#qunari fuckers unite!

[quiet-longing]

no lie, i read this, and the first words out of my mouth (yes, actually out loud!) were, "ARISHOK? ARISHOOKETH!" and yes i did yell it. because...i couldn't stop myself. empty head, no thoughts when qunari. my poor hawke is exactly the same. it's why he got trespassed.

my hawke took one look that fuckin weirdo and went yep, that weird, glowing asshole is it for me. fuckin' kinda looks like a bug, lights up and punches through people, a dick, really just a big bag of dicks, wants to kill everyone, really very violent this one, can we take a step back can take a minute to breathe and not solve ALL our problems with death? hey, i'm a mage! could you maybe try remember that when you're making sweeping generalizations and calling for the death of all mages? it's starting to hurt my feelings a little bit. also, could you maybe try less to look like you might bash my head in when my back is turned? fuckin so in love with him, can't live without him. he is THE ONE.

realizing that the dynamics of my hawke/fenris romance are...telling...

(also love it when anders and fenris fight over hawke. top tier comedy in the background)

god, i'd hoped i'd never that...thing....again. so creepy. my warden did not convince logaine to stick his dick in morrigan for nothing. (still she couldn't romance morrigan, though. my girl tried hard. morrigan got all the gifts, all her side quests completed. we had a 100 friendship - friendship - level. morrigan called her one of her dearest friends. i've never been so mad.) though that is kind of how it went with my warden. no morrigan, then on to the puppy boy who was really not so bad after all - like Dog, but not quite as smart. she cared; she did. the assassin was just more interesting.

...i do not like what i'm learning about myself via recalled dragon age playthroughs...

dark, obviously. absolutely must be a winter wedding yes, yes. preferably at night. do we like we night? white is too bright, however. consider: my dress is from the 30s and is thus aged (with two syllables please). it is yellowed from age and the lace folds in on itself and withers at the edges. i feel this is very gothic romance and thus, appropriate. thoughts?

THEY SHOULD HAVE LET US ROMANCE STEN I WILL NEVER FORGIVE THEM FOR THAT

OH MY GOD I'M STILL MAD ABOUT IT

(also, my Hawke was totally down to fuck the Arishok while he and Fenris were being weird about each other. look, my man was suffering. that elf was giving him such mixed signals.)

[glowyelfboyfriend]

I want to know how you would write Trespasser if you were given the chance to change it from that bullshit that Bioware threw into our faces. Like how would you go about telling the story?

I saw this yesterday then rambled about it for at least an hour to my Hawke and got so mad and up upset about it and rolled around angry and Im gonna try to answer this without doing that.

Ok so, Im approaching this with the assumptions that DAI is complete, no edits can be made to it (-sigh-) so all the events happened, Solas is still around being a dick, etc etc etc. Some bioware god has just handed me a blank script and said “do whatever”

Im gonna bullet point so I ramble less:

I’m going to keep the exalted council because honestly I think that was one of only two great things trespasser had going for it. DAI and the inquisition fucked up so many political things and power structures and fucking burned massive holes in Thedas that being forced to be held accountable is GREAT!! Its so great! Also gives a good reason to have the gaggle back together (including the Divine etc etc)

I would hazard to push this FURTHER if I can, having the council do more than try to force you to dissolve the inquisition. I would want to see them charge the inquisitor and members of the inqusition with shit cause DANG we got away with a lot.

Additionally some PROPER conspiracy/politic interigue but I will get to that in a second.

I am gutting the Solas plot line. Gutting it. The outside hide of it is still good, I like the mirrors taking you from the council to fucking fucked up history between realms whatever place and I HAVE to keep Solas/FenHrel so like FINE but I am BURNING the concept of “dalish/elhven gods having secretly be Very Powerful Mages who kept slaves and fell to their own hubris and are just as bad as their tevinter oppressors” because no and Im not even going to explain WHY thats horrible and insulting.

INSTEAD. I would play the actual trickster god card. Like actual mythology and god pantheons.  I would have it that Solas was just around to fuck with you and get his shiny ball back and now that he’s got it he’s not gonna destory the veil to ‘restore his people’ but he’s gonna use it to wake the other elvhen gods the Fuck Up so he can cause chaos and run circles around them until he can best them like he did with Mythal.

Lets Wake Those Fuckers Up but keep them as gods please.

Have the Archon be assissate and replaced with a Venatori bastard. Seriously. We underused those shit heads in DAI and how much FUN would it be to have Tevinter go to level 20 out of no where and be like “We have dwindling resources and are a shadow of what we were so we are fucking COMING FOR YOU THEDAS WE ARE SENDING THE ARMIES OF SLAVES AND MAGES TO TAKE UR SHIT”

Fuck man have someone on the exalted council be in their pocket and be like “I for one welcome our new Tevinter overlords” and make you go “fuckin what”

Imagine reports coming in from the Anderfels, from Nevrarra, from the Free Marches that Tevinter armies are fucking SHOWING UP without warning and fucking pillaging villages for resources and enslaving/blood magicing the people there? IMAGINE.

I am also KEEPING the qunari invasion cause that was the OTHER good thing trespasser had. Like. GOOD. Thank god. Its about time we saw them go ‘we’ve had enough and we are coming to FIX SHIT forcibly if need be’ 

Why are they gonna start invading? CAUSE TEVINTER OBVS. They are gonna be like “Hey Thedas, we are gonna get to you later, but first we gotta unite to destroy this fucking magic evil, we’re doing it with or without ur help actually and fuck you if you think we arent gonna try and convert you suckers later”

Also they still hear about the Dread Wolf fuckery and are not about that either.

Combining more ideas - What if the tevinters be like “oh what you got some elvhen gods waking up and gonna start some shit? Well fuck you if you can kill corphyues we can kill them and steal their shit or enslave them like we did those elf rats anyways fucking watch us”

Exalted Council is a fuck show and the inquisition is not like, “oh we stepped down”, its “fuck u no more insquition” and the inquisitor being like “I lost a hand cause it was fucked up and broken and now I lost my crew and we are at square one and borderline criminals and we gotta fix the world now”

Like origins kinda now that I say that out loud

Anyways, FIGHT ME, this would be way fucking better.