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prythianpages · 6 months ago

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Dandelions | Headcannons

azriel x green witch | these headcannons focus on Az and you starting a family, introducing the children.

a/n: This has been sitting in my drafts for months so I decided to finally just post them. I have so many ideas for this series since I love it sm but writing them out has been a struggle. Maybe, I can write some of these out just as I did with the first set of HCs.

warnings: mentions of pregnancy/child birth, fluff, dad Az

After the little incident with the aphrodisiac that awakened certain desires in both you and Azriel, you realize you both are ready for the next step...finally starting your family.

As much as Azriel wants a family with you, he is worried about you due to his Illyrian blood and does not want what happened to Feyre to happen to you.

But worry not because that's where your witch abilities come through! There is no witch lore in acotar so I'm just going with my own lore, please bear with me lol.

"How do you think my mother had Thea?"-Luckily for you, your mother has had experience with having a winged baby.

It's a little ritual that gets Az a bit too hot and bothered. Needless to say, after it's done, the two of you have lots of fun trying to have a baby.

You don't notice your pregnant at first.

There's lots of signs such as plants following you everywhere you go, your cat being more affectionate, your spider making elaborate webs everywhere.

You don't notice because you're used to the attention from nature and think nothing of it. What you do notice, however, is how clingy Azriel's shadows become.

Those inky tendrils love you and there's always a couple around you but you start to notice more and more. They help you and keep you safe. If you're going to trip, they stop it. If you need to reach for a cup on a high shelf, they grab it for you. They even force you to walk down the stairs instead of run like you usually do.

Around this time, Azriel starts to feel sick so you attribute the shadow attention to that. Maybe, they just want you close to their master?

Azriel thinks he has food poisoning since he wakes up nauseas and has felt overall, tired and drained. The inner circle has noticed him become more clingy and emotional but no one dares to tell him anything. Meanwhile, you don't question it because you love clingy and emotional Az.

It's one morning during training that Azriel can't hold it in and throws up. He then explains to Cas that he doesn't know what's happening and is starting to get worried.

"Mother's tits!" Cas figures it out immediately. "You're pregnant."

"I'm pregnant?" Cas grins and gives Azriel a big bear hug. "We're pregnant!"

"Who's pregnant?" You call out, looking at Nesta curiously. She shakes her head at you and then you look at Az.

The shadows that hovered by your side parted from you briefly, revealing what they had been protecting for the last couple of weeks. "You're pregnant." Azriel breathes, eyes focusing on your stomach.

Those shadows that have been by your side flutter toward him and that's when they let Azriel hear it--a second heartbeat. When the shadows carry the subtle change of your scent to him next, he faints.

Protective Az comes at you full force after your pregnancy is confirmed. He hovers over you a lot and when you need to go the forests to pick pick out some herbs and ingredients for your potions, he doesn't let you lift a finger.

It often leads to you sitting on the soft grass while he collects what you need with a frown, your own fingers itching to do it yourself. The frown doesn't last long as the sight of Azriel on his knees picking herbs makes the love in your chest swell and he always picks the prettiest flower to place in your hair.

Though he's happy, he can't help but be anxious over whether the ritual worked or not, despite your sister's (Thea, the seer) reassurance.

It's not until you have a check up with Madja that he allows all anxieties subside as she not only confirms that your baby is healthy and has wings but that your womb has accommodated for them.

There's nothing but excitement now and Azriel eases up a bit on his hovering, letting you pick your own herbs and travel among Prythian's forest. Never alone though.

Your relationship with your family has always been a little rocky. You loved your mother and sisters but did not see eye to eye with them on many things...and your dad...well, your dad was hexed into a lizard. But the news of your pregnancy brings you closer to your mother and sisters.

Though your mother gave her approval of Azriel, she is not fully trusting of him, as if she's waiting for him to fuck up and give you a big "I told you so." He's always respectful toward her, even when she keeps nagging at him for a lock of his hair (that you keep reprimanding her for.)

Ever since learning you were carrying his babe, Azriel likes to rest his head on your shoulder or chest while one rests on your stomach. So imagine his delight when you start showing and when he first feels the baby kick, he'd be so happy, it'd bring him to tears because his dream of starting a family with the one he loves is finally coming true. (Like with any acotar male, I also think the sight of your bump would make him feral.)

The inner circle is also so happy for you both. Though your sister told you, you were having a girl, Cassian insists on calling your baby "Azriel Jr" and after she's born, you joke that he manifested it as she takes after Azriel a lot.

Now, here are some HC's of their children <3

Melaina

Melaina's name was inspired by the goddess Melinoe.

Mel inherited her father's shadows. Some of the shadows that had clung to you all throughout your pregnancy remained by her side, multiplying every year. You suspect it has to do with the ritual you performed to ensure a safe birth.

At first, Azriel still had control over them and would use them to keep your daughter safe but given that you and Azriel are really protective over her, the greatest danger Mel ever faced was tripping over one of your rugs.

Az calls Mel "my shadow" since the moment she knew how to crawl, she loved trailing after him like his shadows do.

Once she's older, she gains control over her shadows and since she can sense things that others can't through them, it's no surprise to you that she later becomes a death witch.

Mel's hobbies include reading about poisons, walking her pet scorpion throughout Velaris and crafting dolls from recycled material. She enjoys using her shadows to bring her dolls to "life" and torment her cousins, especially Cassian's twins. When she was young, she'd beg Azriel to play dolls with her.

Mel can be a little menace but despite this, you and Azriel are so endeared by her that she can do no wrong g (though, you both do have your boundaries and when it comes to punishments, it is surprisingly you that has to carry them out)

It's no secret that Azriel isn't fond over his Illyrian heritage but Mel is interested. She asks to train in Windhaven like he had done but it's an immediate no from the both of you. The three of you come to a compromise and allow her to join the little army of Illyrian warriors (that consists of Nyx and Cas's twins.)

When Mel starts school, Azriel goes through it, not wanting to accept that his little girl is growing up. You can read more about it here.

Mel loves going to school but she does run into some trouble with some kids who want to tease her because she’s different (with her shadows, wings and witchy heritage) The mean kids at school realize that they can't go after Nyx or Cas's twins bc they'd lose any fight and seeing as Mel is small and a girl, they underestimate her.

Instead of letting her cousins take care of her troubles with the mean kids at school like they’d be happy to, she does it herself and ends up in the principal’s office often for threatening to hex her classmates.

It’s not until she becomes older and learns some spells/tricks that she actually places hexes on them. No one picks on her bc they learned their lesson but if she saw anyone getting bullied, she’d stand up for them.

When Mel begs Azriel to allow her to become a spy for the Night Court, he denies her, not wanting her to live the same life he does. But on one mission, she follows him and he reluctantly acknowledges her powers and abilities. He also realizes that as much as he can push her away or deny her, she'd find a way to become a spy anyway.

Mel admires her father so much, she wants to be like him.

She meets Eris's son through her job as a spymaster of the Night Court, which causes a bit of chaos amongst the two courts, even more when she starts to fall for him. If you ask her, she'll deny, deny, deny...

Alora

When Azriel's shadows begins to get clingy again (I feel like the mating bond would overwhelm with the urge to protect you and be by your side, therefore his shadows would follow suit), you start to suspect you're pregnant.

As your further along in your pregnancy, you begin to experience some things similar to Mel. With Mel, you were able to understand Az's shadows since that was her power. But with this baby, the further along you get, the more romantic you become.

Your dreams consist of going on multiple dates with Azriel and bringing others together. You often wake up really emotional, crying as to why Azriel hasn't taken you out on a date.

Azriel is a fast learner and increases his romance with you, which sends you over the moon.

Since this baby gave you lots and lots of dreams, you and Azriel decide to name her Alora. Lor for short.

She comes a bit earlier than expected and though it nearly gave Azriel a heart attack, you both like to joke that she was simply too excited to see the world.

Lor does not have wings and takes more after you but has Azriel's hazel eyes. She's so curious about the world.

If we're talking about vibes. Mel gives off Wednesday Addams meets Louise Belcher vibes and Lor gives off Enid Sinclair meets Tina Belcher vibes.

Her hobbies include writing romance novels or in her journal, gazing at the stars with her pet bunny, and giving free tarot readings under the school bleachers.

Lor is very sweet and an empath, always making sure everyone is happy. It's why one year, she insisted you helped her buy Azriel's and Mel's shadows beds so they have a place to sleep in. Once she's of age, she becomes a love witch.

She also might've set your father, who had been hexed into a lizard, free one day...

She can be naive at times, choosing to see the good in everyone.

Mel takes advantage of this and likes to mess with her but the moment someone messes with her little sister, it's over for them. (Since Lor is a love witch, I can see her trying to bring two fae together and it backfires and Mel has to save the day.)

Since Mel and Lor aren't too far apart in age, they were sure a handful growing up. Azriel learned a new type of stress with them. Lots of "Can you tell Mel's shadows to stop breathing in my direction?" "Hey, that's, my shirt! And you turned it pink!" "What did I say about leaving your toads all over the floor??" "May your next crush be as slimy and gross as slugs!"

Lor is the first to catch on to Mel's crush on Eris's son and of course, she wants to meddle. It only stirs up more drama though.

While Mel got sent to the principal's office for hexing her classmates, Lor would get sent there from trying to meddle into her favorite teacher's love life.

As she gets older, she's not really interested in training like Mel was. Yet, Az insists she joins to at least learn self defense. She puts this off as much as she can until, one day, Az drags her to the HOW so she can learn from the Valkyries.

It's there where a pretty Valkyrie catches her eyes and suddenly, Lor is at every training session.

(You can read a bit more about Lor through this one-shot here.)

Dimitri

Not liking even numbers, you ask Azriel for another baby and who is he to deny you?

Other than Azriel's shadows being clingy and overprotective much like their master, the pregnancy is smooth sailing. Nothing seems out of place, neither you or Azriel experience morning sickness.

Since you seem so connected to nature, you suspect this baby will follow into your footsteps. The two of you decide to keep the gender a surprise until birth.

Lor was ecstatic when she found out she was going to have a new sibling and though Mel denied it, she was too. They both hoped for another sister, having had enough of boys with their reckless cousins.

Azriel is also convinced it's a girl, even though his shadows snicker at the thought. But when Madja places a baby boy in his arms, Azriel is shocked to the core.

He's such a girl dad that he doesn't know what to do at first, feeling overwhelmed and underprepared (even though he's such a good dad.)

It's after this birth that your mother finally gives her full trust to Azriel. It's like she senses his slight unease and in a vulnerable moment while Azriel stares at his son, she gives him a pat on the back and praises him for being a good father and mate.

Azriel blinks, thinking he's dreaming. He'd never say it out loud but those words from your mother meant the world to him.

So welcome Dimitri, the "earth lover."

He does have wings and takes more after Azriel in physical appearance but in terms of personality, he takes after you.

He's a heartthrob bc c'mon, he's Azriel's son.

His hobbies include volunteering in the Spring court to help restore parts of the forests (I imagine that must take years to recover from), hiding away from the girls who madly crush at him at school, and training with his father.

While his older sisters would be sent to the principal's office often due to stirring up trouble, he'd be sent to receive awards and for being a good samaritan.

Because he loves nature, he has many pets throughout his youth, his first being two sugar gliders, followed by a toad. I feel like your house is a zoo at times.

Growing up, he liked messing with his sisters and hiding bugs in their backpacks or room. It was hard to mess with Mel due to her shadows but he's smart and quickly learned a way around it.

His little pranks bring Mel and Lor together. They once placed a hex on him, turning his hair pink, after hearing him be a bit cocky of all the girls crushing on him at school. But it backfired because it only made him more "dreamy" to them.

Though he's the youngest, he's very protective of his older sisters. They have a strict policy that they can mess with one another but def have the "the only one who can torture my sibling is me" mindset.

With these three, your house is never quiet and if it is, it is not a good sign. Hexes, spells, insects, galore! It certainly doesn't help when your mother visits, teaching them new curses and rituals.

Though sometimes they make you want to pull your hair out and Azriel's hair turn gray with their shenanigans, you two adore them and wouldn't trade your family for anything else in the world.

Bonus: I was watching Bob's Burgers & Linda gave me such Green Witch reader vibes so here's a link to some HCs based off the show lol.

a/n: hope you enjoyed these! I am not done with writing about Az x Green witch so some of these may turn into fics. I actually got the idea of writing about a love witch when I thought of Lor and that's how the Cas AU came to be.

(I'm already toying with the idea of Lor setting your lizard of a father loose and causing a bit of mayhem.)

series tag list:@fxckmiup, @aria-chikage

#azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel x y/n #azriel fanfic #azriel headcanons #azriel x witch!reader #acotar x reader #acotar fanfiction #azriel imagine #azriel acotar #azriel fluff #az!dandelions

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spaceistheplaceart · 1 year ago

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Body Swap - How Do I Talk Like That? Part Three

Honestly, I'm not that happy with how this part went but after literally struggling with it for like. half a year. im just glad its done. let me know what you guys think!

masterpost

Summarized ID: Reigen tries to help Mob in the consultation by gesturing to him what he should do. Mob doesn't get the hint, and the client almost leaves before Reigen is able to somehow sway him with his over energetic sales pitch. They wait for a taxi, but Mob seems down.

FULL ID UNDER CUT:

(This is a body swap, so I'll be referring to the characters as who they actually are but keep in mind that Reigen is in Mob's body and vice versa.)

"I see..." Hiroto says. "Hmm..."

Mob glances over at Reigen, who is frantically pointing to the 'course options' sheet on the desk. Mob looks down at it and says, "oh!" before picking it up and reading it. "Let's see, the fees for the various course packages are listed here..." He slides it over to Hiroto, smiling. "Please, read it over. There seems to be a deal on the 'all-out' package this month."

Reigen grips his hair in distress, thinking to himself: "No! You're supposed to talk him through the process!"

We see Hiroto reading the sheet. Reigen is still thinking, "You can't let him read the whole thing, reel him in before he's got time to think!!!" Reigen leans over his desk, staring intensely at Mob and Hiroto. "Now would be a great time for some latent telepathic abilities to awaken!"

Hiroto hands the sheet back to Mob. "Hm. Well. Thank you for taking the time to see me. I'll keep you in mind." He stands up.

"Crap!" Reigen thinks to himself, standing up from his seat. "Sir!" He calls out to Hiroto, who is near the door and ready to leave. Reigen points to a poster behind him that says '3 Ghosts, One Free!'. He says, "Did you know that right now we have a special deal going on!? For the whole month, if you have three ghosts or more, we'll exorcise a third of them free!"

Hiroto looks at Reigen, bemused. A question mark is beside him. "Aha. Thanks, kid, but... I'm alright."

Reigen looks at him tensely, a sweatdrop on his cheek. He glances back at Mob, who is frozen and still holding the price sheet.

Reigen puts his hands on his hips and speaks out again, "Listen! My master is absolutely the real deal! Just look at all these satisfied customers!" He points to a corkboard behind him. On top of the corkboard is a label that says 'Our Customers' and there are many photos of customers on the board, pinned up. Reigen says, "Every single one of them! Spirit free! Whether it was a barrage of spirits or just one-"

He continues, pointing to himself with his thumb. "MY MASTER! Was able to help them all! So-"

He trails off as Hiroto begins to chuckle. He holds his hands over his stomach, his chuckling slowly trailing off. He sighs and smiles at Mob.

"Aha... Seems you've got yourself quite the little businessman, huh?"

Reigen, Mob, and Dimple, simply look at him, confused.

Hiroto runs a hand through his hair and sighs. "Fine... Be over at 1 o'clock. Sharp."

He leans down to Reigen's height, smiling with sparkles around him. "That's thirty minutes from now, okay?"

Reigen forces a smile, sparkles around him too now. "Yep, sounds great! We'll see you then, sir!"

"Wonderful, see you then." Hiroto says. He leaves, disappearing behind the wall that seperates the entryway from the office. As he's leaving, he mutters to himself "Aha... kids..." Then the door closes with a chime.

Mob is sat at Reigen's desk, a shadow over his eyes and his hands clasped together. Reigen comes up and claps a hand on his shoulder, looking off to the side.

"Well! It's to be expected. You did the best you could, Mob.Though I do have a few pointers..." He waves his hand around dismissively. "We'll talk on the way."

"Sure." Mob says.

Two panels, both black with white text, say: PROGRESS TOWARDS EXPLOSION: 48%

We cut to outside the office, where Mob and Reigen are sitting on a curb. There's a text box above them that reads: "waiting for a taxi"

Dimple floats off to Mob's side. Mob looks a little sad. Dimple frowns and asks, "Why do you look so down? You got the job in the end. Don't tell me you're bummed just because it was little awkward."

END ID

#yes i misspelled towards dont worry a bout it #mp100 #mob psycho 100 #shigeo kageyama #reigen arataka #arataka reigen #dimple #kageyama shigeo #comic #mp100 comic #mp100 body swap #op art #legitimately i was struggling with this for so long. i dont know how to write the mp100 chars im SORRY #also just pretend his counters been going up the whole time ok i forgor 🤪

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nw-of-dark · 1 year ago

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Mage: Awakening vs. Ascension

So I have been playing World of Darkness for a short while now and I'm also contentious in regards to Mage and its two iterations; Awakening and Ascension. Awakening is part of Chronicles of Darkness whereas Ascension is a part of World of Darkness, and they are basically parallel universes of the same-ish game.

When I started playing Awakening, I found the rules to be fairly straightforward, and I didn't have to struggle through pages of flavor text like with other World of Darkness games. The one thing I really appreciate about Ascension is its lore. It's fascinating how philosophical the game can get, whether it's during character creation or actual gameplay. Ascension explores themes such as the nature of reality, the dynamics of power, and power over the narrative.

I generally play the setting of Ascension with the rules of Awakening, but I have recently been reading about Ascension more (particularly, 20th Anniversary/4th Edition) and a homebrew of Ascension 5th Edition.

As a fan of the 5th Edition World of Darkness game lines, I am disappointed that only Vampire, Werewolf, and Hunter have been released so far. Until we get a full set, I'll have to make do with homebrews and supplements from the 4th Edition to satisfy my craving for supernatural horror.

As for this blog, I will be covering both Awakening and Ascension lore but primarily focusing on Ascension. I will, masochistically, try to work the Awakening paths and orders into the setting of Ascension and I will leave you with this question; what are your thoughts on Awakening and/or Ascension?

#world of darkness #mage #mage: the awakening #mtaw #mages #chronicles of darkness #mage: the ascension #mage the ascension #mage the awakening #mtas #opinion #discussion #open discussion

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lieutenantselnia · 9 months ago

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I wanted to make a May the 4th post dedicated to my Star Wars f/os yesterday, but I gotta be honest I just did not have the energy ._. So I'm just gonna do it now though!

I never really talked much about my Star Wars f/os on here because despite having 5 of them (maybe more if you count platonics), they're all secondary f/os and I hardly find the time to dedicate art or writing to them. They still mean a lot to me though and I think they're wonderful and interesting characters, so here they are💕

First up, Grand Admiral Thrawn/Mitth'raw'nuruodo, I first got to know him properly through Rebels (I knew he had existed in the Legends universe before already but didn't particularly care about him) and not going to lie, for a while I found him really annoying. He seemed very arrogant to me and I didn't get how he could always be a step ahead of the rebels, but I learned to understand and appreciate him, and somehow I fell in love with him eventually. At the time he was probably the strongest fictional crush I ever had (this man literally made me question my asexuality at some point - I didn't know that micro-labels like grey-, demi- or fictosexual were a thing back then). I didn't know about the existence of a self ship community back then, but in my head I shipped a character that was basically myself with him (with a few changes of course, like I was 16 at the time but my s/i was obviously a grown adult, the story I had in mind for her wouldn't have made sense otherwise anyway). I also started writing character x reader fanfictions about him! I finished a few one-shots, but the only multi-chapter story I started has unfortunately been laying around abandoned for a few years. I still kind of want to write an ending for it one day, but I don't know when that will happen. I struggled with my feelings for Thrawn after some uncomfortable experience with a former acquaintance in the Star Wars community, but as this is luckily in the past and maybe I can reconnect with him some day (In the meantime I'd love to meet other Thrawn shippers who are comfortable sharing him!). Regardless of that my love for him has had a significant influence on me, because without him I would've probably never made my art instagram account (the first social media account I made aside my personal insta account that I never use) and wouldn't have met many of my wonderful online friends.

Next up, Admiral Ar'alani, she's gorgeous and at least partially responsible for my bi awakening. I mean just look at her! Due to being a book character she's probably kind of underrated and less well known, I'd love to see an animated series about her and the crew of the Steadfast! I loved her in the Thrawn trilogy, I still have to read the Ascendancy trilogy though.

Commodore Karyn Faro probably wins the price for the most underrated f/o among them (also F in the chat for her for having literally 2 canonical depictions in a comic and no other visual reference, that's why I had to choose a slightly silly picture for her). I loved reading from her perspective in the Thrawn trilogy and I always enjoyed her dynamic with him too. Despite having her as an f/o I also ship her with Ar'alani, I think they'd make a cute couple. At the moment her canonical fate is pretty much unknown (I don't think it was ever made clear whether she left the Chimaera to transfer to her own fleet before Thrawn left for Lothal or not?), but although it is unlikely I personally wish that she'd also somehow end up with the Chiss like Eli did and get a happy ending with them.

Tech was just a very relatable character for me, and I knew I'd like him pretty much from the start. I always had a weak spot for this slightly nerdy scientist type of characters (namely Kowalski from TPoM and Mr. Spock from Star Trek TOS), I just never really f/o'd any of them before since I was like 8 years old or so at the time I was obsessed with them. But oh I had so much fun watching Tech, and his quote "I may process moments and thoughts differently, but it does not mean that I feel any less than you"? That hit right in the heart especially since I could relate so much to it. Also he must still be alive, I don't accept that he's gone no matter what the canon says.

Last but not least, I think General Grievous/Qymaen jai Sheelal was actually my second proper fictional crush, but for some reason it took me until last year to properly admit to it? I don't know, apparently 13 year old me was unconsciously in denial about being a monster lover, or just somehow unaware that I could just ship myself or an oc with him and didn't have to pick one of the canon characters. He's a character I'd actually love to come back some time, it's mainly that I'm too focused on my other f/os at the moment, but I think he deserves more love (yes I know he's kind of horrible too, but I think horrible fictional guys can still be loved and cherished).

Anyway this got longer than I anticipated, but at least you have an introduction to some of my secondary f/os now I guess. Anyways I hope you all had a happy Star Wars day, and who knows, maybe some of these guys here will make an appearance on my blog again in the future <3

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tsukasa-rec · 4 months ago

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A small question.

Good day everyone！ I'm usually on Twitter mostly, but a small question came up. I was wondering if people in other countries are struggling with Japanese. Do you have trouble trying to search TF?

Many Japanese are shy and avoid searching to avoid being found by officials…Like ninja！ The Japanese language has three types of characters: kanji, katakana, and hiragana, but many people try to avoid being caught in searches by combining characters and symbols from other countries.

For example, so many cryptic words are used in Soundwave alone. Some of the cloaks are commonly known, while others are used only by individuals. It is very difficult to translate Japanese accurately, not only because of the character names, but also because of the many cryptic words used in various areas.

Also, since the movie was released, I think some of the Japanese fans have [コグあり] or [決別済] listed next to their account name. That means that they have already watched the movie! Both are so described from the description of obtaining the transform cog in the work and from the description of the breakup between Orion and D to indicate whether the work has been viewed or not. Incidentally, the Japanese title at the time of “RISE OF THE BEASTS” was “ビースト覚醒,” so I used “覚醒済” meaning awakening.

Try a Japanese search for [Sentinel] as a test. The standard Japanese spelling is 【センチネル】. Some fans call him [ワンチネル]. This is a term coined from the movie title [ONE] and [Sentinel]. ONE is the same sound as the onomatopoeia of a dog's cry in Japanese, so a dog-like expression is also added. The rest will probably be caught in a search on ルネチンセ. But this is often used for AT, not ONE. That's what they called it when the cartoon was on the air. If you are interested in Japan and TF and want to know more, I can help you. Please feel free to ask me. Thx☻ ――――――――――――――――――――― ■bonus■ I am sure that many of you who follow me like Soundwave and Shockwave. I'll tell you what their search terms are, too! ↓Soundwave↓ サウンドウェーブ　(official name) 音波　(orthodox)

↓Shockwave↓ レーザーウェーブ (official name for Japanese G1-2 and ENERGON only) 光波　(orthodox)

ショックウェーブ　(other official name) 衝撃波　(orthodox) ショッキー　(nickname)

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deviouslittlecreature · 1 year ago

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Okay I sort of apologize for this post because I'm slightly stoned and this is just one of those pure euphoria moments you have while high but the beautiful realization that my top surgery is happening, and that it's covered, it's basically paid for, no strings attached, no matter what happens everything is fine, and there's no obstacles in my way

I am so unbelievably euphoric, my partner will have money to spoil me and celebrate my transition, I'm going to start my inner healing journey, I'm going to finally look at myself and see exactly what I've been dreaming of since I was 14, and I'm going to do it exactly on time

The feeling of love and happiness and freedom is so wonderful, and it's only a little longer, a couple more steps, right in front of me and it's mine, all entirely mine, no more sleepless nights wondering how manly I am, or how I can prove myself valid, just beautiful bliss, that's all, happiness, wonder, excitement, hope for my future confidence

It is a dream starting to awaken, a future looking bright and passionate, I can see the brightest path ahead, I did it, I did it exactly how and when I wanted to, I'm ready, I proved myself worthy of this battle, I claimed my freedom after crawling through the darkest tunnels, falling down cliffs and chasms, getting dragged through muddy waters in a storm, I conquered feelings of suicide and impostor syndrome, I shot down questions of my own validity

One day, you, whether trans, nonbinary, genderfluid, or just a cis person who is struggling with their identity, you will feel the love and euphoria, you will see the path of bright smiles and warm laughter, you fucking got this

I'm gonna spread the love and happiness around, because it's just so badly needed, I wanna bring some smiles to those who are struggling to feel comfortable within themselves, I hope you get this, I hope you get this gift and you feel so fucking good, and everything is okay

Love yall

#gender euphoria #euphoria #euphoric #super happy #i'm so fucking happy #very happy #happy #happy vent #trans positivity #positive rant #body positive #positivity #love you all

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rebelsofshield · 2 years ago

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Would you have done something completely different with the Sequel Trilogy?

Thank you for the question anon! I love these.

I'm not sure if you are asking me whether I'd do a completely different story for the Sequel Trilogy or if I would have made changes to the films we got. Frankly, I don't know if I would have changed a whole lot about the basic premise of the trilogy. I love all of the characters and I think its metatextual themes about myth and legacy are doing some interesting things when they appear. But, there are quite a few small changes I would make to The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi and some very large changes I'd make to The Rise of Skywalker.

The First Order vs. Resistance / New Republic conflict is maybe the trilogy's original sin that causes a lot of the problems that follow. I think the idea of having the First Order be a group of neo-fascists that are obsessed with restoring an authoritarian government that few directly experienced is a smart idea and the natural step for a trilogy spanning conflict. It also feels incredibly relevant to today's current political struggles. I think the issues start to show up when they are established as this uber powerful galaxy conquering group instead of a very dangerous and underestimated faction of extremists. On a purely aesthetic level it would help differentiate them from the Empire but it also would put a fun spin on the original trilogy's formula rather than directly copying it. I do also like the general idea that The New Republic is generally dismissive of The First Order as a danger to the galaxy and that Leia had to take things into her own hands to get things done. But! I would've liked to see this explained a bit more clearly in The Force Awakens. If you aren't reading the supplementary material, the exact political make up of the galaxy at the start of the film isn't clearly established and I wouldn't blame you if you missed it entirely.

Nix Starkiller base. I think that in general the criticisms that The Force Awakens is a retread of A New Hope are a bit exaggerated, but the annoyance of having yet another Death Star is where I start to feel that there is some merit. It's unnecessary. It would be just as, if not more affecting, if The First Order had some well planned attack that they were able to pull off right under the New Republic's nose. A fascist government that's able to overthrow a better funded democratic government through tactics and corruption is a way scarier threat than another planet exploding ball.

Make the Knights of Ren more prevalent. I like the current canon of them being their own, self motivated faction of Dark Sider, but the original understanding that they were other disaffected disciples of Luke's makes much more sense and feels more dramatically interesting to me. I would have liked to see them as a more consistent presence in the series. It also would have been a fun payoff if part of the reason that Kylo ends up aiding the fight against Palpatine in The Rise of Skywalker is because the rest of the Knights are seduced away from his leadership.

Give Chewbacca something to do. We needed his hug with Leia in The Force Awakens. We needed a grief arc for him in The Last Jedi. We needed to have him find some sort of future or purpose in The Rise of Skywalker. This is one of the most beloved Star Wars characters of all time, but his role for most of the trilogy is minimal despite the clear emotional trauma at its center.

Finn needs his stormtrooper rebellion arc. I actually don't hate the general shape of Finn's story in The Last Jedi as much as most people, but I do think that The Force Awakens sets up a story about his connection to other First Order infantry in a way that is never properly followed up on. I'd love to lean into that further and actually make that a story that is followed up on. Also make him and Poe boyfriends.

No Rey Palpatine. I'm actually not opposed to Sidious being the final villain of the trilogy. I think the First Order being a facet of his resurgence to power makes a lot of sense and I'm even down for the idea that Snoke was a being that was wittingly or unwittingly under Palpatine's control the whole time. But Rey Palpatine is a no go for me. The end thrust of the story where she assumes the Skywalker name could be done without making her the literal progeny of Sidious. Sidious could still want to use her as a powerful Force user without her being his granddaughter. You could keep most of the struggles she has with purpose and legacy in The Rise of Skywalker without having to bubble the full saga down into a war between bloodlines.

No clean cut redemption for Kylo Ren. Star Wars is a series about forgiveness and second chances and I am ultimately fine with Kylo making his steps back towards the light by the end of the trilogy, but I just don't buy him becoming a swashbuckling hero at the end of The Rise of Skywalker and I absolutely don't buy any romantic/sexual relationship with Rey. The most interesting scenario would have been to have Kylo work against Palpatine originally as a way to secure his own power and as an extension of his "burn it all down" ideology from The Last Jedi, but gradually begin to work towards more moments of direct aide for the heroes and more moments of direct selflessness. I'm torn on whether he should live or die at the end of the trilogy, but leave him with work to do is the way to go. So much of the series was about him choosing the dark at every opportunity offered to him, I think seeing him finally choose the light at the end would be powerful, but it shouldn't be an easy path at all.

Anakin Force Ghost.

#Star Wars #asks #ask box #commentary #The Force Awakens #The Last Jedi #The Rise of Skywalker #sequel trilogy

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nova-dracomon · 2 years ago

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Hello, big fan of your content, and I hope this isn’t the stupidest question, but I just want to know so I can hopefully know myself; my body better.

How does one figure out whether their body is a system? Is there a sort of process // awakening that sorta happens with therianthropy and the like? Are there any sort of “dead giveaways” that happen that reveal a system instead of a singlet? How to rule out something as an inner voice vs a headmate or something of the sort?

I am eternally confused and potentially misguided, but also would appreciate any clarification. Apologies if I offended or misunderstood any terms, but I just don’t know right now.

It's not a stupid question at all! It's something a lot of us struggle with because it can be difficult to discern. Especially, if like us, in the beginning our host actively worked to suppress everyone else.

We've met ppl who say they've always known, others have one event that just makes everything click into place, and we just kinda slid down a gradual slope to acceptance and actually talking it out. Every system is different and it's impossible to give a one-size-fits-all answer.

So, we'll do the next best thing and talk about how we personally experience plurality. This is by no means gospel or the trueTM way to be a system.

The biggest difference between headmates vs inner monologue vs a character we daydream about is headmates talk back--they're sentient. They have their own thoughts, desires and feelings where a daydream character doesn't and only repeats what our inner voice tells them to--not unlike a remote control toy.

Larka (Host): I experience all my thoughts as words. If I get hungry, in my head I'll 'hear' a thought version of my voice say "I'm hungry" instead of like, envisioning a sandwich. When I first started hearing my headmates, I'd hear another voice alongside my inner voice. It was unprompted, didn't sound like me, and had an "energy" signature attached to it. Everyone here as a unique one that accompanies anything they say--so even if the way their voice sounds fluctuates, we'll know who spoke.

Communication can also be done by sharing emotions. Even if you want something, if someone else doesn't, it can cause conflicting feelings and indecisiveness. Something we've always said about ourselves is that, it doesn't matter how we feel in the moment, because our opinion is so likely to change anyway.

An example of communication: Larka's speeding again. She's feeling good because she loves driving fast and jamming out to MCR. Thorn is annoyed because this happens everyday. Larka's busy thinking about how much she loves Helena. As a stop sign comes into view, there's a sudden shared bolt of discontent laced with anxiety followed by the phrase. "You better do a FULL stop this time." Larka does a full stop.

One particular piece of media that was the biggest turning point for us being "oh shit that might be us" is I am Dog(s). It's a semi-autobiographical narrative that follows a transwoman realizing that she is also plural and a therian. We highly recommend checking it out! If nothing else, it's an easy and fun read.

#nova squawks #3 heads one brain cell

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lindajenni · 1 year ago

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sep 11

a more excellent way

"but earnestly desire the best gifts. and yet i show you a more excellent way." 1 cor 12:31

from there the apostle paul begins to expound the beautiful love chapter. "though i speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, i have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal." 1 cor 13:1

are you a sounding brass or a clanging cymbal? in other words, what you do for God, is it really a "works" or solely the love of God and mankind, seeking God's glory? paul tells us that it doesn't matter how gifted we are or how hard we labor for the kingdom, it might well be all in vain.

Jesus said, "many will say to Me in that day, 'Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?'" matt 7:22 and His response will be. "i never knew you." you see, they were not only trusting in their works, they were also doing them with the wrong motive.

i learned that lesson very well the night my mother died. i know i have told this story before, but i believe the lesson it teaches justifies repeating it.

i had been through several years of struggle and illness with my mother. not to try to justify any motives, but one's flesh becomes tired and a little resentful when burdened for a time. mine was in that state. although i was dutifully doing whatever might be required of her care, my heart was not where it should be.

my mother had just come home from the hospital, yet again. though i did not know it then, it was for the last time. i was sleeping on the floor in her room so i would be nearby to hear her requests and assist her as needed. she had already called out to me multiple times for assistance and now once again, i heard her voice awaken my slumber. as i got up to help again, there was a tinge of resentment at having all this be my burden.

i am not one prone to visions or hearing God speak, at least not audibly, but even though i felt no holy presence, a sudden thought entered my mind which i knew was from God. it pierced my heart so deep i can almost hear it still. "if you don't do it in love, it doesn't mean anything."

you see, God isn't impressed by the things we do but the love we do them with. i had heretofore done everything a dutifully daughter should, but God was not impressed. He wanted more from me. He wanted me to know the love Christ felt on the cross when He uttered, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." luke 23:34

likewise, i did not know what i was doing when i did it only dutifully and not with love. i doubt whether we will be questioned at the pearly gates by saint peter when we arrive, but if we were, i have heard it said there would be only one question asked: "did you learn to love?" not just those who love us in return, but those in which love brings no return.

truly, "love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 cor 13:4-7 love is not love till you give it away.

i passed my mother from my arms into God's that night, peacefully and lovingly. because God had spoken to my heart there would be no regrets or guilt for the enemy of all lies to beat me down with. God opened my ears to His whisper in my hour of need. He is so good.

i learned my lesson that night, but truly it is a lesson that must be learned over and over again. it's not a one time lesson. it must be learned and lived daily, given freely and taught others by example. it is the more excellent way. "beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God." 1 john 4:7 indeed, God is love.

this IS knowing God. how will you answer the question if ever it is asked? i'm asking you now. "have you learned to love?" i believe we are about to experience love in a way we have never known before. the One who loves us most will summon us unto Himself. "and if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also." john 14:3 He has been in preparation of that place for two thousand years now. i think it's about ready for us to come home.

"Father, I will that they also, whom thou hast given me, be with me where I am; that they may behold my glory, which thou hast given me: for thou lovedst me before the foundation of the world." john 17:24 there's that amazing love again!

Jesus further said, "by this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." john 13:35 i look around today and i see so much dissension among His body. it makes one wonder why the enemy would even need to fire a shot. there is so much "friendly fire." certainly there are some doctrines that must be adhered to and really be called christian, but all the rest are just squabbles for the Holy Spirit to sort out, not us. we worry so about the speck in another's eye and ignore the plank in our own. "let each be fully convinced in his own mind." rom 14:5

if we were ever to be used by the Spirit for correction, like an archeologist digging for unknowns, we must gently dust away the dirt shrouding the treasure hidden below - the one for whom Christ died. love as Christ loves us! Jesus told us the two greatest commandments and they had to do with love; God first and man second.

#prayer #faith #rapture #jesus

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visualbrainrot · 1 year ago

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I read Prufrock and loudly refuted my interest in T.S Eliot. Because I hated Prufrock and who wants to study another dingy old man who thinks the world is against him. I sat and I talked shit, I muttered and I moaned about how stupid his privileged little opinions were. How can someone who has never faced adversity possibly have this much of an adverse reaction to general society?

However, I quickly ate my words when I read Preludes. The way this poem reached down into my heart, ripped it out from my sternum and succinctly dissected it in front of a wide audience. Because my soul truly is "constituted" of a "thousand sordid images". Because I never do actually feel like a whole person with a whole soul, but a fragmented monstrosity stitched together from the skins of a thousand different individuals, reaching out and wondering how I can become together. And is all I am "muddy feet" or the "hands" that "raise dingy shades". Nothing but a part or two. Never one, never a person but just a human version of a thing. So socially isolated altogether that I can no longer be classified under the term Homo Sapien. And then I wonder for the "conscience of the blackened street" that I "trample" every day on my "insistent feet". And I feel bad, that the ground ever had to carry the weight of my fractured person, that I myself cannot even lift some days. That I have put this burden of my disconnectedness onto the world itself because I am so careless with my heavy tread.

And don't even get me started on Journey of The Magi. I thought my soul exploded right out of my body when I read this. It felt as if the very universe was beginning in a bang right inside of me. The deep relatedness I felt to this poem was overwhelming. Because I have been the Magi, and I have discovered and I have shunned just as he did. I relate to the poem probably not in a journey of spiritual awakening and affinity for Christianity as T.S Eliot intended, but as one of personal growth and discovery. The biblical allusion and religious symbolism are something so profound to me as a queer individual who attended a Christian school. As someone who listened to people ache and moan about my very existence. Which in turn caused me to hurt and suffer, question my identity and my role in this world and ultimately develop mistrust and wariness of religion altogether. But now I am me and I too, like the Magi, have had "such a long journey" to get to the place I am. My path of self-discovery and ultimately an okayness with myself is something "I would do again" at any cost. And sometimes I wonder if it was a "birth or death?". For who I was before, is she dead, lost forever? Or is she buried within me, leaving space for the birth of me as I am now? This new, enlightened, awakened version of myself, is she truly any better than I used to be? Because at the end of the day, I still hurt and I still fight for myself within my own mind and this birth of me, who I am now "was [a] hard and bitter agony [...], like death". And every day I still feel at ill ease when I visit places of my "old dispensation". As I view my old friends and watch my estranged family as they become an "alien people" to me, forever "clutching their [foreign] gods". Whether these gods be literal or metaphorical. I watch their struggle and I feel disconnected, untethered from them and their ideals, floating in a bubbling lake of anxiety and poor judgment. I do not know where I belong in the world where I no longer believe in their deity. I feel disconnected and untethered like an astroid floating aimlessly in space.

Please tell me why I'm insane Thomas, you're the only one who knows.

#i actually am deeply troubled #please help #why do i over analyse everything #t.s. eliot #preludes #journey of the magi #idc if im wrong #im right to me #this is so profound to me #i hate prufrock #sapphic #wlw #queer #lgbt #i have issues #poetry

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sanghyukstattoos · 3 years ago

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SF9: sexual expressions

Genres: multiple au's [warnings: brief mentions of death, trauma, anxiety]; fluff-fluff-fluff; smut-smut-smut [contains mention/description of somnophilia kink (gentler than it's description), semi-public sex, baby-making, oral, mutual masturbation]

A/N: None of the images in the collage are mine, refer to here for more; For more SF9, read here, for iKON, read here and for optional bias writings, read here

Youngbin:

There's something in his expression, that rolls off his tongue when crass bursts of arousal coarse through him, rushing everywhere in such a natural manner, whether he's found something nice or in joy, his breathy moans and gasp-less breaths are something that awaken arousal, specifically yours. At first his moans may be muffled but as he relaxes, he opens up in the comfort an safety of being with you, you whose presence allows him to lower his tense state. To watch you would be his first thought but as your head bobs and you use your hand in a way that makes his back arch and moans fervently spill, he gets distracted, closing his eyes and losing himself in everything that floats around him. At the end, his thighs may quiver but he's already reaching for you, pulling you into his arms. Onto the bed or tent or the sheet that is rumpled in the back of his truck, he slips into you, groaning, sighing an settling into you. He takes his time to start moving, kissing your cheeks as he does. With every rush of arousal, he lightly bites your shoulder, enough for you to feel his teeth but not enough to hurt you. He caresses your backside the most, squeezing the flesh, especially as he releases. But even when you are on all fours, he makes sure to admire your backside, responding to your moans when he softly hits the flesh or uses your waist as a guide along his cock. He'll describe how feels, ''You're so warm'' or something like that, something that wrecks you and also him to pound into you, picking up the pace. When it's the end of a long day and you want to make love, he'll settle with you under the covers and gently rock himself against you, allowing you to vent or just speak to him then, killing two birds with one stone. This is because he knows that both of you will fall asleep immediately. In line with this, there is also something I want to try: Youngbin with somnophilia kink. This won't be as intense as it's description. Two to three hours after the both of you have fallen asleep, he wakes up, with a small desire already in his mind but it's when he sees you that his desires grow and he wakes you, kissing your tired self out of the haziness of falling back asleep. He feels a little guilty yes, but his thoughts are hay-wired at the moment towards you. If you respond to his desires with your vocal agreement, he won't hesitate to slip into your heat, groaning in relief at the way your core swallows every inch of his cock and soon, he'll pound you into the mattress. ''Binnie'', you ask as he slows down to see your sex taking in his cock, he hums, placing his head in between your breasts or on your chest, listening, ''Go faster please.'', which he chuckles and immediately agrees too. When you release and neither of you are ready to fall back asleep, he tugs you towards the window- one of your favourite places to have sex, it was where he took you when you had sex for the first time. Your chest against the glass, he takes you from behind, quietening himself to hear your moans and whimpers and well-demands. Demands which when came from you, he would easily comply too.

Inseong:

His sounds? Beautiful.

I'll try out this idea as well, since you asked about expression during sex: speaking. Perhaps out of excitement, he'll tell you stuff from the top of his head. Sweet words like, ''You're so beautiful'', ''so pretty, my love'', or whisper to you, ''I'm so excited'' always eliciting a a beautiful laugh from you, ''heh, cutie'', you may reply with this nickname which soothes his ears and tickles his sides with excitement. The first couple of time you have sex, he may be serious, furrowing his brows in concentration on how he is feeling. Accordingly, his sounds may alert you to his status, breathy moans are his main type of vocalisation he would let out, maybe when you suck him off or you have sex. He may even struggle on sounds the first couple of time but it's something that he doesn't dwell on too much after speaking to you about it, ''Don't worry, just let out how you feel about it.'' you said and he did exactly that. His type of sex with you is to make every moment last, each significant piece of memory stamped with your intimacy on it. When he eases himself into the comfort of having sex with you, he'll start to tell you jokes, inciting a bright atmosphere between you two. Armed with his jokes, he'll make you laugh and it'll always be something between you two, leading to or being inside jokes, never something from outside your intimate space. He's also the type to make a haven out of you bedroom space, together, you would attach a cover above your bed and leave the lights on, glazing your naked bodies like sleeping in a tent under the stars, except that it is in your bedroom. The space is safe, free to speak each other about anything and everything. During discussions, he would love to hold you, your waist or lean on his elbows and listen to you, about your day and how you are feeling. It's there that you'll make love to one another, setting each other's minds free from the ongoing troubles and/or enjoying your peace. He's got a nickname for you, maybe something from your name that he'll tell you really sweetly when he starts his conversation with you as he enters you. He'll pay attention to your sounds, ''You feel good baby?'' is his question, filled with his innocence behind them. You nod. ''Fuck- I feel so good baby'' is one of them, he'd whimper it out, followed by his stuttering moans, open and filling your ears. He sounds absolutely beautiful. ''Seongie, let me take care of you'', ''You don't have to baby'' he'll say and if you do continue, he'll go on to then lose himself in the pleasure you give, you curiously peeking eyes at his state that once your eyes connect, he doesn't leave your gaze.

Jaeyoon:

Regal Jaeyoon

He's got it out for you in the most playful way possible. He could've met you just yesterday, last week, two months ago or you've been childhood friends, regardless he sees the beauty in you. He's got many sides to him as does everyone, but unlike being around them, he understands that he can freely show them to you for example, his anger which would not be a suitable look on the king-to-be. When he's angry, he paces around in the study room before thinking that he should ask you for your opinion. So he comes to your room in the palace or picks you up outside your house, sitting side by side on the stone sculptures that are topped with granite to make for a seat or just to hang by when looking outside, swinging his legs. His hand on the cool granite and yours are not far from one another, he wishes to hold your hand and to hold you in his arms but he's not sure, he would want you to be okay with it first. But how does he get there? You can bet that he'll chase you around the market, his heart beating extra fast when he catches you. Having just recently figured out his feelings for you, he hesitates to tickle you as he usually does, instead he feels the need, the desire to connect your lips. His lips are soft and warm and he tastes of a fruit he just ate, apple or mango slices and to him, your response is everything. Your hands wander up his coat lapels, reaching his shirt collar and tugging him closer, lovingly. He giggles when you break away and he can't stop the smile that lights his whole expression, looking at you with possibly all the love in in his eyes and he doesn't notice that this occurs whenever he looks at you. ''Jaeyoon...'' you start, chuckling when he's just about to kiss you but then he pulls away to hear what you have to say, nodding to tell you that he's listening. You laugh at his adorable movement, bringing him closer for another kiss, ''I have so many questions'', ''shoot!'' he adorably says but you shake your head instead, wrapping your hands around him and the two of you bring yourselves together, under the bright summer lights and muffled screeching of seagulls arguing over who gets the last bread crumb.

I'm not sure if Jaeyoon's one for semi-public sex or not, I've been quite conflicted in my thoughts about this. He may not be or he may be, especially if he's horny for you, more often that not, in places he shouldn't do. Imagine that you are moving to a new place, your sofa is strapped at the back of the moving truck. He's going to drive you but he's not ready to move the truck all morning. He'd let you know that he's in the mood by having you in his arms and well grabbing your ass, dipping his hand in between your thighs, ''y/n, I want you.'', he'd say, plain and simple. You'd kiss and kiss till he's settle you down on the sofa, the truck parked in between two tall structures on a sun-out, non-traffic studded cobble road. ''Really?'', you shouldn't be surprised as you look at your boyfriend rolling on the condom and entering you, ''Really?'', ''yes'', he says laughing, ''Yes baby, god I love you so much.'', he's overcome with emotions. He loves when you grab his ass during sex, especially when he has you under him, filling you up with his cock till he's released and is looking around, tugging his trousers up. He gives you his hand, leading you into the front seats. For whatever reason, he doesn't let go of your hand, ''So you going to drive or?'', ''I'm not sure that we should leave right now.'', ''We need to be there by noon, it's already oh!- five thirty. We have to leave now.'', ''Okay'' he nods, picking up the pace to your new house. You unload all your stuff into the house and then, it's the cardboard boxes. He's looking around, trying to make this work. At the back his mind, he knows that he's going to help you unpack and maybe even move in with you but for now, he's a little distracted. You can't help but ask, ''Babe'', ''Huh?'', ''What's going on? You are just staring at the boxes'', you say smiling when you spell it out. ''I'm just uh- come here?'', you go over, going to look at something. He sits on one of the boxes and pulls you onto his lap, placing soft kisses along your neck. The ache in his groin stirs and he groans into your neck. The image of you having sex moments ago is still engrained into his head, your sweaty skin and visual expressions, sounds are still on his mind. He gently slips your open shirt over your shoulders and your bra strap along with it, placing a kiss on your breast, hands wandering up and down your waist all the time. ''Don't stress over the move, you've got a lot of time.''. The moment is forever in your mind, fresh or not, it's a significant period of time, the time in between a few moments ago and getting accustomed to your new house. You manage to find a place outside, on the lawn with it's fresh grass, your clothes off and him making love to you. All the energy he had before comes back, as the sounds of hips snapping against yours can be heard as compared to his words, ''You're so beautiful'' and other random mumblings about you. It's too sweet. The scene I imagine now is that you are riding him in your new background, his back on the grass and you circle your hips, steadying yourself on his toned tummy. His moans sound sweet, just like when he whines softly, muffled, stuttering ever so often. When he's close and the snapping of your hips grow quicker, his moans get more breathy and the look on his face is one as a result of his closeness to releasing. The look of his as he releases could best describe the phrase, 'like the crashing of waves on a summer day'.

Dawon | Lee Sanghyuk:

Oh, what a cutie! His part in Fanatic!

I have an inkling that he sounds pretty when he's in his element of safety and comfort around you and especially, with you. Let's take our imaginations somewhere, possibly fun!: With his regal stage outfit, the one of blue and white, imagine that you meet him in Narnia, transported via the painting. The room that was once filled with water from the Sea on High Waters painting leaves you and washes you onto a beach of an island, dry. You are surprised but also pleasantly happy to be back, it's been some time since you've seen your relatives. Forward, there's nothing for miles except for water, happily splashing around in the midst of a summer day where breeze gently blows past your ears. Behind are walls of rock of an impossible feat, at least to climb. Further on top, you have to squint to see, there are the unmistakable green flashes of leaves and trees with sways a result of stronger breeze. On this beach is where you meet Sanghyuk. He's dressed in a way that a royal would, if not, that's how he walks, along with his soldiers. The buttons to his sleeveless blue coat are open and his crew look tired, as if it's been a long journey here. ''Excuse me, who are you?'' he asks customarily, not sensing any danger. His soldiers hang back but not too far. ''I'm...'' but you are lost for words. How do you explain it? Crowned by Aslan? You have no idea who they are. ''Come with me" he says, looking here and there, urgency in his tone. It's funny how he disarms your cautiousness, with his honesty and personality- humour that goes straight to your heart. ''Give me a minute'', he mentions to one of his crew members and with that, he shows you past the railing of the huge boat. It has it's name engraved in white right below you but you can't make out it's name. ''See, after we crash landed- the storms'' he clarifies, ''we've been stuck here''. He smiles even as he says it and then you realise, even in such a terrifying situation, how beautiful his smile is. He's optimistic, it should help with the rest of your journey, you think. And it does. You begin. Just before you make your first stop, you encounter magic in the form of gold, so much gold just scattered all over the valley. A trap. Anybody who came here died. You found skeletons under all of it. ''We need to get out of here'', at that moment, dust swarms your vision in a regulated dance, as if it has had time to practice on all the people that came before. You collectively shudder at the thought but at the end, you live. It is your bravery and ever longing passion to fight for what is right that impresses him. Along the way, you tell him the truth, one secret for the other except that it's not a secret and neither of you have anything to hide. Because it's something to be hidden either. You get to know one another after that, introduced properly after your revelations. You find somewhere inside the forest to rest, on a thin sheet, here to rest for the night. You are anxious. He hovers over you, running his hands up and down your arms. Soothing you, that is the feeling, with him it feels safer, almost as if your anxiety about the previous fight has been sucked away, into the lost abyss of any voice in this forest. His crew members are searching. ''Look at me'', he says, softly, like a command but sincerely, ''Does it work on your crew, when you speak to them like that?'' you tease softly from under him, curiously committing his features to memory. Out of all your adventures, this one was going to be your favourite, you could tell. ''If they knew..'' he trails off sweetly kissing your neck, ''They would never leave me alone.'', he ends with a chuckle. You chuckle at it too. You take in a breath and it occurs to you that as much as you are relaxed, you haven't taken a breath in a while. He eyes you, keenly, wondering if you should be okay with this. Your secrets are out in the open and he has no reason to worry, the last thought along calms him. ''Less talking Hyukie'', you murmur, grappling at his coat lapels. He perks up, it is because of the name. That name, he thinks, uttered

so softly, containing so much love. It is as if you read his mind that you murmur once again, ''Hyukie'', ever so softly now, drawing him upwards and connecting your lips to his. The world is silenced, it's noise drowned out as well your tension, long forgotten now. He loves the nickname. It stirs him up, the way you say it, how you say it, he wants to keep hearing it. Then is the other concern that he will never see you after this, that you will be transported back to the world beyond the painting you came from.

He pushes it away as he reveals your top, exposing the curve of your breast ever so beautifully. And then he makes the brave move of uncovering your breasts, lingering his lips over the supple skin. Your stretch marks or not, your tattoos or not, or not, he kisses the skin, taking your perky bud into his mouth. He makes you gasp, swallowing the bud into his mouth and flickering his tongue around it. It's so arousing. There's a fire in your belly, of all the things he does to you, he cares for you. There's enough room for that. The most poignant is his voice, his groan when he's entering you, holding you and gasping at the unholy loving expression on your face. There are some things about you like your moans as he makes your toes curl and his face when you release for the nth time throughout that would make him release, immediately, on the spot, if he were to ever witness it if the two of you were not under such circumstances. He wants to hold you close to him, to relish in these moments he has with you because he doesn't know when it's going to finish, the expedition or- what the two of you have. So he does exactly that, gasping so prettily when you straddle him, ''You're so pretty you know?'' you can't help but say. Everything about the way he sees you right now, through hooded eyes that struggle to stay open because he wants to see, to commit, your waist that he holds as he guides you up and down on his cock, the way your breasts bounce, your expression and how you can't hold in your moans. From this position, you feel him in deeper, he moves his hands from your waist to holding your own, gently coaxing another release out of you. He takes in everything and moves in tandem with you, like two people on opposite sides of a street, instinctively walking when they see the signal turn green. Visually, he absorbs everything which is why, he couldn't be finished, not now. You lay in his arms, awake at almost six in the morning when the sun is barely peeking out from behind the mountains. You have a conversation about moments before when he awoke to you rustling your trousers on. He has his arms wrapped around you, like he doesn't want you to leave and from you confessing that you like him moments earlier, you suspect that you won't go now. His insatiability comes back when confesses that he likes you to, swathing you in his kisses, making you moan and grab him everywhere as you ask him of all the things he would gladly do for you.

Rowoon | Kim Seokwoo:

Possible au?, I'm in love with au's these days: I suspect that Seokwoo would introduce you to his cabin that is not to far away from civilisation. He could have met you as a new neighbour who recently moved into town and someone you grew close to very quickly or more towards the angel/demon au trope, he rescues you from a little accident which explain why he lives where he lives, there is nobody to bother him but is close enough for him to gather supplies. Truthfully, you could think of anything but the main principle applies: he is someone that you can trust and a person who lives in a balance of ambience and peacefulness whilst having fun. Every resident is excited since winter usually prolongs the days, making it seem as if its been cold for very long which some people enjoy and some people don't. Either way, summer dwindles the ice on the tree leaves, reducing it to puddles but it also brings out the playful sounds of birds and children and adults playing in the parks. If you are the new resident, he makes it a point to show you around, the parks, the offices, the restaurants, places to shop and relax. He also catches feelings for you, much more in a slow burn kind of way than fast falling and right from the start. Little touches or closeness makes him pause a beat and think about what he felt but sometimes he doesn't get that chance of thinking. It just occurs-when he's flustered. Say for example that you touch his hand or stand close to him, the proximity rises pink onto his cheeks, a prominent colour on him. You definitely go on a trip together, maybe a picnic on a day that is not particularly windy. This is different from meeting up outside of work or going on little adventures to the restaurants to try out a new cuisine or the pub or for shopping groceries. It's possible that he may not be shopping for himself but he'll accompany you where you go. All the times you go on a picnic are special to him, especially if you make some food for it, he'll appreciate it gladly but if you don't, he'll make it a point to make something. If you feed him, be assured that at first he may pull back but will like it very much, like the type that you love on second tries and continue loving it. It's then at the picnics that he'll gravitate towards what you like, he's curious in your tastes for example cotton candy or sweets or what games you like to play and your life before you came to this place. At pubs, you know what you like but he's not afraid to try out something new. It may be something that he'll want to share with you. Going to the pub becomes a thing when you want to speak to the other, tell each other about your day and eat and drink but most of all, to see the other person. Grocery shopping is well, the domestic side of him that makes you melt with his recommendations after staying in the place for so long that he knows what's good and what's not. It's only after you acknowledge your feelings for one another that he dwells on his sexual feelings for you, growing them one by one.

His voice is husky and it feels weird for me to describe it in this way but very naturally, it's a part of him. A part that you love. When he sees you from the back and surprises you, his voice makes it never sound like a surprise. Instead it soothes the tense posture you immediately assumed when you felt a figure come from behind you. His hugs are bear hugs, that he showers you with constantly, when he sees you, to hold you when you are upset and even when he is. When he nestles into your neck on a gloomy day, he can feel his stress seep away and bring something better- calm. It only goes to say then that when you make love, he loves to hold you in his arms, thrusting into your core. His moans make your feverish with delight, with a reflection of the icy weather melting into little puddles. It also become something that the two of you do, mutual masturbation, when you make out and as if on cue, you giggle and pull part. You lay on your back and he hovers above you, stroking his cock, small, breathy moans falling from his lips at the wonderous sight in front of him. At first if you are shy, he'll coax you softly with his voice, whispering, ''You can do this'', that little edge that it takes to soothe your mind and give it a go. In his eyes, you are a beauty and to see you fill yourself with your fingers makes him have to hold onto something, like grip the end of the bed or it's sheets tightly. After you release, he may take you to some other part of his cabin, maybe the kitchen to eat something but distracted by your naked body will he rub his cock in between your ass cheeks, putting you onto the counter and taking you from behind. In the way that makes your mouth fall open.

Zuho | Baek Juho:

Frustrated typing at his keyboards fills the room drawing a raise of your eyebrows half way up your forehead at the absolute demolition you hear. He leans back in his chair, sighing, ''You know, when was it?'', ''hm?'' he turns to you. The same chair he uses for producing, you are currently in his studio. ''Jaeyoon said that you couldn't game because you would... destroy the keyboard.'' and you have to laugh at this. He pretends to be unimpressed but a small smile peaks up in automatic response to seeing you smile. After seeing his expression, you laugh even more, his arms are crossed and he's staring at you as if to say, ironic but he won't say it out of a false hope at retaliation. You were pretty good, alright but to him, it was wonders! How could you do such stuff?! Moments later, he quits the game and opens a file, the studio grows peaceful as the keys of the keyboard are tapped in near silence, a huge contrast to the clickety-boom!-clackety of before. You grow bored. Feet shuffle from behind him and onto his lap, distracting him from his hold on his mouse and screen, your figure covers it. He smiles, innocently, very cutely in fact as you play with the material of his jumper, feeling his embrace bring him in-line with your chest which he nuzzles into. He sighs, asking, ''do you want to take a break?'', eliciting a yes! in thought and sound, tugging him to the sofa. The sofa is... comfy. You lay on it, extending your arms. He settles into them, hugging your waist and resting on your tummy. ''Ju?'', you ask, waiting a beat, ''How is it going?'', another way of asking his progress on the song, further leading to when you can listen to it. It's as if he knows your true questions because he says, ''Soon'', voice muffled by his hiding in your tummy. He pulls your top up, staring for a beat with a look that takes your breath away. His eyes... they marvel in deep thought that you think you know what he's about to ask you for your ''talk'' later. Your breath is taken away. You know what he wants to say, it's on the tip of your tongue but you can't voice it. Surely, you want to hear it from him even more. You would marvel even more then. ''Let's have that talk now?'', your breath hitches, pauses in your throat. He's got more reasons to come inside of your now and the thoughts makes your core ache. You squeeze your thighs together out of reflex. You sit up and so does he, his hands rests on your thigh. You can feel the heat from his legs that are so close to yours, suddenly becoming aware of his cologne that invades your senses. He reaches for your hand, eyes wide, looking around before he starts, ''Babe, I-'' but stops short. You hum, realising that it's importance made him pause. You give him an encouraging look, ''Go on, just say it, blurt it out, anything baby'', squeezing his hand in comfort. He sees your eyes, the love they have in them and he just says it, without a pause or hesitation. ''I want to have a baby, with you of course.'', he says and the last part provokes laughter. ''A baby?'', you ask, he nods, ''With me?'', now he sees that you are teasing and pulls back, ''But why? Why with me?''. Your laughter and playful teasing ease the tension he feels. At least you aren't averse to the idea. When you stop laughing, you reach to cusp his cheeks, ''Baby, I'd like that idea.''. Those words are enough for him to lose his mind. He thought that this decision would take time, weeks if not for just one day but his questions have been answered. Just like that, his shock wears off. It takes him less than a second to pull you up and start jumping around, out of pure joy. He sobers up pretty quickly though, must faster than you anticipate, he's pulling his stuff off the table, switching off the lights. ''Home?'' you ask, taking the lead. When you get into the car, you say, ''This is kinda funny, we couldn't possibly be running home for this.'', ''Why not?'', ''There's no expiry, at least not for now. We've got... time.'', ''Yes?'', ''Yes'' you confirm, nodding your head, heading home. ''Also, why are we going home?'' you ask,

''What do you mean?'' he replies, not believing why you have no idea that you're leaving his studio early. ''It feels weird to leave early.'', you want to stop over somewhere. He sees your anxiousness, ''Lets stop over the station and buy something to eat.'', pointing at the turn. When you get out of the car, you can finally breathe, leaving the anxiety accompanied by your decision earlier. He takes your hand, holding your cheek and pulling you closer. He needed to do this. To give you a kiss which he first places very delicately on your cheek and then on the corner of your lips, finally on your lips. The moment is everlasting. He cups both your cheeks, gently, kissing you lovingly as if to say a multitude of unspoken things.

*sigh*, dear anon, I did it again: I strayed off-topic. I should be ashamed but the above writing is gold so I will include the little titbits after this: Ju's voice colours everything he feels, even if it's just a little bit, his hands may twitch or he'll sound a low sound that will alert you of what he's feeling. His best sound is when he gasps, it's not too much neither too little. He throws his head back and his back arches, it takes a small breath for him to resume. The scene I imagine as I write this is him receiving a blowjob. Otherwise, he would love to try out having sex in new places with you. Against the counter? Having you lean against it as his cock fills you up? Slowly, lovingly? He's all for it, whatever or wherever you imagine yourself to be, with him.

Yoo Taeyang:

We'll start from the end: when he releases, his soft pants are capturing, distracting you even a little from your agenda of releasing your juices around his cock. His favourite position to have you ride his cock with your hands clutching his waist, circling your hips on his, he can't control the haziness that cloud his expression. His hands wander a lot though, to your nipples, pinching them but ever so often, he feels like tasting you. Having you in his mouth, to swirl his tongue around and relish in the beauty of how you taste. He brings you down, close to his chest so that he can take your bud in his mouth, ''I neglected this didn't I?'' and at your whines, he nods, chuckling, ''I'm sorry about that...'', trailing off to add extra vibration of pleasure that travel straight south. He's charismatic, without even trying.

Imagine another set of scenarios: Taeyang punishing. It's at a party, in a house containing lots of rooms save for the fact that the party is only on the first floor, you know that it's progress to the upper floors throughout the night. He takes you somewhere remote, messily clashing his lips against yours, tugging at your clothes. You've moved past the need for words. On your knees, you take his cock, bobbing your head and for the god lack of co-ordination, you stumble at first but he's quick to reassure you that you can do whatever for the first couple of times because he'll teach you well. His yelp is disappointingly loud when you playfully run your teeth along his cock and you peer up, to see his heated eyes, out of annoyance. ''On purpose?'' is the question that his expression seeks to answer but to which there is no answer. His moans are concealed when his hands land harshly on your ass, his cock red and hard no doubt. But instead, you pant and so does he, his breathing heavy and he struggles to stop just to fill you up. There's a hint of body worship that peeks out there, running his hands up and down your body, even into the dip in between your legs, coating his fingers in your juices. He loses control for a bit there, turning you around and kissing you with such high energy. His feelings for you- all over the place. In surprise, to contrast his previous energy, he gets down on his knees. He wants to. One leg over his shoulder, he dives in to taste your juices, placing kitten licks everywhere before pumping you with his digits, sucking greedily and only after he's wrecked you with one release or more as seen by your quivering thighs and shaking body but heated for more does he come back on top. If you don't think that you could release one more time, he's completely okay with it, equally loving your mouth on his cock that pushes him over the edge, once again with sheer force.

How about a best friends to lovers au now?: The suspect of loving you in this long-winded game is Taeyang, long-winded as in the past couple of months you've gotten to know one another. He's straightforward, to tell you that he likes you when the chance is there, an electric energy present, just before the two of you are about to kiss. He tells you how he feels about you. From there, your words satiate his nervous composure with relaxation. He kisses you, somewhat compose, majorly giddy from your confessions. He kisses you till your back hits the covers, passionately. Kissing your breasts (or chest), he loves to uncover you, to take his time, rocking his hips against yours in a pace that is just in between making love and fucking, he'll take your hot skin into his mouth, nipping and sucking and then hold your hands above your head, when a release rips through you. His groans beautifully grace your ears when he releases, kissing you once again. He would settle in beside you, giggling about what just occurred with a smile so shiningly bright or go to sleep and then wake up later to explore your attractions to one another, once again.

Hwiyoung | Kim Youngkyun:

Kyun has attitude

I'm sure that it may be not what you asked for but what is this blog without my ramblings??: When you first have sex together, he reaches for you. To touch you, to feel you and to remember every intimate moment he has with you. He'll feel your body, every part of you, your cheeks, chest, waist, tummy, inner thighs, backside and even places where stretch marks and/ or tattoos lie because those are personal to you. He'll show you and perhaps even tell you that your body is beautiful, multiple times. A beautiful session of making love follows. Where every moment is spent in each others arms as he fills you again and again, revelling in the sounds you make, Your cries, moans, whimpers incite him to hold you and continue his love-making.

His sounds vary but the majority are audible: his grunts when he enters you, his moans when he holds the headboard as he fucks into you or his cries that he let's out into the crook of your neck as you ride him. When he receives a blowjob, he doesn't hide his moans but it's not about hiding, he wants you to know. All in all, his sounds are low in tone, very pretty and arousing.

A little story for you, dear anon: It's summer! Unlike the others, this one is comparatively cooler. The breeze blows past your cheeks. You return home to find Youngkyun with an apron tied around his waist, delicately chopping the food and placing them into the utensil. The apron is an adorable sight that crinkles your eyes. For your boyfriend that regularly throws gang signs, it adds to the overall clarity of his cute demeanour. "Babe" you start your greetings but upon seeing you, he immediately throws off his apron and comes towards you, eliciting peels of laughter from you. He picks you up and places kisses all over your cheeks, ''I missed you'', he says, pouting. At your smile, he takes you to the bedroom, placing you on the bed. You wait, smiling, he's changing, ''Right now?'', ''Right now'', he nods, energy on full blast. He straddles you, placing smooth kisses everywhere, ''You are so pretty, you know that?'' he whispers, taking off your top and bottom. "Babe, really, how was your day?" you ask, the both of you laugh at the question as you switch positions, straddling him instead. Filling yourself up with his cock, you hear his little grunt upon entering and a sigh of relief comes from the both of you when he's completely in. The sounds he makes is beautiful in every tone. His hands on your backside guide your hips along his cock and ever so often, he let's out these pretty high-pitched moans, throwing his head back and swallowing all the arousal flooding through his body. You chuckle, moaning in his mouth as you give him a soft kiss. After you release, droplets of sweat can be seen on both of you and pink clouds his face, heated. Panic sets in his features. "What's going on-?" you ask, he doesn't move but points to the door, "the food". "We have to go save it", you say, little, displaced confessionals occurring now. You go to the kitchen and while he assesses for damage, you lean on your elbow, peeking at him in his naked form. It would very hard to argue with him if he was naked, you think. He nods, picking you and placing you on the counter, cuddling you. The moment could last forever. In between your legs, he doesn't bother with anything but laying peacefully in the crook of your neck, "Baby, I love you, I also feel like this was overdue", you chuckle, "of course not peach, I love you too" you say. A beat later, he kisses your neck, not hesitating to take a little bite that draws a laugh from you, ''Kyun!'', ''huh, babe?'' is his honest reply as he continues, till his mouth has reached your core.

Chani:

He grasps the back of your head, gently easing you along his cock. Eagerly, he watches your mouth swallow his cock, his own growing dry at the sight. A slight twitching to be expected, you chuckle at the expression on his face, ''Chani'', you take yourself off his cock, snapping his attention to you. Truthfully, he was so aroused by the sight, he lost himself in it. You chuckle, brushing away strands of hair from his face. ''What is it?'', you ask to which he responds by taking you hands in his and squeezing ever so subtly to let you know that nothing is wrong, ''I was just staring, I'm sorry-'' he goes to apologise but you shake your head, already knowing that he was absorbing the visuals. He is surprised that his mouth works, could he even speak after watching something so heavenly? He's not sure that words could be formed. He leans on one hand, sitting on the bed with you in between his legs, taking him into your mouth once more, eliciting a groan from him, soft to begin with, accompanied by the scrunch of his nose at the feeling of warmth. He looses him hand on the back of your head when he feels like he's about to fall on his back. Your hands slowly trail up his inner thighs, squeezing the flesh along the way, pumping his shaft to kitten lick his tip, a trail of saliva coating your mouth and connecting to his tip. His eyes, although occasionally close out of pure arousal, he makes sure that they are open. By the time he's about to release, a layer of sweat lines his pink-dusted, heated temples. When he's close, his moans grow louder and he pants, making unconfigurable noises. The words that he wants to tell you, how he's feeling, how good you are for him and to him get strangled in his throat, instead coming out as muffled noises and quivering thighs. If you let him release into your mouth, he collapses on his back after as you straddle him. After a few moments, he would be in the mood to eat you out and have sex with you after. If you take him out of your mouth and pump him, he would prefer to release all over your backside, your butt that he'll repeatedly squeeze and even take a bite out off when he eats you out before he fills you up. He's ready to make love with you, surprising you and himself with his energy, pent-up, ''I'm surprised'', ''About what? This?'', ''Yes, very much.'', ''Babe, look at me.'', ''Huh?'', ''After sleeping for half your life, you have accumulated these reserves of energy...'', ''Babe please'' he says, stifling his laughter at your teasing.

For his sounds, he could also be non audible. For whatever it is that the two of you are doing, he could be exploring what he is feeling, especially the first couple of times that he has sex or receives a blowjob or mutually masturbates, a new situation.

How about a detective Chani au?: He's a rough character, particularly because of his past experiences in his job, naming more death than life, he once found it hard to stay afloat all the floating bodies in his nightmares. He's been there and he's not willing to go back, he's struggling and he knows. In this au, you are a random stranger, cross-pairing from a different department to hunt down a very articular group of organised crime. Around you, his control on his behaviour slips, like his physical affection and how much he speaks, he guards himself on a daily basis, stubborn to keep it that way. He fights with you, demeaning you and when he hears your words, they ring in his ears and also bring about a familiar, painful feeling in his chest. Even when he kisses you. He's rough, pushing you on your hands and knees, taking you from behind. Then, unconsciously, he brings you to his chest when he realises that you must be close and praises you, ''You're doing so well''. He also realises that he wants you by his side. You don't pretend to know who he is, despite his true horror stories of dead backlogging teams and ruined missions, unlike the people he works with. Guilt long suppressed clouds his chest, it's a weird feeling, even when the two of you are done and you take him into your arms. He's crying. You give him some space. He looks up when you come back into the room with water and some tissues, ''Here, tell me why you've been such a dick.''.

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wishbonedean · 9 months ago

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I also have very strong, rant-worthy feelings about Mary (largely for personal reasons, shesquite triggering for me) and how she did/didn't fit in. (Also been a while since I watched those seasons, so I'm fuzzy.) I *do* think Mary finally begins to come around towards the end of her (second) life and probably could have had a much better relationship with them had they had more time (but this is the sad boy show, so of course the second hope rises, it gets squashed, a la Cas/Miracle take one/etc).

But however much Mary's characterization upsets me, i think it's important to remember that we never got to see a Mary pre-John (and thus, pre-divine influence). A cupid told Sam and Dean that they initially "couldn't stand each other" until a cupid intervened since they had a destiny to birth Sam and Dean. Not to make this a crossover episode, but young Mary (and even the Mary in the Winchesters spin-off) give me Katniss vibes- she's not dumb, and she knew the risks of having a "normal" life. Even if she wanted it, would she have wanted children knowing she'd racked up a list of monsters that might come out of the woodwork to target them down the line? Dean is often paralleled with Mary, and he is *constantly* hesitating about whether or not having a family is possible even if he did attempt to leave the life - we can't forget Mary was also traumtically orphaned by supernatural violence and if she's constantly paralleled with Dean, she may have had similar hesitations, so why did she go through with having children, knowing that Azazel's 10-year warning wasn't up yet, at the very least, she knew he was coming for her (and more specifically, wasn't planning on killing/targeting her, so she knew he would be coming for something else). Idk, it makes me question whether Mary truly had the agency over her own will to even have children, or was it heaven's influence that pushed her towards that purpose? We won't ever have an answer bc we never saw Mary (in this universe) before she "fell in love" with John.

I like to consider her second coming an awakening of sorts - she wasn't supposed to be alive anymore and had served her purpose, so maybe whatever hold heaven had over her died when she burned on the ceiling. Both her and her sons had to deal with the fallout of her finding her own agency under the circumstances (bc they put a lot of expectation on her as well - which i think is fair even as an adult child to ask of a parent within reason, and childhood wounds are weird and full of magical thinking, i don't blame them for struggling to let go of the childlike ideals they may have held towards her). She clearly needed time, and she made some fucked up choices behind their backs that she knew would damage their trust though, even if her heart was in the right place, so I have a hard time forgiving her, but then, all of TFW have done that to each other at some point so it's not like it's that much worse and I think Dean eventually recognizes hes treating her too harshly as compared to the rest of the family. I do think she's initially held to a higher expectation bc she's the mother, but i think that's what made Sam and especially Dean really struggle with her not being the person they expected her to be - flawed, sometimes hurtful, couldn't even cook! A completely different person from who Dean, at least, thought she was - even though it's nothing new, he'd had no idea she was even a hunter until s4.

I really do like where their arc was going though, bc she was just starting to find where she could fit in the family and dean was finally learning how to make room for the real Mary (esp since he was also learning to make room for his own real self, which, surprise surprise, was independent of Mary's actual influence - he thought she was a good cook and ran with that, becoming a great cook himself and turns out he didnt inherit that, that was all him, again, why i really like having the actual imperfect Mary around for him to identify his own value distinct from his parents who he always felt he got everything from, that nothing he did would be possible without their influence).

I agree, the pearl episode was weird, i chalk it up to weird djinn-like rules and maybe dean (edit: bc it's *crucial* to keep in mind that the pearl is responding to what *dean* wants/needs, whether he is *aware* of what exactly it is he wants/needs) particularly wanting the opportunity to have one night with his family of origin just to get the closure he needed to fully move on and be even more invested in his found family going forward. Maybe he didnt necessarily want John back, but maybe what he really wanted was the ability to *finally* absolve himself of whatever familial duty he felt towards honoring their memory so he could stop feeling so haunted by it (edit: bc let'sbe real, he doesnt need closure with bobby or ellen or jody in that way, none of them haunt him the way his family of origin does, the greater "need" exists in addressing the relationship/role he has with his family of origin - he doesn'teven use the time to focus to greatly on the harm done, they clearly focus on having a good time and dean is satisfied that they were capable of being a family at least once, that they werent a lost cause, and even if they only had one day, they could come together to make it count, and they really did come together to fulfill deans wish with the only opportunity they had - they pulled a lot of shit, but dean will always have this memory that they loved him enough to take his lead and not squander this opportunity). I dont remember much about the episode itself, i could be off-base, but that was more or less my takeaway.

The Winchester Family: A Rant

Can I just say that Sheriff Jody Mills was more of a mother to Sam and Dean Winchester more than Mary ever was, even after Amara brought her back. Like I guess no hate to Mary...? But like isn't the whole thing about the Winchesters is that family isn't just blood. They developed wayy closer bonds than the ones with Mary, and I know it isn't necessarily her fault, but she wasn't there. Like I dunno, I just wasn't in love with Mary coming back, especially since when she did come back, it seemed like she saw they were grown up and like, didn't care..? Like it felt like she went "oh my job is done these are just two grown dudes that I gave birth to once." Like I know its a weird situation, but as a person who grew up watching Once Upon a Time, where like almost the same thing happened, with Snow, David, and Emma, I can't help but compare their reactions and Mary just didn't stack up.

Snow and David were so ecstatic to see Emma and tried so hard to make up for lost time and parent her as much as they could. They kept trying even as Emma pushed them away saying she was grown and that her and her parents were technically the same age. Throughout the show they found a way to still be her parents while still acknowledging she was grown. It was really beautiful to see, but in comparison Mary did not stack up.

Yes, she is a badass, and, yes, her identity should not solely surround her being the boys' mother, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't be a mother at all. It would've been nice to see her figure out a way to strike the balance the Snow and David did, and I never got that vibe. In Supernatural, it seemed the opposite. It was Dean and Sam trying to be her sons and she pushed them away for the same reasons. I'm not saying she was a bad person, or even a bad mother, as it was a really weird situation and I can't necessarily blame her for how she dealt with it. What I AM saying, though, is that her name had no right to be carved onto that table. Point. Blank. Period.

Also, by the way, since I'm complaining, that weird episode with the pearl thing that let John Winchester come back so they could have a family dinner?????? As if that could truly be what Dean desired. Are you fucking kidding me. John sucked, made them both feel like shit, abused them, and yet that was the "family dinner" we got. It's been a while since I watched the show, so Idk a timeline, but screw the timeline for a sec. Across the entire show, a true family dinner would be Dean and Cas with their son Jack, Sam as the Uncle with Eileen, Bobby and Jody as the Dean and Sam's parents (because, unlike Mary, I very much feel like Jody struck that balance even though they weren't her actual sons) and Jody's brigade of wayward sisters trailing behind her, Donna as like the step-mother or aunt (Idk how Donna fits, I just LOVE Donna), and Charlie as Sam and Dean's little sister. Jo, Ellen, and Ash pop in with Rufus as those family members that are close, but you can't quite pinpoint how exactly you're related to them. Bonus: Kevin and Linda Tran come over like friendly neighbors because, even though they have a family of their own, the Trans are definitely close to the Winchesters, though, whether they like it or not. As much as I'd like to add Adam (to make up for him being left in the pit), I have a feeling he wouldn't want to. He seemed like a guy who refused to subscribe to the idea that because they were blood, they were family. (Maybe Sam and Dean should've learned a thing or two).

TL;DR:

Sam and Dean had a much bigger, and better, family then just John and Mary, but it was never really acknowledged fully and in the best way.

#mary winchester #dean winchester #sam winchester #john winchester #spn found family #me ranting

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fanmoose12 · 4 years ago

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Levi ignored the formal greetings and salutes of the soldiers he passed as he made his way through the barracks. His mind was focused on one thing and one thing only. He had to get to the infirmary.

Apparently, Hange had decided to start her experiments bright and early that day. So early that the sun had barely begun to rise. Not long after, a titan's arm broke free from its restraints and swung at Hange while her back was facing away. With no time to react, the full force of the attack had her instantly flying through the air and only stopping when her body met a wall. Levi didn't comprehend much of the details after that. He simply threw on his uniform as is, not bothering a second glance in the mirror.

He bit back a chill as he entered the courtyard, not knowing whether it was from the sudden cold winter air or from his own nerves. It was only then that he realized he had left without throwing on a coat.

When he entered the infirmary, he immediately noticed a small group of people huddled together. Hange's squad, Mike, Nanaba, and Erwin along with a nurse Levi didn't recognize. They all spoke in hushed whispers and, as if on cue, all turned to look at him. His pace suddenly slowed, an uncomfortable feeling settled in the pit of his stomach at their ominous gazes. He hesitated to approach.

After a moment, Erwin resumed speaking to the nurse and exchanged a few more words before she finally walked away. Erwin then dismissed the rest of the group as they shuffled away, avoiding eye contact as they passed Levi.

Levi swallowed the lump that formed in his throat and approached Erwin. "How's Hange?" He asked, hoping the tremor in his voice wasn't obvious.

"Levi," Erwin began, his voice stern and his jaw tight. "How long have you known about Hange's condition?"

"Just this morning." He answered.

Erwin's brow furrowed and Levi could see the wrinkles in his face. "I will ask again. How long have you known about Hange's condition?"

The question was puzzling. What kind of answer was Erwin looking for? Levi felt like a child being chastised. He was coming in blind to this whole situation, only knowing the information that Moblit had told him earlier.

"Moblit came by my room about twenty minutes ago and told me about the accident. I came as fast as I could."

Erwin's eyes stared intently at Levi, as if he was trying to look through him instead of at him. It was then that Levi noticed the small beads of sweat lining his forehead.

Levi's heart rate quickened. Something wasn't right. "Erwin, what the hell is going on?"

What was Erwin trying to get out of him? What did he know that Levi didn't? Was Hange sick? Surely he would've noticed, right? Then again, they hadn't seen much of each other recently. Hange had been busy testing a new theory involving the evaporation of titan blood and Levi had been assigned to oversee the development of the new training grounds.

She and Levi had grown close. Immensely close. Too close for Levi's comfort sometimes. They had become a bonded pair in all forms; emotionally, physically, and mentally. They knew each other's strengths and short-comings, their pet peeves and bad habits, their fears and hopes, the way each other tasted and smelled, how their bodies felt intertwined, the rhythm of each other's heartbeats. Hange had become the one thing Levi never wanted; someone to lose.

As if Erwin could sense his inner turmoil, his shoulders dropped and his eyes relaxed. "You really don't know, do you?"

"Nobody's told me a damn thing."

Erwin released a tired sigh. "Hange is alive but she suffered a concussion. The nurse wants to keep her here for a few days to monitor her once she wakes up."

"How long has she been unconscious?"

"I'm not sure but this could have been much worse. In more ways than you realize."

Levi could feel his frustration reaching its peak. "Why not just come out and tell me whatever the hell it is you're hiding?"

Erwin just shook his head. "It's not for me to tell. We'll continue this at a later time. You may see her if you'd like."

Levi decided not to further the discussion and made his way towards the room. Once his hand had reached the doorknob, he heard Erwin's voice behind him. "Levi, once you're finished, meet me in my office. We have much to discuss."

Levi's hand tightened around the doorknob. He didn't like being left in the dark but he was humanity's strongest, surely he could handle whatever news Erwin was refusing to disclose.

He shook the thought from his mind, wanting to be solely focused on Hange. He readied himself for the sight and pushed open the door.

Hange appeared natural as she slept in the hospital bed before him. Her expression was peaceful with the usual stress lines in her face relaxed. Her glasses rested on a table next to the bed with her uniform and winter coat thrown over a wooden chair. She had been changed into a hospital gown with a white bandage wrapped around her head.

"That was an extreme stunt to pull just to get some sleep don't you think, four eyes?" Levi mused.

He examined the bandage and noticed a minimal amount of blood from a scrape on the side of her head. He wasn't sure what the worry was about. Concussions were a normal injury for most soldiers, especially new recruits who were practicing with their ODM gear.

Still, Erwin had mentioned her "condition" which meant there was something Levi was missing, something he wasn't seeing.

"Sorry about this, Hange." He said as he grabbed the blanket on top of her and tossed it to the side.

Before the blanket had even touched the ground, Levi had stumbled away from Hange's bedside until his back was forced against the wall. His heart beat hard against his chest, he struggled to catch his breath and felt as if he was suffocating, his knees trembled beneath him, and his mind could not comprehend the sight before him.

Levi looked around the room as if an explanation would appear before him. He couldn't bring himself to look at her again. He was almost thankful that she was asleep.

The sight of her winter coat suddenly drew his attention. Like most things, Hange was too engrossed in her research and often careless when it came to her own health. Levi would often find her outside in the snow, watching over her precious titans, wearing nothing more than her usual brown jacket. She never bundled herself properly and always claimed she felt fine despite the obvious signs of her red nose, chapped lips, chattering teeth, and shivering body. And as expected, Levi would be the one to have to care for her when she fell ill.

Although, come to think of it, this was the first year that Hange had actually been adamant about wearing her coat. Each time Levi saw her, she had it buttoned around her, refusing to take it off even when indoors. And if he thought about it further, he realized that it always looked a size too big for her.

The realization suddenly came crashing on him as all the pieces fell into place. The air felt as if it had been knocked out of him and his head was spinning. If it weren't for the wall supporting him, he's sure he would have collapsed.

It didn't feel real. It couldn't be real.

It was stupid, he knew, the evidence was right in front of him but he just had to confirm it for himself. He looked towards her still sleeping face and then very slowly trailed his eyes down her body until he was staring at a small bump on her torso.

He steadied his knees and pushed himself away from the wall. It felt like an eternity before he was finally able to move his legs and reach her bed side. With a shaky hand and a deep ragged breath, he outstretched his arm until it rested gently on her swollen abdomen. He ignored the water stinging the corner of his eyes and forcefully blinked the sensation away.

It was as if his mind was not his own as he began to slowly stroke small circles on top of her belly. As he was getting used to the feeling, he felt a sudden pressure hit against his head. He immediately froze his movements and waited. A few seconds passed and there it was again, a small push to his hand.

He released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and could feel his lips curve into a smile. He was feeling a kick. The being inside of Hange was making it self known to him.

He became overwhelmed with an abundance of conflicting emotions bombarding him all at once. He had so many thoughts, questions, ideas, fears. At that moment all he could do was reach for her hand and relish in the comfort of her warmth beneath his palm. He needed her here with him.

And then a new realization chilled him to his core.

She would eventually awaken...wouldn't she?

"Hange." He whispered desperately. "Please, wake up."

omg, you got me so worried!! i thought hange lost the baby, but whew! i'm so glad the baby is alright! and your writing is top notch! if you ever think of posting it and maybe adding a second part...... hmu?

#it was so intense i was at the edge of my seat! even contemplated skipping convo between levi and erwin to see how it's going to end #but smh...... now i'm so interested in what erwin is going to tell levi

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animeyanderelover · 4 years ago

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Hi first of all I'm sorry for not thanking you enough for the last two shots you wrote for me the child s/o and main four was unique and adorable and the Leorio one was absolute gold I've been having a rough time my laptop broke and my instructor is mad b/c of falling behind so I didn't have the energy to talk . Anyway if it's ok I'd love a Kurapika shot with a snarky stubborn s/o who makes trouble after capture thought it go well with prompt 81 the hard dark stuff helps me process my grief

Hard and dark, huh? I will always prefer soft and desperate. But who am I to decline my darling’s wishes?

Warnings: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, aggressive and vicious behavior, threatening, violence, self-harming behavior

Prompt 81: “The more you struggle now, the heavier your punishment will be later on.”

Kurapika didn’t know if you were either just stupid or incredibly stubborn, feeling his already strained string of patience run thin more and more with each passing day. He knew that you could be very thick-headed, but currently you were balancing on a very thin and dangerous line. And you had to know that too, didn’t you? From the look in your eyes he guessed so, fear visible in your face, staring with a scared yet defiant look on your face at him, clearly not wanting to show him how afraid you really were. But who wouldn’t if someone with scarlet red eyes was towering right over you, looking like a demon staring right into your soul? You had to know that you had crossed his line, didn’t you? So why were you still so determined to get on his nerves? Why were you still fighting? You reminded him somewhat of a cornered animal, scared and anxious, but still struggling and fighting back. And to be honest, right now the term “predator and prey” seemed to fit almost too well, you quite literally being pressed into the corner of the bathroom with Kurapika looking like he was about to snap someone’s neck, jaw clenched tightly together that you almost feared one of his teeth would break any moment, the nails of his fingers digging tightly into his hand that you were sure at any moment he would cut his palm with it.

“So what? What are you going to do now?”, you sneered at him, glaring angrily up at him. “Why am I still going?”, you asked yourself silently. You knew that he was too close to losing it and you knew that there was the possibility of you getting hurt. So why? Why were you still continuing to push him over his limits? You hated this, hated that you could never shut your mouth for once. As soon as a thought entered your head, you had to say it out loud, no matter how much trouble it would bring you later on. Small habits were indeed very dangerous. But no matter how much you had tried to keep quiet, your stubbornness had always gotten the best from you, earning you not exactly the best friends or many friends to begin with. You had always been a trouble maker and the more you were stressed out, the more you always found yourself getting harsher and bolder with your words and actions. So this had been destined from the very moment Kurapika had kidnapped you, that you two would end up in such a situation. It would have been to pretty to be true to find someone who would be able to put up with this thorny character of yours, keeping you in check. You guessed Kurapika had either underestimated your savage side or overestimated his own limits. Or maybe it had been both, but that wasn’t the important thing now.

Since the very first moment you had been stuck in this house, you had only caused troubles, rebelling in hopes that he would let you go. You had thrown away everything he had gotten you, had attacked him several times, had thrown things after him and had also caused quite the damage in the house, often hurting yourself in the process, but you hadn’t cared, knowing that it would make Kurapika go crazy. No person would have been able to endure this for too long, not even the most patient person. And so you had witnessed Kurapika getting more forceful and mad with his actions and behavior more and more, his grip when you were about to throw something at him getting tighter and tighter, bringing him to the point where he left bruises on you. He had resorted to restraining you, tying you up and locking you in your room which had only lightened the fire in you even more. So for whatever he had hoped to reach with this, it had only brought him the opposite effect, causing you to get more beastly and sarcastic with each passing day. And you didn’t know how to stop, but in such moments you didn’t care, only caring about giving Kurapika a hard time. For what had you even hoped? That he would get so feed up with you that he would end up kicking you out? It was a rather stupid hope, even though you had to admit that this was what you had hoped for a bit. But you guessed the main reason was that you had wants to bring a point over. That you wouldn’t be carved into a submissive lover from him who would play the role of the housewife.

“(y/n). Stop. Now.” Low and dangerous, you knew that one wrong word now could der him off. His eyes were telling you everything you had to know. For a moment you became quiet, glancing around the mess you had made. All tubes filled with cream, shampoo and soap were scattered around randomly, some were open and completely destroyed, the liquid that had been once in them being smeared all over the place. A pool of water had formed itself in here, causing you to sit on the wet ground. You had freely broken the shower head, water still tickling down on it. If you looked closely, you could also see the shards glittering in it, the light illuminating the fragments of the now broken mirror. And around you a light shade of red had started to taint the transparent water, your knuckles still bleeding from punching the mirror. At least you weren’t the only one who had hurt themself in the process, on Kurapika’s face being a few scratches visible too. But this had been only luck though, Kurapika being too shocked when having first entered the room to realize you throwing pieces of the mirror at him. It wouldn’t be wise to anger him more. You knew that too well. You knew that you had to keep your mouth shut. You knew that you should just apologize or even say nothing if you wanted to get out unharmed from this situation. You knew it so well.

“Or what? What will you do? Tying me up again? Starving me? Locking me away? Do you seriously think that this will work?” So why were you still continuing with all of this? Was it really that hard to keep quiet for even a short moment? At least a few minutes? It wasn’t that hard to shut up. All you had to do was closing your mouth and not opening it again. But why seemed such a simple thing to do suddenly do hard to master? It was almost like an impossible thing to do for you. You could only pray that you would magically go mute, ridiculous to think about since this impossible. “What do you even hope to reach with this? Disciplining me? Pathetic.” Your tone sounded like you wanted to pick a fight, but in reality you just wanted to run away, wanted to hide somewhere and tape your mouth with something. Everything to make you shut up. “Do you really think that this will help you reaching your goal? Bending me according to your will? Do you think telling me that you just want to protect me will work? What do you think will happen to me if you keep me isolated in here? Do you hope to break my mind? To make me think that the world is really a dangerous place? Good grief, you really are messed up, aren’t you? Why don’t you just look around once in a while to get this sense thing into your head? The only dangerous thing for me here and in the entire world. Is. You.” The last two words were hissed by you, clear spitefulness dripping from your voice.

Kurapika didn’t say anything, making you question whether to worry or not. But then he slowly kneeled down, his movements terribly slowly, putting you on high alert. He didn’t say anything, just staring at you, giving you the feeling that he could melt your skin with this intense gaze of his, the red eyes awakening the impression that his eyes were burning. Keep quiet, keep quiet, keep quiet, keep quiet. “What? Did you swallow your tongue or something like this?” You gave him this kind of smile that basically screamed fake, sending him a short glare afterwards. But Kurapika didn’t react, at least not visibly, keeping a strange stoic expression on his face. This was concerning. Instead his gaze wandered to your knuckles, skin ripped open and exposing the sensitive wounds to his eyes. For a short moment you thought that he would make a fuss about it again, preparing to throw another line at him. But before a word could left your lips, you suddenly hissed painfully, Kurapika suddenly pressing your hands tightly in a not comforting manner, making you yelp when he yanked you up back on your two feet, fingers pressing exactly on the spots where your fresh cuts and wounds were. And with a dreadful feeling you realized that he did it on purpose, knowing that he hurt you, but not stopping. He wanted to hurt you right now. Why would he do that? And why were you surprised? You had been the one who had brought this upon yourself.

“What the heck?! You moron! You’re hurting me! Let go of me! Weren’t you the one who told me a few weeks ago that you would protect me from any danger?! I don’t know if you know this with the narrowed knowledge of social acts you have, but currently you’re doing exactly what you promised to protect me from! I guess now I need someone to kidnap me so they can protect me from you!” It was your fault! Why couldn’t you accept that? “Just shut up?! Do you want to die?!”, you screamed inside your head, wanting to punch yourself or slam your head against the wall. But the most terrifying part was that despite tightening his grip on your hands, Kurapika didn’t say anything, just dragging you silently out of the bathroom. Oh yes, that was it. His silence that clearly didn’t fit the aura surrounding him, a feeling thickly painted with frustration and anger. Like the silence before a heavy storm that would destroy anything in it’s way. That was the feeling you were getting from him, causing you to react panicked, kicking and pulling desperately, trying to free yourself from his by now iron-like grip, ignoring the warm blood trickling down from the freshly reopened wound. “Let go of me! Are you deaf?! Seriously, are you really gonna hurt me?! Wow, you’ve really sunken low, haven’t you? No wonder you’re such a loner. No one wants to be befriended with such a violent and cold-hearted demon like you.” What was with you? You had been a loner too.

“The more you struggle now, the heavier your punishment will be later on.” And all it took for Kurapika was one sentence, one sharp look to paralyze you. Gosh, you were such a loser, talking almighty, but in reality not even be able to hold your own mouth. You saw all the bottled up emotions on his face, all the anger and madness swirling inside of those glowing eyes. And somewhere down there you also saw something similar to regret. And you pitied yourself in that moment too, knowing that you had just caused someone to snap who had tried his hardest to show patience with you. And he had endured it for weeks, setting a new record. No one had ever been willing to put that long up with you. And you had just pushed all of his wrong buttons and you could read from the look in his eyes that what was about to come wouldn’t be pleasant in the least bit, the sudden darkness clouding his eyes telling you that a very violent lecture was awaiting you. You could have accepted it, begged for forgiveness, tried to apologize in hopes that he might go milder on you. But you did the complete opposite. Cutting your own tongue out suddenly looked very appealing.

“Congratulations for just reaching a new kind of low. I feel glad that your clan is already dead.” And suddenly Kurapika stopped, grip on your hand tightening to the extent that you were sure that only a bit more pressure would be needed to break it. Not only that, but all of a sudden the air seemed to change, you feeling like every moment it would crush you into tiny pieces. Stop it!! “If they would see you right now they would surely turn around in their grave!” STOP IT!!! “I guess you should feel glad as well that they’re all dead by now. They would have been so ashamed of you, surely not accepting you as a clan member anymore. I mean, who would after finding out that someone from their own flesh and blood would sink that low to kidnap someone? Where’s your honor?” He had started shaking by now, the air feeling like many invisible daggers, ready to plunge into your whole body at any moment. WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH YOU?! WERE YOU A SUICIDAL MANIAC?! SHUT YOUR STUPID MOUTH?! “And now you really tell me that you try to restore those clan of yours? Give up on your silly little dream. They’re dead and you’re the last one. You want revenge? You want to bring your clan back to life with my help? You wouldn’t have to do this if you would have just been there to protect them back then. Or if you would have just died with them. Then I wouldn’t have to endure all of this. You can pretend to be my “guardian” as much as you want, but in reality you just see me as an excuse to help your own guilt, right? You try to justify your behavior by telling yourself that you want to protect me when in reality you just don’t want to live with the guilt of your failure years ago. And I’m the perfect balm for your wound. That’s so lame, you know that right? You’re so-“

“ENOUGH!” His sudden scream made you jump back, followed by a sudden crashing sound. You remained frozen, staring shocked at him. Kurapika himself seemed shaken up, returning your gaze, eyes wide and staring with a wide variety of emotions inside of them. Tears started gathering in your eyes, slowly shifting your eyes to your hand. Blood was freely dropping down from it, the whole skin having bursted due to him suddenly crushing your hand like this. But that wasn’t the most gruesome thing. It was the way your hand had suddenly twisted, the numb pain somewhere in the back of your mind helping you realize very slowly what had happened. He...had broken your hand. And the moment you finally processed what had happened, the whole impact suddenly hit you. And for a moment everything turned black in front of your eyes, the sudden pain causing you to drop to your knees, and letting out a pained and shrill scream. Kurapika himself looked like he didn’t believe what had just happened, letting shocked go of your hand which you quickly pulled to your chest.

You sobbed harshly, the pain being too much to handle for you in that moment. It was to a certain extent your fault, you knew that. But that didn’t stop you to let your tongue get the better of him. “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?! You just broke my hand!! You’re a monster!! A demon!! Do me the favor and die somewhere alone and painfully!!” Kurapika had taken a few steps back, staring shocked at your hunched over form on the ground, regret an disbelief visible on his face as well as hurt when hearing your words. And just for a short moment you had the feeling that he wanted to apologize before it happened. The dark expression returned to his face, glazing his eyes and all of a sudden it was like his life spark had been turned off, his red eyes suddenly appearing more dull, causing him to look emotionless, cold to look down on you. “It’s your fault. I’ve warned you several times to stop. So don’t blame me for this. The only one you have to blame now is you.” Hot tears flowed down your face, your whole body feeling like it was on fire, not only because if the pain currently cursing through your entire system. You also burned up because of your feelings. You knew that he was right, self-shame and frustration as well as dread filling your entire mind, leading to even more tears spilling from your eyes. But what was your response?

“F-fuck you, you bastard. I hate you, Kurapika.”

#yandere hxh #yandere hunter x hunter #yandere kurapika #yandere kurapika kurta

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