#rakdos

[average-ravnican]

So, I’ve been pretty vocal about saying the guild system SUCKS. But you know what’s even worse?

This living guildpact bullshit. First we get some twink who keeps fucking directly off and not doing his job. What the fuck was he doing? Especially when we had like. 3 guild leaders murdered before the big war with the dragon and zombies invading.

Then we get Niv-mizzet. And I’m sorry to any Izzet followers, but he was the worst choice for a living guildpact. He is the FOUNDER of the Izzet, his own personal cult of personality. He’s antisocial, preferring to hide away and do research than to actually intervene when GUILD LEADERS ARE DYING AGAIN, and sure he SAYS he isn’t going to be biased. But he’s spent a few thousand years hanging out with one guild, do we actually fuckin believe that??

Rakdos would have been a better pick. At least he isn’t interested in scheming.

[incorrect-mtg]

Outlaws of Thunder Junction + Tumblr Textposts Part 2

[xochilexart]

She knows a thing or two about a carnage

[avishkari-izzet]

Found out my favorite Rakdos Coffee shop was shut down today by Azorius due to a health code violation :(

How am I supposed to make it through the work day without my caffeine? I don't know what they put in the coffee there that made me so energized for the rest of the day, but no other place has been able to replicate it!

[ask-khali-lineslinger]

The lights in the theater dim, the spotlight flicks on. Khali stands there, dressed in a fine leather showgirl outfit, dyed Rakdos red and black.

“The Eldrazi!" she begins, sweeping her arms skyward. "They nearly wiped out all of Zendikar before they were destroyed by the Gatewatch! Even their smallest broodspawn can drive you mad with but a single touch, or turn your body to ash if you get too close! Very few remain among the living, but I have captured one and tamed it to my will! Behold! The most dangerous creature in the multiverse!”

---

Ok, yes, that was just a krasis created by @combinecutie, but the audience doesn't need to know that! Besides, where was I going an actual Eldrazi spawn on such short notice?

[smolmilkling]

And the Painter's full design. It's important to note that they are 7 feet tall and proportioned like a soulsborne boss.

Design notes under the cut:

- They have a pierrot (kinda) mask, which in the commedia dell'arte is the archetype of the sad clown. Also obviously leaning into this phantom of the opera thing we've got going on lmao. The smooch mark is from Genevieve. - Tall, lanky, with the hair horns to lean far into making them look like a motherfucking Creature - Their outfit is the general black and red jesters outfit you'd expect from Rakdos BUT - Their red cloak has triangles sewn onto it, to match that triangle trim Genevieve's outfit has - The spikes on their mask also matches Genevieve's saint crown, including having the same count of points - The teal cloak is a recent addition to their outfit, also to gesture towards their green-mana girlfriend (though unfortunately genevieve's green would clash with the color palette). The bells sewn onto the cloak do not make noise, the ones in their hair do. They use this as a way to signal to Genevieve they're nearby so they don't startle her, but unless they do this deliberately, they move with that same quiet cats with bell collars learn to hunt with. - Vivi painted their claws

[biomancy-blues]

Ok fun update on my life: there are currently 2 EXTREMELY WASTED Rakdos performers outside my apartment complex yelling about what the most enjoyable method of disembowelment is for everyone involved. Yelling. In the middle of the night. About disembowelment.

[svogthos-middle-management]

Love when MtG characters go to a different plane and play dress up.

Like, they didn't have to wear cowboy clothes on Thunder Junction, but everyone did.

Very cool of the necromancers (2), assassin, demon lord, witch, pirates (2), and little skeleton guy to get all gussied up even on a plane that has only know extraplanar beings

The plane was uninhabited not that long ago, there's no need to hide that you're from somewhere else, it's all for the fashion and flavor and it's great

[xantchaslegacy]

[dimir-archivist]

With all the secrets and information gathered from countless sources on Ravnica, can you tell me which guild makes the best soup?

Okay, so, I've done excruciating research, prowled my informant web, tried out recipes myself, and have narrowed it down to two guilds. The Gruul Clans, and the Cult of Rakdos. Now, the only thing remaining is to gather a variety of unbiased participators, get enough soup to adequately feed them, and conduct a survey. Oh, information gathering is the best.

[azorius-eloquence]

“The Azorius are bad because they interfere with other guild’s affairs.”

This sentiment makes me angry. I don’t think its particularly bad to stop The Rakdos from eating peoples organs, or The Dimir from invading privacy law, or The Gruul from…existing.

Who even likes The Gruul?

[average-ravnican]

Have you guys ever thought about the difference between Devils and Demons?

Like, I know devils in the Cult are like, smaller, whimsical, etc etc, but what’s the line? Can a devil still like bloodlust and chaos and destruction? Can a demon heckle bad comedians? Any Cult of Rakdos members able to talk about the distinction?

[incorrect-mtg]

Niv-Mizzet: With our success in creating our own artificial omenpaths, I believe we are ready to move to the next stage in the Omenpath Project – sending a Ravnican through one of them.

Proft: That's very ahead of schedule! Should we look for volunteers?

Niv-Mizzet, arriving at the test chamber: I have already procured one.

Proft:

Proft: That's Rakdos.

Niv-Mizzet: Correct.

Proft: He's even still sleeping.

Niv-Mizzet: A representative from the Rakdos assisted us with moving him to the test chamber.

Proft: Are you sure having a Parun as the first test subject is a good idea?

Niv-Mizzet: What's the worst that could happen? That the omenpath is unstable and we finally find a way to kill him for good? That he ends up somewhere else where he isn't my problem?

Proft:

Proft: I can't change your mind on this, can I?

Niv-Mizzet: No.

Rakdos: *snork mi mi mi*

[xochilexart]

When you know a thing or two about a carnage

[rakdos-outlaw]

Teaching my fellow cultists how to use a lasso, because a few of them just don’t know and it seemed like a fun time waster. So I told them the gist of it and let ‘em be for a little while, ya know let them hone their craft.

I come back after lunch to see someone covered head to whipping a spiked chain around.

Guess they pick things up pretty quick. Anywho if y’all accidentally get domed by a stray chain lasso at our next show it’s not my fault.

[ask-khali-lineslinger]

Hey

I'm Khali.

I guess I should probably explain my whole deal, huh? So, I'm originally a Zendikar girl (Makindi, though you guys probably have no idea where that is, do you?) Shortly after the Invasion I swung through an Omenpath and got stuck here on Ravnica. Heard about some kinky cultists, and it turns out they weren't as bad as everyone made them out to be (or at least most aren't). Turns out that introducing them to Kor bondage techniques must have gotten me on their good side, because somehow they ended up promoting me and now I run things here in the Third District. So, if you wanna ask anything, go ahead.