#queen as queer was too funny to pass up

[27-bones]

(Walking around the LGBTQ+ Albatross) GAY Ferrin? 🤨 ACEphonze? 😬 Gillion PRIDEstrider? 😟 QUEER? 😨 CHIP???? 😱

Based on this fantastic post that haunts me

[turn-my-hollow-purple]

What Clique Stereotype Each AOT Character Is

this is in honor of the fact that the only thing on my mind right now is GENUINELY gothkasa like omfg I need her so bad it's not even funny you guys PLUH EASEEEE-

Eren: you're surprised he's actually passing his classes because he never turns in work, etc. (thanks to Armin and Mikasa); all the girls like him but he just exist you guys.. I will not fall into the Eren frat boy agenda I swear... (I want to so bad) but yeah he kinda bullies other kids and says "no it's just a joke, trust"

Armin: chess club captain! y'all knew this was coming I'm afraid but he's a cutie pie... obviously a brainiac... maybe a band kid too (positive)

Mikasa: she is a part of the alt kids, falling into the goth subculture! goth music, dark clothes, gloomy vibes, and boy oh boy does she pull it off

Jean: he's like... how do I put this... he's the kid who's quarterback on the football team and the lead in the school musical. A man who can do both dare I say

Connie: CLASS CLOWN! But not the kind that thinks he's better than anyone, people actually enjoy Connie's humor. Occasional spit ball at the teacher though... he frequents detention

Sasha: she is the 'leaves class early and shows up to class late' stereotype... except it's not intentional. And when she is in class? She's asleep.

Annie: she's also in the alt scene with Miksasa, but she fits into the grunge, skater kid scene. This means dark clothes as well, but she's got her skateboard, a vape, eyeliner, and emo music (I'm projecting slightly)

Bertholdt: he's giving class vice-president... he's a little goody-two shoes but not popular enough to be the actual class president. People enjoy him though because he's a sweetie

Reiner: That one kid you swear you've never seen without headphones on like are they permanently in your ears or something bitch hello? He's also a band kid (derogatory)

Ymir: she is also a part of the alt scene but she is 100% the queer stoner girl (also drug dealer lmfao); she dresses more boho vibes but always has some form of weed on her and she is your plug... also lowkey an art kid

Historia: my darling theatre kid. She's the lead in all the plays, musicals, performances, etc. She's really talented and pretty and everyone loves her so much. She probably gets homecoming queen

Levi: that one literature teacher that never seems to give 100% no matter how well the work is done... will blatantly tell a student that they're wrong instead of the classic 'oh that's a good try... not exactly what I was looking for though', it's just straight up 'no that's wrong.'

Erwin: this is the male history teacher who everyone's kind of in love with just because he's so attractive and lowkey so fun to learn from, but you also speculate might be kinda gay? He gets super into his lectures and his students love how interactive he is

Hange: OKAY SO- they're the science teacher who lowkey doesn't know wtf is happening but goes with it anyway... sometimes the students have to teach them what they're supposed to be doing and if you're in their class, there's a good chance you're fearing for your life at some point during lecture

[fiori7ura]

“sunshine skin.”

words — 1,288 | rating — teen & up

★ warnings: recreational drug usage, coming out, mild language

—

They're smoking at Eddie's trailer when Eddie slips up and says something, something stupid.

"Man," he starts, blowing out smoke, the piercings in his lips looking shiny and sharp. "You're like, glowing. You have some natural beauty thing going on, dude."

He passes the blunt to Steve mid sentence, who takes a hit then chokes on smoke, laughing so hard tears spring into the corners of his eyes.

"What?"

Steve can hardly form words, he's holding his stomach and taking these big, gulping breaths, head tossed back in hysteria.

Eddie smiles, his infuriatingly cute dimples popping, making his smile so much prettier. "It's jus' the truth, Stevie-baby.

He controls himself, stubbing out the blunt, trying to stop laughing before he begins to try and say something again.

"You're gonna have to elaborate on me glowing, Eds. Reminder, I'm stoned out of my mind, everything is funny and hazy to me."

It's true, Steve is feeling very floaty, head all high in the clouds. He gets like this when they smoke, ending the night clinging to Eddie. He gets clingy when he smokes, clingier than when sober.

"I don't know. You're just so," Eddie gestures with his hands, splayed out and flinging around, signaling something Steve can't make out.

"Eddie."

His head snaps up and Steve can see how squinty and red-rimmed his eyes are. He looks funny. Steve giggles to himself.

"Yeah?"

"What does that mean? Just speak, man."

Eddie sighs, flopping off of the bed and throwing his body into the beanbag chair beside his dresser.

Drama queen, Steve thinks.

"Fine," he whines, licking his lips as a sign he's starting to try and elaborate on his dumbass sentence.

"It's like you have sunshine always reflecting off of your skin. Or, maybe inside of your skin. Sunshine skin," Eddie muses, giggling. "When you smile, I swear, it's so bright. It blinds me, Stevie. You're just so happy and glowy, almost like a golden retriever."

Steve blushes, feeling bashful. "Yeah?"

Eddie nods. "Yeah. M'gonna start calling you that. Sunshine. Fits you well."

"Oh," he breathes.

Eddie then stares at him, dreamy expression on his lips, eyes sparkling like he's looking up at the stars in the night sky.

Robin's voice is nagging him in the back of his mind, now. He likes you, Dingus. Just pay attention to the way he looks at you and all those disgusting pet names he calls you. He's infatuated with you.

"Eds?"

Steve blinks up at the ceiling, puzzle pieces clicking into place. He has to admit, Robin's always right.

"Hm."

Suddenly, the room is too hot, the trailer is too small, Steve's head is loud and he doesn't know what to say, exactly. What if he's wrong?

No, he can't be. Right?

Right.

"Is it true, that you're—y'know... queer?"

Silence stretches on between them in the hazy air of Eddie's bedroom, those four walls surrounding them listening into every word, every breath, every telltale sign of something unsaid.

"...Yeah."

Steve has to look down from where he's lost looking at the cracks in the roof, and puts his sight on Eddie, trying to be soft, trying to show he isn't a harm, and that Eddie himself isn't a harm either.

"That's nice. To personally know someone else out there who's like me in this town. Other than Robin, of course."

Eddie does his Head Tilt, the one he does when calculating someone, when he's having a whole conversation between himself in that beautiful mind of his. It irks Steve out, that he doesn't know what Eddie's thinking. They're best friends, he feels like he should know what Eddie's thinking, too.

"Cool. That's cool. Two queers who found each other."

Steve doesn't know what else to say, their conversation growing stale and awkward. He just whispers out a small "yeah." and fiddles with his hands, resting them over his sweater-covered stomach.

The empty pit growing in Steve's stomach gets too big, too much, too guilty. He decides to get the topic out and speak what's on his mind so the situation doesn't get any worse.

Steve cocks his mouth at a certain angle and sighs, head falling back against Eddie's pillows. "You know I like you, right, Eddie?"

"...No. But—wait. You like me?"

Steve can tell that Eddie didn't fully process his sentence until seconds later after it came out of his mouth. "Yeah. I just said that. In more than a friend way, I like you. If that's clear enough."

"Cool," Eddie repeats, same tone in his voice from when Steve told him he was queer. "I mean—shit. Sorry, this weed is really fucking me up right now, man. I like you, too."

"You do?"

Eddie nods, tongue tracing the seam of his lips. "I've been obsessed with you for, like, years, Sunshine. Ever since I laid eyes on you in the hallways."

"Holy shit."

Eddie scratches his head and leans up on his elbows. "Sorry. Is that weird? I just, thought, y'know, that if we both like each other, me being obsessed with you wouldn't be weird."

Steve shoots up from his spot on Eddie's bed and throws his hands up. "No! No, It's not weird. I think it's kinda sweet. That you've liked me for this long."

Eddie makes a questioning sound and grins lazily.

"Does that mean I can kiss you now?"

Hell, yeah.

"Yes. Please."

Eddie gets up from his spot on the bead-filled beanbag chair and makes his way across the room, planting himself right in front of Steve.

They're so close that Steve can see his freckles and the miniscule specks of red-ish brown in his eyes. Eddie gets closer, their noses touching, before he leans in and presses his lips so softly and sweetly to Steve's that he thinks he might start to cry.

He's never felt like this before. He feels loved, appreciated, cherished. With Nancy, the feeling he had in his chest didn't even come close. It wasn't this strong, pulling Steve under until he's drowning and gasping for more all at once.

Their foreheads are pressed together, and one of them is making these little noises, whimpering almost. Steve guesses it's himself doing it, because he's on cloud nine while kissing the man he's been in love with for a year.

Steve has to pull back to catch his breath, and slowly, he opens his eyes, grinning at Eddie like a mad-man. He could die happily while kissing Eddie and not be mad.

Then Eddie smiles back, and he's so fucking beautiful Steve's heart flutters pathetically in his chest. He feels like he's dying and living, in Eddie's shitty trailer park room.

Eddie's the kind of beautiful that rots Steve from inside and out. Steve's not exaggerating, he's seen the type of beauty in Hollywood and in magazines, but there's something special about Eddie that makes him so gorgeous that Steve wants to sink and drown. His smile by itself makes him so weak he feels like collapsing onto the floor when he sees it. Maybe he's a little loony in love, but he's okay with it.

He's content. He's sleepy. He's happy.

He's in love.

Steve pulls Eddie in for another kiss, hand on the back of his neck, and they laugh together. Steve's chest won't stop hurting.

"I love you."

He didn't mean to say it, it just slipped out, tumbling against Eddie's lips and into the air between their mouths. Eddie doesn't freeze or push Steve away, he just kisses him harder, saying all he needs to with his actions.

"I love you, too, Sunshine."

He really does owe Robin a kiss on the cheek and a bouquet of flowers for being right.

—

ao3 account here

pinterest is here

[caliburn-the-sword]

first cress thoughts!!! and reactions!!! and everything else!!!

i am so sorry that it's literally the first paragraph of the first page but "It was a prison that came with an endlessly breathtaking view" literally no view is breathtaking once you get used to it enough why would a CHILD be banished

omg this poor girl is named after the MOON?? the irony. she literally hides from the moon when she sees it. i would go on about the symbolism and stuff but i'm not going to because my brain is too tired to function rn

cress IS a shell. but then why isn't she dead?? they're meant to be killed. erland mentioned that he lost his daughter and would be about cinder's age, but did he actually SEE it happen?? if not then i reckon she's his daughter (again cause i'm braindead obsessed with ouat not because i'm serious. i'm only 25% sure of this). but i also reckon that she's VERY valuable if she HASN'T been killed. link it to rich people having one rule for themselves and one for everyone else. so either she's useful. or someone wants her alive and is bending the rules for her. otherwise they would not be going to ALL this effort of the satellite

looks like my spy theory in the eastern fed is null - but to be fair cress might just not know about it yet. it's not exactly like she would be trusted with all state secrets and what not

"felt almost like a mother's approval" metaphorically or is sybil ACTUALLY her mother???

i love that despite the stress of having to face off against the queen, figure out how to deal with genetically engineered soldiers and all the weight they have on their soldiers they're still able to act their age and tease each other - except poor cinder

omg does cress have a little crush on thorne??? she is LITERALLY the same as those braindead gen z's on tiktok that simp for killers and stuff

OMG CRESS WAS THE ONE THAT CLOAKED THE SHIP ALL ALONG HOW DIDN'T I REALISE THAT

"Cress was convinced that she knew more about Carswell Thorne than anyone else alive" stalker alert!!! lines are blurred tho because this is literally war

oh no. scarlet has a french accent. jail. (but then is everyone speaking the same language?? or does everyone have a universal translator chip inserted???)

"said Cinder, and Scarlet could have kissed her" i KNOW it's figurative language but also i like diagnosing characters with bisexual/too damn hot disease so scarlet is now bi. if it was wolf that i called bi as well then they're bi4bi. but also i don't want to reread the entire first half of scarlet to try and remember which guy it was i decided was bi and for what reason

between cress playing like 10 different video games at once she's basically an ipad kid. her attention span has been fucked up by tiktok (just like me fr) she can't read or watch anything without subway surfers playing beneath it

also something i haven't said before now: i LOVE how all the girls of tlc have noun names. they're just like me fr. it's so gnc of them. i love their names SO much. it's giving nonbinary. evocative but like in a whimsical way~ it's somehow so fantasy but so futuristic at the same time and i live for it

DAMMIT I FUCKING DELETED AN ENTIRE PARAGRAPH OF THOUGHT. gonna paraphrase here cause i'm too lazy. i'm very curious that cress calls the people of the moon lunars, mainly because she's lunar herself. like imagine i pass by a car and unironically think "oh there go the humans". it's strange. maybe it's her separation?? or is she part human and thus doesn't see herself as fully lunar??? i don't think it's because she's a shell. since the whole shell eugenics thing is a stand in for the lunar equivalent of poc, people with disabilities, minority religions, queer people etc who are all STILL human beings, hence the shells are still LUNAR. i'm sticking with my partial human theory until proven otherwise.

how FUNNY would it be if cress was completely wrong about thorne and he was just a douchebag and he was just lying after all that for sympathy. however given the textual evidence from scarlet, it would completely explain how he was completely open minded and down to support a lunar cyborg. honestly it makes him a lot more three dimensional. that said cress is still delulu

YES after what happened in scarlet i'm GLAD to see scarlet's mixed feelings towards wolf and his place in what happened to granny. forgiveness doesn't come easy!! love is hard. and yes, he has a dark side!! and she's just a normal girl. she's having one of the most human reactions i've ever seen to that kind of thing in fiction. i would have lost so much respect for her if she just ran back into his arms after all that, even tho i don't fully blame him. thanks miss marissa meyer for not just writing idiot lovesick teenagers. i can't wait to see him earn that trust back

@eddisfargo @francforever @winterrhayle @winterpinetrees

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

jjk. chapter 255 spoilers under the cut !!

WWAUUUGHHHHHHHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 ONE OF MY FAVORITE SHINJUKU CHAPTERS FOR SUREEEE I CRIED I SOBBED I THREW UP MULTIPLE TIMES THIS IS SO UP MY ALLEY I CAN’T EVEN DESCRIBE IT????????? I DON’T HAVE THE WORDS????????

okay i’m gonna TRY to be coherent . gonna try to behave. but i LOVED this chapter so much it gave me so much i’ve been wanting from this manga for so long…. hhhh…………… :((((

FIRST OF ALLLLLL:

LARUEEEEE 😭😭😭😭😭😭 HE’S HEREEEEE HE’S HOME…… MY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT CANONICALLY QUEER SIDE CHARACTER……. the narrator referring to the two of them as ”team geto” made me SOB but more on that later i’m just. so happy to see him??? one of my favorite side characters???? i never thought he’d get more screentime?????

and that goes for miguel too!!! i adore them BOTH and they looked so pretty this chapter …. T_T hhhhh

miguel is so handsome ….. just one chance plspls king :’3 i’m hoping more screentime will get him more fics…… maybe specifically x reader fics…….. just a thought……….. (yes i have a miguel/reader drabble in wips no i don’t know when i’ll get to writing it 💔) and larue my gay bestie he rlly is so pretty!!!!!! hhhhh i missed them sm :(((((

ALSOOOO absolutely loved their interactions w yuuta in the beginning….. all the lil moments. larue calling miguel hun….. miguel having beef w gojo and wanting to see him beg for his help….. yuuta offering to beg instead and miguel getting freaked out 😭 THEY’RE SOOO FUNNY

I <333333 THEMMMM

and and and ….. while we’re on the topic of gojo………… THE CRUMBSSSSS THIS CHAPTER GOD HE’S SO PRETTY :(((( RETURN OF THE CIRCLE FRAMES!!!!!

he’s so cute …. andddd while we’re talking abt this interaction!!! i loved loved loved that miguel got the chance to lecture gojo on his racism. and so blatantly too !!!!!! it feels so refreshing to have a shounen manga where casual racism is acknowledged and not just treated as a gag…. and gojo apologized (albeit a lil casually but i do think it was genuine. that’s just kinda how gojo talks </3)

SPEAKKKKK YOUR TRUTH KING ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ LET HIM HAVE IT ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ personally i think gojo should’ve let his infinity down so miguel could get a couple good smacks in but that’s just me. (miguel looks so good here also!!!)

aaaa and !!! before i get to the Main Dish of this chapter i just wanna say :3 MAKI SWEEEEEEP OUR QUEEN OUR KING OUR LORD AND SAVIOR 🙏🙏🙏🙏 SHE’S BACK AND COOLER THAN EVERRRRRR LOOK AT THAT GRIN

serving cunt since day one ….. where would we even be w/o her……. i AM very worried for my boys and that black flash at the end but :’3 this chapter made me feel hopeful….. it’s nice to see a good ol jumpjutsu kaisen 5v1 battle.

BUTTTTT with that out of the way!!!!! let’s talk about my absolute favorite part of the chapter (and why it’s one of my favorites in shinjuku)….. which is ofc. the talk between miguel and larue. i absolutely unabashedly ADORE geto’s family and i’ve been waiting to see them again for so long!!! to learn more about them, their feelings towards geto, their feelings after his passing…… and i finally got it. and it was just…. so, so good. wow.

like …. this page almost made me cry. genuinely. i adore larue so much and it was so nice to see him again….. he’s definitely my favorite member of geto’s family (excluding geto himself ofc) and clearly the most heartfelt!!! there’s the scene in shibuya where he stops the rest of the family from harming each other because he knows that’s the last thing geto would want, he calls everyone by their first name…. it just feels like he understood geto the most. understood that what geto cared about above all else was his family, not his own plan (hot take maybe?? but i’ll die on that hill).

and goshhhh…… ”we all loved suguru-chan” :((( you don’t UNDERSTAND how emotional i feel rn. i mean we basically already knew this but it just feels so nice to get confirmation on how loved geto was!!! not just by a couple members of his family, but by all of them!!!! i think it’s so telling that even miguel, who acts a bit colder than someone like larue, was willing to help geto and grew to love him. geto is just such a sincere character at his core and i think that’s how he won them all over. but aaaa i’m just :((((( they loved him!!!!! and he loved them just as much!!!!!! i’ve said this before but i NEED a slice of life spinoff manga only featuring geto and his family.,, they mean so much to me.

and i haven’t even MENTIONED larue’s speech????????????? how lovely it is?????? how sick it is????????????? his version of mourning makes me so unbelievably emotional :(((( geto would be so fucking proud of them i can picture him looking up at them from the fiery pits just CHEERING as they punch sukuna…… sniffle sniffle. he loves them!!! and they love him!!!!!!

also obviously i NEED to mention this bc it broke me. i’ve seen people making jokes about what miguel says AND I GET THAT bc i too love joking about how geto is definitely in hell but. this line is very tragic to me!!! or maybe not tragic but it’s definitely somber. i don’t think it’s meant to be humorous, it’s there as a grim reminder of the things geto and his family did…. they loved each other but they were villains. there’s no denying that. larue is obviously a bit of a romanticist but miguel is enough of a realist to call him out on it, and i think that gets his personality across so well. because he still ends up agreeing to join larue in the fight!! those words got to him!!!! seeing his expression crumble in this page made my heart ache :((((… they were villains but they loved each other so earnestly. and i just adore them so so much!!!

okay i think ….. that’s all …….. suchhhh a wonderful chapter. it made me insane!!!!! i love miguel and i love larue and i’m hoping they’ll survive this :((

(….. but . i mean … if they end up dying ……. there’s the slightest chance we’ll get an afterlife scene of geto and his family, so …. um ……. yk …….. 👉👈 maybe . some sacrifices will have to be made……..)

[astridthevalkyrie]

One of my least favorite things about The Regina Show is that all her 'ooh girlboss snarky' comments are either kinda bigoted or just unnecessarily cruel towards people who haven't wronged her.

Like 'where you come from people bathe in the river and use pinecones for money' wasn't clever or cool or funny or anything it was literally just classism. Classism directed at a man who helped her, no less, so like 'fuck you for not letting me burn my own arm off' isn't a good look either why the fuck should I like her. And she keeps doing it! All her early banter with Robin where she's so snarky and cool is actually just classism. Why would he fall in love with her

Her constant bullying of the dwarves? All ableism-based. Why are we rooting for this person why would any of us root for this person.

Everything she says to Hook either reads as 'why are you as a man wearing eyeliner you queer' or again ableism. How is that supposed to indicate someone we're meant to like.

Oh also Emma's getting mentioned twice but the way she treats Emma is so unnecessary and cruel like why would we think you like this person when all you do is tell them they're not enough for the task at hand or they're not as good a mother of Henry as you or they'd be nothing without your help like you don't care about this person at all and it's ludicrous that we're all expected to believe she does.

Plus the way she constantly mocks or undermines Emma and the Charmings like. You haven't become a good person and you haven't suddenly started caring about the people you hurt you are one hundred percent here just because you want Henry to like you and even then she still does things that make his life harder all the fucking time basically unrepentantly.

(A few other standout moments include random xenophobia in 'that's a mouthful' to the dunbroch language which is an irl gaelic language so it's shitty that the writers will crap on it to elevate her, the very specific and quite frantly fucking bizarre treatment of Sidney, the fact that every other character of color is usually in competition with her or eliminated to return the spotlight to her which isn't an in-canon flaw of hers necessarily but when combined with everything else ain't great)

Why should the show continuously praise her for contributing every now and then and bullying the rest of the team incessantly?

yeah, I've noticed that too. her classism with robin is so forced too. not that she's not classist to other people, but she's also not being like haha peasant peasant in every interaction so her digs at robin are literally just there for ✨enemies to lovers vibes✨

"handless wonder" "captain guyliner" we get it bro? you don't think men can wear eyeliner?? feminist queen ig :/

and don't get me started on sydney oh my GOD. what were the showrunners thinking when they were like let's cast this black actor to be the enslaved genie/man in the mirror to a white passing woman, and CONTINUE this treatment i.e. he's still in love with her during the curse (which regina could have done away with just like she forced graham to have feelings for her) and we find out in season 4 that she's CONTINUED TO KEEP HIM LOCKED UP FOR NO REASON????????????? HOLY SHIT WHAT????

and marian. that bitch. how dare she *checks notes* be married to robin when regina was still in love with him. but it's okay for her to see her son reject her and her husband cheat on her with the woman who executed her, because the whole time it's zelena anyways lolz

she has absolutely no right to be snarking at emma, snow or chaeming. none. and yet we're given, again and again, these godawful oneliners that are supposed to be girlboss and hashtag slay. we're given that horrible moment where she uses the dark ones dagger to tell emma to be quiet after which she smirks and says "ooh i could get used to this." and then we get henry being like "dw mom you're the bestest person ever you can be a hero too! 😁" this fucking show man.

[tag-that-oc]

I have gotten permission to talk about my OCverses so take some Starwood Forest ramblings to start!!

I've classified the universe into three 'stages', each representing when the tone of the OCs changed.

The first is the the beginning stage! This one was created during when I was about 12 (I'm 15 now) because I needed a way to express emotions and what better way to do it then animals! This early stage took a lot of inspiration from series like Warrior Cats and Wings Of Fire, which is very noticeable in the first wave of OCs.

Many of these OCs were shallow figures without much thought behind them, and many have since been forgotten about. This stage has gotten slightly revamped overtime, fleshing out certain characters.

Overall this stage was the calmest, one made to pass the time without much thought to how it worked. There were some darker elements, but most of it was suitable to middle schoolers.

(I should also mention the first OCs in this wave Fallen, Goldie, Jay ad Rusty, were based off FNaF OCs. No plot relevance but something that I feel is vaguely important.)

The second stage (The Seas and Skies stage)

This stage was when I started experimenting with darker topics, such as child abandonment, child abuse, homelessness, death of a loved one, and trying to find out your place in life.

Some notable OCs from this time: Ocean, the pirate cat! They were the one I struck with some heavier topics, but mostly left alone. They are the captain of a pirate ship, and just in general a badass. May be non binary. Same case as Seahorse, listed below. Seahorse. Who I explicitly stated to have been abused as a child. First OC to have confirmation of this in front of my parents. Well. I also may have accidently wrote her to be trans coded? Like I didn't mean it but it also fits with her story. So yeah. mtf first mate. she's got a partner. Winter the ghost fox! I love him. I love him so much. He's just a funny ghost fox who lives with a circus. He died from falling off a cliff btw.

This stage was named due to the focus of the oceans and the circus, which included many winged animals, hence the name. There was a lot of escapism stuff, which looking back on it was me trying to find a happy place to escape too when my siblings came after me.

I have gone through and revamped many elements of this stage to comply with the main timeline, as well as adding more queer characters!

One thing I should mention before moving to stage three, is two OCs that belong somewhere between stages one and two. They were created during the first stage, but didn't get fleshed out until the second. Their names are Peppermint and Thistle and they are lesbians and that has always been their relationship since I made them. They basically adopt the kids in the circus that Raven can't take in, so they have a lot of children that stop by!

It was also at this point in time that I started drawing the characters more humanoid, when they had been fully animal before hand.

On to stage three (the King, the Lab, and the Child Soldiers)

This stage is so fucking dark! What was 13 year old me thinking! We've got experimentation, more child abuse and neglect, death, suicide, child soldiers, child death, fighting arenas, corrupt people in power, and quite a bit more on top of everything talked about in stage two! Take this as your fucking trigger warning!

This stage was developed based on a creepypasta OC I had made, and then turned into something so much bigger! We've got a kingdom being ruled over by a queen who is making prisoners who were experimented on fight each other to the death, most of whom were children. We've got Finn, the ball of trauma who ends up ruling the kingdom but only after he kills himself! We've got a hoard of dead kids, one of which can time travel, a bunch of ones that were street kids who were brutally murdered, and group that was fucking child soldiers?????? What the fuck was 13 year old me doing. What the fuck was I doing.

Anyways, this stage is where I ended up putting this OCverse out of main activity and started moving onto the CrossOCverse and the Minecraft OCverse, all of which were just as dark btw. If not more. Remember that the Starwoods forest was something I created with my parents knowledge. Admittlly they didn't know a bunch of details (like anything related to the queer characters because homophobic parents suck) but still.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed these rambles and hopefully I will be back with another ramble about either specific characters or another OCverse. Good bye and good night I am so tired and I apoigize for spelling mistakes.

oh wow this was all really interesting to read! personally i think it's cool and interesting to experiment with darker topics

the characters all sound interesting too!

[marvellovelacevt]

:D

YAY!!!! I'm glad I didn't cross any boundaries/hurt you/talk over you in anyway, first off. I often get worried when I bring up how I may relate to something, or how I understand someone, can be interpreted as making it about myself or speaking over the original speaker. That's anxiety and autism for ya! Haha. ; u ;

THANK YOU for all the insightful discussion! I learned so much. It's intriguing how the queer community has gotten more narrow over time, especially in light of the separatist movement and TERFs (though it unfortunately makes sense). I agree that perhaps going back into the era of fewer labels, of more fluidity and overlap of identities and definitions would actually be more affirming for a lot of people!

"it's really interesting that it feels strict to you and makes me wonder how you personally define it!" [in reference to pansexuality]

Truly, I don't know if I have a personal definition! The general definition as you demonstrated works "well enough" to get the idea across to someone who's wondering, but somehow, for myself, it's like I need a definition that's a step beyond that. I guess like you, it's like "yeah that works, but it doesn't feel quite right either"! It's kind of funny, because I didn't really realize I truly felt that way until you began discussing it!! XD That's why these discussions are important~ (Which you point out!)

"people want strict and clearly defined definitions of labels for experiences that are wholly unique from individual to individual. while yes, having a definition can be helpful, i often feel that we use these definitions as a crutch and end up narrowing the scope of a label in ways that really harm the community.

for example, the obvious and most widespread consequence of this is transmedicalism; the belief that you have to have dysphoria to be transgender and that you have to transition into a binary gender for your gender to be valid. that you have to pass as a binary gender and perform as that gender in order to make the overall trans community look good to outsiders."

Hard, hard agree here. Like, I agree with this so hard that I feel like there needs to be a global campaign about this. Too many people probably hide and feel invalidated about their experiences because of this very notion of being "truly trans/trans enough" and I feel so, so bad because I imagine there are millions of people who feel this way, that they're trans but won't ever feel like they can come out because of the "requirement" to pass as a binary gender, transition, etc.

"transphobic cis people will not take any of us seriously, and the binary, fully transitioned transgender person is pretty much the same as the blue-haired cat/catself nonbinary person as far as they're concerned. we're all delusional in their eyes."

THIS^^^^ This hits so HARD and it's basically the reason why transphobic people will lump transwomen, drag queens, people at Pride events, etc. all under the same reaction: "you're delusional and I don't like you". You're totally right that it doesn't even *matter* if you pass the "trans litmus test" of passing properly as one gender or not—transphobes will *still* come after you. Bluh.

"but regardless, i think discussing the impact and consequences of labels and the commodification of LGBTQIA+ community is a really valuable discussion and i really thank you for giving me the opportunity to elaborate on my experiences and have these sorts of discussions!! it really makes me happy to discuss this with other people. i often feel like i can't talk about the thoughts i have on this and other topics because of the risk of annoying people or people going "it's not that deep, don't think about it so hard." because that sort of lack in critical thinking and intellectualism is killing the ability to have constructive discussions!! we should allow ourselves to be unlabeled, for our identities to be messy, for them to not fit neatly in a convenient word, because convenience where there should be nuance leads to confusion and discontent. it's what makes people go "but none of these labels fit me. what if there isn't a word for how i feel?""

What can I say, you say such great stuff!!!!! I LOVE these discussions, and I'm so glad you shared your experiences and thoughts!!! We *need* discussions like these to surpass our own limitations either caused by society, the groups we associate with, or our own understandings. We can always go so much further than what we have today to make tomorrow even brighter and clearer!! You can always talk about what's on your mind, and I'll totally support it!! And I know other followers will, too :D.

Long text XD

totally understandable!! i'm the same way; the easiest way to relate to other people is through anecdotes but i also really feel guilty about it even though it's how my brain works! but yeah, no feelings hurt, and you can't have a dialogue if it's only one party participating! then it's just a monologue, and usually i do so much monologuing that it would put shakespearean actors to shame.

but yeah, i'm glad you found this to be enriching and even happier to hear that i helped you learn stuff!! i was really scared that no one would be interested in what i had to say at all but getting to have this discussion really made me more confident in speaking my mind. i feel a whole lot more motivated to do stuff now!! so once again, thank you for the opportunity to get this out into the ether. i'm definitely going to refine what i shared a bit more to put them into a more coherent form to use as a script or something similar somewhere down the line. maybe i'll write another introspective rant on another topic to share and discuss!

i think i'm discovering that discussions like this are where i feel like i'm in my element.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary29

10/3-4/2023

nothing much. we'll cover all the rugs with cheap perfume.

nothing much happened today, i recorded little pieces for 2 songs, i got to do the super noisy stuff i wanted to do for the remaster of the single i put out, plus i added some screaming, and i added new vocal layers/replaced some/removed some for the next single. that's exciting, i think now the kicks are too loud in that song, and maybe i could bring the bass up a touch.

so much of this is like, touch and go, tomorrow i don't know what i'm gonna do, probably one of the new short songs, and then, i guess i'll see about one of the songs that i think needs a lot of work re: guitars and just throw vocals onto that to try, since i have them written.

my gf wants to go to another drag thing tomorrow so i need to be up earlier and stuff, today we're going to see a queen who almost won last season of rupaul's. it feels strange talking about it, because only from her has it leaked into my life. or i dunno. leak in makes it sound negative, when you live with someone, your interests get all over each other. i think i'm quieter about my stuff, so it's like, only sometimes i talk about whatever, but there's stuff that's just always involved with me that's probably been passed off to her and i don't even realize really. i think i basically like that she's exposed me to drag race so much because it is funny, it's just weird because it's demonstrably kind of commodified a whole part of queer history, and rupaul was there for it, which makes it more complex. looking at old drag magazines and stuff, the definitions were a lot blurrier, they were host to a lot of people who did want to transition essentially, and then people who were like "i'm whatever" also (and in film too you can see this, where it's a blurry undefined thing (meaning what anyone is (thinking in particular about funeral parade of roses (you can see in my eye makeup that i draw my lashes on cuz of that movie)))). it's not that this blurriness every went away or something but there's more lines separating what things are what is for who and so on. maybe that's because i've just been put in a box myself, by the people i've been sorted into being around online (this sounds miserable over it or something, all i am lamenting is maybe a lack of perspective) make greater efforts to delineate and say, over there is that type of person, over here we stand, when there's blurriness, it's different, and so on. it's a frustrating thing, whatever the case.

it's also weird because rupaul basically sucks, but i think it's kind of great, some seasons of the show, it's essentially takeshi's castle for drag queens, it's totally psychotic at points. i'm kind of sad my gf caught up because hearing about what goes on in the show (i couldn't see at a certain point really because he speakers got fucked up somehow and we don't know what to do other than buy new ones at some point) was genuinely super fun/made me happy.

anyways i think my favorite queen was probably alaska . probably an annoying pick but she is kind of a skinny legend.

i didn't read today, but, i dunno, i'm dumb i guess, i feel really stupid, kind of, i dunno. i always worry about being really an idiot.

so i guess, coming off of the feeling like an idiot, to feel more like an idiot, one thing i'm excited about is this one guy's tradition every year of playing a silent hill game on his yt channel, and this year he's gotten to something truly awful, homecoming. i don't know why i'm so excited for that, it's been years since i've seen anyone play that game in full, since i was a kid, back then even i was mega obsessed with the other sh games, but i also had no real sense of quality, so it had cool creatures that were mottled flesh and vaguely tortured, and familial discomfiture, that at least spoke to me, nothing on the level of all of sh1, 2 and 3, but it was like, a strange update on it all and that connected even at the time. what i'm seeing now, is i how strangely it reflected a pretty exact atmosphere of the time, the directing of cutscenes is, much more than anything else, inflicted with so much bullshit prestige tv runoff but directed wrong, and also, saw. the game is so saw, to the point of not understanding anything about sh really beyond few moments, which makes it fascinating. there's this part where alex is in a fucked up elevator and it squeals and shakes and stuff, awful noises are issued, and a huge knife comes through the door and kills him, final destination shit. it's like the game missed the parts of fire walk with me that featured totally broken quotidian things, the eruption of the faulting and failing into daily life, the wailing elevator isn't a horror device, it's simply real life magnified, ending it with a death like that destroys its ability to refer to the tiniest, most forgettable wounds in our daily life, the fear at a world at the edge of not working constantly, and a world that's hostile not because of unseen forces, but because of what we see, its regular operation unmasked as abject/grotesque, or not even unmasked, felt and expressed. so the game fails to be about america in all the subtle ways silent hill was originally (thinking about the billboard in sh2 that says "your ad here" in the sequence where you go to the historical society thru the town). it also misses all the ero-guro art connections and all the game's love affairs w/ the surrealists (bacon + bellmer an obv example but i'd say, sincerely, the first 3/4 end up having artaud and bataille in them, if only by receiving them thru ero guro artist interpretations of those works). instead it trades all that in for a baffling emphasis on wanting to be like the tv show lost (another legendarily bad game was cut from this same cloth, that reboot of alone in the dark). anyways sorting through all this is a joy for me a bit, and also, the ways the game feels like it hits on something meaningful (its posing of regular american christianity as a cult (the games prior do this too but this one feels really so on the nose, but that produces an interesting effect)) or even insightful, it feels like steps away from being a game about evangelical rapture panic and preppers or something. instead it trades in undercurrents in mass culture for attempts at the personal that fail, because it doesn't seem interested in its characters really. it's also such a dude-ist game, the nurses and the military stuff, so weird.

anyways that person who does that yearly is supergreatfriend. i don't know why i like his stuff so much. maybe it's because he's the only guy on yt with a playthru of illbleed that's any good. i love that game, it's also kind of genius. i miss how freely abject horror games used to be, not just gory or scary, but abject, where everything is exaggerated and filthy, not because like, that's scary, but because that's how you feel in a supermarket or mall or hospital for real or something, pr thinking of rule of rose, that's how social reality felt, that cruel and perverse. the exaggeration is only a tool to get you back there, in memory, again. it feels largely gone, maybe because the hd era prevents that level of exaggeration sitting beside "realism" like it used to be able. i dunno. the cheap and trash-like was so much more palpably present in those old games, for me at least, the stuff that for regular operation, had to be ignored, despite its constant presence, facts of life left to anterooms in your head, thoughts forced into being dead ends or whatever. i'd love to figure out why everything feels so much cleaner now. beyond how it's achieved, the cleanliness, i mean in particular why people decided against what was. it felt perfectly capable of approaching what actually unsettled us and prodding us towards reconciliation (not redemption, if anything, an embrace of these horrors/ embrace of the fact of horror, and then the turn away from the sanitary).

everything i like is like that, like books and stuff, i'm always on about that when you let me, but it's october, so i'm allowed, right. well i'll just keep doing it forever i guess, cuz i'm a broken record.

it's just so pretty to me. like yes, my life does feel like spirit halloween all the time, total dirty vomitrocity.

and stuff like this is just unbelievable i think.

this got me on flickr looking at hans bellmer stuff, rarer scans i've not got and also other stuff people tagged as related. i found quite an insane doll artist on there, who took some of the most uncanny photos ever it seems like.

i would like to use these somehow, in something, they're too evocative to not i think. the smudgy digital photography and the near-human figures, it's just so near my heart/how i feel.

anyways i'm stupid , stupid tired. i accidentally typed tied, instead of tied.

anyways, byebye!!

[lesbianmarrow]

some films i'm particularly excited for:

gondola - georgian/german film where two women who work as cable car attendants gradually fall in love as they pass each other on the gondola every day. i think this is a silent film too? it looks really funny and cute. trailer here

life is not a competition, but i'm winning - documentary about a group of queer athletes taking over an olympic stadium and seeking to reclaim sport as a space of true inclusivity. it explores the ways trans and intersex athletes have been discriminated against. i think it seems really timely! trailer here

looking for langston & tongues untied - this is actually a screening of two short films from 1989, both groundbreaking works of black queer male identity. looking for langston is part exploration, part reimagining of langston hughes' life, imagining him as a gay man. it's not available for streaming anywhere online so i'm excited that newfest will be screening it for its 35th anniversary! tongues untied is a documentary about being black and gay in the us, made at the height of the aids crisis. but if you have access to kanopy it's also available to stream there for free!

shorts: love is stronger than shame - a collection of short films & documentaries about demanding to be celebrated for queer identities despite family pressure or outdated norms. i'm excited by the diversity of cultures explored in this collection: it features short films in china, morocco, india, and the US.

what a feeling - austrian rom-com about two middle-aged women meeting and falling in love! yippee old woman yuri!!!!!!!!!!

the queen of my dreams - lesbian pakistani-canadian grad student has to travel to join her family in karachi after the unexpected death of a relative. she has a rocky relationship with her conservative mother, but in flashbacks we see that her mother was quite the rebel herself when growing up in karachi. i got to see this film a few months ago and it instantly became one of my favorite films of all time. i like to describe it as polite society meets the watermelon woman. features nimra bucha (the evil mom in both polite society and ms marvel season 1) as the conservative mom. trailer here

ok i know this list skews pretty sapphic bc that's just what i'm into but there are gay men films too!!!!!!!!! and trans films!!!!!!!!!!! seriously check it out for yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

US-based folks who love queer film - the 2024 lineup for newfest (the new york lgbtq+ film festival) was posted today! if you're not in new york city but you live in the US, i'd recommend checking out virtual tickets and passes. almost all of the films have options to stream virtually - it's $14.50 to rent one film (or one block of short films) and $99 for a virtual pass, which gives you access to all of the films available to stream virtually for the duration of the festival (october 10-22). i know that's a bit more pricey than most options to rent or watch films online, but i think it's worth it to help support independent queer cinema. plus you could have a watch party with all your friends and you all could pool your money together so you could have a little film festival at home! i've seen really incredible films at this festival in the past and i just want to share this wonderful opportunity with all of you!

[evita-shelby]

Nothing More Difficult than Love

Chapter 22

Gif by: @thomasshelbyltd

I'm back, still no definite schedule lol

Cw: slight racism,homophobia and use of a slur, some antisemitism and memtions of past death in the family.

Grace’s first gala as the future Mrs. MacMillan in New York is met with curious stares and stifled gasps.

“She tried to have Mr. Riley's poor niece deported, so she could steal her husband. What a tramp!” She overhears a society woman tell Clive’s mother and dough faced sisters.

“Mrs. de Souza says she isn’t to be trusted with proper ladies like Miss. MacMillan nor with your good and honest Clive.”

“Miss Burgess is a witch from hell, Mr. Riley told my husband that we are not to invite her to any events he will be attending. He cannot stand her.”

It was then that Grace had had enough and sought refuge in the empty library.

Or at least it had seemed empty when she closed the doors behind her.

“You must've thought you’d seen the last of us.” Israel de Souza smirked as he and the Jew appeared drinking wine on the large emerald green couch.

“I did.” The blonde admits wondering what sort of thing he has up his sleeve.

“Uncle wants you killed, as does Churchill and the Crown, but Eva wants you to live.” The queer man says as he pretends this is was just innocent small talk.

He was harmless, not a soldier, not a criminal.

That faggot wouldn’t hurt her.

The Jew, however, was a legend amongst the agents of the Crown.

She had been one of their best before she handed her resignation and started working independently.

Florence, that was the name she had used at the wedding, was skilled enough to make her death look like an accident.

“Why to feed off my misery?” she asks with a scoff.

“No, believe it or not, Eva is not as pro-murder as the rest of us.” Israel explained as he poured her some whiskey. “Had you touched anyone else, they would’ve killed you with their bare hands after hunting you for sport, but Eva says her killing days are in the past and thinks you’re not a real threat like your former superior.”

“There is a gangster in Boston, Irish mobster named Jack Nelson. He works for the Americans from time to time, and he needs a high society wife of Irish blood now that his good friend, Mr. Roosevelt, has his eye on the White House. If you were to marry him, the Crown wouldn’t be able to touch you.” Florence speaks, still as friendly and charming as she had when they met, but this time Grace knows better.

She placed her trust on the wrong people and now she was here thanking a Jew for her mercy.

Her father would be turning in his grave, he had raised her to dislike those who weren't like them and now she owed her life to two mexicans and jewish woman.

“Funny, isn’t it? You are now to marry the Thomas Shelby of America if you don’t want the government you served to kill you.” Israel smirked.

"You wanted Eva’s husband and now you have Eva’s life." Florence chuckled. "Exiled. Hated by her own people. Marrying a gangster you've never met.

Karma never loses an address, doesn’t it?”

Three weeks later, Grace Helen Burgess Curran marries John Patrick ‘Jack’ Nelson in a lavish affair worthy of a queen.

----

“I haven’t had a vision in almost two months.” She whispers when she just can’t fall asleep at night. Tommy can’t sleep either, he’s tried when Eva’s insomnia acts up and Eva can’t sleep when he’s up at night.

“Has that happened before?” he asks pulling her close, letting her snuggle up against him like cat.

“After Gabriel---” she tries to say the words, but the knot in her throat won’t let them pass.

“We’ll go to the midwife tomorrow if you’re worried about Charlie.” He’s afraid too, its there she can feel it in the air.

They’d named their baby boy, they’d bought all the things for him, she feels him alive inside her, it can’t be that. She’d die if their baby died inside of her.

Eva shook her head. She knows it’s not that.

“No, I need to consult a witch.”

[tuliptyper]

HI SORRY FOR THE VAGUE REQUESTS BUT I WANNA HEAR ANY THOUGHTS U HAVE ON DOOMHEAD OR FOXY i enjoy them so badly 🙏 no pressure ofc pls take ur time mwah

YES OFC!! ANYTIME FOR U MOOT 🙏🧎

im sorry i only did doomhead bc i had more ideas for him and it looked weird to have like paragraphs abt DH and 4 sentences about foxy 😭😭 ill write a separate post about him if you want nws!!

rlly messy post, a mix of thoughts + headcanons with a LOT of projection (potentially ooc) proofread but still shitty

LONG POST!

TW for suggestive themes and angst i mean...this is doomhead we're talking about

- my backstory headcanons differ slightly from yours (please check out imeldas DH headcanons theyre great!);

- i think he came from a well-off family but was definitely abused and neglected. growing up in the time and place that he did, he had no support and was forced to take his future into his own hands. he probably ran away or estranged himself from his family as early as possible (possibly stealing a few stacks to keep him afloat)

- pre 31 he was most likely a petty criminal who got mixed up in some violence, possibly word got around and he was picked up by Father Murder (i imagine it the same way models are recruited on the street and thats funny)

- i agree that hes been in 31 since its conception, hes definitely the top dog, the most reliable and efficient Head out there. I'd like to think Father taught him a thing or two about hunting numbers down (and how to clean his messier kills) so younger/less experienced Heads definitely aim to be at least acknowledged by him

- i think doomie does many odd jobs just to pass time between 31 ; security at seedy bars, occasional plumbing/installation jobs etc. not only does it help with his small-time acting (being able to play and adapt to many roles) but it also allows him to slip into the background of the community. hes not too important but not too insignificant either

- i think the face paint and theatrics was his idea. i believe Father (and co) are just hardcore snuff/sadists and just wanted to see their victims in fear, but DH really took it upon himself to add character (and subsequently more fear) to his job! slay

- being involved with 31 and all, i think he has a few connections with organized criminals, especially considering he has to obtain fake IDs and alibis. hes grown quite friendly with a few respected mobsters and its rewarded him handsomely

- with all this said! i don't think hes some perfectly suave, totally composed Casanova, i believe hes really scared of feeling vulnerable and that makes it hard for him to form any relationships that arent superficial, simply because he doesnt know how to cope well with feeling exposed and emotional around others.

- i diagnose him with (gay) BPD and i think hes very insecure abt that fact. he was probably taught that his emotions were bad so he puts extensive effort into seeming composed and put together around people. one good thing about 31 is that its a space where his bizarre outbursts or even mania is not only accepted but embraced/rewarded so hes got that going for him i guess??

- i think, deep down, he'd really love a somewhat domestic relationship; having somebody at home to eat with, a partner he can rely on, to be cared for and care for someone else. hes a sap at heart, hes just very scared of showing it

- probably wouldn't want kids, even in an accidental knock-up, he'd slip his baby mama plenty of scratch and encourage her to find a man thatll support them. he can always be the distant but fatherly family friend but thats really it (UNLESS you're his s/o then thats a completely different story-)

- probably neurodivergent in some way, simply because i see him as incredibly observant, analytical and calculated when hes focused/interested, traits i typically see in other ND people lol

- my doomhead is definitely queer, he doesnt use labels but i see him spending time at drag shows (in the corner silently handing the queen a stack of cash LOL) at underground gay bars (and had a few fellas for company ykk😏) hes more than aware of the struggles of having no family to support you and needing to make ends meet no matter what (since hes been there himself) so he has respect for such folks

- hes SO committal, especially because he doesn't have many healthy long term relationships. hookups dont mean much to him and really just give him dopamine boosts during the lull of a lonely life (#bars). if you're his s/o, you're his life partner, he would kill and die for you 100%. even if you guys split he would probably just give up on relationships then and there (as sad as that sounds lmao)

- ik the movie is set in the 70s but in a modern setting, i think he'd listen to some quirky, creepy music. probably genres like glam rock and dark cabaret (think scissor sisters and the dresden dolls)

- on that topic!! some songs that remind me of him include

[queer-and-dear-books]

Title: The Doctor’s Orders

Author: Heidi Cullinan

Genre: Adult Fiction | Romance | Drama | Medical | LGBTQ+

Content Warnings: Homophobia | Racism | Explicit Sex Scenes

Overall Rating: 9.7/10

Personal Opinion: The end of a steamy trilogy and what a ride it was. We get to our final coupling, Nick Beckert (the CEO) and Jared Kumpel (the pediatrician) in a finale worthy of this series as they love in secret but yearn to be open. There’s really not much I can say about this book aside from the fact that I appreciate the diversity and I’ve enjoyed Copper Point Medical’s queer family for all that it’s worth.

Couple Classification: Jared Kumpel X Nick Beckert = Prep X Prep

Do I Own This Book? Again, if I were to get the previous books in the series, then I’d probably get this one too.

Spoilers Below For My Likes & Dislikes:

Likes:

- Jared and Nick had a lot of buildup over the course of the previous two books so at this point, I was  invested in their relationship and finding out just how they were going to end up together. Basically, the entire story, I was giddy over every single scene where they were together because it was just so absurdly adorable. From those moments where they were just holding one another inside of the elevator and worrying that the other got hurt, my heart was in a perpetual state of swelling. When they could just privately be themselves and those rare moments when they showed their affections openly, I was just with them 100%. So much more so than Owen and Erin, no offense to them. But I just couldn’t help rooting for their happiness. And they’re also a verse couple and that’s just really fucking hot. 

- Something that this book had a lot more emphasis on than the other two was the found family of Jared, Owen, and Simon. I mean, they’ve been together since grade school. They all chose to live in Copper Point because Simon wanted to. It’s just so beautiful how much the three of them care about one another. And when Jared left Matt’s car to cry alone, Owen and Simon came to him and let him break down with them. No need for explanation. They had his back no matter what. And then we got Hong-Wei’s and Simon’s wedding too! It was so adorable but more importantly, we got to see Owen give Nick a piece of his mind. While also being respectful of the fact that not every gay person’s coming out situation is the same. He was there because Jared was hurting and I have respect for that. I love the found family that all these gay men built and I love that they have “family dinners” together. I’m also glad Nick never got mad at Jared because Simon, Owen, and Hong-Wei all knew about their relationship already. Although, to be fair, he exposed himself to Hong-Wei when he said, “I love him” before passing out.

- Uzma Amin and Rebecca Lambert-Diaz are queens. The former because she operated on the mayor and used that chance to get the city council’s backing for the hospital. Fuck Peterson! The latter because she is a badass lawyer who everyone can rely on and she’s truly head bitch in charge.

- Jared going off on his racist parents in front of the entire hospital staff and God himself was iconic. “From now on, you do not have a son and I don’t have parents.” Fuck them! Oh, it was so satisfying to see him fully break ties with them because he has a much more superior family anyway.

- The scenes where Nick got jealous over Matt and that one mystery fireman were so funny and also made me so giddy. Mostly because it’s what Jared deserved after being alone for so long. For someone to want him, to hold onto him, to make sure everyone knows that he belongs to him only. The scene where they were shopping for bow ties and Nick made it a point to cling onto Jared was just adorable. And they really decided to replace the k-pop performances for the kids for magic acts together, please, it made my heart swell as much!

- Jared with children was the most adorable thing. He’s just so good with them. Whether it was with Uzma’s children or with that toddler with fat feet that he loved hearing coo. He’s quite possibly the cutest man in the whole town and all those nosy people were right when they said they had never seen a man more suited to be a dad. Ugh, the fact that he wants to have four biological kids is just so sweet too. That shit is so expensive too, damn. It’s good that his future husband is a hospital CEO then.

- The fact that Jared got that many cancellations after his relationship with Nick became public hurt. I underestimated just how stupid and petty that bigots could be. But the fact that Jared’s co-workers, even the Evangelical ones, were so determined to show support to him that they told reception not to send child patients to them because they had someone else with an open schedule and perfectly capable of doing those jobs available was just so sweet. I appreciate the staff so much for their kindness and solidarity.

- I lost count of the number of gays but I love them all. We have the surgeon, a nurse, the gynecologists, the HR director, the CEO, the pediatrician, the janitor, the music teacher, the lawyer, and so much more!

- The sexy parts were hot, the parts with Emmanuela were hilarious, and the parts with the Amins were adorable. Not much else to say because I just really enjoyed the end of this trilogy so much in the end. And I do hope Kathrynn was serious when she said they should start a club for queer folks of color. Hong-Wei (Taiwanese), Nick (Black), Ram (Indian), Rebecca (Latina), and herself (also Black) deserve that space to themselves.

Dislikes:

- Grandma Emerson and Aniyah are good people but I hate that they made Nick so miserable by refusing to accept him. I do love how well he handled himself after coming out though. He told them how much he was suffering while in the closet and they refused to come around immediately but I guess that’s just how the heteros are. They don’t get it. They don’t get how painful it is to hide that part of yourself. But damn, they seemed to switch so easily when Jared accidentally blurted out that he wanted to have kids and for two of them to be fathered by Nick. Were the matriarchs of the family seriously that put off by the idea that Nick wouldn’t have kids when surrogacy is a possibility? Nah, their children are not tools to continue the family name, fuck that. I do get that they didn’t want life to be harder for Nick as he’s a black man in a predominantly white town but they do realize that they’re contributing to the very difficulties that Nick would face by perpetuating the bigoted sermons that their church did. At the very beginning of the book, we had people at the wedding whispering about “those people” and talking about Hong-Wei and Simon’s wedding date like it was a sin. Fuck that. As much as I do respect Emerson and Aniyah for everything they did for Erin, I just find it hard to reconcile what they did to Nick. They really wanted him to hide for the rest of his life and didn’t care about him being happy huh. They cared more for Erin’s happiness than their own son’s.

- I underestimated how bad this town was. Apparently people just walked up to Simon to call his husband an anti-Asian slur, the fuck? And people were somehow more homophobic because they were in loving relationships. Like, damn, okay, fuck you. 

- The final chapter, just before the epilogue, felt rushed to me. Like all the problems were solved just because Kevin the janitor came forward and exposed those two security guards? That’s all it took for the big issues to be solved? I do sort of get the lesson though. Kevin being gay and not trusting local police makes sense. He’s seen shit. So when Nick came out, Kevin realized that this was a like-minded person. Someone he could trust. Still, I think he should have gone to Jared. After all, he knew everyone in the staff as the town gossip and he knew Kevin by name AND he was out too so Kevin should’ve trusted him at least. Oh well.

- I feel like I should be annoyed with how Matt confronted Jared about his relationship and the unfairness of it like he knew what was going on in Nick’s life. Like, shut up white boy, you don’t know shit. It’s complicated, okay? But I don’t know, it felt important for Jared to speak on these things out loud and for him to realize to himself how he felt about Nick. How Nick, to him, was so much more important to him than even his dreams.

[door]

book question! I saw you talking about romance novels and am here to ask (if you feel like it) any good romances you enjoyed in 2020? personally I liked salt magic skin magic, fumbled, and dare to love a duke (which... you did not ask for. sorry!!) happy new year! ✨

hello! i did not ask for them but am pleased to receive them! i too love salt magic skin magic! a very good book with a very bad cover.

thank you again for asking for my romance novel opinions. i read a lot of romance novels, and novels with romance in them, last year! some of my favourites under the cut. i tried to be brief, and failed. there are....a lot of books under this cut. i hope you were serious about wanting recs.

romance novels:

- my favourite romance novel by far i read in 2020 was Heated Rivalry by Rachel Reid. look: i don’t much care for sports, and i care so little for hockey that i had to utilize my whitelist for the first time back when check please was still updating, in order to spare it from my impenetrable hockey blacklist. but this book. this book is simply the best enemies to lovers story i have ever read. ilya makes shane a tuna melt in this book and it’s the most romantic gesture one person has ever performed for another. i can’t recommend it highly enough. i’ve reread the end of it probably a dozen times this year.

- The Work of Art by Mimi Matthews is about a woman who marries a near-stranger in order to escape marriage to a nefarious duke obsessed with collecting beautiful things. Matthews is a scholar of Victorian history, and her books feel so exquisitely real. the romance between philly and arthur is also exquisite--she truly nails the yearning.

- Something Human by A.J. Demas is another enemies-to-lovers story (i have a type), about a not-Roman and a not-Celt who find love off the battlefield. Demas writes queer romance set in a fictional ancient mediterranean, and i can’t recommend her books highly enough.

- Briarley by Aster Glenn Gray is beauty-and-the-beast-with-a-twist (another fave type) about a beast who is fully a dragon (!!) and Belle’s father, a country parson, who refuses to let a stranger kidnap his daughter and allows himself to be kidnapped instead. set against the backdrop of WWII-era England, the whole thing is delicious. the beast needs someone to love him unconditionally, so the parson brings him a dog.

- Take a Hint, Dani Brown by Talia Hibbert. I read both this and Get a Life, Chloe Brown in 2020, and while i loved both, Dani really had my number. i just love it when romantic leads are...so stupid. they are so stupid, your honor.

- The Widow of Rose House by Diana Biller is about a woman who has a house she does not want, left by a husband she hated, and she decides to redecorate it and publish a book about the process. twist: the house is haunted. double twist: an absent-minded professor who is in love with her wants to prove that ghosts are real. this was biller’s first book, and i very excited to read more from her.

- Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall you’re probably heard about, but it does live up to the hype. a fake dating story about a disastrous c-list celebrity and a staid barrister. i LOVE a square, so naturally i was going to love this. i also read a bunch of other works by Hall this year. he does romances about people who are messed up and healing in such a beautiful way that it never feels like the romance is the CAUSE of the healing, it’s just incidental. it’s great, every time.

- The Countess Conspiracy by Courtney Milan. i read/reread all of Milan’s brothers sinister series this year, and it’s all good but this book was my fave. SUCH a good slow-burn between two people who have known one another without really knowing each other for a long time. i was cheering for violet and sebastian in a big way by the end.

- Slippery Creatures and The Sugared Game by K.J. Charles. these are books one and two of a trilogy which is still unfinished, but well worth reading. set in the 1920s, if the image of Bright Young Things roaming the English countryside in feral packs while two idiot men attempt to be secret agents doesn’t draw you in i don’t know what will.

- Paladin’s Grace by T. Kingfisher. kingfisher has a bunch of works in her specific fantasy historical universe, and they’re all so interesting. i read Swordheart set in this universe (about a man who’s a sword) last year, and this year read more. this book opens with the death of a god, but the book is not about that. that’s how t. kingfisher does, and it’s honestly so good. it’s about a paladin of that dead god, who is trying to get by and solve a series of murders while also dealing with his attraction to a perfumer who is suspected of being a poisoner. it’s a world of such heart and humor.

- Division Bells by Iona Datt Sharma. if you were ever into the extremely densely political draco/harry fics that reigned for a time, this novella is for you. it’s about a civil servant who has been at his job for probably too long, and a special consultant who still feels fresh and excited. they’re trying to pass a bill. if that doesn’t sound romantic, trust me: it is very romantic.

books with romance: (a lot of these are sequels, so good news! you get twofers)

- Stormsong by C.L. Polk. this is the sequel to Polk’s delightful Witchmark, which was her first novel, and the level-up from it to Stormsong in terms of complexity and world-building is stunning. i liked Witchmark, i LOVED Stormsong. this is a universe in which wizards control the weather, and only members of certain families can be wizards. Grace is trying to walk away from the toxic environment in which she was raised, help her queen prevent a war, and maybe also romance the reporter who sees in her her next big break. LOVE this series. still one more volume to come.

- Bellwether by Connie Willis. Willis writes slapstick sci-fi and simply nobody else is doing what she’s doing. Bellwether is about a scientist who tracks trends and is just trying to stay afloat at the lab where she works, which is determined that one of its scientists be the next winner of a prestigious award. there are a lot of sheep in this book. it’s very funny, if a little dated, with a sweet romance at the end.

- The Perilous Life of Jade Yao by Zen Cho. this novella follows Jade, a writer in 1920s London, who becomes involved with a writer whose latest work she panned. It’s a look at the reality of women’s lives at the time, but the appeal is in Jade’s stunningly funny voice.

- The Bookshop on the Corner by Jenny Colgan. this follows nina, a librarian who’s out of a job, who decides to open a bookshop on a bus and ends up in the scottish highlands. it’s about figuring out who you are when you’re removed from everything you’ve ever known, and books, and trains, and surly farmers.

- The Lost Future of Pepperharrow by Natasha Pulley. like stormsong, this is a sequel that improves on its predecessor in a way i didn’t realize i wanted or needed. Pulley’s The Watchmaker of Filigree Street is one of my favourite books, and the romance in it is wonderful, but Pepperharrow deepens it in such a way that Watchmaker barely feels like a courtship. Nathanial and Mori as fathers, the depth of the mystery and worldbuilding, the ROMANCE. it’s ::chef’s kiss::

- Drowned Country by Emily Tesh. a final sequel. Silver in the Wood is a Green Man story from the point of view of Tobias, the Green Man, well accustomed to his solitary life. Drowned Country is from the pov of Henry, who heroically took Tobias’ place as keeper of the wood and is well SICK of it. a getting-back-together story with vampires and fae.

- A Memory Called Empire by Arkady Martine. this was one of the best books i read this year, a sci-fi about culture and empire and linguistics and ancestral memory. it’s got a lovely slow-burn romance running throughout it. very satisfying, although i will be eager to read the sequel.

[georgiaswarr]

georgia warr

never been in love - gatlin

a song about wanting to be in love but not being able to be in love, which is very fitting for georgia’s initial situation. i’ve put this at the beginning of this playlist because - spoiler alert - the last song on here is also called never been in love and i think these two songs symbolise georgia’s journey in a very mint way. also, the first line of this song is “that boy from georgia was so sweet” which i think is pretty funny

somebody to love - queen

the title says it all. georgia wants to find somebody to love. i mean, she’s already found them, but we’ll get to that later.

paradise - coldplay

georgia is a big dreamer and yearner and i think this song really encapsulates that on so many levels. i mean “when she was just a girl / she expected the world / but it flew away from her reach / so she ran away in her sleep” that’s georgia !

tous les garçons et les filles - françoise hardy

french song because i’m ~quirky~ but this song is basically about seeing everyone else be in relationships and feeling lonely/wanting one for yourself

waiting for love - avicii

georgia is a hopeless romantic, but she’s still waiting for her own grand romance (she still hasn’t realised that the “love” she’s “waiting for” has already “come around”)

dear no one - tori kelly

georgia “i want someone to be in love with but there is no one” warr, at least at the beginning of the book

chaos - miki fiki

this song can be interpreted with various themes of the book in mind such as yearning for something you don’t have, feeling lonely, emotional turmoil, etc, it’s a banger

i walk a little faster - fiona apple

highjacked from @kindaorangey’s loveless playlist (they’ve done a great rundown here). this song has similar themes to dear no one, anticipating that romance will come to you, but it hasn’t, despite how hard you chase it, how fast you walk

when - dodie

shoutout to @drarrystar for recommending this song to me because so many of the lines reflect georgia to the core. just look up the lyrics and you’ll agree

deeper - ella eyre

“cause i’m scared, i can’t lie / i don’t feel the same inside / i can’t decide if i have the heart to confess” georgia thinks she can learn to love jason romantically if she just digs a little deeper

loneliness for love - lovelytheband

“anything at all not to feel alone / anything at all just to feel whole / ‘cause i keep mistaking loneliness for love”

a little more - alessia cara

“there you are with your college friends / you played in a marching band / i can't help but wish i knew you then / but i guess i know you now // it looks as if i've stumbled right into the palm of your hand // hey, you / hey, mr. knock on my door / i'm sorry that I've been emotions galore / am i crazy for wanting a little bit more? / a little more of you” georgia about sunil. she needs their guidance and wishes he’d been there for her earlier.

stuck in california - rightfield

a song about feeling alone and alienated by everyone and everything around you, and waiting for your “stars to align”, which fits georgia if you ask me

seven - taylor swift

georgiapip song !!!!!! it’s also about how alienating it can be to grow up and lose your childhood innocence, and i have a lot of thoughts about a very specific brand of growing pains that come with being aspec, but that’s a topic for another day

te amo - rihanna

this is a song about having someone be romantically in love with you and the heartbreak that comes from not being able to reciprocate those feelings --> georgia about jason

love love love - of monsters and men

same as te amo. it hits especially hard when you do love the other person so fucking much

ceiling won’t break - finish ticket

this song gives me georgia’s emotional turmoil vibes, also the line “i see no lights ‘cause the lights weren’t aimed at me” can be interpreted in a “cupid’s arrows didn’t hit georgia” way if you get what i mean

lack of emotion - skott

once again we are dealing with themes of not being able to feel the emotions that you “““““should”““““ feel for someone

let me go - hailee steinfeld

another song about georgia and jason’s (romantic) relationship and how it was doomed to fail from the beginning so she hopes he can let her go

i’m so tired - lauv, troye sivan

i’m just thinking about that line in loveless where georgia resentfully realises how many songs are about romantic love. she’s just so tired

crush culture - conan gray

and another song about being resentful of our romance-obsessed society, which georgia certainly is plenty of times throughout the book

home - ella eyre

christmas break time babey !!!! georgia has reached her low point and she’s going home

i love my car - belle & sebastain

“I pressed a cold hand against my car, which was as far up the drive of our house as it could get. I’d missed my car.” - loveless by alice oseman, celebrating all kinds of love since 2020

i’ve never written a song about a boy - eva westphal

this was actually recommended to me by @michaelholdenn for this playlist ! a song about the liberation that comes with not having to force attraction anymore

this is home - cavetown

i think months ago some ask told alice that this is a loveless song and i agree

why can’t we be friends - jordy searcy

this is about georgia’s strained relationship with pip and jason after the bailey ball and how she wishes they could just be friends again, the way they were all throughout their childhood

chiquitita - abba

okay fuckers THIS is literally the LOVELIEST song about friendship and wanting to be there for your loved ones and i’m sure georgia relates

open up - matt simons

“you’re hard to talk to with that wall around you” vs. “rooney had a solid brick wall round some part of her that nobody was allowed to know.” basically, georgia wants rooney to open up to her

just fucking let me love you - lowen

okay, yes, this song is very gay, but i think it can be applied to georgiarooney too ! the frustration this song expresses of wanting to shake someone and scream at them to just fucking let you love them is definitely shown in loveless when it comes to those two

less than i do - the band camino

georgia about pip. she hopes that pip will forgive her eventually. i mean look at the line “i still have your denim jacket” in the song - georgia still has pip’s jacket too, it’s perfect !!!

friends will be friends - queen

if loveless taught us anything it’s that friends sure fuckin will be friends

stick with me - olly murs

“we all get lonely / trying to find a place where we should be / trying to find someone to set us free / there are times a friend is all you need” you know when alice said that every character in the book feels “loveless” in some way at one point or another, but they all learn the value and importance of platonic love? yeah.

your song - moulin rouge

“and then, with three accompanists, i stood on a boat on the river wear and sang ‘your song’ - the version specifically from moulin rouge - to pip quintana, who didn’t yet know me as well as i wished she did, but despite that, was one of my favourite people i had ever met.”

wherever i live - alessia cara

you know the scene after georgia leaves pip and rooney to their first kiss? yeah, this song really reflects that mindset of half loneliness, half acceptance to me. listen to it.

take time - honest men

accepting your identity takes time ! even by the end of loveless there’s still days when georgia wishes she wasn’t aroace and the book presents this in an amazing and properly nuanced way !

die alone - finneas

"you asked me, ‘do you wanna die alone / or watch it all burn down together?’ / i said i’d rather try to hold on to you forever” this song is very much georgiarooney - finding each other in their darkest of days and watching everything they thought they knew (amatonormativity) burn down. together.

no lover - jetty bones

the next few songs are basically just one aro anthem after the next. this is another recommendation from @michaelholdenn - “maybe i don’t need a lover, i just need the friend”

solo - carly rae jepsen

highjacked from @kindaorangey’s loveless playlist. amazing anthem about how it’s okay to be single and how romantic love isn’t as fulfilling as society makes it out to be anyway

trust my lonely - alessia cara

i think in georgia’s case this song can be interpreted as her learning to finally let go of her pre-conceived notions of what love is and what she should want, her learning to “trust her lonely”, though lonely here just means romance-less

love is a town - josh gilligan

“if [romantic] love is a town then i’m passing through" yeah, romance is not for georgia and she’s starting to accept that.

new romantics - taylor swift

the loveless gang is the new romantics !!! they’re redefining love and romance !!!

team - lorde

“and everyone's competing for a love they won't receive / 'cause what this palace wants is release” anyway, let’s go found family song

wild things - alessia cara

now, i don’t know if alessia cara is queer but I DARE YOU to look at the lyrics of wild things and not tell me that this is the ULTIMATE queer anthem about found family and saying fuck you to respectability politics. i DARE you. anyway, loveless is also about found family and saying fuck you to respectability politics so it’s very fitting

never been in love - will jay

full circle babey !!!!! this is THE aro anthem so obviously i had to add it and comparing the “never been in love / and it’s all good” to the “never been in love / and i fucking hate that i couldn’t make it past a crush” message from the first song we can really reflect georgia’s journey of self-acceptance in loveless which i love a lot

[i-stan-nct-and-satan]

Not Broken (Jaehyun Mafia AU)

Not Broken Masterlist 

Jaehyun X Reader

Y/N is a burlesque dancer living in Seoul. Jaehyun is one of the most powerful mafia men in Seoul. How will Y/N survive when Jaehyun suspects that she is involved with a rival gang?

Reasons to read this story: Ten's a cross-dressing madam so..... yeah read it ya freaks.

Trigger warning for this chapter: mentions of non-consensual touching. 

Bold means it’s being said in English

A/N: This story will be released in several parts and each part released will have its own trigger warnings. It’s a slow burn story but there will be smut in later parts. Jaehyun won’t actually be introduced in the first two parts, but I hope you’ll read anyway. This story is actually inspired by my year preforming as a burlesque dancer in Seoul. The burlesque group was actually an inclusive group that frequently featured drag kings and queens.

"Kakao!"

I opened my eyes and groaned as I looked at my phone.

8:37pm. I'm late.

"Fuck"

Kakao alert from Jungwoo: "Dude, where are you? The Madam is gonna be here soon. If you're late again, she's not gonna let you preform."

I grabbed at my aching head as I read the message.

Why does it hurt so bad?

I looked over at my nightstand and saw the answer in the form of several empty bottles of soju. I could barely remember anything from the previous night, but from the looks of my bedroom, I seemed to have been by myself. I stood up to grab some water, ignoring the message from Jungwoo. Apparently he must have seen that I read it since my phone soon started vibrating and spewing out kakao talk notifications at an irritatingly fast pace.

After chugging a full bottle of water in an attempt to sooth my throbbing head, I walked to the bathroom to brush my teeth and washed my face. In the mirror I saw that I hadn’t even attempted to wash the eyeliner from the yesterday off before passing out. What was originally a subtle thin black line had now smudged over the entirety of my lid and the concave of my under eyes. I looked trashed, no, dead was a better way to put it.

I roughly rubbed the smudged mess off my face with a washcloth. I didn’t bother applying a new face of makeup since I knew that I'd be expected to put it on at the venue anyway.

I quickly gathered up my make up supplies and shoved them into my backpack. I grabbed the tote bag containing my costume along with my phone and left the trashed one-bedroom apartment, not bothering to change out of the black sweatshirt and torn jeans I woke up in. It wasn't unusual for me to fall asleep or "pass out" in my day clothes.

It wasn't that I didn't have any pajamas to change into, it was more an issue of being too drunk to care. Right now, my reasons for not putting on a new outfit was that I was too hungover not to mention the fact that I was very late.

I walked down the halls of my building, choosing to take the stairs instead of the elevator. Although anyone who stepped foot into my room would believe that I must have lived in the ghetto, my building was actually quite nice. I just happened to be a very messy person and it must show in how I present myself because my neighbors often go out of their ways to avoid me. The only person in the building who I'm actually close with is the doorman.

"Goodmorning Hyuck." I say as I grabbed my headphones out of my bag.

"Hello, Miss Y/LN." He greeted me as he held the door open for an elderly couple as they exited the building.

I chuckled at his formality. As the elderly couple walked out of sight, I turned to the short male.

"How do you do?" I said mockingly to the uniformed doorman.

Donghyuck looked up at me and rolled his eyes.

"You know that I have to keep up appearances when I'm on the clock,” He scowled.

“Hey, do you have a show tonight?" He asked.

"How can you tell?"

"Well you said good morning to me and it's nighttime so... I just assumed that means you're planning on staying up."

I looked at him sheepishly. Donghyuck knew about my nighttime activities, yet he still treated me with the same respect he gave to all the other people living in the building. That didn't mean that he didn't use casual language with me every chance he got. His reasoning being that we've drank together so many times that it shouldn't matter that he's a few years younger than me. I don't mind, in fact, I think it would be weird if he spoke politely to me since I've never been polite to him a day in my life.

My eyes buldged slightly due to the sudden realization that I only had an hour to get from Hongdae to Ittaewon.

"I gotta go. I'll see you later DongFuck!" I yelled as I ran out the door.

"HEY!!!" He screamed back at me.

I ran to Hongik exit 9 and into the sea of people trying to get to where they needed to begin their own nighttime activities. As I stepped onto the subway, I noticed that some people were already drunk. I spotted some drunk ajushi's yelling at this blonde girl asking if she's a Russian prostitute. I roll my eyes and walked over to her.

"Are you okay?"

She looked up at me and nodded. The old men started directing their comments at me instead of her.

It's better that they act this way towards me. They're comments will be justified if they talk about me.

The girl snuck away without giving me another glance and I started to feel relieved until a hand landed on my shoulder. I kept still but my eyes glanced at the screen displaying the stops.

Only 3 more stops. I just have to cope for 3 more stops.

The hand moved toward my chest and I continued to stay still. 

If I move away, they'll just keep doing it to the other girl. 

The hand felt slimy, coated with a thick layer of sweat. It was disgusting. I tried to brush the hand away to prevent it from sliding further south, but my attempts were futile as the man continued to touch me.

It wasn't until the old man caressing me grabbed at my necklace that I turned to face him and pulled my fist back.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

I ran out of the subway gripping on to my broken necklace and bags. When I had punched the stranger he fell back taking my necklace with him, breaking its clasp in the process. The only thought in my mind was to get as far away from the subway exit as possible. It was my fourth year living in Seoul and I knew how things worked. The man could have had his dick out, but there was no way that the police would believe a foreigner like me over him.

After arriving at the venue, I greeted the girls at the door and quickly found the bathroom to collect myself. My hair was sticking out of my ponytail and slicked to my face with sweat. I checked to make sure I still had all my things, most importantly, the necklace.

I looked down at the green emerald pendant. It was about a 3 centimeters long circle wrapped in a gold-plated setting, strung on a matching gold chain. Everything about the necklace was beautiful except for the broken clasp.

"Oh my god Y/N! You are so late."

I jumped at the sudden voice.

"Sorry Snoopy."

It was Jungwoo. I hadn't noticed him come in despite the loud clacking of his heels.

"I guess it's no big deal. To be honest, I'm pretty sure that the Madam hasn't even noticed that you weren't here earlier. She was just going crazy backstage looking for her wig. You should have seen her. It was so funny."

Jungwoo started speaking in a high pitched voice trying to imitate the madam.

"Where's my hair? Where's my hair?"

We both started cracking up at the impersonation.

"Come one!" Jungwoo said as he grabbed my hand, still laughing.

"You're the only one who’s not even close to being done with makeup," He continued.

As he walked me out of the bathroom and towards the dressing rooms, I examined his costume. He wore a long burgundy red velvet dress with long white sleeves. On his head, he adorned a long brunette wig. It seemed to be a very cheap wig as it was already starting to knot into a rat’s nest. Overall, it was a very modest outfit compared to the blue latex mini skirt with neon green tassel pasties he wore during our last show.

"What's your act tonight?" I asked.

"Wonho and I are doing a titanic theme tonight. You would know this if you actually came to our last practice."

Jungwoo was one of the burlesque queens. There were many in the group as they made up almost half of the dancers. Since Ittaewon was filled with foreigners, the queer scene was thriving here and it really showed in our burlesque group.

"What happened to your necklace?"

"Oh I broke it on the subway." I replied hoping Jungwoo wouldn't inquire further.

Luckily for me, he didn't.

"Want me to fix it for you?" He said as he examined the jewelry in my hands.

"It's just a broken clasp right?"

"You would fix it for me?" I asked as I hand the necklace to the feminine male.

"Yeah of course! My costume jewelry breaks all the time. Damn the heavy things. This should only take a few minutes. I'll go get my tools."

Without another word, Jungwoo left, allowing me to get started on my makeup. Tonight I was supposed to be the final act, as per usual, which meant that my costume was the most extravagant. 

For my makeup, I applied gold lipstick along with gold eyeliner, and a glitter highlight. The theme of my act was, you guessed it, gold. Even my costume was brimming with gold detailing. All fake of course, but it was still dripping with elegance. I quickly wrapped my hair into a hairnet and put on my white-blonde wig.

I had been preforming for around two years now. I found the group through a friend who had ended up leaving Korea. I quickly proved myself to be one of the best dancers in the group although some people liked to focus on my lack of attendance even though my acts often recieved the most praise out of every show.

It's not that I thought I was better than my fellow dancers. It's just that I happened to do quite well for myself as a dancer. Through dancing alone, I've been able to pay for my apartment in Hongdae, pay off my student loans, and my other debts, all while being able to afford a few luxuries here and there.

I began to take off my day clothes before I was interrupted when a familiar face entered the dressing room.

The Madam.

"Haven't you ever heard of knocking?" I sneered at the short figure that approached me.

"Haven't you ever heard of coming on time?" The figure snarkily replied, taking a drag from her cigarette.

The Madam, or Madam Ten, as some of us called her, was the leader of the group. She directed the show, organized it, taught choreography, and had final call on every detail of our preformances. 

The thing about The Madam, was that she wasn't exactly a madam. Like Jungwoo, she was a drag queen, but she committed to the role more. None of us had ever actually seen the older out of drag. Some assumed that she may have identified as a woman, since anytime anyone said differently, she would scoff and often would reply with the same two answers.

When it was a woman addressing her as a man, she would say something like,

"Darling. When you refer to me as a he, you are merely pointing out the sad truth that even a man can easily be prettier than you."

When it was a man, she would walk up to the poor soul and say something vulgar, such as "You won't be calling me a he when you are screaming my name later."

Madam Ten was roughly in her 50's yet she was still dripping in womanly charm and beauty. Her face was wrinkled from all the years of smoking cigarettes, but she had more knowledge about seduction than all of us, so her age rarely mattered to the men around her.

She wore her hair in a sort pixie cut. Her red dress draped to the floor. She had an array of colorful scarves wrapped around her neck and shoulders. Heavy jewelry adorned her fingers and neck. Her ruby lips wrapped around the long black straw that was encasing the end of her cigarette.

"On a normal night, I would have given your act to Eunwoo as punishment for your... tardiness."

I raised my eyebrows.

"But...?" I questioned anticipating her to continue her explanation.

"But despite Eunwoo's ability being equal to yours, in my opinion even better..." She continued, snarkily mumbling the last part.

"He's lacking your certain assets, which I believe our special audience members would prefer tonight." She cooed, not even trying to be subtle about staring at my undressed body.

"Special audience members?" I asked as I turned away to find my costume.

"It seems as though our venue has been...reserved for a private party this evening."

"The whole venue?" I gasped.

"Yes. And it seems as though I've had to make some last-minute changes to the show tonight in order to appeal to our audience's specific tastes."

"What kinds of changes?" I inquired, continuing to dress myself.

"Sadly, tonight is going to focus on the more traditionally feminine tonight. It's such a shame that men nowadays are still so afraid to explore their sexualities." She rested her hand on her face as if she were genuinely contemplating something.

I started zipping up my costume before I realized what she was implying.

"Jungwoo's not going to be allowed to perform tonight is he?"

Madam Ten walked up behind me and pulled the zipper of my costume up the remainder of my back.

"We are all expected to make sacrifices sometimes."

This wasn't fair. Jungwoo worked harder than me at everything he did. It wasn't fair that I should get to preform while he's expected to roll over just because some last-minute guests didn’t want to see a drag queen preform burlesque.

 And what about the Madam? Madam Ten would never change the line-up for a show just to appease the preferences of some rich snooty straight assholes. In the past, whenever an audience member complained about the less conventional dancers, it would end with her having the source of the complaint swiftly thrown to the curb. The Madam often referred to these men as lacking taste or ability to appreciate the real artistry of burlesque, but tonight she's acting as if her submission isn't even something to be questioned.

Whoever could afford to rent out the whole venue must have a lot of both money and power to cause the Madam to act this way. Who could these guests be in order for the Madam to choose to compromise the show's integrity?

"I should go talk to Jungwoo." I commented as I turned to leave the room, but Madam Ten stops me, grabbing my hand.

"I already sent him home." She explained reaching into the pocket of her dress.

"But he did leave me this to give to you."

She turned me so that I was facing the full length mirror and wraps my newly fixed necklace around my neck. I was unable to examine the fixed clasp, but it's ability to stay on my neck reassured me of it's functionality.

Madam Ten started walking out of the dressing room, motioning for me to follow. She walked towards the backstage curtains. Once we arrived Madam Ten slung her arms gently around my shoulders and brought her lips closer to my ears.

"Tell me Y/N, are you familiar with NCT 127?"

My eyes bulged upon hearing the name. NCT 127 was one of the most infamous Mafia gangs in Seoul. Specializing in drug trade and weapon imports, NCT 127 was known for it's ties with the police, making it the gang untouchable. Besides that, most people don't know very much about the group. People know that it exists, but most of the group's actions completed with such secrecy that no one outside of the group is completely sure about the how far their reach is. Some have specified that they have so much power in Seoul that even the president had been accused of being in the leader's pocket.

I turned to face the Madam.

"It seems as though they will be making up our audience this evening."

Madam Ten lifted back the curtain ever so slightly revealing the faces within the crowd. Missing, were the familiar faces of our loyal regulars, only to be replaced with more intimidating facades. Tough looking men wearing dashing suits littered the tables and bar areas. Many were sitting down in an organized manor, but even more were standing in small groups, wondering around, probably to get a drink, or worse, to harass the waitresses.

It was in this moment that I felt somewhat relieved that Jungwoo was sent home. I couldn't even imagine how these men would treat a man in drag if this was how they treated the female staff.

Cat calls made up most of the noise in the room, yet it seemed as though they were all coming from a small group of men seated at the main table. 

It was normal for us to seat astonished guests at the table closest to center stage. This way, whoever was deemed important enough to be seated there, could have the best view of the performers. Also, since the stage wasn't elevated, the performers would often walk into the crowd attempting to raise audience participation. Sometimes it would be asking an audience member to help remove an article of clothing. Other times it could be a full-on lap dance, depending on how wild or trustworthy the audience was that particular night. Either way, audience participation was always centered around this table.

Seated at/surrounding the table were five men. They all looked to be in their early or late twenties. Although everyone else in the room seemed intimidating in the conventional "thug" way, these men were intimidating in different way.

"Handsome, aren't they?" Madam Ten cooed almost as if these men were celebrities' whose presence should be appreciated, instead of ruthless mafia members who intimidated their ways into the audience, but I couldn't disagree.

Each of the men varied greatly in image, yet to say that any of them were less that godly would be a obvious lie.

Two men were standing up at their seats trying to control their obviously drunk colleague who kept making passes at the waitresses as they walked by. The drunk one was short but still very handsome with his golden bleached blonde hair and charming laugh. It seemed as though he would have no trouble picking up women if it weren’t for his brazenly drunk behavior.

As a waitress went to check on their table, the blonde man had slapped the poor girl's ass as he spoke to her in English.

"What do you say me and you get out of this overpriced bar and get ourselves a real drink?" He said as he put his hand on her waist and pulled her closer to him. The poor girl let out a small shriek.

I recognized her as one of the new girls on staff. Really innocent and sweet, but she normally did well when dealing with drunk costumers when they got out of line, but this time our customers were irregular compared to what she was used to.

The girl froze.

"Come on baby. Don't you wanna have a little fun? What's wrong?" The blonde asshole continued.

"Mark, Stop making a fool of yourself and it down." A tall brunette grabbed him and plopped the blonde back into his seat as if he weighed nothing. "She probably doesn't even speak English." He continued as he whispers something into the waitress's ear and hands her what appeared to be four 50,000won bills. As she quickly moved away, I put two and two together and figure that he was probably asking her to forget about his friend's indiscretions.

"I wasn't even...hiccup...speaking English Johnny." The blonde drunkenly continued mumbling in English as he tried to get up to follow the girl, only to be set back down again by the third standing party.

This third party stayed silent but nodded at the tall brunette previously referred to as Johnny.

Huh. It seemed like maybe this guy is either the strong silent type or he doesn't speak English. Whereas the other two seemed to be American like me. I noticed how the two spoke English in an accent very similar to my own along with the mentioning of their English names.

"Maybe when you were working with the Dreamies in the Canadian unit, getting drunk and harassing waitresses was acceptable, but now that you're working for the big boss, you have to keep up appearances. Okay Newbie?" Johnny lectured.

I started mentally cursing myself for assuming that the two English speakers were from America, not even considering the option that they could be from Canada, only to have my thoughts interrupted by the Madam.

"They might have used their power to influence the program of tonight's show, but I cannot tolerate any ruckus they make." Madam Ten gestured toward Mark.

Madam Ten started walking towards the doors leading out to the audience, but before leaving, she glanced at me and raised one ring covered index finger towards me, as if queuing me to stay put while she dealt with the unruly audience member. Then without waiting for me to confirm that I understand her silent request, she started to approach the three men, hips swaying ever so seductively.

Even though Madam Ten may have let the Mafia gang intimidate her into going with whatever changes to the show that were demanded by the irregular guests, I was relieved to hear that she still wouldn't tolerate disruptions within the audience.

I lifted the curtain up again and watched as Madam Ten made her way to the bar where the noisy blonde and his silent colleague had wondered off to.

"Hello boys," The Madam greeted the two suited men in a strict yet somehow still flirtatious manner.

Both men raised their eyes to meet the Madam's.

Stressing a smile, she continued. "It seems as though you are making my staff feel uncomfortable."

Madam Ten placed a hand on the lapel of the silent man's jacket hoping to incite a response.

"When young boys don't know how to play nicely, that's when they get placed in time out."

Mark looked up at the hand places on his hyung's chest and scoffed, further proving that the comparison of him to a toddle might not be that far of a stretch.

The third man looked at the madam with kind eyes and smiled. For a split second I was relieved that the situation didn't seem hostile. That was, until the third opened his mouth.

"Well what happens to old bats when they don't know when to fucking shut their traps?"

I couldn’t help but let out a gasp.

The third man had black hair with vibrant blue highlights. Despite the obvious fact that he was a member of the most ruthless gang/mafia in Seoul, he had somehow been born with an extremely innocent looking face. One could even allude his facial features to that of a baby rabbit. Yet he spit out his response like venom proving that one shouldn’t judge a bunny by it's adorable features, but by how hard it bites.

Madam Ten's jaw dropped, her confident facade having been completely shattered. Anger visibly erupted from her foundation covered pores. I watched her as her hand balled up into a fist, but before she could raise it even an inch, Johnny inserted himself in between the madam and his formerly silent colleague.

"Doyoung! How could you say that to such a beautiful young lady?" Although he was speaking to Doyoung, he didn't break eye contact with the Madam for even a second.

"Don't you realize that we are guests in this lovely establishment and should be thankful that we are blessed to have such a beautiful hostess?"

Johnny grabbed the Madam's hand melting away her fist as he planted a kiss on her ring covered fingers.

"Normally, I like to kiss a woman's hand without being obstructed by the presence of rings." Johnny looked up at the Madam while Doyoung rolled his eyes at his colleague's over the top mannerisms.

"Do any of these rings signify that I should address you as Mrs. instead of Miss?" Johnny slightly inquired as he winked at the Madam.

Ugh Barf. There is no way that the Madam is buying this.

An annoyingly long string of giggles escaped from Madam Ten's mouth.

"You can refer to me as Madam Ten, and no, there is no Mr. Ten." She responded as she wrapped Johnny's arm around hers. 

"Instead of playing with such immature young boys, you should accompany me for some drinks in my private room before the show," Madam ten stated shooting a glare toward Mark and Doyoung.

Before Johnny could even respond, the Madam started leading him to her private quarters backstage. Realizing that he may have laid on the charm a little too strong, Johnny glanced towards his colleagues giving them a desperate "Help me out of this" look, only for it to be returned with a smirk from Doyoung and an empty concerned look from Mark.

Once Madam Ten and her new boytoy left my vision, my eyes followed the two  men as they returned to their original table.

Still sitting at the table were two other men. 

Both men were wearing navy blue pin striped suits, and both were sitting silently, but that was about the only thing they had in common visually. One was leaning so far back in his chair it seemed as if sliding down one more inch would end in him slipping onto the floor, yet he seemed perfectly relaxed in his posture as he rested his left foot on top of his left knee. The other man was sitting up so straight that physical therapists could use a picture of him as a guide for perfect posture.

His hair was styled in a side swept undercut. A style that suited the man's angular face. He was handsome, but he didn't have any strange features that stood out. No piercings, no crazy colored hair, no flashy jewelry except for a Gucci watch on his left wrist. Even though the watch was flashy in of itself, it still would have probably been considered to have been one of the plainer Gucci watch designs.

He was dressed like an accountant. The most attractive accountant in the world, but still it was hard to describe how little he stood out. Which is almost sad because when examined, some would probably place him above the rest of his colleagues in terms of visuals.

Upon closer inspection, I was able to make out that the slouching mean's hair was a dark shade of purple that looked almost black under the dark lighting of the room. Two small loop piercings adorned the ear that I could see, and bold purple eye makeup was smudged around both his eyes. Well, at least I thought it was makeup. With how dark the room is before showtime, it's possible that he had two black eyes, but it doesn't seem likely that a man can look so mesmerizingly gorgeous with two black eyes.

Compared to his striped suit seat neighbor, he looked like a rebellious teen. In fact, he looked the most like a gang member out of all of them.

God, I wonder how I didn’t notice him before.

The way they dressed was so professional looking that it would be understandable to forget that these were horrid men that committed violent crimes on the regular.

I looked up at a clock on the wall and realized that it was almost showtime. I started heading back to my dressing room for a drink before the show, but as soon as I passed by the Madam's personal quarters I heard muffled voices. After realizing that nothing too adult was taking place, I couldn't help but press my ear against the door hoping to eavesdrop on the unlikely duo.

"Ummm I..I.. Umm don't you think that we should get back before the show starts?"

The confident flirt that I watched shamelessly flirt with the Madam earlier had dissipated and been replaced by a scared baby deer being hunted by a hungry lion.

"Come one lover boy, this won't take long at all."

Eck! I could almost hear her wink through the door.

My thoughts are interrupted by a sudden voice.

"Isn't it considered rude to eavesdrop?"

I suddenly jumped back and let out a small shriek. I turned towards the voice only to see the purple haired an from earlier leaning on the wall right next to me with his arms crossed,

"Oof," He said as he brought a finger to his ear as if responding to my scream.

"I didn't mean to scare you." He took a step closer towards me before resting an arm on the wall above my head.

"I heard that one of my colleagues needed to be collected from backstage, but that doesn't explain why you are here....Unless....Perhaps you were hoping to hear something besides conversation."

He looked down at me and smirked causing my face to flush. Even in heavy stage makeup I could tell that he noticed the new blush on my cheeks. I just stared at him, terrified, or maybe mesmerized, probably both.

"Okay so I guess you aren't actually as perverted as I originally suspected. It's okay though. I like good girls, but judging from your getup, you must have a bit wild side."

I looked down at the floor and realize that I was wearing my burlesque costume. Even though I have worn much more revealing clothing in front of hundreds of audience members, there was something about this guy that made me feel like I was naked in the most uncomfortable way. His eyes burned holes into my body.

"Yuta, did you find the boss?" The man with the undercut hairstyle from before walked around the corner and stopped when he saw us.

Yuta rolled his eyes before taking his arm off of the wall and turned to face the man.

"Always one to pop up during the most inconvenient times. Right, Taeil?"

Taeil looked at me with visible concern showing on his face.

"Leave the poor girl alone. I swear to god, sometimes you're worse than Mark."

Suddenly, a high-pitched scream arose from behind the door and Taeil hurriedly opened it while Yuta merely let out a bored yawn.

My body stressed with worry for the Madam.

This Johnny bastard could have just left the room if he didn't want to do anything with the Madam. He didn’t have to hurt her.

I looked inside the room expecting a bloodied Madam only to be struck with the sudden realization....Ten wasn't the one who screamed.

Johnny was lying on the bed, face covered with heavy lipstick marks, and the Madam on top of him.

You could tell that Johnny was not having as much fun as the Madam was, but she was as oblivious as always.

Having noticed his colleagues had come to his rescue, Johnny sat up. The Madam lifted herself up off of the bed and in turn, off Johnny.

"Johnny... Umm" Taeil stuttered.

Yuta entered the room and tossed a handkerchief to the lipstick covered man.

"Clean yourself off. The boss will be here any minute." Yuta stated calmly. The smirk on his face even more prominent than before.

There are more of them?

"What a shame it is to have such a..." Ten looked at us, "unfortunate interruption," she continued.

"Don't worry Madam. We'll bring him back to you after the show," Yuta winked and Johnny, who was wiping his face freezes in fear, making me feel almost sorry for him. 

Sadly, due to the power dynamics in gender roles, Madam Ten's lack of consent was being played off as a joke by his friend, instead of an actual close call for a possibly traumatic event. A kind of event I almost went through myself.

"I should probably go to greet the young man." The madam fixed her wig. 

"I should at least see the man responsible for tonight's sudden change in theme."