#radiostranger

[asecretvice]

hi!! i’m rereading “and this, your living kiss” (for about the sixth time bc i love it so so much), and i’m very curious what your personal opinion is about on the road? you write both opinions of the book so well and i know it’s one of those books that garner very opposite strong opinions. i read the book after reading your fic for the first time and certainly have my own strong opinions. would love to know your thoughts about it!

(and once again thank you for the absolute gift that your fic is, i love it so deeply)

Firstly, thank you so much for your kind words about my writing. It means the world <3

On the Road is a tricky one, isn't it? The short answer is, I do enjoy it. The longer answer includes a "but." And then a couple more.

Just looking at the specs of the book, it's pretty unusual that I should enjoy it--the subject matter is mostly [white] dudes being dudes, it's more or less "literary" fiction, there's just...SO MUCH misogyny, and I'm simply not a big fan of stream of consciousness [or free association, or spontaneous, or whatever you want to call it] prose, because it's difficult to do it both clearly and interestingly. And yet.

The guy does it well. The book is full of energy and passion, ridiculously gorgeous turns of phrase, and for the characters [real people!] he spends the time on, the portraits are so detailed and beautiful and ugly and real. Down to the way he captures their speech patterns!

It's been a little over ten years since I've read it [what is. time.], but I plucked the book off my shelf and was able to find you the exact passage in the first chapter where I decided to trust Kerouac as an author, and allow myself to go with his flow:

They rushed down the street together, digging everything in the early way they had, which later became so much sadder and perceptive and blank. But then they danced down the streets like dingledodies, and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!" What did they call such young people in Goethe's Germany?

I mean, this thought starts with another device I tend not to like, the sort of, "If only they'd known, then this wouldn't have happened!" or "Little did they know, it would all end soon" or what have you. But it isn't laid out that way, as a wink or a gotcha. It sets up the dim result, but then gives you the answer without holding your hand about it--you can only burn like that for so long, really. And the nod to "young people in Goethe's Germany," and mentioning the colors blue and yellow, in my view, are an intentional reference to The Sorrows of Young Werther.

The structure is great! This passage is three sentences, the middle one taking up the bulk of it. It's got all sorts of qualities that well-meaning teachers might try to convince you out of, but he's long past that beginner's stage. Read it out loud! It sounds right. The rhythm of this whole section works, with the lead up sentence, the one that flies higher and higher into a climax, and then the short denouement that brings you back down to earth. Not to mention the poetics of it; you could easily split that middle sentence into lines and be wowed by the structure of it:

and I shambled after as I've been doing all my life after people who interest me, because the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved

Or hell, just say aloud the phrase "candles exploding like spiders across the stars" and delight in the recurring phonemes like /k/, /l/, /d/, /s/, etc.

And you know, maybe that does nothing for you. But I can't imagine that most folks wouldn't at least appreciate the sentiment and how real it feels, how some are in their youth, and then things becoming "so much sadder." Or relate to times when you felt fully mad or overwhelmingly desirous. Or being the person shambling behind, the one ever so slightly on the outside, observing the ones who seem to be truly living their lives to the fullest [Writers' Syndrome(tm)].

So yes, I enjoy the book and I enjoy the pictures Kerouac paints us. It certainly helps that I read this book right around the time I started watching spn. I believe it was probably a month or so after I'd caught up. It was on the docket anyway because I had discovered Ginsberg for myself not very long before I watched the show, and I'd made a point to seek out a few of the beats thereafter. It was rather a synchronous turn of events that helped cement the two things--spn and beat literature--together for me, beyond the movement's heavy influence on Kripke. [If you don't think I have a beats-style spn fic that's been waiting to be written since that time which I've nicknamed Sulfur Sutra then you are sorely mistaken :p ]

Anyway, I did reread the first chapter before writing this post and yeah, the mommy issues and misogyny are in there right away also, and like...okay, that tracks why I recall so well certain moments of the book where I got so frustrated I would be taken out of it and just sit there like

[I hope he felt my eyes. Burning shame into his soul. Like my dude. Really?]

The other part of it is...well...he was in fact describing his version of reality. You don't have to like him on account of it, but I don't doubt for a moment that the guys talked that way, or thought that yes indeed Marylou should go to the kitchen or go sweep the floor or whatever. It takes place in the 40s [not like it doesn't happen all the time today]. Look at it from a more historical/anthropological perspective, if that helps.

Thankfully, there are antidotes to all this. I would highly recommend what I've found to be the best one: Minor Characters by Joyce Johnson. She was part of the beats, and was in a relationship with Kerouac for a couple years. On the Road was reality as he perceived the era; Minor Characters as she perceived it.

In terms of my fic, I agree with and hold both Dean's and Charlie's perspectives simultaneously, as they both come to do after they discuss it with each other and finish the book themselves. The gender politics [and in a few passages, the race politics] are shit, but there's a reason the book has remained popular since its publication, and inspired so many adaptations and other stories. To this day its effects are felt in the American zeitgeist, and for that reason I'm still happy to recommend it to people with the obvious caveats. Besides, as is often the truth in these cases, the book is so much more interesting and beautiful and nuanced than pop culture makes it out to be.

You said you have some strong opinions--feel free to tell me what they are! I'm interested to know ^_^

Thank you again for your kind words, and your ask. I had a lot of fun answering it!

[ididit-allofit-foryou]

happy pride, bitches!

bonus:

(another version of this one & tag list below the cut!)

(tag list--please let me know if you want to be added or removed!)

@notreallyaroad @cosmic0ak @adeliadrawstuff @cas-as-in-ass @thegayangeldeservedbetter @jensen-frackles @radiostranger @angelkissesdean n @alfalfapie @unholyasshole @youre-only-gay-once @catboymishacollins @shyshitter @diamond-order @beanmom @babyblue-mind @hollyspn @uh-ohspaghettio o @wolfstarisswag @gayfallenangel @cas-dyke @blrblob @squirrelsarecool l @asphyxiatedredherring @salchat t @yrfemmehusband @iknowtheendnatural @wishful-seeker-art @letmeblued @pink-enby-in-distress @colinthrobinson @hitori-alouette @justafictionlover @scarlettmichkat @heres-to-evil-skanks @torturedpoetdean @doctorprofessorsong g @november5th @deanhisnippleisout @floral-cas @dykekingofhell @spnjohnlocked @harryshousevevo @thiscastielhasflown @dailydestieldose @fredzina @dusenkasab @one-more-offbeat-anthem @justgayangelthingz

[richieibarra]

Master of puppets... #RadioStranger #SkyOnFire #Sunset #Sundown #Dusk #Twilight #Sky #Horizon #SkyLover #SkyPorn #CloudPorn #CloudLover #Nature #Wicca #Pagan #Witchcraft #Happiness #Blessed #Grateful #UrbanView #Clouds #Stormy #CloudHunter #Mountains https://www.instagram.com/p/ChOzAgnOrMj/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[ididit-allofit-foryou]

i wrote a poem because i couldnt sleep, and of course its a dean pov destiel poem, what else would you expect of me?? its just over 1000 words so i'm just gonna share the ao3 link instead of pasting it here! i hope you enjoyyyy

(tag list below--let me know if you want to be added or removed!)

@notreallyaroad @cosmic0ak @adeliadrawstuff @cas-as-in-ass @thegayangeldeservedbetter @jensen-frackles @radiostranger @angelkissesdean @alfalfapie @unholyasshole @youre-only-gay-once @shyshitter r @diamond-order @beanmom @babyblue-mind @hollyspn @uh-ohspaghettio @wolfstarisswag @gayfallenangel @cas-dyke @blrblob @squirrelsarecool @asphyxiatedredherring @salchat @yrfemmehusband @iknowtheendnatural @fluffylemonaidz @letmeblued @pink-enby-in-distress @colinthrobinson @hitori-alouette @justafictionlover @scarlettmichkat @heres-to-evil-skanks @torturedpoetdean @doctorprofessorsong @november5th @deanhisnippleisout @nguyenxtrang @floral-cas @dykekingofhell @spnjohnlocked @harryshousevevo @thiscastielhasflown @dailydestieldose @fredzina @dusenkasab @one-more-offbeat-anthem @justgayangelthingz

[ididit-allofit-foryou]

hi!! i just posted another art process video of a commission i did! i tried to make it pretty relaxing ^.^ (also, my cat kindaaa takes over the video 😅) pls lmk if you check it out!!

(tag list below--let me know if you want to be added or removed!)

@notreallyaroad @cosmic0ak @adeliadrawstuff @torturedpoetemotions @cas-as-in-ass @thegayangeldeservedbetter @jensen-frackles @radiostranger @angelkissesdean @alfalfapie @unholyasshole @youre-only-gay-once @catboymishacollins @shyshitter @diamond-order @beanmom @babyblue-mind @hollyspn @uh-ohspaghettio @wolfstarisswag @gayfallenangel @cas-dyke @blrblob @squirrelsarecool @asphyxiatedredherring @salchat @yrfemmehusband @iknowtheendnatural @wishful-seeker @fluffylemonaidz @letmeblued @pink-enby-in-distress @colinthrobinson @hitori-alouette @justafictionlover @scarlettmichkat @heres-to-evil-skanks @torturedpoetdean @doctorprofessorsong @november5th @deanhisnippleisout @nguyenxtrang @floral-cas @dykekingofhell @spnjohnlocked @harryshousevevo @thiscastielhasflown @dailydestieldose @fredzina @dusenkasab

[richieibarra]

Neverending story...🎶 #RadioStranger #Sunshine #Sunrise #Dawn #Sunup #Sky #SkyOnFire #SkyLover #SkyPorn #Sun #Sunlight #Nature #Wicca #Pagan #Witchcraft #Happiness #Blessed #Grateful #UrbanView #SomeClouds #Morning #SkyHunter #LoveSunnyDays https://www.instagram.com/p/ChNO2vGuyJn/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=