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[mubal4]

Pushing Through Darkness

 As we sit here in mid-January, getting close to the end already, I am feeling the desire to write about ultrarunning and racing. Throughout a typical week I listen to a number of different podcasts & come across several articles. About 50% of them center on personal growth and development, business wisdom, and overall, just trying to be that better husband, father, and human being.  The other 50% - ultrarunning, trail running, running in general.  Therefore, not too surprising that the sport is on my mind a lot 😊.  As of last week, with some discussions with the family and some encouragement from others within our crew, we finalized the racing schedule, at least for the first half of the year.  We start out with the Black Canyon 100k on Feb. 15th, followed by the Pine Trail Run 50k May 2nd, rounding out the 1st half of 2020 with the Silverheels 100 miler on July 11th.  Each of these races have a foundational story and I am pretty positive there will be tales to tell upon completion that I will certainly share.  Along the way, we are going to enjoy the journey and excitement leading up to each.  

 As I’ve mentioned before, ultrarunning, in my belief, is a fantastic metaphor for life.  I’ve been fortunate to find this wild and wacky sport and grateful for the chance to share with so many wonderful human beings; a lot you have heard about and will certainly come to know from these 3 races.  This sport, whether you are deeply intimate with it, have just dipped your toe in it, or don’t know the slightest about it and think the idea of running a 100 miles is nuts, has provided me with incredibly memories, lessons learned, beautiful friendships, and powerful healing.  Something about traveling that far, on foot, on trails and in the mountains that cleansed the body, mind, and soul.  I’ve heard many times, from longtime veterans in the sport, “in ultrarunning, you are either running from something or toward something.”  I can relate to that.  I also believe that at different cycles of your life it fluctuates.  Now I have only been involved in the sport since late 2015 but believe I’ve experienced a ton of great lessons in a short period of time. As I am writing this, I am thinking about the 15-20 races I’ve done.  Hell, it could be that in some I was chasing something and others I was running from something else.  Each time however, I heal more, cleanse more, learn more; of course, about the sport and being better, but more importantly, about me.  

 You do a lot of thinking out on the trails and in the mountains by yourself, for hours at a time! Anything and everything can come into that noggin; some shit catches you off guard too.  Some of those great moments come reflecting on the dark moments that were overcome.  Sometimes, you are in a dark moment, on the run, and in life!!!  When you are by yourself on the mountain, in dark moment, i.e., quads are blown up, you rolled an ankle, ran out of water, and in a deep suck; no one is there to help you through it so you have to conjure up the strength to keep moving forward.  Yeah, I guess you can just stop, but when you are 20 miles from your car or civilization with no cell service, what other answers do you have?  Typically, in training, you are on you own.  In a race you have your crew, pacers, and aid stations; people around to help you to keep moving forward.  Life is incredibly similar.  From my experience, during my dark moments in life, I THOUGHT I was alone and that it was me and only me that can get myself out of my whole.  Yes, it was me that got me there; however, there are so many out there that want to, and can, help.  I was fortunate to see that only after I got the courage to ask for it.  I had to choose that. I first had to take accountability but then I had the choice on how to move forward.  Empowering!!! Scary, but empowering. Liberating. Freeing. Cleansing!!!  

 Running is like that too.  We make the choice to go out there.  In races, we actually pay for it 😊!!!  There are many training runs, and my wife can confirm this, that I ain’t too excited about sometimes. Just not feeling it today and don’t want to hit it.  Hell, there are times when I am a few miles in and telling myself, “this sucks and I want to be home on the couch.”  But you go or keep going and that feeling of satisfaction when you are done makes you forget about the feeling of suck earlier.  I just have to find a better way of challenging the satisfaction feeling when I sense the suck feeling coming on 😊!!  

 When racing, again, just like life, there are peaks and valleys.  There was an article out there that I read the other day in Trail Runner Magazine by Rob Krar, you can read his story in the link, that inspired this blog, after sitting on this subject for about 4 months.  He puts the race/life metaphor into great context with this quote.

 “The pain and suffering I experience in a race is something I yearn for,” Krar says. “In an ultra, you can feel the worst you’ve ever felt at mile 50, and, if you’re smart and regroup, you can come back and still have either the fastest race of your life, or the greatest race of your life, or both.”

 Although I don’t share Rob’s yearning for the pain and suffering, I do empathize with him, and he hits the nail on the head.  And, it is so true with life as well.  These are lessons that I am learning and something we try to educate our girls on; now is a building block for the future. I understand that, specially with kids, these moments are perceived to be the biggest moments of your life.  I get that, but, being 45 years old, I can think back to a number of those “biggest moments” from my childhood and in reality, they were just events; experiences that I learned something from; maybe not at that time but now.  They didn’t define me like I thought they would at that time.  How often in life do we think that moment that we are in is the worst thing in the world and we may never recover from it? My hand is up. Then, a few hours, days, or weeks down the road, you are living high on the hog and life is grand? That is just like a race.  How do you handle that suck at the time? What is the self-talk you are telling yourself?  What messages are you playing over and over in your head to help you grind through that valley when everything in your well-being is telling you to just lay down and rest? When I am off training by myself, and even in racing, there are many of those moments and I have tried, practiced, and tested what to say to myself when the proverbial shit hits the fan, figuring out what works and what doesn’t. Funny thing, many of those messages that work in those moments, have worked for me in the life moments!!!  

 There is another great quote from the article, I believe from the author, that we can close this out with!

 “And, yet, he still lives with the reality that any moment he can get sucked into a dark hole, from which it seems he might never emerge.” – Claire Walla

 You can learn from the article the context there but again, I’ve learned what is true with ultrarunning is true with life.  Leading up to a race, after you’ve done a few, you know damn well that the odds of shit going south is going to happen.  There are going to be things that come up that are going to suck and sometimes you don’t have an idea what it might be.  Sure, you likely know the legs will hurt, joints, knees, hips will get trashed, you will be tired, etc.  But there are so many unknowns that you just can foresee coming. Just like life.  What I’ve learned from racing is that when I let go and shed myself of expectations (AND EGO!!!!!), rely on appreciation and gratitude, focusing on what I am GETTING  to do & WHOM I am experiencing it with the experience produces incredibly amounts of joy and fulfillment.  When I am fortunate enough to translate that same approach to life, similar moments and experiences are created.

 It is not a coincidence.