#proud of him for setting boundaries with social media though

[tiraam]

I feel a bit bad about saying this but a lot of the hate Lando is getting at the moment is because of Lando fans.

It’s because you give them attention they so desparately crave.

It’s so easy to tell that so much of the hate he is getting at the moment is just to get interactions and fans jumping to his defence straight away are playing right into their hands.

I understand it is difficult to not say anything back when you see your fave getting abuse over nothing, I myself have done it as well, but honestly, block and ignore and eventually if they have no one to argue with they’ll find something else to occupy their minds while they sit and rot on their couches at home.

It’ll not only be better for your fave but also better for you.

Lando is always talking about mental health, please take care of yours as well. Arguing with attention seeking people online will not do any good for you. And I truly think Lando doesn’t care that much what a random Sally or Jack thinks online. He has his core people around him and during race weekends you can see & hear how loved and adored he actually is by real fans and peers alike.

[chaethewriter]

with(out) you

Jack Champion x reader

In which Jack follows his dreams, unbeknownst to you hurting.

word count: 2,2k

tagged: @viivvriv @genesis4545 @norrisgf @darkcrusadestrawberry @drxwstxrkxy @wafflehousewrold

A/N: requested by my fellow Jack pookies. this took me 5 hours to write my attention span sucks ass. DON'T GET INTO MY INBOX HATING— JACK IS MY COMFORT RN DURING THESE STRESSFUL WEEKS. Anyway to my other pookies, ily enjoy. <3 tell me what tou thought.

Are y'all in need of a part 2?

Jack's career was skyrocketing. You shouldn't be surprised: an important role in Avatar The Way of Water and Ghostface in the popular Scream franchises with a movie featuring Pedro Pascal on the way. Your boyfriend was going places and you couldn't be prouder, but his career skyrocketing also meant he was highly recommended among casting directors. You should be proud of him. You didn't want to be in the way of his success, but what about your boundaries?

He got fancasted in a romcom on social media, to which he grew interested in. He was the top choice, it was everywhere. The existence of the handsome actor named Jack Champion spread like wildfire. You didn't know all the details, but he got casted as the handsome love interest. Just the way everyone wanted it to be. He was trending thanks to this role and he couldn't wait where it would bring him. You were happy for him, but another side of you couldn't help but feel uncomfortable a the thought. You knew it was work, of course you did. It was part of his work and besides, he loved you, right? But you still felt uncomfortable at the thought of him holding another, kissing another, being another's. You never dared to voice these feelings out, though. And you wished you did.

News got out of the casting of the movie and media went into an uproar, everyone but you. The publicity of the casting meant that filming would start. He asked you to be there for him and you reluctantly agreed. You could follow college online, so you didn't have an excuse not to go with him. Was it selfish of you to think like this? You really wanted to be the supportive girlfriend one would see on television, and you felt bad that you currently weren't that person for him.

"Are you proud of him?" You would answer that question truthfully: with a nod, because you were proud of him and what he had achieved.

Being behind the scenes was anything but exciting. Sitting at a table somewhere behind the crew as you typed away on your laptop. Your gaze would occasionally wander in front of you, craning your neck to see Jack in his glory, working his ass off. You couldn't help but smile as you watched him in his role. It was amazing to see how he could go from being Jack to a fictional character. But your smile faded as the camera was rolling and Jack gave her a look similar in your eyes. A look he gave you when he looked at you. A look that wasn't only yours anymore.

You packed your stuff and discreetly left the scene, phone in hand as your thumbs typed away on the screen.

You should have communicated properly.

Jack's phone buzzed in his mother's pocket.

Her <3: I had to leave in an urgent, ily I'll see you soon.

Your relationship was rocky, not the same as before. Jack wasn't stupid. Something was wrong. He may be busy, but he always noticed any small detail that changed when it came to you. He didn't want to push you, so he decided to not push you further. What a mistake that was.

Not communicating your feelings properly.

Not pushing himself to ask you about it.

Was that your downfall?

With this lack of communication, filming continued, with you out of touch with reality. You still stayed in the city Jack was filming at. You wanted to be there for him, but being on set? That you couldn't do. You would be wandering around the city, sitting at cafes as your gaze would focus on the assignment in front of you. You only saw one another at night, when he met you at his trailer after filming. Sharing a small kiss before heading to sleep.

Even that was taken away from you.

As you, unfortunately, walked in during a kissing scene. A kissing scene that they had to redo continuously. Wrong perspective. Touchier. More passion. You couldn't help but watched how his lips moved in sync with hers as she pulled him down by his collar, his hands on her waist. Their bodies pressed against one another. The camera tilted as he pressed her against a nearby wall, deepening the kiss.

"Cut! That was amazing!"

You had already disappeared amongst the crew, your appearance unbeknownst to Jack.

As well as your feelings.

How could you ever voice yourself?

How could he make you talk?

Since that day, you hadn't kissed him on the lips. They didn't belong to you anymore. Was there anything of him that was still yours?

He had shared his longing gazes, his I love you's, his lips, his touches.

What was still yours?

Could you still call him yours?

Every morning, every night, he had leaned in for a kiss from you. His girlfriend. He didn't feel anything for the kisses he did for work, but yours. Yours would always give him butterflies. Made him feel like he was floating. Made his heart beat faster.

But his heart did the polar opposite.

It broke.

It broke as you leaned to the side, his lips landing against your cheek instead.

What had gone wrong?

He watched your expression. A forced smile. He couldn't help it anymore. He couldn't watch the process of your relationship falling apart.

"Baby, talk to me." His voice was soft as it cracked, holding your cheeks in his hands, basically forcing you close to him. Thus forcing your gazes to lock. Your eyes faltered, tears almost welling up in your eyes. Almost. Then your gaze traveled to his lips. Lips that not only you kissed.

"Soon, Jack." Your lips pressed against the tip of his nose as you lied through your teeth. Not knowing you weren't the only one hurting.

Communicating was important, you knew that. But communicating meant explaining your feelings. It meant ruining Jack's career. You couldn't bare to do that. So during the entirety of filming and after, this pain went on.

Him <3: We will be there in 15, my love <3

Her <3: see you soon x

The premiere of the movie. With flashing cameras, interviews, crowds and the first watch. Jack had picked you up with his mother. You were his plus one, of course he had chosen you as his plus on. Who else could he have chosen? Even though the two of you were arguing and you still didn't talk, he wanted to work this out with you. He had hoped this premiere could bring you closer.

If only he knew.

You stayed in the background as Jack walked past the rolling cameras, microphones pressed into his face as every interviewer wanted the first answers to their questions for the rising star. Beside him stood the his co-star, the two of them smiling as they spoke into the microphone. You envied her. Ironic, envying a girl while you were the girlfriend.

"Everyone was amazing. The crew, the director, the cast. It was an unforgettable experience that for sure made me grow as an actor."

"Yes definitely. Jack was amazing to work with and I look forward to working with him more often. There was a bond that immediately clicked, which helped with our chemistry."

It made you sick to your stomach, watching them bond. Their chemistry had grown so much over the months. While you were brooding about your relationship, the two of them had grown so close. Why couldn't you just tell him how you felt?

With your head full of painful thoughts, Jack took you by the waist as he led you towards the venue. While he was proud to show you off to everyone as the cameras were shooting pictures of you, your mind was elsewhere. If only he had already connected the dots and gotten out of there with him, maybe the night would have turned out different.

At that point, you wanted to be anywhere else but there. The lights were off as the movie played on the big screen. You wanted to look away the entire time, the way your hands fiddled in your lap looking so much more interesting than the screen in front of you. But you wanted to support him, watch him act and praise him for it, so you endured the aching in your heart as you focused on your boyfriend holding another in his arms. Jack took notice of this. If he was honest, he could care less about whatever happened on screen: his gaze was focused on you and you only. The way you reacted to anything on the screen. His eyebrows furrowed, as if it finally settled in what was wrong with you.

"I love you, why don't you understand that?!"

"it will always be you!"

His lips pressed against hers, a heated make out scene on full display. The scene you had walked into. You felt sick in your stomach, tears welling into your eyes. You couldn't make a fool out of yourself, so you got up and left. Just like that. He watched you leave and shot up from his seat himself, covering most of the screen for the people behind him. He mumbled soft apologies as he rushed after you.

He had to find you and this time, he would make you talk.

To your dismay, he had found you fast. His long legs keeping up with your shorter ones. You stood in the middle of some empty hallway with your back facing him, your face in your hands as you sobbed. All the emotions you had kept inside you were bursting out, all at once. You were definitely overreacting. He was just doing his job, but why did it hurt?

"babe?" his voice rang through your head. He couldn't see you like this. You have been rubbing your eyes, your makeup was smudged for sure. He stepped towards you, slow but steady, "please talk to me? Don't tell me you're fine. Since I got casted you have been so off.." His voice trailed off, as if the realization finally hit. You were hurting. And it was his fault. The realization made him lunge himself at you, his hands settled on your waist as he pulled you closer. You felt your heart crack.

That wasn't only yours either. You pushed him away with your elbows, thus making him stumble back. "You're not mine anymore."

What?

Not yours?

You owned his heart. You carried it with you everywhere you went, unbeknownst to you. Your name was engraved into his heart. It was beating for you, and only you. He was yours. His mind, body and soul was yours.

"I'm yours, everything that has to do with me is yours."

You snapped. All your frustrations shot out, like lava escaping an active volcano.

You turned to him, your face covered in smudges as your hot tears rolled down your face. "Do you know how it feels to see my boyfriend be someone else's?! You held her like you do with me, you looked at her like you do with me. Hell, you never kissed me like you did with HER. So no, you're not mine. Because when I look at you, I just see you with HER. I can't do it Jack, and I'm sorry."

You held your arms to your chest, as if you tried to protect yourself from further heartbreak. The sight broke him. He never meant to hurt you and he wanted to prove you. A step closer to you was all it took for you to stumble backwards, "why didn't you tell me? I would have understood. Babe, We could have fixed this early on."

"No, Jack. Holding you back was never my intention. And look at you, this romance role made you skyrocket," your voice cracked, "you're a star Jack."

"If being a star means I am hurting you, then I don't want it. You don't hold me back, you could never hold me back. Please, I will do whatever to be with you. There are enough roles for me to get that doesn't include intimacy! Like horror roles, a cool badass side character. There is so much." he was rambling and he knew that. But he couldn't help it. He had to do whatever to make you stay.

"You always wanted to be a star and reach the charts, you-"

"I LOVE YOU! It will always be you! You would always be on my first place! I can't do this without you, please." That sounded incredibly similar. A familiar scream, so echoey that they had gained peoples attention. Phones were taken out, as well as flickering lights filling the room. But he could care less, he needed to fix this.

Yet you were thinking the complete opposite. You had to leave, you couldn't handle crowds. You could hear his pleads as you tried your best to make your way out.

He watched you leave, his tears rolling down his face as his hands were in his hair.

"Jack! Mind telling us what was going on?"

"Jack! Are you officially single now?!"

"Jack smile for us please!"

"Jack here!"

"Jack this way!"

Overwhelmed.

Aching.

He got on his knees as he cried, his face in his hands as he begged everyone to leave him alone. Begged them to let him cry at your departure.

This was his dream, but at what cost?

[the-vanguard]

So JoCat (An artist/ cartoon creator) got bullied off the internet. And I am going to be do a bit of an indepth look for it.

So recently JoCat did a letter on his former website, where he is going on a hiatus from the hate.

One video out of several bangers got a bit of criticism:

No my take on this? It's okay. Kind of weird for some odd reason and low on energy over the topic. Nothing I would complain over.

But it seems he got some hate from it.

...a year later, it seemed to have reached outside its target audience and ever since then I have seen and received many assumptions about my character, my history, my beliefs, my relationships, and all those of my partner, as well as threats of violence to me as well as my family, doxxing attempts, and mocking from even people I look up to and respect. All from a single 30 second video, out of 200 other ones.

So Jo's harassment from unknown doxxers were reaching a tipping point for him. Though despite his exit off stage, we aren't sure the amount or examples of this abuse. So we are left to speculate, which is never good.

Granted, a lot of this has been primarily on twitter, where I could simply log off and ignore the haters, but no small amount has leaked into other parts of my regular day to day that is harder to ignore - private DMs over discord and twitch, suspicious packages being sent to my family - but....

So hie mentions suspicious packages but no context as to what it was. This is even more vague and could be anything, I wish this guy to could honestly be upfront about this.

I’ve always kept quiet about it because speaking out about it publicly, defending myself, any reaction to it would just encourage more, and be presented as my own fault as well. But if that’s the tradeoff to do something like share the things I make that I’m proud of on the internet, seeing as I’m writing this, it’s probably an indicator that I’m just not cut out for it,

I think with this part it really shows how a guy with 1.14 Million followers handles communication online, unfiltered. This is what I feel is the biggest uwhere JoCat failed. He essentially didn't have have any system in handling of filtering out anything tossed at him on the net. I can think of a few things like a Social Media manager or essentially a public and private accounts to handle these sort of things.

Thor from Pirate Software pretty much sums my feeling on this.

Set your boundaries with the internet, or the internet will set them for you.

[saintobio]

time out.

↳ kageyama tobio/fem!reader

what better way to test the viral cardboard beds than to do it with your 2-time olympian boyfriend?

genre. pwp, explicit smut, 18+

tags/warnings. olympian!tobio, profanity, fellatio, cunnilingus, spit as lube, spanking like once, slight degradation, protected sex, allusions to gangbang

notes. 4k wc. pls i might edit this bland n shitty writing soon ㅠㅡㅠ anyway ik it’s late but we r gonna break these cardboard beds tho i didn’t make it in time for the olympics bc i was swamped w other works ,, sobs

Dating a professional athlete had its pros and cons. They were very passionate lovers, financially stable, and always on the move. They lived on a strict healthy diet and have very disciplined lifestyles that were highly inspiring on their own. On the down side, the attention that they may receive could be a bit overwhelming from an outsider’s perspective and you knew this first hand after both locals and foreigners have set their eyes on your boyfriend ever since he first joined the Japan Men’s National Volleyball Team as a nineteen-year old. You could still remember how he blew up on the internet back in the 2016 Rio Olympics with fangirls posting pictures and video clips of him on various social media platforms, proclaiming their newfound admiration for him and fighting for the role to be his next girlfriend. It was humorous to an extent where even Tobio himself would often be placed on the spot of not knowing how to respond to an avid fan’s outward declaration of love. But even now that he was twenty-four and more popular than ever, he was still considerably awkward around girls.

Nevertheless, for Kageyama, none of it mattered better than the prestige of being an Olympian for the second time around. What made this year more exciting was the fact that the host country for the 2020 Olympics was his homeland, Tokyo. And with the advantage of having his home country as the world’s stadium, he was also exhilarated about this year’s team roster. The squad was packed with the best volleyball players in all of Japan and he found it extremely honorable to be the starting setter for such a powerful team. It was no surprise to see how focused and motivated he was to be a part of something this huge at the height of his career knowing that the road to the gold medal was within their reach. No external factors could ever take his attention away from the sport that he loved more than anything else in this world.

Besides, how could girls distract him from his game when he already had you? To be fair, no one really knew about you because Tobio was yet to reveal your relationship to the public and you weren’t really keen to be in the spotlight when you’ve always preferred to date him on the low. Though, sometimes you admit that you wish people had the idea that he was already taken so that they would know their boundaries because a handsome and talented man like him would always have women trying their chances.

You didn’t consider yourself the jealous type, but it was natural to feel small and insecure when you were dating an almost-celebrity.

Were you upset? Not really. And you tried not to be irrational over things like that. However, your face must have reflected your thoughts because the said boyfriend wouldn’t stop looking at you as you both hopped inside the elevator. He was pulling your hand, possibly smiling under his face mask as he held your waist and rested his chin above your head. “What’s going through your mind?”

You adjusted your own mask before giving an answer. “Nothing,” you lied, changing the topic quickly. “I enjoyed watching the broadcast yesterday. You guys did so well.”

“Who’s the best?” he asked just so you could utter his name and inflate his ego. It had always been Kageyama’s goal to compete with Shoyo even when they were on the same team and hearing you say that he played the best among his own teammates would make him extra ‘proud’.

But for the sake of teasing him, you began to say everyone else’s name but him. “Well, I’d say Ushijima or maybe Bokuto. Hinata’s attacks were very fun to watch, too. Oh, and Atsumu!”

As expected, your boyfriend raised an eyebrow at your chosen response. “Atsumu-san keeps the bench warm and you say he played better than me?”

“That’s so mean!” you chortled, shaking your head and thinking of how Atsumu would have been so offended.

You ended up laughing it off until the elevator doors opened and you were both taking measured footsteps across the hallway before anyone could see you. Tobio was the one in charge of being on the lookout for any staff that could catch your presence within the Japan team’s floor while you were the docile deer hiding behind him as you two made your way towards his assigned room.

You were not supposed to be here. The Olympic village had very strict COVID-19 protocols that altered some traditions in the Olympics according to your boyfriend’s past experience. Athletes were encouraged to keep their masks on at all times which was mainly one of the reasons that made it easier for you to sneak inside the famous village that caused a stir on social media. Your favorite so far was the apartment-style housing that had state-of-the-art facilities, with flags from different countries hanging on their balconies to serve as an identifier for each nation who would be competing.

Tobio was aware of how much the Olympic spirit was taking over Tiktok and that he and the rest of his teammates were gaining popularity, specifically amongst women from all over the world. Even Iwaizumi Hajime, the team’s athletic trainer, could not escape the curious eyes of the online audience who shamelessly expressed how good looking he was.

But one of the most interesting controversies in this year’s Olympics were the cardboard beds.

Yes, cardboard. When you first heard about it, you thought it was strange, too. Japan was a country known for its advanced technology and impressive sustainability so you had an inkling that these cardboard frames were made for easy disposing, but Tiktok seemed to have another take on it.

“Woah.” Your eyes widened as you finally stood in front of the infamous bed, covered in a blue sheet with the words ‘2020 Tokyo Olympics’ labeled on the bottom. “So this is the famous bed, huh?”

Tobio, who had just locked the door to his room, soon removed his mask and sat at the edge of his bed. “They tested it out. Miya-san and Bokuto-san,” he shared, pulling you to sit on his lap and looping his fingers around the string on your mask, removing it from your face completely. “Did you see the videos?”

“Yeah, the one Suna posted.” You let out a silent chuckle after remembering the video where Atsumu and Bokuto were jumping on top of their bed to prove ‘the theory’ surrounding the said cardboard frames. “Is this bed really meant for you guys to… avoid intimacy? I mean, it’s not like you’re gonna hookup with another Olympian, right?”

Your boyfriend sniggered at your doubtful tone. “I sense jealousy,” he claimed, rubbing circles on your hip with his thumb. “Why would I do that when I have you?”

With a small and barely visible pout, you draped an arm around his shoulders and placed your index finger on his lower lip. “I saw those really gorgeous gymnast girls talking to you this morning.”

He inched his face closer, warm breath tickling your neck before he softly planted a kiss on your jaw. “They were just asking to take pictures, babe.”

Right. Well, you didn't really want to ponder much about it and you already felt bad that you brought it up at all. There was no room for a jealous girlfriend at a time like this and all he needed from you was to be supportive.

Although, maybe giving him a little time out from his athletic responsibilities could help lessen the pressure on his mind. A quick distraction was what he needed and besides, you ought to give him a reward for winning the game against Italy yesterday.

You would blame it on your high sex drive because you were ovulating and it had been a while since you last did anything together. Tobio had been extremely busy and today was a rare opportunity that he even managed to sneak you in, so you weren’t going to waste it by simply looking at each other’s faces. What you did was to push him back in bed, crawling on top so you could straddle his lap. “Why don’t we test if this is really an anti-sex bed?”

“Babe.” His eyes gleamed with humor, but you could see the trace of excitement behind his gaze that lingered on your collarbone down to your cleavage. You grinned at how he was trying to restrain himself so you didn’t hesitate to undo each button of your shirt with your needy boyfriend enjoying the view. “This bed can hold up to four hundred pounds. It’s not gonna break.”

You tilted your head to the side and slipped the shirt off of your body. “Hm, really?” Whether it was the afternoon heat or you were simply on fire from the sexual tension, you could see Kageyama’s chest rising and falling slowly as you leaned down to kiss his jaw. “What happens if it breaks?”

“We’ll be legendary,” he stated, gripping your thighs with large calloused hands that soon did the job at unzipping your fly. “Hinata will be back soon.”

It was 3 PM when you glanced at the time and his roommate would come back by 5 PM after watching the live match between Brazil and Argentina. You had two full hours to enjoy yourselves for the time being and you were not planning to waste every minute of it. “Then, let’s do it quickly before he returns,” you insisted as you pulled away to undress him off of his hoodie, revealing his perfectly toned upper body. “Don’t act like you haven’t been so needy for the past week. You literally sent me a dick pic last night.”

A handsome smirk settled on his face when he pulled your pants down, leaving you in nothing but your underwear. “It’s ‘cause I missed you,” he whispered on your lips before attaching it against his with a soft, open-mouthed kiss that had you wanting for more. “Mm—you’re all I think about before I sleep.”

“Naughty.” You pecked his lips and let your hands travel along his chest and shoulders. Since when did Tobio become this… huge? He was so broad and muscular despite keeping a lean physique and you were losing your mind from all the obscene images that you were forming in your head. Perhaps it wouldn’t be too bad to turn them into reality. “Lay your back on the mattress.”

“Taking full control on me now, huh?”

“Consider it a reward.”

It seemed that the cardboard frame was, in fact, sturdier than wood. You were frankly impressed at how it was able to withstand two entangled persons shifting in bed with significant pressure. Your boyfriend was already raking his fingers through his cropped raven hair, nape reclined against the headboard while you palmed the growing bulge on his sweatpants. He’s hard already, you giggled at the thought and slowly pulled the bands of his sweatpants to release his aching member from the restriction of his garment.

“Fuck, I missed this…” He closed his eyes after taking a deep breath because he seemed to enjoy how you were touching him again—how you wrapped your hand around his girth, pumping his length at a rhythm that he liked, and swirling your tongue around his pink head to remind yourself of his taste. “Suck me more.”

“Mm—patience.” You kissed his throbbing head, treating it like a lollipop with the way you teased the slit on his head by running your tongue around it. You eventually placed his cock inside your mouth after kissing every inch of his length, sated by how hard he had grown at the thought of you. His moans filled your ears, driving you to do more as you started bobbing your head to suck his shaft like a good girl. You always were. Hushed curses left his mouth to confirm just how satisfied he was with the job that you were doing until you released his cock with a pop to wipe the drool that escaped the corner of your lips. “You like it, baby?”

He nodded, looking down at you with glazed eyes. “Don’t stop.”

You kept eye-contact when you ejected spit on his throbbing head, later spreading your saliva around his length by pumping him nice and fast. “As you wish.” And with that, your own lust-filled eyes were pleased with the sight of your boyfriend throwing his head back after you put all of his cock back inside of your mouth. His tip hit your uvula with how deep you took him and you gagged at the sudden penetration on your throat, but did not stop yourself from stroking the lower half of his length and sucking his precum on the upper.

“Shit. Tighten those pretty lips for me.”

Doing as told, you continued to please him with the best blowjob you’ve ever done in your life because you gained the confidence to try and be more skillful with the way you were moving your head at a steady rhythm. At some point, he became too impatient that he was thrusting himself upward to meet your throat and you could feel the veins of his shaft as your tongue glided past them.

You should have known that dating an athlete would give you a competitive partner in bed. Tobio was already highly competitive on his own, but seeing how great you sucked his cock put him on a mission to give you the same pleasure by means of oral sex. He was quite good at it, frankly. And his goal was to remind you of who the dominant one in your relationship was—shifting you under him after you sucked his cock, now keeping you caged under his fit body so he could start doing the work. When every piece of underwear was thrown to the floor, there was not even an ounce of hesitation before he latched his mouth on your left tit. His tongue played with your nipple while his other hand kneaded your right breast, massaging and feeling the soft flesh wantonly. “T-Tobio.” Salacious moans flew off your lips. “Mm—I want you so bad.”

“Yeah?” You could feel the upward curve of his lips when he heard your desperate whines, subsequently moving his hand to spread your legs apart so he could get in between. He leaned in to envelope both of your lips for a rough kiss, allowing you to roll your tongue against his without realizing that he was concurrently cupping your pussy with his pretty, setter hands. The same genius fingers that used to touch the ball were now on your clit, doing circular motions to earn your mewls, spreading your pussy lips apart as an attempt to tease your entrance with his middle finger. Heaven or hell, Tobio was certainly a little bit of both. “Y-Yes, m-more.”

He grinned, biting your lower lip before he inserted two fingers inside of your soaking core. “Already so wet for me, needy little slut.”

His words earned your giggle. “Always…” You latched onto his arm, squeezing his bicep and arching your back as he began pumping his fingers in and out of your hole. You could feel him increasing his speed—eyes half lidded when you looked at his face, shying away as soon as he smirked at you. “B-Baby, so g-good.”

“I’m gonna ask you again,” he spoke in a low voice before planting a kiss on your lips, “who played the best?”

“You… Fuck… Mm—it’s you.” Ecstasy was coursing through your veins as your boyfriend found your most sensitive spot, curling his fingers inside your velvet walls until he crawled down to dive his face between your legs. God. The next thing you knew, he was replacing his fingers with his tongue, lapping your folds and spitting on your entrance to provide more lubrication. “T-Tobio!”

You couldn’t breathe. The gravity of your pleasure was too overwhelming and all you could do was to clamp the sheets as you mewled. Kageyama—clearly proud of his work—was looking up at you with a haughty gaze as if he had just proven that he was still excellent at making you helpless with the way he was eating you out. His warm breath tickled your core when he placed his mouth near your cunt—face on the perfect level adjacent to your genital, ready to ravage the soaking pussy that he hadn’t tasted for a few days. “Did you touch yourself while I was gone?”

“Y-Yes,” your breath hitched, “but i-it’s not as good without you.” You hoisted your hips up a little, squeezing your breasts together while throwing your head back as a rush of pleasure entered your body. He was putting more effort into rolling his tongue inside of you, tasting your juices and french kissing your pussy without a care for the wetness that surrounded his beautiful lips. The slurping sounds were making you crazy. But more than that, you wanted more. “Tobio, please… fuck me.”

A triumphant grin was soon plastered on his face. “Hm? Say that again.”

This prick’s enjoying this, you had it in mind as you looked down at him. “Please. Fuck me h-hard and fast like you always d-do.”

It was all it took for your boyfriend to kneel in bed, combing his fingers through his raven locks to give you a cocky smirk. “Can’t rawdog you today, babe,” he said before reaching towards the bedside drawer to take out a packet of condom. The same packet was soon in between his teeth, easily ripped open and discarded to the floor along with the rest of your clothes. You didn’t even realize that you closed your legs when you sat up. “Open up.”

You watched how he rolled the rubber on his big, pretty cock while you spread your legs apart to let your fingers play with your clit. “Mm. Shit, I want you so bad…”

“You’ll have me. What position do you want?”

“Can we do doggy?” Because he was blessed with a well-endowed member that filled you to the brim, you thought that it would feel best if you could experience his divine cock at a position where he could go deep.

Tobio didn’t even respond. He was already approving your request by pulling you by the arm and flipping you over so you could get in all fours. “Face down, ass up.”

You could feel how wet your vulva was when he palmed your pussy from behind, pushing you to lower your upper body while you raised your buttocks high enough to meet his pelvis. “If this bed breaks, I’m putting it on Tiktok.”

His soft chuckle bounced off the walls. “If it doesn’t break, I’ll be disappointed.” And as he said that, you weren’t aware that he was already positioning his cock on your entrance before he rammed it inside without warning. “Fuuuck!”

“Aah!” The side of your face found its comfort against the cushion. “H-Harder.”

Why do you keep on challenging this man? He was only about to do twice as much as what you asked for, stretching your hole at the deep penetration while the headboard hit the wall with each thrust. You were left whimpering from his roughness as every slam caused slapping noises from your ass to his groin. Goddamn, the friction that he was creating against your cunt was achingly good.

“A-Aah, yeah!” you cried out, gripping the cushion as you leaned forward while you were being pussy pounded from behind. Tobio’s grip on your waist was tight and he paid very little mercy at how his huge, veiny cock was entering you at an insane pace until tears started welling up your eyes. “T-Tobio!”

“Be a good girl.” His hot breath tickled your ear after he pulled you back through your arms until your body was arched into a C. He only released his grip on your arms so he could place his hand on your bum, giving it a nice slap to leave his handprint on the flesh.

So good, you were losing your mind. So fucking good. The movements of his hips were so fast and rough that you almost felt your eyes rolling at the back of your head. “Y-You’re hitting my g-spot.”

He cussed under his breath while angling his hips to penetrate your sensitive spot even more. “Good. You like it from the back?”

“I-I do.” The bed’s gonna break. You were gripping the headboard, sensing that the cardboard frame could not keep up from all the jostling. At this point, you were getting dizzy from the way he upped his speed and plowed his fat cock through your clamped walls.

“You’re clenching. Ah—fuck. You’re so fucking tight.”

Guttural moans reverberated through the room when the penetrative action sent you into a state of euphoria and you were left wondering if the people next door could hear the obscenities leaving your mouths. You were told that his ‘more energetic’ teammates were staying next door and you suddenly felt shy at the thought.

Though, that was not what made you lose your mind. It was the roughness of his thrusts that went harder, faster, and more desperate. The movements lasted for a couple of minutes while he was stretching your buttocks apart to see just how deep his cock was going in.

“T-Tobio… shit. I-I’m gonna cum!”

“Do it.”

You took deep breaths, humming in pleasure and closing your eyes to simply bask in the feeling. His nails dug onto your waist, leaving crescent marks on your flesh as he fucked your cunt at a satisfying rhythm. At this point, whimpers were coming out of your mouth while your boyfriend romanced your body for his own pleasure. His hand later traveled down to your chest to give your bust a harsh squeeze, flicking your nipple with his index finger and panting as he continued drilling his shaft into your hole.

With moans getting louder and gasps causing your mouths to part open, you disintegrated between your lover as your lower abdomen signaled your orgasm. “A-Aah!” Your legs started to shake while you clenched around his member, body twitching as he continued to pound into you through your overstimulation. You could not think straight just imagining how much you creamed around his protected cock and you were breathing through your mouth to catch the breath that you’ve lost.

After a few more minutes of thrusting and cockslamming, Tobio’s hot spurts of seed were sent straight to the rubber as his movements became sloppy and uneven, pulling out of you only to see his semen filling up the condom. “That was fucking good.”

Your whole body has become limp, but you managed to turn around and cover yourself with the sheets, watching how Kageyama stood at the side of the bed to roll the rubber off his cock. “You came so much.”

“The fuck I did.” And he was cocky about it, too. However, his confidence was only fleeting when he assessed the bed frame and could not find any fault. “It didn’t break.”

“It’s a lot stronger than we assumed.” You chuckled at the way he scrunched his nose in disappointment. “It’s okay. The manufacturer gets extra points for this.”

At least, you two were satiated after fucking like animals in heat. You couldn’t even deny how sore you still were even after a few minutes of resting time and your boyfriend distracted your thoughts when he sat at the edge of the bed to meet your lips with his. “I love you.”

“I love you. Good luck on your game tomorrow.” You wrapped your arms around his torso and rested your chin on his shoulder.

“Do you think we should—”

“Kageyamaaa!”

The high-pitched voice nearly made you jump and your panic grew when it was added by the loud banging on the door. Hinata. He was back and you were still fucking naked.

“Dumbass, don’t come in!” Tobio yelled at the door, picking your clothes up and gesturing for you to wear them while he pulled his own boxers to cover himself. He then made his way towards the door and peeked at the peephole. “Hinata, just stay put.”

“Well, are you done?” the smaller guy asked, voice laced with humor. “We heard everything. Half the team’s next door. They’re asking if you were able to break the bed.” Someone was chuckling aside from Hinata and you got the hint that another team member was outside of the door.

You froze and lost the ability to function.

Holy shit.

Even Tobio himself was releasing a series of curses, shaking his head as he turned to you. You were supposed to feel ashamed. You were supposed to be so embarrassed that you would hide your face under the sheets, but strangely, the thought of being heard by nearly the whole team seemed to have ignited a newfound excitement inside of you.

Kageyama himself could see it on your face. “Don’t tell me…”

“No,” you giggled, clasping your bra back in. “No. It’s not what you think.”

Did you really just imagine yourself surrounded by his attractive teammates?

“If you’re up for it,” he confirmed your thoughts with a playful smirk. “We can let two or more people join.”

“Tobio!”

He wasn’t too bothered, though. In fact, he was entertaining the thought with curiosity as though he had been considering it in his head for a long time. You two liked trying new things to make up for your vanilla sex life and there was little to no shame when it came to sharing your weirdest kinks to your wildest dreams.

The bed certainly did not break, but you’ve just unlocked something even more exciting than proving the stability of the cardboard bed.

But this time around, no one else on Tiktok would have to know.

“So, are you down?” he asked, leaning his back against the wall as he waited for your approval. “I don’t mind sharing you.”

Your meek smile was a confirmation in itself. “If it helps improve their game, why not?”

[unexpectedreylo]

Adam Driver's Appeal...Explained!

Chances are if you're reading this, you're probably a Reylo or at least a rat* and you already find Adam Driver attractive.

But with another Adam Driver Season upon us with not one or two but three movies coming between now and Turkey Day as well as the ad campaign for Burberry's Hero, again will arise the question...why do those people find him hot? You know the drill. "He's not good looking." "He always plays problematic characters." "He's weird."

Well, keep this little essay handy to answer the naysayers and the befuddled. These things are always subjective and not everybody appeals to everyone. We're all particular creatures. In fact, I did not find Adam hot until his Kylo Ren years and it took until the second film for me to admit it. But there's an explanation though for why we just can't resist fantasies of rubbing that fake tummy he has on the set of his new movie or why the internet exploded with those HOT new pics from his fragrance ad.

1. Sexual magnetism

Marlon Brando had it. Mick Jagger has it. And Adam has it in SPADES. It's one of those things you can't manufacture. You either have it or you don't (though it can take time to become comfortable with it). The best way to articulate it is that such a man exudes a bit of danger, a bit of mystery, a bit of vulnerability but can take control whenever you need him or want him to, a whole lot of confidence, and passion. He can break down your guard, cross your boundaries, and get you to do all kinds of things you never would ordinarily. And such men have the ladies in the palm of their hands. In Adam's case, his big meaty hands. Yet he only has eyes for the missus, at least as far as we know, and a proud dad which paradoxically makes him even more attractive. A sexy man who can have anyone but commits? Yes, please.

It doesn't have anything at all to do with looks. You don't have to be an Adonis. But as long as we're on the subject...

2. He's actually quite handsome

You know what they say...he's "weird looking." But is he? Granted, he seems to have grown into his looks from his mid-20s to the present and as my mom says, money makes you beautiful. Still, he has expressive eyes, kissable full lips, a gorgeous head of hair the envy of men and women alike, an interesting profile, and a great body.

3. Yet his attractiveness is accessible

Look at your typical Hollywood hunk and unless you're a model or actress, you think, "I'd have no chance with that guy." But Adam looks and behaves like somebody you'd know, just with a little more polish. Someone who lived your street, went to your school or church, worked with you at your first job. We get a kick out of his goofy pre-fame photos or seeing him wear the same stuff over and over because those things make him relatable. His many freckles and moles show that you don't have to have a plain porcelain skin to be attractive. Other actors might have pinned back their ears or capped their teeth to fit a Hollywood mold of perfection. But not our guy. The ears are cute and we love his toothy smile. The "elites" might dig him but he is a sex symbol for the people.

4. He's complex

Who is this guy???

He's odd, goofy, and socially awkward but can command a stage or a set like nobody's business. He can be just as convincing in comedy as in drama or tragedy. He tells dad jokes and geeks out over medieval art one day, blows cigarette smoke at a camera on live t.v. like a bad boy rock star on another. He can be at home in Star Wars or just as at home singing from an actress's hoo-hah. He's arty and still proud of his service as a Marine. His star grows brighter yet he remains fiercely private, not even having a social media account. He'll turn into a centaur in a fragrance ad and swim with gators just for a photo shoot. He will also play baseball with little Baby Driver.

He will eat all of the cereal in your home and once feasted upon an entire rotisserie chicken every day for lunch.

His brand is that he has no brand. You can't really figure him out.

5. He's great at what he does

Everyone loves talent, skill, determination, and drive. You don't have to like everything he's in but you'd have to be a dedicated anti to think he's not one of the best working today and Kylo Ren/Ben Solo wouldn't be as beloved without him. His work ethic and professionalism are undeniable. He sucks at skiing by his own admission but he took it upon himself to learn enough to be able to shoot scenes for House of Gucci without having to use a double. He got a bus license and drove routes for Paterson. He even learned how to bang out morse code for his small role in Lincoln though it was unnecessary. Even for this Burberry ad, he swam like an Olympic champion. He brings his A game every time and delivers ever time and doesn't rest until it's right. Which leads to my next point...

6. He plays vulnerable characters who are still recognizably masculine

Someone on a FB group posted a remark her boyfriend made while watching Marriage Story or something about why women like Adam, and that was he plays emotionally available men. It's clear he does not like playing two dimensional characters. He always looks for what's human about them and regardless of how good, bad, or powerful they are, he exposes their soft underbelly. As one critic put it, he understands the difference between vulnerable and weak. I think this is a big part of why Kylo/Ben became so popular. Old Hollywood might have had a lot of "strong silent" types but if you pay close attention, the movies were really about punching through that mystique in a way that was acceptable to audiences at the time. Now audiences are a lot more open to "sensitive" guys but it has also kind of swung to characterizing men as wimpy, immature, incompetent, or too much in touch with their "feminine" side. Adam's characters though still behave like men.  Whether he’s playing a hero, an antihero, a sweet husband, or a total jerk, I never get the impression I have more testosterone than he does.

7. He's funny

For all of his famed intensity, he can be very disarming with his sense of humor. It's dry without being so dry you don't get he's being facetious and definitely without being mean.  He can definitely laugh at himself and that’s always attractive.

Bonus:

His sex scenes don’t hurt either.  Tumblr won’t let me post them.  Sorry.

*= Twitter nickname for Adam's stans/fans/devotees. It either came from "r*tlo" or his Law And Order episode where he flips out over the improper feeding of lab rats, maybe both. Comparable to Lady Gaga's Little Monsters, Swifties, Rhianna's navy, or whatever.

[kkusuka]

Have I told you I hate weak y/n’s that get pushed around by fangirls? No? Well, I hate them 😊

Let’s have Oikawa, Atsumu, Akaashi, Semi, and Terushima react to their normally calm gf, beat the dog shit out of a fangirl that tried to intimidate her for dating said men above. Reader just has a soft smile before cocking her fist back and boxing her shit before holding up the fangirl and looking to the rest like “You wanna end up like her? No? Then know your place~ ☺️”. Then she faces her bf with a sweet smile and says something affectionate like “I brought you lunch, dear. I made it just how you like it 😄” before kissing his cheek like she didn’t go Muhammad Ali on a bitch

<3

Oikawa Tooru<3

Oikawa’s had more than a few less than pleasant experiences with women

Considering he’s always been surrounded by them, from his sister's friends in middle school and being swarmed by them in High school and college- having women around him was nothing new

And for the most part, they were all pleasant

Giving him little gifts and food- that he always gave to you- and just telling him how much they loved watching him play

All things he can deal with before talking to his favorite girl, you

Though, there have been instances of some bold woman who just never get the hint

Whether it be drunkenness or some weird dream of having Oikawa to herself or just blatant disregard of his relationship

And right now just happens to be one of those times- but now you got a firsthand view of the madness.

Whoever this was clearly didn't understand relationships or personal space for that matter

She had a hand on his chest and was just blubbering about how she would be the best wife for him and would make life so much easier- much more than you do for him- and that was just what you saw from the ten seconds you were in earshot

He would normally laugh it offend continue seeking out autographs but he seemed to be locked in an iron maiden

“I promise! Forget about your girlfriend, she’s useless anyways!” and finally a perfect chance to make yourself known

“Tooru, I have your lun-” you attempted to grab him away, him shooting a pleading look to save him before your wrist was snatched from his arm and tugged away and shoved to the side then pushing your body away from the two

“Back off bitch!”

Now,  you were normally a pretty calm person, you knew how to deal with the women and you have been for years.

But you stand by the fact that it was never ok to put your hands on someone- no matter the situation.

But at that moment, you could care less about your silly reparations and breathing methods, that lady put a hand on you and pushed you

You could hear Tooru telling her to keep her hands off you but you just looked around and made sure that everyone saw what had happened, you don't need to be arrested anytime soon

Grabber her arm you detached her from your boyfriends and in the next second your fist was connecting with her face, watching her wither on the floor you turn to your boyfriend who’s now coming towards you

“As I was saying, I have your lunch.”

Atsumu Miya<3

Another guy who’s constantly surrounded by women

Although he is far less appreciative and nice to them, and he makes it a point to be abundantly clear that you are the only woman he will spend the rest of his life with

Something that wasn't too popular with a few specific fans

Every blue moon someone will find his phone number and blow it up with loving messages or try and get his address

The worst it’s been was someone finding his apartment number and thankfully being too far away to come by themselves but they did send some inappropriate images to his PO box and that led him to create an even thinker line between fans and himself

Thankful, the whole of them understood and respected his boundaries

Buuuuut there are always people who go the extra step

Like whoever this is crowding your boyfriend after a win against the Alders with a giant poster of him and a …. Thong

If you were the slightest more stoic you would have held in the laugh that started it all but it seems crazy is crazy no matter how you provoke them

That lady heard you laugh and the flood gates opened, in a split second her hand was on your cheek then she was on the floor holding what you could hope was a broken jaw

You didn't even realize you punched her until a shooting pain went up your wrist

Though before you had a chance to return to your lovely boyfriend, who was standing in the same spot shell shocked (and slightly turned on)  hand grabbed your ankle the flung you to the ground

It was, for lack of a better term, a catfight

She was hitting you and you were hitting her and she was screaming random shit about how awful you were to her precious Atsumu- seriously this lady was insane

Nevertheless, security arrived, and let’s just say that you were in much better condition than she was, who knew you could fight so well?

Though you weren't allowed to come to the next game and had to apologize to the heads of the Volleyball association, Tsumu was proud of you and the internet was on your side- so it was kind of a win-win

Akaashi Keiji<3

He surprisingly doesn't have a swarm of fangirls around him

But it’s much much worse, you’d rather have a mob of girls around him than the four specific psychos that never leave the poor guy alone

Everywhere in school at least one of them is watching the two of you, in class, at lunch- no matter where you try and eat- you swear you even saw one at the boba show you pass on your walk home with him

The worst part?

He thinks it’s funny.

It is hilarious to him that you try so hard to keep them away full knowing he would never leave you for the likes of them. It’s just too cute how you puff up your cheeks and huff about them and honestly, it's a breath of fresh air considering how much everyone kisses up to him

Well- he likes it when they are at a distance

On the off chance they get close to him, it's a different story. They truly are intolerable, and they away try bad-mouthing you to him like it was supposed to mean something that they don't like you

And they only ever do it when you’re away- cowards they truly are. And since they’re always watching, as soon as you left to buy the two of you lunch, one of them was on him in an instant

She was annoying and all she could say was ho you were a ‘poison’ in his life and he had to leave you as soon as possible

He didn't even realize you were there until a hand grabbed the back of her uniform and flung her off him. And from the looks of it, falling on the ground really hurt

“I’m a poison? That’s all you could come up with?”

You didn't even have to say another word, she was already out of sight

Not missing a beat, you handed him his lunch and started talking about the latest episode of the volleyball anime you loved.

Semi Eita<3

First off- a total power couple

Not only are you willing to beat a bitch, but he’s also ready to hype you up while you do it

It’s not confirmed you have, but there are rumors that you fought more than a few girls who were less than pleasant. And it’s not like you do anything for rumor control, you just laugh and turn the other way

Still, even with the rumor mill running rampant, some girls still try and shoot their shot

But this girl has to be the boldest woman on planet earth

Not only was she flirting with an openly taken man, but she was flirting with him as he held his arm around your waist. She even looked at you as she spoke to him, the audacity of people these days

“You like music? That’s crazy, I do too!” you wanted her to shut the fuck up as soon as possible.

What pissed you off more was that he knew exactly what he was doing, and he was letting it happen to spite you.

What happened after this you blame solely on the alcohol the party was providing and not on the fact you wanted to clock this girl the moment you saw her

It was just that suddenly your drink was in her face

Then her drink was in her face, and she was running to the bathroom, maybe she should listen to rumors more often because you don't think strawberry daiquiri will come out of a white crop too so easily

Terushima Yuji<3

He’s an ass

But he’s your ass, somehow

He’s a manwhore and an attention-whore, mix that should have been shot before it could grow into something more

By now you're used to the girls slipping him their numbers and hitting him up on every social media site possible and you remain happy to say he doesn't respond- probably too busy dicking you down to care about any of them

Plus, less than 1%  of them actually approach them in public, and they just happen to be the most insufferable people on the planet.

Desperation doesn't even describe it

Of that 1%, at least half of them try to touch him, running a hand on his arm, tugging at his clothes, maybe even a strand of his hair, all you can deal with because he knows what’ll happen if he even entertains their advances

But for some reason, the only thing that sets you off is when they mention the tongue piercing.

It invokes a rage unknown within you, the second the metal ball’s mentioned you see red. And he fucking loves it, you could be three prefectures over and the second the girl mentions it, you magically appear at his side like you’d been there the whole time

All of a sudden you’re all over him, disregarding this girls words as she tries to bring the conversation back to her, going as far as grabbing your shoulder, and since she touched you first- you had the green light

Your arm pulled back and your fist connected to her cheek

And like nothing ever happened you turned back to the blond

tags: @diamond-3 @rinsangel @heyheyitsne @angelalje @monisi @crystal-lilac @sadpotato10

[ageofevermore]

Eighteen | T. Holland

Summary → you’re tired of feeling like the world silences you, but after an interview with sebastian and anthony, you start to wonder if maybe it’s your fault.

Warning(s) → mentions of anxiety, mentions of sexual harassment, mentions of inequality in gender roles, use of the word slut, fluff if you squint 

Word Count → 1.9k

Note → this is a heavier topic, one that might be personal to some. if you don’t think you can handle the subject matter, please don’t force yourself to. this is relatively watered down, but it doesn’t take a genius to see what’s not being said. the ending features boyfriend!tom consoling the reader, so it does end on a fluffy note, but don’t hold out for those few ending paragraphs. 

add yourself to my taglist 

It’s getting hotter in the interviews. A thin layer of sweat sparkles on your skin, and even though the air conditioning has been turned down multiple times, there are too many people in the room to feel any drastic differences. It’s unfortunate for you. Hot flashes are a lovely addition to your anxiety disorder, and press always sets your nerves ablaze. It doesn't matter what project you’re promoting, who you're partnered with, or what you're wearing-- you’re always hot. 

Your cheeks are flushed dangerously when the last interview before lunch is called for yourself, Sebastian, and Anthony. This is your first press tour as an adult. You joined the marvel franchise years ago, when being eighteen felt like the equivalent of turning thirty, and you weren’t blind to the changes of tone. People were harsher to you, more forward. If they weren’t shutting you up, they were hinting at something less then appropriate, usually something sexual. 

The next interview started with a short introduction to the media outlet, and your interviewer. He was middle aged, kind smile, salt and pepper hair. He asked for your names, then he told you his, and one by one he shook your hands. His grip on you was criminal, lasting longer than was comfortable. Sebastian and Anthony we’re oblivious to the few extra seconds of contact between you and him, but it made your skin crawl in a familiar discomfort. 

Your fingers curled into fists, heart high in your throat. The questions started out easy. They were mostly directed towards the boys, like always, but this time you couldn’t find yourself to be annoyed. You had dealt with handsy and sexually charged men before, but he set a fire beneath you. It wasn’t behavior you should tolerate, but being a woman in the industry, inappropriate touches and glances we’re easier ignored then dealt with. When you spoke up you caused drama, made headlines, attracted nasty social media comments that called you a whore. It was easier to just internalize. 

“Y/N.” 

You hummed, looking towards the call of your name. He was smiling sweetly at you again, a predatory glint in his eyes that put you on edge. You shifted your weight closer to Anothony unconsciously giving the hungry man your professional attention and a nod. 

He shuffles through his index cards, but his eyes don’t read the scripted questions his employers have supplied him with. It’s not often male interviews do their own research, usually they’re briefed by a colleague and handed a set of questions and topic point by a higher level employee, but this man doesn’t even read the card before he’s staring you down and opening his mouth. 

“You finally got the Stark suit update,” He says, motioning towards the promo poster that shows off your CGI suit in all of its edited glory. Although the actual costume is breathtaking, the computer effects give it an entirely different, more technologically charged, feel. 

“Yeah,” You nod, a forced smile on your lips as you try to ease the uncomfortable tension from your tone. “She’s finally--” 

He cuts you off before you can give him any explanation for the upgrade. He isn’t the first one to address your new wardrobe, but he’s the first one to leave you antsy and uncomfortable. Sebastian frowns when you’re cut off, but he doesn’t think much of it. He lets the man continue, though a professional sharpness pulls his grin into a scowl. 

“Were you able to wear undergarments underneath it? It’s tight, doesn’t leave much to the imagination. Was there ever a moment where you reflected how much your wardrobe has changed through the years?” He asks, a dirty grin on his lips. 

Sebastian and Anthony are shocked at the blunt, inappropriate construction of his question. The public eye knew nothing of your battles with body image, or health concerns that lead to surgery. Your mind was plagued with doubts and self-criticism, and his invasive, pervy question both infuriated you and broke you apart. 

You stutter to find an answer, heat overwhelming you. Your hand grips onto Anthony’s arm, and you can’t decide whether anger is what burns your skin or anxiety. Are you making a big deal of this? You don’t know. You feel like you have every right to feel violated and uncomfortable, but you’re a young woman in the entertainment industry, isn’t this the kind of ignorant commentary you signed up for? You don’t know anymore. You grew up with people always having an opinion on your appearance, sexualizing you as early as twelve. You’ve carried around pepper spray and  self-defense keychains long before you even had an understanding towards predatory men and sexual assault. You’ve been conditioned by the world and the media to carry on with your day, no matter the broken boundaries or disrespect. You’re tired of remaining silent, feeling like your less than your male counterparts. Women and men should hold no differing values in society, and yet you walk to your apartment with keys between your fingers and Tom doesn’t even lock his front door. 

“I don’t think that’s an appropriate question.” You choke out, voice hard and nowhere near the soft and frilly pitch it usually obtains. You’re livid, absolutely pissed to the point of a quivering cupids bow. You’re humiliated, and horrified. Your feelings are everywhere, but you remain as professional as you can. If you yell, try to defend yourself at all, you’ll be painted as a diva in every media outlet for the next week, subliminally inviting backlash and slut-shaming comments into your social media messages. If Sebastian and Anthony come to your defense, they’ll be sung high-praises. 

The double standards men and women are held to, especially in the industry, is infuriating. 

He stumbles out a response, but his time is already up. For the first time today, you’re thankful these interviews are only ten minutes. He leaves the room, shown out by security, and even then he still sends you a wink over his shoulder as if your glimmering eyes meant nothing. 

“Hey,” Sebastian's voice is soft, his hand on the small of your back. You flinch away from his contact, head heavy in memories you’d rather forget. 

“Sorry,” You mumble, voice trembling with tears that you refuse to let fall. You’ve already been humiliated, you don’t need to further paint yourself as some helpless teenage girl. “I’m sorry. I’m going to go find Tom.” 

Anthony and Sebastian nod tightly. They watch as you quiver in your heels, hands clenched into fists at your sides. They’re proud of the way you handled yourself, though still absolutely enraged that any adult would find it appropriate to address you like that, especially in a professional setting. 

You stumble into the dressing rooms, right into your boyfriend's chest. Your mind is racing, but the minute you attach yourself to him, you break down. Shy sobs break Tom’s heart. He holds the back of your head to his chest, other hand on the small of your back and wrapped around your waist as you cry. You’re trying to stay quiet, but the attention is already on you. Chris and Robert are worried, and Zoe’s trying to act like she hasn’t noticed, but they don’t all watch as you try to console yourself with your boyfriend's warmth. 

“What happened?” Tom’s voice is soft, trying to keep this a private moment. He tries to move the both of you back into a corner, but you panic and squeeze around his waist tighter. “Baby,” 

You and Tom have been dating for six months, and although you’ve shared with him stories of your traumatic experiences as a woman living in LA, he’s never seen anything upset you like this. 

“I’m such a slut.” Your words come out so shy and small, you aren’t even sure you can hear yourself. No matter how  many times you tell yourself that your makeup and clothes don’t give men permission to make passes or feel you up, it’s getting harder to believe that your verbal consent is as strong as your clothes. Maybe you are asking for it, and in a wave of nausea, disgusted with yourself, your arms leave Tom’s waist to pull at the bottom of your borrowed dress. 

You’ve been hit on in sweats before. In ball gowns and crop tops. Somebody’s even pushed themselves against you while you wore Tom’s hoodie, but you still convince yourself that it’s your fault. That you we’re asking for it. 

Tom’s jaw sets harshly into place, and he tilts your chin upwards to meet his eye. His brown stare is hard, only adding to your distress. Maybe he agrees. Maybe he’ll blame you for what just happened. He’s probably going to break up with you. Other guys just can’t keep their hands and eyes off of you. He doesn’t want a slut for a girlfriend. 

“What the fuck did you just say, Y/N?” His tone causes you to flinch, words bouncing off of the dressing room walls. Everyone flinches, hearing only his heavy response. You try to divert your attention, but Tom squeezes your jaw, forcing your eyes back on his. “Say it again.” 

“I’m such a slut.” You sniffle, submitting beneath his fiery glare. Tensions are high as you try not to break down again. Apart from Tom, everyone in the room has watched you grow up, never losing that shy and sweet sense of yourself. You’re an exuberant light, a brilliant scene partner, a rising star who has big things in store for the future. You are many things, but a slut, isn’t one of them. 

Tom looks behind you, glaring straight at Anthony and Sebastion who are both stone eyed and still. They’ve not calmed down any since leaving the production room, instead, it seems their anger has only risen. The sight of you so distraught churns their stomachs. 

“Some asshole tried to make a pass.” Sebastion said in short, words angry and delivered as such. 

Tom’s breath hitched, his arms tightening around you and pulling you closer to his chest. His chin digs into your crown, eyes pinches shut as his hot exhale feels heavy. 

“You aren’t a slut, Y/N.” He doesn’t leave any room for argument, but you try anyways. Tom has no patience for it, and so he tilts your head back and plants his lips against yours harshly and eagerly, desperate to show you love and intimacy. “You. Aren’t. A. Slut.”

You nod, ducking your head back down into his chest as you try to believe him-- try to remember that you never asked for hands around your waist, or cupping your boobs. Wolf whistles, or handshakes that turn into forced frontal hugs. You didn’t ask for any of the harassment, no matter the outfits you wore and what they revealed.  

Tom lowers his voice, whispers melting into your hair, “This isn’t your fault, baby. Please believe me. None of this, is your fault. It’s disgusting and inappropriate, and you don’t deserve to deal with any of it.” 

You sniffle. You can’t tell him you believe him, not yet. Not when your heart is so heavy. Maybe one day you’ll believe him, but that’s just not now. 

taglist (urls with a strike through won’t let my tag) →

@deionswannabegirl @killingbxys @mauvesdior @mischiefandi @dmonchld @waddlenut @tanakaslastbraincell @hollandsxheart @quacksonhehe @tothemoonandbackx3000 @stiles-o-dylan24 @tikapollak @tomthetease @spookybooisa @geminiparkers @teen--marvel @rogersparkerbarnes @sarcasticallywitty15

[thesaltyoncologist]

Trigger warning: suicide

This NEJM Perspective piece addresses an incredibly important problem during medical training. If you’re in medicine, take a minute to read this. And if you’re struggling yourself with mental health, especially during training, PLEASE feel free to reach out to me personally. We want to help. You are not alone in this. Click the keep reading link to view the article in its entirety.

My Intern - R.E. Leiter

Bobby hasn’t come in yet today,” one of my chief residents told me. “He isn’t picking up his phone or answering his pager. Could you go and check on him?”

I was in my final year of my internal medicine residency and was on a 6-week rotation as the assistant chief resident. In this role, I organized educational sessions for the residents and medical students and helped with administrative tasks. Most important, I learned how to support other residents and respond to their needs, which is what much of my job as chief resident would entail the next year.

Bobby was an intern in our program, and he and I had worked on a team together in early July. Bobby became my intern, and I was his senior resident. It was a role I cherished, and I tried to teach him all I could about caring for multiple sick patients simultaneously and navigating the systems, personalities, and politics of a large Manhattan hospital. We stayed late as we struggled to place an ultrasound-guided IV into the arm of a patient whose veins were shot from years of dialysis. Perched side by side on a windowsill, we nearly missed morning rounds as we listened to a dying patient recount his journey from India to the United States. By the end of our long, busy month together, I was proud of the doctor Bobby had already become.

Bobby lived in a building across the street from the hospital. New York prices being what they are, most teaching hospitals provide their residents with subsidized housing in the neighborhood. It’s a strange, almost dormlike environment, with residents working and living together in close quarters.

It was a cloudless yet cool August day when one of the other chief residents and I stepped out the side door of the hospital. When Bobby didn’t answer our knock, we explained the situation to the building’s staff and they sent a maintenance worker back up with us. We soon discovered the incomprehensible reality: Bobby had jumped out his window. The usual din of the Manhattan street below was eerily quiet. Cecil’s Internal Medicine lay open on his tiny kitchen table, the pages gently flapping in the breeze from the open window.

Somehow, we ended up in the emergency department and witnessed a compassionate but ultimately hopeless resuscitation attempt. While our program director broke the news to the other residents, we returned to the apartment and gave our statements to the police.

The sudden death of a colleague would shake any workplace; in a medical training program where the boundary between the personal and the professional blurred into near nonexistence, its effect was seismic. When Bobby died, we asked the same questions of ourselves that others do when a close friend dies by suicide: What could we have done to prevent it? What had we missed? But we also had a different set of questions: Had something happened to our colleague in the hospital the night before he died? We knew he had been on a particularly brutal rotation. Had he made a mistake? Our uncertainty precipitated the fear that we could be next.

A few days after Bobby died, my program director, one of the chiefs, and I flew to his small, Midwestern hometown to represent the residency program at his visitation. As I gave my condolences to Bobby’s sister, she enveloped me in an unexpected hug. “Bobby told me you were the perfect resident; he wanted to be just like you.” Though she meant it as high praise, her comment left me rattled. I couldn’t escape thoughts that my expectations were too high or that I should have picked up on something wrong while I was working so closely with him.

Residency leaves little time for self-reflection, though, and even less time for personal grief. The wards were as full as ever, and our patients and their families needed care. Because there was no one to replace us, we went back to work and processed the loss as well as we could. In the days and weeks that followed Bobby’s death, the program directors, chief residents, and I worked to rearrange staffing, but the hospital’s needs limited the changes we could make. Even when we did have flexibility, we nonetheless made scheduling mistakes as we tried to triage which residents and teams required the most support. We could all adapt to one or two residents taking time off for family, health, or personal reasons, but managing our collective trauma was entirely different, and our blind spots added to everyone’s emotional and physical exhaustion.

I threw myself deeper and deeper into my job, hoping that working to heal my patients’ suffering would shield me from my own. I kept my head down on my way into the hospital each morning, lest I catch a glimpse of Bobby’s window. Predictably, this strategy was unsustainable. Evaluating a new patient in the ED, I found myself in the same corner where I had watched my colleagues work on Bobby. I couldn’t muster the wherewithal to inhabit my role as a physician while also containing my terrifying memories. After rounds, I sobbed in my chief resident’s office. I saw Bobby’s death as a sign of my failure. I had failed as a resident. I had failed as a teacher. Bobby was my intern and I had failed him. I was terrified of working with another intern, let alone of serving as a chief to nearly 150 of them, many of whom would struggle with their own mental illness.

Each year, approximately 300 physicians in the United States die by suicide.1 Medical students and residents are particularly at risk, facing new professional responsibilities with the highest possible stakes, deep uncertainty about their own abilities, constant sleep deprivation, and isolation from family and friends. When I had a few seconds in residency to scroll through my social media feeds, I would see pictures of a world from which I felt completely removed. On Saturday nights, other people my age discovered new bands and ate at trendy new restaurants; I fought with the electronic medical record to input orders for laxatives and stood in line to perform chest compressions on a dying mother of two young children. These stressors form a dangerous and potentially toxic mix, particularly for trainees with preexisting or emerging mental illness.

Thankfully, I received the psychiatric services I so desperately needed. I still have a scar, but it’s well healed. I wonder, though, how many residents in our program remained isolated in their suffering. Bobby wasn’t only my intern; he was our colleague and friend. In the aftermath of his death, how many of us should have been working at all?

Six years after he died, I no longer worry about having failed Bobby. But I do think the system of medical training failed him and continues to fail every trainee it puts in harm’s way. Although there will be no easy solutions to this crisis, we cannot accept the status quo. We are losing too many young physicians to suicide for the current system to remain morally defensible. Seeking to improve the lives of others shouldn’t cost our trainees their own.

If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, a prevention hotline can help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24 hours per day at 800-273-8255. During a crisis, people who are hard of hearing can call 800-799-4889.

Disclosure forms provided by the author are available at NEJM.org.

The intern’s name has been changed to protect the family’s privacy.

This article was published on March 13, 2021, at NEJM.org.

[bb-tings]

unspoken magic - drew starkey

magic - gabrielle aplin 

(10/10 reccomend ALL HER MUSIC)

so i found this song on spotify while i was looking for a song to write a cute fluffy drew fic to and it gave me such drew vibes bc homeboy doesn’t know how to use any form of social media lol...also the rant is literally me. like my thoughts and actions and beliefs. some of yall 13 year olds really don’t know the meaning of BOUNDARIES.

...anyways enjoy,

-BRI

if you want to join or get taken off the taglist just let me know in my messages or in the comments 😊

taglist: @ampanonyg @ims0golden @jjsmentalpolaroids @stargazingstarkey @letsgofullkook @jjmbanks @maybanksbaby @1-800-jjslut  @simpforstarkey @jellyfishbeansontoast

Remember when we snuck out of your birthday, didn't even say goodbye, 'Cause even there in a room full of faces, all I saw was you and I

     Everyone was having a blast dancing around, drinking, laughing. It was Drew’s birthday after all. The cast had decided to rent out a club and invite family and friends, including everyone who worked on set, the workers have become more like family than colleagues. There was so much chaos going on and while Y/n was so proud of the cast and herself for pulling the event off for her boyfriend, she couldn’t help but feel a little antisocial. She was a social butterfly, but everyone knew that after days of being the life of the party and extroverted, she needed time alone and started to shut down, wanting to be alone. Y/n was so excited for the party but when it came time for her to get dressed up and drunk with her friends, she found herself sitting alone on a couch booth while sipping wine, not really seeing the fun in getting wasted and stupid drunk. 

     Y/n watched as Drew and Rudy drunkenly danced back to back, screaming out the words to OMG by Usher, she laughed as he made eye contact with the young girl and pointed to her, wiggling his finger for her to join him. She held her glass up and tried giving him a believable smile, but the older boy knew better, so he made his way over to her.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Drew slid his way next to his girlfriend and used the towel on the table to wipe the sweat off of his face. “Did somebody upset you?”

“Nothing bubba, I’m fine.”

      Y/n looked up from her short-lived attempt at avoiding Drew’s eyes to him already looking at her. She watched as his hand moved toward her hair as he pushed a fallen piece behind her ear. He looked around her face and finally met her eyes, not believing her. “I’m fine, Drew. I promise.”

     Drew sat back away from her as he let out a loud sigh. “Why do you do that? Why do you lie to my face and tell me that you’re ok like I’m going to buy it? Why can’t you just tell me the truth?”

     “Drew, I really don’t wanna do this right now,” the young girl pleaded. “It’s your birthday, can’t we just have a good time and not worry about me right now?” To that Drew looked at his other half like she had grown another half. 

     “Ok, first of all, this,” He moved his finger quickly in the small space between them. “This Is not a fight. This is me being upset because my girlfriend won’t let me worry about her. I guess she doesn’t know how relationships work.” Drew teased the girl with a small smile on his face. “And second, we both know that I can’t have a good time if you’re sitting over here all sad and mopey.”

It's all the words you never say, the way I catch you watchin' me, I know that you love me, i know you can feel the magic, we don't need to talk about

     After a little back and forth, the young boy had finally gotten the girl to spill the truth about needing some alone time and was now trying to sneak them out of his own birthday party. As the pair rode home, Y/n couldn’t help but look at Drew as he stared ahead. She watched as his changing blue eyes flickered between the path in front of him and the many cars behind him, also driving in the early hours of the morning. 

     Though there were many signs, lights, and flashes that caught her mind’s attention, basically begging her eyes to look, she couldn’t help but only see Drew. This was her favorite kind of Drew. When he is totally unbothered. He was doing something so simple, something that he had been doing since he turned 15, now 27 it only seems right that he should be used to it. However, Y/n couldn’t help to notice how he put all his effort into it, eyes never once leaving the road, she liked to believe that it was his way of self consciously protecting her. And even though she thought she was going unnoticed, the young girl wasn’t the only one admiring from not so far. Drew was watching her too but through his peripheral. He loved that she was enchanted by everything he did. He liked knowing that he wasn’t the only one completely and hopelessly in love. 

No, we don't feel the need for colorful displays, 'cause it's not the kind of game we play, and why should we show the world how we feel, when it's not about them anyway

     Everyone was over at Madelyn’s apartment chilling and hanging out with one another. The blonde was stationed on the floor in between the couch and the coffee table, with a live Instagram leaning on a few books. Y/n was sitting directly behind the girl, turned to the side with her legs pulled up to her chest. She had let Maddie use her phone, the 22-year-old being too lazy to walk to her room and get hers, so now she was just watching as Madelyn socialized with the fans. 

“Ow, shit.” 

     Y/n turned her head to see Drew sitting on the edge of the couch next to her holding his foot with a worried stare. The younger girl let out a small snort. “Did you hit your toe bub?” 

     Drew let out a whiny noise and Maddie proceeded to also let out a laugh, then reusing one of her famous lines, “Never heard anyone whine like that before.” Y/n gently pushed the girl’s shoulder, teasingly telling her to leave the big baby alone. She then returned her vision to the raging comment section. Her once big smile quickly fading to a frown.

I think its a PR stunt bc they don’t even act like a couple

Drew deserves someone who actually loves him...LIKE ME!

gUys she called him bUb! THATS SO CUTE (emoji)

Nah thats def apr stunt, more obvious than shawn and camila

I don’t eleven think i’ve seen them hold hands

     Madelyn and Y/n simultaneously rolled their eyes, the blonde looking up at her best friend gave her a look that spoke “you gonna tell em or me.”

     Y/n slid down from the couch and joined her friend on the floor, getting right in front of the camera. She looked up at her loving boyfriend who was on his phone also looking at the comments on the live. He glanced down towards Y/n and gave her a small smile, telling her to go for it. It wasn’t the first time they had seen comments like this and he knew it wouldn’t be the last but he also knew that she had been dying to rant about it. 

     “Alright, I’m gonna go ahead and say this one thing, and then I’m probably going to take some time off this app.” The young actress slowly took a deep breath and then began her rant. “ Alright, first of all, my relationship with ANYONE, is between me and that person. Just because I have friends, boyfriends or family, does not mean that I have to post them on this account. I understand that it’s hard to believe that 2 people can be happy and healthy unless they showcase it to the rest of the world, but it is in fact very possible. So for everyone who is questioning, my relationship,” the girl then grabbed Drew’s hand, pulling him down to her side of the couch until he was laying on his side behind her head. “This is Drew. My boyfriend. It’s not a publicity stunt, it’s not to get the show more popular, it’s real. Outer Banks is already the number one show on Netflix, so I don’t really think there would be a point to put 2 people in a fake relationship. And another thing, I don’t even have a fucking publicist, so I don’t really know where that came from.” 

     The young girl turned her head to meet Drew’s blue eyes, he looked at her with such satisfaction and amazement. He was proud of his younger girlfriend. For years Drew thought that he would never find someone who was anti-social media like him. He thought that he was just going to have to bare his relationships getting exploited all over the world. Drew was happy that he never had to worry about that with Y/n. 

     “I completely understand why it’s confusing and how you can question our relationship. But that doesn’t mean you can drag our relationship, and me particularly, down. You have no right to say the things you do about me, just because you think that the small, tiny, look into our lives means that I don’t love and care about Drew. Like, no offense, but that’s fucking insane. I’m tired of getting private messages about my weight, my clothes, my hair, my AGE. Don’t even get me started on the age difference. Half of the fan accounts on this app are run by 13-year-olds saying very inappropriate things about a 27-year-old grown-ass man. Like yall understand that’s illegal right. Like, get it through your head that those are fantasies and no matter HOW MANY TIMES you drag ME down, they will NEVER come true. My age isn’t anyone’s business, I’m over 18 so get over it.” Y/n then let out a loud sigh. “I need a damn drink.” 

     To this Drew laughed and kissed her on the cheek, while the other cast members started to whoop and holler while applauding the young girl’s words. They too were proud other, they knew of the struggles that she went through and they knew that most of the time she kept those feelings balled up. Madelyn then grabbed the phone and said her goodbyes to the live, then ending it. 

     The blonde then wrapped her arms around her best friend. “I’m so proud of you, babe. That was so badass.”  Madison saw the interaction from across the room and ran over to join them, adding herself to the hug. 

     “It was great, sissy. You really told them who’s boss.” That last comment made Y/n laugh out loud. She was so happy to have a supporting friend and cast group that made her feel loved. She couldn’t have asked for better friends. 

     “It was pretty hot too,” Drew smirked and pulled the young girl away from the group hug and grabbed her face, and gave her a long passionate kiss, something he rarely did in front of others. “I’m proud of you bubba.”

She couldn’t have asked for better friends. 

Or a better boyfriend. 

Don't need to see it to believe it, no need to wake me up, 'cause I'm not dreamin'

     The couple was laying in their bed just enjoying each other’s presence. Limbs all spread around but managing to stay intertwined. Sunlight was seeping into the white-painted room, brightening everything up, including the pair’s mood. Drew was leaning against the headboard very lazily, running his hands through Y/n’s hair,  who was sitting in his lap, thighs down beside his knees, with her head on his chest. Drew had woken up early and tried to get the younger girl out of bed, but she refused to do so. So he decided that he would just deal with it and let her drift back off to sleep, but with a twist.

     It humored the young actor that people thought they weren’t a cuddly and touchy couple. They were absolutely a touchy couple, they just didn’t enjoy being touchy in front of others, some people not being into that and they didn’t want to make anyone feel awkward. It was more a Drew thing. He was the one who suggested they not have a lot of PDA, and while Y/n was all for PDA, she would do anything for Drew to make him happy. At the beginning of their relationship, Y/n was insecure about Drew’s real feelings because he didn’t show much love through touch, but she eventually mentioned it to him. Ever since then he always made it a point to show more affection the second they were alone. Hints their situation now. 

     Drew watched as Y/n started to stir in her sleep. She started to whine and Drew felt her chest start to move a little faster. She was having another nightmare. 

     “Shhh, shhh. You’re ok, it’s ok,” the young man started to rub her back and hold her a little tighter. He wanted the nightmare to stop but he didn’t want to ruin her sleep. “It’s just a dream. You’re ok, bubba.” Drew closed his eyes and gave a small smile when he felt her calm down, turn her head the other direction and hold onto him a little tighter. Despite what the young girl believed, Drew loved the affection that she gave him. Being the oldest of 3 kids, the boy felt like he had to grow up fast and while he knew his parents loved them all equally, he got less of the affection. He had to grow up and become a little man, help his mom prepare dinner, he and logan had to help take care of Brooke and Mackayla. He just thought that he wasn’t a fan to touch, but when it came to Y/n’s touch he couldn’t get enough of it.  

     Drew closed his eyes and relaxed his body, trying to drift off to sleep himself.  He knew he wasn’t dreaming yet, but he never wanted to leave this dream state with her. Getting to love someone like her, was something Drew never even dreamed of but now he was thankful for that. Because no dream could have lived up to the life that he gets to live with the girl that he loves.

[greatfay]

since ur answering asks and shit can u explain what u meant by generational differences in communication

Damn it’s like 2015 tumblr when my inbox used to be WET. So if you’re talking about the controversial opinions post, YES, like I totally understand where people are coming from when they say that generational divides aren’t real (because they aren’t, they’re arbitrary) and distract us from real problems and yes they paint past generations as collectively bigoted when Civil Rights protestors in the 60s (who are in their 70s and 80s now) are mirrors to BLM protestors today, who could be of any age, but the most vocal and famous (at least online, especially irt to the founders, like Patrisse Cullors who is 37.

But how we communicate is sooooo different. I really point to the Internet and Social Media as a major influence in how younger millennials (more Tom Hollands and less Seth Rogans—see even there, I feel like there are two different types of Millennials) and Gen Zrs/Zoomers and even Generation Alpha behave and communicate. We live in a world where we grew up either knowing right out the gate or discovering the hard way that what we say and do has permanence, the kind of permanence that prior generations have never experienced until today. The dumb things kids have been saying since forever can now follow them... forever. We have an inherent understanding of how online spaces work. Compare that to, idk, let’s say you posted on your Facebook (for the first time in 18 months)��“All these big and bad grown ass Senators going after actual child Greta Gerwig lol ok, you’re so brave for attacking a CHILD over climate change” and then your aunt, who’s turning “forty-fifteen” in May replies to your post with “So happy to see my passionate niece! Much love from us, hope you’re doing well. Paul is doing great, waiting on his screening results. Tell your mom I said we miss her, we need to get together, we forgive her for last Christmas.”

Like... ok there’s a lot going on there, but your hypothetical aunt is oversharing on a publicly accessible post. And even with the most strict of privacy settings, she’s oversharing where your other Facebook friends (which may include classmates, coworkers, etc.) can see. But she’s saying things that would only be appropriate in a 1-on-1 conversation. This Aunt doesn’t have an understanding of such boundaries, she’s not as technologically literate and hasn’t grown up in a world of Virtual Space, she still gets most of her news from TV, she trusts what a reporter on Channel 4 will read off a script more than what actual video footage of an incident might reveal on Twitter, and she has no clue that she’s been sharing her location data with every post she makes.

There’s such a huge difference. I think it even affects how we experience and express stress and frustration. I think growing up partially in online spaces has made me more accustomed to conflict and consequence-free arguing than someone who never had to worry about that. I’ve been exposed so much to harassment and bullying, triangulating and echo chambers in forums and threads, and vastly opposing point of views at such an early age that it’s had an effect on how I see the world. Compare this to a customer I helped two weeks ago who was looking for a specific type of supplement for children. I found it for her, I handed her exactly what she was looking for, even though her description of the product actually matched several different products; to make sure I’d done my job thoroughly and that she leaves happy and satisfied and doesn’t bother me again, I then show her more products that match her description so that she knows she has options. And she proceeds to freak out, saying “NO, NO, I’M LOOKING FOR [X] AND IT HAS TO BE [XYZ]” and when I say freak out, she looked stressed and PANICKED. And being a retail employee wears you down bit by bit, and add COVID on top of it and little shit like this makes you snap, sometimes. So I have to cut her off like “Why are you screaming and freaking out, jfc you’re holding what you said you wanted. It’s in your hands. I gave you what you wanted, I’m just showing you more things.”

That customer is not an exception, she’s not a unique case. She’s representative of a frightening percentage of her generation, the kids who watched Grease and The Breakfast Club and Ghost in theaters when they were originally released. This is how they communicate and process information. She could not, for some reason, register that her need had been fulfilled, and defaulted to an extreme emotional response when given new and different information.

I’ve yet to deal with someone younger than 35 act the same way, the exceptions being the kids of very wealthy people at my new job who reek of privilege I gag when they walk in—but even they are like *shrugs* “ok whatever” and understanding when there’s something I can’t do for them.

Me: “sorry, we are totally out of that one in your size, but I can order it for you, it’s 2-3 day shipping at no cost to you and we ship it straight to your house”

A rich, white, attractive 22-year-old who’s had access to organic food, a rigorous dermatologist, and financial security since she was born: “mmm... sure, I’ll order it”

A 47-year-old of any socioeconomic background, of any race, in the same situation: “AHHHHHHHHHHH”

I just think it’s crazy how three generations of kids and young adults raised in a world where everything moves so much faster, where knowledge and entertainment and communication can be gathered so much faster, are often so much more polite and patient and understanding. Yesterday I told an older man (mid-50s) whose native tongue is the same as mine, as clearly and succinct as possible, that what he’s looking for is “in aisle 4.” He proceeded to repeat back, “Aisle 7?” four time before I dropped everything to show him what he needed in aisle 4, despite his insistence that he didn’t need me to walk him there. 4 and 7 sound nothing alike in English. There’s just something going on up there 🧠 that’s different.

Oh, other generational divides!!! We have different approaches to labor and working. Totally different! I’m a “young” millennial where I’m almost Gen Z, and I’ve noticed an awful trend among my demographic where people actually brag about working 90 hour work weeks. Or brag about how they skip breaks and live on-call to get the job done for “the hustle” like this “hustle, become a millionaire by 30″ culture that’s dominated these kids, idk where tf that came from. Like why are you proud of being a wage slave, getting taken advantage of by your millionaire/billionaire overlords. Compare this to my mother’s generation (she’s a borderline Genius X’er, she and her best friend were a year too young to watch Grease when it came out and had a random older woman buy tickets for her; she went to Prince concerts, took photos of him, then sold the photos on buttons at school, that’s her culture and teenage experience), where she’s insistent on her rights and entitlements as an employee, and these things she instilled me: “whatchu mean they didn’t schedule a break for you and you’re working 12 hrs today? oh no, you’re off, don’t answer your phone cuz you are NOT available!” There are Gen X’ers who entered the workforce at a time that America was drifting toward this corporate world, with more strictly defined regulations, roles, and understandings of labor rights (and also, let’s talk about how the 80s there was so much more attention on workplace harassment, misogyny and gender divides in wage gaps, etc. etc... not that much has changed, but at least it was talked about!). There are young people today who are taken advantage of because they aren’t as informed or don’t feel as secure and valuable enough to claim what belongs to them.

At the same time, those generations (Gen X and older) have a different viewpoint of hierarchies in the workplace and respect irt our direct supervisors. That’s how you get this blurring of boundaries between Work Life and one’s Personal Life that leads to common tropes in media written by their generations, where oh no! I’m having my boss over for dinner and the roast beef is still defrosting :O is such a “relatable thing” for them... meanwhile us younger generations are like I don’t even like that you know where I live, and if I see your 2017 Honda Civic pass my place one day, we’re going to have a problem. I think older generations have a different relationship with the word “Respect” than we do. Like, my grandma, who’s turning 87 (?) this year, and the other seniors in my area, they have a different concept of honor and an expectation of professional boundaries that I, and my mom and her generation, just don’t see (so then there’s something in common with Gen X’ers and the rest of us.) My dad grew up in a world where talking and acting like George Bailey and knocking on someone’s door with a big smile could get you a job, a job that could pay for college and rent no problem. My mom grew up in a world that demanded more prestige, where cover letters and references could get you into some cushy jobs if you’re persistent and ballsy enough. And I grew up in a world where potential employers literally don’t see your face when you apply unless they lurk on any social media profiles you have publicly available and they hold all the cards, and you need all those CVs and reference letters just to make minimum wage... so I feel like I am powerless in the face of such employers.

[aion-rsa]

Mortal Kombat: Why the Movie Created New Main Character Cole Young

https://ift.tt/3rEA11N

To become a leading martial arts movie star, you must fight your way to the top. And Mortal Kombat star Lewis Tan has paid his dues. He’s a second-generation Hollywood martial artist, with his father Philip Tan being a British Taekwondo champion who’s been acting and working in stunts since the 1980s, eventually rising to be a distinguished action director in his own right. It gave Lewis an early start.

He was only three when he appeared in his first film, China Cry: A True Story. He grew up in the business. His father set him on the martial path too, teaching him how to fight at an early age. Outside of acting, Tan competed as an amateur fighter in Muay Thai and trained in Kung Fu, Jiu-Jitsu, and Japanese sword. Due to his lifelong dedication to the martial arts, he insists on doing his own fights and stunts, just like Jackie Chan did when he was younger. 

Tan’s fighting skills also caught the attention of the martial arts fandom in Netflix’s Iron Fist. The Netflix series was berated for its lackluster fight choreography, especially because the titular character was supposed to be a martial arts expert. However, Tan’s guest appearance was exceptional. Tan portrayed Zhou Cheng, a drunken Kung Fu master, and his fight scene was the only one in the entire series worth watching. Tan followed that with another appearance in a Marvel project with Deadpool 2 where he played the short-lived character of Shatterstar. 

Tan soon really started to show his stuff in two martial arts driven TV shows though. Into the Badlands brought top-notch fight choreography with a Hong Kong approach with veteran martial talent, including Daniel Wu, Stephen Fung, Huen Chiu Ku (a.k.a. Master Dee Dee) and Andy Cheng. In Netflix’s Wu Assassins, Tan landed the lead role of Lu Xin Lee. That series’ cast was also stacked with martial arts actors, including Iko Uwais, Celia Au, Mark Dacascos, Juju Chan Szeto, Katheryn Winnick, and more. A feature length film follow up titled Fistful of Vengeance is premiering later this year. 

In Mortal Kombat, Tan takes on the role of Cole Young, a new addition to the massive fighting game franchise.

“We felt it was okay to have a new character in a game that brings out new characters all the time,” explains director Simon McQuoid. The character serves as a device to introduce the world to a new audience. According to McQuoid, Young’s role is “so anyone who’s not a Mortal Kombat scholar or doesn’t have a PhD in Mortal Kombat like a lot of people do, they’ll be able to enjoy it as well.” 

This puts a lot of burden on Tan. Not only must Tan carry the central role dramatically, but he must also deliver on the fight scenes. After all, Mortal Kombat is first and foremost a fighting game. It’s one of the greatest fighting game franchises of all time, in fact. McQuoid insisted that the fights be as authentic as possible. “From the get-go, I said to Kyle [Gardiner], the stunt coordinator, and Chan [Griffin], the fight choreographer, I want these to feel real and I want to be just there with them. Don’t get too foxy or fruity, or crazy, and I don’t want loads of slow-mo. We’ve got to use slow-mo really carefully. Let’s just see it happen.”

Den of Geek caught up to Tan to chat about his role as our eyes and ears into the world of Mortal Kombat. 

Den of Geek: This is a dream role for you, isn’t it? 

Lewis Tan: Yeah, it’s a dream role for so many different reasons and on so many different levels. For me, personally as an actor, it’s a dream role because I’ve been working for 20 years to get to a place where I can showcase my skills as an actor and as a martial artist at the same time with a project that I like, and with a story that I like, and with a character that has a clear arc, and that it is of value. To have this as my first big leading role introduction is truly incredible.

And then there’s a level of pride as a martial artist that I get to showcase and perform all my fights on a huge scale with a big budget and a big studio behind it. That hasn’t been done in many years. I can’t even think of the last time that that’s been done. Then obviously as an Asian actor, to get to lead a film like this and to see not just myself, but many Asian faces and many diverse castmates being looked at as heroes, that makes me very proud. I think that it’s helping push the boundaries and break stereotypes, and it’s very timely considering what’s happening.

We saw that Mortal Kombat billboard on the side of a building that you posted on your social media. How does that make you feel to see your face as tall as a skyscraper? 

It felt good to see. But at the same time that I was scrolling through that, and I was looking at that poster, I was then also looking at the news about people targeting Asians and the violence towards the Asian community. The contrast of that was very emotional for me. It was a very emotional experience to look at that and to feel the energy of the time and how I can be a part of that. I don’t want to say destiny or anything like that, but it’s just like, it lined perfectly with something that I care so much about. And I don’t know what that is, whether it’s fate or destiny or whatever, but it’s important and I’m happy to be here and I’m grateful for it.

You played the game, right? Who did you play? 

I played the game when I was a kid, played the game with my brothers, played the game with all my friends. I was playing the game since I was 12. I’ve played with every different character, but I played a lot with Kung Lao, a lot with Smoke. I played a lot with the robots, Cyrax. I played a lot with Raiden, Kitana. I played with everybody really, but my favorite character would be Kung Lao and Smoke, besides the obvious two favorites that everybody plays with. I was one of those kids that was like, “I’ll find a different character. Everyone keeps playing with Scorpion.” So, yeah, man. I loved the video game. It’s part of my childhood. Now it’s part of my career.

Cole Young is the only character that wasn’t predefined. How was it for you to find that character?

It was not hard to find the character. It was hard to make the character worthy of being in this world, and make the character stand out because all these other characters have such clear and in-depth backstories, and they already have a big fanbase. So I’m kind of going in against the grain here, fighting against the waves. But that’s nothing new for me. I enjoy this type of challenge.

So I was respectful of how fans were going to feel about having a new character in the movie, but at the same time, there’s been a lot of new characters in Mortal Kombat since the game first came out. Now we’re at like 80 different characters, and I felt like if I earned my spot, then I would be very proud of that. So hopefully I did it enough justice to earn Cole’s place in the Mortal Kombat world.

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How was it to work with all those special effects?

It was great, man. There were not too many visual effects. There was some stuff with Goro obviously, and there was some stuff with different sets, but for a movie of this caliber and where it is, and how it takes place and the fantasy world behind it, there was very little green screen, very little VFX. A lot of it was done practically. A lot of the light effects, a lot of the different special moves that happen. A lot of the lights and everything is all happening on set done by our genius photographer, Germain McMicking, and obviously our director Simon McQuoid. So yeah, it was cool to see.

I liked the idea of doing things a little different than what these big action blockbusters have been doing. They set out to make it more authentic, more grounded, more violent, more realistic, and I think they did a really, really good job. Then the VFX that we do have are really incredible, and those could make or break a project.

I am always nervous about that because I don’t know what it’s going to look like. You know what I mean? So to see it finally on the big screen—when I saw Goro jump up, I was like, “Oh my Lord.” I was so happy. He looks ferocious and our VFX team has done such an incredible job. So yeah, I’m really happy with the work that they did. I’m working with super talented people and that made me confident to take the role.

You’ve had the luxury or privilege to work with several great teams of martial artists before. And here in this film, you’ve really leveled up. Can you speak to that a little bit?

Man, I’ve been so fortunate to get to work with crazy legends from Andy Cheng and Master Dee Dee, and Daniel Wu on Into the Badlands, to Iko Uwais from The Raid. When I was growing up, I was training with guys like Chad Stahelski, who is [now] directing John Wick, and my father who’s a national champion, and many, many, many different people, even champion UFC fighters. All sorts of different people, I’ve trained with in my lifetime. I’ve been so fortunate. To then get to work on this set with someone like Joe Taslim or Hiroyuki Sanada, who are not only incredible artists and actors, but incredible martial artists as well. 

I feel like a lot of people, they get this thing mixed up where it’s like, “Oh, well, he’s a martial artist. He’s not a real actor.” No, no, he’s a real actor. And he can kick your ass. It’s both. And if anything, it’s like even more of a testament to how talented these guys are because they’re performing with every part of their being. 

When you watch Joe Taslim play Sub-Zero, you see his performance. If you put it on mute, you will see his emotion in the character, and that’s the goal. That’s what martial arts is. It’s an expression. It’s a truthfulness. So it was an honor to work with them, and my trainer Nino Pilla, who is a student of Dan Inosanto, who was a student of the great Bruce Lee, and all of these legends have taught me and have a piece of that performance. Some of that performance is dedicated to them.

Mortal Kombat premieres in theaters and on HBO Max on April 23, 2021.

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The post Mortal Kombat: Why the Movie Created New Main Character Cole Young appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[quicklyseverebird]

An intervention for an Antifa friend

Written to a sweet friend of mine who is, I learned, a member of the Portland Antifa. Ok, so maybe I just need to get this off my chest so i can move past it.  I just don't believe you, XXXXXX.  There is an utter lack of any evidence to your claim.  

Consider this, the Proud Boys, to use the biggest example, are castigated on every media channel as white supremacists and alt right bigots, despite the fact that their leader--in fact several of their local leaders as well--are men of color.  So the media is already skewed against them and hostile to anything they might say or do, regardless of logic or common sense.  Whenever an act of violence breaks out and there's even a RUMOR that someone is a PB, they jump on it as proof of this, even when the PB's own leaders state that there is no record of that person ever being a member of any of their chapters.  Still, despite that, with a media seeking to demonize them, every video we see of your altercations is them having their rallies, marching about, waving flags, etc, and then you show up and attack them, and they fight back.  Not only that, but even when they just SAY they are going to show up, and then don't, just to punk you, you guys show up and riot and damage things anyways, without a proud boy in sight.  So no.  I do not believe you.  Nor do I believe that "nothing has been laid to waste" when we can literally view videos of buildings being burned, businesses looted, people killed, etc.  Streets vandalized and boarded up, shopkeepers being subjected to protection rackets, then looted anyways.  Your people post the videos *yourself* showing evidence of this.  So no.  I do not for a moment believe you. And no, this has nothing to do with my "news sources."  The news bends over backwards defending you.  The politicians defend you, say Antifa doesn't exist, or is just "an idea."  The politicians justify and defend these riots, and even raise support to pay for bail.  When you attack a PB rally, they call the PB's white supremacists, and blame them, though they were standing there minding their own business and having a rally, which is their constitutional right to do.  When you attack a man in his home, threatening to kill him and burn his house, it's the man who's arrested.  When you break into private property and threaten a home owner with death, and they brandish non-functioning weapons as a deterrent, as they are legally allowed to do (they actually would have been legally justified by castle doctrine to open fire on those people the moment they entered the gate), it's the home owners charged with crimes, and evidence is tampered with in order to make a case against them.  When your rioters are arrested, the DA's let them go without charges.  Your own mayor stands in the front lines with you in an assault on federal property, and then has his own home attacked and tried to set on fire, yet he STILL defends you. The establishment is defending you at every turn.  You are not the victims of demonization.  You are not "the underdog/oppressed."  You are the ones committing brutalization and when people try and defend themselves from you, you cry "victim."  You are the oppressors. Because...and here I need to make a distinction between you the individual and your organization and those like them.  I like and care about you.  I believe you are at heart a good person.  I can hear the passion you have for prisoners and while I might disagree with some of your beliefs and arguments, I can acknowledge and even admire your idealism and desire to make things better.  Even your belief in socialism is rooted in a desire to make things better, and I can respect that, even though I find socialism morally repugnant and stupid. But your organization and those like it: Antifa, BLM and the whole cult of intersectionality are *EVIL*.  I am not using this term to be hyperbolic.  I mean it quite literally.  They are actively, objectively, factually, morally evil.  I mean it in the same way I say that grass is green.  I place them on the same moral level that the KKK or neo-Nazi's are.  In actuality, I believe they are worse than those.  The KKK is a couple thousand deluded, sad, old, little white men, and the neo-nazis are a couple thousand deluded young white men seeking identity and purpose.  Stupid, sad, disgusting, but irrelevant, and scorned by the general public and in public opinion.   It's not the KKK rioting through cities, burning businesses, buildings, looting and destroying primarily minority-owned property.  It's not NN's today stirring up racial hatred and attacking people based on their skin color.  It's not the KKK who have killed something like 35 people in the past 140 days of violent rioting, most of them POC's as well.  It's not the neo-Nazi's who stalked two guys walking down the street minding their own business who had just driven around town and caused no damage or violence, then screamed "we have a Trump supporter here" and then executed an unarmed man.  It's not the KKK that showed up at a detention facility armed to the teeth with weapons for a shoot-out.  It's not NN's chasing down a kid who literally hours before had been cheering BLM's position, cleaning up damage and providing first aid to rioters, while shooting at him, and forcing the kid to defend himself with lethal force, then claiming he was a white supremacist.  It's not the KKK tearing down statues of Lincoln, paid for by freed slaves, or Frederick Douglas, or of abolitionists who died fighting slavery, or hell, even a statue of an elk!  It's not NN's who go to a black man's house and demand that he take down his american flag or they will burn his home down.  It's not the KKK who burned down an apartment building where families were living because there was a rumor the building was used in trafficking, without evidence.  It's not the NN's marching through suburbs, frightening normal people and using their presence as a shield against police actions.  It's not the KKK writing justifications for looting, and calling Jews the face of capitalism. (sound familiar?)  It's not NN's who walk up to people they don't like, away from the people they were allegedly and illegally hired to protect and use the excuse that a man has pepper spray in his hand, to shoot them in the face.  That's all you. I am, admittedly, lumping you all into one pot, so some of my accusations blur the boundaries between these groups, but you are more or less the same in my eyes.  Same drink, different flavors, in my view.  I do feel like I am living in pre-war Germany.  But you are the Nazi's.  In a very real sense, I mean that.  You are the Nazi's in today's society, waiting for your Hitler to arise.  You are the ones going about advocating against free speech...with violence.  You are the ones justifying your actions with claims of socialistic reform and revolution, with violence.  You are the ones burning books, both figuratively and literally.  You are the ones with cancel culture as part of your methodology.  Even you.  I've literally watched you do it, XXXXX, though you said you think cancel culture is stupid.  YOU did it yourself and I watched you do so because someone dared to speak and eat with people you don't like.  You are the ones stoking the fires of racial hatred.  You are the racists and identitarians.  Even in your racism against white people (and POC's who disagree with you, which justifies you in calling them racial slurs) you are, ironically, the actual white supremacists. I'm not scared of the KKK.  I'm not scared of Neo nazis.  I'm not scared of the Alt Right.  I'm not scared of the Proud boys or patriot prayer.  I don't see any of them committing acts of violence.  I AM scared of you.  I DO see your violence.  The PB's could march down my street, and I'd watch from my porch and drink a coke.  If you marched down my street, I'd get my gun and watch through my window blinds.  You are the Nazis.  You are the violent racists.  You are the fascists, in a very real sense of the word.  You are the authoritarians seeking a revolution of society to place your own bigoted views in a place of power.

And just to be clear, I'm not condoning the actions of the groups you fight.  I'm not saying I agree with them. I gather there have been some violent acts with PB's in the past.  They had a "4th degree" in their organization that you reached if you were involved in a fight, but they've stepped back from that I gather.  They seem more like a fraternity, and I don't like fraternities (or sororities for that matter).  I am not aware of any violent activity perpetrated by Patriot Prayer.  And any group has its own, individual crazies.  I don't have to agree with them, or even like them to acknowledge that Antifa, BLM and company are worse.  For them, violence is a primary means and goal, not something that pops up accidentally. No.  You are not right.  You are not noble.  Your organizations are literally, morally evil and the closest thing to a Nazi party in existence right now in our country by any metric or standard.  I just wish you would recognize this and get out before its too late.  I adore you, and I hate to think of you as part of them, just as I would, had I learned you had joined the KKK.

[calpalirwin]

Hair or Lungs

A/N: I’m all for giving credit where credit is due, so big thanks to @carebearofriddles​ for the idea. Hope you guys like it!

And away, and away we go!

~~~

Calum made sure you and Roy were out before he finally came home from his holiday abroad. He, never being an early riser, often caught you and Roy chatting in the kitchen whenever you were over. In eavesdropping on those conversations, he had learned a lot about you. Like how your parents had a rule that you were allowed to do whatever you wanted to your body basically, provided it was temporary, and that you had shamelessly tested those boundaries by coming home with wild streaks of colors in your hair or a new piercing because “it’s temporary!”

You had since grown out of that rebellious phase, only keeping the piercings in your ears and dying your hair less frequently and more normal colors when you did. But you had loved your parents for allowing you that freedom to be you in the most you way, and it was something you planned to do for your own kids when you got to that point in your life. Because “hey, as long as it’s not addictive or harming anyone, what’s the problem?”

Well, Calum had changed up his hair. When you last saw him he was still rocking his blackish fluff of a hairstyle. The length was still the same, but the color was now a silvery blonde. And he couldn’t wait to film your reaction. So, he set up the camera, hit record, and waited. 

~~~

“Roy! He’s here!” Calum heard your voice call out happily as your keys unlocked the front door. “Cal?! Cal!” you screamed before running into his arms. “I missed you!”

“I missed you, too!” he said, dragging you into the kitchen where he had his camera still waiting. 

He reached down to scoop up Duke who was barking happily at him. He mumbled some cute nonsense at the dog before setting him down. Then, he ran a hand through his hair, drawing your attention to it.

“Oh, my God!” you said, clapping a hand to your mouth. “Cal! Your hair!”

“Looks good, yeah?”

“It looks great!” you said, running your hands through it. Damn, your man looked good. “Upstairs?”

“Now.”

~~~

“So, if he quits smoking before the end of the year, you 2 can’t have sex for 2 weeks,” Roy grinned over at you. Your roommate was tired of your late night sexcapades with Calum keeping him up. 

You weighed the options. It was only February. Was this a bet worth taking? Yes, you decided. Calum was about to have a busy year ahead of him which meant your boyfriend would be smoking up a hell of a storm. “You’re on!” you grinned, shaking Roy’s hand. 

You and Calum had been dating for close to two years, a relationship only your closest friends knew about. You both had agreed in the beginning of the relationship to keep each other off of your social media accounts and to only be intimate with each other when you were out of the public eye. It was hard, not being able to so much as hold his hand in public, but you respected Calum’s right to keep his relationship with you between just you and him. And, if you were being completely honest, you were scared for the world to know about your relationship. You had seen the type of nasty comments Crystal and Sierra received. No, it was much better to let the world think you and Calum were just friends. Because you were. He was your best friend, and you were his- “girl best friend, Ash, you’re still his guy best friend, calm down”- you just also happened to be dating him.

Calum kept himself hidden as he listened in on the conversation, smirking to himself. He had never had a reason to quit smoking. Until you. And now with this bet hanging between you and Roy, he was more determined than ever to make quitting stick this time.

~~~

The next drastic change Calum did to his hair was he cropped it super short, dying it silver in the process.

Again, he set up the camera to film your reaction.

“Jesus!” you said running your hands through it. “What are you gonna do next? Shave your head?”

Now that there was an idea! He just grinned. “Look, now you can mess it up and I don’t have to fix it before shows,” he told you, running his own hands furiously through his hair. “See? Nothing!”

You pouted. “I liked messing up your hair…”

“And I like not having to fix it,” he said, tapping a finger to your nose.

“We want the curls, Cal.”

“We?”

“We. Me. The fans. The curls. Give them back,” you said, giving a playful tug of his short hair.

“So, you can tug more of my hair? No thanks.”

“You love it, don’t lie,” you smirked, giving his hair another tug.

His eyes closed and he held back a moan. “Upstairs. Now.”

~~~

When he did eventually shave his head, he was in Korea, and you were home with Duke. Recording your reaction was going to take a little more work.

“Oh, God damn it!” you giggled when he Facetimed you. “Your beautiful hair… it’s gone…”

“It’s not all gone,” he insisted, giving his hair a rub. “Ah, that feels weird.”

“Yeah, cuz you shaved your damn head!” you laughed at him. “Oh, Cal…”

He pouted. “You don’t like it, huh?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“So?”

You sighed. “You look great, Cal. You always do. Now, hurry up, and come home so I can not mess up your hair.”

“Just got Australia left, and then I’m coming home to you.”

“You better.”

“I’ll be home before you know it, baby.”

~~~

“Cal!” you shrieked, coming home to find him home.

“Baby!” he smiled, taking you in his arms.

“Damn it! You’re gonna kill me with these hair changes!” you laughed, running your hands through his hair. The shaved head had grown out into a super short buzz cut, and your boyfriend’s hair was silver again.

“Are you saying you don’t like it?”

“I’m saying you’re gonna give me a heart attack with all these looks you keep serving. Just when I think I can breathe easy again, you drag me back to square one with a new look.”

“So, you do like it!”

“Upstairs. Now.”

He smoked his last cigarette after that.

~~~

“So, you actually quit?” Ashton asked as both men sat in salon chairs. Calum was getting his hair dyed blue, while Ashton was reverting back to his natural brown.

“Yep. Haven’t had a smoke in a week.”

“Damn, you really like her, huh?” Ashton teased.

“Fuck you, mate,” Calum laughed.

“In all seriousness though, I’m proud of you for finally quitting.”

“Me too.”

“So, are you finally going to go public with your relationship with her, too? I mean, you’ve been together like what? 2 years? You live together. You quit smoking for her. You just gonna marry her and still keep her a secret or what?”

Calum let out his breath in a huff. “I dunno, Ash. I mean, I asked her to move in after a year of dating 1.) because I love her and shit and 2.) because I felt guilty she’s stayed by my side while I act like we’re just friends in public. Like she deserved for me to show that I’m serious about her, and that was the best I was able to give her.”

“But that was then. This is now. Are you able to give her more now?”

“I quit smoking…”

“Cal…”

“Look, I’ve been making these videos of her, right? Every time I change my hair, I record her reaction. Ryan’s helping me make it into a video to give to her for our anniversary. When I give it to her, I’m also gonna tell her that I quit smoking for good. She makes me want to be a better man, mate.”

“That’s sweet Cal. I’m happy for you, really I am. Y/N’s a sweetheart. But, aren’t you ready to stop hiding behind the anti-love act and own up that you’ve actually been in love with someone this whole time? I know you guys were both scared at first. But, it doesn’t look like she’s going anywhere anytime soon.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

“I know,” Ashton smirked. Then, “She’s gonna be pissed you made her lose her bet with Roy. No sex for 2 weeks? Damn…”

“Yeah, that’s gonna suck.”

“Is that why you’re changing your hair so much? To make not smoking easier?”

“Shit, maybe… Hair or lungs I guess.”

“I’m glad you’re going with hair.”

~~~

“Calum… Thomas… HOOD!” you screamed, running to put your hands through his bright blue hair. “What the fuck are you doing?!”

“Keeping you on your toes?”

“More like slowly killing me.”

“I take it you like it?”

“Always, bubs, always.”

“Upstairs?”

“Now.”

~~~

“Oh, Cal…” you breathed, dabbing at your eyes as he showed you the video.

“Happy anniversary, baby.”

“Happy anniversary, bubs.”

“So, you like it?”

“I love it. Thank you.”

“Good, I thought you’d be mad I was filming you in secret.”

You laughed. “Is that why you were changing your hair so much? To make a video?”

“Well that and because it’s stopped me from smoking.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I quit two weeks ago.”

“Oh, Cal! That’s great!”

“I can’t take all the credit. You helped.”

“You quit for me?”

“Yeah. It was do crazy temporary things to my hair or keep damaging my lungs. And I need my lungs healthy because I plan on loving you for a long time.”

“Good, because I plan on loving you right back for just as long.”

“Now, sit, I want to show you something.”

“Show me what? Cal? What did you do now?”

He showed you how he posted the video to his social media accounts with the caption: “So, I’ve been keeping a secret. I’m in love with the amazing, beautiful, and incredibly smart @faby/n and today is our anniversary. She inspires me to be a better man, a better man who changes his hair instead of smoking. Happy 2 years, baby, and may we never stop counting the years together.”

“Oh, Cal…” you said, wiping at your eyes again. “I love you so much, bubs.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t ask first. But, I’m tired of hiding. I want the whole world to know how much I love you.”

“This is perfect.”

“And as much as I hate to break up this lovefest, you lose Y/N,” Roy said, snapping you and Calum out of your love daze.

“Damn it!” you groaned.

“Lose what?” Calum asked.

“Roy bet me that if you quit smoking this year then we couldn’t have sex for two weeks.”

“Oh, right.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I knew. I heard you guys make it.”

“You made me lose on purpose?! Calum!”

“You bet I wouldn’t quit!”

“Because I know how hard you’ve tried in the past!”

“I get to SLEEP!” Roy cheered.

You pulled a five dollar bill out of your pocket and tossed it at your roommate. “Buy some ear plugs, Roy.”

“What?! No sex! Two weeks! That was the bet!”

“Roy, lemme tell you how this is gonna go down. We all know it’s Cal keeping you up, not me. And you said no sex. There’s still plenty of other things I can do to Cal,” you told your roommate.

Calum cleared his throat as he knew exactly what you were talking about and tugged at his pants as they tightened at your words.

“That’s cheating!”

“It’s called a loophole, Roy. Now, I suggest you run, cuz I’m about to show the world how much I love me some Calum Hood.”

“Wait…? The world? Did you and Cal stop hiding?!”

“Yeah, mate,” Calum grinned at him, showing him the post that was blowing up with love for you both.

“I should’ve known Cal was whipped. Treat my brother right, Y/N. Have fun, you two,” Roy said, clapping a hand on Calum’s shoulder and leaving the house, a duffle bag slung over his shoulder.

“I’m not whipped…” Calum said, watching Roy leave you to enjoy each other in privacy.

“Cal?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Upstairs.”

“Yes, baby.”

[heavenly-sadness]

Letting go hurts. Admitting defeat hurts. Forcing yourself to realize truths you don’t want to hear hurts. Being the one more invested, in love, committed, that hurts. But realizing it, that is what hurts the most.

I feel like emotionally I’ve set up some kind of boundary. I really wanted to have him to kind of lean on. For him to have the quest to give me the attention and love that I couldn’t give myself. I wanted him to be the one telling me that I was worth something, that someone I loved valued me - because if that person did, then maybe so could I? I think the feelings of sorrow and loneliness was actually me realizing that it just wasn’t enough. Him, on the other side of the planet, wasn’t enough for me to fall in love with myself. I have been so sad and I have shed so many, many tears. I have had my stomach aching first thing in the morning. I have had my mind racing - seeing the world crash before me were he to one day decide he no longer would want me. I think all of that sadness kind of did something to me. I feel like I suddenly realized things I tried to tell myself before. All the amazing feelings, memories and experiences with this person - was with one person on the planet. Imagine all the other amazing feelings and experiences waiting in that endless sea of other beautiful people. No matter how hard I’ve tried to tell myself that before I just haven’t been susceptible to it. The heartbreak of losing the person I felt I had was too great to even consider what was still left to experience. The world is huge and can offer so much. I found him, right? I thought I'd never fall in love again, or to have the honor of someone loving me. But I did, and he did too. He is just one person, out of plenty more. We’ve experienced such crazy and amazing things. I wrote him a letter with the words ”you gave me the love story I have read about in romance novels” once. To this day I really have to stand by those words. He really did. He gave me a love story more fiery and passionate than I thought could be found in the real world.

He held my hand every second he could. No matter if it was sweaty. He protected me in the subway, holding his arms around me were someone to knock into me. He told me I was beautiful, every single time we met. He carried my bag, even when I used to slap his arm and tell him he was dorky for doing it. He took me any place I wanted to go. One week into knowing me he surprised me with my two favorite dishes and a cake to celebrate my birthday since he couldn’t be with me on the day itself. He gave me late night deep talks in cozy bars. He gave me steamy cab-rides home. He took a detour half way across town to be able to see me for 15 minutes before he had to take the last train. He bought me food, even when I asked him not to, because he wanted to. He introduced me to his neighbors, to the man owning his favorite restaurant, to his friends. He always asked me how I had slept the night before. He used to send me texts to check up on me during the day. He gave me my dream trip to the most beautiful city by the sea. He gave me the sunday morning slowly waking up for hours with the sun slowly creeping in through the curtains of the room on the 70th floor of the hotel. He gave me soft kisses on my nose when I was lying on his chest while he was working. He stroked my leg even when he didn’t think about it. He made me laugh until I couldn’t breathe. He would laugh at me, that kind of laugh you can’t control, making me feel like I was funny. He sometimes looked at me in that special way after a deep conversation, to finally say ”you impress me every day”. One time we had gone a week without seeing each other and we were lying in his bed, we both started laughing at something to the point of it being hard to talk until we both finally took a deep breath and in that same breath we both said ”I have really missed you”. That was, and still is, so special to me. He did all the things I would cringe at others doing. He took my straw out of the paper and put it in my soda and even folded it so I could drink it easier. He sung me serenades. He did such dorky, cringe-worthy, lovey-dovey things. He followed me to the airport. He was by my side until a gate separated us. He held my eyes until our gazes didn’t meet anymore. And all of this, was without asking him to be that way. All of this being things I have wanted since I first read of love. All of this being things I thought only happened in movies. He gave me the validation that a love like that exists. He gave me so many happy memories.

We had so many sides that were like made for each other, that were so good. We shared most of the same humor. We both impressed each other. We both loved food and sex. We both loved singing. We both loved adventure. We both loved life.

That being said, we had equally as many sides that just crashed completely. Some of them being the same toxic traits we shared. We were both so incredibly stubborn. So incredibly proud. Neither one of us wanted to be the first one to apologize. And when two people go around both thinking they deserve an apology it get’s pretty difficult to solve almost anything.

He was immature. He could almost never argue in a ”sensible” way and he hated when he thought I was being ”smart” or ”logical” during an argument. To be honest I never knew what he meant. How else would you solve a conflict? He would sometime answer my text messages with ”ok” just to piss me off. And he would succeed every time. He liked playing these power games, where he would just take away a bit of his love if he was mad. He would get pretty mean and tell me hurtful things when he was mad at me. He graded his love for me and more than once he would imply that I loved him more than he loved me. I think I was too stuck in the good fairy-tale memories to be able to see the toxicity for what it was rather than become a needy heroin-addict craving more shots, which is what I became. For some reason I fully believed that my world as I knew it would come crashing down if he were to decide to take away this precious love he gave me. But how precious was it? He got mad at me a lot. He got jealous, even though he still kept a girl he used to sleep with as one of his best friends. He never wanted to listen to me explain misunderstandings. It was almost like he didn’t want to solve fights. He would get annoyed when we didn’t share the same opinion instead of trying to see my side of the story. He would criticize what I posted on my social media leaving messages like ”geez, someone needs fucking attention”. I posted my belly while tanning and he said he didn’t know me anymore. He actually even said he wanted to break up with me because of it. He ripped my selfconfidence apart to the point not even tears wanted my company. Turns out that it’s much harder to cry without tears than with them. He slowly became darker. Like a darkness from within spreading inside him, a little more noticeable each fight. That time, with the picture, it became more visible than before. I could almost see the dark thing behind him, now fully present, whisper things in his ear. He became emotionabusive. Had he been next to me, and not on the other side of the earth, I am pretty sure that he would’ve hit me. The tone became threatening, saying he should let me go because I apparently was so much of an attention whore that he couldn’t give me what I wanted. No matter how I tried to explain that it was all a mistake and that I wasn’t seeking anyone else’s attention but his, he was stuck in his threat of ”letting me go”. I almost wanted him to. Because at that time, even in the moment, I felt that it was incredibly unhealthy. I asked him what he wanted me to do - and to not post anything on social media was the response. I told him I was sorry and that I loved him and his reply was ”I don’t care if you love me less as long as you learn to fucking listen to what I am telling you”. Controlling, jealous and demanding. The traits that didn’t fit into my little fairytale.

That night I realized I felt happier on the days when we didn’t speak. I realized my confidence was higher the days we didn’t speak. I realized he was in fact not adding to my self worth at all, he was stripping me of what little worth I thought I had. Again, he was using my pure heart against me. He used my love, and his lack of it, meticulously. Like a hockey team during power play. Holding me over the fire until I squirmed the way he wanted me to, then he would retract me from it just to later put me back over again. Saying ”I want to let you go” having me answer with ”I don’t want this. I love you. But if this is truly what you want, that would break my heart, but then that’s it.” to just reply with ”Oh, so you are not even gonna fight for it. Fine then that’s it”. He was playing rat and mouse. Breaking me down til I was mentally, emotionally and physically on my knees just begging him to not stop talking to me. Even then he had to add ”I wish I could tell you that I love you right now”. But noticing I was so broken, to mend the bruises he added ”I will love you”, to somehow give me hope I guess. As if love was an on/off switch.

I have never before in my life found myself in an abusive relationship. He had showed me tendencies during the fairytale-play but never to this extent. I guess this is how it works for everyone. They wait until you are so emotionally hooked that you would stay through whatever. And I did.

[jq37]

May we have a recap, please? :)

**spoilers for panic at the art show and home for the holidays**

OK people. I actually don’t have a ton of commentary on these two so I’m gonna try and keep it (relatively) short and sweet [Edit from Future Me: Failed Step 1].

Also, iirc, this is the week Dropout starts streaming new Fantasy High eps on Wednesdays which is very dope and I am very excited for. I probably won’t do full on recaps like I do for normal eps because, lbr, I don’t strictly have the time to be recapping these eps at all and it’s pure stubbornness that keeps me from making wiser time management decisions. But, rest assured, if I have an Opinion, you will hear it whether you want to or not. 

Anyway, on with the show. 

Last recap, I mentioned that this ep was giving me Aelwen house party vibes and now it reminds me of that ep in another way: Everyone rolled like TRASH almost the entire ep. It was so frustrating! They barely got any hits in until like halfway through the ep.

(Aw man, I just realized I’m gonna have to remember which spelling of Aelwen is correct again now that FH is coming back.)

I love how Murph is immediately like, “I need to make sure my wife doesn’t die during this fight avenging her fictional husband.”

Isabella also has Aelwen’s trick of poofing around the battlefield which is annoying as hell (ha) for the group.

Siobhan hilariously casts fear on Priya just to be spiteful. I thought she was doing it to help the evac process but no. It was a purely spiteful action. Bless. 

When Kug turns into an ape he, of course, turns into *the* NY ape, King Kong. 

“I roll a nat 20 on an epic shit.”

When Brennan was describing Kingston’s spectral New Yorker Guardians I was already thinking about that one part of Spiderman 2 (the OG Toby Mac version) and then he straight up said, “You mess with one of us, you mess with all of us,” and I lost it.

“Deny the stairs the pleasure of my feet.” Emily is a poet.

I want to know what makes a pigeon spicy more than anything. 

The fact that Brennan killed Ox AGAIN and then immediately looked into the camera and let the audience know the dog was fine because he clearly Oracle stared into the future between eps and saw the entire internet sharpening their pitchforks  was so funny. 

About midway through the ep, Pete tries and fails to send Isabella back to hell and Isabella starts monologing about her plans and connection with Robert Moses (she stole the list from Santa and is/was gonna marry Moses apparently). I wonder if Brennan was like, “These players are for sure gonna murder her without getting any useful info out of her unless she goes full Bond Villain right now.”

And, proving my point, Emily immediately does 56 points of damage, royally f-ing Isabella up. 

This is a really civilian heavy fight which feels weird in a way the FH fights never did. Like, these aren’t even civilians who live in an adventuring town in a fantasy world. These are just normal ass civilians in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

Pete fails a wild magic roll after failing to teleport into the building and then gets a choice of getting really strong (which prob would have let him bust down the door) or to teleport in (which is what he does and exactly what he wanted). Very clutch when the dice rolls play into the story like that.

Kingston lightning bolts Isabella’s hair off which is just malicious but also totally called for.

On her next turn, Sophie gets hurt on purpose to get low enough to activate her ring, lets her hair burn for long enough to shorten it to a cute bob, insults Isabella, then knocks her tf out. 

I love that Emily took one of her teeth (a seemingly crazy move) and when called out by Lou was like, “It’s a link to Robert Moses” (a completely reasonable answer). That’s the Axford one-two punch.  

I didn’t mention it before but, Willie the golem is here, first immobile but then brought back by Misty. Post fight, he says he was somehow brought here by one of the evil factions of the city and says they’ll talk about it later. Also, Misty makes out with him (DON’T KINKSHAME HER).

With a high insight roll, Kingston is able to deduce that the group was ambushed (though not by Priya) and that their victory was a really important one for the fate of the city. 

(Sidenote: The amount that Pete is Over Priya in this ep is so funny.)

Back at Wally’s (which is where Kug is now staying) Wally has gotten Kug a dog bed to sleep in and fancy charcuterie cheese because he and Ricky are the only pure-hearted people in NYC. 

At the same time, Pete and Kingston have a very sweet heart to heart and then settle down at Kingston’s place to chill and listen to jazz. Idk how else we expected this to resolve, considering this is a Brennan Lee Mulligan DM’d show where the sacred pillars are Teamwork, Friendship, Communication, and Making up an NPC on the Fly Because One of Your PC’s Decided to do an Insane Thing. 

Next up is the Christmas ep and Brennan, Emily, and Zac are in sweaters for the occasion. 

Well,actually it’s the 21st and Emily immediately clocks that that’s the solstice. 

Are cookies the good carb?/Absolutely not. But have fun with your life. (I love Ricky’s soft jock energy.)

“I run deliveries,” Pete says to Kingston’s parents, not technically lying but also not being completely truthful. Misty would be proud. 

Going over to Misty, it seems pretty clear at this point (and it’s confirmed in the promo for next ep) that Misty’s fairy business is some kind of de-aging/reincarnation for herself. I wonder how many of these she’s done so far. She said she’s been around for, what? 200, 300 years? Assuming she’s been doing then reincarnations at about 65-70 years old and she reincarnates to around 25? Maybe 6 times? Idk. Just spitballing. 

Saucer of milk to keep the faeries from stealing her (non-existing) children. Faerie lore is wild y'all. 

Did you take another level of warlock?/Yeah bitch.

The fact that since Sophie has joined a monastery, she’s only taken Warlock levels and no Monk levels is very funny from a story perspective. It’s like, she finally comes to this sacred place to be trained to her full potential and she’s just spending what should be her sparring time playing with her cat in exchange for spells. Wild. 

Emily’s cat-like, self-satisfied grin when Brennan is like, “So you just jerry-rigged yourself clairvoyance powers, huh?” is so good. 

And she did it on the fly because Emily Axford is winning D&D. There are no points but she’s winning.

So, uh, Emily does, two things, very in character right after the other:

Thing number one: She send her unseen servant to spy on her family. Her dad seems hardline, “F, Dale. Whatever. Family first. She needs to get over it.” On the other side of the spectrum is her mom who is very upset about the whole affair with her siblings falling in the middle. 

The second thing she does, very casually I might add, is have her unseen servant BURN DOWN HER HOUSE SO SHE CAN COMMIT INSURANCE FRAUD.

EMILY

Everyone loses their minds and rightfully so. What a wild-ass swing that no one could have seen coming. I love it. 

“I look in my backpack which is now my home[…]" 

I almost forgot that Ricky was a fire fighter who would not abide that nonsense until Brennan decided to cut to him. 

Ricky just dolphin swims across the Hudson in 2.5 mins to go put out the fire that Sophie set. Amazing. 

Ally mocking Emily/Sophie: Truthfully, I don’t know what happened.

"I love John McClane, because he loves his wife.” WALLY

Wally: Oh we’re gonna tell a lie on Christmas.

“This is what winning looks like.”

I would really like to know what trace stuff what on the drugs Pete got from 7 but Ally rolled too low to figure it out.

“I disassociate fully." 

Well it took him a long ass time but glad to have Pete on the selling drugs to kids is bad train. Choo-choo, dude. 

7 saying you can hack in real life in reference to his AK-47 has the same energy as Hardison using the word hack in literally any semi-weird episode of Leverage. 

SOCIAL MEDIA IS VOLUNTARY PANOPTICON

So Kug goes with Wally to David’s house disguised as a dog and, despite that, blurts out that he’s his dad immediately. Well, he tries to. The Umbral Arcana stops him, unfortunately. 

"I lick my son’s face.” KUUUUG. 

Sophie showing up with a raw goose and hellish rebuking it is so metal and it’s a shame no one got to appreciate it. 

Me when Sophie’s Mom changes into black top in solidarity for Sophie’s mourning: F EVERY OTHER NON-SOPHIE BICICLETA. I RESPECT YOU. 

Kingston is hustling very hard to get his man Pete a job which is a very Kingston move. That’s how guys like that show affection. 

Didn’t mention it before but Kingston’s parents and Mom specifically adopting Pete is very cute. 

Sidenote: Idk what 7 was talking about Pete trying to stay low profile. He wears a cowboy hat (now a ZEBRA STRIPED one, courtesy of Kingston). I think the subtlety train has sailed my guy. 

Esther shows up at the firehouse, carrying presents for her mom and grandma and looking for Ricky. The says that she’s kinda dealing with something and it feels good to be around him (beat) magically speaking. Sure. I’m gonna keep my Hercules soundtrack on hand just in case anyway. 

I think Ricky is the only person who, with no pretense, could give his crush a sexy calendar featuring him.

Anyway, turns out Esther’s mom and grandma are the furies of Tompkins Square and she’s fated to join them or something. 

Esther causally: I defy you, I defy the prophecy.

The fury thing would explain why Esther’s mom would have cursed Kug. They are famously magical punishers.  

Ricky is a magically certified Good Boy but we been knew.

Zac’s restraint to respect Esther’s personal boundaries in lieu of getting a lore drop to stay true to Ricky’s character is amazing. Mad props.

So we slide over to Misty’s Christmas party which Stephen Sondhein is attending and him having a character card kinda killed me. 

There’s a post on tumblr somewhere about playing faerie  incapability for impoliteness against a vampires need to be invited in and that’s what I thought about when Moses and his vamp friends showed up at Misty’s house.

Robert tries to talk Misty into striking a deal with him for protection from Titania. She’s very much not having it.  

“You know Robert, I love a comedy and I love a farce. I’d like to remind you of who it is that started this and it’s not me and it’s not my friends but I can assure you Robert Moses that we will be the ones to end it if you do not. Do you understand me?” Damn. That’s a mic drop from Misty. 

[As I’m editing this, I’m realizing I somehow lost a BIG chunk of text. I’m not gonna write it all up again but the Cliffnotes are as follows:

Between the Solstice and Christmas, the gang goes Grand Central Station to see the clockwork gnomes that live there because trouble is apparently afoot. Some size changing nonsense happens and Pete shoots a dog (with mini bullets, the dog is fine). Lou is enchanted even though Kingston is not (a common theme with him). Ally and Emily are on the same nonsense wavelength (as usual). 

There are dope magical dragon trains under Grand Central Station that go to the shadow realm which is a place I’d like to know about. Kingston has never seen these trains before even though you’d really think he would have.  

Murph says Gnome Rights which is wild if you know what Naddpod is like. 

Anyway, the high priestess of the gnomes passed out the other day and they figure out it was due to pixie magic which is suspicious. They also know they pixies have access to a “time stone” which leads me to believe that it’s Brennan and not Aguefort who thinks that Chronomancy is the most powerful magic of all. 

Sophie and Jackson go to Dale’s grave on Christmas. Jackson explains that the Order of the Concrete Fist is basically a literal school of hard knocks. A counterbalance to all the reach for the stars dreaminess that comes with NYC.

Dale was their chosen one who was supposed to stop the monastery from falling when some unspecified badness crossed over to this side, but when he went to the place where he was supposed to get guidance, there was no one there (clearly tying in to what Dale said to Sophie last time they talked. I wonder what she needs to get to the top of? Empire State maybe?).

Watching Murph watching Emily, his real life spouse, play at grief for her fictional husband and do some truly insane things is so funny because you can clearly see him thinking, “I am married to this woman,” which, in fairness, is probably the main thing he’s thinking when he’s playing D&D with Emily.

I’m probably missing something but that’s all I remember. Back to post-Christmas!]

So it’s opening night at Misty’s show and, somehow, Ricky’s first show ever. 

I love that Don Confetti is there because of Siobhan’s offhanded comment for a handful of eps ago about him being a supporter of the arts.

Anyway, everything is going great until the second act when Titania busts in through the mirror which is *not* is storage as Misty requested but on stage. It’s a theater fight, y'all! And not the West Side Story kind although if that doesn’t come up I will be very surprised. 

“Let’s kill Titania!” –Misty in the promo

Just going straight to 11, huh Misty?

See y'all then!

[wanderingaunt]

Where'd You Go, Robin?

This is the first post in my 30-day blog challenge.

Oh look, Robin seems to have disappeared again.

No one actually realizes I’m gone.

Those are the voices I hear in my head as I think through getting back online. My thoughts are very judgmental. I often create fake scenarios and conversations about myself or what I think others are saying about me.

That’s my queue to take a step back.

Honestly, the virtual world was getting to be too much for me. When COVID began to spread throughout the U.S. in March, I found myself feeling pretty grounded and focused. It was the first time in 2 years that I had stopped to slow down. I was in Dallas at my sister’s and learning to adjust to suburban life for a change.

Slow down.

That’s normally not a phrase I say. Yet, the more I learn about my Human Design and how I’m wired, the more I recognize this to be part of who I am. According to my Human Design, I am a 6/2 Manifesting Generator. Manifesting Generators can often be perceived as flighty or non-committal. We like to try things on before we know if it’s going to be a fit for us. The 6/2 identifies the part of me that is a hermit as well as a role model. As I look back at my life over the past 2 years, I can see this pattern unfolding. I am free-spirited and tend to do life at my own pace. Sometimes my pace is consistent and steady, while other times it’s slow as molasses. Sometimes I’m out in the spotlight while other times, I’m going deep within and tuning out everything around me.

While I was settled in Dallas, I found myself adjusting to being in one place. When Stay at Home Orders began, I took it as an invitation to settle in and focus on my work and completing my Retreat Leader certification as part of my yearlong coaching program with Darla LeDoux. I was feeling pretty great and proud of myself for actually focusing and having a routine. As someone who moves around quite a bit, routines are few and far between.

As May approached, I realized that the coursework due date for my certification was fast approaching. In true Robin fashion, I waited until 2 weeks prior to May 2nd to complete 4 months’ worth of assignments. I thrive off of deadlines, yet I don’t always embrace that about myself. I hunkered down and became laser-focused. I completed my work on time and only had a couple of assignments that I needed to redo. I continued to press through and show up fully.

Completing my coaching program became my focus and refuge from the craziness happening with COVID. Yet, my focus was quickly pulled back as hardship came upon my family.

On Mother’s Day, we received a message from my Mom that my Dad was in the hospital with Severe Sepsis. My Mom called an ambulance to take him to the ER earlier that morning. He spent a week in the hospital and came close to death. Thankfully, he survived and has since made a full recovery.

Soon after that, the terrible tragedy with George Floyd happened. I found myself consumed with social media activism—posting and sharing content on my feed, signing petitions, reading, and learning. And then within a week of that, we received the news that my beloved cousin, Clint, had died of cancer at the young age of 44.

My nervous system went into shock.

Another aspect of Human Design is that it shows which channels you have open. I have many open centers and as a result, I’m highly sensitive or in other words, an empath. An empath is someone who is highly aware of the emotions of those around them, to the point of feeling those emotions themselves. Empaths see the world differently than other people; they’re keenly aware of others, their pain points, and what they need emotionally. When I’m not conscious of protecting my energy, I can literally feel the weight of the world. When I go into overwhelm, I retreat into my cocoon (hermit phase).

2020 has been an extremely difficult and unexpected year for the entire world. For me personally, there’s been a lot of change, heartbreak, loss, and regret. As a nomad, I went from the freedom of traveling the world to being confined to one spot; in February, I ended a relationship with a man that I love and have had to deal with the regret and heartbreak from that decision; and then with COVID and all of the anti-racism movements happening, my system was in overload. After my cousin died, it was the final straw for my emotional well-being. I found myself distant from my friends and family and unable to maintain healthy boundaries or communication.

I knew it was time for me to go inward and tune out for a bit.

"I was becoming more and more of a hermit. It's not so much that I was running away from something, I was running into myself."  -- Michael A. Singer, The Surrender Experiment

I rented a car and headed west to Colorado for a personal retreat at the beautiful Six Eagles Haven. It was the first time I had left Dallas in 4 months, and ironically it was the last place I traveled to prior to COVID. When I was nearing my arrival, tears fell upon me, and I began sobbing and yelling uncontrollably.

I was having an emotional breakdown.

The breakdown lasted for at least 30 to 45 minutes. I was near panic mode. I showed up at the retreat center completely exhausted and emotionally drained. I knew I was in the right place to come exactly as I was and that nothing was wrong. I knew I was safe. My coach, Allison, was there to guide and support me through this time.

My emotional breakdown, while painful, was the start of a magical journey for me.

Six Eagles Haven is such a special place and has created many profound experiences for me. Each week there will be a movie night where Randy (Allison’s husband) will select a movie for us to watch. He selected Where’d You Go, Bernadette. I had seen this movie earlier in the year while flying back from Africa, yet this time I felt connected to the main character. The movie is about a former architect named Bernadette played by Cate Blanchett. In the movie you witness Bernadette go through her own life crisis. She’s distant, always starting and not finishing projects, and unable to cope with the real world. Without going into much detail, Bernadette has lost her art and power to create. She gave up creating, which in turn caused her to give up on life.

I found myself relating to Bernadette. I was born to create, and I’ve been resisting that part of me for far too long.

One of the main reasons I went to Colorado was so I could have access to nature and hiking. I got up everyday and lost myself in the woods. I am a explorer at heart and love going off the beaten path. One morning I woke up and decided I was going to climb a mountain. I walked into the kitchen and told Allison that I was going to hike Mount Garfield. Allison looked at me and asked if I was looking for a challenge.

Yes, a challenge is exactly what I need.

Be careful what you wish for. ;) I had looked at the reviews and had read that it was a difficult, hard, and challenging hike. I’ve been on several challenging hikes before, so I figured this wouldn’t be too big of a deal. My ego laughed at me when I thought this.

“What is My Mountain?”

This is the question I contemplated as I was climbing Mount Garfield. This climb caused me to confront how I go about challenging situations and embrace the part of me that wakes up and declares, “Today, I’m going to climb a mountain.” When I made it back to my car, I felt so accomplished and on fire. This was exactly what I needed. I needed to remind myself of how strong and capable I am. I needed to remind myself that I thrive off of challenges and need my own mountain to climb.

The next day as I was taking my daily walk within the labyrinth, I got a download. Every time I enter the labyrinth, I set an intention for my walk and open myself up to signs and answers. This day, I asked Spirit for guidance around the question, “What is my mountain?”.

Spirit: Write 30 blogs in 30 days.

Me: 30…? How about 15?

Spirit: No, 30.

Me: 20?

Spirit: No, you asked for a mountain. 30.

Me: Gulp. Okay, 30…

This is what happens when I try to negotiate after I get a clear message. I’m not as great of a negotiator as I think I am… The call to write has been with me for over a year now. I have dismissed it again and again. I’ve enrolled others in my writing a book, yet, I’ve been in major resistance around actually starting. I’ve come up with every excuse and avoidance tactic. Even though, I keep receiving the call in meditation to write. Even though my oracle cards tell me, “Get thee to thy desk and write!” Even though others ask how my writing is going…I allow time to pass by and wait for tomorrow to come.

So here is my mountain: 30 blog posts in 30 days.

As with most challenges I take on, starting is the hardest part. I sit in resistance for a while and then over-analyze each word and sentence I type. I erase, write again, and repeat. I have no idea where this challenge will take me or what topics and words will be uncovered in the process. I trust the guidance of my higher self and Spirit to guide me. I trust that whatever is meant to be written will be written. I trust that answers to many questions I hold will come to surface.

Where’d You Go, Robin?…You’ll have to read to find out.

I invite you to take some time to sit with the question “What is my mountain?” for yourself. Really sit with it and listen. What shows up for you?

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