#rafa is a lost cause already but your hair last year was nice???

[rt3nenbaum]

we used to be a proper country, what happened to my beautiful goats 😔💔

the hair did him so dirty here 💀💀💀

[navalcriminalimagines]

Comfort zone - 6

Tag list (if you want to be tag, just let me know!): @madpanda75 @zombz78 @zoeykaytesmom @mommakat32 @hannahlouise98 @imaginecrushes @cold-blooded-girls @sweetsummertime99 @solleblu @somewhatcarisi

Rafael never expected this many people to be at his abuela’s funeral. They all knew her but most of them were not very close to Catalina during her last years. “Hypocrites,” he muttered to himself. However, he certainly expected his ex-fiancée and former best friend to be there, not that he liked that idea. Walking to the Church, Lucia holding her son’s arm while you simply stood on his other side. When he stopped walking, you and his mother did too, “Mijo?” she wondered. He gave her a quick look before turning his attention on you, “Do you mind pretending you’re my fiancée?” he asked. This doesn’t look like the Rafael you first met, even Lucia was confused. “I don’t feel like answering too many questions, explain my life and my choices. Not today, and I know all these people are here to know the latest news,” he sighed, “I wish I could throw all them out, they didn’t care about abuelita when she was still there,” Nervous and sad Rafael is a very talkative Rafael.

��Where’s my diamond, then?” you simply smiled to calm him. He returned your soft smile and was about to give you a good reason to tell if someone asked, but Lucia was faster. She got closer to you and Rafael, making sure no one could see her taking off her ring and putting it on your finger. You let her do but searched for Rafael’s expression.

“Mamí, that’s-” he went to say.

“That was my mother’s, there’s no better engagement ring, right?” she gently smiled at her son.

“Lucia, I don’t-” her look was enough to make you shut up. Still holding your hand, she brought it to Rafael’s. His long and thin fingers intertwined with yours, with his grandmother’s ring in the middle. “Thank you,” he mouthed at you.

Pretending to be Rafael’s fiancée wasn’t that hard but he made it even easier. The few times you were not looking for a physical contact with him, he was with you. And it seemed natural. The least expecting contact was when his lips fell on yours. And the weirdest part was that it wasn’t to prove a point to someone. Well, actually, “What kind of couple about to get married, doesn’t kiss?” he said. That’s the only thing you pretended that day; buy his explanation.

It’s only on the ride back to Manhattan that you checked your phone. You had a few missed calls from work and texts from Sonny.

[From Sonny] : Thinking of you for today. Give Barba my sympathy. Love!

[From Sonny] : I hope everything is okay. When are you coming back to Manhattan?

[From Sonny] : Should I worry to not hear from you? Text me when you read this, pls

[From Sonny] : Thanks to barba for texting Lieu so I know you’re okay. I’m cooking for Amanda and Jesse tonight. See ya at work

“Did you text Liv?” You asked Rafael after taking off and reading Sonny’s texts.

“Yes, SVU can’t do anything without me,”

“I heard Cabot and Novak were very great ADA before you,” you teased to let go all of the troubles of the day. It felt good to hear him chuckle.

“Yeah-yeah” he gestured his hand, “But I have something they don’t,”

“Oh? What?” You asked. But Rafael didn’t think it through before speaking so he searched for a reasonable thing to say but he couldn’t find one.

“A— penis?”

That was the least expecting thing you thought he would say. But he did and you laughed.

“Damn, you do have a penis? I honestly couldn’t tell,”

Rafael wanted to keep going on that game but a part of what he wanted to answer was true. You couldn’t find what about it. He didn’t want a joke and his sass to betray him. Which is a big part of why he acts differently with you, especially those past weeks. He thought being natural and casual with you couldn’t let you realize he was in love with you.

“No answer?” you added after a silence, “I’m very disappointed in you, Rafael Esteban.” The look of his face was too priceless, you regretted not to record it so you could look at it over and over. Your laugh field the car, while Rafael’s mouth was still forming a perfect “o”. Esteban is a nice middle name but Rafael hates it and he worked hard to hide it, in his professional life so nobody would find out. And his own mother betrayed him.

“Yup, tu mamí,” you spoke again. “She told me you hate it but come on Rafi, it’s a nice name. Very Cuban,”

Coming out of your perfect lips, he actually loved hearing his middle name. Just like he loves when you say Spanish word and calls him Rafi. His mind went on thinking about what it would sound like to hear you say Papí. To him. In bed. While he fucks your senseless.

“Did you swallow your tongue?” You asked.

He turned his face to you and smiled. You exchanged looks between him and the road, trying to figure out what he was thinking about. “What?! Come on, talk! That’s creepy,” you exclaimed.

“Do you realize how amazing you are, Y/N?” The surprise of his words made you lose control of the car for a second, you freaked out briefly but Rafael didn’t react, still staring at your profile.

“How many scotches did you drink, Rafi?”

“Not so many to be drunk or even dizzy but enough to tell you this. There are so many things I wished I would have said to abuelita. And before that, to my father. And I don’t want to do the same thing with my mum or- you,”

“Why me?”

“Because I care about you. More than you think, Y/N,” he paused, “but hey, I get it, you’re in love with Carisi and I don’t want to be a problem for you. I want you to be happy even if it’s with him- or Jeff or someone else. I just want you to know that you make my life better and you make me better,”

You definitely lost control of your car this time. You stared at Rafael for too long, and before you knew it, you hit the car in front of yours. Thankfully, you were not going too fast and the shock wasn’t too hard. You felt dizzy but it’s either because of the accident or Rafael’s declaration. Nobody was hurt, but the other driver was very angry. He yelled at you for breaking his car and then he yelled at Rafael for letting you drive. “A woman shouldn’t drive,” apparently. This made Rafael sarcastically laughing but not you, he saw your jaw clenching and your fists turning white. “My bad, she’s so beautiful I can’t get my hands off her. You know what it is— or maybe you don’t. I mean, I don’t see how a woman could be interested in you,”

The man was about to punch Rafael but you stood in the way and locked his arms before he was able to touch a hair of Rafa. You pressed him against his car, holding his arm in his back to hurt him. “Wanna have a stop in jail for assault on an Assistant District Attorney?”

“What?” the man realized he could be in trouble, “O-okay, let’s forget about the accident, huh? Nothing happened,” he said, scared.

You heard Rafael laughing and you let the idiot go, “Have a nice evening,” your friend said. You checked your car quickly, there are some repairs to do but you could still make it to Manhattan.

“When I said I didn’t want to be a problem for you, I wasn’t asking for you to kill me,” he joked but like you already told him before, love isn’t a game to you.

“Sorry- but I wasn’t expecting to hear you say something like this,”

He thought before talking, “You can pretend I didn’t say a thing. I don’t mind, hermosa,”

“How could I?”

*

Rafael offered you to stay over for the night but you gently refused. You needed to be alone right now, to think about everything that is going on and for the past two months. Breaking up with Jeff and not hearing for him at all, Sonny and now Rafael. And between all of this, your mother reappeared and you learnt you had a sister. How could your life become this?

In front of your door apartment, your mother was waiting for you. You didn’t bother to greet her, you didn’t smile. “Not happy to see me,” she said.

“Why would I be?” You stopped next to her and didn’t open your door. You didn’t want to invite her in.

“I guess apologies won’t be enough?”

“No chance in hell,”

“Listen, I know you hate me and I understand but you have to help your sister. She is depressed, broken and I don’t know what to do,”

“Sorry to hear that but I’m a cop, not a therapist. All I can do is to find who did this to her,”

“And do you plan on doing that by taking a day off?”

“Excuse me?” you interjected.

“Your coworkers came to see us! I asked about you and they told me you were not working today,”

You wanted to answer, gave her a lot of explanations, to tell her everything you had on your chest but you were too tired to do it. You didn’t have the courage to go there.

“Listen, my coworkers will do everything they can to help Lacey, I can assure that. Now, I’m pretty tired and I would like to be alone,” you confessed, hoping she would leave.

“So, nobody is waiting for you in there? Not even Jeff?”

“Goodbye mother,”

You got into your apartment and left your mother behind. With a bottle of wine, Friends on tv, some ice cream, you curled under your blanket and tried to forget about everything. What is happening with Rafael? Why are you uncontrollably attracted to him? You can’t help, when he is around, you feel something you can’t explain. But Sonny? What is it with him? Are you really in love with him? What is love actually? You loved Jeff, obviously, but it was casual. You’ve always known him, he always been there, especially when your father got sick and then died. What would you have done without him? What is love or just fear to be alone again? Maybe you just stayed with him to be with someone, cause no one else was there?

A terrible headache forced you to lay down in the dark and you fell asleep eventually. When the alarm rang, you shut it off, telling yourself just five more minutes. But it turned into a few hours, until someone knocked at your door. Liv was standing there and let herself in when you opened. “Liv, What- what time is it?” you asked, confused.

“11. Everyone worried about you, are you okay?” She wondered, concerned about your mental health. .

“Yeah, it’s just- I was too tired I’m sorry. I’m gonna take a shower and come to work,”

“Y/N, are you sure you don’t need a few days off? I can see you’re going through a lot, maybe you need to leave the city?”

You sat on a chair and invited your boss to join you. You sighed before answering, “To go where? With who? My work is the only sure thing I have right now, I don’t-“

“This job is already hard enough, and I can’t let my detectives come to work depressed and anxious,”

“I’m not-“ you started to interjected but Liv raised her hand.

“I read your file, Y/N. I know your struggles in the past, are you taking medication again?”

“No, absolutely not! And I don’t want to!”

“I want you to have medical exam,”

“What? Don’t you trust me when I say I’m not taking anything?” You stood up, angry at your boss, your hands started to shake.

“It’s not about the pills but your mental health. If the shrink clear you, then you come back. If not- well, we’ll see.” You were out of words. Just tears came out. “You’re a good detective, Y/N. But you should ask yourself if you’re mentally strong enough for it.”

And she just left.

[zoeykaytesmom]

What is Life? (Chapter 6)

Slight smut followed by heartbreak 

@lyssa1385​ @esparza-army​ @sweetsummertime99​ @gibbs274​ @tropes-and-tales​ @jramirezblogs​ @barbafan69​ @xemopeachx​

Graduation had come in 1993. Rafael was preparing to head to Harvard, Izzy was preparing for her big move to California, Erin was going to college in Chicago close to her Uncle Hank and Aunt Camille. Tony was ready for his move to Brown.

Right after graduation, Yelina told Rafael they needed to take some time apart. He was heartbroken, naturally. Izzy felt horrible for him. He had wanted her for 6 years and when he finally got her, he was on cloud nine for most of their Senior year.

“Hey.”

“Hey, Rafa,” she smiled as he knocked on her bedroom door the day before she was leaving for California. She was still packing a few things to be shipped to her.

“You need any help?”

“I think I have packed most of everything I want to take with me. There’s still a few CDs, tapes, and movies I’m going through.”

“Of course, you’d take all of your Billy Joel, Queen, Elton John, Duran Duran, and Huey Lewis,” he chuckled as he looked in the box.

“Well, duh.”

“What about your crown from when you were our winter formal queen Sophomore year?” He said as she put the tiara on his head.

“Don’t stretch it out with your big head.”

“My head is of normal proportion, thank you,” he laughed as he handed it to her.

“I think I’ll leave it here,” she responded as she set on her corkboard above her desk.

“What about this Peabo Bryson CD?”

“Eh, it can stay here.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t go with your parents to take Tony to Brown.”

“They wanted me to finish packing since my flight leaves tomorrow and my stuff, including my car, is being shipped the day after tomorrow. When do you leave for Cambridge?”

“Next week. Erin’s already gone to Chicago?”

“She left yesterday. She’s staying with her aunt and uncle so she needed to get settled.”

“What are you two going to do without each other?”

“I have no idea,” she laughed.

Rafael loaded a couple of more CD’s into Izzy’s stereo as he helped her continue packing.

Peabo Bryson and Kenny G’s 1993 hit “By the Time This Night is Over” started playing on her CD player eventually.

He took her hand and started dancing with her in the middle of all the boxes.

“Rafa…”

His thumb brushed her lips gently before he leaned in and kissed her. It had been over a year since they shared their first kiss but there was something different about this one. There seemed to be more passion on both ends.

It got even stronger and deeper as he backed her to her bed.

They continued making out, his hand slowly going up the gray “Color Day” shirt she was wearing and she didn’t stop him as he cupped her breast. He pushed her bra down just enough to flick her nipple gently. He was sending so many sensations through her body with his tongue in her mouth and his hand on her breast, she didn’t know what to think.

They kept going further as she palmed his erection on the outside of his khaki shorts. He was huge beyond belief. He quietly moaned as she continued petting him, getting harder, almost able to wrap her hand around his erection.

She took his Green Day t-shirt off and threw it in her floor, his gold crucifix swinging back and forth.

He took off her shirt, unknowingly throwing it on top of his. She started to unbutton and unzip his shorts as he undid her bra. He lightly flicked her nipples with his tongue, causing her to moan louder than she already had been.

He slipped off the cotton shorts she was wearing, he rubbed the outside of the panties she was wearing to find she was already soaked.

Soon they were both naked, his huge erection making her nervous.

“Do you want me to stop?” He asked as he kissed her neck.

“N-no. Do you…do you have anything?”

“Yeah,” he whispered before reaching down into his shorts to get the condom from his wallet. “Are you sure about this?”

“Are you?”

“Absolutely,” he told her as he nibbled on her earlobe.

He rolled the condom onto him before he began to enter her. It hurt at first, but first times were supposed to hurt she told herself. He pushed in a little further at a time until the pained look left her face and she seemed more relaxed.

He started moving slowly in and out of her as they lost their virginities to each other that day in her bedroom. He buried his face in her neck as he picked up his movements. “I love you,” he whispered as he kept going.

She didn’t know how to respond so she just grabbed his face and kissed him while they continued.

She felt something weird happening to her body, nothing she had ever felt from masturbation.

“God, Rafa…” she moaned.

He felt her tighten around his cock and soon, with a few moans, released his own orgasm into the condom he was wearing.

After he discarded the condom, he just held her. She sort of fidgeted with the crucifix as they laid in each other’s arms on her bed. She knew her parents wouldn’t be home for another 7 hours at least and they ended up just falling asleep holding each other, without a word.

Once their nap was over, Rafael got dressed and decided he needed to go home.

Izzy walked him downstairs and decided that even if he did just say those words in the moment, she was going to be honest with him.

They got to the front door and she pulled him in for a hug. “I will always love you, Rafa,” she whispered as he squeezed her even tighter.

Both of them had tears in their eyes when they pulled apart. “I want a letter as soon as you get settled,” he told her as he wiped his eyes.

“Of course.”

“I’m gonna miss you…so much.”

“I’ll miss you, too. I’ll be home for Thanksgiving.”

“Me too. Give them hell at USC.”

“You do the same at Harvard.”

He smiled and then he kissed her again before he left.

****

“All of the rest of your stuff will be here in a couple of days,” Anthony told his daughter once they got to her dorm room.

“I know, Dad.”

“You have your credit card but don’t abuse it.”

“I won’t.”

“Make sure you let Erin know you made safely,” Stella laughed.

“I will. What are you guys gonna do?”

“We are gonna explore LA a little bit. Both of our kids our in college so, we’re gonna enjoy a little alone time.”

“Ew, Ma.”

“Get your mind out of the gutter. What’s wrong?” Stella asked as she noticed tears in her daughter’s eyes.

“Nothing,” she shook her head.

“Hey, you’re gonna do fine here. Thanksgiving will be here before you know it.”

“You’re right.”

“Then you can see Erin and Rafael.”

“Rafael and I…”

“You didn’t pick up all your trash yesterday,” Stella whispered as Anthony was hooking up the computer he had bought for his daughter.

“Ma…”

“As long as you two were safe,” she told her as she raised her hand. “You’re almost 19. Are you two finally…”

“No. I don’t how to describe it. It was the perfect good-bye,” she said as she wiped her eyes.

“I think it was more.”

“What are you two talking about over there?”

“Just telling our daughter that she’s going to do fine here,” Stella fibbed with a small smile.

“Your mom’s right, princess. Well, I think that’s everything for now. We have to check in the Beverly Hills Hotel soon, Stells.”

“Beverly Hills, huh?”

“I don’t have to pay to send my kids to college so I’m going to spoil my wife a little,” Anthony told his daughter, who just laughed. “Now, if you need anything, I don’t care what time of night it is in New York, pick up the phone.”

“Okay.”

They told her they loved her as they hugged her.

“Okay, you two. Go have fun. I need to unpack and my roommate should be showing up anytime.”

“Okay. Remember what I said. I don’t care what time it is.”

“Got it, Dad.”

They finally left and Izzy started unpacking her things. She was going through one of the few small boxes she had brought and found a picture she didn’t remember packing. It was from the freshman dance. Rafael in his suit, her in her dress. He must’ve slipped it in there when she went to get them a soda. Tears filled her eyes as she smiled while she put it on the corkboard.

“Whew! I never thought I was going to get here,” a dark haired girl with a southern accent said as she came in and dropped her suitcases.

“You must be my roommate.”

“Hi, Krystal Williams, Ft. Worth, TX.”

“Izzy Rossetti, Brooklyn, NY.”

“Ooh, New York. You live there all your life?”

“Born and raised. You?”

“Same. Never left D/FW. I worked at Six Flags Over Texas during high school, which is located in Arlington but that was a whole 30 minutes from my house. Graduated from Catholic school.”

“So, did I. I hope you don’t mind I took the bed closest to the door.”

“Not at all. I prefer to be further away from the door really. Is that your boyfriend?” She asked as she looked at the lone picture on Izzy’s board.”

“Um…no. He was my best friend in high school. That was from a dance we went to together our freshman year.”

“He’s certainly cute.”

“He definitely is,” Izzy agreed.

She and Krystal continued to get to know each other as they unpacked their things. Like Izzy, Krystal’s parents were shipping the rest of her stuff, including her Nissan Altima a few days later. She was an only child who actually had a sister that died at 6 weeks old before Krystal was born.

She didn’t have a boyfriend either and seemed nice enough.

******

Dear Rafael,

How’s Harvard treating you? You’ll be impressed to know that I’ve only gotten lost on campus twice since classes started. I can hear you making fun of me so stop. My roommate and I seem to get along. We bonded over our love of New Kids on the Block…stop laughing. I talked to Tony the other day. He seems to like Brown pretty well. Erin is lonely in Chicago but who wouldn’t be without me? Ha ha. I can’t wait until Thanksgiving. I miss my parents and I actually miss Tony. Most of all, I miss you. I hope you know I meant the last thing I said to you. That day…it was everything I hoped that experience would be. Not to sound too sappy but it was the fact that I love you that made it so wonderful for me. I’m glad I waited and was able to share that with you and only you. That is something no one else will ever get from me now. Anyways, I just had a few minutes and thought I’d write you just say hi and check in on you. Hope to hear from you soon.

-Izz

She thought she’d get a response quicker than she did. Every time Krystal came in with mail, her heart would drop when she hadn’t received anything from Rafael. Then again, he was pre-law and had a long road ahead of him. His course load probably outweighed hers by far so she just went on about her school work.

******

“Somebody’s got a letter,” Krystal sang when she came in with the envelope. At first she didn’t get too excited, thinking it might’ve been something from Erin; until she recognized the hand writing and her heart skipped a beat. She couldn’t seem to get the envelope open fast enough as she at in the lounge chair next to her bed.

Dear Elizabeth,

I was very excited to get your letter when I did, that’s why this letter has been so hard for me to write. Like you, I meant my last words to you as well and I will never forget that day. However, Yelina and I have been talking and she wants to work things out. In order to do so, I couldn’t start everything off on a lie with her thinking I’m still a virgin, so I came clean about what happened between us. She was upset, of course, but she forgave me. Yet, she has asked that I cutoff all contact with you. You were the last person I ever wanted to or expected to hurt. This is breaking my own heart as I write this. Please don’t hate me. I know that’s easier said than done at this point. You will always hold a place in my heart…”

She couldn’t even finish reading at as she practically ripped the picture from her board, shoving them both in her desk. She was angry, she was hurt. She could care less about the spots on the paper that made it obvious he had cried while writing the letter.

“You okay?”

“I’m fine, Krystal.”

“What’s wrong?”

“He’s getting back together with his ex-girlfriend that treated him like shit.”

She wiped the tears from her eyes and refused to cry. Technically they weren’t together. She just thought that maybe they’d start writing back and forth and at Thanksgiving, spend some time together. They were separated by 3,000 miles after all so long distance really wouldn’t have been an option but they could’ve at least figured out something.

[atombombbibunny]

I Know

Pairing: Daveed X Reader

Summary: Anthony and Jasmine threw a house party, you have no idea as to why.

Word Count: 3016 (edited)

Warnings: Lots of drinking, some angst

A/N: Part two soooooon??? Mayyyybe???? Hopefullyyyyyyy?? Shout out to @musicalmoriarty For pushing me to write lol

You twirled the little red straw in your whiskey glass, the ice knocking gently on the sides.

You were going to do it, you told yourself you were going to do it, and now you couldn’t relax.

The familiar noise of metal and clanging wood filled your ears as the backyard fence opened, to your delight and fear in he walked. Daveed.

The man you’ve watched and adored for the last ten years of your life, the one you promised yourself you would confess your feelings to tonight, the one you’re completely afraid of in this moment.

Your body suddenly ached and you couldn’t decide if you should stay still or walk away from the awkward situation that was only playing in your mind. In turn you decided to glue yourself to the grass you were standing on, and awkwardly lifted your arm to give a half wave.

His eyes fell on you and he smiled brightly, he looked extra charming in his white dress shirt with his sleeves half rolled up tucked neatly in his black dress pants, his hair down and natural, and his thick rimmed glasses on.

He began to make his way towards you, reciprocating the wave, all you wanted to do was run.

You  had no idea why Anthony and Jasmine were throwing this party, it was a semi formal dinner party for absolutely reason, it was probably to show off their new house, but you still felt awkward in a floor length burgundy dress standing in the backyard, your heels digging into the soft grass, with whiskey in your hands.

You had no idea why Anthony and Jasmine were throwing this party, it was a semi formal dinner party for absolutely reason, it was probably to show off their new house, but you still felt awkward in a floor length burgundy dress standing in the backyard, your heels digging into the soft grass, with whiskey in your hands.

“Y/N. Hey!” Daveed said finally reaching you through the crowded yard, his arms wrapped around you, you stayed still as your arms were pinned down from his excited embrace.

“Hey, Daveed.” Just then his girlfriend appeared at his side. “Hey, Y/N.” You took a sip of your drink with tight lips, allowing the burn to hide your passive aggressiveness. “Hey Lauren.” You said almost too peppy. “Babe, I’m going to get a drink, want anything?” She asked tilting her head up towards him flashing a bright smile, Daveed shook his head and waved his hand. “I’m good, thanks.” Your eye watched her sway away, her long gold dress slid gently on the grass. You couldn’t hate Lauren, she was nice, but she had the one thing you wanted more than anything.

The two of you stood in awkward silence for a moment as you tried to collect and force out the words. Knowing that once you told him you wanted to talk there was no going back, you would have his full attention. You took in a tight breath and opened your mouth.

“Daveed, can we talk?” He raised an eyebrow at you and smirked. “Aren’t we already doing that?” You rolled your eyes. “Haha, so funny.” He smiled proudly but nodded towards you. “What’s up?” You grasped at your arm, rubbing it gently. As you eyed Daveed you noticed he was almost bouncing where he stood. “Daveed-.” Before the rest of the words could roll off your tongue, the words you’ve been practicing in the mirror for days you were interrupted. “Guess what?” You felt a pang of anger coarse through you, its not like he knew what you wanted to say but usually he was all ears.

“What?” You asked a little too bitterly, he bit his bottom lip and you couldn’t help but stare. “Guess why we’re here?” You glanced around at the women in long dresses and men all dressed up, you shrugged. “Anthony and Jasmine got a new house, right?” He shook his head so feverishly that you couldn’t make out his face, his glasses almost slipping off his nose. “Guess again!” You tilted your head to the side, tired of this game already. “Daveed, just tell me.” He was biting the inside of cheek now but broke out into a wide smile. “Okay, I’m not supposed to tell anyone just yet, but you’re my best friend.” You took in a gentle breath but still felt the harshness of the night cooling down.

“Y/N, I’m getting married.” You froze, not a blink, just froze in place. You felt your insides tangle and your heart sink deep in your chest. The pain was almost so unreal that you wanted to grab at your torso, but you fought against it, as well as pushing the tears that ached to escape backwards, instead you gripped your drink tighter, your fingers aching at the ridges of the glass.

Taking another moment to gain composure, you wanted desperately to run so you pushed your heels deeper into the grass.

“That’s amazing Daveed.” You said as strongly as your vocal cords would allow, praying that it would be enough. He wrapped you again in yet another embrace. “I’m so excited.” His hug was tight, and as he let you go you took in a deep shaking breath. “I’m so happy for you.” You lied. “I’m going to get another drink.” Before Daveed could question your reaction to his wonderful news you walked off towards the bar.

Once you reached the bar you ordered another whiskey, this time a double and told the bartender to expect seeing a lot of you tonight, he laughed, you weren’t joking.

You took a long gulp from your fresh glass and examined the party happening in front of you. A lot of familiar faces, and a lot of strangers. No wonder you were confused, these are a bunch of Daveed and Lauren’s friends, you know all of Jasmine and Anthony’s friends, you felt stupid for not seeing the signs that are now so clear.

A sighed burst through and you took another long drink, almost finishing it, you saved some though, not wanting to look like an alcoholic to the bartender, although you bet, he’s seen worse than you. Your head began to swim.

“Y/N. Hey!” You turned to see who was calling you, and there stood Rafael, a smile broke across your face and tilted your drink towards him. “Rafa, hey.” He smiled and examined your almost empty drink. “Need another?” You shrugged eyeing the lack of liquid in the cup. “Need ten more.” You informed completely monotone. Rafael let out a short chuckle. “What’s wrong?” You shrugged once more playing with the skinny straw again, you wondered to yourself why they were there. “Why do they put these tiny straws in these drinks, when someone orders whiskey they aren’t going to drink through a dainty straw like this.” Rafael laughed wholeheartedly this time, he fixed his hair from his laughter and pulled you to his side. “Let’s go get you another.” Nodding you polished off the last few inches of your drink.

Once the third drink was in your hands everyone was called back inside for dinner, and a special announcement. You held back your scoff as you walked towards the door. You lost Rafael in the crowd but proceeded in on your own. Taking an empty seat next to Lin and Vanessa who flashed you a bright smile as you sat, you nodded back at them and took a sip of your drink. They could feel the unwilling to talk vibe coursing off of you.

As everyone settled in the hosts of the evening entered and thanked everyone for coming. “Now I know like, everyone was confused as to why we had you dress up, but this is actually a huge occasion with big news, without saying anything else I’m gunna pass this off to Daveed.” Anthony announced nodding towards Daveed

All eyes turned to Daveed and Lauren who just happened to be sitting all the way at the other end of the table. “Hey!” Daveed said nervousness radiating off him. “We have some big news!”

“Is it that you have big news?” Rafael shouted out, causing a giggle to escape, you glanced over to him and shot him a look, but he just flashed a smile.

“Ey, fuck off Rafa.” He said flipping him off, Lauren giggled but nudged Daveed gently. “Right! Okay!” The room was silent, it made you uncomfortable. “Lauren and I are engaged!” The second the word engaged fell out of his mouth there was an eruption of cheers and applause and gasps, you sat in silence stirring your drink, the ice cubes slowly melting watering it down.

As everyone got up to hug the happy couple you stayed seated, only looking up from your drink to see Daveed’s face, his smile was wide, it was the one that made you want to kiss his cheeks because of the way they puffed out and his eyes were squint yet were still so gorgeous.

Sighing internally, a slight knot sat at the bottom of your throat, you swallowed more of your whiskey to burn it down, the only reason you began drinking whiskey was because of Daveed, his glass was next to his dinner plate, you envied it.

Dinner passed, it wasn’t anything fancy chicken and all, everyone told stories of the two love birds placed at the end of the long dining table.

Wishing desperately for the night to end,  you knew even after dinner you would have to stay a bit longer, or questions would definitely be raised as to why one of his best friends left so quickly on such a joyous occasion.

As you played with the few grains of rice that sat on your plate Lin touched your arm. “Are you okay?” you glanced at him realizing you were slumped over, completely immersed in your plate.

You smiled lightly and took hold of your glass again. “I’m fine.” Lin eyed you cautiously, your body language told him otherwise, but he knew not to push it.

Dinner finished and everyone wandered around the new house and the backyard once more. Everyone seemed so focused that no one saw your face slowly fall, the tears you were pushing back were trying for another escape, you quickly made your way to the bathroom, after locking it roughly you leaned over the porcelain sink.

You let out a sob before covering your mouth, a few tears slid down your cheeks, you just stared at yourself, almost disgusted, why were you crying, you knew this was bound to happen.

A muffled sob came out, every breath in felt like knives, as the tears spilled over your fingers.

A quiet knock came from the door. “Y/N?” Jasmines voice echoed out into the large bathroom. You swallowed hard. “Be right out.” you choked out. “Y/N…” Your name came through the door again, this time softer and filled with worry, you felt the guilt fill your veins. This was Daveed’s big night and you were ruining it. “I’m fine, I promise. I’ll be out soon, okay?”

There were no other words between you two, you just heard her heels click away from the door.

You wiped away your tears and tried to salvage what makeup you had left on your face.

As more minutes passed with your attempts to calm yourself down and fan down the red on your cheeks you could feel attention turning to you

At least Rafael is probably looking for you.

You took one last deep painful breath and exited the bathroom; a few eyes fell on you as you fast walked back outside to let the cool air calm you down.

Like magic Rafael was back by your side. “Y/N, where’d you go?” Forcing out yet another smile, they were beginning to hurt. “Just looked around.” You could see he didn’t buy what you were saying. “I got you another drink.” He passed you the glass, you already felt sick and drunk, but you took a sip. “Listen, Y/N you know you can talk to me, right?” You nodded, taking another sip, but just when you were ready to fold Daveed walked up to the two of you. Your heart fell low in your chest once more.

His smile had yet to differ from the moment he arrived. “Hey guys, having fun?” You nodded and Rafael slapped him on the back. “Yeah, congrats again man.” He said laughing at him. “Never thought I’d see the day.” Daveed shoved him whilst laughing. “I told you I was going to do it, you idiot.” Your eyes snapped to Rafael; his eyes flashed with fear as he looked back at you. “Uh, yeah.” He said trying to keep his face bright and happy.

You moved back a step. “Y/N, where you going? I feel like I haven’t seen you all night?” Daveed questioned, watching you take another step backwards, you had never felt sicker than at that moment. “I gotta go home, I have an important call in the morning.” That wasn’t exactly a lie, you had to call your mom to cry.

Daveed’s smile finally disappeared. “Are you okay? You’re a little green.” You took another step away. “Yeah, just a little too much to drink.” Daveed reached for your arm to try and pull you back, but your arm snapped gripping your glass. “I really need to go Daveed.” His eyes desperately tried to search yours to find something. “Y/N” he said cautiously. Another step back. “Really, congratulations Daveed.” Your voice quivering in mid sentence.

You spun around on your heel and headed for the door, your phone almost tumbling out of your clutch as you dialed for a cab, you were too drunk for driving and too embarrassed or too angry to ask anyone for a ride. You could hear Rafael call out your name from the back door, but you had tunnel vision for the front door.

Once you exited the house you stood in the front yard waiting. As you delivered the address to the driver you heard the door open. “Okay, thank you.” As you hung up the call you could feel someone behind you. You put your phone away and continued to ignore who ever was standing there. Deep down you knew who it was, but you didn’t want to admit it, even to yourself.

The two of you sat in silence, you closed your eyes and hoped that when you opened them the cab would be there.

“Y/N.” Daveed’s voice rang out into the quiet night, you kept your stature and continued to stare forward. “I know you can hear me.” You stood still, still saying nothing, you wondered how it could be so quiet with everyone in the backyard. The streets felt eerily silent. “Your cabs not here yet, come back inside.” Still you refused to say a word, nothing.

Footsteps approached you. “You’re scaring me.” A hand touched your shoulder, you wanted to fall, to cry into his chest. But that would be the last thing you could do.

“Come on Kitty.” He said gently. Your heart skipped a beat at the sound of your nickname, the nickname he gave you for your love of naps and hair pets. Then you just suddenly went cold. “Don’t call me that.” you muttered; his hand left your shoulder. “What?” You held your arms tightly in front of you. He finally walked around to face you.

“You don’t get to call me that.” You said sharply. His face was plagued with confusion he once again searched your eyes for something, some kind of answer as to why you were acting this way. “Why?” His voice was low and gentle. “Because Daveed.” You didn’t want to explode on him, but the whiskey was taking over, you tried to clench your mouth shut, but he just asked again. “Y/N. Why?” He looked almost hurt, but more angry, angry that you were creating this drama, angry at why you were doing this for no apparent reason.

 You looked off to the side, hoping to see any sign of your cab. “Y/N, answer me.” You let out a light scoff, like he could tell you what to do. “Daveed just leave it.” Now he was irritated, you knew how to push all the wrong buttons, and now you had done exactly that. “Y/N, for the love of god why are you acting like this?”

You began to walk to the other side of the driveway, you didn’t want to embarrass yourself further, you didn’t want to hurt Daveed. But as you moved from him, he grabbed at your arm and pulled you back in front of him. “You can’t just walk away, you’re my best friend!” His voice sounded broken as you ripped your arm from his hand. “Daveed!” You shouted losing it. “Because you’re getting married, okay!?” His shoulders dropped as he stared at you. “What?” He whispered; immediate regret ran down your body like cold water.

“Daveed- I” He stepped back from you. “You…” You watched as he tried to find the right words, but nothing came to him, the headlights from the cab came into view. “Daveed, I’m sorry.” You muttered out, you started to move so the cab could see you. You were just past Daveed’s frozen body when he swiftly took hold of your wrist, you felt your heart pound painfully in your chest, you were tiring of being grabbed. You glanced at him from the side, his eye stared forward, but he wouldn’t let go of you.

The cab was almost at the house. “Daveed.” You begun to protest his grip once again, but then you found his lips on yours. The kiss was rough and passionate, the taste of whiskey on his lips burnt at yours, his hands rested on your cheeks as he pulled you flush against him.

It was everything you wanted and more, but it was wrong, he was angry and confused. You reluctantly placed your hand on his chest and pushed yourself away.

“Goodnight Daveed.” You said hearing the brakes of the cab pull up beside the two of you.

You didn’t dare look back at him, if you had you knew you would have gone back to him.

As you entered the cab you mumbled out your address then promptly hid your face in your hands.