#program wrangling

[a-star-that-fell]

10:22pm and i’m cranky as hell about work. specifically how nobody i’ve worked for seems to realize that toddlers (i.e. 18-35mo) do not always benefit from preschool aged (i.e. 3-5yrs) oriented learning experiences because they don’t always have the skills nor the life experiences to conceptualize concepts like in-depth dramatic play yet

[riftwalker-limbro]

okay hello. mildly nervous about this one ngl. but i had fun for a night so might as well throw it on here too. everything in this is subject to change whenever i feel like it.

have one incredibly stubborn bastard. who struggled VERY HARD not to get fucking drawn.

with & without his removable coat. and his destreza-inspired cane which i ran out of drawing juice for so it's sitting in sketch jail for now.

he's flipping us all of bc he didn't want to get drawn. also he read ahead in my outlines & now knows that he will have to talk about his feelings & is not happy about it.

without his coat he's really not. too interesting to look at except for coloration - the helminth simply wasn't able to recover that much texture information from what he must've originally looked like. (also please god the coat was ENOUGH & this way it fits tighter which is better in his case so) (also it Did recover enough information for his lower legs & arms because those were far away enough from the epicenter of the confetti event to not be utterly decimated) (i made a post about this once i will not turn this into another one)

i still hate his dang hat. it will not be forgiven for at least another week. and his spindly ass limbs. man got lost in the maze where they stretch you every time you find a dead end

[mearcatsreturns]

I want to burn anxiety in a fire, I almost made myself sick just now thinking I possibly had a degree requirement no one had told me about

[greatonlinetrainingsposts]

Mastering Data Wrangling in SAS: Best Practices and Techniques

Data wrangling, also known as data cleaning or data preparation, is a crucial part of the data analysis process. It involves transforming raw data into a format that's structured and ready for analysis. While building models and drawing insights are important tasks, the quality of the analysis often depends on how well the data has been prepared beforehand.

For anyone working with SAS, having a good grasp of the tools available for data wrangling is essential. Whether you're working with missing values, changing variable formats, or restructuring datasets, SAS offers a variety of techniques that can make data wrangling more efficient and error-free. In this article, we’ll cover the key practices and techniques for mastering data wrangling in SAS.

1. What Is Data Wrangling in SAS?

Before we dive into the techniques, it’s important to understand the role of data wrangling. Essentially, data wrangling is the process of cleaning, restructuring, and enriching raw data to prepare it for analysis. Datasets are often messy, incomplete, or inconsistent, so the task of wrangling them into a clean, usable format is essential for accurate analysis.

In SAS, you’ll use several tools for data wrangling. DATA steps, PROC SQL, and various procedures like PROC SORT and PROC TRANSPOSE are some of the most important tools for cleaning and structuring data effectively.

2. Key SAS Procedures for Data Wrangling

SAS offers several powerful tools to manipulate and clean data. Here are some of the most commonly used procedures:

- PROC SORT: Sorting is usually one of the first steps in data wrangling. This procedure organizes your dataset based on one or more variables. Sorting is especially useful when preparing to merge datasets or remove duplicates.

- PROC TRANSPOSE: This procedure reshapes your data by converting rows into columns or vice versa. It's particularly helpful when you have data in a "wide" format that you need to convert into a "long" format or vice versa.

- PROC SQL: PROC SQL enables you to write SQL queries directly within SAS, making it easier to filter, join, and aggregate data. It’s a great tool for working with large datasets and performing complex data wrangling tasks.

- DATA Step: The DATA step is the heart of SAS programming. It’s a versatile tool that allows you to perform a wide range of data wrangling operations, such as creating new variables, filtering data, merging datasets, and applying advanced transformations.

3. Handling Missing Data

Dealing with missing data is one of the most important aspects of data wrangling. Missing values can skew your analysis or lead to inaccurate results, so it’s crucial to address them before proceeding with deeper analysis.

There are several ways to manage missing data:

- Identifying Missing Values: In SAS, missing values can be detected using functions such as NMISS() for numeric data and CMISS() for character data. Identifying missing data early helps you decide how to handle it appropriately.

- Replacing Missing Values: In some cases, missing values can be replaced with estimates, such as the mean or median. This approach helps preserve the size of the dataset, but it should be used cautiously to avoid introducing bias.

- Deleting Missing Data: If missing data is not significant or only affects a small portion of the dataset, you might choose to remove rows containing missing values. This method is simple, but it can lead to data loss if not handled carefully.

4. Transforming Data for Better Analysis

Data transformation is another essential part of the wrangling process. It involves converting or modifying variables so they are better suited for analysis. Here are some common transformation techniques:

- Recoding Variables: Sometimes, you might want to recode variables into more meaningful categories. For instance, you could group continuous data into categories like low, medium, or high, depending on the values.

- Standardization or Normalization: When preparing data for machine learning or certain statistical analyses, it might be necessary to standardize or normalize variables. Standardizing ensures that all variables are on a similar scale, preventing those with larger ranges from disproportionately affecting the analysis.

- Handling Outliers: Outliers are extreme values that can skew analysis results. Identifying and addressing outliers is crucial. Depending on the nature of the outliers, you might choose to remove or transform them to reduce their impact.

5. Automating Tasks with SAS Macros

When working with large datasets or repetitive tasks, SAS macros can help automate the wrangling process. By using macros, you can write reusable code that performs the same transformations or checks on multiple datasets. Macros save time, reduce errors, and improve the consistency of your data wrangling.

For example, if you need to apply the same set of cleaning steps to multiple datasets, you can create a macro to perform those actions automatically, ensuring efficiency and uniformity across your work.

6. Working Efficiently with Large Datasets

As the size of datasets increases, the process of wrangling data can become slower and more resource-intensive. SAS provides several techniques to handle large datasets more efficiently:

- Indexing: One way to speed up data manipulation in large datasets is by creating indexes on frequently used variables. Indexes allow SAS to quickly locate and access specific records, which improves performance when working with large datasets.

- Optimizing Data Steps: Minimizing the number of iterations in your DATA steps is also crucial for efficiency. For example, combining multiple operations into a single DATA step reduces unnecessary reads and writes to disk.

7. Best Practices and Pitfalls to Avoid

When wrangling data, it’s easy to make mistakes that can derail the process. Here are some best practices and common pitfalls to watch out for:

- Check Data Types: Make sure your variables are the correct data type (numeric or character) before performing transformations. Inconsistent data types can lead to errors or inaccurate results.

- Be Cautious with Deleting Data: When removing missing values or outliers, always double-check that the data you're removing won’t significantly affect your analysis. It's important to understand the context of the missing data before deciding to delete it.

- Regularly Review Intermediate Results: Debugging is a key part of the wrangling process. As you apply transformations or filter data, regularly review your results to make sure everything is working as expected. This step can help catch errors early on and save time in the long run.

Conclusion

Mastering data wrangling in SAS is an essential skill for any data analyst or scientist. By taking advantage of SAS’s powerful tools like PROC SORT, PROC TRANSPOSE, PROC SQL, and the DATA step, you can clean, transform, and reshape your data to ensure it's ready for analysis. 

Following best practices for managing missing data, transforming variables, and optimizing for large datasets will make the wrangling process more efficient and lead to more accurate results. For those who are new to SAS or want to improve their data wrangling skills, enrolling in a SAS programming tutorial or taking a SAS programming full course can help you gain the knowledge and confidence to excel in this area. With the right approach, SAS can help you prepare high-quality, well-structured data for any analysis.

[fishlung8877]

My gift to the world: 15 seconds of music that looops for a slightly uncomfortable amount of time

[pavlovianfuckery]

*hangs head in shame* i have the soundbites i wanted but at what cost

the program i usually use was not wanting to play nice this evening so ended up asking my bf for help. i really do love that man, patience of a saint even though it feels a bit as if i just put him in the metaphorical cuck chair

[rajaniesh]

Microsoft Fabric: Pioneering the AI and Machine Learning Frontier

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[hasellia]

Tags from @grapeagata

unironically my friend

[whirlybirbs]

— BURNER CELL ; 2 ; DABI ; 荼毗

summary: after a week of silence, you finally text dabi. pairing: dabi / f!reader ; quirkless word count: 1.3k tag: humor, maladjusted dabi meets normal adult woman, flirting, canon-based world building, cancer mention, texting as a plot device, slight au, univeristy student!reader a/n: this stole all my concentration. siri play emo boy by ayesha erotica ← previous | the tag

It's the kind of week where, aside from class, human interaction isn't really on life's setlist. 

It's also the kind of week where you rediscover making a meal of raw cookie dough straight from the package. Your econ textbook might have a stranglehold on you, but you make enough time to scarf down a few globs between chapters — after all, who needs protein or fiber when you're sure this five-year master's program will kill you first?

Your head hurts.

You slump against the counter, refilling your water bottle. 

It's late now — and you can feel the quiet woes beginning to wane as you blink at the clock. By now, your friends are probably on their second or third drinks. You turned the invite down when they asked yesterday. Nuri tugged on your sweater sleeve and pouted the best pout she could manage, but you didn't budge. 

I've gotta finish this paper, I'm sorry, Nur'. 

You roll your jaw as you shut the faucet off, wandering to your freezer to wrangle some cubes from the tray. You bend it slowly, deep in thought. A few pop out, and you idly drop them into your water bottle with a twang. 

You're staring at your phone. It's by your computer on the counter. 

...You never did text Dabi. 

You told yourself it was for the best — after all, you weren't looking for a catastrophic derailment of your life at the moment. Things are good. You're two semesters away from finishing University, your family's bakery back in Kyoto is doing well, and Dad's chemotherapy seems to be working. Things are good! It's almost fall, you've managed to stick to your monthly budget, and Mizu settled in happily to your new apartment. 

No four-day poop strike like the last time you moved.

The large tuxedo cat in question ambles through the kitchen — brushing against your leg and letting out a long, low mrrooow. 

Things are great! 

You shouldn't text Dabi.

But... even if you did, it's not like it'd be the end of the world, right?

Wait, could he figure out where you lived from your number...?

You could use one of those anonymous texting services. Then, it wouldn't even be your number. Just some fake string of digits that allow you to satiate the bizarre curiosity that's been swirling in your head for the last week. 

You're sure the novelty will wear off. 

He's probably not even going to respond. 

You're telling yourself this is stupid as you begin to set up an account with the service — the app boasts privacy, andunlimited calls and texts... You can't help but feel a little strange as you finalize your account. 

It's done.

You import his contact with two taps and stare at the blank screen. 

...Now what?

Are you really going to do this? I mean — he's a wanted criminal. He's a member of the League of Villains. If anyone ever found out you were in contact with him, you'd be toast. You'd have All Might kicking your door in and demanding to look through your phone and that mental image is enough to make you cringe. Say goodbye to your degree, goodbye toyour future as Sakura Flour's owner, and goodbye to freedom. You're sure the Safety Commission would place you on some watch list for the rest of your life, and frankly, your tweets are already questionable. You don't need more scrutiny. 

...So, there are two options. 

Delete his number and move on... or don't get caught. 

You shouldn't text Dabi.

...But, you do.

Truth be told, he isn't shocked to see that cute Nuri girl hanging on Giran's arm again. The Broker seems pretty into her — the guy even mentioned something about taking her to a nice dinner during the week as a congrats on passing some big test. Dabi can't blame him. She's cute. Looks good in red. Not his type, but he can appreciate it from time to time.

However, Dabi is a little shocked that you're not a part of the group cheering in Giran's VIP section. There's bottle service being ordered, laughter, dancing, and a gaggle of pretty, five college girls — and none of them are you. 

His lips twist into a scowl. 

He decides he's leaving; his piss-poor drink is tossed back, and he dumps a bill down for the bartender before tugging his hood up and sucking his teeth. 

He never liked this club anyway.

He's crossing the threshold of the back door, stepping into the damp and dark alley, when the phone in his back pocket buzzes. Someone's smoking a Marlboro by the dumpster. The familiar smell makes Dabi's fingers twitch. 

He's tryna quit.

He tugs the phone from his pocket, no longer bothered by the splintered glass screen. His battery is at 13%. This fuckin' thing barely holds a charge anymore. 

The number on the screen isn't one he knows.

Dabi's passcode is unnecessarily long. His phone clicks open as he narrows his eyes and shambles towards the opening in the alley. He doesn't know this number. He has everyone's cell memorized that he needs. Shigaraki, Toga, Spinner, Jin, Compress, even Giran. He doesn't keep contacts. Doesn't work when he's ditching phones all the time. He's got his noggin. That's good enough.

The text is one word:

hi.

Dabi's squinting at the text when another buzzes through. 

← 909.999.3399 ;  11:48pm sorry, this is bar girl

→ dabi ; 11:46pm thought u were never gonna txt me ur girlie nuri is here where r u

There's no way.

Your phone buzzes three times from its far place where it sits face down on the counter — you just walked away from it, hellbent on distracting yourself while you waited out the potential reply. You go rigid in your kitchen. 

Did he seriously text you back immediately?

You purse your lips, then slink towards the phone. It buzzes again.

→ dabi ; 11:47pm c'mon don't leave me hangin pretty

Your eyes are wide as you stare at the string of replies. He has read receipts turned on like the psychopath he is. 

You lean back against the counter, chewing your cuticle as you let out a ragged sigh. Nuri is with him? Or... No, they said they were going to that club you hate. 

← 909.999.3399 ;  11:4pam oh, are they at the bar?‎

Dabi's fingers move fast.

→ dabi ; 11:49pm nah in downtown club tropical or whatever the fuck it's called

You snort a little.

← 909.999.3399 ;  11:49pm i hate that place. their drinks suck.

Dabi has started making his way back to their hideout — back to the shit box apartments they're renting above Kurogiri's bar. He's slow, idly texting as he weaves through the crowds of nightlife in Kamino Ward. 

→ dabi ; 11:50pm a girl after my own heart where r u ur dodging my question u on a date or smthng????

He's insistent, you'll give him that. You cross your legs as you lean back against the laminate counter and chew the inside of your lip.

He's typing. It starts, then stops, then starts again. 

When you start typing, the bubble disappears. 

← 909.999.3399 ;  11:50pm nah, got a huge paper to finish uni student, remember? sorry to disappoint 

→ dabi ; 11:51pm ur missin out giran got bottle service  him and nuri looked cozy

← 909.999.3399 ;  11:51pm not shocked she thinks she can fix him

→ dabi ; 11:51pm ooooo love when that happens poor girl

Typing... 

Typing...

→ dabi ; 11:51pm u think u can fix me? :p

The emoji makes your face break into a smile — it's so... not what you expected. 

← 909.999.3399 ;  11:52pm nah i'm not stupid

→ dabi ; 11:52pm just busy.... really lame of u tbh coulda been fun

← 909.999.3399 ;  11:52pm wasting cash on mid drinks is the opposite of fun

→ dabi ; 11:52pm i meant seeing me

Oh, what the fuck.

Why does that text make your face feel hot? Why does that text make you feel like you're not texting the League of Villain's #1 Arsonist, but some cute boy from class? He's not a cute boy from class. He's a danger to society. 

You're glad you don't have the opportunity to reply. Your phone is buzzing in your hands, the haptic feedback lighting the neurons in your brain on fire.  

→ dabi ; 11:53pm gtg phone is gonna die have fun with ur paper u loser hope u get a good grade or whatever i'll txt u later

You shouldn't have texted Dabi.

But you did. 

[reasonsforhope]

Note: Reasons to Be Cheerful has had weirdly huge formatting issues for the past six or so months, so if that version is a mess, this link should work better.

"Florida Power & Light Company (FPL), the Sunshine State’s largest power utility, employs all the people you might expect: electricians, lineworkers, mechanical engineers — and a few you might not. For over 40 years, the company has kept a team of wildlife biologists on staff. Their task? Monitoring the giant carnivorous reptiles that reside in one of the state’s nuclear power plants. 

Saving the American Crocodile

What sounds like a low-budget creature feature is actually a wildly successful conservation story. It goes like this: In 1975, the shy and reclusive American crocodile was facing extinction. Over-hunting and habitat decline caused by encroaching development had pushed its numbers to a record low. By 1975, when it was listed as endangered under the Endangered Species Act, there were only 200 to 300 left. 

Three years later, in 1978, workers at the Turkey Point nuclear power plant in Homestead, Florida happened upon something that must have made them gasp: a crocodile nest along one of the plant’s 5,900-acre “cooling canals.” Rather than drive the crocs away — perhaps the easiest solution — FPL hired a team of biologists and implemented a Crocodile Management Plan. Its goal was unconventional: provide a suitable habitat for the crocs within the workings of the nuclear power plant, allowing both to coexist.  

Over the course of the next 30 years, FPL’s wildlife biologists monitored nests, tagged hatchlings and generally created a hospitable environment for the reptiles. As it turned out, the plant’s cooling canals provided an ideal habitat: drained earth that never floods on which to lay eggs directly adjacent to water. Over the years, more and more crocs made the cooling canals home. By 1985, the nests at Turkey Point were responsible for 10 percent of American crocodile hatchlings in South Florida. In 2007, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service downgraded the American crocodile’s status from endangered to threatened, singling out FPL for its efforts. 

The program continues to this day. To date, biologists have tagged some 7,000 babies born at the plant. In 2021, there were a record-setting 565 crocodile hatchlings at the Turkey Point facility. 

"Reconciliation Ecology"

Turkey Point’s efforts are an example of what is known in the conservation world as “reconciliation ecology.” Rather than create separate areas where nature or animals can thrive in isolation from humans, reconciliation ecology suggests that we can blend the rich natural world with the world of human activity. Michael Rosenzweig, an emeritus professor of ecology and evolutionary biology at the University of Arizona, was a leading force in establishing this concept. The author of Win-Win Ecology: How the Earth’s Species can Survive in the Midst of Human Enterprise, Rosenzweig has pointed out that although human encroachment has typically been considered a threat to biodiversity, the notion that the world must be either “holy” or “profane,” ecologically speaking, is simply not true.  

“In addition to its primary value as a conservation tool, reconciliation ecology offers a valuable social byproduct,” writes Rosenzweig in his first chapter. “It promises to reduce the endless bickering and legal wrangling that characterize environmental issues today.”

-via Reasons to Be Cheerful, May 5, 2022. Article continues below. All headings added by me for added readability.

Dr. Madhusudan Katti, an associate professor in the Department of Forestry and Environmental Resources at North Carolina State University, was inspired by Rosenzweig when he did his postdoc at Arizona State. Katti has now been in the field of reconciliation ecology for two decades and teaches classes on the subject. “To me it’s finding solutions to reconciling human development with biodiversity conservation,” Katti says.

This common ground between development and conservation can be consciously planned, like FPL managing a crocodile habitat at a nuclear power plant or the state-sponsored vertical gardens and commercial farms on high-rise buildings in Singapore. Other examples include the restoration of the coral reef around an undersea restaurant in Eilat, Israel, or recent legislation in New York City requiring patterned glass on high-rise buildings, making windows more visible to migratory birds. Other planned examples of reconciliation ecology can be more individually scaled: a rooftop garden in an urban setting, modifying your garden to earn a “backyard bird habitat” certification from the Audubon Society, or even just mowing your lawn less often...

Reconciliation Ecology: Nature's Already Doing It Without Us

But there are countless examples of “accidental” incidents of reconciliation ecology, as well. One of Katti’s favorites is the kit fox of California’s San Joaquin Valley. “The kit fox was one of the very first species listed on the Endangered Species Act,” Katti says. Its decline was caused by habitat loss through agricultural and industrial development, as well as the extermination of the gray wolf population, which led to an increase in coyotes. So kit foxes adapted and moved to new habitats. One of these was the city of Bakersfield, California.

“Bakersfield, surrounded by oil pumps, would be the last place you’d expect to find an endangered species,” Katti says. But researchers think kit foxes have migrated to Bakersfield because they actually have more protection there from predators like coyotes and bobcats. “The kit foxes have figured out that if they can tolerate the human disturbance and live with people, then they are safer from all these other predators,” he says. 

Living in the city has led to some interesting behavioral changes. In the wild, for instance, a female kit fox gives birth to her young and raises them by herself in a den. But in the city, researchers have observed multiple females raising their litters together in the same den. “It’s like a form of cooperative breeding,” Katti says. “That wouldn’t happen in the wild.” ...

The Big Picture: How We Think about Conservation

Reconciliation Ecology isn’t just we humans welcoming animals like crocodiles and foxes into our environments, though. It’s also living with nature in a way that most Western societies haven’t done since the Enlightenment. “In recent years, there’s been a recognition that the ‘fortress conservation’ model — keeping nature separated from humans and not thinking of or valuing human-inhabited landscapes — those ideas are outdated,” says Katti.

In fact, in Katti’s classes on reconciliation ecology, he embraces the notion of reconnecting people with their land if they have been unjustly separated from it. “The term reconciliation also applies to all the colonial legacies where both nature and people have been harmed,” Katti says. “For Indigenous communities, the harm done to ecosystems, it’s happened together. So you can talk about addressing both. That’s where a lot of my thinking is at the moment.” 

A hopeful version of this sort of reconciliation is happening in California where colleagues of Katti’s who are tribal members are re-introducing “tribal burns” in some areas. Controlled burns have been a part of many Indigenous cultures for millenia, both as a way to prevent devastating forest fires, but also to encourage the growth of certain plants like hazel that are used for basket-weaving and other crafts. 

“The notion that people don’t belong there and ‘let nature take care of itself’ doesn’t really work,” Katti says. “That’s the legacy of Western European Enlightenment thinking — a divide between human and nature. That is a real faulty view of nature. People have been part of the ecosystem forever.”

-via Reasons to Be Cheerful, May 5, 2022

[fluff-and-such]

Okay and now I've made the realization that I haven't enjoyed painting something this much in months.

SAI is the best ngl

Sometimes the trick to getting a piece rolling is switching art programs. Woo!

[where-does-the-heart-lie]

This is my modern/roommate au for them 💁‍♀️ I had a lot of fun coming up with the paragraph part :)

East Blue Crew Modern Au

Grand Line Crew Modern Au

Friends We Made Along The Way

Friends We Made Along The Way Part 2

Please excuse any typo’s my drawing program’s spelling check isn't the best 🙃

Some additional head-canons:

Even though they have an apartment they live and pay rent in, none of them are ever home, much. Luffy’s sleeping over his friends’ houses after hanging out with them, Ace is pretending he’s homeless, and Sabo sleeps at the hospital most of the time. sometimes two of them will be home at the same time, but its almost never all at once on any given day.

Even though they are never home, one day of the week is sacred. The day that no matter what they come home and spend the day together. Thursday. Laundry day

Luffy odd odd jobs done in the past include: possum wrangling, “get my friend out of that tree please, he’s drunk and i don’t want to call the cops”, PC setup (he didnt know anything about it, but somehow he got it all right. Somehow.), performing at a party, assisting in a lab, impromptu chore-boy, and many more.

Nami takes care of Luffy’s Odd job finances and makes sure he gets paid the proper amount. He lets her take a cut, and even though she does indeed want that money, she unfortunately knows Luffy needs that money more than she, so she doesn’t take it. The amount of self restraint she exhibits astounds even she. She is truly a saint (according to her).

The only laws that Luffy knows are 1) his friend (self proclaimed) Law and 2) the Miranda rights, as he heard them while Sabo was getting arrested that one time.

Luffy thought the Law lecture he went to was supposed to be talking about his friend (self proclaimed) Law. He wanted to support his buddy (self proclaimed), not learn about federal law!

No one has kept track of how many times Sabo has went to jail. whenever he’s asked, he changes the number every time.

Sabo had the absolute worst time getting that big ol’ tattoo across his arm. He cried a couple times through it, although he would never admit it. It was an investment that he was willing to make, however, and he thinks it turned out sick as hell. So does everyone else. Because the tattoo is sick as hell.

Ace watch shenanigans:

“hey ace, what time is it” “One sec,” he checks his watch “uhhhh 10 at night” (Its clearly the middle of the day) “Thanks, man”

Dadan calls to check in on them every Thursday night. She pretends she doesn't care about them, but the reality is not looking good for her.

Sabo has been a childhood friend to Luffy and Ace and has slept over the house they lived in with Dadan many times, but he didnt actually come to officially live with them until he was finally kicked out of his parent’s house when he was 16. Dadan has always been more of a mother to him than his biological one ever was and he treasures her even though he says he doesn’t. Actions often speak louder than words, as the two are literal besties despite both verbally expressing their disdain for the other more than praise. Sabo is clearly her favorite of the three brothers and she's the most lenient with him (which is something they all exploit).

Luffy and Ace come to live with Dadan in the au the same way they live there in canon, their fathers are not present in their lives and Garp dropped them both off at her doorstep and expected to take them in.

That’s all I got for now. These guys are fun and I love them very much :)

[flamingpudding]

Part 5 of Ghost Kid in Gotham

For those that ask, yes an AO3 link is in the works. I will post it once its ready. Also fair warning, I will be focusing on DPxDC Family Week now so I have no idea when the next part will be up.

<<1 Previous Next

Thrill and chirp brother

Tim sipped on his n-th cup of specially made Tim-brand-not-Alfred-approved coffee as he shuffled into the dinning room and sat down on the breakfast table. The moment he sat down he opened the laptop again and stared at its screen for a couple of seconds. The scan of the post-it note got nothing. None of the squiggles was recognised in any of the so far known languages. Hell he even ran it through the leagues recordings of interdimensional and interplanetary known languages. No hits so far. Right now he was running a picture recognition program to see if any of these had appeared before it was on 90% with nothing found so far.

Good he hoped this really was just a prank from Cass and Steph. Because if it wasn't, Bruce would go nuts and overly paranoid as well as up the entire Manors security system a third time this month. Sadly, despite his hope, Tim knew that it wasn't a prank.

A cough resounded behind him and Tim blinked two times before sighting, closing the laptop and pushing it only a couple of inches away from him as Alfred put a plate with his breakfast before him. Knowing Alfreds rules about work at the table he would better not touch it again for now.

"Replacement, you look like the dead walking. Did you even sleep last night?" He glared at his brother before he blinked taking in his surroundings before his eyes rested on little Danny.

Tim could see that all of them, despite barely knowing the kid for a couple of hours, had already become attached to Danny. It didn't help that they had discovered Lichtenberg scarring running up Danny's left arm all the way to where his heart was after the child had finally let Damien take care of him. Hell Tim wanted to know who would give a child, a once dead then revived one, scares like that. If Talia had let the kid go through some sort of experimentation…. Well Tim knew where the explosives were stored and by the looks of it he probably could count on Jason's as well as Dick's help to blow up a league facility.

Either way Damien had become very protective of the child. The scarring didn't help calming that protectiveness either. In fact he was pretty sure it steered it more in the rest of them too. Also the fact that Danny spat out glowing Lazarus Water once they managed to wrangle the kid off Jason last night wasn't calming down a different kind of worry anytime soon either. No, it was another factor next to the scarring that spoke for the League having experimented on the poor child. He probably should start investing more time into what sort of facilities the League had built or was using lately.

On a good note, thankfully Danny had let up on Jason after he spat out the green goop and thanks to the fact that he apparently recognised Damien, let said teenager manhandle -cough- take care of the little biter for the rest of the night. It also seemed like the little guys biting obsession with Jason had calmed down, for now. He didn't trust the calm, especially not with the way Danny was still focused on his second oldest brother. Though everyone except for the demon brat was still getting the hissing treatment. Considering his theory that the League probably used the revived child to experiment with Lazarus Water, it wasn't that much of a surprise. Anyone would be feral after being subjected to experiments.

Thankfully it looked that whatever Pit Madness had overcome the child last night was not reacting towards them. But as he watched Dick trying really hard not to pout at Damien who had Danny in his lap in a protective hold, he wondered how long that would hold. Jason sat as far away from Danny and Damien as he could, probably because of the way the child was watching him with glowing blue eyes while munching on whatever food Damien gave to the little biter.

He could also see the reason for Dick's pouting as the elder reached out to attempt to ruffle Danny's hair but the child instantly snapped his head in their eldest brother's direction, hissing, bearing his teeth and even snapping at the air until Dick withdrew said hand again. A pout very evidently on his face. Like a switch flipped the child's focus would then redirect to watching Jason like a hawk again and munching on the food the Demon brat gave him.

At least he was the bitey type that would hiss as warning and not the stabby kind without warning like Damien.

"Yo, anyone at home up there?"

Turning his focus back to his second oldest brother Tim glared at him once more. "If you have to know. Yes I did sleep last night."

"More than one hour?" Dick asked next and Tim refused to look at the eldest. He was not going to answer that. He had coffee, who needed sleep when you have coffee. Besides, he was a perfectly functioning human being even with minimal amounts of sleep. He had not face planted his breakfast for three days now.

"What got you so obsessed that you didn't sleep, Drake? Another case? Or did you try to find out more from the League in regards to Danyal's scars?"

"That too but mostly the post-it note." He finally answered after stewing a little longer under the stares of his siblings. "Neither our nor the JL's language recognition programs got a hit and right now I am running a picture recognition to see if there ever was any kind of writing like that found before but it ran up to 90% before I came down and hadn't found anything like that before. And-"

"Slow down there Timber. I thought that's just a prank from Cass and Steph?" Dick interrupted him and Tim suppressed a groan.

"It couldn't be. I wish it was but both of them weren't in the Manor last night and I don't think Duke would do something like this so-"

"Hold up." Jason cut in and Tim glowered at them for getting interrupted again.

"What do you mean no language recognition program got a hit?"

"It means that there is no languages to translate-"

"Why would you need that? Yea its cryptic as fuck but its clearly written out!"

"Jason what are you talking about?" He opened his laptop again, turning the screen so it was facing Jason. "These are squiggles! How is it readable?!"

"The fuck you talking about?! Don't tell me your sleep deprived mind doesn't know how to read anymore?"

"Jason what does it say in your eyes?" Dick carefully cut in before Tim could question the other any more.

"'The daylight knight will tell the truth with eyes that see the light'. See cryptic as fuck." The older gesticulated towards Tim's laptop screen while Damien raised an eyebrow at him.

"The what now, will tell what?" Dick asked confusedly while Tim turned the laptop back towards him noting down what Jason just said. He was confused as to why Jason was able to read the squiggles but at least that gave him some kind of hint about the post-it. Aside from adding more questions to the already growing pile.

Suddenly a thrilling noise echoed in the room and the four looked at Danny. The child's now green eyes were focused on Jason. Tim could see Damiens hold tightening and Dick tensing when they noticed the green. Danny repeated the same nose he made earlier, still intensely staring at Jason.

"Who the fuck is clockwork?"

The green fated and Danny made a similar noise to chirping, his head tilting in confusion.

"The fuck you mean you don't know? You just said that Clockwork wrote the note?!"

"Todd. Did you just understand the noise Danyal was making?"

Once again the three of them stared at Jason who looked at them confused. "You didn't?"

They shake their heads and Jason let out a frustrated groan as he sat back down his head in his hands. "What did you assholes hear just now?"

"Danyal made some kind of thrilling, then chirping noise."

"Well I heard him say that someone named Clockwork wrote the note and then he said all confused that he doesn't know who Clockwork is." He looked at them frustrated. "Why do I hear the kid speak and you guys don't. You're his fucking twin, right? Shouldn't you know what the brat is saying?"

Damien glowered at their brother offended but didn't retort anything. Tim did see a hint of frustration with their formerly youngest and he could guess. Damien was most likely frustrated about the fact that Jason understood his twin's noises and he didn't. The only thing stopping him from possibly hurling the breakfast knife at Jasons, was most likely his hold on Danny.

Tim also thought about the fact for a while until it suddenly hit him. He looked up and made eye contact with Dick who most likely came to the same conclusion. The two turned towards their siblings.

"The Lazarus Water." Tim carefully offered, watching Jason and Damien tensed slightly.

"What about it?" The second oldest scoffed, turning his attention towards them.

"That's what you two have in common. Both of you got revived and came back through a Lazarus Pit. You still have the Pit in your mind right? And Danny most likely also has a lot of it in his system. It even mixed with his DNA."

After a beat of silence Jason let out a hearty groan. "Fuck. So because of the Pit I understand thrill and chirps now? Just fucking great!"

"Probably can speak it too if you try. That would be pretty cute. Come on, say something in a chirp!" Leave it to Dick to try to lighten the mood, though the glare Jason sent the eldest did make Tim hide a chuckle. He had to admit imaging Jason talking in chirps was a funny image. Should his brother ever do that he would need to make sure to take a video for his black mail folder.

"I will fucking not!"

"Come on, don't you want to communicate properly with our little teethling here?"

"Fuck off Dick!"

"You have to try it Jaybird! For little teethling!"

"Richard." Damien warned but Tim could only snicker as he watched Dick reach out to pat the kids head carelessly, apparently not hearing the warning nor hissing as the elder was too engrossed in convincing Jason to talk in chirp.

Dick let out a shriek of pain.

"Ha! Not so fun getting bitten is it now?" Jason laughed gloating with the fact that for once he was not the biting target.

Tim winched the moment he saw Danny clamp down with his sharp teeth on Dick's hand. Damien was instantly scowling both of them but the little biter refused to let go. He saw Alfred approaching the three and instantly stood up from his chair with a warning on the tip of his tongue as the butler reached out towards Danny.

"Master Danyal." Stunned and frozen the four brothers watched how the butler fearlessly patted the child's head who only let out a small hiss in acknowledgement, teeth still digging into the eldest brother's hand. "I request you let go of Master Dick's hand. I fear it will not taste as well as this snack I have prepared for you."

In an instant Danny let go and chirped, turning his attention towards Alfred who was still patting the child's head without getting hissed at or being in risk of getting bitten. Damien even let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you Pennyworth."

Dick was now cradling his hand, pouting and mumbling something about unfairness at the three as Jason laughed. Tim too couldn't help but chuckle, of course Alfred somehow became an exception towards Danny's biteyness.

It was at that moment that Duke entered the room, took one look at them, blinked, rubbed his eyes and then turned around and left again muttering something about it being too bright and early for any of this.

[glow-worms-are-believers]

Slip and Fall (dp x dc)

It had started when he’d moved to Gotham and, maybe more importantly, when he’d moved out of Amity. The ghost attacks had finally started to calm down thanks to the systemic overhaul the Ghost Zone had experienced after Pariah Dark had been imprisoned for the second time. With a better structure, they had actually started to be able to wrangle their own criminals instead of leaving it to a half-dead (and very tired) teen.

While that had been a big relief on the ghost side of things, the human side of thing had also gone through a major upheaval. His parents actually not shooting at a ghost envoy long enough to actually hear them out had been a minor miracle. Them actually believing said envoy had felt like a straight-up dream. To go from ghost hunter to ghost right defender was a big change, but Fentons didn’t do things halfway. Except Danny of course, but that couldn’t be helped.

With Amity being able to stand on its own without needing Phantom around, Danny had finally been able to focus on school and just being normal for once, and so he had. The last three years had been wonderful. He’d worked his ass off to get his grades back up and he’d even had time to actually made friends with some of the A-listers. Sam and Tucker had likewise been able to enjoy the full teenager experience and had also been glad to get a bit of normalcy back.

By the time graduation rolled around, they’d all applied and gotten accepted into different universities. They’d planned to go to the same close-by college but Jazz had disagreed. Their fields of studies were different and she’d said they owed it to themselves to find the best program for each. Which was why Danny had found himself in Gotham, in a student apartment not too far from campus with a job at the nearest coffee shop. The first month there had been exciting and full of new things. Gotham was a big city, much different from the comparatively smaller Amity and there were novel sights and stuff everywhere. His classes had been interesting and he’d met a ton of new people.

The second month had rolled by and as the elation had settled, Danny had started feeling a bit lonely. He’d reasoned that it was because he couldn’t see his friends as often and had doubled the phone-calls back home. He’d thought it was just a bit of home-sickness and that’d it go away soon.

But then, things didn’t get better. Instead, Danny felt himself growing distant from everything around him. He still talked to people in his classes, he still video-called his sister and friends every week but he felt removed from it all. Like he was a passerby, observing everyone else go through their lives. It was like he was floating away, farther and farther from his life. It was disconcerting, but Danny felt too detached to care about it very much.

After another unremarkable shift at the coffee shop, Danny had stumbled into his apartment and absent-mindedly prepared his supper. As he was picking at the mashed potatoes, a strange feeling started in his chest. He frowned as he rubbed at it, only for it to grow into an intense cold feeling that spread through his extremities. Danny struggled to get up to walk towards the phone as his body froze over. He didn’t make it before the numbing feeling completely took over and his mind slowed accordingly before he closed his eyes and lost himself to peaceful nothingness.

Danny’s consciousness returned slowly to him. He could vaguely hear hushed voices but as he tried to open his eyes, it was to find it impossible, his body unwieldy. Before he lost consciousness again, Danny managed to catch a few words which sounded like “help” and “inside”.

The second time he woke up, his mind felt much clearer and though sitting up took considerably more effort than he would’ve expected, he still managed to do so and take stock of where he’d ended up. It was a big room with big and curtained glass windows that let in sunlight that illuminated the dedicatedly carved wood furniture. The bed itself was queen-sized with high-quality linen and luxuriously plump pillows. Danny’s eyes turned to the window and the small corner of green lawn he could see from his vantage point. Before he could attempt to get closer, the door to his room opened and a man walked in.

“Oh, you’re awake!” exclaimed the man as he got closer to Danny’s bedside. “We were worried after finding you passed out last night but it’s good to see you back with us.”

Danny tried to talk only to find himself unable to get anything but a croak to come out. Embarrassment had his cheeks warming, but the man’s eyes were kind as he handed Danny a glass of water he hadn’t noticed on the nightstand. The water felt good for his parched throat and he tried again.

“Where am I?” Danny rasped.

“This is Wayne Manor,” the man said. “My wife and I found you yesterday. What’s your name?”

[hitechlatte]

Tattered Cloak Chapter 1 - Sneak Preview

This is still in progress, but I wanted to give you a sneak peek of the first chapter of my latest Donnie X Reader fic.

This is set in the same universe as Purple Hoodie and Prince Charming's Jacket, set a few years after the conclusion of PCJ.

I will note however this can be read as a stand alone (you'll see why MWAHAHA), with only some minor references to the prior fics.

Chapter 1 - Read More Below The Line:

“Fucking hell, do I need to rewrite this whole section?” 

Digging your elbows into the wood of your desk, you buried your face into your hands. The aching of your back mocked you as a long groan left your lips. 

After expending all the air from your lungs, you slowly leaned back in your chair, staring up at the cement of the ceiling. 

Your thoughts ran laps throughout your head, as you tried to recall every detail of the tale you were crafting. Yet no matter how hard you tried to wrangle your thoughts, the words jostled around your mind, still a jumbled tangled mess. 

Eventually your gaze returned to your monitor and with a sharp huff, you slammed your pointer finger against the backspace key.

The frantic cycle of typing and deleting the same 3 lines seemed to continue for ages, until a chipper voice caught your attention.

“Yo! Y/N!” 

A blur of purple whipped around you, eliciting a chuckle from your lips.

“Shelldon, what’s got you so giddy?”

Swirling to a stop in front of your chair, the bot buzzed with delight.

“Come on! I’ll show you!”

Slipping between your back and the chair, he pushed you forward. As you clumsily landed on your feet, Shelldon clutched onto your arm and tugged you towards the door.

“Alright alright!”

Exiting the door to your office, you hurriedly followed the bot through the lab. The monitors flashed around you as you and Shelldon darted past the piles of scrap metal and wires. Turning a corner the scent of stale coffee hit your nose. Several cups lined the edge of a working station, while another few laid precariously on a box.

With a slight chuckle, you turned your attention back towards Shelldon, trying to keep up with his rampant pace. 

Finally exiting the large metal doors of the lab, you appeared in the main foyer of the lair. Giggles and murmurs of chatter bounced off the walls, and you could see a large group congregating in the center of the room. Three of the turtle brothers and Cass stood next to April as she seemed to ramble on about something.

But as you stepped closer, it was the sight of the tall black haired man that caused you to yell in excitement.

“Casey!”

The man turned towards you and smirked back, giving you a wave. Jogging over, you pulled him into a tight hug and grinned.

“So glad you could make it.”

“Of course! Wouldn't miss it for the world.” He laughed, “Also if I did I think Raph would never let me hear the end of it.”

The eldest brother let out a laugh and placed a firm hand on Casey’s shoulder. 

“No. No I wouldn’t.”

The group all laughed for a moment, until Casey gave another confused look.

“Wait but where’s Donnie?”

“I’m guessing he’s out giving his hoverbike another test run.” You chuckled.

“You think?” Raph asked, brow raised.

“I don’t have a tracker on him.”

“Nah that’s more his thing.” April chuckled.

A few more laughs echoed out, until Raph spoke again.

“Aren’t you two getting married this weekend? Shouldn’t you, I don’t know, be doing wedding things?”

“Listen we’re keeping it lowkey, or well Donnie low key, but you know your brother. He had an automation system programmed and tested 3 months ago for this thing. All I have left to do is go to my final fitting with Irma and practice my vows.”

“I guess.” Raph sighed, “Well so long as you guys are all set or whatever.”

“We should be happy they’re actually doing this!” Mikey smirked, “I was worried it was never gonna happen.”

“Yeah, speaking of which April you still owe me that sushi dinner.” Leo chuckled.

“For the last time, I’m not cashing in a bet from 3 years ago.” April groaned.

“Fine double or-”

“Would you two cut it out?” Raph groaned.

With that, another series of chuckles leapt out.

“Well dinner’s just about done.” Mikey smiled, “Y/N you want to go figure out where Donnie is and meet us in the kitchen?”

With a nod, you walked towards the entrance of the lair and clicked on your comm.

“Hey D, what’s your eta back?”

There was a full minute of silence before your comm chirped.

“Oh, sorry, about 10 minutes.” The voice called from your wristband, “I just need to run one more aim assist test and I can head back.”

Fluttering your eyes, you stared at your wrist puzzled.

“Aim assist?”

“Yes for my delivery service drone contract.”

“Delivery- wait when did you get that?”

“Like 3 weeks ago- oh wait… It’s possible I haven’t informed you of it yet.”

“Nah I guess not.” You chuckled.

“Well I’ll have plenty of details to ramble at you at a later time then. And then you can tell me all about what Derek and Shiloh are up to in your latest chapter.”

“Oh I um- I sent that manuscript out for review last week. I already started my new space travel book. I um... Guess I didn’t tell you.”

“Ah well excited to hear about it nonetheless.”

“Yeah, same here. Um, just make sure to get back quick. Casey’s here.”

“That’s today?!” Donnie exclaimed.

Yep.”

“Ugh, update eta to 5 minutes. I’ll be home shortly.”

“Safe travels.”

“Thanks.”

With a smirk, you headed back out to join the others.

When Donnie finally arrived in the kitchen, every eye turned towards him.

“It’s our long lost brother!” Leo exclaimed.

Leaping from his seat, the blue brother wrapped his arms around Donnie, lifting him slightly off the ground.

“By golly brother I never thought I’d see you again!” Leo said in a poorly mimicked southern accent, “I never thought you’d make it home from the war!”

Donnie wriggled in his brother’s grip.

“Leo I was just- why are you like this?”

Before Leo could respond, Raph butted in.

“Maybe if he saw ya more than once a month there wouldn’t be a need for theatrics. Now eat ya ‘za, it's getting cold.”

“Whatever.” Donnie said rolling his eyes,

As dinner progressed, the group threw question after question at Casey, asking about his travel and what he had been up to during his latest travel excursion. However as he was telling some story, a voice echoed from the entrance of the kitchen.

“Hey everyone! I’m back!”

“Irma!” You exclaimed, “I thought you weren’t going to be back until tomorrow!” 

“I got an earlier flight.” She giggled, “Besides it's your big day, so we need to get up to shenanigans or whatever. It’s my duty as your maid of honor.”

“You’re so sweet-”

However Irma was lifted up off the ground as the red turtle scooped her up.

“I missed you boo-boo bear.” He smiled.

“Raph!” Irma blushed madly, “I was only gone a week!” 

“Yeah but I get worried when you go on your big scary missions and what if something happened?”

Irma rolled her eyes as she tried calming the eldest brother down.

And with a chuckle, you headed back to your own seat and plopped down next to Donnie.

“We’re not gonna get like that right?” You grinned.

Donnie shook his head.

“By Einstein's beard no.”

The rest of dinner went smoothly as everyone went into the foyer to watch a film.

“We should watch something romantic to commemorate the week.” Irma giggled as Raph filtered through the movie choices.

“Enchanted’s cute!” Mikey called out.

“Or Princess Bride?” Shelldon suggested.

“Die Hard!” Cass shouted.

“Well Lou Jitsu and the Radiant Samurai is a good one” Splinter chuckled

As Raph and Irma debated between choices, Casey turned to Leo and Mikey.

“Hey when are Usagi and Peace Corp getting here?”

“How does that name keep sticking?” Mikey yelled, “They have a name you know and it’s-”

“Peace Corp, we know.” Leo grinned.

Eventually the teasing ceased and the movie The Holiday was selected. You leaned against Donnie’s side as the film played on the screen. But just as the plot was beginning to pick up, you fell asleep.

You awoke later to a blanket wrapped around you and the pillows next to you, empty.

And looking around it seems most of the group had broken off, only leaving April, Casey, Cass and Mikey.

Rubbing your eyes, you saw a dark forest with a fairy and some bug-like man flying around on screen while singing a cover of some pop song. After a moment, you figured out they must have put on that movie Strange Magic. With a yawn, you stretched and slowly stood up.

“I’m off to bed.” You chuckled.

The rest of the group waved as you headed out of the room.

When you returned to the lab, you found Donnie deep in some code. 

“Grinding the late night oil?” You laughed.

“Uh-huh.” He seemed to murmur.

“You …going to bed soon?”

However the turtle just grunted back.

“Come on.” You grinned, “I think it’s time we both called it a night.”

And after a groggy nod and a sleepy kiss, the two of you headed off to bed.

The next morning, you woke to Donnie sprawled across the bed. One of his legs was thrown over your thighs, while one of his arms hung off the bed. With a roll of your eyes, you gently slipped out from underneath him and tucked him more firmly onto the mattress.

He seemed to murmur something, but you just whispered back at him.

“Go back to sleep, I'll make coffee.”

He grunted as he buried himself back into the pillows.

After checking some emails from your publisher and agent, you headed back to make some coffee. The grinder whirled around as the beans shredded against the blades. And with a steady hand, you gently pressed the grounds into the espresso machine cup. The smell of coffee filled your nostrils as the liquid seeped down slowly into your mug.

However as you began to work on the second cup, a noise caught your attention. There in the doorway stood Casey.

“Morning!” You smiled, “Coffee?”

“Sure.” Casey grinned.

“Sleep well?” You asked as you pulled out another mug.

“Yeah I did. It’s nice to be back.”

“We’re glad to have you back.”

“Oh.” Casey said as he seemed to recall something, “April told me a bunch of us might get lunch later today. You and Donnie coming?”

“Oh cool! Let me check what time my meetings are, and if I can, I definitely will. No idea on Donnie though, but I can ask him when I bring him his coffee.”

Casey stared for a moment, almost lost in thought and then a chuckle left his lips.

“You um… man timelines are weird.”

Placing the cup down gently, you turned back to Casey with a confused look across your face.

“Oh sorry I just…” Casey spoke slowly, “It’s weird. You’re like so different from my timeline. But also, not?”

You kept your expression soft. Casey would occasionally speak of his original timeline, but never too in depth. Just general overarching details.

“Oh really?” You gently pressed.

Casey seemed to turn his gaze away and the panic welled up in your stomach.

“Hey, you okay? I’m sorry if I-”

“No it’s not you.” Casey sighed, “I just. I guess… I should have given this to you a long time ago. But I feel like now's a good time.”

Casey tapped on his armband and the screen flipped up. Pressing his finger against a slot, a small USB appeared. Pulling out the rectangular chip, he walked closer to you and placed it gently in your hand.

“You… you wrote this.” Casey breathed out slowly, “It was like your memoir or I guess… like a diary.”

“My… diary?” 

“Yeah I- um. It helps me remember the old times. You talk about me a lot.” He chuckled.

“I- thank you, but why- Are there others?”

“No. Just yours. You were the only one who ever wrote one. Well Donnie had some audio logs, but they were never personal. Just analytics and shit. But I think you should read it.”

“I’ll… I’ll think about it.” You nodded.

Casey nodded back. 

After gently handing him his coffee, the man disappeared back into the lair.

You stood for a moment, staring at the little chip in your hand. But with a quick tuck, you stuffed it in your pocket and finished making Donnie’s coffee.

When you returned with the purple turtle’s coffee, he was still out cold, bundled up in the blankets and pillows. You left his drink on his nightstand and after a quick kiss on his head, returned to your office. 

When you sat at your desk chair, you just watched the steam from your mug flicker into the air. A million thoughts buzzed around your head as you stuck your hand in your pocket and slowly pulled out the USB.

And with a nervous huff, plugged the chip into your computer.

A green page appeared on screen, with bundles of words clumped together.

I know no one will probably ever read this. Well except maybe Shelldon or Casey(skip past the marked sections by the way you two), but I want a place to write everything down. Out of all the stories I’ve ever written, I think it’s time I finally wrote mine.

[heysawbones]

Let's Talk about Xyrem.

Xyrem ("oral sodium oxybate" or the sodium salt of gamma-hydroxybutyrate) is used in the treatment of narcolepsy, as well as (sometimes) idiopathic hypersomnia. Even if you don't have narcolepsy or any related conditions, you may find this run-down interesting. Here's why:

Gamma-hydroxybutyrate is roofies. That's right. Date rape drug. Right here.

The drug is so tightly controlled that there is one pharmacy in all of the United States that can fill it. Doctors must be approved and participate in a special program to even prescribe it.

Nobody really knows how it works in the treatment of narcolepsy.

I was prescribed Xyrem quite some time ago - at this point, nearly a year back. It took six-plus months of insurance, doctor's office, and central pharmacy wrangling to get the drug to my door. The whole time, I wondered: what should I expect from Xyrem? How do I know if it's working? How do I know if it's not working? What's it like? Lists of side effects and contraindications are readily available online, but I couldn't find a single detailed testimonial. This bothered me.

I've been on Xyrem for about a month and a half now. Here's what I can tell you about it.

You have to wake up at night to take a drug that's meant to improve your sleep. Everybody I explained this to found it funny. The standard practice is to split your dose in two - to take one half at bed, and the other half two to four hours later. If you're on Jazz Pharmaceuticals brand Xyrem and not the generic, they send you a tiny little alarm clock with a light on it to facilitate this. I have never needed it.

It takes 3 weeks to titrate up to the "full" dose, which is also the maximum dose. From there, you can titrate back down to a lower dose if you're experiencing unpleasant side effects. I'm in the process of doing this myself.

It doesn't necessarily knock you out. From the way the drug is described, one might get the impression that the moment it kicks in, you're going to be unconscious. I didn't find this to be the case. Your mileage may vary; I don't always fall asleep at all on the first dose, but it does at least get me sleepy enough to fall asleep on the second.

You have an unusual amount of agency in how you take Xyrem. This surprised me, especially given how tightly controlled possession of this drug is. For example, I metabolize Xyrem really fast. If I take it in two doses, I will sleep a maximum of 6 hours. I take the same amount of medicine and split it into three doses instead to compensate for how fast I metabolize it. That way, I'm more likely to sleep about 8 hours. This isn't just accepted, it's encouraged. You can even take a bigger dose first and a smaller one second, or vice-versa. The only hard and fast rule is: do not go over the max dose.

If you take it with alcohol, or within 4-6 hours of alcohol, it could kill you. A lot of drugs warn you not to take them with alcohol. I cannot stress enough that if you have ignored that warning in the past: do not ignore it here. Do not. Xyrem is a powerful CNS depressant. Alcohol is a CNS depressant. It really can kill you.

It works(?) Like many drugs that act on the brain, nobody is really sure how Xyrem works. It doesn't affect the most common (known) cause of narcolepsy (a lack of orexin/hypocretin). It's theorized that the drug acts on GABA receptors in a way that "consolidates" the fragmented sleep architecture of narcolepsy.

Narcolepsy can be thought of as an autoimmune disorder of sleep architecture. The sleep architecture of a narcoleptic is irregular, both within itself and from night to night. People with narcolepsy tend to have less of the deep sleep stages than they should. Narcoleptics also have a high percentage of stage 1 (light) and REM sleep. It's theorized that excessive REM occurs because it is of poor quality/does not serve its intended function, so the brain spams REM in an attempt to compensate. A diagnostic trait of narcolepsy is the ability to enter REM within 8 minutes of falling asleep - if sleep architecture is normal, this does not occur. While not all people with narcolepsy have cataplexy, cataplexy itself is actually REM intrusion into waking life. The narcoleptic brain is that screwed up about REM. Xyrem appears to regulate shifts between sleep stages and reduce the nightly percentage of REM sleep. I used to dream nightly. Subjectively, I do not dream at all on Xyrem.

The only difference between Xyrem and Xywav is salt. A full 9g dose of Xyrem contains 1,640mg of sodium. The maximum sodium intake recommended by the American Heart Association is 2,300mg. One of the few things I saw said about Xyrem prior to taking it was that it was disgustingly salty. It is very, very salty. I don't mind it, though. I've seen it said that Xywav tastes much worse, but I can't attest to that.

Subjective experience

Xyrem comes Priority Air Mail in a sizable cardboard box. An adult with ID must be present to sign for it. The first month's prescription comes with a light-up alarm clock. This kit and all subsequent kits come with:

The medicine, in however many bottles are required

A number of syringes, marked with common doses

A number of pill bottles

You put water in the pill bottles. They tell you to put about 60ml, but as far as I can tell, this is to make the saltiness tolerable. I made a little game of this - I try to put the same amount of water in each pill bottle, gauged by nothing but sound. I've gotten pretty good at this. I have my nightly dose split 3 ways. After adding the drug to the water, I close each bottle and swirl it a bit. I don't know if this actually does anything.

Xyrem works best if you're already tired when you take it. Hilariously, I have ADHD in addition to narcolepsy. Nighttime sleepiness isn't a thing I Do naturally. Consequently, the first dose of Xyrem only puts me to sleep about half the time, and it takes a while even when it does. I know myself well enough to know that if I wait until I'm actually "sleep for the night" tired to take it, I might be up until 3 or 4 AM. Instead, I take the first dose at around 11 PM. Even if it doesn't put me to sleep, it DOES make me sleepy enough that the dose I take 2-3 hours later will definitely work.

I was very careful to set alarms the first week or so of taking Xyrem, but I've never needed them. For reasons that are unclear to me, I always wake up when Xyrem is fully metabolized. Without more Xyrem, there is no urge to go back to sleep. When I've run out of doses for the night, I'm up for the rest of the day. There's no napping.

Some people have pretty nasty side effects with Xyrem. Headache and nausea are the most common. I had both of those, once each. The headache lasted all day but was otherwise unremarkable; the nausea was genuinely awful. The only persistent side effect I have, is tremors.

While I was waiting for Xyrem, my sleep specialist put me on Adderall. Nobody would prescribe this for ADHD, but you'll do it for narcolepsy? Sure, whatever I'll take it. I mention this because I thought it was possible that Adderall was causing tremors. I ran a little experiment: I took Xyrem but no Adderall one day and still had tremors. I took Adderall, but no Xyrem the night before, and the tremors subsided. It's definitely the Xyrem. While this is a known possible side effect, I can't find any information on how or why Xyrem, a CNS depressant, would cause something that seems very much the opposite of a depressed central nervous system. I am currently titrating back down from the max dose in an attempt to see if a lower dose will mitigate the tremors. If that doesn't work, I'm not... entirely sure what to do. Xyrem is a weird drug. It's strange not to dream at all; it's strange to wake up twice a night and still get better sleep than I ever have. Executive function has improved considerably, given that both neurological issues that cause executive dysfunction are being treated. Still: the tremors are, I will not lie, distressing. Not as bad as they were on Wellbutrin, which I was forced to discontinue! But - disruptive and distressing, nonetheless. I'm hoping that the tremors will stop eventually, or that dose adjustment will help.

Overall: would recommend if you have narcolepsy. You wouldn't think that a drug that obligates you to wake up multiple times a night could improve your sleep! Well, bucko, if your sleep architecture is already so disordered that you have narcolepsy: it can.