#quotes are from pulldrone by ethel cain

[gravesfill]

tw : implied animal attack.

i am what i am but we are not the same. it is no good speaking of fairness — the fools errand.

a cat has been following him.

he hasn't seen any aggressive characteristics with it — not even a snarl or a hiss. it just lingers on the outskirts of the treeline, watching, waiting, padding down onto the dewy grass whenever hesh starts his morning run or late night trudge. a calico — with its wide eyes and chipped ear and orange patches.

hesh has tried to feed it a couple of times, greasy slabs of meat and even bowls of condensed milk, only to be met with a few tentative steps closer, before it flinches at nothing and scurries off into the deep thicket of the woods. hesh only has the energy to sigh these days.

"you got a new friend," merrick half-laughs. hesh doesn't say anything. he receives a hard pat on the back and a lingering chuckle. "don't let riley see that thing!"

"i should probably name you, but it'll be a little weird to name you after him."

hesh says to the cat as she trots after him a few paces behind him. even when he stops, she stops. he doesn't even have to look, either. all he has to do is stop talking, and when everything falls quiet and he can only hear his own unhurried footfalls, he can catch the soft distant sound of rhythmic tapping against asphalt.

"plus, i think you're a girl."

a sheepish laugh. he looks over his shoulder, and there is only road and sky and field. hesh begins picking up the pace.

— let me tell you how much i've come to hate you since i began to live.

"you remind me alot of him."

he says and then waits, as if the animal will understand what he said and come out into the light of their makeshift base. but no such thing happens, only soft rustling and the gentle purring, just outside the light.

somehow, it all feels warmer and louder. the generator, the bulbs flickering, the hushed quietness of the night. wildlife. an odd howl. the wattage buzzing and humming loudly, crickets. something sharp.

"my little brother. i loved him a great deal. something awful happened to him way back when, but look at me, rambling."

hesh sets down a bowl of meat. cheap cuts.

"i just wished you'd let me in. let me touch you. cradle you, hold you. i would protect you, yeah? here, I'm feeding you. had to get my hands all dirty to cut it, haha."

grating. louder.

"i just wish you would let me love you. do you wanna know my brother's name?

it was —"

and the lights go out.

his eyes were too used to the flickering bulbs of the bases' flood lights. all he sees is black and black and black and black. then, the rustling sounds louder. the soft purring turns into a rumbling growl. nighttime surrounds them both.

beast and man.

hesh tries to turn, run, but he goes down, tripping on something hard. his ears ring when his head hits the ground and he's left winded, wheezing into the night. he tries to call for merrick, keegan, but they're not in there. he's not at base. he's alone and logan is gone and he tried so hard to keep him safe but the —

there’s heavy steps behind him. those claws clicking, tapping, rapping, dragging.

he can’t think, can barely breathe, can barely see over the blood clogging his eyes, but he has to say it. he has to.

"—logan."

nine; separation. — i was an angel, though plummeting. the stars are as beams shining through the wheel.

i am sure that hell must be cold.

[rabies-mp3]

｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა Twelve, Desolation: Therein lies sacred geometry of onanism, of ouroboros, of punishment. I am that I was as I no longer am for I am nothing ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

I’ve been completely consumed by Ethel Cains newest project, ‘Perverts’, lately. Was inspired by the track ‘Pulldrone’ to create something of my own. It doesn’t have any real ties to the song aside from the lyrics I placed alongside it. Simply following wherever the creative process took me!