#psst read by proxy i forgot how much i loved that fic

[spockandawe]

I cannot for love or money let go of the idea that like... I don’t think Lan Wangji canonically was sleeping with Jiang Cheng while Wei Wuxian was dead. But I’m enthralled how easy it would be to slot that into place in the story. And my favorite part of Jiang Cheng is how messily he’s emotionally imploding in the story present, and the big reason I would argue why lan wangji/jiang cheng didn’t actually happen is because I think the present would have been so much messier, but... that’s also exactly why I’m so delighted by the idea of just. Slipping it in there and seeing just how much hotter this dumpster fire can get.

Like, Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji are both MESSES in their own ways in this story. Jiang Cheng’s turmoil is loud and obvious, while Lan Wangji’s is a lot more self-contained (I was hit harder than I expected by lan xichen’s callout where he was like ‘IT WAS SO OBVIOUS HOW HE FELT’ and wei wuxian just completely blacked out that couple of days, and he’s been fake-flirting with lan wangji while lan wangji thinks he knows exactly how he feels and is so gentle despite how from his pov wei wuxian has been pretty darn cruel and AUGH). But also, I just got my heart broken by the way the main story ended on the note of Jiang Cheng failing to tell Wei Wuxian that he didn’t go back to Lotus Pier to get his parents’ bodies, he went back because he drew the attention of the Wen soldiers to protect Wei Wuxian, and I’m gonna CRY.

Jiang Cheng is a fragile, brittle mess on the whole, and while I wouldn’t say that he’s hungry for love in general, he’s desperate for approval from His People (and since his parents have both failed him hard on that count and his sect was effectively exterminated, that adds up to wwx and jyl). And when Wei Wuxian dies, he’s left horribly wounded over losing everyone he’s ever loved, blaming Wei Wuxian for it, blaming Wei Wuxian to break his promise to stay by his side, and, very importantly, blaming himself for not being enough to protect and/or keep the people he loves. I don’t want to rehash his whole arc, but these are critical character notes.

And if a horrible, grief-stricken, ill-considered affair between Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng, possibly even a long-running (if irregular) affair, I think... I think they would hurt each other too much for it to be healthy, or for it to be a relationship-relationship. But they’re both overflowing with emotional wounds, and Lan Wangji is observant, and even if he gives Jiang Cheng less to work with, Jiang Cheng is real good at spamming attacks until he finds something that hurts. Knowing each other’s weak spots so that you can hurt each other isn’t a healthy kind of intimacy, but it’s still a kind of intimacy. And in general, I also feel like Jiang Cheng would be pretty awful at keeping as much internal emotional distance as he intends in their not-relationship. I’m not going to write this essay right now, but I’ve got thoughts about this.

But, where I’m headed. Is the present day. Where Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng are still desperately, hopelessly hunting for any hint of Wei Wuxian, and understanding each other and spending more time near each other than they want(?) because of that shared goal.

And then Wei Wuxian comes back. And Wei Wuxian chooses Lan Wangji.

The POTENTIAL of this implosion!!! I don’t want to undervalue what we get in canon, because canon DELIGHTS me. But just imagine the doubled blow, when Jiang Cheng is abruptly ditched by the two people who understand him the best, who each had.... in theory some kind of connection with him. He melts down terribly just over Wei Wuxian still being alive, and i don’t think it’s even possible to untangle how much anger is thanks to how he wants to hate Wei Wuxian vs how much is being upset over Wei Wuxian choosing someone else, again. But what if we add, simultaneously, more of a meltdown because his not-boyfriend has ditched their not-relationship without a backwards glance, and he stole Wei Wuxian when he knows how much this means to Jiang Cheng, and that reluctant/resentful intimacy between them taking an abrupt turn into a mutual jealous mistrust, and they could be such a tag-team if they trusted each other enough to share, or were forced to share early. But Lan Wangji got the first opening and he took it, and neither of them is certain enough of Wei Wuxian’s love to even consider sharing after that imbalance is in place.

Part of what fascinates me is because Jiang Cheng is already doing Not Great for a lot of canon, and I just. I want to add more fuel to the fire. As far as canon goes, he got hit with that Complete Abandonment truck way back in the past, and has had time to cope and push some of those issues down. So...... what if we hit him with the truck again, and he’s taken super off-guard, because it wasn’t supposed to be possible again, but, you know, your brother rises from the dead and two seconds later your not-boyfriend elopes with him, it’s a little hard to predict things like that. I want more reasons for him to be upset with Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji, and himself. I want extra concern from Jin Ling as he watches Jiang Cheng refuse to admit that anything is wrong. I’m assuming that Lan Wangji would be prepared to keep this secret until he died, but that Jiang Cheng would 1000% spill the beans in his meltdown at Lotus Pier (oh my god, the ways that would flavor the first wangxian sex scene, holy shit), and that Jiang Cheng would be an extra messy wreck when he shows up at the guanyin temple

And also, I very much want a scene where Lan Wangji tries to reassure Wei Wuxian that yes, okay, he slept with Jiang Wanyin, but don’t worry, it didn’t mean anything, and Wei Wuxian is upset because ‘hold on, you slept with him and it didn’t mean anything? Lan Zhan, how could you? he’s very sensitive!! :(’