#questionaire gone wrong
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
#milgram#milgram fanart#milgram project#fuuta kajiyama#milgram fuuta#fan art#ăăŤă°ăŠă #haruka who?#why the haruka question#fuuta couldnât care less#poor guy#nobody wants fr haruka#he doesnât remember#he forgor#lil meow meow#questionaire gone wrong#fuuta is ugly
158 notes
¡
View notes
Text
OC Questionaire Tag
I was tagged by @theeccentricraven here
I'm no pressure tagging @kaylinalexanderbooks, @winterandwords, @mrbexwrites, @rachaellawrites, and leaving an open tag
Your questions are
What's a book that you'd recommend?
What's your favorite type of cuisine?
What's your favorite way to unwind after a hectic day?
I chose to do Kaeden "Anvil" Minnet, one of those random reoccurring OCs in some short stories
Have you ever gone against your morals? What got you to or would get you to make that decision? Yes. My baby brother died in an attack by the esson rebellion. He never should have been there. It was my fault he was in danger. But I lost my temper, I had been there when he took his first breath and held him as he took his last. I kept help from coming in to put out the fires. i just let them burn. I don't know how many innocents died because of me. I never should have let that happen.
Did you have any speech disorders as a child? No. I have some health issues that would lead to my throat being too burnt to talk at times.
Do you carry the popular opinion or unpopular opinion in your society? Or would you say you are on the fence or in the middle? I think esson should have as many rights as affs do. There is nothing wrong with being an esson or part esson. Their culture is as valid as ours. I know many disagree but I'm the KrĂłlrei, what are they going to do?
9 notes
¡
View notes
Text
This is the Buddy for March 14th. You see he's holding his instrument of torture, ready to subject his latest victim patient to a cavity treatment. Nothing surprising there, after all, a dentist is just a sadist with newer magazines.
Some people are afraid of dentists. Dentophobia, they call it. And, it might be understandable since a lot of times going to the dentist is a painful and uncomfortable ordeal. And it doesn't help that they all look like nazis. Or the sinking feeling that if were actually competent, they'd have gone into medicine.
Or maybe these people are just ashamed of admitting they can't afford to go. Because to me, the scariest part about going to the dentist is the bill. I hate to go, sure, but the pain and discomfort is the least of my issues, since they at least seem to be a logical consequence of the work being done.
Of course, you have to take a sick day to go to the dentist, and those are worth their weight in gold. You get there and there's a rude receptionist glued to her phone, having you fill in an enormous, useless questionaire. Why does the dentist need to know my address?
The tyranny of the waiting room is somewhat diminished by having an e-reader and internet access. I learned really early on to carry an emergency book everywhere just in case I have to be subjected to a sudden waiting room.
Then at the consultation itself, you're at a battle of wits. The dentist will try to gouge as much money out of you as he can, which doesn't really engender trust - I'm not accusing the dentist of making up cavities so I'll shell out even more cash (or, so the insurance will, making me more of a piggy bank that shoots out money whenever he hurts it, in the eyes of the dentist) - but it does feel worrisome to know that, the worst my dental health is, the more money he'll make.
And it doesn't help that the dentist'll try to guilt trip me about whatever's wrong. For the sin of allowing the cavities to develop (by eating all that sugar) I should be fined with a larger bill. It's not like the torture isn't punishment enough, no. After all, if dentistry was free, nobody would even bother brushing, right? It's just some hours in house of pain, sitting in that alien chair looking up at the flying saucer lights while doctor Mengele sharpens his hooks and needles.
And you accuse me of not flossing enough? Fuck you, how about I get some floss to wrap around your neck and choke you with it, you piece of shit?
Huh, maybe I am a dentophobe.
6 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Thoughts from the appointment:
The doc's stubborn, and argued with me twice on stupid things. One was the pronunciation of a Japanese restaurant that I've already told him I knew the owner so well that they did christmas and birthday and wedding gifts for me so i think I know how to say the name of the place (even without mentioning that I studied Japanese). The second was what the "correct" location of the gym I go to--it's between two intersections, and while it's technically closer to the intersection he argued, its actual address and common location name is the street for the other intersection.
He conceded to the address one on that technicality, but I think he's still reexamining his life choices over the restaurant's name. (NONE of it had any "I'm the doctor so I'm right" attitude, just "but this is what I've always known so of course I haven't been wrong about this for 15 years" type vibes instead.
ANYWAY at the end of the hour he was like, "I don't think any sort of adhd or autism is a concern, so we can skip those tests next month if you'd like." And I'm like, dude. We only hit maybe 60% of the history and symptoms and traits I could have gone over today, but neither of us have another hour right now. Just schedule me for everything my insurance will pay for because I promise we're wasting time if we don't check EVERYTHING. And he shrugged and was like okay, so he's scheduling me for everything. I am waiting for a 300 question true-false questionaire he's supposed to be emailing me to complete this week, but I haven't seen it yet. He said there's two sets for the same test and he has to decide which set is going to be most productive first, though. (He said the name of it, but I can't remember now. I might try to google it later.)
Edit: MMPI, I think that's what it is. Says online that's both true/false and long.
Okay, so, I had the first of three appointments for my assessment and testing set up for October 12th. I was a little worried about my insurance renewing before everything was done, tho, so last week I asked if I could get on a cancellation list. "Of course" but "it's rare and it's LAST MINUTE if we DO get a spot, as long as that's okay" etc.
She called at 3:55 yesterday afternoon, with an appointment 9am today.
So yeah, I guess this thing's in motion. Today's appointment was the interview-y part. Aug 31st is the actual testing. Sept 6th is results. Hopefully I'll get information that actually helps by the end of this.
5 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Getting diagnosed
Blog 1: 19/05/2020
I started therapy on the 23d of July 2019. I was 35 years old at the time, and I had decided to go into therapy for the following reasons:
I felt permanently exhausted
I felt like somewhere during my adult years I had slipped into a depression Iâd never gotten out of and I wanted to feel happier in life than I did at that time
executive dysfunction - I still need regular help from my mom to keep my household in order
I lacked any and all ambition to do anything with my life
I had begun to suffer from anxiety and sometimes tiny anger outbursts which were occuring more often than before, which was a sign to me something was wrong and only getting worse as I aged.Â
I had tried seeing a psychologist when I was 30. It was a man who I disliked so much that after 2 sessions, I ghosted him. I could go into more details, but letâs just say he was not a match for me.
It took me five years before I gathered enough energy and courage to try again. In a way, Tony Atwood helped. Iâd stumbled across his videos on Aspergers in women and Iâd begun to think that maybe it was Aspergers then. The above symptoms would not be misplaced in a women my age with Asperger - and it was until I got my diagnosis two weeks ago, on the 8th of May, that I was bracing myself for an Asperger diagnosis.Â
When it turned out to be Schizoid Personality Disorder, I was like:Â âIâm a what now?â
But kudos to Tony Atwoodâs videos for at least encouraging me to seek help and to approach a possible diagnosis with optimism. Even if itâs not Aspergers, I needed that little push in the back.Â
Why did it take from July to May to get a diagnosis?
Something which may be atypical for someone with Aspergers or SPD, is that I am rather open when asked questions, and I canât give short answers to complex questions.Â
The first sessions were about painting a picture of the people in my life - my parents, my sister, her husband, their kid, other important figures in my life like my grandparents, the sort of household Iâd grown up in - were my parents constantly fighting (quite the opposite) or did I suffer abuse (no), stuff like that.Â
They also asked a lot about friends. Did I have a lot of friends as a kid, was I bullied, who were my friends now, had I kept my friends from when I was younger (definitely not). Â
What about my job and hobbies, what jobs had I taken, what education had I had. She wanted to know when I moved out of my parents place (when I was 25), if Iâd had many romantic relationships (none longer than about 8 months). Â
It took months to get through all that personal information. In sessions of 1 hour (which are sooner sessions of 45 minutes than a full hour) itâs hard to paint the complete picture. Sometimes I went twice a month, sometimes I skipped a month due to the full agenda of my psychologist, but on average I went once a month.Â
Then after that, this was already in 2020 I think, we started an autism questionnaire, to determine whether I was on the autism spectrum scale (which seemed likely due to the problems Iâd mentioned). The psychologist also invited my mother for one session, where she asked questions about my childhood.Â
âDid Jessie have a lot of friends?â âYes, she always had friends over.â âYes, mom, but thatâs because you arranged the play dates with the other moms - I didnât always have a lot to say about it.â âI guess thatâs true - you did always enjoy playing on your own. One party, a mom told me that all the kids were playing in the garden and youâd gone inside to play alone with some of the toys - not bothering with the other kids.â My mom remembered that as being odd. Iâm far from surprised by that.Â
After the interview with my mother, I also answered a questionaire about other personality disorders. This is where questions were asked to determine if I had, for example, borderline or schizofrenia or bipolar disorder etc. It was to check if any of the disorders on the DSM-5 applied to me.Â
And so after about 2-3 sessions of answering those questions, I finally got my diagnosis last session. It was during the last five minutes or so of the session, I was like âand, and, what is it? what have I got?â
I felt numb when she told me what it was - also because I did not understand. I had *never* heard of schizoid personality disorder. And in five minutes, she didnât have the time to fully explain it to me either. And since I was a little numb from the news, I donât think I retained the information she gave me as well as I otherwise would have.
She explained that while itâs called a disorder, she is not fond of the word âdisorderâ. She also told me itâs something hermits and loners often are, which made sense to me. She told me that schizoids donât mind being alone and often prefer it, and once again that struck true.Â
I also asked why it wasnât autism then, to which she briefly replied that in my childhood, I did not seem to have difficulty with learning social behaviors.Â
Next session, I will receive more information from her on the schizoid personality disorder, abbreviated as SPD, and possibly weâll also check on differences with Aspergers, just cause I am terribly curious about that and will ask for it.Â
Itâs still a week or two until my next session - and in the meanwhile, Iâve looked for more info online. Iâve read the wiki, then continued on other articles online and found a few Facebook groups to join. The more I read about it, the more Iâm seeing myself in stories of others.Â
Iâm no longer numb from the diagnosis - but it did take me a day where I was exhausted, cried a bit, lay in bed, before I was like âokay this ainât bad at all!âÂ
I plan to continue this blog to describe things I learn about myself, to report on my âtreatmentâ, to report on schizoids in modern-day society and to shine a light on what it is to be a schizoid woman.Â
If you think:Â âOh, could I be a schizoid?â - I honestly canât tell you. Nor are there online internet tests that will give you a conclusive answer to that question. I do recommend seeing a psychologist for that - but it might be harder than ever to get on a waiting list. With the Corona crisis most psychologists have their hands full these days, due to all the mental problems the neurotypicals are going through as a result of the lockdowns.Â
If you are a schizoid who lives alone and are now allowed to work fulltime from home for the first time in your life, you might feel like I do: that this lockdown is the best thing that ever happened to you. My anxieties are practically gone, while the anxieties of neurotypicals skyrocket.Â
23 notes
¡
View notes
Text
@frostbitebakery wrecked me with her art. I made the story. The glory belongs to her.
Pt. 1 | Pt. 2Â
Part III (rated M for all the previous reasons):
When Bucky is twenty-seven, his mother cries a lot. Â She cries when Bucky gets promoted, when Becca gets pregnant, and when Becca has her bonding ceremony. Â She cries when George finally sells his half of the shop to his brother, and he makes good on a bonding-night promise to take her to Hawaii. (Even the air smells good there, she tells all their friends when they return.)
Mostly though, she cries because Bucky is always cold, and Bucky is deeply lonely, and Bucky lost his soulmate before he even got him. Bucky lost his soulmate before he ever knew to call another person home.
When Bucky is twenty-eight, he sits on his motherâs sofa with a new life in his hands. Â Becca is radiant in motherhood, in happiness. Â She shines like he always hoped she would, though the young years when she was painfully shy around everyone but him, the awkward years when she was coltish and tall, a face full of braces and dimples that rarely showed. Â Meeting Davy Proctor brought out every beautiful thing in Becca, and even though he desperately wishes he knew what it was like to shine like that, he doesnât begrudge her even a bit of it.
Gabby smiles up at him, bright blue eyes and rosebud mouth. Â As six months old, sheâs a snuggler more than anything, and has the endearing habit of pushing her hands up your shirt sleeves, and flexing them in time with her suckling. Â Bucky is utterly gone on her.
âHoney?â Winnie says, and Becca nods. Â Before Bucky can track whatâs going on, his folks, Becca and Davy are all giving him earnest, heartbreaking looks.
âWe wanted to talk to you, sweetheart,â Winnie says. Â âWeâre worried.â
âI - you guys, I know.â
âI donât think you do,â Becca says, and her smile is small, sad. Â âBuck, it feels like you havenât smiled in a year.â
Bucky pushes a grin onto his face and even he notices how wrong it feels.
âIâm sorry,â he says, letting the smile fall.  âI know, I justâŚ.â  He stops because what is he supposed to say?  Heâs just sad.
âSon,â George says. Â âI know we donât- canât - understand. Â But with everything thatâs happened, and everything we know -â He pauses and shrugs. Â âI just donât think Steve would want you living this way.â
âI - I know. Â Itâs just hard letting go,â Bucky says.
Itâs true. Â
After his last dream of Steve, Bucky started having nightmares: Dreams where Bucky could have saved Steve, but didnât. Â
He knows they donât make any sense, but he also doesnât know how to argue against his heart.
Beccaâs face is solemn as she hands Bucky a small, white card.  âMr. Coulson gave this to us.  He said that you should use it if you need it.  He said that  - you can be honest with her.  Sheâs been...approved.â
Bucky takes the card and looks at it, before putting it in his back pocket. He doesnât think heâll call, but he knows he has to do something. Â Heâs been ghosting through his life for too long now. Â Hell, he doesnât know if he ever starting living it to begin with. Â Steveâs been a part of his life since he can remember.
He looks up at his family: His motherâs eyes are huge and wet, and his father is holding tight to his mother. Â Davy has his arms around Becca, and then he looks down to see Gabby watching him, eyes full of wonder before she breaks into a grin and coos.
âAlright,â he says, smiling down at his niece that he loves so much. Â âIâll try.â
.
When Bucky is twenty-nine, he takes another leave of absence from work. Â He tries to resign outright, but his boss refuses, telling him to do what he needs to do, and that his job will be waiting when he returns.
Bucky travels to Europe. Â He sits in a pub that was rebuilt after the war, in the same corner that Steve sat in, once upon a Christmas eve. Â He goes to Azzano and hikes the forests surrounding what is now a war monument. Â When he gets there, he finds that the monument has been built around the rubble of the original building. He climbs a mountain in the Alps and fights his stomach souring when he looks down at the train tracks. Â
He sleeps in a tiny hotel room in London, on a narrow bed and presses his face to the sheets, the way Peggy did when Steve made love to her.
When he returns to New York, he haunts Brooklyn. Â He has a drink at a bar, buys a soda at whatâs now a 7-11, and leaves a bouquet of flowers on a dead womanâs grave.
It takes a phone call to Coulson, and every ounce of strength he has left, but he visits Peggy Carter. Â He tells her that his family knew Steve back when. Â He listens to her stories and he tells her about Steve when he was young, and just what a little punk he was. Â He tells her that Steve loved her, very much. Â He thanks her for loving him back.
She dips in and out of lucidity, but when heâs leaving, she reaches out, grabs his wrist. Â
âWho are you really?â she asks. Â âSteve didnât have any old family friends.â Â
Bucky colors but finds he can't look away. Â
âOh,â she says, her brown eyes bright and clear. Â âOh, my darling. Â After all of this time?â
Bucky nods, and can't fight the wetness that clings to his lashes. Â
Peggy squeezes his hand with whatâs left of her frail strength. Â âHe would have loved you.â
He stops trying to hide his tears.
.
When Bucky is thirty, he starts dating again. Â He pays for one of the good services, and fills out a questionaire that takes him almost two hours. Â When it asks how long he had with his soulmate, Bucky lies. Â Three weeks sounds so much better than ânever.â Â
Heâs matched with Darla from Kansas City. Â She cries twice over dinner, her wounds still too fresh. Â Heâs matched with Michael from California, who is smart and pretty and intense, in ways that Buckyâs just not ready to handle. Â Heâs matched with Jimmy, who is from Brooklyn, too, and they hit it it off just fine.
On their second date, Bucky notices a small tattoo just behind Jimmyâs ear: itâs the Captain America shield. Â Buckyâs not sure what to think, but when he asks, Jimmy talks about how Cap was the embodiment of everything that Jimmy was raised to believe was good and true and right with the world. Â
Bucky canât argue.
Jimmy is kind, and sweet, and funny, but Jimmy is also fun. Â Bucky wasnât expecting that.
They go ice skating in Central Park, and see bad 60âs sci-fi at the revival house on tenth. Â They go to parties hosted by Buckyâs friends, and Jimmyâs, and through it all, Bucky is surprised at how easy it is. Â Jimmy is direct and when he looks at Bucky, Bucky feels like heâs being seen.
When they have sex for the first time, Jimmy takes it easy and slow, letting Bucky take the lead until Bucky asks for more. Â When theyâre done, Jimmy settles into Buckyâs arms, head on his chest, and whispers stories to make Bucky laugh. Â Buckyâs grateful, even as he feels sad, and wrong. Â
He pushes the feeling aside. Â Heâs not the only one in the world without a soulmate.
When Buckyâs been dating Jimmy for about three months, he starts attending a grief and loss group meeting, led by a man named Sam. Â
Sam lost his soulmate while in the military, and now he tries to help others cope with the same. Â He and Bucky hit it off instantly, each razzing the other, but also allowing small kindnesses, like a cup of coffee, or an extra-long hug at the close of group. Â Buckyâs not sure if group is helping, but he goes nonetheless.
Around six months into their affair, Jimmy makes noises about wanting to move their relationship forward. Â Bucky isnât aware that heâs holding back, but the way that the conversation blind-sides him makes it clear.
âI want to,â Bucky says. Â âI do.â
âI know,â Jimmy says, a chagrined smile on his face. Â âI almost think that makes it worse.â
âWe could still-â Bucky starts, but Jimmy cups Buckyâs face in his hand, and the look on Jimmyâs face stops Bucky in his tracks. Â
âNo,â Jimmy says. Â âWe canât.â Â Then he leans up and presses a small, soft kiss to the corner of Buckyâs mouth. Â âTake care of yourself, love,â Jimmy says, then turns and leaves.
.
When Bucky is thirty, he gets a tattoo. Â He searches designs and then researches artists, not willing to trust the work to just anyone. Â
He considers a shield, something like Jimmyâs, but feels like itâs too obvious. Â He thinks about their birthdays, of something that just says âSteve,â but none of them are the right fit.
On the cusp of sleep one night he recalls a vase he saw in the Brittish Museum. Â It was an image from the antiquities collection, Hercules and the Hydra. Â Bucky startles awake, suddenly certain and sure, that that is the right image. That is what is going to help him let go.
It doesnât work. Â
When Bucky is thirty one, he and Sam are out for coffee, post-group. Â
âAre you happy?â Sam asks, and Bucky knows he canât say yes.
âMan, what are you holding on for?â Samâs eye are kind, but his voice is exasperated. Â âHeâs gone, right?â
âLong gone,â Bucky says, a grimace on his face. Â
âLook,â Sam says. Â âIâm not here to tell you how to live your life. Â At some point, youâre going to have to decide whether this is whatâs right, or whatâs easy.â
âSam, I know. Â I just -â At this, Bucky leans forward and speaks low, like heâs telling a secret. Â âItâs like I can still feel him. Â Do you get that, with Riley?â
Shaking his head, Sam says, âNah. Â With Riley, it was like I felt it the moment he was gone. Â There was just this...space, where Riley used to be.â
Bucky sighs, and leans back in his chair. Â âYeah, well,â he says, shrugging. Â
Sam sighs. Â âAlright. Â So you gonna help me run the Valentineâs social or what? Â âCause I know your dumb ass doesnât have a date.â
âYeah,â Bucky says. Â âYeah, why not?â
The conversation with Sam doesnât sit well with Bucky, though. Â He turns it over and over in his mind. Â He sits with it through Valentineâs Day, through his birthday, Lent and Easter, and as the New York weather turns firmly toward spring, Bucky makes a decison. Â One way or another, itâs time to let Steve Rogers go.
.
When Bucky is thirty-one, he visits the archives, deep inside of SHIELD headquarters. Â His call to Phil Coulson has been plainative. Â He just needs to try to say goodbye. Â He thinks that maybe handling some of Steveâs things, reading some of his writings...something, anything. Â Somethingâs got to help.
Itâs a cool afternoon when Bucky goes to the archives. Â He grabs his favorite red hoodie and his earphones for the subway. Â Coulson is there to greet Bucky, and he gives Bucky an all-access pass, a warm handshake, and a sad smile.
At first, the curator and Coulson hover.
After a bit though, they walk away and let Bucky have the room to himself. Â He sits at a table and reads through a tactical journal that Steve kept. Â He traces his fingertip over a picture that Steve drew, of a monkey in a uniform on a unicycle. Â Bucky remembers dreaming about that drawing, about Steve, being so angry and feeling so useless. Â He remembers the moment that Peggy Carter walked back into Steveâs life.
He touches one of Steveâs uniforms, and presses his face into the collar, breathing deep, but it doesnât smell of anything but must.
He walks around the room, a veritable museum of one Steven Grant Rogers, before looking over some of the historical notes. Â His heart pangs when he sees that that someone has scratched out the ânoneâ next to Soulmate: and put Buckyâs name there instead.
âJesus, Steve,â Bucky whispers. Â âI donât know what Iâm doing here.â
He turns to leave, but his attention is caught by a bust of Captain America in the corner. Â
The bust looks to be made of marble. Â Itâs captured Cap from about the ribs up, and seems to be life sized. Â Before Bucky can stop himself, heâs standing in front of it.
âI donât understand,â Bucky says. Â âI donât know why I canât let you go, but you have to try to let me. Â Itâs almost like I can feel you holding on, and I love you, but this - this hurts. Â Steve, it hurts.â
Bucky can feel his face heating and his lashes growing wet.
âYouâre the only thing I ever wanted,â he says. Â âAnd watching you grow up, God, it was like -â and the he laughs, realizing what heâs about to say. Â âIt was like you made for me. Â And maybe you were. Â But this is shitty. Â And itâs not fair. Â And I canât keep loving your Goddamned ghost!.â
Closing his eyes, Bucky leans against the statue, feeling the cool marble against his forehead.
âI love you, Steve,â he says, and closes his eyes, letting the tears run in warm rivulets down his face. Â Â âI love you so much. Â But this - this has to be goodbye.â
Bucky rubs his nose against the statue, trying hard not to notice that even as marble, itâs a perfect fit. Â Groaning at himself, but unable to stop, he shifts and presses his lips against the statueâs, marble and flesh, hot and cold. Â
He holds there, reveling in the only kiss heâs ever going to share with his soulmate, before pushing away and heading for the door. Â Heâs openly crying as he exits the building, mumbling something to the curator and ignoring Coulsonâs shouts entirely. Â
Ducking down an alley, he comes to rest behind a dumpster, his back sliding down the brick wall before giving in and just...just crying. He cries for Steve, for himself, for the love they should have shared, but never did. Â He wonders if missing your soulmate can kill you, because he sure as hell isnât living. Â
A stray cat sniffs at his shoe before curling in at his side, clinging to his warmth. Â It headbutts him once, twice, and Bucky is pulled out of his pityfest by the little purr, then chirrup it gives when he reaches his hand out to pet it.
âYouâre a friendly thing,â he says, sniffling and trying to bring himself back under control. Â The cat, all black, peers up at him with great green eyes.
âSkinny,â he says. Â âYou all alone?â Â
The cat headbutts him again, then rolls onto its side, paws flexing in the air as though itâs swimming. Â
âYeah,â he says. Â âOkay.â
Bucky takes a few deep breaths and leans his head against the wall. Â The cat climbs onto his lap, then sniffs and paws at his pants pocket, where he has a granola bar stashed. Â
Curious, Bucky opens it and offers a bit to the cat. Â
Sniffing, the cat makes a slight chewing motion with itâs mouth, before leaning forward and wolfing it down in one go.
âOkay,â Bucky say. Â âOkay.â Â He abandons the rest of the bar to the cat, before pulling out his phone.
âHello?â
âHey, Sam?â Bucky says. Â âI think I could use some help.â
.
2300 miles away, the late spring sun shines hot, and the permafrost shifts.
Steve Rogers takes his first breath in almost seventy years.
...to be continued
a/n: next (final) chapter up just as soon as I can get it out of my head and into my laptop. BUT SOOON AND NO LATER THAN MON/TUES.
#chicklette writes things#soulmates au#shrunkyclunks au#stevexbucky#stucky#oh hai sam#i am such a jerk#sorrynotsorry#blame frostbitebakery#phil coulson is the real hero here
451 notes
¡
View notes
Note
Whatâs the best thing about the canon you are writing?
canon questionaire
There's honestly so much to choose from. Loki is such a multi layered character, and every time I peel back a layer, I discover more and more about him. I love the fluidity of him, and in a bizarre way, how human he is. He's not all good, he's not all bad, and the trauma he's gone through, and the hurt he feels is so relatable. I also love how tongue in cheek he can be, he's got a great, if sometimes dark sense of humor which I really understand. I just love that I can practically portray him in any way, and it wouldn't necessarily be wrong, because Loki is a unpredictable and always changing.
1 note
¡
View note
Photo
Innerview: Cathy Fishel / Print Magazine August 2005 Image:â Print Magazineâ Note: Interview for the Print Regional Design Annual.
Introduction: CathyâŚSorry you missed me. Sorry to miss you. Thanks for the message (sorry it cut you off in the middle of your phone number). Things are a bit intense as summer brings a new definition of BUSY. Work. Work. Work. Many thanks for the kind words about my work and I. It means so much. Yeah, I am sure it is chore to sift through all of the junk Iâve been dumping on the PRINT headquarters every March for the past three years or soâŚ(I feel like a true failure if I send less than fifty entries). It is funny because just last week I was thinking about the upcoming PRINT Regional Annual and how I had not heard back on if I was selectedâŚand I guess I have beenâŚhow many? And what? I am very curious. I had pretty much written it off. Thanks for informing meâŚI suppose I was supposed to receive notice upon that a while backâŚwhat happened there? Same thing happened to me last year. Out of curiosity I called somebody at PRINT last year and sure enough they had contacted me at the wrong address or something like thatâŚI hope that wasnât the case again. We need to get that straightened outâŚindeed. Certainly, I am thrilled to participate in this little questionaire. Wow, iâve always wanted to. You donât have to worry about smearing my name from anything said. I donât care. Here we go⌠ââ01) How has the pace of business/number of jobs been in the past year as compared to the previous year? The pace is as thick as I want it and when I have sleep to deprive. Iâve always held other jobs and currently work a massive sixty-two hour weekly schedule as a groundskeeper and a janitorial supervisorâŚthus, cramming design into my pocketsâŚand whenever I can squeeze it in my free time or find it under the pillow in the wee morning. I never actively seek my work due to time constraints and exhaustionâŚnot yet, at leastâŚand besides, the majority is word of mouth. Most of the time I just make stuff. Some of the time I get a nice little call or email and then just make more stuff. 0â2) Why is it up or down? The numbers (ups/downs) are slim if you stack them to my three previous so-called âprofessionalâ yearsâŚof course itâs due to my lack of timeâŚfatigueâŚgetting olderâŚand mostly because I donât really have a definite connection with my clients like I used toâŚand I donât live with bands, attend concerts or am around my clients as much as I used toâŚ(in case youâre wondering, my primary source of work is in the local independent music industry). Also, I am not as twenty-four-seven-gung-holike I was when I first started. Iâve accomplished most everything I set out to do at this pointâŚ(perhapsIâm just settling and need to mark a new planner?). 0â3) Has there been any surprises in the past year? Good or bad? Surprises in my work and thoughts come quite often. Sometimes itâs mush. Sometimes they come as sneakeries. The only real surprises come when I get random calls/emails from kind Print editors, designers requesting copies of posters, people wanting to put me in their books, seeing my work in books/magazines next to my inspirations/peersâŚand recent college graduates persuing job opportunities with my bedroom design operation. Itâs all goodâŚnever badâŚwell, the only bad thing would be that I have to shell out good money for the good books that Iâm in. 0â4) Has there been an influx of a new sort of work or client in your office? In the design community as a whole? Honestly, the only new things I approach are the things that come with each new day and in thought. I try to treat each design day new. Nothing I do is new to the worlds, other than in my own. I do thumb magazines a bit and I am a bit of a junky with design/culture and suchâŚand I do keep my eyes open at all timesâŚthough, sometimes too much of it can make me not like design or anything. Itâs getting to be way over-impacted with the idea that everyone thinks themselves to be a designer. Most of the only new sort of work that really kicks me (or I even consider new) comes from scraps of paper I find and hand painted ghetto signage. Though, if weâre talking professional work, I guess there is some good stuff coming out of the local climate. And of course I guess there is always good stuff coming out of the woods everywhere. Others might lump me in there somewhere. I donât really know or care. 0â5) What is the economic climate like there in general? I was bummed when Quik Trip ended their âCheap Drink Summerâ so soonlyâŚhowever, Iâve always got the Hostess thrift store two blocks away. I always find free junk in the streets and at work in the trashâŚand I always find great deals on paper and âwhateversâ at thrift stores. No matter if I donât cash in on designâŚIâve always got cheap fuel to burnâŚand I will always barter for goods and servicesâŚif the price is right/not right. 0â6) Have any large clients closed or left the area? Who? Most of the rock ânâ rollers are skinny little dudes and Iâm the one thatâs gaining the weight around my belt and portfolio pit. There have been a few bands that have broken apart and some that have decided to play musician-designer to save money. And combined roles like that donât always produce wickedly pretty offspring. 0â7) Has there been any changes in the ways that clients do business with designers (good or bad)? Not really any changes in clients. People still owe me money. Most people still donât want to pay much or even pay at all for designâŚthough, they are eager to push the products I slap myself onto and I give them free press in books/magazines. Oh well, thatâs part of the deal and I knew that from the get go. Itâs more than thant anyway. And I still love themâŚI am sure they still love meâŚI just donât make enough from it to eat. But, I do have some wonderful clients that I hope to cradle and/or have them cradle me for a long timeâŚweâll see. 0â8) Is the design community tight-knit? Competitive? Friendly? What? I donât really associate with other designers due to a lack of time and sometimes, simply want. I do have a few I check in onâŚbut mostly I stick to my own guns. Therefore, I constantly hope my cats and girlfriend understand what the heck Iâm talking about. Itâs mostly mumbles Iâm trying to say thoughâŚat least Iâm entertained. In terms of the local design communityâŚwell, I guess the art/design here in Kansas City is looking pretty good. Even though iâm only in my fourth year, through the visual clutter I can see a few improvements. From what I understand, there is a tight-knit community that Iâm not really associated with physically. From the outside, the knit appears to be extremely tight though. These days I like to sit at home and hunch my shouldersâŚand I like to think and be around people/places/things that arenât necessarily directly connected to the design world, but they are in my personal one (whatever that means). In competitive terms I guess I fell victim to that last December. One of the best things Iâve ever done was stolen at an exhibition. Poor Mortimer was an only child and Iâve nothing to document him. Either Iâm getting somewhat popular or I have a backlash. Iâm also getting tired of most of the announcement boards to post posters being smaller than one of my posters (time to break out my little hands). â0â9) What exciting things are going on in the design community? Honestly, I couldnât tell you. Well, Iâm kind of excited to see where this city is headed to as a whole. There are a lot of expensive things being builtâŚnew downtown developments/arenaâŚand a ridiculous addition to the Nelson-Atkins Museum of Art that looks like a giant trash bin and/or trailer home. 10) What are you looking forward to in the next year? Any big changes? Anything that you hope will happen? Well, I am getting married this Fall and thus must condense my apartment. I must lovingly adapt to sharing my artifacts, junk, libraries, wall space and work space with a woman. I also plan to start sleeping on a real bed againâŚand to quit my night job. She is a good one though. 11.) Why is where you are a great place/lousy place to be a designer? Since Iâm a one man show, I can take my design anywhere. Though, it helps to have an outlet to a music communityâŚI guessâŚif I want to continue with that. I guess with this question, itâs mostly all behind the controller. Youâve really got to chop some trees down to be heardâŚor just put your head down, barrel through them and not really pay attention. And my real dream is to live in the woods outside of a small town near a big city and have the requests come to my porch via arrowsâŚand to make things for myself. Iâve never been one to worry myself about if Iâm in the right place or not. As long as my brain is not too sloshy and polluted, I will be fine. 12) What advantages does the midwest hold as a design source for clients? I was born and fed here. It is ok (at times a bit too honky and wonky). Iâm happy with the way things have gone so far. Iâve got a meager following here that I suppose âgets itââŚand the norm that says, âThatâs different.â Though I havenât really ventured off much in my design life, or simply, life in general. I hear itâs a mighty treat to get out. And I also hear good things about the midwestâs hospitality and friendliness from outsiders and/or people who get out. Perhaps Iâll pack it up one of these days and try some new turf to ooze between my toes. 13) What is the level of student/job applicant talent? Is young talent staying in the area or leaving? Itâs really flattering, funny and somewhat depressing to me that Iâve received many offers from recent design graduates who desperately want to work for me. Some are really talented tooâŚand I must paint my sad tale of no funds or time for me to even consider full-time employment with myself. Maybe Iâll just have them move in for therapyâŚor start my own school with fire poles to slide through the floors of my apartment building and heaping pile of posters to burn for warmth. -djg
0 notes
Text
found another fun OC prompt and nabbed that shit up for myself. iâve said it before but iâll say it again, iâm a very big proponent of filling these questionaires out completely and on my own time, just like we all used to do back in the livejournal days. letâs bring that back. be the master of your own destiny.
today i filled it out for my current golden boy, gavriil. because of course i did! also that was a fun joke, see, because he is an altmer. theyâre yellow, or at least they are in my heart (looking at you, ESO)
anyway. this is long. info dump inbound:
A. Psychology
1. What of the Meyers-Briggs personality types they most fit into? INFP, ENFT, et ceteraâŚÂ Lord I know so little about this shit. Let's go with... ISFJ? I had to look at a chart to type that. 2. What alignment are they? Chaotic neutral, lawful evil, et ceteraâŚÂ I'm swinging between Lawful Good and Lawful Neutral. He very much has established morals, but whether he's good or just acting in his own self interest really depends on the circumstances.
3. Do they have any emotional or psychological conditions? Are they aware of it? Do they try to treat it? Very yes, and also very yes. Gav's got no name for what's going on with his head, and that alone is just killing him, because he's spent his life trying to quantify, trying to verbalize what he's feeling, but he's coming up short. And that fucks with a guy who's usually pretty good with words. That much aside, his coping mechanisms vary throughout his life, but he has some consistent phases: getting into relationships with dudes who take advantage of his vulnerability and low self esteem, turning hardcore to religion to feel some semblence of emotional connection to another entity, and/or drinking frequently enough that the people in his life begin to Notice. It goes without saying that his timeline is pockmarked by some rather extreme nervous breakdowns, and the only solution he has is "move somewhere new and start over." That's what got him into Skyrim, and all through the main quest storyline, all he can think about is going to Morrowind to try again. 4. Are they a pessimist or an optimist? He's a pessimist who dearly tries to be an optimist. It just doesnât come naturally to him! 5. Are they good at handling change in their life? Generally, yes. He's gone through a lot of very radical changes, so if nothing else he knows that he'll be able to adapt. 6. Does your OC tend to assume their interpretation of events and reality is correct, or do they question it? I.e., âIâm sure thatâs what you saidâ versus âItâs possible I misheard you.â One of the reasons Gavriil loved being a scholar, loved learning about the arcane, is that concrete facts were very comforting to him. He brought a lot of stability into his life when he was able to dig through texts and see plain truths written out. He doubts a lot of his reality, and that lack of stability gets really close to the root of what's completely wrong with him. 7. Is your OC confident in their reactions to life in general, or do they get embarrassed or easily shamed for it? I.e., if something startles them, do they insist it WAS scary? When they cry, do they feel like they overreacted? When he was younger, he did a LOT of justifying for his reactions. Now that he's older and way more burnt out, he feels a lot more confident in his emotions. That, or he'll chalk it up to "yeah, I'm just fucked up." 8. Is your OC a martyr? I don't really see him as one, no. I feel like one needs a broader sort of cause to be a martyr. Gavriil can barely stop dissociating for long enough to figure out whatâs going on. 9. Does your OC make a lot of excuses? For themselves? Others? He excuses other people far more often than himself. He's extremely self-critical, but his gut reaction is that someone else's actions are probably justified. There's a reason he winds up in the kind of relationships he does. 10. Does your OC compromise easily? Too easily? A bit too easily. He bends, and he's not always even sure why he does it. You want him to do some outrageously intensive task for no apparent reason? He'll be all indignant about it, but he'll do it. He won't know why, but he'll do it. 11. Does your OC put othersâ needs before their own? He thinks of himself as an extremely self-absorbed, self-serving person, but the truth of the matter is he prioritizes others well past the point of his own detriment. 12. Does your OC have any addictions? If so and problematic, have they admitted it to themselves? Oh yes. In his heart of hearts, he knows he has issues with drinking, because he's been self-medicating with alcohol on and off through the vast majority of his adult life. He's even been called out on it in very plain terms, but he uhhhhh relapses from time to time. Never when his life is stable and happy, imagine that. 13. Does your OC have any phobias? If so, where did they come from? In his own words, he has a handful of "powerful aversions" with no particular cause. Horses, for one. Raccoons are a newer thing. 14. Is your character empathetic? Rather so, yes. 15. Is your character observant? To a point. Gav has a bad habit of getting stuck on minute details and thus missing the larger, often blatantly obvious picture. 16. Does your OC have to go through their own trials to learn a lesson, or do they listen and learn from observation and lecture? I.e., does your OC listen when someone tries to tell them the importance of budgeting, or do they have to go experience what happens if you donât budget first? He's largely a trial-and-error kind of guy. Doesn't always learn from the errors of his ways, though.
17. Whatâs one of your OCâs proudest moments of themselves? Those academic accomplishments are kind of a double-edged blade for Gavriil, as he feels a (justified) sense of pride in having learned as much as he has, but at the same time that comes with a very intense feeling of incompetence, because of course it does. He takes that feeling of "the more I learn, the less I know" to mean that his grasp of a particular field is insufficient, or that he's actually learned it wrong and is completely misunderstanding the material. He ends up feeling like a genuine fraud, like he's tricked people into thinking he's knowledgable. Dude can bust out master-level shock spells and brush it off as "basic knowledge," because if he's able to learn it, then it must be something anyone could pick up, right? This got off topic so fast but the gist of what I'm saying here is he's a very smart guy who feels very stupid, but he occasionally gets glimpses into his own level of genius and feels pretty okay about it. 18. Do they get jealous easily? Do they feel bad if they do? He does go through a lot of "god I wish that were me" moods when getting to know anyone who has their shit together, but never to the point of feeling anger or contempt toward the person in question. He's happy for them, but also wants what they have for himself. Romantically, he's not jealous at all. Kind of ties in with what I was saying about him forgiving people who don't deserve forgiving. Cheat on him, and he'll almost certainly look the other way and ask himself how he could have prevented it. 19. What instantly irritates them or puts them in a bad mood? Anyone who expects him to follow orders without actually getting to know him. As much as he bends over backward to please the people in his life, some rando asking him for favors is going to sour his mood pretty quickly. He'll... probably still do it, though. He'll just have an attitude about it. 20. Are they harsh on themselves? Oh god yes. 21. Is your OC intended to be found generally attractive? Unattractive? Average? Is there a reason why? Gavriil's look, the way I designed it, is supposed to resonate "could arguably be attractive in close to or approaching the traditional sense, but he's tired and haggard and has stopped taking care of himself, and therefore looks pretty slovenly." It's kind of reflective of his character in general: there's potential in him, but Circumstances haven't treated him well. 22. Does your OC place much importance on their appearance? Do they feel confident in it? Not at all. By the time the story takes place, he's completely stopped taking care of himself because he feels ugly and dirty, and he doesn't care if that's what he reflects. I wouldn't say he's confident in his mess, so much as he just doesn't care. He's tired, nothing feels good, and he doesn't care if his hair is growing in unevenly or he smells like an armpit. Which it is, and he does. 23. What are some of your OCâs biggest personal obstacles? This could be emotional, physical, social⌠Are they aware of it? Are they trying to overcome it? His paaaaaaaast. His past! He knows it, but he doesn't know what to do about it! He keeps hoping that time will heal him, but surprise: it super fucking hasnât.
B. Social
1. Do they believe you have to give respect to get it, or get respect to give it? I can't figure out what this question means, much less what Gavriil's take would be, so I'm skipping it. 2. Do they get frustrated when lines at places like pharmacies, check-outs, delis, banks, et cetera, are moving slowly? Dude's got all the time in the world. He's old as shit. A long line doesn't mean dick to him. Fucker is completely unfazed. 3. Under what situations would they get angry at servers, staff, customer service, et cetera? These days, they'd have to talk shit directly in front of him to get much of a reaction. He's mostly happy he's not being chased off the porch with a broom (which... has happened). Different story when he was younger and was still kinda coming off his upper class upbringing. 4. Do they tip well? How easily can they be moved to not leave a tip? You know, I don't think there's much for tipping culture in Tamriel, but assuming there was one, he'd be pretty generous. He doesn't have much to give, but he also doesn't have much to lose, so he's pretty easy about spreading around whatever wealth he has (which isn't much) 5. Do they hold doors open for people? Yes, but in the "walks in first then holds it open for you" way. 6. Would your OC let someone ahead of them in line if your OC had a big cart and the person behind them had very few items? Yeah, probably. 7. How do they respond to babies crying in public? He doesn't react much outwardly, but it's a very "nails on a chalkboard" reaction internally. Gav isn't great with kids. Doesn't necessarily dislike them, but he has no idea what to do around em and dreads interacting with them. It's like when you never know what to do with your own hands, so you take up smoking. 8. Is your OC considered funny? Do they believe theyâre funny? Most people come off with the impression that he's pretty dour, but he does have a deadpan sense of humor that a lot of people mistake for genuinity. 9. What kind of humor does your OC like the most? Slapstick, ironic, funny sounds, scare pranks, xD sO rAnDoM⌠ The quiet, subtle kind. 10. Does your OC find any âbadâ or âmeanâ humor funny? Do they wish they didnât? Most of the time he thinks it's just incredibly mean spirited and ends up feeling bad, because 'they're probably a really nice person,' and all that. If ever he does find it funny, he immediately feels awful about it. 11. Your OC is running late to meeting someone: Do they let the other person know? Do they lie about why theyâre late? He'd never lie about why he was late unless he was hiding something ("no, I haven't been crying, why do you ask"), but whether he'd be apologetic about it or just say "I'm late because I don't want to be here" depends on his mental state. 12. Your OC orders something to eat and gets their order done in a pretty wrong way, something they canât just pick off or whatnot to correct, or something major is missing. What do they do? Eat the food he didn't want, feel extremely disappointed about the entire situation, pay the bill in full, then go sulk somewhere else. 13. Do they have a large or small group of friends? At best, he has a small group of friends who he knows very intimately. At worst, he's completely socially isolated. 14. Do they have people they are genuinely honest with about themselves? Serras is the only person he's ever really spoken to in depth about his emotional issues, and that's only because it has legitimately taken him that long to find someone else like him. Doesn't matter how nice someone is, how much he trusts them, he'd at best be vague about what he's going through. Doesn't help that for most of his life, he assumed he was the only one Like That. If he ever actually met up with someone else who goes through dissociative episodes, he'd have the world's biggest Same Hat moment. 15. Does your OC enjoy social events, such as parties, clubs, et cetera..? He's fine, as long as they're in moderation and in such an environment that he can stand off to the side when he needs to. He doesn't necessarily mind socializing or being around people, but it can get draining. 16. Does your OC like to be the center of attention or more in the mix? He's happiest when he's flying under the radar. Sure would suck if he turned out to be some kind of a mythological figure, wouldn't it?
C. Morality
1. Does your OC have a moral code? If not, how do they base their actions? If so, where does it come from, and how seriously do they take it? He has a pretty strong set of morals that generally fall under the classical "good" umbrella. More than anything, he is extremely against hurting other people, and he is very much not willing to budge on that. That aside, he does see the necessity of grays when the situation calls for it. Eg stealing is generally wrong, but stealing to survive is an exception. That sort of thing. 2. Would your OC feel bad if they acted against their morals? If not, would they find a way to excuse themselves for it? He'll break his own code from time to time, and that's the sort of thing that tends to stick with him. You know, the shit that keeps you up at night. 3. Is it important for them to be with people (socially, intimately, whatever) whose major ideological tenets align with their own? For the most part, but there are things that he's willing to budge on. For instance, he's extremely over the idea of Altmeri superiority, and he's not going to mix well with anyone who thinks like that, because it's unnecessary and unjustified hate, which kind of goes against his religious beliefs and whatnot. But if he's dating a greasy klepto then, well, pobody's nerfect. 4. Do they consider themselves superior or more important than anyone else? Lesser? If you asked him this, he'd say he doesn't feel superior to anyone. Subconsciously, though, he still kind of holds a subtle disdain for non-elves, even though he doesn't realize that's what's going on. He'll look at the Skyrim locals and think they're superstitious rubes and feel pity, because that kind of thought process is so deeply socialized and ingrained him in that he doesn't even realize he has that kind of prejudice. And while he has very good impressions of Khajiit (largely thanks to Yanni and his fam), he's very uncomfortable around Argonians. Gav's a ultimately still a product of his environment, and unfortunately, his environment was not a good one. 5. Do your OCâs morals and rules of common decency go out the window when it comes to those they donât like, or when itâs inconvenient? Aka, are their morals situational? For the most part, no! He's very firm in his moral code. Someone could be attacking him, and he'd feel terrible for fighting back. 6. What do they do when they see someone asking for money or food? If they ignore them, why? If they help, how so? He'd absolutely help, even if he didn't have much to help with. He's been in some extremely dire financial straits (including during the story), so he can empathise very much with other people who are down on their luck. 7. Do they believe people change over time? If so, is it a natural process or does it take effort? He believes that ultimately, people are good, and that those who don't act good have the potential for it. That love and compassion can ultimately overcome hatred. This is probably the most optimistic aspect of his personality. This is due in no small part to his particular religious affiliations. 8. Is your OC more practical or ideal morally? I.e., do they hold people to high expectations of behavior even if itâs not realistic for the situation, or do they have a more realistic approach and adapt their morality to be more practical? He's fairly practical. For as much good as he believes is in the world, he knows that it's a lofty ideal that he's got in his head. And, well, he's seen enough cruelty to know that not everyone is willing to tap into that potential.
D. Religion and Life and Death
1. How religious is your OC? What do they practice, if anything? If they donât associate with any religion, what do they think of religion in general? He's very devoted to the cult (sect? church?) of Mara, as interpreted in the Aldmeri pantheon. He does pay lip service to some of the other aedra, but at the end of the day, Maran tenets are where he's at. He's also a little averse to other Altmer who talk a big game about Auri-El, due to Circumstances. That all said, the intensity of his belief comes and goes in phases. Sometimes he feels very jaded about his beliefs, and other times he's like "hey I should become a priest for five years." 2. Do they believe in an afterlife? Yes, but he has a lot of issues with the concept of dying, so the entire subject makes him nervous. 3. How comfortable are they with the idea of death? Not very! 4. Would they like to be immortal? Why, why not? If they are immortal, would they rather not be? He'd honestly feel very torn on this. Life is suffering, natch, so an eternity of suffering is a tall order. But he is also lowkey fucking terrified of dying, so he's pretty torn. 5. Do they believe in ghosts? If not, why? If so, do they think theyâre magical/tie into their religion, or are they scientifically plausible? I feel like he's probably met at least one ghost by now.
E. Education and Intelligence
1. Would you say that your OC is intelligent? In what ways? Would your OC agree? He's ridiculously, like viciously educated. He's smart in the classical sense of being a booksmart academic, and he knows way, way more than most about the arts of destruction and alteratation magic. He acknowledges that he is educated, thinks that the only thing going for him is his intelligence, but he feels pretty dumb. 2. Which of the nine types of intelligence is your OC strongest in? Weakest? (Linguistic, existential, naturalist, et cetera) I had to fucking look this up, but whatever. He'd be strongest in linguistic and logical-mathematical types of intelligence, and very lacking in intrapersonal and existential intelligence. He has no idea what's going on with his life or who the fuck he is, and philosophical debates make his eyes roll back in his skull. But the dude has a pretty firm understanding on the general workings of physics and mathematics, because you can't break laws you don't understand. This bastard loves the levitate, so you better believe he's familiar with the laws of gravity. 3. How many languages do they speak? Just the one. When I said he had linguistic smarts, I didn't mean that would extend to other languages. Just the one he knows. He's very good at that one. Not so much anything else. 4. Did they enjoy school if they went to it? Oh he absolutely thrived in any academic setting. 5. Whatâs their highest education level? Do they want to continue their education? Gav would have the wizard equivalent of a PhD, and he's the kind of guy who'd have worked on his thesis indefinitely if the University hadn't more or less begged him to please, please graduate. Either start teaching or hit the road, you've been a student for too goddamn long. 6. Do they enjoy learning? Do they actively seek out sources of self-education? After he left the University, more or less the first thing he did (after hitting the ground pretty hard, natch) was immediately pick up a new area of study- alchemy. At that point, he had no idea what else to do with himself! 7. Are they a good note-taker? Are they a good test-taker? Do exams make them nervous? He takes meticulous, fucking METICULOUS notes, probably way more than necessary. He has testing anxiety, so he's a chronic over-studier. Not the healthiest behavior, but it worked to his benefit, because he was always overprepared for exams and almost always the first to finish. It's a little hard to trip up the guy who obsessively prepares. 8. Whatâs one of your OCâs biggest regrets? Not getting leaving home sooner.
F. Domestic Habits, Work, and Hobbies
1. What sort of home do they live in now, if at all? How did they end up there? Dude sleeps on the ground, because he is in a very gradual recovery period from an extreme breakdown. He left his home and possessions and just ghosted his entire social network, and he's still too unstable to stop moving. You ever get way, way too hot and you just start pacing, as if that's going to make anything better? But you just can't stop yourself, because your discomfort is making you so restless that you can't stay still? I think that's a good analogy for what Gavriil's going through right now. 2. Whatâs their ideal home look like? Where is it? Shit, can I quote Tom Petty here? I'm going for it: "So I've started out / For God knows where / I guess I'll know / When I get there" 3. Could they ever live in a âtiny homeâ? He's living out of a tent right now, so anything with solid walls is already an improvement. 4. How clean are they overall with home upkeep? Not very. He's a hybrid of "stereotypical academic who leaves his notes strewn all over the place" and "just depressed," so environmental cleanliness is never at the forefront of his mind. 5. How handy are they? Can they fix appliances, cars, cabinets, et cetera? Oh, he's not handy at all. If something breaks, it's broken. Poor bastard barely even learned how to sew, so he's walking around with tears and holes in his clothes more often than not. 6. How much do they work? What do they do? Do they enjoy it? He currently has no fucking idea what to do with his life. Not that he doesn't have prospects, but he has such little self worth and he tends to get paralyzed with fear when faced with the potential to fail, on account of Circumstances. 7. Whatâs their âdream careerâ or job situation? He would actually do very, very well as a teacher. Explaining the things he knows is probably the one time he kind of wakes up to "holy shit, maybe I am retaining this stuff a bit better than I thought." 8. How often are they home? Ideally, quite frequently. He's at his best when he can unwind in the comfort of his own space. 9. Are they homebodies and enjoy being home? This seems like a nearly identical question, so yes. 10. Do they engage in any of the arts? How good do you intend them to be? Would they agree they are? He frequently makes botanical/biological sketches for alchemical record keeping purposes, but I imagine those to be a bit closer to the equivalent of a geologist's field sketches than actual art. He's pretty stunted in regards to the arts, actually. Thatâs more of Serrasâs thing. 11. What are some of their favorite things to do for recreation? How did they get into it? What part of it do they like the most? He loves to read, particularily academic texts. He feels the most valuable when he's learning! He also likes smoking anything that'll get him high, and even some shit that doesn't. 12. Would they enjoy a theme park? Not at all. Too loud, too many people, too much stimulation in general. He'd just want to sit down in the shade.
G. Family and Growing Up
1. Is your OC close to their family? No. 2. Who makes up your OCâs family, at least the more important members to them? His father, mother, and little brother. He does have extended family, but none of them were every particularily close. 3. Does your OC find their family supportive? If not, what would be an example why not? Gavriil hasn't been in communication with his family in a timespan best described as "centuries." I'm TRYING not to get into spoilers here, so I really gotta be vague here. 4. What kind of childhood did your OC have? Bad. 5. Did they go through any typical phases growing up? He was a very shy, sheltered kid, right up until his first year at the University. Before that, he was more or less in his larval stage, if I may. 6. Do they have any favorite childhood memories? Most of them involve his childhood pets (he's had a few colorful birds and whatnot) 7. Do they have any childhood memories theyâd rather forget or be less affected by? He's repressed most of his younger years at this point. Yes, he is aware of that, and no, he doesnât want to remember.
H. Romance and Intimacy
1. What is your OCâs orientation, romantic and/or sexual? Has it ever been a source of stress for them? Have they always been pretty sure of their orientation? He's a big gay, and it took him getting out into the world to let that click into place. Afterward, I'd imagine he'd have a lot of "this makes so much sense now" type of revelations. I don't think he'd have considered being gay as an option prior to going to college. But once it fell into place, he kind of went ham on the identity. To make up for lost time, if you will. 2. Is your OC a thoughtful partner, in whatever aspect of that you want to cover?  Definitely. He puts a lot of himself into his relationships, puts a lot of effort into making things work. Lets the small stuff slide. Lets some pretty big stuff slide, actually. He'd be a fantastic boyfriend to someone who actually respected him. Hmmm. 3. Does your OC believe thereâs only one ideal partner (or multiple ideal if not monogamous) for everyone, or that there are many people who could be right?  He's never really bought into any of that soulmate type of stuff, instead believing that effort is the key component in making a relationship work. I feel like a lot of this might have come from his recent stint as a priest of Mara. Those guys perform marriage ceremonies in Skyrim, and I canât help but feel like theyâd inevitably end up as the Tamriellic equivalent of marriage counseling. So Gavriilâs probably at least a little wise to the notion of âwe love each other just because.â Now that Iâm thinking about it, I feel like Gav would be the kind of guy who gives amazing relationship advice, and takes absolutely none of it to heart. That actually sounds pretty damn consistent to his character... 4. Does your OC believe in love in first sight? Perhaps. He's never actually felt something like that, however. It always takes him a bit to warm up to someone enough to start feeling anything beyond basic infatuation. 5. Does your OC believe in marriage (or their cultureâs equivalent)? Dude was a priest of Mara, of course he's game for marriage. Thinks that shit fucking rules. Almost got married at one point, even! Didn't work out. 6. Has your OC ever cheated on anyone or been cheated on? Never the former, as he is extremely, extremely morally opposed to that kind of thing. He has been cheated on, though. A lot. 7. What do they look for in partners? (Emotionally, mentally, physically..) His standards are low. Like, low. Read also: he has a laundry list of terrible, terrible boyfriends. That all said, his track record is comprised almost exclusively of Bosmer and Dunmer. He kind of has a type, as far as looks go. 8. Whatâs your OCâs idea of a perfect date? It's changed a lot over time, but now he's old and tired. He just wants something quiet and intimate, probably fairly low-key. He's not really one for sweeping romantic gestures, at least in most circumstances. 9. What are some things that your OC finds to be an instant turn-off in potential partners? Seeing a potential suitor treating someone else like shit will have him turning tail on the spot. He can and will put up with being treated like a dog, but the second it happens to someone else, that makes it real, that makes it harder to justify.
I. Food
1. What are their favorite kinds of flavorsâ Sweet, salty, sour, spicy, creamy, et cetera? He really likes spicy foods. If nothing else, at least well seasoned. He can roll with a lot, but bland food takes an emotional toll on him. 2. Do they have any eating requirements or preferences? Allergies, vegetarian, organic-only, religious restrictions⌠He licks ants off of rocks for sustenance. Picky, he ainât. 3. Are they vegan/vegetarian (if their overall culture/species generally arenât)? If so, why? Do they think animal products are wrong in all circumstances? He's probably not as empathetic toward animals as he could be. He's far from cruel, but he just doesn't really feel bad about slaughtering an animal to keep himself fed. 4. How often do they cook? Do they order out a lot? He cooks more often than not. He's a decent enough cook in a home setting, when he has access to things like utensils and counter space. As far as camping food, which makes up 99% of his diet right now, that's kind of Serras's job. I would refer back to the âeating bugsâ statement above. 5. Are they a good cook? He's decent. He's probably not going to fuck up a dish he's making, but his recipe pool is probably pretty shallow. 6. Could they eat the same thing they enjoy over and over and not get bored of it quickly? Yes, it's a survival technique you need to develop when you're poor enough. So says the writer, a man who can eat chili for two solid weeks because it's CHEAP and LOW EFFORT. Gav is no different.
J. Politics, Current Events, Environmental Aspects
1. Where does your OC stand most politically? What would they align with most? Â Â For an Altmer, he's fairly progressive. At least, considering the current political climate, heâs progressive. 2. How politically aware are they? Gavriil on the Stormcloaks: "Who?" Gavriil on the Mede Empire: "Oh, how are those guys doing these days?" Gavriil on the Thalmor presence in Skyrim:Â âWait, what are those guys doing up here?â 3. How politically active are they? He keeps his head down. The political environment post-Oblivion Crisis is a bit overwhelming to him, so he's kind of maybe stuck his head in the sand. 4. Is your OC the sort to fall for fake news? If not, do they ignore it or make a point to clarify that itâs wrong? His reaction is kind of along the lines of "Sounds fake, but I don't know enough about [SUBJECT] to debate this." Heâd probably be looking for the next available out to just completely bail. 5. Are they or would they protest for a cause theyâre passionate about? Depends on what sort of consequences he'd face for doing so. If it'd make a political target of himself, then fuck no. 6. How do they react to people whose political viewpoints are very opposite of theirs? Quiet disdain and the desire to vacate. 7. How much interest in environmental health do they have? Fairly decent, I guess? If for no other reason than superficial; he'd want to keep pretty locales pretty. That sort of thing. 8. In reality-based or applicable worlds, do they believe in global warming? Do they recycle? He would, he's a pretty facts-based sort of guy. I feel like in a different setting (ie Earth-based), he'd be a lot more environmentally conscious.
K. didn't apply to Gav at all, so I skipped it
L. For the Writer/Owner
1. How have your characters changed since you created them? Honestly, he hasn't changed very much! I made his ears bigger, if nothing else. 2. What do you consider the biggest themes in your character, if any? Doubt, self-sabotage, and painfully unaddressed emotional traumas. 3. Did you create the character to be like yourself, did they end up being like yourself, or are they very different from you? I didn't set out to project as much of myself onto Gavriil as I did, but here we are. He's not a perfect self-insert, but there is an awful lot of me in this elf. 4.Would you hang out with your OC if you could? I'd smoke with him, tbh.
There were more questions, but they started arbitrarily going off into 'which of your OCs' territory, and I'm kind of keeping this to Gav for now, so let's just stop here.
7 notes
¡
View notes
Note
Psssst... >.> *whispers* All the "Character Questionaire ?'s" for Cardinal! *winks*
FULL NAME
Cardinal Emma Connor (soon to be Coleman)
PREFERRED NAME/NICKNAME
Cardi/Cardinal. She doesnât mind.Â
GENERALLY REFERRED TO AS
Cardi. Though she has a few nicknames which differ depending who sheâs talking too. ~ Ginger, red and little one are a few of my favourites. She herself loves âlittle oneâ the most because her best friend gave it to her :3Â
APPEARANCE.
FACECLAIM: tbh, I am having sucha hard time finding a faceclaim for her. But if I find one iâll update thisSEX: FemaleHEIGHT: 4â˛11, though she kinda borders between 4â˛10 and 11WEIGHT: Sheâs always been around 90lbs/40kg. Though with the baby shes gone up quite a bit. So currently sheâs 105lbs/47kgBUILD: ThinHAIR: Currently its long. Its soft though very curly. She straightens her hair almost everyday which as you can imagine damages it alot. So when it loses that âsoftnessâ she ends up cutting it. She often leaves her hair loose but she likes putting it in ponies. She has dyed her hair a few times but she prefers her natural hair colour, red.SKIN: Sheâs really pale due to the fact that she doesnât go out in the sun much (she burns really easily) she takes really good care of her skin also. Its kinda more of a self-conscious type of thing. She tries to âfixâ the fact that she has scars by ensuring that she doesnât have any other blemishes and by keeping her skin soft. So its more like âtheyâll comment on how soft my skin is and not on how many scars I haveâ EYES: Green. Like a dark foresty kinda green. In some light they appear a lighter green. She has natural bags under her eyes which sometimes make her look tired, added to the face that when she smiles she squints. Also her one eye squints slightly more than the other. Which is something she absolutely hates. She always takes selfies at an angle for that specific reason. MOUTH: Her mouth iâd say is rather small. And her lips are plumpish. It often looks like shes pouting because the bottom lip just sticks a bit. Also she has a short upper lip so her mouth is slightly open at all times. As for her teeth, theyâre straight, however she has a few back teeth missing because they got knocked out. NOSE: She has a small button sorta nose. Its about the only thing she likes lol. HANDS: Her hands are really small, just like the rest of her. And her hands are cold about 90% of the time. She keeps her nails short though and every rarely does she put on nail polish. Its more of like a special occasion thing. FEET: Smol, bony feet. Cold all the time. Which is why she just keeps them in socks xD SCARS: She has about 19 visible scars. She had much more at one point but theyâve faded and become smaller over time. CLOTHES: She doesnât have a specific âstyleâ she often goes for comfort. Like baggy tees. She does love revealing clothing though. So I suppose that can also be considered as part of her âstyleâ OTHER FEATURES: She got her ears pointed when she was 15. So her pointy ears. OTHER NOTEABLE FEATURES: She has her ears and tongue pierced.Â
SPEECH.
VOICECLAIM: no voiceclaim either. Again - having a hard time finding one that fits her. ACCENT: She has an Irish accent. Although its been toned down a bit due to having been in America for so long now. VERBAL TICKS: She doesnât actually talk that much. Shes more of a show than tell type of person. So no verbal ticks. LANGUAGE: She speaks English, Gaelic and a bit of french, though she isnât very fluent in it. ARTICULATION: Clumsy with words (just like me) EDUCATION: She prefers short simple words. Though she does like throwing in big words when shes trying to prove someone wrong or when shes pissed off.LAUGHTER: Her laugh is more of a giggle. Though she doesnât laugh often. Jackson is kinda the only person who can really make her laugh at anytime, other than that she will laugh at funny things on TV and the like. GRUMP: She does whine a lot when grumpy. And grunts when annoyed xD  BREATHING: She sighs pretty oftenÂ
MANNERISMS.
FACE: Sometimes when sheâs worried you can tell because she wears at her lip but other than that she has a âresting pout faceâ HANDS: She doesnât do any hand gestures. But she does play with her fingers, or pull at her clothing when talking. She fiddles a lot. LEGS/FEET: She taps her foot when excited or nervous. And she tends to bounce on the soles of her feet when excited. EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS: Cardi is⌠very emotional. So this happens⌠often. Random outbursts throughout the day is common for her HABITS: She fidgets and bites her lip. POSTURE: Her posture is really good most of the time. Mostly just due to years of discipline. Though she slumps if her mood is bad.  WALKING POSTURE: Shes the âskip gleefullyâ type. Her walk is always energetic. Though if shes grumpy then she purposely slumps and drags her feet till someone asks whats wrong. SITTING POSTURE: She likes to sit cross legged PERSONAL SPACE: She has some problems with personal space. Like hugging people and any physical contact really. However when shes comfortable around people then sheâd just affectionately lick their cheek and grab their hand or anything random thatâll make the other person laugh⌠or shake their head. SPACIAL AWARENESS: She notices everything around her, and will get anxious if something is suddenly out of place. When sleepy all that just goes though. OTHER: She scrunches up her nose when in thoughtÂ
HEALTH:
DIET: Her eating habits used to very unhealthy. Sheâd go days without eating only to later binge on junk food (when sober) otherwise the only thing in her system would be alcohol. However her eating habits have improved a lot since becoming pregnant and of couse because of Jacksonâs influence. She does still have days though where she binges on an unhealthy amount of ice-cream. SLEEP: Her sleeping habits arenât the best. She has very bad nightmares which sorta makes her scared of going to sleep at night. Due to that sheâd stay up till she actually passed out from exhaustion. Though, just like her eating habits, this has improved a lot. She does still get nightmares but they are much less now. And (because of bird) she goes to be early and wakes up early. EXERCISE: She loves running and going on walks.ACTIVITY: She can be very lazy xD but if she wants something sheâll work really hard to get it. Then any bit of laziness just evaporates. CLEANLINESS: She loves taking baths and showers. ODOUR: Shes always cold so she doesnât really sweat that much, but when she does she doesnât smell particularly bad. Just.. normal person smell xD MEDICINAL DRUGS: She used to take anti-depressants and sleeping pills. Sheâs stopped since becoming pregnant though.  NARCOTICS: nopeADDICTIONS: Drinking. ILLNESS: noneINJURIES: She does get really bad back pain and other aches due to past abuse that her body went through. She also has some problems with her kidneys so she does get pain from that. PARASITES: nopeeOTHER: She has trouble using her left hand. Like the grip is weakened due to a past suicide attempt.Â
PERSONAL.
INTROVERT/EXTROVERT?: She is definitely an extrovert. She does get very shy when first meeting people. OPTIMIST/PESSIMIST: Kinda in between. She switches between the two depending on her mood. GENDER: FemaleSEXUALITY: She is sexually attracted to both males and females. Sheâs heavily attracted to anyone that takes on the role of a âcaregiverâ so if they look like they could be her mommy/daddy then sheâs definitely interested. However when shes feeling self destructive then shes basically into anyone that looks like they could hurt her. ROMANTIC: Shes super cheesy. Into that whole romantic deal. The cheesier the romance the better. She loves it. MEMORY: She remembers everything that a person tells her. Which in time works for her because she can very easily remind them of things theyâve said. PLANNING: Sheâs âgoodâ at planning. But she chooses to wing it most of the time. She lives for anything spontaneous and out of the blue. Sheâs the type that would show up at your doorstep without calling first. PENSIVE: She thinks about everything. Then she rethinks it. Again, and again. Till she has a mental break down and hates herself even more. And repeat. INTUITION: She is the absolute worse at making good decisions. Sheâs very self-destructive and impulsive. So that never ends well when given a choice between a good and a bad thing. PROBLEM SOLVING: Shes good at solving other peoples problems. GOALS: Her main goal in life is to just live long enough to see her kid grow up. Short term goals would be to actually not chase away Jackson. INSECURITIES: Everything. She is insecure about everything. Literally, name a body part or her personality and she could probably give you at least 10 reasons as to why she hates it. ACHIEVEMENTS: Shes proud of having made bird and for not yet ruining her relationship completely. ANXIETY: thinking about the future causes a lot of anxiety for her. Thinking about raising bird. Anything relating to parents/her parents. When people look at her scars for too long.OVERWHELMED: She gets overwhelmed easily. Sometimes little things are enough to cue a mental breakdown. SELF-HELP: LMAO there is no self help. Shes a self-destructive mass who relies on others to make her feel better about herself. COMFORTS: Giffery. Nothing can comfort her more than that Giraffe canBAD HABITS: She is a bad habit on her own xD but really, her drinking habits are bad. Also she bites her lip and her cheeks till the point where they bleed (when shes nervous/anxious) PHILOSOPHY: she believes that everyone is out to get her. Does that count?TRIGGERS: Parents. Thatâs it. Just hearing people talk about their moms/dads is enough to bring back things that she would much rather keep buried deep down.Â
THE PAST.
PARENTS/GUARDIANS: She has a really really bad relationship with her parents, to the point where their names actually make her sick. Its.. messed up SCHOOL: She was home-schooled, so she didnât really have a choice to not focus xD but she enjoyed having something to do so she did really well. ADOLESCENCE: This is when he ârebelliousâ stage kinda kicked in. She also started drinking and just kinda became more apparent that sheâs a mess. LEAVING HOME: Leaving home is something she marks as the best decision in her life. Sheâd been wanting to leave since before she even hit her âteenâ years so finally being able to lifted a huge weight off her shoulders. FURTHER EDUCATION: She went to college, shes currently in her third year which she does online.FIRST JOB: Her first job was working as a zoo keeper. She enjoyed it a lot. She loves wild animals so it was a really nice experience for her.LIFE EVENTS: She doesnât really have one singular life event. More as like a whole bunch just pushed together. I think meeting someone who actually cared for her changed a lot of things for her. And then obviously falling pregnant is a really big and significant life event. However her childhood alone has a lot too do with how sheâs ended up. WORST DAY OF THEIR LIFE: [possible suicide trigger] - worst day of her life, and one she still recalls with exact detail, is her first failed attempt. Just the after affects of it all. How she was treated in the hospital. How her parents both changed towards her (becoming harsher) her brother changed around her too. And it made everything âworseâ than it was before. To her anyway. BEST DAY OF THEIR LIFE: She doesnât have one day that she counts the best. Itâd be impossible for her too choose just one. However most of the âbest daysâ shes had involve Jackson or bird or both. LESSONS: Most important lessons sheâs learned is that you canât always rely on people to be there for you. And sometimes you have to deal with the most difficult of things alone. LOOKING BACK: [possible suicide trigger] looking back, the one thing she would change is making sure that her âattemptsâ actually worked. Even with all the good things going on in her life right now, she still carries so much and none of that will ever go away.Â
RELATIONSHIPS.
FAMILY: She doesnât have any grandparents or extended family. So its just her parents and her brother, whom she doesnât always get alone with. Her parents she just hates and they her. Though, her real dad, is still out there somewhere. She has his number but sheâs scared heâll be as bad as all the rest. FRIENDSHIPS: She loves loves making friends, but she doesnât have many. Sheâs not the best at starting up conversations but shes working on it. The friends she does have she loves dearly. FRIENDS IN NEED: She tries to help her friends as much as possible. With anything going on in their life sheâll drop everything she can and be there for them. Sheâs really supportive, understanding and she doesnât judge either. So if they ever need her she does what she can. If all else fails she offers tons of hugs and baked goods.NEEDING A FRIEND: Sheâs still working on actually accepting help from people. Sheâs so used to doing everything alone that even when she truly needs them sheâll keep quite and try and deal with everything herself.ANNOYANCES: She hates arguing but more often than not she is the one to cause arguments (shes a shit, best to accept it now) she turns small things into something big and it kinda spirals from there. That or she just ignores whoever shes mad at (something she isnât very good at)ROMANCE: âIâm a mess. First they feel sorry for me, then they fall in-love with meâ quoting her twitter lol. But romancing people⌠she flirts. And she can be kinda good at that. Mostly she just puts it out there that sheâd do anything for them and all she wants in turn is to be loved. Its pitiful. Thatâs why it works so well. MARITAL PROBLEMS: She tries to talk it out. But most of the time her and Jackson will argue, like big very big argument. And when she gets upset shes more likely to speak whats on her mind so then it comes out whats actually going on and they work from there. ADVERSARIES: kinda silly but if the person doesnât necessary pay âattentionâ to her then she just pulls away. She hates not feeling needed. ENEMIES: She doesnât have any enemies. And youâd have to screw up really badly in order to become her enemy. She doesnât even view her parents as her enemies and they messed up really really badly. STRANGERS: She gets shy around people she doesnât meet. And it takes her a while to trust them. So with strangers sheâll be very pulled away and short till she gets to know them better. FUN STUFF: She views anything as fun. Going out to any kinda ice cream place is the funnest for her. And well, anything goofy and crazy. DATING: She loves going out. She doesnât mind staying in occasionally but she gets restless and wants to go out to do stuff. BEST FRIEND: She considers Jeon as her best friend. She trusts him more than everyone else.  LOVE: She loves Jackson. And she literally considers him the love of her life WORST ENEMY: nobody. RESPECT: She respects everyone. Even people she doesnât like. Though if someone is flat out mean to her then she will be back. Or sheâll just cry⌠probably that.Â
INTERACTIONS.
MINGLING: I think she gets along well with almost everyone. There are some who find her annoying but she tries not to be overbearing or needy. But she really tries to be friends with everyone. COMFORT LEVELS: She gets uncomfortable if people get very touchy-feeley. If she knows them well then she doesnât mind but otherwise she hates it. PHYSICAL: If she doesnât know them then she keeps her distance. However when shes comfortable around them she gets very affectionate. Wanting to hug them all the time, poking them, playing with their hands. Patting their heads etcâŚGROUPS: She doesnât like groups very much. 4-5 is max for her. OPENNESS: Shes very open about everything thats happened to her. She has no problem explaining in detail. Buuuut, when it comes to feelings/telling people how she felt during all that thennn youâre going to struggle to get it out of her. GENEROSITY: She likes buying things for people and visa versa. Sheâll love anyone who buys things for her JEALOUSY: She kinda gets jealous of people that are happy. lmao. Its petty honestly but she just gets more sad than jealous. She gets super protective though and gets jealous easily when her friends are talking to others. TEMPER: She has a very short temper xD EMPATHY: Sheâs really good at being empathetic. She often tries to relate on how the other person is feeling so that she can know what to say to them. Not always to make them feel better but just so that they know that she gets it. AFFECTION: Often by spamming them with messages. Or just giving out lots of hugs. DISTASTE: She actually makes it really apparent by just flat out telling them. She hates giving off mixed signals or well making them feel disliked so sheâd rather just tell them. ETIQUETTE: She tends to be polite. But she sometimes loses that filter and gets a bit TMI without really realizing itRESPONSIBILITY: She is very irresponsible. She can barely look after herself lol. But I mean she does try. She is really good with pets and taking care of them. And she takes good care of Jackson when sheâs sick. As for taking responsibility over her actions⌠she does that.. sometimes. Only when she knows she truly screwed up and needs to fix it. SELF ESTEEM: Shes used to people pushing her around so she takes it. She wonât stand up for herself because shes just⌠so used to it that she canât imagine anyone being nice to her without having some kinda gain. CONFIDENCE: She hates herself. So confidence is almost non-existent. But shes working on it. And she gets little spurts where she doesnât hate herself as much. HONESTY: She worries sometimes about hurting out peoples feelings but she tries to be as honest as possible. She does have her secrets though. LEADER OR FOLLOWER: Shes certainly not a leader but she also hates following xD PARTY TRICKS: sheâs very good at making people uncomfortable PRAISE: She tends to praise others. But sheâs not used to getting praise in turn. She thinks sheâs being lied to then. FAILURES: She considers herself a failure and just assumes that everything thinks the same xDCRITICISM: Her response to someone criticizing her would be âsameâINSULTS: insults/compliments. She canât tell the difference. Thereâs hardly anything anyone can say to her that she doesnât already say to herself. EMBARRASSMENT: She gets embarrassed really easily. Her whole face turns red. Its adorable. FLIRTING: Shes flirty in a fun type of way. Its kinda just another way that she shows affection by âjoke flirtingâ ATTENTION SPAN: She gets distracted very easily. Like⌠very very easilySITUATIONS: social situations going bad⌠she kinda freaks a little. Often wants to leave/get away.Â
LIFE.
CAREER: She doesnât have a career at the moment. However she is studying to be a pathologist. She does want to get a part time job after the baby is born to get Jackson off her backPROMOTION: read above ^ BOSS: She is her own boss. She hates her boss. DUTY: At the moment, because she stays at home, she mostly just does normal house spouse things. And she studies. TECH: Shes very in the whole social media thing. POLITICS: She kinda just tries to avoid the whole ordeal. COMBAT SKILLS: She can punch and kick but thats about it. Oh and she bites. HOME: She likes everything to be as neat as possible. Jacksonâs kinda messy so she lets some things slide just so she doesnât make herself go crazy. DAILY LIFE: She has a hard time actually getting up in the morning. But she manages. INDEPENDENCE: She depends a lot on others to assure that she does not destroy herself. She CAN do most things on her own. But she needs that extra support and help. COOKING: Sheâs not the best cook. But she can bake very well. BUILDING: She likes putting things together. Especially if its lego CLEANING: She hates cleaning but she likes when things are neat and in place so she does it more just to keep her sanity up. She loves when Jackson gives her small chores to do though. SHOPPING: She loves online shopping. And spends a great deal buying her baby more clothing than sheâd ever wear xD DRIVING: She can but its always a hassle to get the seat right so she can touch the pedals. FINANCES: As someone who never had much growing up is careful as to what she spends it all on. So shes careful. However she does like going on little clothing sprees. MARRIAGE: She never pictured herself getting married. She never even pictures herself as making it past 18 but hey, here she is. Engaged and nearly 21KIDS: She never wanted kids. But accidents happen and well she loves her baby more than anything else in the world. She definitely doesnât want anymore kids though. PETS: She loves animals, and currently she and Jackson have a cat and a dog.DEPENDANTS: She looks after the animals. And after Jackson when he is sick (which happens more often than you think) LAW: Underage drinking. COURT: She has a few times in her life while trying to get a restraining order against her dad. PRISON: nopeTRAVELLING: She hasnât traveled much. Her and Jackson did go to Ireland beginning this year and she wants to go again. Shes also going to be visiting New York after bird is born. MEDICAL: She super scared of doctors. She tries everything to avoid them and she just has a fear of needing to go to the doctor/hospital. ILLNESS: She has a few mental illnesses. WORRIES: She worries a lot about people leaving her. Suddenly not being good enough. Something happening to bird. PEACE: She hates the quite. She sleeps better when there are some noises. Like the hum of the fridge or Felix (her dog) snoring. PARTYING: She âusedâ to go partying a lot. Often went to extremes with her brother and his friends. And she took whatever chance she could get to go partying when she moved away too. Though that ceased when she went to college, she just stopped going out cause she didnât know the place. HOBBIES: She reads a lot. And she writes. She also likes taking pictures of anything and everything.Â
#nonsimsical#it took me all day to write this#I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY#i'm kidding#it was fun#really got me thinking about how sad cardi is#also made me think of plot things#shes too happy rn#*evil grin*#asks#oc: cardinal#character development#oc stuff#oc asks
8 notes
¡
View notes
Note
VinBun!
      .⢠â â     LET THE MUSIC PLAY.
     SHIPPING QUESTIONAIRE      Status  :  Accepting      @niiiightsky
      Usagi â Vincent
where was their first date ? Â Â Â Actually, I don't think they would have had a typical first day because as they work together often, they'd just naturally slither into a relationship so a clichĂŠ first date would happen way later. They'd rather start with simple things, mostly Vincent buying her drinks and snacks when he knows they have a shooting together and he goes past a convenience store on the way or the "we both don't know where the location is so let's go get some coffee and find the way together". But after some weeks of being like that, Vincent would have made a reservation at some fancy restaurant and ask her out and all those necessities like picking her up, treating her, sharing desserts, taking her home and maybe a short kiss at the door.what my muse would do to cheer yourâs up ? Â Â Â Let's be real: He'll buy her food. Buy her food, kiss her forehead, feed her, cuddle her. He's the really affectionate guy and worst case he'll just make stupid faces to cheer her up. But I somehow think he has it quite easy with making her smile because they're generally super sweet.who wakes the other up with kisses ( and where ) ? Â Â Â They'd both do it??? Usagi prolly by pecking his cheek or his lips and Vincent on his innocent days by pecking her forehead or - ngl - kissing her thighs and inbetween on his naughty days aka their days off.who would pour water on the other to wake them up? Â Â Â Usagi because Vincent would never dare shock her in such a way or wake her up in not gentle way. He worships her. Usagi probably doing it with the little devil on her shoulder called Kwangmin.how would my muse wake yours up ? Â Â Â Tell her to get up and go take a shower. Tell her again, give her a kiss and get dressed. Then tell her again and finally being more stubborn and not letting her sleep again by continueously telling her they have work and "my little bunny still has to take a shower or no time for breakfast" and all sweet.who would start a food fight while baking or cooking ? Â Â Â PLEASE don't make them bake/cook. D I S A S T E R. It would probably be Vincent, though, making clouds of flour by blowing it into her direction and then laughing as he brushes it out of her hair.who would suggest putting marijuana in the brownies ? Â Â Â Vincent? On their shared holidays in the Netherlands? Because he has gone around the world so much and is a curious little thing but he's respecting the laws so he'd only suggest so wherever it's legal.who said i love you first and how ( or when ) did they say it ? Â Â Â Vincent would at a gloriously romantic moment. He'd probably have it all planned out, booking dinner on a river cruise or some late visit to an amusement park or whatever but he'd just blurt them out way too early, like, when they meet up and she wears that really pretty dress or something.who would get into a physical altercation over the other ? Â Â Â As much as I'd love to say Usagi to burst that bubble of her innocent image, it'd probably be Vincent in the heat of the moment and especially if they dare insult her or anything alike. He's protective. A baby. Please love him.who insists on purchasing a pet together ( and what kind of pet ) ? Â Â Â Vincent bought a puppy with Kwangmin already. Fight me on this. It's Usagi's biggest rival in love along with his 20 cameras she's not allowed to touch.who is louder ( in and out of bed ) ? Â Â Â Out of bed it's Vincent and especially if that 4-cornered friendship is all together because don't leave them boys alone. But in bed it would be Vincent giving his best to make Usagi be loud. Lbr.who takes more risks ( in and out of bed ) ? Â Â Â Vincent??? Did you ever look at him??? But really, he's more curious than good for him at times which also shows in the way he never sticks with one specialization of photography because he wants to try it all out and master it all although he'd have had enough opportunities to make it big already. He definitely wants to play it safe later on but not without having given it all a try. He's not that much into trying out new things in bed, though, but definitely more than Usagi but only ever if it doesn't mean making her uncomfortable in any way most times or hurting her.who would bring up the word âdaddyâ first ? Â Â Â He would? With a horrible lame joke as if to buy her sweets and then be like "you know what I just brought you? sugar. you know who buys sugar? daddy. so am I your sugardaddy now?" But he would feel odd about her calling him daddy??? so no???what is their shared, favourite kink ? Â Â Â Sex all throughout their apartment? Is that a kink? Okay, prolly their most beloved kink is the use of scented lubes/massage gels because she likes scented things and he likes giving her all kinds of sensations and these things are a totally harmless way to do so.describe their typical kiss ? Â Â Â S O F T. Lbr, Vincent just pulling her close, kissing her head, playing with her hair, all these things to lead towards him lifting her chin, having to lean down his head cause height difference and soft kisses. Mostly without tongue or too much passion, I bet. He merely loves the taste of her lips.how would my muse show their love for yours ? Â Â Â Okay but Vincent is the guy to show affection with money but not in a bad way. He wants to spoil her and make her feel spoiled so he'd often treat her to things, buy her drinks and snacks, pay her meals, buy a necklace and earrings there, a dress and a pair of shoes here. But he'd pay attention to not making her feel burdened so he'd stick to the cheaper things ( although he could afford more ) or the expensive ones for special occassions, her birthday, Christmas, her getting a big gig, all that. their favourite ways to give affection ? Â Â Â The things they'd both love doing definitely is cuddling and being all cozy together. Watching movies while sharing a blanket or holding hands while walking through the streets. They're drawn to PDA.who is more dominate ? Â Â Â Vincent? Unless Usagi's being overly adorable? Idk???who sings in the shower ? Â Â Â They both do? Steamy shower duets? Now, that sounded wrong. I can imagine them both singing in the shower and, like, Vincent singing in the shower but Usagi needs to brush her hair so they sing together for a while or Usagi singing and Vincent forgot his deo so he's just joining in, spraying deo, leaving. It's their thing.who washes the otherâs hair in the shower ? Â Â Â Usagi can't even reach his head. Good try there. So Vincent it is.who initiates shower sex despite being in a rush ? Â Â Â Vincent would but they both know that it wouldn't just end with one round of shower sex so better none of them does if they're in a rush.who teases the other under the table at dinner with the family ? Â Â Â Why can I so imagine horny Vincent doing that? Caressing her thighs, sliding a bit too high, but never actually going there but seriously, the moment they're in their car, he'd lose it and definitely it would be GAME OVER once they're home.who has the weirder taste in music ? Â Â Â Vincent listening to African tribal music, though.who would initiate dancing in the rain ? Â Â Â Vincent would because he's a silly person but he'd totally manage to make Usagi have fun with it as well.who would be the one to suggest marriage ? Â Â Â There's no way there's suggesting, there's only Vincent proposing without ever having talked about them getting married and Usagi having to agree.what would they name their children ? Â Â Â Minnie and Mickey. Okay, let's be realistic. They'd probably name their kids with a Korean and a Japanese surname so there're both nationalities. Or they'd look for a name that's used in both their countries. He'd also suggest naming their kid after his mother if it turns out to be a girl.who would their children take after more ? Â Â Â They'll definitely earn their mother's adorableness and their father's silliness. Checkmate.
1 note
¡
View note
Photo
Congratulations, NALA, you have been accepted for the role of MARLENE MCKINNON, with the faceclaim of CAMI MORRONE. This was a particularly tough choice to make, but in the end your attention to detail was what made Marlene so stunning. I love the idea of Marleneâs subtle penchant for romance despite the situation sheâs found herself in, and I adored the little nods to the pureblood supremacy she experiences through her family. Well done! Please head along to the CHECKLIST for your next steps.
IC
CHARACTER NAME: the absolute gem that is marlene mckinnon !! GENDER & PRONOUNS: cisfemale, she/her/hers. FACECLAIM: cami morrone, neelam gill, ana de armas. BIOGRAPHY:
you are four years old & your mother is scolding you for breaking the china glass during supper. you didnât mean for it to happen, but it was the fifth time mrs. rosier pinched your cheeks and it just hurt so much that you forgot about your uncontrollable magic. later, when the guests are gone, your mother will tell her house elf to repair the broken glass, and that if you ever embarrass her like that again, she will hex the magic out of you with a flick of her wand â all in one sentence. you are going to cry, but not because of her threat; no, youâll cry because itâll be the first ( but not the last ) time youâll think, âmummy doesnât love me.â
you are eight years old & you and your father are having ice cream with a girl named evie and her mum in the park. evie is different from your other friends because she canât do magic, but your father says that doesnât matter. unnerved by this, you enjoy playing with her and promise her that she can come over for a tour of your house soon. later, when your parents think you are sleeping, your mother will scream at your father for taking you to the disgusting muggle-infested world behind her back, and that her reputation is done if marley tells anybody. she will suddenly barge into your room to check your arms and legs, making sure you arenât infected by anything. sheâll hug you so tight that youâre going to struggle to breathe, and your father will have to pry her fingers off your bruising skin. you wonât realize it for another four years, but that will be the last time your family is alone in a room together.
you are eleven years old & you hug your mother goodbye in front of the hogwarts express train. you notice your father slightly flinch at the affection, so you give him a hug and a kiss. you sit with james and frank in a compartment, waving goodbye to your parents as the train lurches forward and they disappear from your view, but a hole in your heart starts to grow bigger and bigger â because you feel like youâre saying goodbye to a happy family youâll never come back to ( you are right ). later, when youâre sitting in the common room with your new friends, you are going to be curious to learn more about your muggle-born housemates. youâll be confused when you realize that they arenât barbaric animals with diseases â that theyâre just like you. in the letters for your mother, you wonât talk about your new friends; instead, youâll talk about your studies, and how much your love your history of magic class. but in the letters for your father, youâll pour your heart out about how you think mummy was wrong all along.
you are fifteen years old & you zip your skirt as you shoot a mischievous grin at the boy in front of you. when he says, âwe should do this again, mckinnon,â you blush, yet offhandedly reply with a sly âweâll see.â despite your intentions, you think itâs romantic to lose your virginity in the dead of the night, with the stars gazing down at you from the top of the astronomy tower. you donât tell him this, of course â gryffindor captains donât have time to care about romance. later, when you receive an owl from mcgonagall congratulating you on becoming gryffindorâs newest chaser, youâll know that your plan was successful. youâll celebrate with your friends, accept the gifts your parents send you because theyâre just so bloody proud, and youâll have far too much fun flying your broom around the quidditch pitch with your team. after the first practice, the captain will slip his hands into your knickers while he kisses you, and guilt will resonate with you for stealing the last spot on the team just by taking off your shirt. you are going to hate feeling like an object for sex, but youâll love the feeling of power when you can get whatever you want with a simple, doe-eyed longing look.
you are seventeen years old & you beam at the recommendation letter your defense against the dark arts professor has written for you. if dumbledore was worried you had nothing going for yourself, this will surely change his mind â you can easily land a job at the ministry with this flimsy piece of parchment. nevermind if your mother frowns at the glowing letters about your work ethic and your father keeps questioning you for your latest report card ( âhow on earth did you get an outstanding in alchemy? i remember mcgonagall telling me that you would skip that class every week to mess with peevesâŚâ )you brush it off, and pretend youâre offended they donât think youâre a star student. later, when you tell your parents that youâre going to be joining the order of the phoenix after graduation, your mother will be livid that youâre choosing to mark the mckinnonâs as blood traitors and sheâll beg you to change your mind( âyouâre going to get us all killed, marley! why do you have to pick a side?â ). you are going to turn to your father for support, but the way heâll avoid your gaze will tell you everything that you need to know â that itâs okay to like muggle-borns and half-bloods, but itâs not okay to fight for them. betrayed and hurt, you will fill your trunk with everything you own and stay with a friend for the time being; unbeknownst to them, the day you decide to come back will be the day your entire lineage is slaughtered.
QUESTIONAIRE
your family life. howâs it like?
â At the moment, not too great. When I told my mum that I wanted to join the Order, she nearly fainted. I couldâve sworn her head was âbout to blow off. My dad, on the other hand, didnât have much of a reaction, but thatâs not good â itâs like when you do something bad in front of other people, and your parent pulls you aside and says something like, âjust wait until we get home,â in a calm but low voice. It feels all scary, doesnât it? Thatâs what it was like when my dad found out. Except he didnât say anything at all, so that made it even worse.
Needless to say, we had a huge row. The biggest one Iâve ever had with them, actually. Usually, they donât talk about the things they donât like about me to avoid the confrontation. I reckon itâs because they donât want to lose me⌠itâs like Iâm the only thing holding them together. Mum and Dad have always had a rocky relationship â when I was younger, Mum would go a little ballistic if she was worried about me. Dad hated it, and they used to fight about it all the time.
At least theyâve never let their relationship get in the way of raising me. Sure, my mumâs a little too obsessed with Pureblood traditions, and what my dad thinks is best for me is usually one-sided. But at the end of the day, I can safely say they provided me with a fulfilling childhood. Thatâs all different now, though. Iâm not too sure when Iâll go back to them⌠â
what can you see yourself doing in the future?
â I love Potions. I donât know if youâve noticed, but Iâm not that studious. I just donât have the patience for writing essays and practicing spells every weekend. Ironically enough, I do have the patience for brewing potions. The few times Iâve messed up, I just felt really motivated to keep doing it until I got it right. And practice makes perfect, so now I can brew quite a few potions with my eyes closed â I donât mean to brag, but it feels good to know that Iâm not bloody useless at everything.
Iâd like to be a potioneer one day. Maybe own my shop, make a living out of it. I genuinely enjoy it, and itâs a safe route⌠but I donât know if itâs what I want. Because I like to be âout thereâ, taking risks. Thatâs what gets my adrenaline rushing. Sometimes I think Iâd be better off as an Auror, but the idea of failure just wrecks me. I think Iâd be really hard on myself.
And if weâre not talking about careers, I can see myself married. Not to sound like a hopeless romantic, but Iâd love to have a person â my person â who I can spend my life with, maybe have a kid or two. I know Iâm young right now, and I havenât been in too many relationships, but the idea of love is so nice. Makes my heart feel warm. Okay, this is getting a little sappy for me, and Iâve had my emotional limit for the day. Next question? â
what do you smell in amortentia?
â Mmm, I want to try brewing this love potion but Slughornâs too scared to let me get my hands on it. Heâs probably heard the rumors âbout me, and thinks Iâll use it for a quick shagâŚheâs not wrong. Anyway, back to your question. Iâll just list everything I can, alright? I have amazing senses, so thisâll take a few minutes.
I smell sweat after sex. Leather jackets. Trees. Firewhisky. The Quidditch pitch. Vanilla lotion. Swimming pools. Watermelons. Caramel apples. Nail polish. Red velvet. Fresh laundry. Perfume and cologne â I canât tell which scent is stronger. Ocean air. A potion brewing. Burning wood. Tea. Musky deodorant. Old parchment. Muggle London. Peachy shampoo. The aftermath of a thunderstorm. Cheese pizza. Broomsticks. My favorite cafe in Diagon Alley. And⌠the Gryffindor Girls Dormitory? I blame Mary Macdonald for this one. â
1 note
¡
View note
Text
Seeing that post about getting help for mental illnesses reminded me that I donât think I put an update on here about my whole situation? Last thing I remember was saying how I didnât like the psychiatrist I saw at all and that I was quiting and giving up because it felt like this horribly impossible situation.Â
Iâll put more below the cut cause this might get pretty long. If you just want the low down here it is: pychiatrist guy was shit and made me feel like crying bc he invalidaded my experience. therapist lady is great and gives me things that seem to help and she is confused by shitty psychiatrist guy stories
After seeing him, I felt like he had taken all of my stories of how I was uncomfortable in social situations, my stories of panic attacks and basically threw them aside and said, âyouâre overreacting and youâre totally normal. Iâll find some counselors you can see to learn about your personality.â I left that office after an hour and a half wanting to cry. I almost cried walking from the office to the elevator.Â
It took me a couple of weeks of crying over my mental health every day because it felt like this impossible weight I could never lift off my shoulders and evnetually just pushed it all aside because I was tired of crying. I had told my parents howI felt about the appointment and that I would be cancelling my next one. They were supportive, saying how it was my choice and I could do what I felt was right. (They said some other things, that I know came out of a place of wanting me to feel better, but were also a bit ignorant and came off semi-wrong because they donât fully understand).Â
I left it at that until the end of that week after the appointment. My dad told me that at church there was a mental health meeting. It was the first one out what they hoped would be many, as they realized that mental health was important. I went, probably expecting more from it than a first meeting just there to inform peopel than I should have. But afterwards my dad and I walked around the church and had a nice conversation. He asked me questions about my anxiety and showed me he wanted to understand more.
My mom also gave me a pamphlet from this organization of counselors that my sister had gone to a couple years ago. She has anxiety to some degree as well and picks at sores all the time, even without meaning to. I ended up finally getting an appointment with one lady who ended up being absolutely fantastic.Â
In the first appointment she asked me what I was there for and what I wanted out of the appoinment(s). I expressed that I first wanted to be told whether or not I had anxiety and if I did, I just wanted ways I could help myself. After filling out a short questionaire she said I did have anxiety, which was a relief. Iâve been seeing her for almost a month now and I feel a lot better after I go.
Iâm trying to push myself to impliment things sheâs said because if I really want change, I know I have to impliment the things Iâm given. Iâm trying to do aerobics 3 times a week and meditation as well. She noticed how when I spoke about the time I teared up at everyone yelling around me and how I said that sometimes Iâve just had enough sounds/noise and even the smallest things bother me - that noise is a part of my anxiety. Which I agree with. She mentioned medidation and I said Iâd done it once before and I really enjoyed it.Â
So itâs been really great with this new therapist. Also Iâve told her about the psychiatrist I saw and after telling her how he said I was normal, and how he reacted to the story about me tearing up in chapel (both saying I was normal, and telling me basically not to preplan what I wanted to say and just let things flow from the conversation) with things like, âYou definitely have anxiety.â and âI donât commandeer the conversation right? I try to come with stuff planned but if we donât get to it because you have something you need to say, Iâm fine with that.â (I reassured her I felt that I could say what I felt necessary to say).Â
3 notes
¡
View notes
Text
Sevaâs character questionaire
1.     What is your name?
Given name? Ruby Trill. Earned the surname of Nimblemind.
2.     Do you have any nicknames? If you do, who gave it to you and why?
Seva â itâs an old nickname. Seth gave it to me. I was teachinâ him language and he learned the dwarven word for taking care of someone was âScieverâ. He couldnât pronounce it right with his lilâ baby tongue, Seva was as close as he got.
3.     How old are you now?
58, if youâd believe it.
4.     When were you born?
58 years ago. What do you care more specifically?
5.     Where do you call home now?
Good fuckinâ question. Next.
6.     To what social class do you belong?
Guess Iâm poor again.
7.     What is your eye color?
I hear tell theyâre blue. Been a while since I was able to check.
8.     What is your hair color?
Blonde? Probably getting whiter day by day.
9.     Do you have any distinguishing facial features?
Youâre asking the wrong person.
10.  Do you have any birthmarks? Where are they?
Again, asking the wrong person.
11.  Do you have any scars? How did you get them?
Iâve got a ton. Mostly order stuff. Specifics are foggy.
12.  Do you have any tattoos or other markings? How and why did you get them?
No tats. I donât see much point, since I donât get to enjoy you. Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â Â
13.  Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?
Not any Iâd admit to out loud. I guess alcohol is obvious enough.
14.  Are you right or left handed?
Left handed, but more towards ambidexterity.
15.  What does your voice sound like?
Jeez, youâll ask anything. I donât know, voices change entirely based on oneâs perception, so I sound different to me than I do to you. Sound reverberates in the skull.
16.  How do you dress most of the time?
Whateverâs available.
17.  How do you dress up?
Whateverâs available, but clean.
18.  How do you dress down?
Whateverâs available, but particularly dirty.
19.  What do you wear when you go to sleep?
Whateverâs available, but a little less.
20.  Do you wear any jewelry?
Not anymore.
21.  What words and/or phrases do you use frequently?
I donât think Iâm too predictable like that.
22.  Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?
I donât think I do â again, something youâd have to tell me.
23.  Do you have any bad habits? If so, what are they and how do you plan to get rid of them?
Too damn many to count.
24.  Do you have a lifelong dream or aspiration?
Not anymore, thatâs for sure.
25.  Do you own a car (or other form of transportation)? Why or why not? Describe it.
Had unlimited access to transportation a long time ago. Sure donât anymore.
26.  What is your current state of mind?
What do you think is my current state of mind.
��Part Two: Family
 27.  How close are you to your family?
What goddamn family.
28.  Do you have a spouse or significant other? Describe them.
Had three marriages, none of them stuck.
29.  Have you started your own family? Describe them if you do. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?
Hey. Fuck you.
30.  Who was your Father and what was he like?
Halfling. Quick as a whip and cleverer than a sack of monkeys. We never really got along, hell, I thought he was a pompous asshole, but his death affected me pretty deep, since he was the only blood I had left.
31.  Who was your Mother and what was she like?
She was half dwarf, half halfling, and she was uneducated as shit, and desperately poor to boot. She encouraged me to steal from the time I could walk and gave me to the Order without a second thought for the promise of a sack of gold and a decent education for me.
32.  Who are you closest to in your family?
Fuck you.
33.  Is there someone in your family you wish you were closer to?
There ainât nobody.
34.  What was your parentâs marriage like?
They never did get married. Iâd consider it remarkable that they put up with each other long enough for me to exist.
35.  Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?
Had them. Never met âem.
39. Whenâs the last time you saw a member of your family? Where are they now?
âBout twenty-seven years, and Iâll see âem next when I get to the Astral plane, too.
40. Did you meet any other family members? (Aunts Uncles, etc) Describe them.
Theyâre all fuckinâ dead. Quit this line of questioning.
 Part Three: Friends and Relationships with Others
 41. In general, how do you treat other people that you have just met?
Hold âem at arms length. Even reliable people arenât necesscarily trustworthy.
42. Does your treatment of people change depending on how well you know them and if so how?
I wouldnât say my treatment changes too much. I guess I go a little less on the tough and more on the love.
43. Who is the most important person in your life and why?
âŚDonât got those no more.
44. Who is the person you respect the most and why?
I canât even respect me anymore. I guess Gaitena, for filling my shoes.
45. Who are your friends? Describe them.
Most of âem are dead or changed or gone or whatever. I donât care to try.
46. Do you have a best friend? Describe them.
I sure donât. Narlos is gone, or dead.
47. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?
Iâve got no one. How many times do I have to lay this out for you?
48. Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who and why?
Nope.
49. If you died or went missing, who would miss you?
My guess? Nobody.
50. Who is the person you despise the most, and why?
Fuckinâ. Burke. Goes without fucking saying at this point.
51. Do you tend to argue with people or avoid conflict?
Iâll argue. Iâll argue till the goddamn cows come home.
52. Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?
Iâm a leader. I donât know how to follow.
53. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?
I donât⌠do that.
54. Do you care what others think of you?
Ainât no reason to care anymore.
55. What habit do others have that annoys you the most?
Tired of being dismissed for all my flaws.
56. What is the most important quality you look for in a friend?
Donât have any.
57. What do you most value in your friends?
Got no friends.
 Part Four: Growing Up (Childhood)
 58. Where were you born?
Quema.
59. Where did you grow up?
Quema.
60. How would you describe your childhood in general?
Fuckinâ sucked. Got encouraged to be a thief and pickpocket from the get-go, knew jack shit, understood even less.
61. What is your earliest memory?
Mom sendinâ me out on my lilâ baby legs to go and try to get money.
62. What is your fondest childhood memory?
I guess⌠Meeting Lorelei. We were both kids at the time, but she was real little, and I was told sheâd probably be part of my team one day. So.
63. What is your worst childhood memory?
Probably my first day with the Order. My father had only recently lost his other kids and gotten his ass sterilized in a fight, and he was left with an ugly, uneducated, awkward child who hated him, and it was just me and him.
64. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?
I didnât have much dreams. I just did what was expected of me.
65. As a child, what were your favorite activities?
I liked reading, though I learned late.
66. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?
I was a lot fucking nicer than.
67. As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?
I was well liked, enough. The other kids thought I was weird because I was born free, and stayed free longer than most..
68. As a child, what was your favorite toy?
I wasnât really a toys sort. I liked books.
69. As a child, what was your favorite game to play?
I liked puzzles. I wanted to get sharper. It worked.
 Part Five: Growing Up (Teen/Young Adult)
 70. How much schooling have you had?
I got an Order education, and a better one than most, since I absorbed fuckinâ everything. Upshots of being a Braniac.
71. Did you enjoy school?
So goddamn much. I hated when it wasnât held more than anything else, âcause then it was just me and my father.
72. Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?
With the Order. Most in the library and schoolhouse, just as much in practical use.
73. While growing up, did you have any role models other than your parents? Describe them.
As if my role models were my fucking parents. Nope â I didnât have any of those. I wasnât big on⌠people.
74. While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?
Like I said â mom sucked when I was with her, dad sucked when I was with him.
75. How old were you when you went on your first date? Describe the date.
The fuckâs a date/
76. What is your favorite memory from your teen years?
Hit a record for being the youngest steel brooch promoted to bronze in the âhalflingâ category â I was just fourteen. It was nice.
77. What is your worst memory from your teen years?
One time, Dad and I got injured at the same general time. We had to spend fucking weeks in each otherâs fucking business. Fuck.
78. When and with whom was your first kiss?
Donât particularly want to think about this. Fucking hated it.
79. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?
Iâm not, and it sucked, and I donât want to talk about this.
80. Describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today.
I was very influenced by the things I read in the archives. Real hero stories, you know? I guess I wanted to emulate that, or write some. I dunno.
 Part Six: Past Influences
 81. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?
I guess⌠Well, losing my dad changed pretty much the entire way my life was going. Led me to make a lot of calls I wouldnât necessarily have done otherwise. Led to a lot of bad things, indirectly.
82. Who has had the most influence on you?
Dad. He was the only Brainiac I ever knew, and I worked off what he taught me. He was good at what he did, even though he was a real prick.
83. What do you consider your greatest achievement? Broke the age record for getting the gold brooch â only 26.
84. What is your greatest regret?
âŚI couldnât do anything for Seth.
85. What is the most evil thing you have ever done?
Whatâs your standard? âCause Iâve done some shit.
86. Do you have a criminal record of any kind?
Hoo, boy, do I.
87. When was the time you were the most frightened?
I was imprisoned. Bad shit happened. Donât want to think about it.
88. What is the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to you?
I donât get embarrassing.
89. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?
Everything would be better if Seth were alright.
90. What is your best memory?
Guess it had to be the first time I held my boy. He sucked on my pinky with a thirst suited to somethinâ way bigger than a newborn and it was the greatest damn thing that ever happened to me in my damn life.
91. What is your worst memory?
Beinâ delirious in bed and getting the bad news about Seth. I thought I just dreamed it up, but the better I got, the realer it got.
92. When and where were you the happiest?
Between those two things.
 Part Seven: Beliefs and Opinions
 93. Are you optimistic or pessimistic?
Can you blame me for beinâ a pessimist?
94. What is your greatest fear?
Everything Iâve had to fearâs already come true.
95. Have you told any one your fear before?
Why bother?
96. Who would be the one person youâd never tell your fear?
Thereâs no goddamn one left.
97. What are your religious views?
I used to believe in something. Not anymore.
98. What are your political views?
Donât really think much on politics anymore.
99. What are your views on sex?
In my experience? Itâs bad.
100. Are you able to kill?
Iâve done it a thousand goddamn times.
101. Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?
If it ends up in a mean conservation of life, or if the lives they threaten are those of good and innocent people, go to fuckinâ town.
102. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?
Take everything someone has âtill thereâs nothing left, then lack the basic decency to kill âem afterwards.
103. Do you believe in the existence of soul males and/or true love?
What a load of bullshit.
104. What do you believe makes a successful life?
Ending up happy.
105. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings? (Meaning do you hide your true self from others and in what way?)
Not.
106. Do you have any biases or prejudices?
I am. Not saying a damn thing about it, though.
107. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why?
Iâm not gonna hurt a kid.
108. Who or what, if anything, would you die for? (or go to extremes for?)
âŚThatâs for me to fucking know.
109. What is your best feature, in your opinion?
I guess I got an alright head on my shoulder.
110. What do you think of drugs and alcohol? Are there any types that people should never do? Why or why not?
I think they should go directly to me.
111. What is your idea of perfect happiness?
At this point, I canât even imagine it.
112. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Been there, done that, donât want to talk about it.
 Part Eight: Likes and Dislikes
 113. What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?
Like reading, when I can do that. I guess I like writing.
114. What is your most treasured possession?
My glasses, so Iâm only mostly blind.
115. What is your favorite color? Why?
I dunno. Greenish.
116. What is your least favorite color? Why?
I donât much like red.
117. What is your favorite food? Why?
I like a good spicy food.
118. What is your least favorite food? Why?
I donât like bitter food.
119. What is your favorite sound? Why?
I like hearinâ a nice soprano sing. Nothinâ in particular specifically.
120. What is your least favorite sound? Why?
The sound of something being dragged across gravel.
121. What is your favorite smell/scent? Why?
I like the smell of opening a spice cabinet.
122. What is your least favorite smell/scent? Why?
Donât like the smell of mud or blood.
123. What, if anything, do you like to read?
I like to read in general.
124. What is your idea of good entertainment?
Solitude. A good book.
125. How do you spend a typical Saturday night?
Drunk as shit, angry.
126. What makes you laugh?
Irony.
127. What makes you laugh out loud, hysterically?
...Particularly sick irony.
128. What makes you cry?
I donât got reason for that anymore.
129. What makes you cry, hysterically?
Remembering all the reasons Iâve had.
130. What, if anything, shocks or offends you?
Nothing, anymore. Iâve seen a lot.
131. What would you do if you couldnât sleep and had to find something to amuse yourself?
Pass out drunk, probably.
132. How do you deal with stress?
I think weâve all noticed that the answer to that is âfucking poorlyâ.
133. Are you spontaneous or do you always need to have a plan?
Plan it.
134. What are your pet peeves?
When people act in a way I canât rationalize.
135. Where do you go when youâre angry or depressed?
Dunno.
136. What do you do when youâre bored?
Drink.
137. What type of music do you like? Favorite bands or musicians?
Not so big on non-solo acts.
144. What is your favorite book? Why?
One of the old Order archive books â the archiveâs stories about the heroes of old are just fuckinâ breathtaking.
145. What is your least favorite book? Why?
I donât like books where the hero fucking dies at the end. Whatâs the fucking point.
149. What annoys you more than anything else?
I canât dig myself outta the rut Iâm in.
150. What time of day is your favorite? Why?
I donât mind dusk.
151. What time of day is your least favorite? Why?
Fuckin⌠mornings.
152. What kind of weather is your favorite? Why?
Overcast. Iâm from Quema.
153. What kind of weather is your least favorite? Why?
Sunshine. Iâm from Quema and have trouble seeing.
154. What is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen?
Can I just opt out of this one.
155. What is the most awful thing you have ever seen?
âŚCan I opt out of this one for different reasons?
156. What is your favorite drink? Why?
Anything alcoholic.
157. What is your least favorite drink? Why?
Iâve never felt so betrayed as when someone handed me a virgin drink as a form of cutting me off.
158. What is your favorite animal? Why?
Hate animals.
159. What is your least favorite animal? Why?
All of âem.
160. What sorts of things embarrass you?
Got nothinâ to be embarrassed about anymore.
 Part Nine: Self Image
 161. Describe a normal day for you.
Wake up. Drink. Fall asleep.
162. How do you feel when your routine is disrupted?
Fuckinâ pissed.
163. What is your greatest strength as a person?
I guess I got experience.
164. What is your greatest weakness?
Iâm like, a tenth of the person I was.
165. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
Change my heart to not beating.
166. Are you generally introverted or extroverted?
Introverted.
167. Are you generally organized or messy?
Lapsed organized person.
168. Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at.
Memory, thought, and logic.
169. Name three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.
Keepinâ people I care about alive. Thatâs three things â keeping people, having people I care about, and keeping people alive.
170. What are your reasons for being an adventurer or heroic? Are your real reasons different than the ones you tell other people in public? If so, detail both reasons.
âŚUgh.
171. What three words best describe your personality?
Bad, sad, and mad.
172. What three words would others probably use to describe you?
Bad, sad, and mad.
173. What about you is heroic?
Urrrrrgh.
174. Are you a better lead or follower? Why?
I should probably learn to follow, since it seems like I lead⌠bad.
175. What is your responsibility to the world? Why?
I owe the world fucking nothing at this point. It owes me.
176. What do you like about yourself?
Not much there to like.
177. What donât you like about yourself?
Where do I start?
178. What do you find most relaxing? (not stress relief, but something that actually calms you down.)
Putting thoughts on paper.
179. What talent would you most like to have?
Dunno. Iâm tired of having talents.
  Part Eleven: Drug & Alcohol
 189. Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If yes, why? Do you want to quit?
Yes, you can guess why, and no.
190. How old were you when you had your first drink? Did you like it? Why or why not?
I had my first drink at 20, hated it, drank again at 32 and never stopped.
191. How old were you when you first got drunk? What was the experience like?
32. Less pleasant than being in my head.
192. Do you drink on a regular basis?
Sure do.
193. What kind of alcohol do you prefer?
Any.
194. Have you ever tried any kind of âmood alteringâ substance? Which ones? Describe the experience.
Yes, many, and I donât want to tell you about them.
 Part Twelve: Sex & Intimacy
 195. Have you ever been in love? What happened?
Sure havenât.
196. Have you ever had your heart broken?
Yep.
197. Would you consider yourself straight, gay, bi, or something else? Why?
To align oneself with a solid preference is reductive, all my experiences have been bad so I couldnât say for certain.
198. Who was the first person you had sex with? When did it happen? Describe the experience.
I was twenty, it was on my first wedding night, it was bad, and I hated it.
199. Have you ever had a same-sex experience? Describe the experience.
I was older, it wasnât great, and I also hated it.
200. What is your deepest, most well-hidden sexual fantasy? Would you ever try it?
This is the last thing I want to think about.
201. What was the wildest thing you have done, sexually? Describe the experience.
Can we⌠not?
206. Do you ever want to get married? When do you see this happening?
Been there, done that, it sucks, donât want to ever do that again.
207. Do you want children? Why or why not?
âŚ
208. What is more important, sex or intimacy? Why?
If thatâs your dichotomy, youâre setting yourself up for failure.
 Part Thirteen: Morality
213. Have you ever been in a physical fight before? Over what, with who, and who won?
Tons. I won just enough to be here.
218. Do you think the future is hopeful? Why or why not?
Yeah, I do. I just donât think Iâll be around for it.
219. Do you think redemption is possible? Why or why not?
Not really, no. Well, depends on the offense. But if itâs something real fucked up? Go fucking die.
221. Is it okay for men to cry?
I donât see why not.
222. Is it okay for you to cry?
Itâs the single most unpleasant feeling in the world, more unpleasant for familiarity.
223. What do you think is wrong with most people, overall?
They donât bother understanding the people around them.
224. What is the worst thing you could ever do to someone you hated?
See what the worst thing you can do to someone period is.
225. Do you have feelings that disturb you? What and why?
All the fucking time.
226. On what occasions do you lie?
When I need to.
227. Do you think it is okay to lie?
Donât see anything wrong so long as itâs not hurting anyone.
 Part Fourteen: Supernatural Awareness
 228. Tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities.
Mine was a passive ability, so soon as I was conscious after the ritual. Itâs pretty fucking noticeable, to be able to think on like, a hundred trains of thought at once.
 Part Fifteen: Goals and Future
 235. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?
Pfft.
236. Where do you see yourself in five years?
Grave, if Iâm lucky. Probably in some hole somewhere, dead as a doornail.
237. If you could choose, how would you want to die?
Fast.
238. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.
Make peace with some of the gods whoâd understand me more, I guess.
239. What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?
I⌠donât. Thereâs nothing worth remembering.
 Part Sixteen: Misc.
 241. What was the worst injury youâve ever received? How did it happen?
Wasnât fast enough. Some manticores are poisonous in both breath and touch. Well, suffice to say it breathed on me and got a paw on me âtill Elen pulled me out. I was out of commission for months, wouldnât have survived without the dwarven blood.
242. How ticklish are you? Where are you ticklish?
Donât even fucking play this game.
243. What would you wish for if you ever found a genie? Go back thirty years. Thatâs all I want.
244. If your house burned down, what one thing would you want to save?
What house?
249. If you were to die and come back as any person or thing, what or who would you want to be?
Someone inconsequential and normal.
251. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be and why?
Somewhere inconsequential and not a fucking desert.
253. If you could go back to any point in history and change something, what would it be?
Take a goddamn guess.
0 notes
Text
Congrats! Bee, youâve been accepted as Kurt Hummel. Please send in your account before 24 hours. If you need more time, just message the main.
â OOC
WELCOME TO RIVERDALE! A TOWN LIKE ANY OTHER ON THE INSIDE BUT WHEN YOU LOOK CLOSER, YOU WILL SEE THE SHADOWS START TO BECOME CLEAR.
NAME/ALIAS: Bee PREFERRED PRONOUNS: she/they AGE: 18 TIMEZONE: est TRIGGER WARNINGS: N/A
CHOSEN CHARACTER: Kurt Hummel WHY DID YOU CHOOSE THIS CHARACTER? - I believe that Kurt could play an accurate parallel to Jughead based on his background with bullying and snarky attitude. I have yet to play him and I think heâd be an interetsting addition to the group.
ARE YOU SCARED?
- Not at all.
â IC
CHARACTER STORYLINE FROM RIVERDALE: Jughead Jones GENDER IDENTITY AND CHARACTER PRONOUNS: cis male; he/him SEXUALITY: homoflexible
BIO: [TW: depression, mentions of suicidal thoughts/self harm]
Kurt Elizabeth Hummel had what most would call a hard life. He was the only son to Burt and Elizabeth Hummel, having his motherâs first name as his middle name, and for the first few years everything was okay. His parents loved him and accepted that he wanted to draw and write and make clothing instead of do other âgeneral maleâ things like play in the mud and race toy cars. It was all okay, up until his wasnât. When he was six his mother fell ill with terminal cancer, passing away only months later. It deeply affected him and he began to close himself off to pretty much everyone aside from his two closest friends. He spent his nights locked in the basement of his childhood home, writing short stories or making his own clothing as a coping method. It was the only way he felt close to his mother after her passing because she taught him the wonders of fiction and storywriting, as well as how to use a sewing machine. Kurt never fully recovered from her death.
It was in middle school when things started to get really confusing for him. Everyone around him had started to âexperimentâ with other people, some even having their first kiss as early as the sixth grade, but Kurt never felt that for girls. He had tried; he had a âgirlfriendâ for a few days but when she tried to kiss him it felt.. odd. It didnât feel wrong, but it didnât feel entirely right, either. He had tried confiding in Ryder, his best friend for his entire life, but even then he didnât want to become âbothersomeâ. In the end he came out to his father when he was in eighth grade, claming that he was gay, but he still had that occasional lingering feeling for girls when he was really interested in them.
His freshman year of high school was a hard time for him. Guys he knew in middle school rose to the top of the social ladder and took it upon themselves to let him know where he stood among them. It was hard, especially with Ryder following up that ladder when he joined football, and Kurt had never felt more alone in that moment. His father barely looked at him; even though he accepted him Kurt felt that the relationship between he and his father was strained. He got lost in his own thoughts and at one point, even felt that the world would be better off without him. It wouldnât stop turning, nobody would really care. He had realized that he had been depressed (he really had been since his mother passed), and nothing he could do could help him along. He had tried hurting himself, but his father caught him, and later that week he had gone on anti-depressants to try and combat what he was feeling. While they kept the thoughts out of his brain, it also kept him numb to most other emotions.
He had always been close with Ryder, but as Ryder grew in popularity Kurt found himself getting left more and more in the shadows. The summer before their sophomore year they had plans to go on a trip together over the Fourth of July, but when Ryder ditched him last-minute Kurt realized where exactly he stood. Deep down he knew it wasnât true but he felt that Ryder had stopped caring, just like everyone else, so he stopped talking to his once-friend. Their friendship had been strained ever since, and Kurt kept to himself from that point on, focusing on writing a novel about the events that happened over the summer. He wanted to get to the bottom of it, and with no friends, he could do exactly that.
IC CHARACTER QUESTIONAIRE:
How was your summer? What were any of your highlights? - You mean aside from the oh-so-exciting news? It was fine. Highlights include me in the basement of my house, just like any other time of the year. Maybe a bonfire in my backyard or two. Nothing exciting.
How do you feel about the death of Scotty Motta? Did you know him well? - Not at all. I barely talked to them; we werenât in the same âgroupâ. It wasnât my place to be by themâ they made sure of that. I feel like in some roundabout way, Scotty got what was coming for him. What goes around, comes around.
What is your go-to order at Pops Diner? - A quarter-pound cheeseburger with no lettuce, extra ketchup and a side of curly fries with a chocolate shake, extra chocolate.
Anything else?: N/A~
0 notes