#quinn has been DESTROYING me making me think about that stupid awful man i love him so bad

[pan3m]

wish I had the energy to do more than just think about jett and cry

[quixotic-writer]

Switch it Up (Sal’s POV)

request: @birdgirl1772

summary: For some mysterious reason, Q and Sal wake up in the other’s body. After a quick pep talk they both agree that they’ll pretend to be each other for the day and hope they’re back to normal the next day. As Sal does some cleaning around Q’s place, he stumbles upon a journal and can’t help but give in to curiosity and dive into what’s between the lines of Q’s rambles.

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“meow!” Was all I heard as I feel something small and warm curl up against my face. I feel myself slowly rising from my sleepy state and it’s quickly replaced with confusion. The moment I manage to open my eyes, a black cat was mere inches from my face staring down at me with beady green eyes.

“AAAH!” I let out a scream and fall out of bed in attempts to distance myself away from the cat. When I screamed though, it didn’t sound anything like my voice at all, it had a low bass to it and felt as though I spoke with an accent. My hand shoots to cover my mouth and my eyes are wide and I can hear my heartbeat in my ears.

As I look at everything that surrounds me, I am now quickly noticing a list of things: this isn’t my room, there’s — not one but— THREE cats surrounding me, and my voice isn’t mine, nor is this body. I look at the tattoos on the arms but my vision feels so blurred that I can only make out the shapes of them. I quickly pick my now sore body up off the floor and rush into the bathroom.

“Q?!” I spat to the reflection in the mirror with a sense of shock and awe. I stare at each and every detail of the body I now reside in, familiar with it because it was my best friends, but it all felt dysmorphic at the same time because his body is built entirely different from mine. I knew this body wasn’t supposed to be mine, but I was still the one controlling it and there’s no escaping that it seemed. I bring my hand to my face and rub it across feeling the stubble of the beard tickle my palms and finger tips insuring that this wasn’t a dream.

As I continue to play around in the mirror and marvel at the sticky situation i’ve found myself in, I feel the cats begin to brush up against my legs and mewl. I jolt at the sensation and feel the anxiety of my feline phobia well up in my stomach, but there isn’t much I can do since they seem to think i’m Q.

“I guess I should feed you guys, huh?” I speak down to the cats who chatter in response. I step out of the bathroom to head downstairs but I suddenly jump at the sound of a phone ringing. Looking to the nightstand I see Q’s phone ringing with my contact ID lit up on it. ‘Sally Boy♡” it read, a very effeminate name for me. It didn’t bother me, it was actually kind of cute.

“Hello?”

“Sal! Thank god you picked up. What the hell is going on?!” Judging by the sheer panic and the speech pattern and also the blatantly obvious answer: it was definitely Q on the other end of the line. Is that really what my voice sounds like to other people?

“I guess we switched bodies or something. You don’t have anything important to do today that would need me to be you... right?”

“No, I don’t have anything. Do you have anything I have to do for you?” I pry into my memory to think of the seemingly endless list of things I usually have to do, but to my surprise nothing really comes to mind.

“Pretty sure I got lunch with Gatto today, nothing else I can think of. But check my calendar in my phone just in case, and for the love of god DO NOT destroy my house.” The line goes dead and I know Q doesn’t wanna hear it. He’s the complete opposite of me as far as cleanliness goes, if even one thing is out of place if I ever get back to my own body, he’ll never hear the end of it.

I turn on my heels and go to feed the cats as I had initially planned, carefully tip toeing around them so I don’t touch them or stomp on them on accident. As soon as their breakfast is made and served, I retreat upstairs to get myself cleaned up. It’s still a shock every time I walk past any reflective surfaces and see the i’m not actually me.

I brush my teeth, comb my hair, wash my face; the normal things anyone does when they wake up. As I go to spray some cologne, I get a quick whiff of it and just soak in the scent. Q always did smell hypnotically good to me, every time he walked past a gust of it would hit my nose and I would just stop what I was doing to take it in.

“That sounds kinda creepy.” I say out loud to myself and my thoughts come to a halt. I step out of the bathroom and take a look at all the details of Q’s room. It’s a mess to say the least. Clothing everywhere, it looks like he hasn’t dusted in here in ages, his work desk in the corner of his room is riddled with piles upon piles of paper and is completely disheveled. I know this isn’t a matter of a “system” going on, I just know he has a hard time keeping up with things sometimes especially when his depression weighs down on him a little harder on certain days.

I step over to his desk first to try and make sense of the clutter and piles and try to organize them so that he’ll know where they are and why they’re arranged so specifically.

“Notes from a meeting. Notes from another meeting. Paid bill. Fan mail. Contract.” I shuffle through and assign them a pile until I reach a composition book at the pit of all the papers. The front has nothing written on it so I saw no harm in peeking inside and turning to the first page and reading it.

My therapist suggested I started keeping a journal/diary since I tend to lose track of time and have a hard time remembering certain things. It seems stupid but why not give it a shot.

I stop reading immediately and my eyes go wide and pause on the last word I read on the page. This is his DIARY, I can’t be reading this. I flip the pages and see almost half the book is filled with endless scrabbles of words of what’s going on in his head. I’ve never been good at reading Q’s mind quite like he can with mine, he’s always so closed off about his emotions and curiosity is enticing me to read every word on these pages.

“This is so wrong.” I say holding the notebook closed with my forefinger creating an open gap of temptation between the pages. I look around quickly and look back down at the notebook and slowly open it back up. “Maybe... skimming things wouldn’t hurt. Right?” And with that, I was nose deep in the notebook.

Today at set we filmed Sal’s punishment, it was payback for the time the boys thought it would be funny to put tarantulas all over me. I went in early to play with the little cats and kittens that were brought in for the day and I had never felt happier. Nothing brings me more joy than to just be around animals. That joy was quickly taken away though. It was funny at first seeing the little kittens all over him. It was all just mild discomfort it seemed, it wasn’t SCARY since they were small and harmless to him. But when we brought in the actual cats, that’s when I really started feeling bad. He was drenched in sweat, his throat seemed hoarse from the sheer panic and stress to the point where he could barely get anything out, his body looked like it was ready to concave on itself because of the situation. I was laughing with Joe and Murr, but deep inside, I felt guilty because it was all my idea. I caused him pain. I know it’s a part of the game we play, but something about it just didn’t sit right. I just wanted to go and help him and hug him until he felt better. I wanted to say sorry over and over but I knew it would kind of raise some suspicions. So instead I kept quiet and played along... At least at the end of it I helped ease the tension and brought out Big Benjamin Cat. Sal seemed fine after that, and I think that’s the only reason it won’t really bother me for a while is because he was okay after it all. I hate seeing him hurt.

He felt bad about my punishment? This was truly news to me. The way he talked about it too, it seemed so endearing and despondent about the whole situation. Now i’m intrigued and enraptured by what’s within this book, all inhibitions have been thrown out the window and I quickly flip through a few pages and land on another page.

After today’s therapy session, i’ve noticed myself talking a lot about Sal. I love Gatto and I love Murr, let me preface all this with that. But I feel this magnetic connection to Sal that I don’t think i’ve ever really felt with anyone. He gets me even though I don’t tell him a lot, he’s just there for me. When I do tell him stuff, he handles it like it’s glass; He gives it a lot of care and attention. There’s no one else who makes me feel the way I do. It feels like this growing thing for a long time and I really don’t know what to make of it. I’ve tried sorting out all of these thoughts and emotions that go through my head with him, but I really just don’t know. I’m a grown man still confused and I think that’s what makes it hard. It’s also kind of scary because for so long i’ve just been seen as your standard single and sleeps around kind of guy and i’m kind of growing tired of that image but I can’t just wipe it away when its been stained on me for so long. I just hope one day I can sort this shit out and be honest with myself.

With each page that I devoured, I felt as though I was peeling away the layers of an onion and was slowly getting to the heart of it all. With each sentence it felt like I was suffering from whiplash because I kept doing double takes to all the seemingly outlandish remarks. What caught me incredibly off guard was the endless ramblings of me, his infatuation with the idea of me. The image of the mental ideas of Brian Quinn was slowly being pieced together like a puzzle with this journal. Without realizing how much time had passed or how much I had read, I had finally reached the last and most recent entry, the one that sent my heart into an inferno.

I think now is a good a time as any to finally come clean with myself. It’s time i’m honest with myself and I stop holding myself back, no more lying to myself, no more blind blatant ignorance, none of that. I’m Brian Quinn, and I admit it: I have fallen in love with my life long best friend Sal. Wow. It feels oddly invigorating to finally get that out of my system. Maybe my therapist was right about this journal thing. Yes, I love my best friend but I don’t know what to do about it. He’s honest with me and said he wouldn’t mind being with a guy and that gave me a small spark of hope, but I just don’t know if i’m a guy he’d be into or not. It could be an unrequited love situation for me and it would hurt a lot to have my heart crushed like that. But honestly, I don’t care if he doesn’t love me back, I just don’t ever want him to disappear out of my life. That’s what’s stopping me from just spouting it out and telling him the truth. I don’t want to scare him away, I don’t want him to feel awkward around me, I don’t want things to change for the worse. I just want Sal, in the sense of his presence, his companionship, his friendship. That’s all. Maybe one day i’ll have the confidence to tell him, but for now i’m just happy that i’m confident enough to tell myself the truth.

I sat there for an unknown period of time. I leaned back in the chair with my mouth slightly agape and brushing a hand through my hair, unsure of how to process everything that I just read. It felt like a guilty pleasure to finally know all of this about someone I thought I had pegged pretty well.

There’s one big detail that stood out loud and boldly to me: Q, my best friend, has fallen for me. It’s so crazy to read what’s on his mind and watching him figure this out and realize what the emotions were page by page.

I close the notebook and place it with all his other books neatly in the little nook of the desk and finish tidying things up. After another hour, his room was back in livable shape. I smile and beam with pride at my handiwork and hope this helps him feel a little more at peace in his own living space.

Just as he was headed downstairs, a knock on the door echoed through the quiet home. When the door opened, I was startled to see myself standing before me, forgetting for a brief moment that I wasn’t in my own body.

“Fucking hell Q, you could’ve at least texted.” I had a hand over my chest as my heart rate begins to subside from the mild scare of seeing myself standing before me. Q rolls his eyes and looks down and beams with jubilation to see the three cats prowling towards him.

“My babies!! Daddy’s home!!” He kneels down and gives a happy helping of pets and scratched to each one of them.

“So how’d lunch with Gatto go? Did he suspect anything?” Q picks up Brooklyn in his arms and cuddles her close and they both step into the house and seat themselves on the couch.

“Went fine. He did say that ‘you’ were acting strange today, he just said that i’ve been hanging out with Q too much. Little did he know that it was me!” He chuckles releasing Brooklyn from his arms and watches as she trots away. “How were things here? You seem fine with the cats since you’re not dead and none of them are missing.” I think back to the little notebook upstairs but try and play things cool as to not give anything away, he’ll talk to me when he’s ready. It’s not my place to pry at his emotions.

“Things were fine. I did tidy up your room though, just thought i’d help you out a bit. If and when we switch back, just ask if you need help finding anything.” I smile to him and he smiles back, it was a bashful smile and it made my heart melt. “Did you wanna order dinner or something?” I say into the silence of the living room.

“Well considering this technically is MY house, I say we eat my favorite pizza: a hot pepper pie from my favorite pizza joint. However, since you’re me, you’re gonna have to order.” I roll my eyes and open up my phone and see that Q has the pizza place’s number saved and on speed dial in his phone.

“Okay Q, c’mon dude you’re kidding me. Speed dial?” He gives a cheeky smile and shrugs his shoulders.

We order and eat the pizza and talk to each other about our experiences in the other’s body. Q got to experience the wonders of my sleep apnea, he told me how startled he was when he woke up with my mask on his face. I told him of how the cats wouldn’t leave me alone because they thought I was him, it got a hearty laugh out of him since he knows how uncomfortable they make me.

“Thanks for cleaning up my place Sal.” He says as we clean up our pizza mess.

“Yeah, it’s no problem. It’s hard to find time to keep things in line with our schedules, thought i’d help out a little.” He pauses for a moment and goes to play with his fingers and realizes he doesn’t have his usual ring to fidget with. He’s nervous and that was one of his tics, but I pretend not to notice and I wipe down the table.

“Sal, uuuuh... Weird question but did you clean my desk?” I know where he’s going with this.

“I did. Books in place, papers in stacks. Why?” I say innocently.

“There’s a... There’s a notebook... it’s for my therapist and stuff... sensitive info in there.” He’s sweating and his eyes are pleading that I don’t know anything. The guilt hits me harder than ever now, but I can’t do that to him, I don’t want to shatter that trust.

“I didn’t snoop around man, it’s none of my business and this is your space, I respect it even if i’m in your body.” His tensions seem to ease in that moment and his shoulders slumped to a relaxed position. I feel like crap lying to him like this, but if it means his comfort, then it’s a harmless white lie. I mentally make a promise that nothing I read would ever leave my memory, and that’s all it will ever remain to be: simple memories.

“Okay, thanks man. I’m gonna head back to your place and hope that when I wake up i’m surrounded by my cats and not a face full of apnea mask.” He jokes to me as he gathers his stuff to head back out.

“Make fun of my sleep apnea all you want, but now you know the pain I live with!” I joke with him as I let him out. We said good night to each other, and just like that I was left alone in the silence of Q’s home. It was late already so I figured I close this night out already and head to sleep.

I cleaned myself up and prepared for bed, slipping into a pair of pajama pants and brushing my teeth. I took one final look into the mirror hoping that when I woke up, I wouldn’t need a mirror to see his face. All I want tomorrow is to just give Q a hug as myself again.

I crawl into the sheet with the cats cuddled up against me. The cats have kind of grown on me today, dare I say that maybe I learned to love them a bit today. I close my eyes and shift around until I was in blissful rest.

When I woke up at last and opened my eyes, I saw as the husky rays of the sun shone through my window and the familiar hun of my sleep apnea machine filled my ears. I peel it off my face and rub off the sleepy sensation from my entire face. I lean over and grab my phone to see a text from Q waiting for me

We’re back in business baby!

Was all it read and I smiled to myself. I walked to the bathroom and was met with the delightful sight of my true reflection. It felt so good to be back in my own body, in my own house.

I head to the kitchen and fix myself up a griddled PB and J and sit at the table and eat with nothing but my thoughts to occupy me. Through that whole mess, I didn’t question the switch, I didn’t question why then. I only had one lingering question that seemed so insignificant:

What happened with Q and that lunch with Joe. I wonder if he found out some of my own sensitive information and didn’t say anything just like I had. Maybe one day I’ll be able to solve, but it just won’t be solved today.

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A/N: Just wanted to say I loved playing around with this idea so much, that soon i’m gonna write this segment from Q’s POV ♪( ´▽｀)

[gustafsnightangel]

Shattered Lives Ch 14 Pt 2

As soon as the lock clicked his mouth was on hers, fingers demanding, enticing.

“Only for today.” He breathed and pressed her against the bathroom door. “There’s something about you today that I can’t get enough of.” He breathed. “I need you, all of you.”

He pinned her to the door and devoured her mouth. She’d never seen him like this, needing her like his life depended on it. The incessant need to fuck. She wasn’t much better if she was being honest. She’d wanted him to have her until she couldn’t walk ever since he got home Monday. They’d turned into a couple of randy teenagers intent on ravaging each other senseless.

He hoisted her up and wrapped those long legs around his waist, with a quick thrust he was buried inside her, both groaning at the sensation of filling and being filled.

“Fuck Sildie you feel so good love.” He growled and took what he wanted, what he needed.

His sudden explosive need for her only made her crave him more. Never had she been wanted by a man so completely, so passionately. Her fingers gripped tighter as he pounded into her, he’d have bruises tomorrow for sure, so would she.

“Harder.” She breathed and bit down on his shoulder, a cry escaping when he did as she asked. The primal need to feel him fuck her was taking over her system. The pleasure overwhelmed her both physically and emotionally her body trembling for release.

“Go over love, come for me.” He murmured and watched as she tensed and came hard. He followed her into bliss as her pussy milked him. A soft groan of his own.

Her cries as he pounded into her prolonging their pleasure were mixed with tears. The intense orgasm destroying the remains of her emotional defenses she’d put up for the day.

He’d expected the tears, not straight after sex, but he’d expected them sometime today. He held her there and soothed her as the sobs came.

“Did I hurt you?” He asked softly. She was silent for a moment which worried him.

“No. Just stupid emotions.” She mumbled and held onto him tightly. “Sorry.”

“You sure?”

He helped her back to her feet and pulled his sweats up, closing her robe with tender fingers. His hand cupped behind her neck drawing her in close. Standing there he held her as the silent tears fell, no words were needed as he knew why she was upset.

“You make me feel things so deeply.” She said softly.

“So do you love.” He kissed her brow and stroked the length of her back. “So do you.”

She made him feel like he was the only man in the world, so loved, so wanted. Those three little words stuck in his throat as she cried against him.

There was a knock at the bedroom door.

“Ama? Dinner’s here.” Brendan’s voice came through the door slightly muffled.

“Thanks, be right there.” She said as cheerfully as she could.

“So what’s for dinner?” He asked and wiped the stray tear from her cheek.

“Your favorite.”

“My favorite? Now where did you get that information?” He joked. “And I have lots of favorites.”

“Daisy. We talked.” She grinned.

“Oh shit! What else did she tell you.” He chuckled and kissed her, not really surprised the two of them had hit it off.

“Nothing that would get her fired. I like her.” She giggled.

“She’s my saving grace sometimes.” He said softly.

She went to move away but the hand at her neck pulled her back to him. His kiss was tender and loving.

“You sure you’re ok?” He asked gently.

“Yeah, I’ll let it hit me tomorrow. I want today to be fun and happy.” She kissed him. “I promised Lily when she was born I wouldn’t cloud today with tomorrows crap. I won’t do that to you either. Happy times, happy memories.”

“Well it certainly has been a happy day for me. Your mouth around my cock, two quickies, and my hands on you all day. I’m set.” He smirked and kissed her longingly. “I can’t wait for Saturday to see what else you’ve got planned.”

“I’m looking forward to adult time with you.” She grinned.

“Adult playtime.” His growl made her moan as he nipped her neck.

Brendan had started to spread out the feast of traditional Swedish food, she’d even got his favorite pickled herring.

“Where did you get all this?” He asked a little shocked, knowing full well which restaurant had these signature dishes and the price tag that came with them.

“Frantzen.” She said and sat down. She knew he’d probably get upset about it as it was one of the most exclusive restaurants in the city and had cost her a small fortune. But she wanted to spoil him, so something special for him.

“They don’t deliver.” He growled and kissed her jaw.

“Apparently they do for me.” She grinned. “Eat. Enjoy.” She kissed him sweetly. “Happy birthday love.”

“Thank you but pizza would have been just as good.” He looked at her and she could see he was thankful but irritated with her, she knew he would be.

“If I’d wanted pizza I would have bought pizza but I wanted this, for you.” She kissed him again and squeezed his hand. “Don’t be mad at me for wanting to do something nice for you.” She said shortly and kept her tone even. She didn’t want this to blow up in front of the boys and ruin a perfect day.

“I’m not mad, just...” He sighed trying to find the right words that wouldn’t cause a full on argument. “I know how much they charge and I don’t want you spending that kind of money on me.” He knew this would head to where it ended up last time they fought a it but he’d say what he had to say.

“My money to spend as I see fit.” She said and there was a bite in her tone as she threw his own words from a few months ago back at him. “And this is part of my gift to you.”

“Tuche.” He sighed. He gave in, he had to. There was no argument. Presents and food were off limits. He’d sprung for pizza so many times that this could be counted as her turn. Her turn for the next six months he thought to himself. It was only the babysitter and those sorts of things that they had their agreement on. Trust the lawyer to remember that verbatim.

“What are you smirking at?” She asked with a sly smile of her own.

“I just got played.” He chuckled and kissed her.

“No, I just used our agreement to my advantage.” She grinned.

“You lawyered me.” He said both shocked and in awe as his hand fell to her knee and he squeezed.

“Yes I did.” She said triumphantly and smiled at him as she ate. The food was to die for and well worth it.

“I won’t forget this you know.” His tone low and one that held a promise of seductive retribution.

“I’m sure you won’t.” She laughed.

They finished up dinner with jokes and laughter. Gustaf felling the kids funny birthday stories from when he was a kid. She sat back and watched the kids and Gustaf. It all fit together so well. Were Quinn and Dana really watching over them to make this such a seamless transition. Well whatever divine intervention is happening let it continue she thought, because in the back of her mind was that niggling doubt that it was all going to fall apart at any moment. They were both fragile people trying their hardest to make it work.

Brendan brought out his dessert and Gustaf had to hand it to the kid, it was fucking good.

“This was good.” He said pointing to the remnants of the meal from the restaurant. “That was better.” He pointed at the Kladdkaka and took another slice and watched Brendan’s face perk up, that smile so similar to Sildie’s, his fathers smile no doubt.

“I know who to come to when I need another one made.” He winked. “Which might be tomorrow.”

She watched as those words made Brendan’s whole world light up. Gustaf was so good for him, that bond growing stronger the more time they spent together. It still didn’t make her feel any less guilty, the thoughts of it should have been Quinn still running through her head.

He pulled Lily into his lap as she started to fuss while he finished the second slice.

“No, not for you Lily bear. You’ll be bouncing off the walls all night with that amount of sugar and caffeine running through you.” She heard him say. “And I have other plans while you’re sleeping.” The look he gave Sildie as he spoke to Lily made her pussy clench, undiluted desire.

Brendan helped Sildie clear the table and the twins set up the games. Gustaf sat with Lily and watched Sildie.

“Mum mums a little upset Lily bear. They’re all going to feel it tomorrow. It’s going to crash down on them so hard it’ll make them reel. I need your help ok?” Lily squealed and pulled herself up so she was standing on his thighs. With her tiny hands on his vast shoulders she bounced up and down.

“She’s going to crumble, so are the boys and we need to keep them together. Any thoughts on how we do that?” He asked her.

“Dad dad sooch.” She said patting her hand on his cheek.

“Sooches huh? That might work, good advice.” He grinned and smooched the little girl until she was giggling.

He put her down and watched her toddle off to play with the toys sprawled out on the mat. Sildie came out a while later with a fresh pot of tea and sat it on the table. He was lost in thought watching Lily play, that gorgeous face relaxed.

She waited until Brendan had gone to the couch with the twins to play games before she covered his hand with hers.

“Where did you go love?” She asked gently.

“Nowhere, just thinking.” He smiled and hoped she’d let it go. They would deal with all that tomorrow, not today. “Have you told the kids about Friday?”

She shook her head. “I wanted it to be a nice surprise for them after tomorrow.”

“Can we all fit in your car or am I driving separately?” He asked brushing his thumb across the inside of her wrist lazily.

“My car. Brendan can squeeze in the very back.” She sipped her tea. “Same for tomorrow if you want to come with us?” Her voice shook slightly.

“I’ll go with you to where ever you need tomorrow love. I’m not leaving any of you alone.” He leaned forward and kissed her tenderly. “I promised you that and I intend to keep it.”

“I don’t know if I can do this.” She whispered. It was stupid really because tomorrow was going to come whether she was ready for it or not.

“You can.” He hooked a finger under her chin and gently lifted her head so she’d look at him. “I’ll be right here with you. It’ll hurt, but you’ll start to heal.” His kiss settled her. Tender, loving, it warmed her.

“Gustaf can you come play games?” Liam asked politely.

“Sure. Let me finish my tea ok?”

“Ok.” Happy with the answer he ran back to the couch and flopped on it.

“I worry about them.” She said sipping her tea.

“I know love. We’ll get through it ok? Together.” He kissed her again and finished his tea.

“Now excuse me love, I have some asses to whoop.” He grinned that childish grin and her laugh made his heart soar. He leaned in and kissed her.

Don’t say it now the voice in his head said quietly, it’ll freak her out with everything that’s happening. He was sure she could see it in his eyes though. He kissed her again and joined the boys on the couch, scooping Lily up along the way.

He saw her curl up with a book in the one seat moments later and smiled. He liked seeing her not working or cleaning or insanely busy with the kids. Some decompression time even though the mind was still occupied. When Lily started to fuss he took her to Sildie’s room and put her down.

He sat on the floor and watched sleep slowly take her under. His finger tightly gripped in her tiny hand.

“I won’t let you go either little lady. Sweet dreams now.” He rested his head against the rails and made sure she was really out before even attempting to remove his finger from her hand.

When he came out the twins were just getting into the tub and Brendan was talking with Sildie. He let them be and decided to get the twins cleaned up and in bed quickly.

“Are you coming with us tomorrow?” Finn asked as he climbed into bed.

“I am if you want me to.” He said. He didn’t know where they were going but would hazard a guess it would be the Cemetary.

“I want you to come.” Finn said and punched the covers not knowing what to do with his hands or if he should even be asking Gustaf to be there.

“Me too.” Liam hugged Gustaf tightly. They were scared.

“Come here. Both of you, come here.” His arms wrapped around both kids and he pulled them in close. “It’s ok to be scared, it’s ok to be sad, its ok to be angry, it’s ok to cry. If you want me there I’ll be there, if not that’s ok too. You won’t upset me if you just want family.”

“You are family.” Finn mumbled into his shoulder and Gustaf tightened his hug.

These kids were his undoing. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for them, mountains he wouldn’t move. If they only they were old enough to understand what those words meant to him at this point in the relationship.

“Love you guys.” He said softly and with an I love you too they laid down so Gustaf could tuck them in.

“Are you staying tonight?” Liam asked.

“I’m staying until Ama gets tired of me being here and kicks me out.” He winked.

“So never.” Finn giggled.

“Here’s hoping kid.” He stood and watched them settle before flipping the light off. “Straight to sleep.”

He came out of the twins room to find Brendan standing at the door to his waiting for Gustaf.

“Night B.” He said and the kid hugged him tightly.

“Happy birthday.” He mumbled trying to keep those emotions that were suddenly so raw at bay.

“Thanks, and that dessert was fucking amazing dude. You need to meet my sister. She runs a nightclub and they’d go ballistic over that.”

“You really liked it?” His grin was huge.

“Loved it, I’m going to have it for breakfast tomorrow if I don’t eat the rest tonight.” He hugged the kid again, he was hurting so much already Gustaf could all but see the wounds to his heart bleed.

“Will you come with us tomorrow?” He asked eventually.

“Like I said to the twins just now, if you want me there I’ll be there, if not, that’s cool too.”

“I want you there, and Ama needs you there.” His voice quiet.

“You’re not alone this time B, neither is Sildie. I keep my promises.” The kid nodded. “Get some sleep ok.” Brendan nodded and with a final ’night ’ he closed his bedroom door.

He came out to an empty couch and saw her in the kitchen making tea. Closing the hall door he walked to the tv and turned on a movie. That would at least cover some of the noise he was about to have her make. Standing behind her he folded her into him, feeling her relax was promising.

“Doing ok?” He asked softly and kissed her temple.

“Yeah. Trying to keep it all in tomorrow you know?” She said and poured the tea.

“I get it. Thank you for an awesome birthday.” He kissed her again and breathed in her scent, it drove him crazy she smelled so good.

“Even though I lawyered you?” She smirked.

“Oh we’re so not done on that score love.” He growled and kissed her neck as he swept the strands of copper from his path.

“I’d say we’re even.” She sighed as his lips found the spot below her ear that made her knees turn to jelly.

“Not even close.” He chuckled.

“Don’t make me mad at you.” She warned.

“I’ll stay within our agreement, you found a loophole and now I’ll exploit it.” He murmured and slipped a hand under the silk of her robe to cup a breast.

“You’re impossible.” She chuckled and relaxed into him as his hands wandered.

“I am, and you’re stubborn.” His thumb grazed her nipple which earned him a sigh. “Finish your tea.” He purred and tugged the belt of her robe loose. “I have something else to exploit.”

“We have to be careful out here.” She warned, not really wanting him to stop.

“And we will be.” His voice low as his fingers pulled the fabric from one shoulder so he could suck at the silky flesh.

“This spot here is a favorite.” He whispered and kissed the dip in her collarbone letting his tongue graze it.

Slipping the fabric from her other shoulder he paid it equal attention. His hands cupped a breast each and her moan sent a shot of lust to his cock. Thumb and finger pinched her nipples as he devoured the tender flesh of her neck and collarbone. His large hands squeezing her breasts the weight of them heavy and exotic.

“I love it when you touch me like this.” She breathed and gripped the counter as his hand traveled lower.

Cupping her heat he pulled her hips to him and she felt his erection nestle between her ass cheeks. She pushed back and he growled into her neck gripping her breast tightly.

“I want you in me.” She whispered as his fingers slipped into her soaked pussy.

“Mmmm so wet for me love.” He purred and her breath hitched as he grazed a finger over her clit.

“I want to take you right here.” He growled.

The counter they were at was the only one slightly shielded from the hall door. Open plan living had its downfalls.

Her hand slipped between sweats and skin to find his hard member. She stroked it and that only spurred him on.

“Is that a yes?” He whispered.

She turned her head and snaked an arm up to pull him in for a kiss.

“Yes.” She breathed.

“Let me have you.” He bit into her shoulder gently and that soft cry of ’always’ fell from her lips.

He lifted her leg and placed a foot on the counter which stretched her hips wide open for him. Still holding her breast in one hand he gripped his cock in the other and ran the tip along her pussy. He pushed slowly into her savoring the feel of her heat swallowing him whole.

He groaned in ecstasy and bit down on the pulse at her neck. She held onto the counter for balance as his hand left her breast to slide up to grip her throat. The gesture was gentle yet erotic, the slight light headed feeling already pulsing through her. He eased off and kissed her below the ear.

“You like that too don’t you?” He smirked not needing an answer and kissed her again. The feel of her pulse quicken at his touch made him harder for her.

“Yes.” She breathed out as his hand tightened slightly and his hips started thrusting.

Her cry was soft as the different angle of penetration touched her in places she didn’t know existed. It wouldn’t be quick, he was going to take her slowly until she was wrecked. The feel of him plunging in and out of her like this was erotic torture, she never wanted him to stop.

He’d dreamed of taking her like this for months now, stretched wide and wanting, at his mercy. With each thrust he filled her, slow and deep. He kept his hand at her throat, supporting her against him with a muscled forearm between her breasts as the other grabbed a breast roughly and pinched her nipple hard.

He feasted on her exposed neck and shoulder as he plunged deeply, his teeth sure to leave marks by tomorrow. He felt her body tremble as she came close to her orgasm and he’d make sure it was mind blowing.

His hand at her throat gently squeezed as a finger slipped over her clit. The movie playing in the background drowned out her cry. He watched as her body quivered as he stroked and flicked her clit.

“Give yourself to me.” He whispered.

He thrust deeper as her body tensed. Felt her body yield, to him, to the pleasure he was giving her. He felt the pulse under his fingers quicken as she crested, and squeezed gently, just enough for a buzz.

“Harder.” She whispered and he did as she asked. She wanted to feel him claim her, pound into her, his cock bottoming out. She gave herself to him and felt her body tense so tightly she thought she’d snap something.

“Come for me love.” He growled and bit down on that sensitive part of her neck.

She wasn’t sure how loud she screamed but she’d never come so hard. Stars exploded in her brain, the feel of his hand around her throat, and the new sensations of him fucking her in this position almost made her pass out. He loosened his grip at her pulse as if reading her mind but continued his furious assault on her body.

She felt the second climax build so quickly she almost wasn’t aware it was happening until it was crashing through her. He’d pinned her to him, fucking her relentlessly now and she had no control. She cried out again as she came hard her pussy gripping and sucking at his thick cock.

She was beautiful when she came, lost to him and everything he was doing to her. He’d tip her over for another before he was done. She felt so good around him, hot, silky, and wet. The pulse of her pussy as it contracted only adding to the pleasure. He groaned as she cried out his name as she came again, he wouldn’t last another one.

“Gustaf please.” She begged him. To stop or to make her come again she wasn’t sure.

“Come again for me love.” He groaned as her pussy felt so incredibly tight as he pounded into her.

She screamed this time and even he was worried it would wake the kids. His world shattered as she came around him and triggered a powerful orgasm. He tensed and thrust hard, rough, and urgent. He rode out the pleasure with her as he filled her with his seed and slowed to a stop.

He kissed her tenderly where he’d bitten her before, hands caressing where they pinched and gripped tightly. He was also keeping his ears open for the hall door. Nothing yet, hopefully they would think it’s just the movie.

Panting she leaned her head back against him. She’d never been fucked so thoroughly. He kissed her neck and stroked tender fingers down her throat.

“Happy birthday.” She murmured when she’d found her voice again.

“Best birthday present ever.” He said softly and continued to stroke and soothe her.

He kissed her knee before helping her to place her foot on the floor again. Gently turning her around to face him he kissed her tenderly, her legs still shaking.

“I’ve wanted to have you like that for a while now.” He confessed and kissed her again.

“It was pretty intense.” Her finger trailed the scruff at his jaw.

“We don’t have to do it again if it’s too much.” And he was serious.

“I didn’t say that.” She smirked. “I like what you do to me.” She whispered and kissed him so seductively his brain melted.

“You can’t kiss me like that after I just fucked your brains out.” He growled.

“Yeah I can, it’s your birthday.” She giggled.

“Come with me.” He said and took her hand.

“I think I just did but ok.” She quipped.

“Smart ass.” He muttered and smacked her playfully on the butt.

He sat on the couch and pulled her into his lap. No kids venturing out of their bedrooms meant more play time. He wanted her wrecked so she’d pass out tonight and sleep well.

“I’ll give you a moment to catch your breath and then I’m having you again.” He said gently as he kissed her.

Curling her into his chest he held her there.

“Not if you hold me like this, I’ll be asleep.” She said and laughed as he pushed her upright with a chuckle.

He cupped her face in his hands and kissed that clever mouth.

“Fuck Sildie what did you put in my food today to make me want you so fucking badly.” He chuckled and kissed her again with a groan.

“Nothing.” She laughed.

“I want you just like this.” His hand was palm flat against her spine at her shoulder blades before it fisted in the robe and raked it down her body to feast on her breasts.

His talented mouth seizing a nipple and tormenting it until she was grinding her hips against him. Her hands clawed for the hem of his shirt and she had it off him moments later wanting to feel his chest under her hands. He lifted his hips slightly so she could pull his sweats down.

He groaned as she stroked his cock, long firm strokes that would have him hard again soon enough.

“Such talented fingers.” He murmured as she slowly pumped his cock.

“Such a clever mouth.” She grinned and a gasp tore from her throat as he bit down on her nipple gently.

She ran his tip along her entrance and circled it there. The hiss and groan from him urged her on. As he feasted on her breasts she slowly lowered herself onto him to cradle his cock deep within her.

His head tilted back and claimed her mouth feverishly.

“Fuck me you feel so good love.” He breathed as she started to ride him slowly.

Her hands cupped his face and she kissed him tenderly, she wanted him slowly, erotically. His hands gripped her hips as she rode him, both finding that pleasurable rhythm. As his mouth attacked her throat she tipped her head back, arms resting on his shoulders. His hands coasted over her body with a featherlight touch, arousing her further.

“Sildie.” He breathed as his fingers gently tangled into her hair and he kissed the spot below her ear.

“Give yourself to me.” She whispered and kissed those lips she craved, her eyes searching his.

“Anything for you love.” He whispered back.

Her fingers interlaced with his and she stretched his arms along the back of the couch.

“This is familiar.” He growled and kissed her tenderly smiling at the memory of her rocking his world and blowing his mind all in one evening.

He tipped his head back and let her ride them both to oblivion. She changed it up slightly as his breathing quickened by brushing her breasts against his chest.

“Shall I make you come love?” She purred and nipped his throat, his slight chuckle at his own words from earlier today made her smile.

“You first.” He groaned as she sucked on the pulse at his throat.

“You’ll have to wait then, I’m enjoying fucking you slowly.” Her voice was wicked.

His groan turned to a hiss when she circled her hips. She’d brought him to the edge to have him hover there until she was ready to come.

“That’s just...” He lost his train of thought as her teeth grazed the column of his throat.

“Just what? Use your words.” She teased gleeful at finally rendering him speechless.

She’d blanked his mind. He was so lost to her now he couldn’t form words let alone think. That erotic body slowly taking him deeper with every stroke down. Her silky folds grinding against the base of him.

She felt him throb inside her. The struggle to hold back the pleasure until she came first. She wanted to watch him come, the pleasure she gave him. Feel that thick cock pulse inside her, filling her.

“Sildie please.” He whimpered, it was his turn to beg and he knew it aroused her more to hear it.

She rested her elbows on the back of the couch and began to bounce gently. He lifted his head up and devoured her mouth as his cock slammed into her deeply and bottomed out.

“Faster.” He breathed and she denied him for now, keeping it slow.

“Please.” He choked, he was struggling to hold off his orgasm now as she took him how she wanted.

“Look at me.” She whispered and he did, those soulful blue eyes drawing her in. “Go over.”

His hands gripped hers tightly as she quickened her bounce. With a choked cry he came hard, his eyes fluttering shut as he gave himself to her. With the feel of him pulsing inside her, the quicker pace of glorious friction she followed him into bliss and shattered.

He claimed her mouth and kissed her as she continued to ride him, milking everything from him. Her hand left his and cupped his face. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her again.

“Now it’s a happy birthday.” He chuckled as they caught their breath.

“Now it’s take my worn out ass to bed.” She laughed. “I’m going to be so sore tomorrow.”

“A good sore I hope?” He always worried he was too rough.

“I’ll tell you if it’s not.” She said softly brushing her fingers from temple to chin.

She wondered if that’s something else Ana had done to him. Wanted it rough then accused him of hurting her. She couldn’t understand women that played those mind games, especially with someone as sweet and giving as he was. She wished he’d tell her, let her in.

She kissed him tenderly as his hands caressed her bare back, soothing, comforting.

“If you’re going to keep doing that I need to be laying down.” She chuckled. “It’s making me sleepy.”

He pulled the robe back up and held it out for her to stick her arms through. She turned off the tv and stood, helping Gustaf to his feet. He went to the bedroom while she checked on the kids, they were all sound asleep.

He was almost asleep when she climbed in next to him. She lay straight, running her long frame against his, the top leg curled over him, face buried in the curve of his neck, arm on his chest. She breathed him and her entire body relaxed, the stress melting off her.

“Gustaf?” She murmured.

“Mmmm.” He breathed as his arms wrapped around her pulling her closer.

“I don’t want tomorrow to come.” She said softly.

“I know love, but it will and we’ll be fine. I’ll be right here with you. Together remember.” He kissed her brow and heard her sigh it out.

“Sleep now love.” His whisper wasn’t answered, she’d finally let sleep claim her. Smiling to himself he followed shortly after.

[alphabees-writes]

Glee - S1 E6 (Vitamin D)

They call it vitamin D for the whole thing but wasn’t it just a component for some really hard drug??? We love the bullshit

The millionth step ball change... And we’re only 6 episodes in

Mr Schue just said “Maybe so” and now all I can think of is the gif meme thing

heheheheheheh.......Sorry. Funny youtube. 

Sign #27 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: He’s eating that sandwich in the GROSSEST WAY POSSIBLE. He’s chewing with his mouth open, breathing really loud, talking with his mouthful, and he’s clearly being messy about it because there’s mustard all over his chin!!! How is Emma crushing on this dweeb

Sign #28 That Mr Schuester Is An Asshole: When Emma says he’s got a “cute Kirk Douglas chin dimple” (barf) he doesn’t say, hey! Maybe don’t flirt with me, I’m married!

I’m genuinely starting to feel ill whenever I have to just look at Mr Schue...

Everybody trying to learn their choreo and they’re just.... Spinning. Kurt’s about to fall over, Matt and Mike are bumping into each other, and Brittany’s just Tasmanian Devil-ing her way across the room. Love em

Brittany completely ignoring Artie’s high-five and him being like “oh-- okay...” is underrated

Matt Morrison just delivered “simply stopped trying” really weirdly. I don’t know what’s throwing me off about it, but it is

You’re right, Sue. Bones won’t grow properly without fear. AND EMMA’S BLOUSE IS INSANE

“I don’t understand how lightning is in competition with an above-ground swimming pool” You’re RIGHT KURT and you SHOULD SAY IT! Bears and sharks aren’t in competition either! Call out post for Mr Schue: The man knows NOTHING of the most basic ecology!

The look Quinn gives Finn when he yawns... Let my mans nap!!!

Kurt did his best to get to the girl’s side. Can you fucking blame him? Puck’s still an asshole to him as far as we all know!

Santana and Brittany just casually linking arms... Be still my beating heart

Kurt just walking along with Finn to football practice... Look at those brothers go!!! I am ignoring Puck

Ohh Sue’s journal... A wonderful character

You’re right, Sue, Will Schuester IS to blame for the world’s problems. Please do destroy the man

“I’ve always thought the desire to procreate showed deep personal weakness” Got ‘em

And thus begins the saga of Sue pushing problem people down the stairs. I’m not saying she should do that to Mr Schue... I’m just saying, why doesn’t she?

If Will wasn’t flirting with Emma, he wouldn’t get all nervous and upset when his wife turns up. Them’s the facts.

Does Terri know about Emma’s germophobia...? Because if so, it’s probably not cool for Will to have told her that. Unless Sue did, but I wouldn’t put it past him

As if they could get away with hiring a random unqualified woman as a school nurse?

Is “route” really pronounced like that......? Huh

Finn getting Biofreeze in his eye will forever be hilarious.

LEVEL 2!!!

I hate hats. I don’t know why, but I do. And I want Kurt to live his best life, but man, I hate that hat

Cory Monteith really got paid to drool. Goals

“Puck, with respect, you’re more helpful when you don’t contribute” Tell him, Artie!!!

Everybody making fun of Quinn :C Britt, you’re better than this!!

People (I’m people) can hate on Rachel all they want but this scenario is one example of her actually working harder than anybody else in the group. Yes, the solos should be shared more equally, but it’s hard to be mad at her when the others are claiming her ideas as their own and sitting around when they should be rehearsing. Except Brittany! She’s stretching, at least, love her

Terri let him NAP. WITHOUT DRUGS.

Finn’s having some serious mental health concerns but he’s not getting what he needs and I hate it. Help him!!!

Why does Terri care if Finn’s not faithful? Like, yeah, he should be, but it’s not going to affect the baby!

Surely if she took those pills for ALL of high school, they would’ve lost their effect after a while?

God I love high Finn. He just CHUCKED Matt outta that chair. 

Puck knows what’s up. Kurt thinks it’s vitamin C, because Vogue said so, and Iove him. He also looks SO weirded out

Terri gave him a whole BOX huh?

Time for season 1′s best mash-up. I love this so much. They’re all going so HARD and Finn looks like his eyes are about to pop right out. The way he’s rubbing the mic... How could they not tell he was off his face???

MIKE’S SINGING. MIKE’S SINGING BACK UP AND NOBODY’S WINCING. Glee has no continuity confirmed

I feel like I shouldn’t find this performance cute because they’re all meant to be high as shit BUT THEY’RE JUST SO EXCITED???

Kevin McHale bumps every song features in up by at least 2 letter grades and that’s just a fact

LET MIKE CHANG DANCE!!!! LET HIM DANCE FOREVER HE DESERVES SO MUCH

I would say the same for Matt but then I’ll get sad about him being dumped into the void in like 16 episodes time

Oh Rachel worrying about Quinn... Be still my gay heart

Rachel just cuts right through her bullshit without hesitating for a second. She knows what it’s like to feel like the odd one out and she’s doing the absolute most to make sure Quinn doesn’t feel that way and I love her for it

The way Quinn slowly turns to face her... And Rachel says they don’t have to be enemies and Quinn can’t understand why Rachel would offer her a second chance... 

Quinn legit draws porn of Rachel it’s canon. I mean it’s fucked up but there are only so many reasons a person would do that

“I would’ve tortured you if the roles were reversed you know” “I know” And then the way she watches Rachel walk away... My HEART

Ken and Terri, the power duo of awful

“Laughing... Talking... All the stuff she never does with me” I hate it. They suck. Emma is a dumbass for agreeing to date a guy who she just genuinely doesn’t like and Ken’s just an ASSHOLE for bullying her into it

And now Ken’s about to propose because he’s being bullied into it. Why the fuck does this happen?

I don’t buy that Rachel took this long to berate all the girls for not prepping their mash-up harder after the boys killed theirs. She’d be right on that

Kurt I love the waistcoat and the bowtie but WHAT is happening on your ELBOWS.

You really wanted those guys in cornrows, Kurt? None of them have the length for it. ALSO I love that the exotic bird feathers thing comes back next season 10/10

F-ROD!!! GO OFF RACHEL!!! Even if Finn doesn’t know what half these words mean!

Rachel really wakes up with flawless hair, huh! And then she just... Does all that. She never stops being extra...

Did they just start walking in the opposite direction?

I feel like it’s dumb that Rachel doesn’t just tell Mr Schue that they all took pills, but it’s more in character for her to not waste an opportunity to perform anyway

Howard Bamboo,totally unqualified man who absolutely isn’t staff, is just allowed on campus to deliver DRUGS? HELLO???

Quinn only gets folic acid... And yet I’m pretty sure she manages to keep up with everybody else. HOW?

“What’s up with Ken?” [FRANTIC PAPER SHREDDING] 

I don’t care how married you are, no person should lick another person’s face

I can physically feel the awkwardness between Will and Terri. JUST DIVORCE ALREADY

Don’t like ya Will but you’re right, shit’s not healthy if there’s no space!

Imagine proposing in the staff room at work just because a random woman told you to

“Emma Pilsbury, this is not an engagement ring” “Oh thank god--” “No, I mean, it is” Just take the L, Ken

AND ALSO ANGELS!!!

Quinn’s so fucking concerned. I love this

I usually don’t like yellow clothes but these girls make it look so dang CUTE. More pastels plz

Again, I have no idea how pregnant Quinn is keeping up at all...

HALOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Kurt’s wearing those blocky shades so the boys can’t see his betrayal

Where the hell did this mock-stage set up come from

“We came up with the idea together!” No... Will, that was Sue. Sue gave you the idea

Emma’s pretty much explicitly told Will she’s only marrying Ken because Will won’t be with her. EVERYBODY SUCKS

This argument between Terri and Emma is a nightmare. The most confrontational person VS the least... I’d fucking evaporate if Terri came at me like that

The way Emma’s voice shakes when she tells Terri that Will deserves better... Ouchie

Quinn is just adorable. Diana made this character, and she did such an amazing job... She’s more empathetic than she lets anybody realise

The fact that Terri won’t even help this TEENAGE GIRL pay for the baby that she’ll eventually adopt is a nightmare. Where do you expect her to get the cash from?

Wanting to get married without being married is kind of a mood... Secret marriage

BEING A PUSHOVER WHEN IT COMES TO YOU DOESN’T MAKE HIM A GOOD MAN

Finn and Rachel both realising they screwed up is perfect. 

Finn continuing to not know what any words mean is also perfect

This is a cute Rachel moment actually... Yes girl compete WITH your friends!!! You’re a team!!!!

Ahh, methamphetamines! That’s what it was. Yeah, fuck Terri

I’m still looking at Matt Morrison’s lips and trying to figure out if he’s had fillers. They just curl too far!!!

Mr Schue being called out for making things too competitive - fine, I guess. Bringing in SUE to rectify that...??? Hello? Figgins?

Those white jeans are a LOOK Kurt. He’s like a twink Steve Jobs rn

Britt and Santana’s little smiles at each other when Sue’s announced as co-captain... Hell yeah future wives

I’d like to think Will’s upset about Emma marrying Ken for the right reasons (i.e. Ken’s an asshole) but we been knew he’s not. He’s looking at her like he’s just been shot

AIN’T NOTHIN GONNA BREAK MY STRIDE! NOBODY GONNA SLOW ME DOWN! OH NO, I’VE GOT TO KEEP ON MOVIN!

I really just love how stupid this show is! It makes no god damn sense and I fall for it every time!

[taiblogcomics]

Mulling Over the Culling

Hey there, moving day. Oh boy. Well, here we go. If you thought the last issue was bad and a character assassination, this issue is even worse~

Here's the cover:

Ah, the boring "team versus shot yelling at each other" cover. It's a really boring cover, especially for an annual. I will also point out that this annual came out after issue 8. So it hasn't actually been a year yet. That's one of the major problems with this story. The New 52 wasn't even a year old yet, and they're doing huge event crossovers between books. A lot of books didn't even make it past this point. Lots of them, like Static Shock, were cancelled after issue 8. So a good third or so of the books were being cancelled, while the others were engaging in unnecessary crossovers. And that's where this story comes in!

Anyway, the cover's awful, let's see how awful the story is too. So, since it's not obvious from the cover (another mark against it), this storyline is a crossover between Teen Titans, Superboy, and Legion Lost. The short description for that is that a few members of the Legion of Super-Heroes come back from the 31st century to find some sort of cure they need in the future. So in addition to the Titans and Superboy--not to mention all the villains and other characters we're going to introduce in this--now you have to keep track of and presumably care about Gates, Dawnstar, Timberwolf, Tyroc, Tellus, Wildfire, and Chameleon Girl. Good luck getting off any sort of emotional resonance with a cast list in the 20s!

So we open with Tim Drake on his back with a boot on his chest. The boot belongs to Artemis, making her comics debut here, following her appearance in the Young Justice cartoon series. Also here are new versions of Thunder and Lightning, a pair of minor Teen Titans characters. In the old continuity, they were Vietnamese twins, but in the New 52, now they're a caucasian brother/sister pair. Lightning's pissed because Artemis is expositing to Tim, because Tim "wears the colours of Harvest". Thunder and Lightning have exactly the same Tron suits as the Titans do.

The backgrounds are horrendous. I hope radioactive lava orange is your favourite, because you're going to be seeing it for a week after reading this. After Tim forces Artemis off him, he suitably impresses the group, and they run off together. Artemis exposits all the way, mentioning she's also not a metahuman, making it really weird that Harvest would want to kidnap her to join his army. They then run into a grungy-looking cyborg guy named Fist Point. He and his goon squad demand a toll, which is stupid. Tim tries the whole "we have to work together!" shtick that might work better on Saturday morning cartoons, but such comraderie has no place in the New 52. They beat up Fist Point and reunite with the other Titans.

This is also where Superboy joins the party. Like, this whole annual could've been about getting Superboy to join up and him working to earn the trust of each member. That would've been really good! Instead we get this, where Superboy agrees to work with the team, and Cassie tells him nobody cares about his opinion. Cassie's continued attitude is one of the most frustrating things about this series. We then cut over to a brief scene with the Legion Lost--remember them? They're in this crossover too!--determining that Gates' warping powers can't seem to get them out of this place. They resolve to keep working together, however. I already like them better than the Titans, since they're not being pissy at each other. This is a bad sign for a crossover~

This then cuts over to Harvest and his goons (including Omen and Leash from the last issue), gloating over how their plans are going to turn out great. He sends out Leash again to torment them, and we can talk about this guy now. He's got a glowing purple ribcage, a leather bodysuit, and assless chaps over that. He's also wearing a do-rag, has pale white skin and red lipstick. Unique among Harvest's goons, he appears to have been made entirely for this series. If this is the kind of guy they could come up with as new characters, maybe making terrible versions of previous characters is the better choice. Anyway, Leash ties them all up with his powers and torments them.

So hey, you remember Skitter? Was she your favourite character? I hope not, because a mysterious person we don't see offers her hand to Skitter and removes her from the comic. No, seriously. Skitter won't appear or even be mentioned again until the very last issue of the series. Anyway, Leash gathers up the Legion and the Titans and pits them against each other. A terrible fight scene ensues. It's really hard to look at, mostly due to the bright orange backgrounds. The fight with Wildfire and Superboy is particularly eye-searing. It's this fight, though, that the pair put together than neither side is working for NOWHERE and probably shouldn't be fighting each other.

Harvest and friends note that neither group is going for the kill, and thus it's time for the Culling to officially begin. What have I been reading up to this point, then? We cut over to another group of metahuman kids, including Thunder, Terra, and Beast Boy. These names are only significant if you know the previous continuity, so any new readers they were hoping to attract are just gonna be confused. Beast Boy is also red now, because the New 52 makes everything edgy. Like, there's an actual explanation that ties him to Animal Man's mythos, but let's face the truth. The New 52 loved it some edgelord '90s designs, and this is just another example.

So the Culling officially begins, and all the metahumans begin fighting among themselves. And you really have to wonder why. Like, nobody's being mind controlled or possessed or anything. All Harvest is promising is a chance to join his side, which isn't exactly appealing to the people you have kidnapped and tortured. So fighting for Harvest isn't exactly great incentive. And yet, even Lightning is out here, begging Beast Boy "Don't make me kill you!" Nobody has to kill anyone, you idiot! Except those who are even bigger idiots, I guess. Remember that Fist Point mook? He shows up and murders Artemis.

Yeah.

They used this series to introduce a new version of a popular character from a popular TV show, to make the character's debut in comics--and then they killed her off in the same issue. That's absolutely disgusting. This is why I hated the New 52. They could've done anything in the world with these characters. Instead, they reinvented them to either be assholes, villains, or dead. This is not restricted to just this book either, but it seems pretty excessive doing this here.

So Tim swears vengeance for Artemis, despite having only met her this issue. The Titans and Legion officially team up and beat back their foes, to Harvest's consternation. Don't they know better not to fight back, he's asking as he destroys his equipment in a Kylo Ren-style tantrum. Can't they tell he's already won? With the fodder dealt with, Harvest sends in his big guns, his personal Ravagers team. This includes Omen, that gold guy from the cover of issue 7, and that Templar guy also from the same issue. There's a couple others, but I'm gonna save the rants about them for their more full appearances in later issues. Next issue, though? More fighting! That's all this crossover is!

And now we’re truly on the downward plummet. I think I’ve said what I need to about Artemis, but please never forget that they did this. Imagine if they murdered Harley Quinn the first time she showed up in comics, in a crossover in someone else’s story. That’s what this is like. It’s stupid and awful and should never happen.

And don’t worry, dear readers. We won’t miss any of The Culling, because I actually followed Teen Titans back when it was coming out. So I even have the issues of Superboy and Legion Lost that make up more of the crossover. We’ll get to that next time~

[quinnhayden]

can you do some Quinn/Thor bonding. i just saw Ragnarok and i really want some Quinn and Thor now please

As Quinn starts to come to, she is in some severe pain, so she knows she fucked up bad. That leads her to try and remember what happened to put her in this situation, but can’t. Since her memories are a blurred mess and she has a serious case of cotton mouth, it leads her to believe that whatever stupid stunt she pulled landed her smack dab in the hospital. Fantastic. Each beep of the heart monitor makes her head throb. She tries to instead move her focus to the low murmur of the television. Oh, that must mean someone’s in the room with her. God, she hopes it isn’t Steve. If it is him then she can pretend to be asleep until a nurse comes in. He won’t yell at Quinn if there’s someone else in the room and then the nurse can put her back on those hardcore narcotics so she can put off the lecture even more. Wait. Hold on. She remembers…did Bucky come visit her? She swears she woke up, stoned off her ass, and he was there in the corner. She waxed poetic to him and he smiled. No, that must’ve been a dream. When he talked, it was all Brooklyn and…he doesn’t talk to her and Steve. Yeah, it had to have been a dream.

Well, she can’t pussyfoot around it anymore. She needs to survey the wreck that…someone made of her body. Hydra. It’s always a safe bet to assume all her trouble started with Hydra somehow. She aches all over, so she can’t pinpoint where the real problem is. Reluctantly, she forces her eyes to open. Immediately, she clocks a cast, so there’s broken bones. There’s—you know what? Fuck it. She’ll look at her medical chart later. Or Steve will list every problem she has, very loudly, at a later time. She looks to the chair next to her bed for him, prepared to break out her tears to make him less mad, but to her complete and utter shock it’s Thor with her. His attention is on the shitty reality shows that only come on early in the afternoon, so she squints at him.

Finally, her brain starts to work and she remembers what exactly happened before she blacked out. It was a standard mission—fuck up Hydra’s shit. At the start, it seemed normal, so of course it slowly but surely had to turn sideways on them. They can never catch a break too long before the world has to set itself in order and make shit difficult. They didn’t expect this particular base to have such sophisticated weapons. Over the radio, the team speculated that Hydra’s started to use Loki’s scepter to up their game. She wishes she could snap Loki’s neck, but Thor’s still sensitive about Loki’s death.

Anyway, there were tanks. A lot of tanks that she’s pretty sure had Chitauri weapons fitted to them. They’ve been at this so much that these missions have become pretty routine and the team has really started to bond. They have fun which is probably fucked up in and of itself, but none of them have ever been the most normal people to start with. Thor blew up a tank, Tony blew up a small bunker, and they quipped back and forth over the radio over who had a better record so far. One of the other tanks moved to aim at Thor to retaliate because he was a little easier to hit than Tony in the air. Quinn moved to knock Thor out of the way of the blast, overestimated how fast she could move out of the way, and it blew up in her face. Literally.

“You asshole,” she murmurs to catch his attention but her voice cracks. It startles him so bad he squawks in surprise. Then, he pivots his body around to stare at her with wide eyes. “This,” she squirms around and hopes he understands she means her broken body, “is why I tell everyone not to showboat until after we’ve completely cleared out the bases.”

“Lady Quinn, you’re awake!” He moves to his feet so fast he knocks the chair backward. A nurse that passes by the open doorway pokes her head in the room to see what the noise was about. “I’m sorry,” he whispers and the nurse shoots him one last dirty look before she moves on. He quickly picks up the chair, turns it to face the bed, and sits back down. “Sorry,” he repeats bashfully.

Quinn’s not sure if he’s sorry because of the noise or because he blames himself for what happened to her. “Don’t worry about it,” she replies. “Where are we? No, wait. Tell me where everyone else is. Is everyone okay? Has anyone called Steve and Sam? Please tell me you didn’t because he’ll have a fit.”

“We’re still in Europe. We were scared it would take more time than we could afford to take you back to Stark’s tower. We didn’t know the true extent of your injuries.” He smiles a little. “And I’m sorry, my friend, but I think Steve deserved to know his wife was hurt in combat.” The smile quickly thins. “I told him what happened and that the blame should be put on me. You don’t need to worry over any misplaced ire.”

“Aw, Thor, we’re teammates. We watch each other’s backs. Shit like this happens. You don’t have to beat yourself up so much over this. Besides, I’ve had worse.”

“Whether you’ve had worse or not doesn’t matter. You don’t deserve to be hurt, especially due to my carelessness. I was—what did you call it? I showboated.” He slumps in his chair and scrubs a hand across his face. “Sometimes, I still feel like that same spoiled, foolish brat of a prince that I was before we first met one another.”

“You’re definitely still as much of a drama queen as before, that’s for damn sure,” she teases. As payback for her remark, he shoves his dirty boots up on the hospital bed. “Hey, it ain’t me you’ll piss off. You’ll only make the nurses mad,” she explains and shoves his feet off the bed with a laugh. “And you’re still humble as ever, too. Seriously, don’t be so upset about this. You have fun and you help the rest of us have fun, too. Without the team to be there with us, Steve and me…we’d mope and pine over Bucky the whole time we tried to take Hydra down. Y’all help keep our heads out of our asses. Like I said, shit like this is expected to happen now and then. We’re not perfect. I’m not dead. Don’t worry so much.”

Thor scrutinizes her for at least a minute or two. When she’s about to ask him what’s the matter, his expression suddenly softens and he fondly remarks, “I truly wish that you were Asgardian born only so I could meet you sooner. You’d be welcome in my home. Actually, I think that you would’ve made a fine Valkyrie.”

“Valkyrie?” She’s heard about that before, she swears she has. Wait. Valkyries are part of Norse mythology, that’s where she knows it from. “Aren’t those the ladies that swoop down on horses with wings and take warriors killed in combat to Valhalla? They’re actually real?” Then, she smacks her forehead because, “Of course they’re real. Why wouldn’t they be? Next you’ll tell me that there really is a wolf named Fenrir, too.”

“I haven’t come across any giant wolves who have tried to eat my father and the sun, no,” he answers with a chuckle. “And I was told that the Valkyrie did not take fallen warriors to Valhalla. They were more of a…elite team. My father chose the fiercest warriors to protect the royal family and to battle beside him in combat for Asgard. They were all killed in battle, however. It was before my birth. Those days were…violent, I’m told. The nine realms were in total chaos. Anyway, you would be truly welcome among them, I believe.”

Just because she likes to poke fun, she slyly points out, “So, you want me to be part of a team that all died?”

“I take back what I said. I hate you,” he mutters under his breath and she cackles. That same nurse pokes her head in the room and glowers at Quinn who quickly snaps her mouth shut. As a doctor, she’s learned to respect the fuck out of nurses. They keep the hospitals running, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Well, nurses and the cleaning staff. “It was the sentiment, Quinn. The sentiment,” he stresses quietly, as wary of the nurse as she is.

“Thanks, I think?”

“I wanted to be one of them, you know.” She raises a brow and he nods enthusiastically. “Yes, I made my mother tell me stories of them all the time when I was a boy. I told her what I wanted and she told me only women were Valkyrie, so I told her that I would become a woman then. Mother accepted that but then she told me that the Valkyries protected the throne and since I was part of the throne it wouldn’t make very much sense.”

“Yeah, you’re not so good at protecting yourself.” Come on, she couldn’t help but take that shot. He left it wide open for her. “Maybe I would be a good Valkyrie, huh?”

“You’re not as funny as you think you are.”

“No, see, I’m hilarious actually.” What he said finally processes in her brain and she has to resist the urge to squeal. “That’s the cutest fucking thing, you know that? You running around as a kid, probably pretending to be a Valkyrie. That’s adorable, it really is.” She sighs wistfully. “Hell, I was a simple kid. All I wanted was to work in the coal mines with my pa. I loved my old man. Then, when I was older, I didn’t really know what I wanted until the war. I met Steve and Bucky and…I wanted to be a wife—no, I wanted to be a soulmate. Even now, you can’t marry another person legally. So, I wanted to be a good soulmate, settle down, and have some kids with Steve and Bucky.”

“Now?”

“Now…” She hasn’t actually thought that far ahead. She’s not sure Steve has, either. They’ve fought for so long…she doesn’t even know what she’d do if they found some goddamn peace. But she does want that. “Now, I want some peace and quiet with them. I think that’s what I’ve always wanted, in the end. Just…time to spend with them. No fighting. No wars. No doomsday shit. I want to love on them without someone walking in on us,” and at that last remark, she side-eyes him.

Thor throws his arms up in the air in exasperation. “I told you that I’m sorry! I’m one for reveling in victory, but if you and Steve suddenly disappear after battle then someone is bound to search for you. And why exactly are you two making love in the places we’ve destroyed? That…that’s just not sanitary.”

“One word—adrenaline.”

“That doesn’t make sense!”

“If you haven’t fucked when you’re hopped on up adrenaline then you’re missing out, my friend.”

Thor rolls his eyes. “Humans.”

“I thought you Asgardians weren’t as much of prudes as us humans are.”

“I doubt prude would be an accurate word to use for you and Steve,” he shoots back. Point to him. “Again I say, you would be a welcome addition to Asgard.”

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

The Great ATOG Reread; Grey part 9

Part 8 ended on a kind of cliffhanger? I just had to stop myself from continuing, but here I am. I read all the remaining chapters today and I’m, as the kids say, shook. 

I once again read 7 months long fic in four days. 

Anyway, since this is the end of this verse, thank you for reading my mumbling.

Chapter 29

Oh god, they have fucked up. Oh god they have fucked up so badly, to get to here, how could they get to here?

Aftermath. Draxie and BB are discussing Ghostly, and Blaine is once again realising what he’s done. I can’t really blame him, since he had a lot on his plate too. This entire fic was heavy because as a reader, you saw how helpless they both felt.

Kurt thinks he’s dying. Blaine doesn’t want him to die.

Normally it’s Blaine who thinks he’s about to die, but then again, problem 1 has been happening for a long while.

To no one’s surprise, the Phalanx rollercoast is making a lot of rounds today (especially with what’s waiting for them).

He has no fear of forever if 'forever' just means that they're both ghosts now.

Blaine’s thinking about solidity. He’d forgotten that Kurt had given him some sense of solidity, and now he wants to do the same for Kurt. Kurt thinks Blaine’s wasting his time. Kurt’s about to die, so why stay?

But why leave?

So while Blaine’s out looking for that sense of solidity, Kurt’s problem 3 is kicking his ass. The Ghost of New York City has started to become a stranger to Kurt, or is it the other way around? Fuck knows.

It’s time to leave.

UNLESS AGENT SYLVESTER HAS SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT BECAUSE KNOCK KNOCK MOTHERFUCKER, TERRORIST!

People should realise that it doesn't matter if it's day or night, this city is always haunted. The Ghost lingers in its concrete and metal and glass, the Ghost is the memory of why you don't fuck with New York City. So long as the Ghost does exist, he's never letting it be known that New York is open to attack. No time even to change his underwear. That is how much he loves his city.

Time for probably the most horrifying moment in the entire fic.

You know, I love the Flash. It’s one of the reasons I started reading this fic. I thought “hey, superheroes aren’t as bad as I thought” because of the Flash. Fuck, Flash, I owe you.

Why am I telling you this? Because I stumbled into the CW DCTV verse without any knowledge about these comics. You can do the same for ATOG/Grey. You can read it without having to watch glee, but you will miss references and some depth.

(Small Flash season 2 spoiler ahead) When Jay introduced Caitlin to his Earth-1 döppelganger, he told her he’s called Hunter Zolomon. (End spoiler)

I moved on. I knew something had happened, but I moved on until I later googled the name, but if you see reaction posts and videos of diehard DC fans, you see people losing their shits. They got that reference, I didn’t.

And the same thing is happening right now.

The Ghost - looks at him. Phalanx stares back and sees incomprehension in the Ghost's eyes on his for a long second before it breaks, before something else surfaces, some awful realisation as the Ghost squeezes his hand and whispers heavy and sick, "Oh god." "Oh - oh god what, he - they knew? They knew, they had us in files? When did they -" The Ghost presses his hand and says in a fast stumble, "Phalanx they've known - I thought you knew, I thought we - I thought we just weren't - I thought you knew -"

Remember how I used to think Sebastian was a bad plot device? The first time I read this, I yelled: “I TAKE IT BACK HOLY FUCK I TAKE IT BACK” because I really did not see it coming. And he emotionally destroyed every single one of them with one sentence.

"So we have the full team, isn't that exciting?" Sebastian says brightly. "I've been reading about how pathetic you all are for so long, it's almost like I've actually been despising you in person the whole time. So you must be Noah Puckerman, just to clarify, Noah, no-one ever will see you as anything but a monster, because that's what you actually are. And Artie Abrams! Who will never spend a day of his life not dependent on someone else! And you must be Brittany Pierce, and I'm sorry to tell you Brittany but you never will understand because you actually are exactly that stupid, and that is all everybody else thinks about when they look at you. And your delightful partner Santana Lopez -" Cheer Girl, face white, is holding Incendiary's arm, far too tight for Incendiary to get at him; Incendiary is whispering under her breath, not even blinking, "Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you -"

"- I'm afraid abuéla will never think of you with anything less than stomach-turning revulsion again for as long as the evil old bitch lives, Santana. Which means that she's Quinn Fabray, and, Quinn? You will never see her again, because why the hell would they ever let someone like you fuck up her life?" Quinn is pale but silent. Only her fists at her sides shake, a little. "Sam Evans is the one who worked for the mob, so I'm sure he knows exactly what he has to remember when he can't sleep on a night because really an awful lot of blood paid for what he is now. And that brings us to -" "- no no no -" Phalanx whispers as Sebastian's eyes land on his, and the Ghost's hand is hurting his. "Blaine Anderson, Blaine," Sebastian leans a little forward to speak down to him, as Phalanx's every sense jars, "he never will forgive you, because you stood by and let that happen to him, and you're the selfish asshole who walked away whistling from something he has to remember every step he'll ever take." no no no no no he'll throw up Sebastian straightens his back, and looks at the Ghost, who stares back, silent and still and head held high, and eyes fixed on his. Sebastian says, like it's a joke, "Kurt Hummel." The Ghost breathes out, only a little hard, through his nose. Phalanx can see the way it shifts his chest. Unmasked in front of everyone he stands there still, not afraid, shoulders back and jaw set solid, and holds Phalanx's hand, and keeps his eyes fixed proud on Sebastian's, and if Sebastian has known his whole life to pick through the worst parts the way he did to them - Sebastian curls his lip. "Maybe you should just be grateful that anyone can look past your face and want to fuck you instead of crying 'rape' all the time."

As a reader, you know some of those people, but as a glee fan, you understand the pain they’re going through right now. I tried making Lloyd read this, since he’s also into the hero trope, and I know he won’t feel the same. I won’t have to fight to throw up. Again, some stories are ATOG only, and it’s just Sebastian showing off that he knows who they are.

But Quinn.

Santana.

Brittany.

Jesus Christ. Why does this have to happen to them? To make matters worse, a) Wade and b) Sebastian is a super who copies other supers.

Sebastian makes you sick. He’s sick. Fuck. How he uses the desperation of a man begging for his lover’s life, only because Sebastian doesn’t agree with the way he’s living his life. The Ghost once told Phalanx after the entire “oh shit I can kill people” thing started, that he’s seen people beg for their lives and how awful it is to see them lose their last glimpse of humanity.

I guess the Ghost never thought he would end in a similar situation, because he’s not losing his shit while begging for his life, but while begging for Phalanx’s life. Phalanx is dying. AGAIN. 

The Ghost knows terrorists. He knows he can’t risk it, because they’ll shoot him without a second thought.

And sure, Mercedes Jones, actual superstar, saves him some time, but it’s still too late.

The haunting grips every muscle in a tight, cold hand. Oh, he thinks, as the fists on his muscles let go, as his body folds into the dark. Oh, I know this feeling . . .

Chapter 30

puckzilla! \o/

Really?

The Ghost knows his powers like no other, and sure, this sucked, but he’ll get over it. He knows haunting. He owns haunting. For now, all seems okay. He and Phalanx are out of the crossfire, and with Mike and Agent rent besides them, it’s time to take a fucking breath.

Only.

Phalanx has different ideas.

"Um," Blaine says, and fiddles with a compartment on his utility belt, and then opens it. "I'm - not just kneeling because I'm concussed, you know."

Fuck glee 5x01, this is a dream proposal. Sure, it is a bit random, but this isn’t like the shit they pulled in canon glee. This time, it’s not rushed, or stupid, or shit writing. This is love.

This is Blaine offering Kurt solidity.

And yeah, Kurt is still trapped in the mindset of problem 1. He can’t have it, so why bother, but Blaine doesn’t give a flying fuck about problem 1 right now. Sure, Kurt might be dying and sure, their days together might be numbered, but he still wants to spend those last remaining days by his side.

"I want," Blaine says quietly, since Kurt isn't arguing anymore, since the fight is dumbed in Kurt, "to be your husband for every second I can get. I want to know that. I want something to hold on to, whatever else happens, something to be sure of. I want you to have that too. I want you to know that I love you, I want you to actually understand it, everything you do I want you to know that I love you while you're doing it. I want you to actually believe it. I know sometimes it's like you - it's like you understand it but you can't really feel it but, Kurt, you're a miracle to me, I feel it, I always will, whether you believe in it or not, I just, I just wish you knew that I'm in awe of you, that you're my hero and you always will be and I'll never be ashamed of that, you're the best part of my life. I wish you knew that you're allowed to want this from me because I want to give it to you. I want you to remember and trust in that every day, that I love you, I do, whatever else happens, anything, nothing will ever break this, not ever, I'll love you until I'm dead. And I'll try to make you believe it, I'll work at that, if you'll promise to try to believe it." He turns the ring in his fingers, twitches his smile a little. "I believe in ghosts," he says. "And I'm not afraid of them. I think it's - beautiful, that some things can stay. I would - like." Little breath, the way his chest expands, Kurt knows his body better than his own and he feels that breath in his own fluttering, aching ribs. "I would like to be the thing that the ghosts believe in, maybe."

(Really, fuck glee)

And everything is right in this world.

Until, of course, it isn’t. Mike, Sebastian, and to Phalanx’s dismay, Wade are entering the room. Sebastian is after the Ghost, and he’s willing to kill. The Ghost is not in the mood.

"You want me dead or you want my powers." he says, looking Sebastian steady in the eye and the Ghost might be the one looking through a mask but the mask is who he is, there's no lie in him, all the strength he's got is his. "So come and get me."

He once told Agent Sylvester he’s tired of playing games.

Boo, asshole.

While Sebastian is chasing after the Ghost, Phalanx is left alone with Wade. And wow, Phalanx is fucking terrified. Sure, he’s been shot, he’s been hurt, he’s been drugged, he’s been beaten, but no one has fucked him up as much as Wade did and he didn’t even come near Phalanx.

Again, whereas I got why Wade was upset, he was really frustrating. Rachel is never willing to listen, and so is Wade. He took his own stupid conclusions from a conversation that’s not comparable to the usual conversations the Ghost and Phalanx have about this matter.

Wade felt alone.

Just like that one super did. You know, the one that caused a major wankfest on the internet. Sometimes I wonder if they’re the same person.

But is this really the solution? I get that he didn’t want to be alone anymore, but is joining a group of fucking terorrists who don’t even care about him the solution? Is he less alone now? No. Of course not, but still, Wade chose this.

I like that Phalanx and Wade got to talk normally. I love that sometimes compassion and a good conversation can help people. Wade is afraid of Phalanx, Phalanx is afraid of Wade, but in the end, they have nothing to be afraid of.

"I needed you to be distracted," Wade says, still turned towards the corner. "I needed you to all . . . I gave everyone's mind exactly the same suggestion, all I do is nudge, it's you who -" "How was that the 'same suggestion', what 'suggestion' - ?" Wade stares at him, almost like he's afraid of him (He's afraid of him?) and says, "Something that would never happen." Phalanx stares back. The thing in his throat feels like wet old rope, too long knotted to ever come undone. Something that would never happen. Something that would never . . .

Relief.

It’s one of the best feelings ever. Phalanx get the confirmation that, yes, he would never do this to Kurt.

Because of that relief, Phalanx finally finds the strenght to see Wade for who he really is: Unique. Phalanx realises why the Ghost, from all people, has seen Unique from the beginning. And because of that, Phalanx can do it too.

The tension disappears and both Phalanx and Unique see each other for who they really are. Unique sees Phalanx, a man who is always willing to help her, and Phalanx sees Unique, the confident woman she is.

It’s okay.

It’s all finally over.

Except, in this verse, you know it’s not.

"Top story," the newsreader is saying, as Phalanx can only slowly make himself understand what Unique has just told him, "'the Ghost of New York' has been unmasked as Mr Kurt Hummel, twenty-four, we are unable to reach Mr Hummel for a statement but we'll bring the news as it breaks, 'Phalanx' has been unmasked as his partner, Mr Blaine Anderson of -" Mike has dropped to sit in the desk chair at the computer, like he can't hold himself up anymore. And when this sinks in, Phalanx thinks desperately through the welling, swelling confusion inside, the numbness of his inability to grasp something still in the process of growing too big to be contained, when this sinks in, when it does, I'll feel just as horrified as him, won't I . . . ?

Just like Mike, I felt like I couldn’t hold myself up anymore. Just like what Wade (now Unique) made Phalanx see... I knew it was coming and still, I felt like I was punched in the gut. That’s an understatement.

The Ghost is unaware of the fact that his worst nightmare has come true, and luckily so, because he needs to take Sebastian, what a bag of dicks, down. It’s interesting how Sebastian seems afraid of fear. 

The Ghost... all he needed was love and the solidity of the ring on his finger.

The solution was so simple. 

And just like Phalanx, that doesn’t make his struggles and pain unvalid. This must’ve been some of the worst months of his life, and even though all the pain goes away in less than five minutes, the pain will not be forgotten. 

Sebastian will never understand love the way the Ghost does. The Ghost knows now that Phalanx has shown hims what love means. To Sebastian, love is a prize, an object, you can win. 

But he’s about to loose.

You realise that you're gay, in this world, and you're afraid. Your powers come in and all you feel towards them is fear. Everything is secret, everything is scary, everything is shadows and you on your own - But you can embrace it, the Ghost thinks as he takes his silent step and Sebastian spits, "He only wants you because you're the only guy even more pathetic than he is, he only wants you because at least next to you he gets to feel like a man for once -" You can embrace it. You can embrace it second-hand, you can pass your power on to other people until you see how not-scary it is because it saved them. You can embrace it by following superhero blogs and feeling your stomach flutter, someone like you, until you know what you want to do too. There are lots of ways to come to terms with and embrace the part of you that will never be normal but still is you, is still the same gift that life is, all the same. Or you can embrace the fear.

He’s paranoid, and yet, the Ghost feels a bit of sympathy for him because he is the Ghost of New York City and that is what he does.

And really, after everything Sebastian has done to him and Phalanx, he is not fucking around.

At some point in his life, Kurt has believed every single word that Sebastian is saying right now. But when Sebastian's eyes hit the Ghost, the paler shape in the dark and Sebastian's blanched face freezes, he doesn't believe a word of them. He understands now the fear those lies are built from, he knows that fear is easier than the truth, it is so, so hard to swallow the fear down and reject a lie for what it is when the lie is so huge and the truth is only a ghost, the promise of a presence, something so intangible and so important. Fear will always be so, so much easier than the ethereal, invisible, untouchable truth.

Chapter 31

It’s over.

But it’s not.

The Ghost just thinks it’s over.

. . . it never is simple. God, he knows that, the Ghost lives in the grey spaces; it never was his single decision to put a mask on and help people that led to this. It was Blaine in Ohio ashamed and afraid, it was Karofsky dealing with his own agony by inflicting it on the only person he felt he could, it was Kurt's dad deciding to love Kurt whatever happened - it was Kurt's mom gone and Kurt taking care of himself, and his father, and never asking why he had to - it was Kurt's powers dormant in his child-body, Kurt learning the world before he learned himself - it was this world, this world that forces you into the confines of the tick box test, this world denying Kurt all of his grey spaces, this world chipping away at him and everyone else from the moment they came bewildered and afraid into it. It's a boy! means an entire life already chosen, and is not a statement of fact, Kurt knows that. It's a threat. The world looks at him every day and wonders why he can't live up to what he ought to be. He has to live every day of his life knowing what some people would do to him to 'teach him a lesson' when he already knows all of it, really, he really, really does.

The Ghost slowly starts putting the pieces together. Jesse, Tina’s show, Schuester... it’s all connected. Even though he and Phalanx were a bit occupied with their problems, they still wouldn’t have gotten it. Oh, how clever Sebastian was.

Was he?

"Dad." he says, and sniffs, and dabs his eyes off a little, balls the tissue in his hand as he takes a little breath. "Blaine asked me to marry him." Silence, for a second. Kurt can hear the news still on in the background on his dad's end, the murmur of some voice through the TV. His dad says, "What'd you say?" "What do you think I said?" "Like any of us ever know what you're gonna do about anything, Kurt." "I'm not stupid." He sniffs his breath in again, and squashes the used tissue into an empty belt compartment. "I said yes." "Good. I'm glad. I'm happy for you both." "You're coming to my wedding." "You couldn't keep me away." "So stay away from the windows and don't let anyone in." "Jesus, Kurt."

Of course, they’re up against Will Schuester, probably the most pathetic man ever. While Kurt and his father are fighting for who gets to put his body in front of that gun, Schuester fucking misses.

He misses.

Oh my god.

His dad is safe, Carole is safe, Finn and Rachel are safe, Mike and Tina are safe, and now people want to speak to the Ghost.

It’s sickening. It’s awful. Just like the Ghost, you cannot believe that people want to use the Ghost like this. And these are the people that you should trust.

It quietens in him, and he lowers his hand, and he speaks only softly because how much he means the words makes them heard. "Don't you ever dare bring anything like this to him. He's not that kind of soldier. He protects people. He shields people. He doesn't take orders, he does what he knows is the right thing to do. Don't you ever dare even try to make him into a weapon too."

You’ve seen the Ghost angry before, but he always has some way to stay calm and collected. Not now. He’s high key losing his shit.

The Ghost is in a vulnerable position, but then he sees Agent Sylvester and for the first time he gets what’s been happening and she’s been doing to him.

'Use your power wisely'. She didn't say powers. She said . . . It's not enough for them to be afraid of what he might do. He's very small, compared to them; he doesn't even know how huge they might be. But he has more power than just walking through walls now and then and his breath leaves him slowly, and that woman really might be the best and worst thing that ever happened to him.

Those people might be the big scary men, wearing expensive af suits, but never ever underestimate Sue Sylvester. No matter what version of Sue Sylvester you get, never fucking underestimate her.

Because those men don’t know him. Neither does Agent Sylvester, but she knows enough to see that the Ghost is one of the smartest people in the world.

He finally stares up at her, and she shrugs. He spits into the basket again, takes a tissue from his belt to wipe his mouth distastefully and drops it in the trash. "You," he says, slowly, a whole different sort of nausea spiralling heavily up from this realisation, "you've been manipulating . . . me, and Phalanx, and that team - and those men, your employers, the US government -" "Yup."

By the way, how is Phalanx doing?

I guess he’s somewhat okay.

Honestly, to Phalanx it’s all a bit confusing. His family is safe, but it’s not the same. Burt Hummel tried to throw himself in front of a shotgun to protect his son, but Phalanx’s parents?

They’ve never cared.

Phalanx, Blaine, cracks his eyes open, looks wearily up at him. Cooper's grinning. He looks across at his parents - sitting on opposite sides of the aisle, heads down, paying no attention, and he thinks . . . He doesn't know what he thinks. He doesn't think that they know what they think. His dad seriously just couldn't seem to get it, was still asking when this would be over when the plane touched down, like his son's being unmasked as a superhero is inconvenient but it'll blow over soon enough, and Blaine . . . Blaine knows, knows that this is the rest of his life now. He lifts a hand but doesn't touch the mask on his face, because he remembers that he's not wearing it. He unpeeled it in front of his mom. She looked back at him like she didn't understand any of it any more than his dad.

It’s so sad, honestly. They do love each other, but it’s more obligatory love. It’s more “oh well, we’re family so we love each other” love. Phalanx sure as fuck is relieved to see that his parents are safe, but if it were the other way around, would they feel the same?

Like... Burt Hummel tried to take a bullet for his son.

Mr. Anderson doesn’t seem to notice that something’s wrong, even though the US Government is holding them.

"I'm never going to be a physical therapist, am I?"

This is also the first moment where Blaine realises that his old life is dead. He no longer is Blaine or Phalanx. He’s both.

Yes, life is fucking shitty at this moment, but Kurt problem 3 just fucking disappeared.

Chapter 32

("What did you say?" Blaine had said urgently, and Kurt had looked so tired with the mask off, drained almost beyond sense as he mumbled, "I think I quoted The Wire at them.")

Just as Kurt, Blaine is fucking livid. How dare those people try to use Kurt like that.

Also, as a reader, something interesting happens. I just wrote that Kurt problem 3 is fucking gone. During most of the fic, you see Kurt, Blaine, the Ghost, and Phalanx as four different people. That stops.

Kurt is the Ghost.

Blaine is Phalanx.

End of story.

Even with their masks on, they are Kurt and Blaine.

It’s time to keep on living. Their secrets are out and everyone’s waiting for them to say something. The media are cruel and gross.

Don’t get me wrong. I fully agree with Meryl Streep that the press is the best thing that has ever happened to us and that we need to protect it (now more than ever since the US has a president that makes up a fucking terrorist attack in Sweden, and when Sweden tells them nothing has happened, he calls them liars), but that’s politics and business and economics.

This is showbizz, and let’s face it, showbizz media have always been ugly. Kurt and Blaine’s old lifes no longer exist. From now on, they only live for the media/public’s gaze and entertainment.

They have to continue living like this, and they start with the safe house. People are being contacted. Kurt is overjoyed that Robbie, Sophie, and Chandler are so kind. And yes, his aikido teacher knew.

Blaine, on the other hand, feels like he’s got hit in the face because of Paul.

Well. Fuck him.

Kurt’s adjusting. Like... he’s on the news and so is Blaine. Like I said, media are vicious. They’re trying to dig up as much as they can find so that they can use it for their own popularity. Even other people turn their backs on Kurt and Blaine in the hope of those fifteen or thirty minutes of fame.

His life really is just too surreal to deal with, sometimes; Mercedes Jones just invited herself to his wedding.

He realises that some good things have happened. Mercedes Jones has found her self-confidence, and to Kurt’s biggest surprise, the team mates are his friends. 

He leaves his phone, goes through to check on his lover, his fiancé, his partner. He's just waking in the bed as Kurt ghosts through the door, stretching out on his side in the sheets, eyes closed and face happily screwed up with the bliss of being in bed, and Kurt can't stop the smile, no mask in the world could hide that smile. In the dim Blaine's made of muted gold, in the dim his skin looks coffee-warm and he looks across, smiles for Kurt, and Kurt's thumb touches the ring to his skin. Eight million souls in this city, and he is the luckiest one of them all.

And.. problem 1 is done with too. They don’t understand what has happened, but do they have to? It’s over. That’s all that matters, and Kurt finally feels the relief Blaine felt when the Ghost jumped of that building.

Life really goes on. They go out to do their fucking jobs and well... can you blame them? Sure, people are reacting differently towards them and it bothers them, but they’re still superheroes. Nothing has changed.

Same goes for fandom, and my love for Ghostly cause HOLY FUCKING SHIT. HER MOM DIED AND THEN.. BB... AND.... I CRIED WHEN BB CAME OUT OF THAT TAXI AND I JUST????

Ghostly understands them like no other.

They return to you from the grave, the heroes at the heart of our fandom. They are now truly ghosts. What they have faced is loss, not just death but murder; they didn't ask for this outing, they did everything they ever could to avoid it. They face every uncertainty of loss and grieving. Their old life was murdered, everything they knew and lived is killed. Their *selves* are dead and yet they remain, as we the living do after each death - they are the gray murdered ghosts standing shocked on their own graves - and what I ask you for fandom from what shallow depth of my exhausted heart I can scrape down to right now is just *compassion*. Their lives are over, and they still have to live. The world bears down on them. They will have no privacy for their grief, no sacred space of the mourner for what they have lost, they have every news station in the country and half of them in the world tuned in to dismembering the corpses of their old lives and dangling the pieces from their gibbets. Grieving is *hard*. It hits you *hard*. I don't doubt that they're being strong, but I respect their right to feel weak under this onslaught. They were never our dolls. They were always those two young men - my god, barely more than children, we always knew and never could really face that fact (Blackbindings informs me that they're older than she is; Blackbindings, my angel, everyone is older than you are) - they were always real people, themselves, just themselves, doing what they could. If you could never view them as truly human before then *please* try to do it now. Their lives are being hung, drawn, and quartered by salivating journalists for *our* consumption, and we're supposed to be on *their* fucking side.

Damn Ghostly, back again with those dolls.

Please. If you won't do it out of compassion then do it because you *know* what we owe them: respect them. Give them their space. Let them breathe, and be. Don't greedily gobble down every butchered piece of them that the blood-maddened media will serve to you. Remember that to those who can make money out of it they will only ever be *things*. To us they are people; people who don't deserve to be turned into dolls, people we have no entitlement to own, everything they ever gave us was a gift. The only entitlement at work here is their entitlement to your respect. You do owe them it. They are as mortal and human and beautiful as any of us: *let them be that*.

(Sorry for that meme usage)

Let them be human, in this moment. Let them be not superheroes, not symbols, not dolls, not angels. Just let them be human, so they can put themselves back together again, after all that's been broken these last few days. Let yourself be an angel, for once. Be a bearer of quiet wisdom. See what it feels like to actually be on their side.

Sure, as a die-hard Spring Awakening thing, the ‘become an angel’ thing kind of freaks me out, but you get what she means, because from all people in this Earth, there are only three people who fully realise that Kurt and Blaine’s old lives have died and don’t matter anymore, never to come back: Kurt, Blaine, and Ghostly.

And yes.

Nice things do happen.

She says, "Are you wearing a-" He blinks, and her eyes are stunned on his finger, and he cups the ring protectively close in his other hand and says, "He, um, he, asked." When she screams there's a thudding scramble from outside and Blaine bursts in, shields a shocked green flicker crowding the room, the front door bangs open and three armed agents race through, and Kurt holds her arms as she hugs him by the head and he's not crying, he's laughing.

Rachel gives them another reality check: life has ended. You need to start anew, and since she’s Rachel, she demands that they let her help. The mail... it kind of freaks me out? Sure, good stuff happens like the Make-A-Wish thing and children sending drawings, but it fucks me up that Cheerios and Calvin Klein want to sponsor them.

Like I said, the media are important, but the showbizz ones are disgusting.

"Cheerios want to sponsor us." "What? I am not wearing an advertisement on my cloak. Oh my god Leviticus does not say that, if you're going to send hate mail at least do the reading." "Calvin Klein want to know your waist size." "What? Why?" Rachel shrugs a duh. "So they can send you lots of free underwear and then tell everyone that superheroes wear their stuff?" "Well they can mind their own damn business on my waist size." Kurt snaps back. Then Blaine sees the hesitation in him, because free stuff is a bit of a pull, but then Kurt takes the letter off Rachel and dumps it in the 'shred' sack anyway.

Not only this, but the tabloid stories have started. Juicy gossips about sex and life are happening, and there’s nothing they can do about it except for calling a lawyer. Really, their lives no longer exist for them. They’re for the entertainment industry now.

There’s only one way to make them shut up for now.

Rachel.

See, you are useful after all.

There's a dark-eyed boy on his laptop in the corner, but otherwise the coffee shop is empty and strangely calm, a lull in the world's air after all the rush and worry out there. And there, in the doorway in front of the man behind the counter, they fade into sight, quite slowly, two young men, holding hands, the shorter smiling hopefully, the taller looking the man behind the counter in the eye from underneath a nervously cocked hat. The young man on his laptop looks up, and smiles. Mr Conti wipes his hands off on his apron, and puts his proud-beaming head high. "What did I tell you. Leave the cape a night, bring a boy. Always welcome!" Their hands squeeze and hold, and from under the shadow of the hat, he gives him the smallest and most perfect ghost of a smile.

Chapter 33

You guys ever watched Avatar: The Last Airbender? There’s this episode where they recap the entire show, and it’s done in such a wonderful format. The characters are going to see a play about their own lives.

This is also a wonderful format, because who’s been there through all the hell, and fic, and fanart, and wank, and h/c, and BNF, and Dat ass, the fanmixes... fandom.

Oh fandom.

The first time I read this, I was kind of shocked to see that there’s been a time-jump, but it’s so brilliant.

It’s so weird people on the internet call them Kurt and Blaine now.

KH: He liked it. BA: I put a ring on it.

BLESS.

Since like everyone got unmasked all at once given That Photo leaking, that's l to r Blaine, Joy, Vanessa, Emily, and Kurt, or as we previously knew them, Phalanx, Draxie, She Who Must Not Be Named, Blackbindings, and the Ghost, all smiling, all happy <3

All wedding happiness aside, it’s so great to see how much they have progressed in five years. Kurt and Blaine have grown, and the fandom has too. Sure, it’s probably still wanky af, but that’s fandom. Draxie, BB, Ghostly... they’re all happy, and that means a lot to me. Draxie has kids! BB and Ghostly are together! BB is a professor! Ghostly writes!

KH: You got shot! BA: - I had completely forgotten about that. WHAT FUCKING LIFE DO YOU LIVE THAT FORGET GETTING **SHOT** JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

Really, the beginning is all fun and games, but the fact that they’re somewhat forced to do this is so sick. Just like Rachel, the whole world is about to find out what has traumatised them so much... it led to this. 

I love that after the interview aired the guy totally did get back in touch with him and now they're BFFs again, it was just one of the most 'uhhuuuhhhhhh ;____;' things…

This makes me happy though.

But. Fuck.

Not even Burt Hummel knew.

I respect him so much for saying that it's not easy. Because it would have been so easy for him to give the same narrative of 'I'm a survivor, I'm a fighter' but instead he tells his *own* truth which is 'I still live with it, it never wrecked me yet and I love my life now but yeah it's difficult'. People want sexual assault victims to fit into a box that would make it easier for the rest of us to deal with it, like fitting sexual assault perpetrators into a box so it's only obviously *evil* people who do it so we don't have to deal with actually 'normal' people doing it, but they're always really just people and it's *difficult*.

When all that is gone, time for more light hearted stuff.

BA: I was a fan. I am a fan. I'd been following him on the internet for - there is no non-weird way to explain this, Kurt stop - He's almost hysterical, I know some of it's release of tension but a lot of that is just 'MY BOYFRIEND IS MY BIGGEST FAN CANNOT STOP LAUGHING' I fucking love that he's one of us ;_; The fact that one of the biggest superheroes in the country turned out to be an epic geek must have done *so* much for so many kids reading comic books on their own . . . Just like the Ghost of New York turning out to have serious opinions on cravats and hair care meant so much to so many queer kids out there <3 BA: I have a blog. The four most beautiful words in the entire interview XD

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.

I guess it's the best we could have expected of fandom that people did hold off for a whole two weeks before someone outed his blog and the entire internet swarmed on it. And then like, he didn't go near the thing for a month because why would you. But I love that without any wanring or fanfare he just started using it post photographs of his boyfriend like 'yeah we all know why you're really here look at how pretty he is!! <3' and to chat about life in NY like it's no big deal. And now it's the best way we have to remember that they're *them*. cause the news might be all hostage situations and bank heists and supervillains and bomb threats but he just blogs 'Kurt made waffles best morning ever!! \o/' and you kind of get what their lives actually are to *them*, now <3

Oh yes.

BA: I still think 'what would the Ghost do' whenever I don't have a clue. KH: Blaine . . . BA: What? KH: Half the time he panics and looks for you.

OH MAN.

I AM LIKE THE FANDOM RN.

Speakin of them...

The first and only time he actually looks at the camera, for all of half a second Blaine keeps making eye contact with it like he wants *us* to feel included, Kurt looks like he just really can't. I know he's more used to it now but my god, back then, I mean we always thought he was *shy*. He has fucking PTSD. He was *terrified* of us. a lot of the way the media pulled them apart then was just sick He's scared of people judging him, not listening to him, just *judging* him. We really could have hurt him, when this happened, I'm so glad for all the people who *were* on thier side. Every minor thing about them got dragged out like it was some great psychological proof of something, the way people talked about them *like they couldn't hear it*, it was *grotesque*. I actually dumped friends over that, and I still think I did the right thing. They still deal with it now. They do so with really just remarkable grace, all things considered <3

Yeah kids, y’all fucked up.

I think for the most part phandom behaved really well. They tended that shrine outside their building and got into a lot of fights defending them online from everyone else, and actually once the Ghost's history came out I think some of the conversations about how we'd been using his image all along really did help people *think* about stuff I pulled a couple of dubcon pieces of fic after that, it just sat really bad with me. Been thinking about that ever since. he's trying to protect him. he knows how hard all this is on kurt and he's trying to protect his boyfriend from *us*. that really made me realise how powerful what we do is, we can hurt *superheroes* with this, we have to make sure we do it right :/ I love that phandom actually is really protective of them. The only public photograph there's *ever* been of them kissing was some long range pap shot through a window and it never gets reblogged, you just never see it, because everyone knows that was fucking wrong and neither of them would be OK with it. You know someone's not really a *fan* if they're OK with that.

I think that Kurt and Blaine did the right thing by outright showing that sometimes fandom’s entitlement is problematic. They all know by now that Blaine is amongst them, so they can’t pretend they don’t know that it doesn’t affect them.

Ghostly has told them so many times, but fandom always kept putting it aside. “They won’t see it anyway”

Well knock knock, y’all, Blaine’s seen it all for almost seven long ass years. He knows what you guys can do. He’s the press guy for a reason because he knows how to deal with it, since he basically lived in that fandom. 

Ghostly has told them. And now Kurt and Blaine have too.

BA: . . . sometimes when you're really engrossed in a book or your sewing machine I leave the mustard out of the fridge just to make you pay attention to me. omg I LOVE his face there BLAINE TELL ME YOU DO NOT DO THAT BLAINE THE MUSTARD IS SRS WE DO NOT JOKE ABOUT LEAVING THE MUSTARD OUT BLAINE, *WHY*

(I love this little running gag that started in ATOG)

In this interview, Kurt and Blaine show the world who they are. They basically tell others to fuck off with the showbizz, because this is Kurt and Blaine. That’s it. They’re just two guys who love coffee.

They have lives, and friends, and families... they’re just two guys. This was just a wonderful chapter and I really started tearing up at the end of it. They mean so much to the fandom, how crazy it might seem. 

In those past five years, they’ve done so much for this world, and this is just like the last chapter of ATOG where people finally thank them for it. You realise how much they can do. Idols aren’t just some obsession. For some people, they’re the reason they’re alive.

And yes, you should thank them for that. We love them for that. I guess that fandom gets that like no others. I was kind of crying while reading their stories, but of course, I ended up laughing. Why?

he belongs with puckzilla :(

Chapter 34

"Sheet," she greets them with. "Mop."

I love you, Agent Sylvester.

"This way. Pleasant journey?" "You don't care," the Ghost says, Phalanx walking easy at his side after her. "No I don't." she confirms, striding on ahead of them. Five years on, they still don't really know how to navigate life under the unpredictable aegis of Agent Sue Sylvester.

You now get Kurt and Blaine’s POV of the last five years (not the musical), and it’s a bit different to them than to the fandom.

Five years on almost to the day that Blaine asked Kurt to marry him and Kurt, unpredictable, unimaginable Kurt, the man whose existence remains a mystery and miracle to Blaine every single day, said yes. Five years since they became Kurt-the-Ghost-Hummel, Blaine-Phalanx-Anderson, five years since their masks became a matter more of symbol than of safety. Five very long years of late nights and busy days, because they mean too much to people to ever be allowed to just be themselves, now; five years of all the politics of being super and gay in America today, five years of interviews and campaigning and photographers never leaving them alone and never being able to bring themselves to say no to charity work, five years of the tabloids and Twitter almost more dangerous to them than supervillains, five very long years in which they've worn each other's rings and never doubted their decision, not once, because the possibility of death every single night - and a slip of metal on the finger to confirm what actually matters - really keeps their priorities on their minds.

Like I said, their old lives are dead.

This is life now.

Let’s make the most of it, eh?

Three years ago, the night that both Blaine and Burt Hummel had been waiting for ever since they both found out that the person underneath that cloak was Kurt. Three years ago the night that they got separated but they knew what they were doing, they weren't panicking, Phalanx didn't rush to be back at his side. Three years ago that they interrupted a gang fight, and the Ghost found that the only thing he had to put between a fourteen year old kid and a gun was himself.

So much has happened in five years. The Ghost has been doing it for 12 years now, and Phalanx for 7. 

"You could have told me," was the first dry cracked thing he managed to whisper out, while Blaine stroked his cheeks, and watched his face from so urgently close, his still-here husband, alive in his hands. "What, angel?" he'd whispered back. Kurt swallowed, awkward with difficulty, and mumbled, "Being shot hurts." and then his breath of a laugh kicked him into a cough and Blaine told him not to and wanted to cry.

Yeah, life is weird, but everyone’s somewhat okay. They’ve managed to make it work. Their families are protected, their friends are working, the complex still exists.

He's Kurt's press guy. Even when he thinks he can't he still handles it, for him. When Kurt needs it, he always finds enough strength to still be his shield.

And family... it’s important. They’re about to find out why.

This marriage, and he knows it, is the best and most solid thing in both of their lives, those rings on their fingers trail the ghosts after them everywhere they go of the things they can never forget, the thing they can never forget, that nothing else can ever mean more to them than the other does. Blaine wants Kurt to haunt him forever. Blaine wants him to haunt him until they're both ghosts, nothing less will ever satisfy the hunger in his heart for him, the always-way he every day needs him, the ever ever ever of the after that he needs . . .

So many quotes, but they all matter.

Family.

Matters.

"Julio," Kurt says, very quietly. Blaine has to swallow down something so sore to say, because he does know that someone has to say it, "We ought to talk about this." "Mm," Kurt says, shifting his arm to hold Julio more securely to his chest. Both of them already know that that's all the talking about it that they'll ever do.

Kurt and Blaine... and Julio.

It’s right.

It all feels so right, like wow fuck. Kurt’s a different man now, and different enough to even talk to Will fucking Schuester of all people. But just like Incendiary all those years ago, the Ghost knows people need to talk sometimes.

Will looks back at him, face very still. Kurt wonders how many times someone has genuinely thanked that man, in his life.

Julio.

He’s theirs.

Rewind such little time and it was him and Blaine, dressing in their costumes, summoned to the complex for something almost inevitably dangerous and draining. Rewind such little time and he was marrying him, love of his life, making the two of them a we, forever. Rewind such little time and he watched him from underneath a dark hood, so afraid of what trust might cost him, so afraid of how that man could hurt him, so afraid . . . Rewind such little time and he was just a boy, alone, with no idea what he was doing except the things he had to do. Now he looks up and Blaine is looking down at them, hand on Kurt's shoulder just in case - he always trusts him to ghost him if he needs it - and the way he's looking at him. At them. At Kurt and Julio. At Kurt and their baby.

I am very emotional about this, okay.

Most grandparents get some warning. They know about the pregnancy, adoption is discussed, they get some warning. Kurt never does what's expected. Burt knows he could take his time but like hell he's going to take his time, he's a grandparent, just like that, his son is a father. Only thing he stops for on his way to the airport is the toy store; it's still a few hours before he's finally driven to that creepy base of theirs by agents, kind of nervous now, anxious, he remembers doing this in a hospital, waiting for the first glimpse while she gritted her teeth and snarled the scream and squeezed his hand so tight that his bones still remember it .

KURT SINGING BEATLES.

Biology couldn't make Kurt love that baby more.

I guess that this touched me the most. As someone who’s adopted and also spent a lot of time today thinking about adoption (I blame the wonderful girls of the Hearing Verse: Mei, Maddy, and Li), this just hit me a lot.

"We called Santana because we want him to grow up knowing Spanish and neither of us are fluent, and she yelled at us a while about how we can't just adopt a baby without thinking about it but then she went quiet and hung up I think to tell the entire rest of the team so they might all turn up tomorrow, we don't really know what's going to happen, we kind of - I put a statement out for the internet, we just went into a baby-bubble, he's really full-on, I think we'll kind of get more time to do other things when Kurt can stop needing to watch him sleep all the time like that? Because then we could sleep which would be -" he starts yawning again - "- amazing -"

Same for this, okay. It means so much to me that Kurt and Blaine still want to give Julio some connections with his past and his culture. Yeah, I tried learing Chinese, and I gave up, but it is so nice knowing my parents gave me that option in the first place (and I’m thinking about picking it up again).

And just like that, the story ends. In the best way possible, it ends with the internet.

A photograph of his back, hood down, head turned just slightly to the little dark baby's head tucked to the cloak over his shoulder. Only his eye in the mask watching the baby's face is visible; it's still obvious how he's smiling. Paternity leave. We'll let you guys know when we're back when we have half a clue ourselves. The family is very, very, very, very, very happy :) Blaine touches his back as he climbs into bed, sees the tired cracking of his eyes and kisses him on one to make him close it before it opens, and gets the lamp; and all around them, unheard in the silence, unseen in the dark, the ghost of the internet roars.

I know, judging from rainjoy’s long author comment, that some thought this ending was not what they expected and that it’s kinda heteronormative, but I agree with rainjoy.

Why do only straight people get happy endings like this?

Why are happy endings like this automatically seen as heteronormative in the first place?

The ending is quite open, because you really do not know what’s going to happen next. The Ghost and Phalanx are unpredictable and the story ends on a high note, but on an open one too. 

Another thing I liked from the author’s note is that rainjoy admits that there’s no given reason for Kurt’s problem 1. Just like Kurt and Blaine, you will never find out why this happened.

But just like Kurt and Blaine, you make peace with that.

I could say more about that author’s note, but really, all of that has been said before by me. This story... just... holy shit.

I wish I could find the words to describe this. I’ve said it before and I will say it again: Grey is the only fanfic I call literature.

I want to be more elaborate, but I can’t. Maybe, after all this not toned-down stuff, I should just use the words of the fandom: OMFG I CANNOT EVNEJ FC I M CRTINGG????? PLS SEND HELPPP