#rabbitnobility

[fictionkinfessions]

My Sebastian and I used to talk all the time about how I survived into at least young adulthood. My story didn't end in my early teens. It's complicated because when I look at O!Ciel, I feel as if he's older than he is — or at least that I'm (as Ciel) older than I am in that source. I'm watching myself through more mature eyes and realizing how terrible of a mistake it was to throw myself and my soul away so early. I think people romanticize our bond, but it was in truth transactional. I have to admit: I envy those alternate versions of myself who are able to keep their Sebastians around and even have a true friendship with him. As a former demonologist and someone who has made contracts of different kinds in this life, there may be affection or whatever but it's never purely protective. It isn't true loyalty. Even Sebastian did not stay with me for very long after things soured between us. I don't have the same foundations of morality that most people have, yet I would never encourage someone else to take the path that I did. It's been an unhappy road and in the end, I will be alone. Or at least, that is what I foresee.

If I count the number of times I have been British (American in this life, ironically) and involved in contract-based magic, it would be a few times too many.

#rabbitnobility

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[fictionkinfessions]

as someone who actively disassociates and splits into fractals of myself separated by age, I want to ask: why?????? as if my identity issues weren't bad enough. I even do this in my source lmao. I maintain the controversial (but correct, in my case) view that systems can be both traumagenic and spiritual simultaneously so. knowing what I know about myself and my karma, I find it ironic that I continue to do this even in other lives.

"wanderer" / "scaramouche" - #rabbitnobility

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