#ps he looks really weird and off-center without the fire on his head

[zithcavooris]

If it wasn't cheating of me to post that rough draft as a drawing-a-day yesterday, I'm pretty sure it's cheating for me to post the line art the very next day. Sue me.

[sortasirius]

For the kissing prompt: life or death with cas’s life on the line. Place: with Sam and jack bc let’s be realistic if there’s life and death situation. Interested to see what you’ll come up with :D ps I love your writing

Wowwowowowow thank you so so much! I’m

I hope you like!

Words: 913 (who says brevity is the soul of wit lmao)

It’s exactly the type of thing that Dean had always dreaded. One of those fights with a monster that just…got the better of all of them. It’s in an abandoned barn in North Dakota, middle of winter, brutally, viciously cold.  Dean’s teeth are chattering despite the adrenaline coursing through his veins as he slides in and out of the shadows with Sam on his heels, Cas and Jack on the other side, lying in wait for the pack of vampires to return from a nightly hunt.  They had already taken are of the sentries, dragged their bodies to the frozen lake nearby.  Everything had gone off without a hitch, so why did Dean’s chest ache like something was going to go wrong at any second?

“It’s fucking cold,” he whispers to Sam as they huddle in their corner of the frigid barn.  Three layers was not enough for North Dakota weather.  Hell, they were practically in Canada all the way up here. Dean hated it.

“No shit, Sherlock,” Sam rolls his eyes as Dean’s whole body shakes, “You’ll be fine, don’t be a baby.”

Before Dean can snap back, they hear loud and raucous voices approaching the doors, and, for some reason, Dean searches for Cas in the darkness, and he feels like their eyes connect even though he can’t really see. He takes a breath.  Everything was gonna be fine, it’s just another hunt right?

It’s a bigger group than they thought, and they’re armed.  Man, even monsters are fucking packing these days, it really is the end times.  The leader has a shotgun that she throws carelessly across a cards table in the corner, the others following suit, dropping their weapons across the room, one of them starting a fire in the center. Dean and Sam pull back from the orange glow, in spite of the fact that Dean wants to lean into it.  He really felt like his fingers are about to fall off.

The fight is supposed to be mostly stealthy, until Jack knocks over a bottle on a table that goes crashing to the floor, shattering in a million pieces, and then it’s an all out brawl, ten against four.

Dean takes down one, then two, then….bang!

Dean feels like the gunshot goes through his ribs instead of Cas’.  He’s across the room when it happens, one of the vampires takes out a pistol and takes the shot at Cas, hitting him in his lower abdomen, and Cas crumples immediately, hitting the floor like a ton of bricks, machete falling from his hands.  Dean runs, with no regard for anything else, doing anything he can to get to Cas, lying prone on the ground as the vampire who shot him stands over him, ready for the deathblow.  He doesn’t get the chance, because his head is rolling as Dean makes easy work of his head with his machete.

It’s weird, Dean had always heard of that thing where people can’t hear anything, where everything just goes dull, but he never thought it was real.  Until, of course, Cas is lying, mostly unconscious on the ground in front of him, bleeding profusely and so terribly human that Dean can’t fucking breathe.  Jack and Sam are still fighting the other vampires, and Dean wants to scream for Jack to come fix this!  Come fix Cas!  Cas’ eyes are on Dean, but they’re getting glassier by the second and Dean can only babble as he tries to remember the first aid he had administered on himself about a thousand times.  This time, his hands weren’t shaking from the cold.

“Hey buddy, stay awake for me, okay?  This is gonna be fine, Jack’s gonna fix you up okay?  Stay with me Cas.  Stay awake, yeah?”

He feels Cas’ hand in his hair, and he meets his eyes, still frantic and shaking and trying to make a compress out of his flannel shirt. Cas is trying to say something, but he’s so quiet that Dean can’t hear him, so he leans up to Cas’ mouth, trying to hear him, but Cas has other ideas, and, if he’s being honest, so does Dean.

It’s such a gentle and soft brush of the lips that Dean isn’t actually sure that it happened, but Cas is smiling this soft smile, and Dean nearly forgets that he’s trying to stop him from bleeding out.  He nearly forgets, until Cas’ breathing slows and slows and slows and Dean realizes he is far too close to losing him again.  He turns wildly, looking for Jack, but Jack is already at his side, moving Dean’s blood-covered hands away from Cas’ wound, light filling the room as Cas’ side mends itself.

Cas sucks in a loud breath and tries to sit up, but Dean meets him, setting his hands on Cas’ shoulders.

“Take it easy, Cas.  They’re gone.”

Cas looks from Dean, to Jack, to Sam, and then…back to Dean.

“Thank you, Jack.”

“Sure, of course.  Do you, um…need anything?”

Cas has not taken his eyes off of Dean’s face. Normally it would make Dean blush, but he’s still too scared to care.

Sam does that loud throat-clearing thing he does when he’s uncomfortable.

“Come on, Jack, let’s go warm up the car.”

Dean doesn’t wait for them to walk away to lean in and kiss Cas again.  

“Don’t do that again.”

He feels Cas smiling against his mouth, it’s enough to drive him crazy.  This he could get used to.

Link to OG post

Prompt me up!

[hstyleshoney]

untitled harry fic- preview

AU in which you and Harry are friends with benefits but things get complicated, like they always do

word count: 1.5K

A/N: I used to write loads before and then I just stopped bc basically I didn’t have time to, and recently I’ve missed it... but I also feel like I’ve kinda lost it a little? I get stuck all the time, and now I just felt like sharing this little thing I’ve started and wanted to know what others think of it before I continue. So this is sorta just like a preview/test? To see if anyone even enjoys it haha. Trying to not make this little note too long but yeah, I have no idea if anyone is even going to find this but I thought I’d give it a go. To see. It’s been soooooo long since I wrote something, even longer since I posted anything. Feedback is SUPER appreciated. Good AND bad .xxxx

---------

His lips were hot against your skin as he leaned in to whisper in your ear. 

“Your place or mine tonight?” 

You smiled to herself. Your heart skipping a beat as his warm body pressed against your back. The music was loud around the two of you and you could hardly hear yourself think, yet his voice was clear as day. You turned to look at him and was met by his familiar grin as he looked right back. 

“What makes you think I’ll be going home with you tonight?” 

He snorted and raised his eyebrows, and you had to bite down on the inside of your cheeks to stop yourself from smiling too much. 

“Well, love” he started and spun you around so he could place his hands on your hips. You felt your cheeks flush under his stare as he pulled you even closer to him. He smelled like beer and tequila mixed with that cologne you loved so much. Your knees weakened and he smirked. “I think we both know you are.” 

He was right. 

But you weren’t going to let him have that. 

“It’s awfully bold of you to assume such a thing Mr Styles.” 

“Is it though?” He was still smirking down at you and you felt her knees weaken even more as his tongue poked out to wet his pink lips. Your heart was pumping so hard you were sure he would've heard it if it weren’t for the loud music. Sweaty bodies kept bumping into you on the overcrowded dance floor, which normally you couldn’t stand, but you were drunk. Very drunk. And you were also hungry, tired and you were in a huge need of a wee. 

However, Harry was standing in front of you. 

So needless to say nothing else really mattered anymore. 

His mere presence made you forget about the people around you and suddenly your bladder didn’t seem so full after all. That’s the effect he had on you and he knew it. With his soft brown hair that curled so pretty at the tips, his smooth skin and green eyes; there was no way you weren’t going home with him again tonight. He was the best thing you had ever laid your eyes on and he also wanted you. 

So who are you to say no? 

“Yours then,” you said and tried to not sound too eager. Harry squeezed your hips as you finally confirmed you would indeed go home with one other again and pulled you even closer into him. His chest pressed against yours and you swore you could feel his heartbeat. 

“See that wasn’t so hard to say, was it?” You knew he was pleased judging by the smug look on his face and rolled your eyes. 

“But we’re stopping to buy fries on the way though,” and as much as it pained you to do; you pushed him off. “And you’re paying.” 

Harry laughed and agreed, but not before adding; “I can give you something a lot better than fries once we get home.” 

And well... you didn’t disagree. 

-*-*-*- 

You’re not entirely sure when this thing between the two of you started, or how it even started. It was just one of those things that happened one night. Harry first came into your life when your best friend Louisa started dating his mate Tom during your first year of uni. 

The first time you met him you didn’t really speak to each other. It was really just a case of you admiring him from afar as he was approached by a handful of women at the bar. You thought he was probably the prettiest guy you had ever laid your eyes on and thought to yourself that he was way too cool for you. 

It was obvious from the start by just watching him that he had an aura around him that drew everyone in. People, both boys and girls, flooded around him wherever he went. He was always the center of attention and you understood why. Because not only was he the prettiest guy you had ever seen... he was also one of the nicest guys you had ever met. At first you had just assumed he’d be an arsehole, because to be fair you’d never really met a guy that got that much attention that wasn’t. 

However, the deeper Louisa’s and Tom’s relationship got the more you all hung out and you started talking to him rather than just staring from afar. You got to know him and even though you two were quite different from each other, you became good friends. 

While you were a typical girls girl who enjoyed spending a little too much money on overpriced makeup palettes and listened to whatever songs were in the top list that week - Harry was a little more into old school music, bringing up bands and songs you had never heard of before. He did all his shopping at different thrift shops. He wore weird shirts and painted his nails without caring what anyone else thought while you couldn’t even leave the house without checking with all your roommates at least three times if your outfit was okay. You loved scrolling through instagram, Harry didn’t even have an account. 

He was interesting, alluring and cool. 

You just weren’t any of that. 

You weren’t his type and he was simply just out of your league. 

Until one night.

It was your friends Jax’s birthday and there had been a ridiculous amount of alcohol consumed. When you told everyone you were leaving Harry stood up and annouced he’d come with you, and because everyone was so drunk, you two included, no one thought more about it. 

You left the club together, Harry got an uber and when it stopped outside your house he got out with you. 

Kisses where shared and clothes came off and the next day you thought you were still sleeping when you woke up next to him. There was no awkwardness as you shared a cup of tea and he made a full english breakfast to cure your hangovers. 

And then the two of you did the same thing again next weekend and it kinda just became a thing. That was three months ago now and it was still nothing you really talked about. Which was fine; you didn’t really want to talk about it. Because what were you supposed to say? Whatever was going on was working and you didn’t want to complicate things. 

You were fine with just waking up next to him every now and again, especially now when the nights were getting colder and darker. It was just nice to have a warm body to snuggle up to.

It was an agreement that worked well for both of you, even if you did fancy him a little it wasn’t a full blown crush and Harry kept calling you his friend so that’s what you also settled on calling yourself. You knew you weren’t the type of girl he usually went for and that made it easier to keep your feelings for him platonic. He was too cool for you anyway. 

This way you just didn’t have to swipe through tinder or chat some random guy up at the bar to get laid. 

Louisa kept warning you that you were going to get your heart broken but you reassured her that no such thing was going to happen. It was just sex. Amazing sex. He made you feel like no other man ever had. Harry knew just how to work you and it made you lose your breath every single time. Your whole body was on fire anytime he touched you. 

“What time is it?” 

Harry’s sleepy voice startled you and his body vibrated against yours under the duvet as he chuckled. His arm was slung over you loosely and you could feel his breath on the back of your neck, leaving goosebumps all over your skin.

“I dunno,” you whispered back and leaned into his touch a little more. The hair on his legs tickled your smoother ones and his skin was clammy against yours. But neither of you made any effort to move away from each other. It was early still, the sun barely shining through the blinds in Harry’s bedroom. 

“Hm,” he hummed and tightened his grip a little. “Can’t sleep?” 

“Just thinking. “ 

“About...?” 

“Nothing really.” 

Harry hummed again but didn’t say anything else. You laid in silence while Harry stroked his thumb over your stomach gently. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. Just the two of you, tangled in each other’s naked bodies and the sheets. You could feel a hangover coming over you slowly. Your head felt heavy, throbbing painfully against the soft pillows under you. There was a glass of water on the bedside table tempting you but reaching out for it meant moving away from Harry and you were just way too comfortable to do so. 

It wasn’t long until Harry’s soft snores filled the room again and his thumb stilled. You sighed deeply, sleep creeping over you too. You were friends. Friends that slept together and cuddled. Nothing else. Just friends. 

... but you really could stay like this forever. 

-----------------------------

Sooo basically, like I said. This is just the start of something I’ve been writing and I just want to know what people think of it. I feel a bit rusty writing, so understand if it’s a bit weird haha BUT I appreciate anyone who took their time reading it. Thank you. And if someone wants to let me know their thoughts or have any ideas of what to change, please send me a message. Like anything is appreciated. Thanks <3 

ps i know there’s probably a few spelling errors in there. like i said, i’m a bit rusty, sorry! 

[greysficsngifsnstuff]

Chapter 3

Author’s note: hello! Here’s chapter three :) this is more centered around the Grey’s Anatomy friendships rather than actually Japril. I just wanted to explore some great duos which we haven’t seen in a while. I promise the next chapter will be a Japril one! Hope you like it :)

PS. I would love feedback on this because I wasn’t very sure about the way I was writing one of the characters. I’m not gonna say who it is to see if you guys pick up on it. Some dialogue may sound a little out of character for them, so please let me know what you think!

But they didn’t get a minute that day at the hospital.

When April arrived that morning, a fourth year trauma resident briefed her about the situation while she pulled on a trauma gown and gloves. A 13-year-old girl had fallen off her horse and was in critical condition. Peds and cardio had already been paged.

‘Why cardio?’ April asked the resident.

‘Her family told the paramedics she was born with a deformed heart and had a transplant when she was five months old. The accident happened because she apparently passed out and fell backwards on the horse’s rump. It spooked and started running, but one of the girl’s feet was caught in the stirrups so instead of falling off, she slid to the ground and the horse dragged her several meters before someone caught it. They think she passed out because her heart failed,’ said the resident.

‘And she’s still alive?’ said April before running towards the ambulance which was pulling up.

April ordered nurses and paramedics into trauma room one and a few minutes later Robbins and Pierce burst through the door.

‘What do we got?’ called Robbins over the noise of the room, pulling on a glove.

April was about to being breaking down the case for them when she saw Maggie.

‘Uh… is Riggs here?’ asked April. She almost hated herself for even asking, but the words came out of her mouth before she could think twice.

Maggie shot her a look of confusion. ‘Riggs got back last night from Maryland Shock Trauma.’

Oh, that’s right, April thought. Megan. She’d completely forgotten.

Counting under her breath to five, April collected herself and explained the case to Robbins and Pierce.

Once they were in the OR and the patient was open on the table, April saw that there were many more internal injuries than she had anticipated. The girl was too unstable to take the time to get a CT, so she was rushed straight to surgery, Pierce and Robbins pushing the gurney on the other side of her.

‘I need to get control of this bleeding. Pierce, how is that heart coming along?’ asked April, clamping down one of the bleeders.

‘I’m not sure,’ she said, feeling her way around without really looking.

‘You’re not sure?’ April shot back.

‘I can’t see properly,’ replied Maggie. ‘There’s a lot of bleeding here, too.’

‘You’re not sure?’ April repeated, raising her voice.

‘April,’ said Arizona, surprised at her sudden outburst. April was always very level headed in surgery.

‘She’s saying she’s not sure, Dr Robbins. We have a child open on a table who is about to die if we don’t fix her, but Dr Pierce isn’t sure,’ April’s tone was ice cold, but she was trying to speak as calmly as possible. ‘Dr Pierce, I need to repair this liver at the same time as you are repairing that heart. If you’re not capable of doing that, please leave the OR.’

‘You can’t do that,’ Maggie said in disbelief. ‘She can’t do that,’ she repeated, addressing Robbins this time.

Arizona stared at April. ‘April, we need a cardio surgeon.’

April had no idea how to reply to that. Of course she knew they needed one. In the moments that they had stood there arguing, the patient’s BP started rising, indicated by the beeping on the machines. At its sound, April’s own heart rate quickened.

‘I’m here, where do you want me?’ a robotic voice echoed in the OR. April looked towards the gallery to find Riggs standing there, speaking through the intercom.

Once he had scrubbed in, Maggie ripped off her gloves and left the room, glaring at April all the while.

From the minute he entered to the moment they exited the OR after the surgery, Arizona couldn’t stop marvelling at the way April and Nathan communicated with each other. They seemed to be able to read each other’s minds with a single look, wordlessly flying through manoeuvres which only they knew how to do thanks to what the army had taught them. At one point they even asked Arizona to step back so that they could work faster, if that seemed possible.

‘Nice work, Keps,’ said Nathan as the three of them were scrubbing out. The surgery had been a success. The girl wasn’t even going to be put on the transplant list for a new heart.

‘Isn’t my friend just amazing?’ Arizona beamed at her.

‘That’s why we call her The Machine,’ said Nathan, turning off his tap. April grinned bashfully.

‘You both coming to talk to the family?’ he asked, towelling his hands dry.

April nodded, and Arizona was about to agree when her pager went off.

‘Ugh, consult,’ she said, checking it. ‘Sorry guys.’

The other two shrugged simultaneously as if to say, it’s okay.

‘Jeez,’ said Arizona. ‘Are you guys wired to the same remote control?’

She exited the scrub room, leaving Nathan and April chuckling away.

***

After she had spoken to the family, April told Riggs she would see him later and casually checked the OR board to see what was going on. Jackson was right in the middle of a double mastectomy, removing a tumour alongside Dr Webber and a second year resident.

She went down to the day care to see Harriet and breastfed her, then busied herself in the ER for a while, rearranging charts and stitching up a 9-year-old boy’s leg after he fell off his bike. She hadn’t even realised she hadn’t eaten all day until her stomach started grumbling as she was putting away the suture kit. She made her way to the attending’s lounge to try and find something to snack on. As soon as she entered, she saw Arizona with her back turned away from her, making coffee. Arizona glanced quickly behind her to check who had come in.

‘Hey, April,’ she greeted her, pouring the coffee into a cup. ‘Would you like one?’

‘Hey,’ she replied the cheeriest way imaginable. ‘No, I’m okay, thanks.’

After several years of a friendship like theirs, Arizona picked up on April’s restlessness almost immediately.

‘What’s up?’ she said, giving her a knowing look. Her eyes followed April as she pulled a cereal bar out of a cupboard and slumped down on a chair at the table.

‘Nothing, nothing’s up. Why would something be up?’ April said hurriedly, unwrapping her cereal bar and taking a bite.

Arizona shot her a look. ‘April, what was that today, with Pierce?’

‘That girl was dying,’ April gestured outward with one hand, shoving all her bite to one side of her mouth so she could talk. ‘I was just putting my patient’s interests first. Riggs and I were the only ones that knew how to do that procedure, and I needed him there. That’s all.’

‘You couldn’t have known what you needed to do down in the trauma room, yet you still asked for him. What’s really going on?’

‘The lady at the day care told me Jackson still hasn’t been down to see Harriet today. Is that weird? It’s kinda late in the day,’ said April pointlessly, avoiding the question.

Arizona kept her head still but swivelled her eyes to one side before looking back at April.

April shut her eyes, still chewing. She couldn’t tell whether it was because Arizona had brought up a sensitive subject or whether because that cereal bar tasted so goddamn good after eating nothing all day.

Arizona gasped.

‘Did you sleep with him?’

April opened a single eye, scrunching the other one down.

‘I know it was probably a bad idea, but it felt so right, and after all that’s happened…’ April trailed off, her mouth still half full.

‘April! It’s bad enough he’s got Grey dragged in the middle of his broken heart after Megan, who apparently is back, but now you, too?’

April almost choked on her cereal bar.

‘What?’ she exclaimed, forcing herself to swallow before continuing to speak. ‘Who are you talking about?’

Arizona made a puzzled face for a moment. ‘You didn’t sleep with Riggs?’ she asked.

‘No, of course not!’ replied April.

Arizona’s face fell. ‘Oh,’ she said, almost disappointed. ‘You guys seemed so in sync in that OR, and the ‘given everything that’s happened’ bit, I just figured that meant Megan and Grey, and—’

‘We worked together! In a war, in the desert; we might get each other a little better that everyone else around here,’ said April.

Arizona made a face to say, yeah, that makes sense. ‘Wait, so who are you talking about?’ she lowered her voice even though the door was closed.

‘Jackson,’ April said quietly back. His name tasted really nice.

Arizona paused. ‘Ohhhh,’ she said, raising her eyebrows. She pushed herself off the counter and went to sit by April at the table.

‘Wait, but what does Maggie have to do with Jackson?’

‘I think there’s something going on between them,’ replied April. Remembering the way she had treated Maggie in the OR made her feel two inches tall.

‘Jackson and Maggie? No way,’ said Arizona definitively, shaking her head.

‘You didn’t see the way they looked at each other the night of the fire. I’ve seen that look on him before,’ said April. On me, she was about to add, but saying it aloud would have made it all too real.

‘April, you’re probably overanalysing it. He was her mother’s surgeon and then she died. His mom is married to her biological dad. Of course there’s gonna be baggage there, but that has nothing to do with the two of them being together. Anyways, didn’t you just say you slept with him?’

‘Yeah, but…’ April didn’t even look at Arizona the whole time she spoke, staring at her half eaten cereal bar which now didn’t look so inviting anymore. She trailed off because she didn’t know what else to say. Had last night meant as much as April thought it had, or was it just another case of emergency sex? In the moment it definitely didn’t feel that way, and the way they had behaved with Harriet this morning didn’t make it seem that way, and yet still…

‘But nothing,’ said Arizona.

Finally April looked up at her, and could see the sympathy in her friend’s blue eyes.

‘Was it good?’ asked Arizona, speaking quietly once again.

April’s eyes rolled to the back of her head before she shut them momentarily. ‘It was so much more than good. It was… perfect.’

They smiled at each other, a smile filled with compassion and kindness.

‘It felt like so much more than just sex. It felt like us. He touched me in a way he hadn’t done since before Samuel, I don’t think. And then this morning, when I was dressing Harriet he stood behind me, just watching us. We felt like a family. I hadn’t realised how much I miss him, how much I still love him…’ April had to stop herself or the tears that were welling up in her eyes would have escaped onto her cheeks.

Arizona placed a hand over April’s. ‘I know,’ she said, remembering the way it had felt to be with Dr Boswell the night of the storm; she had only known her after her leg, and they still had sex in a way that she had done with Callie only before the plane crash.

Right at that moment Dr Grey entered the attending’s lounge.

‘Hey, is everything okay?’ she asked when she saw April all teary eyed, making her way to fetch a glass of water and fill it up from the tap.

‘Yeah, we’re great,’ said April, forcing a smile.

‘Nah, you’re upset,’ said Meredith. She set her glass of water down on the table. ‘I don’t really care about other people’s problems, because often I can’t solve them, but I almost always know how to fix them. You know what you need to do?’ she said, pulling out her phone from her lab coat pocket.

April and Arizona exchanged a puzzled look. Meredith had never taken a particular liking to Arizona or April, especially after she was suspended and April took her place.

‘Dance it out,’ she said, pressing play on her phone. ‘Come on, get up,’ she said over the music, and began dancing. April and Arizona only laughed at each other a little before getting up alongside Meredith.

Half a song later, Chief Bailey walked in. At the sight of their happy faces, her own face lit up, but she immediately pretended to be disappointed in them in a very chiefly manner.

‘Now just what do y’all think you’re doing? Don’t you have patients to get to, or would you rather they died and filed a lawsuit against this hospital, which I will then have to deal with?’

Giggling like schoolgirls, April and Arizona grabbed their lab coats, ready to leave the room right as Maggie walked in.

‘Ah, Chief Bailey!’ said Maggie, a haughtiness to her tone. ‘How lovely to see you here. And what a coincidence that Dr Kepner is here with us. I wanted to speak with you both about something. Dr Robbins, Dr Grey, would you mind?’ she said, nodding towards the door.

Meredith and Arizona only raised their eyebrows before scurrying out of the room.

‘What, Pierce?’ asked Dr Bailey, a slight hint of annoyance in her voice. She raised her eyebrows, too, in a very Miranda Bailey-like fashion, as if she were expecting you to tell her something of such importance that it couldn’t wait until you could meet her in her office.

‘Dr Kepner kicked me out of the OR today,’ said Dr Pierce, folding her arms across her chest.

‘You did what?’ asked Bailey, turning towards April.

April took a moment to collect herself.

‘Yes, Chief, I did ask Dr Pierce to leave the OR. The patient’s BP was rising, there were bleeders all over the field, and Dr Pierce didn’t seem to have the patient’s heart under control.’

Chief Bailey glared at Maggie.

‘I—‘ Maggie interrupted, but April continued, ‘The heart, which by the way, had been transplanted into the patient at five months of age, needed to be repaired simultaneously with the liver, and I remembered a procedure I had been taught in the army. Dr Riggs was the only other person in this hospital who knew how to perform it.’

‘Yes, but—‘ Maggie tried again.

‘Is the patient alive and stable?’ cut off Dr Bailey.

‘She’s doing great,’ said April before Maggie could say anything else.

‘Then go argue in front of someone who cares.’ With that, Chief Bailey left the attending’s lounge.

April bit her lip to stop herself from smiling smugly right in front of Maggie.

‘Look, I don’t know what your problem with me is,’ said Maggie, glaring at April, ‘and I don’t care. But let it start interfering with my career, and I will have you fired.’

Before April could get a word in edgeways, they heard a voice from the threshold of the door.

‘What’s going on here?’

It was Jackson.

[bosstoaster]

Oh oh, for 10 Years On, please write a fic exploring how Sam felt when he and Matt were rescued and he found out what happened between the seperation & rescue, and how he feels when Shiro shows back up 10 years later and Sam finally sees the damage the Arena did and none of it has healed even though he and Matt have had a decade to move on from their big shared alien abduction trauma? :D (PS I'm loving & kudosing all your AO3 stuff and thought you'd like to know that re: hair, mused =/= mussed.)

(Aghhh I know, I’m the worst at that mistake and I never ever catch it.  One of these days I’ll remember.  But thank you so much!!  And thank you for the delicious prompt.)

For those who missed it, a sequel to this fic

It had been nearly three years since Sam Holt had seen his wife and daughter.

There was no way for him to know that for sure, of course.  There were the nearly exactly six months it had taken to get to Kerberos, but after that it had been the Galra ships and then the mining planet, and he knew those day cycles didn’t match up perfectly, or even very well, to Earth’s.  Then they’d been tapped by the Rebellion and spirited away to yet another planet.  By then, Sam and Matt were both well used to the mining planet’s day cycle, and so now it was impossible to tell how it would have felt against Earth.

Still, it had been about 853 cycles since they’d been captured, and 184 on the Daedalus.

Nearly three years, give or take.

Nearly three years since Sam had left home, buoyed on the excitement of discovering something new and exciting about the creation of their very solar system, of the universe itself.  Accompanied by his son and Takashi, he’d gone with the kernel of hope of learning about how life was created and supported in the universe.  One step closer to his life’s work, to First Contact.

At this point, it didn’t even feel ironic anymore.  It felt like they’d been asking for it.

Three years of struggle and heartbreak, of losing Matt and then Takashi, losing his freedom, slowly losing hope.  Of holding onto his son as tight as he could, lest he be taken away yet again.  A year of being a different kind of prisoner, the kept technicians for a rebellion Sam supported in theory but not in brutal action.  Of thinking ‘today is at least not worse than yesterday’, and that being enough.

But something had changed, not too long ago.

(Read More Below)

Whispers of something ancient enough to be thought fiction.  Then stories of freed worlds, of fighting back, of a weapon powerful enough to stop the Galra reign.

Then Zarkon fell.

The Galra empire shattered but held together by the frames of it.  Where had once been a cold, unyielding wall was shattered and cracked like a spiderweb.  They tried to maintain it, tried to hide the fragile shape, tried to still call it impossible to take down.  But loyalty built on a single figure couldn’t be maintained when they were dead (sleeping?  Disappeared?  Run away?  Each rumor was different).  Now the empire wouldn’t last.  It didn’t have the integrity.  But the sharp shards were more dangerous than the wall had been.

Which was how now they found their planet under Galra attack, not for the rebellion housed on it, but for sheer expansionism by a power hungry commander.

It was also how they first met Voltron.

The lions (four of them: blue, green, yellow, red.  Were the rumors wrong?  Where was the bipedal figure and the sword?) swooped, lit by the glow of a wormhole, followed by the ancient castle.  One Galra commander’s fleet wasn’t nearly a match for the lions.  They flashed with fire, with lazers, changed form and struck.

It was baffling to watch.  Where was that all coming from?  Why lions?  In stories it made sense, somehow, like in folklore.  But in reality it was bizarre.

Once the fleet was destroyed, the lions turned and headed down to the surface.  From the stories, Sam could guess that they were looking for whoever had sent the distress signal.

Reaching back, Matt grabbed onto Sam’s hand and ran, at a clip Sam had to struggle with his cane to keep up.  But he didn’t complain or try to get Matt to stop.  He wanted to see too.

They arrived to see figures already stepping out of the lion’s mouths (baffling) and stepping over to the growing crowd, both inhabitants of the local town and members of the rebellion, mixed and mingling until it was impossible to tell them apart.  

When the red one pulled off his helmet, he was human.

Sam froze, leaning heavily on his cane.  How did- how could there be- Was it just an alien that looked human?  Who could be here from Earth, piloting Voltron?

Too many questions raced through Sam’s mind, sticking him on the question of how and not who?

Matt didn’t have that problem.

Before the red fighter (red paladin, Sam remembered that, they were paladins of Voltron) could even open his mouth to speak, Matt stepped forward.  “Shiro’s duckling?”

Takashi’s-

That was Keith Kogane.

That was Keith Kogane, Takashi’s favored cadet.  The talented problem child that had been the subject of so many of Iverson’s rants that Sam had considered investing in earplugs.  He was older, stood straighter, and his hair curled down to his chin now, but it was recognizably him.

Starting, Keith turned to stare at Matt, his eyes going wide.  “Oh.  Oh!  Pidge?” He called, turning to look at the green paladin.

They stood utterly frozen from a moment, then yanked off their helmet too, nearly throwing it aside.

It was Katie.  Shorter hair, older than when he’d left, but it was Katie.

With a cry, she ran forward and nearly tackled Matt in a hug, sending them both sprawling into the dirt.  “You’re- you’re here?  I was looking but you were kidnapped and I found where you were but not where you’d gone but you’re here.  I can’t believe I found you!  Where’s-”  She picked her head up, eyes wet, and looked around until her eyes found Sam.  Then the tears spilled as she shoved herself up, and darted toward Sam too.  He met her as close to halfway as he could, not nearly as fast as her but just as enthusiastic.

It had been three years since Sam Holt had seen his wife.

But today he had his children.

***

That was how Sam and Matt first encountered Voltron.

Later, when they were aboard the Castle of Lions and Katie started to sob, they found out about Takashi.  At the news, Matt gave his sister another hug, then disappeared into the room he’d been assigned.  He didn’t come out again for hours.

Sam held onto his daughter for hours through tears of his own.

***

It was strange, to mourn someone’s death, then realize they’d had another life after.

Takashi haunted the castle.  

There were little reminders that someone else had once lived here, but was gone now.  A pair of quarters at the front of the hallway, nearest to the control room, remained unused.  A black bayard hovered, untouched, in the paladin storage room.  The extra, empty chair in the center of the control room was avoided studiously.  There were a pair of tech pads no one used, loaded up with reports and translated books.

“Why do you have these just sitting around?” Matt had asked once, picking one off the shelf and turning it on.  “Are they broken?  I can probably fix them up.”

In a flash, Keith stormed over and snatched it away.  He turned it off and put it back, then got between them and Matt until he stepped back.  “Shiro was in the middle of something,” Keith hold him, in a tone that sounded like improperly hardened steel.  Brittle and sharp.  “When we get him back, I don’t want him to lose his place.”

“Right,” Matt replied carefully, taking another unsure step away.  Once upon a time he would have needled that, would have reached around Keith and told him that when Takashi got back he’d just find his place again, the big baby.  Sam wasn’t sure if it was learned respect or learned wariness.

It was still sad to see.

More than the castle, Takashi haunted the people and the lions.

The Black Lion was regarded with a gravitas and wariness the rest didn’t get.  The paladins were casual about their own, no longer seeming to understand when Matt and Sam found the whole thing strange.

“I guess it is weird,” Hunk admitted once, nose crinkled.  He glanced back toward the Yellow Lion’s hangar, like he felt odd just admitting it.  “But we’ve been doing it a long time now, and it just makes sense.”  He gave them a sheepish smile, no doubt aware of how unhelpful that sounded.

Matt tapped his fingers against the table, brows up.  “That clears that up.  Thanks bunches.”

“Sorry,” Hunk returned, shrugging, but there was mischief to his expression.  “Maybe you can try and chat with one?  I don’t know if they’re not supposed to talk to anyone who isn’t their paladin, but you might be kinda close, so you can give it a shot.”

Brows up, Matt snorted.  “Oookay.  Sure, why not, I’ll talk to the giant psychic robot lions.  No big deal.  Black is closest, right?”

Hunk stood.  “No!”  Then he froze, aware he’d half shouted the words.  “Well, I mean, yes, technically.  But the Black Lion is… that one’s the hardest.  Since Shiro.”  His shoulders slumped and his eyes locked onto the table, a weight dropping onto Hunk’s shoulders.  “Black listens to Keith mostly, and Allura sometimes, but it’s not as well.  Neither of them really…”  He swallowed hard, deeply uncomfortable.  “Maybe try Green?”

Pausing, Matt started to draw himself up, but Sam grabbed onto his arm.  “We’ll leave the Black Lion alone,” he reassured Hunk.  “For now.  I’d like to do some more readings on it soon, though.  To see.”

That made Hunk look up, and he nodded.  “Probably a good idea.  We’ve done some, but we still don’t really… we don’t know.”

No one knew what had happened to Takashi.  A year and a half from his disappearance, there wasn’t so much as a trace.  Just many questions.

Matt tried speaking to each of the four lions, probably out of boredom rather than interest.  Sam went along to keep an eye on him without attempting for himself.  Sam didn’t talk as much, these days.  He prefered to watch first.

“Nothing,” Matt reported flatly.  “Like talking to my laptop back home.”

Brows rising, Sam eyed him.  “Then you should have no problem keeping up a dialogue.  You had no problem chatting at your computers.  Usually things your mother and I didn’t appreciate hearing.”

Matt rolled his eyes, but he was smiling as they walked back to the main section of the castle.  The path they took crossed in front of the Black Lion’s hangar, and Matt paused.  “One more.”

“Matthew.”

“I’m not going to try,” Matt replied.  “If I can’t get the others to work for me, then calm, regal leadership sure isn’t going to be the combo breaker.  I just want to see.”  He pushed through the door, and Sam sighed at the ceiling.  And to think a few months ago he’d been upset at Matt learning tact.

Inside, the Black Lion was still, standing in place like all the others.  The eyes were dark, but this felt different.  Felt emptier.  

It was psychological.  The Black Lion was just as capable of acting as the rest.  It only felt dead because Takashi was gone.

This hangar had become a memorial.

Rather than move to the Lion, Matt walked along the walls, investigating the tools and equipment lined up on it.  Everything was in a proper place, some cords looped haphazardly like the person who put them away- like Takashi had been too tired to do it properly, but had at least felt obligated to make an attempt.

On the far side of the wall there was a desk with a console.  Matt walked over to it, paging through the printouts with curious ease.  When Sam stepped over, it looked like blowouts of parts of the lion, with messy scrawl in English along the sides.  On the corner of the desk were no less than four empty cups.  From the lack of residue inside, they had probably held water.

Matt picked one up, letting out a snort. “Oh, yeah, this was Shiro.  He used to leave his water bottles everywhere during training, do you remember?

Lips curling up, Sam nodded.  “Oh yes.”  Takashi had gotten the dangers of dehydration drummed into his head at some point, so he near always had a bottle of water on hand.  But he never seemed to remember them after, so he inevitably collected a small army of them before he finally remembered to recycle them.

Sam had gotten him a refillable water bottle as a joke just before they left, and Takashi had brought it on the trip with him, pointedly drinking from it constantly.

Sam wondered where it had ended up.  He thought Takashi would probably prefer his things stay useful rather than small, mournful shrines.

But these actions weren’t for Takashi, not really.  They were for the ones he’d left behind.

Collecting the glasses, Matt sighed dramatically.  “I guess I’ll clean up after the six year old.”  He grinned, but then the smile fell.  “Well.  Seven now.”

Oh.

Reaching out, Sam put his hand between Matt’s shoulders, gently leading him and his armful of glasses to the door.

On the way out, Sam glanced back one last time.  The lion hadn’t moved at all, still dark and still.

Maybe the Black Lion wasn’t dead, but it was certainly haunted.

***

Slowly, inevitably, time wore at their edges.  The hole that Takashi left was an instability, one that couldn’t remain forever.  Day by day, the members of the crew were pushed together in new ways, making up for the loss in each other, filling up those needed niches.

For Allura, that was taking command in the smaller ways that Takashi had once supported.

For Keith, it was learning to speak up and encourage, rather than stay on the sidelines.

For Katie, it was melding and participating with the group more, volunteering to start activities and keep them together.

For Hunk, it was learning to speak up more, to be the first voice to say what was needed, to suggest the right thing over the easy one.

For Lance, it was putting aside grudges and pride, working as a unit rather than creating competition.

For Coran, it was a comforting hand and a quiet presence, not necessarily words or actions.  Just being there when needed.

For Matt, it was stubborn drive, it was loud teasing, it was refusing to allow Takashi’s memory to be purely sacred.  It was sharing stories of mistakes and failures, not being silenced or glared into submission, and talking about recovering from those problems rather than ignoring them.

And for Sam…

For Sam is was being a listening ear.  It was an open door and calm patience.  It was offering his experiences and years as a way to help others rather than letting it fester.

“I don’t know what to do,” Keith admitted to him once.  “I don’t know the words like Shiro did.”

“You don’t need to,” Sam replied.  “Use your words instead.  Or don’t.  But you can’t live by being a copy of Takashi, Keith.  It won’t work here anyway.  You can’t be what he was, but you don’t need to be.  You need to be you.”

Keith frowned.  “I want someone to be Shiro.  I don’t want him to be-”  He didn’t finish, but he didn’t need to.  He didn’t want Takashi to be really gone.

“No one is,” Sam replied softly.  “No one can be but Takashi.  Trying will only hurt you and the team.”

It wasn’t a satisfying answer.

It wasn’t a satisfying situation.

But time moved on, inevitable and unrelenting.  They adapted, and the hole slowly closed and mended.

The scars remained.

***

It had been approaching six years since Sam Holt had last spent a day with his wife.

He never wanted to go another day without her.

They had both aged, lines to their faces that weren’t there before.  Colleen had greyed and not bothered to dye it, hair paler along the temples and scattered through her hair.  At least Sam had gone white early.  He joked that Matt was personally responsible for each one, but the truth was it was just a family trait.

Ironically, it was one that Takashi had mirrored rather than either of his biological children.

The thought hurt less than it used to.  Time had sanded down those edges too.

Speaking of.

Sam pressed a kiss to Colleen’s temple, reluctantly pulling his arm away from around her waist.  “I need to make a call,” he told her.  “One last thing for today.”

Tilting her head up, Colleen frowned but nodded.  “Alright.  Who else do we need to call?”  They’d already spoken to family and friends, had dealt with their awe and confusion.

Sam smiled, because Colleen still said ‘we’.

“I have one last responsibility,” he replied, pulling out a scribbled phone number from his pocket.  “I don’t think it’ll take very long.  I want to see if they’ll meet me in person.”

Colleen’s brow furrowed, but she nodded.  When Sam took his phone and went outside to the porch, she followed, standing a few feet away and leaning against the doorframe.

Taking a deep breath, Sam steeled himself and called the number.

“Hello, this is Shoma Yamamoto,” A voice answered, quick and distracted, lightly accented.  There was clacking in the background like they were typing while they spoke, and the tone was subtly impatient.  It sounded like answering the phone was a bother.

Sam swallowed hard.  “Hello, Mr. Yamamoto, this is Commander Samuel Holt.  This was listed as the most current emergency contact for your nephew, Lt. Shirogane.”

There was quiet as the typing stopped.  “Ah.”  There was pure silence for a moment that Sam didn’t dare break yet.  “I see.”

Nothing more.

“I tried to contact you earlier this week, but I was unable to reach you,” Sam explained, in case that was the problem.  They’d been on Earth for several days now, and the news was already reporting about aliens and the return of missing Galaxy Garrison cadets.  He might have figured out that he should have been contacted.

“I am not always available,” Yamamoto answered carefully.  “Is there a change with Takashi, then?”

No, Sam was wrong.  Yamamoto had no way of knowing.  He probably thought this was another administrative call about Takashi’s affairs.  Looking into it, Sam knew he hadn’t listed anyone else on his records.

It was surreal, to hear someone else call him ‘Takashi.’  

“Currently, his status is being changed to missing in action instead of dead.  He survived the Kerberos mission, but has since gone missing.  I’m sorry to tell you that.”

Silence again.  “He… I see.”  The quiet was thoughtful, processing.  “What does this mean, exactly?”

“It means… it terms of his affairs, not much,” Sam admitted.  “But it means he survived.  It means he could still be alive.  And it means he lived on to do amazing things.  Your nephew was a hero.  He saved billions of lives.  I was hoping to speak with you in person about it.”

“My wife and I are travelling for business,” Yamamoto answered.  “We will be back late next week, if you have time then.”

It wasn’t exactly enthusiastic.

Sam shouldn’t judge.  He had no idea what this man or his wife’s lives were like.  Or maybe he should try and speak to Mrs Yamamoto instead, who might have a very different reaction.  It didn’t change as much for them, since they still had no idea.

Except Shiro’s fierce, stubborn independence made sense in the face of someone who was too busy to come home to talk about their nephew’s possible death.

“I’ll let you know when I can meet,” Sam replied, voice flat.  “I need to check.  I’ll leave a message.”

The typing started back up.  “Thank you, that would be appreciated.  Was there anything else?”

Yes.  There was so much else.  There was everything on the tip of Sam’s tongue, the worlds Shiro had saved and the wounds he’d overcome.  The fights he’d won, the one he’d lost, the lives he’d changed.

“That’s all,” Sam replied, and with a quick goodbye, he hung up the phone.

Then he threw as hard as he could into the yard.

Colleen stepped over, her hand resting on his shoulder.  “Sam?”

“He deserved better.  We all did, but Takashi deserved more.”

A year of survival, and another year of fighting impossible battles and winning.

All for a pilot error.  All to be MIA.

What bullshit.

***

The sting got better.  Sam’s knee got worse.  Colleen joined them in the castle.  They gained scars, survived battles, made friends.  Matt started to get the first hint of wrinkles, laugh lines that only appeared when his eyes crinkled with a joke or a grin.

They lost some battles.  Lance nearly lost his eye. They learned to be more careful, learned to fight smarter, learned to adapt and change, traded out lions when required.

They won more than they lost.

The sting never went away, but time moved on.

The ghost still lived in the castle, but it didn’t feel so haunted.

***

Until the ghost came back to life.

***

“Hello, Takashi,” Sam greeted softly, standing in the doorway.

Takashi started, then scrambled to his feet, shoulders set.  “Hello, Sir.”

Sir?

At first, Sam thought he was trying to come over to greet him.  Then he realized that Takashi was standing to greet a commanding officer.

Because last time he’d seen Sam, he’d been his commander.  It hadn’t even been two years for him.

Oh, this was going to be a long day.

“Oh my god,” Lance murmured, clearly realizing the same thing.  “For Sam?  That’s so weird.”

Takashi paused, then frowned at him.  “What’s weird?”

“You’re being all good little soldier boy for him,” Lance replied easily, pushing back onto the back two legs of his chair.  “For Sam.  It’s wild.”

Glancing between them both, Takashi frowned like growing storm clouds.  “Why wouldn’t I?  Commander Holt is-”

He didn’t finish, because Sam strode over and pulled him into a hug.

“It’s strange because I’m not their commander, and I’ve never asked them to treat me as such,” Sam told him.  “Not out of disrespect.  I’m a member of their crew, same as anyone else.”

Takashi paused, then returned the hug with surprising strength.  “I suppose.  But you’re-” he didn’t finish, but he looked up at Sam.  There was sheer admiration in his gaze that took Sam’s breath away.

He’d known, intellectually, that Takashi looked up to him as a commander.  And Sam had heard from his daughter that he’d absorbed and repeated some of the things Sam had told him, especially about letting go of nerves and being great.

But in the decade since Sam had last seen Takashi, that knowledge had faded and aged.

It was a start to see it in person.

“I’m just Sam, these days.  It’s much more relaxing.” Sam rested his hand on Takashi’s shoulder and squeezed.  “That goes for you too.”

Judging from Takashi’s expression, Sam may as well have flicked him on the nose.  “I can try,” he replied carefully, stepping back.  Then his eyes flickered down to the cane.  “Oh!  Please, sit down.”

Sam was alright, but it was amusing to let Takashi fuss, so he settled down on the side of the bed and tilted his head at Lance.  “Did you plan on staying?”

“No, but now I kind of want to.  This is amazing.”  It could have sounded sarcastic, but Lance looked honest as he watched the pair of them.  “But yeah, I’ll go get this whole party all organized.  You two have a good chat.”  Lance smirked as he stood up.  “We’re a call away if you need us.”

With that he slipped out, closing the door behind him, and leaving Sam and Takashi alone.  There was a moment of silence as the sheer enormity of ten years stretched before him.  Takashi, even aged by the scars and white hair, looked so young compared to Matt.

“I don’t know where to begin,” Takashi admitted.  “What happened to you?  I wasn’t even sure Matt found you after-” he cut off, wincing.

Sam’s brows rose.  “After you saved his life?”

Takashi gave a small nod, like he was agreeing with the timeframe but not the phrasing.

“Before I say anything else, thank you,” Sam continued.  “From the bottom of my heart.  I can never thank you enough for what you did for Matt.”  Takashi nodded, but his head angled down toward the bed instead of Sam, like he was resisting the urge to hide behind his bangs.  “And now you should never do it again.  These people lost you once already, Takashi.  Matt and I lost you twice.  Please do it again.”

Head snapping up, Takashi stared.  “I can’t promise that.”

Sam inclined his head.  “Try.  We’ll work on it.”  When Takashi didn’t seem to have a response to that but to gape, Sam smiled.  “That can be later.  For now, should I start from the beginning?”

“Please.”

So he did.

It was a highlights reel, full of rescues and reuniting, easy stories to clear the air.  It felt like the most Sam had spoken in one go for a long time.

He was in the middle of the story where Keith’s shirt got stuck on the tooth of his lion’s hatch while it stood back up when there was a knock on the door.  Katie stuck her head in, offering a smile in greeting.  Sam glanced up at her.  “Did you need something?”

“Yeah, for you to stop hoarding Shiro.”  Katie stepped into the room, leaving it open behind you.  “There’s a line, you know.”

Takashi tilted his head.  “Huh.  Should I give up and just go see everyone at once?”

That only made Katie snort.  “Hell no, we’d mob you, it’d be awful.”

He nodded thoughtfully, then glanced at Sam again.  “Thank you for speaking to me for so long.”

“Not a problem at all, Takashi.  I’m happy to talk with you more later, when things have settled more.  You know I love my stories.”

Takashi nodded again, then smiled at Pidge.  “Hey.  You found them.  You saved them.”

Katie stilled, then her expression softened.  “Yeah.  I did.”  She closed her eyes hard.  “I wish you had been there.”  The words came out strangled, the result of a very old wound.

“Pidge,” Takashi murmured.  He reached out and tugged on her, and she pressed against him, face buried in his shoulder.  “I’m so sorry.  I should have been there with you.  But I’m so proud of you.”

While Katie didn’t cry - or, at least, Sam didn’t hear sobs - she did hold on tightly, gripping the back of Takashi’s shirt.  “We missed you so much.”

“I know,” Takashi replied softly, expression pained but calm.  He seemed to sit up straighter while Katie held on.  It made sense.  This was probably closer to what he used to.  “I’m here now.”

When Takashi glanced over at Sam, he offered a thin smile and a nod.

It only took Sam a moment to realize what he meant.  That Takashi understood now.  That the pain here was worth protecting against, even if that meant Takashi had to care more for his own health and safety.

There were scars.  There would always be scars, the same way they couldn’t take away the one on Takashi’s face.

But the sting faded.  The wounds healed.  Time marched on.

Sam couldn’t promise it would be easier from here on out.  But he could promise he’d do everything to try.

Today, that was enough.

Today there was one less ghost.

[cookinguptales]

AHHHHH I love your writing and your opinions, you just seem like such a cool person

OH this does have a heart! weird, it wasn’t in the notif I got. ah well, whatever, here’s a valentine! It’s karabita because lbr I think that’s what 90% of my anons are here for! If you don’t like karabita, thennn idk send me another ask with some instructions haha.

(look, did I promise anyone a good valentine? no, I promised people ugly valentines made in free programs, and I promised bad puns.)

PS THANK YOU YOU SOUND SWEET TOO I just said that people should send me hearts BUT PEOPLE ARE FILLING MY INBOX WITH SWEET NOTHINGS ;o; my followers are perf

I just wanted to see if I could go more sugary sweet than the last one and SPOILERS I sure as heck can! (I’m so sorry.)

There was one thing to know about Matsuno Karamatsu, and this was key — if a person was fool enough to fall in love with him, they had to learn to roll with the punches. Life with Karamatsu was a roller coaster, up and down, good and bad, sweet and sour in turn. And after twenty-odd years of friendship, two years of dating, and a year and a half of marriage, well. Chibita liked to believe that he was prepared for anything and everything.

Valentine’s Day in particular was a trial. Even after all this time, Karamatsu still seemed to think that Chibita needed to be swept off his feet. Or rather, Karamatsu still believed he deserved to be. It was hard to stay mad when he put it like that, even when he set fire to the bed or got lost in the Amazon rain forest or crash landed a heart-shaped hot air balloon into their apartment building. (They really had needed to upgrade to a bigger place, but Chibita would have liked to have parted on kinder terms with the landlord.) Yeah. V-Day was hard.

So when Chibita walked into their home that evening, knowing full well that Karamatsu had asked him to close up early, he was going over the list of emergency phone numbers in his head. It never hurt to be prepared. But there was no blood. No frightened animals. No scent of singed hair on the evening breeze. Just Karamatsu, standing there in their living area and smiling at him. He’d poured wine — no doubt that ungodly sweet stuff that was only half a step above grape juice — and had cleared space in the center of the living area. He was wearing clothes, though, and not even that tight leather stuff that Chibita had once pulled a muscle getting him out of. So it wasn’t some kind of terrifying experimental sex that he wanted to try. Again.

(Chibita had actually quite liked that one.)

“So what’s this?” Chibita asked, stepping inside and setting aside the flowers he’d brought home for later. They could probably wait until after Karamatsu was so excited about.

Karamatsu rocked up onto his heels and looked utterly pleased with himself. “We’re going dancing,” he said.

“Dancing?” Chibita stopped short. Like, in front of people?

“Well,” Karamatsu said, likely interpreting the look of horror on Chibita’s face correctly, “We’re staying in and dancing.”

Staying in? That was a little better, at least. Still. Chibita frowned. “I don’t know how to dance.” At least, not in any kind of special, romantic way. He could hop up and down with the best of them, but that didn’t exactly take rhythm. Or grace.

“I know,” Karamatsu said, and wow, ouch. But he was still smiling, the silly thing. “That’s why I went to lessons. So I could teach you.”

If anything, Chibita’s frown just got deeper. “You went to dancing lessons?” Chibita asked. “Alone?” As in, without his husband? Was there someone out there that Chibita was going to have to kill?

“Don’t worry, my love,” Karamatsu said, walking forward and taking Chibita’s hands in his. “It was strictly business. I could never make such sweet music with anyone but you.”

The little ‘gross’ was on the tip of Chibita’s tongue, and a few years ago, he probably would’ve said it. But today he just went a little rosy and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “So you danced with…”

Karamatsu shrugged. “Lots of people. They drew straws every week.”

“To decide who got to dance with you?” Chibita asked, raising an eyebrow.

Karamatsu’s gaze went distinctly shifty. “Something like that.” Ah. So they’d drawn straws to see who had to dance with him. That seemed a little more realistic.

Chibita felt his lips turn up, both unable and unwillingly to stop them, and he smiled at Karamatsu a little helplessly before he stood up on his toes to kiss him. “So?” he asked. “What’d you learn?”

Karamatsu’s expression went a little dreamy for a moment, one of the many hazards of kissing him, and it stayed that way until he managed to catch a kiss of his own. “I know that you put your hand here,” Karamatsu said, putting Chibita’s hand up on his shoulder, “and mine goes down here.”

It was a little awkward like that, Karamatsu’s hand on his waist. The height difference was just a lot. But no one else was around to see, were they? It was just the two of them. “Hmm,” Chibita said, pitching the hum a little playful. “Isn’t there supposed to be music for this?”

Karamatsu pulled his phone out of his pocket and waggled it back and forth. Not so high tech, but hey. Whatever worked. Karamatsu hit a button, and when he tucked his phone back into his pocket, there was a soft tune spilling from its speakers. It sounded old and it sounded foreign and it sounded a little bit like it was drifting in from a dream. Chibita liked it.

“And then you just step like — oof.”

Well, that part hadn’t gone well.

“Idjit!” Chibita said. “You have to tell me what to do before we do it!” Or else the two of them were gonna end up with a lot of bruises.

“Okay!” he said. “Okay. Just… Take your right — no, your other right, my right, that one—“

They made it one step this time, two steps, before they ended up in a crumpled heap on the floor.

“You’re really heavy,” Chibita said with no real heat to his words, and gave him a little shove. Really, really heavy.

Karamatsu looked down at his middle a little self-consciously as he stood up. “Heavy?” he asked, extending a hand to Chibita.

Chibita took it. “Not, like… You’re fine, Karamatsu, that’s not what I meant,” he said, and fought the urge to roll his eyes. He was fairly certain that he still showed Karamatsu how attracted to him he was on a very, very regular basis. “Just big.”

Karamatsu gave him a look that was wholly unimpressed. “Or you’re just small.”

And it really was a good thing that he paired that with another kiss, an absolutely spine-melting one. Otherwise Chibita definitely would have had to give him what-for. Eventually.

He pulled back, simultaneously too late and too soon for Chibita’s peace of mind. It was just a bit, though, and Chibita still fit so nice in his arms, and he was still so warm. Chibita leaned his head forward so he could rest his forehead against his chest and smell the fresh beginnings of exertion. The soft strains of an old song were still drifting through the air, and Chibita felt his heart beat in time with the music. “Maybe we could just… Y’know, like this?” he asked.

Above him, he heard Karamatsu make a very put-out noise. “But I learned the steps.”

“Fuck the steps.”

“It was just one little fall. I fell lots of times in class.”

“I bet,” Chibita said, and muffled his snickers in Karamatsu’s soft, soft shirt. He’d always liked this shirt. Good for snuggling. “But would you rather fall, or would you rather dance with me?”

Karamatsu didn’t say anything for a moment. Just breathed in and out with the music and rubbed his fingertips soft against Chibita’s sides. Then he pulled Chibita in close, even closer, and rested his lips against his scalp. “Just like this, then.”

And just like that, hugging, swaying, probably looking like absolute fools, Chibita felt his heart beat sweet in his chest. For all his idiosyncrasies, Karamatsu had always, always been able to give him that. “Love you,” Chibita murmured, and words that had scared him shitless not that long ago now felt just right as they left his lips.

He felt Karamatsu swallow. “I love you, too, my darling. More than anything.”

And hell, Chibita knew that was probably just about the truth. He was certainly at least tied for first place. Karamatsu had definitely at least wreaked havoc on some poor unsuspecting dance instructor for him. And maybe later, when the air wasn’t smooth as silk and heavy as honey, when Chibita could stand to let go of him again, when the music had gone quiet and Chibita had finished showing him exactly how much he appreciated these quietly sweet plans, maybe then Karamatsu could show him a few moves.

In the meantime, though. In the meantime. Chibita sighed and tucked his nose in against Karamatsu’s breast. In the meantime, he was fine right here.

At least until Karamatsu cleared his throat. “Can I still dip you?”

[paulisweeabootrash]

New Year’s Mini-Review Pack 2019

Another year is over and I want to make the mini-review pack from last year a yearly tradition to announce it.

Sometimes I watch shows that I have something to say about, but I don't feel like writing a real review of them.  Here are the five I want to highlight this year.

Happy New Year, nerds!

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1. Food Wars (2015)

Episodes watched: 7

Platform: Hulu

Souma is in the family diner business, trained by his father on expert renditions of “low-class” foods.  He expects to continue in the family business, and even rescues the diner (via cooking, naturally) from sabotage by a developer trying to pressure his father into selling the building so it can be replaced with high-rise apartments.  But despite that, his father shuts down the restaurant “for a few years” to go abroad and sends Souma to a fancy boarding school for aspiring chefs.  The school is sprawling and eclectic in a way only anime boarding schools can be.  And, like any self-respecting anime boarding school, it naturally has three things: an absolutely nonsensical student government, an extraordinary level of old-school elitism, and most importantly, duels.  Disputes can be settled through challenges of head-to-head Iron Chef-style cooking, with wagers riding on them ranging from "you have to join this club if you lose" to "you're expelled if you lose".  As far as I’ve watched so far, there are a few episodes focused on setting up the premise and main characters and a few focused on these competitions between students.  Although the latter concept can be tedious because I’m not much of a tournament show person, it is nevertheless fun because this show commits to its absurdity.

Classic W/A/S: 6 / 7 / 3

Weeb: Ludicrous school setups!  The main character progressing through a series of duels!  Tentacles!  In-depth descriptions of Japanese food!  It's not the kind of weeb that makes it incomprehensible to those not familiar with the tropes, but it's certainly very Japanese.

Ass: This show has been described to me by several people as "literal food porn", and... yeah.  The cold open scene to the first episode contains... uh... basically tentacle porn.  I'm sorry.  The feelings of characters' pleasure (or revulsion) in food is depicted metaphorically and absolutely over-the-top, often with the pleasure of delicious food being heavily sexualized.  And there's plenty of sexualization of both male and female characters even outside of these scenes, although it never crosses the line into full nudity.

Shit: Very well-drawn!  The food is particularly gorgeous, as you'd expect, but the other imagery is creative, and the melodramatic writing and music are not bad, even fitting for so outlandish and cheesy a concept.

PS: I haven’t actually tried making it... yet... but the gag dish introduced in ep. 1, grilled squid with peanut butter, sounds good to me, despite the negative results you can easily find... and others seem to agree, since the concept predates the show.  Just make a peanut-butter-based-sauce rather than just using peanut butter and it should be fine.

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2. Hinamatsuri (2018)

Episodes watched: 12

Platform: Crunchyroll

Hina, a time-traveling middle-school-aged psychic, arrives in our time, in the apartment of a very confused yakuza operative, Nitta Yoshifumi, who takes her in.  Shenanigans ensue, mostly centering around hilarious misunderstandings and the dubious life lessons Yoshifumi and other mobsters impart.  Mostly, the comedy and story are propelled by Hina and two other girls we meet early on: another time-traveler, Anzu, who is sent to retrieve her, fails, and gets stuck in our time, and Hitomi, whom Hina meets as a classmate when Yoshifumi enrolls Hina in school under the name Nitta Hina (claiming she is his daughter), and who gets intimidated into taking an after-school job as a bartender that she struggles to keep secret. The show's format is two segments per episode focusing on different slice of life-ish stories (though with solid continuity and more ongoing plot than you might expect for that characterization), and is usually comedic but also veers into drama and incredible sweetness.  Hina is deadpan, bad at conversation, and unable to unable to understand the context or motives of what others are saying, in a way that honestly almost makes me think autism(?), but I'm guessing is probably supposed to just be "she was raised in the creepy time travel organization and they didn't train her to socialize".  Anzu is a different outcome of the same deprivation: after not returning Hina to their own time, she moves into a homeless camp and quickly takes in the life lessons of the residents, becoming earnest, helpful, and incredibly resistant to spending money, but completely baffled and amazed at how our world works.  Hitomi, the only "normal" one, is just... the best.  The episode about her first becoming a bartender felt like a backdoor pilot, and if it were I would absolutely watch that spinoff.  The first segment of ep. 10, also starring Hitomi, is the funniest "compounding misunderstandings"-style comedy I've seen in a while... and I'm a big Arrested Development fan, so that means something.

Classic W/A/S: 3 / 2 / 3

Weeb: There are some distinctly Japanese traditions depicted, but most elements of the show could be moved to a different setting and "reskinned" for different cultures' organized crime, foods, shopping options, homeless camps, etc., without sacrificing any of the plot or comedy.  Mostly, its distinctly Japanese features are that it relies on imagery and exaggerations that absolutely scream "comedy anime".

Ass: Sexual humor and references, occasionally, but not going to far. Recurring nudity, but not full and not for fanservice.  Actually, it seems as if they've taken a cue from Terminator and assumed that, for whatever reason, you have to time-travel naked.

Shit: This show is practically made of reaction images.  Although it's not the best animated, it's very consistent, clean, and expressive.  They do well with how they did it.  The show practically demands a second season in its last episode, and I think it could make it all the way down to a score of 2 or even 1 on here if they do so and upgrade the animation a bit.  The characters are distinctly and pleasantly designed and rarely does a scene go by that isn't hilarious not because of some kind of rapid-fire jokes thing but because each segment is set up so well and characters play off each other.  Hina's lack of affect gets a little tiresome, but the other characters are great, and usually get a large chunk of an episode's screentime.

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3. Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon?  Arrow of the Orion (2019)

Episodes watched: n.a. — movie

Platform: in theater

Picking up sometime between the first and second seasons of the main series of Is It Wrong to Try to Pick Up Girls in a Dungeon (or Danmachi for short, derived from the Japanese title), this follows the main cast of Bell Cranel and his ragtag dungeon-crawling party on a new quest. Artemis, Greek goddess of chastity and hunting, is in search, via Hermes, of an adventurer who can wield "the Orion" (a drastically OP spear with the power to kill gods themselves) to destroy Antares, a monster who keeps wiping out adventuring parties and has become a threat to the entire world because [spoiler].  A love... square... ensues between Bell, Hestia, Lili, and Artemis, and other various shenanigans happen that will make much more sense if you've seen the main show and its companion/spinoff, Sword Oratoria. I personally didn't find the affection between Bell and Artemis particularly believable, and I didn't expect the ending to go quite the way it did, but I try not to complain about a story not being the story I wanted it to be.  Watch it if you're already a Danmachi fan or really really like weird takes on classical mythology.  Skip if not.

Classic W/A/S: 3 / 4 / 4

Weeb: Prior knowledge of Danmachi helps immensely, but is not strictly required as there is a and although the show is another "what if we just mix a bunch of mythologies together?" and "what if a real world functioned on RPG logic?" premise, it does occasionally have an idea thrown in that will be foreign to much of the American audience (even if not distinctly Japanese), such as the Buddhist idea of gods themselves being reincarnated (something that also came up in Noragami).

Ass: As the after-credits interview feature says, they wondered whether or not they should keep -sigh- the panty shot.  And they went with "yes".  Also, peeping on women bathing has, unfortunately, become a running joke whenever Hermes appears in Danmachi, so be prepared for that.  Without giving spoilers, though, let me just say I hope not all of the nudity comes off as sexual.

Shit: The monsters are hit-or-miss CGI, sometimes blending with the 2D animation of the rest, sometimes looking so jarring it's actually funny. The 2D art is usually beautiful, though, and as much as I love the show, this is definitely an art upgrade overall.  The plot has a few dumb elements, honestly, or at least not well-enough-developed ones, that make me wonder if it could have worked better as a story arc in the show itself (actually developing a relationship between Artemis and Bell).  The score is a mix of reused tracks from the show plus some new stuff that sounds pretty Jurassic Park-era John Williams to me.  A few subtitle choices are noticeably different from the show, but not consequential to understanding things.  There were a lot of ugly audio glitches, especially early on, but I hope that's a problem with the equipment at the theater I went to and not the editing of the movie.

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4. Supernatural the Animation (2011)

Episodes watched: 1.

Platform: Hulu.

This show follows Sam and Dean Winchester, who -- yup, you're on the right blog, and yup, that's "Supernatural" as in the long-running American live action series.  For those not familiar, the original is a sprawling drama set in basically "our world except all mythologies and folklores are true", and follows the aforementioned Winchester brothers, who hunt monsters in situations that range from their straightforward monster-of-the-week investigations to meta-humor to multi-season story arcs involving multiple trips to Hell itself.  My wife is a huge fan, so I've seen a lot of episodes just incidentally, and enjoyed some of them, but haven't really followed the show.  She assures me, though, that this anime adaptation is loosely based on the first two seasons.  So loosely that at first she thought it was some sort of interquel or sidestory.  The first episode comes off feeling like you're supposed to already be familiar with the main characters -- that they're brothers, that they're monster hunters, why they're looking for their missing father -- because not much actually gets explained.  It’s unremarkable and badly-executed and ugh.

Classic W/A/S: 3 / 1? / 7

Weeb: Although the source material is American (and further back, European and Middle Eastern, given the influence of European folklore traditions and the Abrahamic religions on the choice and depiction of monsters), it's presented in a very Japanese style. This is especially true in reworking the original's horror tendencies -- the blood splatter from offscreen and the writhing, lurching body horror that is the shapeshifter seem much more like what little I've seen of Japanese horror than American.

Ass: I forgot to write anything for this immediately after I watched it and I don't care enough to go back and check but I don't remember anything that would fall under the headings of fanservice or general nudity.

Shit: Variable.  There are occasional moments of bad CG, occasional low-frame-rate weirdness, and disjointed storytelling compared to what I've seen of the original.  The art style is pretty interesting, though, because it's not something you see animated much -- its angular faces and stark shadows remind me of the darker end of American superhero comics.  Although it's certainly not the technically worst show I've reviewed in either story or art, I find it extremely unpleasant and do not want to continue past one episode.  If you feel like doing so, feel free to tell me if it gets any better.

Content: Violence and horror imagery is somehow both less extreme and more successfully unsettling (at least to me) than those in the original live-action show.