#probably no one but sometimes i call myself that when im having a fucking stroke /j

[nightmare8-420]

im called J because /j means joke and thats my fucking life

[bitchiha]

S/O walking in on kakashi, iruka, and yamato (separate ofc) masturbating? 👉👈

A/N: HI BLESS YOU FOR THIS I REad THIS AND I JUST HAD TO TYPE IT OUT ASAP because Wowowowowo

✎ (NSFW) S/o walking in on them masturbating 

Kakashi

This guy is horny 24/7 so when you’re not around he’s kinda like... shit, now what? Like you’re not there to help him out and he’s hard as a rock.. So he just goes at it LMFAO

He probably jacks off a lot when you’re away on missions, just because - as I ruthlessly state in every possible kakashi headcanon I write - he’s horny!!!!!!!!

Honestly like he’s always horny, sometimes he can’t help himself

So yeah, he does it all the time, you just haven’t happened to catch him in the act. Until now lol.

You had left a few days ago on a mission leaving your shared apartment to himself. It’s about 10 pm and he’s reading Icha Icha in bed and there is an especially steamy scene going down and he can’t stop thinking about doing the contents in the book to you..

Having you ontop of him right now with your hands on his chest for support as you ride him, tits bouncing with every movement..Then he thinks of your face, with your jaw slightly open from the way his dick is making you feel..

Annnnd.. now he’s got a boner

Doesn’t even panic because he's used to it, hes just like “oh well, guess I’ll have to do something about this myself.” He was half expecting himself to have to do this at some point in your absence.

He was in a t-shirt and sweats, so he just sits up quickly and takes the shirt off, tossing it on the foot of the bed as he stands up, grabbing one of your panties from your wardrobe. He took the white lacy ones (they’re his favourite) and lays back down on the bed against the pillows.

Pulls his dick out slowly, shoving his briefs and sweatpants down a little bit, too eager to actually rid himself of all his clothes.

Then he reaches for his lotion and lets be real, he has lotion on the bedside table. So, he reaches over and puts some on his hands, wrapping your panties up around his cock and gets down to business.

Starts slowly and squeezes his eyes shut, he doesn’t even have to try hard to picture you ontop of him because he literally thinks about it all the time when he’s in these moods. I told you he’s literally always horny.

As he picks up the pace he becomes a real groaning mess. Afterall he needs some sounds to make it seem real.

He starts dirty talking out loud and acting like he’s talking to you.

“Fuck, y/n.” “You take my dick so well.”

His head is thrown back and he’s getting really close.

He’s so caught up in pleasuring himself that he doesn’t hear the door to your apartment open or the sound of you calling his name (if he did, he probably just thought it was his imagination.)

Then you call out again and your voice is getting closer, it seems real this time, so he opens his eyes and as he does he sees the doorknob to the bedroom turning and his hands are still pumping his cock, so he just kind of freezes.

“Kakashi? im home! The mission finished early-“

You open the door to see a sweat soaked Kakashi with his head thrown back on the pillows and his bare chest tightening as his stroking stopped hastily. Not to mention his favourite pair of your panties around his cock being used as stimulation.

He just ares at you, lifting his head and panting slightly. He doesn’t bother to try and cover up what he was doing because there was no way you didn’t hear him just say, “your such a fucking whore for me” before you opened the door.

Honestly, your blushing face just turns him on even more and so he recovers from the shock pretty quickly lol, he says something like, “oh thats good, I’ve got something I need you to take care of.”

Then it just leads to classic horny Kakashi sex

Yamato

Okay Uhm hes also really fucking horny.

You two are on a mission together and you’re setting up camp for the rest of the night in one of his woodstyle jutsu houses. 

It was a really hot day and so you told him that you needed to go wash up in the lake.

Man this guy has been crushing on you since you two first met when he was assigned to Team 7 by Tsunade, but he gets so nervous whenever he tries to ask you out. 

You just fluster him all the time and it doesnt help that he is usually horny as fuck. So as he lays back on one of his wood style chairs and starts thinking...

The thought of you stripping down, unclasping your bra and slowly pulling your panties down before slipping into the lake and washing yourself only made his unbearable desire even worse.

Plus he has a thing for tits so he’s imagining little water droplets slowly sliding down your hardened nipples, courtesy of the cold water.

Before he knows what he’s doing he’s reaching for the waistband of his pants and yanking them down.

He’s jerked off loads of times before so he knows what he’s doing lolololololol

Doesn’t have lotion though so he just resorts to his pre cum and spitting on his hands.

Starts off a little faster than he usually does because he’s kinda rushing since you may be back anytime soon. That low-key turns him on even more though.

Definitely thinking about fucking you in the lake

Can’t help the moans, I mentioned this before and I’ll say it again, hes pretty loud when he’s getting down to business

Mumbles some dirty shit under his breath and it’s actually 10000% hotter than you would imagine

Like it’s all breathy and his head is tilted back with eyes eyes squeezed shut and omfgggg you can see his Adam’s Apple moving slowly and hdhdhsjsjsjsjshsh ugh wow

“Ngh, y/n... you like that?” “Such.. such a good girl for me.”

Can’t hear anything over the sound of him moaning and the pumping of his cock

So he doesn’t even realize you’ve walked into the house because you forgot your towel and are standing right outside the bedroom door where he is jacking off and thinking about fucking you senseless in the lake

You have to walk right up to him and stand directly in front of him, he senses someones presence so he opens his eyes and his jaw drops at the sight of you and his movements freeze.

“I- Y/n..”

He’s so embarrassed omg, tries to cover up, but you stop him because let’s be real.. now you’re horny as fuck too

And then he actually does fuck you in the lake <3

Iruka

Okay so basically Iruka is a closet horney. Like let’s be real hes also touch starved as hell.. The only difference between Yamato, Kakashi and him is that Iruka can’t communicate his horniness.. poor guy

So when you’re out for the afternoon helping Naruto buy groceries for actually decent prices and forcing him to buy vegetables, hes alone by himself.

It’s the weekend and he’s already caught up on marking work for the academy, so he lets his mind wander and starts thinking about what a great mom you were gonna be for their kids.. then he starts thinking about the act of having kids..

Now he’s all worked up lol

He doesn’t want to do it

He really doesn’t want to, but he can’t stop thinking about you kissing up the column of his throat or straddling his waist and grinding down on him while he groans underneath you and well.. he gets uncomfortably hard.

Decides to lay there and maybe it will go away

It doesn’t

He decides to take a shower, maybe that will help him calm down

Big mistake 

Because now, as he’s showering he’s thinking about YOU showering and gosh he feels like such a pervert but he can’t help himself and he keeps thinking about all the things he wants you to do to him in the shower

Gives in and grabs his length frustratedly and just starts at a very fast needy pace, wanting to get it over with, which is kinda painful at first but he doesn’t care he just needs to get rid of this feeling.

As he starts getting close he can’t help the volume of the panting and groans leaving his mouth

Which alarms you as you enter your apartment. Dropping your grocery bags and locking the door to the house behind you.

“Iruka?” You call concernedly as you make your way to the washroom, the door left ajar in his haze to rid himself of his flustered state

That’s when you see him, water pouring down his body as he desperately pumps at his dick. His heads bent downward as the water falls into his hair and onto his neck, trailing down his back.

My gosh girl... like wow whatta sight

And his cheeks are red because he’s blushing about all the things he’s thinking of, literally wowowow

He still doesn’t know you’re there because you’re hiding behind the door and your practically drooling at the shit he’s muttering

“Dont s-stop.” “Y/n... ngh... please, let me cum in you.”

Then you swing the door open because you can’t handle it anymore

His head snaps up immediately and his hands fall away from his dick and attempts to cover it as if that was gonna prove he wasn’t just moaning your name and jacking off in the shower.

Honestly he just stays frozen like that staring at you wide eyed and he most definitely was about to cum just before you swung the door open so his cock is twitching

He apologizes profusely but you shake your head and start ridding yourself of your clothes too because you’re just as horny as he is now

I mean who wouldn’t be lol

“How about I give you the real thing right now, Iruka?”

[chomperzlove]

Kou Nightmares Smutt

Starring my O/C Kora

Trigger warning, sexual, verbal and physical abuse.

I laid next to the pop idol vampire and watched as his beautiful face contorted in pain. The grey silk sheets wrapped around his body tighter with every twitch and moan. My heart hurt watching him like this, but I also knew it was a bad idea to wake someone up from a night terror. Instead i scooted closer to him and tried to put my arm around his chest-

“Don't touch me!” He screamed and I thought he had finally woken up.

“Kou, honey” I started but was interrupted with a loud moan from Kou. Oh my poor baby. I thought to myself. I moved my arm slowly closer to his chest and moved my head to kiss his. When my arm connected with his body Kou jerked and sat up gasping for air.

“Hey,” I whispered. “It's ok now. It was just a dream. Im here.” Kou Jumped at the sound of my voice and spun around with a wild look in his eyes. He leaned forward growling and showing his fangs.

“I won't let you hurt me again you son of a bitch!” He yelled wrapping his hands around my throat and pushing me back down onto the bed. I gasped and struggled against him trying to think what I should do. I gently placed my hands on either side of his face.

“Kou, baby. It’s me. It's your Masa- Kitty.” I choke out struggling for air. When my hands touched his face Kou snapped out of it and wretched back staring at his hands.

“Oh my god. What have I done? Are you ok kitten?” He said fear and anxiety in his voice and showed in his face.

“I’m fine.” I rasp, taking his hands in mine. “Are you ok?”

“You're worried about me? I just tried to kill you!” Kou whispered trying to pull his hands out of mine.

“Of course i am worried about you. You didn't mean to hurt me. It was just a bad dream.” I said gripping his hands tighter so he couldn't pull them away. Kou’s shoulders slouched as he hung his head and began to cry. I pulled him into my chest and stroked his hair.

“It’s ok baby. I'm here.” I whispered as I kissed the top of his sweat drenched golden hair. “I won't let anything happen to you. I've got you now.” Kou cried into my chest for a while before he sat up and took my face in his hands. His mismatched eyes searching mine for any sign of fear or anger.

“Are you sure you aren't hurt?” He whispered. When I shook my head he pulled me into his chest. “God, I'm so sorry Kitten.” I held him back not saying anything and nuzzled my face into his chest. Kou let out a long sigh and relaxed slightly.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked, moving my head up to look at his face.

“Oh you know. It was the same ol stuff. No biggie.” He said with fake happiness.

“Kou,” I said, pulling away from him and putting my hands on his shoulders. “Please don't do that fake happy stuff with me. You are safe with me. I won't judge you if you're not ok. I'm your girlfriend and I love you.” I said seriously. His eyes widened at that as if he were shocked.

“You didn't know that before?” I asked. My handsome boyfriend shook his head sadly. “Oh honey. Come here.” I said patting the space of the bed beside me. Kou silently moved sitting with his back against the headboard. He stared straight ahead, his eyes going in and out of focus for a minute before he looked over at me.

“I-I have never had anyone say that to me. Well except my brothers.” He said with a sad smile.

I didn't say anything, just looked at him. I knew how he felt.

“When I was a kid,” I started, “I was moved around a lot. My parents died a few days after I was born and I was passed from foster home to foster home. No family ever wanted to keep me for longer than a month and sometimes it was just for the paycheck.” Isaid. “And the other times they wanted… more… from me. And when they got what they wanted, I was passed on to the next house. I remember I was with this one family, the parents already had 2 kids of their own and decided to foster me. I was crying one night because I had woken up from a nightmare and the mom came bursting into my room and slapped me. She told me i was being too loud and i was ungrateful for the shelter they had given me and that i should pack my bags and get out now. So I did. As I was leaving she told me that I would never amount to anything except a whore.”

I stopped talking for a second to take a breath. Kou had slid his hand into mine and was watching me as I talked. “After that place the foster system didn't really care where I went. Every place got worse than the last and I never had anyone to cry out to at night. So I've never had anyone say that to me before either. But I want you to know that I mean it.” I smiled slightly at him. His face was full of rage and his grip on my hand tightened. I was terrified. Oh shit. I thought, I shouldn't have done that. He probably thinks I'm trying to take his pain and try to beat it. Fuck. What do I do? How do I make this right? Before I could say anything Kou took my chin in his fingers and jerked my face to look at him. His face was full of rage and hatred.

“I’m sorry Kou.” I said as I pulled my chin from his fingers. “I didn't tell you that to make you feel bad for me or anything, I wasn't trying to one up your pain, I just wanted to tell you I understood if you didn't believe me when I said I wont judge you. I'm sorry Kou.” I said sheepishly. I scooted away from him and averted my eyes. Trying to do anything to keep this situation from getting out of control.

“Why are you sorry? I know that’s what you were trying to say. I know you weren't trying to one up me. Please don't be afraid of me, kitten.” He said as he reached to try to pull me back to him. I stiffened for a second and relaxed when I saw the truth of his words in his eyes.

“Is it ok if i ask you about your past?” He asked as he pulled me closer to him. “I just want to know more about your life.”

“I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” I replied. Kou had told me all about his past when I saw the scars on his back.

“Ok. What did they do to you?” he asked. His face was full of worry. “You don't have to tell me that. Sorry that was stupid.”

“No, it wasnt stupid. I don't have a problem talking about it.” I said “Most of the time it was the men who wanted me to touch them and a few times it was both the man and the woman. When I was 8 I stayed with the one couple who had a theater in their basement and told me they were going to have me put on plays for them. I was excited about that. I had always wanted to be in a play. They told me to call them mamma and pappa. One day momma came into my room with a beautiful white dress. She told me to get changed that the play was going to start soon. She was all smiles and radiated happiness, so much so that I forgot to ask what the play was about. She took me downstairs where pappa was waiting. He had a big grin on his face and said are you ready to put on your first play darling? And led me to the stage. There were people everywhere, all men. Pappa told me they were his friends when I asked and I shrugged it off. I got onto the stage and bright lights lit up the stage. I was blinded at first so I didn't see the man come up behind me and grab me with his hand over my mouth. I screamed and he smiled saying how much he loved my scream. He ripped my new dress off with one hand and my underwear was thrown to the side. He put me on the bed that was on the stage and raped me.” I said. Kou sucked in a breath. “After he was finished another guy came up and then it was just one after the other. I don't know how many people did it, but I know I passed out from the pain after the second guy was done. I stayed with them for 6 months. And it was a regular occurrence. Every friday at 6.” I said without any emotion. Kou sucked in his breath again. “After that place I went to different places that wanted different things. Most of them wanted me to sell drugs for them and if I got short changed or some guy ran off without paying I got beat pretty bad. The final house I was at I was chained to the basement wall and whipped because I asked for a drink of water. I ran out of there and never went back to the foster system. They looked for me because I was only 12 when i ran away, but they gave up eventually and declared me dead.That’s when I met my brother Jeremy.” I said happily. “Jermey was an orphan too but he was 16 and had his own place. He invited me to live with him for a while. It wasn't always easy but we made it work. We were so happy.”

“Where is Jeremy now?” Kou asked

“Oh he’s a few towns over. He married my best friend and they had a daughter, Lucy.”

“Do you ever get to see them?”

“Oh every once in a while i'll go check in and tell them im alive, but since i've been here, I haven't seen them as much. That night you caught me sneaking out of the house, I was going to see them.” Kou stayed silent and stared at me with a sad expression. His sweet pink lips curled in a frown and his blue and pink eyes were full of self loathing.

“I know that this won't make up for everything we did to you before, But i am sorry. If I could go back and change it all I would.” He said sadly.

“I know you would Kou. But I’m not mad at you guys. I forgave you a long time ago.” I said truthfully.

“How can you not be mad at us? How do you not hate Us Kora? After everything you went through as a kid, and we treated you just as badly, if not worse.”

“You guys didn't know any better. You were just doing what you thought you had to do. Was it wrong, oh yeah. And there was a point where I hated every one of you, but then when I was told about the plan, things made more sense. Who am I to judge someone for following orders and doing what they believed was right?” I said looking at the wall in front of me. It was covered in pictures of me and Kou from his instagram account. I smiled as I looked at one where we both had big balls of pink cotton candy and were throwing pieces at each other and laughing. The ferris wheel in the back round lights up Kou’s smile casting multi colored orbs over his face and hair. “Plus, how could i stay mad at you all when we have made so many amazing memories together. The one with the cotton candy in particular. That was the night you told me you loved me.” I smiled and looked at a Kou, who was staring at me with his mouth slightly open like he was seeing a strange fish at the aquarium. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” I chuckled.

“Are you for real? Like are you an actual person or am i dreaming again?” He said with disbelief.

“What? Don’t be stupid” I laughed “This would be a messed up dream. I mean who would ever dream of this” I said as I gestured to myself. Kou smiled and let out a small chuckle.

“Where have you been my whole life,” Kou asked as he took my cheek in one of his hands “I swear you have to be an angel. Only an angel could forgive the monsters who tortured her.” He said smiling at me.

“That or I just have a severe case of Stockholm syndrome.” I laughed. Kou’s face fell at that. “Oh, baby, I’m just kidding.”

“I have to be the luckiest man in the world.” Kou said, his blue eye looking into my green ones, His pink eye was covered by his hair. “I have to be. I never dreamed I would have a woman like you in my life. You have given me a new outlook on life. Before I met you all I was worried about was my career and impressing my fans. But then you came and turned it all upside down. You make me a better man Kora. I mean it. I am so lucky to have such a strong, loving, beautiful and smart woman as my girlfriend. I'll never let you go, and I swear i will never hurt you again.” He said, his eyes glowing with love.

“Ah, don't make promises you can't keep my love. I guarantee you are going to hurt me one day, and I will hurt you. It’s part of being in a relationship. Nothing is perfect.”

“Don't say that kitten. I am the epitome of perfection!” He smiled his chest swelling in mock pride. I laughed and swatted his arm. “I will never let anyone hurt you like that again. I promise. You will never feel that way again.”

“And I promise I won't let anything happen to you again Kou. and I have never broken a promise.” I said pulling him in for a kiss. It started out as a small sweet kiss but became deeper when Kou put his hand behind my head and pulled me on to his lap. I broke our kiss so that I could sweep his hair away from his fake eye. I held his face in my hands.

“I love you Kou.” I said and pressed my forehead against his.

“I love you too Kora.” He smiled back. “Hey, I want to meet Jeremy.” He said sitting up straight. What he said took me by surprise.

“Really?” I asked the surprise clearly in my voice.

“Yes. I do. I want to thank the man who saved the love of my life and meet your best friend and niece. I want to know all parts of your life.” He said with a grin on his face. It fell when he saw my smile falter. “What’s wrong? Do you not want me to meet them?”

“No, I do! I want that very much, it’s just that you won’t be able to meet her.”

“Why not?”

“She’s dead.” I said

“Oh, oh god i'm sorry.” Kou sad

“Don't be. You didn't know. But i really want you to meet Jeremy and Lucy!” I said getting excited again.

“It's a date then,” Kou said, moving off the subject. I could tell he wanted to ask how my best friend died but didn't, which I appreciated very much. “Now then, since you are still on my lap, how about I prove to you how lucky I am?” He grinned. I blushed, but shoved my lips into his as an answer. He took it the way I meant and turned me onto my back, never breaking his kiss. When he did I groaned.He chuckled and moved his hands down my body and kissed along my jawline down to my neck and collarbone. My fingers gripped his hair when he found the spot on my neck that I loved. He smiled and whispered “Found it” against my neck. I let out a small moan when his fangs teased the spot. He kissed the spot and lingered with his lips waiting for my permission to bite.

“Please, bite me Kou.” I whispered in a husky tone to which he groaned and slowly sang his face into my skin. I moaned and arched my back when I heard him moan as he was drinking my blood. Kous hands gripped my waist, Fingers digging into my hip. I squeaked at that and moved my hips closer to his. We pulled his mouth away from my neck, his eyes glazed over with lust and a little bit of blood dripped to his chin. I took my thumb and ran it to his lips and let him lick it clean.

Kou crushed his lips against mine and moaned when I bit his lower lip. One arm supporting him on his elbow, the other slowly, painfully slowly, roamed down to my pale purple pajama shorts. I let out a deep breath when he slipped his fingers under the elastic and began to tease my lower lips.

“Does that feel good kitten?” Kou asked his hot breath on my ear.

“Yes” I moaned. He chuckled and moved my panties to one side. He slipped two of his fingers inside me and kissed me swallowing the moan that came as he started pumping his fingers back and forth, hitting my g spot. When I began to clench my walls he put his thumb on my clit and gently pressed it. I moaned loudly. I could feel him getting harder against my thigh with each moan. I took my hand and gripped his thick member through his pants and panted when he groaned and he ground his hips into my arm. His forehead against mine, he removed his fingers from inside me, making me gasp. He moved my hand from his member and pinned both of my above my head.

“Prepare yourself little Masa- Kitty, I'm about to make you scream my name.” He said moving his face between my legs. With one hand he took off my shorts and pink lace panties. I lifted my legs to his shoulders and put my hands in his hair, working my finger around his gorgeous blond strands. He smiled and his face disappeared between my legs. I moaned and arched my back as he slowly licked between my mounds lips and sucked on my clit. He moaned against me when I gripped his hair tighter, pulling it gently. His tongue was working my clit faster and faster.

“AH- Kou im going to-'' He interrupted me as he shoved his fingers inside me and pumped them against my g spot. The knot in my stomach was getting too much to hold in and I said his name loudly as I came on his face. He eagerly began slurping up my juices. He sat up, wiping his face with his hands.

“That wasn't loud enough Kitten. I guess I'll have to work you harder to get you to scream.” He said with a grin that made me swoon. I sat up and gripped the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head and threw to a random corner. My tank top joined him in the corner and his pants and boxers followed soon after. He kissed me, his bare chest pressed against mine. I tried to sit up so I could take control but he held me down.

“Tonight I'm going to show YOU how much I love you.” He said in my ear. I squirmed beneath him and I could feel his swollen member twitch against the top of my thigh. Kou moved his hips between mine and settled his member against my opening. I turned my head, showing my neck.

“I want you to bite me when you go in.” I huskily said.

“Your wish is my command Kitten.” His lips latched on to my neck and he bit me as he slid into me. I let out a loud moan. His mouth left my neck as he began to thrust his hips in a steady rhythm. Kou planted a passionate kiss on my lips as he thrusted and moaned on my lips. Our moans were getting louder and he began to thrust harder. My walls tightened on his hard member and he grunted my name.

“Kora, oh my god. You feel so good. You're so wet. Listen. Can you hear your juices soaking me?” I moaned in response to the sound. My back arched higher as I came close to climax and suddenly Kou pulled out of me.

“What, Why?” I complained. A seductive smile played across his face as he lifted my on his lap to straddle him. His legs went straight out and he slammed himself inside me and moved his hips with mine as I rocked back and forth. My arms wrapped tightly around his neck and he wrapped his around my waist.

“Look at -ng- me kitten -uh-.” He demanded it. I obeyed, locking my eyes onto his. My Long black hair fell like a curtain on one side of my face. I flipped it back and Kou gripped a handful of my hair, holding it behind me and slightly pulling. I rocked my hips faster against him and he matched my pace.

“I want you to look me -ng- in the eyes when you come. Oh fuck! Scream my name Kitten. Scream it at the top of your lungs. I want the whole world- ng- to know you are mine!” as the knot in my stomach grew tighter i could feel his member throb inside me and i knew we were both about to climax so i moved my hips faster earning me a loud moan from kou.

“Kou, i'm going to”

“Uh. Me-ng- me too” as i was ordered I screamed his name as i reached ecstasy and he screamed mine just as loud. Panting we separated our sweating chests and kissed until he slowly got up and laid me down and removed himself from me.

He laid down next to me and we both turned on our sides. He stroked my sweaty hair from my face and kissed my forehead..

“I love you Kitten.” He said as he pushed his nose to mine. “Did I prove it?”

“Oh, yes. You proved it. I love you too Kou.” I smiled. His fingers made circles on my back. We talked about nothing for about an hour. Smiling and giggling together. I rolled onto my stomach and sat up.

“Mhm/ I need to take a shower.” I said as I started to get off the bed. Kou followed me off the bed and we grabbed our clothes from the corner and went into the bathroom. Kou turned on the water as I grabbed towels and placed them on the wooden bench next to the shower. I stepped into the shower and Kou stood outside for a second.

“Aren't you coming?” I asked to get my hair wet. My pop star smiled at me and joined me in the shower.

“Yeah, I was just admiring the view.”

“Didn't you just get enough of the view a few minutes ago?” I asked with a small laugh.

“I’ll never get enough of you.” Kou said and kissed me pushing my face under the waterfall shower head. We took our time washing the sweat off of each other and I washed the idols beautiful blonde hair.

“Your hair is so soft!” I said Kou chuckled and shrugged his head into my hands. Enjoying the scalp massage. We finished our shower and dried off. As I headed for the bathroom door, Kou wrapped his arms around me from behind and started kissing my neck.

“Are you already wanting round two?” I giggled.

“No, “ He smiled “I'm just enjoying the way you smell.” He buried his face into my neck and I smiled hugging his arms.

Eventually we made it back to his bedroom and crawled into the bed. I laid my head on his chest and we fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms and neither one of us woke up from a nightmare.

[aartifex-a]

i guess i’m in a thinky mood today so because of some recent info on my dash, as a white canadian person who writes an asian (specifically korean) oc i think its important to address other white writers who have characters that are a different race, culture, ethnicity, etc from them:

you will almost inevitably fuck up if you arent coming into your writing with at least an awareness of the dynamics of race re: your characters or world, and even then you probably will still fumble at times. people calling you in/out, bringing this to your attention, isnt harrassment. ive been writing jin as an oc since i was 13. i have absolutely fucked up and done problematic racist shit because im a white person raised in a society that upholds whiteness, you dont leave that kind of pervasive environment untouched by the various -isms, systems, and inequalities of those societies. this isnt me trying to be righteous or “a good white person”, its just honest. you wont ever grow or become a better writer if you dont research the cultures you write and if you dont listen to the people you are portraying and affecting with what you write. be willing to make changes, drastic ones, or take breaks to educate yourself and revamp. 

i can only speak for myself, but i dont think many people would say white writers can never write characters who are of a different race, it just means you need to be more cautious because of the dynamics of how race plays out in the real world. i feel somewhat comfortable with writing jin and trying to incorporate korean culture into his character only because i’ve done both my own research and opted to take korean language and culture classes at my university. i went to the korean culture club which was run by the professor of the korean culture course, and i try to keep up with major news stories out of south korea on places like twitter. this doesnt make me an expert, and i will sometimes avoid certain topics that i dont feel adequately educated on. its something im always trying to work on, and an aspect of my writing that i welcome critiques for. 

another note for writers in a similar position as me, is that while cultural research is important it can only take you so far. remember the cultures you write about contain real, individual people with a diversity of opinions and perspectives. dont make broad stroke assumptions that just because something is considered normal or common in the dominant culture of that society/culture that everyone agrees. ill speak from my own writing experience, but when it comes to writing queer poc, just because a culture/society has homophobic elements or doesnt have legal protections for lgbtq people doesnt mean that there arent lgbtq people and allies in those cultures who are actively fighting for their rights. its important to note the affects of culture on a person, but a person can never be seen only through the dominant lens of their culture. let your characters be people with agency that are shaped by their culture, not stereotypes of a culture first and people second.

its also important, imo, for us as white writers to take some of the burden off of poc in the community when it comes to speaking up about this kind of thing. thats the whole reason im writing this at all. it isnt our job to speak over or for them, but it shouldnt only be up to poc to constantly do damage control, education, and clean up for white people. thats not fair, and it puts the weight of trying to fix harmful ideas on the people who suffer the harm rather than the people who perpetuate and/or benefit from that harm.

and as an end note, i understand that we dont get to choose the environments we’re born into. we don’t all get to be lucky and have progressive families or communities, some of us grow up with some really fucked up ideas normalized to us. its not your fault if you were raised in a way thats ignorant of or hostile to people different from you, but it is your responsibility to pull yourself out of the muck once you realize youre in it. you wont please everyone or be perfect but thats not a reason to avoid growth. your past can explain how you got to where you are but it isnt an excuse to keep going down the same path into the future.

[nagitolovebug]

How did komahina co-parent at first? How was hajimes reaction to the twins? Did bebi like getting siblings

komahina's co-parenting at first was...definitely an Ordeal. not even because of bebi, but bc komahina is a mess. originally hajime was very insecure about his role in bebi's life, as he had very clearly asserted himself as a separate person from izuru and that he was going to live as hajime and not someone else- so wouldn't that make bebi Not his kid? sure, they're his genetically, but in theory.... that was the dilemma he dealt with. he'd already grown attached to them when he was caring for them while nagito was still in a coma and worries now that nagito has woken up, his job is done, and that nagito won't want him around bebi anymore. in turn, nagito is worried that bc hajime is asserting himself as separate from izuru that he doesn't see bebi as his kid and will not be interested in raising them, that bebi will lose their father and nagito will lose his once-husband (lurking somewhere in hajime's subconscious...) turned best friend. they live together right off the bat, sleeping in the same bed (bebi likes to be held by the 2 of them to fall asleep...but even when bebi sleeps in their own bed they didn't think to get separate bedrooms or anything...) and end up becoming very.....affectionate with one another despite their claims that they're purely platonic. they "platonically" hold hands, cuddle, kiss, kiss, and more...intimate things in the cover of night ;) nagito's convinced hajime is just "using him for stress relief" and he's only truly staying bc he'd feel guilty leaving bebi. hajime thinks they're together. this miscommunication is not truly cleared up until hajime proposes. other than that, they both love bebi very very much and spend all their time with bebi, doting on them, playing with them, caring for them.

as for hajime's reaction to the twins- that in itself was also an Ordeal! when nagito found out he was pregnant again, bebi was very sick and in the hospital, which was very hard on nagito as he blamed himself. and he had resigned himself to leaving bebi and hajime, thinking they'd be safer without him in their lives. hajime was an adult who was fully informed of the danger of nagito's luck and had izuru's luck to protect him ! but bebi couldn't consent to that. he did not want to risk hurting his child in any capacity. so he resigned himself to leaving...but the news of pregnancy only devastated him further. to think he'd ruin not only bebi and hajime's lives but the life of another baby (not knowing it was twins lol)....it was too much for him. the plan was to leave the island, suffer through the pregnancy by himself, and come back after the birth to drop their new baby off before disappearing forever.

trans male pregnancy under the cut

bc nagito's carrying twins, the toll on his body during this pregnancy is far worse than it was during despair. he becomes very weak and sickly, especially with the added stress and despair of trying to leave his 'best friend' and kid, his kid being in the hospital,,, he hasn't been taking care of himself. the night bebi returns from the hospital (fully recovered! ...but having finally fully lost their vision in their right eye), hajime catches nagito trying to leave. he'd collapsed on his way out, having gotten incredibly dizzy. he'd left nothing but a note on the nightstand reading, "Be back soon." hajime wakes up to an empty bed and almost (almost) panics, steadies his breaths to the small snores of a sleeping baby in a nearby crib. he finds nagito half unconscious on the beach slumped on a duffel bag. "nagito??? nagito???? nagito!!! oh, thank god" "h...inata-kun?" "yea, it's me, come on, let's get you-" and nagitos eyes clear up and he shoves hajime away. "nagito-?" "stay away from me!" "nagito, you're not in your right mind, let's go back to the cabin-" "...how did you find me." "well, I found your note, which scared me shitless- I had no idea where you were or what had happened to you and frankly, I'm pretty pissed about that, but that can wait until I know you're safe-" "I'm so sorry, hinata-kun, I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry, hinata-kun, hinata-kun, hinata-kun-" "jeez, I said you can call me hajime... it's alright, relax, i'm not really mad. I was just worried." "you don't understand, you have to get away from me now-" "what are you even doing out here. what's with the bag" "hinata-kun." "....where were you going" "I hadn't decided yet" "why" "I-" "just bc you're in remission, you think you can just do whatever you want? what if something happened to you? goddamn it, you're not bullet proof, nagito! I know you're working on it, I know you're trying, but fuck you're so goddamn selfish! people care about you! I care about you! why can't you just understand that!" "i won't let myself hurt you!" "you're hurting me now!" "this will ruin your life, i will ruin your life-" "im your fucking....best friend, just tell me what's wrong, i can help you-" "nobody can help me, it's too late for me..." "goddamn it, nagito, please-!" and nagitos voice breaks when he whispers. "...i'm pregnant" ".......what" and nagito breaks into a quiet sob "I'm pregnant, hajime, and no one else on this island would dare defile themselves with me the way you have..." "are you serious?" "please don't make me say it again" and maybe if nagito weren't lost in a spiral of self deprecation and if his eyes weren't swimming with tears, he would've seen the nervous smile that broke out on hajime's face, the joy in his voice. "nagito, that's-!" "horrible? disgusting? i know I'm an abomination, hajime, maybe if my pathetic body functioned the way it was meant to-" "don't say that. don't you ever say that" "please just leave..." "you...you were pregnant with our kid and you were gonna leave??? what if you relapsed? what if you needed me?" hajime grabbed his face and forced nagito to look at him. "why are you doing this?" nagito laughed breathlessly, hysterically. "don't worry, hinata-kun, i would have brought them back! i simply didnt want to force you through the despair of having someone as putrid as me being pregnant, knowing that you've procreated with the lowest scum of the earth....surely it would ruin you. besides, i could never take your child from their father. nor would i subject them to my luck...will you let me go now, knowing your child will be alright" "they're your kid too" "for the sake of their sanity I'd rather keep that to myself" hajime steeled his expression, then grabbed Nagito's wrist. "we're going back to the cabin. we'll talk more in the morning." "Hinata-kun, let go of me." "nagito, let's go." "hinata, let go" "I'm not leaving you out here" nagito starts tearing up again and scratching frantically at his own skin. "please" "we're leaving." and hajime picks nagito up (he was

probably still too dizzy to walk anyway). but nagito starts screaming and thrashing and crying and weakly hitting hajime. "LET ME GO, LET ME GO, LET ME GO, IM GONNA HURT YOU, IM GONNA KILL YOU, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE-" and hajime starts silently crying too but he just holds on tighter and keeps walking. i think they get to the cabin and hajime sets him down on the bed and nagito starts punching hajimes chest (not hard) but hajime just grabs his wrists and holds them tight as nagito struggles and cries softly. "i ruined your life..me and this broken body of mine." "i...love you. you're not broken. I'm not leaving and neither are you." "i hate you..." "you're the best thing that ever happened to me." "I'll kill you..." "you won't." "why won't you just leave.." "why won't you stay." "..." "lets go to bed. we'll see mikan in the morning. get some rest." nagito is still scratching at his skin when hajime pulls him against his chest and forces nagito to lay down with him. "i love you" "im scared..." "i know" "im so sorry.." "i know. it's ok" "it's not" "as long as you're still with me, it is." "you're too kind to me.." "i love you." "how many times are you going to say that." "as many times as it takes for you to believe it." and the conversation pitters off as nagito silently sobs into hajime's chest until he passes out while Hajime rubs small circles into his back and presses kisses to his head. nagito wakes up with his eyes swollen face still tucked into Hajime's chest and he knows hajime's awake bc he can feel his chest vibrating with light hums and soft strokes to his hair. nagito looks up and licks his lips, eyes watering again when he sees hajime's patient gaze, his eyes crinkling in a worried smile, extenuating the eyebags and evident exhaustion. "hinata-kun, i'm so s-" "shhh. none of that. we're seeing mikan in a bit, i already called her. i'm sorry for not noticing what was going on. it must have been so hard dealing with this alone.." "you shouldn't have to deal with it.." "i want to. i love you. we're in this together. for as long as you'll have me. it's hard, it's really hard sometimes, because i hate seeing you like this..it makes me feel so helpless it reminds me of-- the. program. but it's worth it. for you, it's always worth it." "hinata..." "keep resting. don't strain yourself too much." "i love you...i love you..i love you ..." "i know." going to see mikan and mikan warns them that Yes nagito is in fact pregnant and the fact that he's just come off of chemo and is still in remission is gonna make the pregnancy tough on him physically and that he's gonna get about as sick as he was before but promises it's temporary and that she guarantees he'll see the baby to full term ("link that's medically incorrect" idc link does what he wants Hajime has a dude put in his head via lobotomy science is a liar sometimes) and hajime holds nagito's hand the entire time and presses a kiss to his cheek when he cries a little when mikan says the baby will be healthy and ok and survive and nagito turns to him and gives him a watery smile before laughing and crying joyously a little more and thats when hajime knows they'll be ok. they do talk more abt this whole thing, nagito's motives, bebi,,,,but that's like a 1k fic and this post is alr long enough 😅maybe i'll polish it and make it a fic. long story short, hajime's personally extremely happy that nagito's pregnant, but his worry over nagito's health as a whole, physical and mental kinda trumped that but past that- it's nothing but excitement! (they did not know they were having twins...so excitement and a surprise!) as for bebi, they were very happy to be getting a sibling! they love mimicking everyone they see by talking to their papa's tummy, touching it, generally babbling to komahina how they're gonna share their toys with the baby, will the baby play with them, can they share a room? they always want more love in their life !

[illfoandillfie]

Welcome Home

Pairing: Roger Taylor x Fem!Reader

Summery: Roger’s delayed getting home from tour.

Warnings: SMUT (18+),but it’s like light smut lmao,cock warming,morning sex,just like some fluffy bullshit really

Words: 2326

A/N: Been a lil minute since I wrote Rog and I kinda missed him. this idea came to me last week and wouldn't leave me alone lmao

Taglist: @laedymoon​ @dtfrogertaylor​ @vee-ndetta​ @atomic-watermelon​ @kellypenac​ @labessieisallama​ @deakyclicks​ @jennyggggrrr​ @drowseoftaylor​ @hannafuckingsucks​ @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming​ @queenmylovely​ @supersonicfreddie​ @taron-egrotten @johndeaconshands​ @borhapbois​

It had been a couple of months since you’d seen Roger face to face. The biggest downside of dating a rock star was dealing with his absence. Everyone seemed insistent on dragging him away from you, often to the other side of the world. You took comfort knowing he missed you as much as you missed him, and that he was leaving you to live out his lifelong dream. What could be more important than that? When he was away, he called frequently to check in with you. You’d laugh about whatever drama he’d had to endure during rehearsal (though privately you were sure he exaggerated) and then you’d tell him all about what he was missing back home. But the further into the tour he got, the more the calls changed. Gone were the long conversations that unpacked every minute aspect of your day. They were replaced with long conversations that answered the question how was your day? in the first five minutes and dedicated the rest of the time to talk of possible ways to celebrate his eventual return, growing steadily filthier. The problem was that, having moved in together, you’d become accustomed to a certain amount of physical intimacy that you just weren’t getting without Roger there. You missed being able to startle him by laying ice cold hands against the back of his neck, missed cuddling up with him on the couch. You even missed the way he’d pinch your bum as he hugged you, laughing when you squealed in response and batted his chest with your palm. Of course, you missed the sex too. He’d always claimed to be a good lay and, so far, he hadn’t disappointed you. It wasn’t always easy to unwind after a long or hard day of work without being able to grab Roger by the hand and pull him into the bedroom for a few hours, and sometimes the forced abstinence just added to any tensions or stresses you were already dealing with. Plus it was nice to have someone you enjoyed having sex with, who liked making you feel good, and it kind of just sucked to lose that. So being stuck with nothing but your imagination soon had you desperate for Roger’s return and he seemed to feel the same. By the end of the tour you’d abandoned all pretence and we just having straight up phone sex every other night, Roger locked away in his hotel room, you wherever you’d happened to pick up the phone – bedroom or kitchen or lounge room, it didn’t matter.

There was some mild embarrassment at the thought of what may be said of you if anyone were to overhear. Things mentioned in the heat of the moment often seemed silly after you’d hung up, the fog of needy lust subsiding. But while you were on the phone you couldn’t care less who heard what, as long as Roger was there, listening to you, describing his own ideas in response. It was good that Roger had just as large a disregard for anyone else’s ears as you because you were sure one of the boys would be in the room next to his, probably able to hear everything he said. Perhaps if they’d been able to hear your voice, your moans, you would have been more concerned, but you were alone on your end of the line, free to be as loud as you liked. And when you were lying in bed, one hand shoved down the front of your pants, listening to Roger describe how he wanted to fuck you, loud is exactly what you were. The hand that wasn’t pressed to your clit held the phone held tight to your ear, as if loosening your grip would shake you loose from Roger himself.

“Christ I miss your cunt,” he groaned down the line, the sound of his hand sliding over his dick audible beneath his words, “tell me you miss my cock,”

“God yes Rog,” you whined, a little startled by just how much you meant it. “Miss how you fuck me. My fingers are fucking shit compared to the way it feels when you fill me,”

“Shit, love. The second I see you I’m going to slide into your pussy and just stay there for as long as I can.”

“I’ll squeeze down on you,” you warned, not in the mood to think about being full and unfucked.

“Good. I’ll cum in you and then stay there until you’re squirming and begging and I’m hard enough to pound you. Fuck you so loud the neighbours complain. Might even keep myself stuffed inside you until I can start round three.”

“Jesus Rog,”

“You like the sound of that? Being my own personal cock sleeve?”

“Mmhmm, so much. You could live in me. Just stay inside me forever, fucking me and pumping me full of cum over and over.”

“Fuck. I can hear how wet you are.”

So it usually went, or something similar.

But, unfortunately, your most recent phone call was nowhere near as fun. Roger had meant to be home by six. You’d been excited and spent the afternoon getting things ready. A nice hot bath with your favourite scents, fresh sheets for you to ruin the minute he walked in the door, a bottle of wine for afterwards. It would pair nicely with the steaks and sides you’d prepped – all easy and fast to cook as soon as you’d recovered enough. You even put on some of your nicest underwear. Not your fanciest lingerie because it was likely to be torn in his haste to undress you, but it was a matching set and one you knew he liked. But six o’clock came and went and he didn’t walk in the door. Enough time passed that you’d gotten cold waiting in just your undies, so you’d thrown a robe over the top and settled in front of the TV under a blanket. But it was hard to relax when you didn’t know where Roger was or why he hadn’t come home when he said he would. After a few more hours the phone rang and you raced to it, slightly worried you were about to hear something devastating. You sighed in relief at the sound of Roger’s voice but he didn’t have much time to chat. He rushed out an explanation for his being late – something about a weather delay and missing luggage – and then hung up again. A little upset at having to wait even longer to see him, and that your night had been ruined, you fixed yourself a quick dinner, leaving the steaks for the next day instead. You didn’t change though, just in case, your head flicking towards the front door at every little sound. It was late when you finally decided to call it a night, stumbling up to your room, not even bothering to change into pyjamas before you slipped under the covers.

The next thing you knew was being woken by someone climbing into bed next to you, the chill of his fingers making you shiver as he brushed hair off your face. You cracked an eye open, but the sun hadn’t risen and it was hard to see more than a vague outline, Roger’s quick apology for waking you confirmation of who he was. He felt you move to try and get a better look and softly told you to go back to sleep. Instead you waited for him to finish undressing and then shuffled closer, reaching out for him. He let you wrap your arms around him, repaid you with a soft kiss.

“You’re home,” you mumbled, not fully awake.

“Finally. Sorry I’m late,” his voice was low and rough and comforting to hear, right beside your ear, undistorted by connection issues and distance, “Fucking terrible night. But I’m glad to see you again.”

“Not quite the welcome I’d planned,” you said through a yawn.

He laughed softly and kissed the tip of your nose, “Me neither.”

“I got all dressed up and everything,”

Roger raised the blankets into the air, peaking under, trying to see what you meant, letting out a low whistle and a “now I really wish I’d been here sooner,” though you weren’t convinced he could actually see the set through the grey black of the early hour.

You laughed sleepily and raised a hand to stroke his cheek as he fell back to the pillow.

“I was thinking about you the whole way home,” he broke off to yawn, “Had to have a quick wank halfway across the Atlantic,” he yawned again and let his eyes shut for a moment, blinking them back open to look at you with a hint of his cheeky grin.

“Remember when you said you’d fuck me as soon as you saw me,”

“Not sure I have the energy for that. Don’t think you do either.”

You hummed in agreement, the sandman tugging at the corners of your brain, but there was another idea there too. Something more insistent. You tightened your grip on Roger, adjusted yourself to be more comfortable, pulled his head closer to the crook of your neck, able to feel his warm breath on your bare skin. “Kinda want you inside me anyway, Rog.”

“Really?”

The more you thought about it the more you wanted it. You’d missed his presence in the house, the smell of his shampoo and his cigarettes and his aftershave all mixed together, the way his laugh could fill a room, how it felt to sit in the backyard on a warm day and listen to him plucking at one of his guitars, the way he smiled when he said he loved you. And now that he was back all you wanted was to keep him close, listen to his every breath, feel his hair tickling your neck, the scratch of his stubble before he shaved, his warmth seeping into your skin. Just lying beside him wasn’t enough. You wanted to drown in him, completely and utterly surround yourself in him. But that was too hard to explain so early in the day, when you’d had only a couple hours sleep and he seemed to be running on even less. So you replied with a short, “Mmhmm,” lilting upward, and dropped your lips to the top of his head.

“You sure?” his question was an exhale against your throat, fingertips dancing closer to the waistband of your knickers.

“Positive. Just for a bit, please,”

He stifled another yawn as he pushed your underwear down, letting you kick them off one foot as he got rid of his own. There was a pause as he ran his hand along his length in long lazy strokes, a needy whine caught on the tip of your tongue as you waited. But it died there, replaced by a gasp as he pulled your leg over him and slowly sunk into you. Your fingers tightened where they lay and you felt his groan as vibrations against your throat as he filled you inch by inch.

“You okay?”

“Perfect,” you whispered back, “Welcome home.”

Roger hummed and breathed deep, taking a moment to wiggle into a slightly more comfortable position, hitching your leg up a little higher, tilting your head down so he could find your lips again. You saw his eyes flutter shut as he relaxed into the pillows, content to just stay like that until he could summon the energy to do more. You let your own eyes shut too, relishing the way it felt to be stretched around him, listening to his breaths slowing down and evening out.  

It was Roger’s groan that made you stir. An almost desperate sound, though he tried to keep it quiet. Slowly you blinked your eyes open, trying to tell whether Roger was awake yet too, or whether the noise was made in his sleep. You could see him clearer now, the bags under his eyes, the ruffled unkempt look of his hair. Your leg was still slung over him, slipped a little from where he’d placed it, and without thinking you made to move it back. Roger groaned again as a small gasp left you, the full memory of what had happened the previous night returning to you. It was weird, waking up so full, but not unpleasant.

“Y/N,” he sighed, “you up?”

“Mmhmm,”

“Love, do that again and we’re going to have a mess to clean up,” he warned, softly.

“How long you been awake?”

“Not long. But you’ve been clenching around me a bit in your sleep and I’m so close.” The last two words were almost pained and you briefly considered moving, letting Roger go so he could calm down sufficiently. But you were comfortable and happy wrapped around him and the memory of your phone calls nagged at the back of your mind, “You can let go,”

“What?”

“I’m… what’d you call me…your personal cock sleeve? So let go,”

Roger stared at you, eyes wide though still tired looking, as if he couldn’t believe what he’d heard. But, when you didn’t take it back he leaned in to kiss you, rocking his hips against you slowly, letting out a low noise as you felt him empty inside you. You kissed him in return, stroked his cheek as he calmed down. Just for a moment you let your eyes slip shut again, basking in the feeling of it all. When you looked back at Roger he was still staring.

“I love you,”

“Good, I don’t plan on letting you leave this bed much today,”

“Sounds good to me,” he laughed softly, following it with a hiss when you intentionally clenched on his sensitive dick again, “wait, wait love, give me like another minute.”

You apologised and settled for another kiss instead, leaving a few extra along his jaw until he was able to make good on his earlier promises.

[ryosei-hime]

Laugh, Laugh, Cry: A Riot Rental

Angel rents Robo-Fizz to get to know him better. I should probably note that this is set pre-pilot, so it's just Angel on his own for the most part. With Cherri as his main friend and support. Also available on AO3.

Angel put out his cigarette and blew one last cloud of smoke in the air as he leaned back on the chaise lounge in his dressing room, waiting for his special delivery. He turned the business card the robotic jester had given him in his fingers lazily as he thought about it. 

He didn’t know why he’d bothered to call and rent him. He didn’t find him particularly attractive, not physically anyways. He certainly exuded a sexual energy that Angel could appreciate but the clown aesthetics were just all wrong for him. 

But he had a certain kind of charisma that made Angel want to get to know him more. Something mysterious? Chaotic, that was for sure. He seemed like he could be fun to party with and this was the easiest way to get in contact with him. He looked up at a knock on his door and smiled. 

“Come in.” 

The door swung open and Fizz posed seductively against the door frame, running his hands down his body as he shook his hips a bit. 

“Sp-special delivery.” He looked suddenly surprised to see him. “Why, Mr. Spider! We me-eet again.” 

“Like you didn’t know,” Angel sat up, a pair of hands gripping the edge of the chaise as he pushed himself forward. The other pair crossed as he gave Fizz an unimpressed look. “My name’s on the door.” 

“So, it is.” Fizz said with a grin, studying the star there as if just noticing it before stepping back out suddenly.

Angel quirked a brow and craned his neck in an attempt to see where he’d gone. Fizz did a short cartwheel back into the room, a stretchy arm pulling the door closed behind him as he landed on his knees and slid to the chaise lounge. His hands gripped the edge next to Angel’s to stop his momentum, leaning up towards his face. 

“Hi, hot st-stuff.” 

Angel didn’t move or let on how impressed he was by the new entrance. He did have his flair and his erratic behavior made Angel want to see what he’d do next. But he didn’t have to let Fizz know that.

“Hi, yerself,” he replied coolly.  

“Miss me?” 

“You left an impression.”

His free hands came up to cup the jester’s face. He had an adoring look as he stared up at him. Not that Angel wasn’t used to being admired. But he suspected it was no strange thing to Fizz either and he couldn’t be sure it wasn’t all part of the act. He was a client right now, after all. Fizz turned his face in towards a palm, smiling. 

“Wh-what’s on the agenda, sweethea-eart?” 

“Nothin’ really. Just wanted to see ya again.” 

Angel released his face and leaned back, posing just a bit. He didn’t feel comfortable enough with the other entertainer to drop the cool porn star act yet. Fizz stayed on his knees, and Angel could feel his eyes tracking up and down his body. It made him smile. 

“Like what ya see, pal?” 

“Who do-doesn’t like a masterpiece?” 

“Good one.” He smirked and held up a finger, beckoning him. “Get up here. If yer good, I’ll let ya touch the art.” 

Fizz did as he was told and joined Angel on the chaise lounge, keeping his hands to himself. Well, wasn’t he the obedient one? Not quite what he expected after the scene he’d caused when they’d met.

“What was all that at the party about?” 

“Fun,” Fizz replied, grinning. 

“You make a habit of pissin’ off yer clients?” 

“O-only the ones I don’t like en-enough to see again.” 

“Not a very good business practice.” 

“I don’t get to ke-ep the money so why should I ca-are? It’s more about what I think’s worth the b-beating.” 

Fizz’s voice was as sharp as his teeth and Angel wondered if that was the mask slipping a bit or still part of his act. 

“Ya got a phone?” 

“For wo-ork.” 

“That’s what I thought. Here.” 

Angel tossed a cheap prepaid flip phone at him. He looked a little confused as he caught it. 

“One your boss don’t have access to.” 

“Th-thanks, but I can’t give you fr-free sexting.” 

“I don’t wanna see ya as a client.” Fizz tilted his head slightly in confusion. “Thought we could hang out off the clock sometime.” 

Fizz chuckled. It started out low before he burst into a full on cackle. Angel raised an eyebrow and eyed him uncertainly. 

“What’s so fuckin funny?” 

“I’m always on the clo-ock. I don’t need to eat, sle-eep, or br-breathe. And I’m literal pr-property. You think I get ti-ime to myself? That’s the hei-height of hilarity.” 

“What, you never stop workin?” 

“Only for m-maintenance. An-nd as you can see, there’s as little of th-that as they can get away with.” 

“Shit, and I thought I had it hard.” Angel looked genuinely disappointed. “How’re we ‘spose to party together if ya don’t have time off?” 

Fizz looked intrigued. 

“You really want to be fr-friends?” 

“Sure, why not?” 

Fizz seemed thoughtful for a moment.

“I have an idea.” He grinned from ear to ear. “Offer to t-train me.” 

“Train ya in what?” 

“Acting. You’re the b-best porn star in the industry-y. Make Mammon think you could im-improve my ability to acquire repeat cu-customers and you’d even get paid to be with m-me.” 

Angel grinned back. 

“I like it. Yer more than a pretty face, huh?” 

Fizz’s conniving smirk turned into an innocent smile as he put a finger to his lips and tilted his head, eyes wide to enhance the cuteness factor. 

“I don’t know wh-what you mean.” 

Angel laughed and Fizz stuck out his tongue. Angel held out his second pair of arms as he leaned back, supporting himself with the first. 

“Well, I told ya if you were good you could touch the art. How’d’ya wanna touch it?” 

There was an excitement in Fizz’s eyes that was a bit flattering as he wrapped his arms around Angel’s torso a few times before pulling himself in and planting his face in his chest fluff. Angel shook his head as Fizz rubbed his cheeks against it happily. 

“Yeah, that’s a popular exhibit.” 

Angel let himself fall back on the chaise, taking the jester with him. Fizz curled up on top of him and he put a pair of arms around him in return. Another hand rested on his head. 

“You can be kinda cute, ya know that?” 

“I’m d-damn cute,” Fizz replied, voice muffled as he buried his face as far into his chest fluff as he could. 

Angel gave a little laugh. 

“First time I ever paid someone else to let ‘em feel me up.” 

“If y-you want your m-money’s worth, you still have an ho-our and a half to use me.” 

Angel’s hand stroked his head softly and the humor left his face. 

“Nah. That’s not what I’m after. I like this.” 

“It’s nice,” Fizz agreed. “You’re so-oft.”

“The arm thing ya got goin’ on’s pretty good. Ya get a lotta people wantin’ to be squeezed?”

“Yep.”

“Figures. You gotta be in high demand with crush fetishists.” 

“Th-they have to sign sp-special waivers. I’ve killed a few ca-cause they don’t know when to tell me to-to stop.” 

“Sounds like that’s on them.”

“What do you do wh-when you’re not working?” 

“Party mostly,” Angel replied. “Guess you only get to see the parties your clients take you to. Probably all borin as shit. We gotta get wasted with Cherri next time.” 

“I can’t get wa-wasted.” 

“Fuck what do you do for fun?” 

“Fu-fuck with people,” Fizz said with a laugh. 

Angel was caught off guard as he blew a raspberry in his chest fluff. He’d burrowed so far in that he managed to apply the tickling sensation directly to his skin. Angel shrieked in surprised laughter and pushed at his head. 

“Stoppit!” Angel cried, as Fizz fought against the pushing limbs to get another in. “Fermare!”

Angel pushed him off and held him up entirely, all arms out now. Fizz smirked down at him as he hung in the air, arms still coiled around Angel’s torso.

“Mm. I-i-I like em strong.” He gave Angel an appreciative grin. “Got anym-more arms hiding in there?”

“Crazy bastard,” Angel shot back, a faint smile lightening his features. “Do that again and we’re over. Got it?” 

Fizz nodded, the coils of his arm shifting around Angel like a snake as his hand stretched up to cross his heart. Angel lowered him again, cautiously, letting him cuddle close once more. He seemed so satisfied with himself, face the picture of smug as he rubbed his cheek against Angel’s fluff again. 

Angel honestly couldn’t wait to show the jester his first night of real freedom. As crazy as he seemed under someone’s thumb, it was guaranteed to be a wild night once he’d been set loose. He ran his hands over Fizz lazily here and there as they resumed small talk and planning. 

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Home - Part 14

"Look all I'm saying is that people have been in and out of here all day. Maybe he just got in with one of the other guests" Bucky said i pulled out my bags and started throwing my clothes inside.

"Im not willing to take that chance Bucky!" I snapped "as long as I'm here I'm putting you and the girls in danger! You dont know what his capable of!" 

"You think I'm gonna let him close enough to hurt you and the girls??"

"He already got close enough! he took photo's of me in the shower!!! Christ he could've done more if he wanted to but his playing with us! Its all a game to him"

"One his not gonna win"

"His already winning dont you see that?" I cried covering my face with my hands.

"Baby i cant loose you!" Bucky said clearly panicking as he pulled me into his arms "dont let him win I'm begging you, you belong here with us"

"Your not gonna loose me Bucky" i mumbled into his chest as i wrapped my arms around him "I just think it'd be better if i go back to my place. Until Jack is caught, its safer for the girls if I'm not here"

"No!" He snapped leaning back to look at me.

"No?"

"Im not letting you go back there alone thats crazy! we'll be fine here....the girls will be fine. I'll check the house with Steve and Sam make sure his not here still.... i'll change the alarm codes.... the safest place for you and the girls is here with me"

"But...."

"No buts, your mine, he can't have you" he said pressing his lips to mine "I'll even get Steve to stay while we sort this out".

"Bucky if anything were to happen to those girls id never forgive myself"

"They will be fine babe"

"You really believe that?"

"I do. Id never put them at risk"

"Okay...."

Sleep was hard to come by that night, once i knew Bucky was asleep i carefully slipped out of bed and grabbed his sweater off the back of the chair before heading downstairs. I made a cup of coffee and went to sit on the sofa, my face turned towards my shoulder so i could inhale Bucky's calming scent off his sweater. My phone that was on the table next to my steaming mug of coffee started to vibrate.

"Unknown Number Calling" flashed on the front, i knew it was Jack.... who else would be calling me at 3am? I reached for the phone and hit the green button connecting the call.

"What?" I mumbled trying to keep the nerves i was feeling in check.

"Hey baby" he replied sounding smug as fuck, if i could guess id say he was smiling "you look tired.... you not sleeping properly?"

"What do you want Jack?" I sighed shaking my head, there was no way he could see me... all the curtains were closed so i knew he couldn't be lurking outside watching me.

"I told you already. I. Want. You."

"Too bad. You can't have me"

"Oh sweetheart you know thats not true"

"Jack your fucking delusional! There is no version of this that ends with us back together! Go find someone else, your good at that! In fact why dont you give Lucy a call? I'm sure she'd welcome your attention" i said referring to my ex best friend that he had cheated with.

"I told you i made a mistake with her. I was stupid i know that now.... but if you just give me another chance you'll see we're meant to be together"

"No! Jack i dont want anything to do with you!! if i never saw you again...that would be too soon!! please just leave me alone!"

"Never" he growled down the phone "if i can't have you no one can" he added before the line disconnected. Once i knew the call had ended i broke down, finally letting the tears fall.

"Y/N?..... sweetheart you okay?"

I looked up to see Steve standing in the doorway in black sweat pants, his hair a mess. As soon as he realised i was crying his rushed to my side gathering me in his arms and holding me tight.

"Whats wrong?"

"Jack.... hh...he just called me" i said holding onto Steve like my life depended on it.

"He what?! what did he say?"

"The same old shit his been saying, that he wants me back.....it was, it was what he said before he hung up" i looked up at Steve and took a deep breath "he said if he cant have me no one can. Steve, what if he goes after Bucky??"

"Bucky can handle himself darlin'..... im more concerned that he'll try and hurt you. If he knows you won't go back to him....."

"Oh my god......" i started to panic as i thought about Jack coming after me and that he might actually kill me...."that way no one gets me" i whispered.

"Hey, we wont let anything happen to you okay?"

"Im so tired Steve" i cried burying my face against his bare chest.

"Try and get some sleep sweetheart"

"I cant, what if his watching....."

"We checked the house, his not here"

"I know that but i can't switch off! I need to be awake incase.... i need to make sure the girls are safe"

"The girls are safe.... YOU are safe i promise" he said kissing the top of my head as his hand stroked up and down my back soothingly.

"Doll?" I heard Bucky's sleep ridden voice say as he walked into the living room "Steve?.... whats going on?"

"I came down for some water found her crying on the sofa, Jack called her" Steve told Bucky as he closed the gap between us, Steve instantly passing me into Bucky's arms.

"Take her back to bed Buck she needs to sleep"

"I cant....." i started to say with wide eyes.

"You can, i'll stay awake"

"You promise?"

"Cross my heart. Now go get some sleep"

"His right, come on" Bucky took my hand and started to lead the way back upstairs "we'll talk in the morning?" He turned to his friend with a concerned look on his face.

"Sure" Steve nodded at his best friend.

"Thank you Steve" i called over my shoulder, he was already switching on the TV to find something to watch while he kept watch for the night.

"No trouble at all sweetheart, goodnight"

"Goodnight" i smiled back.

I was laying in bed tangled in Bucky, his arms wrapped around me and our legs tangled together, my fingers gently stroking up and down his arm as my eyes wandered around the room, all sorts of things running through my mind. I felt his arms tighten around me and his face snuggle against my neck as he started to wake up.

"Morning beautiful" he said quietly pressing kisses behind my ear.

"Morning"

"Did you get any sleep?"

"Some" i nodded and shrugged a shoulder before turning to look at him. Bucky was so beautiful, i could look at him forever and never get tired of the sight. "I love you" i said trailing my fingers over his beard, a smile spread across his face instantly.

"I love you more"

"Sure you do" i rolled my eyes before giggling as he started to tickle my sides.

After finally dragging ourselves out of bed we went down for breakfast, Steve was already sat down with the girls, Rosie sitting in his lap.

"Morning" he looked up smiling as we walked in.

"Hey pal"

"Morning Stevie" i smiled before walking over to the coffee pot.

"You feeling better? Get some sleep?"

"Mmhmmm" i nodded before taking a seat next to Brooke.

"Really?"

"She got a couple of hours" Bucky added sitting across from me next to Allie.

"Good, Becca called earlier by the way, wanted to take the girls out for the day. She said you were okay with it, she asked at the party?"

"Oh yeah she did"

"I told her i'd drop them off on my way home, i need to go grab a change of clothes"

"That'd be great actually"

"Thats settled then. I was thinking, you should call Sam and report Jacks call last night.... they should have record of it"

"Yeah i thought so to" Bucky nodded taking a mouthful of his coffee.

Steve and the girls had left half hour ago and the house was eerily quiet without them around. Bucky had called Sam and told him all about the phone call i had received from Jack, Sam was going to look into it ASAP.

We had settled on the sofa to watch a movie and make the most of some alone time with no interruptions from the girls. It quickly led to a heated make out session and some good old fucking on the sofa.

"Your sofa is better for this by the way" Bucky chuckled as his naked ass squeaked on the leather making me cackle loudly.

"My sofa is definitely better for this" i agreed "We should probably get dressed before Steve comes back, i dont think he'd appreciate walking in to our naked asses on the sofa" i laughed against Bucky's chest.

"Yeah i guess so".

We reluctantly started to gather our clothes and get dressed, a cell phone ringing got our attention. We both started lifting various items of clothing looking for the phone.

"Its yours" i said handing Bucky his phone before pulling my sweater over my head.

"Barnes" he answered in his 'work voice' "your fucking kidding me..... no! Chloe that should have been done last week and filed already!" He moaned running a hand through his hair "he wont accept it until i sign it? Fuck sake!"

"Bucky if you need to go in i'll be okay" i said quietly so Chloe wouldn't hear me.

"I'll be there in 20 minutes" he snapped before hanging up the phone "I cant believe that girl sometimes! i told her to file this case a week ago! Now they need my signature...."

"Its fine Buck, Steve will be back soon anyway i wont be alone for long. I'll lock the door once you leave and set the alarm"

"You sure? You could come with me...."

"Id rather just stay here, i'll go have a bath and maybe try and get some more sleep now you've worn me out" i chuckled.

"Oh but now i wanna stay and join you!" He moaned leaning in to kiss me.

"I'll wait for you to get back for the bath then"

"I'll be quick!" he laughed jumping up getting his keys and heading out. I couldn't help but laugh at what a dork he could be at times. I watched him drive away waving through his open window then locked the door behind him once he was gone and set the alarm before heading back into the living room, i straightened up the sofa and made sure it was clean and tidying before making my way into the kitchen.

I was wiping the table over clearing up bits of cereal that the girls had spilt when my phone started ringing. I thought about ignoring it at first, i wasn't in the mood for another call from Jack! But then i thought it might be Bucky or Steve checking in so went back to the living room to get my phone.

I was a little surprised to see it was Sam calling me.

"Hey Sam, you looking for Buck cause his just had to go into work real quick"

"No, no I'm not looking for Buck, wait are you at home on your own right now?"

"Yeah, he'll be back within the hour, im fine the doors are locked and the alarm is set"

"Y/N i need you to stay calm and listen to me...... i need you to leave, just get out of that house" he said sounding panicked.

"What?.... why?" I felt my heart start to race.

"I traced that call, it came from within the house!!"

Home taglist: @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @lumar014

@bbmommy0902 @past-perfect-future-tense

@heathens-takeitsl0w @captainchrisstan

@ladymelissastark @93generation

@sebastianstansqueen @oceansxpurple

@Imjstaghoststory @rainbowkisses31

@superavengerpotterstar @cap-just-said-language

@booktease21 @ms-betsy-fangirl @wildest-dream-

@michelehansel @thummbelina @abbylizy

@sweetlittlegingy @lorabem @barnesandrogersworld @dumblani

@broco8 @xxloki81xx @keithseabrook27

@jesseswartzwelder

[lifeinthegladhouse]

long personal post apologies to anyone on mobile, just...scroll on by...

---

There’s so many things............I wanted to achieve in 2020, which is I’m sure what everyone has said. Somehow I still think 2017 was worse, but .... I don’t know. I was really alone then. I almost lost both my parents, this year I was safe with a better job, good partner, and only lost one (at least I got to see her once in a decade to say goodbye)....ultimately this brought me to heathenism in a weird and roundabout way. It’s hard to know she was really walking around with this poorly depicted Viking nonsense ‘false odin’ with cerberus (why?) going on, lord, she would’ve hated left heathens BUT ALSO wasn’t even a pagan to begin with (so she says, but being a pentecostal and having psychosis, while this does not a pagan make, made for a quite magickal and brutal experience). my mother was a trickster entity in living flesh. at first, i learned into having guides for the first time. i wondered if it was a coping mechanism, but i shrugged, because it was not my intention to see the numbers repeating, or the ‘loki’ every..single..day..for a week... in the weirdest fucking places... it was not my intention to lose my best friends in this city (which is not my final destination, ha) because they were too busy having poly drama, to, idk, support their friend, and then ghosted me, or came up with some weird passive aggressive bullshit. it totally dominated my 2020 - the pandemic, then mom dying, then the deities, then the loss. my card of the year was the hermit, i thought that was such a joke considering the pandemic. how could that then apply to me more personally? I haven’t had time or space mentally to recount the beautiful parts of the year because we’ve been stuck inside, inside during riots, inside during west coast smoke hell, inside where the spiders are. astoria was beautiful. it was god given. i knew what was real was real that day. it’s been seven months since mom passed, and i know her spirit has contacted me. it has brought me closer to my own spirituality which was accidentally rampant chaos magick that i was unaware of - introduced to me by ten years of tricksters who I never quite recognized. at the altar, id pull cards, i began to learn runes, and id ask, “were you always there? was that the presence that was always there?” I don’t know, much of the paranoid presence I felt my whole life ended when mom died. so much ended. i still want to write about it. again and again. because i forget that it happened, i compressed it so far back. everyone walked away and all that remained was my partner and the unseen. i would get straight answers on the altar, but never for that question. i never understood, and still hardly do, why loki came - was it to console me after the passing of my mother? somehow a veil had been lifted and my already wack ass intuition became 25% greater, somehow i felt seen and heard by others. at first, i was scared... i had always gravitated unknowingly towards tricksters and mercurial beings, loki came during the week of L*ghnasadh, after I’d been reading abt the ACTUAL “mercury”/hermes.... it was as if to be like, oh, you’re looking to NAME US FINALLY? THIS ENERGY, HERE _______. I was a little sheepish of Odin because of the association..... and I never quite got an answer. Sometimes still, I am struggling to understand this deity, however many a time loud and clear he and Loki have responded within the half-hour, be it some really weird ultra-specific shit to crop up, flickering shit, popping, knocking over. I turn to him frequently as, the more I read, the more I trust... this understanding of inarticulatable parts of myself - when I read about odr I was thinking of what this could mean for me, especially as a trans person, and it moved me. when I think about knowledge, and loss... when I think of the underdog vying that Odin (and of course Loki) represent, it is always with grace and honor that I am glad to be In It. I struggle tho, cos no matter how viscerally real my experiences have been, and no matter how little I would ever wish to disrespect them by denying faith, as a human who has run far from christianity and is skeptical of everything, every day, I’m like, ‘how much can I lean into this? is this ‘weird’ or delusional? am i acting like a child?” but, ..... I have learned from many smart and creative folks of the same ilk that we are not alone and the passage of time cannot destroy old gods so easily, and I am honored to be called to that. 2020.....that is.....to me, the year of death and rebirth. it was the only parting gift mom could give me. as she died, I told her I knew the lord had brought me there. I knew we had made it JUST in time, by many many strokes of good ‘luck’, to see her off. the last day we saw her was the last day she’d ever seen both her children together in her life. of course, she probably hardly recognized me. and she loved my brother more. had spent less time with him. oh lord, she did look at me with burning eyes of distrust and hatred, but that was not her fault. she was so ill. god she was so ill. dad joked, after she died, ‘maybe she’ll finally be in valhalla’, he didnt know what that meant. mom was a ‘devout’ christian woman of “god”. she was no pagan. she did not serve odin. but 2 months later when I discovered them, I heard his words ringing in my head, and I had to laugh. It’s been so hard...losing the queer comrades I had with me because of ? what ? exactly ? I still dn’t know, watching someone I spent 3 years being ‘close’ to basically patronize me that she always had reservations about us, never let me in, or get closer, like real friends, .... id cry and cry thinking, why, did i lose the one figure who brought me into this world, who i never had, for ten years, who abandoned me and hated every ounce of my being, and to confront this NOW in the middle of a pandemic, where i have zero way to the outside world to cope, and then to be left behind AGAIN by SO MANY PEOPLE, i felt Loki’s comforting presence. I’m trying to focus on the future again, that’s what 2021 is giving me. the “year” label, “when mom died” is over. even if that event forever changed my life far beyond that of a normal passing (?) I mean, it’s never normal when a mom dies, much less a woman like her, have mercy, it’s over. 2021 is the “year when we move to los angeles” its the “year when i start a REAL band again instead of be a side piece for a woman who cant get real with herself and her drum machine”, the “year when maybe ill take my adhd meds and hrt” we’re suspended in a stasis, there are big ups and downs. in two weeks i quit my med of 2 years, because it’s causing harm and i actually dont technically need to be on it anymore. im scared and excited. i need the change. i need the CHOICE. 

[vforvicferrari]

Support the black market on Black Friday!

Hug your local shaman.

Enough of you live in places where it’s legal.

Kentucky will be 20 years behind the rest of the country for legalization.

😭

This is America

An eighth of decent bud shouldn’t cost an arm and a leg (hat had. If you know me irl , you’ll get it.

A quarter should be 50 -60 dollars tops

The greed is going to bite you in the ass

While making me a small fortune.

It’ll cost a small fortune to make a small fortune.

“Doesn’t it always?”

Not like this.

Most people would invest the money

I’m going to burn it

“edgy. Everything burns.

Oooh I cam feel the edginess from here”

Fuck off.

Straight up burning American currency harbors some powerful Magics

“But you’re among the bottom 1%....”

Fuck off

I have no idea what I’m doing

I’m the best at it.

If I don’t have money to burn

That’s what makes it worth burning

I say what’s going to happen

it happens

Without much work at all on my part

I’m not super special or anything

I get out of the way and let the universe work it’s quantum magic quantum machine it is. ‘

-Dec 2016: “im going to Denver next year.

(No money, no plans.I was full of shit )

-Mar 2017 :My friend showed up unannounced on my payday

“Hey man I just got my taxes back.wanna go to Colorado?”

Fuck and yes.

.......

-Denver was awesome.

200x (high school)

Someone asked, “what do you want to do after high school ?

(Jokingly)

I’m going to do absolutely nothing and get paid for it. Just like that guy in office space)”

2016: has stroke.

Late 2016: gets paid to do nothing. (It cost me a literal arm and a leg and any hopes of playing guitar for a living

What’s the old adage, bcwywf?

It just might come true.

M

There’s another phrase that comes to mind.

“When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed”

“When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed”

When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed”

“When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed”

When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed”

“When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed”

When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed”

“When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed”

Where was I going with all of this?

That’s right

I’m going to manifest another reality

This one smells funny

In 10 years time I will have my “small fortune”

Either via (totally ) legal trading or or writing.

Probably the writing.

The more i write , the better I get

My dreams aren’t destroyed

Those are called cheap pops.

if I ever start writing about my mom , or waxing even more nostalgic than usual - look out

I’m using hack writer tactics for cheap pops

Tune out.

All of my dreams are NOT destroyed

(Cheap pops)

HST (hero 1) thought of himself as a musician stuck In a writers body. I liked to tell people I was a writer stuck in a musician’s body. Stealing ideas what separates good writers from great ones.

Which am I?

I’m not done yet.

I’ve tasted greatness, but not achieved it ((yet)

fancied myself a writer stuck in a musicians life

(

Sometimes

Sometimes...i even starts making sense

And I’ll say something deeply profound.

You’ll ask yourself

“How is this degenerate hillbilly both the smartest amd by far

the dumbest human being I’ve ever met?

I’m leaving Facebook for 2021. Add my other shit.

Will post blog link soon

time to retire V methinks

If you fear TMI, stay away (you knew that )

Did anyone even read this far ?

I made a conscious effort

Hi,

I’m jef.

Welcome back

If I don’t write, I ain’t right”

I can’t even manage a conversation with my RL friends,

But I can write about my. Deepest thoughts without even thinking about it.

So it goes...

So it begins

vi veri veniversum vivus vici motherfuckerd

Stay weird, my friends.

Ps.

Join ,me for a quick thought experiment. ?

As you read these words on the screen, (yes,these words.

Right here )

Whose voice do you hear them in ?

Yours?

Mine ?

What if you’ve never met me ? And if it’s not you and it’s not me, why is it anybody else ?

I wish my inner monologue had the voice of Morgan freeman or Sean Connery or something

Who do I complain to?

“I don’t like the default voice.why isn’t it easier to change?

Comment if you have an answer

Gods know I don’t

This is the last blog I’ll post n Facebook. Tumblr kinda sucks too. Where’s the popular blog sites nowadays ?

Thanks for reading

🌹

-your friend,

Jef

[peaky-shelby]

when he sees me [7]

Pairing: Chris Evans x oc

Read: episode one, episode two, episode three, episode four, episode five, episode six

Episode seven: the one after the storm

Summary: after the storm comes the rainbow, but how long will it last?

Words: 1.600

Warnings: mentions of anxiety attack, fluff, stupid Evans

Author’s note: I’m keeping this short because I’ll probably post a second page today, cuz I’m stuck on a ship and I have nothing better to do lol. Feedback always helps, please leave some and Happy reading xx

It was his heartbeat singing against her head that woke her up from her peaceful nap. The storm had passed, the rain had fallen and now she was left with a cloudy sky but a warm feeling surrounding her. His heart sounded like the leaves do after a storm when they’re stolen by the wind and thrown away around the pavements.

It’s not that she forgot he ever came but she was still surprised to find out that it wasn’t dream, that he was actually there, holding her. That’s all she ever needed, someone to hold her and oh god he was so good at it. There was no way for her to understand what time it was, how many minutes or hours she had spent in his arms but the sun creeping in through the blankets like a thief trying to steal whatever cold was left in the room, was an indication that it was still morning.

Unlike her, Chris hadn’t lost track of time and in reality it had only been an hour since she gave in her sleep. Laura had come in and out of the room a couple of times to make sure that everything was ok and help Chris in case he needed anything at all. Sebastian was also in the living room now, watching TV with Laura.

He realized she was awake by the way her breath started to shift and he pulled her closer to him almost immediately, letting her know that all this was real. Then he sensed her heartbeat fasten like she was starting to get anxious again so he was quick to react “hey, hey, It’s ok. You’re ok, we’re in your room, it’s only 5pm.„ Chris had been through this himself, falling asleep to clear his mind and waking up totally confused about where he was and what time it was. He knew she’d be confused of the time and it would help. And sure enough her heartbeat calmed when she got the information she needed.

I’m in my room, with Chris, it’s only 5pm and I’m... ok. Im safe.

Maybe it was the sleep moving her body still but she snuggled closer to Chris, keeping her eyes closed. Chris smiled, he was enjoying this more than she’d even know. Then in a whisper of guilt she asked “why did you stay?„

“I had no other plans.„

“You’re supposed to be in Boston.„

“I’m back for the next few days.„

“You should be doing other things.„

He scoffed, his laugh stroked her cheek, letting her melt closer to him. “Like what?„

Delilah shrugged “partying?„

“I’m ok for now. I rather stay with you.„

“Why?„

“Because you’re nice company.„ “I’m broken„ she spat out. Chris sighed, caressing her arm with his finger. “I’ll leave you with scars.„

“Dodger leaves me with scars sometimes. He even bites me if he wants to.„ he paused, looking down at her and leaning closer to her ear “I still love him.„

Delilah opened her eyes and looked up at him immediately. His blue eyes were like diamonds, she had forgotten how beautiful they were and everytime she looked her heart would instantly melt like she had never looked before. And everytime she’d find something new, hope, love, kindness, secrets, pain, strength.. something beautiful but not flawless... honesty.

“It’s not the same Chris.„

“Why don’t you let me worry about that? Hm?„

Delilah laid her head back on his chest and Chris started playing with her hair, brushing it with his fingers gently. It felt like he had done it a million times before, like her hair was a labyrinth that he had walked and knew like the palm of his hand. “Do you need anything?„ he asked

“No..„ she paused, thinking, there were a thousand things she needed right now but she didn’t wanna let go of this.

“I have an idea... you can go have a shower, I’ll wait outside with Laura and then I’ll take you out so you can eat something.„

“Shower sounds good but I don’t wanna go out.. and you don’t have to do that..„

“Going out will help.„

“I’m not sure about that.„

“Hm. How about this? You’ll shower and then we’ll talk about going out.„

That proposal sounded fair. Delilah nodded.

“You want me to tell Laura to come and help you?„

I want you to stay here until I’m healed, until the smell of rain is gone and I can only smell your cologne, until there’s no sign of raindrops on me, until I’m good.

“Can you tell her to bring me towels?„

“Sure thing.„

Delilah moved away from him letting him get up and watched him leave the room, taking the warmth with him, she left a very gentle sigh of disappointment but didnt say anything. She got up and looked herself in the mirror above her little desk in her room. “God I look like a dead girl.„ she mumbled. Her hair were all messy and tangled, her eyes dark, her cheeks pale, her lips swollen. Broken.

“D?„ Laura came in the room holding the towels. She stood behind her friend, looking at her through the mirror. “You ok?„ Delilah turned around, biting her lips.

“Why did you let him in?„

“He wanted to help—„

“He was sorry for me.„

“I’ve told you before, If he didn’t want to be here, he wouldn’t be here.„

“I hate this. He wasn’t supposed to—„

“Maybe this was exactly what was supposed to happen, have you thought of that?„

Delilah didn’t answer. She snatched the towels from her friend and went in her bathroom. Laura shook her head and went out in the leaving room. Chris and Sebastian were sitting on the couch talking when they suddenly stopped as she walked in.

“Is she ok?„ asked Chris, getting a nod and a smile from Laura. She walked over to them and sat in between them on the couch, leaning towards Sebastian.

“I think her getting out of bed and showering is the biggest win.„ Sebastian left a kiss on his girlfriend’s head, letting her know he was proud of how good of a friend she was. “Thank you for coming Chris.„

“don’t worry about it. I’m only here because I want to, she doesn’t deserve this kind of pain.„

“Most often then not, people that have this kind pain don’t deserve it.„ said Sebastian “they’re too nice, that’s the problem.„

“I wish there was a way to fix it.„ groaned Laura “I hate seeing her like this, going to work and knowing she’s alone, fighting alone.„

“She’s not alone, she has you.„ Sebastian reminded her, giving her credit for her friend’s survival.

“I can only do so much.. the worst battle, she’s going through it alone.„ Laura looked at Chris and streched her hand to his leg, squeezing it a little so he’d look at her “at least now she has you too... right?„

Chris hesitated and looked down at his hands. His eyes were full of worry. “I wanna help. I do but... maybe she’s right maybe this isn’t the best idea.„

“Are you fucking kidding me Evans?„ Sebastian looked at his friend with anger.

“Sebastian I’ll be away all the time, she needs someone who will be there, maybe being with her will hurt her more than the opposite. What if I miss her call again? What if I can’t come home to her in time? What if I break her? I... I wanna help but I’m worried I’ll do the exact opposite.„

Laura laughed, shaking her head. The two men looked at her confused. “What are you laughing for?„

“I already told you when you came here earlier. You two belong together, You always think, you never act.„

“I’m just trying to be cautious.„

“If you call idiotic, cautious. Sure.„ shrugged Sebastian.

Chris would answer but right then Delilah walked in. Her hair were wet and a little messy, she was dressed in her old comfortable shorts and an old shirt with Mickey on it but she was clean of all the raindrops. Her cheeks were red again, her eyes open and Chris could swear he could see a rainbow in them. Her lips looked healthier, her expression was calmer. Laura was the first to get up, asking her if she needed anything and then went to make her a cup of tea. She didn’t really know why she came out of the room, she just followed the warmth and found herself sitting on the couch across from Chris, the leaving room table separating them.

“Do you—„

“Don’t do that!„ she said quickly, cutting him off “don’t ask.„ she didn’t wanna y’all about it and she didn’t wxnt Chris or anyone else treating her like she was sick. The storm was over and the only thing she needed was walk away from where it started, forget it. Like it never happened.

“So!„ Sebastian exclaimed “you wanna go out tonight? Eat sushi maybe? Drink some beer?„

“Uuuh sushi sounds good.„ said Laura coming in with Delilah’s tea and giving it to her. Delilah mouthed a simple thank you to her. “What do you think D?„

“I think I’ll stay in, but you can all go—„

“Sushi is literally one of your favorites and you’ll stay in?„

“You have to come!„ persisted Sebastian.

Delilah looked at Chris like he had the answers. She didn’t know what she was looking for but what she found was hope. He gave her a reassuring look, a look that made her feel strong enough to go out there. What he was saying basically was that I’ll catch you if you fall. Maybe she should have thought of it more but the word slipped out her mouth with complete certainty “ok.„ she smiled “I’ll come„

He’ll catch me if I fall.

Taglist;

@annoyinglydarktriumph-us @purely-myself-03 @yelyahcardella @thejemersoninferno @tfandtws @torntaltos

[ellerevelle]

okay so im feeling crazy and detached again (as usual lately)

but instead of spiraling into absolute fucking panic, I’m deciding to take today to just ... not wholly subscribe to this manner of thinking BUT. JUST FOR NOW. I feel like taking some of the craziness flack off myself and blaming it on some shit outside of myself. Because feeling this weird and detached cant all just be me. So here’s a brainstorming of whats got me fucked up, in no particular order: 

Trump is our stupid President

That guy who told me he loved me daily and asked me to be his girlfriend after basically living with me immediately after meeting me and I fell for hard despite a ton of red flags CHEATED on me while I was away visiting home. 

And then blamed it on MY bad communication? fuck that guy. 

But now I see one of the girls he slept with (multiple times, three days in a row) I see her everywhere all the time in everyones instagrams, at everyones parties... ugh. 

Um. People are dying. Close to me. More importantly and spefcifically women I love are dead. 

I didnt get to see Inga before she died. I was too busy forging a relationship with CHEATER GUY. Didnt get home in time to see her. Talk to her. 

Grandma. This has been the whole first year without her, come November. Its subtle, but terrible and I hate it. She was my last matriarch. The last woman who’s blood is in me. 

because Mom’s dead too. And has been since August of 2015. 2015, right? God it feels like forever ago now, probably because I’ve pushed it away. She died unexpectedly and NO ONE IN MY FAMILY HAS SAID THE WORD SUICIDE OUT LOUD even though thats what happened. She OD’d on prescribed opiate painkillers to escape her depression. And we NEVER talk about it. 

So I kindof feel insane. Not talking about things that are clearly there. Like, are they not clearly there for anybody else? Now all my women are gone. My brother literally avoids talking about feelings. My dad is a little more receptive but is more the comforting type than the forthcoming, express onesself type. Getting sentimentality out of my brother is like pulling teeth sometimes. But yet if his son does something cute, its God’s Work and he cant help but cry and get that beautiful lovie squishy look on his face. 

I’m jealous of my own nephew. I see the way my Mom loved me, in the way my Brother loves his son. And I miss being that perfect to somebody. My Dad loves me forever and always and there isnt a word for how grateful I feel for our relationship. I dont take that for granted at all. It actually kindof scares me because... hah, well what if Dad dies? Like, before I’m ready? I’ll be even MORE fucked! 

Anyways. Austins been pissing me off. I’m sorry but although Polyamory is possible and cool and im sure quite beautiful for many, 

The Austin poly scene is fucked and tainted and a bunch of slutty people having orgies and not TALKING about anything and its ruining the healthy vibe poly is incumbent upon. 

So, whatever I’m angry. So fuck that noise. 

I feel like because of cheater guy and my anger at the psuedo poly orgy sexy bullshit scene in Austin, I feel like I’ve broken up with a whole group of friends. Like, I dont want to be around any of it. I dont want to see you eat mushrooms and twerk. I dont want to see your stupid, super naked outfit. I dont think its hot you carry a flogger or can pole dance or slink around like a tarantino character. It used to be hot and thrilling and fun, when I felt like it was connected and for love and sharing and caring. But now it all just is slutty and vapid and useless and cold. Like a sad clown. And thats not sexy, its dark and desperate. *this is about both VERY particular people and broad general strokes. There are several extremely amazing friends in the scene and outskirts thereof that truly inspire me and dont fall into this catagory in my mind, although they’d probably still be angry with me for dissing things ^^ the way I just did but. fuck it, this is MY journal entry and I can be irrational if I want to. 

You cant be open fucking minded ALL the time. Sometimes people really arent acting with anyones best intentions but their own. I’ve used up SO MUCH FUCKING ENERGY making myself soften and open and “woke” and trying to go with everybodys flow. And I’m exhausted and over it. I have my own principles and theres nothing wrong with having differing opinions than someone else. 

All summer I’ve been feeling like I’m a bad person for not liking or not understanding this hyper sexual scene in Austin. I thought, “why am I shaming a scene thats giving me opportunity to really shine and be free?” when, in an IDEAL world, yes thats what the scene could be. But in what actually fucking unfolds -- humans SUCK and dudes SUCK and girls SUCK and everybody (especially when horny) are fucking STUUUUPIIIIIDDDD and ideals get thrown out the window! people arent nearly as “woke” as I gave them the actual credit for. Seriously. So! I’m fuckin OUTTIE! 

I’ve felt broken up with a whole scene. FUck cheater guy, fuck poly, fuck orgies, fuck people who are reckless with my love. 

Back to the list:

I’ve been eating too much out of boredom. Which I’ll blame on lack of quality social interaction in this town. Where are the scholars? Where are the sexy edgy BRAINY people? I’m tired of hot people in little clothing in the summer. 

Ah! Another thing for the list. its been TOO FUCKING HOT OUT. FOR MONTHS. 100 DEGREES FOR MONTHS. thats enough to make anyone insane. 

So i’m sick of teenie boppers in their nothing outfits in the heat. 

I want old smart people in peacoats. I miss books and weather and frowns. Irritable debates about literature or physics or religious theories. 

I only like my own brand of cigarettes. 

My roommates are annoying me. I dont really like my house anymore. Theres too many humans and not enough square footage. Four people to one kitchen is TOO MUCH SHIT. EVERYONE BUYS THEIR OWN BANANAS AND THEY ALLLLLL GO BROWN ON THE TABLE. thats four peoples worth of bad bananas. FUcking stupid. 

I dont have a hairdresser here. Sometimes when I feel shitty I like to throw money at the problem. Buy something. Get a haircut. See a show. Etc. 

And my hairdresser love is in Philadelphia and getting a flight to get a haircut is slightly insane (without a longer visit)

I miss Adam. 

What else can I blame my upset on. Shitty politics, shitty weather, shitty social sexual scene in my town, I dont like my house, I dont like my hair. Its too expensive to live here. No one in my immediate acquaintance or friend circle seems interested in the sort of romantic relationship I’m seeking, nor if they did does anyone have the “it” factor I look for which I’ll *try* to describe maybe in another post. 

So. I sit inside my room and try to fix stupid remedial things as if itd make a big impact. I tidy and put away clothes in attempt to feel less cluttered but am too scared to make BIG cuts and BIG changes. So instead I light insence and watch netflix and eat too much. I have started going to Barre3 again more and have been semi regular with therapy so thats something. 

I really ought to start doing “morning pages” like the book Fiona loaned me suggests in its FIRST GODDAMN CHAPTER. But, alas, I am lazy. 

No, I have become recently lazy. 

I’m spoiled. I dont do things I dont want to do. Its a major character flaw. I only push and struggle if I see worthyness in it, and lately theres been serious lack of evidence of that in, well, anything.

 #depression! 

so, I guess in summation- because nothing has been a WORTHWHILE struggle, EVERYTHING feels like a struggle. Humph. thats... thats not good. But it does, because i dont see the worth in a lot of goals or tasks or even relationships, (and i dont mean the greedy “what can I GET for ME out of this!” sort of b.s.) (I mean the... conserve precious energy, is this going to teach me something or help me grow as a person or bring love into my life sort of vibe) ...

when I dont think the energy expenditure is going to pay off, I dont do it. Or I do it half way or lazily or with tentative fear. I guess I could do an experiment and just do everything with HOPE and see if my energy put in will get a different result... but. like. I feel like I did that all summer and he cheated on me. And my “friends” said “dont be angry, be poly” and I couldnt call on my Mom or Grandma and so I call on eating and isolation and running away to visit home where no one cares I dont have a job. where the house is big and the air is cold and my friends are smart. 

I really miss Kristian. That was one of the greatest feelings of self love in my entire life. I felt like, if someone that special noticed ME. Saw ME. Little old, semi chubby, not famous ME, and wanted me around for a couple tour dates. Then I ought to believe in myself TOO. I wanted to dance, I wanted to make art, I wanted to take photos, I wanted to be bold, I wanted to be humble, I felt so open and content with myself. I was motivated to work out, I was motivated to eat healthy and clean and small portions. It was easy. It felt so fun. I loved him. I dreamt big. My imagination was so warm and excited. My inner critic was GONE. 

But he faded away. He got back with his ex. The shooting star left the sky. I’m still grateful for the experience at all, but. 

I feel a little stupid for thinking anything could’ve happened. 

And I truly miss feeling so special and excited about life. 

I dont want to run away from Austin out of fear. But I cant tell if I’m unhappy and want to leave genuinely, or if this is the spoiled part of me thats like, “this sucks, lets leave.” instead of pushing though, curating something better with some struggle, and sticking it out. 

How do people make big life decisions like this? I feel like thats what marriages do. People stay together and fight. But sometimes they get divorced anyways, its just been longer. More years wasted. When maybe it wouldve been healthier to leave sooner and cut the cord and be free to live without, sooner. 

I really like a lot of things about this city. But I really dislike a lot too. And I cant tell where I want my life to go, in a grand sense, so its hard to pick which attributes will matter in the long run. 

I dont think I should leave yet. Maybe a new house. Or like, serious efforts to declutter this one. Is this just excuses? Ugh. 

Declutter this house. If that doesnt feel better, leave the house and move to a new part of austin. If that doesnt feel better, leave austin. 

I need a job. 

[blackmilkbangtan]

bts reactions to you being insecure about your thighs

yoongi:

you know what they say; the freaks come out at night. and for yoongi, that was his status quo. his lips brushed against yours, leaving your face to grow hot at how sensual he was being. he then trailed down your neck, nipping and licking your chest and collarbones. his mouth left a path from your belly button, down to your entrance. his hot breath against it made your thighs want to close together, but was restrained by his veiny hands. right before he dived in -;)- he stopped and looked at your uncomfortable expression.

“mama what’s wrong.” he stopped his actions and rested his head on your plush stomach.

“i don’t know, it’s just sometimes i feel like im gonna suffocate you.” you muttered.

yoongi looked at you and laughed, “do you really think these,” he grabbed your thighs tightly “can suffocate me? im a grown man i can handle it” he said proudly. those few words boosted your confidence and tickled you at the same time.

“thanks baby, i lowkey needed that.” you giggled.

“now come on so i can eat.”

jin:

jin was preparing himself for another episode of eat! jin hosted on vlive. he sat down at his computer closing down his tabs so his internet would run faster, but one surprised him.

‘weight loss tips’

he immediately put two and two tighter and realized it was probably you, since you were the last one at his desk. it made him a little upset that you wanted to loose weight, maybe he wasnt loving you enough. he began his hunt and searched around the relatively small apartment you two shared. he ended finding you following along to a “how to properly squat” tutorial.

“what’s this?” jin asked, surprising you during your workout.

“im just working out, is that a problem?”

“it’s not like you’d notice anyway.” you said under your breath.

“now what’s that supposed to mean?” he was getting agitated now.

“you never want to have sex anymore,” his features softened at what you said, “do you honestly think that we’re not doing it because of your weight?”

“i mean everytime we go out, you always look at these skinny ass girls”

“they don’t have anything to look at! im just happy that ive got someone that can sit on my lap without a bone ramming into my thigh!” he exclaimed.

you broke out crying, not because of what he said, just that you hate when someone yells at you. jin moved closer and wrapped you into a tight hug.

“look babe, i love you so much, you don’t even understand.” he hunched over so he could put his head in the crook of your neck.

“i love you too jin” he separated his body from yours and gazed into your eyes.

“c’mon into this room so i can show you how much i love you.”

namjoon:

you were laying in the bed with namjoon, spending his day off as it should be; a day off.

while you were scrolling through social media laughing at memes until you scrolled along a stupid post ranting about how namjoon doesn’t “deserve to be with a fat bitch like you.” you always know armys were overly possessive, but to comment on something that doesn’t concern you is disgusting.

the bad bitch inside of you wanted to clap back, but the sad bitch in you took over and you started to cry.

“babygirl what’s wrong, you was just chillin and now you crying. what happened?” he cooed, rubbing his large hands lovingly on your thighs.

“some stupid -probably no jam army, called me fat and said i don’t deserve you, nothing to bad” you chuckled with tears still forming in your eyes.

“your not fat, there’s just more to love.” he tried to reassure you.

“you know how many fan fictions ive read that said that exact same thing”

“but i mean it, you have nothing to be upset about. why do you think my favorite position is doggy style? i love seeing your ass jiggle when im-“ you cut his inappropriate sentence off with a quick playful punch on the shoulder.

“now get off that phone, i got something else you can play with.”

taehyung:

while walking home you were being harassed by two grown men commenting about your weight.

“where’s a fat bitch like you going?”

“yeah, you fucking whale” his friend went along with him. you decided to be the bigger person and ignore them, yet they still followed you home.

“can you guys just leave me alone” you shouted at them.

“yeah” a deep voice cut in. you looked up to see a handsome man to be your defender.

“what’s some good looking guy like you hanging out with...this?”

“look, while im smashing this thick beautiful girl, you can go back to dicking down bitches that when they throw it back it sound like a screenshot.” he clapped back. while they stared at him like he was nuts, your cheeks grew hot as the attractive stranger talked about you so openly, like you knew him.

“youre dismissed,” his scrawny ass jumped at him. the guys left with a muttering of “fucker” and “fat ass” -referring to you. he then wrapped his arms around your waist.

“thanks for the help, nobody usually stands up for me like that.”

“nobody as fine and cute as you should be getting pick on by some bummy dudes.” this guy was smooth a hell, made you want to suck his dick right on the spot.

“i was finally feeling confident about my thighs, i guess i got to go back to being insecure and hiding them.” you half joked, using it as a coping mechanism.

“i like them, better to grab when im-“ he stopped himself, realizing that he was going too far to be talking to a stranger.

“im taehyung” he stopped to shake your hand.

“(your name).”

“here take my number, call me when you get home” he quickly put his number in and headed off, waving while walking in the opposite direction. your heart fluttered as he left, you took a look at what he saved his number as. “that cute asian boy”, a small smile grew on your face as you shoved the phone back in your pocket and headed home.

jungkook:

you and jungkook haven’t been dating for a while, but that didn’t mean your feelings for each other weren’t true. jungkook had officially introduced you to his group members. and he decided to get you acquainted with them by jin cooking a meal for all of you. as for your outfit, the shorts you wore exposed the bottom part of your ass. it wasn’t like you were self-conscious about your body, except your thighs which were ridden with cellulite.

while at dinner, you helped jin pass out the plates. each time you leaned over they all stared longingly at your thighs, fixated which each step you took. your face grew hot, you began to lose confidence each time a pair of their pupils landed on you. you quickly dashed your way to the nearest bathroom.

“(your name), wait up-“

you sat on the toilet, with your face in your hands silently crying. even though it was such a little inconvenience, it made your anxiety skyrocket. while in the midst of thinking, two small knocks echoed throughout the small room and jungkook came in.

“babe, what happened out there?” jungkook knelt down to your eye level.

“they were looking at me,”

“that’s all? why-“

“no, they were looking at me like i was disgusting, like i’m too big-“

“look, baby, they’ve literally never seen a thick girl in korea never in their lives, shit i was even surprised to see you.” your heart rested a little easier as his hand settled on your lap.

“take it as a compliment, your beautiful no matter what size you are. on some sappy cliche shit; i love you no matter what.” once the two of you exited the bathroom, the chatter in the dining room stopped.

“can you guys stop staring? this is mine”

jimin:

you and jimin were walking around the mall, window shopping and such. you finally landed your eyes on a cute pair of floral shorts.

“hey jimin honey, can i get a pair of those?” you gazed at how beautiful the shorts were from outside the window.

“of course, come on let’s head in.” he lead your already intertwined hands into the shop. one of the workers came up to you guys with a face full of fake politeness.

“how can i help you today?” she questioned, you could’ve sworn you saw her roll her eyes at me.

“i would like those pair of shorts in the window there, in an xl please.” you decided to go a size up since an american medium is probably small in korea.

“im sorry but i don’t think we carry that for...your kind of size,” she disrespectfully said, eyeing you up and down.

“first of all-“ you were so angry that you were almost on the verge of tears.

“(your name) come on let’s go to a different store” jimin ushered you out the store. “so you just gon let that weenie hut jr lookin’ ass bitch talk about me like that? to my face?” you said with a hushed shout.

“i didn’t want to cause a sce-“

“cause a scene my ass, you know how i feel about myself. she just basically called me fat you know.” jimin stopped in his tracks, and held both of his hands on either side of your shoulder.

“there’s nothing wrong with your body at all,” he said sternly.

“listen, you being chubby doesn’t change the way i feel about you,” he then pulled you into a tight hug.

“now come on, that store was weak anyway, let’s go buy you some gucci.”

hoseok:

“muffin whats taking you so long in there?” hoseok shouted from the other side of the door. hoseok wanted to take you to the beach for his day off, and you wanted to cover up as much as your thighs and the cellulite that ruled over it as well.

you went over at least 17 outfits, and it’s taking you hours to decide on one.

“stop playing around, they’re gonna close the beach in like 2 and a half hours” another bang on the door followed as he finished his sentence.

“ok i’m done” the door swung open and you walked out in a pair of sweat pants and a throw on shirt.

“you’re not going outside like that”

“why?”

“why? you’re gonna have a fucking heat stroke wearing that, go but on your swim suit and some shorts.” he pushed you back into the room and he followed suit.

“people are gonna stare,” you looked down, being to shy to admit that your super insecure about your thighs. hoseok pulled you on the bed with him,

“you have nothing to worry about,”

“yes i-“

“no, you don’t.”

“but what about th-“

“those ‘all skin and bone’ girls at the beach that look at you?” his hand rested on your thigh and ran his thumb against the sides of them. “listen, theyre just mad that their boyfriends don’t feed them at home.” he joked. he always found a way to turn everything into something funny and you loved it.

“now out on the swimsuit that makes your ass look juicy.”

“the red one?”

“the red one.”

a.n.= unedited and i feel like hoseoks and jimins are a lil’ shitty. sorry @anon 🐝

[ultimate-seamster]

Diary Entry 11 (Chapter 1)

So Mariko, you want me to share my true thoughts about everyone? Huh? You really do? Well strap in bitch, cause we’re gonna be here a while!

Let’s start with you. I knew, from the very first moment you called me useless, that I was going to hate you. You’re a manipulative, self-serving, I’d dare to say psychopath who’s a huge fucking hypocrite to boot. You love stirring up drama, but when the heat’s on you suddenly it’s not so fun anymore. You like feeling like you’re on top, like you’ve got everyone figured out and that you know just how to break them. It’s because you feel powerless otherwise, isn’t it? You’re small. Probably weak. You need to assert your dominance because otherwise you think you’re going to get trampled on. I know how it is. Still, take care of that doll, okay? I feel like- maybe there’s still hope for you. Not all bullies become raging assholes when they grow up.

Haruhi Nosaka, you’re a prick. I know your head’s so far up your ass that you can’t hear all the people calling you out for being one, but you are a prick. You’re a lot like Mariko, you know? You need to feel like you’re on top, that everyone’s under your foot, that you’re the one pulling the strings. It’s because you’re insecure, isn’t it? Don’t think I’m dumb enough to believe your eyepatch is just a fashion accessory, though they were popular last season. You’re probably ashamed about whatever’s hiding under there, right? And just like the family crest you’ve pasted on your eyepatch, you hide behind your family, wealth, and status to feel less like a complete shitshow over it. God, no wonder you’re so pretentious. You need someone easy to push down so you can pull yourself up. It feels good, doesn’t it?

Isamu, what do I even say about you? You’re a bully who values winning and athletics over actually being a decent human being. Maybe if you stop treating everyone like shit over not exercising enough or whatever, you’d actually have friends and wouldn’t have to be superficially happy? You won both times we fought, and I can’t say if you deserved to or not. I’m an asshole when I’m pissed, but that doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole to begin with.

Robyn next I guess. I- like you. You’re a good person, you know that? I feel like you just want to take care of people, and that’s a good trait for a doctor to have. Sure, you’re brash, abrasive, and cuss a lot more than I’d like, then again I wish I could cuss more. You give people sympathy but you tell them how to do better at the same time. Thank you for that.

Nori- you can be kind of annoying? Like, you’re a bit too physical for comfort sometimes, and it can be really hard to talk about more personal stuff with you. I like you, but everything just feels superficial...is that mine or your fault? Regardless, you’re a great gossip, I love talking shit about people with you in between bouts of normal conversation. Oh, and I’m sorry I cry so damn much. It’s my fault, not yours. Though the new scar on my hand totally was your fault, I just told you it was okay because I hate making you upset.

Hyosuke- why do I feel so awkward around you? I think it’s because you’re so closed off. We’re both closed off, not letting people in all the time. I wish I could open up more, but I’m just so afraid of hurting people or getting hurt...do you feel similarly to that? Regardless, I do think there are people here who’d be willing to like you if you let them in, so if you can, open up some more instead of hiding under all those layers of clothing. Seriously, are you that cold all the time? Why do you wear so many coats?

Arisa and Emi- I wish I had more to say about you guys, I really do, but I don’t. You’re both nice, good people, and Arisa thank you for the scissors. Emi, please take care of your son, and don’t let the people smack talking you keep you from loving him. And Arisa, I’m so sorry about Ryo and I’m glad you liked the memorial. I want to get to know each of you better.

Saori- I trusted you and you shattered that trust into a million pieces. Are you that fucking stupid? Do you really think that just because I told you about my anger issues it gives you the right to tell other people that I should beat Haruhi up? Insensitive bitch. Then again, maybe it’s my fault for giving away such sensitive information to someone I just met because we both agreed Haruhi is an asshole. I think most people here agree they’re an asshole anyway.

Mom- I’m sorry.

My clients- I’ve gone on about them before, but to recap for the new journal, I hate them. I hate their stuck-up attitudes, their entitlement, the way they treat everyone like crap out of ignorance or just plain assholeishness. I hate the fact that I constantly have to hide everything, because if I don’t they’ll destroy me. I hate the reason they like me so much. I hate how they think I’m so sweet, and how they use that to stroke their own egos about how great they are for buying my dresses when they’re working me to the bone.

No- no, I don’t hate what they think of me. I admit, I love being pitied. To be pushed around and kicked and beaten for being poor, a kid with a single mom, weak, girly, stuttering so much I could barely talk, to be treated like that for all those reasons my whole life and then have it all turn around because I’m useful? That’s what I hate. I bet that’s the reason I’m so pity hungry, first time in the spotlight and suddenly I’m being fawned over. It’s fucking fantastic. It’s led to my worst decisions and yet I can’t stop. It’s so good I can’t stop clawing after it, even when I know I don’t deserve it. I’m a monster, an actual fucking monster, one who can’t control his emotions and destroys his only friendship because god forbid he doesn’t get his pity fix, god forbid he doesn’t shut up and let her be happy even when he’s doing most of the work, but she has to get the credit because she’s the designer and THATS HOW IT WORKS YOU HUMAN TRASH NOW GET BACK IN LINE AND SHUT UP!

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, this is bringing out a lot of emotion I’m sorry I’m so sorry why can’t I stop apologizing they’re useless I’m useless god why the fuck am i pity mongering to a journal im the real shitshow. Okay, I’ve waited too long to finally get to this part but, Hana. I miss you. I’m never going to stop missing you. I wish you’d noticed what was happening, or that I actually grew a nerve and a few brain cells and fucking told you, but I just wanted you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted was to keep you smiling. I thought, in all my idiotic wisdom that if I took credit every now and then we could both be happy, I could keep you happy, but I went too far and now neither of us are happy. I’m such a fucking dumbass. You told me friends don’t hurt friends and even though we were seven and stupid I wanted to keep believing that a decade later but now I can’t. I can’t because I fucked up, and you’re the one person I’m never going to get pity from again. I can’t say I don’t blame you, but I can’t say I don’t still hope you’ll come back someday, that we could be friends again. I want to tell the world what happened but I can’t, not while Mom’s still alive, she needs me. Hell I don’t even know if I’ll be brave enough to do it when she’s dead, but I want to. I want it to all come crashing down because you fucking deserve to see me fall, and I’m going to Hell anyway so I might as well prepare myself. 

@redstringsroleplay

[fangirling-and-lovin-it]

Home For Christmas Chapter 2: Mr and Mr Ross

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17417534/chapters/41639003#workskin

“Jesus, crack a smile would ya? “

Lee was stone-faced as he and Barney got of the car that had brought them to the hotel.

“I thought you might be happy to be on this side of the Atlantic.”

“Yeah well…..” Lee looked around, taking in some of the sights and sounds that had once been so familiar to him. “Not the happiest of memories. Why the bloody hell do you think I  moved halfway across the world to surround myself with Yanks? Cos I needed the airmiles?”

The past was the past, for all of them, Barney understood that.  And sometimes the past was best left where it was.

Their bags were taken inside and they made their way to the reception desk where they were greeted by a young brunette woman. “Checking in?”

“Yeah.” Barney returned her smile. “The name’s Ross.”

The woman, whose name badge read ‘Cathy’, looked at her computer screen. “Mr….and Mr Ross?”  She looked only momentarily surprised and then, smiling warmly, carried on with the check-in process she’d done so many times it was second nature to her now.  “We have you booked into the Aquarius Suite. You’ll have beautiful views of the city.”

“Thank you., Cathy.”  Barney smiled again as he took the key card from her then turned to Lee. “Come on, honey, let’s go check out our suite.”

Lee forced a smile. “Can’t wait. Sweetheart.” As soon as they were out of earshot and entering an empty elevator Lee couldn’t wait to drop the pretence. “I don’t see why I had to take your name. Is that how our marriage works, you get your own way all the bloody time?”

“Well, 'Mr and Mr Christmas' didn’t sound very authentic.”

“And she was fit and I couldn’t even hit on her.”

“Actually I’m pretty sure that out of the two of us she wished I wasn’t gay.”

“Bullshit.”

The elevator pinged and it was only a few steps to the door of their suite. They entered the room to find the concierge placing their bags on the floor and looked around the spacious suite.

“Very nice,” Lee said as he wandered through from the living room area to a large bedroom and peeked into the equally large bathroom.

“At least something put a smile on your face,” Barney said as he gave the concierge a generous tip, it wasn’t his money after all, it was Drummer’s.

Lee was already undoing the buttons on his shirt by the time the door closed behind the young man and eyeing up the suitcase that held his hoody and t-shirts. Barney smiled and shook his head slightly, watching Lee who was now checking out the mini bar and still fiddling with his buttons, He was about to say something about how Lee wasn't even wearing a tie, how could he be that uncomfortable but thought better of it, Instead, he held up the file Drummer had given them as he sat down on what he decided was probably the most confirmable sofa his ass had ever met.

“So, we know he sits at a private table in the bar most nights. We need to go down for dinner or drinks or whatever tonight and make sure we catch his attention.”

Lee nodded, realising he wasn’t going to get to put on his hoody for a few hours yet.

“Gimme your hand.”

“What?”

“We’re supposed to look like a couple so we’d better start practising just the little things that’ll make it seem like we actually are.

Now gimme your damn hand, Christmas.”

Lee frowned and put his hand in Barney’s,

“Pretend I’m the girl from the front desk if you have to.”

“And who are you picturing, then? Maggie?”

“Where did that come from?”

Lee shrugged. “Last woman I saw you take in interest in. And fuck knows why but she liked you back, it was obvious. “

There was something in Lee’s face that Barney couldn’t read.  “Maybe.” He replied.

“So why’d you just let her go like that?”

“You know better than anybody why.  This life, what we do, isn’t exactly made for happy healthy relationships. “

“Nothing’s perfect, Barney,  And she knew the life, she lives it too. Maybe that was some kind of perfect or the closest you’re gonna get.”

“You’ve been spending too much time with Toll talking about his therapist.”

“Piss off Barney, you know it makes sense.”

Neither looked away from the other for several seconds, though it felt to them both like longer.

Lee suddenly let go of Barney’s hand. “I’m off for a shower, at least it’ll give me a break out of this bloody suit. “ He walked across the room, already starting to take off his partially unbuttoned shirt.

“I’m gonna take a walk, check out the hotel and see what intel I can gather with my own eyes.”

“I’ll be ready for dinner when you get back,” Lee called over his shoulder as he headed into the bathroom and closed the door behind him, leaving Barney standing for a few moments, wondering what the hell had just happened and what that conversation had really been about.

                                                                                                                                                                                *****************

Lee was ready when Barney got back, but he hadn’t bargained for Barney also wanting to shower and change.  He grumbled under his breath, letting Barney know he wasn’t happy to be waiting around in his suit longer than he had to be but by the time Barney was done and entered the living room of their suite, showered, dressed and fastening some cufflinks, Lee was sat on the enormous comfortable sofa with his feet up on the coffee table, drinking beer from the minibar and watching football on the massive flatscreen tv.

Barney started to grin and Lee held up a hand. “Don’t say a bloody word, I had to keep myself occupied with something. And I swear to God if you call it soccer I’ll kick your arse all the way back to the States.”

Less than five minutes later they walked into the grand bar and restaurant downstairs, turning more than a few heads immediately. But not, they both noticed the one head they were hoping to turn.  A Maitre ’D seated them at a table with something more like a sofa than actual chairs. They sat side by side and even closer than they normally would have. A waiter arrived to take their drink orders and returned less than a minute later with a Scotch for Barney and beer for Lee.

Seconds after taking his first sip, Lee put his glass down and leaned in, making it seem as if he were casually whispering something in his 'husband's' ear. “We have an audience.”

“Artemis?”

“Yeah. Just walked in behind you. With two guards that look like Trench and Gunner. Only taller.”

“Funny how Drummer didn’t mention that.”

“Told you he was still a wanker.”

Lee waited until Artemis had been seated and his bodyguards sat as casually as two men of their size could at the table right next to him.  “Better make it look convincing.” He let his arm casually rest on the back of their seat, allowing his hand to lay on Barney’s shoulder,  stroking with one finger across the fabric that they both knew hid the tattoos underneath.

“You do this with all the girls?”

“Why? You Jealous?”

Lee’s eyes looked back at Barney so intently, his smile a sultry one that he’d never seen before on Lee’s face and right now it was all focused on him.

“Not right now.”  Barney leaned in close this time, whispering low and softly right next to Lee’s ear. “‘Cos I’m here and they’re not.”

Lee licked his lips involuntarily, suddenly aware that his mouth had gone dry and he wasn’t sure why. But Barney was obviously making this a competition now and Lee was happy to oblige by competing. He moved his hand from Barney’s shoulder and rested the side of his head on it, an angle that let him keep an eye on Artemis and still look like he was gazing at his “husband.” Then, as casually as before, he rested his other hand on Barney's leg, just above his knee. He got the reaction he was hoping for, a momentary eyebrow raise from Barney before he played along and put his own hand on top of Lee’s.  As Barney considered what he’d do next to up the stakes in this unspoken competition, he realised he was enjoying this. And not just the usual back and forth, trying to outdo each other. He was actually turned on.

They were interrupted by a waiter carrying a tray with two whiskeys on it.

“From the man at the far table. “ He said, lowering the tray for them both to reach it.

Lee’s hand moved finally to take his drink from the tray, and Barney hoped his sigh of relief wasn’t audible to him and the waiter. but as he reached for his own drink he realised with some confusion that he already missed the sensation of Lee’s warm, heavy hand on his body.

They raised their glasses in Artemis’s direction and he returned the gesture.

“Got him,” Lee said under his breath.

“Now we reel him in.”

[a-nonbinary-mess]

I want you to do all the botanical asks because im a plant gay and i love you and i love plants

im crying op please tell me who you are please i love you too idk who you are but im love u too (also this is 31 questions anon omggg)

baby’s breath: 5 things you associate yourself with

1. art (anything aesthetically pleasing)

2. food–mainly desserts

3. stress (that i put on myself)

4. lavender bc i really love lavenders

5. uhh dogs? i really love dogs

bleeding heart: what makes your heart go mushy?

-thoughts of how much I adore my friends tbh

-any cliche romcom trope in a fanfic or seeing ppl suddenly realize how much they love another person, whether platonically or romantically

-seeing kind people in the world and amazing animals, mainly dogs and cats

bell flower: what’s the title of the song that makes you want to jump around out of joy?

-uhh idk i like disney channel original songs a lot tho and ive been listening to a lot of potential song by aly and aj lol

-love on the brain by rihanna, uhh anything that sounds cheesy and cute and romantic like la vie en rose by edith piaf (the cover by laura and anton is super good)

evening primrose: what is your sleeping playlist (five songs): 

-anything by lofi hip hop beats w/ anime girls studying hard

-any studio ghibli song tbh

-any classical music song idk i dont listen to a lot of music before i sleep

-tango music ??? 

-a whole musical (hamilton, chicago, etc)

-songs that dont require me to sing bc i will sing to legit any song at 3 am instead of sleeping

forget-me-not: who is your favorite blog that’s not following you? 

-hmm idk? i mainly follow a lot of art blogs, so i would say any of them? maybe hinamie? or insomniac-arrest is a super cool person, thatsthat24 bc thomas sanders is an amazing human being and i would love to be friends with him

daffodil: what is one plant that you want to have but can never get?

-lavenders or sunflowers? where i live is kind of really difficult to plant anything tbh (unpredictable weather, things die in the winter, etc) and also idk how to take care of plants r i p 

calla lily: are you more of a sunny day or a rainy evening?

-rainy evening for sure. i love to leave the window opening, listen to soothing music, drink tea surrounded by candles, and read something ive been putting off while my dog is curled up next to me

foxglove: what is your favorite color and in what shade?

-i like the whole rainbow of colors but i prefer the darkest black and darker red for clothing and a light purple in general

lavender: what is something that you’ve always wanted to be/have/get but can never have?

-happiness. jk but i really do wish that i wasn’t mentally ill though :// also a cat. bc im allergic : (

love in a mist: what is the latest dream that you remember?

-idk i dont sleep well or deep enough anymore to even dream but i remember having a dream 2 years ago that i was dating oikawa from haikyuu and he was so disconcerting in my dream that i remember it to this day bc essentially he wasnt a real person like i could recognize him bc he was a damn hologram like miku and we had sex the end it was wild

daisy: what is your favorite flavor of cotton candy, ice cream, and juice?

-favorite cotton candy flavor (???): there are multiple flavors???? i just like the original pink i guess idk anything about cotton candy 

-ice cream: cookies n cream, cookie dough, vanilla, mint depending on where im getting it, and strawberry : )

-juice: does fruit punch count 

painter’s palette: are you more of a singer, dancer, painter, or instrumentalist?

-i love singing and i can legit never stop

tulip: what is your most favorite make-up product? do you like it more natural, dark, or etc?

-i love love love red eyeshadow. the brighter the red, the better. i also love red eyeliner and just anything red in general, but i usually mainly use red eyeshadow bc i love the look; anything red = good

waxflower: are you a bee or a butterfly person? a dog or a cat person?

-i love bees !!! butterflies are cool too but bees are cute fluffy babies that essentially control whether we live or die

-uhh probably dog person but only bc i have one :0 i love cats too but im less sneezy and generally stressed when im with dogs lol

sugarbush: do you have sweet tooth? if yes, what’s your favorite sweets? if no, why?

-i really do like sweets but i used to eat so much as a kid that im kind of sick of them now but i still like to eat the occasional cookie or cake or something

-i really like donuts !!! also any asian dessert (eastern, southern, western, EVERYWHERE) is amazing to me and i love eating them

sunflower: would you like to be a fairy or a mermaid?

-merperson !!! i love the ocean and maybe we can finally figure out whats at the bottom of it ; ) sweet pea: what would you like to call your significant other?

-babe mainly, hon

-hey, you fucker

-u dumb egg

sea lavender: can you swim? which strokes can you do?

-i can barely swim now uggghhh but i swam for five years and i knew all the strokes and was super good at freestyle (haru who) !! now i can barely do the freestyle and that’s it lolwindflower: list 5 of your favorite blogs and explain why i like them

-thebootydiaries: she’s funny !! anyone who i find funny i automatically like

-thatsthat24: thomas sanders is amazing. i love him and his friends so much and i think about being his friend a lot to the point where ill have dreams about suddenly being good friends with his whole posse aldjfal;fjl

-tatir0ckz: we used to talk a lot like back when we were both into hetalia but we never talk anymore ? which is fine ! but i remember a lot of our old convos and we skyped like once and idk 2012 was a simpler time

-adorable-as-fuck: i know her irl !! we went to the arcade like once and it was a ton of fun so we exchanged tumblrs and thats it and on the rare occasion that we’re both free, we might go to the arcade again !! idk its cool she’s super cool

-mhaikkun: her art style is so good and she doesnt upload as much on tumblr anymore but shes so cute and her clothing style and aesthetics is sooo good !! she’s a p cool person and her stories on twitter are always super wholesome aah

-this is more than five but ngl aphtextsfromnordics, incorrectknb and any other incorrect quotes blogs or text message blogs changed me as a person aldfj

golden rod: are you more of a baker or a cook?

-baker for sure ! baking just calms me down i think

bloom: what is something that you would like to tell your children?

-if i do have children, i want to tell them that i will never judge them for who they want to be. i hope they will be as open as possible and that i would never want to make them uncomfortable. i would encourage talking about problems and just communicating needs in general. idk, basically everything my biological parents didnt do

peony: what is something that you wish your parents could’ve told you?

-tbh my parents are awful, awful parents (and one of them is just a purely disgustingly, horrid person) and i would never wish for them to tell me anything bc on the off chance that they did try to parent, it was to tell me how much of a burden i was, or something racist/homophobic, etc. 

-if they were better people, i wish they would have told me it was okay to be struggling and its okay to be lost rn. i wish they would have encouraged open communication and kindness but well, i learned that all myself : )

prairie gentian: do you have a significant other?

-nope! i sometimes really wish i did, but relationships honestly stress me out and idk how to talk to irl people : ( i love platonic relationships a little more honestly, makes me feel more comfortable

september flower: are you more of a sunshine or sunset person?

-sunset for sure lol i think sunsets are so pretty bc of all the colors that are involved and during that time period is when im doing something i like and im typically at home : ))

bird of paradise: do you wake up early? do you sleep early?

-i wake up early now bc of school but i usually sleep late and wake up late haha

marigold: what’s your favorite tea?

-roasted green tea and lavender! anything flowery is nice too : )

peruvian lily: what are the names of your pets?

-i only have one dog (a pomeranian) and her name is marzia! which is short for marzipan bc my dad didnt want to remember such a long name lol

hyacinth: do you name your plants?

-ye! most of the time theyre just silly names like spiky (for when we had a cactus a long time ago) or red/pink (the colors of the roses), etc. idk about now bc i dont have any plants currently

lilac: would you rather sleep and be cozy or hang out with your friends?

-hmm depends on the friend tbh

-but most of the time id rather sleep and be cozy !!!

poppy: do you like to dip your fries or do you like it as is?

-dipping !! i like ketchup or ketchup and mayo !! cheese fries are sooo good too

dandelion: any special talent that you have?

-i can bullshit a writing piece really bad and still get a good grade on it (seeing as most of the time i procrastinate until the night before and write the whole damn thing)

thanks for all of these questions anon !! if u can and ur comfortable, pls get off of anon sometime so we can talk !! im on tumblr a lot more now bc im procrastinating lol (and if my responses are late its bc im on mobile with no notifs on lol)