#probably wont get much more deep than 'kinda fun to draw sometimes'

[kelocitta]

Ended up using that cyan lizard as a jumping off point for learning anthro anatomy a bit more. So heres more of 'em

[i-simp-for-gintoki]

JuJutsu Kaisen school headcanons

“some jjk school headcanons? not with a reader or anything but just how itadori and the other first years are in school?”-anon

This was pretty fun! Each character is pretty short but it still turned out longer than it needed to be oops.

So we all know that theres a proper private school to teach upcoming shamans. Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College...thats a long ass name no wonder i didn’t remember it. But in the manga and anime, they dont exactly go into details of what they do for the school(i might be completely wrong just lemme know)

In the yuuta 4 chapter story, we kinda get a glimpse

Gojo is one of the few teachers and he teaches first years in a small classroom. i dont know what exactly he teaches but sometimes they go outside to train and well when yuuta and the others were training i forget if he was actually teaching anything. Like he gave him a sword to help with his powers and gave a brief explanation but thats about it.

Anyways.

Itadori Yuji:

Is late to class for the first couple days since he doesn’t remember the lay out of the campus

Its so huge for so little people

Sometimes he’s late just cause he slept in

doesnt really understand whats going on

He only just recently learned this world existed so of course he’s out of the loop with everything

he probably naps in class alot or spaces out

‘If i were to feed sukuna’s mouth on my hand...where would the food go? What would happen? How deep does it go?  What the hell has my body become??’

As his thoughts continue to derail, gojo would call on him and he might yell in response

he often asks megumi or nobara for help but they just dis him or ignore him

He tries to study! He really does! But he gets distracted and loses focus quite easily

during training he gets super excited thinking hes going to unlock abilities 

but thats quickly shot down and hes usually just forced to do something really mundane like run laps or jumping jacks

He might get another dummy to help control his cursed energy while gojo does his best to annoy him (honestly it doesnt take much for gojo to be annoying)

believes everything gojo says 

The blindfolded teacher definitely uses that to his advantage

“if you lick this rock it might help your overall abilities” “...really?” “are you doubting your sensei?” “is that...mud?” “Its just part of the rock. Besides you ate a rotten old finger for power im sure you can deal with a little bit of dirt”

He got sick for a week

Fushiguro Megumi:

Hes the kid who sits by the window and just stares out of it the whole class

He finds gojo’s teaching style incredibly annoying

Yes he learns stuff but because of the way Gojo teaches it, he ends up doubting all the knowledge he knew before in the process

Probably does well on tests or whatever homework their assigned

This kid probably makes himself a neat little bento for lunch

During lunch Yuji saw it and asked if he could have one next time instead of always buying food

He rejected his request for a while

But eventually he decided ‘why not its not like it would take that much more effort’

Nobara saw and was like “oh so you made one for a dunce like him but not me?”

Queue a large sigh

Within a month or two he makes everybody lunch (gojo included because he got tired of him always coming by and swiping a bit of food from everyone)

During training he pets his animals quite a bit

When gojo demonstrates a new self defense technique, megumi always gets picked to help demonstrate

110% of the time it ends up with his face being smeared into the floor

Wont ever admit it but he kinda enjoys class with yuji and nobara

Kugisaki Nobara:

Pretty short since i don’t quite know her character that well sorry

I feel like shes a mix of passing but also failing idk

Like during some tests she’d pass with flying colors and without a doubt will show off to the boys

But in other things she’d completely flunk

Draws little doodles in the corner of her notes and thinks about her childhood friend

During training she dislikes learning hand to hand combat

Mainly because she knows shes not capable of beating yuji and that ticks her off

So instead she beats him with her rubber mallet when given the chance

When yuji asks her to join him and megumi, she often complains or makes sassy comments but she never really ignores them

If she wanted to she could just hang by her self but she enjoys being with the two

Gojo Satoru:

This guy never shows up on time

Once he almost did so he simply turned around and decided not to show up at all

He doesn’t necessarily dislike teaching, but he finds giving detailed explanations kinda boring

‘I just told you what would happen, so why are you asking for a reasoning of the reaction’

He wants his students to have a fun teenage life so he often cuts class short by an hour or two just to hang out or go out

He explains how to counter certain types of curses or what to do in some scenarios pretty well

Gojo tries to teach regular stuff like math or history but...i dont know actually

Im not sure if he would happily teach it or just give up after a couple problems

I have a feeling he might just randomly give stupid hard problems and laugh as the first years struggle and fail to solve it

If any of his students do well on a test he’ll give them a small treat

And it may be small for him but its probably hella expensive

I mean he literally just wears clothing that is a couple thousand dollars each

His socks are most likely worth more than my house and everything inside it

Theres probably a small rule book of what he’s supposed to say and what hes not supposed to say

So just to piss the old man off he says everything he shouldnt

He encourages stupid behavior and absoluetly loves it when Yuji and Nobara thanks him for getting treats

[snow-wind-and-all-we-will-find]

Hi! My names arthur and im working on improving my word and building my story, which currently has no name haha! I have a myriad of characters who ill try to list out and give brief descriptions of, aether is technically my main character and some of the characters who are up for question are dead in canon. But you can still ask them stuff, itll just be set before death.

When asking characters questions, rememeber to include the name, their age if theres diffrent ages, i dont mind repeated questions, but if you see the question try not to ask it again lol. If you cant find it with a quick scroll just ask it, although i dont know if this blog will even get that big.

Aether

He comes in three evolutions lol, technically, theres four but idk if i would count 7 year old aether.

Ages: 13 yo - colder, hasnt gotten used to emotions, there are two to this as well, pre-rev and then post-rev 13 yo aether, remember to specify lol.

16 yo- a bit more out there, still kinda disconnected and figuring things out, a bit more defensive

22 yo- lax, hes sorta figured shit out, hes not going to go grazy, hes just gonna be chill lol.

!The gaggle Ghosts!

Yurei

Her personality is very, ehhh, becuase i havnt done work with her, and i havnt completly figured out who she is fully yet, shes 18 yo when aether is 22 yo

18 yo- pretty oblivious, somehow still a bit cynical, very nice and sometimes motherly

Kakoku

Few thousand- mean, likes to bully yurei as he huants her, lowkey a simp for yurei but he wont admit that. Kinda cynical and likes to bring others down, generally a bully

Tamashi

19- emotionless, has to be a really strong emotion to make her emote, tends to stray away from other people, likes to be alone, blunt

Gunnar

A few thousand- sweet, warm and welcoming, tries to be very fatherly and a trusted figure, is very busy most of the tiime unfortunatly though.

!The greek gang!

Argus agapov

16- unstable, pretty baby, protective over friends and family

Mythos agapov

23- whore. He also loves his family, lowkey, hes a trad wife

Perceus

15/16- timid, intrested in posiosn and acids, generally quiet, likes to eat leaves, scaredy cat

Diogenes

14- germ of phobe, kind of a brat, more just a bitch, will yell at you if he sees your hands were dirty from gardening or something while you’re walking to the sink, other than that hes fine, picky eater

Herodotus

15- disorginized, trys his best, likes to write stuff down, helps plato with his writing and grammar in general, gullible, likes record data, has a nice typewriter with tha good clicky clack

Plato

8- sweet baby boi, loves his older brother (socrates), idolizes him even, not a good idea though. He writes down everything socrates does, sometimes he imitates his brother as well.

Socrates

17- dumb of ass, also just dumb, held back a grade, feral child, bites alot of people, soft aestechic but hed stab as a warning

Heracles

30- also dumb of ass, loves cars in that ‘mah babeh’ kinda way. Hates motorcycles, he thinks they’re ugly. Chaotic but he utilizes it to be the weird and cool uncle/cousin thing

Zeus

46- too tired for this shit, is a dad, went out to get milk, jk jk, dissapeared for a hot few years, probably got captured by some gang dunno, it happens. Very serious, would make the dumbest jokes with his brothers with a straight face

Hades

50- lowkey the neglected middle child, soft goth lookin ass, loves his kid, tries his best to raise his kid, sometimes gets help from esme

Poseidon

57- proud stay at home dad, buff but does the typically wifely duties, makes sure his children get enough love, nutrience and care

Lillith

54- very active, the money maker, kinda soft, both her and her husband poseidon are so just in love with their kids, dote on them constantly, very extroverted, always makes time for her kids

Esme

51- tired of zeus’ shit, does her best to make sure no one dies, still treats mythos as her ‘little baby boy, tired mom vibes.

!the Eden gang!

Eden is a fictional country that i slapped onto the globe. It is where aether is from, technically aether is apart of the eden gang as well. Everyone here, if they have an age option, the first age option is the age they are when aether is 13, and the second will be when aether is 16 unless stated otherwise

General kyelli

49- fatherly, thinks of most of the gang as his children, calls everyone ‘son’, as a general rule. If you ask for another nickname, he will do his best. Has a bad knee, and is kinda of bad at existing physically

52+- fatherly still, loves almonds, always has a bag of almonds, dont test him. Enjoys travel, might adopt people he meets along the way, still has pains but now he sees doctors, wants to stay active

Indigo

13- sweet, optimistic, always looks on the brightside and tries to see the good in others. Little heater, understands that sometimes fighting is the only option

Akrano

16- lively, very loose and relax, can get serious when needed though, always making jokes and trying to lighten up the mood

19- a bit more, mellow. Still quite lively and childish, but with two signifigant-others you have to settle down sometimes

Ekrano

16- lively, more stern than akrano and kinda worried, but ultimatly also very loose and bright

Lilliana

16- serious, seemingly colder towards everyone, gets along great with psycho-lops, makes him new eye-patches to pass time, actually just very monotone and blank most of the time, although she does care

19- she doesnt change much, she got a bit more expressive, likes babysitting howl

Psycho-lops

16 1/2- always looks determined, actually kinda scared of conflict, likes to help out with healing though, very proficient in it as well, sounds intimidating while talking about how cute puppies and kittens are

19/20- still the same, is considering studying medicine and medical practices to become a doctor.

Bark

17- bright, incredibly lively, loves to joke around and tease and sometimes bully the others, targets aether primarily, hangs out with his brother most of the time, he can fight for himself but he likes the backup, especcially since he is kinda glass-jawed, being that hes a twig

Bite

17- quiet, intense eyes, always sounds vaugly confused when he speaks, deep voice lol, likes to train, doesnt understand barks need to tease others, likes to read to the children

20- quiet, intense eyes still, more so nervous sounding, slightly paranoid, cluastrophobic and cant stand dusty places, usually in his house or at the docks, doesnt really go anywhere else

Hanelle

17- loud, headstrong, adamant about her opinions, gets along well with bark, she tries alot to be intimidating, not a twig, but not very big, pretty friendly and sociable

!the band of pirates!

Aklea

A few hundreds of years- kinda bored seeming, loves blood, technically cannibal, but not really since he isnt human, to an extent. Despite being fine on the ocean, he gets very car sick very easily. Actually quite nice, very easily triggerd into violence, especcially by something that could be used as a good murder weapon, blood makes him jittery and more lively

Nerone

21- calm, too calm, deals with akleas bullshit wonerfully, he just stands there, blank smile on his face as aklea beats the shit outta someone, unintrested in most anything, likes to draw, but hes a much better pastry chef.

!the shakespears!

Midem(pink boi)

33- lively, loves to work with kids, very creative, likes to make things, mainly art, mainly carvings. Often make little minitures of scenes from midens writing, loves his twin, does anything it takes to fund midens intrests. Very loving to those hes close to

Miden

33- calmer by alot lmao, pretty introverted but he can hold a long conversation without becoming too drained, enjoys writing and making stories, also makes plays for fun, runs off little sleep cuase he stays up so late to write, and gets up early to write.

!gods!

Gideon

9 billion- confused boomer, loves his ‘children’, hates to be hated, always tries to help in anyway he can, despite making them, always curious into what mortals are doing, loves the universe he created and does anything he can to protect it

Merik

7 million- sore loser, does get a little salty, ultimatly bounces back and becomes a very good sport, always will adopt tactics, whatever it takes to win within the rules, keeps most all of his trophies from random feats hes done

Ventus

5 billion - calm, straightforward, tends to disregard others and do things himself, likes to sit on cliffs and watch the ocean

Kyle

Hes been around since 776 bc- very loud, lively, bright, tries his best to educate people on proper form, workout regime i intesne, doesnt allow others to take it, makes custom workout regimes for free, owns a gym, dude bro but hes nice, baby

Horo-sha

Her age technicaly is not accurate, shes like, 2 billion? Since dima was made right after her death. But since her history still lives, ima count it

5 billion but older than ventus- bitter, violent, former god of justice, fucking dead haha, hates mortals, primarily humans

Dima

Also not super accurate, hed only be a few centuries of being an active god before being sealed, but since hes technically, concious and has cognitive function hes counted

3 billion- mean lol, likes blood and gets even more violent when it starts getting messy, ‘new’ god of justice, uh, pretty bad at it like the last one, but worse, will kill over slight misdeameanors, everythings a crime smh

!misc!

Ivan

24- softspoken, from imperial russia, died young, he no longer feels his face is his own, has a mask that he likes better, has the sickness, but since he was human it killed him, can control it post mortem, is strong enough to be seen, but weak enough he can go invisible and go through solid objects.

More ocs will be added when i remember them, or create new ones, characters i dont really have built at all are not included

[itsakpopalypse]

Jung  Yunho/U-Know (TVXQ)  Astrology- How he loves

A gift to a lovely friend (think late birthday gift) @zev-parrish​, i give you, your man. 

 As all astrology is meant to be fun, i will disclaim here that i cant find a birthtime, (as with most of these charts) so keep in mind not all of it will be right. this is for fun, please don’t at me lol

So, his chart is split pretty evenly between Aquarius and Sagittarius. 

both are “active” but he does have some Capricorn and Taurus to even this out some, and with a North node in Taurus he is the type to only practice deep and meaningful relationships, whether romantic of platonic

His Aquarius is Sun, Mercury, Venus, Jupiter. 

His Sagittarius is Mars, Saturn and Uranus.

His moon and Neptune is in Capricorn., taurus (rising) and North Node

So now to decode those placements and why they matter

All the Aquarius says to me that he is forward thinking, kind of out of the box but actually a lot more intellectual than he seems at first

probably a bit out of the box thinker, kind of “So I have this CRAZY idea” and it’s JUSt crazy enough to work

Aquarians put the greater good above self, so he likely has a strong moral code that he sticks to and will speak up if people violate the rights of others,

Aquarius in Mercury tells me he is a very enthusiastic speaker, a hand talker and quite charming,

his energy radiates out and draws people in

between the sag and aquarius it’s likely he doesn’t force anyone to listen or follow, he just exists, and people are drawn in by this strong sense of self he carries. 

his spirit is likely an oasis for people

like you just know that you can be yourself because he is so nonjudgmental and thoughtful 

Aquarius Venus means he’s big on boundaries, he respects everyone, their right to their own time, and prefers things to fall into place.

in relationships, he is not the type to force time together, or demand a lot, but if time is given he will treasure that, understanding how important someone’s choice to spend their time with him would be

Mars in Sagittarius says that he is PASSIONATE and DRIVEN

if he has a goal, he will figure out how to get to that, 

with the combination of that mars and cap moon, he probably refuses to lose when it comes to competition, 

lowkey has a bit of self doubt, the Capricorn moon indicates he isn’t always sure he’s worth praise or that he can do things,

but he also wont give up, especially if he feels like other people need him to keep going. 

gains strength from those around him, 

when he gains focus on something, just stand back and watch him go, because he will succeed. 

His sagittarius Uranus suggests he will challenge authority if he thinks it impedes the forward momentum of others

a champion of the underdogs, ready to stand up for those with less strength, even if he wouldn’t do it for himself. 

The combinations of Aquarius and Sagittarius he has makes me think he is just this pure ball of passion, 

so much to do , so much to learn, such strong opinions. 

He isn’t necessarily stubborn, at least not if he respects you, but he will hold very strong morals that he sees as non negotiable.

he prefers deep friendships that make him think,

someone who challenges his thinking and keeps him sharp

he would want someone he can have deep conversations with or at the drop of a hat decide on a random adventure 

think “It’s two am and there’s a meteor shower, come outside  I have blankets and a place to watch from.” 

he’d already be outside with hot drinks and a treat, and a huge, unfathomably charming smile.  

In a relationship, this translates to the most easygoing slide into love

you’d just be the closest friends, never realizing that you were more until one day he turns to say some horrible joke and you have this oh shit moment

oh you’re in love

and he is too, and he already KNOWS you are, 

but seeing the revelation on your face would please him beyond words. 

 kind of like he was waiting for you to figure it out. 

he’d just slide an arm around you and kiss your forehead. 

seems the type to be affectionate in the most sugary sweet ways?

almost innocently 

brushing the hair from your face or tracing the tip of your nose with his finger

giggles and secretive smiles, the type to be so INNATELY PROUD that you are his,

i dont think he would be egotistical, or think much about his own looks or that of others

he is looking for a soul connection and yearns for that deep earth shattering closeness that doesn’t even need words

the type build over time and attention

probably pays close attention to your smallest concerns and wishes, 

secretly plans to make them all happen for you

would be so loyal and unshakably single minded in a relationship

it would be impossible to turn his head once his heart made a choice

people often think Aquarians fear  commitment but that’s not true, they just don’t want to commit until the strength of a bond is undeniable.

he wants to feel so understood by another that he knows that they are on his side no matter what. 

wow that’s soooooo

probably very into traditional cute relationship things. loves to savor the sweetness of new love. 

hand holding would probably make him  feel so ?? loved??

that would turn to longer embraces 

something tells me he’s the kiss the back of the hand type

that’s just a haunch. 

just so connected and  loyal, a wholesome lover.

18+ below, we gettin 

SP I C Y 

yikes, big YIKES

alright so HERE’S THE THING

Aquarians are very altruistic and compassionate in life.....

and very passionate and adventurous in bed...

Sagittarius are LIKEWISE very  up for anything

I don’t actually see him as particularly *dominant* or submissive

He just seems like a very sensual and high passion lover

what? Is? gentle?

this man is going to play with sensation and pressures in different ways

very giving, and very proud of what he can do

remember driven, competitive and caring?

that translates to varied and sometimes risky encounters

maybe public play?

“Let’s see how fast you fall apart for me before someone comes.”

and you’ll come before anyone else does, he will be sure of it,

Oh, you’re too loud?

the type to stick his finger in your mouth while he fucks you against a wall, maintaining eye contact with a smirk and a raised brow. 

 that’s.. oof

remember how his mercury is also Aquarius? and I said that means a good communicator?

that translates here too. 

praise kink probably goes both ways,

loves the sensuality of your words whispered into his skin just as much as he likes to do the same to you

to be honest Venusian Aquarius is the least jealous and most likely to be down for polyamory or just .. including someone else in play

he doesn’t feel insecure in these situations, as i stated if he is in a relationship he craves emotional intimacy and connection, so he already knows his worth and someone else being there sexually wouldn’t faze him

Sagittarius mars means he really likes to feel as much the center of your desire as you are his,

talk pretty to him and he will make you forget every name except his

the type to leave a trail of bites and kisses across your skin, blossoms of purple and blue that he takes pride in

not in a possessive way, in an intimate way that shows how you trust each other

also down to destroy your pelvis, 

probably likes to try new positions, 

almost definitely likes you on top where he can talk you through your movements and splay your hands on his chest, one controlling hand around your throat with just enough pressure to keep you from collapsing against him

just enough to  make you grind into him with desperation,

wanting to see you fall apart for him in the most beautiful way

alternates between deep gazes into your eyes as you call his name , intimate and so filled with love that he wants to immortalize the moment

....and the most rushed, passion induced “i have to have you now” fucks

dirty raw and emotional , he likely doesn’t have flings.

even the fastest most rushed encounter is so filled with what he carries in  his heart that you never doubt his devotion. 

Aftercare is probably giving you something to clean up with while he tucks you against his body and breathes in your scent, 

content to make you happy, content to feel you close

seems like a round two after a nap kinda guy, so I hope you have stamina 

just a really intimate lover that wants to feel you inside his heart while he’s inside you. 

a two hearts beat as one, sort of lover. 

I hope you liked it dear !!!

requests are currently closed while I catch up, but you can ask me if I have  a certain Idol on the list and I will let you know!

[kweebtrash]

Messy (M)

Pairing(s): OC X Johnny (features other members)

Genre: College AU, Fuckboy AU

Summary: Fuckboys are basically good for one thing. You hit it and quit it- except when his voice draws you in, his body keeps you there, and dumb ass feelings linger making things particularly messy.

Warnings: drugs, alcohol

Word Count: around 16k

A/N: ‘they’ and ‘she’ are used interchangeably on purpose.

Messy Masterlist   Buy me a Ko-Fi    Other Stories

Three months didn’t seem like a long time, especially with how fast summers usually flew by, but it felt like ages since my last hook up. Most of the guys in my “little black book” were away for the summer while I remained stuck in my stupid college town, holed up in my tiny apartment, only going out to suffer at my mediocre job. Meanwhile, my roommate had Tinder hookups out the ass and was gone almost every other night. I guess I couldn’t complain too much. I had always been pickier than them and maybe, just maybe, I had gotten used to my steady rotation of boy toys. Sooner or later I would have to break the cycle especially since there wasn’t any guarantee that I would see them this semester. Half of them still lived in the dorms because of the exchange student program which sometimes but a hamper on our hookups. I would probably have to get a new bunch to play around with and maybe once in awhile I could hit up an old fling or two when i was really bored. But right now I was suffering and unfortunately craving what I hadn’t had in months. A vibrator or my hand could only do so much. With my upcoming class schedule I felt like i wasn’t even going to have time for hookups no matter how badly I wanted them.

it was the first weekend of the new semester and already I was having sad and pathetic thoughts about my sex life. Thankfully, they were interrupted by my evening alarm going off. Since last semester, I had gotten into the habit of listening to student radio every Friday at midnight. Normally I would never take interest in radio as it was boring, uninteresting, and doused with political commentary but one show had caught my attention.  It was pretty stereotypical; a steady rotation of songs, promoting local music shows, really annoying and irritatingly stupid comments and banter. Nothing too special- except for their voices. It was why I wasted many a nights in my room thrusting whatever instrument of pleasure inside me while I thought how good that voice would sound in my ear while the owner was fucking me from behind. I don’t know why I was so wrapped up in the way it sounded. I just knew the deep and husky tone was the most sensual thing I had ever heard.

I clicked on the radio app and gave it some time, letting the hosts mull over their introductions (the most annoying part) and settle into their planned topics. In between songs, i closed my eyes waiting for his voice to return before slowly creeping my hand into my pajama shorts. His laugh would send tingles throughout my body and I could always tell when he got closer to the microphone. I could hear his shallow breaths, soft clicks of his tongue, and that small hissing sound he made as he sucked air between his teeth when he was thinking about something. There was usually a little ‘hmm’ afterwards and i basically realized I had spent way to much fucking time thinking about it and way too much time jacking off to a disembodied voice that possibly could have belonged to someone ugly and no where near my type. Not that I had planned to meet him anyway but it would have been nice to put a hot face to the even hotter voice to fuel my wet dreams. The hour seemed to fly by and just at the tail end of their outro i came hard, his smooth chuckle fueling the quick circles I made to my clit while my other hand thrusted inside me. My back fell against the mattress, coming down from the small arch i made as I regained my breath. I sighed deeply, realizing i had to get up eventually to wash my hands. I exited out of the radio app and slowly peeled myself from the bed, tossing on my shorts to shuffle out to the bathroom.

My roommate, Quinn, was already sitting on the sofa in the living room, bowl of cereal in hand. “Did you jerk off to the radio show again?”

I threw my head back and sighed, cursing the day that I told them about my secret. Though we shared the same thrill of pleasuring ourselves to the pair of voices, I still felt a little embarrassed about it. “Yes Quinn. I did. Thank you very much for asking.”

“I mean, same. Got 3 out before the half hour mark.” They slurped the milk from the bowl and crunched away at the cereal, absentmindedly watching food shows on our modest sized tv.

“Jesus Christ.” I shook my head at their physical capacity, slightly jealous, but i guess i was more about quality over quantity. “We really gotta stop doing this. It’s kinda sad.” I half joked as i kicked the door to the bathroom partway shut and sat on the toilet.

“Not really. Besides I’m prepping for this semester.”

“Prepping for what? To sleep with everyone on campus?” I laughed.

“Precisely.” They responded in between another round of crunches. “Oh, by the way, Lucas just texted me about a party tomorrow. Well tonight. Want to go?”

“Who’s party is it?” I finished and washed my hands, shaking off the excess water as i headed over to the couch. I plopped down beside them.

“I don’t know. He just said it was some people he met over the welcoming weekend activity thingy. I guess they work for the radio station or something. Anyway, can we go? I wanna drink!” Quinn said.

“You mean, you want me to be D.D. while you and Lucas get hammered and I’m stuck dragging you two home again? No thank you.”

“Aww, c’mon! It’s not always like that! We let you have fun! Pllleeeaassseeeee! What if there’s hot guys there? Oh what if those radio guys are the ones Lucas met!” They gasped and stood up suddenly. “What if we could fuck the hot radio guys?!”

“Oh my god. How about we don’t and say we did? Besides, what if they're gross? I don’t have time for that significant of a let down.”

“Don’t be so mean. People with voices that hot are bound to be good looking.”

“Call me a shallow bitch because I hope to god so but knowing Lucas, they're probably some dumb frat fuckboys and I SEVERELY don’t have time for that. Regular fuckboys are fine, but fraternity ones are the devil.” I sighed and set my feet on the coffee table.

“Well you won’t know until you find out! Please? Please? Please? Please? Pleeeaasseeee?” They whined. “If all else fails you can just hook up with Lucas again!”

I groaned and rolled my eyes far back into my skull. “Fine! Fine. I will take you and Lucas to this party. But if ya’ll get drunk I am leaving you there. Point blank.”

“Ok. Ok. I promise I will try to not get black out drunk this time. I’ll behave.”

I scoffed, knowing damn well that promise wouldn’t be kept and I would still be dragging their ass home at three am with Lucas in my backseat. Suddenly I heard my phone ping from in my room, signaling that I had received a text message. I hauled myself up from the couch with a groan and grabbed it from atop my bed. Well, speak of the devil.

Dumbass Baby Lucas: wyd?

--

I woke up sometime in the late afternoon with Lucas’ arm strewn across my face and him snoring into one of my pillows. I pushed his arm off me and felt around the floor for my phone, groaning as I felt the soreness of my thighs which was  partly from the exertion and partly because i had to be squished to the edge of my small bed to accommodate Lucas’ giant frame. I managed to find my phone and turn the screen on, wincing at the bright light that illuminated my face. I sighed softly, realizing I had to get up at some point, take a shower, eat, and be at least semi productive. Otherwise I would stay home and just fuck Lucas some more and my body needed a few hours to recover before the party. Suddenly I felt his arm wrapped around my waist pulling me close to his warm broad chest. He was always such a cuddler.

“It’s 4 in the afternoon.” I mumbled.

“Yeah, so?” He replied, partly muffled as his lips were buried in the crook of neck and shoulders. “Party’s not until later, we have all day.”

“i would like to get up and eat something at some point in time. And shower. Which you should too. You smell funky.”

“Can we shower together?” I could feel the smirk imprinting my skin.

“You know damn well we cant. As soon as we get in there you won’t keep your hands to yourself and I wont actually get clean.”

“You know i hate keeping my hands to myself. Besides I missed you. You've been stuck here and I couldn't fuck you or Quinn all summer!”

“Boohoo, you big baby. You'll be fine without one shower fuck.” I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes, yawning deeply. I shone my phones flashlight on the floor so I could guide my way to my room’s lightswitch when something caught my eye. “Lucas.” I growled.

He let out a childish groan. “Whaaaattt?”

“Didnt i tell you to throw the condoms IN the trashcan?”

“I did!”

“No, you didn’t. You threw them on the floor and now they’re all over my carpet!” I gave his bicep a hard whack. “Get up and clean it!”

He held his arm wincing at the sharp sting. “Ok! Ok! I’m going!”

I turned on the light and grabbed my robe, pulling it on and shuffling out to the kitchen. Quinn was attempting to make breakfast, the smell of burning bread and melting cheese in the air. They took one look at me and shook their head. “Why are you so grumpy? Your dry spell is over no?”

“Lucas didn’t throw any of the condoms in the trashcan that’s literally right beside the bed and they're all over the floor now.”

“Eww, like the used ones?”

“Yes. Cum and all. Go handle your dumbass best friend before I strangle him.”

“Ok, I’m going. Just watch my grilled cheese.” Quinn sighed as they put the spatula down and trudged over to my room. I looked over the grilled cheese, nudging it with the spatula and checking the underside. Way overdone. I sighed and grabbed a plate from the cabinet, sliding the sandwich onto it before retreating to our fridge. It was the end of the month which meant no food as always. The last of the cheese gone. I looked over at the two ends of bread left in the bag on the counter. Last of the bread gone. My stomach growled loudly and i slammed the fridge shut. I didn’t have money but if I begged hard enough I could convince Quinn to let me use their credit card to buy pizza.

I went back to my room, almost kicking the door open as I heard Lucas’ pouty puppy whine which was probably the result of not getting enough cuddles this morning. He was always so needy when he was sleepy. 

“How much money you got?” i asked.

Lucas had gathered the condoms in his hand, finally tossing them in the trash before wiping his hand on his thigh. “Uh...i mean like i got my refund check?”

“No I meant Quinn. How much money do you have on your credit card. I’m hungry, there’s no food, and I need pizza and another 6-pack. I’m running low since Lucas’ drank most of them last night.”

“I have enough. Don’t worry.” They replied.

“I’ll give you money for them i swear!” Lucas interjected. “Or maybe more head? For like a week straight?”

“Head doesn't get me tipsy Lucas. But you can still do that if you want.” I smirked before turning to Quinn. “Can you order it please? I want to shower first.”

“Yeah, yeah...i burnt my dang sandwich anyway.”

“Sweet.” I grabbed my towel from the hook behind my door and shuffled over to the bathroom, feeling the looming presence behind me. “Lucas.” I said sternly.

“I have to pee! Cant I pee?!”

I glared back at him. “Fine. But get out once you're done.” i tossed off my robe and stepped into the shower, yanking the curtain harshly so i could block his view of me. I was ready to have the cool water on my skin to wipe away all the sticky sweat from my body. It was already too hot today.

“Where's the toothbrush i keep here?” he asked after flushing.

“In the medicine cabinet” i grumbled. “Where it's always at.”

I set myself right under the spray of water letting it flow over my hair. My purple dye was looking more like a grayish lavender, making me frown. I was going to look like a hot mess at the first party of the year. Wonderful. Suddenly, Lucas’ hand was in the shower, holding my toothbrush and toothpaste in his fist. He scared the shit out of me but i took them anyway, grateful to get morning breath and the taste of his dick out my mouth.

“When does this stupid party start?” I asked between scrubbing my teeth.

“Whenever we wanna go.” He pulled back the curtain and stepped into the shower making me groan.

“What did i just say?”

He kissed my cheek before picking me up and moving me to the other end of the tub. “Whatever. You love me.” He stuck himself under the shower head while i leaned against the tiled wall in the cold spot.

“Hurry up and get out so i can finish.” I nudged him so he would move out of the trajectory of my toothpaste clouded spit.

“I will.” he said, stepping out of the way. “Quinn and I have got some catching up to do anyway.” He winked at me before leaning over to get the bar of soap in the shower caddy beside me. “You could join us if you want.”

“Not today. Too tired for that.”

“Boo, you're no fun.” He gave me a quick kiss but hovered a little longer by my lips.

“I think the ‘Oh fuck, Eri! SHIT! YES!YES!OH GOD FUCK YES!’ said otherwise, no? Loud ass.” I gave him a slower kiss this time, cupping his chin in my hand while his instantly went to my ass, grabbing it harshly and pulling me closer.

“Are you sure we cant have a little fun in the shower?” he whispered. He placed soft kisses all over my neck and chest making his way lower until he was onto his knees. I saw his brown puppy dog eyes look up at me and he knew i couldn't resist.

“Fine. But just a little bit, ok?” I held his head close as he dove between my thighs, sighing softly as he did what he knew how to do best.

--

Lucas practically ran to the back of the apartment building following the sound of obnoxiously loud music. There were sliding doors that were wide open letting people flow in and out of the first floor apartment to the community pool close by. Wafts of smoke circled the party goers as they chugged bottles of beer, laughing and dancing as they went. “Hurry up!” Lucas called out to Quinn and I. Quinn was a bit faster and more enthusiastic while I took my time, shifting around someone who was already too drunk to function. It was only 10:30 too.

I finally stepped into the apartment, instantly annoyed by the smell of cheap weed and the remixed versions of some top 40 hits blaring from a macbook and speaker hookup. Before i could even make a complaint Lucas was shoving a bottle of apple ale into my hand while Quinn scoped out the party for their next target. “I'm gonna go find the guys I met. I'll be right back!” Lucas screamed over the music. I nodded and waved him off, my eyes honing in at the free bar stool by the kitchen counter. Quinn had followed Lucas leaving me on my own as usual.

I sat down on the bar stool and sipped my ale slowly, having to pace myself in order to be able to drive everyone home. I rested my chin on my hand as i scrolled through my instagram, already yawning and wanting to go back to bed. Even though i slept for about 12 hours i had still spent the night tossing and turning and getting woken up to wandering fingers between my thighs. I took another sip and double tapped my screen, liking some random makeup pic. I barely even noticed the person slide beside me until a plastic shot glass was waved in my face. I moved my head back, surprised at the intrusion before I saw who was offering it. Fuuuuuccckk.

“Well if it isn't my favorite kitten. I didn't know you'd be here.”

“Hi, Ten.” I groaned. He nudged the shot glass towards me again and I took it, knowing i would need it for this conversation.

“Almost didn't recognize you without your collar on.”

“You took the leather one back home, remember?” I rolled my eyes and tossed the shot back, wincing at the burn. “I got stuck with the pink one with the giant bell. Which is not subtle at all by the way.”

“Who said anything about wanting to be subtle?” he took a sip from his solo cup and tapped his fingers on the plastic. “You're my kitten after all.”

“And you’re my puppy whenever you want to not be a brat.” I stole his cup and tossed back a heavy gulp. “What the fuck are you even drinking?” I asked, feeling the sweet and sour taste on my tongue.

“Jungle juice. Whatever favor the purple one is. Anyway...so what's your semester look like?”

“Want to see when I can pencil you in to fuck?” I stated flatly knowing that he wasn't one to beat around the bush.

“Yep.”

“You still rooming with Yuta?”

“What about Yuta?” An arm was tossed around my shoulder and i was pulled into Yuta's chest without warning.

“Is everyone i've ever fucked here??” i almost screamed. Yuta and Ten both looked around.

“Well, there's me, Ten, Taeyong, Lucas and uh….Jungwoo.”

My eyes went wide. “You're shitting me. Please tell me Jungwoo is not actually here.”

“Oh you better believe it.” Ten smirked. “You're number one heartbreaker, honey. Congrats on still being the source of his vendetta for almost the third year in a row.”

“More drinks please. I can't do this right now.” I rubbed my temples while Yuta just laughed at me. Ten retreated to the kitchen, wiggling his smaller frame through some people and filling up a cup with another flavor of jungle juice.

“Aww, Eri. Don't pout. He's just going to hate you for all eternity that's all.” Yuta dug his hand into the bowl of chips in front of me, shoveling them into his mouth. “So like…” He paused to chew and swallow. “When can i tie you up again?” He didn't even look me in the eye when he asked, just took another sip of his beer.

“Gee, i dont know. I had a dry spell for the entire summer and now suddenly everyone I've ever fucked is at this party and i have to get a planner for my dick appointments.” I kinda laughed, trying my best to loosen up. I especially couldn't resist Yuta's smile that made me feel as if the sun radiated from him.

“You complaining about how much you get laid now? When has that ever been a problem for you?” He leaned in closer, his lips dangerously close to mine. I pulled away before he could sneak the kiss that he wanted.

“i'm not complaining, i guess I'm just a busy person after all. Still got it.” I smirked as Yuta nudged me.

“We fuck you because of your devil vagina magic and because you do just about everything.”

“Ok, first of all, it's not devil vagina magic. Second of all, am i the one who had a fucking machine in his dorm room last year? No.”

“Yeah but you're one it got used on.” Ten interrupted. He set my cup in front of me while he and Yuta put me between them like some sort of kink sandwich.

“Yes, thank you for your input, Ten.” I could feel my cheeks flushing as I remembered that wild session that lasted over six hours.

“Dont you mean ‘sir’?” Yuta chimed in.

I set my head on the counter top and groaned. “Why do ya'll always have to torture me??”

“But baby, i thought you loved getting tortured! I mean that's why you end up up tied and gagged at our place right?”

I whacked Ten upside the head. “AGAIN THANK YOU FOR YOUR INPUT TEN. I don't need to be reminded about what we do.”

“Or maybe you do?” Yuta smirked. “Hows next friday sound?”

“Hmm, maybe not Friday. I think I want her on Thursday. What if you take her on Saturday?”

“I could do Saturday.”

“I'm so glad you both are taking what I want into consideration.” I said sarcastically. “Anyway, Thursday and Saturday is fine. Bring your best shit. We’ve got to start the year off right.” I slid off the bar stool, taking my drink with me and leaving both my doms behind. Playing hard to get and being a brat was my favorite past time with them. I didn’t even take a look back as I exited the apartment, though the temptation was definitely there.

Outside wasn’t much better. It was still hot as hell for the beginning of September and with so many people packed into a small space it made everything hotter. I could feel the sweat start to bead on my forehead. I fanned at my face wishing i had some ice in my solo cup. Across from the pool, I could see my one night stand Taeyong eyeing me though I tried my best to ignore his hungry stare. I also tried not to think about how he pressed me against the door of the empty student affairs office and fucked me so hard it had started to rattle. It wasn't bad at all. In fact it was incredibly hot but we just never talked about it after and I didn't crave him as much. It was a simple fling but maybe he didn't think of it that way. I had been mostly occupied with Ten, Yuta and Lucas for the rest of last semester anyway. Oh and that whole actually going to college thing.

I sunk back against the rough brick of the building, trying to ignore Taeyong and instead scanned the area to see if i could spot Lucas or Quinn. No luck with that.

“Did you come here by yourself?” I heard a quiet voice say beside me.

I looked over at the guy scrunched against the wall, who looked like he wanted to be anywhere but here. He was gorgeous to say the very least. His jawline was from the gods, his eyes were the most perfect almond shape, and his flaming red hair suited his golden skin so well. As soon as i saw his lips pressed against the rim of his cup i knew i wanted to kiss him. “H-huh?” was all i could really manage to say and i hoped to all hell he didn't notice me staring.

“Oh, sorry.” He spoke a little louder. “Did you come here by yourself? You looked like you were trying to get away from the party.”

“No, i'm not by myself but my friends ditched me. I can't find them. I also ran into some...uh...people i knew but i needed a break from socializing.”

“I'm the same, but...were kinda socializing now.” He smiled at me and my heart skipped a beat for a moment. He was definitely going to be my next mistake. I took a long slow sip of my drink before it finally clicked in my head that I should actually introduce myself.

“I'm um-” Shit, what was my name? “Eril- Eri. Just Eri.”

“I'm Taeil. I haven't seen you around before. You go to our college, right?”

“Yep, suffering and in debt like everyone else. Im in journalism so maybe it's because im stuck at the way back of campus with all the writing buildings that we haven’t seen each other before. It's basically a dungeon. I'm trapped.” I let out a bit of nervous laughter which he reciprocated. I figured he was the shy type and I had normally stayed away from those. Too many reminders that I was a shitty heartbreaker. But he was cute and I liked his smile. That was what usually got me in trouble anyway. Taeil was a breath away from responding when the sound of Lucas’ booming voice interrupted us.

“ERI!”

“There you are, you ass.” I was at least relieved that he had found me. “You guys left me all by myself like always. Where the hell is Quinn?” I turned back momentarily to Taeil. “Sorry, i'm babysitting him. He's like a lost puppy.”

Taeil replied with a strained smiled and tipped his cup all the way back. Before i could even say anything else Lucas was dragging me away, his big hand around my arm preventing me from even trying to escape. I looked back at Taeil longingly which he returned with a confused expression. I mouthed another apology to him, hoping that i could maybe resume our conversation later (and get his number). Lucas pushed me into a ring of people, two of which i'd never met before. They were all passing around a blunt, the air surrounding them so thick with smoke that it was almost burning my eyes. I coughed and looked up at Lucas. “Why'd you bring me here?”

He put his arm around me and lowered himself to my ear. “That's Johnny and Jaehyun. The hosts of that radio show you love so much.” He said the tail end of that sentence with such a teasing tone that i just knew Quinn had told him about what we did when we listened to their voices. But now that voice was in front of me and my worst nightmare had turned into the best wet dream. I thought Taeil had made my heart stop  when I saw him but I was fucking deceased when I looked at Johnny. He was tall with shoulders like a goddamn linebacker. His biceps looked absolutely perfect to grab onto while he plowed into me. And though i wasn't much of a fan of smoking the way he exhaled from his full lips gave me goosebumps.

“Well, aren’t you going to talk to him?” Lucas smirked.

“And say what? Let me suck your dick?”

“I mean, it's what you want, isn’t it?”

“Shut up.” i said bitterly as I shifted my weight and stared into my mostly empty cup, trying my best not to drool over Johnny.

“Hey, i'm a good friend and I'm doing you a solid. You need to have some more fun. I mean with someone besides me. Though we can still do that later tonight, if you want.” He followed up his half assed flirtatious statement with a wink.

“For your information, Ten and Yuta are already lined up for next week. But i’m sure you'll come knocking on my door too.”

“Always. You still owe me and Quinn a threesome.”

“We'll see.” I shrugged and finally turned my eyes up. Johnny had been looking at me- or rather looking at my figure-his eyes mostly resting on my thighs. I adjusted the band of my thigh highs self consciously, wondering if he was thinking about my legs wrapped around him like i was. My teeth were starting to dig into my bottom lip as i tried to not focus on those thoughts. Our eyes met again and instead of saying anything he just offered the blunt to me, which i denied. He shrugged, and instead passed it over to Jaehyun who was more than happy to take another hit. Quinn was beside Jaehyun, seeming to already be plotting how to get Johnny's partner in crime into bed. I knew they would convince him soon enough and i'd have to find a way to get them out of his bed in time for us to leave. Lucas had resumed his nature as a social butterfly, ignoring me to settle into another conversation. Everyone had seemed to be paired off now except Johnny and I. He took a sip from the beer bottle in his hand, a quick flash of disappointment on his face as he realized it was empty.

“Fuck.” i saw him mouth. He looked over at me, leaning in close with his hand resting on my lower back. “Want another drink?” He said into my ear.

“N-no um...i'm good. Gotta drive back so...i'm trying to pace myself.”

“That fucking sucks. This is the first party of the year. You should be blackout drunk.”

“Yeah, i’m not a freshman anymore, so that's so not happening.” I chuckled.

“Come get another beer with me then?” he asked which i agreed to a little too eagerly.

He lead the way, wrapping his hand around mine so we wouldn't get separated from the constantly moving crowd. My hand seemed to disappear within his fingers which made me want to melt into a puddle. Big hands were an absolute weakness of mine. We flowed into the kitchen that was even more crowded now as someone had brought in a few more cases of beer and the last of the jungle juice was escaping the pitcher into used cups. Johnny reached into the fridge and got another bottle, pulling his keys out from the pocket of his basketball shorts and flicking the top off with the bottle opener keychain. We moved towards the back of the kitchen to have some room away from the crowd. He didn't say anything, just sipped his drink slowly as i watched his adam's apple bob with each swallow. A partygoer asked us to move so they could reach the trash can behind Johnny. When he complied I was suddenly between his 6 foot tall frame and the wall. His hand rested way above my head as he nodded towards the partygoer with a tight lipped smile. My fingers dug into my own cup, crushing the plastic ever so slightly as i looked up at him. I was rarely nervous to be around a guy no matter how much their smiles, sultry voices, or tall bodies affected me. I had to remind myself that men were toys to me, a way to feign confidence and still get what I wanted. No strings attached with the joy of playing hard to get and emotionally unavailable.

But Johnny was making me feel different and I hated it. I wanted to crush it like an empty beer can and toss it in the trash and never think about it again. Except now he was looking down at me and i couldn't help but notice how the fluorescent lighting of the kitchen caught his brown eyes and turned them into the color of warm honey. If i was a puddle before when he held my hand i was a river now creeping closer to being an ocean and losing a grip on myself.

“What's your name?” He spoke at last.

“Eri...just Eri. You're from the uh….radio show? Lucas told me about you. Well that you guys met…”

He shrugged. “Yeah, he's cool or whatever. He reminds me of how I used to be when I first started college. You friends with him or something?”

“To say the very least.” I laughed nervously and tucked a stray hair behind my ear. Johnny tipped his bottle over, spilling some of his beer into my empty cup.

“So you fuck him? He your boyfriend?”

“God no. I mean i do fuck him but he's not my boyfriend.” I took a sip of the beer, instantly regretting it. The disgusting bitterness reminded me of regurgitated piss in a bottle but my mind was making me keep up my aloof appearance and i forced myself to drink more.

“Cool…Thought i'd ask just in case.”

“Just in case?” I swallowed thickly, knowing exactly what he was insinuating.

“Mhm...just in case.” He lowered his head, reaching down to my level, and pressed our lips together. No other words exchanged, just the feeling of the soft skin on skin, melding together in a way that wasn't sloppy or rough but rather a slow and sensual torture. I wanted to push him away; i even pressed my hands against his chest but my body failed to do it. He stepped a bit closer, his bottle free hand coming to cup my chin as his tongue pushed past my lips. I resisted the urge to wrap my arms around his neck and instead kept my hands on his chest, feeling his muscles underneath his thin tank top. My nails dug into him slightly and i could feel the quietest of moans reverberate against my tongue. The way he overwhelmed my mouth had me being dragged back in, over and over, until i was breathless and lightheaded. When he finally parted from me, he stepped back as if nothing had happened. He resumed the need to quench his thirst, momentarily dragging his thumb over his lips and looking at it-presumably to check if i had left lipstick behind.

“What was that?” I asked, definitely confused about how he just kissed me and was acting like it didn't phase him at all while i was feeling like i was crashing down from cloud 9.

“What? Don't act like you've never made out with someone at a party before.” He said simply.

Of course I had, plenty of times but never with someone who's voice i had dreamt about for nights on end. Even though I had connected my fantasy to real life and he had kissed me, I still had to see him as just a voice. I had to keep him at a distance to avoid drowning in him. He also had solidified his stereotype of a party fuckboy only looking for one thing. I couldn't be too mad at him. My list of one night stands was ever growing as well but he was kinda being a douche about it. “I've done a lot of things at parties but-”

“Good, then you know how this goes.”

I wanted to deck him right in that perfect pouty mouth of his. And worst of all, it made me want to fuck him even more. My ability to respond was tossed aside as someone he knew came over and they exchanged loud greetings, slapping each others hands before caving into a ‘no homo' bro hug. His care for me seemed to have been thrown out, leaving me stuck in a corner. I quickly texted Quinn, hoping they weren't sucking face (or dick) as of yet and we could meet up. Johnny continued talking, his radio personality showing through more than when he was with me. I mulled over my next move- to ditch Johnny or wait until he was done talking to see if i could get another breathtaking kiss.

I gave my phone one last check to see if Quinn had responded before pushing myself off the wall and moving through the kitchen. My chest slightly brushed against him as i squeezed past. Taking a quick glance back, I caught him watching me from over his friend’s shoulder. I tossed my hair back and kept walking, smirking to myself a bit. He could chase after me if he wanted but i wasn’t going to wait. I made my way towards the sliding doors, ready to return outside when I was surprised to see another boy I knew. Luckily, he was one that I hadn't slept with. Instead, Doyoung was one of my good friends. Usually he was the one to reel me back in when I got lost in sex filled hazes and needed to concentrate on my life, my job, and school. Having me as a friend was never easy when you had to be the voice of reason. I had never actually seen him at a party let along drinking. I wanted desperately to go talk to him, especially since I hadn't seen him all summer, but he was sitting next to Jungwoo. I was too much of a coward to go down that road so I settled for a small wave, hoping that I might catch Doyoung’s attention instead. His big bunny eyes zeroed in on me and he waved frantically before making his way over.

“Eri! I missed you!” he said before squeezing me to his chest. I could feel the icy cold glass of his beer bottle between my shoulder blades as he held me.

“I did too but more importantly what are you doing drinking?”

He blushed and hid the bottle behind his back, feigning innocence. “Me? Drink? No way! This is uh...um...you know, soda.”

I poked his shoulder playfully. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. You're supposed to be the good one.”

He shrugged and stared down at his shoes. “This was the first time i was ever invited to a party so I thought i'd at least try it. Who did you come with?”

“Lucas and Quinn, the usual. I was babysitting them but Lucas is bouncing around and Quinn has their eyes set on Jaehyun.”

“Jaehyun? The guy from the radio show?”

I nodded.

“Ah...tell her to be careful with him. I've heard some stuff about him and Johnny.”

“Oh?” I raised a brow, my interest peaked. “Like…?”

“That they’re notorious for sleeping around.”

“I mean apparently me too. Have you seen who is at this party?” I laughed.

“Yeah but you don’t have that much under your belt. I’ve heard that they’re like in the 30s or higher for the number of people they’ve slept with. They're kinda gross.” Doyoung made a face of disgust before he took another sip of beer. “Just please tell Quinn to be careful. I don’t want her getting hurt.”

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I wanted to hook up with Johnny. He would be even more worried and i needed to do my best to keep an eye out on him now that he was drinking. I couldn’t take care of three drunks all at once. I gave him another hug and sighed. “I promise i'll take care of them. And i need you to promise me you wont get too crazy with those beers.”

“You won’t see me passed out i swear! Anyway, come sit with us. We need to catch up.”

“Uh...Jungwoo's there. It's gonna be weird.” I said, nervously.

“No, no. It's totally fine. Besides Ten and Yuta are there too. Taeyong went to the bathroom for a sec. It'll be fine.”

He took my hand and lead me to the group that had taken over the sofa. Jungwoo left as soon as i sat down much to my dismay. I wasnt surprised though. Doyoung tried his best to make him stay but it didn’t help that Ten and Yuta started teasing me for being a heartbreaker. I rolled my eyes and hit them both while Doyoung tried to tell us to behave like he was our mom, making all of us laugh. Somehow hanging around the people I fucked made me feel better and less miserable at this party. It wasn’t so bad after that and our alcohol fueled antics lasted hours. It was full of flirting, a few neck kisses from Yuta, and cute smiles between me and Taeil once he joined our little group. Ten kept close to me, whispering about his plans for next Thursday. Every once in awhile i would catch Johnny circling around. He was keeping his distance from me but our eyes kept meeting every chance they got. He was making a show of wrapping random girls in his arms, smacking their asses, running his fingers through their hair or pulling them close for a kiss but never completing it. He was being a tease and i didnt know if it was solely for them or to be an asshole to me. We knew we had our eyes on each other. I had to admit the best part was having a bunch of guys lust over me while i pick and choose who i wanted for the evening. Johnny was still top tier in the back of my mind. Those basketball shorts barely left anything to the imagination and I was falling deeper into his thirst trap.

Around 3 am the party had died down leaving just a few of us behind. We had gathered by the pool this time, even though it was after the allowed hours, preferring the cool summer night breeze than the stuffy apartment. I sat on a lawn chair, my mind fuzzy and tingling with the small buzz I had going on. I had continued to down a few more ales, some bourbon, whiskey and 1 terrible harsh shot of vodka. Even though i knew i was going to feel like shit tomorrow and that i was supposed to be driving home, i couldn't help myself. For the moment i had forgotten about Johnny, especially since he was still dipping in and out of view. I had instead turned all my attention towards Taeil who was getting closer and closer to taking me home. His sweet demeanor was taking over and I loved the way his cheeks flushed and how his lips curled into a smile with every one of my coy laughs. He pushed his bright red hair back, pretending he wasn’t noticing how close i was getting to him. I listened intently to how Taeil was going to be a tutor for some core classes at the library and I made sure to put emphasis on the fact that i would be definitely needing his help sooner rather than later. His hand came to rest on my knee, slowly edging towards the band of my black thigh high. I joked about having a school fantasy and hoping he would punish me which sent his hand back to cover his face as he blushed harder. Oh, he was just too damn cute. I scooted the lawn chair closer and took his hands in mine, running my thumbs over his knuckles and wondering what his fingers would feel like down my throat.

“I mean, we dont exactly have to wait until next week. We could...have a little study session of our own tonight. I’m so terrible at math.” i giggled.

Taeil folded our fingers together and cocked his head to the side, leaning in just a bit. “Well i should probably tell you something first…”

“Tell me anything, Tae.” I closed my eyes and waited for his lips but instead i felt a harsh yank on the belt loop of my shorts. Taeil backed away again, releasing my hands instantly and looking up at the person behind me. I craned my head backwards to see Johnny looking down at me. He had yet another blunt in his hand, his eyes looking much redder than the last time I saw him.

“We're playing ‘Strip Never Have I Ever’. You want in?” He sniffed.

“What is ‘Strip Never Have I Ever?” Taeil questioned.

“Basically you say something promiscuous that you haven’t done and everyone who has done that thing takes off an article of clothing.” I explained.

“I think I should sit this one out. I'm not one for getting naked in front of strangers.”

“Come on Taeil. Dont you want to see her naked? Even just a little bit?” Johnny seemed to be glaring at Taeil now, a bit of tension rising between them.

Taeil scoffed. “I'm not like you Johnny. I’d rather take my time.”

“Still playing that innocent shit, huh?” Johnny took another toke, the fingers of his free hand still wrapped in my belt loop, pulling me back towards him.

“I have no idea what you're talking about.”

Johnny scoffed. “Of course you dont.” He rolled his eyes. “You never do.”

“Johnny, your jealous side is showing again.” Taeil set his chin on his hand, a smirk tweaking at the sides of his lips.

“So…are we gonna stop this pissing contest and play or…?” I said, a bit annoyed at their tense banter.

“Yeah, sure babe.” Johnny said as he finally broke the glaring contest between he and Taeil.

I removed Johnny's hands from my shorts and stood up, focusing my attention to the other man. “Would you mind getting me another beer and whatever else is laying around, please?”

He nodded and stood up, giving me a sweet kiss on the cheek. “Sure thing. Save me a spot by you. I'll play just because you are.” He headed back towards the sliding doors leading to the apartment leaving Johnny and I by ourselves.

“Dont let him fool you.” Johnny said once Taeil was out of ear shot.

“Oh he's fooling me? Funny. I kinda heard the same thing about you. It also just sounds like you might be jealous.” I crossed my arms under my chest, looking up at him.

“Jealous is hardly the right word. But if you want to be disappointed tonight then go with him.”

“You dont think i’d find you disappointing? Not even in the slightest?” I teased.

“I know you wouldn’t be. I’m not fooling you on anything. You can see for yourself later.” He grabbed a hold of my hip and pulled me closer to him.

“How many girls did you use that line on tonight? The blonde? Both the brunettes? The girl with the orange hair?”

“How many times did you let Yuta kiss your neck? Or let Ten almost try and choke you in front of everyone?”

“He wasn’t going to choke me...that time. But i guess you were watching me as much as i was watching you.” I said, knowing it was the truth.

“I just want to get you out them shorts is all. Who do you think suggested the game?” He winked at me before heading over to our circle of friends who were drunkenly calling out for us to join them. Taeil came back then with some beers and a cup of whatever he had concocted. Our spot was between Ten and Johnny but I had noticed Doyoung swaying while Yuta tried to steady him. I went over to them giving my sweet boy the once over.

“How many has he had? I asked.

“Literally like three beers. He’s such a lightweight.” Yuta teased.

I hit his shoulder gently. “Be nice. Doyoung, do you want to go home with me later? You can sleep on the couch.” I pet back his dark hair as he giggled.

“Im cool, im cool, im coooooolll. I got this!” Doyoung pawed at my hand, willing me away from him. “I'm not a baby, Eri!”

“I'm just worried about you is all. Don't get too crazy.”

“Let him be, you party pooper!” Quinn chimed in.

“You hush! You're already sloshed and I’m surprised you're not already naked.”

“Isn't that what this game is for?” They replied.

I sighed. “I guess I will have three babies to take home tonight.” I booped Quinn on their forehead gently before sitting back in my spot. “Who's starting first then?

“I'll do it!” Quinn offered. “Never have I ever been tied up.”

“Oh come on! Really?!” I said as Ten, Yuta, and I booed at them. Of course we were the easy targets with all the shit we had done together. I tossed off a sneaker while Ten went to take off his collar.

“Nah-uh. Jewelry doesn’t count. Clothes only.” Taeyong interjected.

“Damn, dont be so eager to see me naked.” Ten tossed off his black v-neck while Yuta kicked off a sandal.

Quinn nudged Doyoung signaling him to go but he had such a bad case of the drunken giggles it took him minutes to compose himself and think of something. I resisted the urge to facepalm as i watched him. “Doyoung, honey. Go lay down.” I pleaded.

“No! I got it! Never have i ever s-smoked weed!” He burst into another round of giggles before Jaehyun scoffed.

“That's fuckin’ wack! Here.” Jaehyun took the blunt out of Johnny’s hand and handed it over to Doyoung. “Inhale and hold it in for a bit.”

“No! No! Dont you dare!” I blocked Jaehyun from passing the blunt over. “Hes already drunk from a few beers. He's gonna lose it from one toke. Just take off your clothes so we can move onto Yuta.”

“You first.” He snapped back at me.

I stuck my tongue out at him. “It doesn’t apply to me, jackass.”

“Well maybe if you smoked a bit too then you wouldn’t be so bitchy. Let him have fun.”

“Why dont you fucking eat my ass, dipshit.”

“Wait no, can you please do that to me instead?” Quinn said suddenly.

“Will ya'll shut up and get back to the game? Doyoung’s smoking anyway.” Yuta snorted before falling into a laughing fit himself. While i had been fighting with Jaehyun, Doyoung had stolen the outstretched blunt and inhaled deeply. I could tell the moment he felt the burning in his chest. His eyes watered as he sputtered and coughed. Jaehyun cackled as he took the blunt back, getting in a hit of his own.

“You sure you don’t want any, goodie two shoes?” Jaehyun offered again.

“Id rather not.” I flicked his snapback off his head. “There. One article of clothing down. Yuta, please go before I strangle him.” I scooted back to my spot, a permanent pout on my face.

“You need to chill out.” Johnny whispered as he leaned in close to me. “You’re so tense. You know what would help with that?”

“Having my friend returned home safely and not passed out in his own-”

“Never have i ever had office sex!” Yuta exclaimed.

My mouth hung open, the rest of my statement dissipating in the air.

“Oohhh he got you and Taeyong!” Ten laughed. “Take it off, baby! Take it off!”

“Did you two really fuck in an office?” Jaehyun asked, staring at Taeyong and I. “Where even at?”

I chucked off my other shoe and grumbled as Taeyong pulled his shirt over his head. “Office of student affairs last semester.” he answered.

“Well damn, student affairs is right.” Johnny laughed.

I shrugged. “Shit goes down in offices and so does Taeyong.” There was a chorus of ‘ooohs’ as Taeyong gave me the finger.

“Fuck off. I made the door shake, didnt i?”

“It was up against the door??” Taeil asked, surprised.

Dammit, I really didn’t need him to hear my history now. Yuta was out to get me, Doyoung was already fucked up, Taeil was going to find out all the dirty things I’d done with almost everyone in this group and it was only the 4th round. Ten cleared his throat as I dodged Taeils question even though he was poking my side to tease me.

“Settle down children, settle down. I got a semi decent one. It’s easier to think about what i have done instead what i haven't. Anyway, never have I ever had like slow or sensual sex.”

“What!? That's a fuckin’ lie. Even i've done that. What about your first time?” Lucas interjected.

Ten shrugged. “Nope. Not really. I wasn’t nervous so we just kinda...did it. So, come on. Give something up.” Most everyone lost an article of clothing. I was curious to see that Taeil had only lost a shoe during the weed round but didnt remove anything else this time around, which meant he was either just as kinky as Ten or a complete virgin. I didn’t see him as the latter so my interest was extremely peaked at this point.

“Aren’t you going to take something off?” I asked him, returning his teasing notion.

“I don’t kiss and tell.” He winked at me and i couldn’t help but giggle as I felt the blush start to creep back into my cheeks. I tried to hide it by busying myself with trying to get one of my thigh highs off and deflect my infiltrating thoughts of a kinky Taeil when i felt Johnny's hand over mine.

“Leave those for last.”

“What for?” I asked, barely looking back at him.

He smirked and rubbed his thumb gently across my thigh. “I like them. They look good on you.”

“You're going to have to do some better convincing than that.”

Johnny grabbed the collar of his tank top and pulled it over his head leaving him bare chested and my mouth watering. I drank in each muscle he had on his torso, wanting to kiss every inch of him and follow that cute little happy trail to what was under his shorts. I was silently begging to get more rounds in as soon as possible.

“Convinced yet?” he asked, cockily..

I rolled my eyes, pretending that it was such a hassle for me to leave my socks for last. However, I stood up and undid the buttons of my high waisted shorts, shimmying them down my thighs before kicking them behind me. I adjusted my lacy black panties, feeling all eyes on me.

“Why is there even a bow on the back?” Taeyong asked.

“Because my ass is a present, thanks.”

“Gimmmeeeeee!” I heard Quinn say, making grabby hand motions at me.

“No, you get it tomorrow, if you're good!” I joked.

“You guys are gonna fuck?” Jaehyun asked, looking at Quinn curiously. “Can I watch?”

“Nope sorry, that is off limits. For my eyes only.” Lucas said, beckoning for Jae to share the blunt he was still working on. He passed it over to Lucas who took it graciously.

“What do you mean for your eyes only? Share the wealth.” Jae said.

“How about no one watches anything. We’re not a damn spectacle. What Quinn and I do is none of your business. ANYWAY, Taeil your turn. Please go. Please.”

“Shoot. Uh…” He looked around at all of us trying to think of a good statement. “Um...never have I ever had a one night stand?”

“Really??? That's literally like...my entire life.” Lucas laughed.

Johnny rolled his eyes. “Never had a one night stand...pfft okay.”

Taeil just laughed. “Dont be mad because you're losing, Johnny”

“Yeah me and practically everyone else.” Johnny tossed off his snapback while i realized i had to discard my shirt. Technically, i didn’t but i decided to appease Johnny a little bit longer and leave the thigh highs for last. I pulled my crop top over my head, revealing my bare chest (who had time for fucking bras anyway) before pulling my hair over my shoulders to have a little bit of coverage. Lucas whistled at me, giving me a wink which made me roll my eyes. Johnny licked his lips, a smile on his face while Taeil tried to sneak looks without being too obvious, which he was failing at. I hugged my knees to my chest and realized that it was actually my turn to go.

I had to think of something i had never done. Not that it specifically had to be something sexual, but that was definitely more fun than ‘Never have i ever been to Korea’. “Oh! I got it. Never have I ever eaten ass before.”

“Boo, you whore!” Ten said, taking off his fishnet shirt and tossing it at me. I caught it and laughed, knowing that we were still neck in neck in the race to lose first. Quinn, Ten, and almost surprisingly Yuta discarded another piece of clothing. Only a few more rounds and someone would be naked. Lucas was coming up quick, only having his underwear (presumably) and shorts on.

It was up to Johnny now. I looked over at him as he switched his preference to a cigarette. I definitely was wondering what he was going to say. He exhaled slowly before speaking. “Never have i ever done anal.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Taeyong slurred a bit as he had been nursing his drink. “Giving or receiving?”

“Either or. Any anal at all.”

Quinn, Lucas, Ten, Yuta, and I pulled off yet another article of clothing. I wasn’t going to take off my underwear just yet so one thigh high came off. I set it in Johnny's lap, mouthing a fake apology coupled with a shrug. He tapped his ashes into an empty beer bottle and sighed. “Damn, was really hoping you'd take those panties off first.”

“Of course you were.” I snatched his cigarette from him and took a deep drag, frowning when i tasted the menthol. Ugh, fuckboys always smoked menthols. He let me keep it though, enjoying the disgusted face i made.

“Alright, Taeyong, Lucas is down to his undies. How are you gonna get him out of them?” Quinn asked as they leaned on Jaehyun's shoulder.

“Not that I want to see him naked but never have I ever had public sex.” He said.

“You fucked in an office!” Yuta protested.

“I meant like a park or parking lot or something!!”

“Well, there we go.” Lucas stood up and dropped his briefs before sprinting towards the pool, landing with a huge splash and getting water everywhere. “We better figure out who's runner up so I wont be in this pool by myself!”

“You're the idiot who jumped in there! Besides it's your turn!” Taeyong tossed a beer cap at Lucas who dodged it. I had to rid myself of the other thigh high for the public sex and i was definitely afraid of having to lose my underwear from what Lucas was going to say.

“Shit. Ok. Uh… got it! Never have i ever sucked dick before.”

Ten and I both collectively groaned as we were deemed the next losers. Johnny had the biggest smile plastered on, his eyes glued to me as i rested my hands on the waistband of my panties. I didn’t want to take them off and was hoping that everyone would magically forget that i had ever sucked their dicks before. Ten on the other hand was already tossing off his pants. Ten rarely wore underwear, if ever, so his pants were the last article of clothing he had on. Never ashamed of being naked, he joined Lucas in the chilly pool water.

“Eeeerrrriiiiii. Come on. Be a good girl and take them off!” Lucas teased.

“Shut up! Maybe i don't wanna!” i buried my face in my knees. I was already losing my buzzed feeling and embarrassment was taking over at the prospect of losing my last bit of clothing around 3 new people and my baby Doyoung.

“Dont be a wimp.” Johnny said as he dug his finger into the waistband of my panties and snapped it against my skin. “These definitely need to go.”

I didnt bother looking up, only swatted at his hand, trying to get him away from me. “Will you stop it!”

“Toss her in if she doesnt do it!” I heard Ten yell.

“What! Don't you dare!” I felt Johnny's strong arms wrap around my waist as he hauled me up easily. I kicked at him as i tried to cover my chest but he wasn't budging.

“One last chance, sweetness.” He said lowly against the sensitive skin of my neck. It was that voice...the one i listened to, the one i dreamt about, the one that turned me on in an instant. I shivered against him, suddenly taking in how warm he felt and the bulge in his boxer briefs pressing into the small of my back. I looked up at him, my breath a little heavier. There were plenty of chants and whistles especially since almost everyone was abandoning whatever they had left on and jumping in.

“Let me go! I have to check on Doyoung!” I half lied. I actually did want to check on him as he had curled up in a small ball and passed out.

“Dont worry. I'll take care of him. You two have fun.” Taeil said tensely as he hauled Doyoung to his feet.

“Oh we fuckin’ will. Bye Taeil.” Johnny smirked. I wanted to elbow Johnny for being a dick to Taeil. I tried to hit his chest but he just grabbed onto my boobs and squeezed them. I tried to pry his hands off me, telling him to let me go as Taeil passed us.

The redhead turned back to us. “Hey Eri.”

I looked up at him, mid-squirm. “Y-yeah?” 

“Don’t forget to come to the library, ok? Ill give you a good lesson.” He winked at me before leaving the pool area with Doyoung stumbling beside him.

My mouth hung open momentarily but i was finally able to shove Johnny off me. I covered my chest and smiled at him. “Um, you bet...see ya.”

“Are you gonna get fucking naked or keep making kissy faces at Taeil all night?!” Ten yelled before splashing water at me.

“Ass!!” I screamed. Suddenly i felt a hand on my back and i was pushed in, sinking into the deeper part of the pool. My body struggled to accommodate my lack of height and inability to swim. Lucas scooped me up against him and i was grateful he stopped me from choking. 

“I hate all of you.” I sputtered.

“We just love seeing you wet is all.” Ten chimed in sarcastically. I splashed water in his direction as Lucas still tried to hold me up. Ten stuck his tongue out at me. “Dont you have to go to the kiddie side of the pool?”

“Oh youre one to talk!” I said splashing at him again. “You little shit!”

“Why are you so angry all the time?” Taeyong said as he finally slid into the pool along with Jaehyun and Quinn.

“Dont you know, all she does is bite and scratch.” Yuta snorted.

“I haven’t had any complaints yet.” I shot back at him. “Lucas will you let me go? Im leaving you fuckers and going where i can’t drown.”

Lucas shrugged and let me waddle to the opposite end of the pool. I was hoping that my makeup wasn’t running down my face and making me look like a Dali painting. I was busy pressing my index finger to my lashes trying to make sure my mascara wouldn’t fall into my eye that i had hardly noticed that i couldn’t move any further. I was up against the side of the pool, a position i was apparently getting used to being in tonight with Johnny around. He had his hands on either side of me, that same smirk on his lips as he knew he had me right where he wanted. “You still haven’t taken off your panties.”

“Yeah well you haven’t taken your underwear off either!” I said looking down at his waist through the blue tinted water.

“I didnt lose. You did. And you have to play by the rules.”

“Hah. Playing by the rules didn’t get me where i am today.”

“Almost naked in a pool about to get fucked, you mean?”

“Precisely.” I replied, thrilled at his renewed interest. “But i'll give you the age old ultimatum. I'll show you mine if you show me yours.”

“Done.” He reached under the water and wiggled out of his boxer briefs, throwing them poolside. I swallowed hard, my head tilting to the side as i saw him. “Off. Now.” he commanded.

I stood frozen for a second still staring until i felt his hands on my hips pulling the soaked fabric down, not waiting for my go ahead. I kicked my legs out of my panties and he set them beside his. “There, now was that so hard?”

“No but Im sure you will be.”

“Halfway there.” His hands slid down the curve of my hips to cup my ass and pull me closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, almost afraid that he was going to somehow launch me back underwater.

“I take it you're an ass man?”

“I'm an everything man. I don’t normally go for chicks that look like you but…” He licked his lips as he looked down at me flushed against his chest.

“Well don’t i feel special! I’m not the fuckboy's type but he still wants to fuck me. Oh me oh my!”

“Well compared to your track record over there.” Johnny nodded towards the band of idiots that i had all slept with. “I say i'm not your type either, Ms. Kink loving, anal-having, office sex wanting fuckgirl.”

“Did you take a look at Lucas? You're both big and tall with hands that could…” I refrained from saying what was on my mind.

“Hands that could what?” He tilted my chin up and traced the outline of my bottom lip with his tongue before giving me a chaste kiss. “That could finger you so deep and hard that you cum in minutes?”

“W-well i-”

He gave me another kiss, tugging my bottom lip between his teeth just a bit and sucking on it. “Or hands that could bruise your hips as i fuck you from behind?”

“You really think you're that good?” I panted as I managed to find my voice again.

“So i’ve been told but the dozens and dozens of chicks that have been in my bed.”

“Well you've never had me in your bed and to be honest i'm the only one that matters.”

“Damn. Where was that confidence when you needed to take off your panties, huh? Or do you just like to be a cocky little shit when you're about to get some?” Johnny said.

“Ask Ten. He'll tell you I can be a bit of brat when I want to be.”

Johnny chuckled. “I can definitely see that. Gonna have to find a way to occupy that mouth instead.”

“I can think of a few ways.” I pulled his head closer to mine and closed that minuscule distance between us again. I was eager to make him stop talking and instead focus everything he had on kissing me. He hoisted my leg around his waist, digging himself deep between my thighs. His hand then slid up my leg until it gripped my hip, guiding me to grind against him. Barely audible sighs of pleasure were exchanged between us. Every parting of our lips was a chance for our tongues to collide while every closing enacted bites and warm sucks. His other hand slid down my stomach to my parted thighs, his thick fingers caressing what i wanted him to touch the most.

The first finger was tentative, easing in with languid rubs and curling every time my breath would catch in my throat from his kiss. The smirk against my lips told me he was toying with me, wanting to draw out my torture for as long as possible. He pulled one last kiss before moving his attention to my neck. My forehead rested around his shoulder, my hands pressed between his shoulder blades. “You like this, dont you?”

“You’re hotter when you dont talk.”

“What?”

I looked up at him and pressed my finger to his lips. “Dont talk. Just keep fingering me.”

His tongue clicked against his cheek as he shook his head in disbelief. He didn’t stop his fingers though, instead he pressed another into me as his teeth sunk into the sensitive skin of my neck. My teeth bit down onto my bottom lip, shielding my moan from escaping. I rolled my hips deeper, wanting him to prove exactly how fast he could make me cum.

Suddenly a huge splash doused us, making Johnny pull away from me completely. “What the fuck!?” He yelled, wiping the water away from his face. Lucas had a giant grin on his face while Ten and Yuta were making fake orgasmic sounds and screaming “Yes daddy!”

“Are ya'll really about to fuck in this pool in front of us?!” Lucas laughed.

Crap. I had literally been so caught up in Johnny i totally had forgotten we were basically putting on a show. I shoved Johnny away and tried to cover myself knowing full well those three idiots would give me shit for it later. I tried to find an escape route but i realized my clothes were strewn about and there were no towels in sight. I would have to rush out naked and try and gather everything while the boys continued their bickering. I walked up the small ladder and out of the pool, hustling to gather my clothes and tiptoe through the grass, hating the way the blades were sticking to my feet and the dirt was becoming muddy from my dripping.

I went into the apartment, awkwardly standing around since i didn't know which room belonged to him. I needed a damn towel asap. A breeze was flowing through the open doors making the pool water turn icy on my skin. “Tell me again why you fuck those idiots?!” Johnny shouted as he came into the apartment.

I shrugged. “Same reason we were gonna hook up. I’m horny and you’re hot. But right now I’m freezing. Do you have a towel?”

“Yeah,” He rolled his eyes and headed over to the door on the left, kicking things out the way as we stepped through. “Come on.” I followed him into his room. There were clothes everywhere as well as old condom wrappers, fast food bags, and empty starbucks cups. I stared at the mess in disgust then up at him as he handed me a towel. “Did you get that from the floor?” i asked.

“You wanted one, didn’t you?”

I stared at him, squinting slightly. “Did you get this from the floor?”

“It was from behind my damn door, ok? You gonna dry off so we can fuck or what?””

I rolled my eyes and took the stupid towel, drying off as best as i could. My hair was a mess and I pulled it up into a bun, still feeling the pool water drip down my neck. Johnny tossed his own towel on the pile of dirty laundry after he dried off and stepped closer to me. “Now where were we?”

I sighed. “I actually should probably get going. It's getting late…”

“And?”

“And i'm tired. I'm gonna have to fish out Quinn and Lucas.”

He licked his lips and pushed his jet black hair back. “You literally were begging me to keep fingering you in my pool. You think i'm gonna let the boys you play with ruin the mood? Come here.”

“They don’t matter right now but I-”

His hands were on my hips then, lifting me up easily. My body instinctively wrapped my limbs around him, shocked senseless at his first move. My mouth was suddenly dry as we were now on the same level and his eyes met mine. I was trying to say something, anything at all, but i was sure my mouth was just doing the motions and making me look like a gaping fish. He carried me over to his bed laying me down and spreading my knees apart. “We were here, right?” He asked as he rubbed his fingers through my folds, making purposeful stops at my clit and rubbing the smallest of circles before diving his fingers back down again.

My eyes fluttered closed and I nodded my head. My hips followed each languid stroke, wanting him to touch every nerve i had. I could feel the droplets of water from his bangs splatter onto my stomach, the iciness making me twitch as my skin started to heat up. His lips kissed away the droplets, his tongue tracing intimate patterns into my skin. I felt a small bite right above my hip bone and I covered my mouth with the back of my hand, keeping my decibels down. His eyes flickered up towards me, an expression of curiosity within them.

“You’re quiet.” He stated, almost surprised. “Aren’t you going to start moaning?”

“You haven’t don’t enough to make me moan.” I fibbed. “Remember what i said before? You're hotter when you don’t talk.”

“Fine. Whatever.” He moved himself slowly up to meet my face as his fingers dug into me, a steady beat of push and pull while his thumb focused those teasing circles against my bundle of nerves again. “I just figured you’d start screaming my name sooner or later.”

“Ugh, no thank you. You still haven’t proved any-” The end of my sentence turned into a sharp inhale of breath as he curled his fingers against my walls, pressing into a spot i could rarely reach on my own.

“What was that?” he smirked.

I gripped onto his bicep, squeezing my eyes shut as I tried to match his motions. I rolled my body with each curl of his fingers, bounced my hips with each harsh thrust, and arched every time he would graze against that devilish spot. I could feel him watching me beneath him, my chest heaving as i desperately wanted to cum already. My tongue parted my lips, licking them slowly before i caved in and moaned. At this point I was still determined not to say his stupid name or beg for that matter but he sure as hell was making it hard. I dug my nails into his tender skin just as his knuckles hit my entrance, filling me completely with the thickness of his fingers.

“Damn…” I heard him whisper amidst my whimpers and the sounds of him working through my slickness. His lips brushed against my ear, his warm breath tickling my lobe as that deep, silky smooth voice left him. “You're gonna look so good wrapped around me.”

That was the cheesiest and wackest line I had ever heard but that voice made my entire face flush and my body clamp down on him tight. That stupid voice. I hated what it did to me. I hated that it sent my mind reeling back to all the nights I had masturbated to it over the radio. I tried to protest but no words were coming out. He was working himself faster now, a rough cycle of ‘come here’ motions and thrusts that had me helpless. I arched my hips again, my toes digging into his calves as i was ready to fall into my orgasm. Then he pulled his fingers out, wiping them on the sheets, and leaving me out in the cold. He got up from the bed and went over to his dresser, rifling through his top drawer.

I glared at him, a rough and annoyed breath slipping out. Did he really just leave me hanging like that? I sat up on my elbows, seeing a flash of gold in his fist. “First of all, fuck you. Second of all, why did you stop, you shitty tease?”

“I had to get a condom? Im not gonna fuck you without one.” He tore open the package and slid the rubber on before making his way back to me. He was ready to resume his place above me but my heart leapt into my throat as I saw him fully.

“WHOA! PAUSE! PAUSE!” I exclaimed, outstretching my hands to keep a bit of distance between us. “Why didn't you tell me you had….all of that!?”

He shrugged simply. “It was kinda cold in the pool. Does it matter?”

“Yes it matters! That’s...!” I covered my face as I flopped back onto the mattress, trying to convince myself that it wasn’t going to be so bad. So far Lucas had been the biggest I had ever had and he was mostly length. Johnny was on a different level and i was convinced i was going to die from him scrambling my insides. I felt him ease my face back towards his before pulling my hands away.

“Chill. Im not gonna barge in there. I have done this a few times before, you know.” His eyes raked over my body as he licked his lips. “Just relax for me, baby. I swear i'll treat you right.”

I almost gagged as his tired old lines. “Yeah that's easy for you to say. You're not the one about to have your guts in your throat.”

“Jesus, if you want to puss out on me just tell me so I don’t have to waste my time anymore. I could’ve had someone else here instead.” He rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, i doubt it with the way you were begging me to keep my thigh highs on and sit by you.” I sighed softly. “Just….go slow. Or else i'll hit you.”

“If you do i'll kick your ass out. I dont care.”

I pouted and looked away, my cheeks still warm. “Fine….sorry.”

It was his turn to sigh before pressing his lips to mine way softer than he had before. The tip of his cock was already trying to sink into me and i forced my body to relax as much as possible. I focused on his lips, the way he felt against me, his hands rubbing up and down my hips and thighs, and the soft groans he was slipping into my mouth. He would stop every so often when i would wince or become too tight for him.

I adjusted myself beneath him, trying to gauge how much he had left until he was almost completely inside me. We avoided eye contact this time though his thumb was making lazy swipes on my hip. I did appreciate that he wasn’t so much of an asshole and took his time with me. It was actually pretty...cute. I wanted him to feel good, for us to feel good, while he fucked me. Feeling him already so warm and stretching me to my limits was starting to make me squirm in anticipation.

Minutes went by as he alternated between minuscule thrusts and sucks to all my erogenous zones, trying to turn me on more to pull my wetness around him. Eventually his thrusts became more fluid and less overwhelming as I finally adjusted. I pulled his head closer, licking his lips slowly before giving him a firm chaste kiss. “I want you to fuck me, ok?”

He nodded quickly, switching his tactics instantly. He took control of my mouth again, commanding my tongue as he pulled his hips back slowly. The returning thrust was a harsh snap and it made me sink my nails deeper into his flesh. He paused again, gauging if it was too much for me to handle. I shook my head and breathed out a shaky ‘dont stop’. He gripped the edge of the mattress just above my head, using it as leverage to work himself into a faster tempo. The pain was underlying the pleasure still but i didn't mind it at all now. I was faltering back against him, a cadence of mewls and strangled breaths tumbling from my lips. His teeth found my neck once more, nipping at the weak spot just beneath my jawbone. I slid my fingers up the length of his broad shoulders and neck to the soft fuzziness of his undercut before grabbing a hold of his longer tresses and pulling.

“Bite harder. I'm not fragile.”

“Oh now you're tough shit, hmm?” he chuckled before yanking my hand from his hair.  “You sure you don’t want me to keep going slow? Those sounds you make are pretty cute.”

“I’m positive, asshole. And i wasn’t making any sounds. It was just breathing or whatever. Shut up.” 

“Get on your stomach then. And don’t give me any complaints either.”

I swallowed hard, staring up into the dark pools of his eyes and trying to register a command I wasn’t prepared for. When i didn’t move fast enough he forced my hips down, my stomach meeting the mattress for a microsecond before I was pulled onto my knees. My thighs rested on the outside of his, my small legs struggling to accommodate fitting him between me. His hands made my wrists disappear in his grip and kept me pinned down firmly. The breath felt like it was getting knocked out of me as his thrusts were painting vivid stories of pleasure throughout my entire being. My skin was blooming with sinfully hard bites on my shoulders. A low short growl rumbled against my skin and for the first time i whimpered his name, wanting it to be the only thing that ran through my mind.

His name on my tongue only spurred him on further. His blunt nails made crescent marks on the underside of my wrist as my veins pulsated against the tender skin. He moved one of them from beside my head, guiding my hand down to the incredibly pleasure filled center he was invading. His finger tips folded over mine, leading me to resume the attention to my clit that I so desperately needed. My face pressed into the mattress as I wanted to muffle the acute sobs building in my throat. My idle hand bunched the fitted sheet in my fist tugging it from the corners of the bed. “Please...” The word escaped before I could even think to stop it.

“Please what?” He teased, that sultry voice making my entire body shudder. Of course he was one of those guys that got off on making me say what i wanted and inflating his ego. I pushed my face into the mattress deeper, not wanting him to see the begging look on my face. Johnny let out a stiff grunt before he pressed his hand into my spine, making my back bow more. His other hand tore my hips higher, the tips of his fingers finding the dip in my hip bone that never failed to make me squirm. My thighs quivered as he pushed into it more, the V of his waist hitting my ass repeatedly. My teeth grabbed at my lip again as my toes tried to steady my weakening form. I tensed, clenching around his thickness as the head of his cock tormented the deepest part of me. I felt him shudder, a strained groan coming from him.

“F-fuck...babe. Relax for me.”

Easy for you to say. I thought. You’re not the one getting railed in half.

He pressed harder into me, if that was even possible. Every ridge, every vein, riding against me. Little by little, he eased his hand from my hip to rest on my shoulder dangerously close to my neck. He was trying to steady himself, to reel back his control and resist the urge to cum just yet. He cursed under his breath as his panting was getting heavier. I tilted my head towards my shoulder, trying to urge him to grab my throat. Choking always got me closer to cumming faster than most things but he pulled away his hand quickly as if i had burned him. I looked back at him momentarily, about ready to ask if he would just do it but i saw the way his lip was caught between his perfect teeth, his eyes closed shut, eyelashes dusting the tops of his cheeks. It turned my stomach into a gooey mess of emotions especially after he let out a deeper groan, his chest tensing just a bit as his brows furrowed. “Johnny...”

He nodded, letting out a simple ‘mhm’ before pulling me up to his chest. He forced my head towards his, engulfing my mouth in a rushed heated kiss while both our hands melded together once more between my folds. I reached my other hand back to cup his head, twisting my fingers in his hair again. Our fingers were working faster together against my clit as he rolled his hips up into me, making us both teeter on the edge. He swallowed hard, pressing his forehead against mine as i felt him throb inside me. A warm feeling filled my stomach, making me shudder and whine as i followed his orgasm. I slumped back against him as i tried to regain my breath and stop my legs from quivering. I was definitely going to feel that tomorrow.

Only a few sparse moment passed before Johnny cleared his throat.“So…You good to leave?”

I blinked a few times in disbelief. I rarely stood over with one night stands but we had barely just finished and already he was kicking me out? My entire demeanor changed. “Yeah, I’m fucking good to leave. Just give me a sec, damn.” i hissed.

He pulled out of me slowly, leaving me to collapse onto his mattress. I heard him rummaging around his room, the flick of a lighter going off at some point. I was curled up on my side, my body betraying my will to move and not give him the satisfaction of kicking me out. I was trying my best to get but my eyes were fluttering closed. Johnny tapped my ass before shaking me by my hip.

“Up. Now.” He yawned deeply before crawling into bed. “You’re not staying here.”

“I know jackass.” I said, following up with a yawn of my own. “Two seconds though.”

“Two seconds.” He closed his eyes and folded his arm across them, settling beside me. I was getting up. Right now.

--

“Fuck!” I gasped as i shot up from my sleep. I had felt a shift in the bed beside me as Johnny had rolled onto his side. I realized that i had fallen asleep at his place. Shitshitshitshitshit. I wasn't supposed to stay here. I was supposed to get up after a few seconds, leave, pretend that i didn’t just have the hottest sex of my life and that i totally didnt want him again. Now my plan was ruined because it was probably around 6 am when we were done. I barely got any sleep and time was starting to feel like a joke that made me more disoriented. I looked at the wad of my clothes on the floor and slipped out of bed, hissing as my stomach clenched in pain. Great. Just great. I scrambled over to my clothes and pulled on my shorts and top, not even bothering with my socks. i stuffed my feet into my sneakers and hobbled into the living room.

Luckily, I found Lucas facedown on the couch. He had managed to pull his shorts on at least after the escapade in the pool. Quinn was curled up on top of him, still mostly naked. I rushed over, shaking them violently awake. “Let's go, let's go, let's go!” i whispered harshly.

Quinn woke up first. It looked like they hadn't been asleep for long. “Finally! I was waiting for you! You made me sleep over and i NEVER sleep over.”

“I’m sorry! I accidentally passed out. Trust me I didn’t want to sleep here either but Johnny wore me out. It took forever to get him mostly all the way in.”

“Well damn...how big was he?”

“Magnum size big. Lets go.”

Quinn clutched at their chest. “Ohh girl...that's a journey.”

“I know. Will you come on?! I don't want to be here any longer than you do.” I slapped Lucas on the back, watching as his head popped up.

“H-huh?”

“Get up. We're leaving.” He rolled over as Quinn jumped off him and started putting on their clothes.

“What time is it? I feel like shit.”

“Doesn’t matter. Up. Get your shoes on.” I sighed. It was like corralling toddlers.

Lucas was finally able to get up and i practically pushed the both of them out the door. Lucas was able to find a few more of his clothes over by the pool as we shuffled along, making our way slowly to my car. I needed to sleep for 80 years and hoped to god i would be able to walk normally later.

--

The Boys Group Chat

Johnny: whaddup

Johnny: i lowkey only remember like half of last night lol

Yuta: fuckin mood

Yuta: we got naked in the pool didnt we?

Taeil: yall did. I didnt. I took care of DY. He was passed tf out

Johnny: aww damn does that mean you didnt get to see me fuck that girl you wanted

Taeil: I saw you acting like a damn fool. I’m not too worried anyway. Im gonna tutor her soon enough👅

Ten: and use that tired ass ‘im a virgin line’? Lmao

Taeil: listen it gets me more pussy than you will ever know. Chicks dig that sensitive innocent guy shit. The library is my sanctuary

Ten: one day somebody is gonna call you out on that whack ass shit or find out that youre always lying about being a virgin

Jae: what you gonna do then? Youre gonna have to find some other shit to lie about lol

Taeil: no ones gonna find out. Shut up. It works every year

Yuta: im surprise u havent lost ur damn job yet tbh

Taeil: what can i say im good at what i do

Johnny: anyway wtf was that chicks name that i hooked up with? I cant remember

Ten: johnny ur a damn idiot

Johnny: what?????

Yuta: ur kinda going down a dark hole so good luck with that

Taeil: she doesnt seem that bad

Yuta: LMAO

Ten: 😂😂😂😂

Johnny: whats wrong with her? She postal or something? Aint u two fuckin her too???

Ten: well yeah but she’s a handful

Yuta: to say the very LEAST

Taeil: ok we get it. Shes kinky and has poor lapses in judgement to hook up with you guys over and over

Ten: im sure you’ll find out soon enough. Shes something alright

Johnny: what do you mean? Shes not gonna like key my car or something right? I dont have time for that shit again tbh.

Jae: i havent talked to the girl I fucked about her much but like i can probs get u her snap. Or ask lucas. I think hes up her ass too

Johnny: who hasnt she slept with???

Taeyong: oh are we talking about who i think we are?

Yuta: way to come in late lmao but ya

Taeyong: oh shit lol. i mean we went over this during truth or dare.

Taeil: you mean never have i ever

Taeyong: same shit. anyway out of all of us she hasn’t touched taeil (yet), Dy or Jae….well Jae might be in waiting

Jae: fuck no. Not my type at all. she seems too damn mouthy

Ten: i mean once you gag her shes fine lmaoooooo

Johnny: yeah she kept telling me to shut up

Johnny: and she barely like….screamed or moaned or anything

Johnny: it was all these tiny little sounds

Taeil: maybe you didnt give it to her good enough

Taeyong: no. Thats literally her. I was fuckin destroying her hips against the door and she barely made a peep. Idfk whats wrong with her

Yuta: i think shes made the most noise with me and thats probably because i work her hard enough but even then i cant get a scream out

Jae: meanwhile the chick i slept with wouldnt fuckin stop making noise.

Johnny: jae your ass is loud too. sounding like a monkey thats out of breath

Taeil: fuck🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Ten: lmaooooooo

Yuta: get WRECKT

Jae: fuck all of you

Jae: forreal

Jae: i cant stand yall

Jae: anyway maybe its good that shes quiet all you fucking get are screamers anyway

Johnny: i know! Especially that one chinese chick i hooked up like last semester. Jfc she wouldnt stop.

Johnny: Idk i didnt mind her not saying much i guess but it was just weird to me

Jae: bro u barely make any sounds either. All i be hearing are your girls

Johnny: 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

Johnny: anyway wtf is her name lol

Ten: Eri you idiot

Yuta: just Eri lol Thats what she always says

Johnny: whats her @ on snap?

Yuta: fuck

Yuta: hold on

Taeyong: its mistresseri13

Jae: LMAO

Taeyong: 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

Yuta: the bigger point is johnny fuckin suh KING of one night stands is whipped for a girl and actually wants to talk to her again

Ten: oooohhhhh true. U never hook up with the same person twice

Taeyong: i mean shes good but you really want to hook up with her again?

Yuta: ty uve been tryna hook up with her since the office thing dont lie.

Taeyong: stfu

Taeil: lmao. So now johnny's whipped for her. she must be good in the sack then

Ten: mostly shes just nice to play with. U can do almost anything with her

Lucas: why are yall blowing up my fuckin phoneeeeeeeee!!!!! im tryin to sleep

Jae: bro its like 4 in the afternoon

Lucas: yeah and? Im hungover af

Yuta: are u at the dorm?

Lucas: no. Babes making me pancakes

Taeil: babe? Babe who??? Who the hell did you get to actually cook for you?

(Downloading picture)

Taeil: is that Eri in the kitchen? in her underwear?

Johnny: excuse me

Jae: HAH

Ten: oohhh now johnnys gonna be jealous

Johnny: Shut it ten.

(Downloading picture)

Lucas: I get morning kisses too lmao

Yuta: are we sharing pics of her now bc ive got plenty.

Lucas: shes still my friend tho. Dont do that.

Ten: not like we all havent seen it before tbh

Jae: i mean i kinda wanna keep it that way. You can have her.

Taeyong: spoiler alert dumbass, we've all slept with Quinn too. You aint special. Shes literally at my place rn

Taeil: oh fuck is that what you've been doing?

Taeyong: lmaooo yeah. Working on a “project”

Taeil: thats what i kept hearing. Im leaving.

Taeyong: shes heading out now actually. Going back to her place. Jae ill tell her you said hi

Lucas: i guess johnnys not the only one whos jealous

Johnny: im not fuckin jealous. Im not even gonna snap her

Ten: uh huh

Yuta: yep sure

Taeil: yeah right

Lucas: well i gotta go eat pancakes and maybe eat something else later👅👅👅👅💦💦💦

Johnny: ew

Taeyong: thats probably why she'll ignore your ass lol

Ten: get that tongue in j-suh or else she wont ever text you back

[ihavetoomanyinterestsplshelp]

Basketcase- Part 1

(Idk if basketcase is offense to use... but this is a story I’m working on that’s HEAVILY inspired by real life stuff. It’s kinda dark and sad, but also super hopeful) 

So I’m laying next to her, my hands itch to touch her, to stroke the soft skin and silky hair the colour of sun-kissed wheat. Her eyes and closed, and her breathing is deep and relaxed. My hands clench into fists to keep from touching her, but it is a fight within myself. I stare at her sleeping form and my breath is taken from my lungs. How the hell can one person be this beautiful? It’s so unfair I could cry. I am, of course, acutely aware of the fact that my affections are not and will never be returned. But that does not keep my mind from wandering to thoughts, soft and gentle thoughts that quiet the usual turmoil inside me. //”Hi honey, I’m home from work.” She looks exhausted and I limp over to her to place a kiss on her cheek. “How was it?” I ask, brushing her long golden hair from her face and staring lovingly into those pools of deep grey-blue, “Did anything interesting happen?” She smiles at me and kisses me on the lips, “No, not a thing. But work was good.” She holds my hands in hers and all is right with the world. “I love you.” // I am snapped back to reality as she shifts in her sleep and makes a soft sound, her body touches mine and I feel a jolt of electricity course through my veins, my heart races and I feel a flutter in my stomach. Is this what love feels like? I am inclined to say yes, I have never felt like this before. From the moment I saw her my life was never the same, being with her brings colour into my drab, grey world. Gives me a type of warmth I’ve never felt before. If I focus on her, I feel whole… When she wakes up I have to pretend I didn’t spend the whole night watching her, I don’t want her to think I’m a creep or anything. I curl into myself next to her and say, “Good morning.” She replies, “Good morning.” She’s so beautiful when she speaks, it takes my breath away and I could cry I’m so happy to just hear her voice. So then I ask her, “How did you sleep?” And she looks at me, I wonder what she’s thinking, “Good.” She says after a beat. I want to kiss her lips. “Should I go head and turn off the alarm?” I ask, grabbing my phone and logging in. God my password is embarrassing, what am I five? I check my Facebook messages while I wait for her to answer. If I look at her too long my brain turns into soup, and my palms get sweaty, so I focus on the tiny screen and turn off the alarm. I look up and she’s staring at the ceiling, I watch her for a moment, tracing the lines of her face, memorizing every tiny detail I can in the dim light of the early morning. “Sooo,” I say, unsure how to talk suddenly. She smiles at me, and I feel like my heart is being strangled. “So.” She responds. “What do you want for breakfast?” We’re at my house after all, we’re usually at her house, so this is awkward. “I don’t have time for breakfast.” She answers, “I have to drive back to my house, and then drive to work.” “Oh.” I reply, I’m sure the disappointment is evident on my face and in my voice. I tentatively reach out and touch her hair, brushing it from her face. She doesn’t stop me, just leans into my touch. We’re close, incredibly close. We’ve fooled around a few times, nothing major, nothing that would change our relationship, much to my dismay. I want to be more than just best friends. I want to be girlfriends, I want to wake up to her every day. Well I wouldn’t wake up to her, since I don’t really sleep. I’d just spend every night staring at her, but that’s the way I wanna spend my nights. Forever. She could teach me to cook and force me to try more food. I could learn to cook her favorite meals and have them waiting for her when she got home. Or we could cook together every night, side by side. Smiling and giggling. I chase away the thoughts before I can break my own heart. “Can we just lay here for a minute then?” I ask her, it isn’t weird when there’s a long pause between us. She gets that it takes me a long time to reply, there’s so many gears that shift and pause and break in my head. And I don’t mind when she takes a while to answer either, because I love almost everything about her. “Yea sure.” She smiles at me. There’s an error message in my brain, and I think I’m going to blue screen. How does she always know what to say or do that will make me fall in love all the more. We chat about random things for a while, but my thoughts keep drifting back to the previous night. Oh yea, I forget to mention, our other friend was over at my apartment too. Her name is Amber and she’s like, really frigging awesome and a total badass. She’s taking like a million college classes, taking care of her grandmother and is basically the glue that holds her family together. I wanna be her when I grow up to be honest. She’s actually a week younger than me, but she’s my role model. Oh, I also never mentioned my best friend’s name. God, I’m dumb, her name is Taylor. I’m the worst narrator in the world just so you know Anyways, what I’m thinking about is when we played truth or dare and the dare where Taylor had to lick something edible off my neck. It was like, so hot and like, talk about arousal. Taylor is basically everything I’ve ever been attracted to in a person. Fun, motherly, sassy, playful, erotic (She has an OnlyFans). I just can’t see a world in which I wouldn’t have fallen madly in love with her. After a while she gets up, and I know it’s almost time for her to go. And I’m reeling, struggling to find an excuse for her to stay longer. If I feign an injury will she stay? If I say I’m sick will she baby me and kiss my forehead, tuck me in, making me soup. Scratch that, I fucking hate soup. She hugs me before she leaves and gives me a kiss on the forehead. I’m too short to kiss her back. I’m like shorter than most people. Amber and I are almost the same height though, which is nice. It means we actually walk near the same pace. Ok, that’s a lie, she walks faster than me, every walks faster than me. I have a limp, I don’t know why, but my hip always aches and I refuse to go to the doctor about it. Actually if I’m honest most of my body hurts constantly unless I’m asleep. Also my mind is constantly screaming at me, I have very dark thoughts sometimes. Thoughts that I should kill myself and stuff, thoughts that everyone hates me. When I was younger these thoughts would get to be so much that I would hurt myself in ways that caused people to look at me like I was crazy. And like, yeah, I probably am crazy, but… Ok I have nothing to add. I am crazy, most days I cry for hours and have to fight off the urge to just you know, end it all. Oof, that sounds depressing, but don’t worry about me, things will turn out the way they’re meant to. So if I die, then I die I suppose. She’s gone now and I don’t know what to do with myself. Taylor is my sun and I am the sunflower that follows her light. Is that super gay to say? Probably. But I am like, super gay. Like really gay. I like guys, but I LOVE girls. There’s just something about girls that draws me in. I’m a fly drawn to their sweet nectar. I stare up at the ceiling. I think back to the first time we kissed. It was at her house. We were cuddled up together, we we’re touching each other and stuff and then I just kissed her, and it was like kissing for the first time. It was like I had been drowning my entire life and I was suddenly given air for the first time. Ok, if you’re getting sick of hearing me blabber on and on about my best friend, fret not because the whole story wont be about my big unrequited crush. (But she will definitely be a huge main feature) So I’ve been watching Euphoria and I mean, the show is fantastic. Who the hell told Hunter Schafer she could be that fucking fantastic, how is this her first time acting? I’m jealous, I wanted to be an actor when I was a kid. I was good too. But my grandmother wouldn’t allow me to pursue my dreams, I would tell her about all these acting opportunities and she would just shoot me down. Acting was the one thing I was the most passionate about. I would read script after script and act out the characters, and I could have been someone. But then everything fell apart. And I crumbled into a shadow of my former self. I gave up on everything, I stopped living. I simply survived, but I was still a good actor, so at school no one ever suspected anything was wrong. No one would have thought that I was slicing my arms and legs to ribbons, that I was starving myself, that I was slamming my head against the walls at home. That my grandma was verbally abusing me daily… that I was being put down at every turn and growing increasingly desperate to find a reason to live for. At least no one suspected, until I couldn’t pretend anymore... Ok wow, that got dark, but you are the one who picked up a story literally titled Basketcase. What did you expect? Sunshine and roses? I wish that’s what my life had been. Ok, buckle up, this story gets dark, but there’s levity in the darkness.

[snazzamazing]

Stupid random theories, headcanons, and unpopular opinions of mine

Btw, these are all long so sit tight

My mangle theory :

I cant be the only one here who thinks that mangle was taken apart by little kids. It wouldn't make sense that little toddlers would be strong enough to pull apart a metal robot. That's because the kids didnt break her, william did. Mangle seems like he was an inspiration from funtime foxy because sister location happened before AND a lot of times, "toy foxy" is often referred to "funtime foxy". Due to this inspiration, mangle had the ability to record voices and things just like funtime foxy. Why am I pointing this out? Well, why would mangle randomly have static noises and a broken radio sound? It's her recorder, it's broken. He recorded many things and then recorded something that someone didnt want anyone to find out about. That someone would be William afton. William is always suspicious and doing evil things.Let's say that, oh idk, maybe William murdered someone, some person called the cops on him, (which explains the police messages n stuff in the radio) William killed that person and his the evidence of the murders. At least that's what he thought. Mangle was somehow recording the whole thing. William had no other choice but to take her apart and destroy him. But then William thought that it would to suspicious to have mangle be randomly broken the next day and so he fixed mangle up in way where it looks like shes fixed, but one tug hes broken and the kids are there to blame for. All of this might be a stretch I know, but apparently in one of the fnaf 2 minigames where theres a mangle Sprite, in the files or sources codes or WHATEVER IDK, there's a hidden message that says "he was here" or something like that. THAT CAN SUPPORT THIS THEORY errr headcanons? Idk I should go sleep lol

Micheal headcanon:

I always wanted to believe that Micheal was the older brother/Bully and that the bite victim was a different character. Why? Because I want more..character for Micheal. He went to sister location because he wants his torn apart family to be back together. He went to save Elizabeth and he never forgave himself for being the one to 'kill' his brother and all that failed. I wanted Michaels story to be exciting and emotional because of his past and the whole family thing

I also always liked to think that Micheal started working out to gain some strength before becoming a technician because he knows that the robots are strong and dangerous. That way things can be more action packed with Michael punching through pipes and walls, and holding back animatronics trying to grab him, and just...cool stuff

Fnaf headcanons:

Freddy has a nice deep voice and that's his real voice. When it comes to preforming during the day, he talks in his "family friendly" voice which is all goofy and fun (kinda like Patrick star's voice) The animatronics are a lot different on stage. It's as if they play as characters and they change their voices sometimes (like Freddy). Chica acts like this ditzy cute country gal, Bonnie is a laid back chill bon, foxy is just more ...pirate, and Freddy is a fun loving silly lead singer

Nightmarriones pupils change shape to Express his emotions. (Sad=tear drop pupils, sick=swirly pupils, angry=skull or fire pupils)

Lefty has his own voice instead of a whispery girly voice because he is his own character. He may look like the rockstars but he was made differently. The rockstars were built by some factory or company and they have advanced technology which gives em the ability to have emotions, personalities and to do tricks. Meanwhile lefty was built by henry in a shed or something. Henry only focused on programming him to find charlie and he had to make lefty look like the rockstars to blend in and not be suspicious. Other than that, lefty was a total rush job. Henry only wanted Charlie therefore, Henry didn't care to give lefty a personality, emotions, an EYE, or stablness.

In the afton family, the mother is sweet, kind, caring, and over protective while william is outgoing, silly, and isnt afraid to do anything (before he went insane). Usually kids have similar personalities to their parents soooo I like to think that Micheal is more like his mom but looks like his dad and that Elizabeth looks like her mom but acts like her dad. Why? Because I always saw Michael as a hero, he cares for others and he wants to save his family. He is sweet and protective like his mom. Elizabeth is rebellious and sassy. In the sister location mini cutscene with William and Elizabeth, she disobeys william to see baby and that's a rebellious move. Elizabeth likes adventure and crazy things so she wont follow the rules any time soon.

Funtime chica does all the rockstar's make up. When months pass by, the rockstar's paint would peel or chip and so ft. Chica would repaint their lipsticks, eye shadows, cheeks, etc. And they look fresh and new afterwards

Even though puppet and Goldie (and all the other animatronics) have been through so much shiz, they still try to keep their cool and enjoy life

In the rockstar crew r. Bonnie is the creepiest. Yeah, he seems chill and is self centered, he is the only rockstar who is most likely to murder someone if he's told to do so (this isn't counting ucn where they all kill). All on Bonnie's songs are so creepy and he sings about killing you in unique ways. Stuff like making slivers (or slippers) out of you, flaying your flesh, smashing your face into concrete, ending your life, and stabbing your heart with his guitar. He's definitely into gory stuff

Springtrap has two different personalities. Most of the time he's himself, spring bonnie. A kind fun loving bun who completely changed his personality after becoming springtrap. He is know constantly scared, upset, and afraid of Williams next move. He hates being an evil monster but it's not something he can control due to William still having control over him. When the slringbonnie side of springtrap gets mad or upset that's when hes weak and William takes control and becomes the evil side of springtrap. Springtrap is very aggressive and very strong. Slringbonnie tries to fight back Williams spirit, but as time went on and when the kids got sent free, spring bonnie got lonely and gave up which let William take full control over him. Sprjngbonnie is gone, its William now (which explains scraptrap)

Idk if this is a theory or headcanon but fnaf 1 bonnie is blue. Yes, he is known to be purple and everyone says and draws him purple but he's blue. Maybe it's the certain blue color he is but due to lightning it makes him look very purple. When he's in more darker areas, bonnie is very blue but when he's in the light areas, hes purple. Let's not forget how every single version on bonnie is blue (except for extras like spring springbon and bonnet etc.) Exept for fnaf 1 bonnie. That doesn't make sense if one of the originals would be purple but all the other versions are blue. One more thing, in the silver eyes, they mention that bonnie has blue fur ;) this was a dumb rant sorry

Shadow bon is evil and can shape shift cause hes a goopy shadow boy and shadow fred is his lil assistant

After fazbears fright burned down, William got to take control over springbonnie(trap) and roamed the streets at night. He roamed dark allies and probably killed whoever slighted him. It was a long walk but he was just trying to get to his destination, fred bears diner. Because of the fires, the springtrap suit was more ruined and unsturdy and so it was time for a change. Somehow William got out of the suit but he's weak without one so he picked an old spring bonnie suit, scraptrap. (According to the fnaf minigames there are multiple spring bonnie suits so that why spring trap looks different)

I got more headcanons but this post is already to long :p

My Unpopular opinions:

Am I the only one here who's not way into the whole Michael AI theory?? Like it kinda makes sense but at the same time, making a whole new robot son with advanced technology IN THE 80s does not give the fnaf-y feel?? Ya know what I mean? Like it doesn't fit the theme? Also the ai thing is in the books and the books are a different universe from the games sooo idk why matpat still connected them?? Hsjsbsjsjsn fnaf is just waaaaay to confusing. Also please dont get mad at me for this opinion cause matpats ai thing is just a theory, its not canon

Foxy isnt super great. Dont get me wrong, I love foxy and he's an amazing character but I don't get why he got so much attention and hype

Bonnet and lolbit should just be canon already. They're not canon characters but they're included in sooo many things in fnaf so might as well make em canon

Funko needs to make a fnaf 2 figure set where you collect t.chica,t.bonnie,t.freddy, puppet, one of the withereds or shadows and you collect them all to make a mangled mangle figure. I would DIE for a fully formed noodle fox figure, how cool would that be?

Scraptrap design is perfect. I know that we all make peanut and Jimmy neutron jokes but honestly I love his sharp teach, creepy eyes, AMazInG voice, and his stabby arm. Sometimes in some angles, he can look heck a creepy

SCRAP BABY LEGITIMATELY FREAKS ME OUT SHES SCARY

butter sock

[kosmicdream]

hey!!! i just read to the most recent update of ffak (my favorite webcomic ive ever read tbh) and i kinda wanna try making my own. did you have the whole story planned out before you started or is it an ongoing thing? also how did you make the website for it? thank you for making such a cool comic!

Thank you so much!! And let me try to figure out a way to answer this properly. My process is a bit complicated to explain because it is very organic. Its almost like I am never done writing it, because I am always letting it grow/stretch and explore as I think about ffak every day, and every night before sleeping I’ll try to brainstorm things I havent thought of. So spending that much mental energy on something, you never really get ‘done’ with writing a story. Even when i eventually finish ffak, im sure i will be still working on it (or things I would have wanted to do.)

However!! Before i started working on ffak, when it was just called HELP! i established many things narratively that I stuck to and have not changed about the story. So I think the process of this comic, in a simple way, could have been broken down like this in.. stages?

1) I laid down the basic framework of the world, such as the functions of king worms specifically, the aiguille family, helpers, several characters (some havent even appeared in the comic yet!), king leadman, as well as antony/rome’s narrative arc/dynamic. that way their character arc was already figured out before the comic started and I knew it would be the central ‘root’ of the story. I knew how i wanted Rome to be introduced, and how he would meet canary, not knowing the connection between canary and his brother. I had a rough idea, even from here, how their character arc would come to a point (and basically what sorts of things the story would likely eventually close on) I also knew the general setting was on moons and how the humans got there, and how advanced society was, and what the red lights “really" were and what they meant..i figured out what ‘vein’ was here.. ect.. many worldbuilding things!!!It might sound intimidating, but this process happened very quickly. I basically figured this out in the.. day? before i started working. I have had a lot of experience with roleplaying so i think that helps with me making quick decisions. I knew i had enough to work with that I didn’t feel intimidated to start actually drawing it out-- especially because i had the rome/antony thing already set down. 2) Then when I actually started to work, things started to develop very quickly. I knew basically all i needed to for Hekatons before i got to introduce knife (their origins, history, involvement in present day politics) and before ch6 i also wrote all of the “supporting cast” (at the time) which included dylan, fork/spoon/knife, paper/scissor/rock. So i ws able to write Thumb and Heel, and set up the overall dynamic of what the world was like in the present day. (also Spoon/Scissor’s connection.) Cash was actually written in the first batch of characters oops, but her design really became more detailed during this stage because of scissor. 3) then things got more complicated as i dug deeper into the past, and wanted to include crimson. So!! I fleshed out the origin and true history of this world. basically as soon as crimson appeared I had everything in place and felt comfortable enough to include crimson, who borrowed many things narratively from a character i roleplayed for years. Anyway, i figured out all of the deep past of the world and decided to draw it out since it was so interesting in ch 9/10. I think this was around in the 2nd chapter when i figured this out, but my memory is fuzzy. I know by the time i did the flash forward scene in ch2 i had decided many things and so all i had to do was get to them in the comic to cement it in. 4) I forget when exactly (maybe around in chapter 5 or 6) , but i decided to bring in a very old story i wrote in 2009 for good leadman’s origin story-- as i thought it would be cool to make good leadman the protagonist for this old comic i wanted to do, and that helped make the background for heel and thumb more “believable” to me because they were already symbolizing this old story i had written the entire thing of. Oh that’s something else to mention, because that world was part of a collection of stories- i was able to develop DMTIA that way because i already had this cast and just decided to merge the stories into the FFAK setting. I think when i did this, it pretty much was the final big thing to make me understand everything i needed to know about this world. All the story arcs felt pretty realized and I could see how the ending could go at this point.

I guess to summarize, is that i let things grow but also had things planned from the start and once i commit to an idea, it doesnt change. Even if it might appear somewhat frustrating to work with, i like to use them to make my next decision. sometimes that means i dont get to do all i want to do, but i still have a lot of flexibility in this setting like i wanted to have from the beginning.

Even now when i feel like pretty confident that I’ve explored every nook and cranny, I’ll decide to revisit a older storyline or facet of the world and strengthen or build on that. That’s why i ended up with so many fucking side characters because I’ll brainstorm for them for a day or two and suddenly have a lot of material i know wont even “technically” go into the story even though its there. (like, Spot for example was not meant to be so interesting, but i wrote a huge fucking story for him that obviously wont get really any attention.)

So.. its ongoing and it is also not ongoing and hasnt been for quite a long time now? (after two years of constant work it felt.. really complete and done in a lot of ways. we are now currently on year three, moving to year four!) I think the best thing to do is to keep in mind what kinds of methods for writing make you feel comfortable and is your natural brain-pace. I like working with an aspect of fluidity and room for growth and flexibility because i don’t like being boxed in or “outgrowing” my project too fast. So keeping that in mind, i designed ffak to be a comic where it could grow with me and change. that’s pretty much why i decided worms would be a great subject and theme to work with because they are characters that naturally, evolve and change based on what they eat and absorb. plus the themes in ffak just are so fun to work with i will never be bored of it. structuring a project with these things in mind for when i run into walls or feel unmotivated have kept me engaged. I think that is part of why i cannot let it go because I still feel really excited to write and contribute ideas to it.

However, Chapter 12 really feels like I’m settling back down to my original plans and taking my time and patience to communicating all the structured planning ive put into it. I’m not letting it grow the same way anymore because it doesnt need to. I feel comfortable with understanding its voice/style and pacing and im no longer recovering from the uhh.. shock of it existing? I promise that once you actually start making a comic, its a wholly different experience than just it being in your head. and it will sound, look, and feel different than what you thought it would be-- that in itself has influenced a lot of change in ffak because honestly at first i was not expecting to draw it so explicit. that was difficult to get used to but im happy to have embraced that aspect of my work.

So HMM.. I made a strong spine or foundational backbone in the beginning before i started, then fleshed it out as i was in the process of making it, and i always continue to leave room for it to grow. just not grow in EVERY aspect anymore. i also dont chop down branches, but i try to hone in on specific things to make them more clear. i think chopping stuff down and removing things is generally not the best to do because its easier to build up and work with what you have than make big retcons after youve already started or established. also the challenge of working with limitations makes you feel that needed bit of pressure to really commit to your work in the moment of making it and i feel like its helped make me more serious and confident about what i write about. I never feel lost on what to do because if I cover and figure out something, that’s how it is. I make it work regardless! 

everything is done with careful consciousness to the overall balance and product of the story, while also not suffocating it in a box of limitations of what it could be. i treat it like a living thing in my mind and heart and that means i work to have thoughtful conversations with it and myself about what its needs are, what my needs are, what i want to do with it and what it wants to be.. ect. its almost a spiritual thing really. i feel like its important to always reflect and engage with your art and art process to feel a stronger connection and purpose behind what you are deciding to do and what it means to you. i am probably repeating myself a little here but!!!!!! its worth saying!!!!!!!!! 

I also really think it adds to the interesting and fun “layers” to the story, as there has been different stages to its development and it brings in different feelings with each layer. But then the older or more ‘’foundational’’ ones pop in and they seem to give off a different atmosphere (antony and rome) vrs some of the newer additions (like jacket) who are more for shallow, fun decoration or an interesting potential to explore in the future. Like, Jacket is not a character that has a lot of foundational plot connected to him, but he’s an interesting development in terms of the potential of a worm and symbolizes that early-ffak-mindset of growth and experimentation. so i think it makes him a really unique and fun character because he embodies a lot of new and old aspects of ffak’s narrative and my journey with working on the comic.

I could go on and on, but I hope this sort of gives some insight to my process and how I write/work. because in a lot of ways, it isn’t linear. just like how my comic is! sometimes this makes ffak very disorienting for people to read, but if you keep in mind that ffak is very organic and personally tailored to my mannerisms  and with that in mind, it makes a lot more sense why it is how it is and the patterns in it become much more apparent. Anyway! thank you for reading and good luck working on your own stories! it can be challenging but i think it is absolutely worth the effort. 

Also i did not make the website, my good friend Tegan did. :3 i do not know anything about websites.

[arttrampbelle]

Tmw you make your own version of transformers because the canon one sucks and the fans suck too.

Tbh i forgot how much i loved transformers. Im slowly getting back into it. It was because of fans that put me off of it for so long and made me hate it and call it quits. Also i just hated how they were handled in both canon and fanon. Like good god it was an eyesore. Worse than dealing with anime fans. Sad to say i expect that when dealing with anime fans. Like there is certain things i truly do love. But fans especially rabid fangirls and crusty ass dudes suck the joy and fun out of it so damn much to the point i hated doing anything with transformers. I stopped getting figures. I stopped drawing,writing,creating,and left fhe whole series. I wanna get back into it. But fans make it so hard. I hated the shipping,i hated the fridging of female characters,and the treatment they got in both canon and by fans. I hate how the transformers were written half the time. I had my own verse and people often shat on it and were assholes in my dms. I sometimes got mean mugs for me self shipping. And a lot of other crap. Especially the shipping crap. I hated the shipping. Even with one fan ship i was kinda ok with. The fans made me hate it because of the constant oversaturation of it. And how they only talked bout the romance or sexual parts of the relationship. Never about anything that actually fucking mattered. Like a real story or a fic idea. Or you know THE FUCKING DAMN CYBERTRONIAN WAR OR WARS!? like the point of transformers was giant alien robots dealing with the aftermaths of war and a corrupt system society. Coming to our planet because theirs is pretty much dead beyond repair. We were put in the "aliens" shoes. And it was a very cool concept to me. But again fans lose the point of the series. Tho its mostly a toys product at the end of the day and thats all people care bout. But when someone builds actually real storytelling. People dont appreciate it. And don't care about actually dealing with topics like war,governmental corruption,children of war,etc,etc. Maybe its a tough topic. I can understand that. But that really was the point. If you aint gonna talk bout and gloss over that fact,then what the fuck are you doing with this series? Why are you a fan then? Whats the point? Other than giant robots cool. You cant do anything with that and it becomes boring and a cash grab instead of a compelling story. It loses soul and people wont like it anymore. I guess i just miss the days where i could actually fucking talk bout something with having to deal with nauseous shipping grief,mary sue ocs with the personality of wet cardboard,and actually talking bout the deep shit that these giant alien robots must have been going through. Knowing their planetand only known home to be dead,stranded on an alien planet aka earth,with us humans,having to fight even tho energy be scarce. Like there is so much more crap and yet people only care bout who fucking who(when they probably ain't doing that anyways because,hello?! they are too busy trying to fucking survive and adapt). It baffles me. Not to mention for those that wanna explore self shipping and moving away from the toxic shippers got shat on. Im one of them. I also grew as a person realizing that why the fuck should people ship canon characters when you are perfectly fine to ship yourself. Anywho i dunno if i will truly ever get back into transformers. But i do love the series. I just don't love the fans and fangirls anymore. I really dont. Talking bout it to anyone but my sister is draining. Because at least with my sibling,she understands my pain as a fan. Because she is in the same boat as me with some stuff.

Anywho. Giant robots are fun. But its better when you can work with your own shit. And not have to worry about other people.

*probably why i liked the decepticons a lot. Because yes. Us humans are fucking annoying af at times,and i am a human,and i live here*

[theredheaddevil]

fuck it 70 questions

this has been in my drafts for 2 years so im impulsively doing it now  og post 

full thing under the cut cuz its long and super out of date

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? nah, kinda sketch, but bareable these days 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? v 03: Do you regret anything? i regret eating an entire bag of fudge earlier... i feel kinda sick rn 04: Are you insecure? sometimes. but mostly about uh typing which is wack considering im doing this  05: What is your relationship status? single, but i have a qpp. 06: How do you want to die? [redacted] 07: What did you last eat? fudge... so much friggin fudge 08: Played any sports? sorta but not in a while now  09: Do you bite your nails? nah, shits gross  10: When was your last physical fight? probs a controlled spar a year or two back but other than that i havent really been in fights to my knowledge  11: Do you like someone? platonically aye 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? ye sleep deprivation 101 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? yeah but mentioning them is petty an shit aint worth the emotional labour 14: Do you miss someone? yeah. 15: Have any pets? technically no but my mother has a rabbit an hes basically mine 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? lil tired, melancholy ?? bit with a bit of dread ?? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? nope 18: Are you scared of spiders? nah, but i wont pick them up after a certain size 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? ye 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? the information youre lookin for aint here, never have done an idk if i ever will 21: What are your plans for this weekend? uh idk tbh so heres my plans for tomorrow.  -dye my hair  - go out for coffee  - paint  - look at the uni notes, maybe stare into space  - phone the doctor  22: Do you want to have kids? How many? no and 0  23: Do you have piercings? How many? yes and 8 currently but i want more 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? art, english and at one point i was good at history tho tbh i was cheating with the dates  25: Do you miss anyone from your past? occasionally  26: What are you craving right now? mouthwash 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? at this point with how some folk have reacted when ive turned them down, probably  28: Have you ever been cheated on? nope 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? never dated  30: What’s irritating you right now? the length of my hair 31: Does somebody love you? as edgy as this sounds, i sure hope not? i dont vibe 32: What is your favourite color? hard to say, red, blue and yellow r what i say.   33: Do you have trust issues? we dont talk about that  34: Who/what was your last dream about? y last dream was actually an apocalypse one. so a lot of faces of folk i dont know with a lot of dread but a peak time ngl  35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? my brother i think?  36: Do you give out second chances too easily? sometimes, but usually when i say something is final its final  37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? forget 38: Is this year the best year of your life? nope but i dont wanna say one point is objectively better  39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? data not found cuz shit hasnt happened  40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? nope 51: Favourite food? nah,  52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? depends on the circumstance  53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? read fanfiction cuz bih i read a surprising amount  54: Is cheating ever okay? an exam , yeah duh  on someone, noooooooooooooo jesus  55: Are you mean? sometimes but usually for good reason i feel 56: How many people have you fist fought? if sparing counts ... a lot  57: Do you believe in true love? not really ???? 58: Favourite weather? i love snow, rain, thunderstorms an when is fookin windy 59: Do you like the snow? yeas 60: Do you wanna get married? not really? it always feels like such a wacky thing financially an socially for something that you shouldn't need to “prove” but tbh i dont really understand a lot of things with relationships  61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? ... no 62: What makes you happy? i like to draw, an tbh i good fic  63: Would you change your name? yeah, ive done so and id do it again  64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? never have done so there is not last person  65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? this post is old af. the answer is nothing, theyre still my friend  66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? not really nah 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? i dont know tbh 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? idk deep conversations aint something i have these days.  69: Do you believe in soulmates? nope! but it is usually a fun story trope for comedy 70: Is there anyone you would die for? nah ?

okay christ this was outdated more so than i thought. idk why i wanted to do this 2 years ago but eh its done now  an tbh if you read this i have questions and all of them r  “why?????????”

[docandprof]

Why Do I Struggle With Love?

Salutations mi amigo!

Sorry it’s been like a month since we have done this. I miss this and I feel like every time I wanna tell you something I just say, “wait until the post“, but then I feel like I forget stuff that I wanted to tell you. So here is me just trying to say that I am trying to work on being a better pen pal and recommitting to weekly posts. SO there is definitely some stuff that I have to get into. Let’s catch up!

Since I last posted, I think I was going through a big week of midterms of something, and I just wanted to update you on how I'm doing as a student. Classes are fun, still enjoying what I chose to do. My last organic chemistry test was pretty rough for the class as a whole. The average was a 64%. But I did pulled a 76% and I'm super proud of that because although she doesn't curve tests, here actual class is curved, so add 10-15% to you tests and that is your score, which brings be to a B - A- grade! I know it seems pretty silly to be proud of getting a C on an exam, but I see myself improving and competing with my friends who are doing very well and that is what matters to me. History is a breeze, probably because I enjoy it so much. Just took a rough first test of the semester in my Biological Clocks class and the entire class was lost on what was going on so hopefully we didn't all fail. Otherwise yeah, its going great!

Nothing else has really been going on any differently since we last posted, at least outside of my relationships. For my birthday, as you know, a couple friends and I went real camping in the Black Mountains of North Carolina. We stayed for a couple days and one day we hiked Mount Mitchell, which is the tallest peak east of the Mississippi River. It was a brutal vertical hike that took like 4 hours up and maybe 3 hours down, bu the view was gorgeous and well worth the pain. It was kinda fun towards the end because we had to hike in the dark, and I mean DARK, with nothing but a flashlight for each of us to shine about a foot in front of us so we didn't trip and fall down the mountain. So I really enjoyed that time camping out under the stars and I really wanna do something like that with you and the gang just to have a group experience like that. Other than that, I helped out with MUN last weekend and it was my first time ever in that type of setting, but I really enjoyed helping these high schoolers get what they wanted accomplished. But other than those two things, nothing to note. To the juicy parts now?

Love, love, what is love? So I left you off with a bunch of mixed emotions and no idea where to go with them, helplessly drowning in an ocean of my unresolved romantic angst and turmoil. But I think I have navigated my way to some resemblance of an answer...kinda. As you know, I was caught between 3 “options”. 1) the girl I had a crush on since meeting her last year 2) the girl who I consider one of my closest friends here at school and 3) her best friend who also happens to be an exact copy of me in almost every facet of life but goes to another school. I thought I would have to start choosing and eliminating to find what I wanted, but life, and ultimately God, saw to it that my options just kinda presented themselves to me. So girl 1 just kinda fell away because in all reality, I never see her and don't have any interaction with, so it’s kinda hard to cultivate a relationship with someone you never even see or talk to. From girl 2, although she has never said anything to me and nothing has changed in our relationship, I just don't have THAT feeling with her. She makes me happy and laugh and smile, and I want to do the same for her, but it’s almost how it is with our shared sister Alyssa, we both love her to death and want to make her happy, but we don't do it out of romance. Now this is not to say that I wont ever see girl 2 in this way, but as of right now, I'm a little preoccupied with THE girl. Uuummm....girl 3, her name is Jaynie, is really all that I think about on a daily basis. I don't remember what the state of our relationship was at the time of my last post, but I can definitely tell you it is not the same anymore. I think I talk to her the most out of anyone. She talks to me and tells me more things than she does even for her best friend, who is girl 2, and it’s now a running joke that if anyone wants to know something about her, they ask me instead of Nidhi, even Nidhi does this! I honestly think that Jaynie is the coolest person I have ever met, and I'm best friends with you! A couple weeks back, she may have said the coolest sentence I have ever heard. She told me that she was looking through all of the Star Wars movies to find this one sentence that she thought was Thai, because she is learning Thai at school. I mean common?! Huge Star Wars nerd who is learning an awesome language!! And so we Snapchat all the time and text and I will call her sometimes to get her opinion on what kind of candy I want to eat at that moment (no joke I called her in the middle of the night to ask her what candy I wanted). She even wants to meet my parents!! Like her own words were, “I cant wait to meet your mom”. So I was really super excited to see her over fall break for my birthday because we were all going camping and it was gonna be awesome, but she couldn't come because she decided to dedicate her break to going down to Houston with CRU (a Christian organization that we have here at school too) to go do volunteering. And while I was bummed, I couldn't have been any more awed and proud to know someone who would do that. And that brings us to this weekend. As you know, Friday we went to go see Moon Taxi (which I will tell you about a little bit later on in this romance novel I am writing). Now Moon Taxi is Nidhi and Jaynie’s favorite band and Nidhi got her a ticket to sit with us at the concert for her birthday, so I was sooooo excited for this weekend to come. Now sad part first, she got in at like 6:30 on Friday night, but she had to leave this morning (Saturday) at like 11am because her grandparents were back at home and she wanted to go see them. So we only got like a couple hours together. But they were an awesome couple hours. We kept counting down the days til we got to see each other to keep motivated during the week, and when we finally got to see each other, we were so happy. It had been raining and her one foot just got soaked, so I let her wear my shoe to keep her warm, as any gentleman should, and she actually wore it! Like what girl wears a boy’s shoe when he offers it? This girl does!!! I know what you are thinking, Aaron this is so stupid, and both of you are weird, which is EXACTLY my point!! So when Moon Taxi came out on stage, it was my friends, me, Jaynie, and NIdhi sitting in a row. But Nidhi’s view was obstructed by a pole and a person. So I shifted down to the end to let her have a better view to see her favorite band. But when I moved, I wasn't sitting next to Jaynie anymore, just Nidhi, which kinda bummed me out but I accepted because I wanted her to have a good time. But to my surprise, and happiness, Jaynie leaned over to Nidhi and asked her to switch spots with her so she could be by me! Like you have no idea how high my heart jumped. We just spent the night singing along to all the songs and freaking out and being weirdos with each other and I would just look over at her and smile while she enjoyed herself. But you are gonna kill because I never made a move and I never went to hold her hand or anything and I really regret it but you know that I have troubles telling my feelings to someone for fear of getting rejected. So the night ended and we were good but that was that. Until the morning. I made sure to be awake before she left so I could say good bye, and I also promised her a few weeks ago that I would make her some mac and cheese for breakfast. So I did that and us two and the Nidster were hanging out for a bit before she had to leave and I just couldn't help but feel like she had the same feelings I was having. We were being all tickle-y and she let me rest my hand on her knee and it wasn't weird or uncomfortable. Even Nidhi was looking at the two of us smiling and when I gave her that “What?!“ look, she just smiled and said “nothing“. When she left it sucked to see her go and I ALMOST told her how I feel before she left but I couldn't bring myself to do it because I was so scared!! I can’t help but feel like the look she gave me when I stopped her to say goodbye one last time was looking for me to make a move or say SOMETHING, but I'm a weenie and I couldn't do it. But it’s pretty obvious that I'm head over heels for this girl and some of my friends can see it and were watching the two of us interact over the time she was here. I mean what do I do man? I wanna cry for how stupid I'm being, but I'm just afraid to put it out there and lose it. But I know that is what it has to come to. There is other love drama going on in our group too, but I can save that for another post, I have beat this dead horse for too long.

To wrap up, in our normal tradition, my recommendation is to listen to the opening band for Moon Taxi. They are called Too Many Zooz and they are FUNKALICIOUS!! I recommend watching them on YouTube as well just to see to see how cool they are. Moon Taxi was awesome, by the way! Last Jaynie mention for the post, she made me this awesome drawing for my fridge in my room, so when you wake up, there will be a picture on your phone from me of the drawing and this is why its there. Question: What is your ideal Halloween costume? And be creative! I know you have something deep in your mind you can come up with. Alright, sorry for the epic I just told you, but I had to get it off my chest and I tell you everything so there ya go. Big ol pile of plot dump on ya in one sitting. Love you bud and can’t wait to hear back from you.

Your best bud,

The Doc