#probably subject to change but i don't hate where i've landed
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cafenervosa · 9 months ago
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THE MAGNUS PROTOCOL : FIRST SHIFT 🖳
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lovesickmermaid · 2 years ago
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15 Questions & 15 Mutuals
Tagged by @pixlerelish 😘
1) Are you named after anyone? Kind of? My maiden middle name was Marie which is also my mom's middle name, but I changed it to my maiden last name when I got married.
2) When is the last time you cried? I think the question is when am I not crying? I cry so much I literally can't keep track. Probably this week at some point I cried. By the way, it's only Tuesday as I'm writing this.
3) Do you have kids? I do not. I'm not gonna go into the whole thing with kids and why it should be socially acceptable to not continuously ask people when they're going to have kids/why they don't have kids. It's weird. Just stop it.
4) Do you use sarcasm a lot? With people I'm really close with, yes, sometimes. I hate when people are sarcastic with me though, so I try not to be unless the context of the situation is lighthearted and fun.
5) What’s the first thing you notice about people? I don't really pay attention to what I notice about people when I meet them, but I'm just gonna go with their eyes.
6) What’s your eye color? Green!
7) Scary movie or happy ending? Happy ending always. I hate scary movies.
8) Any special talents? Crying over men who will never know I exist.
9) Where were you born? The land where palm trees sway... Florida. I was born in Florida.
10) Do you have any hobbies? I have a hobby about once every few months that I am overly excited about for like a week before I get bored with it and never go back to it again.
11) Do you have any pets? Two golden retrievers: Lola & Gracie 🐶
12) What sports are/have you played? I played soccer a looonnnggg time ago and I think that's the last time I played a sport. I took tennis as a class in high school, but that was just to get an easy A.
13) How tall are you? 5'6"
14) What’s your favorite subject in school? When I *was* in school I always liked the elective classes. I took Marine Bio in high school and it was one of the best classes I've ever taken. As far as regular classes go, I'd say English/Writing class was my favorite. I love expressing words and feelings through writing and I've been told almost my whole life that I'm pretty ok at it. As far as college classes go, criminology classes all the way. It's what I majored in and I found most of them so interesting.
15) Dream job? I don't think I've ever had a dream job, but if I had to choose it would be something in Forensics. I got my master's degree in forensic science because I was influenced by The Staircase on Netflix. Highly recommend.
I'm tagging @lephantomdelioncourt again because I have no friends on here and now you HAVE to do this because both me and @pixlerelish said you have to 💜 (I'm sorry if you've done this one already. I honestly can't keep up). K, love you!
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mysmashplaythroughs · 3 months ago
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A Dededetour?
So I just uploaded a new post and this time it's actually not a fighter. I decided since I've reached a milestone with having finished all the fighters for Melee, it might be fun to write some posts up for other subjects such as Alt Costumes, Enemies, Bosses and in this case Stages. I don't have a specific amount of these things I've set as a goal, but I want to at least do a few of them before returning to the fighters, mostly as I realise at the speed I'm going at it will be probably years before I reach them otherwise. Since these are different subjects I have had to think more about what sections to have, for example in the latest post for Dream Land I realised a History of the Location rather than Bio worked better and as obviously relationships aren't a thing usually with a landmass (granted not always) going over the inhabitants and the greater location was a better section to do. I have already written up another post for another category and I'm currently working on others, however so as to not leave too big a gap between them I will probably stagger the release of these a bit.
Since I posted off-topic last (well, besides the post gloating about my prediction for Emio which I'm pretty excited for) I have actually beaten a few games, not Tales of Symphonia yet but I played through Pikmin 1-3, Kirby Return to Dream Land Deluxe and Luigi's Mansion 2 HD. With this as I predicted before I've surpassed the number of games I beat in 2023 already. I've also added some more games to the list including one I never expected to do until I saw the recent news, Dead by Daylight. The reason for this is it was recently announced that Dracula from Castlevania was going to be playable as DLC and it made me realise, Dracula's never been playable in his SoTN look. The only games that had him playable are Castlevania Judgement (I know the artist is well respected but I really hate the designs in that game) where he looks pretty different and Lords of Shadow which is really it's own continuity and Dracula is very different in without getting into spoilers. It's due to this I decided Dead by Daylight was actually the best choice for this and luckily I have a fair few friends for once willing to play online with me for it so I won't have to deal with random people online which is great. Also, similarly to adding games from the Codec Conversations in my last post, I scraped even further down into the bottom of the barrel and realised there was something else left to mine, in this case being Event Matches. There wasn't an awful lot in there to really draw from, but I was surprised to find one or two references that were worth noting, including something that lets me add of all things the game Yoshi on NES.
Also, if you're looking at the blog itself, you might have noticed I've changed how it looks a little. I always meant to come up with a better theme and look for the blog but hadn't really decided on what yet, this definitely isn't what I had planned, more me just trying out a different style to see how it looks, I plan on getting a better picture for the header of the blog and deciding on a more fitting look to match up with it, still for now this is the new placeholder I'm going with. I feel like I have a lot more I want to say but can't think of currently, but luckily as it probably won't be that long until I make my next post if I remember in the meantime I should feel justified in making another off-topic post soon to go over it.
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seeuonadarknite · 4 years ago
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smile for me — yandere kozume kenma x f. reader
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warnings: slight angst, abuse, threatening, noncon, hickeys, oral, creampie, kidnapping
Kenma was always quite the outcast. He had a difficult time fitting in with the rest of his classmates, and preferred just being a face out in the crowd. In fact, the only real friend he maintained throughout junior high and high school was his upperclassman, Kuroo.
But their time together was cut short as Kuroo had to move on and graduate with the rest of his fellow third years. Once he left his life for good, Kenma's world turned black and white. Every bland day felt the exact same.
Wake up, attend class, go to practice, go home, sleep, and repeat. There wasn't any real reason for him to continue playing, seeing as his original reason for joining was to be there for his best friend. He was an adult now, having better things to do with his time.
Compared to his performance last year, he was mediocre at best. It was sad for his teammates to see him like this, but they couldn't blame him. He had no outside motivation and no reason to give it his all. At this rate, it'd probably be in his best interest to just give up and quit volleyball.
But his pessimism came to an abrupt end as soon as the doors to the gymnasium opened up on that rainy day during practice. Looking up from the dirty gym flooring, his eyes landed on your graceful figure. Not only were you a sight for sore eyes, but you brought colors back into his world once again.
“Everyone! This is [y/n]. She's going to be your manager for the year.” The coach introduced you to the rest of the team with a large grin covering his features. You gazed at each and every player on the court, briefly studying their features.
“Hi! I'm excited to be here with you guys and although I'm inexperienced in volleyball, I'll try my best to help you guys out in any way that I can!” There it was again. That damned smile you always seemed to wear. 
Your beaming smile lit up the dark cave Kenma had been hiding himself in. And he wanted it all to himself. However, it was as clear as day that Kenma wasn't the only one on his team looking forward to seeing you more.
His obsession started off innocent. Kenma was just a dependent person, and without Kuroo, he needed somebody else to rely on. At least that was what you told yourself.
At first he would just walk you to your homeroom class. It was on the way to his, so where was the harm in it?
But it gradually became overbearing. Not only would he walk you to homeroom and practice after school, but he soon began walking you home from school in order to “protect you from creeps.”
He followed you around like a lost puppy. An insecure, lost puppy. If you ever tried gently approaching the subject by telling him that you're alright on your own, he'd simply stare at you with glossy eyes and frown.
It somehow felt worse than him getting angry at you. You just felt pure guilt, and would end up apologizing for bringing it up.
Kenma knew what he was doing. With the advantage of his lack of friends, he could cling to you like a magnet without any questions asked.
From an outsider's perspective, it looked as if you had him wrapped around your little finger. But it was really Kenma who had the upper hand. It didn't take him long to analyze your overall personality and learn how to evoke certain emotions from you.
He was strategic, calm and collected. He knew he wasn't the kinda guy you'd go after, so he'd have to take extra measures in making you reliant on him. In a few months time, you'd be begging him to walk you to class and you'd be afraid of being without him.
It was perfect. As long as he played his cards right, everything would go to plan.
“[y/n]! I know this is sudden, but I've really enjoyed spending time with you during practice and I'd love to maybe.. take you out sometime?” Or not.
Kenma was on his way towards the front of the school where he'd normally meet you to walk home with you. He had planned on asking you if you'd like to hang out at the nearby arcade after school. However, he was beat to it. Right before his eyes was the sight of Lev asking you out on a date.
The situation at hand didn't dawn upon him until his vision was filled with the sight of you pressing a gentle kiss onto the lanky Russian's cheek. Sure, he was peeved at his teammate for asking out his crush. But your positive response was what had caused the crushing sensation in his heart. He thought he was going to be ill.
You stabbed him right in the back. That was supposed to be him. Was he not good enough for you? He crossed over so many bridges in order to earn your attention, yet it still wasn't enough. You'd never choose a guy like him.
He'd have to make you.
It had been a few days since you last interacted with Kenma. It was weird; you were used to him following you around wherever you went with his focused gaze constantly diverted towards his game. Sure, having him by your side 99% of the time was mildly inconvenient for you, but it was something you had grown used to.
It was nice having somebody that seemed to care about your feelings so deeply. While your bubbly attitude helped you in terms of popularity, it didn't quite fill the void. Not even the boy you had recently began seeing really seemed to deeply understand your emotions like Kenma did.
As much as you hated to admit it, you needed Kenma just as much as he needed you. That was why you were more than willing to walk him home for the first time in days after being asked.
Whilst you didn't understand why he took a break from walking around with you like this in the first place, you were glad to know that he was doing alright. You really did worry about his wellbeing during your time apart. Perhaps you had grown a soft spot for the introvert.
“Do you.. wanna come in?” Kenma kept his gaze on the sidewalk as he offered you to come over. As much as you wanted to agree and try and rekindle your friendship over pop drinks, you unfortunately already had plans for that evening. Lev promised he'd take you to see fireworks at a festival in town.
But you couldn't just flat out reject him. There was something wrong with him and you wanted to resolve things before goofing off with his teammate. Flashing him a small smile, you nodded your head and followed him into his vacant house.
As soon as the two of you slipped your shoes off, he led you into his living room and plopped himself down onto the couch. You could tell that he was nervous by the way that he was timidly fiddling his fingers and avoiding your eyes.
“I can stay for a few minutes. Lev promised he'd take me to see the fireworks in town, but I want to know what's been going on with you before I leave. I care about you, Kenma.” Were you joking? Kenma was about ready to be emotionally vulnerable with you and you decided to bring him up?
It seemed as if your words flipped a metaphorical switch in Kenma's brain. His immediate change in expression gave you chills. “No.”
Furrowing your eyebrows, you stood up from your spot on the couch and narrowed your eyes at the pudding head. “I'm sorry?” Your intuition was right. Something was wrong with him.
Following you in suit, Kenma stood up from his spot on the couch and began making slow strides towards you. For each step that he'd take towards you, you'd take a step back. By the time you had taken around five steps back, you ended up with your back pressed up against the living room wall. How cliche.
“Kenma, what's gotten into you? Are you okay?” Even during a time like this, you were still seemingly worried over the male's wellbeing. It was almost laughable.
Instead of lashing out, Kenma gazed at you with dulled eyes. Taking a few steps backwards, he took in a deep breath and prepared himself for his next plan of action. “Just.. follow me. I need to show you something.” Only you could understand Kenma when he murmured like this.
Something about the whole situation was off. The apathetic look in his eyes was unsettling to say the least, seeing as his eyes were clouded with frustration just a minute ago. But you wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.
So you took him up on his offer and allowed him to take the lead. He ended up bringing you upstairs into his room. Upon first glance, there was nothing that stood out. His bedroom was exactly how you expected it; organized and cleanly, yet not quite bland. The figurines and posters he had set up complimented the room nicely.
But it didn't make sense to you. Why was he so insistent on having you follow him up here? You easily could've continued your conversation inside of the living room, so what gave?
Click. Glancing over at the pudding head, you watched as he swiftly locked the door, rendering it difficult to exit and impossible to enter. Before you could question his actions, Kenma shakily pulled out a pocket knife from his pant’s pocket, slowly inching towards you with the weapon. “Get on the bed..” He almost seemed unsure of his actions.
But his reluctance quickly turned into assertiveness when you wouldn't oblige. “Now.” His arm stopped shaking. One step closer and the blade would be poking at your throat.
You reluctantly climbed onto the queen bed placed up against the wall. There was a window! Perhaps you could— “Don't even think about it.” His tone was dripping with uncharacteristic dominance as he spoke.
Climbing up onto the bed, he lightly nudged your shoulder, quietly ordering you to lay down. Of course you were going to listen, the guy had a weapon in his hand. As much as you wanted to question his actions, your body was in a complete state of shock. What happened to the innocent, introverted boy you once knew?
Noticing your shocked expression, Kenma sighed, crawling up in between your legs. “[y/n], you're all that I care about. I just want you to love me back.” His face heated up as he inched his head towards yours, leaning in to press a chaste kiss on your lips.
However, your reaction wasn't as positive as he wanted it to be. As soon as his plump lips pressed against yours, you immediately drew your head back, forgetting about the weapon in his hold. “Kenma! What has gotten into you? You know that I'm seeing Lev!” You couldn't be gentle with him anymore. There was a line you sure as hell weren't willing to cross with him.
Upon hearing the Russian's name, Kenma clenched his teeth, wearing an expression with pure lividness written all over it. Even after mustering up the courage to confess his feelings and to even kiss you, you still weren't content with him. There would always be somebody better and he'd always have to go through desperate measures just to earn your attention.
But as he gazed down at your petrified expression, he came to a realization. He didn't have to fight for your attention and idly stand by as you gave it to other people. He had the upper hand. He was in control here.
There wasn't a single damned person on this planet that could stop him from taking you away and ravaging your innocence. You belonged to him now. He was the only person you'd get to look at from now on and there was nothing you could do about it.
“You know.. I don't know why I thought you had a thing for me. I guess I was just being really, really stupid.” He gazed at you with a vacant expression. You almost felt bad for him. Almost. But your guilt was gone as quickly as it came once his fingers began peeling your shirt off. “But it doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't matter at all.”
Dropping your shirt onto the hardwood flooring of the room, Kenma gazed at your bare skin with pink tinting his cheeks. Your skin was like a blank canvas, and Kenma was ready to paint a masterpiece.
The hairs on the back of your neck stood up at the feeling of his plump lips peppering gentle kisses across your collarbone. Sooner rather than later, he made his way up towards yours your nape and his soft kisses turned into nibbling. “Kenma. Please..” Your voice was strained as you begged him to stop.
But your pleas only egged him on as he began running his tongue over your neck, giving you a ticklish sensation from his wet appendage. He eventually attached his lips onto a certain spot on the side of your neck before sucking on the sensitive skin like a leech. It was your first real hickey and it ached. It felt like your skin was being sucked by a tiny vacuum.
The worst part about it all was that he ended up leaving a giant trail of hickeys from your neck to your chest. Your entire upper body was scattered with vibrant love bites.
Wiping his swollen lips off with the back of his hand, Kenma sat up and admired his work. Just the sight in itself caused metaphorical hearts to form in his eyes.
But it wasn't enough. The need to feel your soft skin against his own overruled Kenma's insecurities, as he reluctantly pulled his t-shirt over his head. Before he could begin dreading the thought of you laughing at his scrawny figure, he leaned down and stared at the bra that blockaded him from your breasts. That wouldn't do.
It was difficult to say the least for Kenma to try and figure out how to remove your bra, especially with you thrashing and squirming beneath him. Not being able to figure out something as simple as a bra clip was frustrating enough; you deliberately making it difficult just pushed him over the edge.
“Stop squirming or I'll cut you.” His small voice was stern as he scolded you for moving. You wanted to believe that his threat was empty, but his exasperated expression told you a different story.
After what felt like trying solve a jigsaw puzzle, he finally freed you from the death trap of your bra, eagerly throwing it off to the side. It didn't take long for him to place a hand on each of your breasts, kneading at your skin like cat.
Kenma felt like he was on a power trip as he fondled your breasts and squeezed your hardened nipples between his fingers. The way you sat idly whilst he leaned his head downwards and began swirling his tongue around each bud was absolutely exhilarating. You knew there was nothing you'd be able to do to defend yourself without hurting Kenma, and you weren't willing to make that sacrifice.
The fact that you still seemed to care more about his wellbeing than your own caused his heart to skip a beat. He really did have you wrapped around his finger.
As he sucked on your soft mounds, he trailed his hands down to the waistband of your shorts, tugging at the fabric. He soon diverted his attention towards your bottoms as he eagerly slid them down to your ankles, leaving you in nothing but the thin material of your panties.
Of course, it didn't take him long to grab onto the sides of your panties and pull them off as well. He had waited far too long for this moment and he wasn't going to waste a second of it.
Upon first glance, Kenma was mesmerized. He couldn't help but bask in your naked glory. The sight in itself was so entrancing that his body began moving on his own as leaned down on his stomach, bringing his face so close to your sensitive parts that you could feel his hot breath fanning your skin.
“Kenma.. Please don't do this.” It wouldn't hurt to try and stop him one last time, right? Even if you weren't officially a thing with Lev, it still felt wrong having another man's hands exploring your body like a sacred temple.
Unfortunately for you, Kenma was trapped in a lustful trance, leaving your pleas unheard. Without further notice, Kenma flicked his tongue against your clit, stimulating the bundle of nerves. As he parted his lips to suck on the sensitive nub, you couldn’t help but unintentionally wrap your legs around his head, practically grinding yourself onto his face.
The sight of you almost bucking your hips into his face gave him a sudden burst of confidence. He plunged two fingers into your greedy hole, feeling his cock twitch at the feeling of your muscles tightening around his thin digits. God, the look on his face screamed shamelessness.
Your back arched as he pumped his fingers in and out of your drenched cunt, feeling a tight knot begin to form in your abdomen. Thinking rationally was out of the question; all you wanted was for him to finish you off and give you that sweet release.
Fortunately for you, his tongue seemed to swirl at just the right pace and his fingers seemed to curl at just the right angle as they rubbed up against your g-spot. It wasn’t long until your hips suddenly bucked upwards whilst you reached your end, feeling your walls clench around his digits and your juices coat his hand.
Although Kenma’s expression was as nonchalant as ever, you could just tell he felt triumphant by the glint in his eye. The look in his eye was akin to the way he’d look after defeating the final boss in a video game.
Dread sat deep in your stomach as you finally came to your senses, allowing your surroundings to truly dawn upon you. Realization struck you like a bolt lightning as your captor pulled his last articles of clothing off, allowing his erect cock to spring out.
The fact that he was a hell of a lot more hung than you pictured for a scrawny guy like him just added insult to injury. This could not be happening. “Stop looking at me like that.” How on earth he still managed to act timid was a mystery to you. This was all on his own accord. And only on his.
But his lustful desires overruled any possible guilt he could feel. If he was being real with himself, there wasn’t a guilty bone in his body. He needed to claim your body as his.
Prodding the tip of his throbbing cock at your entrance, Kenma gradually slipped himself inside of your needy cunt. His movements were painfully slow. The way he slowly pushed his length into your hole really allowed your insides to memorize the shape and form of his cock.
By the time that he had fully inserted himself inside of you, your back was arched and you were moaning like a pornstar. Before doing any movement, Kenma leaned downwards, catching your lips in a needy, desperate kiss. And although the kiss went unreturned, Kenma felt a surge of euphoria take over his senses.
Without further notice, the pudding reared his hips back, only to slam back into you, earning nothing but a choked moan from you in return. Kenma’s timid movements were nowhere to be seen. He thrusted into you at an unbearable pace.
If you weren’t so overridden with forbidden pleasure, you’d be shocked over how rough he was in bed. Was this really the same guy that didn’t have the guts to talk to you without looking up from his game? Where did this sudden burst of confidence come from?
Your internal questions went unanswered as Kenma used your hips to steady himself as he pumped his throbbing cock in and out of your cunt. You’d be shocked if the death grip he had on your curves didn’t end up leaving bruises.
After awkwardly trying to find a better angle, Kenma ended up hoisting your legs over his shoulders as he thrusted even deeper inside of you than before. Tears stung at the corners of your eyes as the tip of his cock pressed up against your cervix with each rapid thrust.
Trailing his hand down south, Kenma placed his fingers onto your nub and began rubbing circles into the sensitive bundle of nerves. It was all too much. You hated how much pleasure this man was giving you. But you couldn’t help your muscles from twitching as you suddenly arched your back, releasing your flow of juices onto Kenma’s cock.
The way your cunt hugged his cock had his eyes rolling backwards. It didn’t take him long to hold onto your hips with a vice like grip as he shot his load into your cunt, perfectly filling your womb with his thick, sticky fluids. By the time that he pulled his cock out of your aching hole, fluids were dripping down both of your legs, staining his bed sheets with cum.
As the both of you struggled to catch your breaths, the sound of popping rang throughout your ears. After pathetically scooting your trembling legs over to Kenma’s window, your heart shattered at the sight before you.
Fireworks were going off in the distance— the fireworks you promised you’d see with Lev. Wrapping his arms around your bare figure from behind, Kenma placed a chaste kiss below your ear before whispering bittersweet words.
“This is how things are meant to be. Come on, smile for me..”
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nicolewoo · 5 years ago
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Meeting Joe
Pairing Joe Anoai X Reader.
Warnings: none. This is pretty darn fluffy.
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I had just gotten to the arena when I spotted red hair down the hall a bit. I slipped behind Becky and tapped her shoulder lightly. With a start, she stopped her conversation with Colby and turned around to see me standing there. She immediately screamed in delight and we fell into a great big bear hug.
“Bloody hell! What are you doin' here?” Becks asked as she pulled back to look at me.
I grinned from ear to ear. “I got called up.”
The news sent Becky into another bear hug as she said, “Why didn't you tell me?”
“I wanted it to be a surprise.” I pulled away from the hug and smiled at her.
She placed her hands on my arms and looked me over. “Never had a better surprise!” She smiled. Our glee was interrupted by Colby clearing his throat. A look of slight panic ran over her face as she realized what she'd said, “I mean, except for the day you proposed,” she said to him as he wrapped an arm around her waist. “Colby, t'is is Y/N. My very best friend from mah indie wrestlin' days. Y/N meet my fiance Colby.”
I was totally fangirling inside, but I managed to keep my calm as I shook his hand. “Oh, you're THAT Y/N?” he quirked an eyebrow at Becky. “I've heard all about you,” he smiled back at me.
“Whatever she told you,” I paused for effect. “It's probably true.” At that Becky and I both bust out laughing.
“Come on. Come on. We've gotta catch up.” Becks said grabbing my suitcase and heading down the hall with me in tow. “We can share my dressing room tonight.” She was walking so quickly down the hall that she didn't realize the puzzled look Colby shot her as he stopped dead in his tracks.
“Um, Becks.” I called to her from a few steps behind her. “I think we broke him.” I said turning back to Colby.
She turned to see the look on her fiance's face before realizing what she'd said. “Oh, Yeah. Sorry babe,” she reached out to grab his hand when he came closer to her. “Um, Y/N. We share a dressing room.” She pointed between she and Colby. “I got so excited, I forgot. Is it ok to use the general dressing room?” She asked.
“Actually,” I said as we continued down the hall, “I don't want to be treated special because I know you. I deserve to be in the general dressing room.”
Becky linked her arm in mine. “You're right, of course. You always are.” A look of incredulity crossed Colby's face.
“I've never heard her say those words before.” He said in mock wonder, which caused me to laugh.
“Really?” I quirked an eyebrow at him. “Because Becks used to tell me I was right all the time. Of course,” I looked at Becky and we both smiled before saying in unison. “I'm always right.” We both laughed at that.
“You two are gonna be trouble, aren't you?” Colby sighed out.
Becks went to him and wrapped her arm around his waist. “Of course we are darlin'. So just smile and go with the flow.” Again, we both laughed heartily at ourselves.
Becky got me settled into the locker room, making sure to introduce me to some of the other girls, so I could make friends. Being the new girl in a locker room is always an unnerving experience. Yes, the rest of the talent tried to be warm and welcoming, but there was always an underlying feeling of wondering if I was going to take their place. I was kind of used to it by now. I'd been the new girl in 4 companies. After the first few days, everyone always warmed up to me. One of the tricks I'd learned to ease the tension was to get to hair and makeup before anyone else. Most of the girls preferred to have their hair and makeup done just before going on stage, so they could look fresh. Since my hair was straight, and I wore only one braid in my hair so I didn't care when it got done. My hair would hold up for hours. As long as I didn't mess up my makeup, I was good.
Becky and I had agreed to meet in the mess hall at 5 pm. I felt a bit deflated when I realized I arrived before her. In fact, I was sitting alone at 5:05 when Dana Brooke approached me and invited me to join her table.  
Becky and Colby came in shortly after, with Joe Anoai tagging behind. Once they'd gathered their food, they joined us. “Joe, this is my good friend Y/N.” Becks began. When I looked up to greet him and our hands touched to shake, my eyes locked on his, and my heart stopped. Literally stopped for a beat. I thought that kind of thing only happened in cheesy romance novels, but apparently, my heart thought this was a cheesy romance novel, because it really did skip a beat.
“My pleasure,” His voice was low and raspy, and for a second I thought I could feel it inside me.
I tried to keep my wits about me as I shook back, “The honor is mine.” Should I stand up? Should I stay seated? I thought of a million things to say to him. I'm a big fan. I prayed for you when you were sick. Can I please give you a lap dance? Just take me now! I was just shaking off my immediate thoughts when he smiled down at me, which made me almost swoon. Thankfully, they all sat down, Becky on one side of me and Dana on the other. Joe sat across from Seth on the other side of Becky.
There were a lot of the normal first day questions. Where have you been wrestling? Who trained you? Everyone wanted to know about me, some out of kindness, others to see if I was a threat. Becky was happy to start rattling off my accomplishments, but I stopped her by changing the subject quickly. “Becks, what was the name of that song we used to sing all the time?”
I saw her face change, as she processed what I was doing. “Oh Yeah... I would walk 500 miles...” she trailed off.
I pretended that I didn't know and she'd just reminded me. “Yeah! That's the one. Remember singing it at O'Connell's Pub?”
“I LOVE that song,” Nikki Cross interrupted and started bouncing in her chair as she sang out the chorus. That got everyone at the table involved. Then the next table over chimed in, and soon the two tables were singing lines of the chorus back and forth.
My plan had worked. I grabbed my phone quickly and text Becky, “Hey, let's not talk about my accomplishments. I don't want anyone to think I'm bragging.”
I waited a second as she text back. “You're not bragging. I'm bragging for you!”
I sighed as I read her response. “Just, please, let's drop it.” I sent the message and waited for her to nod in response. Dinner was outright fun after that. There were lots of tales told and laughter shared among the two tables. A few times, when Joe was talking, I got to stare right at him, but when he wasn't talking, and he was pretty quiet tonight, I stole a few glances at him. A couple of times when I stole a look, I found he was already looking at me.
After dinner, I returned to the locker room with a few new friends in tow. I was so happy to be accepted so easily. Being friends with The Man was a good thing. As I stretched out, my mind wandered back to dinner. Well, not dinner so much as Joe. Was he trying to steal glances at me? Was he as affected by our touch as I was? Was that why his voice was so low when he greeted me?
I shook off the feelings. I shook off my suspicious. After all, I was here to work, not to hook up. This was the biggest opportunity in my life. I had to stay focused. I tried to think of Joe as a friend. I tried.
After wrestling, showering and changing into my street clothes, I headed to the common area where everyone was watching the show. I found Joe sitting by himself in the back. Immediately, I tried to calm the feelings that were rising up inside of me. I'd have to sit in front of him to keep myself from staring at him, because quite frankly, he was beautiful and I wasn't sure I could NOT look at him. I headed for a seat by Nikki when he beckoned me to sit by him.
“Hey,” He said as I sat beside him. “Did you get all settled in?” He asked sweetly.
“Yes,” I nervously brushed some of my hair behind my ear, and instantly regretted it, because I knew I looked stupid with my hair brushed behind my ear. How could I fix it without looking like the nervous Nelly that I was? Shit. There was nothing I could do now except hope I could get it to fall down again. .
As my mind went into a spiraling mess of nervousness and lust, he asked, “Is everyone being nice to you?”
The sincerity of his voice touched me. He really cared about it. “Yes. I didn't have any troubles.” I smiled at him, and he smiled back.
“Listen, Colby, Becks and I were talking. We've got a free seat in our car if you want to ride with us after the show.” As soon as he said it, he looked like he wished he hadn't.
“Um, you don't have to do that. I'm sure I could catch a ride with someone else.” I looked down at my feet.
“No. You should ride with us.” He seemed so calm about it. He didn't seem to be nervous like me. Of course he's not. I thought to myself. He's just being nice. He's not attracted to you. My mind reeled off a dozen negative thoughts Well shit. I had to ride with him now or it would look suspicious.
“I guess if you don't mind.” I paused as he smiled at me. “Thanks.” I said shyly and focused my eyes on the TV. Colby was just starting a match, and Joe's face changed. He was glued to the TV watching the match intently so I did the same.
“Wow. Did he land wrong?” I asked when Colby went down at an awkward angle.
Joe leaned closer to talk over the din of the room, “Nah. He's fine. Watch... he'll start forgetting to limp on that leg.” I watched and sure enough, after a bit of time, Colby forgot to limp.
“You called it.” I said, laughing.
Joe laughed back, “He always does that.” He looked down and shook his head in disappointment.
“I'd hate to hear what you say about my wrestling.” I teased.
“Nothing.” He looked at me, so I turned to face him.
“Um. What?” I asked.
Joe started fidgeting with his hair. Is he nervous? Of course not. One of the best wrestlers in the business is about to give you tips. Listen to him and get your head out of the gutter. “I've seen a few of your matches. You do an awesome job. Better than some of the most popular wrestlers.” He said it so matter-of-fact that I ignored the desire to ask what he meant. I simply looked back at the tv and thanked him.
After the match, Joe said, “I'm gonna go finish packing. Meet you here at 10:30?” He quirked an eyebrow at me which made breathing difficult for me. You need to get over this NOW. You're not going to be able to avoid him, so you need to bottle up these feelings. As the new resolve rushed through me, I agreed to the meeting time and went back to the locker room to gather my things.
“There she is,” Colby said as I entered the room.
I looked at Becks, Colby and Joe. “Am I late?”
Joe smiled as he walked up beside me and placed his hand on the small of my back leading me out to the hallway. “Not at all.” He said as Becky and Colby followed us. I expected once we were headed the right direction, Joe would remove his hand, but he didn't. Don't read anything into it. Everyone in the WWE was touchy/feely. He's just being nice.
“Shotgun!” Colby yelled as he went to the passenger side door.
“I figured you guys would want to nap in the back.” Becky said.
Colby climbed in the front seat, “Nah, it's only a 2 hour drive. I can make it.” He told Becky.
As I climbed into the back seat next to Joe, I sighed. God, if you're trying to be funny, please stop. I can only be tempted so far. We settled in for the drive. Becky and I were talking about old times, basically shutting the guys out of the conversation. We were only about 30 minutes into the drive when I noticed Joe starting to nod off next to me. He looked pretty silly too. His head was falling back, his mouth was open, his eyes closed. I tapped Colby on the shoulder and pointed out Joe.  “Yeah, he's a lightweight. Always falls asleep in the car after shows.” He chuckled.
Becky and Colby started talking, and I looked out the window at the passing farmland while I listened to the sound of Joe's breathing. Now, in the near silence with nobody talking to me, I began to feel tired too. I removed my jacket and balled it up to use as a pillow. I leaned it against the seat and curled up for a nap myself.
“Y/N” I heard a beautiful low voice say my name. I sighed. “Time to get up. We're here.” I knew that voice, It was Joe. I opened my eyes to realize I had my head in his lap. My jacket was spread over me like a blanket, and Joe was stroking my hair.
“What?” I said in a panic.
“We're here.” He smile down at me.
“But....” I sat up and stretched my arms out. “How did I end up in your lap?” Should I apologize?
Joe smiled kindly at me, “You started falling over, so I led you to lay down, and I put your jacket over you to keep you warm.”
“I'm sorry?” I half said/half asked.
He just chuckled, “No worries.” He smiled as he got out of the car.
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alissabila · 5 years ago
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[1] 4 sept - self journal
The day started just about as normal as usual, woke up late, had a shower race, came up to class late without forgetting to show exhaustion while the day just even started. And yes that's my kind of normal. I don't know how to describe my day again but everything went very similar like any other day. Maybe the interesting part was the cultural landscape preservation subject, we discussed about the legal aspects of cultural heritage, the unesco and regulations stuffs, it was always interesting when it comes to united nations but legal aspect was never been in my concern.
Talking about my mood today, lately i've been feeling very empty and lost. I'm not trying to be hyperbolic but lately it feels like im drowning in the thick black sea where the oil has leaked, and the water is slimy and oily (maybe?) and you can't breathe as the black oil got into your mouth and started filling your throat then probably your lung and all happend while you drowning. You can't do nothing and you're being eaten up. It's not a new feeling. I've been here. So many times. Yet i still don't know how do i deal with it. I was just "and yep here we go again, this phase again". In the current moment, i have a lot to do, like real lots. Let's do a recall to every places I put myself into: AIESEC, TEDXIPB, Faculty competition, Himpro, uncountable amount of landscape tasks, and many other things that should be done but I didn't keep it in mind. This phase had taken me to the highest level of not being productive. I completely conscious about my responsibility, that i already in the best platform i could have, but IT'S JUST STOPPED ME LIKE THAT. I JUST COULDN'T DO IT AND IT DIDN'T NEED ANY PRECISE REASON. I hate that i had to say that i don't feel alive.
Long classes and time passed, i skipped short film competition session, like i said before, i just couldnt do it. And i really mean it. Out of nowhere, i didnt remember how it happened, but i ended sitting with Abi and started to talk about everything, in literal meaning. Everything. Then he just randomly shouted "NGOPI YUUK" without even really proposing. But i was like, yes lets go now please its been a long time since my last caffeine. And we agreed to try the new coffeeshop behind the campus, it seems interesting because the landform is hilly and the coffeeshop is in the down so you could only see the parking lot from the road. Who knew they had marijuana plantation down there? Lol ok kidding its haram.
We took our laptops, in case we had the drive to finish our site plan task and just go without hesitation. I always been wondering how the coffeeshop looks like because it's pretty much in remote area i might say? Well i didn't expect much actually, then again it's only Dramaga how good can it be? (I am truly sorry for the deprecation i swear the next paragraph would be filled with praise)
As I said before, it had this 'not very normal land contour', we needed to go down a very steep road to reach the parking lot. Next, there was a small wooden gate, very traditional and there our feet started to walk down the ramp, it was pretty steep for a ramp but they had this natural stones with much textures so it didnt feel slippery. Down and down and down, we walked to a small path with very natural and organic shaped stone, they didnt really make it as a strict lined path that has all the stones to step along the path, and they didnt really cut the vegetations around no matter how wild and messy it is. And i found this really good. Along the stone path, i could see the view of a green space with some industrial table and chair. On the right side, there set a small traditional wooden terrace, with it's coffee roasting machine, industrial chairs again (you know that type of metal chair), some really retro chair as well really retro colors, some coffee tables were a recycled sewing machine wow so you got to play with the pedal HAHA. fun fun thing. Before reaching the coffeshop area, you would find this mini pedestrian bridge crossing a small water stream. All i could say all of these are beyond expectation, i really love what i'm seeing. Other thing that amused me was, the river was just next to all of it and i really loved the sound of water it always gave me calm I couldn't have from anything. They had this backyard of traditional house feelings and yet they served natural landscape scene. I could smell the wet grass, I could smell the wooden house construction, I could smell the coffee being roasted, I could see how they managed to not destroy the existing landscape as much as they can, I could hear the water having it's rhythm, and I could hear all these people having an intimate discussion, and all i could think is all my senses had been blessed. They also had this vintage shelf with vintage things, that vintage metal coffee cups, bamboo walled toilets, aaaa im in love with everything here it's like the owner really put his soul into this. At some point i felt grateful for this place, and by that i felt alive again at least for this moment. This could be my very short escape from all the dullness in life (I'm really trying not to be hyperbolic but I am who I am). One thing i also realized was; to be grateful, it doesn't have to be ourself as the main character in it, it doesn't have to be our destiny, and it doesn't have to be our story. One serene coffeeshop could make it work,and other peculiar thing also could work, maybe we just need to be more detail to what's around us. This place reminded me a lot of Bandung. Which I also very grateful, now i can get Bandung vibes in hand. As the night came, the place got more quiet that it enhanced the sound of the river, added by the frog sounds and the buzz of night insects. This night was cold but somehow what surrounds me, the yellowish lighting, all the chit chat with Abi, gave me warmth. Cold night with a warm heart.
Shitty stuff still happened tho, it took forever for my laptop to install the autocad and i couldn't find the keygen for cracking the app because my brokeass couldn't afford the legal one. I decided to continue my read on Haruki Murakami's Kafka on the Shore. It's my second book of Murakami. It's only been chapter two but i already highlighted a lot haha. To end this very first self journal, I would present my today's favorite quote from Kafka on the Shore. Ciao.
"Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn’t something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn’t get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That’s the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine."
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meuscgogogo · 2 years ago
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Accepting The Challenge
I think we can all agree that generally speaking transportation in its mass form is totally unpleasant. Whether it's a crowded bus, an empty train platform late at night, a packed plane that only deboards from the front, an uber pool with a not nice drunk, the 101 freeway congestion after a Dodgers game - it's all bad. And yet, life is all about the going, the journey, the trip, the voyage - so how can we update this great part of our existence to make it a sought after experience vs. a constant discomfort? Can our group accept that comfortable, affordable, renewable modes of enjoyable transport can exist? Simply speaking, there are a probably one thousand solves in this ever-growing category, but I've paused to consider what it is about transportation that I personally, subjectively don't like and want to alter.
Firstly, I hate riding in cars. For context, I attended a camping trip when I was 16 for a friends birthday. I needed to return that Sunday morning for a lifeguarding shift, so I hitched a ride with a friend of a friend. I wasn't aware he'd stayed up drinking and I wasn't aware he was ok with driving in that condition, I simply, naively accepted the ride back to the city and propped up my pillow to nap before my shift. I dozed easily until suddenly I woke to the car fishtailing out of control and a blinking light coming towards us. We were swerving towards a cliff, which we cleared and rolled down a mountainside. I have no clue how I survived other than I am a huge believer in seatbelts because my airbag did not deploy when we landed upside down in a ravine. I share all these details to illustrate that there are tons of people out there like me, traumatized by car accidents who do not feel safe riding in fast-moving, human-piloted vehicles.
Now, this is where I pause to consider and accept how amazing it might feel to ride safely in a vehicle along a speeding highway and not clench the door frame. What if our group can offer an implementable addition to the growing evolution of transport change. What if we can make just one ride for one anxious rider better than the one before it. This would be transcendent! What if a mom could drive her kids with no fear of being side-swiped on the way to her baby's appointment. What if the elderly or sick could easily arrive at their check-up without problems getting in and out of a low seated car not equipped for them. What if LA could dispatch a fleet of autonomous vehicles run on renewable energy that collected excess foods from restaurants and dispensed it to those in need. My mind tracks in so many disparate directions when I consider "transportation", but if there's any city that's ripe for the conversion it's LA. A magical land that could be made even more magical through less cars. It's an intimidating topic but it's also an imperative one. What if transportation could be so well executed and fun that commuters enjoyed it more than the destination? Maybe what we do doesn't need to solve the whole industry, but I accept that even a little win in this category could make a huge difference to our communities.
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Reset! Rant (part 2)
Chapter: 10
In this chapter Wally shows up at Helen's house and confronts Thad with his earlier actions. (That being killing the clone.) He expresses his worry about Thad being around Bart and the potential threat he's posing to him.
Stopping when Wally didn't move out of the way, Thad glared up at the Flash. "What are you looking up?" "A killer." Wally replied. "You're not going anywhere alone with Bart."
...................................."Thanks." Then Wally looked to Thad. "Still, killing isn't the answer."
That's right, Wally is the one who tries to make sure that no more harm will come to Bart from the hands of Thad. No, not Helen is giving him the "Killing isn't right and I will not accept you going around murdering any more people" talk, it has to be Wally. Wally, the guy who can't be in the same room as Bart for more than ten minutes without getting into a fight with him is more concerned with his welfare than his actual surrogate mother. Once again, Helen comes off as irresponsible in her duties as his guard.
Around a mouthful of egg and sausage, Bart mused, "So what does that make a robot dog?" Reminded of his own dog begging by his chair, Bart dropped a piece of sausage on the floor for Dox.
Raising an eyebrow, Thaddeus eyed Bart. "I have to wonder if I was lied to about being a clone. Moments like that would be better explained if I was the original and you were the copy. So much could be excused by a bad splice."
What he's suggesting is: "I'm better than you and you are inherently flawed." And yes, both Helen and Wally heard Thad's put down, but neither of them spoke up about it. That implies that they think what Thad stated about Bart is right/doesn't need to be corrected.
Chapter: 11
Thad: "Max is why I'm helping. That he is too important to loose is why I'm leading. Bart lacks the capacity of forethought that is requiered in an operation like this."
This will become pertinent later when talking about Thad's hypocrisy.
Thad: "Until we encounter Rival, do not use your meta human abilities under any circumstances." Kon frowned and remarked, "Don't spoke the locals. Yeah, I think we can figure that one out for ourselves. We don't all ride the short bus."
"I was more concerned about Bart", Thad added.
"Hey! I know how to not use my powers!" Bart protested.
Thad muttered under his breath, "That's obvious."
That's judging and criticizing disguised as advice and a put down. And yes, Kon is a massive dick for saying the shortbus insult for the same reasons Thad was a douche for using the insult on Bart. Expressing his disdain through this term is still extremely inappropriate and unacceptable.
"I don't like him. He's a bossy jerk." Kon said to Bart as he leaned back. "Inertia? Yeah but at least he's helping."
Bart is saying that Thad helping him with bringing back Max justifies his shitty behavior. It obviously doesn't. Firstly, Thad is not doing this because he wants to do Bart a favor. He's solely doing this because he wants Max back. He's doing this for himself. If Carol or Helen had vanished, he wouldn't lift one finger to help find them. Secondly, him helping Bart does not excuse his toxic behavior. He can't just treat Bart however he likes because they're both working towards the same goal. He's still a dick for calling Bart these names.
Chapter 12:
"That was foul" Thaddeus remarked sourly. "Though we would have been here already if Bart hadn't missed a decimal point in the time coordinates.
"I couldn't hit it!", Bart defended, "Your arm was in the way!"
This is and excellent example of accusing and blaming coupled with senseless judging and criticizing. Thad is chewing Bart out for something that is completely irrelevant and unimportant, and that doesn't negatively affect him in the least. Furthermore, saying this after they landed didn't help Bart or the others in any shape or form. He's solely critizising him because he can and because putting Bart down makes him feel more powerful and superior. Then you have the fact that he's blaming Bart for something that is out of his control. He couldn't have changed it if he wanted to. It's not his fault that he missed it, like Thad wants him to believe. And, the most ironic part of course, is that Thad himself is responsible for Bart not being able to do what Thad reprimended him for not doing. If it wasn't for Thad, Bart would have been able to press the button. After Bart calling him out on his flawed logic and pointing out that Thad's accusations are unjustified and don't make sense, Thad stops responding. He drops the subject and ignores Bart's complaints. Moreover, we can't skip over the fact that Thad was adressing Bart's friends when critizising him, and not Bart himself. He's trying to get them to turn on Bart. He wants them to join in on ripping on him. 'Look at this idiot and be displeased with him', he's saying. 'Look at how dumb he is for having a minor mess up that doesn't affect us and that I'm really responsible for.' Abusers will often call people out on their (insignificant) mistakes or shame them for their personality flaws in public when in front of their friends or in privacy in order to humiliate and embarrass them. It's another insidious way of damaging their self worth and taking power away from them. Being exposed to a treatment like this for an extended period of time is like poison for a person's self esteem and sense of self worth. Sooner or later, nothing the victim of the abuse does or says will be good enough. Seemingly everything they do is wrong. The recipent of the abuse will start questioning their personality as a whole. The abuse will destroy a person's self confidence and self value and make them exactly believe what their abuser wants them to think of themselves. They're 'just' words, but they have a huge impact on a person. They can appear harmless and innocuous but they're not. It's a sentence that seems for a lot of people normal or acceptable, but it's lethal for someone's self esteem.
Thad: "I've taken Max into the speed force before to help him reconnect with it."
Thad uses I instead of we. He 'forgets' to mention that Bart helped carry Max into it after Thad tried to kill them and then left. Bart was the one who actually carried Max through the most dangerous part of the speed force, namely the speed storm. If anyone deserves credit for saving Max, it's Bart.
Kon's laughter managed to reach their ears. "I should have brought a camera! That was epic fail!" He was still laughing when their staggered to their feet. Inertia pressed his hand against the ball's wall with a rude gesture.
....................................
"We could do another practice run," Inertia suggested,"Superboy is close to Max's mass and he's invulnerable." ....................................Inertia saw the display read almost at the goal point where Morlo would shut down the run and grinned. He let go of Kon, hopped to one side and kept running. Kon and Bart crashed down and were pasted against the transparent wall, spinning at a sickening rate. With an extra burst of speed, Inertia kicked the ball faster and then vibrated out of it. Crossing his arms and laughing, he watched Kon and Bart spin around in the ball. When it finally came to a stop, Kon and Bart cralwed out of it. Inertia leaned over Kon "You're right, that was hilarious. I should have brought a camera." Impulse pulled the trashcan towards him and draped over it. "No more spinning", he moaned,"I hate spinning." .................................... "So, are we ready for the real run?" "As soon as Impulse gets back up," Morlo answered.
"I hate spinning" Impulse weakly repeated into the trashcan.
Inertia strode towards the sleeping rival. To Empress he asked: "How long will he stay unconscious?" "Hard to say," She replied. "So, you should move fast. You don't want him waking up while you're running."
So apart from that Bart shouldn't experience nearly as much nausea from spinning around as Thad should because his father was a Tornado Twin and that DNA string was removed from Thad's biology, and that Thad was only written to be more impervious to vertigo to make him appear superior and more "in control" than Bart, this is were Thad's action once again cross over to highly irresponsible, petty, selfish and, quite frankly, douchey behavior. He forces Bart and Kon to experience extreme vertigo because his ego can't take one joke. His pride was so wounded that he had to inflict pain on both of them so that he could regain the respect he thought Kon owned him. He doesn't care that Bart, who did absolutely nothing wrong, suffers as well. He probably views it as a bonus to humiliate Bart again. Thad only cares about reigning in Kon for his comment, it's not important to him who else gets hurt in the process. All he cares about is himself and how he feels, the rest of the world can go die if it were up to him.
The things he does are also very reckless and, dare I say, impulsive. They're on a time limit here. Empress used her voodoo magic on Rival to temporarly render him unconcious. Temporarly being the key word here. She admits that Rival could wake up at any moment and that she doesn't know how long she will be able to maintain control over him. And what brillant move does Thad, the boy who has supposedly as much brains as Robin has, pull? He holds them up with unnecessary pranks because he can't take his big ego being damaged. If Thad dislikes arrogant people who like to ridicule others so much, then he should take a good look into the mirror and start changing his ways. He his more oblivious to his own behavior than Bart is, and that's so ironic. Thad is supposed to be smart in this, but this was a reckless and selfish move. Rival could wake up at any moment, Thad actively endangers everyone that's in the lap with them. He risks Rival breaking free and killing even more people because it's more important to him that Kon 'knows his place'. By the way, great job on making Bart, your partner whom you need to success with carrying Rival through the speed force, trust you. What was it what you said about Bart again? That he lacks the capacity of forethought that is requiered in an operation like this? My, how the tables have turned.
Chapter: 13
Another possibility dawned on him. "What if that's why they weren't doing much to help Max in the first place?" His vision tunneled on the skillet with which he was cooking with and he clenched his jaw. "Why didn't they tell me? Why do I always have to be left in the dark?"
Thad's voice broke in,"Because you're an idiot. You would just brainlessly jump in and do the stupidest thing possible."
Another insult from Thad designed to make Bart even more anxious about his deep insecurities and shame him for having ADHD. Carol sits next to Bart while this scene happens, and she says nothing to comfort Bart and ease his concerns, nor does she tell Thad to lay off Bart or make him understand that his behavior is unacceptable.
"We're traveling through time, moron," countered Thad, "We can return later tonight, no matter how long it takes."
And another degrotary term linked to Bart being nd.
Chapter: 14
Shaking her head again, Meloni answered,"Sorry, sunshine. You said that it was a timeline that wouldn't happen? I'm guessing that the me that helped you was from the other timeline. She never existed here, so I don't remember any of that."
"Oh."
Thad rolled his eyes and snorted. "I can't believe you had to be told that." Bart scowled at him.
"Jerk."
"R*tard", Thad shot back.
Meloni stood up and pushed her dying hair away from her face. "I'm going to get dressed. If you're hungry, help yourself to the kitchen."
This. This is what convinced me to write this rant. To use the r-word on someone is offensive and repulsive for the same reasons the shortbus insults are unacceptable, but it's way worse. This is the most obvious way of saying: "You're inadequate/weird/not functioning properly/dumb because you are neurodivergent and because of that you should be ashamed of yourself and you deserve to feel bad." Being called a r*tard is like a punch to the face. It's extremely hurtful and damaging. It would be detestable if Thad would have used it on someone who didn't have ADHD, too, but for him to use it on someone who has it is just down right loathsome and shows us what a contemptible and vile person Thad is. You don't call this someone unless you really want to make them feel hurt and worthless. You don't do this unless you are a dispicable person. Calling nd people this is not okay, it's not funny, it's not harmless, stop using this word and start watching your language. If you can't see by now how abusive Thad is in this, then I don't think you will ever understand it. This is so unbelievable disrespectful and inexcusable, so goddamn contemptuous and insolent on Thad's part that I honestly expected Bart to finally snap and grind Thad's face into the dirt. Thad is such a condescending and self-entitled asshole in this that I hoped for someone to finally confront him with consequences for his shitty actions. But nope, he gets away with it yet again, all the while people will still criticize Bart for having minor mess ups. And this brings me right to my next point: Meloni's reaction, or rather, lack thereof. Meloni. HEY MELONI. You want to say something about your own child being called a r*tard right in front of you? You want to reign Thad in for insulting Bart like that? My god, how much do you have to hate your child to let someone call him the r-word right in front of your eyes and let them get away with it? She's not showing the slightest signs of disapproval or anger. We are supposed to see Meloni as a good parent, but she really isn't. She's terrible at parenting. Her standing up and leaving the room comes off as a "Oh my god you two are so annoying with your endless bickering, can't you get along?" She should have been livid and angry about Thad's comments, but she's not. Alone the degrading "I can't belive you had to be told that" should have been enough to set her off, but it doesn't. She shows the same apathy to Thad's verbal harassment that Helen shows. She's a neglectful and shitty parent. If it were up to me, I wouldn't let her take care of Bart and Thad out of concern for Bart's mental health. In fact, I would call the child service on both Helen and Meloni for their horrible "parenting" style. And by the way, r*tard isn't stared out in the original.
This whole scene is so disgusting and disturbing that it made me feel physically sick while reading it. I couldn't believe what I was reading, I really couldn't.
Chapter: 15
Thad:"I still reserve the brotherly right of beating the ever loving snot out of you whenever you get too annying."
No, no you fucking don't. This is the opposite of what being brothers means. You don't get to hurt Bart just because you feel like it. Stop being so entitled. Just so you known, he threatens Bart in front of Meloni and despite a soft spoken "Thaddeus." We get no reaction. This is especially careless on her part when you remember that the the "still" implies that he already beat him up for being annoying before. You see how upon learning new informations he immediatly tries to twist it around so that he can further justify his abuse?
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antiquery · 3 years ago
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multiples of 3 for the end of year meme?
Do you feel your age?
depends— like most young adults, I think, sometimes I feel like a kid who's tricked everyone into treating her like a grown-up, and sometimes I feel like I'm middle aged already. most of the time, though, I think it averages out to my actual age.
If you traveled, where did you go?
Colorado in march with my family, during which I broke my collarbone on a bunny slope. Cape Cod with my old D&D group. back to Massachusetts to live with my best friend over the summer.
What was your favorite article of clothing this year? Post a pic if possible?
ooh, hard question— I got an absurdly beautiful J. Peterman skirt for Christmas, in this wonderful olive-y brown gabardine with the most elegant cut. I haven't worn it much yet, obviously, but it's definitely a strong contender for favorite acquisition.
What was your favorite movie of the year?
Iliza Schlesinger's Good on Paper! N. and I watched it on netflix, it was a lot of fun and I love her comedy
Which new ship/fandom has taken over a lot of your time, attention, and tears?
...Buffy
What was one nice thing you did for someone else?
got N. a custom-printed thermos with a (very nicely designed, I'll add) inside joke on it, which he adores and uses constantly. I'm delighted with how well my attempt at a really personalized/distinct gift landed, and at how happy it made (and continues to make) him
Did you vote?
no elections in Texas this year that I could vote in, and I can't vote in Boston because I'm not a legal resident (yet)
Did you get a pet?
no :(
Have you done anything that scared you?
so much! DMing didn't used to scare me but it does now (I know how much I don't know), but I DMed a short mini-campaign over the summer and I'm really proud of not so much the finished product but the lessons I was able to take away from the experience, if that makes sense
Did you fall in love?
more head-over-heels than I've ever been for anyone in my life— not romantic, but no less profound for it. "I want to be a part of your family" kind of love.
Did you go through a break up?
also platonic, but yes.
Who wasn’t as important to you this year as they were last year?
former best friend, and the subject of the aforementioned breakup. the rest of that friend group more broadly.
What was the worst moment of the year for you?
this year hasn't had that many bad moments! probably the first time I got into a real fight with N.— I've never fought with my friends before, and I was terrified that he'd hate me and cut off the friendship. in retrospect I was being pretty ridiculous, but I didn't know that open, vocalized conflict didn't have to be destructive, and I was scared of losing someone so important to me. ultimately, though, it was a good thing, and I learned (am still learning) that conflict is okay and even necessary— but it was a real crucible of a moment, ya know?
What are you most proud of accomplishing?
all the growth I've gone through as a game designer. it's been anything but easy, but I'm better than I was by leaps and bounds, and that improvement has spilled out into other areas of my life— I'm a more incisive critic, a better writer, more thoughtful and curious about pretty much everything...
Did your opinion of anyone change for worse?
that friend breakup I mentioned was very much a function of me changing and realizing that some things were true about her that I hadn't noticed or considered deal-breakers before, so yes
If you could go on an adventure during the remaining days of the year, where would you go and what would you do?  Who would you go with?
honestly, I'd love to go on a road trip with N.— up and down the Cali coast, since he's from the state, and I've never really been (except to the Bay Area). alternately, a road-trip tour of US science museums, because I love talking with him about science and learning from him about things I don't know much about.
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sinner-min-bun · 6 years ago
Text
Strangers▪️Min Yoongi
[A Min Yoongi x Reader Oneshot]
_______________________________________________________
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⚜🌳⚜
It's a been three years since Mina's father past away.
Her life took a turn for the worse, becoming emotionally isolated, seeking thrills in the form of violent acts, and Befriending a dangerous crowd. Inevitably turning her boyfriend Taehyung, back to the habit of living a dangerous and carefree lifestyle. One he had abandoned in order to be accepted by Mina, since she wasn't fund of that toxic lifestyle.
Yes, she was aware of these changes but did so little to fix them. Barely acknowledging others around her.
We all learn to cope one way or another. Now blinding herself of everyone else's pain, was hers.
Mother thought it was only a matter of time, “She'll soon recover, it's nothing but a minimal trip on the road ahead of Her”. Pressing the bridge of her nose, clearing her blurry vision as she spoke to Taehyung, whom was doing the most to bring Mina out of her depressive state of mind.
"Mina you will be back to your normal, cheerful self and everything will be okay" she insisted. Threatening Taehyung every now and then to scare him off, even thought it was of no use.
She held a special place in his heart, “She might be right…” he thought, exiting Mina’s home without a goodbye.
Opening the umbrella as he stepped outside into the rain, “Maybe I'm not the one to fix you” his cries being masked by the pouring raín.
             **********One Year Later************
Mina's Point of View
Taking In the night scenery, "It's quiet tonight. Perfect night to admire the stars, barely visible to the naked eye yet was able to illuminate the night sky." Thinking to myself as I walked further into the park’s pathways.
The fresh air lightly brushed my face. Walking around the park late at night. Always my to go spot when I couldn't sleep.
Nothing unusual in particular, so like any other night, I went for a twenty minute walk to a park. One we had a block or two near my apartment. I would sneak out making sure mother wouldn't hear me and wake up– She hates when I do that.
You see, after my father's death she became depressed. Drowned her sorrows down with a bottle of wine. Every now and then she would vow never to touch another drop again.
"Empty promises…" that's all they were at this point. Reliving every moment she would make that promise. Just to break it days or even hours later.
I'll have to admit, this year has been a bit different from the two before. Breaking the gut wrenching habit of bringing in stranger's into the apartment.
I'm glad. Unable to forget the occasion when one of them almost tried his luck with me. It filled me with rage. Needless to say, I've gained a few skills here and there as I roamed the streets at night, dangerous streets. Including weaponry thanks to the guy I still would wholeheartedly consider my boyfriend Taehyung. Even after knowing nothing of his whereabouts. Taking a piece of me with him.
Although he's the sweetest guy you'll ever met. He's got his own dark past he refused to open up, which I respect and leave that subject aside. But I'll be lying if I said I wasn't curious as to what it could've been.      
Emitting a deep sigh. “I was weak, maybe that's why you decided to leave…” Raising my head to avoid tearing up.
                             *****************
Combing my fingers through my hair, I looked at the clock in my phone screen. "Wow, this time I took longer than usual".
Standing on the same spot, lost in my own thoughts again for so long. Almost appeared to be about ten minutes.
"I better get going" my voice being the only sound I could hear.
It tends to get dangerous around 12:30 at night.
You know what they say "the creeps come out at night". Yea all the kidnappers, druggies, drug dealers, and more.
As I continue my walk to exit the park. My fear turned reality.
"Oh shit". I thought to myself
I could feel a presence. Someone was following me.
"For fuck sake this is why I keep track of my time." Mentally Cursing myself with every obscenity known to man.
I prepared myself, slowly sliding the pocket knife in  between my middle and index finger, a part of the knife peeking out my sweater.
Turning left I stepped into the small bridge, taking me across the other side of the lake.
It gave me the chance to hear his footsteps as he walked on to the bridge.
Ten steps. That's how far he was behind me. ‘God Dammit...I couldn't do much at this point’.
"Plan B". I took out my phone making it seem like I didn't notice the moron behind me and pretended to send a text to Taehyung’s old phone number.
<<To: Tae <3 >>
I miss you… help
[Message SEND]
"What's a pretty little thing doing here...this late at night" The stranger said.
Those words send chills down my back. "Fuck off" was the only words I could phrase together.
"Listen I can show you a good time, if you're willing to come with me" he added. His voice getting closer and closer, I could feel his hot breath.
"No thanks" being my final answer.  
He kept insisting. Quickly getting tired of my attitude. As I was about to swing the knife towards his face. He managed to yank me by the shoulder.
"Let me go!" I yelled, getting loose of his grip. But his strength surpassed mine by a lot.
"HEY I SAID LET ME GO!" I yelled even louder hoping this time I would manage to get away.
Without a warning the man kissed the wooden boards of the bridge. Accidentally bringing me down with him.
He let go of me. I got up rubbing my shoulder now containing a large bruise.
I looked down to see him on the ground trying to cover his bloody nose and busted lip.
"Who the hell are you" I said startled by another stranger.
Giving no thought that he just saved me from a lunatic. "Great Now what do you want huh? I whined.
"Well a thank you should be enough" he said putting his hands back into his jacket.
"I could've handled it myself thank you very much" tired and aggravated from the creep before not wanting to deal with another one.
"Yea I could tell from the way he almost dragged you away" he said beginning to walk away from where we stood.
Although I didn't want to admit it, he was right.
"Thank you" I said before I started walking back to the other side of the bridge.
"Wait up"
It was him again, ‘what does he want now’.
"Listen I didn't mean to come out as rude back there. But you really shouldn't be walking alone this late at night"
"You don't need to worry about me, I can handle myself, plus I called my boyfriend."
I lied.
"Oh really. I don't see him anywhere" He taunted, moving his hand to show no one in sight.
A knot formed in my neck as I tried to swallow. My next few words coming out broken. "He p-probably didn't receive my message"
I lied again.
I increased my pace in order to lose him. I had to, before tears began to form. There's one thing I hated more than my mother drinking and that was crying.
To be specific people seeing me cry. It made me feel weak and that's something I never want to show.
"Well if that's the case, I'm not leaving you all alone to wander elsewhere. I'll walk you home". His offer sounding sincere to his word as he flashed a gummy smile.
The corner of my mouth twitched, almost wanting to smile.
"If I do, will that make you go away" expecting a simple answer.
"Yea... for now" he said said playfully nudging my arm.
"Ash..." I rolled my eyes in annoyance letting out a smile this time.
"Don't lie to me. A deal is a deal" I stated making sure he knew not to cross boundaries.
He Began to speak trying to engage in conversation.
"The sky seems brighter with the stars shining every now and then" I said staring up at the sky.
A shimmer in his eyes "Yeah it is." He agreed, taking off his hat to slightly fix it for a better view. "It's the beauty we see in the small imperfections nature has to offer."
I stared up at the Night sky.
Droplets of water landing on our faces. We kept walking and talking a bit more sharing laughs and small chuckles here and there.
The walk was only twenty minutes but it felt longer and I was grateful for it.
Across the streets there it was, my apartment. All the lights from every other apartment was off including mine. Which was a good sign, indicating my mother was still in deep slumber.
"Well this is it. Thank you again and goodbye" I said waiting for the light to turn red.
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I walked away, still feeling his eyes on me every step of the way. Forbidding myself to turn back.
I hope we meet again stranger.
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mianugget · 7 years ago
Conversation
Mixed Signals
Ben: I miss you. I miss getting random snaps from you during the day. I have been drinking and I know I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but I am so sorry if I hurt you. I hate to think that I did and I wanted you to know I'm sorry. I like the idea of an "us" but, relationships scare the crap out of me and the thought of committing to someone scares me.
Woman: What do you want, Ben? Have you thought about that- fear aside. What do you want?
Ben: To no longer be apart of society, to live my life somewhere between the borderlands. I want life to be simple. I really just want to be forgotten. Is that wrong?
Woman: There is no wrong answer, it is not a trick question. If you want to be forgotten why message me and say you missed me?
Ben: You're right, it was wrong to message you I should have just kept this inside, you're living your life and I just need to let that go.
Woman: If that is what you want.
Ben: I'm drunk and look like a fool, that's probably best I guess.
Woman: You don't look like a fool. I now know what you want, and I know that it doesn't involve me. That is ok. I'm not upset with you in any way.
Ben: It does involve you tho your the only person I'd want to leave with but that's a fantasy life.
Woman: Yeah, cause there is no way I'd survive out in the borderlands man.
Ben: You know I'd be your Tarzan if you were my Jane.
Woman: Can't you compromise with a cabin on a mountain somewhere near civilization but not directly a part of it?
Ben: Maybe
Woman: that's not a no
Ben: Not a know
Woman: Do what makes you happy dude, that's all I want for you.
We don't even live in the same state.
Ben: I know but I still care about you but I know you won't leave Iowa and I'll never return.
I guess having been able to spend the time that we did is better than nothing. Like they say it is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.
Woman: I've never said I won't leave Iowa.
Ben: I maybe think it wasn't right to text you tonight. I just feel like my life is so meaningless and I'm so lost. I've done all the things in my life that society wanted me to and by normal standards, I'm living the American Dream but I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I don't mean to lay this all on you either but to be honest, I have no one else to talk to which is probably sad and I hope you'll understand.
Woman: You can always talk to me.I want you in my life, Ben, it's just up in the air where you're going to land in it.
Ben changes subject to talk about his job... ending the conversation regarding him and the woman.
A few days later the woman decides she is fucking confused on where they stand.
MONDAY 2PM
Woman: Hi, I hope your outlook for this week is a positive one! I've been thinking a lot about our conversation from the other night, and I feel as though your feelings towards me have not been clarified and I'm back to feeling quite confused.
WEDNESDAY 8AM
Ben: I'm sorry I'm so confusing and mysterious.
Woman: you avoided the question...
FRIDAY 12PM
Ben hasn't called the woman, snapped, or texted since.
So much for Tarzan and Jane.
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gallantcaptainfaramir · 7 years ago
Conversation
Mixed Signals
Ben: I miss you. I miss getting random snaps from you during the day. I have been drinking and I know I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but I am so sorry if I hurt you. I hate to think that I did and I wanted you to know I'm sorry. I like the idea of an "us" but, relationships scare the crap out of me and the thought of committing to someone scares me.
Woman: What do you want, Ben? Have you thought about that- fear aside. What do you want?
Ben: To no longer be apart of society, to live my life somewhere between the borderlands. I want life to be simple. I really just want to be forgotten. Is that wrong?
Woman: There is no wrong answer, it is not a trick question. If you want to be forgotten why message me and say you missed me?
Ben: You're right, it was wrong to message you I should have just kept this inside, you're living your life and I just need to let that go.
Woman: If that is what you want.
Ben: I'm drunk and look like a fool, that's probably best I guess.
Woman: You don't look like a fool. I now know what you want, and I know that it doesn't involve me. That is ok. I'm not upset with you in any way.
Ben: It does involve you tho your the only person I'd want to leave with but that's a fantasy life.
Woman: Yeah, cause there is no way I'd survive out in the borderlands man.
Ben: You know I'd be your Tarzan if you were my Jane.
Woman: Can't you compromise with a cabin on a mountain somewhere near civilization but not directly a part of it?
Ben: Maybe
Woman: that's not a no
Ben: Not a know
Woman: Do what makes you happy dude, that's all I want for you.
We don't even live in the same state.
Ben: I know but I still care about you but I know you won't leave Iowa and I'll never return.
I guess having been able to spend the time that we did is better than nothing. Like they say it is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.
Woman: I've never said I won't leave Iowa.
Ben: I maybe think it wasn't right to text you tonight. I just feel like my life is so meaningless and I'm so lost. I've done all the things in my life that society wanted me to and by normal standards, I'm living the American Dream but I feel like I'm just going through the motions. I don't mean to lay this all on you either but to be honest, I have no one else to talk to which is probably sad and I hope you'll understand.
Woman: You can always talk to me.I want you in my life, Ben, it's just up in the air where you're going to land in it.
Ben changes subject to talk about his job... ending the conversation regarding him and the woman.
A few days later the woman decides she is fucking confused on where they stand.
MONDAY 2PM
Woman: Hi, I hope your outlook for this week is a positive one! I've been thinking a lot about our conversation from the other night, and I feel as though your feelings towards me have not been clarified and I'm back to feeling quite confused.
WEDNESDAY 8AM
Ben: I'm sorry I'm so confusing and mysterious.
Woman: you avoided the question...
FRIDAY 12PM
Ben hasn't called the woman, snapped, or texted since.
So much for Tarzan and Jane.
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