ready to lash out at the one person who must have brought me here.

The throbbing pain in my head came back. Everything felt heavy and I let out a groan as I tried to move my head to look around. It took me a moment before my eyes were able to see things clearly, allowing me to catch a sight of someone shifting next to the bed where I was laid on.

“You’re awake.”

I turned my head, finding Yoongi sitting next to the bed. He was staring at me with a pursed smile and a pair of tired eyes.

“Yoongi. What happened?” A groan escaped me as I spoke. I felt so tired, so powerless, but I tried to fight it and forced myself to wake.

“You passed out. It happened so fast and it totally freaked me out. You almost gave me a heart attack, you know?”

I scoffed. “Uh, damn. I’m sorry—” I winced. Even talking became quite a struggle when everything was hurting.

“That’s okay,” he said. “How are you feeling now?”

“Tired.” I sighed. I kept my eyes on Yoongi, feeling my droopy eyes ready to fall back to sleep anytime. “I feel so, so tired.”

He only nodded. “Understandable. I told the doctor that you were stressed out since you first came to my apartment, and you didn’t have much sleep after. But they decided to keep you here at least one night for observation.”

I glanced around and realized that I was placed in a private treatment room. “Why did you take me here to the hospital? I would have been awake after a few hours.”

He sighed, leaning forward and closer to me. “I didn’t know what to do, so I called an ambulance right away. But you’ve been out for more than 24 hours, _____. So now I know that taking you to the hospital was a good decision.”

“What? I was out that long?” I certainly did not expect that to happen. “What did the doctors say?”

He shrugged. “Nothing conclusive yet. I’m not a relative so they didn’t tell me much.”

“You still shouldn’t have taken me here, Yoongi. You know I hate hospitals.”

“Well, I panicked, okay?” He said with a frown, and then he let out a deep, frustrated sigh before he continued, “Besides, it wasn’t really my decision that led you here.”

“Not yours? Then who—”

And just then, before I ever had any chance to properly ask him, I got my answer right away. Right as we were interrupted by the sound of the door opening, followed by the sound of footsteps.

“Oh, is she finally awake?”

I recognized the voice immediately. He was the last person I was expecting to see, but there was no mistaking that the voice was his. Despite not wanting to confirm that it was him, I still needed to know. That was why I reluctantly turned to look his way. And when my gaze fell on the doorway, my eyes were met by the familiar face of Dr. Kim—my dear friend, the oncologist that I had not seen for the last few weeks as I kept missing our consultation schedules—accompanied by another familiar face that I have not seen even longer. A few years longer, as a matter of fact.

His eyes lighted up the moment he saw mine. A wide grin appeared on his face when he greeted me, “Hello, little sister.”

The atmosphere in the room was filled with tension. Everyone was silent, and neither of us would even try to look at each other. I exhaled a sigh when things started to feel unbearable, while I had my eyes looking down on my fingers as I kept pulling the trim at the edges of my blanket.

There were so many things going on inside my head. All kinds of emotions circled through my brain and I was completely lost for words.

I took a quick glimpse at him and saw him gritting his teeth while avoiding my gaze. He was fuming, I could tell even without him saying anything. And I let out another sigh as I looked away, still unable to find a word to say to him, or to anyone, for that matter.

“Oh, fuck this! Somebody say something, please.”

I looked up at Yoongi as he raised from his seat, shaking his head with annoyance clear on his face. “Nothing is going to be solved if none of you guys starts speaking. This is fucking insane,” he scoffed, glaring at both my brother and myself.

I opened my mouth to speak, only to stop myself when I had nothing to say. What was I supposed to say anyway? I was completely puzzled by the situation that I found myself in, still taken by surprise by how my older brother suddenly appearing when least expected, while I was still completely baffled after hearing what the doctor had just told us earlier.

—15 minutes ago—

”How have you been, Mrs. Jeon? It has been a while since we last saw each other,” Dr. Kim greeted me as he stood next to Hoseok. He had a caring smile on his face as he carefully flipped open the folder that he always carried with him. His eyes occasionally found me to anticipate my response while he was busy flipping through his files, giving me the usual friendly approach that I had come to be familiar with yet still enough to make me feel guilty.

I returned his smile with my own, refusing to back down. “Doctor, I already told you before. Please just call me ____. I’m not really comfortable with—”

—being associated with his name.

“Of course,” the doctor said to me with a smile, before looking around and started exchanging glances with Yoongi and my brother.

A frown appeared on Hoseok’s face as he caught on. “What do you mean, ‘a while’? Are you her personal doctor? Has she been treated here before?”

The doctor gave him a smile, glancing my way briefly before asking him, “Are you her family?”

“Yes, I’m her older brother.” Hoseok moved closer to the bad, placing one of his hand on my shoulder.

The doctor nodded. “I am Dr. Kim. Mrs. Je— ah, I mean, _____’s oncologist. She has been under my care starting last month. Although she hasn’t checked in to see me for an update on her condition or to do the following check-up for a few weeks now,” he calmly answered my brother, before throwing a concerned smile at me.

“An oncologist? Wha— Wait, do you mean?” I could feel Hoseok’s palm tightening on my shoulder and I placed my own hand above his to try a calm him down, knowing that he would not be able to take lightly whatever the doctor was going to share everyone.

And it was soon proven much later.

There was nothing I could do as the doctor revealed my condition to everyone in the room. Both Yoongi and Hoseok were silent as they listened to him speak, as he started showing us my X-ray photos and my recent blood work results. The more he spoke and explained everything, the more I feel Hoseok fuming beside me, gritting his teeth as held in his emotions.

“Five weeks?” Hoseok finally spoke. “Five fucking weeks?

“Hoseok—”

“Okay, first of all—” he sighed, pinching his nose to calm himself before he continued, “Have you even talked to anyone about your condition? Does anyone know? What does your husband—”

“He doesn’t know anything—yet,” I answered him with my head lowered, avoiding his eyes.

His eyes widened, and he turned to throw his questioning glance at Yoongi. “Yoongi?”

Yoongi shook his head and shrugged. “She never told me either,” he said with pursed lips.

“For fuck sake, _____!” He groaned, tilting his head back with eyes closed. A frustrated frown was evident on his face and by the sound of his breathing, I could tell that he was trying the best he could to control his rage. “You—God, this isn’t a simple matter. Why won’t you talk to anyone about this? Does anyone know about it? Like even if it’s just one person?”

“No one, Hoseok,” I sighed. “I came here by myself to get tested, and ever since then, I haven’t shared this with anyone at all.”

“No one?” He scoffed. “Not even your husband, or your business partner?” he asked me, pointing at Yoongi.

I shook my head.

“Then why didn’t you call me and tell me anything about this?”

I raised my head, glaring at him. “Because of many reasons, Hoseok. Now before you continue on lashing at me, why don’t you explain to me first the reason why you are here now?” I turned to glare at Yoongi as I continued, “And how.”

Yoongi released a sigh. His eyes flickered at Hoseok before returning to look at me. “I met your brother right when you and I just started working together. He was our second client, and he’s been helping us in getting more clients and more projects, and—I’m sorry for keeping this from you, but I promised him—”

“I made him promise me that he won’t say anything to you about me, that he would let me know everything that you go through, anything that happens to you,” Hoseok cut him off, exhaling a deep sigh as his anger slowly started to die down. The anger in his eyes was soon replaced with regret. “I told him to take care of you on my behalf, without you knowing. I’m sorry. Don’t blame him, okay? He only does what I asked of him.”

“Oh, really?” I looked at him with raised eyebrows. “If you really do care about me so much, then why didn’t you just try and call me to ask me for yourself?”

He opened his mouth, only to close them back, completely lost for words.

“Why do you think I keep it from everyone? Who do you think would help me if I ever try to reach out? I couldn’t even tell my husband about it, so how am I supposed to share something like this with anyone else? And Yoongi—” I stopped to exhale a breath. “I can’t tell him because I don’t want to drag him into my own personal problems when I have gotten him involved in a lot of things already. While you, my brother, you practically disowned me, remember?”

“I did not! I—” Hoseok leaned back into his seat, exhaling a deep breath while brushing his hands over his hair in exasperation. “I didn’t mean anything I said back then. I was angry and emotional, but I shouldn’t have taken them out on you. I’m sorry.”

“So, what? Are you here to repent? After all these years? Or—”

“No, I just—I’m worried about my little sister, okay? I have been worried. But I knew that if I had just come forward to face you, either one of us would have let our pride get in the way. So I decided to wait for the right time before I could finally see you face to face and talk to you without being haunted by everything that had happened in the past. I figured I could help you from a safe distance until I can make sure to find a way to finally get closer.”

There was nothing I could do but sigh as I took in his words. Some of them were right, but my mind was filled with the recollection of what happened at the last night I was home with my family, of what he said back then and what I said to him before I ran and left.

“Well,” I started to speak and looked at him. I knew that it was easy for him to read me and my thoughts if I would look into his eyes, yet I didn’t care. I stared right into his eyes, challenging him. “Here we are now.”

“Here we are—” He only nodded, mirroring the look I was giving him. “Now that we’ve cleared that part—” he said as he leaned forward, taking my hand gently in his. “Would you please explain to me why have you been avoiding treatment for five weeks?”

I fell silent when I had no answer to give him. All I could do was look away, gnawing on my lips to stop myself from speaking the truth. What excuse should I give him? What could I say to him, when there was nothing that could justify my decision to do so.

“Have you been taking the vitamins and meds that the doctor gave you?” He asked me again, and I shook my head.

“No.”

“Wha— Why?”

“I don’t know—”

“Bullshit,” I heard Yoongi spoke. “I get that you had no choice but to keep your condition as a secret, but even so, you could have treated yourself better and get those treatments.”

“We all saw the same thing earlier, didn’t we?” Hoseok leaned closer and softened his voice. “Five weeks are not really a short amount of time. Judging by how it has progressed inside of your body, and how much it had grown and spread out, I’m pretty sure you must have been feeling something changing in you. Because it’s highly impossible that you’re not feeling anything at all with that thing growing inside you all this time.”

Of course, he was right.

There was no way I could ignore the pain that was residing in my body. Perhaps that was the reason why I fainted at Yoongi’s apartment, and I knew there was no other reason for my lethargic state that I had endured for weeks. I had felt it, and did my best to hold on. But my body had given up that day after withholding the pain for so long, and I was too exhausted from hiding them inside me and keeping everything to myself.

“It hurts,” I answered him. And suddenly, an overwhelming wave of emotion came flooding through. Perhaps it was the relief which I felt from finally able to speak the truth, to stop hiding. Or perhaps it was because I could finally let go of everything I had kept bottled inside. Whatever it was, the minute I said them, my tears came flowing down, and I could finally breathe easier at the same time. “It hurts so much. And I am so fucking tired of feeling so much pain.”

Hoseok rose from his seat and held my body close to his while I turned into a sobbing mess. There was a tremendous amount of pain happening all over my body but I let myself fall into his embrace.

“Let’s get you treated. We’ll do everything we can to get you better, alright?”

I shook my head while I was in his hold, wanting nothing more than to only feel his warmth, his presence, and revel to the gentle rub he was giving me on my back.

“______, please.”

“What if it’s already too late?” My voice came out muffled as I buried my face on his shoulder. “I had already given up on everything, what good is it to start anything now?”

Hoseok released me, pulling away so he could look at my face. I kept my eyes on him as he spoke, “Because you have me now. I gave up on you once. I gave up on us and it was the biggest mistake in my life, so I will never give up again. We’re going to make sure that you will get the best treatment, and I’ll be here every step of the way so you won’t be fighting alone.”

“Yeah, I’m here too—” Yoongi chipped in, shrugging nonchalantly as we glanced over to him.

“Okay,” I sighed, feeling a slight of hope in my chest from thinking that perhaps I could actually have a reason to fight. I had a feeling that perhaps I could have a chance to have some changes in my life. 

A reason for me to keep on hoping.

The hospital released me the next day.

Hoseok and I discussed everything regarding all the treatment process that I had to go through with Dr. Kim before we left, and I got all the new medications I needed to prepare myself. Including everything needed to fix all of the damage that had been done by me not taking the previous prescriptions which they had given me. They allowed me a chance to be able to recharge in a more comfortable place before I had to come back for my treatments. Although returning to a comfortable place meant crashing into other people’s house since I couldn’t come home to Jungkook.

“So, where are you taking me?” I had been silent as I sat in the car, mostly keeping my eyes to look out the window and enjoy the scenery. While Hoseok drove the car without saying much either. “You told me you have a plan, but you haven’t really told me anything about it.”

I turned to look at him and saw him grinning while keeping his eyes on the road. “How about going home?”

“What?”

“I was kind of thinking about taking you back to Dad—”

“Hoseok, no!”

He only laughed, glancing at me to see my reaction. “I’m just joking. I live right across the city from your house. I know Yoongi offered for you to crash in with him since he lives closer to the hospital, but I’m your family. I’ll take responsibility for your care, okay?”

I nodded. I could not help but keep my eyes on him, still unable to believe the fact that my older brother actually came for me.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He glanced at me again with his eyebrows raised, grinning at the fact that each time he looked to his side he would meet my eyes.

“I missed you.”

He gave me a smile. “I missed you too. We all do,” he sighed. “Why won’t you see Dad? He talks about you every time I come home. He regrets all of the things that were said back then, and for not fighting for you.”

I looked away, masking my emotions by looking out through the window. “I said so many things that hurt him, Hoseok. I can’t come back. Not yet. I’m not ready to face him, especially when I’m like this. What would he think when he finds out that I’m sick?”

Neither of us said anything for a brief moment, and I knew that Hoseok understood what I meant.

“People said some hurtful things, but we always find ways to recover from them,” he finally spoke. “People also makes bad decisions, but that doesn’t mean you have to face the consequences alone. You can always run to us.”

I remained silent for a moment. I have been facing everything all by myself for years that I had forgotten how to ask for help, or how to find comfort in other people but myself.

“You know, you have years to come to me and say all of these things. Why now? And why hide behind Yoongi?”

He turned his face and flashed me his grin. “The same reason why you haven’t come home for years, perhaps?” He chuckled, shaking his head while he turned to face the road again. “And then there is this thing called pride. It kind of runs in the family.”

I let out a bitter laugh, finding the irony in his words and the irony of the whole situation a little—compelling.

“We all make mistakes. Every one of us did. It’s time to move on and face them together, and—I don’t know, but maybe there are things that could still be fixed,” he said while he lightly shrugged.

“What things?”

“Well, first of all—We can be a whole family again.” He flashed me a smile.

I scoffed. “We can never be whole without—”

“We can keep what is left of us,” he cut me off. “We still have each other, alright?”

I sighed, leaning my head back in my seat while I gazed forward.

“If only we can turn back time and fix things from the beginning. Perhaps it would be the only way for things to be better.”

—St. Vincent’s Hospital, Emergency Unit, year 2026. Treatment day 1—

I came back as an outpatient within a week after they confirmed that I was ready to go.

It was the first deal that I made with Dr. Kim and the hospital, and they agreed to let me do it since I was still fit enough to go back and forth to the hospital for treatment instead of staying at a long period of time. Although I would still have to stay in for days after my first induction chemotherapy and its other primer treatments, only to make it easier to go through their observations.

“Are you okay?” Yoongi looked at me all concerned as he helped me settle down on the bed.

“Yeah, I’m—I think I’m fine.” I gave him a grin while leaning back on the headboard. I only sighed when I saw his face. “I’m a bit nervous, that’s all. There are reasons why I avoided this, and—”

“You were scared, weren’t you?” He gave me a remorseful look as he looked at me with pursed lips.

“Terrified.” I nodded.

He smiled, before leaning down to gently kiss my temple. “I’ll be here until they tell me to go. Even after then I’ll only be a phone call away, okay?”

“Thank you.”

The nurses came in almost one hour later. The whole process for my first therapy would take hours to go through, and they wouldn’t let Yoongi stay that long.

Later that afternoon, hours after my first treatment had started, I was escorted on a wheelchair by one of the nurses along the hallway. I was all lethargic from exhaustion, with an IV tube attached on one arm and excruciating pain on my back, and all I could do is look around with droopy eyes.

“Aren’t you taking me back to my room?” I asked the nurse once I noticed that I was heading towards the opposite direction from the room I was staying in for the night.

“Oh—I’m sorry, I thought the doctor had already told you. There is a special treatment room for chemotherapy patients. You will wait there until the induction is done,” she said, pointing at the bag filled with liquid that was attached to the tube that was injected into my arm. “Once there is nothing left of these and we have every drop of the liquid running in your blood, I will take you back to your room so you can rest. But we need to put you in another room for observations while the injections are in process. You will meet other cancer patients there, so you won’t feel lonely. It helps motivate our patients sometimes when we let them meet and talk to each other. You can share stories and their experiences while you’re there.”

I kept my eyes on the IV bag, watched how they were dropping down and imagined them running through my blood. I remained silent while thinking to myself, ‘So this is supposed to kill those cancer cells, huh?’

“Here we are,” she said almost too cheerfully.

I turned my gaze to look ahead and saw some other patients, mostly older than myself, some sitting on their wheelchairs and some on a few recliners all set side by side, each of them had IV tubes hung on their sides with similar tubes injected on either their arms or legs. An older woman and the man sitting next to her stopped their conversation to look at us entering the room.

“Everyone, we have a new friend today. This is her first day, so please be nice,” the nurse spoke to the patients with a taunting voice, and everyone turned their eyes on me. Some studied me with their eyes, some instantly smiled, and others were lost in their sleep to care.

“Oh—finally, another young face. Welcome, dear.” The friendly older woman smiled. “Don’t mind us, darling. I hope we don’t scare you with all of these tubes and bandages on our body.”

I returned her smile. “It’s okay. I’m all the same as well, anyway,” I said, lifting the arm where my own IV tube was linked to.

The old man sitting next to her chuckled, looking pleased to our playful exchange, before lifting his hand to point across the room. “Well, we still have space for a beautiful face. Right there, where you can have a good view.” He turned to look away and called out across the room, “Look, Mochi! Finally, you’re not the only baby in the room anymore.” The man laughed with a raspy voice, earning some others to laugh along with him.

I followed everyone’s gazes to look at the one man who was sitting quietly on his recliner seat, right next to the large window at the corner of the room. He was just the same as the others around us; sitting there with droopy eyelids, his arm attached to an IV tube, yet his face looked much younger than the others surrounding him.

He turned away from looking out the window the moment he recognized his nickname being called from the other side of the room. For a brief second, I could see his cold stare looking back as his eyes met mine, before he blinked, and they turned into a crescent shape of eye smile the moment he caught the sight of me.

He smiled at me with his pale plumped lips. “Oh hello, love. I have a feeling that we might get along just fine.”

—St. Lucas Hospital, VIP Treatment Room, year 2012. Days after surgery—

I could not really tell how long time had passed before I woke up.

Everything was dark, and it was as if time had stopped.

Until I finally started hearing faint voices from far away, before they cleared out to the sound of those annoying beeping noises again and faint chattering around me.

When will all of this stop?

The first time I finally opened my eyes, I had a breathing mask covering my face. Everything felt heavy, and I could hear myself as I was taking deep breaths. I saw a glimpse of people’s faces hovering above me, changing one and another as I came to and out of consciousness. I was powerless and incredibly high of anaesthesia that I couldn’t remember any other scenes but white fog covering my eyes.

The second time I opened my eyes the mask was gone. I could breathe more easily. I could even smell the scents of disinfectants which I hated so much. But I still couldn’t feel anything else or gain control other than rely on my blurry eyesight and my faint hearings.

“….hear me?”

“How are you feeling…”

It was not long before I went out of it again, without ever getting any chance of responding before I was dragged deep into a long sleep.

It was late at night when I came to fully awake. I had to blink my heavy eyes carefully before I could adjust myself to the light, before I could manage to open them and looked up.

“Hello there,” I heard my mother’s voice. I still could not move my head as much as I wanted to so I could not see her until she rose from her seat and her face came hovering above me. Her eyes were tired, but she forced a smile. “How are you feeling?”

The only thing I could give her was a soft groan. My body, my head, were all numb and my throat was too dry for me to speak, and nothing came out of my lips as I opened them, still too frail and too weak to do anything at all.

“Oh. That’s right, you might need something to ease that dry throat,” she said, looking around. “Okay, let me go and ask for some water from the nurse. Taehyung, please keep an eye on her for me?”

I was surprised to find out that he was there, but his deep voice that came next somewhat managed to make me feel warm and secured.

“Yes, of course.”

I silently watched through the corner of my eyes as my mother turned and vanished from my sight, possibly heading out of the room since I could not look sideways. Seconds later, Taehyung came into my line of sight, his face hovering above me as he stood next to the bed.

I tried my best to carefully move my numbed head slightly to take a better sight of him to no avail, since I couldn’t even feel anything through the numbing feel I got from the rest of anaesthesia still running through my body. But I could still see his face, and recognised his smile when he greeted, “Welcome back.”

At that moment, when I saw his face and heard his voice, flashes of my locked memories came to me between the pulsing happening in my head. I opened my lips once more, struggling to speak to him, yet nothing but soft voiceless whispers came out.

“______? What’s wrong? Are you in pain? Do you want me to get you something?” He spoke to me, looking around with a face filled with worry, yet he stopped moving when he saw some drops of tears appearing at the corner of my eyes.

“Jimin,” I finally managed to speak out through dry whispers.

Taehyung stiffened when he faintly heard my voice, and he only looked at me with a frown. He leaned closer so he could listen to my voice.

“What did you say? What’s wrong, ______?”

“Jimin—” I tried once more, and from the look in his eyes, I knew that he could finally hear me. “Tae—”

“Jimin? You remember him?” he asked with wide, curious eyes.

“Ji—Jimin.” Tears started to fall like a stream down my face when the memory came clearer. The relentless sobbing stopped me from voicing out the words I had ringing inside my head. Taehyung held me down gently by my shoulders when I unknowingly started to move on the bed. I fought to control my breathing before I could finally speak,

“Jimin. I—I lost him.”

a/n: re-edited by author - 14.11.2018

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