effectivehands

[occasionallyprosie]

Y'all the entire credits of Majora's Mask implies that Link and Skull Kid just... went around Termina and fixed everything. They went everywhere and cleaned up the mess, then left Termina and drew a cute little bff thing in the woods. This is the cutest thing I've seen.

[the-most-powerful-ruler]

Random Jackbox headcannons that I wanted to share.

(Possible trigger warnings ahead, prosied with caution.)

The first time Cookie hosted You don't know jack, he was terrified and could barely utter a word.

The YDKJ hosts are a squad and they hang out together.

Schmitty takes anger management classes

The Champed up host is Cookies brother and his name is Chip. (Like, chocolate chip cookie.)

Chip is kind of aggressive towards others when it comes to showing affection to Cookie. He will not hesitate to fight anyone who upsets Cookie (even though he's much smaller than Cookie and will most likely loose a fight.)

Cookie is robophobic and he believes in the conspiracy that highly advanced tech will kill us. (He can handle Iphones and smart watches, but not VR headsets and home assistants and especially AI.)

Nate is totally fine with this belief, as he has interviewed people like this on his radio show Truth Talk 23/7 and has heard much stranger.

The Binjpipe lady is an artificial intelligence female robot called the Artificial Binjpipe Intelligence of ABI (I know it's a terrible acronym but I couldn't think of a good one that spelt something similar to Aby.)

The only reason Cookie agreed to collab with Binjpipe is because Donny forged Cookie's signature on a contract behind his back hoping Cookie could face his fear.

It didn't work and Abi gaslighted Cookie in to thinking she resets him and brainwashed him into thinking he's code and that nothing and nobody he knows is real.

This causes him to neglect his own health, not eat, sleep, or take care of himself, and he eventually lost his mind. Abi planned for this to happen and intended for him to die of malnutrition.

Her plan was to collect data from the Jackbox hosts, put it on a chip, kill the hosts, then download a replica of them onto Binjpipe to put their shows on the streaming service. Aside from being morally messes up, this would've totally drained the life and comedy out of the shows and make them bland and boring.

Nate was suspicious of Abi from the beginning and asked people to send him any info on Binjpipe they could find on his show.

Nate, Schmitty, guy, and Buzz had to save Cookie and rush him to the hospital because by the time they where able to stop Abi, he was to week to even stand up and was incredibly mentally incapacitated.

When Cookie was released from the hospital, he was too week to walk, he barely spoke, and he couldn't think straight or remember anyone or anything. (Basically Cookie is not having a good time.) He's mostly better now but now he's kinda traumatized.

In fact, he was so traumatized that he quit trivia for years (At least until a new YDKJ comes out, if it comes out, and if he's the one who hosts it.)

[REDACTED] insisted on helping Schmitty and Raul (I ship Cookie and Raul) nurse Cookie back to physical health, mental health, and his memory when he was released from the hospital because the state Cookie was in reminded him of the state his mother was in before she died.

[REDACTED'S] Mother had Alzheimer's disease and Redacted helped be her caretaker and would sing her a lullaby she used to sing to him before bedtime. That song was the last thing she heard before she died and her death really hurt Redacted.

[REDACTED] doesn't support su***de, it bumes him out and makes him feel bad for wanting to kill the person.

[REDACTED] Is friends with Schmitty and Schmitty forgives him for torturing him, in fact he acts like it never happened. (Nobody understands why.)

Since [REDACTED] isn't allowed to kill the other hosts, he gives them the dolls he made, kills the dolls when they lose, and makes them stay in 'the looser room,' where they watch a projector screen of the rest of the game and eat snacks.

[REDACTED] Was genuinely hurt when he finds out that you aren't his mother because he was really hurt when she died, and really happy when you got the wig since he thought could see her again

The others heard [REDACTED] in the tattoos mini game, but they couldn't see anything. [REDACTED] purposely left them in the dark about it until they played the mini game to mess with them.

The host of the devil's and the details is a demon who changes his form into a human because his true form would most likely drive the others mad. Also his name is Stan

Stan sees humans as simpletons and he looks down on them. The only human he actually likes is [REDACTED.]

There's a cult related to Stan (Who's real name is Y'thogsomore, pronounced Yo-thogs-a-more) and he thinks the cult is pathetic for following him.

It was really awkward for Cookie to find out that one of his old cats is now anthropomorphic and a game show host.

Back when Mayonnaise was a normal cat, he would somehow change the channel on the TV to The Twilight Zone and watch it whenever Cookie fell asleep while watching TV.

Cookie is a cat dad.

Felicia was surprised to find out that none of the hosts were dating each other, so she threw a make out party to try to have set them up, it didn't work and she just made everyone uncomfortable.

She wasn't allowed to do that for a long time. She's now allowed to hold singles mixers, just as long as she doesn't be as pushy as the first time.

Glargan O'Toe is and Alien who wears a space suit while on Earth. He has one eye and he glows in the dark

Glargan O'Toe likes to go to Clubs and parties

Glargan O'Toe is good friends with Felicia, and they share a single brain cell.

Gene sees DODE as an angel since he's always sent to hell and he loves her.

Toby, Lena, The shadow master, and Rachel had to save Gene from a terrible co-worker relationship (I'll spare you the details but let's just say that my version of the survive the internet host is not a nice person.)

The host of Guesspionage (Whom I've taken to call "Andy") is dating the CEO of Binjpipe (who I like to call "Malefica.")

Malefica has a daughter named Petunia who hates Andy, and Any doesn't like her.

Chip always presents himself as a ride and immature little man who holds grudges too easily and will see you as dead to him if you get on his bad side, but he's a nice guy once you get to know him.

When Chip heard that Cookie quit trivia, he was like 'Well it's about time, all that trivia stuff was so lame." When really he was shocked and genuinely upset for Cookie

When Cookie and Chip where kids, they would do this cute thing where they'd dress up as the Snow miser and heat miser and sing their songs (Cookie was always the Snow miser and Chip was always the heat miser.)

I like call son of Mayonnaise and the Mother from monsters seeking monsters (and that's not me shipping something weird, that's actually cannon) is named Mustard.

I'm just gonna go out and assume that they adopted Mustard.

Cookie was not happy at the mother when he learned that she was seeing mayonnaise

Schmitty absolutely hated almost every show on Binjpipe.

Beatboxing and rapping is a hobby that Gene picked up.

Gene always gets nervous and awkward when playing patently stupid, wich is why he makes and presents strange inventions. Toby and Lena try not to judge him, but sometimes they're just too weird

The host of Bidiots is a total hypocrite. He judges and scolds the other hosts for being so weird and sometimes violent, when really he isn't really any better.

Cookie's hair used to be black. One day he dyed his hair brown, but left some spots black to make it look like a chocolate chip cookie.

That all for now. I may come up with more when other Jackbox party packs come out. I'm sorry if anything here triggered anyone.

[garden-ghoul]

the... hobblog...

“no I’ll come up with a better name for it, possibly”

special thanks to vv who has continued to support my addiction, by which I mean has continued to push more tolkiens into my hands, the better to addict me. And now without further ado LET’S GET STARTED! with

AN UNEXPECTED PARTY

No sorry false alarm, before we do that I want to talk about this kind of puzzling note on the 2nd edition.

[In chapter 5] the true story of the ending of the Riddle Game, as it was eventually revealed (under pressure) by Bilbo to Gandalf, is now given according to the Red Book, in place of the version Bilbo first gave to his friends, and actually set down in his diary. This departure from truth on the part of a most honest hobbit was a portent of great significance.

I honestly can’t tell whether they’re saying that he changed the end of chapter 5 from real events to fake coverup events, or vice versa, or another third thing. If anyone can enlighten me on this, say, someone who obsessively studies the revision history of Tolkien’s works, hmu.

AN UNEXPECTED PARTY

We spend the first couple paragraphs describing what a hobbit hole is. My favorite part is that all the best rooms are on the left side, because there aren’t any windows on the right. I am sensing that this hill is quite a bit larger than the cute little “we draped some sod over a house” sized hill from the movies. Tolkien also does this charming self-interrupting style of thing, where halfway through a sentence he pretends he just remembered that you, the reader, don’t actually know what a hobbit is because it’s something he made up. Grandpa Johnald is telling you a story but he’s only an Okay storyteller.

I suppose hobbits need some description nowadays, since they have become rare and shy of the Big People, as they call us.

Oh okay this explains a FEW things I was indignant about. Hobbits weren’t always shy and good at disappearing, maybe. It’s a device to explain why you, a 10-year-old child sitting next to the stove, have never seen one even though they are totally real. Probably I am OVERSELLING the point that this is a children’s book in my analysis. Whatever. We spend a bit of time on Bilbo’s pedigree: his mother is Belladonna Took (the best name) daughter of the Great Took, which explains why Bilbo is a little weird.

One morning Bilbo is sitting on his stoop smoking a preposterously long pipe (it reaches down to his neatly brushed toe-hair, which, holy shit, why do we never hear about hobbits grooming their toe-hair) when Gandalf turns up. “Good morning,” says Bilbo, who is happy.

“What do you mean good morning?” asks Gandalf, who is feeling pedantic and possibly grouchy. Then he lists some options, because it’s in his programming to be helpful. It turns out that he’s grouchy because he’s in a great hurry to find someone who will do adventures but everyone around here is, well, a hobbit.

“Pity,” says Bilbo, and pointedly starts reading his mail.

“I’m Gandalf,” says Gandalf.

Bilbo immediately regurgitates a bunch of Gandalf Stories he’s heard. ‘You will notice already that Mr. Baggins was not quite so prosy as he liked to believe, also that he was very fond of flowers.’ Hehehe. He seems excited about “adventures” in theory but in practice wants nothing to do with them.

Gandalf threatens promises to take him on one anyway. It will be very amusing for me, Gandalf assures him. Bilbo runs inside and tries not to slam the door, because one doesn’t offend a wizard.

The next day he remembers he accidentally invited Gandalf for tea when he answers the door, but Gandalf is Dwalin the dwerrow now. (I’m experimenting with blogging The Hobbit and only using ‘dwerrow’ just to see what it would have been like). Dwalin comes in and starts hanging up his stuff, and so Bilbo has no choice but to uncertainly invite him in for tea. Another knock comes on the door while they’re having tea, but it’s still not Gandalf. It’s another dwerrow named Balin, who declares himself at Bilbo’s service.

"Thank you!" said Bilbo with a gasp. It was not the correct thing to say, but they have begun to arrive had flustered him badly. He liked visitors, but he liked to know them before they arrived, and he preferred to ask them himself. He had a horrible thought that the cakes might run short, and then he-as the host: he knew his duty and stuck to it however painful-he might have to go without.

This passage is cute. Bilbo’s social anxiety has lain dormant his entire life because he was never stressed out enough to notice it, because Hobbiton is incredibly boring. Anyway Bilbo doesn’t know what to do with interlopers, so he’s just extremely polite and gives them anything they want. Ya pushover. As more dwerrows arrive he gradually gets more polite, if not less stupidly agreeable.

Bilbo is so stressed by the logic puzzle about getting all his guests the thing they want to eat and drink that he opens the door really hard the next time, and four dwerrows fall on their faces on his doormat. One of them is Thorin, who is Very Important, and he’s pissed about this kind of welcome, but Bilbo apologizes so many times that Thorin eventually goes “please don’t worry about it.” Also Gandalf. Another fun thing I want to mention is that the dwerrows who have already come in are talking local politics ( “the depredations of dragons...”) and it makes me wonder if they’re like, not all from the same place? Is this a long-awaited reunion for them? Have most of them been away on business?

Bilbo has to run around serving the dwerrows and gets very irritated. “Confusticate these dwerrows!” he says out loud. Fili and Kili come to help bring in the plates. After a while they have to clear the table, and all the dwerrows start singing in unison either an astonishingly well-improvised or a troublingly well-researched song about how annoyed Bilbo is with their careless treatment of his dishes. Like I get that this is a musical and they’re not literally performing an impromptu musical number, but still. I like to think that Gandalf told them exactly what Bilbo Baggins Hates so they could threaten to do it. When they come back they all bring out their instruments, every one of them plays an instrument. Thorin plays harp, which means that he is my new favorite.

I did record an impromptu rendition of the song the dwerrows sing, but you don’t get to hear it because I remembered that it requires FILE FORMAT CONVERSION. Unless you twist my arm (“ask me to post it”). Bilbo likes it a lot though, it makes him feel the Adventure Emotion. Thorin refuses to let Bilbo turn on a light Because Dwerrows. Bilbo knocks something over because it’s dark, and Gandalf shushes him. Rude.

"Gandalf, dwerrows and Mr. Baggins! We are not together in the house of our friend and fellow conspirator, this most excellent and audacious hobbit - may the hair on his toes never fall out! all praise to his wine and ale! -" He paused for breath and for a polite remark from the hobbit, but the compliments were quite lost on poor Bilbo Baggins, who was wagging his mouth in protest at being called audacious and worst of all fellow conspirator, though no noise came out, he was so flummoxed.

Cute! May the hair on his toes never fall out! Thorin is much nicer when he’s drunk. Thorin goes on in a long-winded and self-important manner, but does mention that “none of us are going to come back,” whereupon the dwerrows find Bilbo having a panic attack on the rug. He is fierce as a dragon when he’s roused, Gandalf assures them. I am strongly reminded of that time Shou was like “no no Shigeo will make a GREAT attack dog you just have to kill her entire family so she’ll be mad!” Luckily for Bilbo, he doesn’t have a family at the moment. So! Tolkien takes a brief paragraph to note that one of Bilbo’s ancestors, Bullroarer Took, invented golf by accident while murdering goblins in a truly horrible way.

Bilbo, foolishly, really wants the dwerrows’ good opinion, so he says “I’ll do whatever it takes to prove myself to you!” Nobody thinks he will be a good burglar at all, except Gandalf. Do we ever find out why Gandalf chose him for this? They’ve never actually met before.

Thorin gets out a map and starts expositing at it, in a mumble. They’re trying to come up with a plan of attack for Smaug, and they ask Bilbo’s opinion, as Expert Burglar. Since he is nothing of the sort he asks “um, what’s going on?” (but with a lot of fancy words) and hopes they’ll forget he’s supposed to know anything. Thorin tells the story of Smaug’s coming, but like, it’s really clear he’s using the song as a template for his story. He uses all the same imagery and everything.

Gandalf tells about how he got the map from Thorin’s father (who he sprung from Dol Guldur) and then went off in search of Thorin to deliver it. Bilbo tries one last time to get out of going, and then everyone goes to sleep. This was a particularly dense chapter so no more for tonight.

[yahoo-roto-arcade-blog]

Seahawks pressing fantasy questions: 'Fit' Eddie Lacy exercising owner brains

Eddie Lacy has staved off the maple bars, but fantasy owners still have trust issues. (AP)

3-Point Stance: Steady Eddie could make multiple appearances in Seattle

As the mercury rises, Brad Evans and Liz Loza will tackle pressing fantasy questions tied to every NFL team. Read, ponder and get a jump on your offseason research. Monday’s topic: The Seattle Seahawks. 

Around barbecues and bellied up at Fantasyland bars, gamer discussions are split on where to invest precious fake dollars in the Seattle backfield, if at all. OVERVALUED, UNDERVALUED or PROPERLY VALUED: Eddie Lacy (71.6 ADP, RB27) and C.J. Prosise (97.2, RB37).

Liz – UNDERVALUED. Prior to injuring his ankle, Lacy looked good. Almost vintage. He was running hard and staying efficient. In fact, through the first six weeks of the season, the big man rumbled past defenders at an elite level, averaging 3.4 YAC. I’m guessing Pete Carroll and Company saw the same thing. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have given him a contract worth $5.5 million. That’s starter money.

A shoo-in to receive between 13 and 18 touches per week, Lacy will additionally benefit from a more experienced offensive line and a healthy Russell Wilson. Assuming the contract incentives motivate the big man’s conditioning regimen, Lacy’s could be in for a massive rebrand. He’s a high-end RB2 for fantasy purposes.

OVERVALUED. Scottish poet Robert Burns famously wrote, “The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” Such is the case with Prosise. While I have no doubt that Seattle intends to make the second-year player their primary pass-catching back, a few glaring impediments exist. In addition to his lack of experience and health concerns, there is the potential presence of Tyler Lockett.

Both gadget players have an over-lapping skill-set. While Lockett also has durability issues, it’s likely he’ll be ready to play come September. Which means these two may cannibalize each other’s opportunities. Given the number of red flags, I don’t plan on reaching for Prosise. Instead, I’d rather take a chance on Kareem Hunt (RB41) or wait a beat and try to get some value out of Danny Woodhead (RB66).

[Fantasy Football is open! Sign up now]

Brad – UNDERVALUED. The public pressure and resulting group effort for Lacy to meet weight thresholds is a testament to the American, and fantasy, spirit. Shed the jellyroll, keep it sexy and the now svelte rusher should return to his previous Pro Bowl form. It’s important to remember he’s still in his physical prime (27 years old), played sparingly his last two years in Green Bay (’15 snap share: 52.0%; ’16: 53.7%) and is one of the game’s most brutalizing between-the-tackles thumpers (No. 4 in YAC/tch in ’16). Russell Wilson’s mobility and downfield effectiveness only enrich his chances for a major rebound.

Seattle’s refurbished offensive line will be critical, but Lacy has a reasonable shot at 1100-1200 combined yards and 8-10 touchdowns on roughly 60 percent of the opportunity share. I’m very confident he’ll distance himself from Thomas Rawls in training camp. Suit up 14 or more times this year and he’ll manufacture RB2 numbers in standard 12-team leagues.

UNDERVALUED. Before you even propose the question, yes, it’s possible for Lacy and Prosise to break into the RB2 ranks, no matter league distinction. Obviously, the latter packs more punch in PPR, the former in standard, but both should regularly thrash defenses working as a power-finesse tandem.

As a rookie, Prosise briefly experienced a fantasy ascension. Though fleeting, it was nothing shy of spectacular. His Week 10 dismantling of New England is Exhibit A. Displaying the nimbleness and hands of Spiderman, he totaled 153 yards on 24 touches (17 carries and 7 receptions) and evaded EIGHT tackles. EIGHT! Doctor Octopus couldn’t have wrapped him up. Over his six-game showcase, he averaged 1.24 fantasy points per opportunity (RB6), notched a 29.8 percent juke rate (RB12) and compiled a silly 8.1 yards per touch (RB1). A strong candidate for 11-13 touches per game, 60-plus receptions and 950-1050 total yards, he’s a PPR beefcake absurdly slipping into the late-middle rounds.

Hobbled by an early season ankle injury and later an MCL setback, Mr. Ciara, Russell Wilson, didn’t exactly climb the chart in rushing yards last season. His career-low 259 yards in the category (QB9) barely outpaced ‘world-class sprinter’ Matthew Stafford. OVER/UNDER ground yards for the passer this season 499.5. 

Brad – UNDER. Physical preservation, I feel, is of utmost importance for Wilson. Yes, he topped the number in three of his last four seasons, but inching closer to 30 and given last year’s hinderances, he needs to protect his body for the long haul. That’s precisely why Seattle pursued Lacy and focused on rebuilding its broken offensive line this offseason. He’ll still occasionally take advantage of what defenses give him, but gone are the days of 100-plus rush attempts. During mad scrambles expect dump-offs to Prosise to become the norm.

Currently, Wilson is my QB10. I’m forecasting roughly 4,000 passing yards, 350 rushing yards with 27 total TDs (two rushing). Philip Rivers, Marcus Mariota, Jameis Winston and Kirk Cousins, going anywhere from 10-30 picks after Wilson, are cheaper and more attractive options.

Liz – OVER. For three out of five years as a pro, Wilson has averaged between 5.2 and 5.6 rushing yards per attempt. With the exception of 2016, the mobile QB topped a minimum of 94 attempts. Given the upgraded offensive line and the time he’s had to heal, it’s reasonable to believe he’ll match those base numbers (94 attempts at 5.4 YPA) and bounce back, racking up at least 500 rushing yards (507.6, to be exact).

“Down Low” should be Doug Baldwin’s nickname. Few in the fantasy game talk about the wide receiver despite consecutive seasons with top-15 finishes. BELIEVE or MAKE BELIEVE: The overlooked Seahawks wideout again tops 85 receptions and toes the WR1 line in 12-team leagues, standard or PPR.

Liz – BELIEVE. Baldwin’s TDs regressed in 2016, but his number of receptions actually increased. That’s likely to change a bit this season, as the team gets back to their running roots. Still, he’ll see plenty of action in the passing game, especially given the lack of depth behind him and the red flags that both Prosies and Lockett present (see above). After two solid years of production, Baldwin (and that motivating chip on his shoulder) has earned WR1 status.

Brad – BELIEVE. Baldwin is a perennial Rodney Dangerfield All-Star. The little attention he receives annually is downright disrespectful. His sharp routes, remarkable hands (75.2 catch%) and stellar efficiency (WR10 in fpts/target) are why he’s in the “Best Slot Receiver” conversation. The consistency king is also unbelievably durable. Presumably crafted from Adamantium, the wideout last missed a game in 2012, the only season he failed to see action in 16 contests. Putting it all together, I refuse to doubt his abilities. He’s an excellent pick in the late-second/early-third round in 12-team exercises (23.8 ADP, WR12).

Chuck passes at Brad and Liz follow them on Twitter @YahooNoise and @LizLoza_FF

[occasionallyprosie]

Finished Ocarina of Time!! (Spoilers ahead idk guys)

Amazing, dude I knew Navi leaves Link at the end but I didn't think it was so blatant and SAD??? Like she just leaves! Not a word, nothing! Even though she clearly cared about Link, especially in the final battle and how she was so insistent on helping him and being partners, she just up and leaves the moment it's over?!?!?! What throws me off is the clear difference in character of Zelda and Sheik, like they're supposed to be the same person but even just their dialogue individually just... isn't alike? They feel like completely different characters. And Malon is amazing, she's just such a sweetheart while also being amazing, I mean she makes this random kid she just met carry a chicken past the guards to wake up her father. I really expected her to come break Link out of the pasture when Ingo locked him in while I was getting Epona!

But once I finished I started Majora's Mask, right? And lord almighty I LOVE IT!

Majora's Mask is my new favorite Zelda game, sure I only just reached Woodfall but it's so much fun! I did a lot of exploring for a few cycles and I got the Breman Mask, I found Romani Ranch too (bro I want Epona back! Gimme her back!) and the chicks! The chicks following you around??? Adorable. The bunny hood? I loved it already in OoT because it was just cute but now I'm cute AND SPEEDY! That being said, it's so disturbing how the masks are painful! On top of that, the cutscene with Link riding bby Epona trying to find Navi? Heart wrenching! He's just a baby! Hes just a little baby!

Overall, love these games, can't wait to start on the Fallen Timeline games, but I am loving MM thus far

[occasionallyprosie]

Update on me playing Ocarina of Time:

Those screaming corpses? I'm assuming redeads but they might be gibdos, I haven't actually asked Navi about them yet... probably should.

Anyway, they suck, and so do those stupid tektites. They are the bane of my existence. Gimme the stalfos or lizalfos or even whole bosses, but if you give me another dungeon with those around every corner? I'm actually going to just quit.