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cloelia1987 · 7 years ago

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Blue Exorcist Theory #1

This in an old theory of mine from before chapter 90 came out. I posted it on The Blue Knight forum months ago but since the site is currently “down” I thought about posting it here. WARNINGS: I’m a talkative freak and my English is... *cough*

Dear crescenti-C, here it is! :)

As for chapter 89's last pages, we're left with Yukio confronting Rin, the first visibly pissed at the latter's lack of curiosity toward their origins. Ok, I'll take it from here.

I highly doubt that Yukio is gonna gain something out of this confrontation. Unable to get a real explanation out of his bro as to why he doesn't care that much about discovering the truth behind their birth, Yukio (in a fit of anger) will get out of bed and make his way off the room. Rin could try to stop him (as he's standing near the door) and will at least ask him where is he going, but will get no real answer. Seeing how much Yukio is irritated, he'll decide to let him be.

After Suguro and co. fly to Kyoto, Yukio may try to meet Lightning in private in order to get from him some info about what happened at the monastery (using his smart talking style and so on) and taking advantage of the fact that Suguro (and Shima=the Illuminati pressure) are away. Yukio starts off declaring that he suspects that Lightning is investigating something related to his and Rin's past, that's why he went to the monastery. I do believe that Yukio is smart enough to have guessed that the priest (Misumi) died coz of the Morinas contract's demon who killed him and not for natural causes as officially stated (we're never shown Yukio approaching Misumi's coffin neither before or after overhearing that Lightning was at the monastery the morning the guy died, but it's not hard for me to imagine, after hearing that, that Yukio may have gone back to where Misumi's coffin is placed to take a look at his neck and find out the symbol of the contract). Anyway, If that's the case, that would mean that the guy was keeping some secret and was forced to reveal it, thus breaking the contract and having the demon take his life (Yukio himself has a Morinas contract on him, so he knows how it works). And the one who forced him to break that contract was... Lightning. Lightning may be impressed by the way Yukio puts together all the pieces. He could laugh at his face and compliment him. At this point, Yukio asks Lightning if what he's truly investigating is the Blue Night incident.

At this point I do think that Lightning may be "tempted" to talk to Yukio about what he learned so far about Asylum and Section 13, he could even be somewhat "amazed" by Yukio's talent and could like the idea to have him join the investigation in a active way. But, I don't think he will accept to let Yukio actually join (the Okumura bros are part of the equation too, afterall). At this point, Lightning will decline Yukio's offer to help him investigate the Blue Night and will take his leave from him. We will be shown an amused Mephisto watching the whole scene from a distance. Yukio, at this point, may receive a call and be reminded that the exorcists exams' day is about to approach and he has to reunite with the other teachers in order to organize matters. This will keep Yukio's mind busy for a lil while.

There's a time skip and we finally get to the day of the infamous exorcist exam. Like, now this could be a perfect chance to fk everything up :D What I pictured in my head is that in this day, the exwires and all of the teachers reunite in a place to run a "final test" (*insert any kind of test you'd expect to see for a exorcist exam*). The Kyoto trio is back, and Shiemi may show up just to support her friends in the day they may officially become exorcists. Things between Rin and Yukio are still awkward. Shura notices something. Lightning is there too (btw, is he still one of the cram school's teachers? We're not shown him teaching lessons for a while now, so I'm not sure). Mephisto obviously is there too. And he obviously has a plan.

Mephisto knows that Yukio has shared a conversation with Lightning (he obviously knows that it was about the Blue Night). At this point, with the official excuse of "restraining Yukio before he gets to discover -too much- on his own" Mephisto sets in motion his plan. Toward the end of the exam, some True Cross "agents" (*insert a role here*) show up announcing they've been sent by the Grigori with the order to put Okumura Yukio under arrest. GENERAL SHOCK. Without adding any detail, the "agents" proceeds to take Yukio into custody. Rin watches the scene in total awe, as everyone else. Yukio is left speechless but looks like he's about to burst. As the agents approaches him, Shura loses it and asks em what is Yukio exactly accused of. They finally declare that Okumura Yukio is put under arrest for having been found "unclear" during some of his latest "daily tests". Being the son of Satan's brother but having only recently developed a change in his "genes", the Grigori wish to keep him in isolation as a potential threat, also to better analyze the situation. At this, everyone is even more shocked.

Yukio knows for sure that what the agents are stating is not true, but he's mixed with having doubts (since his genes may have finally started to "mutate" due to his demonic powers) or... that being all Mephisto's doing! He stares at Mephisto from a distance with a blank expression and find his confirmation in Mephisto's amused grin. In that moment, Yukio recalls Lucifer's words (about him lacking protection and risking to be held captive in case the secret of his eyes was found out... or worse, even executed) and starts to inwardly panick. Rin finally snaps and tries to stop the agent who's bringing Yukio away. He screams out that it's impossible that Yukio possesses any demonic power and that there's no reason to take him away like that. He tries his best to defend Yukio. At this, Yukio recalls that same old memory of his big bro protecting him when they were kids. At this, anger builds up and as Rin is still interceding for him, Yukio screams: "Stay out of it! THIS IS MY PROBLEM!" Rin is taken aback. After a moment he asks Yukio if it's ok for him if they arrest him with that accuse. Rin: "I mean, it's not true that you possess Satan's power. They're lying ..." Yukio: "... and what if they're not?" *insert Yukio's evil glare* *Rin instantly paralyzes*

In the general silence, the agents keeps to bring Yukio away. But... Lightning makes his move and helps him... evade! Yukio is not willing to accept Lightning's help at first, but the guy jumps close to him, enough to whisper him that he got a plan. Yukio, confused and slightly scared for his fate, decides to trust him and runs away while Lightning keeps the agents busy.

Mephisto is ok with this, though. With no place for him anymore into the True Cross Order (being now a fugitive and all), prolly this situation will finally force Yukio to knock at the Illuminati's door, as he secretely desires.

The agents start chasing Yukio. The situation eventually sets down. The first to show some kind of reaction is Shura which walks towards Mephisto and grabs him by his neck. She asks him if this is all his doing. Mephisto, to calm her, confess (even if it's not true) that he organized that plan in order to protect Yukio from the Illuminati which have been secretely trying to recruit him. Suguro glares at Shima, who simply flashes him his trademark smile. Rin is in total shock. A few hrs drop by and the exwires are back in the cram school and are still trying to process the situation. Shiemi tries to confort Rin, alongside the others. In that moment, one of the teachers enters the room to announce the results of the exams. Everyone is promoted to Exorcist rank in their respective Meisters. But no one feels like celebrating at all.

Mephisto makes his appearance and congratulates the students. He announces that he got his first mission for em as official exorcists... the mission carries a direct order from the Grigori emselves...

And... The Yukio Rescue Arc officially begins!

Mephisto is accompanied by Lightning, who was previously summoned by the Grigori for an explanation as to why he "helped" Yukio run away. Lightning tells the exwires, pardon, now EXORCISTS that the reason he "approached" Yukio was to mark him with a "sylph bell" (the same thing he used on Shima to keep track of his movements). -- Lightning managed to convince the Grigori he wasn't purposely helping Yukio make his run. Btw, after succeding in becoming a exorcist, Rin finally fulfilled the main condition that the Grigori put on him, so he's now officially "recognized" as a weapon of the Order and thus 100% an ally of it.. -- Since this will be the first official mission for the exorcists, Lightning (also cause he's the one in control of the sylph, thus he's the only one who can track its location) is assigned to the group as a "special guest support and supervisor". The role of leader is assigned to Miwa (for the strategic capabilities he showed during the exam, making him the "captain" of the group in place of Yukio). Mephisto declares that he had to work hard in order to persuade the Grigori into not being too harsh toward Yukio for his demeanor. After a long debate, the Grigori eventually accepted to show some "clemency", but on one condition. The Grigori specifically request for Rin, as Yukio's brother, to convince him to surrender to the "capture order" on his own will (the Grigori want to test Rin's loyalty to the Order).

If Yukio will cooperate, the Grigori will not "punish" him for his escape and simply take him into custody as initially planned. Also, being the leader of the mission, Miwa will be held responsible in case of any eventual suspect activity (the Grigori trust that the group will not take wild initiatives knowing that this will result in a punishment for their own friend). That being said, the mission begins. Shiemi wishes good luck to the team before they set for their journey. Tracking down the sylph, Lightning guides the group till they reach the middle of some giant forest infested of demons. (take into consideration that a few hrs went by) At some point, Lightning states that he's having some trouble tracking the "signal" of his sylph. So the group pauses for a while. During this time, they have some talk. Suguro watches Rin and can't help but notice how he's been awfully quiet and collected since Yukio's escape. Suguro remembers when Rin tried to "cheer him up" back when they discovered Shima was a spy. So he walks toward Rin and tries to comfort him (also to repay him for his help). At first, Rin doesn't open up but at some point , he snaps and screams out what it's really troubling him.

Of all things, he feels like he just hasn't done enough. He knew that Yukio was hiding something, but he never did enough to prove him that he could be considered someone to count on. When Yukio screamed to him to stay out of the way (back when the agents were arresting him) and seconds later "confirmed" that the Grigori's accuse was right, Rin, for the first time, felt like he couldn't recognize his own brother. Rin blames himself that things turned that way. He was so shocked he could do nothing but watch his brother been taken away. Meanwhile, Lightning heard it all from where he's standing. He's stricken by Rin's words and his genuine show of humanity (something which Lightning loves). Rin is so in the mood to share his feelings that he ends up mentioning that lil "argument" over the truth behind his and Yukio's birth that the bros had days before. At this point, Rin mentions that, even if he feels sorry for Yukio... he has a reason for not wanting to touch that matter. Lightning can't help but walk toward him and pry: "What do you mean...?"

Flashback time: back when he was a kid, after Yukio enquired for yet another time his and his brother's birth circumstances, Rin accidentally heard Shiro talk over the phone to someone. Shiro says something like "I want you to get rid of any information about it. Don't keep it hidden, simply destroy it. Yeah... He keeps asking about it. And we can't risk that one day HE finds out the truth. Yukio MUST NOT ever know!"

Rin didn't know what Shiro was really talking about, but the serious look over his face made him believe it was something quite terrible. So, through not feeding Yukio's curiosity, he was somehow trying to protect Yukio, in his own way. Lightning's eyes literally widen. Eventually, the sylph starts giving off his signal again. But at some point, the signal stops moving. The group reaches the area but... only the sylph is found there. Everyone assumes that Yukio got rid of it and run away. With no clues as to which way he may have run to, the group has no choice but to make its way back to the Academy.

Meanwhile, Shura, who was left in the Academy, paid a visit to the medical equipe which was running the daily tests on Yukio... She asks one of the doctors to do her a lil favor... and to keep it a secret.

Miwa and Lightning go to report to the Grigori. After they're done, Lightning departs from Miwa and uses a key to access a special room... and... Yukio's there! --- The special room is located in a place that Mephisto's power should not be able to reach (or possesses a special aura that keeps it from being "sensed" by him *insert what you prefer* I imagine something like a room the Vatican HQ used in a very far past, before Mephisto joined the Order. They used to use it in order to discuss special matters w/out the risk of being "heard" or "seen" by the Ba'al. Ok... *insert what you prefer*). As Lightning walks toward Yukio, we discover that Lightning "slipped" a copy of that key into one of Yukio's pockets back when he helped him run away from the agents. With something like a flashback, we're shown the moment Lightning told Yukio he got a plan to help him escape. He summoned the sylph and simply whispered Yukio to let it guide him. The sylph showed Yukio the way to a safe place with an abandoned building, he then used the key to enter that room. The sylph separated from him and hid itself in the forest, where Rin and co. found it.

Lightning and Yukio share a long talk. Lightning asks Yukio if it's true that he's developing some demonic power, as the Grigori states. Yukio answers that he's not sure. Lightning notices a weird look on Yukio's face. He then asks Yukio why he wants to investigate the Blue Night. Yukio is taken aback but this question. Lightning then asks if what Yukio is really interested in is uncovering the truth behind his and his brother birth. At first, Yukio doesn't say anything. Then, he states that he thinks it's only natural wanting to know something like that. Especially in his and Rin's case. At this point, Lightning looks into Yukio's eyes and asks him if he craves power. Yukio is in shock. Lightning keeps up his inquiry and asks him if he's actually envious of his brother (and HIS power). Still more shock for Yukio. He finally asks him: "Why are you so shocked? Maybe I asked the wrong question... Let me try again... Is it actually his DEMONIC side what you're envious of or... maybe it's his HUMAN side?". *dun dun dun* I expect Lightning to laugh loud and hard after this, just to break the tension of the moment. He finally tells Yukio that, unfortunetely, he can't allow Yukio to help him out with the Blue Night investigation. Yukio is like: "WHAT??" (obviously, Lightning wants to keep Yukio away from the truth because of what Rin said during their previous mission. All he knows, is that Shiro wanted Yukio to absolutely stay away of it. Lightning doesn't know why, but wants to find out on his own) For the time being, Lightning tells Yukio to stay hidden in the special room. Yukio tries to argue, but Lightning approaches the door and makes his leave. --- A couple days pass by, and Rin and friends got to take care of some minor tasks, like dispatch some low level demons. They're sometimes dispatched to check on the barriers. No big missions at all. One day Rin stops by the supply's shop for an order he's been sent to pick up and has a chat with Shiemi. There're no news about Yukio, but even if the rescue mission was a total failure, Mephisto somehow managed to get the Grigori to leave it on stand by. Lately the barriers had been quite unstable, so all the exorcists were requested to not leave the Academy and to be prepared to take care of any slip off. Shiemi believes that Yukio is allright and tries to confort Rin. After a while, Shiemi accompanies Rin to the exit of the shop. Amaimon is watching the scene from a distance. Lightning is wondering around the cram school corridors with a bag when he's approached by Suguro. The guy has no doubts that his "master" is keeping Yukio hidden somewhere and says it aloud. Lightning smiles and asks him to not make such accusations so lighly in the middle of the place where they were standing. Suguro peeks over his own shoulder to verify if anyone is watching em. Lightning asks him to relax and simply states that everything's under control. He adds that even their investigation about the Blue Night may be approaching his final stage very soon. He then resumes walking. Suguro asks him where is he going and Lightning answers that he got an appointment with a certain someone. As Lightning is walking past Suguro, he peeks at the bag for a sec and notices something (in particular, that there're 2 hamburgers, but we're not shown this). Lightning gave Suguro a hint on purpose.

Flashback right after Lightning has made his report to the Grigori with Miwa and before he goes to see Yukio in the room where he's keeping him hidden: while he's walking out of HQ, Lightning takes his leave from Miwa and is approached by Shura who tells him he got something to talk to him about. They walk into a special room, which Shura opens with one of her keys. She then throws a few papers over a table placed in front of her. The papers are copies of Yukio's tests proving that nothing's wrong with the results and he's 100% still human. Shura throws over the same table a copy of the test proving that Yukio got something off in the map of his genes (the copy which the Grigori agents were talking about when they accused him).

To be sure, after Yukio ran away when the agents tried to arrest him, Shura walked back to the dorms in search of some samples she could use in order to run a new test. She handed the samples to a couple medical equipe doctors of her trust (from two different branches than the Japan's) and got from both of em the same results. Yukio got nothing demonic in his body. But... as Lightning is watching the papers... something on the copy testifying that Yukio got some demonic genes catches his attention. Right beneath Yukio's generalities is written: 005. *dun dun dun* Lightning checks the same data on all the other copies provided from Shura. But... that single data is not present in neither of em. Those particular numbers remind him of something... and a flashback plays in his mind. While Shura is still talking, she catches a glimpse of the mutated expression over Lightning's face. Before she can ask him something, Lightning asks her if she can do him a favor. Flashback's over. Lightning reaches a door and opens it. Yukio is sitting on the floor, bracing his own legs, apparentely sleeping. Lightning walks toward him and puts the bag right beside him, picking something up from it. The sound of the plastic bag awakens Yukio. Lightning flashes him a smile and sits right in front of him, across of him. Yukio says nothing. Lightning unfolds the hamburger he retrieved from the bag and starts eating it. The room is hot (it's a special room w/out any windows or air vent valves). Yukio stares at the bag and notices that there's an other hamburger in it, which Lightning brought for him, alongside some change of clothes (which he states had Suguro wash, so they were clean). Lightning asks Yukio if he got a chance during the last days to cool off his mind (then he laughs at his own words. Afterall, that room was WAY too hot to help cool anything). Yukio says nothing. After a while, he starts talking.

Yukio recalls the time when Rin acknowledged himself as the son of Satan (after the fight with the Impure King). That was the moment a painful realization played in his mind: no matter all he ever accomplished throughout his life, in the end Yukio didn't know who he was. No matter what, he was still unable to define his own identity. Lightning listens to his words, and after a while states that, for starters, that's one thing he can say he is for sure: a human. Yukio's expression slightly changes. Lightning adds that the answer to what he was looking for is right beneath his eyes, he just can't see it.

Lightning tells Yukio that he's lived his whole life trapped in the middle of his human and "demonic" side. So he thinks that Yukio can take his next advice for good. Finding one's own identity is about looking at something from more than a single point of view. And if one is unable to do it on its own, then it takes someone who helps you enlarge your vision. Lightning is sure that even Rin was helped by someone to reach his realization (in fact, thinking about Shiemi and the others helped him). Lightning says that even him was helped to pick which side to fight for from someone. His grandfather. At this point, Lightning starts asking Yukio about Shiro and if he trusted him. In the end, Lightning asks Yukio if he would be willing to give up finding out about his past in order to find out who he really is. --- An other day at the cram school. Rin is walking along a corridor when he's approached by Lightning. Lightning tells him that he was just looking for him. The Grigori assigned Lightning the task to fill a record about Yukio so Lightning thought that Rin, being his brother, could help him gather some data. Rin freezes in place. Lightning tries to break his tension stating that he just needs to ask him some minor questions. They reach a cafeteria. Rin asks how the investigation is going (Lightning has been assigned exclusively to the case after the rescue mission) but Lightning keeps it vague. Rin is visibly worried. Lightning starts asking him about the data he needed in order to fill the last of the record.

The questions range from Yukio's shoe size, his diopters, his favorite color, his favorite manga genre, his fav pastimes, his type of girl... (Rin can't help but wonder how these infos can help with the investigation at all)... and in the end... his favorite food. At this, Rin answers that Yukio's fav food is sashimi. Lightning's lil grin turns into a big smile and he states that he'd like to have some of that. He adds that he heard from Suguro that Rin is a good cook, so he'd like Rin to personally cook him some sashimi. And since he's feeling particularly hungry, he'd like to have TWO rations of it. At this, Rin takes a better look at Lightning's expression and doesn't fail to notice the lil grin the man flashes him. Rin instantily realizes what Lightning is indirectly trying to tell him... Finally feeling reassured after having been worried about Yukio's whereabouts for the last days, Rin smiles himself and offers Lightning to cook him some sashimi back in the dorms.

That same evening, Lightning reaches the secret room where Yukio is hiding. As he enters it, he states that he got somthing delicious for him to eat. Yukio is looking a whole lot better now, also wearing the change of clothes that Lightning brought him. Before handing him the bag he's carrying, Lightning asks him if he's still sure about the plan they're putting up. Yukio straight answers that he's ready to set it into motion, his eyes full of confidence. At this, Lightning puts the bag next to Yukio. He states that he thought Yukio might have grown tired of those hamburgers, so he got him something more of his taste. Yukio opens the bag to catch the sight of a familiar bento box...

#blue exorcist #ao no exorcist #yukio okumura #rin okumura #blue exorcist theories #ao no exorcist theories #my theories

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clowngore · 7 years ago

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thank you for tagging me ?? @fucktional-slytherpuff idk you but wow great Rules: Answer all questions and tag 20 people. 1. What is your nickname? nizh probably 2. What is your zodiac sign? sagittarius 3. What is your favorite book series? i can't read 4. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? hell ya 5. Who is your favorite author? i can't read 6. What is your current favorite song? tbh the first youtube result for kashmir metal cover because kashmir is the song gwendoline thinks of when she's in character as phasma so it's like, her theme song, but the metal cover fits her more y'know 7. What is your favorite word? fuck 8. What was the last song you listened to? haunted mansion theme song 9. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? game of thrones bc i'm stereotypical 10. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? idfk but airplane and tombstone are always things i'll watch 11. Do you play video games? (sims music playing) (minecraft grass blocks breaking) (star wars lego theme song) yeah i'm a gamer B) 12. What is your biggest fear? being average 13. What is your best quality, in your opinion? every single thing i love myself 14. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? my ability to get overwhelmed after being alive for .5 seconds 15. What is your favorite season? autumn? or winter but i just really love halloween 16. Are you in a relationship? nah 17. What is something you miss from your childhood? cali-fucking-fornia 18. Who is your best friend? yumi n izzy n felix are the best friend trio 19. What is your eye color? l ight br o wn ?? ? 20. What is your hair color? rn it's purple but naturally it's dark brown almost black 21. Who is someone you love? the goddess of the universe who saved all of our souls simply by existing, gwendoline christie, 22. Who is someone you trust? the friend trio 23. Who is someone you think about often? ....................gwen 24. Are you currently excited about/for something? death 25. What is your biggest obsession? star wars or game of thrones idk 26. What was your favorite TV show as a child? spongebob hell yea 27. Do you have any unusual phobias? cherophobia 28. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? both 29. What is your favorite hobby? crying 30. What was the last book you read? i can't read 31. What was the last movie you watched? my cousin vinny i think 32. What musical instruments do you play, if any? sort of guitar but i'm shit 33. What is your favorite animal? bears bears bears bears bears 34. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? literally blog that consistently posts abt gwendoline 35. What superpower do you wish you had? shapeshifting 36. When and where do you feel most at peace? in my room, at night, aaaaaaaa and also the haunted mansion and pirates of the caribbean (the disneyland rides) lmao my childhood 37. What makes you smile? gwendoline. captain phasma. brienne of tarth. people complimenting me. cool clothing. me, when i look good. 38. What sports do you play, if any? is suffering a sport 39. What is your favorite drink? i fucking love matcha frappuccino with two shots of espresso 40. Are you afraid of heights? more like "don't push (person) off don't push them off don't push don't push them do not push them off don't do it i swear to god if you push them, which you will not, i will kill you do not push them" 41. What is your biggest pet peeve? gender roles and biases 42. Have you ever been to a concert? (laughs for an uncomfortably long time) (wipes tear) yeah 43. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? an actor or a singer or a president and damn nizh 2/3 44. What fictional world would you like to live in? star wars fuckin duh 45. What is something you worry about? currently school and This Person 46. Are you scared of the dark? nah 47. Do you like to sing? FUCK YEah 48. Have you ever skipped school? refer to 42 49. What is your favorite place on the planet? my room or disneyland 50. Where would you like to live? kerry co ireland or outside of sapporo japan 51. Do you have any pets? ya i got a cat n a dog 52. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl 53. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? i like when the sun is on the opposite side of the world 54. Do you know how to drive? ): 55. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? headphones kill me 56. Have you ever had braces? yeah it's hell 57. What is your favorite genre of music? is rock too vague 58. Who is your hero? i can't answer these questions with anything other than gwendoline dhjsfjkdjs 59. Do you read comic books? i wish i would get around to it 60. What makes you the most angry? refer to 41 61. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? i like real books but i'm so lazy that i'm more likely to read digital 62. What is your favorite subject in school? leaving 63. Do you have any siblings? unfortunately i have two 64. What was the last thing you bought? that implies that i have money to spend (probably clothes) 65. How tall are you? 5'0 or 5'1 idk 66. Can you cook? can i use my brain ever 67. What are three things that you love? gwendoline, my ego, sleeping 68. What are three things that you hate? refer to 42, homophobes/transphobes, overwhelming things 69. What is your sexual orientation? bi???? idk but i love girls and in between and boys are kinda iffy i'm not sure if i like them i don't think so but it's Confusing 70. Where do you currently live? unfortunately the united states of prejudice 71. Who was the last person you texted? yumi 72. When was the last time you cried? idk last night prolly 73. Who is your favorite YouTuber? no one ? 74. Do you like to take selfies? ya way too much but it's justified bc i'm great 75. What is your favorite app? tumblr idk 76. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? it's fine 77. What is your favorite foreign accent? gwen's 78. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? idfk i'm too tired for this 79. What is your favorite number? 13 because i like to be edgy 80. Do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? space, the ocean is confining 81. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? idk i do what i want to 82. Are you allergic to anything? chocolate. dairy. idk 83. Can you wiggle your ears? i don't think so? 84. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? i'm never wrong 85. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? hhhhhhhhhhhhh idk??????? 86. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? nobody has given me advice but, everything gwen says is rly good and basically what i can say is: do things that you want if they, logically, make sense and are reasonable and don't hurt anyone. rules that are based on nothing and are just rules to be rules don't need to be followed. judge whether people need to be respected, only respect authority that deserves respect. society is wrong most of the time. if people don't like you it's not your problem and they can cry about it, you're still great and just because some ugly loser is wrong about you doesn't mean that you're automatically worse. 87. Are you a good liar? i'm an actor so 88. What is your Hogwarts House? idk 89. Do you talk to yourself? mhm 90. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert 91. Do you keep a journal/diary? i don't even keep my thoughts consistently 92. Do you believe in second chances? depends 93. Do you believe that people are capable of change? yeah but i don't wanna be the one to do it 94. Are you ticklish? literally nowhere 95. Have you ever been on a plane? ya a shitload 96. Do you have any piercings? my ears twice but i want more 97. What fictional character do you wish was real? literally take a fuckin guess (phasma) 98. Do you have any tattoos? god i wish 99. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? refer to 86. the decision to not care and to judge things for myself def makes me feel better about myself and the world because the pressures of society need to fuck off 100. Do you believe in karma? sorta 101. Do you wear glasses or contacts? no 102. Do you want children? adopt older (10+) children when i'm older 103. Who is the smartest person you know? lmao me (idk) 104. What is your most embarrassing memory? when i was in kindergarten this girl said her favorite color was either pink or purple and i really aggressively raised my hand pointing 1 finger and said "black!!" and everyone stared at me and my life has never been that bad 105. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? way too many times 106. What color are most of you clothes? black 107. Do you like adventures? idk i don't do shit 108. Have you ever been on TV? god i wish 109. How old are you? no 110. What is your favorite quote? "i became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity" and it's not because of the emo reason you think it actually makes sense if i explain it 111. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? idk 112. Have your friends ever badly disapponted you? side-eyes That Person 113. What is your favorite scent? cold 114. Random fact you know? every penny made before 1982 is actually almost fully copper, and if melted down is worth 2 cents 115. What is your opinion on long distance relationships? hard. just, really hard. not sure if it's worth it  Tagging: @yumikoflare @one-bad-apple @boxer-pup @erosiian @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell and if anyone else wants to do them you should message me so i know to tag you in the future LOL

#ily #this is a lot of shit to write

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turniitoff-blog1 · 8 years ago

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okay, well, oops this is long ... i guess tessa likes to talk. this is kinda interview style ( except for the first question )... like if you were to sit down w/ tessa as a youngin’ and ask her these questions yourself ... which is why she’s hesitant to answer some of them. i guess she’s afraid you’re gonna tattle lol.

Q: how do you represent your label? what is your temperament?

A: this is only question i’m going to answer in a different format because i don’t think tessa would understand. tessa’s label is ‘the enigma’ ... and she’s just that. hard to understand ... hard to figure out ... you never know what she’s actually thinking or what her reasons for doing certain things are ( her motivation is usually pretty clear - by reason i mean her way of/approach ). when everything with candle cove happened, this got worse ... she started to have intense intrusive thoughts about how much POWER the show had; she was curious about the inner workings and felt guilty because of it. her temperament is melancholic if we go by the O4TS. tessa ( child!tessa ) is fairly quiet amongst her peers ( with adults & close friends not so much lol ) ... she’s a good follower, constantly trying to impress ... to do something that’s good and BIG enough that someone will notice. she likes attention in theory, though ... if someone praises her ( she’s not used to it ) it’s nice for, like, ... a second and a half and then she’s uncomfortable and will try to change the subject ... sink back into the shadows. being lowkey invisible has it’s perks sometimes, ya know. i feel like i didn’t answer this fully so i’ll ‘prolly add more / post a HC later.

Q: favorite subject or after school activity?

A: ‘ science! i -- i like science ‘cos i like t’make things an also i like t’do that after school also. well ... ’ the child shrugs, leaning to pick at a scab on her knee, ‘ i like t’make stuff explode when daddy an’ jake are at jake’s games! an ‘sides ... i’m sleepin’ by the time they get home so i don’t even get yelled at! ’

Q: what do you want to be when you grow up?

A: ‘ i wanna work for NASA ... i wanna make a great big spaceship, y’know, like y’see on - on, on TV an’ i wanna make one that’s real big. ’ she gestures, holding her arms out as far as they’d go, ‘ ‘least this big. an’ i wanna make it so, so that anybody who wants t’go on a space trip can an’ ... an’ even the whole world if they want. don’t even gotta pay money for it. ’

Q: what are your favorite books, television shows, and movies?

A: ‘ uh, well, i don’t watch tv ‘lot durin’ football season but when i do, i like t’watch three’s company an’ cheer’s. i like t’fold pages of books in dad’s library when he’s not home. sometimes i find magazines in jake’s room but i don’t touch those ‘cos i don’t want him t’get mad. ’ she takes a deep breath and exhales with a giggle, ‘ i like all movies ‘specially stand by me an -- an’ oh, i like annie, too. ’

Q: what makes you happy? what makes you sad?

A: ‘ m’happy when jake wins games ‘cos dad’s happy an’ so is jake, i like sitting on the driveway after it rains a lot. i like to dig holes in the backyard an’, an’ i put stuff in the holes n’ try t’find what i buried after ‘least two weeks. i like the cat that runs ‘round the neighborhood - i’m their mom. makin’ stuff in dad’s garage makes me happy ... specially after i found out how t’use the fish saw. ’ she frowns to set the mood. ‘ makes me sad when i gotta make myself dinner but there aren’t anymore noodles left. makes me sad when i make somethin’ an’ it doesn’t work or dad n’ jake tell me it’s not good. makes me sad at school when they run outta pudding cups ... and sittin’ by myself outside makes me sad, too. makes me REAL sad when we gotta go grocery shoppin’ an’ jake STEPS ON the white squares ‘cos that’s lava an’ your not s‘pposed to. ’

Q: what is your favorite thing to do?

A: ‘ my favorite thing t’do is create an’ learn. ’

Q: have any pets or favorite animals?

A: ‘ no pets but uh -- i, oh, i can’t pick a favorite! i do like, um, big cats! they’re juss’ like, well ... not juss’ like, but real ... some’ah the things that, that they do is real close t’tha things that lil’ cats do, too! ’

Q: what is something that makes your family special?

A: ‘ um, we got secret family recipes? an’ ... no mom? we clean up the backyard and catch fireflies together sometimes! oh -- and dad let’s us climb on the furniture ... s’real fun! ’

Q: do you have imaginary friends?

A: ' they’re not imaginary! ’ they were. ‘ they juss’ like to hide ‘cos they’re shy so i do the talkin’. i’ve got three friends that play with me if i’m feeling sad or sittin’ by myself. they go to another school in a tree somewhere, but i don’t have a car so i can’t visit 'em -- but they come an’ visit me everyday! ’

Q: who is your best friend? who do you not like?

A: ‘ i like bein’ ‘round adam the most, so, adam’s my best friend ... even though i know he thinks i’m a lil’ weird. that’s okay ‘cos i like that he thinks that and i think i’m teachin’ him some stuff even if he pretends to not want to learn it. ’ she shrugs, ‘ i’d be real lonely without him. and, and i don’t like, ’ she wiggles a little bit, crossing her arms with a huff - very obviously worked up, ‘ i don’t like people who are mean t’him or t’me or anybody else that sits alone at lunch sometimes. I’M the only one that’s allowed to do that. ’

Q: who do you want to be friends with but haven’t yet, and why not?

A: ‘ i dunno, ’ she shrugs quietly, ‘ i don’t wanna make new friends an’ then have ‘um disappear or get hurt, y’know? that would make me feel real sad. ’

Q: who was your first crush?

A: ‘ uh, ’ she drops her head and plays with the hem of her shirt, ‘ kevin bacon. ’

Q: what is the hardest thing about being a kid?

A: ‘ when, when, when adults won’t listen t’you ‘cos they think you got nothin’ important to say! ’ she huffs, ‘ jokes on them ‘cos i got lot’s’a important things to say! i’m gonna create a new planet one day and none of ‘em will be allowed. ’

Q: if you had three wishes, what would they be?

A: ‘ t’have mom back ‘cos she could make dad pay more attention, i think. t’make jake play an actual fun sport that we could both play, maybe... and, um, for the, for those kids t’be okay. ‘specially ryan’s sister. he’s not doin’ good. ’

Q: what is one thing that scares you?

A: ‘ sometimes i think bad stuff and i get nervous that other people can hear it when i’m thinkin’ it but, to help myself not be scared i say ‘if you can hear me ... cough!’ in my head ... which only helps me not be scared if nobody coughs ... oh and also nail guns, horace horrible, blue gummy worms, the drain, ’ she’s been afraid of drains since she could remember, ‘ and hard pretzels. ’

Q: if you had to give away all of your toys but one, which one would you keep?

A: ‘ i’d give ‘way all of my toys ‘cept for my gee ‘cos i sleep with them every night. ’ gee was a stuffed fox with part of tessa’s baby blanket wrapped around it’s neck. ‘ and ... don’t tell dad or jake, but i put a secret compartment in them ... if you reach in right behind gee’s ears, i got a secret hiding spot there for lots of stuff. ’

Q: where do you see yourself in ten years?

A: ‘ i’m gonna be living in a house that i built all by myself with two dogs and one rabbit. i’m going to have a garage on the side of my homemade house with every tool i could ever want ... ever. i’m gonna build my friend’s houses too! ’

Q: what is one of your favorite memories?

A: ‘ oh, oh -- at the beach two years ago. i built, i built a sandcastle on dad’s arms and foot while he was ASLEEP! he -- he had no idea until he woke up! he didn’t know! he slept through all of it! i did a real good job, though ... we got ice cream after, too. it was a real good day. i found a lot of shells that day, too. i still have ‘em. yep. they’re sittin’ in a lil’ jar in my room. ’

Q: what do you wish you didn’t have to do at all?

A: ‘ walk in the hallway at school ‘cos that’s a lot’ah eyes. i don’t like it. it feels like, like y’know those lil’ ants, the red ones? ’ she holds her hand out, palm flat and facing upward. she begins pinching at the skin, ‘ the ones that bite? it feels like those are crawling all up and down my body, biting me whenever they feel like it when i’m walking through the hallway at school. ’

Q: from the time you wake up until the time you go to bed, what would the perfect day look like?

A: ‘ it would be a ... hm ... it would be a day in the spring time and i would be allowed to wake up whenever i wanted ... ‘prolly around 10? and i would come downstairs and i would make a ham and cheese sandwich with mustard on one side ... EXTRA crust. i’d eat that with a glass of ice milk and then i’d fall back ‘sleep on the couch ‘till 12. after my nap i’d wake up and go outside and i’d play outside allllllll day. ALL day ... with tools and PAINT and i’d have all of the supplies i could ever need! i could ‘prolly build a CITY with all of that time! and then ... and then i’d come inside when it started to get dark and then i’d eat dinner ... chicken cutlets with applesauce and then i’d go back outside to ‘prolly count the stars. there are so many! don’t want any of ‘em to feel left out. ’

EXTRA CANDLE COVE EDITION:

Q: what was your first impression of candle cove?

A: ‘ scary, ’ she shakes her head and shuts her eyes, lifting a hand to cover one ear, ‘ real scary ... but i hadn’t ever seen a show like it before so ... i guess i liked it since i kept watchin’? ’

Q: favorite and least favorite character?

A: ‘ i DON’T��like horace horrible ... i don’t like the shape of his head ... looks like a lightbulb ... which makes no sense ‘cos he’s NOT a GOOD IDEA. ’ she shrugs, ‘ my favorite was pirate percy ‘cos i wanted to help them a lot. ’

Q: why did or didn’t you stop watching candle cove?

A: ‘ i didn’t stop watchin’ ‘cos ... i wanted to learn ... more, ’ it feels horrible to say ... like she’d forgotten about the dead children. ‘ the group ... y’know, we were all payin’ attention to the tapes ... that’s all we paid attention to for a real long time. i juss’ wanted t’know why ... y’know ... what if ... i dunno ... i could control people like that ... juss’ made me wonder ‘bout it, is all. ’

Q: why didn’t you tell anyone about candle cove, or why didn’t the person you told tell anyone else?

A: ‘ ‘cos we promised! we promised not to tell anybody and i wasn’t gonna be the one that broke that promise. my dad wouldn’t’a done anything anyways. ’

Q: a recurring nightmare you have featuring candle cove?

A: ‘ almost every night i have a real bad scary dream about horace horrible coming into my room and sittin’ on my legs so i can’t move. he, he says he’s gonna hurt dad or jake if i make any noise an’ ... i don’t think i’d be able t’make noise even if i wanted to ‘cos, uh, y’know your body feels real heavy. anyways, he holds me on my bed and he tells my mom to come into my room and she’s got big claws for hands and she says real bad stuff to me ... real bad ... and, and i feel like she really means it. ’ she drops her gaze and hugs herself with her arms, ‘ an’, an’ mom, ’ she takes a finger and drags it hard against her arm and then her neck, ‘ mom ... mom kills me eh - ... she kills me every time an’ ... once i’m almost dead s’like ... i’m floatin’ ‘bove my body ‘cos then i see me on the bed bloody and mom and horace are laughing at me. ’

#ccove.task #bee tw #so i guess we learned tessa didn't ... have a lot of pals growing up lol #like even w/ all the CC stuff goin' down n even tho she saw The Group often she was just ... so .. QuieT!!!!!!#except for those lil' bursts of confidence that ... never lasted long @ all #also important to mention tessa misses ... like ... a decent amount of school sometimes bc of those nightmares bc she tries not 2 sleep 2 #juSt avoid it u know #i'll probably add the memoir in a diff post because i .... cannot F'ing PICK .... which one i want to do so i might ..d o a bunch and just #put them in one post lol

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honexjams · 6 years ago

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(this is long idc if u atchully read it i just kinda wanted to write it all out for my own self cos im in the shower rn and u know how that is, death spiral of existsntial dread if i dont get this out constructively.)

i was afab but fully saw myself as a boy from like birth so as a lil kid i just assumed i would like girls & to everyone else that meant lesbian so that was ID #1 when i was like 7 years old which was also around when i first remember feeling physical gender dysphoria so that prolly had sumn to do w me wanting to let people know i liked girls ya know. didnt have a super clear understanding of gender roles cos i was, 7, and trans lol. liking girls was a boy thing to me then so i went with it.

then at 11 i learned the words for being trans and was like 'yup' immediately so bam theres the boy part. when i came out to my mom like a week or so later she deadass just gaslit tf outta me and i went into a denial period for like almost a year thEn questioned if maybe i was just nonbinary cos i knew i wasnt a girl. that only lasted a bit before i was like hnnng nah im Just a dude. (i was still terrified of coming out due to ya know the mom & now that she knew i was having Trans Delusions she kept me from getting my hair cut and shopping in the mens section n shit it sucked).

then around 13 p-p-p-puberty happened and i started crushing on boys which freaked me out cos i already had dealt with Lesbophobia (as a guy that type of shit didnt hit the same i know that but it was still ostracization and bullying and not fun lmao) so having to 'un-come out' was weird & i didnt want to sacrifice the one thing that made people see me as more masc on an identity level (ik thats not how shit works but thats what i was clingin to) so i kept up that i just liked girls then just cos that felt like lying i went with bi. now i never had a 'i want to date you' crush on a girl like i had on guys, i just thought they were pretty ya know, so to maintain Bi-ness i kind of capped all attraction i had to guys at that 'i just think theyre pretty' level. i wasnt concious that i was doing this at that point but hindsight is 20/20.

anyway by around age 15 i was experiencing my first episodes of dissociation (long term untreated dysphoria can do that turns out yikes i had a Lot of Rage towards my parents at like All Times for a few months when i learned that thats what caused it oof) and confused the feeling of not having a body with the feeling of not having dysphoria because dysphoria was at the forefront of how i felt about my body. I took on the label of genderfluid for a bit because i percieved this as shifting between feeling male & agender. after a few months or sumn it just stopped feeling right so i just dropped it as lowkey as i held it.

at 16 i finally started coming out as trans and i think sumn about the dissonance between an accepting school life (started going to an art school, lotta queerz & people were super chill) and a transphobic homelife made the dissociation very much way a lot worse. so that, the dysphoria, and generally not allowing myself to be attracted to the gender i was naturally attracted to lead me to not be interested people romantically or sexually, so by age 17 i was like.... why havent i been attracted to anyone all this time hm guess im aroace. then Recently like in the past month? or two? i just caught a crush really hard and was like... i need to confront this and finally just said i was gay.

a few months ago i also got diagnosed with PCOS which is considered by some to be an intersex condition, specifically one where Estrogen Dominant People With Uteruses have a lil too much testosterone which makes me laff cos even my body is like come on this kids trans.

anyway im 18 now and i think im processing that im gay pretty well and i should be going on T next month if all goes alright. long story short life is weird and it gets better.

cant believe ive really identified as male female nonbinary and genderfluid, also as gay lesbian bi pan and aroace, and also have an intersex condition. the whole fucking acronym wow we stan

#talkin.555 #lgbt #queer #writing #long

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kuchxn-blog · 8 years ago

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//My own personal little wish list rant beneath the cut that most ppl prolly won’t care about because it’s mostly strictly Saiki Kusuo no Psi Nan related but I still wanna get out lmao//

OKAY FIRST OFF. I low--nah I HIGH KEY wish there were more role players for this fandom. And not just Saikis. I want Kaidou’s and Nendous (though he would be difficult I’ll admit) and Teruhashis and Toritsukas and Hairos and Kuboyasus--gimmie the whole damn gang fam. I love crossovers and all but aaaaaah I hope for this role play comminuty (and the Mob RP community tbh I have like a hard-on for MP100 crossovers. Sue me.) grow more soon~

I mostly want a Kaidou though becAUSE HE’S PRECIOUS?? AND SMOL (like. ridiculously tiny for a 16 year old. He’s shorter than Saiki and Saiki’s only 5″4′)? AND NEEDS TO BE PROTECTED??

But also because I want an AU where Kaidou’s actually not just a lonely boy with severe chuunibyou and the whole Dark Reunion bit and things with him having powers are real. Of course he would behave differently and it would make for a very different series. But I still want it (mostly because Kusuo would be there like jesus fuck no why did I have to get involved leave me alone with your world conquering evil organizations i just want coffee jelly and peace. But then DR would accidentally fuck with Saiki thinking he’s just a powerless friend of Kaidou’s and then he is somewhat more willingly involved because he’s petty like that and will #rek those fuckers with Kaidou.

I JUST LOOKED IT UP HE’S FUCKIN 5″2′ (159cm) HE’ SO TINY SEND HELP.

More on that Dark Reunion AU thing tho because while everyone else would still lack powers (and Kaidou would be ridiculously attached to Saiki because ‘FELLOW FRIEND WITH POWERS’) their classmates would prolly wind up involved without meaning to.

Motherfucking Teruhashi like ‘Who are these shady ass men following my Saiki time to sick my boys on them or just charm all the information I can out of them see if THAT won’t make you ‘ouf’ for me Saiki.’

gODDAMN HAIRO FREAKING MELTING DR AGENTS THE SAME WAY HE MELTS SNOW. (on the real tho he’s an outrageously tough kid and a black belt in Judo And lord knows what else. He could fuck some unsuspecting peeps up)

Hairo and Kuboyasu just throwing down in general. Kuboyasu calling in some old connections. “I came here to stop fighting now look what you fuckers went and make me did.”

DR people just avoid Nendou on principal after they realized this ogre of a kid may be dumb but he ruins everything he touches he’s like a walking bad omen for their evil schemes.

Toritsuka like “Oh hey saiki-san i was asking for this ghosts help to peep on the girls locker room but he spotted a really shady looking guy hiding machines and stuff around campus--wAIT DON’T KILL ME FOR THE PEEPING I DID SOMETHING GOOD DIDN’T I?

Aiura forseeing danger with her crystal ball and tracking their movements within their community whenever she picks them up (yay psychic trio).

Kaidou’s already a tough customer. Confrontations with him already have to be planned out with some of their toughest agents used for the job.

But then there’s motherfucking Saiki.

JESUS FUCK WHERE IS THE GODDAMN ARMY WE TOLD YOU TO HAVE READY TO FIGHT THE PINK ESPER KID? “HE ALREADY FINISHED THEM OFF MA’AM. AND HE’S ON HIS WAY TO RENDEZVOUS WITH THE JET BLACK WINGS.’ “ABORT FUCKING MISSION. SAVE YOUR ASSES SOLDIERS YOU CAN’T TAKE THEM BOTH.”

PK accidentally becoming their own mini-army and the biggest threat against Dark Reunion.

Kaidou generally being in charge since he knows the most about the organization. (hes such a tiny but adorably capable leader)

Kusuo generally keeping to the sides despite being the powerhouse of the team until its obvious he’s needed.

Dark Reunion trying really hard to plan their attacks for when Kusuo’s not around and they’re out of his telepathic range and this kid’s a monster

Dark Reunion trying even harder to avoid NENDOU because he’s worse than Saiki.

PFFFT--DARK REUNION LEARNING THAT KUSUO’S MAIN WEAKNESSES ARE COFFEE JELLY AND BUGS.

“SAIKI-SAN WHERE ARE YOU WE’RE UNDER ATTACK THE SCHOOL’S ABOUT TO BE LEVELED. AND KAIDOU’S SURROUNDED.” --Toritsuka probably.

“Oh my bad there was this giant coffee jelly in Madagascar for some reason and I had to get to i--oh im gonna murder them.” Because no one uses his love of coffee jelly against him (except Kusuke). NO ONE.

“WHAT HAPPENED TO THE PLAN WITH THE BUGS?”

“HE STARTED RAMPAGING INSTEAD OF FLEEING MA’AM I THINK FEAR MAKES HIM HARDER TO HANDLE.”

Poisoning the coffee jelly was the last straw. After Kusuke got him back on his feet Kusuo was gonna raze the goddamn earth because coffee jelly is innocent you bastards.

Except Kaidou and co were already righteously pissed on Saiki’s behalf and wrecked all DR bases in the area and Kaidou, Kuboyasu, and Teruhashi were already spearheading operations to wreck every shithole they got in Japan (cause they got the most connections lets face it).

Set off the 5″2′ ball of rage why don’t you. He’s tiny. So the power is more densely compact and will be released more violently u done fucked up.

Probably sent Mera in on a mission or two to ruin all their provisions and supplies. By letting her eat them. All of them.

“Ma’am our base is out of rations! We wont make it a few more days like this at this base.” “What do you mean out of rations where did they all go?” “We found this girl eating the supplies in the last storeroom.” “What about the others?” “She’s the only one.”

There was enough food for about 200 soldiers

Kaidou is so smol guys help i want a life size plush of him because it still wouldnt take up a lot of room on my b e d.

But yeah gimmie all the saiki roleplayers so I can convince them to do this shit verse with me.

but most importantanly give me small baby kaidou hES SO PRESH.

#{ ℳ𝓾𝓷'𝓼 ℳ𝓲𝓷𝓭 [ooc] }#[wishlist]#Saiki Kusuo no PSI Nan #The Disastrous Life of Saiki K #The Disastrous Life of Saiki K.#Saiki Kusuo no Ψ-nan #i love how small kaidou is tbh #if you hadnt noticed

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theliterateape · 6 years ago

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Farewell to Chicago [1989–2019]

By Don Hall

Thirty years. Almost to the month. Like my ten years with the Chicago Public Schools (closer to nine), my decade in the public radio mines (shy by two months) and my five years hosting The Moth (just short by a month), I’ll round up and if that bothers you, consider yourself a pedant and kin to that fucker who corrects your grammar while in line at a CVS.

No one in Chicago knew a goddamned thing about me on April 7, 1989. I didn’t know anyone in Chicago that day as I drove my blue and grey 1984 Bronco II onto a crowded Lake Shore Drive in Friday afternoon rush hour. Having spent my years growing up jumping from place to place, new wasn’t intimidating but that traffic was something I had yet to encounter. Christ, it took me two days in Chicago to figure out that when other drivers were honking at you, they weren’t waving but flipping you off.

I had no clue on that day that I’d spend the next thirty years of my life in Chicago.

A recitation of accomplishments, jobs, marriages (three), personal and public wars, and lessons learned easy and hard wouldn’t do it justice. I might as well list the cash amounts paid out to rent and utilities. There are, however, moments that help sum up and define what became known as my Chicago.

1989

“Are you the new librarian?”

“No. I’m the music sub but they didn’t have a music position open so I’m being paid as the library sub.”

“Oh. Well, can you bring the book cart to my classroom at 10:45 anyway?”

“Sure.”

“By the way, you know you can’t sleep in your truck in the school parking lot, right?”

“Oh. Yeah. Got it.”

BIG FISH

1990

Marty DeMaat welcomes the Level One students to the Second City Training Program. I look around at the new faces and see Alida Vitas, whom I steamrolled through in our audition scene a few weeks ago. I wave “Hi” and she smiles. Joe Janes is there. He auditioned right after I did so he was in the room during mine. He seems slightly surprised to see me.

“Oh.” he says drily. “They let you in?”

Weeks later, he and I and a cast of other trainees concoct a sketch show entitled “Attack of the Fifty-Foot Woman” that we produce in Andersonville later in the year.

1991

“I can’t believe you’ve never had a Lincoln Breakfast,” he mused.

Carey Goldenberg, a Jewish Deadhead who had performed at Second City with Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Dan Castelleneta and was now an eighth grade math teacher, sat down at the booth.

“Try the The Monitor Skillet Eggs.”

“Monitor?”

“Named after an Ironsides ship from the Civil War.”

“Oh. Weird.”

“So what’s the big number for the choir next week?”

“We’re doing a tribute to Journey.”

“And the kids dig it?”

“They love it. It’s all new to them. They think ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ was written with them in mind.”

“It kind of was.”

“Yup.”

“You aren't Going to Tell My Mom, are You?"

1992

Jeff Hoover, Joe Janes and I, sitting in the grass just behind the Chicago History Museum. Each of us have cigars and are smoking them.

Weeks earlier, Jeff and I saw “Cannibal Cheerleaders on Crack” on Broadway and, in a slightly drunken haze, decided we could could probably do better.

“Let’s call Joe,” Hoover slurred, tipping his Modelo just enough to dribble some on his shoes.

In the grass, amidst the stinky clouds of barely smoked Romeo and Juliettas, the three of us decide to start our own theater company. Weeks later, we hold auditions in the Neo-Futurarium and cast Level 6, an ensemble of improvisers and sketch comedians with aspirations of something more.

Peculiar Journeys Ep. 28

1993

From the Chicago Reader when they reviewed shows every week, every show:

A MEAN WATUSI

Level 6 and Free Pickles

at Shay's

Only suckers and wimps do just one show at a time: that seems to be the spirit behind the two new revues being hosted by the comedy group Level 6, and for chutzpah alone they deserve credit. While running their straight improv show A Mean Watusi every Sunday night at Shay's bar, they've also put together a scripted show, Silence of the Frogs, a so-called "nonrevue of unimprovisation," which they perform Wednesday nights. Unfortunately, the young group's ambition has overreached their talents, and what might make a fresh 90-minute show has been inflated into two overlong evenings.

The group's biggest mistake is failing to isolate its real creative strength. In A Mean Watusi Level 6 shows what it does best with new twists on the standard improvisational games and some quick wit. While not all the scenes are winners, the group's good humor and high energy make the clunky moments easier to take.

SILENCE OF THE FROGS

Level 6

at Puszh Studios

In Silence of the Frogs, the creative limitations of Level 6 really begin to show. One would think the luxury of a script would prompt them to weed out some of the dross, but instead their material only seems worse. After an interesting introduction in which actor Don Hall plays a muted trumpet to an audio background of croaking frogs, the show screeches to a halt in the first scene.

Cliched dialogue, nondescript characters, and half-realized situations, the sketches end before anything really happens. To make things worse, Joe Janes's direction is so uncertain that the actors appear uncomfortable as they carry out silly stage business (such as when the workmen begin scrubbing an el platform, a spectacle I have never witnessed in all my years as a commuter).

The rest of the scripted material suffers from the same problems. The choppy structure and uneven quality of material give the revue a sluggish pace that is often hard to follow. While a lack of communication between people seems to be the vague thematic thread, it is never clearly outlined and comes across as a lazy afterthought. The show picks up, though, after Silence of the Frogs, when the group returns to do some improv.

In their press release, the group makes a revealing statement: "In Silence we're out to create good art. That doesn't mean it's not entertaining, it's just not our primary objective." Maybe they should abandon their pretensions and stick to what they're good at. At least in improvisation there's not enough time to think about making good art.

— Tim Sheridan

Government Cheesh

1994

Closing up the band room after teaching from 7:30am til 3:30pm and then having after school band until 5:00pm. One of my students, a drummer, helps put things away.

“What do you do after school, Mr. Hall?”

“Some nights I have shows with my theater company. Other nights I perform improv comedy with ComedySportz.”

“Ain’t you married?”

“I am.”

“Prolly not for long.”

✶

As one gets older it becomes more difficult to make friends. At least that’s been the case for me. In my experience, the friends whom I can say I’ve cemented a lifelong bond with have all come from making art together. Sure, many have come and gone in that theater immediacy of sort of falling in love with each other during the rehearsals and run of the show, the promises to keep in touch after the show closes, only to move on and be friendly acquaintances. Faceborg connections.

Chicago is one of those places in the world, like the bizarre tourist attractions that give power to Gaiman’s American Gods, that draws amazing artists to her embrace. I have met and worked with so many extraordinary humans within the gates of this town it boggles my mind to reflect upon the sheer number. Because art is a dramatic and contentious preoccupation, there are some whom the explosion of ideas and execution burned away from the raw electricity. The burning of those connections are always a bit sad but the celebration is of the creation.

One friendship that has remained intact and with the gravity of true family across my time in Chicago is that which I have with Joe Janes. He and I have been a part of so many artistic experiments — from the early days of Level 6 to the producing of his first full-length play to the spectacle of putting up all 365 sketches he wrote in a year — despite some dark patches and irreconcilable differences along our nearly thirty years, he is the closest thing to a brother I’ve ever had. I hope I can convince him to move to Vegas but even if I don’t I will always consider him the best of friends (not to mention one of the kindest humans I’ve ever run across from and the Spock to my Kirk.)

✶

1995

We held a yard sale. We sold bars of chocolate. I managed to snag us an Air Canada sponsorship for ridiculously cheap flights and booked a 17 room three-flat just minutes from the Fringe Central ticket center for around $50.00 per person for the month.

“The Armageddon Radio Hour” and ComedySportz. 26 shows in the month of the largest theater and arts festival in the world. While Chicago roasted that summer, the gang of WNEP Theater performed and saw more awesome, bizarre, experimental stagecraft than we could’ve imagined. We stole so many of those ideas and employed them back in Chicago it is no exaggeration to say that a month at the Edinburgh Fringe is better than a theater degree.

All Sandwiches Matter

1996

Joe Bill (of the Annoyance Theater) and I sit in the court room, waiting for my name to be called. We were there because a few months prior, in an act of guerrilla marketing, I instigated the fly posting of thousands of ‘teaser posters’ for the newest WNEP play and wasn’t smart enough to realize that once we put up the real posters, we’d get busted by the city.

For a few weeks in our little circle of artists and theatergoers, the question was “What the fuck is ‘Metaluna’?” Posters featuring the word and a photo of Sigmund Freud in a slip were plastered everywhere. I had multiple conversations about the mystery always with a smirk in my brain because we were in rehearsals for this ridiculous, massive show that made no sense spawned from the cracked mind of Joe Janes and directed by the equally off-balance Bob Wilson.

Five stages. Two constructed fat suits. Expanding arms. Muttonchops. A theremin. DADA poetry on vaudeville stages. Giant circus-like posters painted by Kevin Colby. It was the most ambitious show we had created to date and caught the eye of Jen Ellison, who after seeing the show, decided she wanted to be the artistic director of the company responsible.

The city fined us $20.00 but warned that they could’ve fined us $10,000. It was not the last time we would come into contention with Chicago but it was definitely the lightest sentence.

In Nonsense Is Strength

1997

Mr. Jose Barrias was the beginning of a trend.

Hired by Sharon Hayes to come in and teach music at District One Middle School, my predominant skill she prized was my tendency to bend both the rules and the expectations placed upon the role of music teacher.

My classroom had no desks or chairs. We had rugs and pillows. We didn’t spend any time learning to play plastic recorders. We listened to and discussed music and musicians and read from my college music history text. I had the HOT ROOM across the hall. I had a wall of gum that the students (not supposed to chew gum in school but did anyway) would add to every day.

In 1996, Sharon left. Barrias was hired. Jose did not appreciate my less than orthodox approach and, while he did his best to get me to follow a more traditional protocol, it didn’t take.

A year later, my teaching career was over. The trend was set — get hired to shake things up creatively, person who hires me leaves, bureaucrat comes in who wants a by-the-book approach, I stay a year longer than I should then split.

Did I Say Hot Room?

1998

“I think I want a divorce. We’ve been this for a while since college and I’m pretty sure you hate Chicago and I love it and we’re both kind of miserable.”

“That’s what my grandma said marriage was.”

“Seriously? I didn’t know that. I’m sorry.”

“What will you do?”

“I’ll probably get a bachelor apartment in a crummy neighborhood, jump right back into another relationship, get marginally suicidal but mom will talk me through it. The theater company will kind of blow up because I’ll spend too much time drinking because the idea of being divorced is a bit intense for me and I’ll be a total fuckwad. We’ll do some shows but I’ll be mailing it in for the most part. It’ll cause a huge rift between Joe and I but we’ll repair it a while later. How about you?”

“I’ll get the fuck out of Chicago, move back to Texas, get remarried, he’ll die a year later but then I’ll meet the man of my dreams, we’ll get married and have two children. Oh, and I’m keeping both the dog and the cat. You can see them on Facebook in ten years.”

1999

FOR WNEP, IT'S `APOCALYPSE' NOT YET

THE FOUR HORSEMEN ARE READY TO RIDE

It was always about Keith Whipple. Sure, we had a massive cast and spent more money on this ridiculous, ambitious monstrosity. Twenty-five working televisions, five VCRs connected, amazing costumes, and a dark satire on Christianity. Cathleen Carr, one of our producers, broke her pelvis during load-in. Joe Kaplan built a set that could actually withstand the apocalypse.

Whipple, however, stood out on Lincoln Avenue before every show improvising riffs on Revelations with a megaphone to an unsuspecting pedestrian audience before crashing the start of the play. He endured eggs thrown at him, physical threats, and the police called on him. And he never once flagged or complained.

✶

The wonderful cesspool that is Chicago holds a special place for the transplant. Sure, there are the diehard Chicago natives, stuck in their neighborhoods and allegiance to their high schools and local digs, but the transplant has this wide open space to navigate. Chicago has been a magical playground, like a hardcore Midwestern Disneyworld with different “lands” to go to and experiment within.

I was always the new kid in school because we moved around a lot. As much as anything else, it is this foundation upon which my many career moves were made while surfing across Lake Michigan’s shores.

Public school music teacher. Off Loop Theater Producer, Director, And Actor. Improvisational Comedian. Playwright. Improv Coach and Teacher. Venue Manager and Landlord. Retail Tobacconist. Massage School Facilities Manager. Public Radio Events Director. NPR House Manager. StorySlam Host. Digital Publisher and Writer. Independent Events Consultant & Producer. Front of House Manager of Millennium Park.

Only in Chicago could I bounce around so sporadically, learning from each experience and growing in my skills. Only in Chicago could I have that many shifts in vocation without adding “Unemployment” or McDonald’s to my resume.

✶

2000

She was both excited and incredulous.

“You signed a lease on a theater?”

“I did. It was about time we had our own clubhouse.”

“Can we afford it?”

“We have to. I mean, we don’t really have a choice now.”

“How much is in the company bank account right now?”

“$18.00.”

“…”

2001

I woke up late. Jen was in the front room. She was crying. I came in and she was staring at the TV. The footage was live and it was off a disaster of some sort in New York. As I sat next to her, neither of us spoke. We sat like that for almost an hour as the non-stop feed kept informing us of the attack.

Later that day, she and I went shopping for props for her one-woman show that was in tech rehearsals. We went to a vintage toy store on Broadway. The streets were mostly deserted.

Later, I started getting emails and phone calls from the cast and crew of “Lives of the Monster Dogs” and “Soiree DADA.” We were scheduled to open the Monster Dog play on September 12. We had a DADA show that night. What were we going to do? Should we cancel the DADA? Should we postpone the play?

Jen was of no help. So I decided. I sent out an email to everyone in the theater company. If people felt strongly enough that they couldn’t perform, that was fine but we would do the shows despite the attack. We would do what we do. We would entertain as best we could.

I’ll never forget Bob Wilson, in full DADA costume, reading the ending monologue from The Armageddon Radio Hour and sending chills throughout the room.

2002

I lived across the street from our theater which meant I was on call whenever any one of the thirteen shows per week was running

A random Friday night. A midnight show by a renting organization. I’m in the back, watching to make sure everything is copacetic. I notice a guy, solo, in the back row. He’s jerking himself off. No one else in the audience or onstage is the wiser.

“Yo. You get two choices, bub. Unclench your pud and quietly get the fuck out of my theater or continue to choke it as I drag your ass out of here by your hair. Choose now.”

Just a day in the life.

Nothing is Sacred. Not Even You

2003

I was upstairs when I got the call. The DoR was downstairs. They wanted to see our Public Place of Amusement license. “It’s on the wall. In the nice frame.” Three minutes later, the phone rang again. There was a problem. I threw on my pants and came downstairs.

The next morning, the Sun-Times ran a short story about the DoR sweep of six or seven small, Off Loop theaters that had been shut down due to licensing violations. We were among the list. Adding insult to injury, our theater was saddled with the only full paragraph and quote, saying that our license had been forged. I called to see what they were talking about. I called my landlords who didn’t return my calls. I called the League of Chicago Theaters and was told they couldn’t help us because it was reported that we — I — had forged the license.

Outside, there was a huge red sticker on our place — CEASE AND DESIST. We were being shuttered. I spoke to an attorney and was cautioned about what I might say to the press. “Don’t piss these people off. Play nice.” I was told. So when I was interviewed for the Reader, I played nice. When I was interviewed on WBEZ, I played nice. I’m not particularly good at playing nice, at watching what I say. And it made me seem guilty. The expectation of those around me was that I wouldn’t sit still for this. That, if I were in the right, I would tear off my shirt, march down to City Hall and raise bloody fucking hell. A natural born brawler, I tried to dance the political Foxtrot.

Three of my best friends — who had stood up with me at my wedding — became convinced that I had, indeed, forged the license. That, while they were performing shows, I was out in a back alley, selling forged documents to strangers using Photoshop and a color printer so kids could get into bars and underage girls could get abortions. They started working with the landlords to transfer the lease to a member of our Board who was ALSO a member of a theater company that had also been shut down.

My books were audited. Every dime, every receipt. It was concluded that everything was kosher — that there was no malfeasance. In fact, it was this audit that uncovered the fact that I had “donated” over $35,000 of my own money over three years to keep the place afloat. But, said my friends, I was pretty clever and could have figured out how to cook the books ahead of time. In the span of a month, I had gone from the guy who made sure the stage was painted and the lights worked to a criminal mastermind. It was like Kafka.

At a meeting of the majority of the 48 members and associates of the theater, I broke down in tears. I felt trapped and maligned. The tears were hot and angry and impotent. I was failing on an epic scale and could not find a way to make things right. The Three Groomsmen had successfully negotiated the transfer of the lease to the other theater behind my back; it was up to us whether or not we wanted to try to fight it out. We didn’t because I didn’t.

Getting Up the Eighth Time

2004

From the New York Times (top of fold on the cover of the Arts Section in the print version):

“John Huston's ''Let There Be Light'' (1946), a meticulously shot government-sponsored documentary that presented psychiatrists curing World War II veterans of mental ailments with such absurd quickness that many suspected it was rehearsed, now appears like more of a piece of propaganda for Freudian psychoanalysis than for the United States military.

Jen Ellison and Dave Stinton's adaptation of this fascinating movie, which was banned by the United States for over three decades, is one of the most curious shows in this year's fringe festival. It's a staged version of a documentary that may have been staged itself. Instead of commenting on or contextualizing the material, the creators of the play, which concentrates on four of the soldiers, play the material as straight as if it were a kitchen-sink drama. While the style can be stiff, the sensitive actors playing the soldiers -- Peter James Zielinski, Peter De Giglio, Chad Reinhart and James Yeater -- manage to tease emotional depth and nuance out of their thinly drawn parts.

Still, the show's optimism about the government's treatment of its veterans is jarring, especially when compared with more cynical recent moves like ''Born on the Fourth of July'' or ''The Manchurian Candidate.'' It's almost comic when Cpl. Joe Hardy (Mr. Reinhart) regains the feeling in his legs after a few moments of hypnosis.

Ms. Ellison and Mr. Stinson seem to acknowledge this anachronism in their one major departure from the film -- Mr. Zielinski's sensitive and beautifully realized portrayal of a depressed grunt who never recovers from an unspecified psychological sickness. He adds a dour tone to the drama, reminding us that the talking cure has its limitations.”

2005

One fall day, I substitute taught at a school in Humboldt Park. It is a neighborhood filled with culture and vibrancy but is one of those in Chicago left mostly out of the resources loop but I discovered that I am, as a teacher at least, at my absolute best when working in the classic "troubled inner-city school" filled with kids who America has chosen to leave behind.

I bopped around the school in the early morning, providing prep periods for fourth and sixth grade teachers - strictly high priced babysitting. Then I landed in Room 102. Seventh Grade Science. For the rest of the day.

Most teachers I know fear nothing more than seventh and eighth grade. The kids are just swimming in the chemical dump of their overloaded hormones and their emotions and bodies are careening at a breakneck pace without the experience to guide it away from the fourth turn wall. I love this age. They crack me up; every time I work with them I have new stories to tell and feel like I successfully navigated a rudderless boat through the most violent of storms and lived to tell about it. (Jesus - a NASCAR metaphor and a sailing metaphor in one paragraph - what you got to say to me now, motherfucker?)

The day was interesting. I had enough time during the day to talk to a couple of the teachers, all of whom looked tired and stretched a bit too thin and who spoke in the slow, hushed tones of the shellshocked. They told me of the gentrification on either side of the local neighborhood and the resulting dramatic rise in drug dealers and gangs in their school over the past few years. They quietly railed against the sense of entitlement their students were trained to have in an environment that dictates that teachers could not punish children in nearly any way whatsoever for increasingly violent behavior - the idea that flunking, suspending, or holding back a kid who has no perceived use for school in the first place is like fighting a wooly mammoth with a loaf of bread. While the kids were away, they would talk with a worn but slightly amused look on their faces which immediately hardened into a disgusted scowl as soon as any kid appeared.

Excerpts of my day include:

"I forgot to tell you," I gleefully stopped the class in the mid-riot of getting prepared to switch classes. "Look at this look on my face." I deadpanned. "It says 'I don't care.' You say you absolutely have. to go to the washroom or you'll die and you must have your friend with you? 'I don't care.' Your friend jabbed you in the eye and you can't see? 'I don't care.' Your teacher said that you sit in the corner with six others while 'doing your science' together? 'I don't care.'" "You say you need to KNOW something or are looking to LEARN something? Then I care."

"Mr. Hall, why are you so happy?" "Because teaching you guys is like a day at the zoo! And who doesn't like the zoo?"

"Pardon me. (a beat) Excuse me. (a beat) I need your attention! (a beat) I don't want to yell over you, folks. (a beat) Excuse me! (a beat) GOOD GOD - THE SKY! LOOK AT THE SKY!! OK, listen up really quickly -" "Mr. Hall - you're weird."

At one point, I run into Antoine. Antoine is a 15-year old, six-foot-three inch, drug dealer's son. He is a huge white kid who somewhere along the line decided he would mimic a stereotyped black kid. He is in the behavior disorder class and, according to his teachers, pretty much has the run of the school. He is what most teachers know to be a hopeless case - no pragmatic use for education, no respect for any adults except those that can pummel him, and the realization that nothing, absolutely nothing can be done to him until he's eighteen.

He came in during a class switch and was chatting up one of the girls. I had no idea he wasn't supposed to be there and was actually mystified that he simply would not shut up for me (I'm actually pretty good at that sort of thing). He literally acted as if I wasn't there. After ten minutes of attempting to explain the science lesson (Matter, Mass, Volume, and Density), he gets up and makes for the door. I intercept.

"Where are you going, Antoine?"

"This ain't my class."

"Then why have you been here for ten minutes?"

"Ah bumbbges digghuff chaetky mumblemumblemumble...."

"What?"

"Nothin. Get out my way."

"How about we wait for the security guard to swing by and take you to the class you're supposed to be in - I don't get a thrill at the prospect of you roaming the hall freely."

"What?" He tries to shove me out of the way of the door, getting right up in my face. "Don't you lay your hands on me!"

This is a trick. Antoine knows that this is the phrase that freezes the blood in most teachers' hearts. In a time where parents file lawsuits against teachers for failing grades, the stigma attached to a corporal punishment charge is career suicide.

"I didn't lay a hand on you, Antoine. In fact, it was you who laid your hands on me. We now have two choices." I get quiet enough for only Antoine to hear. "We can wait for the guard to come by and pick you up and escort you out of here so I can teach some seventh grade science. Or. I'm gonna beat the crap out of you and then have you arrested for assault. Make your choice."

His face reflects a number of conflicting emotions and finally he flashes a shit-eating grin and asks, "We cool. right?"

It turns out that the kids don't really care much for Antoine. They're afraid of him. The teachers are, too. I think it's a shame that things have come to this - it's only October. The atmosphere for the rest of the day slows down to a mere category 2 hurricane and the day breezes by.

✶

In thirty years, I’ve lived in a lot of the neighborhoods in the city. Again, in the laundry list version:

Edgewater Rogers Park Bridgeport Lakeview Avondale Northcenter Portage Park Bucktown Uptown Wicker Park

Every neighborhood has its own flavor and people and businesses. The cornucopia of experiences based entirely upon your immediate surroundings is extraordinary. All of it connected by the train (and busses if you go to where their are fewer rich, white people...)

The best part? Local businesses. My guess is that Vegas will be populated more with chain restaurants, bookstores, etc. It is the local dives and boutiques and coffee shops that make Chicago one of the most amazing places on Earth.

My Chicago is:

The Lincoln Restaurant Haymarket Pub & Brewery The Green Mill The Metro Chicago Comix The Athenaeum Old Town Tobacco Bang Bang Pies The Red Lion Victory Gardens Theater at The Biograph Quenchers The NeoFuturarium G Man Tavern Smoke BBQ The Chopin Theatre Pequod’s Pizza Easy Bar Uncharted Books The Music Box Theatre Empty Bottle Lem’s BBQ Dollop Coffee Black Dog Gelato

Sure there are more but I’m old and can’t remember everything. Calm down.

✶

2006

“Did you hear that Hall kicked Bernie Sahlins out of the Athenaeum lobby last night?”

“What? Why?”

“One of his Chicago Improv Festival stage managers pulled the lights on some Los Angeles group because they were going way over time and Sahlins lost it. Found Don and tried to dress him down in front of a crowd getting tickets. Hall stood by his stage manager and Bernie was not having that. Finally, he snapped an told him to get his old motherfucking ass out of the theater.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah, Pitts got heavy pressure from Second City so he had to fire Don.”

“He’s been with CIF for, what, five years?”

“Not any more.”

2007

“Can I ask you a question I’m not legally supposed to ask? You seem like you’d be alright with it but I want to check.”

“Shoot.”

“You’re twenty years older than every other applicant for this job. Why do you want it?”

I laugh. “First, I like Wait Wait...Don’t Tell Me!” Second, I like NPR and WBEZ. Third, if I do a great job house managing for peanuts, maybe you decide to offer me a full time gig.”

Four months later, he offered the full time gig.

2008

“Are you Jackie’s son? She’s right. You got fat.”

Betrayal in Tornado Alley

2009

Monday morning at WBEZ. Eighteen voicemails. Not so many until you understand that the outgoing message specifically instructs people to NOT leave voice messages and that these eighteen recordings were from the same person.

“Hello! My name is [REDACTED] and I’m here to see “Wait Wait...Don’t Tell Me!” I have a ticket and I’m at the Chase Bank but I can’t find the auditorium. Can someone call me back?” - “Hello. [REDACTED] again. I’m wandering around the bank and no one seems to know where the show is being taped. Please call me back. I don’t want to miss a minute!” - “I’m in my car right now and I can hear that you’ve started the show! Where am I supposed to go? There are no signs and nothing on the ticket page. Where are you?” - “Goddamn it! I can HEAR THE SHOW RIGHT NOW! LISTEN! Someone needs to call me right the fuck now or I’m going to lose it!”

This went on for an hour, all the way up to voicemail number seventeen which was apoplectic. Voicemail number eighteen was the next day, Sunday.

“Hello. This [REDACTED] and I am so sorry I left all of those messages. Oh my. I’m so embarrassed. My husband pointed out to me that the ticket to your show was for Thursday night, not Saturday morning. I’m so used to hearing it on Saturday, I thought... Well, you can guess what I thought. Please accept my apologies.”

I called her back and gave her tickets to the following Thursday. VIP. But only if I could tell the story.

2010

For part of 2008 and all of 2009, Jen worked with a team of nineteen writers on a project that involved them writing short one-act plays or scenes inspired by the artwork of Edward Hopper.

Following the divorce and her resignation from WNEP Theater, these writers came at me.

“Are we going to do anything with these pieces or was it all just wasted time?”

So I hunkered down, stitched together 24 scenes to create a ridiculously huge theater piece, cast 18 actors, 4 understudies, booked the Storefront Theater on Randolph Street, and hired a few brilliant designers

It was the last show I produced for WNEP. It was the last theater piece I directed for WNEP. Unbeknownst to me, included in the sold out run’s audience were Jen and her new husband, Lois Weisberg, the acting Chairs of the MCA, The Art Institute and the Driehaus Museum, and a woman who hadn’t been in Chicago for very long but heard about the show and came with a friend. This mystery woman also went to the play’s off-night series and reconnected with her college roommate, Scott Whitehair.

Four years later, I’d marry her in Las Vegas.

2011

“There’s no electricity in this warehouse.”

“What? It’s 4:30am. Why are you calling me?”

“The warehouse where I’m supposed to set up the movies, the spoken word, the B-Boy/B-Girl Dance Battles? I have no electricity and the door between spaces is welded shut.”

“The Block Party starts at noon. It’s 20 below zero. What are you going to do?”

“I suppose I’ll find an old breaker box that seems to still be connected to juice and try to hotwire it. I’ll electrocute myself the first time and my fingers will turn black from it. The second try will knock me unconscious for around seven minutes and make my mouth taste like pennies. The third time — because I’m both tenacious and stupid — will work. Though later tonight when I get home, my feet will be bizarrely bruised and look like dark purple beets with toes.”

“Oh. Good plan.”

“Breeze?”

“Yeah?”

“WBEZ doesn’t pay me enough.”

2012

“Your story was amazing. We loved it. We wanted to know if you were interested in hosting the story slam at Haymarket?”

“Hosting? Why not have Tyler do it?”

“He’s the producer. We love him but he’s not really host material.”

“Yeah. OK. Sounds good.”

The back room at the Haymarket Pub & Brewery is packed to the point that people are sitting on the floor. Tyler introduces me with platitudes about being the House Manager for WWDTM — it’s a touchpoint the largely NPR crowd can cheer.

“According to the legend, The American feud begin over notches on the ears of a hog Exchanges of retribution from this humiliating start Gaining traction to equal the obsession of two warring families

The thirst for vengeance, once fomented Is unquenchable, irresistible, all-consuming The Klingons say revenge is a dish best served cold But most of the meal involves the heat of righteous anger.

Someone became stridently political Someone else cheated with your boyfriend Yet another spread rumors about you There is no end to the razor-sharp slights you have endured. Time slipping through your fingers, wasted on rage That thing that got the revenge ball rolling Lost in a cacophony of calls for justice and "It's not right"

Revealed to be, in the end, nothing more than notches on a hog's ear.

Tonight’s theme is GRUDGE. Welcome to The Moth!

Like a Burning Moth Without a Clue as to How He Caught on Fire: A Collection of Word Jazz

Of The Seven, Americans Suffer Sloth More Than the Other Six

✶

The act of reflection upon a thirty year period forces perspective. In writing this, one of the choices to make has been to determine which moments are worth hanging onto and which ones are better left erased. Sure, these erased moments are still visible but like a heavily used white board, the remnants of the words are almost scrubbed off, slightly visible but unimportant.

The odd, highly passionate fights that occurred are not limited to one or two years but peppered throughout like scars that look like faces if you squint. The betrayals are lower in volume, a tune you remember from way back when but can’t quite recall the lyrics. The specifics and details behind divorces and other failed relationships might be juicy in that Buzzfeed sort of view but aren’t truly relevant.

I scaled a mountain and, during the journey, broke few bones, got hypothermia, and lost some of my equipment but no one wants to hear the tale of those things but rather the feeling of epic transformation that such a path includes. I’ll not use my platform for therapy, gang.

I know people who tend to stare back into the rear view mirror and wax nostalgic as if the best times (or worst) are behind them. I am not one of those people. What’s past informs the navigation but does not determine the destination. I have very few regrets and I think that’s the best way to live.

✶

2013

“You were involved with the Global Activism Expo?”

“Yeah. I produced it.”

“The 5K Fun Run with Peter Sagal?”

“Produced it.”

“The Chicago Chef Battle at Kendall College? The WBEZ Day of Service? The Winter Block Party for Chicago’s Hip Hop Arts? The Year in Review at Park West? The Sound Opinions Summer BBQ?”

“Produced them all.”

“Did you have a favorite?”

“Oh yeah. The Richard Steele Holiday Party at House of Blues with featured performers Billy Bragg and the Sons of the Blues. That was seriously one of the highlights of the year.”

2014

“Hey. How about you shut the fuck up?”

Three dates later.

“Will you marry me?”

“Yes.”

How to Jump Out of a Plane and Survive

2015

Along the road, there was General Admission. It was a WBEZ podcast co-hosted by my Events Assistant and myself. We interviewed local artists as well as a handful of national talents (including Kate Mulgrew, Steven Yuen, Taylor Mac, and, of course, Henry Rollins.) A true highlight of 2015 was getting to sit down with a personal hero of mine, Chuck Palahniuk, and ask him questions. The interviews for these are long since deleted but the memories remain.

Half a Century

2016

A meeting at the bar below my apartment. Commiseration over the online trolling I’d endured from unfriending a psychopath and her army of aggrieved idiots. A pitch — how about an online magazine? Something cool and interesting and featuring all kinds off writing? Something that Himmel could sink his own Angry White Guy voice into like a fetid beef sandwich with so much mustard it covered up the gristle and the rot?

“Well, I’ve recently updated my 10-year blog (Angry White Guy in Chicago) to something less Trump-centric sounding. I’m calling it Literate Ape. Whaddya think?”

“Sounds perfect.”

2017

“In the nearly five years I've hosted The Moth (58 regular slams, 8 Grand slams and nearly 700 stories in that time) I've had a real ball.

I started every single slam with the admonition that while we are each snowflakes, unique in every way with our individual crystalline natures, we are all just made of fucking snow. With the onslaught of identity politics and partisan bickering, I hope that is something people remember.

I closed every single slam with a quote: "If you want to change the world, have a meal with someone who doesn't look like you." - Chef Coco Winbush.”

Farewell to The Moth

”In parting ways, I can say that my decade working for WBEZ, Vocalo, and especially NPR's Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! was thrilling, challenging, inspiring and worth every moment. I got to watch Obama's first speech as president on multiple televisions in a bona fide newsroom. I got to meet Michael Moore, Denis Leary, speak to Bill Clinton and hang out with Tom Hanks. I produced events for as many as 5,000 people (as well as had a hand in producing a record-breaking performance of WWDTM at Millennium Park for 17,000 people). I produced events at the House of Blues, Victory Gardens, Adler Planetarium, Metro Chicago, City Winery, Chicago History Museum, Chopin Theater and hundreds of other excellent venues.

I was there to assist in orchestrating the 10th Anniversary of WWDTM at Adler Planetarium. I was there for Carl Kassell's final show in D.C. I directed Ira Glass, Scott Simon and Peter Sagal in a gala performance. I have been privileged to work with Bill Kurtis. I got to throw Richard Steele and Claude Cunningham their retirement parties. Winter Block Parties with YCA, New Year's Eve Parties with The Moth, Pi Day, the brilliant town hall meetings for the Race Out Loud series. Jim and Greg of Sound Opinionswith Frankie Knuckles on the MCA stage. Drive-In movies in West Chicago. 5K Runs with Peter Sagal. Running front of house for WWDTM with Kate Kinser by my side almost every single night. Laughing and planning things with the amazing Vanessa Harris.

The list of amazing experiences and incredible people is a bit mind-boggling in hindsight. And Good Christ, the Pledge Drives..“

Farewell to the Public Radio Mines

2018

“In the park, there is only one we, the collective patronage of the thousands of multicultural Homo sapiens gathered to hear an orchestra or a jazz ensemble or the blues or a rock band. It is a larger and more lovely we and, therefore, a stronger foundation from which to find solutions to the seemingly insurmountable obstacles to society.”

All the World’s a Stage and Identity is Just Another Costume

“"Tiffany to Don."

The terrible analogue radio crackles in my left ear.

"This is Don. Go."

I'm on the southwest end of the park. It's hot. Really hot. Hot enough that one begins to question the sanity of standing out here, wearing all black, amidst 11,000 people listening to a world-class orchestra play Tchaikovsky. Tiffany is one of my 50 ushers. She has encountered an older couple who came out to the park to hear the music yet hadn't really thought through the difficulties of being post-70 years of age in heat that can only be described as Global Warming Hot as Balls HOT. The gentlemen is so overheated that he can no longer walk. They need a wheelchair.

"Copy that. I'm on my way."

I walk quickly to the Welcome Center on Randolph, check out a wheelchair, then navigate the unwieldy thing through throngs of casual walkers around to the east side of the the stage. It takes me around eight minutes and I'm sweating like I'd been in the volcano room at King Spa. The old man sits in the chair after navigating the fear of just falling on his ass while sitting down. They need to go to their car in the parking garage.

Tiffany shrugs. "I don't drive. I don't know the parking garage."

"I got it," I say with a forced smile.

I wheel the man and his wife through the bowels of the building. We get to the elevator and they can't quite remember what floor they parked on. They left their ticket in the car. We sit for a moment, as the garage is huge and the prospect of finding their vehicle with no concept of even what floor (of the seven levels) it is on is an impossible task.

"It's on three." "How sure are you?" "I'm pretty sure it's on three."

We go to three. No idea what section (3A? 3B? 3C? Jesus Christ…) they give me a description of the car and a license plate number and we set out through each aisle, each row, looking for the car. Thirty-five minutes later — with frequent radio calls for assistance that I direct while seeking an end to the labyrinthian journey I'm on — I spy their ride. They are relieved and thrilled. So am I.

The wife wants to tip me and offers me a dollar. I politely decline and send them on their way. I return just as the concert ends and just in time to set up the two recycling bins in the arcade for the ushers to dispose of the now outdated programs leftover from the weekend.”

Managing a House for 50,000 People

2019

Seven weeks. 2019 in Chicago has been spent doing side gigs, hanging out with people who have meant something to me in the past thirty years, and driving to old neighborhoods and reflecting upon the time here.

My last night in Chicago is spent on the Haymarket Pub & Brewery stage doing BUGHOUSE! And drinking myself stupid on Mathias Ale.

✶

And that, as they say, is that.

If you made it all the way down to this sentence and clicked enough half of the links, I applaud you. Writing this freaking tome took me most of the final seven weeks and occupied more of my brain space than most things I can recall. I’ve spent the entirety of my adult life in Chicago, a feat that I could never have predicted in 1989.

Chicago has shaped me, taking the doughy calzone that crashed upon the shores of Lake Michigan and baking me until I was a golden brown with tons of gooey melted cheese and some questionable meat product. While not born here, I can and do call myself a native. A Chicagoan.

Certainly, I won’t miss the weather — I’m quite certain there is no such thing as dibs or a viable need for shoveling and salting your walk in Las Vegas. There will be things I will be happy to shed my daily grind of: the incredibly high cost of living, the taxes, the corrupt government, the fucking parking issues, the baked-in tribal mentality of neighborhood cultures, the extreme segregation, the crap school system. Dana and I are riding the crest of a wave of deserters as Chicago continues to bleed residents like she goes through restaurants.

I will, however, miss the grit of the people. I’ll miss the almost blissfully ignorant pride in the city. I’ll miss the transit system that binds us together like arteries and the theater and spoken word scene that blossoms even under the auspices of the interminable social justice rage profiteers. I’ll miss my friends especially those who have stood by through good times and harsh times and, while always challenging me, never gave up on me either. Just like the city.

There is so much I did not include in this Dear John letter it’s hard to fathom but that’s the nature of something like this. Plenty left out but always stuck to me.

Just like the city.

#thirty years #Farewell to Chicago #memories

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furiousharmonykryptonite-blog1 · 7 years ago

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Expired car insurance ticket?

"Expired car insurance ticket?

So I got pulled over in may and had expired car insurance of about 10 months. I had presented my expired car insurance document and the cop had my car towed to a nearby car shop, where i got it back a few days later. The cop called another cop to drive me back to my university since my car was towed. I was talking to the cop who drove me back and asked what I can do and he told me to just plead not guilty on my ticket and get new insurance and bring it to the court. I don't understand, how can I plead not guilty? It was his advice and he knew my insurance expired. How can getting new insurance do anything for my cause? Any help appreciated, thanks.

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If for instance they passed on the same day, why should a 17 year be categorised as less responsible than a 40 year old in terms of driving ability? Particularly when chances are due to the insurance gaps and most probably the earnings of these two hypothetical people the 40 year old would be able to afford a more powerful car...""

What is an annuity insurance?

What is a cheap health insurance for a student fixing to go trough nursing school?

I got accepted into nursing school and need health insurance. I do not believe there are any guidelines as long as you have it. I do not have a lot of money and need some affordable health insurance.

I'm 17 and have car insurance that i have to pay 240 every month. I live in philadelphia is there cheaper ones?

i got a 2000 ford taurus and my mom bought insurance since she doesn't have a car herself we had to get my own insurance plan and now we have to pay 240 every month because of my age..i need to know of any cheaper insurance for myself. plz and thank you.

Best Home/Condo Insurance Companies?

I am looking to obtain insurance for my condo in British Columbia, and was wondering if someone could recommend the best company to with. Currently I am just familiar with BCAA who ...show more""

What does it mean to have full coverage?

It's too late to call a auto company so I am asking it here, I live with my girlfriend and was wonder about getting full coverage on my car, we want to know if I get full coverage would she be able to drive my car legally without putting her on my insurance?""

Insurance and child support?

If my husband provides insurance through his work to his daughter and is also paying child support on her is he going to be responsible for the co-pay everytime she goes to the doctor? His daughter also has a secondary insurance through the state that her mom collects we were just wondering if the secondary insurance would pay or who would be responsible. The mother or him???

How much would car Insurance be for a 16 year old guy?

My parents want me to start picking what car I want to get. I was wondering how much insurance would cost for each of these cars for a 16 year old guy. I am interested in a BMW E36 323is Coupe, BMW E36 325is Coupe, BMW E36 328is Coupe, 1997-2001 Honda Prelude, and a 2000 VW Golf GTi. Please help me because I need to know the cost to insure each of these cars before I pick.""

""I would like to buy a VW bus, but i am a student and i was wondering how much maintenance would cost monthly?""

I am dying to get this car, it is my dream car, or bus, but i don't have very much money. So, i am trying to better understand the circumstances that i am getting myself into before i make this big step. I already know about insurance prices and gas prices, but i am pretty much clueless at maintenance prices, i am really looking for a ballpark figure.""

Car insurance issue(s). Please share your experience and help if you can. Thanks?

My car caught on fire due to some electrical wiring, im fully comp, and have never claimed before. But sneaky as they are, they have told me that they do not cover electrical wiring faults, which has caused the fire. But the AA who towed my car in has catergorised it as fire damage. Surely they must cover the fire damage. I took it to a repair centre near me, and have asked them to have a quick check, and they also say its fire damage and what not, this has been procrastinated for so long by the insurance company, (claims company rather) that i can't remember what the repair centre has stated. Surely, fully comp covers something like this? THEIR engineers have said that there was no further damage to the rest of the car, but can i trust THEIR engineers? A full check up costs a lot, as they would have to take apart the car ( i believe? ) When i rang up the lady at the claims centre, she had no idea what case i was on, she literally said 'give me a moment to read up on your case' for me, thats a bit pathetic. While speaking on the phone with her not only was she rude, almost shouting at me (as i pressed on further ) . She told me she would send the company policy booklet to show that electrical wiring is not covered, and a letter stating the case was closed and in detail what the whole case is about. A week and a half has gone by (she said couple of days) This is the most annoying thing. She was rude, unhelpful, unwilling to help, and just taking the pee with the whole thing. I just find it sketchy that the letter has not been made, and no further actions or anything has happened (i have also opened another case about another incident - no info .. still) . I think they are just hoping i'd give this up as they are so unwilling to pay out. This is the reason I have insurance. Whats the point otherwise? Sorry for the long read. I have no idea what to do now, can i take it to a small claims court or talk to someone in the city council to further my case? Thanks""

Can any body give me the defination of national health insurance?

I want the defination of national health insurance, benefit, coverage and objectives of national health insurance. plz quick.""

""Cheap, effective health insurance?""

I'm a 25 year old, healthy, unmarried female looking for a low co pay health insurance that covers major medical and dental. I need to be able to see my primary physician for annual checkups and hopefully get Invisalign covered under dental as well. I have no pre existing conditions and would prefer a lower deductible... Somewhere up to $5000 in the event a major medical issue arose.""

How much will I get from the insurance for my totaled car?

A person hit my parked car and damaged the body, the wheel well, and the wheel is bent crooked and rubbing on the strut. My problem is the car is old and probably only worth $500. It will be really difficult to find a replacement for $500, it seems i might need to spend $1500 -$2000. Maybe this is close to the repair price, I don't know. What do you think they will offer me? What should I do?""

Will my dads car insurance raise after I get my drivers license?

I probably worded the question wrong but my dad won't take me to drivers training school because he's worried about his car insurance rate (or something like that) going up. I'm 15 and all of my friends have done it a long time ago. I'm the only one that hasn't started it and I even explained to him that once I start driving, I don't have to keep asking him about needing a ride to practice or meetings (because I know that bothers him) but he's still bothered about his insurance rate going up. Is that even true?? Will the car insurance rate or whatever he's talking about go up after I get my permit?? Thanks!""

Best Insurance for Speeding Tickets?

I will be getting married in a month and need to get new car insurance. What insurance companies offer the best rates for people with speeding tickets? I have 2 speeding tickets, and my fiance has 2 accidents on record... any suggestions of the best places to start looking?""

Auto insurance quotes?

If someone comes to your door and asks if you want to do a free auto insurance quote over the phone with a major insurance company. Is that considered selling even if its a free quote? They also needed information from me so they could put the quote together...

True or False: Pickup trucks have lower insurance rates than cars?

I have heard that this is true because they are safer vehicles? Is there actually any truth to this?

A rough montly price for insurance on used car?

ok i tryed all these sites lol to get quotes but they all want my name and address which im not looking for insurance right now coz i still need my licence first. anyways i saw car i used car i like its a blue ford tarus 1998. and im 20 so im obv gonna be new driver later this year. how much do you think insurance cost me for that monthly? i just want rough guess so please dont comment this if ur gonna direct me to website coz ive already tryed serveal times to do that.

Car insurance went DOWN after accident?

I was involved in a one vehicle accident and had a failure to control and hit a guardrail. I called today to get my insurance back and its lower ?? I thought it would go up? Also I ...show more

Where can I find info on LOW COST Medical Insurance In Central NY? (Student Artist Musician Business Owner)?

My wife and I are moving soon from PHX, AZ to the greater Syracuse area. I am moving my multimedia business / record label (websites, print design, videography, DVD production and studio recording) and I need information on which companies can provide my family reasonable cost heath insurance. Right now my wife works fulltime so we use her benefits, but we will be starting a family and would like to keep her at home for a few years. In PHX, health insurance for non-group individuals runs about $300 a month - from what I can see in CNY it can cost closer to $1000! Can some one help me with this? Am I looking at the wrong companies or is it just that mush more expensive? Are any loop holes? In some states Students, Artist, Musicians & Small Business Owners can get highly discounted rates - is this true in CNY? Can anyone help? Thanks in advance!""

Car Accident in Michigan and no insurace?

I was in a car accident in Michigan and did not have car insurance, police did come, i did not recieve any tickets and it was determined that it was not my fault but my car is messed up pretty bad and so is the other car, now i am wondering even though the other driver said it was his fault and said his insurance would pay for it I know does not neccisarily mean that it will, but I did read somewhere that I might be counter sued, or that i may just have to pay his deductable, does anyone have any insight about this and what I should expect or expect nothing at all, yes i know i should not of been driving a vehile without atleast plpd but the car is not mine and not in my name so please no rude comments just asking for advice about the situation. Please and Thank you ;)""

How to get auto insurance quote/ estimate without a car?

I am doing a research, and heard that ur insurance can be based on not just the model but the color of the car. I want to know how to get an estimate based on vehicle, model. So that I can make a diligent choice when purchasing my new car.""

Expired car insurance ticket?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/does-anyone-know-where-i-can-get-cheap-affordable-health-mitchell"

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