#r3loaded

[recre8ed]

@r3loaded asked → " how's the whole 'dead' thing working out for you? " ( src. / accepting. )

That brusque and uncompromising manner of speaking is, Hakkai has come to learn, quite usual for Genjo Sanzo. It's a little nicer than he would have expected to have someone around who treats his current existence so matter-of-factly. Sanzo does not step delicately around the rotten wood in the floor of Hakkai's newly forged heart—he punches through it, unforgiving and half-uncaring, so those weak spots might be replaced.

Hakkai is more than a little infatuated with the way Sanzo lives, though he's not ignorant to the fact that there's clearly something heart-rending behind Sanzo's rotting interior, too.

"It's working out well, as a matter of fact," Hakkai reports. He is both polite and deeply grateful, and the two sentiments seem to battle for presence in his tone of voice. Sanzo probably isn't the sort of person who'd appreciate his sentimentality, and anyway, they hardly know eachother. "Gojyo hasn't complained to me about my continued stay in his house, and I've finally been able to make myself known to the locals."

He doesn't mention the tension that's seeped its way between himself and Gojyo, thick but permeable. Hakkai feels like his every step is under some strange kind of scrutiny—Gojyo never complains, but he rarely engages with Hakkai's gratitude or his care, which in many ways is worse than just complaining. Hakkai sometimes feels invisible there, though the two of them speak to eachother.

He wonders if the only thing keeping him there is the thought that he doesn't want to leave behind the man who had picked him up, half-dead and spilling his intestines on the road, and nursed him back to health. If Gojyo really doesn't need him as much as he'd thought, what else is there that stays his leave?

The close-lipped smile he gives Sanzo is, of course, made to hide those complicated feelings. Above everything else, he's grateful for the life that he's been allowed to live, and no matter how things go with Gojyo, he's determined to spend as long as he needs repaying the debt he owes to Sanzo in the little ways he's capable of; tutoring Goku and spending time at Keiun Temple. 

"Actually, I wanted to thank you for trusting me enough to allow me to go back there." Expertly changing the subject, Hakkai reaches down to the bag he'd packed in preparation for his trip back to the temple. "If you'll excuse the poor presentation—I brought something for you."

Steadily and easily, he removes the bulk of the bag's weight and sets it on the desk that separates him and Sanzo; two medium-sized containers, washed and reused from some cheap restaurant or another that Hakkai doesn't yet know the name of, filled with his own cooking. He pushes the slightly smaller one on his right towards Sanzo; despite the distance he'd travelled, the materials of the container are still warm.

"I don't have much else to busy myself with, as I'm sure you could have guessed. You seemed to enjoy the chazuke I made during my stay here, so I figured it would be a suitable thing to bring over. Although," Hakkai glances at the other, larger container, an amused smile creeping onto his face, "I did realize Goku wouldn't be satisfied with just that, so I brought him some stir fry."

[tricksh0t]

@tricksh0t / Jean ★ MDNI

𝔪𝔞𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔯𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱 / 𝔦𝔡𝔢𝔞𝔰

★NOR THE LINES ON YOUR FACE★ 𝔞𝔟𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔟𝔩𝔬𝔤

🪩 gen/male reader mostly nsfw blog

🪩 mostly top insert fics, sometimes dom, sometimes sub

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★NOR THE CLOUDS IN THE CEILING★ 𝔯𝔢𝔠𝔢𝔫𝔱

📀 gladiator; the larger man / daario naharis

★NOR THE CLOUDS IN SPACE★ 𝔞𝔟𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔞𝔲𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔯

🌑 Jean | 18 | any pronouns preferably he/him

🌑 Chinese and Latino

🌑 future MatSci major

lyrics - not by big thief

𝔱𝔞𝔤𝔰

#tricksh0t (all posts) #backsh0t (fics)

#r1cochet (asks) #r3load (reblogs)

[r3loaded]

⇀ THE NEXT SUN THAT RISES .

hello and welcome! this is an independent and selective portrayal of genjo sanzo from saiyuki! ( est. 11/12/2024. ) you can call me falka ( 21+, he/him ). this blog will not interact with writers under the age of 18 due to the nature of the series. i advise people to thoroughly read my rules for an accurate understanding of the themes that will be present on this blog.

r3loaded ; featuring themes of unshakable pride , the weight of legacy & forging one's own path in spite of it , standing back up stronger , and living life as it is.

⇀ heavily affiliated with recre8ed's portrayal of cho hakkai.

﴾ carrd. pinterest. graphics credit. ﴿

[anon-deactivated20231104]

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@anon-deactivated20231104

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[rawrampmag]

GUN @gunofficialuk — #R3L0ADED #BestOfGun #UpClose and Personal #2020TourDates

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[recre8ed]

@r3loaded said → " when you can't make sense of someone leaving, you try to make sense of what they left behind. " ( src. / accepting. )

Gonou doesn't dignify that with a response right away.

No, that isn't right—he's Hakkai now, newly forged with a name that feels like it mocks him as much as it promises to cleanse. Most people would say something like that as a consolation, a sentiment shared for relatability, but Hakkai can't make sense of the Sanzo priest that has put himself through so much to absolve him of crimes that should have never been met with absolution. Even his marriage had been sick and perverted through the lens of common moral standard. The bloodshed should have been the final straw holding his life afloat, and then some.

Truthfully, he hadn't thought much about what would become of him after the temple, because the idea of going back to existing without Kanan had seemed like a more cruel fate than death.

"Are you speaking from experience?" Hakkai asks, because he doesn't want to confront the question when it's faced towards himself. "You don't really seem the type to offer empty consolation—that's all."

It's a dirty trick. Hakkai has been able to see it in Sanzo's eyes ever since his own had cleared up enough to see much of anything; he's most likely too guarded to say anything substantial about himself, and there's a good chance he rebukes the subject of grief and loss entirely rather than try and push it on Hakkai again. The wound there is still too raw, no matter how much the sutra he recited echoes in Hakkai's mind.

Who was Cho Gonou, anyway?

The question posits itself, against Hakkai's wishes, though he knows the answer to that one. Cho Gonou was an obsessive murderer who didn't care much for the world until he was given a reason to care about someone else. Cho Gonou was problematic to a fault and sought to disprove the teachings of the nuns who had kindly raised him, because they had the capacity for faith where he didn't. He was envious of everyone who seemed happy, and so clung to love and happiness like a lifeline as it related to the only person in his life who had made him feel that.

Cho Gonou had not returned to apathy after Kanan had died. He'd allowed Gojyo to take care of him—had spoken to Gojyo about things he'd never told anyone else outside of Kanan—and though he had always intended to leave, he had thought about Gojyo even as he made his way back towards where Kanan's remains would have been.

So then, who is Cho Hakkai? 

"... I'm sorry. That was very rude of me." Turning back on his rather mild form of lashing out, Hakkai smiles apologetically. "To be honest, I'm still adjusting to the idea of continuing to live at all, let alone how I plan to do so or through what lens I should view my own life. I'm sure you're aware, but I really was under the impression that I at least had lifelong imprisonment in my cards. Haha."

He allows his eyes to slip closed as he draws in a deep, contemplative breath. Then he tries to imagine what this person named Cho Hakkai, whose shape has been so irreversibly molded around his own love, might want for himself. 

"I think," he says, "I need some time to figure out what exactly there is to make sense of."

[robertbryantblog]

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[ardhyean181099]

Listening to Pokemon by R3load

– Preview it on Path.

[recre8ed]

@r3loaded : continued from discord. ( moonlit conversations )

Somehow, the honesty is surprising. Sanzo is usually more candid during times like these, but Hakkai knows he's the sort of person who doesn't like to show this kind of vulnerability and uncertainty to others. It feels like being handed someone else's precious glassware—statements like this never mean nothing, but they mean more when it's Sanzo who's saying them.

How many times now has Sanzo offered his feelings on a platter, when it's just the two of them? Hakkai isn't sure he knows the exact answer, but the question alone makes him smile without much else in the way of reason.

"That's very like you," Hakkai says, training his eyes properly on Sanzo again. He looks almost frustrated, Hakkai thinks—it's the look he gets on his face every time they talk like this and Sanzo says something he wouldn't say if anyone else was awake. Like he's not sure how he feels about admitting to these things.

His gaze doesn't leave Sanzo this time. 

Each of the three of them know Sanzo in their own way; Goku follows, Gojyo fights, and Hakkai scrutinizes. He talks and he observes, subconsciously trying to put together the puzzle that is Genjo Sanzo whenever he's offered another piece. Hakkai would like to think he already has an understanding of what the broader picture he is, but he can't help looking for what he's missing anyway, filling the gaps with Sanzo's minute details.

Hakkai likes what he sees—Sanzo under the moonlight, and everything that lies beneath his skin.

"Maybe it's something you should consider, when you have the time," Hakkai suggests. "As long as you're alive, there are things you can do—right? Putting your situation aside, how would you want to live?"

The question is mostly rhetorical, since Hakkai doesn't actually expect Sanzo to respond to it with anything more complicated than an 'I don't know', if he responds at all. He'd only asked it to fill space, to make conversation. 

Sanzo has more thoughts and feelings that he keeps tucked away to himself, but Hakkai isn't devoid of things to confess.

"Even if I don't know where I'm going to end up, there are things that appeal to me. I'd like to live in a decently sized house with plenty of people to take care of, mouths to feed, and messes to clean up after. Somewhere close enough to a school that I could take Jeep there every day and make money teaching." 

There are plenty of Hakkai's ideals that he doesn't share; he doesn't tell Sanzo how he'd like it if they could all live closely together, if not in the same place outright. How nice it would be to clean up after Goku and Gojyo, and still be able to meet Sanzo on quiet, lonely nights. How he'd like to fall in love with someone again and feel with certainty that they'd live on through anything.

"I know that's a lot to ask of life," Hakkai admits, "but it's a good thing to work towards, and I could do it anywhere."

He'd only been joking about walking the whole way home, but the core motivator for joking about that and confessing his wants is the same—Hakkai is desperately afraid that things will go back to the way they were when all is said and done, and that distance will be dredged between the two halves of their party once again. If the journey doesn't end, they'll at least all be together. If it does, Hakkai strives for a life he can share with them all.

Not for the first time, Hakkai has the nonsensical desire to join Sanzo in smoking. He doesn't voice it.

"... If you ever do make a decision, I think everyone would continue to follow you," he continues instead. "Like a pack of ducklings who've imprinted on your unfortunate self."

[recre8ed]

@r3loaded asked → ❝ Why men throw their lives away attacking an armed witcher… I'll never know. Something about my face? ❞ (witcher verse obviously) ( src. / accepting. )

'Easy target' would be a poor way to describe Sanzo indeed, though Hakkai sympathizes with the poor souls who throw their lives in the ring to try their might against him. There's something about pride that forbids its closest keepers from backing down even when they know they're at a disadvantage—though the situation only comes up against people who were somehow stupid enough to cross Sanzo to begin with, and Hakkai likes to think he would be smarter than that even if he'd never met Sanzo.

He crouches down to inspect the clothing and belongings on the recently-made corpse, easily and swiftly unsecuring the man's coin pouch in a single, callous motion. The jokes at his expense for his practicality still roll in even now, but Hakkai mostly ignores them in favor of doing what the others either don't care enough or find too unsavory to do.

"It's easy to fall into the trap of believing that you'll be the one who manages to finish the job," he muses, lightly patting down the usual areas for hidden pockets before standing back up, having found nothing more of note. "There are a lot of people like that. Men who've ridden horses once or twice often fashion themselves horse-racing champions, just as men who've learned how to properly swing a sword fashion themselves master swordsmen."

Hakkai smiles, expression filled with no small amount of cheek as he dangles the coin purse by its strings, closely inspecting its weight.

Only a few coins, he thinks, but more than the others. It's not really a profitable business, being attacked by wandering brigands, but it's enough to fill the in-betweens of Sanzo's jobs, when money is running short enough that things start feeling a little desperate. The recent addition of Gojyo to their group of travellers has seen a positive turn in their funds, thanks to the man's proclivity for making money through his gambling, but Hakkai has always found it hard to shake habits.

He drops the coin purse unceremoniously into his own bag to deal with later, then brushes himself off.

"I think you tend to come off as if you're giving those sorts of men a challenge." He'd taken a brief moment to think before speaking again, still wearing a sliver of his amusement on his face. "Your indifference hurts their poor egos. Well, and you do have a very punchable face to begin with. Hahaha."

Hakkai scans the four bodies once more, though he'd inspected them rather thoroughly. There's never any harm in making sure—or so he'd once told Goku, when the teenager had voiced impatient complaints about his corpse-robbing tendencies.

"In any case, we'd better head back. With any luck, Gojyo and Goku will have managed to get the fire going." He leaves that sentence for a beat, then begins walking back in the direction of their camp—swiftly and suddenly, offering up an explanation for the urgency as he does. "Actually, it would be best if we hurried, knowing those two..."

[recre8ed]

@r3loaded said → " i don't like god all that much. " ( src. / accepting. )

That's what Hakkai has come to recognize as the usual sort of contradiction that comes along with Sanzo, and he carefully tucks the tidbit of information away.

He probably could have guessed as much anyway; Sanzo regards his position and duties with blunt annoyance, much like most other things and people Hakkai has seen him deal with. It used to mystify him, but lately Sanzo's dismissiveness has made him feel almost fond—in the way of the easily-attached person that he is. It helps that he's starting to realize he's found himself on the other end of Sanzo's walls, standing beside the critic rather than in the scope of his criticism.

Hakkai thinks, to his own satisfaction, that a lot of things in his life are starting to seem that way. It isn't a quiet life, what with the constant requests from Sanzo to do the work he doesn't want to do himself, but it's a nice one.

"Truthfully, I was never much of a believer myself," Hakkai admits. "I was raised into Catholicism, but the religious instruction I recieved didn't leave much of a personal impact on me. Actually, I thought people who followed religion for any reason were somewhat stupid at that age."

Chuckling lightheartedly, Hakkai takes the few steps necessary to join Sanzo at the window, catching sight of a group of monks going about their daily routine. He's come to the conclusion that there's little difference between them and the nuns at the orphanage in their unquestioning procession based on the tenets they ascribe to. There's no breathing room to have a sense of self when one adheres so closely to religious principles—but that's just his own jaded opinion.

In some respects, the monks might actually be more unbearable. If it weren't for Sanzo's constant refusal of their behavior, they'd likely treat Goku much worse than they do, and Hakkai knows they'd regard him as chiefest and greatest among local scum on account of his criminal history.

"I mentioned I'd studied religion, but it was more out of analytical curiosity than anything. I'd imagine it was similar to someone studying animals to get a better sense of how they work, hahaha." The group of monks travels out of sight from this angle, and Hakkai straightens up, spinning so his back faces the window and he can lean against the edge of the windowframe. "I'm curious about how someone with your outlook ended up here, though. From what I'd learned, Sanzo priests aren't necessarily forced to bind themselves to any particular temple or location."

He carefully skirts around the topic of Sanzo's ascention to becoming a Sanzo priest in the first place—he'd learned very early on into knowing Sanzo that the topic was in some way touchy, and not something he was likely to talk about.

"Does it have something to do with the Sanbutsushin?" Hakkai asks, glancing over at Sanzo to gauge his reaction. The careful attention is sometimes necessary, when Sanzo doesn't feel like expanding on his answers or answering at all. "You didn't seem particularly happy with them during my sentencing."