#projecting my gender feelings onto nerevar again

[trickstarbrave]

i havent proofread this. i just wrote whatever my little heart wanted

heres some childhood friends voryn and nerevar with trans nerevar

slight romance but theyre like. 10-14/15 in this (in human years???? elves are weird) so. its nothing more than little kisses.

also used she/her pronouns until voryn would know differently. bc its mostly from his perspective

The first time Voryn saw Nerevar, he knew Nerevar was someone special. Short, fluffy white hair, bright blue eyes, and a devilish grin had Voryn wanting to be closer and closer to the strange elf. 

In all honesty, he thought Nerevar was a boy when they first met. She had that sort of boyish charm, that mischievous look. The name didn’t help either--it wasn’t distinctly feminine or masculine. Not to mention the way she carried herself, the dirt under her nails, and the wooden sword on her belt all screamed “boy”. 

The day they first played together it was warmer than usual. Typically in Kogoruhn the wind carried the cold air from the sea of ghosts inward and gave it a pleasant, cool breeze even in summer. But instead the wind carried the heat from Red Mountain down, making it hot under the blazing sun. Annoyed, Voryn eventually discarded his shirt before picking up the large branch to continue play-sword fighting with Nerevar, and soon after Nerevar did the same. They were about to head back into town when they were both thirsty and their shoulders were just turning red, when a familiar man came out into the ash, a glare on his face. He recognized the man by his pale hair--Nerevar’s uncle. 

“Young lady--” Nelvon Mora snapped, partially covering Nerevar’s body with his ash cloak. “Where is your shirt?!” He was clearly furious, only confusing Voryn more. Nerevar wasn’t a girl--or if she was, Voryn didn’t see what the problem was. It was hot outside, way too warm to be playing around with a shirt on. When his mother took him to Mournhold lots of children played shirtless in the city, running around carefree. 

“It’s in my bag.” Nerevar replied, before her uncle dug it out and started wrestling her back in it. “It’s hot--!” Nerevar began fussing, only to get a firm tug on the ear making her yelp. 

“You’re a young lady now, you can’t be running around without a shirt on no matter how warm it gets.” Nelvon looked annoyed and disgruntled. 

“I said she could.” Voryn spoke up, trying to defend his friend. “I did it first.” 

Nerevar’s uncle looked his way, before sighing, still keeping a tight grip on Nerevar’s arm. “I understand, young lord,” Nelvon began, “But you’re a young man. What might be appropriate to you isn’t appropriate for a young lady.” 

Voryn didn’t understand what that even meant. If Nerevar was a girl, what did it matter? Why was Voryn allowed to not wear a shirt because he was a boy, but Nerevar wasn’t? 

He’d asked his mother afterwards why Nerevar was in trouble for it. His mother only sighed, sitting him on her lap. 

“You and Nerevar are nearly at the age your bodies start changing and you begin to grow into adults.” Voryn cocked an eyebrow, confused. “The two of you will grow in different ways, and her uncle just doesn’t want her in the habit by the time the changes start.” 

Voryn was still a bit too young to understand, but he nodded his head and didn’t question any further for the time being. From that day on though, Nerevar was given linen and cotton shirts that breathed easier or wrap tops that left her arms exposed. Yet, she seemed more self conscious about them as they were distinctly more feminine. 

--

As they got older, Voryn became interested in romance. He slunk around the library when he had time to himself, pulling the few romance novels off the shelves, reading in the corner. He liked the way they described fluttery feelings, held hands, and professed their love. He liked it more so when it was two men who fell in love, usually in times of war or battle, exchanging blows to measure their hearts. 

Voryn really only saw himself kissing and holding hands with another boy, when he fantasized about it. Heirs were supposed to get married and have kids, but the idea of a wife never really appealed to him. He didn’t find himself attracted to the poetic descriptions of princesses in long, flowing dresses and snake-like smiles. He much preferred the raw strength of the warrior-heroes and their rugged looks. Besides, he found it easier to get along with boys, why wouldn’t he want to kiss them too? 

Well, there was one exception. His heart always fluttered when he thought about kissing Nerevar, but… Nerevar was different. She wasn’t delicate and feminine, but just as boyish as Voryn. Hell, Nerevar was more boyish than Voryn in many ways, preferring the sword and physical activity, enjoying nothing more than wrestling in the ash and mud with the boys. 

“What are you doing?” Nerevar was suddenly at his shoulder while he was deep in thought, causing him to jump and drop his book. Nerevar snickered as he rolled his eyes. 

“You’re going to make me lose my place…” He groaned, picking the book back up and trying to get to the previous spot he was at. Nerevar wrapped her arms around his shoulders, practically hanging off him as he flipped through the pages. 

“What are you reading?” She asked. Nerevar had learned to read shockingly fast. Her eyes flicked across the words as he skimmed as well, looking for the page he was on. 

“It’s a novel about a war between two clans.” Voryn explained. “The main characters are two men who were friends before the fighting broke out and decide to work together to stop it.” Voryn finally found the spot he was at, where the two characters finally confessed, kissing one another in the rain. 

“... Two boys can kiss?” Nerevar asked quietly, her eyes wife as though marveling with the revelation. 

“... Yeah.” Voryn answered back, his cheeks feeling warm. “Araynys has a boyfriend. And there’s lots of stories like this.”

“Can I read with you?” She asked, and when Voryn nodded his head she got comfortable leaning against him, now just resting her head on his shoulder as they read in silence. 

--

Nerevar’s uncle left her at Kogoruhn. When he asked Nerevar about it, she just shrugged, looking indifferent. It was supposed to be a good opportunity for Nerevar; here she could get a good education and find a good job or husband. At that comment though Nerevar would glare and roll her eyes, proudly declaring she’d never get married. 

With her uncle now gone she could cut her hair shorter, at least, something she seemed to really enjoy. With short, choppy hair she looked a lot happier, smiling as bright as the sun. 

They’d just finished playing with some of the other children in town and the stronghold. They said they wanted to play a game of capture the princess, but Nerevar, despite being the only girl, refused the role of “princess”. Instead she volunteered Voryn, who was now grumpily sitting in her lap after she spent most of the game running around with him in her arms. 

“You always make me the princess…” Voryn grumbled, annoyed. They were just about to be teenagers and here Nerevar was still bossing him around.

“But you’re cute like a princess.” She teased, still with that wolfish grin that made Voryn’s heart race. “Besides, how are you going to pick me up and carry me? It’s way easier for me to carry you.” Voryn rolled his eyes, messing up her hair with his hand, making her laugh more. 

“You’re even cuter when your face is red--” She continued, and Voryn glared.

“Shut up.” Voryn could feel his face and ears turning an even brighter shade of red. 

“Cute~” Nerevar teased, poking his cheek, and Voryn huffed. 

“You’re cute too.” Voryn looked away, still flustered. At that, Nerevar got offended. 

“I am not!” 

“How am I cute but you aren’t?” Voryn replied, indignant. 

“Because I’m not!” Nerevar glared, and Voryn could tell it wasn’t a playful glare. She was actually mad. “I don’t want to be cute!” 

Voryn didn’t know why she was mad. Why was it okay to call him cute, but not the other way around? 

“Well you’re not ugly,” Voryn scoffed, “What else am I supposed to call you?”

“... I don’t know…” Nerevar’s voice went quiet, her ears drooping slightly. 

“... Handsome?” Voryn offered, and Nerevar’s ears perked up again, her cheeks turning red slightly as she looked away. After a moment, she nodded slowly, as if unsure, her hands playing with the hem of Voryn’s shirt. 

There was tension in the air again, as was so often the case with the two of them lately. A fluttering feeling came in Voryn’s stomach as he leaned closer. “Doesn’t the princess usually kiss the warrior who rescued her…?” Voryn offered, and Nerevar’s face turned even redder. She nodded again, closing her eyes. 

Voryn leaned in, pressing a soft, gentle kiss to Nerevar’s cheek. Nerevar’s arms tightened around him, as Nerevar then turned and returned the favor, kissing Voryn on the cheek in return. 

--

Voryn hadn’t seen Nerevar in three days. Whenever he came by her room, she either pretended to be asleep and refused to answer, or she told him to go away because she didn’t feel well. After long enough of being ignored and feeling helpless, he grabbed the healer who had attended to her and demanded an answer. The healer, seeing his concern, merely laughed, patting Voryn on the shoulder. 

“Young lord, please don’t worry too much.” The healer reassured him. 

“She hasn’t come out of her room. What’s wrong with her?” 

“It’s nothing serious.” The healer answered. “She just got her first period is all.” Voryn blinked, confused. He’d been taught what menstruation was; while some noble families preferred to keep their sons in the dark about such matters, Morvani Dagoth was not that kind of woman. She said it was embarrassing for a man to not know about such matters or find a normal bodily function taboo. It would be humiliating if one of her sons actually managed to marry a woman clueless about what menstruation even was. “A lot of girls are sensitive about it, but I assured her it’s perfectly normal. It just means she’s a young woman now, becoming an adult, but I think she’s still coming to terms with it.” The healer attempted to reassure Voryn. “Don’t worry too much about it.” 

Voryn grit his teeth. He knew there had to be more to it. Nerevar wouldn’t get upset about that for no reason. Not to the point she’d refuse to see Voryn. He turned and marched his way back, more furious than ever that the healer wasn’t taking this seriously. 

He knocked again, and Nerevar groaned. 

“Go away!” She shouted. 

“Let me in please.” Voryn asked, now desperate to see her. Normally he’d respect her wishes, but he needed to make sure she was alright. 

“I don’t want you to see me…” Nerevar answered, her voice cracking to show she’d been crying. Voryn felt his heart break a little more. 

“Wrap up in your blanket?” Voryn offered. “I’m just worried about you… Please?”

There was nothing but silence for a few minutes. Voryn was about to ask again, when he heard Nerevar finally answer him. “Okay…” 

Voryn cracked the door open to reveal Nerevar sitting in the dark in bed, wrapped up in a blanket to the point only her face was showing. Her eyes were red and irritated, still sniffling. Nerevar never cried, not even when injured, so Voryn was really worried now. 

“You don’t want to come out?” Voryn closed the door behind him, moving to sit beside Nerevar. Nerevar shook her head. 

“I hate this…” Nerevar’s shoulders began to shake, another sob coming from her throat. Voryn wrapped his arms around her without thinking, pulling her in close and keeping the blanket wrapped around her. “My stomach hurts… My chest hurts…” 

“That’s all normal.” Voryn tried to reassure her. “Do you want some medicine for the pain?”

“I don’t want it to be normal!” Nerevar snapped. “I don’t…” Tears ran down faster as she buried her face in Voryn’s robes. “I don’t want them to call me a woman. I don’t wanna be a girl! I don’t like that my body is doing this when I don’t even want it to and I can’t do anything about it!” Voryn stiffened. It was the first he’d heard of it, though the rest of Nerevar’s behavior over the years seemed to click for Voryn. The boyish charm, short hair, insisting on not playing pretend as a girl, not to mention the fact Voryn liked boys and liked Nerevar for all the same reasons he liked boys usually… “I just want to be like Boethia… He can be a man whenever he wants to even if people call him a girl. I wanna be like that…” 

“You can be.” Voryn reassured him now, holding him closer. “Nerevar you can be, I promise.” 

“I want a deeper voice like yours…” Nerevar’s tears were stopping now at the reassurance at least, now nuzzling against him. “And a flat chest…”

“I’ve read a few books like that.” Voryn stroked the white, fluffy hair now peaking out from the blanket. 

“R…Really?” Nerevar asked, still too nervous to look up at him. 

“Yes,” Voryn answered. “One was a Boethia cultist who was born a man. She went to Boethia and prayed to be a girl, so Boethia transformed her in a rainstorm of blood.” He explained. “Another was a man who asked Mephala how to change his body and she taught him the alteration magic needed.” Now Nerevar was looking up at him, eyes wide with wonder. “I can call a mage here if you want.”

“Really?” Nerevar sat up more, the blanket now falling down his shoulders. Seeing how excited he was, Voryn couldn’t help but smile. 

“Of course,” Voryn ruffled his hair, before wrapping the blanket back around him for comfort. “I’ll tell Mother right away, and ask them to come quickly.” 

Nerevar wrapped his arms tightly around Voryn, holding him close. 

“Thank you,” He mumbled into Voryn’s shoulder. “I… I mean it…” Ah, Nerevar was crying again, this time in what seemed to be relief. Voryn stroked his head, holding him back. “Thank you so much…” 

“It’s no problem, Nerevar.” Voryn closed his eyes, nuzzling against him, “I just want you to be happy.” 

[tonal-modulator]

My OCs

Some info about my OCs in case you’re curious or want to do an OC ask or something. You can also totally always just ask me random stuff about any of them if you want!

I mostly tried to organize them by game but some of them float a bit.

See also the Tags I Use page, which is generated programmatically, so it should always be up to date. I also sometimes tag OC-general posts as #razak's ocs.

Morrowind

Ildari Llothri

aka Iya

she/her in this life but it's complicated because of past lives being various genders

tag: #ildari

Dunmer

Born 3E 400 (27 at the beginning of Morrowind, 35 in ESO)

Ildari grew up in the Imperial City with her adopted mother until she got sent to Morrowind. She’s the 18th life of Nerevar et al. and regained the memories of all of her past incarnations pretty much all at once when she met with Vivec. She has a lot of complicated feelings but mostly she’s really Done with Azura and hates that she had to kill/ruin the lives of her closest friends to satisfy some Daedra’s 3,500-year grudge that got projected onto her. She becomes friends with Vehk again during Morrowind, and Seht and Ayem when she’s in ESO. Also she’s Talvini and Milia’s granddaughter.

Elyna Ralvas

she/her

tag: #elyna

Dunmer

Dissident Priest, eventually Archcanon of Vivec

born around 3E 150 (~275 by Morrowind)

Elyna Ralvas is a Dissident Priest of the Tribunal Temple. She left Morrowind for around 200 years when it became dangerous to question to Tribunal's decline and their suppression of Apographa. She basically just wants what's best for everyone, and when she's put in the position of fulfilling the Nerevarine prophecies, she realizes the role kind of suits her. She's the second life of Nerevar (counting Nerevar) and she does have his memories as of getting the ring Moon-and-Star, but she also lived for almost 300 years without consciously being Nerevar.

Adyn Rothreni

they/them

tag: #adyn

Dunmer

(lapsed) Buoyant Armiger

Born 3E 393; 34 at the start of Morrowind

Adyn was left at the Temple of Vivec as a baby and raised there, eventually being trained as a Buoyant Armiger in a Redoran-funded program to raise orphans to be Buoyant Armigers. (They took one look at the nonbinary kid born under the Thief and went, "Vivec is going to love you.") They took a "leave" from the Armigers after seven or eight years to move to Cyrodiil for another two decades or so. They didn't know why, just that it was really important. They started getting Nerevarine memories when they arrived in Cyrodiil, and they got stronger once they returned to Morrowind. They're not too happy about the role they apparently have to play in history, because the Temple and the Armigers are their family and they don't want to destroy them.

Oblivion

Meryse Rielle

she/her until she mantles Sheogorath, then pretty much anything

tag: #meryse

Breton

Hero of Kvatch, Sheogorath

Born 3E 406 (27 at the start of Oblivion)

Meryse is a mage from Daggerfall who "saw through" the Warp in the West dragonbreak when she was a kid and has been trying to figure out what the Empire has been hiding ever since. She was getting old enough that her parents wished she would just find a normal job, but she went to Cyrodiil in a last-ditch effort to turn her research into something concrete instead of just "settling down," and ended up getting pulled into prophecy. After the Oblivion Crisis was over and she was presented with the opportunity to be Sheogorath's champion (and ultimately mantle him), she figured she might as well—it would be better than giving everything up and going home to accept the kind of life she never wanted.

Skyrim

Dreveni

aka Sotha Dreveni Llothri

she/her

tag: #dreveni

Dunmer

born around the start of the 4th era but it's complicated (204 in Skyrim)

So when Ildari goes to ESO time, she ends up having a kid with Sotha Sil. That kid is Dreveni. They left ESO time and returned to 4E 2 when Drev was a toddler. Seht wrote her a letter before they left because he knew they wouldn't be able to see each other again, and in the letter, he told her that she would have some sort of "Prisoner"/Hero role like her mother. She assumed that would involve something like cleaning up her parents' mess. She did not expect to be (the Last) Dragonborn.

Being the child of a god and a godslayer and growing up mostly in the aftermath of the Red Year, Dreveni has a weird connection to the Dunmer people. She basically takes on their suffering as her own and devotes her life to helping people in any way she can.

Elanirie

she/they equally; flip a coin

tag: #elanirie

Altmer

failed Psijic

Born 4E 158 (43 at the start of Skyrim)

Elanirie was born on Artaeum to Psijic parents and was educated by the Psijic Order with the assumption that she would eventually become a full member. After a few decades, she decided that she was more interested in knowledge for the sake of knowledge than any single topic, and so she ended up following Hermaeus Mora and eventually leaving the Order and Artaeum altogether. They moved to Summerset, and then to the mainland, and northward until she reached Skyrim, just as their patron intended.

ESO

Talvini Llothri

she/her

Tag: #talvini

Dunmer

Wizard (magicka sorcerer)

Born 2E 499 (83 at the beginning of ESO)

Talvini is a mage who likes to figure out how and why everything works (usually also involving figuring out how to make it not work). She developed adventuring skills in order to raid Dwemer ruins for materials for her experiments. Despite being from House Telvanni, she's something of a Rule Follower and she worships the Tribunal, primarily Sotha Sil—though that becomes much more complicated as time goes on. Also she’s dating/eventually marries Milia, and I'm pretty sure she never dies.

Milia Nyrandil

she/her

tag: #milia

Dunmer

Magicka dragonknight

Buoyant Armiger

Born 2E 510 (72 at the beginning of ESO)

Milia is a Buoyant Armiger, who’s warm and outgoing and genuinely loves to help people and make people happy, but she will also absolutely fight you if necessary. The whole getting-killed-by-Mannimarco thing messes with her a lot but she doesn’t tell people because she’s afraid of being seen as weak. Also she’s dating/eventually marries Talvini.

Llevura Ranith

she/her

tag: #llevura

Dunmer

Stamina templar

Hand of Almalexia

Born 2E 509 (73 at the beginning of ESO)

Llevura is a Hand of Almalexia. She was present at Vivec's Antlers during the Second Akaviri Invasion, where she witnessed Vivec's wave wash away friend and foe alike. She was, obviously, troubled by it, but understood the Tribunal's need to craft the "truth" around the event, and while she kept her own account of the events to herself for the most part, she spoke of her understanding honestly when Almalexia asked. Ten or so years later, Almalexia assigned her a daunting task: to let herself get killed by Mannimarco and take on the role of hero to stop the planemeld, even in Coldharbour, where her gods could not reach her.

She always puts her serious face forward, but she is really a little soft, and she does try to embody her lady's mercy when reasonable.

Tilora Uvanil

she/her

tag: #tilora

Dunmer

Warden healer

Priest of the Tribunal

Born 2E 506 (76 at the beginning of ESO)

Tilora was a priest at the Tribunal Temple in Selfora before she was promoted to Mournhold. She ends up dating Llevura (partly due to Almalexia nudging them onto each other's paths) for a while before her own Hero nature manifests. Then she does the Vestige path herself, trying to stick mostly to good priest skills like healing, but still throwing cliff racers when necessary. In general she just really cares about people a lot.

Ghast Lylton

they/them

tag: #ghast lylton

Breton

Necromancer, vampire

Mid-twenties in ESO

Ghast is a former Worm Cultist who was recruited in their late teens/early twenties, believing their promises of gaining power on their own without needing to rely on nobles. They eventually realized they weren't really evil enough and tried to leave, but they had messed up their social safety net and so the cult caught up with them and killed them. Now they're back and they've decided to make that Mannimarco's problem. They also contract vampirism during their adventures, thus adding Molag Bal to their proverbial list a second time.

Vaynerii Darys

she/her

tag: #vaynerii

Dunmer

Nightblade healer

Morag Tong reconnaissance agent

60s probably

Vaynerii likes gathering information and understanding people, and generally uses the information to help people and win their favor, usually being able to count on them for her network of whispers. She's a Morag Tong reconnaissance agent and a healer. She's not much for killing, but she sees how fragile the Houses are and how little it would take for them to end up in a civil war, and wants to help prevent that.

Favali Nerenim

she/her

tag: #favali

Dunmer

Magicka sorcerer

Clockwork Apostle

Born 2E 553; 29 at the start of ESO

Favali is a third-generation Clockwork Apostle. She grew up in the Clockwork City and doesn't really know anything outside it. When Sotha Sil approaches her and tells her she has an important role to play in history, and that she needs to go to Nirn-Above to trigger it and start down her Prisoner's path, she's both honored to be noticed, and nervous to have to leave the Clockwork City and venture out into the unknown without a guide. And neither of them realizes that step one involves getting killed, so that messes with her quite a bit. But once she's on Nirn, she takes advantage of the opportunity to study some things she couldn't in the Clockwork City, like conjuration, and generally does her best to find and stay on her path.

Lior

she/her

tag: #lior

Demprince of Azura. Appears as a Breton and a winged twilight (simultaneously) when on Nirn in semi-mortal form

Ambiguously-infinitely old

Lior does not have a specific sphere; Azura just made her because she wanted a Demiprince who would adore her as she deserves. She has some access to prophecy, but not as much as Azura does. She starts out a little detached from mortals, not seeting them as very important, etc., but eventually comes to realize that their finite lives mean they cram a ton of emotion and experience into a short time and ends up feeling compassion for them. Between this and some other realizations while she's on Nirn, she ends up questioning Azura. This angers her Prince, and Azura ends up rejecting her, which hits her pretty hard.

Sorndra

aka Sorn

she/her

tag: #sorndra

Demiprince of Azura. Takes a Breton form while on Nirn.

Magicka templar

Younger than Lior, but not by much

Sorndra's sphere is Limits and Liminality, which includes categories that make up the laws of the universe, their boundaries, and the spaces between them. She's much more reserved than her sister Lior, and her relationship to Azura is much more tempered (and therefore less volatile). She sees the Planemeld as a personal affront, because Molag Bal is merging planes that are meant to be distinct, and so she goes to Nirn to stop it herself.

Other/hard to place

Minmari

they/them primarily but they'll accept anything

tag: #minmari

Demiprince of Mephala and Boethiah, takes Dunmer form when on Nirn

They float around various time periods

Ambiguously-infinitely old

Minmari is the Demiprince of Plans. They are fully Daedric, spending most of their time in their plane of Oblivion and only taking on a mortal form when they go to Nirn (usually at their parents' request, to interrupt some existential threat to reality). They are always knitting, usually something that no one else can fully perceive or understand, but that's how they effect change in the world. They appreciate offerings of yarn from mortals who seek their assistance or favor.

Bthunkagr

she/her

tag: #bthunkagr

Dwemer

Dragonborn or Nerevarine in different universes

born 1E 610, 90 at the Battle of Red Mountain

Bthunkagr was a young tonal architect working under Kagrenac during the Heart of Lorkhan project. She was also friends with the Chimer side of the First Council. She was uncomfortable with the nature of the Heart project and eventually went to Voryn for help. She ended up taking asylum with the Chimer, and eventually stepped out of time in order to avoid being part of the ascension/soulsmash. Then, depending on the timeline, she came back into existence either around 3E427 or 4E201.