#pursuejesus liveinfreedom

[thehesedkoinoneo-blog]

Grey

An Open Prayer

   You separated the light from the darkness. You created safety by separating the waters. Fearfully and wonderfully you made me. You know the very core of my heart and love me. You are jealous for me not because You are selfish, but you know what’s good and what isn’t. Turning away from God is like living in happiness and turning to death and saying, “Hi take me now.”.….But this is getting boring…”What can i type in my search engine?” “ What about dating willy nilly to feel liked?” “What can I do to fill my time?” “My dad will be mad...so how can I twist the truth so his face will smile?” “What can I drink to fill the hurt?” “How can I live in community, but not let a single soul I have depression and make it seem like I am perfect?”

“She will chase her lovers,

But not overtake them;

Yes, she will seek them, but not find them.

Then she will say,

‘I will go and return to my first love,

For then it was better for me than now.’” -Hosea 2:7

Cause me to obey You and trust Your grace if I fall...cause naked I hid from you and that hurt more than I thought being away from your presence. You still say yes to pursuing me even when my eyes for the world were gluttonous typing in google search engines, dating to fill the void, and lying to my parents when I wanted something that wasn’t on their agenda, or lying to please my pride. This all proved I was a bit of a scoundrel.  

I grew thirsty and then turned my focus to you.

You began to answer my prayers in a way that can only be described as a miracle.

“Dear Lord, I’m done. It hurts to much.  If you stop me then get me out of this and if not then oh well.”

Friend, “Hey, how are you?”

Me, “I’m great! Gotta go.”

Friend, “Somethings hurting you.”

…………………………………....

Friend,”We’ll figure this out.”

In the middle of my wandering you led me into the middle of a dessert where you invite me to dip my feet into. So clean that I cup my hands a bit below the surface to carry it up to my chapped lips.

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Living in the Grey

Sin

I come to the realization that God creating physical intimacy with another person is very much like Song of Solomon and it’s meant to resemble His love for the church. So now I know this isn’t for the pleasure of my eyes but to worship Jesus. I can stop looking at things that fulfill my eye’s desires, watching movies that cause my brain to go past where it should, and warn me by saying they were rated R. But at the same time it’s okay to kiss the one you love even before you THINK about approaching the altar and watch every scene from the Vow/the Notebook for storyline alone.

I come to the realization that guy friends are great and dating is fine. “But what is this if it’s not healthy or showing me Jesus?”

I come to the realization that yes I can love my friends well, but I also need at least a B in this class. Time management. But at the same time Jesus called you to rest in him so spend time in nature.

I come to the realization that, yes, it sucks that I’ll get an hour lecture about “ How I shouldn’t have hidden Twilight under my bed in middle school,”  but showing my dad I love him by trusting him to be honest to him regardless is important as well as obeying Jesus and not lying.

I come to the realization that Your love is sweeter than wine. But it’s okay to taste red wine at a party and like it.

You used people and places to be my Hosea when I was chasing after “lovers.” (vices) In the midst of my pursuing I somehow found words to ask you for help, but still seeing them as a source to fill the aching and hide.

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Christianity

Passionately pursue Jesus, but not every Christian novel, sermon, and interpretation of the Bible is right.

Doubts and questions can make faith stronger.

Have fun studying geopolitics, and things about Israel you’ll be amazed. 

It’s okay not to spend two hours studying scripture and theology. But be mindful of Jesus, look for Him in the day, worship/Bible/church are important for spiritual growth.

It’s okay to question things, but have the heart of Paul!

       “But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. Yes, and I will continue to rejoice,”-Philippians 1:8

It’s okay to say your political views reflect the heart of Jesus and the Bible, but show your views in a kind manner and know that they can share theirs as well.

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Health

It’s okay to be a free spirit, but check how you’re spending (you don’t need a trip to Sephora to be beautiful...drugstore makeup works wonders).

It’s okay to be busy we all are. But don’t take on 18 units when your brain and grades can only take 12.

It’s okay to carry your load, but go to the doctor and you may need to see a counselor (this is okay as well).

Don’t buy an overly priced gym membership if you’ll only go twice, but at least go on run and go on walks.

Eat healthy, but ice cream every now and then won’t kill you. 

Curves are great.

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Dating

Be yourself. If he really likes you being weird wont change that.

If everything coming out of his mouth as he’s speaking to you is flirtatious, but he won’t meet up for coffee on a Saturday when you both are free...RUN LIKE FOREST GUMP AND DON’T STOP!

Yes, it’s okay if he has his list of what he expects in a future spouse, but don’t feel the need to check off the his list, listen to “Free Bird” and let him free too.

It’s okay to date after a boy practically lied to you 85% of the time, but get to know the next person/people you date before you let them have a piece of your heart.

Trust them until they give you a reason not too. But promise to “FREE yo self if things get shady.” And follow in the steps of Lauren Alaina’s new country song, “Think Outside the Boy.”

Have a blast, but be responsible in life.

He needs love too. Be creative.

Don’t be embarrassed, by your boundaries. The right guy will support that.

Yes, you can hangout with your man bros, But Rule #1 Does he know that he’s a man bro and nothing other than that”  Rule #2 Don’t go off into the woods alone with a man bro coffee is good.

TRUST JESUS