#raccoon's uhaul box

[feral-ass-raccoon]

man having tumblr mutuals is so wild bc like. there are people on here that i can point at and go HEY I KNOW LIKE SIX OF YOU GUYS. i know where they live. i can just. Show Up. and hang out. and then on the flip side i can look at a beloved moot and be like oh. hm. i do not know what you look like. i love you tho come look at this fucked up looking cat.

[theroseofambrose]

Lester Sinclair and the Haunted attic

Based on another true story with my grandmother’s victorian doll collection that she left for me when she passed away. warning: creepy ass fucking dolls, like sierously. I love my grammy and all but These things scare the crap out of me. 

Lester and his SO were moving in together. The little that she owned was put in the back of a uhual van and in Lester’s Truck. She didn’t have much but there were a few big things from when her grandma was alive that she wanted to keep. Lester opened up the uhaul and took off a sheet from a big wooden cabinet that he thought was either a wardrobe or chifforobe. Unmoving glass eyes started back at him and he fell backwards in surprise 

“Lester?” she called concerned from the thud 

“uh, darling what this” Lester asked as she stepped in 

“oh, My gran collected Dolls, she left them for me. is that okay?” she asked 

“uh... sure... yeah that’s fine sweetpea” he said pushing. 

The Dolls got put up in the small attic of Lester’s cabin. When Lester was doing it he noticed the Doll cabinet came with a key hole 

“moonlight, does this thing lock?” Lester hollered from upstairs 

“yea sugar. Memaw always kept it lock it to. Kept the key in her jewelry box”she said 

Lester was not so sure about this. 

----

Months later we are in bed. no noise. the forest is silent. Then there is a creaking from above their heads. Something walking around up in the attic 

Rose woke up, shaking Lester. from his deep sleep 

Lester: what what is darling?

Rose: Listen. I think there is something up in the attic

Lester, silently laying there listen to the creaking and clawing. pulling rose closer before whispering.:..... do ya think the dolls came to life?

Rose, gripping Lester t-shirt tighter : Well now I do! but.. can you go up and check to see what it is?

Lester, freaking himself out with images of chucky or Annabell in his head : uh.. they are your dolls. 

Rose, not wanting to leave : come on... you’re the big strong man in this situation

Lester: I’m pretty sure a century of feminism says that doesn’t matter

Rose, clearly annoyed and a little afraid :okay, how about you are the abled bodied person in this situation. 

Lester, trying to come up with a come back: okay yeah, yeah darling you got me there. 

---

Lester gets out of bed. Grabs a big heavy flashlight and putting on his jeans. creeps up to the ladder to the attic. slowly peeking into the hatch hole. He shines the flashlight around to be greeted by bright glowing eyes. Lester so scared at that moment he couldn’t even scream. The Large figure runs from him and into a dark corner of the attic. Lester takes a tumble down that ladder on his ass. 

“Lester!” rose called out downstair concerned. Lester tried to catch his breath and his racing heart as he heard a very familiar chittering sound. 

“I’m okay.. I’m alright darling. Just busted my ass. Good news, your creepy dolls aren’t cursed” Lester said 

“what’s the bad news?” Rose asked judging from his tone 

“well, we got a damn Raccoon in the attic” Lester Said getting up and looking back in there to see the masked bandit up there going through a box of Christmas Lights with its creepy human like hands. he climbed in there slowly and saw the hole the critter got in from. Just more thing to add onto the to do list. 

Maybe he could talk Bo into helping him. A case of beer and Rose batting her eye lashes at him should do it. 

[the-firebird69]

Rocky Raccoon man up load all w Thor's approval and special include tacticals Thor states and anything else you can think of booze and so on

Zues

We do that the Miur building leveled by one truck. We use uhauls lots are almost gone or not drivable and shipping containers all over that stink are full of shit we pack w stuffnow huge derigables and hardships can drop them.

Fertalizer and gas. We used some they work great. We drop some school lockers and boat boxes on you here and laugh boat boxes!! How bout square nukes in safes

We agree we do that too bigger bang

Thor

[feral-ass-raccoon]

holdign everyone who is new to fandom spaces very gently. you can ship your oc with whoever you want.

another of your ocs? go for it. a friends oc?? sounds awesome. a canon character?? hell yeah. nobody?? you got it. multiple characters??? amazing. its your oc. do what you want. be free

[feral-ass-raccoon]

i tjink its kinda funny that i have 300+ posts in my queue At All Times. you bitches wouldnt know SHIT if i died. id still be posting six years later. im fucking immortal

[feral-ass-raccoon]

choose a color/animal combination i associate with a mutual with little to no explanation

[feral-ass-raccoon]

the way i would commission SO MANY PEOPLE if i had the means and money. like it's not even funny i would have maybe three dollars to my name but if a mutual needed cash i'd IMMEDIATELY throw it at them.

[feral-ass-raccoon]

new trope: "i thought i could fix him and i tried but it didn't work and now he's worse help"

...bonus points if it's shortly followed by "you know what i'm just gonna join him."

[feral-ass-raccoon]

so in light of recent events [learning i cannot draw raccoons] i will be portraying my 'sona exclusively through badly edited pngs until i update the design/reference

behold, biblically accurate raccoon

[feral-ass-raccoon]

shoutout to this stupid fucking tower build thats taken me like a week and ahalf in hame bc i kept fucking up the measurements. i hate this.

[feral-ass-raccoon]

having aphantasia is so fuckin trippy actually bc i just

- what do you mean when people said "picture this" they meant it. like actually meant it in a literal sense

- yea i know my oc's designs in theory obviously but when i put it down on paper it doesn't look right. no i can't 'see' it in my mind. what

- do i know what my conscience[s] are saying??? yes. am i actually hearing them??? no wtf [not sure if this counts since i think aphantasia is more about the visual thinking but oh well]

- can i describe a honeycrisp apple in extreme detail?? also yes. no i am not seeing the apple i just know what it looks like

- people with photographic memories. that cannot be real. what in the actual fuck you can pull up images of things you've seen/done on command?????? there's no way

idk its just wild that some people can see things. in their head. when they think abt it. sounds fake but okay

[feral-ass-raccoon]

y'know sometimes i'm tempted to make like- one of those 'how well do you know me' quizzes. but it's just fandom-related questions about me because not only do i never shut up abt my interests but also i know most people will get 95 percent of the questions wrong

[feral-ass-raccoon]

damn sometimes i forget abt my silly little internet/tumblrsona and see the word raccoon in Real Life and have to do a double take bc Why is My Name in this Article oh wait its. from fucking minnesota

[feral-ass-raccoon]

what do you MEAN there are people who can't grasp the concept of "don't like, don't read". it's not that difficult to understand. i've never left a hate comment in my life and i got onto ao3 when i was eleven. middle schoolers are the most judgemental mfs on this earth and even i had the decency to just fucking scroll

[feral-ass-raccoon]

making a new intro post bc i went to go update mine and it was fucking gone

hi welcome to the void (:

you can call me Feral or Raccoon

• i am aro/aceflux (:

• multi-fandom chaos. [i got tired of listing them all hjgjfjdg]

• if you follow me i will go look at your blog. Vibe Check

• i also give mutuals nicknames. sorry. it will continue happening. i <3 abusing my moot privileges <333

• asks are always open, feel free to scream at me

• seriously send me shit abt fandoms. questions, headcanons, doodle requests for a character (may not get some of em done but i will always try), au shit, fandom questions, even just silly little memes. i fuckin love asks

• this applies to OCs too!!! i have them!!! a few, at least, please feel free to send a fandom i'm in and i will tell you the OCs i have for it :D [aske me about the Guys. please. i beg of you.]

• sometimes i draw shit, the tag i use for it is #raccoon's art

• i also cook. i love cooking. that tag is #raccoon's kitchen btw

• I CAN BE BOTHERED!!! DO NOT BE AFRAID OF "ANNOYING" ME I DO NOT CARE. EVEN IF I DON'T RESPOND RIGHT AWAY, I WILL TRY TO.

• i do like tag games and such!!! feel free to tag me if ya want

• i schedule a shit ton of posts but i'm not always online btw so if i'm posting regularly but it's at even times, they're probably scheduled lmao

• DNI LIST: hah. nahhh tbh i don't really care as long as you aren't a dick. if i don't like you i'll jus block you lmao.

• general boundaries are pretty much just idgaf, you live your life, and i won't bother you. unless you try dragging me into something i don't wanna be involved in. i will stab you /hj

[feral-ass-raccoon]

hA TURNS OUT ITS REAL I WASNT IMAGINING IT. THERE IS A LIZARD/AMPHIBIAN THAT EJECTS ITS RIBS AS DEFENSE

i was talking to my wife [@fweens-clone I FOUND IT] abt impostor anatomy and i mentionedthat i rembered a lizard that could push its ribs out to make spikes. she had no idea what i was talking about nd i honestly thought it didn't actually exist BUT IT DOES!!!!