#probably the later and then somehow cram in some studying

[ctl-yuejie]

you guys. doing 3 years of lifting and thinking that joining a hiit class will work out turns out to be incorrect. my lungs are killing me.

and the superiority of doing outside workouts in november in germany: lets have some constant drizzle to the all consuming darkness at 6pm

[yanderenightmare]

♡ TW: NSFW, noncon, yandere, stalking

♡ gn reader

There’s something very off about your roommate… something eerie that makes you keep your distance.

You can’t describe exactly what it was about the boy except that you felt it from the second you shook his hand. The way he introduced himself… you don’t know… you had this unshakable feeling as though he already knew you from somewhere.

It’s a weird thought to have of someone you’d only just met. You knew you were probably just being paranoid. It was your first time sharing your space with someone other than family, so it might very well just have been you being apprehensive.

Not that you’d ever let it show, though. You didn’t want things between the two of you to be awkward when you’d be living together for the next three years of getting your degree.

You just needed to get used to him, is what you told yourself. 

So you laughed at his jokes and listened to his brags with a polite smile as though nothing was wrong, even when he continued being strange. 

For starters, he had almost nothing to unpack – as though he only planned to stay about a month or two. Everything seemed newly bought as well – unused and sterile, like a movie set.

You don’t know… maybe he was a minimalist even though he didn’t seem the type.

It shouldn't really have made your skin crawl the way it did. But whether it made sense or not, you couldn’t shake the discomfort – walking around in a constant wariness of him. 

Everything about him seemed like a half-assed theatre act.

You’d see him in the lecture hall, walking from here to there, buying strawberry milk from the vending machines. His textbooks remained piled on his desk in your shared dorm room – but you’d never seen any one of them open. And when curiosity and suspicion made you flip up one of his notebooks, you found it was all blank except for a few shitty doodles on the first page. You never see him cram for exams or writing any papers. You don’t think you’ve ever even seen him pull a laptop out of his bag.

It’s like he isn't a student at all…

And something about the rest of his performance just rubs you the wrong way.

It’s as though he’s practiced all his facial expressions in the mirror – as though he’s studied social cues and body language in a human behavior manual instead of having learned them naturally. It makes you uneasy – how his smile is always a bit too wide and a bit too stiff to be genuine and how all his words are like dialogue off a script.

Somehow, it feels as though he’s wearing a second skin – hiding something… something that’s not quite right on the inside.

It grosses you out when he tries flirting with you. But you do your best to hide it. Brushing him off by changing the topic, inviting other friends when he asks to eat lunch together, laughing off his attempts as though he’s making jokes – always excusing yourself when you end up alone with him for too long. 

You try to avoid him as much as you can. Pretending to study when you’re in the dorm together – and otherwise going to bed early.

He tells you he’ll see you at the party later when you leave to pregame with some friends. You can only muster a smile and a curt “Sure.” before leaving. 

As for seeing each other later – you hope you don’t.

But of course you do. You can’t seem to escape him. Everywhere you go, he follows.

It doesn’t help that all your friends think he’s so hot, immediately calling him over, gushing over him as though he’s some type of celebrity. They don’t understand your reservation – if they were you, they’d have fucked him the first night of moving in together.

It’s not like you don’t find him attractive as well. You admit he is ridiculously handsome, and if the circumstances were different, you’d say you lucked out being assigned the same dorm room as him. 

But as it were – he gives you the same feeling as spotting a spider.

He’s got his arm slung around your shoulder as the two of you walk back together. 

He had a little bit too much to drink… And despite your thoughts about him, even you didn’t have the heart to say no when he was practically hanging off of you – cheeks dusted pink with his mothlike lashes droopy, drunkenly mumbling while blinking up at you with those awfully bright eyes, asking you to take him home and tuck him in.

“Ugh...” You sigh.

It’s a struggle carrying the nearly two-meter-tall boy, almost having to drag him down the hallway before stopping short at your door. He’s drooling on your shoulder with murmurs of sleep as you search for the key – not exactly sober yourself.

When inside, his bigger body presses you against the closed door – his face buried in the grove of your neck with slurred words.

“Dude.” You state with a grimace – as if saying his name was too much of a burden – sighing as you haul him off with the same exasperation of a parent putting an unruly child to bed. 

Ducking beneath his arm, you leave him kissing the door – thinking to yourself how you really should put him to bed before he can embarrass himself any further.

You open your mouth to tell him when his temper finally makes him grab your arm a little harder than intended. 

“This isn't how this is supposed to go.” 

You flinch instinctively, and his grip tightens in return. “Hey?”

You can’t see his face with the way he’s got his head bowed. But you don’t like the snuff growl that passes under his breath as he utters the next words.

“Why are you so difficult?”

You do more than flinch this time, yanking yourself out of his harsh grip before he can apologize for it – taking on a deliberate offensive stance. 

With your feet squared and your hands up to keep him at a distance, you look ready to try fending him off.

Something about it seems premeditated – something in the wary way you eye him. You don’t even look all that surprised – as if you had suspected this side of him existed all along and had only been waiting for it to surface.

Oddly, t feels like something you’ve kept secret from him – as though you’ve acted comfortable all this time when, in reality, you’ve been clutching your mental pearls.

He realizes then why you haven’t returned his affection – why all you’ve ever given him is cold-hearted rejection…

Of course. It’s obvious now – so obvious it’s funny. Even though he’s been the one parading around like someone else, it feels as though you’ve been doing the exact same thing around him – hiding your discomfort behind a sweet smile – hiding it so well that not even his keen eyes have picked up on it…

But it’s clear now….

You’ve both been playing a game of pretend – just a pair of perfect strangers – who've now shared their hand. Leaving you both feeling naked – raw out in the cold – just waiting for the next move.

“I guess the gig is up, huh?” He rasps, fingers twitching at his sides – looking ready to pounce.

You couldn’t defend why you'd kept the pepper spray in the drawer of your nightstand – but you were glad you had. Rushing for it, hands shaking as you pulled the handle and grabbed the bottle – twisting around and spraying it right in the face of your roommate.

He cries out from the attack, clutching his face with both hands – staggering back with a series of gruff curse words.

Still, he guards the door – preventing your escape.

The groaning turns to croaks instead, and you think he might be crying. It’s tough to see through the hands covering his eyes – but when he looks back up again, despite the red burns left by your pepper spray on his puffy teary cheeks, he’s got a smile on his face. 

He’s not crying – he’s laughing – as the hand covering his face slowly drags down the crazed expression – over crazed eyes, bloodshot and wet, staring at you through the gaps between his fingers.

The look alone is enough to give you goosebumps.

But when you try to make a run for it, he grabs you again – and this time, you’re not able to shake him off. It feels as though the tight grip splinters your skin as he pulls you back – shoving you down against your bed.

“Can’t say it hasn’t been fun, roomie. But I’m not completely satisfied yet.”

He’s on top of you before you get a kick in – pinning your wrists above your head as he leans over you – bright eyes gleaming with that sickness you’d almost convinced yourself you’d been imagining. You opt to shout, but he’s soon got his other hand clasped tight over the bottom half of your face before you get a sound out.

“You were supposed to fall in love with me, you know?” His voice is airy as though he’s confessing – but also on the brink of laughter as though he’s telling a joke in class. “That’s how it goes in the movies.”

You swallow beneath his hand – eyes peeled, heart beating so hard it hurts.

His eyes wander – roaming your neck and chest. It’s awfully quiet before he speaks again. “But I suppose we can act out a different plot line...” 

You whimper at his suggestive tone – already feeling the weight of his intentions bearing down on you, crushing you free of air. 

“I like romcoms, but horror stories have their charm, too...”

You shudder beneath the warmth of his breath, screaming into his palm once his warm lips mouth your throat, sucking on the tender skin with tongue and teeth in between words.

“An unfortunate college student finds themself moving into the same dorm as their unhinged stalker…”

There’s a thrill in his tone – something crazed and terrifying as he goes on.

“The two play a psychological game of endurance, trying to balance college and privacy while sharing the same space...”

Something hard and gross steadily ruts against your thigh. His voice gets thicker – breath hotter on your neck. The kisses turn sloppy. Tears burn your cheeks.

“Everything seems to lead up to a party held before Spring break, a fateful night on which their endurance finally runs out.”

He groans, and you sob.

“A rejected kiss, a can of pepper spray, a shared bed. What happens next?”

♡ BNHA – Denki, Kirishima, Hawks ♡ JJK – Mahito, Gojo, Yuuta ♡ HQ – Miya twins ♡ CSM – Yoshida ♡ BLLK – Nagi

♡ FEM x M INSERT masterlist ♡ GN x M INSERT masterlist

Full fic with smut available here:

[taurasiscntybun]

But we’re roommates! Pt 1

-College DT x nerdy reader

-Minors DNI

-Warnings: Adult language, anxiety, internalized homophobia

-2,400 words

-no smut in this one but will be in future installments

Loud music thumped through your dorm room and you gritted your teeth. Just another few minutes and she’d leave for practice, just another few minutes and she would be gone until the evening. You glanced up from your desk to see Diana sitting on her bed stuffing a cheeseburger in her mouth, and her loud rap music grating down your nerves. You clear your throat and she glances over at you.

“What’s up roomie?” She asks and smiles. You want to be angry, but her smile is so sincere, a piece of lettuce stuck in her canines.

“You got something in your teeth Dee.” You say with a sigh then gesture to your notebook in front of you. “I’m trying to study, we have midterms coming up you know.” You raise your eyebrows at her.

”Yeah Im not worried, I mean I just gotta make sure I pass.” Diana says with a shrug, sitting her burger down on her textbook and picking at her teeth. Somehow you’d been stuck with a junior, and a jock; you were here on an academic scholarship and you studied and worked your way to the top of your classes. You shouldn’t blame Diana for how she could easily coast through classes only having to pass. She was here to play basketball and goddamn could she play basketball, she’d led the team to a championship last year and you’d be willing to bet she’d do it again this year. Diana glanced down at her watch, the worn Timex ticking away and letting her know it was time for practice.

“Ah shit man I gotta go, I’ll be back in a couple hours, oh Im gonna stop by the caf do you want anything?” She sat up from her bed, grabbing the leftover half of her burger and glancing at you before smacking her radio and turning her music off.

”Aren’t you literally eating right now? How are you going to be hungry?” You ask but know the question is silly, Diana worked out for hours upon hours a day and subsequently seemed to eat just as much.

“What this?” She gestures with the burger, “This is my pre practice snack, Im gonna get dinner after practice, you know I’m always the hungriest after Coach yells at me and i run a mile.” She grins mischievously and you roll your eyes.

“Just grab me a granola bar or two, I’m probably gonna be up late studying.” You answer and return your focus to your textbook.

”Alright sure nerd, see you in a bit.” Diana unceremoniously crams the rest of the burger in her mouth and grabs her gym bag and her mp3 player. She shoves the headphones over her ears and bobs her head as she leaves the room. You let out a long sigh of relief at the blissful silence. Most of the time you didn’t mind Diana, actually you enjoyed her presence but sometimes she didn't realize how annoying she was. She never stopped talking, her music was always loud, and she walked around the cramped dorm in her sweaty sports bra and boxers constantly. She made it difficult to focus on the best days. You tried not to dwell on why, you just told yourself it was because she was loud and so opposite of you, definitely no other reason. You couldn’t let your mind go there because then you’d start to think about what she looked like under her sports bra and boxers and those thoughts were strictly off limits; she was your roommate, not some man for you to ogle. You let out a huff and repositioned in your chair, shoving your hand through your hair to try and focus. You only got silence once a day so you knew to use it wisely.

Three hours later you heard Diana's infectious laughter coming down the hallway, your moments of peace over. She burst through the door, her face red and sweat dripping. She tossed two semi squished granola bars at you and yelled at someone over her shoulder before fully entering your shared dorm. The room instantly felt much smaller; not just because she was six feet tall but because she took up space with her personality, she had a presence, even though she mostly didn't notice it.

“Gotcha the good chocolate granola bars, you know I got it in good with the caf lady so she didn't mind me taking two.” She pulls her sweat soaked tee shirt over her head and flung it into her dirty clothes pile. She was used to you being quiet and your lack of response didn't stop her from continuing.

”Practice fucking sucked today, Coach had us running defensive drills which you know I fucking hate.” She continues and pulls down her much too baggy basketball shorts, doing an awkward little hop and she steps out of them one foot at a time. As always your mouth immediately goes dry at the sight of her, she wasn’t slim but you knew under her small layer of fat were crazy muscles. It made her both hard and soft at the same time in the most erotic way. As she bent down to grab her shorts the muscles in her back rippled, a peak at her strong stature under her lightly freckled skin. You swallow and try to tear your eyes away before she catches you. You take one last look at her hips, the curve of them peaking over her boxers.

“Anything fun at practice today?” You ask, not having processed her previous statements. She snorted a laugh and turned towards you.

”You're in your own little world over there aren’t you? I literally just said we did defensive drills all day.” She crosses her arms under her chest which is extremely dangerous to you. The action causing the tops of her breasts to peek out of her sports bra, the skin glistening with sweat. You quickly look away and say a silent prayer that you aren’t blushing. Diana stalks toward you with a predator's grace. She rests her hand on the rung of your elevated bed, looming over you.

“What do you do all day here Baby Bunny? You never leave the dorm, you go to class and come home. I can’t even get you to come with me to a party.” Her voice is quiet as if you're a skittish animal. It’s the opposite of her normal tone, you hate it when she actually focuses on you, all her attention locked onto you.

”I hate it when you call me that.” You grumble and try not to focus on her chest right in front of you.

”Yeah well you’re so fucking jumpy, do you ever relax?” Diana leans even closer, unaware of personal space and you try to look anywhere but at her. You risk a glance up and feel like your heads spinning; she’s so close you can see the sweat outline in her bra, her nipples visible through the stretchy fabric. You clear your throat and put on your ever familiar mask of indifference.

”Back up Dee you're sweaty.” You wrinkle your nose to cover your blush.

”Yeah yeah you always say that, You never let me get close at all, I hugged you once and you acted like I had the fucking plague or something and you didn't answer my question. What do you do all day?” She presses and you sigh, knowing she’s not going to stop until you give her an answer.

“People are difficult and loud, plus I have to study, not everyone is a basketball god or whatever.” You turn your attention back to your textbook and she smacks the metal railing of your bed frame before pushing off and stepping back. The movement making her chest and biceps bounce.

“Im gonna get you to come out of your shell if its the last thing I do Baby Bunny. And thanks by the way.” Diana says and winks. You give an exaggerated huff, glad her attention is off you now.

“Alright I’m gonna hit the showers.” She says absently, her voice tinged with agitation at your stonewalling.

“Don’t drown.” You tease, trying to bring some lightness back. It works and she grins, a genuine one, making her eyes crinkle.

”Are you gonna be my life guard and come save me?” Diana shoots back; you hate it when she does this, she’s a horrid flirt and you knew it meant nothing but it still made your traitorous heart flutter. You don’t give her a response which she must have been expecting because you hear the door shut and her off key humming in the hallway. You let out a relieved breath, using this time to collect yourself.

The light shone through the curtains and Diana's alarm blared, another morning, another day of her distracting presence.

”Fuck I slept like shit.” She grumbles and stretches; you blink a few times, still waking up on the other side of the room. You look down from your elevated bed to her on her lower one across the room.

“Yeah you tossed and turned all night and these shit beds creak.” You mutter and grab your robe from the end of your bed before slowly climbing down the ladder. Your foot clumsily misses a rung and you yelp but before you can fall Diana’s strong hands wrap around your waist, her fingers digging in slightly and she holds you up.

“Careful there Baby Bunny, good thing I was watching.” She says in a hushed tone and you can hear the hint of actual concern peeking through her teasing tone. You swallow audibly and climb the rest of the way down, Diana’s hands not leaving your waist until both your feet are on the floor.

“Th..thanks” You say in a shaky tone and take a step away from her. She furrows her brows at your step away but doesn’t press the issue.

“Yeah well pay attention I can’t always be here to catch you.” Diana huffs, not looking at you. You don’t understand why she seems so upset and you take a step towards her and place a shaky hand on her shoulder. It bothers you when she’s not her usual happy self.

“I mean it, thanks Diana for catching me, I..I’ll be more careful.” You squeeze her shoulder gently as she turns; looking down at your hand.

“You're touching me.” She says and you draw your hand away but she catches your wrist to stop you.

”That didn't mean you needed to let go, I'm not gonna bite; unless you want me to, of course.” She gives you a goofy grin and snaps her teeth playfully, finally releasing your wrist.

”You always say shit like that and I don't know what to say. Like, how do you want me to respond Diana?” You pull your arm away and sigh. She takes a step towards you, placing her hands on your shoulders.

“Why are you so scared of me? What did I do? You can say whatever, literally say whatever you want, that’s what I do” Diana's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

”You didn’t do anything, I just don’t know what to say to you, I don’t know how to be around you.” You look up at her but don’t pull away. Her deep brown eyes boring into yours and your heart flutters. You don’t think you’ve ever been this close to her.

”I don’t understand? You can say anything to me, you can do whatever, I don’t give a fuck.” She gives your shoulders a light squeeze and your heart hammers in your chest. Her touch is searing, even through your fluffy robe.

“I want to know you Baby Bunny, I don’t understand you.” Her tone is hushed and you can hear the vulnerability in it. It’s true, you’ve kept her at arms length the whole time. You weren’t rude, you talked to her and did normal roommate things but you needed to keep a wall up; she couldn’t know the effect she had on you. Every muscle in your body telling you to step into her arms, to let her engulf you in her strong embrace.

”I..I can’t” Is all you manage to say and you drop your eyes to the floor. Diana lets out a long defeated sigh and steps away.

”I just want to be there for you but fine.” She turns away and walks to her dresser, you both have the same, a desk, a dresser, and bed. You’d laid your things out different from her though, you're bed elevated to the top rung and your desk underneath, giving you something of a cave to work in. She’d left her bed on the ground, her desk against the foot of it and the dresser against the wall. A worn shag rug between your two spaces, her wall is covered in basketball and rap posters, yours are mostly bare with imitations of famous artwork in a few places. Her side of the room was like her, a little messy and loud.

“Coach gave us the day off to study, do you want me to go somewhere else to do it?” She asks and pulls a wrinkled tee shirt off the hanger and a pair of faded jeans.

“N..no I don’t want to run you out of your own room, it’s fine; I can help if you want.” You answer, trying to break the tension between you two. Diana nods in response and pulls her tank top over her head, she’s turned away from you, facing the dresser but as she moves to pull on her sports bra you can see the curve of her breast, small but perfect to you.

“I..I wish you wouldn’t walk around half naked all the time.” You complain and she turns towards you, her sports bra in place.

“What do you mean?” She asks absently and pulls down her sleep shorts, standing there in nothing but her boxers and sports bra.

“Jesus I mean like this, couldn’t you change in the bathroom or something? Especially after practice, you prance around here in nothing but your bra and underwear.” You huff and look away.

“Why does it bother you, I mean I’m still covered up. And I don’t prance, I don’t even know what that means.” She snorts but makes no move to dress.

”It..it’s distracting when I’m trying to study, I..I can’t focus.” You admit and refuse to look at her. Diana seems to mull it over and shrugs.

”Yeah ok whatever.” Finally she dressed, her baggy tee shirt immediately drowning her torso and her jeans slightly too short. Without another word she grabs her backpack and leaves. You know what class she’s going to, her nine am English.

[lieslab]

Birds of a feather

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Seungmin X gn reader

Summary: After getting sick while trying to cram for exams, Seungmin takes care of you.

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1.2K

A/N: This was requested a while ago and I'm so sorry it's taken me this long. If anyone has exams coming up, good luck!! If they've already passed, I hope you passed them. Exams are difficult and kudos to you for studying or winging it, whichever one you choose.

Side note: it probably seems like I'm ghosting people and that's not my intention at all. I traveled to Chicago and then came home and ended up getting sick hours later. I've been absolutely miserable and zooted on Benadryl. I haven't had the energy to open Tumblr, but now that I'm better and not feeling high on medicine, the fun continues.

_ _ _

“Honey, I’m home!” Seungmin called out as he stepped inside the shared apartment. Upon not hearing anything in response, he sighed, and kicked off his shoes. 

College was hard and exams were harder. For the past week, you have been cramming yourself non-stop for exams. Seungmin had tried to get you to take breaks and slow down, but you were relentless about your studies. 

You had to memorize half a textbook for one course and multiple flashcards for another. Somehow remember a complex math formula, remember a few fancy vocab words for your English class, on and on it went. 

Seungmin had warned you multiple times that you were going to burn yourself out, but you refused to listen. You had waited until the last minute again and now it was biting you in the ass. 

The bag of fast food in Seungmin’s hands released a greasy scent that he was sure would capture your attention as he grew closer to your shared bedroom. 

He called your name and gently knocked on the door. “I know you don’t want to take a break, but I’m pretty sure that you’ve been working for hours without proper hydration and without food. I got us dinner, so can we eat together?” 

He held his breath and listened, but you never responded. His eyebrows creased with worry and he knocked a little louder. “Please don’t tell me that you’re ignoring me. You’re not fooling me, I know you’re in there.” 

When you didn’t respond a second time, he threw his head back with a groan. His hand reached out and he shifted the knob. Inside the bedroom, you were a wreck and his eyes went wide. 

You had taken multiple things off the bedroom wall. The framed photos of the two of you, the painting that Hyunjin had gifted you for your anniversary, and a poster of his band, it was all gone. 

In their places, you had plastered sticky note after sticky note. They were all color coordinated and had multiple scribbles on them that looked like chicken scratch. His jaw dropped as he stepped forward to read them. 

Each color of sticky note had been for a different class. Green for finance, blue for English, yellow for physics, purple for business. On and on they went. Each one had a scribbled reminder of things you needed to study. Some had a few lines through them and he assumed that those were ones you had already finished working on. 

“What the hell?” He whispered beneath his breath. He knew you were swamped with studying, but he didn’t know you were pushing yourself this hard. “Baby?” He called out as he approached the desk you were slumped over. 

Two different textbooks were wide open and your arms laid limp over them. Your head found a home where the two met. The dwindling sunlight from outside casted shadows on your face. 

He placed the bag in front of you and gently shook your shoulder. “Hey, wake up.” When you didn’t budge, he tried again. “Get up, please. You can’t lie like this, you’re going to hurt your neck.” 

The soft shaking sent your head up so fast, you nearly slammed into his chin. You sucked in a deep breath and blinked your bleary eyes. “Sorry, sorry. I’m up, I’m up.” You rubbed your eyes and yawned. 

“Are you okay? How long have you been studying for?” 

“Studying?” Your voice came out sleepily as your eyes shut again. “Right, studying. I should be doing that and I…” You trailed off trying to find the right words. “I um…I-” 

He frowned, “you look miserable.” 

“I’ve gotta study all night. The first final is tomorrow afternoon and I-” Your face scrunched up and you forced yourself to swallow. “I can do it and I-” 

“Do you feel okay?” 

“Mhmm.” 

“Honey, you don’t sound okay.” Concerned, he placed the back of his palm to your forehead. “You’re warmer than you usually are. Do you feel okay?” 

“I’m so tired.” 

“Besides that?” 

“My throat hurts a little.” 

“Sinus congestion?” 

“Some.” 

“You do know what I’m going to say, right?” 

“Please don’t.” 

“You can’t attend your finals if you’re sick. You’ll risk getting everyone else sick and I-” 

“I’ll be fine.”

“They will be able to be taken another day. You can get extensions from your professors. If you try to take them like this, you’re going to fail them. Don’t even think about it.” 

You threw your head back and complained, but Seungmin wasn’t having any of it. He shook his head, grabbed your hands, and gently tugged you to your feet. “Come on, let’s get you feeling better.” 

“My brain hurts.” 

“Have you had anything to eat?” 

“No.” 

“Drink?” 

“I got tea from my favorite cafe earlier.” 

“You must have picked up a bug or something from there. You’re so tired and stressed out. You’ve been neglecting the basic human needs which means your immune system is down.” 

“Are you always a know-it-all?” 

“I wouldn’t have to be if you took proper care of yourself. Come on, arms up.” You lifted your arms without hesitation. “You should be glad that you have me in your life. All I want to do is help you.” 

You blubbered a response, but it was muffled and slurred. Your entire body felt awful. The pressure in your sinuses was causing a headache. You could barely breathe through your nose and the scratch in your throat was getting worse and worse. 

You didn’t fight it as Seungmin shifted your body around to wiggle you free from your clothes. He helped you into a t-shirt and a pair of your favorite shorts. He helped pull you to the bed and gently pushed you back. 

“I got you some food, but I bet you don’t feel up for eating, do you?” 

“You know me so well.” 

“I would hope so, you dork. We sleep in the same bed, so of course I know you. Does the term ‘boyfriend’ mean nothing to you?” 

“I love you.” 

“You’re so lucky I love you too. Get some sleep and I’m going to lay right here beside you. Let’s get some sleep together, okay?” 

You mumbled in an agreement and sank back into the bed. The body pillows caught your limp body parts. You sucked in a final deep breath. “Nighty night. 

“Yeah, yeah, good night. Get some shut eye and we’ll talk in the morning.” 

“But the exams-” you started. 

“Will be there tomorrow and we’ll discuss it then. Just trust me on it, you’ll be okay.” 

“But-” 

“No.” 

“I-” 

He cut you off with a kiss. His lips were salty from the warm french fries he stole from the bag. The granules were still coating his lips. When he pulled away, you licked your lips. 

“You’re gonna get sick.” 

“For you, it’s worth it. If I get sick, then you really have to stay home. You won’t want to leave me alone and dying, do you?” 

“You’re unbelievable.” You rolled closer to him and tucked your head beneath his chin. A final sigh escaped you as you closed your eyes. 

“I love you too.”

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

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Taglist, and inbox rules

[probadbatch]

Ok Bad Batch fans

I really don't want to be the person who squashes your theories and dreams but there is one thing I just keep seeing and I can't let you get your hopes up and wind up heartbroken over it.

Remember this?

Project Necromancer is the 'somehow' in "somehow, Palpatine returned."

I'm very sorry but this isn't about bringing back Tech. It's about bringing back Palpatine's wrinkly old ass.

Hemlock & Co are trying to clone Palpatine so that his spirit can move from his current body to a clone body and essentially live forever. The trouble they're having is with reproducing Palpatine's force abilities. That's why they're after Omega - something about her blood allows them to transfer force abilities during the cloning process.

The shadow council in Mando season 3 talks about it by name:

I get it, we were all distraught after TBB season 2 ended so Mando season 3 wasn't something we could commit to memory. I feel ya.

To sum it up - the Imperial Remnant has no real leaders among them so they're still trying to clone and resurrect their dead-Emperor in order to take over the galaxy again. But they still don't know how to do it so they're trying to buy themselves time until Hux's dad can figure it out.

That's why they were after Baby Yoda btw - Dr. Pershing needed a sample with his m-count to study so they could get a Palpatine clone that still had force abilities.

They do eventually manage to clone the old bastard but they can't get any force abilities to transfer. That's how Rey came to be - her dad was once of those force-null clones.

And then later they finally cram some amount of force abilities into the clones but as we see in TROS, those clones aren't quite up to snuff and had a tendency to fall apart once he tried to inhabit them with all of his dark side energy. That's why he eventually decided to Sith-lineage his way into inhabiting Rey or whatever the fuck that was at the end of the movie.

Everyone forgets that this guy explains what happened just a few seconds after Oscar Isaac's iconic line:

Also, cloning yourself so you can come back from the dead definitely falls under the category of 'abilities some consider to be unnatural.' That's what he's talking about when he tells Hemlock that many in the Empire would consider his work to be an 'abomination.'

I guess the good news is that since ol' Palps is still having trouble getting a clone body to work for him sixty years later in TROS, that probably means they don't get what they want from Omega.

So again. Very sorry. I really would like to tell you that they're resurrecting Tech. I still think Tech will come back but Project Necromancer won't be how he does it.

[hero-deserves-to-be-happy]

When Sun Shines Again⛅: Chapter 7 "Changing My Life:" Part 2

⛅Chapter 7 Description: With his hopes for a lowkey evening of studying ruined, Hero finds himself searching for a quiet corner to wait out this party until he can finally go home. His friends, however, have other ideas.

The Party That Changed Hero's Life: Part 2 of 3

Chapter Word Count: 10,268. Link to Chapter 7 on AO3.

Description (for the entire work): When tragedy struck, Hero lost not only his dearest friend but also his dreams for the future. Even years later, Hero doesn't know what his "forever" looks like without Mari in it, but somehow he finds the strength to carry on and build a new life for himself. With his family and friends both old and new by his side, Hero struggles through life's ups and downs--the joys and sorrows he faces in a world without Mari. In the beginning, he's only looking to survive it all, but somewhere along the way, he might find a purpose, a reason he's still here. Maybe there really is a way he can learn to be happy again, and maybe, just maybe, when he's least expecting it, he might even find himself slowly opening his heart to love again--he might even find himself believing that even the darkest, stormiest of times will eventually pass and the sun will shine again.

A Hero-Centric story spanning 15 years of his life post-good end. Focuses on Hero finding healing & building a life for himself after the loss of Mari. Eventually includes him learning to love again after an extremely slow burn. All pairings are tagged upfront. Rated T for heavy themes & some language. Reading the prequel is recommended.

⛅Tags For The Story As A Whole (So A Lot Of These Are "Eventual" Tags):

Romantic Relationships: Main Ships: (Past) Hero/Mari and (Eventual) Hero/OC. Side Ships: Brandi/OC and a brief mention of Mikhael/Bebe are the only side ships involving canon characters.

Platonic Relationships: Hero & Brandi Friendship, Hero & Original Characters Friendship. Some Hero & Kel Siblings Relationship & Brotherly Friendship. Hero & Aubrey Friendship. Hero & Basil Friendship. Hero & Sunny Friendship. Hero & His Family.

Characters: Major Canon Characters: Hero (POV Character), Brandi [Intimidating Girl], Mari and Mari's Memory, & Kel. Major Original Characters (Hero's college friends): Kyle, C.J., Zoey, Tamra, and Lorraine. Other Included Canon Characters: Sunny, Basil, Aubrey, Sally, Hero's Parents, Bebe (Short Haired Girl/Fountain Girl) & Mikhael (The Maverick).

Genre: Hero-Centric Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Slice of Life, College Life, Lost Love, Finding Love Again, Finding Healing After Grief, Slow Burn, Developing Friendship, Developing Relationship, Greiving, Catharsis, Heart-To-Heart Chats, Hopeful/Happy Ending, Post-Good Ending, Hero Needs A Hug, Hero Deserves To Be Happy

Rating: T for some heavy themes and thematic elements (i.e. grief & healing from grief and trauma. Implied/Referenced Canonical Character Death & Implied/Referenced Mental Health Issues including depression & suicide. Mentions of Underage Drinking & Partying). Some language.

Warnings: Major Spoilers for OMORI! Heavy themes and thematic elements (i.e. grief & healing from grief and trauma. Implied/Referenced Canonical Character Death & Implied/Referenced Mental Health Issues including depression & suicide. Mentions of Underage Drinking & Partying). Some Language.

Link to Entire work on AO3.

⛅ Link to the "When Sun Shines Again" Masterlist. ⛅

Full chapter text below the cut. Thank you for reading! ⛅

Rowdy. That was the best word Hero could think of to describe this party. Since the host, Kyle’s friend Sawyer, lived in the ritzier part of town near Riverfront Center, there was a lot more room in the house than Hero had originally been anticipating. Still there were far too many guests than space probably allowed for, and the bad weather meant they were crammed inside where it was unpleasantly loud and uncomfortably warm from the amount of body heat. Not to mention the fact that it reeked of beer, as if someone had poured an entire keg all over the floor, mingling with smell of sweat, puke, and hard-liquor—probably from Sawyer’s parents’ whisky collection which Hero had been hearing so much about.

Brandi had said it smelled like an armpit in here, but rather than bemoan this fact in a quiet corner somewhere, she hadn’t particularly cared and had disappeared into the crowd ages ago with C.J. following dutifully behind her. Hero had lost Kyle even more quickly than that. He was probably off getting plastered and making out with some girl he just met, and Hero probably wouldn’t see much of him until he was ready to go home.

Hero was used that by now. His friends were much more interested in partying and the “college experience” than Hero could ever be. He tried to be supportive and to keep them safe by making sure they drank plenty of water and didn’t drive drunk—even if that meant that Hero himself spent a lot of parties stalking out a quiet corner where he could hide out of the way and desperately watch the clock, waiting for the minute it would finally be over and they could go home again. In his freshman year, he purposely avoided parties and at the ones he, unfortunately, found himself attending, mainly clung to Brandi “like a sad, lost puppy” or so she often teased him, but since he had made the decision to join a fraternity against her advice to the contrary, she had unceremoniously told him he was now on his own and would have to learn to survive college parties without her.

She said this of course, but within an hour she had plopped down next to him on the couch—wrapping an arm around him and leaned against his side with a disgruntled huff. As she slammed her empty bottle on the end table, she nestled into the crook of his neck, and Hero gently patted the top of her head like a concerned and comforting parent. It was the same thing he would have done to Kel or Aubrey, Sunny, and Basil if they ever curled up next to him like this—but they wouldn’t, not anymore. And Brandi only did this when she was drunk. Otherwise, she didn’t need him.

“You okay?” asked Hero in a quiet, gentle voice as he ran a hand through her hair. He stopped abruptly and flushed as he realized what he was doing and how it must look to the outside world, and he frantically, pleadingly glanced over at C.J. who was perched on the curving leather arm of the sofa hoping he wouldn’t be bothered by it or get the wrong idea. He was grateful for Brandi’s friendship, but he didn’t see her in that way. He hoped C.J. knew that. Thankfully, like with most things, he didn’t seem too phased by it.

Brandi hummed with a crooked smile as she replied bluntly, sarcastically, “I’m peachy.”

“How was beer pong?” he asked. “Did you win?”

“Yeah, but then I got hit on by some gross, drunk guy so I don’t feel like a winner.” Brandi rolled her eyes—shaking her head. “That’s the last time I tell some stranger about my tattoo.”

Hero’s eyes widened. “You have a tattoo?” The question sounded more surprised than he had intended, and he hoped Brandi wouldn’t get the wrong idea.

She shifted away from him until she could look into his face with a crooked smile and a coquettish quirk of her eyebrows. “Yeah, you wanna know where it is?”

“Um…only if you want to tell me.”

Brandi burst into laughter followed by C.J. who tried and failed to stifle his. Hero flushed a little, honestly kind of unsure about what was so funny before Brandi playfully elbowed him in the arm. “Oh Hero” she sighed before a laugh interrupted her. “You really are one of a kind. Please tell me you’re here to meet girls.”

Hero’s face grew hot, but he swallowed hard—sheepishly running his hand across the nape of his neck. “I’m the designated driver.”

Brandi snorted a laugh before rolling her eyes again. “Of course you are.” Shaking her head, she sighed again. “I need a drink.”

“I can get it for you,” chimed C.J. with a shrug of his shoulders. Brandi blinked at him for a moment, but conceded, “Okay, but take Hero with you. He needs to get up off this couch at least once during this party.” Brandi shot him a pointed, intimidating glare, and Hero knew there was no arguing with her. With a dutiful nod, he took off after C.J. making his way to the kitchen where a bunch of beverages were haphazardly strewn across the counter.

“Have you seen Kyle at all?” asked C.J. as they waited their turn at the makeshift bar.

Hero shook his head. “You?”

“Last I saw him, he was being fawned over by some girl.” C.J. sighed shaking his head and muttering, “Some guys have all the luck.”

Hero’s brow furrowed thoughtfully. He wasn’t sure that was necessarily lucky. He had been rooming with Kyle for almost two months now and had noticed that even despite his excessive flirting, constant dates, and the many girls he had brought in and out of the house, there always came a point where Kyle was alone. And it seemed to Hero that none of these girls stuck around long enough to really get to know him—the actually kind of sweet and very generous guy he was under all that fun-loving goofiness and flirty bravado. Like Brandi, they tended to write him off as just another shallow and self-absorbed trust fund baby concerned with very little beyond just having a good time. And sure, Kyle could be those things, but when he stumbled drunkenly into their room alone at the end of the night and Hero tucked him into bed like a little kid, he couldn’t help but think he was more than that…He was lonely.

Hero would never say anything, would never be so presumptuous as to know what exactly went on in Kyle’s innermost world. It was possible he didn’t feel that way at all, but it seemed to Hero that getting fawned over by numerous beautiful women and having more flings than Hero could keep up with, never really made Kyle nearly as happy as Hero had been with Mari. That real, genuine companionship—being with someone who truly knew you and truly loved you was priceless and, at least to Hero, much more meaningful than the idea of turning the heads of every woman in the world. He’d give up the chance of ever being noticed by a woman again for just five more minutes with Mari—would give anything just to talk to her one more time, even if he never got to say his peace and they just talked about silly, mundane things like the terrible, stormy weather that had seemed to follow him around ever since she had died.

He and Mari had been able to talk for hours about anything. He had hung on every word she said—enthralled by her passion, the way her face lit up when she spoke. He could’ve listened to her talk for eternity and had loved being with her so much that he had often found himself completely losing track of time whenever he was with her. It was as if Mari could make time stop…

His chest ached—hollow and twisting until something bittersweet burned behind his eyes. Even if she couldn’t, her death certainly had—had frozen him in a never-ending nightmare where time moved on but he didn’t.

Even so, he was painfully aware of the passage of time now. Seconds turned into minutes. Minutes into hours, and hours into days as the world kept turning—reminding him that Mari hadn’t kept it in motion and he’d have to continue on without her. He could no longer lose track of time anymore—it loomed over him like a dark cloud. He didn’t have conversations like he had had with Mari anymore either. He doubted he ever would again.

He tried to push the thought away as quickly as he could, but he realized he had already zoned out and missed whatever had made C.J. transition into prattling about his “one good pickup line.”

Hero sighed. C.J.’s “one good pickup line” was that he had once been told, supposedly by his high school girlfriend, that he looked like Usher with glasses. As much as Hero would’ve never admitted it to C.J., it wasn’t actually a very good one.

“It works sometimes,” C.J. insisted, and Hero’s face flushed—suddenly and irrationally concerned C.J. had somehow read his mind. “I mean…I’m no Kyle, but I get by. Kinda wish I had his game though…” He sighed heavily—glancing back over at Brandi with an almost wistful look in his eyes.

Hero’s expression softened, and he placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “You don’t need that. You don’t need every girl in the world to like you. You only need one, and if she’s the right one, her love and being worthy of it…is so much better than being fawned over.”

C.J. blinked at him in wide-eyed disbelief—whether at the sentiment itself or the fact that those words had actually come out of Hero’s mouth, Hero wasn’t sure.

Before he could say anything in response, however, a lithe voice cut him off, “That’s so sweet—like something out of a movie.”

The girl who had just spoken let out a cheerful, tinkly giggle, and Hero caught sight of a wave of thick dark curls. Bright mauve lipstick popping against dark skin as her lips curved into a warm smile. As he turned away, he was suddenly struck by the glistening purple of her earrings.

Something panged in Hero’s chest. Music notes. He was sure he had given Mari the exact same ones once upon a time.

“Your girlfriend’s really lucky,” she giggled again, and that bittersweet ache permeated the hollowness inside him. He shut his eyes tightly. The way she laughed… It reminded him of…

He didn’t get to finish that thought—cut off instead by C.J.’s elbow nudging him in the ribs and the girl kindly asking, “Are you okay?”

“Uh…yeah…sorry. Thank you…” he mumbled apologetically, whether at the girl or at C.J. he wasn’t entirely sure. He could feel C.J.’s secondhand embarrassment oozing off of him as the girl laughed again. She took a deep breath as if she was about to say something but was interrupted by another girl patting her on the back but looking right at him when she said, “Tamra has a boyfriend, but I don’t.”

“Well I’m sure you’ll find one soon,” said Hero, in best his attempts to be reassuring.

C.J. smacked his hand against his forehead so loudly that Hero could hear it. Was he saying the wrong thing? He was so bad at this.  

The taller girl didn’t seem too perturbed by that, however, instead she eyed him, deliberately and replied, “Maybe I just did.”

Hero’s face flushed red. He got it now. And he wanted to sink into the floor.

“Uh…um…” he stumbled over his words—his cheeks burning.

Unexpectedly, though thankfully, Tamra chimed in with gentle, “I think he’s taken, Madison.”

“What?” she huffed, whipping towards him accusatorily as if demanding an explanation. Hero swallowed hard, wondering how he was going to explain his way out of this and desperately wishing he didn’t have to when suddenly he felt a hand snaking around his back.

“Hey babe, what’s been taking you so long?” asked Brandi in a low almost seductive voice. She glared directly at Madison but wrapped her hand protectively around his arm like a child might grip onto her favorite toy.

After swooping in to save him from being hit on more times than Hero could count, Brandi had this down to a science. Hero however, did not and awkwardly stumbled his way through, “Sorry, uh…there was a line…” Luckily, it didn’t seem anyone heard him or at least didn’t care as Madison scoffed.

“This is your boyfriend? You really expect us to believe that.”

“I don’t really care what you believe,” said Brandi without even flinching. “But he’s mine so back off, Madison.”

Madison frowned. “How come you never mentioned him to us before?”

Hero took a deep breath—trying his best not to look pleadingly at Brandi despite putting all his hopes in her to be able to somehow get him out of this situation.

“I knew about him,” said Tamra quietly though a kind, knowing smile twitched in the corners of her mouth. “It’s so nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard so many good things about you. I’m Brandi’s sorority sister, Tamra.” She held out her hand for him to shake, and Hero sighed. He felt bad that Brandi’s friends were getting involved now. Still, he politely introduced himself. “I’m Hero. It’s nice to meet you too.” He hoped the expression on his face would convey his gratitude. He’d have to ask Brandi to thank Tamra properly later, but she was a little too busy glowering at Madison at the moment.

With a huff, Madison, it seemed, finally conceded muttering bitterly about how “some girls have all the luck.”

“I’m pretty sure Cody’s available,” interjected C.J. with a shrug of his shoulders—motioning through two French doors to one of their fraternity brothers who was currently doing a keg stand on the back patio.

Madison just blinked for a minute but then shrugged with a resigned, “Okay” and took off onto the back porch.

“Thanks,” said Brandi sharing a knowing look with Tamra who merely waved her hand.

“No problem. I’ve actually got to head out here. They need me to fill in at work tonight, but I’ll be back to pick you up later.” She paused, then turned to Hero with a smile. “It was nice meeting you, Hero. Bye, C.J.”

“See ya,” C.J. called after her and Hero waved goodbye as she disappeared into the crowd with her drink. When she had gone, Brandi huffed—finally untangling herself from him and reaching for another beer.

“You’re welcome,” she said pointedly, through her teeth, and Hero’s face grew hot.

“I’m sorry…” he began to apologize, but Brandi just crossed her arms.

“You can’t even put your foot down with Madison? She’s dumber than a box of rocks and, I swear, talking to her for more than five minutes would make even you want to bang your head in a cabinet.”

C.J. snorted a half-stifled laugh, but Hero just shuffled his feet mumbling, “Sorry, Brandi.”

“Seriously,” she huffed. “We have got to get you a spine. I can’t keep stepping in as your fake girlfriend forever you know. I’m going to start demanding ‘real girlfriend’ perks—fancy dinners out, expensive gifts, maybe even a kiss.” She clicked her tongue, and Hero’s face grew hot. “And I don’t think you want that.”

“I’m really sorry, Brandi,” he apologized, sidestepping most of what she had said and hoping she wouldn’t notice or at least wouldn’t care. “Thank you for helping me. I appreciate it. I…uh…will try better next time.”

Brandi raised her eyebrows. “I don’t believe you, but I’ll let it slide because you’re so cute.” She pinched his blushing cheek and laughed as Hero glanced apologetically over at C.J. who this time, at least, seemed the tiniest bit rattled.

“Listen, I know it’s none of my business, but you guys aren’t…actually like…?” C.J.’s voice trailed, but his question was clear enough to make Hero’s blush deepen and Brandi snort a laugh.

“I’m honestly kind of flattered you think I could bag a guy like Hero. He’s sweet, cute—the perfect gentleman, and yeah, I’d date him—no woman wouldn’t. But…” Giving Hero a pat on the shoulder, she shot C.J. a bright, crooked smile. “He’s just a friend, and I’m just a tease.”

A smile curled in the corners of C.J.’s mouth. “So are you seeing anybody?”

“At the moment, no,” answered Brandi twisting her mouth to one side. “But you know I don’t date frat boys so don’t get any ideas.”

“You just said you’d date Hero.”

Brandi huffed. “Hero’s a den mother to a bunch of fraternity guys—that doesn’t count.”

“But I actually did join the fraternity,” Hero gently interjected. “So technically I am a—”

“How did that happen anyway?” Brandi cut him off before he could finish his sentence. “You hate drinking, partying, and being hit on. What in the world could you possibly want out of a frat?”

“Friends…” Hero mumbled, his face growing warm again. He hadn’t exactly meant to say that aloud though he didn’t exactly understand what the problem was. After all, Brandi herself had joined a sorority in the hopes of making friends and having a good time. If anything, he thought that was why most people joined—or at least, he liked to think that…regardless of evidence to the contrary.

“You’d have better luck making friends at a nursing home, grandpa,” she teased—snarky and sarcastic, but she shook her head. “I can’t believe you let Kyle talk you into this.”

“Kyle can be very persuasive,” Hero insisted.

Brandi scoffed—snorting a laugh before she took a sip of her beer. “Kyle couldn’t persuade his way out of a paper bag. You just couldn’t say ‘no’, admit it.”

Pursing his lips together, Hero stared down at his shuffling feet. He couldn’t really argue with that.

Still Brandi sighed, “If you’re so desperate for friends that you’re willingly going to room with Kyle, I’d be happy to introduce you to some of mine. They’re not all like Madison. Tamra’s pretty cool and so’s her roommate. She’s a real old person, just like you—only joined our sorority to keep her sister out of trouble.”

“Thanks Brandi, but uh…I wouldn’t want to give anybody the wrong idea.”

Brandi snorted. “Yeah…pretty sure you couldn’t do that even if you wanted to. But even if you could, she’s a ‘married to school’ type—wants to get a master’s degree or something. And Tamra actually does have a boyfriend, so no worries there.” Brandi paused and shrugged. “I’m actually kind of glad you finally met tonight. I’ve been thinking you would really get along but I didn’t want to say anything because she—”

Brandi stopped abruptly as she glanced from Hero to C.J. then back to Hero again. It wasn’t like Brandi to self-censor, but Hero appreciated it when it was for his sake and he knew exactly what Brandi was about to say because he had been thinking it too. Tamra reminded her of Mari��and reminded him of her too.

Rather than explain this to a confused looking C.J. however, Hero hurriedly said,  “She’s a musician” hoping Brandi would crack the code without perplexing poor C.J. any further.

Brandi, however, just tilted her head at him. “Yeah…she’s a music major. How did you know?”

Something ached in Hero’s chest again as he mumbled, “Her earrings…um…” He stopped turning away from Brandi and the look she was giving him now. “They’re music notes.” He conveniently and purposefully left out the part about how Mari had had the same ones, how she had run around town showing them off after he had given them to her—how she had almost been buried in them but they were given back to him by her mother and were now locked away in a box in his closet at his parents house with the rest of the things that reminded him of her.

With a bittersweet sigh, he pushed the thought away as best he could. He didn’t like to talk about Mari. Didn’t like to think about her either, not just because it made him feel sad but because it made his friends look at him the way C.J. and Brandi were now—a strange mix of pity and confusion.

“Your ex was a musician?” asked C.J. It wasn’t much of a question, and despite the look of confusion passing over Brandi’s face, Hero thought it was best to just nod and hope that changed the subject. It didn’t.

“You’re as bad as Brandi, you know?” C.J. turned his attention back to her—shaking his head and bantering, “You’re such a bad influence.” Brandi frowned, but it seemed she couldn’t quite hold back the twitch of a smile in the corners of her mouth. “You do know it’s okay to have a type, right? And swearing off dating anyone with the same traits as your ex is kind of extreme—especially if they’re really superficial like being a musician or in a fraternity.” Despite his playfulness, he gave her a pointed stare. Brandi, however, side-stepped the point entirely.

“Since when do you know Hero has an ex?”

Hero grew suddenly interested in his twisting hands, but C.J. just shrugged. “A couple of hours ago—I dunno. It’s not some big secret, is it?” He chuckled awkwardly, perhaps even a little confused, but he half-teased, “It’s not you is it?”

“No,” Brandi snorted. “I can’t even play the triangle.”

“Well then how’d you know?”

Hero found himself holding his breath—praying that Brandi wouldn’t say ‘because I knew her’ opening up this conversation to a myriad of questions Hero did not want to answer. She must have seen this on his face or else sensed him pleading with her because she took a step forward—tilting her head at C.J. “He told me,” she flat-out lied like it was nothing, and her lips curved into a smile. “Unlike Kyle, I actually can be very persuasive.”

Winking at C.J., she wrapped her arms around his neck, and C.J. swallowed—that coral red seeping into the tip of his nose and ears again. “And now I’m gonna persuade you to go get us some chips and pretzels—just give us two minutes…” Her voice was low, flirty again, and she held up two fingers to him. Hero fidgeted as he watched C.J.’s hands find their way to her waist. He felt like he was intruding on something private.

“Will two minutes be enough? How about five?” whispered C.J. in a tone of voice which proved he was much more smooth than he had given himself credit for earlier, even if Hero knew the two of them were just playing around. “And what about Funyuns? I saw they had a bag of them over there, and I know they’re your favorite.”

Brandi’s smile widened—it seemed, almost in spite of herself, and she laughed, the words slipping out under her breathy, somewhat tipsy chuckling, “I love you.” Though she didn’t show it, Hero knew her well enough to know she hadn’t exactly meant to say that. Brandi was always honest—often to a fault, but that was just a little too sincere.

C.J. knew this too—or at least he seemed to. His eyes widened, but before he could recover from the compliment, Brandi pulled away from him, patted his cheek, and quipped, “But I’m still not dating you.”

And the moment was gone.

Laughing, C.J. gave her a thumbs up. “Got it. Friendship snacks only,” he teased, before turning to Hero with a smile that somehow seemed brighter than before. “You want anything Hero?”

“No thanks.” Hero shook his head and weakly insisted, “But you—you don’t…have to go.”

“Yes you do,” Brandi interrupted, grabbing Hero by the arm and dragging him back over towards the sofa. “Just give us a minute.”

C.J. just shrugged and headed off towards the snack table, and Brandi huffed, gritting her teeth. “I know what you’re thinking and we’re not wasting our five minutes talking about me and C.J.…”

“I wasn’t going to say anything, but uh…now that you mention it…” A smile twitched in Hero’s mouth. He was grateful for an escape from whatever conversation Brandi actually wanted to have. “He really is a nice guy you know? His little sister Cami is seven and she calls him almost every night so he’ll tell her a bedtime story. It’s really sweet.”   

Brandi just blinked at him with a long and heavy sigh. “You’re a terrible wingman,” she said, shaking her head. “But we’re not talking about this right now. I don’t date fraternity guys. It’s not up for discussion.” Her pointed glare and the grit of her teeth made Hero swallow hard. He knew better than to argue with Brandi especially when she was in this kind of mood.

Brandi sighed again and changed the subject. “Did you really tell C.J. about Mari? Like…the whole story?”

Hero shook his head. He hadn’t really told C.J. about Mari at all, and barely anyone knew the whole story about her, even Brandi didn’t.

“Well it’s a start anyway…” Brandi sighed—taking another sip of her drink, but something softened in her expression, as she asked, “Are you okay, Hero? You’re thinking about her again—aren’t you?” When he didn’t answer, she added, “Don’t let it ruin your night, okay?”

“It’s okay. I wasn’t having much of a good time anyway…” He flushed, realizing how that sounded only after he had said it. He hurriedly added, “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant…I—I’m not much of a partier, you know?”

Brandi nodded but gave him a nudge with her elbow. “Yeah. Yeah. I know, grandpa. I just…I started to feel bad, I guess. I should’ve given you a heads up about Tamra, but this is exactly why I didn’t mention her.”

“It’s okay,” Hero insisted, something guilty twisting in his chest. “She seemed really nice. I’m glad you’re friends.”

“I knew there was something familiar about those earrings…” Brandi continued—whether she hadn’t heard what he said or just ignored him, however, Hero couldn’t be sure. “Mari had the same set, didn’t she?”

Hero nodded.

“Did you give them to her?” asked Brandi, and Hero nodded again. His eyes widened.

“Yeah…” he admitted. “How’d you know?”

Shrugging her shoulders, Brandi swallowed. “Tamra got those from her boyfriend too—some science guy she’s known forever named Andre.” She paused—the slightest twitch of a smile in her mouth. “You know you can always tell how much a girl likes you by how often she wears the jewelry you give her. Tamra never takes those off.”

Brandi let out a breathy chuckle—shaking her head almost in disbelief. “You should hear the way she talks about him…like he’s her soulmate and they’re going to be together forever. And it’s not that she’s goo-goo-eyed or infatuated or delusional…you know, like most girls when they talk about their boyfriends.” Brandi snorted but her face softened, “I—I really believe her…I don’t even think she sees other men, if you can believe that?”

“I can,” answered Hero though the surprised quirk of Brandi’s eyebrow seemed to imply she had only meant that as a rhetorical question.

Still, she tilted her head at him, the sharper edge in her tone of voice softening as she said, “I’ve only ever heard one other girl talk about her boyfriend like that, you know?”

She stopped and met Hero’s eyes, but she didn’t have to. Hero knew what she meant—knew who she was talking about. It made his heart ache.

Mari…

“She’s really lucky,” sighed Hero, deflecting the conversation away from him and back to Tamra. “A love like that is really special—only comes around once in a lifetime.”

“You’re never gonna date again with that attitude,” Brandi quipped, rolling her eyes, and Hero’s face grew hot. Something sickening coiled and twisted in the pit of his stomach, and his eyes burned. It was beyond his imagination, and he didn’t even want to think about it.

“I…I don’t want to,” he quietly, gently insisted.

Brandi frowned. “Ever?” Hero nodded, and Brandi sighed again.

“I understand,” she conceded though she didn’t sound particularly happy about it. “But you do know that’s like a giant middle finger to all the women of the world, right?”

Hero blushed and guiltily shuffled his feet. “I…I wouldn’t say that.”

“You’ve seen what we have to choose from. And yeah…you’re a one woman guy but that’s one woman who won’t have to end up with a Kyle or a Trent.”

Hero paused at the mention of Brandi’s ex—the one who had made her swear off fraternity guys forever, but he felt awkward mentioning anything about that so instead he said, “Kyle’s actually a pretty nice guy. There are a lot of nice guys out there. C.J.’s nice.”

“C.J.’s not a bona fide prince charming like you,” Brandi insisted—Hero noticed—conveniently withholding judgment on whether or not C.J. was, in fact, a nice guy.

“I—I’m not…” he began to protest, but Brandi cut him off.

“You know, there’s this rumor going around my sorority about this ‘prince’ who drives drunk girls home from parties and doesn’t hit on them, even though he totally could because he’s super cute.” She stopped, giving Hero a pointed look that made him fidget. “When I first heard that, I just knew they were talking about you. You’re the perfect gentleman—like something out a fairy tale.”

Hero choked—his face burning as he awkwardly twisted his hands. He didn’t think he deserved such high praise and had always considered himself kind of boring and awkward—much more of a dork or a “grandpa” as Brandi teasingly called him than a prince.

“You’re a catch, is all I’m saying. It’s a shame to think you’re gonna count yourself out when I know a ton of girls who would give up a limb just to have the chance to date someone like you.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I know I would.”

Hero swallowed hard—wringing his hands again. “Brandi, I uh…um…I’m really flattered but uh—”

She, thankfully, cut him off with a laugh. “Calm down. I didn’t mean it like that. Honestly, I think I’d get tired of your wet blanket, doormat shtick pretty quickly.” She winked at him before she swatted him in the arm. “But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t go for it if you actually wanted me. Graduate from ‘fake girlfriend.’”

Hero knew she was just teasing, but something twisted inside him all the same. “Brandi, I think you are amazing. You deserve to be someone’s ‘real girlfriend’—someone’s one and only. Everyone deserves that…to really be loved.” He took a deep breath. “I’m just…I’m not sure I can do that anymore. I”—a bittersweet smile tugged at his mouth—“I already had my ‘one.’”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be another one,” bantered Brandi, but she hummed thoughtfully. “Look, I’m not trying to be pushy. I get it—you’re not ready, but that doesn’t mean you won’t ever be, right? It’s a big world out there, Hero. There’s tons of people in it, and who knows, maybe someday—not necessarily today but maybe years from now when you’re like middle aged and picking out gray hair or something, you’ll meet somebody and you’ll realize it was silly to think you’d never be able to feel that way about someone again.” Brandi stopped shaking her head with a smile.

“And that girl is gonna be so lucky,” she teased in a low drawl before she winked at him again causing his face to flush an even deeper red. Before he could even begin to stumble his way through a response, however, C.J. returned with the snacks and handed a paper plate of potato chips, pretzels, and Funyuns to Brandi.

“You’re not gonna believe this, but I actually saw Kyle, you guys,” C.J. chuckled. “He’s out on the patio”

“Let me guess,” Brandi cut in. “Deep in lip-lock with some girl?”

C.J. nodded. “Yep. Honey-blond hair. Striped tube top. Big blue scrunchie. Totally Kyle’s type”

“That sounds like my roommate,” Brandi quipped, but she stopped suddenly, whipping around towards the windows to the outside. Sure enough, there was Kyle sloppily making out with a girl—except Hero actually vaguely recognized this one. He had driven her home from a party a couple of weekends ago while she and Kyle had drunkenly made out in the backseat of his car. He felt sorry for admitting it but he couldn’t really remember her name.

“Courtney!”

That was it, thought Hero, as he watched Brandi huffily stomp off through the double doors into the backyard.  He wasn’t sure if he should follow her, but C.J. pulled him along, practically dragging him outside onto the patio, a decently-sized covered area filled with wicker furniture and a grill beside the inground pool Kyle had mentioned which was still open despite the autumn chill in the air and no one swimming in it.  

There was even more furniture out in the yard arranged around a fire pit, and it seemed that now that the rain had let up, a lot of guests had congregated out there—mostly huddling around the keg where they had seen Cody earlier. He wasn’t out there anymore—maybe going off somewhere more private with Madison, unlike Kyle who had absolutely no problem making out with Courtney in front of everyone on one of the poolside lounge chairs.

“Courtney! Courtney!” huffed an irritated Brandi, tapping her repeatedly on the shoulder when her calls failed to get her attention.

Finally, she disentangled herself from Kyle with a disgruntled, “What?”

“Do you have any idea who this is?”

Courtney rolled her eyes. “Yeah. It’s Kyle Davenport—like the library.”

“Like the moron,” Brandi quipped. “And the library is ‘Carl Davenport’ after his grandpa.”

Courtney blinked at her—that drunken brain fog seemingly taking the words longer to register, but she eventually just shrugged with a matter-of-fact, “Look when you’re that rich, you don’t have to be smart.”

Hero immediately glanced over at Kyle whose expression was blank until, it seemed, he had finally caught his breath enough to laugh. “Hey. That’s what I always say!” he joked in a slurred voice.

Hero sighed. He was wasted—again. He shouldn’t have been too surprised about that.

“Don’t mind Brandi,” Kyle reassured Courtney with a wave of his hand before he tangled it into her hair and leaned towards her again.

“No,” scolded Brandi like a stern schoolteacher, and Kyle just turned to her with a smug, charismatic grin.

“Who knew you were so jealous?” he teased, clicking his tongue at her. “You should’ve just said something.”

Brandi rolled her eyes. “I’m not jealous. I just don’t want you to make out with my roommate—I see you way too much as it is.”

“You can’t tell me who to make out with,” scoffed Courtney. “You’re not my mom.” She practically lunged towards Kyle, but he swerved out of the way. C.J. shot Hero a bewildered look, and he knew his friend must have been thinking the same thing. They had never seen Kyle ever turn down a kiss with a beautiful girl before. Coutney pouted—looking somewhat outraged and embarrassed, but Kyle didn’t seem to notice.

“Wait…” he asked Brandi in a trailing voice. “Courtney’s your roommate?”

“Yes,” huffed Brandi again, clearly losing her patience.

Kyle’s brow furrowed and turned back to Courtney again. “You didn’t tell me you were one of those Triple E girls?”

“Yeah…” Courtney frowned, and Kyle cursed under his breath. “Is that a problem?”

“I can’t date Triple E girls.”

“Oh my gosh! Not you too,” exclaimed C.J., mostly playing up the melodramatic outrage. “What is wrong with you guys?”

Kyle blinked at him in confusion before turning to Hero. “What’s he talking about, Mama?”

Hero shrugged. “It’s kind of a long story…” he mumbled, but before he could say anything more, Brandi cut him off.

“Not that I’m upset about this but just what exactly do you have against Epsilon Epsilon Epsilon?” Brandi glowered at him. “And don’t give me some crap about how we’re not as hot as the other sororities because we totally are.”

“Nah, yeah”—he waved his hand at her—“you guys are total babes, but I promised Zuzu that her sorority sisters are off limits.”

“You have some crazy jealous ex in our sorority?” interjected Courtney shaking her head. “We don’t have to like…tell her, you know?”

Kyle burst out laughing. “Zuzu’s not my ex! She’d never, ever date me. I’m not her type at all.”

Hero squirmed. Had Kyle looked over at him when he said that or had he just imagined it? He tried not to think about it.

“We’re just friends,” Kyle insisted emphatically, and Brandi snorted.

“Somehow I find that harder to believe than her being your ex.”

Kyle laughed again, but asked, “Why?”

“Because she’d have to have multiple conversations with you sober and still want to talk to you after, and I don’t think any of my sorority sisters are that stupid.”

Kyle scoffed in mock offense—gripping his heart. “You’re so mean to me,” he whined. “And Zuzu’s not stupid. She’s like super smart. She was—what’s that thing called where it’s like not the valedictorian but like the runner up?”

“Salutatorian,” said Hero quietly, and Kyle clapped his hands.

“Thank you!” He pointed two fingers at him before he jumped into a semi-incoherent drunk ramble that Hero couldn’t quite keep up with, “Yeah! She was that for our whole fancy prep school. She probably would’ve been valedictorian too, but Gabe is an asshole and beat her by like 1% or something. But it’s fine ‘cause like she got a full ride scholarship and is gonna be an engineer and build bridges and stuff…”

Brandi stopped—a look of realization passing over her face. “No way. I think I know who you’re talking about. But there’s no way she actually talks to you.”

“She does to!” Kyle exclaimed, his face flushing whether from indignation or intoxication Hero wasn’t entirely sure. “She’s like my best friend. She bailed me out of jail and everything…”

Hero’s eyes widened, and C.J. stifled a disbelieving laugh. Courtney seemed disinterested or perhaps just dazedly drunk, but Brandi huffed, “What were you doing in jail?”

“It wasn’t a felony or anything just some underage drinking, destruction of public property, and drunk and disorderly conduct.”

“So basically your usual Friday night?” bantered C.J., and Kyle tried his best to frown even though he couldn’t stop laughing.

“You know, I don’t have to put up with this,” he tried and failed to huff. “You guys are supposed to be my friends.”

Brandi crossed her arms. “You’re not exactly the most believable person in the world, Kyle. You got any corroborating evidence?”

“Don’t go all lawyer on me,” he playfully whined. “You know I can’t keep up with that.”

“Hold on. Hold on. I’m confused,” interrupted Courtney. “Should I like go…? Are we like…not gonna make out?”

Kyle sighed bitterly, but shook his head. “We can’t. And if you could not tell Zuzu about how we kind of made out a little earlier tonight, that would be great.”

Hero’s brow furrowed. So he didn’t remember making out with Courtney in the back of his car. He supposed that was okay…since Courtney didn’t seem to remember it either.

With a shrug of shoulders, Courtney fixed her hair. She didn’t seem too upset about this, especially when Brandi quipped, “It’s really for the best believe me.”

“Yeah…whatever. What about him?” She turned her attention to Hero, batting her eyelashes and smiling at him in an undeniably flirtatious way that made him feel uncomfortable. He felt even worse knowing that Brandi couldn’t swoop in to save him this time.

Or so he thought anyway until she said, “That’s Hero. He told me earlier tonight that he’s taken a lifelong vow of celibacy.”

“You have?” gasped Kyle so stunned he actually rose to his feet losing his balance and tottering towards Hero who steadied him with his hand.

“Woah, easy there. Maybe we should get you some water.”

There was a slight delay as Kyle just blinked at him before his face relaxed into an easy, nonchalant grin. “Nah, I’m fine, Mama. Don’t worry. But…are you really gonna be a monk or something?”

“That’s such a shame,” sighed Courtney who seemed to be suffering from the same kind of alcohol-induced mental haziness.

“I know that’s what I said.” Brandi shook her head, and Courtney turned her attention to C.J. instead. “Well…what about him? He’s cute.”

“Thanks. Hi, I’m C.J.,” he said holding out his hand to her. “I’m a friend of Brandi’s—we have the same major. I think we’ve actually met before and—”

C.J. stopped abruptly. His eyes widening behind the rims of his glasses as Brandi snaked an arm around his back just like she had done to Hero earlier that evening. Only this time, she positively glowered at Courtney and she held onto C.J.’s arm so tightly that her long nails dug into the sleeve of his sweatshirt as if to say far louder than any words, “mine.”

“He’s not for you,” she said.

“Oh,” shrugged Courtney. “Is this the guy from your legal research class you called dibs on? Because you’re totally wrong, he actually does look like Usher with glasses.”

“Thank you!” exclaimed C.J. his face lighting up, but Brandi rolled her eyes.

“And I suppose you think Kyle looks like a Backstreet Boy.”

Courtney tilted her head discerningly at Kyle before she said nonchalantly, “Yeah. He kinda looks like Nick Carter.”

Kyle groaned—burying his face his hands and bitterly muttering something along the lines of “Zuzu! Why did you do this to me?”

But he was promptly cut off by C.J. who seemed to have finally caught onto the truth behind Courtney’s words, “Wait a second…you called dibs on me?” He turned to Brandi his face beaming with that 100-watt smile even though it curved into a teasing grin.

Indignantly, Brandi frowned. “I did not call dib on you,” she insisted but that slight flush of pink in her cheeks implied otherwise, and C.J. knew it.

“You did! You called dibs on me.”

“I did not,” she huffed, but it was no use.

C.J.’s face was as bright as a little kid’s on Christmas morning, and he playfully poked her in the arm, repeating in a playfully juvenile sing-songy voices, “You called dibs on me.”

“I still don’t want to date you,” she declared as C.J. just smiled and Kyle practically doubled-over with laughter in the background.

“She does. She totally does,” chimed Courtney rolling her eyes again.

“Thank you, Courtney,” said C.J. turning towards Brandi with a teasing smile. “Let me help you out, too. Have you met Lance? He’s available.”

As he headed towards the double doors and led Courtney back into the house, C.J. looked over his shoulder and teasingly winked at Brandi with a, “You comin’?”

Brandi huffed, but eventually rolled her eyes and took off after them—a cackling Kyle stumbling behind.

“Mama?” he called to Hero before he disappeared back into the house, and Hero lurched forward to catch him as he lost his balance in the doorway. Hero helped Kyle over to the kitchen and gave him a cup of water from the makeshift bar, then a plate of potato chips from the snack table. It was a shame there wasn’t anything more substantial to eat here, but he hoped that would hold Kyle over and prevent him from falling on his face.

“Thanks, Mama,” he said with a kind smile as Hero refilled his water cup.

“I’m sorry about Courtney,” Hero said awkwardly but trying to be sympathetic.

“It’s okay, man. Zuzu’s way more important.” A genuine smile twitched in the corners of his mouth. “There’s nobody else like her. You’ve got to meet her one of these days.”

Hero nodded. “I’m sure I will.” If he was being honest, he kind of hoped he would get to meet her at least once someday. He was kind of curious about the girl who could get Kyle to set any kind of limitations on his flirtations. Truthfully, it was probably kind of good for him. She was probably kind of good for him, and it was interesting to think that she brought out a different side of Kyle he hadn’t gotten to see before. Most of what Hero saw of Kyle was what he assumed Kyle wanted him to see—airheaded, shallow party boy and charismatic flirt, but he was still generous, kind, and devoted to his friends. It was nice to see that beyond all that binge-drinking. That reminded him…

“You’re not ready to go home, are you? If you’re feeling tired, I can take you back to the house…” Hero glanced down at Kyle’s bad knee. From the way he was shifting his weight, he could tell it was bothering him again, but it wasn’t something they ever talked about and Hero didn’t feel it was his place to bring it up especially when Kyle just laughed and shrugged him off with a, “What do you mean? The night’s still young! We’ve barely been here at all.” Kyle downed his water before determinedly whipping around towards the dining room. “I think I’m gonna go play beer pong. You wanna come?”

Hero sheepishly scratched the back of his neck, but he tried his best to manage a, “no thanks. I…uh…I think I’m gonna get some fresh air.”

With a shrug of his shoulders, Kyle nodded. “Suit yourself. See ya later.” He waved at him before disappearing once again into the crowd.

Hero poured himself another cup of water and decided it actually would be good to get some fresh air, plus it would likely alleviate his guilt in having had to say no to Kyle’s request.

As Hero made his way back outside, he was just lucky enough to find an empty bench removed from the rest of the guests, and he took a seat on its weathered, floral seat cushion. This was as good a place as any to wait for Kyle until he was finally ready to leave—the unfortunate consequence of being the designated driver, he supposed. He should have brought organic chemistry textbook with him to pass the time since he would probably be better off studying for his upcoming exam than sitting in a friend-of-a-friend’s backyard.

Hero sighed. There was that MCAT book he had recently purchased too. He was pretty sure it was still in the back of his car with the other non-perishables he had bought earlier today which Kyle had not deemed important enough to bring into the house and put away before the party. Maybe he could run out really quickly and get that before anyone realized he was gone. On the other hand, it might be rude to start studying in the middle of somebody else’s party, but it might be even ruder to sit off alone. Maybe…

“Eeek!”

Splash.

That yelp followed by a squishy, wet noise pulled Hero out of his thoughts immediately. All of those summers he had spent working as a lifeguard, suddenly flooded back to him—just like they had when Sunny had fallen into the lake in Faraway Park, or Hero supposed, jumped in after Basil, even if he couldn’t swim very well.

Splish. Splash.

The next thing he knew he had ripped off his jacket and stood to his feet rushing over to the side of the pool. Some of the spectators had turned to stare at the girl struggling in the deepest part of the water. Hero thought about Sunny sinking under the surface of the lake, about Basil floating amongst the seaweed—both of them lifeless until Hero had managed to fish them out.

Something coiled in his stomach, bile burning the back of his throat as he thought about what would have happened if he hadn’t been there.

Splish. Splash. Splosh.

When the girl didn’t immediately swim to the surface, Hero’s stomach dropped. What if she also couldn’t swim? His heart pounded, once again thinking of Sunny and Basil floating in that lake in Faraway Park, and without a second thought, he jumped in after her.

Splash.

The water was frigid. It prickled against his skin and the added weight of his soaked sweater made it difficult to swim freely. Still, he managed to reach her fairly quickly and help her back up to the surface.

By the time he pulled her out of the pool, a whole hoard of concerned bystanders had gathered. He could hear them murmuring about calling for an ambulance. Hero pushed the girl’s sopping blonde hair out of her face and leaned close enough to her to determine whether or not she was still breathing. He sighed in relief to discover she was. She coughed, then spluttered—staring up with him with wide, eyes as her pale cheeks flushed a bright red.

“Where…? What…?” she stumbled shifting and rubbing her head.

“Easy…” he said softly, and he gently held her shoulder as she tried to stir. “Are you okay? Does anything hurt?”

She shook her head. “No…”

“Do you remember what happened?”

She merely blinked at him, and Hero’s brow furrowed in concern. “Do you know where you are?” he asked to only more blinking. “Or who you are? Your name I mean.”

She blinked again but finally said, “Lorraine. What’s your name?”

“Um…it’s Hero.”

“My hero,” she repeated with a smile, and his face flushed. Though he was embarrassed and perhaps a little flattered, he didn’t think now was the proper time to correct her, especially since that certain distant dreaminess in her voice concerned him. Had she hit her head on her way into the pool? Was she concussed?

When she tried to sit up again, he helped her the best that he could; then asked, “Did you hit your head when you fell in? Do you remember?”

Lorraine tilted her head at him as if she was confused by the question, but she shook her head. “No, I didn’t hit my head. I…I just tripped and…” The poor girl shivered and then tears began to well up in her eyes. “I…I fell in. Oh my gosh! I’m so embarrassed!” She buried her face in her hands as her shoulders began to shake with sobs. Hero awkwardly tried to pat her back to comfort her as his friends pushed through the crowd of spectators.

“What the hell happened?” exclaimed C.J. as Brandi followed quickly behind him with a stack of towels. Hero had no idea where she found those, but he didn’t think it was the proper time to ask.  

“She fell in the pool. I’m not sure if she was hurt or…” Hero’s voice trailed as Brandi handed him a towel, wrapping the other around Lorraine’s shoulder.

“Are you okay?” asked Brandi. Nodding, Lorraine sniffled as Brandi patted her shoulder comfortingly, then turned to the nosy crowd. “What are you all looking at? She’s fine. Get on with the party and mind your own business.”

At Brandi’s intimidating glare, the rest of the party guests began to fan out, and she looked fairly pleased with herself before she turned to Hero with a concerned expression.

“What do you think, Hero? Should we call an ambulance? Or maybe someone should take her to the hospital?”  

Hero sighed. Since Lorraine was clearly drunk, it would be difficult to tell for certain if she had suffered any kind of head injury—though it was promising to hear that she didn’t have any headaches or pains and she didn’t seem to have any other signs of head trauma. He tried to think back to his first aid training—trying to remember the questions you were supposed to ask someone who may have suffered a concussion.

“Can you count backward from ten?” Lorainne just blinked though Hero wasn’t sure if she was confused by the question or just intoxicated.

“Yeah?” she answered unsurely, and Hero chuckled. It was probably on him that she had misunderstood question.

“Do you know what day it is? Or who the president is?”

“It’s Friday,” answered Lorraine though her brow furrowed. “And um…oh…it’s—it’s that guy…um…what’s his name?” She sighed. “You know I’m not very political…”

“Ask her who her favorite Backstreet Boy is,” suggested C.J. earning him a scowl from Brandi.

Lorraine however quickly chimed in, “I like AJ. He’s a bad boy, but Nick’s pretty cute. I like his bangs.”

Hero thought Kyle would probably be happy to hear that, but it was probably an inappropriate time to be thinking that now.

“What about *NSYNC?” quipped C.J. with a lopsided smile.

Brandi, however, was unamused and glowered at him with a pointed, “Knock it off.” She turned to Lorraine. “Don’t answer that.”

Lorraine blinked at her with wide, confused eyes, and C.J. huffed but was luckily cut off by Kyle letting out a string of curses before he could put his foot in mouth even further.

“Lorraine! Lorraine!” exclaimed Kyle, catching his breath from his sprint up to them. Hero’s brow furrowed. He wondered if he had ever seen Kyle look so genuinely concerned before as he practically fumbled over himself, kneeling down on his knees next to Brandi and Lorraine. “Are you okay?”

“Hold on…you know two each other?” asked Brandi, and Kyle nodded.

“Since high school.” He tilted his head. “Do you?”

“Yeah she’s in my sorority.”

“Oh that’s right…I almost forgot about that…” Kyle mumbled distractedly. He reached out his hand to Lorraine—comfortingly pushing her hair out of her face. “Are you okay, Lorraine?” he asked again—his voice low, gentle.

Lorraine sniffled but whined in a voice slurred probably from too much alcohol, “What are you doing here, Kyle?”

“Checking on you. What the heck happened?”

Lorraine groaned. “I fell in the pool because I’m drunk. Don’t tell my sister. She’d kill me.”

Kyle’s expression softened and something genuinely kind passed over his eyes. “Don’t worry. I’m actually pretty good at keeping a secret, believe it or not.”

Whether Lorraine actually agreed with him on this point, Hero could not be sure, since she pulled her hands away from her teary face and turned to look at the rest of them. “I’m really sorry for all the trouble. I’m okay. I think I was just so drunk that I tripped and fell in, but I didn’t hit my head or anything.” She turned to Hero. “Thank you so much for jumping in and saving me.”

As she smiled at him, Hero felt his cheeks grow warm. He fidgeted. He never had learned how to take a compliment or gratitude. 

“It’s no problem. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Thanks, man. I really owe you one.” Kyle patted his shoulder and sighed with genuine relief. “You um…you think you can get her home? I’d do it myself but uh…”—he scratched the nape of his neck sheepishly—“I…uh…can’t um…”

“Gotcha,” whispered Hero with an understanding nod. “And sure. I’d be happy to give her a ride, as long as that’s okay with her…We don’t really know each other so…” Hero knew it was extenuating circumstance but they were still strangers and he wouldn’t really want to climb into the car of someone he didn’t know.

“I can vouch for him,” quipped Brandi with a smile. “You remember those stories about that guy who drives drunk girls home but doesn’t hit on them?”

“The taxi prince?” asked Lorraine, and Brandi chuckled.

“Yeah…that’s him.”

Lorraine gasped, then nodded towards him solemnly. “Your majesty!”

Hero’s face burned, but he cleared his throat. “I…uh…I’m not actually a prince, but I uh…I’m still happy to give you a ride, if someone will give me directions?”

“Uh…yeah!” interjected Kyle, even though Hero had really been looking to Brandi who actually lived there. “You know…it’s just like down the road and to the right…or maybe the left…”—he rubbed the back of his neck—“Sorry, I can’t think right now. Um…maybe I can call Zuzu…”

“No!” cried Lorraine, actual tears in her eyes again. She practically lunged forward, gripping onto Kyle’s arms as the slightest hint of pink flushed in his cheeks. Hero’s eyes widened. Until this moment he honestly hadn’t thought it was possible to make Kyle blush. “Please, Kyle. Don’t tell her. You promised.”

“I was just going to ask for directions…” Kyle insisted though his voice cracked as she burrowed into his chest. He would probably be soaked himself soon, but he didn’t seem to mind. “But okay, okay.” He somewhat awkwardly patted her on the back. “Mama’s really good with directions so I’m sure he’ll find it.”

As Lorraine nodded, Kyle turned to him with a somewhat helpless, pleading smile, and Hero, never one to argue, simply sighed with a stumbling, “Yeah…”

“Or I can just give him directions…” Brandi shook her head with a sigh as she mumbled with a certain affection, “Idiots…”

After Brandi had given him directions back to her sorority house, Hero grabbed his keys and wallet from his jacket pocket, then draped his coat over Lorraine’s shivering shoulders—helping her up to her feet and out to his car with her leaning on his side the entire way, her long, wet hair splayed across his cheek. Kyle staggered behind them, but he did manage to open the passenger door and help Lorraine into the car. For a moment, it was almost as if he had completely forgotten that Hero was there with them as he gently stroked a hand through her wet hair and kissed her forehead with a soft, “Take care of yourself, okay, Lorraine?”

Hero had never seen Kyle like this before—so gentle with such a tenderness in his expression. From all accounts, including the ones from Kyle himself, he was a shameless flirt and a serial dater with a trail of short-lived, failed relationships in his wake, and Hero had never thought it was any of his business to speculate about why that was. But the way he had jumped to Lorraine’s rescue, the genuine care and concern he had shown to her, and the look he was giving her now, certainly made him wonder.

In an instant, however, the moment was gone, and goofy Kyle was back with a final sigh of relief and the return of his lopsided grin as he closed the passenger door. He gave a big wave and mouthed an emphatic “thank you” to Hero before taking off back to the party.

As Hero climbed into the driver’s seat, Lorraine mumbled words of thanks and protest. “You really don’t have to do this…Kyle worries about me. I don’t know why. But I’m okay really…”  

“It’s no problem…” Hero gently insisted as he started the car. “I’m happy to help, and any friend of Kyle’s is a friend of mine.”  

Lorraine leaned back into her seat, and her expression relaxed into a bright smile. As he drove through some of the residential streets back towards their campus, he was sure that she had drifted off to sleep, until she asked drowsily. “Is there anything you want right now?”

“Uh…why? Do you need me to stop and get you some food?”

Lorraine hummed. “Do you want any food?”

“I’m okay,” Hero reassured her, but his stomach rumbled. As Lorraine giggled, Hero sheepishly admitted. “I guess I could really go for a sandwich right now…”

“Me too!”

Hero nodded, but his brow furrowed. “I don’t know if there’s anywhere open right now—at least not that we’ll pass on our way back to your house, but if you have ingredients, I’d be happy to make you a sandwich when I get you home.”

“I’d like that,” said Lorraine. “Thank you, your highness.”

“I’m really…uh…not a prince. I’m just a guy…” he tried to explain again, but Lorraine just shook her head.

“I don’t think so,” she insisted, and Hero sighed. There would be no convincing Lorraine of this while she was this drunk and tired. Truthfully, she might not even remember this conversation tomorrow so Hero supposed it didn’t matter much.

Still…he thought back to what Brandi had said earlier about him being a ‘bona fide prince charming’ and swallowed hard—his cheeks burning. He had never really felt like much of a prince and didn’t feel he deserved that kind of praise. The truth was he was just kind of ordinary. It surprised him that nobody really saw that in him…at least not anymore.

But maybe that was for the best. Getting put up on a pedestal he didn’t deserve at least kept him away from people—prevented him from hurting them and from letting them down. It would be far worse to actually be seen—to have people know he wasn’t anything special.

He wasn’t a prince or a hero or perfect… He was just a guy. And he was sure that if people really knew that, they’d only be disappointed.

[mytraumanarrative]

My First Love - 2014-2016

Written March 17, 2024

Around the same time, whether in class or also rugby, I met Mikaela. Mikaela stood same as me about 5’5” but pear-shaped with mosquito bite breasts and thighs that could kill a man. Her long, brunette hair was always up in the messiest bun, almost too messy, revealing her large gauged earlobes. To this day, she had some of the most beautiful, baby blue eyes I’ve ever seen in my life. Mikaela was a crass only child from California who’s loving parents were still married. If I recall correctly, she did technically have a half sister who was much older than her, but she was raised and still acted like an only child. She was also younger than most of us freshman. My first notable memory of Mikaela is the team wishing her a happy 18th birthday at practice one September evening. She had a long, colorful peacock feather tattooed across her forearm, and that somehow stands out to me still as a worthy symbol of her personality. Mikaela was loud and confident and swore like a sailor. She was also very experienced at rugby. Though I found this endearing and immediately attractive, as a freshman, her confidence in the game didn’t sit right with some of the other girls; it read as arrogance. 

Caylee, Mikaela, and I quickly became inseparable. Attending classes and practice together, studying and laughing late into the night. It was the first time in my life I felt like I had a core group of girls that did everything together and that was a really good feeling. I remember one late night, we were probably supposed to be studying but had reached the goofy point of the evening where nothing makes sense and every small thing sends the whole room into a laughing fit. There were two other girls with us, the five of us crammed into Caylee‘s dorm room; one on the beanbag chair, one on the floor, Caylee at her desk, and Mikaela and I perched on Caylee‘s lofted twin bed. 

I was caught off guard when Mikaela initiated some play fighting and pinned me down on the bed! I wasn’t used to being physical like that. Being raised in the church gave me a warped sense of acceptable touch and body space. Once in middle school, a friend and I had to use a practice room (basically a small closet with a piano) to complete a school project. Later in high school, we both came out as gay, but at the time being a seemingly straight boy and straight girl in a small room alone gave me a sense of inherent wrongness, intense guilt, and panic that we might “get caught.” I remember, noticing my friend didn’t share the same fear. This is the first time I realized that I viewed closeness differently than some. 

So Mikaela has me pinned on the bed, and there’s a moment where the joke was over and releasing me would have been organic. But for a few moments longer than was natural, she held me there, my body beneath hers, our eyes locked, playful smiles remaining on us both. It was quick but it was significant. And just as quickly, she let me free. As I picked myself up, I awkwardly chuckled and looked around the room to see if our moment had been as private as I hoped it had. She hid it well at the time, but later in life, Caylee would tell me it had not. I felt both embarrassed and enthralled. The kicker here is that Mikaela was self-proclaimed 100% straight. Having played rugby for much of her life and being, well, her, she had been assumed gay more than once, which bothered her. But that sustained eye contact with my breasts pressed beneath hers was not heterosexual behavior, to say the least.

As a young lesbian, chasing straight girls is inherently exciting. I think we grow out of it as we age (thank god) but being someone’s gay awakening feels like a badge of honor, a queer ego boost. And the heartbreak that comes from chasing straight girls feels more like an inevitable, impersonal heartbreak. Maybe that’s somehow easier to face. For the next few months life went on and Mikaela and I built a genuine friendship. I felt truly honored. My flirtations continued, testing the limits of just how blatantly I could hit on her before the gay panic took us both. It was a subtle exhilaration. But now she was on her own journey of self discovery, one that couldn’t be rushed. I shook up every piece of her sexuality which she had so vehemently defended, and that’s a scary thing. It takes time. 

One late night after studying in Mikaela‘s dorm (or drinking, or both), we decided it was best I stay the night instead of walking back to my dorm across campus. Her roommate was almost never home which meant there was a spare bed available. Yet we still chose to share her twin mattress. We started out butt-to-butt and with casual shifts, as if to innocently find a comfortable position, we found ourselves facing one another, her arm under my neck. My heart was racing and I could feel and hear my breath quicken. I wondered if she noticed and if she felt the same way. I don’t remember who made the first move, but suddenly we were kissing. Slow at first, but soon exploding into sloppy, teeth-knocking, moaning kisses. I still remember what it felt like to be on top of her. I had wanted this for so long, and it was truly an honor to be her first in this way, in this body. I also gave her her first orgasm! As she had only ever slept with mediocre, cis men, she had never had one before. As she got close, her moaning turned to panicked laughter which she later told me was because she thought she was either going to piss or die. The next morning I snuck out down the back stairwell. We were so loud that her dorm hall mates would tease her for the foreseeable future all the while never knowing it was me, not even when I moved into the room across from hers in the coming weeks. This was somewhere near finals week and leading into Christmas break. For a while we didn’t talk about it much except for checking in. “I hope that was okay!” “It was more than okay.” And in the best way, nothing changed between us. She went home for the three weeks of Christmas break while I stayed in our college town for most of the holidays. 

Throughout this time, my pursuit of Sara continued. Sara had an on-again off-again girlfriend, a sorority sister of hers who would frequently break it off, or was too afraid to commit, or some other reason Sara would come up with in the moment to make sense of things when I would ask. Which I did ask that one night in January when she came back from Christmas break a few days early. This was the first night we had sex.

Over Christmas break I moved dorms to be closer to Mikaela, across the hall and over one. (Gay.) we were still “just friends” but the feelings were there. Sara and I sat on my lofted twin bed, much like the one that Michaela had tackled me on that one night. I don’t remember how it got started, but I remember the lights were so bright, and neither of us took our shirts off. It was honestly pretty awkward and weird. Afterward, she left. For a bit we didn’t talk much after that. My feelings for Mikaela had started to pick up and her interest in me was becoming more obvious. When it came down to it, between that drive to heal Sara and the genuine desire to be loved by Mikaela, who I still believe truly saw me, my heart won. 

Mikaela and I started dating shortly after that at the end of January 2015. We were so in love. Near Valentine’s Day, she came out to her parents. She was so afraid but she did it anyway, for me, for us. Her parents were accepting which was not a surprise, but still a huge relief. If this ever becomes more than a nameless, faceless blog on a rapidly declining social media site, Mikaela will get more than one chapter. Mikaela deserves her own damn book. We dated for only a year and a half, living together for the better part of it. The end of it was ugly. We made many mistakes that, in hindsight, I believe contributed to our demise.

One of those mistakes being living together so soon. We had signed a lease as friends before we became more. Actually, we signed a lease with Caylee but when Caylee‘s parents found out Mikaela and I were gay, they told her that they wouldn’t help pay for her portion of the rent if she lived with us. So she didn’t. At the time this felt unforgivable and ended our friendship. But of course as I write this now at age 27, I understand. The summer before we moved in together I went to California to stay with Mikaela and her parents for three months (another mistake). I didn’t like her mom and I pitied her dad, and I put Mikaela right in the middle of it. During that time, Mikaela went on a three week backpacking trip around Europe with her cousin. I was jealous, I was insecure, and I was needy. I wasn’t fair and she wasn’t nice.

Mikaela and I fought a lot throughout our time together but I still think of her so fondly. We yelled, drank, partied, studied, played house, argued, sang at the top of our lungs, traveled, fucked. Fucked a lot. All of it hard and all of it good. We were so young, barely 18 and 19, and having our first taste of real independence. Mikaela had her flaws too. She was rude to my mom, had a temper, held a grudge, didn’t mind leaving a big mess for waitstaff at restaurants, didn’t put her grocery cart back. She had a hard time sharing. When we lived together, she made us all buy our own spices. We had three of everything each with our initials on the caps. I, on the other hand, was far too eager to play house and operate as one collective human. This was also around the time my anxiety started to get really bad. Textbook anxious attachment anyone?! I cried a lot, guilt-tripped, sought attention in childish ways, picked fights, and didn’t advocate for my needs by any remotely healthy manner. We were both just so young with so much growth to do and no idea how. 

But we were truly-deeply-madly in love, and I will always think of her in this way. Mikaela lives on the opposite side of the country now with a long-term boyfriend. I wish now that I could be her friend. Maybe if we had met at a different time in our lives, or if our paths ever cross again (though I am polyamorous and she is not), things might have been different for us. Nonetheless I will always be grateful for the time we had and I wish her all the best.

Another one of my fatal mistakes with Mikaela was my never ending ties with Sara. Unlike me, Mikaela saw right through Sara and didn’t put up with any of her manipulative bullshit. We were all rugby teammates, so Sara was inevitably still around, and even though I didn’t believe I had feelings for her, my obsession with rescuing her had a death grip on me. The cycle would go like this: Sara and I start talking, she guilt trips me for choosing Mikaela, she makes it about her “not being enough,” I play savior and try to convince her she is good enough, I get mad/Mikaela gets mad, Mikaela says “I told you so,” I block Sara. But I always end up unblocking her and starting the cycle again. So much so that I begin hiding it from Mikaela. Only sometimes, not always. Because at the time, I had convinced myself that I wasn’t doing anything wrong. Because “I don’t actually have feelings for her!” And maybe I did, maybe I didn’t, but looking back whatever those feelings were, it certainly wasn’t love. Instead it was some sort of desperation, born from some sort of savior complex, fueled by some very strategic moves on her part. But whatever it was, hiding it was wrong and I knew it.



[dayseternal-blog]

Hello DAYS8! I know this might even not be answered but I am fascinated by some of the fans on how they could balance their life and read and write naruhina fanfics in their spare time. As a student, I struggled a lot these past few months and was fixated on ALWAYS reading Naruhina fanfictions, as in I wouldn't even do my school works and completely procastinate then later cram a LOT just to satisfy my self in reading everyday ALL about naruhina fanfics. It was a stressful lifestyle I got used to back then. Now, I stopped reading since Saturday but I kinda miss reading stories such as that, but maybe taking a break on Naruhina can help me control my life to for a bit. It always feel like I need to finish a lot of fics in a rush like that's just probably wrong. But can you give some advice as to how I can balance Naruhina and my personal + school life? thank you ( ꈍᴗꈍ)!!

Sorry my grammar sucks and not the best out there :)).

Hello! I feel for you. I was a mess in college who procrastinated to the moon and back. I simply didn't do readings. I showed up to some classes unprepared. I was so busy with club/organization activities that I rarely ever talked to my long-distance boyfriend (now my husband). Somehow things worked out and I graduated with relatively good grades. If I went back to that time as the person I am now, I find it difficult to imagine myself handling it any better. I think I was doing my best.

To be upfront, I am generally not a "balanced" person. I don't know what kind of person you are, but I'll share some parts of my life so that I can kind of reflect on what "balance" means to me now and how I've been trying to deal with it. This is an ongoing struggle for me.

A handful of years ago, I was working full-time, attending a competitive online graduate school, and had a preschool-age daughter. At that point, I was also writing "It's No Secret," "Nightdreams," and "Catskin." I was so stressed out, fanfiction was my escape. I'm pretty sure this is a trend across fandom. I noticed that some of the longest works were written during the writers' most stressful times according to the author's notes. I was so unbalanced, and I would bet that many fanfiction authors write their "best" works during periods of their life that they would rather not revisit. I was working so hard, I was mentally checked out on the weekends. My family suffered for it. Taking out fanfiction would not have made my life any easier or more organized. I was stressed. And taking away the space for my brain to unwind in a completely unrelated topic from my real life would not have improved it.

I learned a lot about myself concerning self-discipline during those years.

I need physical location restrictions placed on me. I would do my work at a tea shop that I could easily stop at. Any homework I didn't finish would have to be left for the next day. I tried my very best to not do my work at home. Once I got home, it was relaxation time. Yes, there were nights when my daughter did not see me.

I literally used a student school planner to assign myself what needed to be done every day. I could not go home until I had checked off what needed to be done or unless the tea shop was closing. Once in a while I really did stay until closing. That was an important time restriction. If you can find some place to work that has a time restriction, like a school building that closes at 9:00, that would be a good place to go. Time restrictions not self-imposed force my procrastinating butt to get things done.

I was most productive at a tea shop. Somehow, libraries put me to sleep, home is too distracting, college study rooms are literally the worst, and working outdoors is too difficult. The liveliness of a tea shop coupled with the treat of bubble tea did the trick. Yeah, I spent a lot of money back then. I now wonder if I couldn't have just made my own tea.

I could not do fanfiction until I was done with my day's work. My current restriction now that I'm not in school is that I cannot do fanfiction when I'm at work. I cannot look at fanfiction on my phone unless I'm at home for professional reasons. My workplace locks up around 5:00. I can only write my fanfiction after my daughter is in bed. (Place & Time restrictions)

I will burn myself out for the sake of my work. This is something that I cannot compromise because I refuse to do anything half-heartedly. My family was suffering for my work when we all know that family should be the first priority. So two years ago, I had to change job placements to a less demanding community. That was the only solution. Had I continued working at my old placement, I would have never been able to prioritize my family.

I am most definitely a procrastinator. But procrastination is absolutely fine as long as you're actually getting it done by the deadline. I am also a workaholic. I am secretly competitive. I am prideful and desire to be the best. In the end, something always gets neglected, and at various times of my life that's been my then-boyfriend, my daughter, or my personal health; for me, there is no such thing as true balance. Currently, I am not working as hard as I used to because the community simply doesn't need as much of me for me to achieve good results. I am as "balanced" as I can possibly be right now.

After all that personal reflection, here are a few reflection questions that might be helpful for you:

As a procrastinator, how can you get other people and places to impose restrictions and deadlines on you so that you get your work done? This could be a study partner who has a similar schedule to yours, a building or shop's closing hours (this works for me), or a mentor/advisor (someone who is not your close friend) to set clear expectations and hold you accountable. This might look like asking for someone to sit down with you and help you break down all of your class' assignments into daily tasks. As a procrastinator, these daily tasks MUST feel imminent, meaning it MUST feel like you have to get it done otherwise you're screwing yourself over for the rest of the week. You must always have an urgent sense of "I have to get this done NOW or I'm screwed." If you don't feel like that, then honestly you're not going to get anything done. Speaking as a fellow procrastinator.

How can you romanticize your work to motivate you to enjoy doing it? How can you reward yourself WHILE doing your work? For me, this was a bustling tea shop with bubble tea. For early birds, it's seeing the sunrise and settling into a comfy chair as soon as the Student Center opens before the rest of the student body wakes up. For studyblrs, it's using cute gel pens, blue and pink highlighters, stickers, washi tape, cute post-its, and adorable notebooks; it's taking photos of and documenting their productivity on social media with little coffee cups (check out the #studyblr on tumblr). I had a coworker who would format spreadsheets at home while watching tv dramas. I saw students doing schoolwork while staying in the dining hall to have access to food and a stimulating atmosphere. Maybe you can find someplace that has attractive workers/other students. Nothing like surrounding yourself with cuties. Basically, how can you make your work feel as little like work as possible?

Unfortunately fanfiction cannot be read while working. That's just not possible. So if you want to continue to read fanfics, where and when is it appropriate for you to do so? While you eat dinner? After you study? Between classes? For me, it's weekends and after my daughter is in bed. And then you need strong reasoning as to why that is the only appropriate time and place. My workplace is my workplace. Fanfiction would be unprofessional. I can't have the tea shop workers catching me reading smut. My daughter loves to read. I can't have her asking me to read fanfiction to her. Basically, try to not be alone for most of the productive day, that way the temptation to read isn't there.

Do you want to restrict what device you read fanfiction on? Maybe you can only read fanfiction on your phone, and that leaves your laptop strictly for schoolwork. You could even go as far as to block fanfiction websites on your laptop.

I don't know what you're majoring in, but I have a tip for notetaking on readings that I wish I knew in college and that I only picked up in grad school 😩. If you know you will eventually have to cite text evidence for a future paper or something, while you're doing the readings, copy the quotations you like word-for-word into a Google Doc. Put the page number next to it. That way you don't have to ever go flipping through the book or article ever again. You don't have to highlight. You don't have to dog-ear pages. You just copy-paste that bugger from your list straight into your essay when it comes time to cite your evidence.

Good luck. Stay strong. Fanfiction should be a place to relax rather than a place to feel guilty!

[riko0youth]

Rollercoaster New year

Did I tale about how I had a Quiz on the 31th? no? thought so, let's go,

So i had an online quiz, i was carelssly studying for cuz they said its only 9 points and i was somehow sure i could wing it (bad, bad me), or just cram it, the quiz was sunday 9am (and we hated that with passion), but when i was starting my exam night cramming they Sent a message at 10 pm that it was moved to 9PM, i did a victory dance allover the house until my stomach and associated organs started to hurt, However, as a paranoid person i was scared half to death i would wake up to find the exam link sent for morning, i had to get reassure from people and get people to get reassure from people, before i could force myself to sleep, woke up, day went fine, i totally forgot it was the last day of the year until i was reminded, all my thoughts are on the quiz and the paper i had to turn in next day, so skip to an hour before quiz, i finished my half assed cramming and was doing questions, and still sus,the link wasn't sent yet, i did the mistake of following the group CHAT, someone had the mind to ask how many questions was the quiz and the usual answer got out, nine, nothing grand about it, but the all hell broke loose, The admin (Students Rep.) was like, Who says, and we all paused in panic and bomberes him with freaked out questions,

First arrow hit, He sent a crying emoji saying the doctor said its 20 questions.

Now imagine, you're carelessly prepared for a tiny quiz, already planning on sacrificing some subjects, since they prolly only had a one or two points in, and then you're hit was the fact that there's enough room for all subjects to whoope your unprepared ass and only less than an hour away from said whooping for you to prepare ANYthing.

Second arrow, he then said that he is trying to negotiate with the doctor, trying to convice her to prolong the exam time to half an hour, and we were like, Wait, then how much is it? and there were scrambled replies of 10 or 20 minutes and we didn't know who to trust, the fact of what we were about to face not really sinking in for me,

We tried to remedy the situation, finding any logic in that farce we reasoned that it must be half a point for each question, 10 points, not so bad, more room to think, all is good,

Now third, K. O., arrow hit, he sent another plethora of crying emojis,saying its 20 points.

(at that point someone angrily asked why he doesn't say all that in one go, i wholeheartedly agree) Half an hour, before said 20 questions quiz.

At that point, i acted when i do in really highly stressful situations, and kept calm and cool and chill about, i was like, okay this is happening now, let's end this, get it over with, and go cry about it to every single person i know later,(yes my uncles included, i've always found comfort in crying to them about hard academic stuff, like my trauma against physics, i somehow, by a strange twist of fate always got to sit with them right before any major physics test i had, including the final, and i found great comfort in that), 15 minutes, I locked my phone and continued to finish the questions i had in hand before running out of time just to Scream about in with fellow suffers, I looked again, couldn't help myself, five minutes later to find the admin sending on the Announcement group, "Okay guys, the doctor was just doing a Happy New Year Prank on us, the quiz is 9 questions"

You can guess what happened next.

It is note worthy, that there were people calling the bluff, people calculating with great logic why i could only be 9 questions, People saying that the doctor was probably joking, i was one of those people, say that the module was only 90 points, EOME, Practical, Final,Activites, how will they get enough points for those if the gave a whole 20 to a tiny quiz.

However, when one is dealing with our college, we learnt the hard way not to rely on logic and not to be too optimistic, yes, we suspected, but we knew better than to let our guard down while dealing with a college that tells you the number of exam questions and the exam time right before the thing itself.

So, instead of seeing my fellow Suffers in arm's reaction, i finished the questions first and tries to follow up.

Two minutes before the quiz someone said to start the count down

Exactly a minute before the quiz I sent lamenting that we're counting down to the beginning of the quiz instead of the beginning of the year.

Right after, they closed the group Chat, and I started my mental prep, Closed all the books and moved from the bed where they lay, cuz its not an openbook quiz. it took a few tries before the quiz opened.

All in all, the quiz itself was anticlimatic (for me at least, and I'm very much thankful for it) I lost a point because i didn't revise a subject as well as i should've, i avoided losing another point thanks to dear, dear, Spongbob squarepants (don't ask how, i make weird connections and refernces while studying, It very decidingly, very provenly (?), Works, so imma keep it that way) after successfully submitting (another thing i was greately thankful for) I Stood up, previously supressed Dizziness and Fatigue crawling back in with the speed of lightening, I went to the dining room, very obviously didn't eat, Drank a huge cup of tea (its a soup cup, Stolen/Gifted from my uncle, he was horrified when he saw me drink black tea from it,I have a bigger one now,almost 1/2 a litre I usually drink from twice a day,I always gleefuly smile when i see someone stares in horrified amazement/worry)

New year came and went, just happened, one moment i was still scrolling through food videos to get myself motivated to eat(I do suspect i have ARFID, but like my other mental and psychological suspected disorders, it remain undiagnosed) the next it was 12:02, i missed the ritual count down I am used to doing alone as the only person sentimental enough in the house to stay awake for it on a school night, I was kinda in a weird mood, but i woke up from it soon, My lil bro was surprisingly awake, not for the sake of welcome the first second of the year of course, I Told him happy new years, Shooting a text to each of my two enstraged from each other bestfrieds (Im like a child with divorced parents, the irony of it, what with my family circumstances, is not lost to me, in dark amusement i joke to myself that I get to experience both a failed ongoing marriage and a divorce, that was one of the reasons I was in a freaky mood), one replied one slept early, I aimlessly went to the kitchen, mood lost while watch a mundane Old Comedic Play on the TV, I Made something up on the spot in the kitchen, as you do.

Watching an eating, my brother joined me halfway for a while, we talked about that iconic actor we love, talking about Animation movies trilogy and Rewatching said movies and anime series and old,golden age cartoon we just pity the younger generations for missing out on.

it was honestly chill. still the weirdest Newyears eve i can remember. I was still Dizzy from the stress rush I had thanks to the quiz when i went to sleep.

[chaeryybomb]

BRUTAL

pairings: female reader x best friend!jungwon

summary: they told you that these were the golden years, but to you "golden" was a rusting metal spray painted yellow. the story of a seventeen year old trying to survive high school when all you do is try your best. but your best friend jungwon makes it worth the while. 

genre: high school au, friends to lovers, fluff, tiny bits of angst if you squint, attempt at humour

featuring: jang wonyoung, kim sunoo & nishimura riki 

word count: 4.5k 

warnings: reader having a existential crisis most of the time, strong language, mentions of insecurity

the sour series masterlist

You slumped forward the moment the bell rang, letting your head hit the table. You could care less if a bruise would form on your forehead, you had much bigger things to worry about. Your teacher left the class wordlessly as the class was busy doing their own thing. And by that, everyone was buried nose deep in studying. You lifted your head to see the different books of the same topic scattered on your desk, a yellow highlighter balancing on the edge of your table.

Reaching over to grab the highlighter, you turned your head over to the side to look at your desk mate. Wonyoung sat there looking straight out from a k-drama, with her hair flowing down her back perfectly and her slender nimble fingers moving as she continuously wrote in her notebook. She was smart too, fluent in English and Korean, great at maths and science. And on top of that she was kind and friendly, everyone loved her. You did too, you had the honour of calling her your best friend. But sometimes you felt insecure around her, everything she did looked flawless and there you were just trying your best.

"Ack!" You yelped as you sat up straight, holding your forehead. Wonyoung rolled her eyes at you with a small smile on her lips, she had flicked your forehead to get you out of your thoughts.

Without taking her eyes off the textbook, she tapped your own workbook with her pen. Silently telling you to stop procrastinating. You pouted at her and looked at the clock, 10 minutes before lunch. Maybe a walk to the girl's bathroom would do you some good.

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom," you whispered to Wonyoung. She nodded and smiled at you before you walked out.

As you strolled towards the girl's bathroom, you passed by the bulletin board outside your class. A bright blue poster stood out with the words "ENJOY YOUR YOUTH" in white. Scoffing at the message, you continued on your way.

"I'm seventeen now, where's my fucking teenage dream?" You muttered to yourself. You were tired of waiting for your life to end up like a coming of age movie. Everyone told you that these were the golden years and you should enjoy your youth, but you swear to god if you hear another one of those cheesy sayings, you might just cry on the spot.

Reaching over to open the stall door, you halt in your actions when you heard familiar voices talking.

"I'm so worried for finals, my parents are gonna kill me if I fail English again," a girl complained. You hear the sound of tap water running. "How are you so calm during this time, Mirae?'

"What's the use of studying hard anyways," the second girl, Mirae, said. "We all know the top spots are gonna be taken by Jang Wonyoung and Yang Jungwon, I just study enough to pass."

The other girl snorted at her reply. "Imagine if those two got together, the power couple of the year," she suddenly said.

"Poor Y/N then, she's gonna be over shadowed by them."

"As if she already isn't. I almost forgot they were a trio until you mentioned Y/N," the girl laughed.

"What can I say? They're out of her league," Mirae joined in with her laughter.

The two voices faded away as you heard the door closed. Finally pushing the door open, you looked at your reflection. Your eyebrows knitted in annoyance and your face was morphed in a scowl. You washed your hands aggressively and poked the inside of your cheek. What bugged you was that they were right. You were the black sheep between Wonyoung and Jungwon. Both of them were smart and amazing, and you're just…you.

You love your best friends, you truly do. But you were constantly compared to them and you hated it. Everyone wanted them, you watched as guys tripped over to confess to Wonyoung and girls squealing when Jungwon smiled at them. The two of them always reassured you that you weren't beneath them but you were sick of their sympathy. You're so caught up in the news of who likes you and who hates them. You just wished people liked you more.

Storming out of the bathroom, someone accidentally ran into you and caused you to fell onto your butt. The student immediately stood up and scurried off, not bothering to even a mutter an apology. All I did was try my best and this is the thanks I get, you thought bitterly.

They said that these were the golden years, but you wished you could just disappear. God, it's brutal out here.

"Y/N, wait up!" Jungwon called after you.

You stopped in your tracks as you watched Jungwon waved goodbye to some students before jogging towards you.

"You heading to cram school today?" He asked you as the both of you fell into the same walking rhythm.

You shook your head, clasping your hands behind. "I moved it to Thursday instead, Wonyoung said I had to many things on Tuesday," you told him. Originally, you would be heading to the library to study before heading over to the cram school. But Wonyoung took one look at your schedule and decided that you did not had enough breaks, so she managed to convince you to take the Thursday slot instead. Thursdays are one of the days where you would not go to the library.

Jungwon seemed to be disappointed to find out that you had switched slots. Maybe he should changed slots too, but does he have any empty spots open for Thursday though? He'd have to check later. Instead, he coughed and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

"Do you wanna come over later? The new Demon Slayer movie is out," he offered, hoping that you'd accept.

Unfortunately, you once again shook your head. "Sorry Jungwon, I'd want to cram even more later. Finals are really creeping in and I can't afford to waste any time," you told him with a sad smile. As much as you would like to ditch the books and watch Demon Slayer, the glaring C on your last history paper was telling you otherwise.

You stopped walking when you had reached your doorstep. "Thanks for walking me home, Jungwon. See you tomorrow!" and with that you disappeared behind the door.

Jungwon waved goodbye as he watched the door closed. The smile on his face dropped and his shoulder sagged. Jungwon you idiot, of course she would want to study, he scolded himself. With disappointment on his face, he trudged home with a heavy heart.

"Change of plans, guys," he announced as he swung the front door open, unfazed by the fact that Riki and Sunoo were lounging on his coach. He accepted the fact that Sunoo had somehow gotten the keys to his house (suspecting that his mother probably gave it to him due to favouritism or maybe Riki had sneakily made a copy).

Riki's head poked out from the couch. "She rejected you, didn't she," the younger boy said with a smirk.

Jungwon's face ears turned red as he glared at the boy. "No she did not!" He immediately told him. "She rejected the offer to watch the movie, that's different!"

"That's basically rejection, hyung," Riki laughed.

The other boy just glared at him. "Shut up!" he sputtered out before hiking up the stairs.

Sunoo gave Riki a look, to which the Japanese boy just shrugged his shoulders innocently.

Jungwon walked out from the shower, a towel around his neck with one hand running through his damp hair. Sunoo and Riki had left earlier, finally giving him some peace and quiet. His phone screen was flashing from his study table, initiating that someone was spamming him (quite aggressively) with text message. With a raised eyebrow, he picked up his phone

[7:09 pm] wonyoung: JUNGWON

[7:09 pm] wonyoung: JUNGWON

[7:09 pm] wonyoung: JUNGWON

[7:10 pm] wonyoung: WHY DID Y/N JUST MESSAGED ME ABOUT HOMEWORK

[7:10 pm] wonyoung: ISNT SHE WITH YOU

[7:11 pm] wonyoung: I THOUGHT YOU SAID U WERE GONNA WATCH A MOVIE

[7:11 pm] wonyoung: DEMON HUNTER OR SMTG

[7:12 pm] wonyoung: WHY IS SHE ASKING ME FOR HW

[7:12 pm] wonyoung: DID U CHICKEN OUT???

[7:13 pm] wonyoung: omg u chickened out didnt u

[7:14 pm] jungwon: jfc wonyoung

[7:15 pm] jungwon: and no i did not chicken out okay

[7:15 pm] jungwon: she declined

[7:16 pm] jungwon: she said she had to study ;-;

[7:17 pm] wonyoung: omg u suck

[7:17 pm] wonyoung: i told u the movie idea was dumb

[7:18 pm] wonyoung: but do u ever listen to me

[7:18 pm] wonyoung: no

[7:19 pm] wonyoung: and now u suffer the consequences

[7:20 pm] jungwon: yea yea i get it im dumb

[7:20 pm] jungwon: now what's ur solution the great jang wonyoung

[7:21 pm] wonyoung: i am so glad u asked :)

[7:21 pm] jungwon: oh no

[7:21 pm] wonyoung: stfu im giving u a better idea

[7:22 pm] wonyoung: a n y w a y s

[7:22 pm] wonyoung: my ynradar is going off and she's s a d

[7:23 pm] jungwon: how would u know

[7:23 pm] jungwon: she seemed fine today

[7:23 pm] wonyoung: stfu jungwon its best friend things u wont understand

[7:24 pm] jungwon: i-

[7:25 pm] wonyoung: and as her future bf u SHOULD start to train ur ynradar

[7:25 pm] wonyoung: anw its exam season stoopid

[7:26 pm] wonyoung: and its when those kids start to talk abt how the both of us are gonna get top scores

[7:26 pm] wonyoung: and they talk down on y/n while doing so

[7:26 pm] wonyoung: assholes

[7:27 pm] wonyoung: so i propose to u

[7:27 pm] wonyoung: a ✨ study date ✨

[7:28 pm] jungwon: i

[7:29 pm] jungwon: that's

[7:29 pm] jungwon: actually not a bad idea

[7:30 pm] wonyoung: obv i came up with it

[7:31 pm] jungwon: can u not

[7:31 pm] wonyoung: anw a study date

[7:32 pm] wonyoung: she's struggling in maths

[7:33 pm] wonyoung: specifically taxes because she said and i quote

[7:34 pm] wonyoung: "why do we have to do taxes when we pay people to do it for us"

[7:34 pm] wonyoung: so pls help her and try to cheer her up

[7:35 pm] wonyoung: and confess coward

[7:36 pm] jungwon: i make no promises for the last one

[7:36 pm] wonyoung: aFTER EVERYTHING I JUST SAID

[7:37 pm] jungwon: what if she rejects me wonyoung

[7:38 pm] wonyoung: WE'VE HAD THIS CONVERSATION A LOT OF TIMES JUNGWON

[7:38 pm] wonyoung: SHE LIKES U BUT SHES TOO DUMB TO REALISE

[7:39 pm] jungwon: sigh

[7:40 pm] jungwon: fine i'll try thanks wonyoung

[7:41 pm] wonyoung: np i expect y'all to be a couple by next monday <3

[7:41 pm] jungwon: i-

Sighing for the nth time of the night, Jungwon sat on his bed. He allowed the towel to slipped off his shoulders as his thumb hovered over your chat icon. Truth be told, he always thought his crush on you was unrequited love. You never showed any signs of returning of feelings so he thought he would just ignore the feeling until it was gone.

But oh boy was he wrong, because he didn't knew that he would be spending his high school years by your side. And now you occupy his mind 24/7. Wonyoung could literally tell that he was in love with you, but somehow you never caught on. He allowed Sunoo and Riki to convince him to do the whole "movie date idea", but that failed. So Wonyoung's suggestion was his only option left.

He typed out the message, ready to send it out. If only he could just press the button. Come on Yang Jungwon, you can do this. Just press the damn button Jungwon. Suddenly his phone pinged loudly, scaring the lights out of the poor boy as he yelped and his phone landed with a thud on the ground. He peered over his bed, as if his phone was a ticking bomb.

Oh, it was a message from you.

[8:01 pm] y/n: hey do u know where wonyoung is

[8:01 pm] y/n: she isn't answering my texts

Oh no. He realised that your chat was open, the two ticks indicated that he had (unintentionally) read the message. He couldn't just leave you on read. That's just evil. Scrambling to get his phone, he immediately typed a reply to cover for the other girl.

[8:02 pm] jungwon: sorry i don't :/

[8:02 pm] jungwon: what do u need her for

[8:03 pm] y/n: mf was supposed to teach me a maths question but she left me on rEAD

This was his chance! It was the perfect opportunity for him to score a date with you. Okay, breathe in breath out Jungwon. Don't mess it up and just ask her, he mentally prepared himself.

[8:04 pm] jungwon: oh i could help you if you want

[8:04 pm] jungwon: yk with finals coming up and everything, i can help you study

[8:05 pm] jungwon: if you want of course

[8:05 pm] y/n: omg srsly??

[8:06 pm] jungwon: pls help me study my braincells are literally dying

[8:07 pm] jungwon: jdsjkda okay how about this saturday at your place?

[8:08 pm] y/n: yeah sure

[8:08 pm] jungwon: cool its a date then!

You blinked at Jungwon's message. A date? Wait, did Yang Jungwon just indirectly asked you out? Nah, nah. You were overthinking it. Yes, definitely overthinking. Don't kid yourself, why would Jungwon ask you out on a date? Jungwon is just a friend, you tried to convince yourself.

Keyword: tried.

If he really was just a friend, then why did it felt like butterflies were in your stomach when he said "it was a date"? Then why did you frowned when those girls said that Wonyoung and Jungwon would make a good couple?

Oh god, do you have feelings for your best friend?

Saturday came faster than you would have liked it to. Ever since that last chat with Jungwon, it gave you the sudden realisation that you did in fact had feelings for your best friend. You tried so hard to avoid him in school because you don't want the butterflies back in your stomach. It was basically confirming the fact that you like him. Well, avoiding him also confirmed the fact but you choose to be in denial about it.

You didn't tell Wonyoung about your study date but lately she's been sending you outfit ideas on Pinterest. Specifically, date outftis. And whenever you tried to ask her a question about school, she brushed you off with a random excuse. So it left you no choice but to save those questions for Jungwon.

Speaking of Jungwon, he had texted you 10 minutes ago that he was on the way. You were standing in the middle of your room with your hands on your hips. Both of your parents were out for the day, which left you alone at home. You had taken out the low table to be used later and it was currently in front of you. Colourful workbooks were neatly stacked on top of it.

You did a 360 turn around your room. Was it messy? You cleaned it this morning when you woke up. Did you had any clothes out? No, doesn't look like it. For some reason, you were a nervous wreck. You blamed Jungwon. He just had to call this a date, didn't he.

Should you change? Maybe you should finally look through all those pins Wonyoung sent. Wait, no, why would you have to change into something nice. Jungwon was here to help you study, just that.

Yeah, a study date, your mind emphasised on the word.

The sound of the doorbell pulled you out from your thoughts. You immediately went to open the door. Yang Jungwon stood there on the other side, with his signature smile. Had he always resembled a sheep? He just looked so fluffy.

"Hey!" You greeted him with a smile, internally wincing at your way-too-enthusiastic voice.

But Jungwon didn't seem to mind it. "Hey!" he greeted back.

You moved to the side to let him in. "Thank you for having me," he said as he bowed then proceeded to remove his shoes.

"Uh, do you want anything? Water?" You asked him.

He shook his head.

"Ah, cool. Let's head to my room," you started to walk back to your room.

"Where are your parents?" He asked.

"Out," you simply replied.

That was when it dawned upon you, that your parents were not home. Leaving you and Jungwon, alone. Together. In your room. Alone. With the boy you potentially have a crush on.

"Y/N?" Jungwon tapped on your shoulder. You had stopped walking when you were suddenly washed over by your thoughts. Snapping out of it, you sent him a small smile before opening the room to your door.

The both of you shuffled into your bedroom, you sat down in front of the low table while Jungwon settled down next to you. He moved to take out his books then turned to you. "How about we do some studying and if you have any questions, you can ask me okay?" He said.

You nodded and flipped your own workbook open, immediately starting to work on the first question. Jungwon copied your action and a comfortable silence engulfed the both of you. As the time passed, you found yourself stuck on a certain maths question.

You slightly turned your head to the side to look at Jungwon. He was concentrated at doing his work, you felt a sense of deja vu while looking at him. He resembled Wonyoung when she was studying. At the thought of Wonyoung, you suddenly thought of what those girls said at the bathroom.

They would make a good couple, wouldn't they, you thought. The power couple of the year.

The butterflies in your stomach faded away into an uncomfortable feeling. Just the idea of them getting together already made you sick. You bit the inside of your cheek, you really did had feelings for him. And now it scared you because what if he doesn't feel the same. You made a mental note to consult with Wonyoung later, at least you hope that you'll allow yourself to tell her.

Jungwon must've noticed you staring and gently tapped your head with his pencil. A contrast to when Wonyoung painfully flicked your forehead.

"What's wrong? Are you stuck on a question?" He asked.

You leaned back a bit at the sudden action. You were so deep in your insecurities that you had totally forgotten about the literal problem sitting in front of you. Yet you couldn't even bother to ask him so you just shook your head. "I'm gonna get something to drink," you said instead.

Jungwon watched as you stood up, then decided to follow you as well. "I'll come along."

The boy joined you in the kitchen, perched on one of the island stools as you grabbed a can of soda from the fridge. He studied your movement as you worked around the kitchen. Your features were neutral, you weren't smiling nor frowning. But he could tell that your shoulders were tensed. Wonyoung was right, you did seem down. And he cursed himself for not noticing earlier.

"You okay?" His question made you stopped in a mid-pour stance, the can of soda was tilted but not enough for the contents to be poured out.

You brushed his question off and poured the drink into the cup. "Yeah," you hummed.

Unconvinced by your answer, he pried more. "You know you shouldn't care about what they say, right?"

You furrowed your eyebrows at him, pretending like you didn't understand where he was coming from.

"You're not below us, you know that right?"

You couldn't help but scoffed at his words. Jungwon's lips tugged downwards "I'm being serious here, Y/N," his tone was stern. "You shouldn't listen to what they say. You're more than just-"

The sound of the can being slammed down shuts him up. Your fingers tightened around the can as you looked at him. You didn't had the energy to hear him preach the same old "Don't Listen To Them" speech. You don't need his pity.

"I don't want to hear it, Yang Jungwon," you said through gritted teeth. Not sparing him another glance, you threw the empty can into the trash as you grabbed your glass.

As you walked past Jungwon, he suddenly reached out and held onto your forearm. "Y/N," he said softly. "Please tell me what's wrong."

You sighed and slowly turn around to face him, placing the glass back on the counter. You took in a deep breath before you opened your mouth. "I feel like I'm not enough," you finally said. "Everything I do just doesn't seem enough. All I'm doing is my best but it's just crushing my ego because everyone is telling me that you're better than me."

"I feel like no one wants me and I hate the way I'm perceived. It's always poor Y/N this and poor Y/N that's because everyone just sees me as your shadow and I fucking hate it. I only have two real friends," you gestured wildly. "And lately I'm a nervous wreck cause I keep comparing myself to the two of you. I'm not cool and I'm not smart, and I can't even parallel park!" You threw your hands up in frustration, the feelings you kept inside were pouring out like a waterfall.

Jungwon just stood there as he listened tentatively to every word. He didn't knew that you felt this way, bottling up all your emotions like that.

"And I'm so tired of people telling me to enjoy my youth and that these are the golden years. I might just fucking cry if I hear those words again," you finished ranting. It felt good, it felt like a weight on your heart has been lifted. Then you remembered that you just dumped all of it on Jungwon.

You opened your mouth to apologise to him but he surprised you by pulling him into his arms. At first you were standing stiffly at the sudden contact, but it took a millisecond for you to melt in his embrace. His arms were gently around your back and you returned the hug by wrapping your arms around his torso. The two of you stay in that position for awhile, relishing in each other's embrace. You definitely needed this hug.

Tightening your hold on Jungwon, you realised how important he was to you. He was your best friend and he was always there for you. It was stupid of you to compare yourself to him, when all he did was tried his best for you. The taller boy chuckled when he felt you rubbed your face into his shoulder, he involuntarily released a contented sigh. You felt one of his hands stroked your hair, it felt comforting. That action itself was enough for the butterflies to slowly settled back in you.

After a while, both of you finally (unwillingly) released each other. He pushed a strand of hair behind your ears and said, "You're wrong by the way." Which made you tilt your head in genuine confusion.

"You are cool and you are smart. You're like the coolest person I know. And no one thinks of you as our shadow, you don't hear it but I've always hear the juniors praising you for helping them and how enthusiastic you are," the way he delivered his words was filled with pure awe for you.

"And who cares if you can't parallel park. You didn't hear it from but Jay hyung failed his drivers test three times just because he couldn't parallel park," and that got a laugh out from you. Jungwon smiled proudly that he managed to make you laugh. "And you're wrong when you said no one wants you. I want you."

You blinked once, twice and thrice. He wanted you? "You're just saying that cause you're my best friend," you replied.

"No," he firmly said. "I like you, Y/N."

(Jungwon doesn't know where he got this sudden surge of confidence, but the mood was the perfect time for him to confess. It was a one time chance and he had to take it.)

You chuckled. "I like you too, Jungwon. We are friends aren't we?"

"No, Y/N. I like you. More than friends."

"Oh." Oh.

"Yeah," he scratched the back of neck awkwardly. Oh no, did you not feel the same way?

While you on the other hand, were malfunctioning on the inside. Your best friend just confessed to you and you were frozen on the spot. Why couldn't he had done it over text instead. If he had done it over text, then you could've left the message unread and you could've spammed Wonyoung for help. But the thing is that it wasn't over text and you couldn't just tell him to wait here while you panicked to Wonyoung in your bathroom.

Yang Jungwon likes you. And you like him too, right? Because if you didn't, your cheeks won't be heating up right now and your heart would have not be beating rapidly like it was going to break your rib cage any second. If you didn't like him, there would have never been butterflies in your stomach. Yeah. You like Yang Jungwon, you like him a lot.

"Me too," you whispered, it was soft but it was enough for him to pick it up. Jungwon eyes snapped to you, doe eyed filled with hope. "I like you, too," you said, this time louder. And you made sure you looked him in the eye when you confessed.

You watched as Jungwon's mouth morphed into a big grin. He let out a sigh of relief and dropped to his knees, surprising you. "Jungwon!" you squeaked, bending down to help him.

"I'm fine! I'm fine," he assured you as he stood up with your help. The grin on his face was still there. "It's just that … you like me," he breathed out. "You like me back, wow. I-I can't believe it."

Your face was definitely burning with embarrassment. You punched him lightly on the shoulder, turning away to hide your face. "Believe it, you dork. I like you, okay!" Somehow his grin was able to grew wider at your words, Gently, he took your hand in his.

"How about we stop this study date, and I'll take you out on real date?"

© chaeryybomb 2021

a/n: thank you so much for reading this <3

[mysteriesmuse]

“You know, I think he finds a secret joy in watching me cram,” you comment.

A/N: Alright guys I know it’s finals time. I, frankily, started writing this at some point during mine and semi-forgot about it, but now that I’m done (Yay!!) I finished it up and checked it, so I hope you enjoy.

And If you’re still doing finals keep going you can do it! I believe in you!

and for those of you like me who just finished *highfive* 🙏 we made it! (and now we can relax phew) ——————— You’re currently surrounded by the gaggle of children who has adopted Douxie as their big brother, along with some of their friends. It’s a whole get together at the dinner before finals week and the end of the semester comes. A normal sorce of fun and relaxation in their life’s since the arcane order almost destroyed the world. Ya’ know that kind of recreational activity.

However, unlike these cuties your dreaded finals week was already upon you. The perks of being the only human college kid.

————— The entire trollhunters group took up two full booths at the diner. The children taking up one whole booth to themselves and then the adults and the “mystical beings much-older-than-adults“ to another.

Somehow you’d been regulated to sitting with the later at the “much older than adult table” along with Barbara. I suppose that’s what you get as the human fiancé to a changling. “How’s your studying going, Y/N?”Barbara asks, moving across the table to place a glass of water under your nose with a smile mumbling a, “Don’t forget to stay hydrated.”

“Oh thank you, it’s been going alright,” you reply bringing the glass up to your mouth, “I’ve got a lot handful of late work to turn in and I’m honestly worried about my history final,“ you sigh looking back up from your laptop and several piles of papers.

Barabara nods earnestly, “I remember finding it difficult to juggle all the studying for finals,“ she laughs, “but most of mine were about how to use a scapula.”

“History you say? Well, I could probably help you study for that one. Afterall I’ve lived through most of it!”

Her fiancé Walter Strictler snorts, taking a bite out of his meal. “- Now wait, I too have lived through a large portion of history, and I have all the more eyes to witness it!”

“Oh please, you may have lived it but you don’t live with the artifacts everyday.”

“Yes, may I remind you too both that I do teach history for a living. I have a degree.” “As do we both.”

“Well I would have a human degree if it weren’t for troll law, but the Gladricals are know for being the proper historians for trollmarket . . .”

You heave a sigh alongside Barbara the two of you shaking your heads before you fix your eyes on the screen before you.

The “much-older-than-adults” hosting a conversation about what historical events they lived through along with side notes from Nomura, Barbara, and Strictler giving their own anecdotes about their time in secondary education.

The conversation is light and it flows easily, not a particularly demanding conversation for yourself, something you’re easily going to take for granted someday.

For now it‘s the right kind of ambience for your studyin giving you the option to chrip in if you felt a tug at the conversation.

——————— “Alright well, I’ve got your socks here Blinky-“

“Why thank you,” Blinky adds taking the plate and a big whiff of it before swallowing on. ”- oh and hello everyone.” He chuckles.

“Hello Douxie!”

Everyone pauses to greet him as Douxie slides into the booth sitting on the edge right next to you, giving a gentle pat to your hunched over back as a greeting.

“How’s everyone been doing?“

“Quite well Mr. Casperan, but we do want to know what your thoughts are on the Boston Tea Party. It seems we all have different perspectives on it.” Strictler asks.

Douxie chuckles with a quirked brow, “Where were the rest of you then?”

“Trolls lived in the Americas at that time-“

“Well, Y/N’s working on some history right now,” Barbara interjects.

Douxie hums looking over your shoulder briefly at the screen, “She’s looking at some music theory chords right now.”

“That’s because I’m procrastinating studying for my history final,” You heave a sigh leaning back into your chair.

I mean, you can always study for your other test later.

“Ah right,“ he glances at your screen, “don’t forget to check for your chordal resolutions, love.” Douxie comments snacking some fries off of the plate he served you 10 minutes ago.

“Hey, Douxie why don’t you help Y/N study for history later. I mean, you also know a lot about it like these other trolls here.“

“Ah that, ah well I’m sure Y/N’s got it. She prefers studying alone anyway.” Douxie shrugs taking a sip of your drink now.

“Oh really,” Barbara says, “I’m sure she’d appreciate the help from her boyfriend.”

“Indeed, she was telling us earlier how much she has to cover for the exam.” Stricler adds, with a nod to Barbara’s point

“It is indeed quite a lot.” Blinky says. They’re all sharing that same glance. . . ‘Young love’

“Perhaps I can help you out later right Y/N?” Douxie nods, getting up, “Afterall I’ve got to get back to work now.”

You interject, before he takes his leave and gets too far, “You know, guys, I think he finds a secret joy in watching me cram.”

“Ah well look at the time I better be back in the kitchen-”

“He’s been milling about watching me study all day. I’m starting to think you enjoy it.”

Douxie sighs exasperatedly, “look you are nuclearly attractive when sitting working amoungst a pile of papers.”

“Ah isn‘t that what they all say to woo all the ed. majors,” Nomura jokes.

“That’s exactly what I think of when I see Walt grading papers. . . you know wording more or less,” Barbara shrugs taking a sip from her coffee. ——————-

The Obligatory, “Eeeww Mom,” from Jim in the other booth where’s he’s giving himself a slap and dragging his palms down his face defeated.

“There, there, Jimbo.”

[fizzydrink698]

instinct 03 | chan

series masterlist

pairing: bang chan/reader

word count: 7.9k

genre: romance, a/b/o, slow-burn, college au, and they were roommates

warnings: swearing, allegories for biphobia, mentions of past toxic relationships, hyunjin is an agent of chaos, seo changbin is bestest boi

summary:

“A rut…with Hyunjin?”

You think it over, what those words entail, just how surreal they sound. For just a moment, you try to picture it.

You don’t notice Chan glancing over at you as you do so.

Monday - 4 Days Until Rut

True or False: How to Tell Alpha Truths From Alpha Myths

Myth: Ruts are dangerous because alphas are more likely to lose control.

Truth: While there is some evidence that pre-ruts can cause slightly elevated levels of aggression in alphas thanks to the release of cortisol and adrenaline, this impact is no more severe than that of caffeine withdrawal or the feeling of being ‘hangry’ before a meal. In fact, most alphas report that actual ruts themselves can induce a sense of calm and affection towards a partner – a far cry from the old-fashioned stereotype of rutting alphas as vicious brutes. Blame Hollywood for this myth, not science.

Myth: Everyone smells better to an alpha when they’re in pre-rut.

Truth: It has been scientifically proven that ruts (and heats, for that matter) have precisely zero effect on what you smell – it just makes those scents more powerful. If you like someone’s scent when you’re in pre-rut, odds are you like their scent outside of ruts too.

Changbin and Hyunjin turn out to be the only ones joining the four of you for Movie Monday.

Minho has a dance showcase he’s in the middle of rehearsals for, Seungmin has to cover a co-worker’s shift at the very last minute and Jeongin is cramming – or, in his words, ‘studying intensely over a contained period of time’ – for an exam later this week.

And usually, this is fine. Movie Mondays are designed to be flexible, not a serious time commitment. You yourself have skipped more than a few. In fact, next week’s is probably going to have to be cancelled, or at least moved to a different venue, since it fell right on the tail-end of your rut.

It’s just, at this specific moment in time, you find yourself wishing for more people – more scents to counteract the lavender clouding your mind, more targets for Hyunjin to inflict his razor-sharp side-eye.

Because right now, you’re getting the full brunt of it.

You had prepared yourself for the worst in that kitchen, ready for Hyunjin to call you out in front of everyone, to fix you with a smirk and ask what had brought on this sudden bout of possessiveness.

But he didn’t.

And somehow, that’s worse.

Because that gleam didn’t leave his eyes, that knowing smirk didn’t waiver one bit as he said hello, poured himself a glass of water, and sauntered back out the room without another word.

He knew. And he wanted to make sure that you knew that.

Still, you’re a big girl, so you deal with this situation as best you can.

You’re going to act completely normal. Like nothing happened.

Because nothing did happen.

Hyunjin definitely didn’t witness you go full alpha-douchebag.

Because that didn’t happen. Because that would be dumb and gross.

When you finally enter the living room, you meet the challenging look Hyunjin gives you from his seat on the couch, and stubbornly wedge yourself in the empty space between him and Felix.

To your slight disappointment, Hyunjin doesn’t seem bothered that you’ve decided to deal with him head-on instead of avoiding him. On the contrary, he lounges back further into the sofa, one leg propped up on the coffee table, pulls out his phone and pretends not to notice.

Felix, on the other hand, is visibly delighted when you sit next to him. You decide to indulge him, rotating yourself slightly so your head is resting on his shoulder.

And your feet just happen to kick up and nudge Hyunjin’s leg clean off the table, knocking him off-balance enough to elicit a yelp of surprise.

“Oh, whoops,” you deadpan. “Didn’t seen you there, ‘Jin.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he shoots back, bringing his leg back up to press down on yours, pinning your foot to the table. “No harm done.”

You scowl, and attempt to wriggle your foot out from under his leg, but to no effect. “You and your fucking…gargantuan spider legs, I swear–”

“Come on, just use your big, scary alpha strength on me,” Hyunjin says, batting his eyelashes, tone increasingly cutesy.

Yeah, he had definitely witnessed that rut-induced alpha shit you had pulled in the kitchen. This was his way of telling you, of rubbing it in your face.

You lift your other foot up to kick him in the shin, only for him to grab your ankle. “Wow. Rookie mistake.”

With a sudden burst of energy, you force yourself up far enough to reach and grab hold of Hyunjin’s loose bun, tangling your fingers within it.

He yelps again at your manhandling of his carefully styled hair, ever the drama queen, and dropped your foot to clasp both of his hands around your wrist. “Ow, my hair–”

“Oh, poor ‘Jinnie,” you coo, leaning your face closer to his without a second thought. “The big scary alpha’s messing up his pretty hair!”

On a whim, you decide to give his hair a tug, just to be a dick.

To your confusion, the motion does not make him shriek and complain even more like you thought it would.

In fact, the noise that leaves Hyunjin’s mouth is almost a whimper. He’s staring at you, eyes wide, lips parted in shock.

Oh, shit, did you pull too tight? Had you hurt him?

You’re about to release your grip, when Hyunjin suddenly blinks, and clears his throat – quickly recovering his composure. “Th-thanks for calling me pretty. It’s really selling me on the ‘big scary alpha rage’ thing.”

You make a face, only partly to hide the relief you felt at his response. If he’s quipping like that, he’s probably fine.

Still, that brief split-second of worry, of concern that you’d gone too far, was still prickling at the back of your mind. You release your hold, drawing your hand back as if in retreat.

Grabbing Hyunjin like that…it felt a little off. A little much. Yet another example of this rut  just…twisting you ever so slightly, wearing away at your self-control.

You don’t like it. It feels like it’s stripping parts of your identity away from you – the qualities that made you human, whole, more than just an animal.

You get the feeling that your internal thoughts are creeping their way into your facial expression – because Hyunjin fixes you with an unusual look. Almost like sympathy.

Of course, a sympathetic Hyunjin is still Hyunjin, and when you try to pull the foot on the coffee table away, he only clamps down harder against it, like a child.

And just like that, all those deep introspective thoughts on the dangers of your alpha nature float away.

You scrabble blindly for Felix behind you, grabbing him. “Lixie, help me out here.”

“Felix, grab her arms.”

Felix, the traitorous Switzerland, did neither. “I am an innocent bystander. I will not be dragged into this, not after last Christmas.”

…OK, to be fair, even you could admit that you and Hyunjin had gone a little too far that time. The two of you were forbidden to play charades ever again, and honestly, that lifelong ban was justified.

Hyunjin suddenly fixes you with a sickly-sweet smile. “If Felix doesn’t want to help you, you can always try shouting for Chan. I’m sure he’ll come running.”

You frown, caught on the way he said Chan’s name – drawing out the vowel, eyebrows raising just a fraction of an inch. Like he was making some kind of reference, hinting at something unknown. “What…?”

Keep Reading

[h2bakugou]

Hello dear friend~~May I ask what would be main 3+denki reaction to having a crush on a girl who never studies, and always does her homework in the morning before the class, and then when the results of their exams come out she's in the top5 and they just dont understand how she can have such good grades with how little she studies because she doesnt show that shes actually really smart? ☺️ (happened to me, everyone is shooketh when they found out my grades bc I have a rebel spirit about study?)

a/n: hi hun!! of course! i felt this, i never really studied unless i needed to, or i really didn’t understand something and i think i did pretty okay. but now i’m a drop out so- kjfhdjg i’m going to be doing online school soon though because i’d like to get my high school diploma.

headcanon: them with a crush on someone who never studies but excels in class

key: (y/n) - your name / (f/n) - first name / (l/n) - last name / (e/c) - eye color / (h/c) - hair color / (y/q) - your quirk

warnings: fluff, swearing

»»————-　★　————-««

katsuki bakugou

»»————-　★　————-««

Bakugou doesn’t expect you to do very well. It’s the honest truth. 

He’s watched you every morning, scramble to finish your homework, and somehow manage to write legible answers with how fast your hand moves.

And before every test, he doesn’t see you study at all. It’s like you barely even keep notes.

In fact, he’s almost certain you don’t even keep notes at all. He was willing to bet that the notebook that rested on your desk during note time was promptly filled with doodles and random drawings, maybe even a to-do list or something.

But, all that aside, Bakugou has the fattest crush on you. This man is fucking smitten till the day he dies.

Everything about you astounds him, he’s never seen anyone like you.

And it goes to say that when you come out second in class, under him, he’s fucking confused and amazed at the same time.

He wants to ask you a million questions on how you did, ask if you cheated off of him somehow but he knows that’s not even remotely true.

His idea of trying to ask you out is getting you to study with him.

“Oi.” Bakugou approaches you after class, walking back toward your dorm.

“Oh, hey Bakugou.” You smile at him. You had a crush on him too, but neither side knew the other’s feelings.

“We’re studying together tomorrow. Meet me in the library and don’t be late.” Bakugou storms off, totally chad-like he’s thinking he’s just scored you and everything.

y/n.exe has stopped working.

You know he knows you don’t study.

You show up anyway and you can’t help but laugh because it’s certainly not studying that you two are doing in the library.

Somehow he’s managed to lead you to the library just to take you out on a date somewhere because there’s no book bag in sight, not even a book moved from the shelf.

“Alright let’s go.” Bakugou smirks.

“You could’ve just asked me out on a date in the first place.” You tease him.

“Shut up.” He huffs, smiling.

It’s a really good date.

»»————-　★　————-««

izuku midoriya

»»————-　★　————-««

Midoriya has probably asked you to help him study once or twice. He knows you’re up pretty high in class, you have great grades, but he’;s confused as fuck when you turn him down.

“What?” He blinks at you, confused.

“It’s not that I don’t want to! I’d love to but I uh don’t really study.” You mumble, avoiding his gaze.

“But you have amazing grades-”

“And I finish all my worksheets right before class starts, it’s just how I do things.” You look back up at him and smile.

“I can try my hardest to help, but studying isn’t really my strong suit, I think I get lower grades when I study.”

from that point on, I think Midoriya probably finds you that much more fascinating.

He loves to learn more about you, and knowing that you can finish a big project the morning it’s due and make a top grade, he’s blown away.

He starts to realize he likes you when you start hanging around him more.

You help him as best you can when he comes to you for answers, you’re very smart, you just have a very different way of doing your work from him.

When he finally decides to make the move, he’s shitting bricks. He’s nervous, and totally freaking out because he doesn’t even know if you like him.

“Uh hey, (Y/n)?” Midoriya pulls you aside after class, stopping you before you leave the classroom.

“What is it Izu?” You ask, having given him the cute nickname after being on a first name basis with him.

“I was wondering, well if you’d like to go on a date with me.” Midoriya gained some confidence after the sentence came out, looking at you with determination and affection.

“Sure, when and where?” You smiled, feeling your face begin to heat up.

“Wherever you want, there’s a really nice restaurant that opened up nearby-”

“Sounds like fun.” You glance away and smile. You had butterflies in your stomach.

“Are you nervous?” Midoriya asked, watching as you seemed to be a little anxious yourself.

“A little. My crush just asked me out so...” You giggle.

“You’re nervous about me asking you out but not finishing a project the day it’s due?!”

“Those are two totally different things!”

»»————-　★　————-««

shoto todoroki

»»————-　★　————-««

I feel like Todoroki knows from the get go that you don’t study. He never sees you in the study groups, or in the library. He always sees you doing some sort of paperwork in the morning, and he catches on rather quickly that it’s last night’s homework, or an assignment from earlier on in the week.

Still, he can’t jump to conclusions just yet.

He overhears Kirishima talking to Kaminari about you. He’s not trying to eavesdrop on their conversation but he’s curious nonetheless.

“Yeah, I don’t think they study at all.” Kirishima tells Kaminari.

Todoroki is pretty intrigued now.

Starts investigating to see if you actually study or not. And when he doesn’t find anything to say that you do, he just waits for the exam results to come back.

He knows you didn’t study, no one accounted for you at any study groups, and Sero even said you’d gone to bed after training that afternoon.

When the results come back, Todoroki is dumbfounded.

You did better than him. You landed a whole three spots above him. 

Todoroki makes it his goal to talk to you now. And you two become really good friends, and Todoroki develops this crush on you.

He’s not sure how it even happened, all he knows is he likes you and everything about you intrigues him.

So when you’re hanging out in his dorm room, just talking and chilling out, he asks if you want to study for the next quiz coming up.

“Oh I don’t actually study.” You giggle, looking at the half-and-half boy you had a crush on.

“You don’t?” Todoroki restates, finally confirming all his suspicions.

“Nope. It doesn’t really do much for me, I’ve never really studied.” 

From then on out, Todoroki enjoys when you accompany him while he studies. He studies alone just to be able to spend time with you.

Especially when he asks you out.

“(Y/n)?” Todoroki glances up from his work sheet and you look up from the book he’d lent you to read while he worked on his assignments.

“Yeah Sho?” You smile at him, closing the book, holding your spot with your thumb.

“Would you like to go on a date after school soon?” He asks, getting the question he’d been wanting to ask off his chest finally.

“Yes.” Your eyes lit up at his question and you could feel your face getting hotter by the second.

“You look hot.” Todoroki comments on your flustered face which only deepens at his comment.

“I didn’t mean- I mean you are very beautiful but your face looked hot as in temperature.” Todoroki’s own face begins to flush at his fumbled words as you begin to smile and laugh.

“You’re too cute.” You grin at him. He smiles back and returns to his work, ready to take you on that date.

»»————-　★　————-««

denki kaminari

»»————-　★　————-««

Kaminari has no clue. He’s oblivious. I don’t think he’s as stupid as people make him seem but he certainly doesn’t catch on right away, it takes a bit of time.

And one loud mouthed explosive blonde haired friend of his to point it out.

“I was gonna ask them to study with us after class.” Kaminari states, telling the group about his first move to try and ask you out. He’s had a crush on you since he laid eyes on you, and he’s shooting his shot.

“You dumbass. They don’t study.” Bakugou groans, looking over at you, scrambling to finish your homework.

“That’s the homework from last night.” Bakugou points out to Kaminari and his eyes go wide.

“There’s no way they’re going to pass!” Kaminari exclaims.

“We have to go help them!” Kaminari is about to go rush over to you but Kirishima stops him and laughs.

“Just wait, you’ll see.” Kirishima reassures Kaminari.

And sure enough, when the homework gets returned, Kaminari watches as your paper returns with the highest marking. You passed. With a perfect score.

This doesn’t stop Kaminari from shooting said shot though. He’s trying even harder. He’s determined.

"So there’s that big test coming up.” Kaminari began talking to you about three weeks ago, you’ve become friends, and you both have mutual feelings for one another that the other doesn’t know about, but it’s pretty obvious to the surrounding friends in the Bakusquad.

He’s talking to you about the test coming up with all of the subjects you’ve covered so far, a bit of a mid-term if you will.

“I’m a little nervous about it if I’m being honest.” You admit, taking a bite of your lunch.

“Do you wanna study with us later tonight?” Kaminari asks, feeling volts coarse through his veins as he awaits your answer.

“Studying isn’t really my thing. It’s not that I don’t want too! Please don’t think I’m trying to avoid you guys.” You bite your lip and look away trying to come up with the right words to say.

“Studying crams my brain and I don’t really think fluidly when the test comes, I get worse grades when I study then when I don’t.”

“I’ll stop by after with snacks and drinks so you don’t feel left out then.” Kaminari grins, his amber eyes full of excitement.

And sure enough, he stops by, a few slices of pizza and some soda in hand.

“So I was thinking, me and you.” Kaminari starts. You’re playing some video games before lights out.

“Me and you?” You question, currently beating Kaminari in Mario Kart.

“Yeah like, would you wanna go out sometime?” He asks, smiling.

“Sure, that could be a lot of fun.” Your face begins to heat up, and you lose your spot to Kaminari as your mind begins to scream with excitement. You feel your heart beating faster.

“Wait really?” Kaminari turns to look at you pausing the game.

“Yes. I like you, and I want to go on ad ate with you.” You smile, setting the controller down.

“Oh this is awesome!” Kaminari hugs you.

The next day when the test is over, the Bakusquad stands dumbfounded as you pass the test with the highest score, even beating Bakugou.

Kaminari is proud.

»»————-　★　————-««

masterlist

[pontevoix]

UMBRELLA :  for [ peach ] to share her umbrella with [ tsukishima ] on a rainy day ! ✨

it’s probably his fault that his umbrella broke. tsukishima sits in his hindsight & thinks he might try to blame hinata or kageyama for breaking the umbrella — & it’s possible that they bare some responsibility, but . . . over all, tsukishima has to conclude that his umbrella fell over in the club room, that it fell in a place where it got stuck beneath the door &

forcing the door open resulted in an umbrella with a broken wingspan & metal bits that don’t quite bend the way they should.

tragic, but not the end of the world. tsukishima’s pretty sure that akiteru left an old umbrella somewhere, crammed in his old room. he can manage till then. outside the school & gym, he stares at a garbage can nearby —- & swings the umbrella on his wrist without thinking. he should throw it away.

. . . the garbage is probably twenty-steps away. too far away from immediacy so he stands & waits where he agreed to meet peach, & resigns himself to throwing it away . . . later. but thankfully, it had stopped raining in the morning so it’s fine &

of course the sky grumbles. water bursts from grey & this is not a light rain. much to his chagrin, there’s a gutter close by that tsukishima didn’t register ahead of time. the gutter spits out water as fast as the rain comes. even from a distance, tsukishima gets splattered. drops of water wait on the lenses of his glasses &

tsukishima frowns at nothing for so long that he doesn’t notice peach approach. she announces herself ( somehow politely & rudely ) with the press of her umbrella’s tip against the mid of his back.

much to his continued chagrin, tsukishima jolts. but he covers his embarrassment with a quick dip of the head to acknowledge her &

earlier, they agreed to study together. it’s a wednesday, & they agreed during lunch that energy was low, that it was a good time to try & raise a little extra study adrenaline by visiting the local cafe. of course, during lunch - the weather was dry. they agreed to study together, & so they walk together.

whatever deities there may be, they’ve decided to make a pity of tsukishima. his hair starts sticking to his forehead, & there’s no way he can keep his schoolbag dry &

he drifts away from peach’s umbrella every time she drifts towards him with it. tsukishima is reminded . . . multiple times that peach is much shorter than he is. the edge of her umbrella bumps against his head

he refuses to crouch ( it’s undignified ) — he spends a few moments dipping between the rain & one-fourth of the way beneath peach’s umbrella before the rain picks up & renders his glasses all but useless. the fabric of his shirt is increasingly wet, so it can offer no reprieve to his glasses . . . tsukishima sighs a little, ducks his head into a drip-drop nod of gratitude ( he murmurs the word lightly too ) &

wraps his fingers around the stem of peach’s umbrella — to offer ( without speaking ) to carry the umbrella, to shelter them both.

well ?

this resignation to an alliance against the storm says nothing for the state of tsukishima’s glasses. peach will have to make sure he doesn’t walk them into the middle of the road or something.

                       somewhere there was a meme | @soverina

[rigelmejo]

Learning Chinese and Japanese back and forth is a weird time because like

When I started Chinese the fact I had to learn like double the amount of characters was daunting. Versus Japanese where the kana take like a month tops to learn then you tend to learn the Kanji in class very slow, my approach to Chinese was like "ill cram 300 hanzi in a month, then 500 in 2 months, then 1000 within 6 months and after that start brute force reading webnovels, then another 1000 by the end of the year so I can read webnovels easier (which was 2 more cramming hanzi months around month 10-12)". And like... for me hanzi cramming was actually most common word cramming after the first 300. So I had 1000 common words known roughly by the time I went into trying to read. (And a basic grammar summary I'd crammed month 3). And by the end of year 1 I had 2000 common words roughly familiar with along with probably a few hundred from immersion.

And so like. Hanzi were not that daunting after all? Because they largely meant vocabulary learning at the same time for me with the way I learned them. And by the time I was immersing in month 6 I was getting used to learning hanzi from context to a degree like you guess new words in French from word stems/endings/grammar function/surrounding sentence, I was guessing hanzi words by hanzi combos/radicals/grammar function/surrounding sentence.

And what that all amounted to is chinese ended up having a lower barrier to entry for immersion for me. Once I knew a hanzi I knew a pronunciation of all new words wirh them. Once I knew a radical I had a Guess of new hanzi pronunciations or at least a guess of pinyin to look up to find it. 1000 hanzi known meant a ton more words I could figure out from context even if they had unknown hanzi for the other part of them.

Then I go back to Japanese. And the Kanji seem even more daunting. Because there's way more frequency of multiple readings for a character, because there's more words in kana only that I have to learn with no character to hint at meaning. Grammar remains relatively clear (though it's own hurdle for me) but I'm stuck back in the problem of needing to relearn a Kanji each time I learn a new word cause often the Kanji has a new pronunciation, new tail end of hiragana depending on word type. No more "oh I learned this character now all words with it are easier" but "oh I vaguely know this character but now it's brand new pronunciation spelling time potentially better assume nothing". Kanji seemed daunting at first but after chinese somehow seems even more daunting in a way, while hanzi ended up being less daunting with the way I study in the long run.

Don't get me wrong, my study method could be applied to Japanese fairly decently still. I got back into Japanese (I used to vaguely know like 500 Kanji to a small 1 meaning/pronunciation degree and 1000 common words), and I drilled 600 ish common words in clozemaster (which gave me some more common words to work with). And then tried brute force immersion just like with chinese. On the upside my hanzi knowledge helped me with guessing some new word meanings easier when combined with grammar and sentence involved and prior context I have of a given material. So reading suddenly got a LOT more accessible. But on the other hand it just highlighted to me how much MORE Kanji intimidate Me lol. Because even if I can read a Kanji word in context, I'm miles away from knowing it's pronunciation, from knowing the full word and being able to say I learned it - I can read it sure but if I only know the visual aspect then I still need a lot of audio reinforcement/studying it's pronunciation later. And the next time I see that Kanji in a new word it may mean something different and be pronounced different yet again and I'll start the process from scratch. Just like. Grammar aside, just the hanzi versus Kanji difference is a lot for me when trying to get into immersion and how that translates to full on language skill. With hanzi I can pick up a new hanzi from a compound word, then that new hanzi to pick up another new hanzi in a compound word with IT etc. In Japanese I know so little of the pronunciations that I cannot do that yet (tho I imagine eventually maybe learners can start to) so I pick up a lot more words in a reading sense but in no other dimension and have to do more supplementary work to pick up words. (Yes I've got to do supplementary work to pick up Chinese words and reinforce listening but it's more like just getting used to hearing it instantly, it's less to learn the words pronunciation at all - tho that happens to a degree). Idk just like I did not expect my brain to pick up one system easier than the other but it definitely happened that way in retrospect.

My reading skill has always been unbalanced in languages I learn, with it ahead of all other skills (like wow French reading is fine but my French listening skills are pathetic). But it's most extreme in Japanese where like. I got to the point of eventually being able to read novels a bit (struggling desperately but like just barely getting tje gist of a normal level entertainment novel which is a LOT when for 2.5 years I couldn't even used to read a manga without a dictionary). And being able to read video games if I have some prior context (which IS WAY above my old 2.5 years level and ultimately all i need to do.. just need to read faster now). And now I can read manga at an enjoyment level where it's not terribly brutal but it's just a good reading level for me (not slow, new words in context, doable). Which is what my reading level in Chinese was at about month 8-10 where comics were the sweet spot of doable casual reading material. And like. It took me 3 months of japanese to get there. And now that I am over the "kanji" reading hump to a degree I can glance at novels and could finally brute force immerse with them if I wanted. But it's so funny cause now my reading IS at a level where I could probably pick up a fair bit from immersion and dictionary alone. But my other language skills are pathetically low in comparison including not knowing what a lot of these words sound like (with the exception of the words thar give me furigana in manga thank u furigana). Whereas at this point in Chinese immersion level, I could have conversations with people over text and could start audio only immersion because a lot of words I picked up I also picked up the pinyin of and got some more rounded recognition of beyond reading.

Tldr it just hit me I could go pick up a manga rn and read it, but I can't do much else in japanese with ease yet. I do realize a part of that is my absolutely lacking in audio study which I always need to do more of lol ahsjjd. But even when I do audio study in Japanese I really have to do it in combo wirh reading at some point for Kanji readings.

[arigatouiris]

always you // tsukishima x reader

Author’s Note: I am kinda proud of this one because I relate to the reader and Tsukki here so I just projected half of my personalities into either of them hahaha. Again, before I take requests, which I do, I want to finish clearing the works on my draft first. Currently I have two more one shots before my draft is completely clear and so far I have 3 requests in total. Also, I can totally see Tsukki as the pining type and hopeless romantic, yanno? I hope ya’ll like this~

Word count: 6329 words

Pairing: Tsukishima Kei x Reader (Aged up) (College AU)

Warnings: angst, mentions of alcohol, intoxication, intense pining, slight sexual references, eventual fluff, tired reader

If someone would have told Tsukishima Kei that he would miss every single detail about Karasuno when he’d graduate, he’d have laughed at their face. He wasn’t sentimental, anyone who knew Tsukishima knew that he was one of the most practical people they’d ever meet, but here he was, standing beside a particular desk in his 3-4 classroom, staring at an inscription on it that reminded him of you.

The classroom is empty, and the silence echoes in his head constantly. It takes him only a second to think of how loud it would be if it were filled with people—it feels like just yesterday when this very classroom was bustling with joy and laughter, and here you’d sit, reading a book or trying to take a quick nap or doodling. 

Looking anywhere but at him.

He let out a breath before feeling his eyes burn, his fingers ghosting over the inscription on the desk. He thinks of your smile directed at him, your hair blowing in the wind, your laughter at something Yamaguchi said, and the way your eyes would glisten when you called out his name.

Tsukki.

His heart was constricting with a familiar sort of pain, the very pain he felt when he broke up with you six months ago; he remembered how your eyes didn’t widen, how tired you looked, how you pressed your lips together, and just walked away. You must have expected it, the way things had been going in the last year. You had your own club activities, and Kei had his dedication to the volleyball club—yet, despite how understanding the both of you had been earlier, third year did not work out.

     “Tsukki,” Yamaguchi’s voice broke him out of his stupor, before he pulled his hand away from the inscription. “Do you... Do you want to speak to her?”

He did. 

Oh, he missed you with every fibre of his being. He wanted to talk to you, he wanted to bury his fingers in your hair, touch your skin, kiss you till you became breathless and he wanted to see the blush settle on your face because of him. He wanted to apologize and scream at how stupid he was for letting you go, and all of this he had realized in six months of not being around you. People often said that first loves don’t last forever, but Kei wanted nothing more than to make things work with you.

No one understood him like you did; you took his snapping with a bulletproof shield and you were headstrong when he was letting himself feel weak. You didn’t punish him for being himself, instead, you embraced him for everything that came with him being who he was—even the bad parts.

     “No.” 

But, he knew it was too late. He knew you were probably not even in school. Your medical entrance was not far away, and he knew how hard you were working for it. That’s what he loved most about you. On days when he thought he wasn’t paying much attention to you, he’d be one of the last things on your mind because you had a life of your own. He’d wonder if he was being a bad boyfriend by neglecting you for days, not texting you or calling you, but then he’d hear from Yamaguchi that your club activities kept you so busy that it was hard for you to initiate any contact as well.

And when you two did meet after a week of not talking, you’d embrace him with that calming, quite addictive smile and a soft hug before he pushed you away and made fun of you. He’d secretly do it just to see you pout, which he thought was adorable. 

And his heart would break when you’d apologize to him instead. Tsukki, I’m sorry I was so busy, his eyes would widen, The club needed me to finish the reports for the anthology we were preparing—

He’d shut you up each time with a firm kiss. The loud beating of his heart meant that he liked you more than he let you know and he only wondered if that would ever bite him in the ass later. 

And it did.

*

It had been seven months since he had last seen you. 

Tsukishima knew you were in Tohoku Medical University, and the last time he had seen you was near his own university, meeting with a bunch of girls. He didn’t approach you, quickly hid himself away at an angle that allowed him to look at you, while you couldn’t see him. You didn’t cut your hair, despite how he believed girls after a relationship would make some change; however, you looked exactly like he remembered, no changes.

Did that mean something? He couldn’t deny how he was feeling upon seeing you there, smiling and talking to people he didn’t know, and he ached for you. To see you was to be seduced by you, and he loved how feisty you were with him. 

You weren’t shy, you didn’t have a flat personality like most girls he had met. You were a dangerous combination of everything that could ruin him, personified in a form that always took his breath away. Only he could see you flustered, only his touches could make you sigh and gasp and breathless, and he’d have it no other way.

He yearned for a glimpse of you throughout the day, and only at nights he could see you, be with you. But, somehow, you would be gone when he woke up.

It was a week after that did Tsukishima even tell Yamaguchi that he had seen you, to which the blond got news that he perhaps, could have lived without.

     “She’s dating someone.”

Tsukishima’s eyes widen at his friend’s words, who only looked a tad bit uncomfortable at how the blond was staring at him.

     “I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have brought it up—”

     “Who is it?”

Yamaguchi gulped, unsure if he even had to say anymore. He knew how his friend felt about you, and throwing at him this sudden bit of information could damage him more than he already was. Clearly, Tsukishima Kei had not stopped yearning for you, despite the breakup, despite the gap, despite the almost one year of not being with you.

     “It’s someone from her college... Her senpai, I think?”

But, there was no way Yamaguchi could ever lie to Kei. Tsukishima was grateful for the news, but the way it made him feel was not worth knowing the information. He felt a rock settle in between his lungs and every time he breathed he thought of you, and it hurt all the more than it did before. No matter how many deep breaths he took, Tsukishima could not let go of that rock. 

     “It’s been long anyway,” He couldn’t even hear his own words, “Good for her.”

Yamaguchi was the one who could see the emotions plastered on his friend’s face, and his heart dropped at the mere sight. Of all the years he had known Tsukishima, he had never seen him so exposed, so vulnerable, and without you, he was just a mess. A walking body of high-functioning anxiety, Tsukishima Kei would rather let his demons devour him than reveal that a girl was making him feel so helpless.

But, that girl was you—strength and beauty personified; there was no wonder that Kei fell so hard for you.

Yamaguchi still remembered that day clearly. The first time you two met, in final year of Junior High. Your relationship with Kei was as special as the one he shared with the blond, and even though you didn’t know him as long, it was just as strong, just as precious, and just as important.

In final year of Junior High, your grades suddenly skyrocketed and you were placed in his class—the teacher often comparing your grades with his own, two of the smartest people in class. Though, your smarts did not just come from you paying attention in class, it came from late-night work and intense studying on weekends. 

He had learned later on that you could not afford a cram school, so you would often cram by yourself, into ungodly hours on weekdays, and you’d come to class looking like a zombie and he’d snicker only to have you either ignore him or snap back.

Nevertheless, Kei grew to care for you and Yamaguchi noticed. He’d notice how Kei’s advances at making fun of you died down quite a bit afterward, and if he saw you struggling with something, he’d voluntarily walk over to you and offer to help you—surprising Yamaguchi, and himself in many ways, but what blew his mind was how you’d take his help despite the number of times you’d snapped at him, and you’d thank him, genuinely, making his heart feel full.

You’d started calling him Tsukki by the end of that year, and you’d gotten into Karasuno as well. It was as if the three of you were destined now, and slowly, he realized he developed feelings for you.

And even then, it was you who asked him out. Your face was red, your hands were behind your back, hoping that he’d not see that you were practically shaking, and you were a bit scared that he’d make fun of you. The year had just started, and his practice was going to keep him busy, but you liked him. You liked everything about Tsukishima Kei starting from the teasing, the relentless sarcasm, and the unbridled dedication, which was only masked by his nonchalant demeanor. 

But, it surprised you when no teasing ensued. You could never forget the way he looked right then—red faced, hand covering half his jaw, looking away from you like his life was on the line.

     “Y-Yeah, I know. You free this weekend?”

Kei thought of you every single day after Yamaguchi told him you were dating someone else. He’d think of you with someone, laughing at their jokes, holding their hand, letting them smell your hair or watch you smile, get the chance to see your eyes glisten toward them.

His thoughts now weren’t even that innocent; on odd days, in the loneliness his apartment brought him, Tsukishima thought of you kissing the boy you were dating, having his hands roam all over you, having some man ravage you instead of him. All Tsukishima could do was wonder what it would be like to take your first, what it would feel like to have his hands roam all over you—his thoughts, while not innocent, reflected how utterly alone he felt. 

And when Tsukishima woke up every single morning, his mind would go crawling back to you with guilt over how dirty his thoughts were the previous night. 

That evening, after practice, Tsukishima noticed Yamaguchi approach him, waving his hands, flailing them from side to side. Tsukishima rolled his eyes at his friend, who merely smiled at the blond before they walked out of the gym together.

     “What’s with you today?” 

Yamaguchi said, “She broke up with him.”

Tsukishima could not miss the way his heart skipped a beat at what Yamaguchi said. ‘She’ was automatically ‘you’, and that one vague sentence made so much sense to him that it had him thinking of how much you had him wrapped around your finger, without even knowing it. He turned to his friend, who merely nodded, and continued.

     “Apparently, he was too clingy. They’re in med school, and she’s not free at all. Now more so than it was in high school, and her senpai kept nagging at her for not spending enough time with her and she called it off a few days ago.”

Tsukishima did not hide the smirk that sat on his lips. 

     “She was always the individualistic type.” He commented, his voice low.

     “Yeah,” Tadashi nodded, “She needs her space, that (y/n).”

Tsukishima was in a way glad that you considered Yamaguchi so close. Some part of his mind wondered if the reason you told Yamaguchi such intricate details of your life was because you wanted him to know about you. Maybe, you knew Tadashi would ultimately tell Kei about everything, and maybe that was what you wanted.

     “Tsukki,” Yamaguchi voiced, “I can’t do this anymore...”

His eyes widened at his friend’s sudden revelation.

     “What do you mean?”

     “Maybe, (y/n)-chan tells me these things hoping I’d not tell you. Maybe, she wants me to tell you, either way, this is exhausting. You still love her, and she... she’s still trying to wrap her head around whatever it is she’s feeling and I feel like I’m caught in the middle here.”

Tsukishima knew that he could feel this way, but there was no way he could allow himself to lose the one thing that linked him to you. That one thing being Yamaguchi. 

     “Yama—”

     “Tsukki, please.”

Kei turned away before pressing his lips into a thin line. He understands, but he doesn’t like it. Yamaguchi knows that his friend doesn’t appreciate it, but the fact that Tsukishima Kei would never wish for someone’s unhappiness over his selfish desires was what kept their friendship going. 

*

Just as he was about to fall asleep that night, his phone rings. He’d not miss the number anywhere, his eyes were saucers as they were staring at your name on his phone screen, calling him at 1 a.m., almost as if you were used to calling him all these months.

His fingers ghost around the phone screen before deciding to pick the call, his heart rummaging in his chest the entire time.

     “(y/n)?”

     “Tsukki?”

In that one utterance, Tsukishima knew something was wrong. You weren’t yourself, there was something different, something that showcased that you were not entirely sane at that second. His stomach plummeted to the bottom when he realized what was actually going on.

     “Are you... are you drunk?”

You let out a bitter laugh before scoffing, “No, you’re drunk. Loser.”

He was suddenly very, very annoyed. He instantly got up, grabbing his jacket, checking the time once again before getting shocked once again at how careless you were being.

     “Where the hell are you? I’m coming to get you—”

     “I’m being followed, Tsukki.”

He could puke right now. In all his 20 years of life, he has never felt this scared. He felt the back of his eyelids burn, begging him to let himself cry, but if he had a breakdown it would only delay in getting to you. He needed to get you safe, he needed to ensure that you were within four walls, untouched, unscathed. 

     “Where are you?”

     “Inside a 7 Eleven... I think this is the one near Sendai?”

He knows where you are, but that doesn’t give him any sort of relief. 

     “Stay there. Do you understand me? Stay right there, and don’t fucking hang up.”

He doesn’t even bother to take his wallet, Tsukishima bolts out of his apartment, locking it, running towards the particular store you were in. He spots you from outside, you were not dressed provocatively, a fact that he was grateful for, and rushed inside to grab you by your wrist. You instantly pulled away, before looking up and realizing it was Tsukishima. 

Your eyes widened at his sudden arrival before he noticed how flushed your face was. You were so beautiful, it was breathtaking, but right now, all he could feel was unbridled anger.

     “No one’s following you, (y/n). What the fuck is wrong with you? Why did you—”

     “I was being paranoid? Man, I really need to sit down—”

     “Who left you here?” Tsukishima asked, anger bubbling in his chest.

He pulled you out of the store before leading you to his apartment. Walking with you there would take you ten minutes easily, but this part he didn’t care. He was glad that you were safe, but he was still angry at how careless your actions were.

     “My ex left me there. He wanted to talk about something, I think? But I just didn’t want to listen to him,” Kei looked at you from the side, his hand wrapped around your wrist, “I kept chugging one drink after another because I was just...”

He saw the eye bags under your eyes and he saw how dry your lips were. You were clearly dehydrated, and you looked devastatingly tired. Med school wasn’t a walk in the park, but seeing you like this, almost defeated, somehow reminded him of himself.

     “...I was just so tired.”

Kei’s eyes did not leave your form. He was hyperaware that the two of you hadn’t reached home yet, and whatever conversation he was going to have with you, he understood that right now wasn’t the best time. You were intoxicated, and by the looks of it, you were probably not going to remember anything of what was happening at the moment. 

A few more minutes later, Tsukishima had dragged you into his apartment, and latched the door behind him. He was grateful that he didn’t need to share his space with anyone, which meant he could avoid idiotic questions like ‘who’s the girl?’ or ‘it’s so late in the night, though?’, because right then, all Tsukishima wanted was answers from you, whether you were in a drunken stupor or not. Handing you a large glass of water and glaring at you until you drank it, Kei forced you to sit on the edge of his bed and watched you keenly.

     “Apparently senpai wanted to get back together,” You said, surprisingly sounding a lot less drunk. 

But, judging from your eyes and the way you were unable to focus on his unmoving form, which was right in front of you, he was certain that the alcohol was still in your system. Kei’s heart went out to how sad you actually looked, your light pink sweater was still neat, your jeans unstained, your hair tied in a messy bun—you weren’t dressed for drinks. It was perhaps either spontaneous or you were pushed to a point where you were so pissed off that drinking seemed the only way out.

     “Did he... Did he do anything?”

Tsukishima felt stupid for even attempting to ask you this, but he calmed down when he saw you smile to yourself.

     “No, I had pepper spray in my pocket.”

     “Had?”

     “I think I lost it now.”

Kei wanted to slap himself. You weren’t always like this. You weren’t someone who would resort to something so dangerous and reckless. He couldn’t help but think if this was in some way your method of coping, your method of healing from the breakup—was this your breakup formula, the inevitable course of action that you were supposed to take after he broke your heart?

     “I ended up calling my other ex.” You laughed, somewhat bitterly, causing Tsukishima’s stomach to drop.

You were drunk, but you clearly knew who he was and where you were. You may have been a lightweight but somehow, he was impressed with how you were holding your liquor, Kei leaned down in front of you and just watched you, his eyes were surprisingly soft, his fingers dying to touch you—unafraid because he knew you would not remember these moments with him. 

     “I don’t want to tell you anything I’ll regret in the morning,” You whispered, causing his eyes to widen.

     “What does that mean?” He asked, desperately, inching closer to you, but being sure to not make you uncomfortable.

You shook your head before blinking away tears that threatened to come your way. Tsukishima gaped, breathless, at how even intoxicated, you were the single most breathtaking person he had ever laid his eyes on.

     “Please sleep.” He said, standing up, and leaving you in his room. He wasn’t going to fit on the couch, but there was no other option. 

Even if his bed could fit the both of you, Kei would rather you sleep well and comfortably, than he would. Besides, he was sure that if he slept beside you (or even on the couch), he wouldn’t get to stay asleep for long either way.

When you wake up, you took a few seconds to bolt upwards, check your surroundings and then yourself. Your wallet, keys to your apartment, and your hair tie were on a table beside the bed, where a couple of aspirin and a water bottle was placed too. Getting up too fast was not good for you, your head spun around so sharply that you were inches away from puking.

     “Where...?”

A moment later, you got up from the bed—after having taken the medicine and water, left there by god knows who, you inched your way to the living room of this strange person, wanting to thank them for sheltering you for the night. You felt shame hit your veins, you can’t believe you had done something like this—especially alone; and you could only wonder if a creep had sheltered you.

But, the person you saw on the couch was Tsukishima Kei, your ex-boyfriend from high school, struggling to stay asleep on the couch. Your heart broke at the sight of the tall boy, barely fitting into the couch, knowing full well that another step and he’ll wake up.

On odd days, you wondered why he broke up with you. On odd days, you missed him so much that you could cry. On days like today, your heart was barely fill and you were certain that a certain blond was the reason you craved doing reckless things—reckless because some part of you wished with all it had that he would come save you. He stirred awake, almost alerted by how you were just standing there, without making a sound. 

When his eyes met yours, he scoffed rudely—as expected—before sitting up, and leaning his head against the headrest. 

     “Tsukishima—”

     “I knew med students were crazy, but wow,” Your eyes widened at his words, “What the fuck, (l/n)?”

You had descended down to your last name with him, and the acknowledgement of it shattered your heart. You felt tears prick your eyes instantly, but you were not going to show any sort of weakness in front of him, not after last night—not after whatever could have happened.

     “What happened last night?” You couldn’t bare the sound of your voice, at how groggy and hungover you sounded.

Tsukishima made it evident that he didn’t like it too, but chose to keep his words to himself.

     “Nothing dirty happened, just you, throwing yourself into a depressing pit of alcohol drinking and embarrassing yourself.”

You frowned. There was no need for him to be plain mean about it. Sure, he had helped you, but that was it, right?

     “Thanks for last night.” You wanted to ignore his words, you wanted to let it go and not fuel him into saying anything more. 

     “I won’t be surprised if this happens again, you know? Judging from how you’ve turned out—”

     “Tsukishima!” You snapped, causing him to wince at his own words.

He didn’t dare look at you. He knew he had crossed the line, he knew he had said something to deliberately hurt you, and that had hurt you, but facing you would break him. What a coward, his mind scolded him, before he heard shuffling coming from where you stood. 

     “You see, I’m not surprised,” You said, pressing your lips together. “You were always this bitter.”

Tsukishima could hear your voice break. Way to go, he thought, you made her cry again. He gulped before attempting to turn to you, but he noticed that your back was facing him now—making him feel somewhat relieved, but scared at the same time. 

I am so glad you’re okay, was what he wanted to say.

     “No shit,” was what came out.

He noticed how your shoulders trembled now, as you reached down to grab your shoes. Tsukishima wanted to stand up and stop you, hold you in his embrace and beg for you to stay because if it were him, he’d not even dare give himself another chance—but you, you were forgiving and kind and gentle, all things that drove him up the wall yet made him fall so devastatingly in love with you.

Please don’t go, he wanted to say.

     “Get out, (l/n),” was what came out.

You shook your head, “I can’t believe I’m like this because of you.”

Tsukishima felt the wind get knocked out of him, but before he could stop you, before he could find answers or any sort of confirmation at what you said, before he could even think of what was going on, unfortunately for him, he was frozen to where he stood and was forced to watch you leave. 

He felt his fingers shake, and he looked down at his hands, which got blurrier and blurrier at each second, as he fought the urge to slap himself. Of course, he thought internally, if he was a mess of a human being, finding unhealthy coping mechanisms by trying to learn about what you were doing, stalking your social media, staring at pictures of you from Yamaguchi’s profile, reading his old chats with you, and everything that would perhaps never let him move on from you; then so were you.

He was the one who broke up with you, after all. If anything, you’d be the one in a much, much more difficult path. 

Tsukishima did not go to class that day, and he missed practice. His captain called him multiple times, to which he merely replied saying he had the stomach bug—his captain was a lot like Kageyama, but for some reason, even he understood the importance of an optimum immune system and told Tsukishima he had to take the day off, no issues from that. Yamaguchi inquired about his sudden absence, but he merely said ‘I’m tired’ to him and left it at that.

But, oh boy, he was trying to call you, alright. 

Tsukishima perhaps would have called you fifteen times in the last hour, with each of those calls ignored. After the barrage of calls, he left a barrage of messages, each asking you to pick up or call him back, suddenly forgetting the need to act as if he was high and mighty—no, if you were hurting as well, and he was hurting beyond belief, he had to fix it. A dialogue was the only thing that could put things back to normal, and hell be with Tsukishima keeping face. If this meant that he had to bow down and scream an apology, then so be it.

Hey. Pick up.

Hey. Call me.

Please, call me back.

Are you busy? Call me.

I know you’re ignoring me, call me back.

(y/n). Please. Call me.

What if this was an emergency? Call me, (y/n).

Tsukishima looked at his own messages and thought about what was wrong with him. After almost a year and a half of radio silence, here he was, literally begging for you to call him back after he had done something so fucking idiotic. He had a lot more to apologize for, he knew it, but he could only do so if you gave him that chance.

It was around 7 p.m., when you called back. 

     “(y/n)—”

     “I had lab time, Tsukishima. What do you want?”

You were busy. You were perhaps so busy you couldn’t check your phone. Of course, you were studying to become a doctor. You weren’t ignoring him. Somehow, this fact resonated well with his heart. Even your ‘what do you want’ sounded more tired than angry, and he could hear the lag in your voice to confirm the same.

     “I need to talk to you—”

     “Well, you made it clear that you didn’t want anything to do with me earlier today.”

     “Please,” He felt so out of character, but right then he didn’t care, “Let me see you.”

     “I...” He heard you sigh deeply, “I can’t today, really. I missed lab work yesterday because... because of that stupid bar night, and now I have to make up for the lost time. I’ll probably be here studying all night.”

     “Okay then.”

You were confused when he cut the call, but you assumed he was just tired of trying. You weren’t making an excuse; you stared at your phone, where just a moment ago your ex-boyfriend’s name was flashed up. You lick your lips and realize it’s been four hours since you had a sip of water. You clearly weren’t taking good care of yourself, and if Tsukishima was still with you, he’d reprimand you to no end.

Oh, you missed him. 

You missed how he’d scold you for these reckless things you’d do. He knew about your habit of never drinking water, just surviving on licking your lips and sipping water after meals here and there. He hated that bit about you and he made it his personal responsibility to ensure you drank at least a bottle of water whenever he was around. 

You missed the way he cared for you, so subtle yet loud—it resonated like his personality and you’d sometimes find yourself caring about your well-being because he cared; and even though the motivation here was incorrect, it brought the desired result regardless.

You missed him so much, it was like suddenly having lost a part of your body. It was as though you had lost an arm or leg but still instinctively reach out to feel your missing limb or try to walk again, placing your entire weight on something that was no longer there.

Swallowing the intense feelings you were experiencing, you buried yourself into the work you had ignored the previous evening and started to work. Medical school was exhausting even without the emotional baggage you managed to carry with you every single day.

What you expected would take you a couple of hours merely extended and you were in the lab till 2 a.m. Your eyelids were heavier than they had ever been before and you felt like your legs were jelly. You didn’t care about the way you looked right then, but you were certain that you looked half-dead. You couldn’t remember the last time you had eaten, and you noticed that the water bottle you had got for yourself earlier that day was still untouched. 

Sighing, you grab your things and prepared to trek all the way home. A simple walk would feel like a trek, your feet felt like they were bleeding from the soles. However, the second you stepped out through the hospital exit (the college exit was closed), your footsteps came to a halt.

Tsukishima sat there, by the bench near the parking and your heart skipped a beat. What is he...?

He noticed movement from the side of his view and spotted you there. He instantly stood up, before realizing that you were busy (once again), of how you poured your all into everything that you cared about. This only made him wonder how much you had poured yourself into him.

     “What are you doing here?”

You sounded so tired, it was so strange. He had never heard you sound almost defeated—he took one good look at you then; chapped lips, dark circles, disheveled hair; he knew you were dehydrated, hungry, exhausted and you had not once thought of these things.

     “I’m hungry.”

You blink and sigh, “Tsukishima, I’ve had a long—”

     “Please, come with me.”

You’ve never heard him say please so many times in one day. Your heart is weak for him still, and you follow him to the nearest 7 Eleven. You were wearing your white coat, a purple full sleeved top and the same jeans you were last night. You looked to find him wearing exactly what he was wearing that morning when you saw him, the black full sleeve tee, brown jacket and blue jeans. No matter what he wore, he always managed to look so devastatingly beautiful. 

     “Eat something.” 

You didn’t have the energy to argue with him, you bought a sandwich for yourself and he got some ramen (for some reason, he chose your favorite flavor), and the two of you went out to sit by a park bench, isolated from the world. Your apartment was merely a five-minute walk from where you were, but that didn’t matter right then.

     “You obviously still like me.” He said, somehow his voice not condescending or witty.

     “Obviously.” You admit, because you were too tired to argue.

You heard him chuckle, but you were busy eating your sandwich, the bottle of water beside you suddenly looked like the most tempting thing in the world. What you missed was how Tsukishima’s hands were trembling as he linked them together in front of him, leaning forward on where he sat. 

     “You’re an asshole, you know that?” You say, realizing the sandwich did nothing to quench your hunger.

     “I know.” He sounded so defeated, before turning to you and handing you the cup ramen.

I knew he was going to do this, you thought, tears pricking your eyes. He bought your favorite flavor because he knew.

Tsukki, you took the cup ramen without hesitation, you can’t do this to me.

     “Why,” You stared at the cup ramen, “Why can’t you just tell me what’s on your mind?”

You heard no response from him. You took exactly two sips from the water bottle and dug into the cup ramen. But you stopped eating midway, shaking your head. 

     “Kei,” You jumped to third year high school again, “Please, I can’t... I will leave if you don’t stop me.”

There was no attempt made. You turned to see him staring at the ground, emotionlessly. You couldn’t decipher what you were feeling, but you certainly couldn’t try to decipher what he was feeling either. His silence left you breathless, all of a sudden you want to cry and scream, you wonder what you did wrong, you wonder what happened—why was he the way he was? Did you make him mistrust you in anyway?

A sob exited your mouth, but your trembling lips capture the rest. 

However, Tsukishima Kei’s trembling hands raised to his face and he cried; your eyes widening at his sudden reveal. You quickly place the cup ramen to your side and turn to face him, your sweet boy, the boy you had so willingly given your heart to, crying his heart out, sobs ugly, tears streaking down his gorgeous face. The sight kills you.

     “It’s so fucking hard to see you happy,”

You’re confused, but you knew he didn’t mean the words to their exact meaning. There had to be something else. He didn’t want you to be happy? What the fuck?

     “And I’m not there...”

Ah.

     “You... You don’t need me and that kills me...”

You were quick to kneel down in front of him, your fingers trembling, your knee trembling, your legs quivering, but your heart was strong enough. All you needed right now was your heart.

     “I don’t need you,” Your voice was a whisper only he could hear. 

Kei rolled his eyes, and you noticed how wet they were from the crying. Your right hand wiped some of the tears from his face before you took a breath.

     “But I want you. Always, always you.”

It was Kei’s turn to meet your gaze. You were staring at him, a soft smile on your features.

Why was it that it was always you who would assure him when things were wrong? Why was it that you were always saving him? Either from a misunderstanding, a fight or most often, from himself?

He felt so weak when he was around you. He didn’t know if it was a curse or a blessing.

     “No one compares to you. And as bad as that sounds, I couldn’t stop thinking of you, no matter who I’m with. No one compares to your brash, asshole self.”

You let out a giggle and notice how wide his eyes were. You want to kiss him, but you hold back.

     “I love you so much, but it’s hard, Kei... It’s hard if you don’t give me bit of an edge, you know?”

Your hand which was on his face, Kei suddenly took it and kissed the back of it, surprising you. 

     “I love you,” He kisses it again, “I am so in love with you.”

You could only smile. You leaned forward, before pressing your lips to his; Tsukishima could feel how chapped your lips were, but that didn’t stop him from kissing you back fervently. His hand rushed to the side of your face, before pressing you to him, not hard enough that you fall down—he was painfully aware of how tired you were. He pulled away before pecking your lips a few times, kissing below your lower lip and staring at you, lovingly.

     “All of this pain could have been avoided if you just accepted what you were feeling, you know that right?”

You were right. 

You were always right when it came to him, no one knew him as well as you did. You knew every inch of his soul because it belonged to you, and there was no taking back. And while he was aware that he had to work on some aspects of himself, Kei suddenly felt confident. Looking at you, kneeling in front of him like that, despite how tired you were, despite how shitty of a day it had been, he was sure that with you, he could do anything.

Suddenly, his mind travelled back to your desk in class 3-4, with the inscription that he could not stop touching back on the day of your graduation. 

kei + y/n

A simple jumble of words. Enough to break his heart, or make it. He wondered if he’ll ever tell you he created a small forever for the both of you in that classroom.

Well, he thought, forcing you to drink water, Maybe someday.