#puregirlviolence | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

avpdnoisearchive · 7 years

Note

my boyfriend has AVPD and its something i am not familiar with bc i have NPD, BPD, and HPD and not AVPD. and i want to help him. especially with communicating with me. is there anyway i can do this? =/

yeah for sure! first of all, it’s really so nice that you’re sending this message at all and want to help him! it warms my heart :)

so i think the most important thing is letting him know that you’re a safe person for him to talk to. telling him that you care about him, that you like hearing what he has to talk about, just generally being kind and open when he does talk to you is important!

side note: people with avpd can have a “safe person,” a person around which their symptoms are lessened. so there’s absolutely hope that things between you two will become easier once he feels like you’re a safe person! (this is not to say that you’re not inherently a safe person, but it takes more effort and time for people with avpd to see that in others)

people with avpd generally don’t do well with jokey-hate. even if it’s 100% clear that you’re joking, saying something like “omg you’re so annoying why do i even talk to you” can shut us down real quick

also avoid guilt-tripping him, telling him that if he doesn’t talk to you he obviously doesn’t care about you, etc. oh, and try not to ghost on him as well! if you need to be on your own for a bit for whatever reason, let him know that it’s because of [x] reason and not because you suddenly hate him

if you do happen to ghost on him without an explanation, let him know afterwards what the reason was and that it wasn’t about him. if it was about him, you can tell him but be delicate and explain the problem fully so you two can work it out. full explanations are key because we constantly think the worse and will fill in the blanks with the worst possible scenario (usually: you despise us and never want to talk to us again)

if he starts to self-isolate: he is not doing this because he doesn’t want to talk to you. he probably desperately does want to talk to you, but feels like he’ll be a burden in your life, annoy you, etc.

if that happens, send him a message telling him that you care about him and when he feels better, you can’t wait to hear from him again because you love talking to him (or something like that - basically letting him know that you don’t hate him because his brain will probably make him think that)

we have very low self esteem, so in general telling us why you like us can really help! we believe everyone hates us so having proof that you don’t really means the world

something that can always get me to want to talk is a book or a show that i’m reading or watching with someone! i often won’t reach out to someone because i feel like i have nothing to say. but if i just watched the new episode of a show we both love, it’s easy for me to talk about that! maybe start a new show together or have him watch one of your favourites

people with avpd tend to be passive aggressive which obviously isn’t great for a relationship. this one is a bit trickier for me to advise about, but i guess if you can tell he’s upset but he’s not being direct about it, try to have a direct and frank conversation about it and let him know that you want to work the issue out and not have it eat away at him. we’re usually passive aggressive because we feel like we can’t speak directly about things, so letting him know that he can might help

we definitely struggle to open up about personal things. again, just letting him know that you want to hear what he has to say, and that you care about him, will likely eventually help him to open up.

time is very important. i don’t know how long you’ve known each other, but i really only fully trust people i’ve known for years because that’s the ultimate proof they actually like me and won’t leave. having patience and just showing time and time again that you’re there for him is the hardest part but definitely the most effective

that sounds like a lot, but i think it’s simpler than it would appear. basically our main issues in relationships is that we have very low self esteem and believe that everyone hates us. if you prove to him in various ways (by telling him and by showing him) that you do care about him, he’ll come to trust you and then be more open with communication!

also because of your own pds: letting him know exactly what you need in a relationship will help loads. i often avoid people because i don’t know what they want me to say or do and i’m so afraid i’ll mess it up. by telling him something like “hey when i’m sad i love when you text me” it’ll take a load of uncertainty off of his mind.

i really hope this helps!! if you have more specific questions about this please let me know, i’m more than happy to help :)

#avpd #puregirlviolence

63 notes · View notes

roominthecastle · 7 years

Text

@puregirlviolence reblogged your post and added:

its actually super duper interesting that you’re talking about this and bringing it up! bc i have BPD and i’ve always thought that Petyr seemed to have symptoms of it as well. BPD does in fact have symptoms of almost the arrested development that you’re talking about here and a lot of the time (but not exclusively) it is borne out of trauma. i’ve always seen he and Sansa as having BPD, bc they exhibit symptoms of it. being manipulative (which is not always a bad thing but Petyr uses it sometimes in a destructive and selfish way), wanting validation from others, acting almost like a teenager for the rest of your life, little things affecting your emotions much more then it would people who are neurotypical or don’t have BPD, fear of abandonment, fear of intimacy, not trusting people etc etc.

so its actually interesting that you’re point this out, bc i completely headcanon Petyr as having BPD. sometimes he even does things that are impulsive, albeit not as much when he’s older but still little things. also, the way he loves people. completely, totally, even killing for them etc thats also a very BPD trait. i didn’t know anyone else saw just how psychologically damaged Petyr is but he is. so, i am glad someone is talking about it here. so, maybe you can consider him having BPD, haha. bc i have it and i feel it all over him, personally. but if you’re curious about the disorder, you can totally contact me about it! please don’t google it as there is a lot of horrible and ableist information out there about it, unfortunately that is 100% wrong.

Thank you!

“Disorder” is a word I firmly associate w/ Petyr in every sense, psychology included. He’s been fractured and his “pieces” shift about, depending on his environment and generating contradictory results, which I find v interesting. Often it is purposeful (he has learned to impose a measure of control on it to ensure his survival) but sometimes it is not (e.g. when he is w/ Sansa and here survival takes a back seat for short, unguarded moments). This inner disorder corresponds nicely to the outer chaos he induces and generally thrives on (likely bc it feels familiar, his “element”). He projects a lot, imo, and is generally driven by fear.

Since we don’t know if he’s written w/ a concrete pathology (or more likely pathologies) in mind, and also bc I lack the necessary knowledge regarding these pathologies, I am reluctant to assign a specific diagnosis, but I am def not here for the “he is evil doing evil for evil’s sake” reductive, ignorant garbage. He is an antagonist doing his “job”, yes, but he is also the warped product of a warped world that’s worth discussing.

Littlefinger was in large part created by the Tullys and the Starks, and he came back w/ a to do list to exact a meticulous revenge. If Arya can bake people into pies and feed them to her enemy while wearing the ripped off face of a servant and still be applauded for a “mission well done”, then there should be room for a little sympathy and understanding for Petyr, too. Trying to understand how and why a character like him exists within the context of the story is not bias, but spewing mindless hate is. I’m interested in the former, so absolutely! I would love to hear more details about how *you* see him through a “BPD lens”, in private or public, whichever feels more comfortable.

#puregirlviolence #petyr baelish #musings

13 notes · View notes