#rainerkin

[fictionkinfessions]

being rainer and looking at the petscop tag as a source of comfort is really weird actually but i do it anyway. just like, wow thanks for making fanart of my vent game, i will cherish this and hug my tablet with this on it when i'm sad. thank you for drawing me in absolute distress, i am going to love this and you for the rest of eternally.

-💿🎁

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[fictionkinfessionsarchived]

Hi! I'm here to say that I (platonically) love you Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt!! You're a heckin cool dude!! -Rainer (the adventure zone: graduation)

[fictionkinfessions]

so i kinfirmed taco ii.

just in the worst way at the worst time.

so, for context, for these last two or so days, i have been having a mental breakdown over tapers and today the first part of the ii finale came out so i thought maybe watching the first part with my friends would help calm me down and stuff.

and then the pickle scene happened and kinfirmed i’m taco via pickle rejecting my apology and calling me stupid and you know, i really didn’t need to be called stupid by someone green when i am already basically having a breakdown so that’s just swell huh?

i haven’t finished the first part of the ii finale yet. i left call after that scene. but hey, at least i know i’m taco i guess.

rainer and taco 💿🎁 [ if my emojis are a bit off, it’s cause i’m on a new device and i’m not used to how the emojis look on here, sorry ]

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[fictionkinfessions]

”y’know, i don’t fully understand why people want to find mediamates so much.” <- guy who’s three highest kintypes ruined literally every relationship hy had in hys canon and left multiple people with lasting scars, including hymself, and literally muted hymself on call for like 15 when hy found a mediamate in fear and gave hys other names when asked to introduce hymself because hy was scared that if hy gave hys kinname [ the one hy uses most ] then hy’d get yelled at

i’m the guy in question

Rainer 💿🎁

[fictionkinfessions]

“i miss my dad” neither versions of the guy hy is referring to were hys father

Rainer / Care [ Tapers ] 💿🎁

w

[fictionkinfessions]

oh thank god marvin isn’t the only person who’s family role i’ve gotten mixed up in my head cause i just called paul my brother on accident. still concerning that my brain defaults to the incorrect roles but better than it doing that only for marvin, that scared me so bad.

Rainer 💿🎁

[fictionkinfessions]

what do you mean i am a human being and that automatically makes my life valuable regardless of skills i am may or may not have? that’s stupid, i need to relearn piano so i can feel loved again.

Rainer 💿🎁

[fictionkinfessions]

I don’t think I can tell anyone just how much I miss him. All anyone knows about me back then is from my game. I was so angry whenever I worked on it, so everyone thinks I hate him. And maybe I did, maybe when I’d work on Petscop then I would hate him, even if that hate wouldn’t stay afterwards. I don’t know, I just miss him. He was actually nice to me. He was more of a parental figure than Jill and Thomas ever were. Most of my memories are of him.

I feel bad though, I’m not supposed to miss him. I’m not supposed to see pictures of him and see a friend. I’m not supposed to refer to him as my dad in my head and have to manually tell myself “No, that’s not your dad, that’s your uncle”. I’m not supposed to act like this, so why do I?

I don’t know. I don’t know the answer to anything really. I act like I do, but I don’t. Marvin, if you’re reading this, I miss you.

Rainer 💿🎁

e

[fictionkinfessions]

the reason i can’t talk to sourcemates is cause there is a specific person i still miss and if anyone else from there were to know this then they would definitely hate me.

in my defence though, he was the only person to give me attention as a child, of course i’d miss him.

Rainer 💿🎁

e

[fictionkinfessions]

i wanna join a petscop discord server but i’m scared they’ll hate me the second i mention that i’m rainer.

💿🎁

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[fictionkinfessions]

His birthday’s coming up and I don’t have anything I can make for him. I’m sorry Paul. I’m really sorry I don’t have anything for you again. I swore to myself last year that I’d finally make something, I really did, I don’t know why I never made anything. I’m sorry. You deserve a better cousin.

Rainer 💿🎁

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[fictionkinfessions]

i think i need therapy but i’m scared my therapist is gonna think i’m insane if i tell them i believe i am a british taco and a depressed game developer from 1997.

Rainer and Taco 💿🎁

p

[fictionkinfessions]

Calling myself a Rainer fictkin/permakin is kinda uncomfortable if I’m being honest. The way I’m Rainer is very different to how I’m my other kins. With all the others it was more something gradual, I tend to joke about how I’m morphing into characters when I’m kinsidering them cause that’s how it feels for me mentally. With Rainer it was instant. It feels like I just woke up one day in some random teenagers body with half of their memories and half of mine. I don’t know if this is a normal experience or something, I just felt like I needed to say it. I don’t like saying I’m a Rainer fictionkin, I like just saying I’m Rainer because thats who I am.

Rainer 💿🎁

d

[fictionkinfessions]

i miss him alot. i know i shouldn’t, but i do. i think about him more than anyone from back there. i think about him so much and yet i can’t bring myself to remember what he looked like. i can’t remember his face. i can’t remember what he wore. i can’t remember his height. i hate it. i spent so much time with him, why can’t i remember something as simple as his face? i should know this. i know things i should have no way of knowing, why don’t i know this?

what bothers me most is everyone draws him as this always evil and angry asshole who only exists to hurt people. he wasn’t. he wasn’t a good person by any means, but he wasn’t that bad. he was nice sometimes. i remember he used to basically cling onto me everytime i’d visit. he was a very huggy person. this doesn’t excuse anything he did, i just don’t like when people portay him like this all evil being when he really wasn’t. i think therapy would’ve helped him alot. therapy that wasn’t from his fifteen year old nephew that is.

he needed help, but it was help i was unqualified to give really. i think i probably made it worse by just being around him. but back then it felt like he’d be the only one to actually be happy when i was around. can you blame me for getting attached?

i don’t know, i just miss him. i wish i could remember what he looked like. i wanna draw us together.

Rainer 💿🎁

x

[fictionkinfessions]

i don’t think i’m a person anymore

anyway, wanna hear about how i’m gay for fictional computers, sentient and not

Rainer 💿🎁

fort

[fictionkinfessions]

TaperMan get the fuck out of my brain, I'm trying to figure out if I'm your daughter or not, I don't have time to deal with your shenanigans.

This happened when I was kinsidering myself awhile ago, Paul just wouldn't leave my brain, but it's worse this time because the guy in my head isn't one of my top three favourite guys ever and is instead the guy who might've gotten me killed if I am Care from Tapers. This is very not fun guys.

No wonder I'm panicked all the time, I'm trying to figure out if I'm the prototype version of my cousin while that version of her dad is just sitting around in my brain listening to Hito Mania or some shit. GO AWAY TAPERMAN! NO ONE WANTS YOU HERE!

Rainer 💿🎁

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