#putting this here so i can find it later cause i'm doing a performance meditation thing on the 8th station of the cross and trying to work w

[orbis-factor]

But if any one wishes to know why the grace is given by water and not by a different element, let him take up the Divine Scriptures and he shall learn. For water is a grand thing, and the noblest of the four visible elements of the world. Heaven is the dwelling-place of Angels, but the heavens are from the waters : the earth is the place of men, but the earth is from the waters: and before the whole six days' formation of the things that were made, the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the water. (Genesis 1:2) The water was the beginning of the world, and Jordan the beginning of the Gospel tidings: for Israel deliverance from Pharaoh was through the sea, and for the world deliverance from sins by the washing of water with the word (Ephesians 5:26) of God. Where a covenant is made with any, there is water also. After the flood, a covenant was made with Noah: a covenant for Israel from Mount Sinai, but with water, and scarlet wool, and hyssop. (Hebrews 9:19) Elias is taken up, but not apart from water: for first he crosses the Jordan, then in a chariot mounts the heaven. The high-priest is first washed, then offers incense; for Aaron first washed, then was made high-priest: for how could one who had not yet been purified by water pray for the rest? Also as a symbol of Baptism there was a laver set apart within the Tabernacle.

St. Cyril of Jerusalem | Catechetical Lectures 3.5

[justkeeptrekkin]

Object Permanence Prompts: I'm thinking like... a family day out? Maybe a zoo or aquarium?

Why yes, my dear, dear Tumblr friendo. I would most certainly like to write a family day out at the zoo/aquarium. thank you for the prompt <3

***

There are many benefits to being (at last) financially stable. For most of his teenage years Meng Yao focused all of his efforts on building a life that would grant him something close to autonomy. And when Meng Yao focuses his efforts, it is with a precision so sharp and precise that it is almost nauseating; the dizzy feeling of straining to look at a distant target and not letting yourself look away. Meng Yao has kept his eye on those targets for as long as he can remember.

He never imagined this being one of them. ‘This’ being the freedom to take a day off from work in order to go on a family day out to the zoo. 

A-Xing is now not so much a toddler as a trotter. The determination to run is clear, and yet toddling just doesn’t seem to be cutting it anymore -- and so he trots about the flat, laughing as he goes, like he’s performed a magic trick. Sometimes it does feel a bit like magic to Meng Yao, who will invigilate these bursts of energy with amusement and awe. It still takes some getting used to, having a child, even after all this time.

Now, A-Xing is running down the quiet path past the goat and antelope enclosures. Meng Yao watches, holding the baby’s little windbreaker, and waits for the moment that A-Xing will inevitably fall over and either burst into heartbroken tears or get right back up like a ping-pong ball.

“What do you think so far?” Lan Xichen asks.

The weather is bright and cool, and the sun is caught behind Lan Xichen. Meng Yao winces in the light, then looks ahead at where A-Xing has stopped to inspect a pebble on the ground.

“It’s calmer than I expected,” he admits. “Though that may be because it’s a Tuesday morning.”

Lan Xichen nods sagely. Initially, the thought of going to the zoo had been pretty hellish. Wei Wuxian had given them the idea, and as a habit, Meng Yao ignores most of his ideas. But then he’d gone on about how formative these early years are in creating happy memories, of doing things as a family, of experiencing days out together, expanding children’s horizons, introducing them to the animals that they’re constantly learning in their pop up books -- and Meng Yao had secretly conceded that Wei Wuxian may, perhaps, have a kernel of a point.

That, and Lan Xichen admitted later that evening whilst they were reading in bed that he had never been to the zoo before. And Meng Yao shared that he hadn’t either. And so it was tacitly agreed that they would raise their child neither like Lan Qiren nor like Meng Shi -- as hard as they both did try.

So far, they have seen otters (Lan Xichen had made a subtle comment on Meng Yao finding his ‘true family’) and giraffes (Meng Yao had returned the gag), and have not had a chance to look at much else because A-Xing has been running a marathon through the whole park. They’d stopped for an ice-cream, which A-Xing tried and then promptly decided he didn’t want after all, so Lan Xichen is currently eating a child-size, soft-serve vanilla cone.

“I’m finding it far less chaotic that Wangji suggested it would be,” Lan Xichen says after he finishes the last of the ice-cream cone.

Meng Yao purses his lips. “Wangji was dragged by Wei Wuxian on a Saturday afternoon with Nie Huaisang. I can’t imagine anything more chaotic.”

Lan Xichen narrows his eyes and his shoulders move with a silent laugh.

Up ahead, there’s the quiet whining sounds of A-Xing trying to decide whether or not he’s going to cry. He’s on his hands and knees. Lan Xichen swoops him up into his arms and blows a raspberry against the baby’s cheek before he can even think about crying, and he starts to laugh instead. The thing they have discovered about A-Xing is that he is a swiftly moving pendulum between unspeakable distress and uncontainable joy. There is rarely anything in between, aside from perhaps face-crumpling frustration.

“Look, A-Xing,” Meng Yao says. He’s using his painfully positive voice and dimply smile, which he’s discovered can sway both adults and babies. “Look -- there are penguins. Shall we have a look at the penguins?”

Bumps and bruises forgotten, A-Xing struggles in Lan Xichen’s arms to look where Meng Yao is pointing. Ahead, there is an open top enclosure with glass walls, a little huddle of penguins, and a few solo penguins hopping out of the water and waddling around. They’re small and occasionally make a ridiculous squawk. 

Meng Yao reads the placard, because, in Nie Huaisang’s words, he’s ‘like, super boring’. He sees it simply as not passing up on the opportunity to learn something.

A-Xing stares in that wide-eyed, zoned out awe that young children have. Lan Xichen holds their child and they both look into the enclosure together, heads huddled like they’re penguins, too. It’s a natural and wholesome sight, the picture of fatherhood that Meng Yao had never been able to imagine until he took in A-Xing.

“The Adélie penguin is one of the most common species of penguin, originating from the coast of Antarctica. They like to forage for their meals and are even known to steal from each other.” Meng Yao looks up at Lan Xichen, who is angling A-Xing so that he can see the penguins. “These are called penguins, A-Xing.”

“They have black and white fur,” Lan Xichen explains.

Another family stands further along from them, a slightly older child pressing her face to the glass and steaming it up with her breath. And then A-Xing begins to wriggle again, and so Lan Xichen puts him down and they watch him career ahead. Yes, it has taken getting used to, having a child. Another thing that has taken getting used to is being able to share all of the trials and tribulations of having a child with Lan Xichen. It still, therefore, leaves Meng Yao with that pleasant jolt of surprise when Lan Xichen reaches out his hand and links fingers with his.

In one of those startling, lovely moments of lucidity, he reminds himself: We’re parents.

Keeping the baby at a reasonable distance (Meng Yao itches to pick him up but allows A-Xing a certain amount of freedom), they find the aquarium. It’s dark and damp and warm and reminds him of some of the dorm rooms he had to live in at university. There are more fish here than there were there, though. And it’s more peaceful.

The light undulates through the tanks like some beautiful phenomenon in the night sky. Meng Yao holds a quiet A-Xing in his arms, brings him to the glass as they watch the jellyfish drift. Pink frills and tentacles stretch, and A-Xing goes very contemplative as he stares. That’s a very sobre expression for someone just over one year old; he must have picked that up from Lan Xichen, who has his hand on Meng Yao’s waist. The three of them watch the jellyfish in meditative silence.

The clown fish cause a little more excitement. A-Xing presses a tiny hand to the glass and makes quiet hiccuping noises of surprise when the little orange fish dart about in their anemones.

“A little orange fish,” Meng Yao points out. “It’s called a clown fish, A-Xing.”

“Fish.”

Lan Xichen goes very still next to him. They both look down at the baby.

“Fish?” Lan Xichen asks with raised brows, as if he’d misheard.

“Fish,” says A-Xing.

Meng Yao looks down at the little miracle in his arms. A-Xing utterly obvious to the somersaults his heart is doing, the tightness in his throat, the suffocating pride he feels that’s making him grin. Instead, he’s pressing his palm to the glass and frowning in concentration.

“Baba,” A-Xing says, tapping the glass. “Fish.”

“Yes, it’s a fish,” Meng Yao says as calmly and brightly as possible. “A-Xing, show baba and diedie the fish again.”

“Fish.”

Oh god. If there is anything that could make this moment better, it’s the little smile on Lan Xichen’s face, creeping up behind the dreamy look of awe. “Extraordinary,” Lan Xichen says. And then he kisses the top of A-Xing’s little black head of hair.

It is. A-Xing is extraordinary. Everything he does is extraordinary. Everything about this unexpected life is extraordinary.

My child is a genius, Meng Yao thinks as he kisses his cheeks and smiles himself giddy.

[alightwhendarknessfell]

I'm sorry I'm even asking you this, but I've reached a point in my life where I'm just sort of lost and don't know where else to go. I've been diagnosed with add when I was around 7 or 8 and have never felt like the diagnosis fit me. I just never find both memes and other people with adhd to be even remotely relatable in regards of how they experience their diagnosis. I even took ritalin for a month when I was around 9 or 10 and it was the worst thing ever for me. But now I'm 23 and at uni 1/x

and just cannot seem to be able to focus on anything and I think it might be my depression and anxiety, since I usually have no trouble focusing on anything really. That being said, I cannot seem to focus on anything and my performance is drastically dropping. The next available place at a psychologist/psychiatrist is around may or june, but that will be too late to save this semester. I know you’re not a healthcare professional, and I definitely don’t want to ask you for a diagnosis or 2/x

medical advice or anything along those lines, but do you maybe have some input on what might work to maybe help me focus on the work I have to do? I’m just really lost and don’t know what to do right now. Also sorry for spaming your inbox and thank you for listening (even though you have no real choice here haha sorry) 3/3

Reply: I’m so sorry you’re going through that, I feel for you so much. ADHD/ADD can present differently in different people, and even varies based on sex/age. However, most of the time even if someone is diagnosed as a kid with ADHD they require a new diagnosis in adulthood. It is possible you were misdiagnosed as a kid or ADHD is not what is causing your problems now. Unfortunately, the wait times to get into a psychiatrist are normally pretty long like you said. Here’s what I would suggest you try and do while you wait to get in to see a psychiatrist (and obviously, like you said I’m not a health care provider/doctor so this is coming from my own personal experience and my limited knowledge of mental illness, and obviously is not a substitute for that.)

Most schools have free psychological services for students. They can normally get you in quickly to see a therapist or student health provider. They can also help you with contacting the right people at your school about your performance.  This is a good first step because they will be able to quickly help you. 

It’s possible that you could be dealing with depression/anxiety both of which can cause a lack of focus and difficulty in school. This could be in combination with ADHD or not, that’s something your doctor would have to diagnose. 

ADHD/ADD can present in many ways, not everyone has trouble focusing as their main symptom. 

Ritalin is only one treatment option for ADHD. Drugs work differently for adults than they do children so you may want to speak to your doctor about other options (Adderall, Vyvanse, Mydayis, Concerta, Strattera, etc.) I found that the right ADHD medication actually greatly improved my anxiety but it took a lot of trial and error. There are stimulants and non-stimulant options available. It is also possible to add an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety to your medications. Talk to your doctor about what you’ve tried in the past and what they might suggest. 

Reach out to family/friends and let them know you’re struggling. This is one of the biggest things because depression can get really dark, really fast. If you are at all afraid that you may hurt yourself or others, please seek help immediately. There is no shame in reaching out for help. 

For your schoolwork, it might be possible to get temporary accommodations for testing or extensions on due dates. That would be coordinated through your school’s disability office. Student health should be able to give you information on that. 

Talk to your professors if you feel comfortable doing so, you’d be surprised how many might be willing to give you an extension on due dates or let you re-do something you didn’t do well on. Explain to them your situation, the worst that can happen is they say no. When I was going through a hard time my junior year of college all my professors were very good about letting me have more time on assignments or forgiving tardiness/absences. 

If worse comes to worst, most universities allow students to do a ‘medical withdraw’, talk with your advisor/student services about that but basically, you can withdraw from the semester (and save your GPA) due to mental/physical health problems. It might put you behind on graduation by a semester but I had a friend who did that and she ended up being just fine. The most important thing is your mental and physical well-being. Schoolwork can be made up or done later. 

Make an appointment as early as you can with the psychiatrist, your regular doctor/student health might be able to prescribe you medication in the meantime so make an appointment with your regular doctor too. You can also ask for the psychiatric office to contact you if they have any cancellations and could get you in sooner. 

As far as other things you can do, try to get enough sleep; at least 7-8 hours, if you can go outside and be active (jogging, walking, etc). Physical activity and sunlight do help anxiety/depression. Make sure you’re eating enough and getting proper nutrients, cut down on caffeine/energy drinks/coffee to help anxiety, practice some mindfulness/meditation/yoga if you find that helpful, do something that makes you feel good whether that’s art, talking to friends, writing, reading, etc. 

The biggest piece of advice is to give yourself permission to ‘not be okay’. If you’re not performing your best in school that is okay, it’s okay to focus on your health right now. Do not guilt yourself for not being on your ‘A’ game. The past year has been incredibly hard with COVID, lock-downs, and sociopolitical instability. We’ve experienced a very traumatizing year and you’re not alone in struggling with mental health. 

I hope that helps, and I’m sending you tons of love and support. I hope you’re able to see someone soon who can help you with what you’re going through. <3 

[lunapaper]

The year was 2010. Emo was just starting to die out (long live the scene). I was studying to become a secondary school teacher, and Katy Perry was shooting whipped cream out of her boobs...

Second albums, more often than not, fail to live up to the hype. And yet, Teenage Dream has somehow endured.

While Perry’s 2008 debut, One of the Boys, launched her into the mainstream, it really hasn’t aged all that well. On tracks like ‘Self Inflicted’ and ‘Fingerprints,’ she tries way too hard to emulate Paramore’s bold pop punk. On others, she attempts to rebel against her gospel roots by turning the bawdiness up to 10.

It can also come off pretty juvenile at times. The singer was almost 25 when she sang on the title track: ‘So over the summer, something changed/I started reading Seventeen and shaving my legs/And I studied Lolita religiously/And I walked right in to school and caught you staring at me.’

But let’s be honest: Even though it’s been declared ~problematic~, you still jam out to ‘I Kissed A Girl’ when you hear it, don’t you? I hadn’t listened to ‘Ur So Gay’ before this, either, but its slinky, jazz-infused vibe absolutely slaps.

Like Teenage Dream is also a product of its time, presenting pop at its most sugary, hook-laden and bombastic. It managed to spawn 5 No.1 singles, the second album in history to do so after Michael Jackson’s Bad, as well as a documentary, Part of Me. There’s even a deluxe edition, cleverly titled The Complete Confection. It was Perry at her peak.

You know the title track, of course. Evoking images of cherry red lipstick, tight denim and driving down an empty highway in summer, Perry desperately clings to the memory of young love, breathlessly pleading ‘don’t ever look back, don’t ever look back.’

‘The One That Got Away,’ meanwhile, is its bittersweet sequel, Perry's lovesick nostalgia now tinged with regret. Yet, the only thing I really remember about the song is the video starring Cassian Andor himself, Diego Luna, as Perry’s past love, the beautifully dishevelled and tortured artist of my dreams (Dear God, that penetrating stare...) He’s also the only reason why anyone bothered to watch Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights, if it wasn’t already obvious.

First single ‘California Gurls,’ on the other hand, is pure pop exuberance at its most campy and carefree, indicative of a more innocent time when it wasn’t driven by algorithms or social media. ‘Firework’ is still a go-to empowerment anthem for just about every kind of montage imaginable. ‘ET’ (featuring a pre-’presidential’ Kanye) is heavily-synthesised cyber pop that doesn’t get nearly enough love.

But Teenage Dream, in retrospect, has quite a few misses. ‘Peacock’ is just one big, long, glitchy dick joke. ‘Not Like The Movies’ is big ballad schmaltz. The brassy soft rock of ‘Hummingbird Heartbeat,’ meanwhile, opens with a hell of a line: ‘You make me feel like I'm losing my virginity/The first time, every time when you're touching me.’ And I’m pretty sure ‘What Am I Living For?’ is partly plagiarised from Justin Timberlake’s ‘My Love.’ Even Pitchfork awarded Teenage Dream a rather tame 6.8 in their recent retrospective review.

By the time Perry released Prism in 2013 – her ‘darker, moodier’ record - she had shifted further into ‘inspirational anthems.’ There was the inescapable mega-hit ‘Roar,’ the saccharine power ballad ‘Unconditionally’ and the Eastern-tinged ‘Legendary Lovers,’ complete with wellness and spiritual motifs.

But it wasn’t without its bangers: ‘Dark Horse’ (featuring Juicy J) jumped onto the trap pop bandwagon just in time with its subterranean bass and eerie, otherworldly synths. Even the slick, 90s-indebted ‘This Is How We Do’ has a certain charm.

Prism also marked the point where Perry’s invincibility began to wear off. Where the masses once lapped up her candy-coated antics, they were now calling her out for wearing braids in the video for ‘This Is How We Do’ and dressing up as a geisha during a performance at the American Music Awards.

And they would only get louder during her era of ‘purposeful pop.’ Released in the aftermath of the 2016 US election, Witness was meant to cement Perry as ‘Artist. Activist. Conscious’ - as her Twitter bio read at the time. She had joined Hillary Clinton on the campaign trail. On Instagram, she was quoting the likes of Socrates and Plato. She was Woke now, and she was telling anyone who’d listen.

Yet you’d be hard pressed to find much trace of this ‘purposeful pop’ on Witness, bar the first single, ‘Chained to the Rhythm.’ Written with Sia and Max Martin, the singer implores listeners to ‘put your rose-coloured glasses on and party on’ amid whirling, colourful synths.

The rest of the record, however, is made up of either soppy, overly sentimental ballads (‘Save As Draft,’ ‘Pendulum,’ ‘Into Me You See’), awkward lyrical turns and CHVRCHES/Purity Ring knock-offs (‘Hey Hey Hey,’ ‘Roulette,’ ‘Deja Vu’).

Funnily enough, Purity Ring’s Corin Roddick produced some of Witness’ better tracks: ‘Mind Maze’ and the soaring ballad ‘Miss You More, along with ‘Bigger Than Me.’

Final track ‘Act My Age,’ meanwhile, feels like a pre-emptive strike against the criticism Witness would inevitably receive (‘They say that I might lose my Midas touch/They also say I may become irrelevant/But who the fuck are they anyway?’).

Then there’s the godawful ‘Bon Appetit’ (featuring Migos) with its food-related double entendres. It was ‘Yummy’ before ‘Yummy’ existed. Seriously, I just wanna see Orlando Bloom say he likes this song with a straight face...

But I will still defend ‘Swish Swish’ to the death. Do the lyrics suck? Yeah, but Perry’s never been the strongest lyricist. But its pulsing 90s house beat does a lot of the heavy lifting, along with Nicki Minaj’s spitfire verse.

The promotional rollout for Witness, meanwhile, proved just as messy. Among the most infamous was a 72-hour livestream, where voyeurs got to witness Perry sleep, meditate, do yoga and welcome a random assortment of guests, including Gordon Ramsey and activist DeRay McKesson. Then there was the meme-laden video for ‘Swish Swish. She literally served herself up on a platter in the clip for ‘Bon Appetit.’ She tried reigniting her feud with Taylor Swift on James Corden’s Carpool Karaoke. Needless to say, it reeked of desperation.

Looking back, though, you can’t help but feel a little bad for Perry, trying so hard to please only for it to blow up spectacularly in her face. So devastated, it sent her to the Hoffman Institute, which offers an abridged version of therapy. As she later told the Guardian:

‘I think the universe was like, ‘OK, all right, let’s have some humble pie here […] My negative thoughts were not great. They didn’t want to plan for a future. I also felt like I could control it by saying, ‘I’ll have the last word if I hurt myself or do something stupid and I’ll show you’ — but really, who was I showing?’

But although Witness lacked the perkiness of Teenage Dream or the cartoonish charm of One of the Boys, it shines best on its darker moments.

‘Dance With The Devil’ has the kind of smoky allure that wouldn’t look too out of place on a BANKS album, while ‘Power’ is a revelation. Produced by Jack Garrett, what could’ve been yet another dull empowerment ballad is turned into a gritty, groaning slab of vaporwave pop, with sultry sax riffs that sample, of all things, Smokey Robinson’s ‘Being With You.’ It’s electric as fuck. You believe it when Perry sings: ‘’Cause I'm a goddess and you know it/Some respect, you better show it/I'm done with you siphoning my power.’

If the singer had just done away with the whole ‘purposeful pop’ concept and stuck with Garrett, Roddick and Terror Jr’s Felix Snow as her core producing group, Witness probably wouldn’t have been half the failure it was. It could’ve had a chance to grow on people, the kind of slow burn Perry could’ve gotten away with at this point in her career. The cyberpop dystopian feel also could’ve gone hand in hand with her newfound wokeness, echoing people’s fear and anger in the aftermath of Trump’s win. But alas, we’ll never know...

While the rollout for Witness over the top, Smile’s was lacklustre and wildly inconsistent.

First single ‘Never Really Over’ came out a whole 15 months before the release of Smile to little fanfare, along with a hippie-inspired video to match. ‘Harleys in Hawaii’ later followed, which also stuck with the flower power aesthetic. Other singles - ‘Daisies’ and the title track – seemingly came and went without a trace.

So how did Katy Perry get to this point? And is there any chance of coming back?

It’s hard to say. A lot of artists go through a rough patch or two:   Miley's twerking antics divided audiences when she released 2013’s Bangerz. Taylor Swift’s reputation divided audiences. Only in recent years has Lady Gaga’s ARTPOP been vindicated. Such is the nature of music and pop culture in general. It’s fickle, just one vicious cycle after another; an endless quest for trend-bait that'll never end.

Right now, disco pop is going through a renaissance, while hyperpop reigns supreme. Dua Lip and Charli XCX are basically untouchable at the moment. TikTok has taken over from Top 40 radio when it comes to breaking hits, while the gap between album releases has also grown shorter and shorter. Even the nature of fandom has changed, shifting from old-school elitism to the bloodsport that is ‘stanning,’ along with an unhealthy amount of ‘endless simping’ (to quote a close friend of mine).

Perry, meanwhile, has failed to keep up, choosing to play it safe in order to avoid further scrutiny. But in doing so, she strips away the humour, the mischief and other idiosyncrasies that fans fell in love with in the first place.

But what choice did she have? As Junkee’s Sam Murphy notes in his own piece about Perry’s rise and fall:

‘At that point, you have two choices as a popstar — hunt for relevancy or make what comes naturally to you. Perry chose the former and came unstuck. She inserted vague wokeness into her songs as cancel culture infiltrated pop, tacked on rap features as hip-hop became the dominant commercial genre, and worked with producers who may have been able to find her credibility.’

(Full disclosure: I started writing my piece on Perry back in December 2020, so the timing of Murphy’s piece and mine is purely coincidental).

Even if you don’t believe in cancel culture, no one actually wants to be cancelled. It’s just not good for PR, especially for someone with an image as glossy and as carefully put-together as Perry’s. Even now, she continues to atone for Witness, telling the LA Times: ‘Having more awareness and consciousness, I no longer can just be a blissful, ignorant idealist who sings about love and relationships […] Even my travels have afforded me a new perspective on cultures, class systems and the inequality around the world, not just in the United States,’ though she carefully avoids the subject of politics on Smile.

But redemption is possible. Swift – Perry's one-time nemesis - was a total pariah back in 2016, mocked for her Girl Squad, for diddling the Hiddles while on the rebound from Calvin Harris and criticised for remaining coy on her political leanings. Now she’s earning indie cred with two of 2020’s biggest albums, folklore and evermore, and has thrown her support behind a number of social causes.

The devil works hard, but Swift’s PR team work harder. I might not be her biggest fan, but Taylor works Kris Jenner levels of mastery when it comes to rebuilding public sentiment. Thanks to her newfound indie cred, you’ve almost forgotten about the pastel atrocity ‘Me!,’ her 2019 duet with that insufferable drama kid cliché, Brendon Urie. Shifting her songs away from petty grievances to more original storytelling was also a smart move.

But while Swift has managed to move on, Perry seems to have fallen into the same adult contemporary trap as Gwen Stefani, Kelly Clarkson, Christina Aguilera and Pink, one that ensnares many female artists over 30 (Though many have also managed to escape – Gaga, Taylor, Beyonce, Rihanna, Kesha, Robyn...)

As ‘woke’ as the industry and fans at large might think themselves to be, they’re still pretty ageist. There's still an expectation to ‘mature’ your sound as you age, to become more ‘serious.’ No more fun, no more experimenting, boomer. But when you do end up filing away the edges, you’re called dull, generic and past your prime. Perry said as much on the aforementioned ‘Act My Age. You just. can't. win.

And yet, many female artists over 30 have created some of their best work yet in just the past year or so: Hayley Williams made the dramatic shift from pop rock to low-key, Radiohead-inspired tunes on her solo debut, Petals For Armor. Fiona Apple’s Fetch the Bolt Cutters was hailed by critics as her most bold, urgent and visceral. Jessie Ware’s What’s Your Pleasure? was a cut of understated disco pop elegance. Carly Rae Jepsen, meanwhile, released an equally stellar companion to 2019’s Dedicated.

At this point in her career, Perry could afford to follow a similar path to that of the Canadian singer. Once the meme value of ‘Call Me Maybe’ wore off, along with her mainstream appeal, Jepsen finally had a chance to discover real creative freedom, pushing her sound to greater heights and earning critical acclaim, all without having to compromise her love for catchy hooks and bold synth pop arrangements.

A couple of years ago, a Reddit user made a post about participating in a focus group held by Perry’s label to discuss why she’s ‘no longer one of the[ir] most notable female pop artists,’ and ���what can [they] do with her image or marketing to make you care about her again?’

It’s depressing to think that an artist as accomplished as her needs a focus group to help solve her identity crisis. There really is no easy answer. Hopefully, Perry will be able to return more vibrant and assured than ever, on her own terms...

-Bianca B.

[tswatch]

I am getting a bit tired of this. I am other/fiction kin and I use it as a way to cope with depression and anxiety. I'm 16 and will be 17 later this year. I been mocked by an EX friend who was older than me for choosing a life style. Saying it was "cancer" and that I need "help". They blocked me. It's hurtful, because my life has been rather dark, grim and unhappy. I always been rather downhearted, and tend to make gashes on my face or arms due to it... advise?

Hey,

we apologize for the late answer, how have you been doing since you send us this message?

I am honest with you, I have my opinion on otherkin and fictionkin and it’s rather ambivalent and it really depends on the individual and their situation. But all in all I have nothing against it. Just so you are aware of this, but please remember this is just my opinion and my opinion should not matter to you too much. I am just one out of a million and more people.

Let’s start with your former friend. I am really sorry that they hurt you so much, this is not okay, this is not fair of them and they are clearly not aware of how badly words can hurt someone. Don’t listen to their words. Just like I said before, one person out of so many other peple, their opinion should not matter to you, there are so many people out their who love you and will love you for who you are. There will always be people in our lives that try to make us down, but there will be people who will love us unconditionally as well.

That brings me to my next point, all of us will meet people who will make us down for something, for something and it doesn’t even matter what. People will use the weirdest reasons to excuse their behaviour. If someone does something different than they do, they make them down. If someone doesn’t like what they do, they will make them down. If someone deals with something they have no experience with, they will make them down. Someone could not like the colour green and get called annoying for that. Someone could make a cake different than someone else and they called stupid for that. Someone could suffer from a mental disorder that someone else has no experience with and they get called a psycho. Someone could not like the band someone else does and gets called a loser.

My point is, it doesn’t matter how ridiculous the reason seems, people will always find something that annoys them and they will make someone else down. Why do they do it? Most likely because they have problems on their own, because they are desperate, because they hurt others to cope with their feelings, because they just don’t understand the other person.

You are not cancer and we all need help with things. But I think you need help with your depression and anxiety, not for using otherkin and fictionkin as a way to cope with it. Which brings me to the next point. Are you harming someone with being otherkin or fictionkin? No. Is this helping you to deal with negative emotions? Yes. So why the hell should you stop with it or change it? You seem aware of the fact why you do this and that you are actually a human, not a dragon, a wolf or a fictional character. Here is where my personal opinion comes in, as long as it helps someone to deal with things, a long as it makes someone feel good, as long as they are still aware of the reality, everything is cool. However I talked to people where this got out of hand and they were not aware of reality anymore and of how things really are and that is where I say they need help. But even then, who am I to judge, if they are happy with how things are and no other people get harmed with it, why should they change something? Just because I say so or someone else? No.

That is a topic I could probably talk about forever, but before this reply gets way to long I will stop right here. I think I made my point clear and I hope you understand what I mean.

Back to your former friend, don’t listen to them, you are lovable, you are amazing, you are beautiful, you are important, you deserve to be happy and alive.

There is something else that I would like to talk about. You said that because of all the things happening in your life you harm yourself.

I know that harming yourself seems like a way to cope with negative feelings, but it is not. It may help for a short moment, but after that you will feel like you messed up and you won’t feel good about this at all. Self harm only causes more problems and makes life harder than it already is.

There are better ways to cope, ways that are healthier and will help you so much better over a long period of time. Learning these ways may not be easy, you will fall back into old habits, you will feel like the new ways don’t actually help, but they need practice. A lot of practice. You will get used to them in time, you will see them help in time, you will find the right things to do in time. Keep trying, even if it’s a long and hard way.

Depending on how strong the urge to harm yourself is, you can try different things. The stronger the urge, the more things you should do in a row for the urge to stop.

Let’s start with a small urge to harm yourself. When you feel that, you should try to distract yourself, usually that will make the urge go away so that you can think clear again. Here are some ideas what you can do.

•  Listen to music or sounds of the nature•  Sing•  Play instruments or learn a new instrument•  Watch a funny movie•  Read a book•  Paint•  Draw•  Paint your nails•  Go out for a walk•  Listen to the sound it makes when you walk over stones or leaves•  Write down your feelings or good memories•  Make some origami•  Call or skype with a friend•  Dress up or try on old clothes•  Write creatively•  Talk to someone•  Do some sport•  Eat or drink something delicious•  Do some baking•  Make funny faces in a mirror and take pictures•  Read inspirational speeches• Learn a magic trick •  Mess up your room•  Watch some videos on Youtube•  Clean your room•  Learn something new like knitting or how to make a Tumblr theme •  Go to the zoo and name all of the animals•  Jump up and down, do rope jumping, or jump on a trampoline or your bed•  Meditate or do some Yoga•  Play a game•  Go shopping•  Recite a favourite monologue•  Watch the sky•  Do a puzzle, crossword or sudoku•  Meet up with friends•  Sleep •  Do your homework•  Watch your favourite TV program/show•  Make up a roleplay about something you’d like to happen•  Play with a pet•  Have a bath or a shower •  Make a scrapbook•  Decorate your wall with inspirational quotes•  Dance around your room like an idiot•  Make a new Tumblr blog•  Color your hair•  Leave nice messages in someone’s askbox•  Take some pretty pictures outside•  Get your friends and family and play board games •  Tie a small string or a rope into knots •  Make a tiny gift for your best friend •  Make a bucket list •  Smile to at least 5 people, bonus points if they are strangers •  Go out and perform one act of kindness •  Watch how the wind makes the leaves of the trees move. •  Do volunteer work •  Give your blog a makeover •  Write a letter to a friend •  Donate all the clothes you don’t like anymore •  Go to a park and sit on the swings, be a little kid again •  Plan your outfits for the week •  Give someone a hug •  Simply relax, and enjoy your life

Here are websites to distract yourself.

• The Quiet Place • Relax Exercise • Thouhts Room • Dawn Room • Pixel Thoughts 60 Seconds Relaxation• Emotional Baggage Check• Automatic Flatterer • Silk• Neon Flames • Painting• Sand• Stickman• Koala Mosaic• Sunshine and Rain• Rainy Mood• Mood Turn• Magic Button• Secret Door• Geo Guesser• Make some Music• Soundrown• The Colour Game• The Universe• Free Rice• Watch A Dream• Imagination• Make Music With Circles• Make Music With ToneMatrix• Fatal to the Flesh (Trigger Warning)• Play Super Mario• Cute Online Games

Try out a few things and see what helps you the best. Once you found things that help you, write them down, keep these things close to you in a box or something so you can do them right away when you feel like harming yourself.

If the urge gets stronger and simple distractions don’t help anymore, try to do things that help you to get out your emotions like anger, sadness, fear or guilt. Here are some things you can do.

• Scream really loud into a pillow• Let yourself cry• Go to an open space and shout all the things you hate right now• Scribble on photos of people in magazines• Tear apart newspapers, photos, or magazines• Throw a ball/stone/ice cube etc. against a wall• Listen to music and sing along loudly• Beat up a stuffed animal or a pillow• Blow up balloons and pop them• Build a fort of pillows and then destroy it• On a sketch or photo of yourself, mark in red ink what you want to do;cut and tear the picture• Write your feelings on paper, then rip it up or burn it• Make a soft cloth doll to represent the things you are angry at;cut and tear it instead of yourself• Break sticks or old things you don’t need anymore• Cut up fruits• Pull weeds in the garden• Put on nail polish, then peel it off• Splash your face with cold water• Slash an empty plastic soda bottle, or a piece of heavy cardboard, or an old shirt or sock• Instead of punishing yourself by self-harming, punish yourself by not self-harming •The Butterfly Project: Draw a butterfly on the place(s), where you would like to harm yourself.If the butterfly fades without self-harming, it means it has lived and flown away,it’s like giving a sense or feeling of achievement.Whereas if you do harm yourself with the butterfly there, you killed to butterfly.If that does happen, you can start again by drawing a new one on.You are not allowed to wash of the butterfly, it has to fade on its own.You can also name the butterfly after someone you love.•Think of a loved one [a friend, family member, or anyone else who cares about you]and write their name on the place(s) where you want to harm yourself.When you want to harm yourself, remember how much they careand how they wouldn’t want you, to harm yourself.• Talk to someone about how you feel• Create a safe place to go• Try to imagine the future and plan things, you want to do• Make a list of all the positive things in your life• List all the reasons, why you don’t want to harm yourself• Remember why you want to recover

Try out as many things and possible and try to figure out what helps you the most. Once you did this, keep the things that help you on a list or keep them in a box close to you, so that you have access to them right away. When you feel a stronger urge coming, do 1-2 things of the stuff named above and then distract yourself with 1-2 of the listed distractions.

When you get a really, really bad urge to harm yourself, try alternatives to harming yourself. These will either trick your brain into thinking there is blood when there is no real blood, or by making yourself feel something. Doing some of the alternatives, you can even feel some kind of pain, but it doesn’t harm you in a bad way. Here are some examples.

• Draw red lines on the places you want to cut, or use red watercolor,and put it on the place where you want to cut; it will look like it’s bleeding• Viciously stab an orange or an apple• Eat something really sour• Do sport, like running, strength training, jumping on a trampoline,dancing etc., until you are completely exhausted• Take a hot/cold shower or bath• Drink freezing cold water• Wax your legs or plug your eyebrows• Bite into a hot pepper or chew a piece of ginger root• Rub ice across your skin, where you want to harm yourself,or hold it in your hands• Put rubber bands on wrists, arms, or legs and snap them

Like with the things before, try them out and see what helps you the most. Make sure you have fast access to them. When you feel this really strong urge, start for example with a cold shower, then scream into a pillow or tear apart paper, and then distract yourself with something.

Make sure to write the things that help you down, so you don’t have to start thinking about what to do with yourself everytime you get the urge to self harm.

If you feel like you cannot deal with all of this on your own, please reach out for help. There are people out there able and willing to help you.

Take care of yourself!

- Belle