#processing that alongside my insanely fucked up grief hasn't been fun at all.
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I hope life eases up soon man, take care of yourself
Thanks mate <3
stuff's starting to gradually get better now, actually let myself feel feelings after bottling them till it popped
just kinda turns out that throwing yourself into something so you're numb to the other things can really burn you out :') So I'm trying to find motivation to write and answer asks again, I'm hoping it'll be soon but idk atp
#vent in the tags - so warning ig#got home from uni#have been in fight/flight mode since#turns out that fucking saps your energy incredibly fast#accepting that my mother and I's relationship is broken beyond any repair is oddly helping though#she's proven that she doesn't see me as an individual well and truly now#so I can put the energy back into myself instead which is meh#processing that alongside my insanely fucked up grief hasn't been fun at all.#my emotions about it have been out of wack since she saw me crying and grieving a friend and assumed it was anger towards her#like I'm fucking grieving a friend I found out has recently died - do you think I'm not going to cry?#but no just assume its me being angry towards you and not me having feelings. Sure. *fine* I'll just kill my ability to feel for a bit#so I threw myself into the lu fandom again till burn out#and now I've been on off crying for a week#feeling fragile as shit#but Improving#somehow#I think#*maybe*#don't know what other personal event could happen now to be worse honestly#last 8 months have been a fucking rollercoaster#then when I manage to get back up#put myself back together#have a little breather#get immediatly broken back down#I just want a fucking hug man#and perhaps to be told that I'm worth something#I don't know#nothing really feels all that good to me anymore#but I'm holding on through it#there's light at the end of the tunnel
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