#probably not a funny joke without the context

[spooky-enthusiast]

Proposed Pokédex entry for Lotad:

This Pokémon is known for creating tool-assisted gameplay demonstrations with low optimization.

[dbphantom]

i could not sleep until i read fandom wiki pages for 3 hours drew this

20yo regis is a delight to draw im ngl his design fucks. esp when u dye his hair back to black. not sure why its brown in the pixel art

[mareofthesky]

Now I kinda want to get roasted- hit me with a 3 ✨

its that time again! reblog and i’ll rate and roast your url 😊

#josieroasts for your filters

read more to participate ⬇️

couple of rules for y’all this time cause last time got out of hand:

you need clearly communicate consent to to do so

you must be 18 or older. if i catch u asking and you’re a minor, instant block no exceptions.

pick a level from 1-3, on a scale of gentle to hit me with your best shot.

rules for me:

if you want me to delete my response to you, i will do so with no questions asked

no transphobia, homophobia, racism, ableism, etc.

otherwise no rules 😈

glhf 😌

[defiant-firefly]

(I've had my chatty medicines so you get a post about this)

There is something distinctly and uniquely alienating and bizarre about hearing people say 'Easter Sunday is the most religious day of the year'. Like, when was this?? If it's so religious and so so so important, how come no one thought to tell me it was religious until like four or five years ago?

Yeah it's kinda funny but I'm also sat there every time like "what the fuck are you talking about". The assumption I was raised Christian and am Christian via culture is really funny though cause like. Bro I have no fucking clue what any of this stuff is about.

My parents never taught me the majority of this shit. Anyone else assumed I already knew about it. This Easter talk I've been hearing about a weird amount more than normal is all new to me and making me think of all this shit lmao

[demilypyro]

So I've seen a few too many people on twitter talking about The Kiss Scene from the new Scott Pilgrim anime. People saying it's fetishistic and indulgent, people calling it male gazey, etc. And while the kiss itself is certainly a bit exaggerated, I felt like writing a bit about why I disagree, and why context is important, like it always is. But it basically turned into an extended analysis on the metatextual treatment of Roxie Richter. So bear with me. It's a long post.

What really matters about this scene is not the kiss itself, but what precedes it. Not even just the fight scene just before it, but what precedes the whole anime series, really. And that's the Scott Pilgrim comic book, and the live action movie. Because in both, Roxie is a punchline.

She's a joke. Her character starts and ends with "one of the exes is actually a girl, I bet you didn't expect that." Jokes are made about Ramona's latent bisexuality, the movie especially treating it as funny and absurd, and her validity as a romantic interest is entirely written off by Ramona as being "just a phase." There's a fight scene, she's defeated by a man giving her an orgasm which implicitly calls her sexuality into question (come on), and the movie just moves on. It sucks. It really, really sucks.

The comic fares a little better. It never veers into outright homophobia like the movie does, and while the line about Ramona having gone through a phase remains, Roxie actually gets one over on Scott when Ramona briefly gets back with Roxie. But Roxie is still only barely a character. Like all the other evil exes, she's just a stepping stone towards the male protagonist's development. She barely even gets any screentime before she's defeated by Scott's "power of love." But Roxie stands out, since she's the only villain who is queer, or at least had been confirmed queer at that point (hi Todd). In a series that champions multiple gay men in the supporting cast, the single undeniable lesbian in the story is a villain. She's labeled as evil, made fun of, pushed aside in favor of the men, and then discarded. Her screentime was never about her, or her feelings for Ramona. It was about the straight, male protagonist needing to overcome her. And that was Roxie Richter. An unfortunate victim of the 2010s.

Fast forward to current year, and the new anime series is announced. Everybody sits down to watch the new series expecting another retelling of the same story, and.... hang on, that straight male protagonist I mentioned just died in the first episode. And now it's humanizing the villains from the original story. And there's Roxie, introduced alongside the other evil exes in the second episode, and she's being played entirely straight, without a punchline in sight. No jokes are made about her gender, no questions are made of her validity as one of Ramona's romantic interests. The narrative considers her important. In one episode, she already gets more respect than she did in either of the previous iterations of Scott Pilgrim. And this isn't even her focus episode yet... which happens to be the very next one.

The anime series goes to great lengths to flesh out the original story's villains and to have Ramona reconcile with them. And I don't think it's a coincidence that Roxie gets to go first. While Matthew Patel gets his development in episode 2, Roxie is the first to directly confront Ramona, now our main protagonist. This is notable too because it's the only time the exes are encountered out of order. Roxie is supposed to be number 4, but she's first in line, and later on you realize that she's the only one who's out of sequence. She's the one who sets the precedent for the villains being redeemed. She's the most important character for Ramona to reconcile with.

What follows is probably the most extensive, elaborate 1 on 1 fight scene in the whole show. Roxie fights like a wounded animal, her motions are desperate and pained. Ramona can only barely fight back against her onslaught. Different set-pieces fly by at breakneck speed as Roxie relentlessly lays her feelings at Ramona's feet through her attacks and her distraught shouts. And unlike the comic or the movie, Ramona acknowledges them, and sincerely apologizes. And the two end up just laying there, exhausted, reminiscing about when they were together.

Only after this, after all of this, does the kiss scene happen. Roxie has been vindicated, she has reconciled with the person who hurt her, the narrative has deemed that her anger is justified and has redeemed her character. And she gets her victory lap by making the nearest other hot girl question her heterosexuality, sharing a sloppy kiss with her as the music triumphantly crescendos.

It's... a little self-congratulatory, honestly. But it's good. It's redemption for a character who had been mistreated for over a decade. And she punctuates the moment by being very, very gay where everyone can see it, no men anywhere in sight. Because this is her moment. And then she leaves the plot, on her own accord this time, while humming the hampster dance. What a legend. How could anything be wrong with this.

[gibbearish]

guy who is really mad some people don't like having cake smushed in their faces

guy who is really mad that people smush their friends’ faces into birthday cakes

[curejiraiya]

I still cannot believe so many people took that LUTI uquiz when it was just the culmination of one joke I had (the lyric one), plus the opportunity to shove King of Prism into the face of tons of people who do not care. People are still linking it, it's just me asking what King of Prism character is best to people who don't watch anime, and people are still linking it.

[tritoch]

the other thing I find very funny about trying to write a canon compliant wol is taking all the wolship hints extremely seriously.

I don't really wolship because I'm just fundamentally not that kind of fan. But I know for those who are, the sheer number of romance hints FFXIV throws at you can be overwhelming to parse in a context where you have a preferred/intended wolship, particularly if you're not attracted to the gender the hints are coming from in the first place (a particular tip of the hat to wlw fans navigating the g'raha of it all). I've seen plenty of people write around them or write them out or be like "no aymeric was for real inviting my wol to a nice platonic zero-subtext dinner," and God bless all of you.

But it's really funny to imagine them all as all-too-real but unreciprocated or perhaps unreciprocatable. The sheer scale of it is comedy. Spoilers for all of FFXIV follow.

Oh God, the Lord Speaker wants to have dinner, just the two of us, at his family estate and not a government building. I hope he doesn't bring up his crush on me. Thal's balls he's about to bring it up—oh thank God there's an emergency. Oh no someone got hurt! Oh no it's the teenage girl with a crush on me.

Your life is a cosmic joke. You watch the Sultana get poisoned and all your friends probably die to save your life and it's kind of all your fault in some ways, I mean at the very least you should've spoken up when they gave the teenager a private army, and then the teenage boy speaks up and is like, "hey, I guess we have at least one ally. What about if we go visit that guy who is really obviously down unbelievably bad for you and wants to lick the sweat off of you." and you have to be like, yeah, Alphinaud. Great idea. Let's do it. I'll call him.

(brief interlude: also haurchefant's DEATH hits so good if you don't reciprocate. It's okay. He gets it. You're going through a lot and even if you had time to sort through your feelings maybe you're just not into him. That would be okay! You can love someone, or the idea of someone, without needing it to be romantically reciprocated. That's chivalric, even. Knightly. So he won't ask you to lie to him and say you love him as he lies dying in your arms. He's not so low as all that. But could you smile for him as you used to? That true hero's smile of yours. And you do, and he dies. And you both know he died for a lie, in a way, or a flight of fancy. And he's okay with that. Are you? Should you be? Should he?)

Then you're into Stormblood and it's like wow, okay. That last part was all high fantasy, of course there were loyal knights and elegant princes. But this is war. Imperialism. Grim business, surely there's no way—oh no BOTH handsome young revolutionary leaders seem to have a special interest in you?! And so does the Crown Prince of the Empire? Come on, man. I should get to do the whole horrors of war thing without having to also deal with this. Gaius sucked and it was weird that he let his foster daughter run around being openly obsessed with him but at least he never made it my problem.

You can't even get away from it across dimensions. Shadowbringers is a horror story about going on a teambuilding camping trip with your work colleagues for some reason except they all suddenly got really hot and they keep touching you affectionately on the shoulder and being like "I care for you and your happiness. Truly." And also you're being stalked for the whole camping trip by two old men who are obsessed with you. The false climax of the story is that the one old man tries to betray you and give a dramatic monologue about how he loves you but the two of you are doomed by the narrative and then the other old man shoots him in the back like "no actually its MY turn to betray them and give a dramatic monologue about how our love is doomed by the narrative." Then the real climax is old man #1 backstabbing old man #2 in the middle of said monologue before old man #2 dies and gives ANOTHER wistful monologue about his doomed love. Then for the patches they're like okay so we have this even CRAZIER old man who's gonna strike when you're weak and give a dramatic monolo—

and that's without even getting into the literal soulmate ghost only you can see

my warrior of light never felt more betrayed than in that scene where Y'shtola is like "haha Alisaie and G'raha have crushes on the warrior of light." Like I thought we were COOL, Y'shtola! I work here! This situation is already in such a delicate balance! Right when I got here I met Alisaie's "friend from work" who was like oh haha so YOU'RE the one she can't stop talking about and we never followed up on that because the woman died horrifically like five minutes later right in front of us! Then when Vauthry got away and we had to do all that shit with the dwarves, G'raha kept pausing every ten minutes to be like oooooh I'm so old I'm gonna die soon...at least I got to spend some time with some people who are really important to me...in fact here's what I'd tell the person who's most important to me...actually u know them really well haha. And I just had to sit there and be like wow, dude, crazy.

even in the face of apocalypse you still gotta go back in time like 12,000 years and there's somewhere there who makes you sit and listen to his story which is that the purpose of his whole godlike immortal life was to be in a throuple with you and old man #2 from the camping trip. and you just gotta sit there the whole time knowing you/your past life is the one who broke up the throuple over politics. He's like come help me harangue the old man into streaking in public, he'll do it if you ask.

then you meet and fight and kill God and you gotta turn to the team and be like hey sorry guys can you give me a sec. I'm gonna call God by her real name because we met one time for like four days and after that the promise of meeting me again was one of the things that sustained her through her millennia of suffering. Not like that but like. Idk. Just gimme a sec!

It's a relief when you finally get to Lahabrea and he's like actually I still don't fuck with your vibe. Like thank GOD.

And my WoL is very obviously dad-shaped so Dawntrail had a very specific energy for me but I understand that for plenty of people your deepening rapport with Wuk Lamat had a romantic subtext (same for Koana depending on how you read a few of his lines). And personally I think it's the height of comedy to be like, noooo, babe, your highness, I know you and your brother the king are in love with me and want me to stick around and support you emotionally through this governmental transition haha. But it's just...the cursed wineglass, babe. I GOTTA go figure out what's up with this cursed wineglass.

It's a running gag in some of the more optional content that people are like "you have an unreasonable number of hobbies and side gigs" to the WoL from time to time. But if every time you tried picking up a new hobby some new elf started baring their soul to you, you too would be like Hey Jessie (or sometimes Krile or Tataru), my good friend who is one of the only people in my life who knows what professional ethics and work-life boundaries are, any chance you need muscle on a gig on the other side of the world? Ideally with only Cid and his ex so all libidinal energy in the room is directed towards machinery or someone who isn't me?

ironically one of the only places you get a break from psychosexual obsession is the nier content

[lotte-s-web]

Rockstar!Hobie x reader though 😩

The album covers for some of his playlists are pictures of your lips and chin, or bare shoulder where his hands are, or if you’re a female, his hands on your tits from behind HDJSNJSJS

Random shout outs during shows or concerts and looking straight at you as he says literally anything that makes the crowd go wild

Fucking in his dressing room after a show with his adrenaline still pumping, his black lipstick smudged around his lips and your neck covered in marks that shows what messed it up

EVEN BETTER IF it’s BEFORE A SHOW

He probably wears makeup (personal head cannon where he does Smokey eyes or eyeliner during shows) and so imagine BEFORE A SHOW

His lipstick smudged, and marks around your neck as you find a place in the crowd and he proudly stares with a smug smirk HDHSJSJSJSJXJJX CLAWING AT THE WALLS

(Sorry for yapping)

NONONONON ACTUALLY THANK YOU FOR YAPPING I LOVE IT WHEN I GET STUFF LIKE THIS IN MY INBOX

aghh where do i even begin with rockstar hobie... he's just so hdghsgbsdhsdvfhsdfvshd

his album covers are always photos of you without your face showing, always with a mark of him on your skin. whether that be his hand on your shoulder, his thumb pulling down on your lower lip, or black lipstick smeared all over your neck. he LOVES to show you off in subtle but loud ways

amidst the loud, angry and grating music his band usually produces, he makes songs just for you, showing off his love for you to every one of his fans. of course, people swoon over it, but only you get the full context of his lyrics. there are cheesy, romantic songs, just as well as there are cheeky ones. every song winks at you, references you and whispers lowly in your ear another inside joke that nobody but you and hobie will get.

oh and he's not above using your voice in his tracks. he'd record your moans and have them play in the background of his songs if you'd let him (see record). he records your laugh and little funny things you say to use them as producer/artist tags at the start of his songs. he thinks you just make his songs so much better; he'd take any chance to include you.

backstage fucking with him is always intense, exhilarating. seeing you supporting his music and singing along to his lyrics always gets his blood pumping downwards, his energy no longer directed at the show he was trying to put on.

he'll drag you out of the crowd between shows and take you somewhere where his bandmates know not to cross. one thing leads to another and suddenly, he's taking you against the wall with one hand over your mouth and another pulling your hips back against his.

he's breathing down your neck, keeping his pace fast and hard, determined to make the both of you cum as soon as possible. after all, he has to go back on stage in 15 minutes, he doesn't have all day. he has your mind all mushy, your nails scratching desperately at the wall as you near release.

he regrets having to leave you after you've both came, having to hastily clean you up; it's less than you deserve. but the fucked-out smile on your face and the messy, smudged black lipstick adorning your jaw, neck and lips almost makes it worth it.

he always kisses your cheek as he leaves you, handing you a signed guitar pick and winking at you. he shouts that you should do this again as he re-straps his guitar, not bothering to even fix the smudged eyeliner and lipstick across his lips. you say it won't happen again, but it always does.

SIGH rockstar hobie one chance god please

[illym]

This comic is funny enough without context.

In Guilty Gear XX, I-no causes Dizzy to fall from the Jellyfish Pirate ship. Probably pushed her. Testament comes to visit while Dizzy is missing, and in canon Johnny tells them the truth about where Dizzy is. Testament gets angry about how bad the pirates are at taking care of Dizzy, and they fight.

Here, Johnny lies, saying Dizzy is cooking. Since she sucks at it, Testament says that they'll leave in order to avoid eating, neatly avoiding them finding out about Dizzy's situation.

Translation assistance: @magicalgirlfia

ID in alt.

Cleaned and original comics below the cut.

Specific assistance:

@.magicalgirlfia: Translated the text in the third panel, translated the text below Testament's scythe.

This one is genuinely so fun. I love the expressions and the joke is great. This artist in general is a favorite of mine...

I would've replaced the text in the first panel, but I don't have a font that matches that energy and I really didn't want to handwrite it.

[hardly-an-escape]

for @bucktommypositivityweek Saturday 8/17: nicknames and terms of endearment | naming conventions | 1300 words | rated T

Tommy wasn’t much of a nickname guy. He shortened names, of course – he wasn’t the kind of asshole who insisted on calling Hen Henrietta or Eddie Edmundo – but Howie was almost always Howie, not Chimney, even after they reconnected, and the handful of other firefighters they knew with goofy monikers were still almost always referred to by their given names.

Buck had asked him about it, once; he’d assumed that an Army pilot would have been all in on nicknames and callsigns. But Tommy had simply shaken his head and said something about how, in his experience, they always came from negative moments.

Haven’t you ever noticed that? He’d said. They’re almost always based on something bad. A mistake or a close call. I don’t know, I just don’t think people should be known for something they fuck up when they’re a probie, or a raw recruit. When they’re still learning.

And Tommy wasn’t wrong; most nicknames did stem from some kind of fuck up. Usually something funny or ironic, but not always. To Buck it seemed almost like a kind of hazing ritual – maybe rite of passage would be a kinder term – like, can you really join the club if you can’t handle a little joke? But Buck also saw Tommy’s point. Saw how the loss of a name could mean the loss of agency, loss of identity, loss of control over one’s own person in a context when so much control had already been willingly given up. To service, whether that meant the military or the LAFD or just being the guy always willing to step in and do something.

Buck saw that, even if he didn’t feel it himself. For him, getting a nickname had been freeing – had been an opening up, a door to an identity he’d wanted for a long time without being able to name.

Becoming Buck instead of Evan had been – it was hard to describe. He’d always secretly wanted a nickname, wanted something cool and casual and jocular, something to show that he belonged somewhere. But Evan didn’t exactly lend itself to shortening or rhyming, and nothing he’d done in his youth had ever set him apart. Not in a way that mattered; not in a way that stuck.

He’d lived more than twenty five years of his life being Evan and feeling vaguely uncomfortable about it – until the fire academy, when someone had called him Buck and he’d just run with it, made it happen, finally carved out his own little niche in this world that suddenly meant so much to him.

And that’s how it had been – he’d just been Buck – until Tommy came along.

He hadn’t meant to introduce himself as Evan, when they met in the hangar. In fact, he hadn’t introduced himself at all; Chimney had been the one to make introductions. “Tommy, allow me to introduce you to your flight attendants for this evening’s little jaunt: Evan Buckley and Eddie Diaz. Boys, this is Tommy Kinard, formerly of the 118 and currently probably regretting picking up my calls.”

They’d all shaken hands, faces serious. The weight of the moment and what they were about to do was heavy on their shoulders, despite Howie’s wisecracking, and it hadn’t even occurred to Buck to throw out his usual line about his nickname. And later, during his tour of Tommy’s station, it hadn’t really registered for Buck until they were halfway through that the other man had exclusively referred to him as Evan. It felt too late to correct him by the time he’d noticed.

And besides, he’d realized – much later – how much he liked the sound of Evan coming out of Tommy’s mouth.

Neither of them were big on pet names. Tommy would throw out the occasional sweetheart, which always made Buck melt a little inside, but it wasn’t a regular thing. Buck sometimes went for baby in intimate moments – babe, with what Tommy called “a tone,” if he was being a bit of a brat – but it was often as much for comedic effect as anything else.

They mostly just stuck to names. For Evan, the novelty of murmuring Tommy as he kissed his boyfriend’s Adam’s apple or his stubbly cheek or down the line of his happy trail never seemed to wear off. The masculine body under his hands and lips. The masculine name on his tongue.

He asked Tommy, once, after explaining his own weirdly complicated history with his name – and his parents, and his dead brother, and his long unwitting search for an identity – why he went by Tommy, not Tom or Thomas.

“I guess it sounds a little juvenile, doesn’t it?” Tommy said. “For a guy in his forties.”

“I mean, I don’t think so,” Buck said. “I think – I don’t know, I think it fits you. Like, I’ve heard other people call you Tom, but if I called you Tom, I feel like that’s a different person, almost. Someone I don’t even know.”

“I feel the same way about Buck,” Tommy admitted. “Hen says it, I don’t even blink. I know it’s you. But if I say it? It’s like, who is that.”

“Yeah.”

Tommy shifted a little on the couch. Plucked at his jeans, wrapped an arm around Buck’s shoulders and then immediately shifted again so he could run his fingers through Buck’s hair.

“I’ve told you a little about my dad,” he said eventually. “About how we don’t… get along. Never did, really, even when I was just a kid.” He paused, for long enough that Buck looked up enquiringly, only to see Tommy staring off into the middle distance.

“But I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned that I was named after him,” Tommy continued eventually.

“Wait, really?”

“Really. I am technically a junior. Thomas Edward Kinard, Jr. He actually wanted my birth certificate to say “the second,” but my mom put her foot down.”

“Wow. I had… no idea.”

“I stopped using the junior a year or two into my stint in the service. Dropped it completely when I came out to Los Angeles. Changed my driver’s license and just… didn’t put it on the paperwork. I’m sure that won’t come back to bite me in the ass someday.”

Tommy laughed, short and sarcastic, and Buck frowned. He’d only heard that laugh a couple of times, but he didn’t like it. He wormed his way out from beneath Tommy’s arm so he could take one of his broad hands between his own, petting over hairy knuckles and a calloused palm.

“Have you ever thought about changing it? Choosing something new?” he asked hesitantly.

“No. Never. He took enough from me, over the years,” Tommy said harshly. “He doesn’t get to take my name, too, even if it did come from him. Besides, it pisses him off enough that I went by Tommy past the age of sixteen. Changing my name would feel like… would feel like giving in.”

“I get that,” Buck said thoughtfully.

He squeezed Tommy’s hand one more time, then put it aside and climbed carefully into his boyfriend’s lap. Tommy let out a soft grunt of surprise as Buck wound his arms around his neck and tipped his face up for a kiss.

Buck obliged him. “Well, for what it’s worth,” he said softly, lips brushing against Tommy’s, “I love your name. I love how it sounds when I say it. Tommy,” he murmured, and Tommy swallowed hard. “It fits you. I don’t know how else to say it. It’s you. And I – I love you. So I love your name.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d said those words, but it was still new enough that they tasted fresh and exciting.

“I love you, too,” Tommy said quietly. “Evan,” he said, and kissed him again.

this was supposed to be something fun and silly based on this post but then it developed emotions and that's why it's a day late.

[saturnicos]

Hi! Can you make a Hazbin Hotel Headcanons of how the characters would comfort a reader who is having a panic attack.

Yeah! Ironically, I had a pre-episode panic attack during a class today, writing this helped me avoid a meltdown.

Of course, if you wanted into a different perspective (or other characters, since I don't write many at once), feel free to tell me :)

HH cast comforting !reader having a panic attack

With: Charlie, Alastor, Lucifer, Adam, Angel Dust

Context: Panic attack can happen any time, without any motivation. Unfortunately, that's hits you more often than you would like. In a middle of a conversation with them, you start to feel anxious and afraid, eyes widening and an immense desire to cry appearing. How would them comfort you?

. Charlie

— Oh! And I created a new plan that I would lik.. — Charlie interrupts herself as soon as she sees his eyes roaming the room, your leg shaking while the sound of your heartbeat was heard loud enough.

She knows that happens with some frequency and often is ready when happen. Actually, she's a bit imperative and has its moments of generalized anxiety; although it's not the same thing, it has a basis of what she can or cannot do to help you.

— Honey, look at me, please — She ask to you, holding your hand and looking at your eyes with a serious expression in her face. — It's ok, you'll be fine, you're safe with me. Now, breathe in and out with me.

She starts as an example, taking a deep breath through her nose and releasing the air through her mouth. Despite your mind clouded with fear and derealization, your eyes locked onto hers, unconsciously repeating what exercise she replicates, feeling your breathing regularize slowly, despite the tremor and fear continuing.

She smile at you, holding your hand with a little more strength and delicacy. She moves forward with her free arm at her side, asking for permission for a hug. You, without hesitation, allow it, approaching her and hugging her tightly, feeling her face resting above your head, allowing you to cry into her coat if you felt like you needed to.

— Don't forget to breath, it'll calm yourself. I'm here for you.

. Lucifer

He knows what gonna happen even before you. This man faces various emotional and psychological problems daily, he recognizes very well when someone seems to have a tendency to have a crisis. Especially coming from you.

The first thing he notices is your hand starting to shake and your eyes threatening to water. He's quick to cup your face with both hands, making sure you're looking and listening to him.

— Sweetie, hear me. — He asks in a gently voice, making sure not to get too close to you for fear that this would only trigger a sudden worsening of the attack. — Calm down, I'm with you, there's anything here that can hurt you.

Even with his supportive phrases, your tremor only got worse as your blood pressure only tended to drop, slowly obscuring your vision and slowing down your breathing.

— Here — His voice echoed in your mind, as if partially clearing the intrusive and distressing thoughts. An angelic voice. — Can you tell me five things in this room, please?

You didn't know from where this come, but tried to see something even with a bad vision. And you did it. Then he asked for four things that you could touch. After three that you could hear, after...

When you came to, out of the derealization, you noticed the tactic that he used to calm you down: 5-4-3-2-1, a way to distract the mind of fear to understand what was around you, consequently making you come to your senses when you noticed the space.

He also noticed as your breathing returned to normal and your body gradually shook less and less, smiling at you tenderly.

. Adam

He's a bitch. A fucking bitch.

At first, when he sees your eyes watering in the middle of the conversation he will think that some comment or joke of his got to you, and sincerely? He'd probably find it funny that you're bothered by this at this point.

— What's up, bitch? That wasn't even that aggressive — He responded in a mocking voice, leaning across the table toward you. His tone of voice was filled with a visible desire to laugh.

However, when he noticed that you ignored his comment and were shaking unnaturally, the expression on his mask changed to one that alternated between doubt and amazement.

The mask's mouth constantly opened and closed, as if he were interrupting whenever he thought about commenting on something.

— Fuck — He sighed heavily as he let out an audible curse, getting up from his seat and heading towards him, but stopped next to you when he noticed that he was a piece of shit with emotional comfort, especially with words of affirmation.

With an expression of uncertain, he took off his terminator mask and threw it on the table, looking at the office door, confirming that there was no one there that could burst into the room.

He then crouched down next to you, watching you cover your face with hands shaking, stifling a sob. Not really sure what do, he brought his hand to your back, patting it friendly as a strange way of showing support, since 1. he didn't know how to verbalize it and 2. he couldn't do it. But deep down he would like to try and provide some kind of support.

— I have no fucking idea how to help you, but... You know, if you need a shoulder, you've got me.

. Angel Dust

He knows what it's like to have an emotional breakdown and derealization, after all, it is something that constantly impacts him almost always after the work.

Despite the solution he always seeks for himself be the use of medication and perhaps a little alcohol, he would never make that an option for you since he doesn't want to inflict drug use on you. Health reason.

— Baby, is a hug okay? — he asks you in a compassionate tone, bowing his head slightly to the side as he raised his left hand to rest it on your shoulder.

When you nod, he wraps you in a hug with all four of his arms. A comfortable but not strong hug, allowing you to leave if you wish.

— You need to stabilize your heart rate, you know? Do what I do — He then took a deep breath for a few seconds and then let it out, repeating the process two more times before encouraging you to try.

You snuggled into your spot on the couch trying to control the shaking and tears as you repeated breathing exercise with difficulty. At first it was painful and burned your lungs, but Angel advised you to try again as soon as you felt like you could try.

— I don't have work today, how about a movie? I promise it won't be any of my big movies, your choice. — He laughed quietly, trying to lighten the sad mood with a light dirty joke as he picked up the controller. When he could hear a low chuckle from you, his smile grew.

. Alastor

He literally has no idea what happened to you. Alastor died before psychology studies were taken seriously, and particularly he was never someone very social or interpersonal, then see you having a mental imbalance suddenly was ridiculously weird.

He just stood there looking at you with that stupid smile on his face, trying to find some logic behind your attitude so that he could do something about it.

After a given moment thinking, in a snap of his fingers he manifested a tea set in the center table in the room. However, the withering smell of coffee took its place when he took one of the cups for himself and offered another one for you - one that smelled like valerian, a plant that helped with irregular heartbeat.

He looked at you as he sipped his own cup of black coffee with legs crossed, as if waiting for you to go ahead and drink the tea.

You then gave in and drank, pouring a few drops into your lap due to tremor. The tea actually wasn't that bad. As soon as he passed by your throat, the effect seemed to have already begun, gradually relaxing your muscles and calming your fear.

Along with the feeling of relaxation, an aroma of oils penetrated the room, making a combination in the air of more diverse aromas and smells in a pleasant mix.

By your side, Alastor beamed a satisfied smile as he helped himself to more coffee, talking to you again, occasionally asking if you wanted more tea or if you felt okay.

I love sm write comfort, but thinking about the angst before is painfully sad//

Thank you for read, have a good day or a good night :)

[olderthannetfic]

It might just be me, but a lot of tone indicators, especially the weirder ones that are harder to guess, come off like they're making fun of me for not being that great with tone.

-- same anon Like, I thought that was the point at first. When I first started seeing tone tags I thought people were mocking autistics for needing clarification. I thought the joke was "who needs someone to come out and tell them that "I like your art" is positive? Isn't it funny how weird and dumb autistic people are for misreading tone?"

I think they're often meant as either condescending white knighting (generally without the person realizing that's the tenor of their thoughts) or they're genuinely being used by autistic people... but in that "If only we sorted all the things into tidy boxes! No one would ever misunderstand again!" way.

Sadly, no amount of clarifying or putting things in little boxes will solve the fact that language is ambiguous.

People don't always know what tone they want to convey or what they're feeling in the first place. Even when they do know, if they write something very poorly and most people would agree it conveys some other tone, they don't get to go "No, I meant X and not Y!" and have everyone ignore what they actually wrote.

Sometimes, a level of ambiguity is intentional and desirable. I don't mean for the purpose of confusing autistic people on purpose like a troll. I mean that a level of ambiguity is part of art and part of how a lot of people communicate.

And sometimes, people just misread one. Maybe they're bad at reading comprehension. Maybe they haven't had their morning coffee. Maybe one wrote something poorly. Maybe it's just a culture clash. The reality is that somebody is going to misunderstand, and that's life.

I often see "This one hack will solve [interpersonal thing] forever!" and it's always nonsense. People and language are messy. The end.

--

For my money, "Only half joking", "genuine question", etc. are perfectly natural phrasings and can just be written out in conventional sentences. (And if a platform doesn't have a long enough post length for that, then it probably sucks anyway and is full of people misunderstanding each other and screaming at each other.) I don't mind "/sarcasm", but I don't think most of the "/" notation is useful, and I dislike "/" + abbreviation.

My least favorite is "/pos", and it's not even for the piece of shit/point of sale issue. The problem, to me, is that this tends to be used in contexts where the person is saying something obviously hostile and rude and then going "tee hee, you aren't allowed to read it negatively". The sentence needs a rephrase if it's supposed to be positive. No amount of tagging it is going to help.

[alesbianperson]

bully!ellie williams x fem!reader

summary: Ever since that project that you both worked on, shes been unreasonably mean to you and you have no idea why.

warnings: mean ellie (not really extreme tho); implied football player!ellie; some swear words

authors note: this is my first attempt to write in like 2 years and just half proofread and english isn't my first language (cliché, i know), so i apologise for any context or grammar mistakes

--☆--

You loved going to school. You were nice to everyone, and everyone liked you. Even the mean teachers. However, there was one person who could not stand you, and you didn't even know the reason. She was just being unreasonably mean to you since that one project.

4 years earlier

Your biology teacher just announced a partner project at which your classmates already began searching for their preferred partners. You turned to your best friend who just gave you a thumbs up, but before you could stand up and walk over to her, the teacher suddenly said: "Before you all get too exited, I already assigned the partners."

An annoyed sigh left your lips as you sat back down, already expecting the worst. Your teacher began to read the partners aloud while you sat with your fingers crossed, hoping you'd get assigned with your best friend.

Which did not happen. When only a few of your classmates were left, he finally said your name. "You will work with Ellie Williams." You sighed in relief. From what you've heard, she was pretty okay. Smart, too. So working with her wouldn't be a catastrophe. As the teacher began listing the topics that were available, you turned around to face Ellie, who was already looking at you. You flashed a smile at her, which she returned.

Within the next few days, you both mostly met up in the library to work. It was funny to work with her, plus the topic was really easy. You wouldn't really talk about anything other than the project, but Ellie somehow  always found a way to make some jokes referring to her interests and you couldn't help but laugh at every single one of them.

You both were finished very quickly and got an a for that project. Working with her was pretty fun, too. At least you thought that.

Ever since then, she began commenting on everything you did. When you'd ask something in class and the teacher answered, she'd chuckle and say something like "obviously." When you both crossed paths in the hallway, she'd make sure to talk about you to her friends and let you hear it. When you'd be studying in the library with your headphones on, she'd come up to you, lift them up on one ear, and let them snap back on before simply leaving again, or closing your books and mess up your notes.

All that with no explanation. And it drove you completely insane.

Present day

"Williams! Keep up!" The coach yelled across the field. You stood right beside him, holding the second football they needed for training earlier. Your brother had said this was a great 'side job' idea, but until now, it was kinda boring and exhausting to follow the coaches' unnecessary tasks. Plus, Ellie was in the team, and you couldn't ignore the feeling that she'd say something to embarres you any moment.

"So," the coach turned to you, "practise is almost over, bring the stuff back into the storage room." You mentally rolled your eyes at his tone and the missing please, but quickly picked up everything and walked to the storage rooms. Without really motivation, you began to sort the things into the right drawers or shelves. Suddenly you heard footsteps, which came from outside. Probably the footballers, you thought, since the locker rooms were right beside this room, shifting your attention back to the agility ladders until you heard a familiar voice.

"Why's she suddenly here too? Shes making me lose my fucking mind." Ellie. You didn't have the nerve hearing her talk shit about you again, so you made your way to the door, but the next thing that was said made you freeze. "Then go talk to her. Tell her how you feel. It can't get any worse than this." That was Jesse's voice. You knew him from one of your classes and as one of Ellies best friends. He sometimes apologised for Ellies behaviour when he was with her. "I can't. What if she's grossed out? She'll never even look in my direction again." You were confused. All these comments because Ellie was scared that you didnt like her? Your thoughts were interrupted by Jesse. "But getting her attention through bullying is better?" A short silence. "At least she looks at me. She notices me. Every time I walk into a room she's in, her attention is on me. You don't understand. I need it." More silence.

You needed a second to process what you just heard, and you still couldn't really believe it. Ellie Williams, the one girl you were one hundred percent sure hated every bit of you, suddenly liked you.

"Yeah, whatever." You heard Jesse say before you heard him walk off. After waiting a few seconds, you tried to move as quiet as possible because you weren't sure if Ellie was still standing outside the door. But before you could make that sure, you bumped into the shelf behind you, which caused a loud sound. "Is there anyone?" You heard Ellie ask and froze. fuck, you thought, looking for another door you could exit through.

The door suddenly opened, and you were met with the green eyes of Ellie. As she realised it was you, she went pale. "You.. heard all that?"

[fcthots]

god… corruption kink with jason. he wants to be the one fucking you and making you make obscene noises. especially if reader is like really kind or sweet or something. he wants that all to himself and he wants to fuck you good.

especially if he’s really good friends with reader and you mention you’re a virgin. hed be thinking about that all night. he feels so bad about it— a guy like him shouldn’t want to ruin a pretty, innocent girl like you— but you’d look so pretty taking his cock.

-🧸

(ps. love the blog!! keep up the good work)

I can also make you a standalone w this premise if you’d prefer that

But in the meantime: ADDIND THE TO THE TATTOOARTIST!JASON UNIVERSE!!!! Part one here!

After that first time Jason met you, you two were inseparable. You could now just freely walk into Wayne Manor without anyone questioning it. The longest you two have gone without hanging out is 5 days over the past many months. That was a tough week. You have a drawer at his place (and it becomes a running joke) from the amount of times you have fallen asleep on his couch, but he always picks you up and puts you on his bed. It started one night when Jason had a nightmare and you cuddled him out of his panic and back to sleep. Since then, you just share the bed.

And it is killing Jason. He fell in love with you from the first day he met you, and you’re just so sweet. You hold his hand in public, even if you aren’t dating (don’t get him started on the press). You let him nap on you all the time. You massage his sore shoulders. You let him vent about his job when he has a bad client. He wants to be with you so bad, it’s killing him.

But Jason would do anything for you, including wait for you. He can wait. He will wait. He can do this.

You’re sitting on his couch, laying with your back against his chest. He has one arm over your torso and the other hand running through your hair. The TV is playing your favorite shitty sit-com, and Jason finds it so weirdly attractive that you’ve seen it a thousand times, but still laugh at all the dumb jokes. Sue him, it’s endearing. He isn’t much paying attention to the show, though; he’s too focused on you.

He zones back in when he hears the TV say the words “the first time is always the worst time” out of context. He can’t help himself, it’s funny. He thinks his joke is hilarious.

He smiles. “False. I’ve had much worse times than my first time.” He feels your laughter on his bare chest. A beat of silence. “What about you? Was your first the worst?” He figures you’ll agree, that’s probably why you didn’t respond: your first must have sucked.

“Actually I’m a virgin.” Jason really hopes you don’t hear or feel his heart beating against your head.

“Ok well what about a hand job?” Maybe that wasn’t the most platonic thing to ask, but fuck, Jason was really wanting to know how wide eyed you would be if he gave you a hand job. He could slip his hand into your waistband right now and-

You laugh. “That’s what she said. But, no, no one’s touched me but myself.” He sees your face go red.

His brain stops. “Nothin wrong that.” He wants to be your first. He wants it so bad. It’s all he can think about. He wants you sitting all pretty on his cock. Fuck.

He can’t stop his imagination. He’ll make your first the best you’ll ever have. But you’re so innocent and he really shouldn’t think about his friend this way… but fuck you’d look perfect taking his cock. You’d whine at the way it felt, all stretched out for the first time, and you’d ask him to hold your hand. He’d praise you all the way through, making sure to tell you how good you are for him, how good you feel. He’d make you feel so good, you’d be babbling nothing but nonsense and maybe his name. He’d watch all the thoughts disappear from your eyes as he made you feel so fucking good. He can’t get the image out of his head, of you whining for him as you take his cock.

He makes up some flimsy excuse about going to the bathroom before you can feel him hardening into your back. He gets up, goes to the bathroom and splashes water onto his face.

Fuck.

You’re so innocent and that shouldn’t turn him on more but his breathing is getting heavier. And he shouldn’t think about you, his friend, that way. He shouldn’t. He shouldn’t. He shouldn’t be turned on and thinking about fucking his closest friend. But how would you react? What little noises would you make when he touched your virgin clit? Would you moan as his fingers worked you open, so much longer, bigger than your own.

Fuck.

Part 3

[yuri-is-online]

I love the Fyuuture kid au. Could I ask for Ace!yutu, the idea of Yutu getting second hand embarrassment at Ace's flirting attempts makes me laugh so much, just yutu standing there watching ace self sabotage himself when it comes to Yuu wondering how Yuu and Ace managed to get together in the future. (Yutu has definitely judged his father a few times in silence)

Another thing that lives rent free in my head when thinking of Ace and Yutu is when Ace finds out that Yuu is basically dead in the future. That has to be a crushing discovering for him considering that he's (and Deuce) very protective of Yuu

(also the idea of Deuce's future co workers deciding that Yuu is a danger and basically cursed Yuu to die has to make him feel uneasy about weather he'd want to work for a company that basically sentenced Yuu to die once everything is resolved but that's a conversation for another day)

notes: they/them used for Yuu, for context on the fyuuture kid au can be found here and here.

Slight bit of clarification, the Magical Marshall's appear to be a government organization, or perhaps a type of law enforcement that each government has?  The way Deuce spoke about it made me think they sound similar to a counter terrorism unit, but either way your point still stands.  While Deuce never gets the complete picture of what happened to Yuu, he still knows in his heart it was his office that hurt them, and it's extremely difficult for him to live with.  The office stands by it's decision to the bitter end, no matter what he says or how many monster attacks are reported.  And if he gets too annoying, well they already made you disappear.

And with that lovely thought let's talk about Ace!

Ace! Yutu is a fairly normal kid.  He doesn't really have friends, maybe a discord buddy or two who he plays games with, but no one he really trusts to talk with about his family situation.  And he does see it as a situation, Yuu might be doing their best to make things normal for the two of them but the entire situation just stinks.  Yutu knows there's something wrong with it but he can't put his finger on what…

Very smart.  He taught himself how to count cards and got in trouble at school more than once for running blackjack games where he took a bunch of money from his classmates.  Not his fault they suck at cards!  And sure he could just cheat like normal (he's just as good at cutting the deck as dear old dad) but it's much more fun to do something technically legal.  It makes people that much more mad, which he finds really funny.

He tries to not talk about his dad that much, though he might make a joke or two about fatherless behavior. Much like Cater! Yutu, he assumes that his dad is probably dead and while he's very curious, he's reluctant to poke at Yuu's memories for fear of causing them more pain.  When he does think about his dad he tends to romanticize things, Yuu's description of him makes their relationship sound really sweet.  Marrying his best friend sounds great to Yutu, his dad must have felt really lucky to have managed to obtain that.

Getting isekaid doesn't phase this Yutu at all.  He was already so convinced something was off back in your world, learning he was a mage and all about Yuu's adventures just confirms all of his assumptions. Getting placed into Heartslabyul and being told that was Ace's dorm thrills him, doubly so when he gives Crewel his first migraine and gets told he's just like him. That's not to say Yutu is completely happy about his situation; his father is dead (Yutu refuses to acknowledge the monster wearing his face as a person) and Yuu effectively died ages ago, the curse placed on them just drew it out for a cruel amount of time. Yutu's angry, and what's worse is that he doesn't really have one person he can fix the blame on. He wishes Yuu or Ace were alive so he could ask who they blame, who he needs to seek out to get them justice. When the others propose traveling back in time he leaps at it without a second thought.

Crewel does try to tell Yutu about his dad, but his descriptions sort of go over Yutu's head until he actually meets him. To be fair to Yutu, he's not completely off in his assumptions about how Ace felt about Yuu, it's obvious that Ace was smitten with his parent from the start but he doesn't fully understand the denial Crewel is talking about. The blot monster Ace became is very cocky, and excels at misdirection so why would he be shy about flirting with Yuu?

Well maybe shy isn't the right word for whatever he's looking at now. Ace is reluctant to leave Yuu's side, but he has so many excuses as to why that it hurts his soul, wouldn't it just be easier to say "because I'm worried about you?" Instead of insulting Yuu's ability to take care of themselves and joking about you needing him but only joking! It's not like he really wants you to! And don't get him STARTED on all the little excuses Ace finds to touch you. It makes him seriously reconsider his whole opinion on wanting to marry his best friend thing because god if this is level of pathetic what it takes he doesn't think he could cope.

He assumes (maybe correctly) that Yuu is the one who made a move on Ace and that's how they got together in his timeline, something that high-key offends Ace when he finds out and he encourages you to be honest with Ace if you ever open up about your frustrations with him. That doesn't mean he ever gives Ace a break though, Ace is already suspicious of Yutu's intentions towards Yuu but his constant dunking on him has earned him Deuce's respect, so now he's lost both of his friends! What the hell guys you're supposed to be on his side!

Ace's distrust of Yutu doesn't bother Trappola Jr at all. On the contrary he thinks it's a good thing, the more he interacts with the first year group the more he appreciates how solid of a head Ace has on his shoulders. It doesn't make up for him being cringe, but it does make Yutu think he could maybe trust his dad with the truth.

I don't think any of the boys take the reveal of what Yutu's future is like well, but Ace's is especially bad. He thinks about all of the close calls he has seen you have, how afraid he was when he got those messages from you over Winter break, the S.T.Y.X. attack, every overblot he has ever seen, and now his own child is telling him that you made it through all that and his bad attempts at flirting but didn't get a happy ending. He has the same set of emotions that Yutu does, anger and grief that he has no one to really blame for. Yutu is sad he doesn't have an answer but grateful he isn't alone anymore.

The reveal makes Ace's teasing actually insufferable, he's so fucking cocky now that he knows you liiiiiike him back. See that boy over there? Actually living proof that you're into him, kinda cringe actually! He bets you used to have a crush on him too (just turn it around on him if you're in public he will melt.)

They like to try and out play each other in cards, Ace can't card count but he is better at reading people and better at cutting the deck so they have a pretty even win loss ratio. Yutu isn't above whining to Yuu about how his dad is being mean if he's on a losing streak, something that makes Ace fold quicker than he'd like. Neither of them will ever admit it out loud but they have a silent competition for your affection, Ace thinks you should be cheering for him since he's your future husband and Yutu thinks that you should cheer for him because he is capable of being honest about his emotions. When Grim starts whining for attention they call a truce and fight him instead.

Speaking of Grim, he has a relatively good opinion of Yutu in general based off seeing him as Henchuman 2 but when he finds out Ace is his dad? Respect ended he always knew that Yutu kid was a loser... all those times he refused to get him tuna make so much more sense now!

Learning about the future makes Ace even more protective of Yuu, and he doesn't make it much of a secret either. There's something about learning that your partner is supposed to die that makes you care a lot less about what your classmates think. That protectiveness extends to Yutu, but Ace is a bit more subtle with that. He understands that he isn't the version of himself that the kid needs to hear from, that he might not be able to give Yutu the support he needs but he loves the kid so much it sort of scares him. He's really looking forward to getting to be with Yuu and Yutu in the future, and if that means he has to put a little extra work in then so be it.