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novelwritingtrash · 5 years

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When Harry Styles played the O2 Arena in 2018, his fans illuminated the cavernous venue in the colours of the LGBTQ Pride flag. Coordinated by a social media account called The Rainbow Project, each seating block was allocated a different colour, so that when Styles played the song Sweet Creature, an enormous rainbow emerged from the crowd. I was there, and it was pretty magical. But it was also emblematic of how Styles’s fanbase views their idol: as a queer icon.

There’s arguably never been a better time to be an LGBTQ pop star. Acts such as Sam Smith, who came out as non-binary earlier this year, Lil Nas X, the first gay man to have a certified diamond song in America, Halsey, queer boyband Brockhampton, pansexual singer Miley Cyrus and Kim Petras, who is transgender, have all enjoyed an incredible year, bagging the biggest hits of 2019.

Still, when Styles shared Lights Up, the lead single from his forthcoming second solo album Fine Line, there was a collective intake of breath. The song and video - in which he appears shirtless in what looks like a sweaty orgy as both men and women grab at him - was heralded as a “bisexual anthem” by the media and fans on Twitter, despite not really making any explicit or obvious statements about sexuality or the LGBTQ community. Instead, Lights Up was just another example of the queer mythologising that occurs around Harry Styles.

As a member of One Direction, Styles was – aside from Zayn Malik – the group’s most charismatic and enticing member. From his first audition on The X Factor to the band’s disbandment in 2015, the teenager from Cheshire managed to elevate himself and his celebrity swiftly rose to the A list. Helping him along was speculation about his private life: during his tenure in the band he was romantically linked to everyone from Taylor Swift to Kendall Jenner.

But there were two other rumoured relationships that dogged Styles more than the others. The first was his close friendship with radio DJ Nick Grimshaw. Styles and Grimshaw were often photographed together, and there were anodyne showbiz reports about how they even shared a wardrobe.

Inevitably, rumours suggested they were romantically linked. In fact, so prolific was speculation that during an interview with British GQ, Styles was asked point blank if he was in a relationship with Grimshaw (he denied any romantic relationship) and, in a move that upset many One Direction fans, if he was bisexual. “Bisexual? Me?” he responded. “I don't think so. I'm pretty sure I'm not.”

The second, and perhaps most complicated of rumours, was that he and fellow bandmate Louis Tomlinson were in a relationship. Larry Stylinson, as their shipname is known, began life as fan-fiction but mutated into a wild conspiracy theory as certain fans – dubbed Larries – documented glances, gestures, touches, interviews, performances and outfits in an attempt to confirm the romance. Even now, four years after the band went on “hiatus”, videos are still being posted on YouTube in an attempt to confirm that their relationship was real.

For Tomlinson, Larry was fandom gone too far. He has repeatedly rejected the conspiracy. Styles, meanwhile, has never publicly discussed it. In fact, unlike Tomlinson, whose post-1D career trajectory has seen him adopt a loutish form of masculinity indebted to the Gallagher brothers, Styles has largely leant into the speculation surrounding his sexuality. Aside from the GQ interview, Styles has told interviewers that gender is not that important to him when it comes to dating. In 2017 he said that he had never felt the need to label his sexuality, adding: “I don’t feel like it’s something I’ve ever felt like I have to explain about myself.”

Likewise, during his time touring with One Direction, and during his own solo tours, the image of Styles draped with a rainbow flag became ubiquitous. He has also donated money from merchandise sales to LGBTQ charities. His fashion sense, too, subverts gender norms: Styles has long sported womenswear, floral prints, dangly earrings and painted nails.

Nevertheless, Styles’s hesitance to be candid has met with criticism. He has been accused of queer-baiting - or enjoying the benefits of appealing to an LGBTQ fanbase without having any of the difficulties. I’ve written before about how queer artists, who now enjoy greater visibility and are finding mainstream success, have struggled commercially owing to their sexuality or gender identity.

Styles, who is assumed to be a cisgender, heterosexual male, doesn’t carry any of the commercial risk laden upon Troye Sivan, Years and Years or MNEK, who all use same-gender pronouns in their music and are explicitly gay in their videos. His music – with its nods to rock’n’roll, Americana and folk – doesn’t feel very queer, either. Looking at it this way, the queer idolisation of Harry Styles doesn’t feel deserved.

“The thing with Harry Styles is that he often does the bare minimum and gets an out-sized load of credit for it,” says songwriter and record label manager Grace Medford. For Medford, who has worked at Syco and is now part of the team at Xenomania records, Styles’s queer narrative has been projected on him by the media and his fans. “I don't think that he queer-baits, but I don't think he does anywhere near enough to get the response that he does.”

Of course, Styles does not need to explain or be specific about his sexuality. As Medford puts it: “he's well within his rights to live his life how he chooses.” However, he has also created a space for himself in pop that allows him that ambiguity.

It’s a privilege few pop stars have. Last year, Rita Ora was hit with criticism after her song Girls, a collaboration with Charli XCX, Cardi B and Bebe Rexha, was dubbed problematic and accused of performative bisexuality. Even though Ora explicitly sang the lyric “I'm 50-50 and I'm never gonna hide it”, she was lambasted by social media critics, media commentary and even her fellow artists until she was forced to publicly confirm her bisexuality.

But the same was not done to Styles when he performed unreleased song “Medicine” during his world tour. The lyrics have never been confirmed, but the song is said to contain the line: “The boys and the girls are in/ I mess around with him/ And I'm okay with it.” Instead of probing him for clarity or accusing him of performativity, the song was labelled a “bisexual anthem” and praised as “a breakthrough for bisexual music fans”.

Of course, there’s misogyny inherent to such reactions. But there’s also something more layered and complex at play, too. “There's such a dearth of queer people to look up to, especially people at Harry’s level,” posits Medford. “With somebody who is seen as cool and credible and attractive as Harry, part of it is wishful thinking, I think.

“The fact is, he was put together into a boyband on a television show by a Pussycat Doll. And he has rebranded as Mick Jagger’s spiritual successor and sings with Stevie Nicks; he's really done the work there. Part of him doing that work is him stepping back and letting other people create a story for him.”

One only has to look at how Styles’ celebrity manifests itself (cool, fashionable, artistic) in comparison to that of his former bandmates. Liam Payne (this week dubbed by the tabloids as a chart failure) has been a tabloid fixture since his public relationship with Cheryl Cole and relies on countless interviews, photoshoots and even an advertising campaign for Hugo Boss to maintain his fame.

Styles, meanwhile, doesn’t really engage with social media. He also rarely appears in public and carefully chooses what kind of press he does, actively limiting the number of interviews he gives. Styles’s reticence to engage with the media and general public – perhaps a form of self-preservation – has awarded him a rare mystique that few people in the public eye possess.

This enigmatic personal, along with his sexual ambiguity, his support of LGBTQ charities and his gender-fluid approach to fashion, creates the perfect incubation for queer fandom. It also provides a shield against serious accusations of queer-baiting. As Medford argues: “Harry's queer mythology has been presented to and bestowed upon him by queer people whereas other acts feel like they have to actively seek that out.”

Ultimately, the way that Styles navigates his queer fandom doesn’t feel calculated or contrived. For Eli, an 18-year-old from Orlando who grew up with One Direction, seeing Styles “grow into himself” has been important. He suggests that Styles’ queer accessibility has helped to create a safe space for fans. “Watching him on tour dance on stage every night in his frilly outfits, singing about liking boys and girls, waving around pride flags, and even helping a fan come out to her mom, really helped me come to terms with my own sexuality,” he explains.

Vicky, who is 25 and from London, agrees: “To be able to attend his show with my pansexual flag and wave it around and feel so much love and respect - it's an amazing feeling. I'm aware so many queer people can't experience it so I'm very grateful Harry creates these safe spaces through his music and concerts.”

There’s appeal in Styles’s ambiguity, too. Summer Shaud, from Boston, says that Styles’ “giving no f----” approach to sexuality and gender is “inspiring and affirming” for those people who are coming to terms with their own identities or those who live in the middle of sexuality or gender spectrums. “There’s enormous pressure from certain gatekeeping voices within the queer community to perform queerness in an approved, unambiguous way, often coming from people with no substantive understanding of bisexuality or genderfluidity who are still looking to put everyone into a box,” she argues. “Harry’s gender presentation, queer-coding, and refusal to label himself are a defiant rebuke of that “You’re Not Doing It Right” attitude, and that resonates so strongly with queers who aren’t exclusively homosexual or exclusively binary.”

Shaud says that the queer community that has congregated around Styles is another reason she’s so drawn to him. “Seeing how his last tour was such an incredible site of affirmation and belonging for queers is deeply moving to me, and as older queer [Shaud is 41] I’m so grateful that all the young people growing up together with Harry have someone like him to provide that.”

In fact, she argues that there’s a symbiotic relationship between Styles and his queer fans. She cites an interview he gave to Rolling Stone this year in which he said how transformative the tour was for him. “For me the tour was the biggest thing in terms of being more accepting of myself, I think,” Styles shared. “I kept thinking, 'Oh wow, they really want me to be myself. And be out and do it.’”

All of the queer Harry Styles fans I spoke to agreed that it really didn’t matter whether their idol was explicit about his sexuality or not. “It’s weird that people scrutinise people who don’t label [their sexuality] when they have no idea what that person feels like inside or, in Harry’s case, what it’s like to be under the public eye,” argues Valerie, who is 18. “It's an individual choice, not ours,” agrees Vicky.

Ollie, 22 and from Brighton, takes a more rounded view, however: “On one hand, I think that quite simply it isn’t any of anyone else’s business. On the other, if you place yourself in the public eye to the level of fame that he has then you should be prepared to be probed about every minute detail of your personal life, whether you like it or not – you should at least be prepared to be questioned about it.” Still, he says that the good that Styles does is what’s important: “He brings fantastic support and attention to the community, whether he is actively a part of it or not.”

Arguably, the ambiguity and mystery that surrounds Styles only allows more space for queer people to find safety in him and in the fandom.

Still, if fans are expecting a queer coming of age with new album Fine Line, they will be disappointed. Lyrically, he doesn’t venture into new territory, although there are some new musical flares. He also seems like he’s started to distance himself a little from the ambiguity, too. “I’m aware that as a white male, I don’t go through the same things as a lot of the people that come to the shows,” he told Rolling Stone. “I can’t claim that I know what it’s like, because I don’t. So I’m not trying to say, ‘I understand what it’s like.’ I’m just trying to make people feel included and seen.” Having said that, within weeks Styles appeared on Saturday Night Live playing a gay social media manager, using queer slang and even wearing an S&M harness.

And so the cycle of queer mythologising continues, and is likely to continue for the rest of Styles’s career. And maybe things will change and maybe they won’t.

“If you are black, if you are white, if you are gay, if you are straight, if you are transgender — whoever you are, whoever you want to be, I support you,” he said earlier this year. “I love every single one of you.” In a world where LGBTQ rights are threatened and there’s socio-political insecurity, perhaps, for now at least, that’s enough.

#is it enough?#that the privileged cis white man gets to cosplay the gay saviour?

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accidentalharrie · 5 years

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maybe you or one of you followers has access to the telegraph article about Harry "Why does the world want Harry Styles to be gay" I don't know what to think about this headline and I really want to read it but its online only for subscribers

Here you go, Nons. (I hesitate to post this but…)

“The thing with Harry Styles is that he often does the bare minimum and gets an out-sized load of credit for it,” says songwriter and record label manager Grace Medford. For Medford, who has worked at Syco and is now part of the team at Xenomania records, Styles’s queer narrative has been projected on him by the media and his fans. “I don’t think that he queer-baits, but I don’t think he does anywhere near enough to get the response that he does.”

Of course, Styles does not need to explain or be specific about his sexuality. As Medford puts it: “he’s well within his rights to live his life how he chooses.” However, he has also created a space for himself in pop that allows him that ambiguity.

It’s a privilege few pop stars have. Last year, Rita Ora was hit with criticism after her song Girls, a collaboration with Charli XCX, Cardi B and Bebe Rexha, was dubbed problematic and accused of performative bisexuality. Even though Ora explicitly sang the lyric “I’m 50-50 and I’m never gonna hide it”, she was lambasted by social media critics, media commentary and even her fellow artists until she was forced to publicly confirm her bisexuality.

But the same was not done to Styles when he performed unreleased song “Medicine” during his world tour. The lyrics have never been confirmed, but the song is said to contain the line: “The boys and the girls are in/ I mess around with him/ And I’m okay with it.” Instead of probing him for clarity or accusing him of performativity, the song was labelled a “bisexual anthem” and praised as “a breakthrough for bisexual music fans”.

Of course, there’s misogyny inherent to such reactions. But there’s also something more layered and complex at play, too. “There’s such a dearth of queer people to look up to, especially people at Harry’s level,” posits Medford. “With somebody who is seen as cool and credible and attractive as Harry, part of it is wishful thinking, I think.

“The fact is, he was put together into a boyband on a television show by a Pussycat Doll. And he has rebranded as Mick Jagger’s spiritual successor and sings with Stevie Nicks; he’s really done the work there. Part of him doing that work is him stepping back and letting other people create a story for him.”

This enigmatic personal, along with his sexual ambiguity, his support of LGBTQ charities and his gender-fluid approach to fashion, creates the perfect incubation for queer fandom. It also provides a shield against serious accusations of queer-baiting. As Medford argues: “Harry’s queer mythology has been presented to and bestowed upon him by queer people whereas other acts feel like they have to actively seek that out.”

Vicky, who is 25 and from London, agrees: “To be able to attend his show with my pansexual flag and wave it around and feel so much love and respect - it’s an amazing feeling. I’m aware so many queer people can’t experience it so I’m very grateful Harry creates these safe spaces through his music and concerts.”

There’s appeal in Styles’s ambiguity, too. Summer Shaud, from Boston, says that Styles’ “giving no f—-” approach to sexuality and gender is “inspiring and affirming” for those people who are coming to terms with their own identities or those who live in the middle of sexuality or gender spectrums. “There’s enormous pressure from certain gatekeeping voices within the queer community to perform queerness in an approved, unambiguous way, often coming from people with no substantive understanding of bisexuality or genderfluidity who are still looking to put everyone into a box,” she argues. “Harry’s gender presentation, queer-coding, and refusal to label himself are a defiant rebuke of that “You’re Not Doing It Right” attitude, and that resonates so strongly with queers who aren’t exclusively homosexual or exclusively binary.”

In fact, she argues that there’s a symbiotic relationship between Styles and his queer fans. She cites an interview he gave to Rolling Stone this year in which he said how transformative the tour was for him. “For me the tour was the biggest thing in terms of being more accepting of myself, I think,” Styles shared. “I kept thinking, ‘Oh wow, they really want me to be myself. And be out and do it.’”

All of the queer Harry Styles fans I spoke to agreed that it really didn’t matter whether their idol was explicit about his sexuality or not. “It’s weird that people scrutinise people who don’t label [their sexuality] when they have no idea what that person feels like inside or, in Harry’s case, what it’s like to be under the public eye,” argues Valerie, who is 18. “It’s an individual choice, not ours,” agrees Vicky.

Arguably, the ambiguity and mystery that surrounds Styles only allows more space for queer people to find safety in him and in the fandom.

And so the cycle of queer mythologising continues, and is likely to continue for the rest of Styles’s career. And maybe things will change and maybe they won’t.

#I hope it goes without saying that I disagree with a LOT in this article #telegraph #not sure how else to tag this #asks #Anonymous

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dream-easy · 5 years

Text

Lindsay’s Complimentary Life Update

Hello!!! So my time spent on here has been dwindling down over the past few months for a few different reasons. The beginning of this year did not treat me very well, and I hit a very rough patch in February that sent me to a pretty bad place mentally.

For those who don’t know, I just graduated in December and I didn’t really have a specific plan set for myself aside from the fact that I knew I had a dream company that I desperately wanted to work for, but knew it was difficult to get hired into. Around the same time of graduation, I also fell hard for someone I thought had fallen for me as well. At the end of January basically everything went downhill within a week. I got turned down from my dream company in their Denver office, one of my best friends moved states away, and I got my heart absolutely broken in a way I wasn’t prepared for. Not to mention, I had also tried applying for a position with my dream company in their Boston office, and didn’t get a response after my first interview. I felt extremely lost and depressed and ultimately stuck in a place I didn’t want to be. Two weeks had passed since my first interview with Boston. Valentine’s Day marked the very last day I spoke with the girl I was broken over and things were not feeling great. I needed something to latch onto to keep me grounded, and I got exactly that the following day. I heard back from Boston and scheduled a second interview. Between then and the end of March was an absolute whirlwind. My mental health still wasn’t in great shape but I could feel myself healing from the heartbreak and getting more confident about my interviews. After the fourth interview, they asked to meet me in person in Boston. So I bought myself a plane ticket and made my way there and did something right because they called me a few days later with a “you’re hired!”. Which I’m still having trouble recognizing; I’m so grateful and I don’t take it for granted at all, but landing a job with my one, single dream company just three months after graduating is difficult to fathom.

I got the news about my hire towards the end of March, and had about three weeks to find a place to live and figure out my moving situation, as I’d be starting the new job in mid-April. So I packed up my whole life in Ohio/Michigan and made the big move to Massachusetts. Leaving the place you’ve called home your entire life isn’t easy by any means, and I miss all of my friends and my favorite restaurants and the places that hold memories for me. But I’ve never felt connected to my hometown and I’ve been wanting to relocate to a larger city for a few years now, and this new job was genuinely the perfect opportunity for me to finally take that leap. Starting fresh in a new city isn’t easy either though. I didn’t know a single person here. The place I moved into was filled with random roommates I met on Facebook. Driving here sucked (still does). I wasn’t familiar with any of the areas and it hit me pretty hard just how much I was going to miss the comfort of “home”. My first main goal after moving was to make one single friend before June. I wanted someone that I could enjoy summer with; preferably someone queer so I had someone to celebrate pride with. So where do you start when trying to meet people? Social media. Social media has always been huge for me and it’s connected me to so many amazing human beings. I began following locals on Instagram, one in particular who is a positivity and queer activist in Boston. She followed me back, and I remember sending her a message just asking for advice on how to meet people and make friends. And she recommended Bumble, which I had tried using in the past and wasn’t entirely impressed by it. But I had nothing else going for me, so I downloaded it. Mostly for Bumble BFF, but I started to use the dating portion again as well to try and figure out if I was ready to try dating again, or if I still needed time to heal.

Long story short, Bumble BFF made my transition here so much easier. In May, I connected with one person named Izzy, who I quickly became close with. She became my road trip buddy and we got tattoos together after knowing each other for less than a month. She was also queer, which meant that I also had someone to celebrate pride with, so my main goal of making one friend was successful. It turned out that both Izzy and I had connected with another person on BFF named Shannon. We all met in person at a pride event and the rest was such smooth sailing. We connected so easily, and Shan introduced Izzy and I to a friend she had also made on BFF. I got to celebrate my very first big city pride with a group of amazing people who have become very quick, amazing, and supportive friends. This group of friends has kept me sane and so, so busy this summer and I’m so extremely grateful and honestly so blessed to have them in my life. If I hadn’t met them at the time that I did, I’m afraid that my mental health would have started spiraling downwards again. I wanted a community so badly when I moved here, and that’s exactly what I found through BFF.

Just after pride, I came to a point where I felt ready to try dating again. I was still hurt over everything that had happened earlier in the year, but I was no longer crying over her, and I could think about our time together without getting sad. So I downloaded Tinder because what else is a queer introvert to do in a new city? Dating apps have always sucked and it’s damn near impossible to connect with people on them, let alone find people that are actually looking for a relationship. After some failed attempts, I hit a random low one night. When things initially ended between me and the girl, I thought a lot about how I would never meet anyone as good as her ever again. Which is stereotypical to think, but it’s genuinely something I was concerned about. It’s extremely difficult for me to find people that don’t drain me and connect with me well enough for feelings to form. Feelings are hard. I’ve only ever truly fallen for two people, and that night those thoughts of never meeting someone as perfect for me as her started to creep back in. And then, much like what happened the day after Valentine’s Day, I matched with a girl on Tinder the morning after those thoughts sunk in. Fast-forwarding to now, we’ve been on three official dates, are spending two nights together this week, and already have a kayaking trip planned for later this month. We’ve already established what we’re both looking for and I feel really good about things. And I’m really happy. Like..really happy.

On top of all of this, my dream company is absolutely living up to the expectations I had set for it. The company values are everything I could have asked for. I’m not afraid to be myself in the office. My coworkers, team and managers are all fantastic people and I honestly enjoy working with them. Our Boston office celebrated pride and marched in the parade this year. We have an LGBTQ+ club that meets monthly in order to continue celebrating pride year-round and creating a safe space for all queer employees. Things are going so well, you guys. It’s actually kinda overwhelming and I feel like I haven’t really taken the proper time to sit back and really think about how much my life has changed over these past three months. It’s wild. I’m the same person, but I’ve grown so much and I’ve accomplished so many of the goals I had for myself and my life after school. Life isn’t perfect by any means, and I do miss parts of my life back in Ohio/Michigan. I miss my friends still, and it’s weird not being able to take a quick hour drive back to my parent’s house. It doesn’t feel like I’m states away; sometimes it feels like I’m just on a long-term vacation here. I’m almost numb to it. But I’m adjusting really well, and I’ve had a few really eye-opening moments that have made me realize just how amazing being alive can be. If you asked me at the beginning of this year where I’d be right now, my answer would have been still in Michigan looking for a job that would pay me better than Home Depot. I could have never predicted that I’d snag a role with my dream company, relocate to an amazing city, gain a great group of friends that enjoy road trips and travel as much as me, open myself up to dating someone, and find my own way without the help of others. The truth is that you really never know what’s around the corner. Just don’t be afraid to keep trying and pursuing the things that make you happy. If you have a dream, don’t give it up. Approach it from different angles. Even if things are not going great. Even if you’re not doing well. Even if you haven’t been doing well for a long time. Things are not permanent. They’re constantly changing and sometimes you gotta go through all the rings to get there. Words can’t explain how happy I am here. I’m excited to go back to Ohio/Michigan soon to see people I’ve missed dearly. But I’m also proud to start calling Boston home. I’m conquering this city and all of New England one day at a time and I couldn’t have asked for it to happen any other way.

#WOW this is so long and i don't really expect anyone to read all of this #i could have listed more details on things that have happened but i feel like this is a good enough summary #like shit guys #i'm just...life is really good #and i still cant wrap my head around it

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chasholidays · 6 years

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bellarke but clarke and murphy have a weird understanding slash ride or die friendship that they don’t admit to

according to my notes, this also coincidentally fulfills @pepperf’s prompt for Bellamy in makeup, so although tumblr will not let me tag you I hope you see this anyway

Before Clarke and Murphy became friends, Clarke didn’t really think Murphy had friends. He was the kid who sat in the back of every class and made sarcastic comments and never seemed to really interact with anyone else. If someone had told Clarke that he just ceased to exist when he exited her line of sight, she would have believed them. He certainly never seemed to do anything with a lasting impact.

And then, he shows up at the first GSA meeting of tenth grade.

As someone who joined thinking she was on the “straight” side of the alliance, Clarke does get that not everyone who joins the GSA is gay, but she has trouble imagining Murphy just showing up to be a supportive ally. Even if he is somewhere on the LGBT+ spectrum, Clarke is still kind of shocked he’s showing up. She didn’t think Murphy participated in groups of any kind.

Not that he really participates in GSA either. He introduces himself only as “Murphy” every time they go around the circle for names/orientations, and then he sits in the back and cracks quiet jokes when the opportunity arises. It’s like having another class with him, except that no one is forcing him to be there. This is what he chooses to do with his time.

“It’s weird, right?” she asks Finn. He doesn’t belong to the GSA, but she gives him the updates.

Finn shrugs. “I guess. Why do you care what Murphy does?”

“I just don’t get it.”

“You don’t have to understand everything, princess,” he teases, and Clarke just rolls her eyes. Obviously she doesn’t have to understand, but she still wants to.

Sign-ups for the group trip to Pride happen in May, and Murphy is behind her in line, so he’s there when Taylor asks, “You’re coming, Clarke?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Pride is for LGBT members, not allies.”

“I’m bi, remember?” It’s still new, saying it out loud, a word that tastes clunky in her mouth, but it feels right. After she and Finn break up, she’d like to date a girl. That’s an experience she wants to have.

“Oh, well, still,” says Taylor, like that’s somehow all he needs to say.

Clarke’s eyebrows shoot up. “Still what?”

“Well, you’re with Finn. I feel like it doesn’t look good for straight-passing people to be in the group.”

Clarke’s jaw drops, and she’s glad it’s anger that floods her veins and not humiliation. Taylor’s never been her favorite person, but even from him, this is a lot.

Defenses crowd her mind, but so do the inevitable counterarguments. She’s had this debate with herself so many times, if she can really be bi if she’s never kissed a girl, how she can know, how she can consider herself a part of the community when she’s dating a guy. She got through all of those things for herself, but if Taylor doesn’t think she’s bi enough for Pride, she doesn’t have any better argument than “I think I am.”

Unexpectedly, Murphy pipes up. “Hey, dipshit, she’s bi, that means she can go to Pride. What’s the holdup?”

“And whybare you going, Murphy?” Taylor shoots back. “I still don’t know why you’re here in the first place.”

“You don’t get to vet people’s sexual orientations,” Clarke says. “We all heard Pride isn’t for allies, so anyone signing up is queer. Like me.”

“I’m asexual,” Murphy says. “Is that good enough for you? I’m genuinely curious,” he adds. “If you think bi girls with boyfriends don’t belong, I’m guessing you’re not real big on letters that don’t even make the main acronym.”

Taylor’s jaw works. “Obviously, if you think you should come, I can’t stop you, I just think you should consider that it’s not entirely appropriate for–”

“You know what? Fine. I’m not coming with you.” Clarke grabs a sharpie from the bucket on the desk, crossing her name out so hard it’s probably going to bleed through to the table. “But I’ll see you there. Because I belong there.”

She’s out of the classroom before she realizes Murphy followed her.

“If I stayed there I was just going to have to talk to Taylor,” he says, with a small shrug. “Didn’t seem worth it.”

Clarke smiles with half her mouth. “Yeah, I guess not. You want a ride to Pride?”

“If you’re driving, yeah.”

And just like that, they’re friends.

Junior year, motivated primarily by spite and a mutual dislike of Taylor, Clarke and Murphy start a Queer Student Union, open to everyone who identifies as queer. To Clarke’s surprise, Murphy not only cares about LGBT issues, he’s actually shockingly informed about them. He identifies as biromantic asexual, although he admits the biromantic part feels a lot more theoretical than the asexual part, mostly because he has yet to meet anyone he likes enough he wants to be romantic with them. But he’s theoretically open to it. He’s done a lot of reading on not only sexuality stuff, but feminism and general activism, mostly because he seems interested in it. Academically, he’s not the greatest, but he’s intellectually curious, likes learning when he’s engaged.

When Finn cheats on her a few months later, he eggs Finn’s car, which is one of those things that Clarke would never approve of and would have told him not to do if he asked, but since he didn’t and she had no idea until several days after it happened, she doesn’t have to even pretend to not be happy.

It feels like the kind of relationship that might not survive college, but they both end up in Boston. Clarke’s at Harvard because she’s that over-achieving legacy kid, and Murphy goes to UMass because Clarke pointed out he could actually get a BA in Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies while still avoiding the classes he hates, which is his ideal learning environment.

It turns out he’s a good litmus test for her pretentious Harvard friends, less because he’s a good judge of character and more because it’s useful to see how other people react to him. Clarke doesn’t really care if they like Murphy–Murphy doesn’t care about being liked much–but how and why they dislike him and how they deal with it tends to give her some good insight into whether or not they’re worth befriending. She and Lexa break up in part because Murphy and Lexa never figure out how to coexist, while Murphy and Niylah’s weird friendship is part of why Clarke starts hooking up with her.

“He’s like all the parts of you that you want to pretend you don’t have,” Niylah observes one night, and Clarke frowns.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re supposed to be–The perfect princess. Rich, straight A’s, top of your class at Harvard. And then there’s Murphy, your excuse for not liking people. The scapegoat for all your worst instincts.”

“You have a very weird idea of what makes good pillow talk,” Clarke teases.

“I just think it’s interesting. Have you ever heard the term morality pet?”

“No, psych major.”

Niylah doesn’t bother responding to that. “It’s a concept in fiction. You’ve got a bad character you need to humanize, so they have a morality pet, the sympathetic character that they actually treat well, the one who’s there to make you think the villain isn’t all bad. Murphy’s your immorality pet. He’s the asshole you like because part of you is an asshole too.”

“I can’t believe this is what you think about right after sex.”

Niylah grins, rolls over for a kiss. “I just think it’s an interesting dynamic. The two of you simultaneously make each other better and worse people.”

“That sounds about right,” Clarke agrees, and tugs her closer, ending the talking for a while.

She and Niylah never get quite to being in a relationship, so when they graduate, they don’t break up so much as move apart. Niylah goes back to California, and Clarke stays in Boston in a cheap two-bedroom apartment with Murphy.

Sometimes, she thinks about what her ninth-grade self would think about her life: openly and comfortably bisexual, working in a museum instead of going to med school, living with John Murphy. Even her post-college self has trouble believing it’s real. But it’s good.

After six months of largely successful cohabitation when Murphy comes home late on a Saturday night with a giant bottle of flavored vodka and says, “We need to get drunk.”

Clarke never needs to be asked to drink shitty liquor twice. “Okay.”

Murphy roots around the fridge, frowning when all he finds is Coke and green powerade. “I thought we had lemonade.”

“Nope.”

“Well, this is going to taste shitty with the mixers we’ve got,” he says, frowning at the vodka, which is apparently raspberry flavored.

Clarke grabs the Coke. “If we drink the first one fast enough we won’t taste the second one.”

“Cheers to that,” says Murphy, and pours one generous slosh of booze into his world’s okayest sister mug and another into Clarke’s novelty Pikachu glass.

They’re adults.

After a glass and a half of raspberry-Coke vodka, Clarke asks, “Why are we getting drunk?”

“You need a reason?”

“I don’t, but it was your idea. What happened?”

Murphy makes a face, then drains his drink. “I think I’ve got a crush on a girl.”

It shouldn’t be unthinkable; romantic interest has always been a theoretical possibility for Murphy. He’s always said he could like someone, but Clarke sort of assumed he wouldn’t. It was just hard to imagine what Murphy with a crush would look like, and even harder to imagine Murphy’s type. What does he even like, in a person?

She wants to ask about a thousand questions, but she knows better. Murphy would just shut down. So instead she grabs the vodka, pours him more, and tops it off with what’s left of the Coke. “What girl?”

“She works at the pawn shop.”

John Murphy is probably the only person she knows who, in 2018, not only goes to a pawn shop, but goes to a pawn shop regularly enough to have developed feelings for someone who works there. It’s just so painfully Murphy.

“Is she just being polite to you because you’re a customer?”

He snorts. “She’s not polite to me. She’s an asshole. I keep trying to bring in stuff to sell and she tells me to get better shit.”

“That sounds about right, yeah.”

“So what do I do?”

“Can you just ask her if she wants to get a drink sometime?”

He pulls a face. “Pass.”

“Can you figure out a way to see her outside of the pawn shop without actually asking her?”

“I think she’s in a band.”

“So you got me drunk to agree to go to your crush’s concert with you? I’d do that anyway.”

“Isn’t that weird? Like–going to her concert?”

“How do you know she has a band?”

“She told me.”

“And the concert?”

“There’s a flyer by the register.”

“Did she ever mention it?”

“I asked her what it was and she said it was her band and they were decent.”

“So that seems like a pretty normal way to express interest in someone. You can just say you were curious or bored or whatever.”

“And you’re coming?”

“I’m coming.”

“Cool.” He groans and flops onto his back. “This already sucks.”

Clarke pats his shoulder. “You get used to it.”

Murphy’s crush’s name is Emori and she plays drums in a band called “Jose Chung’s ‘From Outer Space,’” which seems like a lot of name for one band, but Murphy tells her it’s an X-Files reference, so at least it makes some sense. There are four of them, two other women on bass and guitar, and the lead singer, a guy with messy black hair and sharp black eyeliner who looks too pretty to be a real person. He’s got a decent voice too, deep and kind of rough, an unvarnished kind of sound that Clarke feels down to her toes.

“Do you know any of the other ones?” she asks Murphy.

“Nope,” he says. “She was right, though, they’re not bad.”

“They aren’t.” She pulls her attention away from the lead singer to focus on Emori, taking her in. She’s cute, with a big face tattoo that must have hurt like hell to get, and long brown hair pulled away from her face by a red bandanna. She’s wearing a black tank top that leaves her shoulders bare, showing off more ink that clearly continues under the fabric.

She’s not who she would have pictured for Murphy, but she also doesn’t know who she would have pictured. She’s always thought Murphy’s type was more about personality than appearance.

Jose Chung’s “From Outer Space” are the first of three no-name local bands in the set, and Murphy, being the disaster that he is, wants to just leaveas soon they’re off the stage. But Clarke sees the lead singer making his way to the bar, so she makes a quick decision.

“I’m going to go make friends with the rest of the band,” she says. “If you want to run away, you can go, but you’re own your own.”

She doesn’t give him a chance to respond, but she hears some spluttered protests that let her know he is following her, and bites back on her smile. It’s definitely a little bit selfish, but only a little; Murphy did ask for her help. Sort of.

There’s just enough free space next to the singer for Clarke to wedge herself in, and the guy glances over, mildly curious, but doesn’t say anything. She checks around for Murphy, finds he’s hanging back, and leans in to murmur, “Sorry, I’m trying to force my friend to flirt with your drummer.”

The guy’s eyebrows go up. This close, he’s even prettier, tan skin dotted with freckles, a small scar placed perfectly to bring attention to his lips, the eyeliner the icing on the cake. “I’m not sure how this is helping your friend flirt with my drummer,” he replies, just as low.

“If I’m here, he can’t talk to me.”

“My drummer eats guys alive.”

“I think he’s into that. That seems to be his type.”

“Huh.”

Clarke flags down the bartender and orders a beer. “You guys are really good,” she offers.

“Thanks.”

Okay, so, he’s hot, but aloof, and a little too full of himself, if Clarke is honest. The band is really good, but they’re playing a small venue in Cambridge. They’re not big enough that he should be above talking to people, so it’s probably just a personality trait.

“What’s your friend’s name?” he asks, not looking at her.

“Murphy.”

“He probably doesn’t have a chance.”

Clarke shrugs. “I’ll be proud of him if he just gives it a try.”

“Low standards, huh?” says the guy.

“He doesn’t get out much.”

“So, how long do I have to stay here for this?”

Clarke blinks. “Sorry?”

“You’re hitting on me. How long do I have to stay?”

“I didn’t know you were in a big hurry to be gone. I assumed you were at the bar because you wanted a drink. But I can go hit on someone else. Is your bass player into women?”

That perks him up, because he’s apparently the kind of asshole who thinks girl-on-girl is hot. “Possibly, but she’s got a boyfriend right now. Sorry.”

Clarke cracks her neck as an excuse to look around. Murphy is talking to Emori and she’s smiling, which means Clarke’s work here is done and she can leave the surly asshole alone. It’s always a shame when a hot boy in eyeliner lets her down, but she’ll live. “Oh well. Murphy’s set, so you should have a good rest of the night.”

He looks a little surprised. “Oh, uh, yeah. You too.”

Clarke raises her glass in salute and slides away from him, moving down the bar to a less crowded spot. She doesn’t let herself look back to see if he’s watching her, but she does let herself hope.

It would serve him right.

Unfortunately, but not surprisingly, Murphy doesn’t come up with a better way to flirt with Emori than going to her shows, which means that Clarke is also going to her shows, to be a supportive friend, and getting to know Emori and by extension the rest of the band.

Emori, at least, she likes. She’s quick and funny and takes no shit, which is perfect for Murphy, and despite what the surly singer said, she does seem kind of fond of him. It’s hard to get a great read on her, but she keeps coming to talk to Murphy, and Clarke doesn’t think she’s the type to talk to people unless she actually wants to. Their whole relationship seems to be based on talking shit, but that’s got to be Murphy’s type.

Raven and Echo–the bass and guitar players, respectively–are cool too, easy for Clarke to hang out with while Murphy’s busy with Emori. She likes them all, really. It’s not a hardship.

Except that there’s Bellamy, too.

She does want to like Bellamy, but she can’t get over thinking he’s just kind of an asshole. He’s never really as aloof as he was that first night again, seems to warm up once he’s realized that Emori doesn’t seem to be planning to kick Murphy’s ass, but he’s still kind of cold. And part of her can’t help feeling like she should get over it, that it’s unfair of her to hold a grudge for one night, but she just can’t figure out how to get along with Bellamy.

She does try, but from what she can tell, he doesn’t. She asks him about the band and he deflects, talking about how they’re not really that good, it’s just a hobby. She asks what his real job is and he makes a face, says it’s boring. It’s not as if every conversation is like that, but she always feels like he’s not that interested in the conversation, like he’s waiting for her to just stop talking to him.

“So stop talking to him,” Murphy says, with a shrug. “Who cares?”

“Do you like him?”

“I guess. It’s not like I’m making him a friendship bracelet or anything. Does it matter?”

“You’re my barometer, remember?”

His eyebrows shoot up. “You want to date Bellamy?”

“No!” she says, but it’s too late. Murphy’s running with it.

“I guess he’s probably kind of hot? Not my type, but makes sense for you. And you’re pissed because he’s not interested.”

“I don’t know why you’re acting like this is news.” It seems like a safer tactic than arguing. “I told you I tried to flirt with him the first day, it obviously didn’t work.”

“Yeah, but you’re still pissed,” he says. “So you’re still into him.”

“I want him to be into me.” If she can’t tell Murphy these things, what good is he? “I don’t get why he’s not.”

“Okay, but if you’re not into him, who cares? He doesn’t like you, you don’t like him, no harm, no foul, right? Way better than the alternative.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong. He should like me. At least as a person.”

“I think he’d be good for you.”

That actually does surprise her; she’s not sure he’s ever offered an unsolicited opinion on whether or not she should date someone.

“You do?”

“Yeah, probably. He’s a pretty decent guy and we have fun hanging out. Doesn’t take my shit and gives as good as he gets.”

“But he’s not into me, so I don’t know why we’re having this conversation.”

“Because you wanted to talk about him. You started it.”

“I was complaining.”

“You complain about him a lot.” Murphy groans. “Look, like him, don’t like him, I don’t give a shit. But if you don’t like him, stop caring what he thinks, stop talking to him, and let it go.”

It’s exactly what she should be doing; she flops onto his stomach with a groan of her own. “I hate you she says.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“So, I owe you an apology.”

It’s a week after her conversation with Murphy and Clarke has admitted, at least privately, that she still wants to make out with Bellamy and still might kind of like Bellamy, despite all logic and reason.

And now he’s smiling at her, nervous and casual in a t-shirt and glasses at Raven’s game night, and she has no idea what’s happening.

“You do?”

“It’s stupid.”

“Why don’t you just tell me what you’re talking about and we can go from there? Because I’m kind of lost.”

He clears his throat. “So, uh–I didn’t know Murphy’s name was John.”

“And you’re apologizing to me for that?”

“The first night we met you said your friend was flirting with Emori, and I knew she liked this customer of hers named John, so I thought you were distracting me so some asshole she didn’t like could slobber all over her. So I was annoyed.”

“And you only just realized Murphy was her customer crush?” she asks, stuck between amusement and disbelief. “It’s been months!”

“I know! I thought he just got lucky and she liked him, but then she said John was coming tonight and I said I hadn’t met him and the rest of the band made fun of me for like an hour.”

“It kind of sounds like you deserved it.”

He ducks his head, smiling sheepishly, and Clarke smiles too. “Anyway, I feel like–I never knew how to explain without telling you I thought Emori was into someone else. And I still kind of thought you were a dick for trying to distract me with your feminine wiles.”

“I was joking!”

He laughs. “Yeah, uh–anyway. Sorry?”

“You don’t really have to apologize for that,” she says. “It’s not like you were–you’re pretty polite mostly. I thought you had a bad night. And didn’t like me much.”

“Yeah. But I want us to do better, so–can we start over?”

It’s strange, because part of Clarke feels like they never actually started. Like this is actually going to be their first try.

Which makes it easy. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

It should fix all her problems, or at least all the problems she’s admitting she has, but less than two weeks later she slams a bag into the island and says, “I bought vanilla vodka and orange juice and I want it to taste like a creamsicle.”

“Won’t work but okay,” says Murphy. “What did Bellamy do?”

“Who says it’s about Bellamy?”

“Can we skip the bullshit and you just tell me?”

Clarke considers. “Drink first.”

They make it through the first round and then Clarke says, “He likes me now.”

“And you hate him?”

“No, I still want to make out with him.” She sighs. “You were right, I’m totally into him, and now we’re getting along, and everything sucks. He’s really cute.”

Murphy takes another drink of his vanilla screwdriver. “So ask him to make out. At least you’re not trying to tell him you’re into him but not into sex and you’ve never actually dated anyone before. Why are you complaining?”

“Have you figured out a way to mention you’re ace yet?” she asks.

“Nope. It doesn’t really come up in conversation. No one’s like, how much does everyone love sex? They just assume the answer is a lot and don’t bother asking.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Keep complaining about your thing, that helps.”

She flops onto her back. “He’s just so pretty.”

Murphy pats her leg. “Yeah, that sucks.”

Murphy’s problem seems easier to solve than hers, especially in early May. Clarke gives it a week and then, when they’re out drinking with the whole band, asks, “Oh, is anyone going to Pride? Do you guys need a ride?”

“You’re going to Pride?” Echo asks.

“She’s bi,” Bellamy says, even though Clarke’s never told him that. “Or pan?” he adds, glancing at her for approval.

“I usually go with bi, but as long as it covers no gender preference I’m good.”

“I’m biromantic asexual,” says Murphy. Clarke didn’t warn him, but he’s pretty quick with this stuff.

“We always go to Pride because that’s how we got to be friends. Some asshole in our high-school GSA told us neither of us belonged there because we weren’t queer enough.”

“Jesus Christ,” says Bellamy. “Well, I could use a ride.”

Clarke will admit to startling, just a little. She didn’t really think anyone in the band was queer, had just wanted to give Murphy an excuse to share his sexuality. It was always possible she’d get a taker, but it hasn’t seemed likely.

But Bellamy wants to join them. If he’s gay, that kind of sucks, at least for her. But he’s bi or trans–into women at all and queer, basically–he might be her dream guy.

“I know it’s shitty to ask why people want to go to Pride, but I still want to know,” Murphy says.

“Also bi,” says Bellamy, so, yeah. Clarke wants to marry him. “I’ve never actually been to Boston Pride, though. I don’t like going alone.”

“Then you should definitely come with us,” says Clarke, and he gives her one of his melting smiles.

“Thanks.”

“Can I come along as a supportive outsider who would happily make out with a girl if the opportunity presented itself?” Emori asks.

“Definitely,” says Murphy. “Just don’t talk about ally pride or whatever and we’re good. And kiss a girl if you can, I hear it’s cool.”

Echo’s interested to learn that he’s never kissed a girl, and she and Emori and Raven get drawn into that conversation, leaving Clarke and Bellamy off on their own.

“So, that first day we met,” she says.

Bellamy cocks his head. “What about it?”

“I asked if anyone else in the band liked girls and you kind of–” She shrugs. “I thought you were one of those guys who thinks girls kissing is hot and for your benefit. But you were excited I was queer.”

He laughs. “Shit, I didn’t know you noticed. But yeah, I always like meeting more bisexuals. I was rethinking you.”

“Where did you end up?”

“What do you mean?”

She smiles. “You rethought me, so–what did you end up thinking of me?”

He bites the corner of his mouth, glances over at his band mates. They’re not paying attention that Clarke can tell, but she knows Murphy still has part of his focus on the two of them. The rest of the band probably does too. That’s the kind of group dynamic they have going.

Bellamy must be thinking the same thing. “You want to get another round?” he asks.

“Maybe at another bar.”

He laughs again, this bright, pleased laugh, at odds with his rock-star makeup. “Yeah, that sounds right.”

Outside, he says, “I thought I should have picked you up when I had the chance. I was kicking myself for–I’m still kicking myself for not flirting back.”

Her own smile creeps up, starting small but never stopping growing. “You still could.”

“We could just get a drink at my place.”

“I’d love to.”

“How much do you think Taylor Macdonald would hate us going on a double date to Pride with our straight-passing partners?” Clarke asks.

Bellamy pauses in his application of glitter to Murphy. Apparently he’s as good as makeup as he is because he taught his sister how to do hers, which works out really well. Clarke sucks at makeup; it’s nice that they have complementary skill sets.

“Straight passing?” he asks, dubious.

“His words.”

“Dick.”

Murphy grins. “I figure if I’m pissing off Taylor Macdonald, I’m doing something right. I hope every time I’m happy, he feels like someone walked over his grave.”

Clarke offers her hand and he high-fives her; Emori smiles. “I’m starting to see why the two of you are such good friends. It didn’t quite add up before.”

“Spite and stubbornness,” says Clarke.

“Our main motivations in life.”

“Exactly,” says Emori. “It makes perfect sense.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Bellamy teases, but Clarke just smiles.

“Whatever. We’ve got it all figured out.”

#idleafterthoughts

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stellarbisexual · 6 years

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Reddie / IT fandom

Companion piece to Whenever I’m Alone With You, from Eddie’s POV

READ ON AO3

Two months into college, Eddie’s life could not look more different than it did in Derry. He’d gotten a car and driven up to Vermont a full week earlier than freshman orientation, lying to his mother about the start date since he’d been practically bursting to get out of that fucking house, away from her, and across the state line since getting his acceptance letter.

He’d come to Middlebury with no lifeline and no real friends, apart from Bev, Mike, and Richie, all of whom he was on okay terms with but definitely didn’t hang out with anymore. Richie’d “gotten them in the divorce,” as Stan likes to say (Eddie often wonders if he’d actually coopted the joke from Richie), though Bev always stops for a proper catch-up session when they run into each other on campus--if she isn’t with Richie, of course.

But Eddie’d marched right up to the LGSA table the first day and never looked back, instantly gaining a group of loyal, fiercely protective friends to replace the ones he’d lost in the transition to college and the others he’d been slowly, painfully losing over the last few years. They drive into the city--sometimes Burlington, sometimes all the way to Boston--to go to clubs and other college parties (all queer, of course). They have parties of their own. Eddie drinks and dances and never stops being surprised when a guy (any guy, though especially the really cute ones) is drawn to him. The ball of anxiety at the pit of his stomach, the one that’s dictated most of his decisions since he was a kid, has shrunken down to no more than a tiny ulcer. Sometimes it likes to burn particularly brightly, usually within the first few minutes of Eddie walking into one of these dark, loud, crowded parties. But he just clings to his friends, literally, and breathes, waiting for it to subside. And it almost always does.

He hooks up with guys, still feeling painfully young and not at all sexy the first few times until one day he feels practiced enough to feel like he sort of knows what he’s doing. It’s way better than it was when he was with Victor; in a way, he needed to get away from home to feel like he was even allowed. He has fleeting moments where he feels attractive, even, like when he’s out with his friends and they’re loading him up on compliments (your eyes, your hair, your skin, Eddie), but he doesn’t carry it around in his pocket the way that some of the others are able to. He suspects he never will.

He watches Richie continue to grow up and apart from him. He’s hard to miss on campus, perpetually dark clothing and all legs (is the fucker ever going to stop growing?). He trades his glasses for contacts, which gives Eddie an unexpected pang, though there’s a lovely little intimacy in getting to see his face bare, even if it’s as they pass each other in silence.

Eddie sneaks into a couple of Richie’s band’s bigger gigs, ones at which he’s sure he’ll go unnoticed. He hasn’t heard Richie sing since they were kids, and not for real much, anyway, and when he does, he immediately realizes his mistake. Maybe Richie couldn’t sing Rodgers & Hammerstein for shit, but he can purr his way through almost anything with a guitar. And seeing him on stage, it’s too nostalgic, a pure, unadulterated taste of his old best friend, the kid he once knew, to whom he was once attached at the hip and shared everything with. Eddie truly hadn’t realized how much he’s missed that part of Richie, the clown in him, and it makes him ache, seeing it on display for a room full of strangers instead of concentrated on just an audience of one (or a chosen, cherished six).

Richie’s laugh, God, it’s still the same, absurd and carefree and dorky, as if it has yet to catch up with his shiny exterior. The ward of Eddie’s heart, the one dedicated to Richie, the one that’s been all sealed up and ramshackled shut, opens wide, flooding his chest and down the length of his limbs until there��s barely room for air.

At the end of his freshman year, Eddie’s roped into being a bachelor up for auction at some fundraiser LGSA’s hosting. A room full of guys bidding on him sounds pretty terrifying, but it’s for a good cause, and he feels like he owes the group for singlehandedly carrying him through his first year, so he reluctantly says yes.

He turns to his friends in a slight panic (I don’t know what the fuck to even wear), and they gleefully dress him up in a three-piece suit and make sure his hair is perfect. Most of the other bachelors are going kitschy or sexy, so they think it’ll help him stand out. Besides, Eddie’d quickly realized after his second or third queer party that cutoff shorts and glitter just aren’t his thing, so he’s happy to don more traditional auction wear.

He’s not sure what to expect. His fear is dead silence.

When he comes out on stage, the response is overwhelming, the cheers, whistles, and whoops feeling warm and supportive rather than objectifying. Most of the people in the room know firsthand or by proxy Eddie’s backstory, his struggles to come to terms with who he is and create a healthy boundary with his mom, so he supposes that has a lot to do with the reaction. It doesn’t make it any less flattering.

His entire face goes red instantly, and he turns away from the audience for a long beat to screech into his hands--which makes everyone laugh and applaud that much louder.

He eventually turns back to them, smiling sheepishly as the auctioneer reads Eddie’s “likes” and “dislikes” (that he totally didn’t fucking write) off of a neon pink index card. It’s difficult to see the crowd under the lights, but Eddie finds himself holding on to an irrational hope that not only is Richie there but that he’ll bid on him, make some grand, stupid gesture like he used to just to get them in the same room again. But Eddie also has a feeling Richie ran out of inspiration for grand gestures a long time ago, at least where he’s concerned.

It’s a confident, funny sophomore named Chris who ends up winning the bid on him, and they awkwardly agree to not go through with actually going on a date, that bidding for a good cause is enough and the whole thing is kind of fucking weird.

Seeing Richie sitting behind him in class the first day of sophomore year makes Eddie feel like he’s in middle school again. Just the night before, reeling from seeing him dancing and laughing with Bev and Mike under the stadium lights, he’d finally confessed their history to his new friends. They’d driven to the beach and gathered around a bonfire for a game of Never Have I Ever, Eddie lighthearted and buzzed off of Magner’s until someone had disrupted the flow of more salacious “I’ve Never” statements with “I’ve never been in love.” Eddie had finished off his bottle of hard cider and tossed it into the sand with a grimace, slouching further into his hoodie.

The others had to ask, and he was suddenly, fiercely in the mood to answer, so he’d told it all, the whole saga of how they’d become friends, taken solace in each other, and discovered themselves together. Everyone had sat around the bonfire leaning towards him, eyes wide, rapt.

Oh my God, childhood soulmates.

I’ve always wanted that.

Eddie’d given them a small, bittersweet smile, though he couldn’t help feeling that there was a huge, crucial part of the narrative missing, something darker. He and Richie weren’t just soulmates; they were survivors. He knew it in his gut: they’d been through a fucking war together. And yeah, they’d both had their crosses to bear as far as their families were concerned, Richie especially--but it was more than that, something even more life and death than the people and circumstances that shape who you are.

With Richie right behind him in class, he feels the spectre of all that and more. He feels Derry, the good and the bad. He can almost taste the metallic bitterness of his inhaler blast on the back of his tongue. Battery acid. Richie knows all of it. All of him.

A force much bigger than Eddie brings him to Richie’s band’s first gig of the year, another one where he can fly under the radar and, thanks to his height, sink into the shadows. He stands still at the back, drinks way too much, and ends up making out feverishly with some older, swarthy, tattooed, pierced guy who definitely doesn’t go to Middlebury and might be too old to even be in college. They end up on a bench outside behind his dorm, where anyone can see them, Eddie practically trying to crawl into the guy’s mouth, whining loudly as he sucks bruises into Eddie’s neck and shoulder.

He doesn’t bring him inside, and he doesn’t think of him when curling a desperate hand around himself in bed that night.

I was giving handjobs back when you were too chickenshit to let anyone breathe on you, let alone kiss you. Richie’s mouth curling viciously around the word: chickenshit.

Eddie’s soaked his pillow case with tears, both sides, and now, sitting up at his desk trying to focus his vision on his chem textbook, he pushes the heels of his hands into his eyes and heaves a raspy, dry sob.

let alone kiss you

This is it: this is the reason he’d started pulling away all those years ago. This is exactly what he’s been trying to protect himself from, and now it’s happened. Their kiss, Eddie’s first, something he still remembers clear as day and cherishes as one of the most beautiful, important nights of his life, meant next to nothing to Richie. It’s been negated.

Holy shit, Eds, I always thought you were a eunuch down there.

He wraps his arms around himself and tries in vain to breathe.

Richie’s words have tapped into an ancient part of him, the part of him that would have hidden away in his tiny room in his mother’s house forever just to stay safe.

This is all assuming bisexuality is a thing that exists.

His own voice bounces around the edges of his brain, cold and clinical.

Eddie’d been cruel. He’d negated Richie. And if he’s completely honest with himself, he’d thrilled at the pain in Richie’s eyes.

Yeah, Richie’d been harsh, but Eddie’d been first. Because Richie’s always been kind, especially to Eddie, and only bites when he’s already been gnawed to shit--and sometimes not even then.

Eddie’s mom had once told him that he had hidden barbs, and it’s possibly the only thing she’s ever said that he knew deep down was absolutely true.

He immediately reaches for his stationery pad and tears a sheet from the top, clicking the nearest pen on his desk to life, throat raw and breath reedy as he scribbles out an apology.

Eddie’s vision goes spotty when he walks into Morgan’s Tavern that Saturday. He sees them through the french doors at the front, all six of them impossibly beautiful to him, his hurtful history with one nearly forgotten in the face of all of them together like this. He takes a deep breath, wanting to rush forward, throw himself into their arms, and yet not at all ready to snap that final piece of the puzzle into place. He observes quietly, swallowing down tears, flooded with a love he can’t believe he’d almost forgotten.

It was so fucking unfair of him, he realizes, to have ever thought he wasn’t himself until he came to Middlebury and linked up with the LGSA. Bill, Mike, Bev, Ben, and Stan: they were the ones who’d actually opened the door and freed him, at no more than thirteen.

And Richie, of course. Richie’d blown up the door with a cherry bomb, the two of them laughing all the while.

Childhood soulmates? Eddie’d had six. He owes them everything.

He sucks in a quiet, “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” before cranking the handle and pushing the door open.

Once they’re seated, Ben takes them all in and blurts it out: “I’m a little jealous, truth be told. I don’t get to have any of you guys in New York with me.” His gaze lingers on Bev.

Mike jumps in, detailing his and Richie’s many failed attempts at making a trip down over the last year, and Richie smiles, though it’s soft and distracted. His eyes glance at Eddie briefly, but his expression is clear enough, and it’s a sharp sentiment that Eddie shares, one of guilt for every moment they’ve spent ignoring each other in college.

Bev takes Eddie’s hand under the table and whispers a swift, “You okay, honey?” into his ear, to which he gives her an enthusiastic nod and his patented of course I am face. She winks at him and squeezes his fingers, and he ends up latched onto her side most of the rest of the night, Ben latched to the other.

Being in Richie’s room after dinner is more overwhelming for Eddie than he suspects it is for any of the rest of them; not only does it smell like him, but it’s got Richie’s personality all over it, right down to an orange blanket that Eddie recognizes from his childhood bedroom. He has an eerie feeling that this inanimate object can somehow sense what he’s feeling; it knows a key part of their history better than anyone in this room.

Richie’s mere feet away, already digging into his liquor supply in the window bench and setting it up methodically on top of his dresser, but Eddie’s never missed him as much as he does right now. Richie’s able to furnish “usuals” for Bev and Mike--and most of the others, too--but he has to ask Eddie politely what he wants, and that cuts deeper than Eddie expects it to.

Eddie wakes up the next morning in Richie’s bed, alone, his entire body aching with the memory of crying, the warm, forgiving embrace of Richie’s arms, and way too much fucking alcohol. He wishes he could remember it all more clearly, though the emotional hangover is enough to piece together a narrative of last night, like a dream that dissolves away upon waking.

He’s in Richie’s clothes, he realizes, and that orange blanket is wrapped around him. Richie’s eyes journey over his naked shoulder as it pokes out from under the collar of his own tee, then back to his face.

Before Eddie knows it, he’s crying again, this time over Richie’s kindness rather than his cruelty. He’s rambling, too, and Richie is shockingly patient through it all, one large, warm hand curled around Eddie’s shoulder--the one that’s still covered by his shirt. He doesn’t know what the fuck he’s saying--he’s pretty sure there’s an apology in there--but he hopes what he wants to say comes through anyway: I need you, more than anyone else.

The rest of it happens even faster: laughter, hands grasping, kissing, and skin, so much skin--and not enough, either, desperate sounds from both their mouths, and in the end, even more laughter. They laugh way harder than the moment probably warrants.

Then again, Eddie’s never been happier.

Later that morning, after their five friends have given them no shortage of shit for looking like they spent the morning doing exactly what they’d been doing, they all go apple picking.

As the group makes its way down the narrow, sun-dappled rows of trees, Richie reaches down and envelops Eddie’s hand in his. They stroll hand in hand, Eddie with a quiet smile on his face--until Richie pulls him into a secluded little clearing to make out for a bit and slip his cold hands under his shirt. Eddie yelps, playfully smacking his hands away but still pulling him down for one last kiss by the collar of his open overshirt. They look at each other, both clearly remembering the last time they’d stolen a kiss in public, their friends providing unintentional protective cover just by being nearby. Eddie smiles wide and pulls Richie’s face down again, sliding their mouths together sweetly, with all the gratitude in the world.

Being here reminds Eddie of how beautiful Richie looks in the autumn light, how it puts fiery yellows and oranges and reds into his eyes and hair. It’s an incredible thing, to be able to look at him this way so openly, after all these years. He reaches out and touches it, the fire of his hair, and Richie gives him a soft smile, hooks an arm around his neck, and presses a kiss into his hair, leading them back toward their friends.

Eddie can’t help but look over his shoulder, back at the secret spot they’re leaving behind, up at the sky above it, blue with the threat of grey just underneath. He can’t help but think that though they’re protected, they won’t be for long.

When they rejoin the rest of the Losers, he notices Mike and Bill look up at the sky and shiver, clearly thinking the exact same thing.

Later that day, after everyone’s gone back to their respective homes (Mike graciously giving them the room again), they have the time to truly savor each other. Eddie’d be totally tempted to skip all of his classes this week if he could afford to; it is almost time for midterms.

Richie sits on his bed, Eddie standing in front of him. “Let me look at you,” Richie says, fingers playing with a loose thread on one of the thighs on Eddie’s jeans. “It’s not every day that I have the cutest guy on campus in my room.”

Eddie ducks his head, but Richie pushes a gentle knuckle under his chin so they can connect eyes, Richie’s filled with an odd mixture of anticipation and relief.

Richie reaches up and musses his hair just so he can put it back into place--or maybe he’s just arranging it how he likes it. Eddie’s eyelids go heavy at the touch. “You growed up real good, Kaspbrak.” Richie’s smile is lopsided and adorable.

“I hope I’m not totally ‘growed up’ yet.”

“I hope you are,” Richie murmurs into his neck. “You’re the perfect height for me,” he says, then kisses his neck. “I missed you. I missed you so fucking much.”

Eddie’s hands dive into Richie’s hair, holding him right there in the crook of his neck, irrationally afraid he’ll disappear. “I missed you too, Rich.”

When Richie pulls back to look at him again, his eyes are big, brown, and glassy. He lays a hand over Eddie’s heart, then starts tapping along with the beat, fast. “Bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom,” he mimics quietly. “Like a hummingbird’s wings.”

He pushes Richie’s hair out of his eyes and straddles him again, just like this morning, Richie’s arms settling comfortably around his waist, tight and yet never tight enough.

Richie isn’t his first, and he’s not Richie’s, either, but it feels way more important than his first time, way bigger. Richie knows him--not just confident, out-of-the-closet Eddie, but all the icky stuff that got him there--and Eddie’s so fucking in love with every version of Richie, too: the Richie that used to climb through his window, the one that used to pretend to sneeze on his pizza just to freak him out, even the Richie that broke his heart.

He especially loves the Richie that’s wrapped up with him now, making him feel all kinds of good and gorgeous, the one that dips him onto the mattress so he can lay properly, settling his manic heart.

permatag list: @reddie-to-fight @hurleyhugo @raspberrywind @losver-kaspbrak @lilgeorgie @geckolover001 @its-stranger-than-you-think @gazebo-motherfucker @waypunsarelife @reddietofall @happytozier @librablossom @aesteddie @tapetayloe@spagheddi-kaspbrak @sadhelianthus @adhdtozier @justcallme-trashmouth @fuckboyrichie @bandaids @20gayteeneds @richietoaster @burymestanding @reddiepop@notsugarandspice @richiefuckfacetozier @noahsschnapp

#hummingbird #mah fic #reddie #it 2017 #it 1990 #stephen king's it #IT'S FINALLY DONE #i'm not crazy about it #but i had to finish it #BAAH

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your-dietician · 3 years

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Pregnancy, birth and fertility care need to be more gender inclusive, advocates say

New Post has been published on https://depression-md.com/pregnancy-birth-and-fertility-care-need-to-be-more-gender-inclusive-advocates-say/

Pregnancy, birth and fertility care need to be more gender inclusive, advocates say

TORONTO — Fertility, pregnancy and childbirth are not solely experienced by women, and advocates and experts say that it’s time to change the narrative to be more gender inclusive.

From patient intake forms to online forums and communities, pregnancy is portrayed as something that only happens for women, more often than not excluding non-binary and trans people, and advocates say this exclusion isn’t always accidental.

“It’s often a lot more active, intentional and hostile and often coming from a place where people would call themselves inclusive, or equitable or feminists, but are also trans exclusionary,” Anna Penner, non-binary gestational parent of three, and Seed and Sprout program ambassador and birth and postpartum doula with Birth Mark, told CTVNews.ca in a Zoom interview on Friday.

From the first online search for fertility and pregnancy related information, it’s nearly impossible to avoid gendered terms.

“When you Google anything to do with pregnancy or childbirth you automatically get guided to these places and spaces that only use binary language,” Gabrielle Griffith, a non-binary parent, co-ordinator and doula with Seed and Sprout, told CTVNews.ca in a Zoom interview on Friday.

Terms like ‘mamas,’ ‘papas,’ ‘ladies,’ and the like are frequently used in pregnancy and fertility related forums. Entire groups dedicated to mothers and fathers exclude non-binary people entirely. But it’s not just gendered terms like these that make these spaces fraught with gender.

“Lots of spaces talk about pregnancy being the utmost feminine experience, and what it means to be a woman and all of these things that are inherently problematic for a lot of reasons,” said Griffith. “One of those reasons being that it is not inclusive, and it’s also not true.”

Griffith said that there’s a lack of education and awareness that results in these female-centric education and online resources.

“Which is what really inspired the Seed and Sprout community program that we have here at Birth Mark Support, which is completely focused on queer and trans-affirming reproductive care, education and support,” they added.

Like gender, not everyone’s experience with fertility and pregnancy is the same. Griffith was young when they became pregnant, adding another stigma to their experience, whereas Penner sought fertility treatments though a fertility clinic.

“I was 30 when I first got pregnant, and I got pregnant through a fertility clinic using an anonymous donor,” Penner said.

But finding a queer friendly fertility clinic was difficult for Penner and her partner. They used the knowledge collected by their friends and community who’d gone through similar processes to find a fertility clinic that would be inclusive, but even then the experience wasn’t ideal.

“Even when I chose that most inclusive space, it was still really not,” Penner said.

Penner also emphasized and acknowledged her own privilege in being a white middle-class person who is able to access services like fertility care.

Patients at fertility clinics don’t always see the same doctor or nurse practitioner on each visit, making it difficult for Penner to prepare for what she was going to experience each time. Even after the birth of her first child, struggling with undiagnosed postpartum depression they didn’t know where to turn and had no choice but to turn to the communities they didn’t fit into.

“Trying to find a community and build community because I was feeling really isolated as a new parent who was dealing with some postpartum depression undiagnosed, and every space being mamas, not even mamas and papas because there are no dads in this space, it’s all just mama,” said Penner.

But Penner felt that she either needed to fit into the mould of these communities, or have no community at all.

“Just like feeling really like the sore thumb in all of these spaces, but not being able to articulate it, because I was a new parent, I didn’t have the bandwidth, I didn’t have another community to go to,” Penner said. “So it was either squeeze myself into those spaces that didn’t fit, or have no space at all.”

These situations can be all the more difficult for people living outside of cities, in smaller towns or rural areas where queer and trans-affirming care isn’t even an afterthought.

“It’s weird to say that pregnancy is gatekept like that, but there are a lot of people that are just like, ‘Oh no, if you’re not a mother like, what are you even doing getting pregnant?’” LA Kress, a non-binary soon-to-be-parent based in Kitchener, Ont., told CTVNews.ca in a phone interview on July 6.

And they’re not expecting to get exemplary care in terms of gender inclusivity when they do give birth — already they anticipate being misgendered in hospital and has dealt with it throughout their pregnancy.

“The pronoun thing is just, you have to toss that out the window because it’s not happening,” said Kress.

They hope that when they are in labour they’ll have a young doctor or nurse on their team who will advocate for them and make sure to use correct pronouns, but even watching birthing videos online they said there’s a lot of ‘you go girl!’ and gendered cheering that takes place.

They said their partner will be there to support them and correct people for using the incorrect pronouns, and also calm them if incorrect pronouns are used, but ideally gendered language stays out of the delivery room.

“I just know that that’s going to be ringing in the back of my head,” Kress said.

Despite not feeling included in the space, they still peruse the pregnancy forums that use gendered terms, but they participate in them in a different way.

“It’s like when you read a book and you put yourself into the first person,” Kress said. “You just have to be like, ‘OK let’s just separate this from who I am, they’re not writing directly to me’.”

But this unnecessary gendering of fertility, pregnancy and childbirth extends well beyond a doctor’s office or online forum. The world, in general, expects a pregnant woman.

“What I found really difficult was that the world wasn’t made to fit the intersection of my gender, and my pregnancies,” said Penner.

Many pregnancy related items, including clothing, are not made for non-binary people or transmen.

“Maternity clothing, total nightmare, finding anything to wear for five to nine months was just completely terrible, impossible and dysphoric, so it wasn’t my body it was what was there to fit my body,” Penner said.

Nursing and lactating was also very difficult for Penner, but it was something she couldn’t share in many of the communities online that are so heavily focused on women.

“Postpartum I found nursing really dysphoric,” Penner said. “I found those changes and lactation really dysphoric and didn’t have space to express that.”

When a health-care provider told them that they were a “natural” at nursing, for Penner it felt anything but.

“In that moment, it felt like the least natural thing that had ever happened to my body, but that assumption that it was something that would just be fine, really came up against my experience, but prevented me from then talking about it,” she said. “Having been told it was natural, and it was great and everything was going great, I didn’t feel like there was actually any space to voice my experience or my discomfort.”

Griffith agreed, using their body to feed their baby was an uncomfortable experience.

“It almost always led to a disassociation. Maybe that was postpartum, maybe that was gender feels,” they said. “I think I’ll never really know because I didn’t have the space to talk to people about it and process it while it was happening in real time. “

Despite all of this, pregnancy and birth helped affirm Griffith’s gender.

“My pregnancy and birthing my baby and raising my kiddo helped me come to a clear awareness of being non-binary,” they said.

CLINICAL REPRESENTATION

Gendered language is just one small hurdle that trans and non-binary people face when navigating fertility, pregnancy and birth. Medical spaces like hospitals and clinics have been notoriously unsafe spaces for queer individuals.

“There’s the general health-care barriers, which are many. There’s a limited availability and visibility of trans-competent and trans-positive services,” Dr. Helena Frecker, a Toronto-based OB/GYN, told CTVNews.ca in a phone interview on July 1.

There’s also a lack of training and sensitivity among staff in the health-care setting, she added, but there’s also a lack of competency on trans health care where trans people often have to educate their health-care providers on how to properly care for them.

There are also structural barriers, said Frecker.

“Gendered washrooms, intake forms that don’t allow for people to indicate pronouns, or if it’s different from their health card, really sort of inappropriate relationship status, such as only married or single,” she added.

And it doesn’t stop there — technological barriers are also in place.

“Like in electronic medical records, the inability to even put a name aside from the name that’s on the health card,” she said.

There’s also the question of trans fertility, which is an under-researched area.

A study conducted by Boston IVF found that trans people using testosterone still had good ovarian reserves and could produce eggs for freezing or to use for in-vitro fertilization procedures, in which eggs are retrieved from the ovaries and at a later date an embryo is placed in the uterus to grow. But even this isn’t a guarantee.

“Starting puberty blockers at a young age before puberty can irreversibly affect the ability for people to be able to harvest their own sperm or eggs later in life,” said Frecker.

Trans people are usually encouraged by their doctors to undergo fertility preservation procedures before beginning hormones, but these procedures are costly and are only covered under government health insurance in Ontario, and those come with a wait time.

People who go ahead with hormones prior to fertility preservation services, whether it be to save up for the cost, while they wait on a waitlist or they’ve changed their mind about biological children, will have to go off of the hormones in order to retrieve eggs or bank sperm, said Frecker.

“If I had to lay out all of the barriers for people accessing fertility therapy I would say that one of the biggest ones is coming off of gender affirming therapy or delaying its initiation,” she said.

In 2019, according to CARTR Plus data provided to CTVNews.ca, of 35,896 IVF cycles, 58 patients who used their own sperm were female and 14 patients who used their own eggs were male. Fewer than six people who did IVF that year identified as non-binary and 5,008 people didn’t specify gender. However, the data collected by CARTR Plus, a registry of Canadian fertility treatment data, does not directly capture those who identify as transgender so this data may not represent all transgender people who used IVF fertility treatments.

Eileen McMahon, a nurse practitioner at Mount Sinai Fertility and former president of the Canadian Fertility and Andrology Society, works directly with patients banking eggs and sperm for fertility preservation. She said that a lot of the clinics are different in their clinical practices when treating trans people who’ve been on hormones.

For trans women who want to bank sperm but have been using hormone replacement therapy (HRT), they would have to go off of hormones for three to four months, she said, and there’s no guarantee that break in hormones would result in viable sperm. For trans men, going off hormones would be just four weeks at Mount Sinai, she added, but some clinics want HRT to stop three to four months before treatment and others retrieve eggs while patients are still on testosterone.

“The World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH), they have standards of care that clearly articulate that anybody starting gender affirming hormones needs to be counselled about the risk to their fertility,” said McMahon.

At Mount Sinai, they’ve seen an increase in these types of referrals which McMahon said shows that people are heading this advice.

“Our referrals have definitely increased in the last couple of years, but many are quite young, and they’re not in a place where they know whether they want biological children,” she said. “They’re not sure whether they want to go through this.”

Egg retrieval can be quite invasive; it involves vaginal ultrasounds, taking hormones so the ovaries produce multiple eggs, and retrieval involves inserting a needle into the vagina to collect the eggs from each ovary, all of which McMahon says can be a triggering experience.

“Some of them have never had anything internally in their life and the prospect of having ultrasounds and a procedure is quite scary for them,” she said. “And some trans women aren’t able to masturbate a sample.”

LANGUAGE MATTERS

While changing the language is just a part of changing the narrative of who accesses fertility, pregnancy and birthing services, it is an important step.

“I think that using inclusive terminology doesn’t take away from the experiences of people who are female-identified, I think it allows for everyone to feel more included and more reflected in the care that can be provided to them,” said Frecker.

“The UN has a system wide strategy on gender parity and they say that given the role of language in shaping cultural and social attitudes, using gender-inclusive language is a powerful way to promote gender equality,” McMahon said.

She emphasized what Dr. Muna Abdi once tweeted: “It is not Inclusion if you are inviting people into a space you are unwilling to change.” (https://twitter.com/muna_abdi_phd/status/1406236697306804224?lang=en)

“It doesn’t mean we can’t also talk about women’s experiences, it doesn’t require the negation of femaleness,” she added. “It just means we accept that women’s rights need not be one at the expense of other people, and when we are inclusive we’re including all those people we’re not erasing anyone.”

There is a belief among some women, particularly among trans exclusionary radical feminists, that using gender-inclusive language, such as pregnant people instead of pregnant women or pregnancy care instead of maternity care, erases women, but McMahon says that’s not the case.

For Penner, this sort of exclusionary attitude is more difficult than some of the other hurdles, and emphasizes the need to go beyond just using inclusive language.

“That can be a lot harder to combat when it’s not just omission, but a real refusal to be inclusive in the space, to even consider the possibility,” she said.

For Kress, it’s frustrating when people believe this line of thinking, because it doesn’t stop anyone from identifying, or being, a mother.

“That makes me angry and it’s like, why are you including yourself in something that doesn’t apply to you? If you like the word mother, great, I love that for you, but maybe I want to just be the parent. What’s so bad about that?”

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cigarettesandramen · 7 years

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Let me tell you a story.

This is my best friend. We met in sixth or seventh grade, at a megachurch we were both heavily involved in. I saw him crying during worship one night, and went up and hugged him without a word. Sometimes you just need a hug, yknow? Words can be overrated. But anyway, he messaged me on MySpace that night and we were pretty much click tight instantly. We did everything together; went to some different church related thing every night of the week (bible study, youth group, actual services, various “small groups”, etc) spent every weekend at each other’s house, texted nonstop every day. We were also very close to the youth pastors at the time, and spent lots of time with them outside of church. For the first couple years, our friendship was very “Christ-centered” (I legit almost puked in my mouth typing that) and our pastors were very supportive; they frequently referred to us as “double trouble charging Hell with a water pistol.” (🙄) Towards the end of eighth/beginning of ninth grade, shit starting getting weird at church. Specifically with the youth pastor. It started becoming very cultish, and we were becoming aware that what was happening with her was borderline brainwashing. It became apparent to us that she habitually became especially close to the particularly troubled/broken/hurting kids at church, and attempted to use them to further her admittedly well intentioned (I think?) Jesus centered agenda. And at the same time this was beginning to dawn on us, we were also realizing that we were queer. Of course, given the nature of our lives at the time, (I need y'all to understand that that church was not a part of our lives, it WAS our lives) this was very shameful. We began drinking A LOT for people our age, and “experimenting” with each other under the guise of ‘we were so fucked up, that was crazy’. And at the time we believed we were in love. In retrospect that’s hilarious, and we joke about it all the time. But back then it felt very real. We were different than the other kids at church, and pretty out of place at our schools and stuff too. All we had was each other. So towards the end of ninth grade, we slowly started stepping away from our involvement with the church. The youth pastor was in very close contact with our parents/guardians and made life hell for us because of it. His grandparents are very religious, and bought every word. So one day, after years of having constant contact with my best friend/significant other at the time, I just don’t hear from him. For six months. The youth pastors were fired from the church (too many parent complaints hmmm 🤔) and went to start their own church in Boston, and took him with them. Basically put him in gay conversion therapy. And told me that “he loved me too much, and we could never be friends again.” And my heart was broken. It was a very dark time for both of us, respectively. And eventually he moved back, miserable and ready to live his life for him. We had to lie in order to hang out, but we did. We tried “dating” a few times after he came back, but it never worked out. That’s just not the nature of our relationship anymore. But it’s still, hands down, the most important relationship in my life.

There are some things you go through with someone that will irrevocably impact the importance of their presence in your life. Religious abuse is apparently one of them. So is coming to terms with who you are. So is first love and first heartbreak. So is addiction. So is BPD recovery. It’s not even about him being my best friend as far as like, he’s my favorite person to spend time with goes. He is fundamental to who I am as a person. And I am so grateful that we were able to overcome the hell we were put through and the hells we put ourselves through after the fact to maintain the most important friendship I’ve ever experienced. Calling Ty my best friend is an honor and a privilege. I’m truly blessed.

Also, I’m proud to say that today we are both clean, out and proud trans men, healing, and navigating our own understanding of spirituality that has absolutely nothing to do with a belief system that condemns love and who we are. We might “love each other too much” for some people. But I firmly believe that it’s just the right amount of love for Source (I still can’t use the word God, but I’m working on it).

We survived, individually, and as a unit. And I am beyond grateful for that. If you are a young queer kid stuck in a religious environment, please believe me when I say it’s better on the other side. You just gotta hold on.

#I am so sorry this is so long #personal #mylife #trans stuff #religious abuse #best friend #queer kids #bff

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rightsinexile · 5 years

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Announcements

Conferences and workshops

Conference on EU migration governance, 2 April 2019, Toronto, Canada

The Centre for Refugee Studies will host a seminar entitled: “Crisis, what (refugee) crisis?” The business of “business-as-usual” in EU migration governance. For more information visit here.

Panel discussion on refugees and global migration, 4 April 2019, Boston, United States of America

WorldBoston, Boston Network for International Development, and the United Nations Association of Greater Boston join forces to host Great Decisions on Refugees and Global Migration. More information and registration are available here.

Global Migration Conference: Inclusion and Exclusion, 11-12 April 2019, Newton, United States of America

Boston College Law School and Boston College School of Social Work will hold the inaugural Global Migration Conference bringing together leading experts – academics, policymakers, activists, refugee rights advocates, and mental health professionals – to address global trends and tensions between inclusion and exclusion. Attendees must register by 5 April 2019 here.

Escaping Violence, 12 April 2019, New York, USA

The New School will hold a conference on new approaches to “the ‘problem’ of refugees”. The conference marks the 30th anniversary of the publication of Aristide Zolberg's Escape from Violence: Conflict and the Refugee Crisis in the Developing World, and will consider new approaches – conceptual and field-based – for responding to forced migration today. Registration and additional information are available here.

Contemporary Challenges Facing LGBT+ Asylum Seekers: UK and Global Perspectives, 1 May 2019, Reading, United Kingdom

The Migration and Asylum Section of the Society of Legal Scholars is hosting a conference with the participation of Dr. Ruvi Ziegler and Dr. Ana Beduschi. More information is available here and pre-registration is required by contacting Dr. Ziegler.

What makes Americans act on behalf of refugees? 1 May 2019, San Diego, USA

Associate Professor of Political Science Claire Adida will present the results of quantitative research on how countries deal with existing and new forms of diversity. She examines whether US citizens can be persuaded to adopt more inclusionary behavior toward refugees by using a minimally invasive online perspective-taking exercise frequently used by refugee advocates in the real world. For more information, contact Ana Minvielle.

Salvadoran migration and collective action in times of violence, 13 May 2019, San Diego, United States of America

Joseph Wiltberger, Visiting Professor at the Center for for Comparative Immigration Studies, will be speaking about how, despite having endured and navigated various situations of violence and displacement in El Salvador and elsewhere as migrants, Salvadorans work toward building possibilities to be able to stay in place. For more information, contact Ana Minvielle.

Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Claims of Asylum, 4 July 2019, Frankfurt, Germany

The Goethe University in Frankfurt, Germany, in collaboration with the Cornelia Goethe Centre and other German NGOs is organizing a workshop on “Under the Asylum Rainbow: Intersectional Queer Challenges” in hopes of exploring the most important issues with regard to LGBTQI asylum in Europe. The event aims to bring together refugees and people seeking asylum, NGO workers, activists, decision- and policy-makers, lawyers and academics to build a network for discussion and knowledge exchange. The conference will be free to attend and registration will open soon. For more information or to register interest contact Nina Held.

Research and Orientation Workshop on Refugees and Migrants, 25 - 29 November 2019, Kolkata, India

The Calcutta Research Group invites research papers or creatives pieces addressing issues of protection for refugees and migrants, gender, race, religion and other fault lines in the protection regime, neo-liberalism and migrant labour, statelessness, borderlands and the Indian and South Asian experiences in a global context. The last date for submission of applications is 31 March 2019. Inquiries related to the application process are welcome. The application form can be downloaded from the CRG website.

Save the Date: Conference of the International Association for the Study of Forced Migration, July 2020, Accra, Ghana

The conference of the IASFM will be held from 27-30 July 2020 at the University of Ghana, Accra, under the auspices of the Centre for Migration Studies. More information on the conference, entitled “Disrupting Theory, Unsettling Practice: Towards Transformative Forced Migration Scholarship and Policy,” is available here.

Calls for papers

Chapter proposals sought for “Refugee education across the lifespan: Mapping experiences of language learning and use”

This volume highlights work that demonstrates how an educational linguistics perspective might contribute to scholarship and/or educational innovations needed to advance the research base, inform professional development of teachers (in preschool, K-12, and continuing/adult education settings), and improve the educational, social and economic opportunities available to refugee-background children, youth and adults. With a focus on language learning and use among refugee-background learners across the lifespan, this proposed volume demonstrates that educational linguistics as an approach to inquiry is well positioned to identify, examine, and theorize the language and literacy dimensions of the refugee experience. Proposals - including chapter title, author name and affiliation, a 300 to 500 word chapter overview, and a 50-100 word biography of each author - are due by 1 May 2019. All inquiries should be directed to Doris Warriner.

Courses

Odysseus Network Summer School: EU migration and asylum policy

Applications are now being accepted for the Odysseus Network’s summer program from 1 to 12 July 2019 at the Université Libre de Bruxelles. In addition to the classes, evening debates and visits to the European Institutions, the course provides the opportunity to spend an intellectually stimulating fortnight and to network amongst a group of participants specialised in migration and asylum coming from all over Europe. More information is available here. Grants are available for a PhD seminar during the summer school; details can be found here. Additional funding is being collected for scholarships for refugee students to attend the summer program.

Vacancies

UNICEF Refugee Child Protection consultancy, Bangkok, Thailand

UNICEF Thailand is seeking an individual consult to provide technical support on analysis on the possibility of withdrawing Thailand’s reservations on Article 22 of the Convention on the Rights of the Child (CRC). The consultant will study the feasibility of withdrawing the reservation of Article 22 of the CRC and develop a Policy Brief and a Policy Advocacy Strategy. Additional details and application information are available here.

Staff Attorney - Center for Gender and Refugee Studies, San Francisco, USA

The Center for Gender and Refugee Studies (CGRS), based at the University of California Hastings College of the Law, one of the nation's leading refugee research and advocacy organizations, works to advance the human rights of women, children, LGBT, and other refugees who flee persecution, both in the US and internationally. CGRS is seeking a highly motivated individual passionate about refugee rights and ready to participate in all CGRS program areas, which include our technical assistance and training, policy advocacy, impact litigation, and international human rights work. For more information and to apply, visit here.

Pro Bono Manager - ABA Commission on Immigration, Harlingen, USA

The American Bar Association's (ABA) Commission on Immigration is hiring a Pro Bono Manager to increase pro bono engagement between ABA members and its two direct-service projects on the Southern border: the South Texas Pro Bono Asylum Representation Project (ProBAR) in Harlingen, Texas, and the Immigration Justice Project (IJP) in San Diego, California. ProBAR provides pro bono legal services to immigrants and asylum-seekers detained in the Rio Grande Valley of South Texas, and IJP provides pro bono legal services for indigent immigrants and asylum-seekers detained in the Otay Mesa Detention Center near San Diego, California. To apply, click here. Questions regarding the position can be directed to Jennie Kneedler.

#refugees #vacancies #IASFM

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polyrolemodels · 8 years

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Mickey

1. How long have you been polyamorous or been practicing polyamory?

Once upon a time, I thought polyamory was disgusting, despite seeing myself dating multiple people ( I was 15). I started being okay with identify with polyamory and non-monogamy around the age of 19 years old, I’m 23 now. So it’s been around 4 or so years, if I’m doing math right.

2. What does your relationship dynamic look like?

I currently have a nesting partner! For folks who don’t understand what that means, that means I have a partner who I live with. Not only are both my nesting partner and I polyamorous, but we’re also in a open relationship, meaning that romance isn’t always the goal with other folks. However, it’s wonderful to have the option to date and/or sleep with other folks. We’re each other’s cheerleaders and we also inform each other about what’s going on. I’m huge on the idea of “kitchen table polyamory” but I’m trying to be realistic about that.

I also constantly have crushes and flirt with everyone, so I’m trying to navigate that as well. My nesting partner has lost count on the amount of crushes/potential lovers I have on my list.

3. What aspect of polyamory do you excel at?

You want an empathetic lover? I’m your person! I have a lot of love to give and a lot of empathy to give out. Even if we’ve only been dating for a week or so, I can give a partner as much emotional support as needed. I understand that I am not a therapist (yet!) and I don’t strive to be that, but I am a massive support system and reach out when my senses feel off.

4. What aspect of polyamory do you struggle with?

Jealousy. I have this issue where I have a lot of compersion for weeks on end, and then the jealousy sets in. I haven’t always been a jealous person, but trauma in my life has rewired my brain. It’s very weird and frustrating for me, because jealousy hasn’t always been in my vocabulary.

5. How do you address and/or overcome those struggles?

I’m honest with myself and my partner(s) about expressing my jealousy in a healthy way. Also, therapy with a poly friendly therapist is helping me to unpack my trauma and it’s been immensely wonderful.

6. In terms of risk-aware/safer sex, what do you and your partners do to protect one another?

I get tested and disclose my status. I also use barriers if need be. I also have the birth control implant, so I don’t worry about pregnancy much. It’s a case by case basis, but I try to make sure I’m aware of risks if anything happens. On top of that, I believe in eliminating STI stigma, so if someone discloses they have STI, we just need to have a discussion about safer sex practices.

7. What is the worst mistake you've ever made in your polyamorous history and how did you rebound from that?

I danced with being in a monogamous relationship. That didn’t work.

8. What self-identities are important to you? How do you feel like being polyamorous intersects with or affects these identities?

I’m queer, nonbinary, Black and disabled, so I think about those identities a lot when it comes to polyamory. Moreso, about kink as well. I think about how people may or may not see me because of the preconceived notions they have about black/disabled/nonbinary/queer people. I think about the people that I want to and choose to date because they will be more able to understand my identities than someone else. I’m very vocal about addressing the problems of the (lack of) diversity in polyamorous spaces, and even recently created a workshop addressing that.

It’s just frustrating sometimes, because I think about the term “open love” and I wonder if it only means “open for white/skinny/able bodied/straight people.” Many times I feel discouraged to going to poly events because I might be one of the few non white ones there. However, this has influenced me to make my own events like picnics and mixers to address this.

(Bonus: Do you have any groups, projects, websites, blogs, etc. that you are involved with that you would like to promote?)

I create and facilitate workshops/presentations! I’m doing a presentation at the Disability Intersectionality Summit in Boston called “Whips and Chains Excite Me Too : Disability and Kink” November 5th. I also write articles about things that intersect with my identity. For more information about the stuff I do, you can either go on my facebook page Mickey Valentine or https://Mickeyvalentinetee.com.

#polyamory #polyamorous #polyamorus #queer #nonbinary #black #disabled #people of color #women of color #people with disabilities #empathy

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ukulelekatie · 2 years

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ukulelekatie, the queer dating scene in boston is slowly killing me....what do i do

what if we just dated each other? haha just kidding... unless?

seriously though, you're definitely not alone. I deleted all dating apps out of frustration in 2019 and then a pandemic happened and I've been too busy ✨working on myself✨ to even think about dating since then. but maybe check the events at Trident Booksellers? I went to a queer lady board game speed dating event there once. didn't have any luck but it was at least a fun time playing jenga with strangers.

anyway if you figure it out, let me know!

#queer boston dating support group

48 notes · View notes

gigslist · 4 years

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COVID 19 Artist Relief Grants

American Guild of Musical Artists (AGMA) Relief Fund

The American Guild of Musical Artists (AGMA) Relief Fund provides support and temporary financial assistance to members who are in need. AGMA contracts with The Actors Fund to administer this program nationally as well as to provide comprehensive social services.

Arts Leaders of Color Emergency Fund

Arts Administrators of Color Network has set up the Arts Leaders of Color Emergency Fund, which folks can donate directly to in support of BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, People of Color) artists AND administrators (consultants, facilitators, box office staff, seasonal/temporary employees, etc.) who have been financially impacted due to COVID-19.

Artist Relief

Artist Relief will distribute $5,000 grants to artists facing dire financial emergencies due to COVID-19; serve as an ongoing informational resource; and co-launch the COVID-19 Impact Survey for Artists and Creative Workers, designed by Americans for the Arts, to better identify and address the needs of artists.

Artist Relief Tree

This fund is intended to help those pursuing careers as artists (of any type). If you fit this description and your income has been directly impacted by the COVID-19 health crisis – and you are in need of short-term, immediate financial assistance – Artist Relief Tree would like to help. They will disburse funds in the amount of $250 per person, on a first-come-first-served basis. They will also be accepting donations indefinitely.

Boston Artist Relief Fund

The Boston Artist Relief Fund will award grants of $500 and $1000 to individual artists who live in Boston whose creative practices and incomes are being adversely impacted by COVID-19.

Boston Singers’ Relief Fund

BSRF is offering emergency relief for classical singers with gigs canceled due to COVID-19.

CERF+

In light of the anticipated volume of requests for assistance, for the time-being, CERF+’s emergency relief grants related to COVID-19 will focus on those infected with the virus that require intensive medical care.

Chicago Musicians Emergency Relief Fund

This fund is being established to create some form of financial relief for members in good standing of the Chicago Federation of Musicians, Local 10-208. Specifically, the fund will supply financial relief to those members affected by the loss of work and wages as of 03/12/20 – 05/17/20 due to the global pandemic.

COVID-19 Financial Solidarity

If your livelihood is being impacted by the Coronavirus crisis and you need support, post requests here.

EMA Relief Fund: Supporting Early Musicians in Need

Early musicians will receive, on a first-come-first-served basis, a check for $250.

Equal Sound Corona Relief Fund

Provides monetary support to musicians who have lost income due to a canceled gig as a result of the COVID-19 outbreak.

Foundation for Contemporary Arts Emergency Grants

Emergency Grants provide urgent funding for visual and performing artists who have sudden, unanticipated opportunities to present their work to the public when there is insufficient time to seek other sources of funding; or incur unexpected or unbudgeted expenses for projects close to completion with committed exhibition or performance dates.

Fulcrum Fund

Awarding $60,000 in emergency relief grants by providing $1,000 to 60 local Albuquerque artists who have lost income as a result of cancellations due to the coronavirus/COVID-19 pandemic.

GoFundMe: Columbus Artists Relief Fund COVID-19/Coronavirus

Raising money to help offset the financial impact felt by Columbus artists through lost work.

GoFundMe: Denver Metro Area Artist COVID-19 Relief Fund

This fund is aimed at helping those in the greater Denver arts community who have been financially impacted by cancellations due to COVID-19.

GoFundMe: Funds to Support Performers Affected by Covid-19

This fundraiser aims to provide funds for performers in Philadelphia, New York City, and New Jersey who will not be able to make ends meet without these opportunities.

GoFundMe: #GLFCAMGigThruCOVID

GLFCAM has contributed a starting pledge of $15,000 to this GoFundMe campaign, and 65 GLFCAM composers are donating their time to create solo works of 1-3 minutes each. These new pieces of music will be given to performers who have lost employment because of COVID-19 and are in financial straits. Each performer will be invited to meet with their paired composer through Skype to collaborate remotely in developing the new work for its eventual premiere online for a physically-distanced audience. A calendar of performances will begin in April and continue through the early summer of 2020.

GoFundMe: New Mexico Musicians Relief Fund Amid COVID-19

GoFundMe: Queer Writers of Color Relief Fund

This fund is to help at least 100 queer writers of color who have been financially impacted by the current COVID-19. Priority will be given to queer trans women of color and queer disabled writers of color, but I hope this relief fund will help many queer writers of color it can.

GoFundMe: Seattle Artist Relief Fund Amid COVID-19

This fund is aimed at helping those in the greater Seattle arts community who have been financially impacted by cancellations due to COVID-19.

*NEW* Grants for artists/musicians who lost gigs because of covid-19

A Google Doc aggregating a number of grants for artists impacted by COVID-19

Greater Pittsburgh Arts Council Emergency Fund for Artists

As of March 17, we will be temporarily modifying our Emergency Fund for Artists (EFFA) application guidelines to address the current needs of artists in the Greater Pittsburgh area. The Emergency Fund for Artists will now provide up to $500 in assistance to artists experiencing loss of income due to the coronavirus outbreak.

Local 802 Musicians’ Emergency Relief Fund

The Local 802 Musicians’ Emergency Relief Fund is a non-profit 501(c)(3) administered by the Musicians’ Assistance Program (MAP). A New York State licensed social worker provides confidential social services to members and their families. It is funded by the Musicians’ ERF and administered by the Actors Fund.

MusiCares

Music industry professionals may apply for basic living assistance (rent or mortgage). Initial grant requests can be made up to $1000 to compensate for cancelled work that was scheduled and lost.

Musicians Foundation

Provides financial assistance to musicians and their families in times of need, crisis or transition.

NC Artist Relief Fund

This fund has been created to support creative individuals who have been financially impacted by gig cancellations due to the outbreak of COVID-19. 100% of donated funds will go directly to artists and arts presenters in North Carolina.

New Music Solidarity Fund

The New Music Solidarity Fund is designed to help new/creative/improvised music freelancers whose livelihood has been threatened as a result of performances that have been canceled during the COVID-19 crisis. The Fund was started by a group of musicians in the new music community who have raised over $130,000 in a week, primarily from fellow musicians, composers, and music professionals. Their hope is that the Solidarity Fund will continue to grow in the coming weeks so that they can assist and bolster more people in need of emergency relief. For now, at least two hundred and sixty, $500 emergency assistance grants will be made available to applicants who meet certain criteria.

New Orleans Business Alliance Relief Fund

Grants up to $1000 for New Orleans-based musicians.

PGH Artists Emergency Fund

This fundraiser is hosted by a group of artists and community organizers based in Pittsburgh responding to the urgent need of our friends and community who have been put in compromised positions due to the cancellation of entire tours, all of their gigs, and jobs in the nightlife and events industry.

Rauschenberg Emergency Grants

Provides one-time grants of up to $5,000 for unexpected medical emergencies. The grants are available to visual and media artists and choreographers who are U.S. citizens or permanent residents in the United States, District of Columbia, or U.S. Territories.

Springboard for the Arts Personal Emergency Relief Fund

The Personal Emergency Relief Fund helps artists in Minnesota recover from personal emergencies by helping pay an unanticipated, emergency expense. They have expanded the guidelines to include lost income due to the cancellation of a specific, scheduled gig or opportunity (i.e. commissions, performances, contracts) due to COVID-19 precautionary measures. Artists can request up to $500 to compensate for canceled work that was scheduled and lost. At this time the fund is not available to compensate for future gigs or potential loss of business. Springboard for the Arts has committed an additional $10,000 from their budget to support this effort and is committed to working with partners to increase the fund based on demand.

Sweet Relief COVID-19 Fund

Sweet Relief has created this donor-directed fund with a limited amount of funds available to be used specifically for musicians and music industry workers affected by the Coronavirus. Funds raised will go towards medical expenses, lodging, clothing, food and other vital living expenses to those impacted due to sickness or loss of work.

The Complete List of Emergency Funds/Grant for Visual Artists

VoxCorona

VoxCorona is dedicated to raising money to support Washington, DC area vocalists whose primary source of income comes from contract work, much of which has been canceled as arts organizations shutter operations in the wake of COVID-19. VoxCorona also aims to provide an outlet for musicians by featuring online content, coordinating live stream events, and connecting performers with organizations looking to support vocal arts in this difficult time. VoxCorona has raised over $10,000 to be disbursed to recipients in amounts ranging from $250 to $500, and is 20% of the way to its initial fundraising target of $50,000.

ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

3Arts Resources

American Composers Forum’s Response to COVID-19

Alliance of Artists Communities Emergency Relief Programs

In the event of an emergency, the Alliance can offer support for artists by connecting them with our diverse network of residency programs across the country. By providing the time, space, and support that residencies offer, artists can focus on their work, reflect, and renew their creative practice during an especially challenging time.

Audio Assemble: PLUGGED IN

A live streaming music festival, employing artists, and providing relief during the COVID-19 outbreak.

Boston-area Artist/Student Relief Survey

This survey aims to find people in the Boston metro area (individuals and households) who are willing to feed, house, and/or offer other support.

Calling for relief & protections for freelance artists/musicians/dancers during the COVID-19 crisis

COVID-19 Freelance Artist Resources

This list is specifically designed to serve freelance artists, and those interested in supporting the independent artist community. This includes, but is not limited to, actors, designers, producers, technicians, stage managers, musicians, composers, choreographers, visual artists, filmmakers, craft artists, teaching artists, dancers, writers & playwrights, photographers, etc.

Financial Resources for Musicians During The Coronavirus Outbreak

If you are part of the gig economy and have suddenly found yourself stranded without a paycheck, here are some potential outlets that can help you with earning income during this time.

I Lost My Gig

Iron Tongue of Midnight: Something You Can Do

Missed Tour

New York Foundation for the Arts List of Emergency Grants

*NEW* The Artist Collective

WomenArts Emergency Funds

WomenArts does not make any emergency cash grants but is providing this list to help you find other organizations where you can apply for funding.

Source: icareifyoulisten.com

#funding grants #COVID 19 Funding #Where do I get funding grants

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addictionfreedom · 6 years

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cameronwjones · 6 years

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2019 Women In Tech Conferences: Empowering Events

Last Updated November 29, 2019

Ready for the most authoritative list of 2019 women in tech events on the internet?

The number of women in tech events have been increasing year over year, further highlighting the importance of a more inclusive culture in tech. Something especially important given the findings of our recent gender study.

We've created a thorough directory of the top women in tech conferences happening in 2019. These events focus on empowering women through conferences that help attendees learn new skills, make valuable connections or access motivational leaders.

Here is a brief breakdown of the types of events you'll come across on this list:

Conferences - These events will often times attract the largest number of attendees. Conferences provide the best opportunity to network and build connections with other professionals who are passionate about diversity in tech.

Summits - Usually slightly smaller in scale and more exclusive in nature, women in tech summits will feature higher-level executives who have substantial experience in the industry.

Seminars - These intimate gatherings usually bring in less than 100 attendees and focus on providing 1-on-1 mentorship to women who are looking to more effectively navigate the tech space.

Don't see your 2019 women in tech event on this page? Apply to have your event featured!

2019 Women in Technology Events

January Events February Events March Events April Events May Events June Events July Events August Events September Events October Events November Events December Events

January Women in Tech 2019 Conferences

Name Location Start Date Description Women Ambassadors Forum Tampa, FL 1/22/19 With this community of ambassadors, attendees will engage in projects aimed at cultivating women's entrepreneurial, financial and leadership skills. #BlogHer Los Angeles, CA 1/24/19 The BlogHer conference is the world’s largest celebration of women content creators across social media, video, photos, and the web. World-changing Women's Summit Scotts Valley, CA 1/28/19 The World-changing Women's Summit brings together female CEOs, founders, and executives of purpose-driven businesses to support each other as they lead game changing businesses that make the world a better place.

February Women in Tech 2019 Conferences

Name Location Start Date Description Women of MENA in Tech Conference Sunnyvale, CA TBD Women of Middle Eastern and North African (MENA) are a growing influence in the tech landscape. Join this inaugural Silicon Valley event to connect with a new powerful female force. MAKERS Conference Rancho Palos Verdes, CA 2/6/19 Bringing together hundreds of trailblazing leaders to elevate the conversation and raise solutions through action-oriented sessions. NEXT Dallas, TX 2/7/19 NEXT™ is the mortgage industry’s only tech-focused event for women executives who are serious about driving optimal business outcomes. Watermark Conference for Women San Jose, CA 2/22/19 This conference offers the community and connection, the information and inspiration, the motivation and momentum to help you discover what you want—and go get it! WECode Cambridge, MA 2/22/19 This event is the largest student-run conference for women in computer science in the country. We're dedicated to expanding the skills, network, and community of technical women worldwide, bringing together a diverse group of engineers over the course of two days to share ideas and conversations on technology and innovation. Lesbians Who Tech San Francisco, CA 2/28/19 Bringing together over 5,000 lesbians, queer women + allies across all areas of technology to discuss health data, cyber security, big data, and more. Black Enterprise Women of Power Summit Las Vegas, NV 2/28/19 Celebrating the achievements of iconic black women, this is simply the world’s greatest executive leadership event for women business leaders of color. If you are determined to maximize your professional potential while achieving your quality-of-life goals, Women of Power was created to inspire and empower you.

March Women in Tech 2019 Conferences

Name Location Start Date Description Women Startup Challenge VR and AI New York, NY TBD Women Who Tech's annual startup challenge is showcasing women-led start ups focusing on Artificial Intelligence and Virtual Reality. Top Companies for Executive Women New York, NY TBD Recognizing corporations that have moved women into top executive positions and created a culture that promotes and nurtures successful women. Global Women's Voices Conference San Jose, CA TBD Representatives present individually and collectively to discuss, collaborate and celebrate the contributions of technical women. Johnson Women in Technology New York, NY 3/1/19 A student led event organized by the students of the Johnson Graduate School of Management at Cornell University Wisdom 2.0 San Francisco, CA 3/1/19 Wisdom 2.0 addresses the great challenge of our age: to not only live connected through technology, but to do so in ways that are beneficial to our own well-being. Women's Leadership and Empowerment Conference Bangkok, Thailand 3/1/19 A three-day program, consisting of three components: study session, presentations of submitted papers, and open discussions. Women in Data Science Conference Stanford, CA 3/4/19 The Global Women in Data Science (WiDS) Conference aims to inspire and educate data scientists worldwide, regardless of gender, and support women in the field. SXSW EDU Austin, TX 3/4/19 Fostering innovation in learning by hosting a diverse and energetic community of stakeholders across a variety of backgrounds in education Women in Maritime Leadership Vallejo, CA 3/15/19 The conference will focus on supporting the success of women in maritime, transportation, and related industries. Women in Tech Festival Mountain View, CA 3/23/19 Celebrating women in tech, STEM, and business careers who work to inspire, engage, and empower other women. TECH Fashion Week San Francisco, CA 3/27/19 An innovative industry event series for individuals interested in the transformation of fashion through technology, innovation and entrepreneurship. Women in Cyber Security Chicago, IL 3/28/19 This conference is designed to support women in cybersecurity professions. The Women in Tech Summit: MidAtlantic Washington D.C. 3/28/19 WITS inspires, educates and connects women in the technology industry. Whether you work on the technical or business side of technology or somewhere in between, WITS has something for you The Scientista Symposium New York City, NY 3/29/19 The Scientista Symposium features, talks, panels, in-depth workshops, poster competition, pitch competition, and job fair, all for women in STEM!

April Women in Tech 2019 Conferences

Name Location Start Date Description VerveCon Tech Conference Santa Clara, CA TBD VerveCon aims to empower women in technology and build community that helps them in their career path and prepare them to be an impact maker. Wonder Women Tech Washington DC Washington, DC TBD This event features a variety of speakers, panel discussions, and workshops geared towards empowering women, girls, and the underrepresented. Simmons Leadership Conference Boston, MA 4/2/19 The Simmons Leadership Conference remains the nation’s premier one-day professional development event for women. Women in the World New York, NY 4/10/19 A convening of mighty women leaders, blazing activists and courageous movers and shakers who will move you with their provocative first-person storytelling and shake up your worldview. WNorth Conference Whistler, Canada 4/10/19 WNORTH is the first of its kind - an experiential, destination conference for women in business on a leadership track The Women in Tech Summit: Northeast Philadelphia, PA 4/12/19 The Women in Tech Summit inspires, educates and connects women in the technology industry. TED2019 Vancouver, Canada 4/19/19 A week to explore the deepest insights across all disciplines and to ask the questions about ourselves that we often don’t have time for. PBWC San Francisco, CA 4/23/19 A full day of world-class keynote speakers, cutting-edge seminars by top thought-leaders and panels of industry experts. Women Transforming Technology Palo Alto, CA 4/23/19 Women Transforming Technology is a consortium of companies and organizations committed to building a community and tackling issues that are top of mind for women in technology. The Most Powerful Women in Network Marketing Las Vegas, NV 4/25/19 At this event, over 20 individual women will present living proof that it is not only possible for them, but possible for all women to succeed in Network Marketing.

May Women in Tech 2019 Conferences

Name Location Start Date Description Marketing to Women Conference New York, NY TBD This conference will give you the know-how you need to increase your brand’s emotional, cognitive and financial share of the largest, most lucrative, market of all: Women. Diversity in Technology London, UK TBD Following a sell-out event last year, this conference will connect and empower people from minority groups, provide insight into ground breaking technologies & enable organizations to build a truly diverse and inclusive cultures. Women of Silicon Valley San Francisco, CA 5/2/19 Brought to you by the creators of the world’s largest Women in Tech Event series, this groundbreaking conference is returning for two days of empowering keynotes, panel discussions, technical workshops & diversity focused sessions… be inspired and supercharge your career! The Women in Tech Summit: Midwest Chicago, IL 5/3/19 The Women in Tech Summit inspires, educates and connects women in the technology industry. Yellow Conference New York New York, NY 5/10/19 The Yellow conference is a gathering for entrepreneurial-minded women who are using their gifts, skills and talents to make the world a better place Inspirefest Dublin, Ireland 5/16/19 Inspirefest is an international festival of technology, science, design and the arts, which also happens to place diversity and inclusion at its heart. Women of the Channel Leadership Summit West Palm Springs, CA 5/21/19 This one-of-a-kind, engaging conference offers female channel and IT executives an opportunity to advance their skills, network with peers and be inspired by the women making a significant impact on the IT channel and industry today. IEEE WIE International Leadership Conference Austin, TX 5/23/19 This conference provides professional women in technology, whether in industry, academia, or government, the opportunity to create communities that fuel innovation, facilitate knowledge sharing and provide support through highly interactive sessions designed to foster discussion and collaboration.

June Women in Tech 2019 Conferences

Name Location Start Date Description Forbes Women's Summit New York, NY TBD Bringing together 300 multigenerational innovators, entrepreneurs and influencers for a dynamic exchange around the most important issues of our time. We RISE Tech Conference Atlanta, GA TBD We RISE is all about growing and showcasing women in technology. For two days, We RISE features women and allies doing amazing work from all over the world. Women in Technology Conference Larkspur, CO TBD A full-day retreat celebrating women across Colorado's growing tech community. Women Deliver Vancouver, Canada 6/3/19 The world’s largest global conference on the health, wellbeing and rights of girls and women in the last decade Wonder Women Tech London London, UK 6/6/19 This event highlights, celebrates and educates women and the underrepresented in STEAM! Tech Women Rising Seattle, WA 6/9/19 Tech Women Rising combines multiple parts into one event: workshops meant to teach and empower; a career & community fair meant to connect and build bridges. Women in Technology Summit San Jose, CA 6/9/19 Executive women, entrepreneurs, and technology thought leaders from around the world converge to collaborate on innovative solutions Women of Silicon Roundabout London, UK 6/25/19 Join 6,000 tech leaders & professionals for two days of inspiring keynotes, deep insight into tech trends & business strategy, technical classes & career development workshops. Let’s smash the glass ceiling at the UK’s vibrant centerpiece for women in tech! World Domination Summit Portland, Oregon 6/25/19 A full week of amazing events all centered around the question: How do we live a remarkable life in a conventional world? ACT-W Portland Portland, OR 6/28/19 ACT-W conference where talented women and supporters can accelerate their career path by connecting with organizations and leaders in the community.

July Women in Tech 2019 Conferences

Name Location Start Date Description Multicultural International Women's Conference New York, NY 7/9/19 A conference where high-achieving, high-potential women from all ethnicities come together to leverage their strengths for workplace progress.

August Women in Tech 2019 Conferences

Name Location Start Date Description Yellow Conference Los Angeles, CA 8/22/19 The Yellow conference gathers hard working women who know they were built for purpose.

September Women in Tech 2019 Conferences

Name Location Start Date Description Lead & Inspire Las Vegas, NV TBD Join us for an intimate learning experience created for developing leaders. Over 3 days you will hear stories of authentic leadership, engage with other growth-focused leaders and take part in mindful sessions that promote balance. Limited admission to 100 only. New Rules Summit New York, NY TBD This ambitious event produced by The New York Times is designed to advance the conversation surrounding the obstacles that women face in the workplace into the realm of real solutions through frank, provocative discussions led by top Times journalists. Inc. Women's Summit New York, NY TBD At this event, you'll connect with other business owners, hear inspirational stories, and learn valuable tactics you can use in your own company. European Women in Technology Amsterdam, Netherlands TBD This conference has been created to inspire and connect European women working in the tech sector. WINConference Global Oslo, Norway TBD 3 day transformative leadership extravaganza for company executives, managers, entrepreneurs and artists alike.

October Women in Tech 2019 Conferences

Name Location Start Date Description IWF World Leadership Conference TBD TBD IWF programs feature women who have broken through barriers to scale the heights of power and influence. Emerging Women Denver, CO TBD Emerging Women Live is four days of collaboration and inspiration with women of influence across all industries S.H.E. Summit New York, NY TBD S.H.E. SUMMIT is a membership-driven empowerment conference devoted to supporting thriving leaders and women’s movement champions around the world. AppNexus: Women's Leaders Forum New York City, NY TBD The Women's Leadership Forum, AppNexus' annual conference, will bring together over 25 world-class speakers and 250 senior leaders for a day of action-oriented talks, interactive sessions and networking, anchored around a singular purpose: to increase diversity in leadership. HR Tech Conference Las Vegas, NV 10/1/19 HR Technology focuses on the business process and organizational success enabled by technology. Pennsylvania Conference for Women Philadelphia, PA 10/2/19 One-day professional and personal development event for women that features dozens of renowned speakers sharing inspirational stories. Grace Hopper Celebration Orlando, FL 10/2/19 The Grace Hopper Celebration of Women in Computing is the world's largest gathering of women technologists. The Women in Tech Summit: West Denver, CO 10/4/19 WITS inspires, educates and connects women in the technology industry. Whether you work on the technical or business side of technology or somewhere in between, WITS has something for you Fortune Most Powerful Women Summit Washington, DC 10/21/19 Fortune MPW has evolved into the world’s most extraordinary leadership community, convening the preeminent women in business—along with select leaders in government, philanthropy, education and the arts—for wide-ranging conversations that inspire and deliver practical advice. The Texas Conference for Women Austin, TX 10/25/19 The Texas Conference for Women provides connection, motivation, networking, inspiration and skill building for thousands of Texas women each year. She Leads TBD 10/26/19 The mission of She Leads is to inspire, educate and ultimately, to showcase women as the leaders we were all meant to be.

November Women in Tech 2019 Conferences

Name Location Start Date Description European Women in Technology

Amsterdam, Netherlands

TBD Following a sell-out event last year, Europe’s largest women in tech conference is returning for two days of career changing insight! Be inspired, network and supercharge your career! Wonder Women Tech Long Beach Long Beach, CA 11/7/19 Explore the intersection between tech, entertainment, the arts, and interactive technology, in addition to exploring innovation, D&I initiatives, career development, leadership and all things STEAM. The Women in Tech Summit: Southeast Raleigh, NC 11/8/19 WITS inspires, educates and connects women in the technology industry. Whether you work on the technical or business side of technology or somewhere in between, WITS has something for you Women in Leadership Phoenix, AZ 11/11/19 This event is designed to engage and inspire high-performing women leaders toward accelerating their leadership abilities. Tech Up for Women New York, NY 11/12/19 The purpose of the event is to take the fear factor out of technology and empower women to surf the technology wave.

December Women in Tech 2019 Conferences

Name Location Start Date Description Coming soon.. TBD TBD Submit your December Women in Tech Conferences Here!

2018 Women in Tech Conferences

Name Location Start Date Description Women of the Channel Leadership Summit East New York, NY 12/3/18 This one-of-a-kind, engaging conference offers female channel and IT executives an opportunity to advance their skills, network with peers and be inspired by the women making a significant impact on the IT channel and industry today. The New England Venture Summit Boston, MA 12/12/18 This exclusive venture summit will bring together over 800 VCs, Corporate VCs, Angel Investors, Investment Bankers and founders of venture backed, emerging and early stage companies; will feature more than 100 VCs as speakers and judges; presentations from more than 50 Top Innovators and high-level networking opportunities. For an exclusive $100 early bird discount, enter the code BIZZABOVIP.

Wrapping Up: Your Women in Tech Conference

These women in tech events provide the perfect opportunity to meet, connect, and be inspired by others who are equally passionate about increasing diversity in tech! We hope this list will help you find the women in tech conference that best suits your professional goals.