#probably her plot line would be wanting to take a step back from one of her careers and being on the fence about which one

[silkhy-john]

Pokemon XY except the protag befriends Sycamore and basically gets to watch Sycamore and Lysandre’s relationship play out like a doomed romance also Diantha is very involved cause of course

[anisespice]

“ the fuck-it list ” || hq! pt. 4

one || two || three

synopsis: there’s a list going around consisting of hot guys on campus that are deemed “fuckable” with theories as to what they’d be like in bed. it’s all fun and games until somehow your boyfriend ends up on this list. 

pairing: seijoh4 x gn!reader [ oikawa, iwaizumi, mattsun, maki ]

warnings: mature content. MDI. cursing, suggestive language, mild objectification, the word “dick” said over a million times lol this chapter is basically bigdick!4 supremacy, corny behavior, camboy!maki, slight mentions of degradation, iwa’s is the shortest (I’M SORRY), some minor errors probably and i think that’s it :] !!

notes: I AM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT :'))) life was kicking my ass and the last thing i could think about was getting metaphorically dicked down lol but hope you enjoy, thank y'all so much for your patience, and the last couple parts coming soon!

tagged: @daedaep69 , @ahahadumbo , @viktoryn , @mdsb , @ourgoddessathena , @ushygushybaby , @hyori2 , @lumpywolf , @fantasycantasy, @captaincyberqueen , @tsukiran

OIKAWA would be the reason the list even exists, let’s be honest. 

But, for the sake of the plot, we’ll pretend otherwise.

Once again, without fail, after another grand win for the great king, he’s swarmed by his devoted groupies—Shoving their phones, gifts, and themselves in his face hoping to catch even a sliver of his attention.

And once again, you stood on the sidelines, impatiently waiting for him to leave the spotlight; irked your soul sometimes.

It’s not that you were against him being praised or anything, even though his head was fat enough to begin with, you loved the admiration people had for him. But there’s a fine line between being a fan and being a straight-up weirdo. 

And right now, they’re tap-dancing on that line something fierce. 

“Tooru!~ will you sign right here?” 

One pulled down the collar of her shirt, exposing more of her breasts that were pushed up damn-near to her chin whilst wearing a sultry smile. You caught a small glimpse of panic flash across his features before he covered it with a nervous laugh, eyes subtly shifting over to you as he replied. “..How 'bout a photo instead?” 

Things went on like that for the next few minutes. Someone would even take it a step further by flat out asking for his number, or if he was single. They already knew the answer to that, it was the same every time, yet they continuously tried their luck as if someday, through the power of delusion and manifestation, his answer would miraculously change despite you always attending his practices and his games, wearing his spare jersey, holding his hand, shoving your tongue down his throat, didn’t matter—Them hoes were relentless.

But, so were you. 

“Oh, Tooru!~ If you don’t wrap this up, you’ll be walking home!~” You sang, mirroring the tone of the girl from earlier. The semi-empty threat made the setter perk up like a hound, eyes wide as that same panic returned as well.

Although this time, he wasn’t so quick to play it off. 

“U-Uh,” he squeaked, then immediately covered by clearing his throat. “Yes, uh, well, it’s been great chatting with you all tonight. Thank you again for your love and support for the team, it's always appreciated. I hope you’ll continue to cheer us and myself oninthefuture—WAIT! [____]-chan! Don’t leave, y’know my poor legs won’t survive the walk back! Baby, c'mon, wait up!” 

Oikawa whined as he scrambled to catch up to your retreating form, no longer concerned with the crowd of disgruntled faces he left behind as they watched their object of affection slip away yet again. A small part of you wanted to turn back and stick your tongue out at them in petty victory, but you refrained. The sound of their great king pleading for your attention was satisfactory enough.

You barely made it outside before his long arms wrapped around your front, locking you to his chest as he leaned almost his entire weight on you. You could feel his heart thrumming against your head as he panted. Eventually, he huffed, no doubt pouting as he gently swayed you in his arms. “You’re mean.” 

Keeping your gaze forward, you frowned. “And I have the right to be. You said you’d tell some of those ‘fans’ of yours to chill out—it’s getting way out of hand, Tooru. That one girl practically flashed her damn tits at you, and you gawked like a virgin.” 

He chortled, incredulously, “I did not! She caught me off guard..!” 

“And yet, you rewarded her with a photo instead of calling out her inappropriate behavior. Make it make sense.” 

You attempted to shrug him off only for his hold to tighten, spinning you around to gaze at you with chocolate brown eyes resembling that of a puppy out in the rain—One of the unfair tactics of Tooru Oikawa to get back on your good side. You had full intent of ignoring him, standing your ground…but how could you possibly stay mad at that adorable face? 

Easy. By not looking directly at it. 

“Nuh uh. I don’t think so,” you gently pushed away the setter’s face, earning another whine in protest. “You’re not getting off the hook that easily. I’m really upset with you.” 

“Buh I dinit do anyfing,” he said through smooshed lips. 

“And that’s the problem. You need to set boundaries with them, Tooru. Things’ll only continue to get out of hand the longer you enable it. Next thing you know they’re clawing and biting at your flesh so they can take a piece of you home with them under their nails and in their teeth.”

Oikawa grimaced, leaning back. “Ew. Graphic. They’re fans, baby, not rabid animals. I think you may be exaggerating.”

You cocked a brow. “Am I now? Well. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

—

The team had never seen their captain move so fast in their entire season. This was the first time he’d just straight up avoided his entourage and head straight for the showers after practice, scurrying off like his ass was on fire. Questions would spark around the gym about this drastic shift in behavior.

“What’s his deal?” One player voiced. “Usually he sticks around at least another hour to entertain his cult.”

“Not sure. After our last game, he’s been skittish.” Another replied.

A third jumped in after taking a swig of his water. “Think it’s got something to do with that..thing we saw the other night?”

The small group thought back to when all of their phones went off at the same time, social medias in a frenzy about their very own star player. At first glance, they figured it was just highlights of their game, specifically highlighting Oikawa. But, upon further inspection…it was something else entirely.

'Tooru Oikawa. 6’3ft King of the Court, and also our hearts. Being notoriously known as the campus pretty boy, loved by many and envied by the rest, it wouldn’t be far-fetched to consider him the blueprint—The default setting of everyone’s wet dream. He’s a tall, talented, smooth-talker with playful eyes and a panty-dropping smile, a textbook definition of  ‘Prince Charming’. Everybody and they mama, daddy, even bald-headed granny would kill to jump this man’s bones. Many would see him as the romantic type, but there’s something more…unhinged hidden beneath the pretty-boy persona. After much debate, our beloved setter is to be dubbed a whole SWITCH, no nintendo. At first he’ll play the dominant role, but edge him long enough and you’ll bring the Great King to his knees, quivering, drooling, you name it. He’s shameless. 9.5/10 - half a point deducted for his inferiority/superiority complex. Get some therapy, babe. ♡’

They didn’t think much of it at the time, when it came to their attention whore of a captain, it wasn’t completely unexpected, especially if his groupies had anything to do with it. The players looked at one another, then back at the gaggle of hormones waiting for the brunette in question by the doors. It was unanimous.

“Yep.” “Uh-huh.”

The third player snorts. “‘bout time it sucked to be him for once.”

When Oikawa eventually exited the locker room, he did everything in his power to appear small, tip-toeing across the floor with his head down and shoulders hunched in crouching tiger-like fashion. He would’ve gotten away scott-free…if not for his petty teammates.

“See ya tomorrow, captain!”

It bounced off the gym walls, the setter grimacing as his devoted followers instantly looked in his direction, predatory gazes stunning him like a deer caught in headlights. Oikawa shot the players a nasty glare over his shoulder, flipping them off and continuing for the exit. He attempted to stiff-arm his way through the hoard, ducking and dodging their grabby hands and shutting down their…bolder advances.

“Tooru-chan!~ Let me show you what I’m capable of, I’ll have you begging in no time, just say the word!~”

“Unhinged men are so my type—Step on me, spit on me, call me names until I cry, I want it all!~”

“I bet it’s bubblegum pink, right? Does it curve to the left or right?”

Oikawa blanched. “Ladies, please, this is ridiculous! You all know I’m in a relationship with-”

“They don’t have to know.”

One had tried reaching out to touch him, but was quickly thwarted when the setter grabbed her wrist. Not tight enough to hurt, but enough to get the message across—Too far. Everyone came to a hush at the sudden display, cowering slightly at the intensity that pooled in his eyes, dark and cold as he fixed the whole group with a stern expression. You were right (obviously). Things escalated the second they were given an inch, with complete disregard to his boundaries and what you meant to him.

These weren’t fans. Not real ones, at least.

Oikawa deeply exhaled through his nose, calming himself down to keep from saying something he’d regret. Releasing the girl’s wrist, the setter gently moved her out of his personal space, resadjusting his bag and sporting a rather disinterested expression.

“It appears you all have misunderstood your place. I’ll forgive that disgusting comment only once. But, if this obscene, rude, and down right shameful behavior continues, I’ll have no choice but to inform the coach of your harassment and have you banned from future practices and games. Do I make myself clear?”

When you arrived to pick up Oikawa per usual, you were surprised to see that he was already waiting for you, not a single group ie in sight.

Skeptical, you looked around as you approached him, thinking those buzzards were still in listening distance, just waiting to pounce. But, when all you’re welcomed with was a big hug and kiss, you relaxed. Oikawa pulled back and gave you a sheepish smile. He explained everything that had happened, rubbing his the back of his neck in embarrassment. When he finished, he looked down at you with those same puppy eyes he gave you the other day.

“Please don’t say I told you so?”

You cooed, reaching up to fiddle with his hair at his nape. He leaned into your touch, content. Until you said, “I told you so.”

He frowned. “You’re MEAN.”

Once IWAIZUMI learned it involved Oikawa in any way, that’s all he needed to know to have no interest in the list. Sort of like Sakusa, if the topic gets brought up, he finds himself tuning out. The last thing he needed was to get dragged into whatever mess his dumbass best friend got himself involved with. But, unfortunately for him, one doesn’t simply choose to be on the list…the list chooses you.

And one afternoon, the former ace was the unlucky winner.

‘Hajime Iwaizumi. 5’10ft hunk made of pure Husband Material. We’re talking the man who’ll open doors for you, pull out chairs, hold your bags without fuss, give you massages, cook you hearty meals, the whole nine yards. With that information in mind, you can’t tell me he’s not an absolute DOG in the bedroom. I’m talking about a man who’ll bully your insides, manhandle you and call you his “favorite cocksleave” or his “pretty little whore”. He’s the type to say the nastiest shit in your ear and tease you for the cute reactions you’d give him before shoving his tongue down your throat, while his dick kisses your appendix. Definitely a Hard Dom who only rewards good behavior, so if you plan to be a brat to this man—Good luck. But, as soon as he’s fucked that attitude outta you he’s back to being such a sweetheart! So so so attentive, so devoted, and will do anything for you. He’s God’s favorite. 1000000/10.’

“Oh? .. Hey, babe.” You said, curiously. Iwa grunted in response. “You know that list thingy Oikawa-?”

“Nope.” He easily answered, eyes focused ahead and he continued bench pressing the heavy bar.

You slap his chest. “You didn’t even let me finish!” He responded with a playful smirk, making you lightly slap him again.

Straddling his lap while he pumped iron was routine. It consisted of him doing what he does and you keeping him company, soaking up his presence until you inevitably left for your next lecture. Sometimes you kept count for him, other times you’d happily just be a distraction; today you did both.

“Haji,” you whined, wiggling a little. He ignored you on purpose, stubbornly refusing to indulge the topic. But that didn’t deter you from pestering him. “Ha-ji-me!”

“Ba-by-doll,” he echoed, grunting shortly after when he placed the heavy weight back on the rack, finished with the set. Panting, he sat up and readjusted you in his lap, hands resting on your thighs as he finally looked at you, amused at your scowl. “I don’t get why you’re so interested in that shitty list.”

“I’m not…until now.”

“Why?”

Turning your phone screen to show him the updated post, Iwa’s eyes scanned it before his brows furrowed in confusion, then tightened with irritation, jaw clenched and annoyance clear on his face. He let out a heavy sigh, closing his eyes to unsee it and merely laying back down on the bench. “Block them.”

You gaped. “What? No way!”

“It’s nothing but perverts with too much time on their hands,” he grunted, lifting up the bar and beginning his set. “It’ll rot your brain. Or what’s left of it, anyways.”

With a dramatic gasp, you retorted with, “Jerk. I’ll retweet and tell them you also love sucking on toes, how ‘bout that?”

Iwa paused mid-push. He eyed you from his laying position, voice dangerously low as he said, “Try it and I’ll bench press you next.”

“Hm.”

Through squinted eyes, MATTSUN briefly scanned the bright screen of Maki’s phone displaying the updated post that started circulating around their group for the past few minutes. Without much reaction, one would think he was too buzzed to be able to even comprehend it.

But he understood all too well.

‘Issei Matsukawa. 6’2ft lazy ass with a third leg. Doesn’t matter if he looks like he uses 5-and-1 body wash, he smells DELECTABLE. And don’t get me started on the gray, low-hanging joggers he usually wears around campus—He needs to be arrested walking around with a concealed weapon in those sweats—sir, put it in me AWAY. The literal embodiment of “If it slaps his thigh when he walk, I’ll listen when he talk.” The ultimate brat-tamer tbh. You can’t get under his skin, he’s so nonchalant and laid back, your attitude would just be foreplay for him (HIS FREAKY ASS). And if you think he’s already big on soft??? Bitch. Gon head and call outta work for tomorrow. 50/10.’

“Uh..congrats?” Kindaichi gave an awkward thumbs up.

Maki snickered, tongue in cheek. “Yeah, man, how’s it feel being ‘dick of the week’? They’re even givin’ it nicknames ‘nd shit.” He scrolled further into the depths of debauchery. Peering from over his shoulder to see for himself, Kunimi‘s face scrunched in mild disgust.

“Someone called it ‘The Door-Knocker’? Fucking cringe.”

“Fucking retweet.” The strawberry blonde hummed in approval. “Oo, I like this one—‘The Punisher’. That’s badass.”

Yahaba snickered only to then start choking on his drink, snatching Kyotani by the front of his shirt for support as he hacked for air. The wing-spiker merely glared, winding his hand back to beat the shit out of his back. “Ack! Kyo—fuc-! BRO STOP.”

“I’m helping.”

“You’re killing me!”

“Same thing,” he grunted.

Mattsun snorted, taking another swig of beer. After skimming through the thread, he lowly drawled out, “Cool, I guess. No big deal.”

He didn’t know much about the list, only that if you ended up on it you were pretty much an ace in the game of dick-slanging. But, he didn’t need some thirsty randoms on the internet telling him that he fucks. He had you to attest to all that, and your opinion was the only one that truly mattered. Not that either of you would kiss and tell.

His friends, on the other hand, felt otherwise. As far as they were concerned, Mattsun was a single man. And right now, he was shitting on a blessing sent from the gods. Maki halted his sip to eye his best friend, beer can lowering suspiciously. “No big deal?”

Mattsun shrugged. “t’s what I said.”

Yahaba finally caught his breath, chiming in with a winded, “Yeah right…you’re probably itching to check your DMs. Tell me ‘m wrong.”

“Ok. You’re wrong,” he replied, chugging the remainder of his beer can before crushing it. Yahaba went to argue, but Mattsun cut him off by speaking through a burp. “Don’t got the energy…to entertain someone who just wants my dick.”

“Don’t you mean, ‘Door-knocker’?” Kunimi teased.

“I thought it was ‘The Punisher’..?” Watari asked, uncertain.

“I saw ‘Horse Cock’ on there.” Kindaichi grimaced.

Mattsun shook his head. “Whatever. Point is, ‘m not interested in racking up my body count anytime soon, so those DMs will just go unanswered. Hell, maybe even deleted.”

“Bullshit,” Maki challenged. He points an accusing finger. “There’s another reason. It’s ‘cause you’re already screwing around with someone, aren’t ya?”

A silence fell upon the group, all eyes instantly honing in on the taller male with metaphorical ears raised high in scandalized curiosity, some (read: Kindaichi and Yahaba) more obvious about it than others. Mattsun merely gave a halfhearted shrug, neither denying nor confirming the information. “Aha! See, see, look at ‘em, dodging the question! He’s so cuffed.”

“No shot,” Yahaba deadpanned, “mister ‘Noncommittal’ himself?”

Mattsun glared. “Oi. I commit to stuff.”

“He’s gettin’ defensive.” Kunimi pointed out with a wry grin.

“Must be true, then.” Kyotani nodded, mischievous glint in his eye.

The others hummed in agreement, theorizing about his type in partners and how there could be a potential special someone in their senior’s life, while the bastard behind it all watched smugly on the couch, sipping his drink like a gossiping old biddy. Mattsun squinted in annoyance at his best friend. “Et tu, dumbass?”

Maki raised his hands, “Hey, don’t get mad at me. You basically told on yourself. No guy in their right mind would ever pass up on that many opportunities unless he’s A) Stupid, B) Aro/Ace, or C) Spoken for. Now, my vote’s between A and C, but feel free to update me on your sexual orientation.”

Mattsun flipped him off, sporting a sarcastic expression.

His phone then began to vibrate on the table. As quickly as they looked at the former middle blocker, everyone’s gaze shot toward the offending device, then back on him; expectantly. Despite his calm exterior the brunette felt his heart-rate spike, brow twitching at the childish looks and jeers he started getting, borderline peer-pressuring him to pick it up.

After a few seconds of continuous ringing, Kunimi huffed in mild annoyance for him to, “Answer it, already.”

Maki added fuel to fire by saying, “Unless you want one of us to answer for you-” Mattsun snatched the phone off the table.

With the grace of a gorilla, he stood from the couch and quickly shuffled to the corner of the room. Answering it, he cleared his throat, face flushing at the chorus of snickers coming from behind him as he greeted you with a simple, but elated, “Hey.”

“Hey, ‘sei!”

“Hey,” he said again, breathing out a small chuckle. “Can’t sleep?”

You responded with your own chuckle. “Yeah, actually. I was wondering if you’d wanna maybe…ride around with me? I’m thinking McDonald’s. Oo! Or that wing place by campus, y’know, the one with the teriyaki flavor you liked? I think they don’t close until, like, 2am. Or…was it 1am?”

Mattsun snorted at your rambles, leaning against the wall as he let you continue. Unbeknownst to him, the guys were practically stacked on top of each other, stretching their ears to hear your voice. From what they could pick up, you sounded so upbeat, animated as you spoke. They watched in awe as their senior barely spoke but was engaged in whatever you were saying, nodding along and humming to let you know he was still listening. If he wasn’t faced the other way, they were certain they’d see a smitten expression on his face.

“Mhm.. mhm. Yeah, ‘m sure that squirrel really appreciated you sharing your almonds, baby.”

“BABY???” The group exclaimed.

The brunette jumped slightly, completely forgetting where he was for a moment there. He briefly looked over his shoulder before turning back towards the wall with a groan—Every single one of those bastards were either grinning or gaping in shock. Mattsun cursed under his breath. You made a noise of confusion.

“Are you with the guys? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt! We can totally chill another night if you-”

“Nah, was just about to leave. Think I’ve entertained these assholes long enough.” He grumbled, walking over to grab his jacket, but not before thumping Maki on the head; the latter hissed through his teeth in pain as he held the throbbing spot. “Rather be with you anyways. I’ll send the address, lemme know when you’re outside.”

“O-Oh, okay then!” You giggled, flattered. “I’ll see you soon. Love you!”

He turned back to look at the group, smug as they still watched him with disbelief painted on their faces as Mr. Non-committal was ditching them to hang with his commitment. Like he tried to tell them before, he didn’t need some thirsty randoms on the internet. He had you, and that’s more than enough.

“Love you too, [_____].” Then, he walks out. Leaving the room in even more chaos compared to when he first answered the phone, immediately on his ass as the scrambled after him for answers.

“[______]?????”

Who would’ve guessed their sweet, beloved volleyball manager from high school was the one getting visits from “The Punisher”.

Within his inner circle, MAKI is usually overlooked. He’s not popular like Oikawa, nor jacked like Iwa, and he’s doesn’t have the whole ‘sexy aloof’ vibe like Mattsun. He’s just…tall. And funny—The ‘Pete Davidson’ of the group. At least, that’s what your friends called him. Somehow, once again during your outing with them at the mall the topic of your relationship became the focal point of the conversation, stretching their brains for why you were so enamored with a guy like him.

“He gotta be packin’. Like, I’m talking anaconda.”

“Type shit. Y’know what they say about them tall and skinny ones.”

You rolled your eyes, wry smirk spreading across your face as you busied yourself sifting through a clothes rack. The conspiratorial discussion had been going on for the past ten minutes, throwing anything and everything at the wall until something stuck—Meaning, waiting for you to confirm. “[_____]. Be honest. It’s ‘cause of his dick, right?”

A lady standing on the other side of the rack gasped in shock, face twisting up in revulsion as she clutched her purse before stomping away, scandalized. You snorted, peeking over your shoulder to raise an eyebrow at them while they struggled to suppress their childish merriment at the poor woman’s embarrassment.

“Quit it before they kick us out.” You attempted to sound stern, but there was no hiding your own amusement. One friend playfully nudged you while the other began to snicker. “And no, it’s not because of that. It’s a bonus, though.”

The first gasped, then exclaimed, “So it is big!”

“’m not finna start with you,” you replied looking back at the clothes, pretending not to know them as nearby customers gave the side-eye. Neither one paid any mind as they continued to gossip. “We have this conversation every time we go out. Give it a rest.”

“Not until you tell us what you see in him.”

“I mean, I get it, but then I look at his friends and…” she hissed through her teeth, shaking her head. “I’m just saying. You fumbled.”

“I’m not taking that from someone who slept with a door dasher just because they got the restaurant to put extra sauce in your bag.”

The guilty party gaped, “It wasn’t included in their instructions, they were a real one for that!”

“Still don’t know why you did it,” the other friend sighed. “The food was cold, and I’m certain they took some of my fries.”

“Shut up, we’re not talking about my poor life choices, we’re talking about [_____]’s.”

“Fuck you,” you laughed. “You two need to get off my man. You haven’t even properly met him yet. He’s a sweetheart, he treats me like royalty, and I don’t care what y’all say, that man is fine.”

“Please. You’re just dickmatized.”

“Enough about his dick already!”

Your outburst drew the attention of a nearby employee; the store manager. Even though she wore a professional smile, you could see death in her eyes. With a nervous smile, you gave an apologetic wave before quickly grabbing your friends by their arms and escorting yourselves out before you got banned. Your closet was getting full, anyways.

“Look…I know the guys I’ve dated in the past were…questionable. But, I really like this one. And I swear the pictures I showed you don’t do him justice, his goofy ass just never sits still.”

They looked skeptical, having heard that one before. You huffed.

“Alright. How about I invite him over tonight? That way you have a chance to get to know him better. And if you’re still iffy, then…then you’ll have to get over it because you love me dearly and want me to be happy and just because you don’t think he’s attractive doesn’t mean I don’t, he is very gorgeous to me-!”

“[_____], honey, breathe.”

You stopped to inhale, then concluded with a small, “Please?”

They exchanged another look of skepticism, until the second added one condition. “He better not show up empty-handed.”

—

When the doorbell rang, the mood instantly shifted in the room, your friends going silent and gazes sharp as they looked at your door. Unbeknownst to all of you, on the other side of the door, Maki shivered, confused where that sudden chill came from. You gave them an eager, though strained, smile before scampering over to greet your awaiting guest. Upon opening the door, your smile slowly dropped at the sight of Maki sipping out of a large styrofoam cup with the words 'Big Gulp' written on it, dressed casually in sweats and a beanie, appearing very empty-handed.

After he swallowed, he gave a drawled, "Yo."

Your eye twitched. "Takehiro." He hummed, taking another sip of his drink. "Remember that important thing we discussed over the phone? Literally the only thing I asked you not to be when you got here?"

He thought about it, taking note of the daggers you were shooting at his cup. Maki made a noise of realization. "Oh, right. I bought snacks too, buuut I accidentally ate ‘em all on the way. My bad. But, look," he shook the cup, "technically still not empty-handed."

A small part of you wanted to be mad, frustrated at the least...but there was no hiding the giggle you rewarded him with, of which turned into more giggles. With sigh, you stepped forward to wrap your arms around his middle in a hug. "You’re so dumb."

"Missed you, too." He playfully rolled his eyes, returning the hug and craning his neck to kiss your forehead. The two of you stood there for a moment, just basking in each other's warmth. But, the moment was short-lived when he gave a long, exaggerated exhale through his nose before murmuring, "Ready?"

"...No." You groaned.

"Damn, do they bite or something?"

"No, they’re just...unfiltered. I love them, don't get me wrong, but they can work on your nerves to an olympic degree. You'll see once we get inside...They're gonna ask about your dick, by the way. Just ignore it."

Maki snorted, bewildered. "I'll try my best."

"Also...try not to mention that...other thing."

"What other thing?"

"You know," you raised your brows, looking over your shoulder in case they were eavesdropping before softly continuing, "that post."

It took a second, but he eventually caught on to what you meant.

‘Takehiro Hanamaki. 6’0ft shameless manslut (affectionately) who’s taken the campus by storm with his rather...interesting side hobby that pretty much has every student reaching for their wallets and switching to incognito mode on their browsers. Who would’ve guessed that lanky, low-eyed beanpole had the talent to film such erotic content and put a whole industry to shame with just his smartphone and a couple LED lights? After getting past the paywall and binging his videos (for research) it’s safe to say this man is very much a power bottom, maybe even a top depending on his mood, with a fowl mouth that’s not afraid to moan like a porn star. Best $200 I’ve ever spent (FOR RESEARCH). Highly recommend if you’re interested in having the best guided orgasm of your life—Link is in the thread! Get that bag, king. 10/10.’

A shit-eating grin stretched across his face instantly. He bounced his eyebrows, leaning down to teasingly say, "Ohh. That post. What? Don't want 'em to know how I make my living? Or, you scared they'll find out you're my number one supporter, always touching themselves just behind the camera-"

"Hiro!" You hissed, face set ablaze as you looked over your shoulder again, anxious. He found your reaction cute, using the straw in his cup to poke your cheek. You huffed at him. "I don't want them to pry. I doubt they've seen it since they go to a different uni, and I'd like to keep it that way. Okay?"

He easily shrugged. “You’re the boss.”

You exhaled, relieved. “Thank you.” You turned to head back inside, knowing your friends were just itching to bombard Maki, however you were stopped when he grabbed your arm.

“But.”

“…But?”

“I’ll let the dick-related questions slide and keep my side hustle under wraps, but you have to do something for me in exchange for my good behavior.”

You tilted your head, nervous. “Like what?”

His grinned mischievously, eyes half-mast as he used his free hand to hold your jaw, making you gasp softly when he tilted your head back. “Instead of being behind the camera in my next video…my number one supporter has to be the star.”

You rapidly blinked, heat traveling throughout your body once you registered his words. Fumbling over your own, you didn’t have time to protest when the door behind you opens wide, revealing your impatient friends. Maki let go of your jaw and settled for wrapping his arm around your shoulder, pulling you close as he waved at them with the hand that still had the large cup in it.

“‘sup.” He flashed them a sly grin. Maki took in their shocked faces, hoping they were a good sign as he introduced himself. “[_____]’s told me a lot about you guys. Hope you didn’t mind me crashing your get together.”

They absolutely did not mind.

You weren’t lying—Those pictures you showed did him dirty. Nothing could’ve prepared them for the uno reverse that was Takehiro Hanamaki. From his lax posture and cozy demeanor, sleepers build and cute smile, it’s no wonder you were drawn to him. Plus he’s funny with a big dick (allegedly)?????

After you composed yourself, still reeling from your conversation earlier, you eventually mustered up a triumphant smile at your friends as they gaped up at Maki, speechless. “So? You guys still think I fumbled?”

© 2023-2024 anisespice ッ all rights reserved. likes, comments & reblogs much appreciated!

[aemondapologistfrfr]

Let Me Take Care of You

aegon x dragonseed!fem!reader

Summary: You find work at a pleasure house to help support yourself and come across a very generous client. You were content to only serve drinks and allow the men who chased after your silver hair tip you in hopes of bedding you until this client offers to take care of you. 

Warnings: 18+ mentions of death(not mc), swearing, corruption, thigh riding, fingering, oral(f), p in v, loss of virginity 

Authors Note: idk he’s a bit of a sugar daddy and it’s kinda hot, proud of myself for making an aegon fic w/o angst for once but that’s bc its 2% plot and 98% porn

Word Count: 4.8k

⊹˚₊��꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Growing up I watched my mother leave our small apartments before the sun would set and not come home until it was well in the sky again. She promised me I would never have to go into her line of work and would always keep me hidden inside. Once a month she would spend the money on dye and my telling silver hair would come out a dark shade of night. The violet eyes were harder to hide but no one pays attention to you when you’re a woman and you keep your head down. 

A year ago my mother left for the night and never returned. I was only ten and nine and had no income for myself. I waited for a fortnight and when she never returned I steeled myself and went out into the streets to see if I could find any word on her. I covered my head of silver in a scarf since I had no dye and roamed the streets looking for her place of work. After pushing through hundreds of bodies in the streets I found the wooden door and made my way inside. The stench of alcohol and lust was heavy in the air as I waded my way to the bar. 

“What can I do you for, girl?” the bar hands gruff voice spoke over the others. 

“I’m looking for my mother.” I offered her name and an older woman came from the back and nodded for me to follow her. 

The woman sat me down and told me of my mother’s death at the hand of greedy older men who didn’t want to pay. The woman looked me over with sadness and pity before offering me work. I shook my head saying I wouldn’t and that’s when she glanced at my hair. She told me she could find me other work within the pleasure house and if I ever changed my mind there would be good coin. 

I reluctantly accepted the offer because I knew I would need coin and soon. I spend my nights here waiting tables and laughing at crude jokes. Their hands and eyes always seem to linger but the patrons know that I am off limits per the madams word. I was content enough and the income was good but I so badly dreamed of a better life. 

⊹˚₊‧꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

The first time I saw him I stumbled and dropped my tray of drinks. He looked up and his lilac eyes caught mine and he was standing above me in an instant. He held out his hand and helped me rise from the dusty floor. 

“Gods,” he groans looking me over. “Who are you?” he takes some of my hair between his fingers. “And where have you been hiding?” his hand trails to my chin and searches over my violet eyes. 

“Y/n.” my voice too small for the crowded room. 

“Who are your parents?” he tugs me back to his table that’s overflowing with drinks and friends. 

“My mother was no one. I know not who my father is.” I shake my head trying to get my hand out of his grasp. 

“Mm, probably Daemon.” he looks me over. “You shall be mine.” he pulls me down onto his lap and I gasp. 

“I will not be.” I stand looking down at him as he laughs looking up at me. “I am no one’s but my own.” I hum taking a step back. 

“So you mean you’re a virgin?” his eyes darken. 

“That is hardly any of your business.” I turn up my nose at him. 

“Given our setting and how deep my pockets are I say that it is.” he friends start to turn their attention to us. 

“I don’t care.” I shrug my shoulders and walk away hearing his friends laugh at him. 

That night I went back to my small apartments and had a fitful nights rest filled with that handsome strangers face. I curse myself for wanting to know his name and to be able to see him again. I push the thought out of my head and blow the candle out before turning over and shutting my eyes.

⊹˚₊‧꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

The silver haired stranger came back the next day but alone this time. I floated around the room avoiding him and helping out other patrons. I felt his eyes on me for an hour until I stopped at his table and looked at him expectantly. He folds his hands and looked up to me with a smile. 

“How much?” he licks his lips. 

“For what?” I raise my eyebrow. 

“Your maidenhead.” my cheeks flush at his words. 

“I’m not for sale.” I say quickly. 

“Then I’ll have an ale.” he offers me a gold mark and my eyebrows scrunch. 

“This is too much.” I try to give it back but he shakes his head. 

“I was thinking it wasn’t enough.” he pulls out a sack and sets it on the table. 

“You’re not getting my maidenhead tonight.” I roll my eyes and walk to go get his ale. I sigh once I get behind the bar to fill his cup. I pray that my blush recedes by the time I make it back to his table. I grab the glass and push through the bodies. 

“So I just can’t have it tonight?” he smiles taking the glass from my hand. 

“What?” I tilt my head. 

“You said I can’t have your maidenhead tonight. So I can take it a different night?” my blush revives much to my displeasure. 

“I don’t even know your name.” he chuckles at my words.

“Aegon.” he looks up taking a sip of ale. 

“Why do you think I’m giving my maidenhead to you, Aegon?” I look him over. 

“Because I asked nicely?” he shrugs. 

“You didn’t.” I turn and he grabs my wrist. 

“Do you wish for me to beg for it?” he pulls me back to him. 

“Is that not what you’ve been doing the past two nights?” I chuckle shaking my head. 

“What if I show you other things first?” he smirks.

“Like what?” I look down to him with a raised brow and his smile widens. 

“I’d like to show you instead of tell you.” he downs his ale and stands. 

“Right now?” I squeak nervously. “I have other tables.” I look around the crowded room. 

“I’m sure if you tell your madam you’re taking me to a private room she won’t tell you no.” he brushes a strand of my hair back. 

“I-“ I shake my head willing my blush to go away. My breathing deepens at the thought of bringing him to a private room but I also don’t know if I’m ready for that. “I don’t know.” I nibble my lip.

“I promise I won’t take your maidenhead. Tonight.” he smirks. “Not even if you beg me to.” I roll my eyes at his words. 

I look at him having an internal battle. I’m not stupid, I’ve heard of him and I know his reputation but I can’t help myself. He’s just so handsome and I’m curious. I turn and look for my madam and when I spot her I see her nodding at me encouragingly. I sigh and turn back to Aegon who is waiting for my response. 

“Fine, but I can change my mind whenever I want.” he nods his head quickly and pulls me in the direction of the closed off rooms. Once we’re behind the curtain he pulls me against him. 

“Have you come before?” his voice low and I shake my head. “Not even by yourself? You don’t touch this sweet little-“

“No, Aegon.” I bring my hand up to his mouth. I remove my hand and he’s smiling even wider. 

“Surely you’ve kissed someone at least?” he raises an eyebrow and my cheeks catch on fire. 

“No.” his eyes widen. “If you make fun of me I will walk back out these curtains.” I step back crossing my arms. 

“I would be more than happy to teach you the ways of pleasure.” he hums caressing my cheek.

“My dress is staying on.” I try to keep my voice steady but it wavers. 

“There’s plenty of pleasure to be had above clothes.” he steps closer to me and my body heats. “Can I kiss you?” he leans in closer and I look to him with wide eyes and nod my head. When his lips touch mine I look at him unsure of what to do. “Relax.” he murmurs against my lips and trails his fingers up my arms. I let out a shaky breath and nod my head. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t- I don’t know what to do.” I shake my head flushing furiously. 

“I’m here to show you, my sweet girl.” he hums brushing my hair back. “Close your eyes.” I look at him worried. “My hands will stay above your clothes.” he nods encouragingly. 

“Okay.” my voice small as my eyes flutter shut. This time when he places his lips on mine it feels more soft and coaxing. He licks along my lip and my heart starts to beat faster. His hands land on my hips and I gasp at his touch and he pushes his tongue into my mouth. My eyes fly open and pull back. 

“It’s okay.” he nods his head pulling me back. “Just follow my movements.” he whispers as he places his lips on mine again. This time when his tongue explores my mouth I move mine along with his. They dance together and he pulls me closer. I sigh into his mouth as I’m encased in the taste and feel of him. He squeezes my waist pulling me flush against him. 

“Aegon,” I gasp pulling my head back. 

“Hm?” he kisses down the side of my jaw. “Kisses here are a different kind of pleasure.” he mumbles kissing across my neck. I gasp as he sucks softly and my hands cling onto his arms. He licks softly as my breathing deepens. A moan falls from my lips as he nips against my pulse. 

“Aegon,” I wiggle out of his arms suddenly hot. 

“Gods look how worked up you are.” he smirks at me. 

“That’s enough for tonight.” I go to flee the room and he grabs my wrist. 

“Here, this is for you.” he places his sack of coin in my hand. 

“I don’t want to be paid for that. It makes me feel-“ I shake my head making a face. 

“I’m not paying you for your time, I’m just giving you coin because I want to. Use it for whatever.” he shrugs. “I like the idea of taking care of you, sweet girl.” he hums and my blush revives. 

“Thank you.” my voice small as I slip the coin into my pocket. 

“I will see you tomorrow.” he smiles as I slip through the curtain once more. 

⊹˚₊‧꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

Aegon has been coming to my pleasure house every night for the past moon. He teases me relentlessly throughout the night before he pulls me back behind a curtain and molds our lips together. We keep our lips locked for hours and when I get too worked up I turn and leave with a coin heavy pocket. The amount of coin he has given me could allow me to leave this job but I don’t want to stop seeing him. That thought alone frustrates me. 

“How are you tonight, sweet girl?” he hums as he pulls the curtains closed. I pull him against me and press my lips to his in response and he chuckles against me. He backs us up to the bed and I pull back. 

“Not yet.” I shake my head. 

“You torture me.” he groans. “Let me show you another pleasure.” his eyes pleading. 

“Above clothes?” I nibble my lip. 

“Of course.” he chuckles tugging me over to the chair he sits down and guides me between his legs. “Straddle one of my thighs.” my cheeks heat at his words. He goes to pull my skirts up and I grab his hands with wide eyes. 

“You said above clothes.” my brows scrunch. 

“You have small clothes on, no?” he smiles as my face gets redder as I nod. “I’m just lifting up your skirts so you can settle more comfortably on my thigh.” he bunches up my skirts and I place my legs on either side of his thigh. He lets my skirts drop and pulls me against him. He pulls my lips against his and I settle onto his thigh. His hands go to my waist and pull me against his thigh.

“Aegon,” his name falls from my mouth breathlessly as I rest my hands behind his neck.

“It’s okay.” he hums as kisses me once more. Our tongues tangle together and he starts to rock me against his thigh. My small clothes become wet as I squirm against him as I gasp into his mouth. He pulls back and looks to me as he grinds my hips down. 

“Aegon, I-“ my voice broken as my hips move with him. 

“Does that feel good?” he looks up to me.

“Yes, I- please,” I whimper resting my forehead against his. My hips move on their own and my cheeks flush at the action. He tilts up and captures my lips swallowing all of my noises. I let out small gasps as I feel my stomach tightening. “I don’t know what’s-“ I cry out as he rocks my hips faster. 

“Shh, just focus on the feeling, sweet girl, I got you.” he murmurs against my lips. I roll my hips on his thigh as he starts to kiss down my neck. I lose myself in the feeling and I cling to him as pleasure bursts through me.

“Aegon,” his name like a prayer as he keeps moving me against him as I try to catch my breath. “Too much,” I whine trembling above him. 

“You did so good.” he kisses me softly. 

“I liked that.” I mumble against his lips. 

“I did too. You looked and sounded absolutely divine. Just wait until I show you more.” he kisses down my neck. 

“No more tonight.” my voice still breathy as I rise off of his thigh. I look down and see the wet mark on his thigh and my eyes widen in horror. “I’m sorry, do you want me to clean it or-“ 

“Oh no, I will walk out of here proudly with this.” he rises walking out of the room with me. “Before I forget sweet girl.” he hums handing me coin and I turn to him in the abandoned hall.

“Why do you keep giving me coin?” I scrunch my brows searching his eyes. 

“I want to take care of you.” he brushes my hair behind my ears. “What if I got you a new place. A nicer place?” he hums and I shake my head confused. 

“I don’t know.” I nibble my lip. “That’s a lot, Aegon.” 

“I would like you to live inside the Keep with me but I have a feeling you’ll say no.” he pulls me closer to him once more. 

“No,” I shake my head with wide eyes. “A new place fine but not the Red Keep.” 

“I’ll have you in a grand home by the end of the week.” he kisses me quickly before bringing me back out into the main room. 

⊹˚₊‧꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

My new home is located on the complete other side of the city than my job and Aegons only help with that was to tell me to quit. I had no reason to work there anymore. Aegon has seen to it that all of my needs are met and exceedingly so. The home I have is larger than anything one person would need and he’s made it so that there are servants and maids and I feel so out of place. They dote on me and do anything I could possibly need and more. 

“We have dinner prepared. Is there anything else you need before we leave for the night?” one of the soft spoken servants asks. 

“No, thank you. Have a good night.” I offer them a smile and they filter out the front door. 

I sigh and sprawl across my couch waiting for my dinner companion to come over. I hate to admit that I look forward to our nightly meals and pleasure. I thought I would get bored during the days but I’ve been able to find comfort in reading and embroidery. I sit up from the couch when I hear his telling knocks. 

“Hi.” my voice small as I open the door. No matter how many times I see him I still get nervous. 

“How are you today, sweet girl?” he steps in and pulls me into a tight embrace.

“Better now that you’re here.” I hum into his neck. “How was your day?” I pepper his neck with kisses. 

“Nothing compared to how it is now.” his words cause a blush to cover my cheeks. 

“Come, dinner is ready.” I turn to head to the table and he slips his fingers through mine. 

“How is your staff? Are they treating you well?” he pulls my chair out for me. 

“Yes, very well, Aegon. I don’t see why I need so many of them..” I watch him as he walks around the table to sit across from me. 

“Because I don’t want you to have to do anything.” he smiles at me as before he begins to eat.

“Are you going to hire someone to pleasure me next?” his eyes darken at my words. 

“No, that is my job.” he sets his fork down. 

“It was only a joke. I wouldn’t replace you.” I chuckle. 

“Do you pleasure yourself during the day?” he tilts his head. 

“No.” I say quickly. “There’s too many people here.” I shake my head. 

“I can make it so they’ll leave for an hour so you can touch yourself and think about me.” he chuckles at my flushed face. 

“No,” I shake my head quickly. “I don’t- I don’t touch myself.” I avoid his eyes. 

“Do you know how?” he licks his lips and I shake my head. “Can I show you after dinner?” 

“Under my clothes?” my heart beats faster at the thought. 

“Yes, if that’s okay. I could just pull up your skirts too. Whatever makes you the most comfortable.” I shake my head picking up my fork to eat again. We eat in silence as I start to squirm thinking about what’s to come. Every time I glance at him he’s looking at me with dark eyes. I start to get up to clear the table. 

“Are you done?” I stand next to him waiting to take his plate. 

“I can clean up too.” he hums standing up with me. We walk to the kitchen and the energy between us is tense. I take the plate from his hands and place it in the sink. When I turn back to him he pulls me against him kissing me. “Can we go to the bed?” he whispers against my lips.  

“Yeah,” I nod grabbing his hand. I walk us into my bed chambers and turn to him nibbling my lip. 

“Do you want your dress on or off?” his hands trail around my waist. 

“Off.” my voice small. 

“You’re sure?” his hands trail up to the laces. 

“Yes, Aegon.” I nod my head. He slowly undoes the laces and begins to slip it down my shoulders. It pools around my feet and he steps back and looks at me left in my slip. 

“What of this?” he steps closer as hands reach for my waist. 

“Can it stay for now?” I ask squeezing my thighs. 

“Of course. Come,” he leads me to the bed. He sits back against the head board and helps me sit between his legs. His hands rest on my thighs and I suck in a breath. He opens my legs resting them against his. “Are you ready?” his voice sounds strained as I settle back into him. 

“Yes,” I nod my head and his hands begin to roam up my side. 

“When you’re by yourself you can work yourself up to it.” he hums as his hands linger under my breasts. His soft touch over my silk is sending shivers down my body. His fingers graze over my hardened peaks and I push back into him. 

“Aegon,” I shudder as he continues to ghost his thumbs around them and I squeeze my thighs shut. 

“Focus on the feeling, sweet girl.” he whispers before he starts to kiss my neck. His fingers incase my nipples and roll them as I whimper in his arms. “How does it feel?” he pinches them and I gasp. 

“Aegon,” I wiggle back into him and he grunts. 

“Feels good?” I hear the smirk in his voice. He starts to spread my thighs once more and I’m panting by the time he starts to slide his hands up. He trails a single finger through my wetness and my legs clamp around his hand. 

“Aegon,” I whine as my hands hold his arm. 

“Do you want me to stop?” I shake my head at his words. 

“No.” my voice broken.

“Let me make you feel good, sweet girl.” his other hand goes to my legs to open them once more. His finger slides through my wetness once more as I squirm in his arms. He swirls around my bud and my legs start shaking as I cry out. He starts quick circles and I begin to arch off of his chest. 

“Please, I- Aegon,” I whimper as my legs shut around him as my pleasure washes through me. He continues to circle his fingers and I whine grabbing his wrist. 

“That’s what you can do during the day.” he chuckles lowly still wiggling his fingers. 

“I’d rather have you do it.” my breathing deepens. 

“Can I try something else?” he kisses up my jaw. 

“Like what?” I lean back into him. 

“I want to make you come with my tongue.” he moves out from behind me and I fall back onto the bed. He settles between my thighs and I prop up and look down to him. 

“What do I do?” I bite my lip as his hands trail up my thighs. 

“Tell me how much you like it.” he smiles before licking up my slit. 

“Oh,” I squeak. His tongue swirls around my bud and I gasp fisting the sheets. “Aegon,” I whine moving against his face. I feel him chuckle into me as he pulls my hips against him. My breathing comes out in quick gasps as his tongue laps against me. 

“I’m gunna- I’m, please,” I jerk against his face and his tongue slips around my entrance. “Yes,” I cry as his nose brushes against me. His tongue pushes into me and his name pours from my mouth. My legs squeeze around his head as my pleasure tears through me. He continues to lick me and I whimper above him. 

“I want to stay here for a while.” he buries himself back between my thighs and my hand flies to his hair as I gasp above him. 

⊹˚₊‧꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

“Hi.” my eyebrows scrunch as I open the door and see Aegon and it’s only mid morning. “You’re here early.” I hum letting him in. 

“I had a bad morning.” he sighs pulling me into his arms. 

“Aegon, the staff.” my eyes dart around the room. 

“I don’t care.” he mumbles against my neck. “I just want to spend the day with you.” he lets go and lays back on my couch. 

“What happened?” I sit in the chair across from him. 

“My mother yelled at me and,” he sighs and shakes his head. “I just want to be with you.” 

“You can stay.” I hum and his sad eyes slide to mine. “Do you want me to get you anything?” 

“Wine?” he sits up and I nod my head going to the kitchen. I smooth my dress and hair before I pour us each a glass. I bring them back out to him and he takes a drink once it’s in his grasp. 

“What do you want to do?” I look across to him. 

“Send the staff home.” he looks at me with dark eyes. 

“Why?” my voice small. 

“I want to make you feel good.” he sits up. He stands up and walks into the kitchen and starts to dismiss the staff. I stand near the front door with flushed cheeks. Once the last servant leaves he pulls me against him. “I need you.” his voice pleading and I nod my head. 

“You can.” I nod my head searching his eyes. 

“If you’re not ready that’s okay.” he holds my cheeks. 

“I want you, Aegon.” I kiss his lips. “You can have my maidenhead.” he groans against me and pulls me upstairs to my bed. He unlaces my dress and I’m quickly stepping out of it. His hands reach for the edges of my slip and I nod as he searches my eyes. 

“You’re positive?” I nod my head to him quickly. He lifts it over my head and I look to him as he drinks in my body before him. “Gods, my sweet girl. Let me just touch you.” his hands reach for my waist. 

“Please,” I nod my head and his hands reach for my breasts. I sigh as he kneads against my flesh. 

“Lay back on the bed.” he nods and I scoot back as he starts to pull his tunic off. I watch him with lidded eyes as he starts to tug off his pants. I look to his length and bite my lip before looking back up to him. He crawls between my legs and licks at my wetness. As his lips encase my bud I feel one of his fingers dip into my core. 

“Aegon,” I gasp as he starts to move his finger faster. A second finger starts to slowly push in and I press myself against his face as his tongue continues to lap at me. “Yes, please,” I whine as my stomach starts to coil. His tongue lashes my throbbing bud and I come undone around his fingers crying out. 

“I’ll go slow.” he hums pulling his fingers out. He rubs his tip around my wetness to spread against himself. “Ready?” I feel him at my core. 

“Yes.” I hold him against me. He pushes in and I feel myself splitting open. “Aegon.” I grip his arms as he stops. 

“Relax for me, sweet girl.” he hums kissing my neck. His thumb brushes against my bud and small whimpers leave my mouth. He pushes in more and I sigh squirming. “Are you okay?” his voice strained as he stops again. 

“Yes,” he pushes in more and my eyes shut focusing on the feeling. “More, Aegon.” my voice breathy as I begin to relax around him. He starts a slow rhythm that has me whining beneath him. His thumb forever swirling against my bud has me shaking in his arms and my high bursts through me unexpectedly and he stops his movements groaning. 

“Fuck,” he grunts. I cling against him as he starts to rock into me again as he starts to seek his own pleasure. His lips capture mine as my hips move to meet his. “You’re perfect, sweet girl.” he whispers as his hips falter. I cry out at his words. My toes curl as I come undone again. He slows inside of me as his warmth spreads. 

“I want you to do that again.” I pant and he lets out a breathy chuckle. 

“Just give me a couple minutes.” he rolls off of me pulling me against his chest. 

⊹˚₊‧꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒷꒦︶︶︶︶︶︶︶꒦꒷‧₊˚⊹

masterlist 🔌 

I need this man biblically 

taglist ✍️

@clarityisnofun @gabriella-aesthetic @callsignwidow @llynx7 @violetiss3lfish @ka1afbr @akiko-oo @papichulo120627 @lizzylovebooks280501 @thatgirl101blog @ashovertheriver @zanygot7straykidsbonk @hueanhdang @malfoycassimalfoy @april-notthemonth69 @anaviieiraaa @p45510n4f4shi0n @neocockthotology @thereaderwitch @hardkiddonut @faenyra @hiimava11 @daintylittlesunflower @primroseluna

[alotofpockets]

Serious about you | Leah Williamson x Lioness!Reader

Where you cross a line with your best friend

Warnings: smut (with a plot), 18+ MDNI

A/n: @scribblesofagoonerr thank you for your support throughout writing this one!

Woso masterlist | Words: 2.2k

-----

“Leah!” You yell out for your best friend when you see her walk through the doors of St. George’s Park for the first time since she had done her ACL. At the sound of your voice she turns around with a smirk on her face, “You’re happy I’m here, aren’t ya? Your day just got ten times better darling’.” You roll your eyes and hug her. 

“Always happy to see you, but the comeback makes it just a tad bit more special.” Leah’s smirk grew impossibly bigger. “Knew you thought I was special.” There was only so much of Leah’s flirty personality you could take at once until your body would go into panic mode, so you decided you had to step away. “Yeah, great seeing you, I gotta gay- go! I gotta go.” You quickly walk off cursing yourself, while Leah’s proud smile goes right past you.

Beth, who noticed the whole interaction, followed you out of the hall. “I see your crush on Leah is going well.” You sink into one of the chairs in the room. “Oh god, people saw that?” The blonde chuckles, “I think everyone saw you run off with a face like a tomato.” What a great start to camp you thought while your face was slowly returning to its regular colour.

“When are you just going to tell her about your feelings?” Beth was well aware of your feelings for the Lionesses Captain, as she was often the one you came to for advice and a listening ear. Her being your roommate this camp would probably come very handy for those reasons, besides Beth of course being a great friend of yours.

“You know I can't, Beth. Everybody knows Leah doesn't do serious relationships.” It was well known that Leah hadn’t had a serious relationship since Jordan, every girl she had seen since was just a meaningless hookup, so there really was no use in you ever confessing your feelings for her. 

Once you’ve come down from your embarrassing moment on the first day back at camp, you and Beth join the rest of the girls again. It was great seeing everyone again, and your embarrassment was soon forgotten.

The next morning the dining hall was buzzing with energy and laughter. Everyone was happy to be reunited, and was catching up on the time since they had last seen each other. Beth nudged your shoulder, “Look who’s coming over.” 

Your heart started racing as Leah walked in your direction with a beaming smile. Internally you were screaming at yourself, Leah was your best friend, you shouldn’t panic every time she’s near. It used to not be this bad, but ever since Leah started making flirty comments towards you, your brain just went full mush.

“Morning, love. Did you sleep well?” You tried to sound casual, but your mind went a little numb at the nickname she only used on you. “Morning, Lee. Yeah, I slept well. How about you?”

“I slept great. Any plans for today?” Oh god she wanted to have an even longer conversation, while you still had the love on your mind. You glance at Beth for help, but she just raises an eyebrow and smiles, clearly enjoying your discomfort. “Uhm well just training with the team and recovery after.”

Leah nods contently, “Alright sounds good. I’ll make sure we’re paired up for drills so we can catch up some more.” You smile and nod, “Looking forward to it.” Leah smiles and turns around to get her own breakfast. 

You turn back to Beth, “Looking forward to it? Why did I say that?” Beth rolls her eyes, “Well, clearly because you’re in love with the woman.” You groan, “Don’t say that out loud!” Beth laughs at your antics, “Relax, it’s just drills. Also, it’s just Leah.” With a huff you respond, “Yeah, just Leah. Mind telling my mind that when it stops working when she’s near?”

One thing about Leah was that when it concerned football, she was always serious. So, while you were running drills with her as your partner, the flirty side of Leah subsided. It wasn’t like she was only serious, you were still having fun while training. You were actually very much enjoying spending time with Leah like this, no embarrassing yourself this way.

Over the next couple of days the team was in full training mode, which came with plenty of recovery where you would relax with the girls. There were movie nights where Leah would sit besides you and put her arm around the back of the couch, and team walks where Leah would always find her way to your side. 

Tonight on the final day before your first match, you joined a few of the girls to recover in the hotel hot tub. You were deep in conversation with Beth and Lotte when Leah walked up to the hot tub, “Got room for one more?” She takes off her training top, leaving her in her sports bra and shorts like the rest of the girls. Only since Leah wasn’t like the rest of the girls to you, your eyes fell on her toned stomach, making you fully space out on the conversation you were having. 

“Earth to y/n.” Beth says loud enough for only you and Lotte to hear. You snap your eyes away from Leah at Beth poking your shoulder. “You’re drooling.” You want to defend yourself, but you know there is no use since she had seen you staring on full display. 

You tried your best to keep your eyes away from Leah, but each time you glanced over you were either faced with a smile or a smirk from the blonde, making your heart beat faster. On the other side of the hot tub, outside of your field of hearing Keira nudged Leah, “I think you might give her a heart attack if you keep flexing, mate.” Which only made Leah smirk again.

Slowly more and more of the girls started leaving the hot tub, until only you and Leah were left. She sat with her arms spread over the edge of the small pool, and you couldn’t help but let your eyes wander. You don’t know what came over you to check her out without anyone around the two of you to cause enough distraction for it to go unnoticed. 

“Are you just going to keep staring from the other side, or are you going to come join me?” Leah asked with glint behind her eyes that you couldn’t quite place. You move across the hot tub and sit down beside her. She moves her arm that was laying on the edge behind you to your shoulder and starts drawing patterns on it with her fingers.

You hadn’t said a word to Leah since the other girls left, and your eyes were focussed on a glimmer in the water. Leah was doing things to your body right now that you couldn’t control. “You had no problem checking me out when the girls were here, what has gotten you so shy now?” Your only reaction was the blush spreading over your cheeks and the way you swallowed hard. Leah moved her other arm to turn your head her way softly by your chin. She was about to say something, when she realised that you were staring at her lips.

Leah starts slowly leaning in, to give you enough time to stop what was about to happen. You didn’t make her stop, so she placed her lips gently on yours. When Leah realised you weren’t kissing her back, she quickly pulled away again. “Sorry, I thought there was a vibe.” That’s the moment you sprung to life. “There was, sorry.” Leah’s smile returned to her face, “There was?” You nod and lean in this time.

You knew you should stop, but this was the only way you would ever have Leah and besides every fibre in your body telling you that this was only going to end up hurting you, you just couldn’t stop. Before you knew it, you were sitting in Leah’s lap and the two of you were fully making out. 

When Leah’s hands started moving up your thighs, you broke the kiss and halted her. Leah was about to apologise, but you were quick to speak first, “It’s okay, just not here.” You said looking around. Even though the area was currently empty, it was still a public place, and you were not about to have a stranger or even worse one of your teammates walk in on you.

With big towels around your bodies, you made it to Leah’s room. Leah had never been happier to have a room to herself during camp, the perks of being the captain. Without missing a beat, she closes the door behind you and pushes you up against it. Every thought of this not being a good idea left your mind the moment she slotted her leg between yours.

Leah’s hands roamed your body, losing both your towels in the process. It all happened very fast, the next thing your remaining clothes were scattered around Leah’s room and you were laying in her bed. Leah was laying on top of you and kissing your neck, with her hands between your legs. 

The pleasure she was bringing you with simply her lips and her fingers, was overwhelming and perfect at the same time. At no point did you want her to stop, even telling her “More.” A couple of times between pants, which Leah happily obliged to. 

You didn’t realise you had fallen asleep until you woke up the next morning, still naked in Leah’s bed. At first you’re a little disoriented but then it all comes flooding back to you. You crossed a line with your best friend. Your best friend that you were in love with. Your best friend who is the captain of your team. 

Quickly but quietly you get out of bed and put on a clean training kit from Leah, since yours was still wet from carelessly being thrown on the floor last night. You take your own stuff with you and throw it in the laundry on your way back to your own hotel room.

“Well good morning to you, stranger.” You had hoped Beth had still been asleep and you could pretend that you had come in after she had gone to bed last night, but all of that was out the window now that she was looking at you with questions behind her eyes. You confess everything to Beth, who simply cheers you on for finally acting on your feelings. It doesn’t feel that way to you though, Leah didn’t know about your feelings, and knowing Leah this was just a one time thing. At least that was what you were telling yourself. 

Before you could talk about it more, you had to head to breakfast since you had an early bus to take for your first match. You didn’t get to talk to Leah, and quite honestly you were trying your best to ignore her for the time being. 

The first time you interacted with Leah was after the match when you had given your jersey to a fan in the strands. Leah had rushed to your side and handed you her jacket. You thanked her before bringing your focus back to the fans. 

On the bus ride back, you avoided Leah again, opting to sit next to Lotte instead of Leah or Beth. You didn’t know what you wanted, but talking about last night was definitely not it. Back at SGP everyone goes their own way again. You opt on staying with some of the girls in the lounge and put on a movie. About halfway into the movie Keira walks in, “Hey y/n, Leah wants to see you in the meeting hall.” 

You curse yourself, this was it. You had ruined your national career because you couldn’t stop yourself. Nervously you opened the door and found Leah leaning against one of the tables with her arms crossed. Her first words came as a surprise to you, “Why did you leave this morning?”

For a moment you don’t know what to say, standing in front of her with a slightly furrowed brow. “You wanted me to stay?” Leah’s serious expression softened, “Yes, of course I wanted you to stay.” You take a deep sigh, knowing you need to speak your mind. “Lee, last night was… amazing, but you don’t do serious relationships. I left because I didn’t want to make it awkward.”

Leah realises what you’re talking about. “Look, I know I’ve got a bit of a reputation concerning that, but this is different. I haven’t brought a girl home for months because you’ve been clouding my mind. I’m serious about you. Last night meant everything to me, and if it did for you too, I would really like to explore this new territory with you.”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing, Leah was feeling similar to how you were feeling about her? “It did mean everything to me too. I- sorry, I didn’t expect this, I am a bit at a loss for words.” Leah smiled and stepped towards you. “Maybe instead of using words, I can kiss you?” You nod and Leah crashes her lips on yours. 

-----

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[samoankpoper21]

Save Me I'm Yours - Jo Togame

Sequel to Numb

Huge thank you to @cherryblossomwitch26 and @calculust-prime 🫶🏽 I'm sorry if this isn't as great as the first one 😅

Jo Togame x chubby! reader

Content warnings: cursing, unprotected sex (wrap it up folks!), p in v, creampie

Genre: slight angst, smut, smut with plot

Word count: 2.5k

ALL CHARACTERS ARE AGED 18+! MDNI!

⊱ ─── ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ ─── ⊰⊱ ─── ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ ─── ⊰

Watching the rain fall heavily in droves you sighed. You hated rainy days, not for the typical romcom reasons but because rainy days meant unpredictability for the clinic: some rainy days you saw dozens of patients, others meant you saw at most 5; today was the latter. You were also reminded of your nasty spat with Togame, not having seen him since. Deciding to close the clinic early you trudged upstairs to your attached apartment finalizing on a bubble bath; might as well take advantage of this shitty weather and relax.

With the rain having stopped, Togame looked to Choji. "Choji, I need to go. There's someone important to me-"

"Is it that beautiful girl you told me about?" Smiling bashfully he nodded. "Kame-chan, make sure you make things right with her."

Togame ran towards the clinic the sun beaming down slightly warming him. He was excited to tell you about the revelation that he and the rest of Shishitoren had, wanting to tell you about how they finally got their sun back and how, later on down the road, he wanted you to meet Sakura, his new "friend" and the rest of Furin. "Y/N! Y/N!" Attempting to slide the doors of the clinic open he realized that the rainy weather probably didn't bring much patients in. Taking 2 steps up at a time to your attached apartment he turned your doorknob shaking his head and smiling at the fact you never locked your door. Stepping inside your living room he calls out, "Y/N?" Seeing your bedroom door cracked he made his way towards it. Placing a hand over his beating heart he peeled your door open slowly.

"Y/N!" Wrapped only in your towel you turned to see a panting Togame, eyes warm, hair loose from his braid, noting that something was different, a fragment of his former self. Turning back around to your drawer you ask, "What are you doing here Jo?" Smiling he went into detail about the earlier events: how he met this annoying acquaintance named Sakura whom he came to respect, how Sakura made him realize how far he's strayed from his ideals, and finally how Choji was "back from his funk" after having a "conversation" with Furin's leader Hajime Umemiya. A small smile graced your face as you listened; whenever Togame was excited his manner of speech was a tad, just a tad bit faster. Taking a shaky breath closing your drawer with your back still facing him you ask, "That's all great and all Jo but why are you telling me this?"

"Wh-what do you mean why am I telling you all this? You're the first person I think of whenever something happens. Why do you think I always come to you?" Biting your quivering lip you finally turn to him praying that the tears lining your eyes wouldn't fall. Swallowing the lump forming in your throat you finally meet his eyes, your expression deadpan. "I told you the last time that once you go back to Shishitoren that that was the last time you and I would see each other." Seeing him clench and unclench his bruised, skin rubbed raw fists your eyebrows shot up. "Are you here so I can patch you up again? Is that it?" Togame knew you were hurt, he's attuned to your emotions after years of being together. "Y/N, I'm saying that Shishitoren has finally found its sun again, that we'll continue on the path that we were originally on." Turning to your drawer rummaging for a pair of panties you walked past him saying, "Well I guess I should go say thanks to Umemiya-san then." Grabbing your wrist preventing you from going any further he stutters out his eyes scanning your face frantically, "Wha-why would you say thanks to Umemiya-san?"

"For knocking some got damn sense in your head!" Inhaling deeply he lets out a breath, his hold on your wrist tightening slightly. "Y/N-"

"I heard about all the shit you've done: 'skinning' people for not being strong enough, that's practically picking on the weak! You guys might as well call yourselves SHITTYtoren! If that's really what your stupid devotion to power means, to bully those who aren't as strong as you all, then we can't be friends." His grip tightening, head tilted, he drawls out, "Friends? When were we ever friends Y/N?"

"Let go of me Jo. I want to get dressed and express my gratitude to Umemiya." Pulling you flush against his chest you squeaked looking up into his emerald eyes, his right hand finding purchase on the roll above your love handle. "Answer my question Y/N," he breaths against your lips. Gulping you quip, "T-the fuck do you mean? We've been friends since we were little."

"Wrong." Tearing your gaze away from the intensity of his stare you retort, "I don't have time for your games Jo." You stiffened when you felt his forehead press against yours, his eyes closed Togame inhaled slowly, taking in your scent, this moment. "I know I've hurt you, you know I'm bad with my words, and I realize that sorry won't fix this but please forgive me. You are so much more to me than a friend." Feeling your lip quiver you look up meeting his soft gaze, his adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed a bit of saliva. "Don't look at Umemiya-san," his heart pace quickening at the realization that you're still in your towel. "Don't look at Sakura," he whispers against your skin, goosebumps forming in his wake. "Only look at me." he licks at the exposed column of your neck, you bit down on your lip trying to contain the moan wanting to escape. Planting your hands firmly against his chest you pushed against him slightly creating space, you were feeling a small tinge of suffocation. Biting your trembling lips looking away from him you whisper, "You really hurt me Jo. I don't even know-" Taking a cautious step forward he closed the distance between the two of you. You wanted to run, make him suffer for all the negative emotions he put you through the past weeks but your heart kept your feet planted. Keeping your face downward you felt his breath tickling your forehead. Gently tilting your face towards him he placed a gentle kiss on your forehead, your eyes closed leading him to peck your eyelids, your cheeks followed, and finally he whispered out, "'m sorry Y/N. Let me show you how sorry I am sweetheart." He gently pecked your lips the tears you were trying to hold finally breaking free from the dam. Swiping your tears with his thumbs Togame murmured, "My poor baby. I know I'm a bad man, such an asshole to my beautiful baby." You gasped, eyes flying open, when you felt the wet swipe of his tongue against your cheeks, licking at your tears peppering kisses. "'m sorry."

Once the tears subsided you reached up cupping his face bringing his forehead against yours. "Y/N?"

"Let's just stay like this for a bit...please?" Noticing the goosebumps now decorating your skin he chides, "You should hurry up and get dressed. Don't want you getting sick." He pressed a kiss on your forehead about to pull away when you stop him. "Y/N?" Looking away with a blush dusting your cheeks you quickly peck his lips, almost laughing at how wide his eyes got. Groaning running a hand down his face you silently gasped when you saw the pure lust in his eyes. "'s not fair. You can't start something and not finish it."

Smirking you quip back, "Looks like you're gonna have to beg for it." He gently walks you backwards until your legs hit your bed frame making you sit. Dropping down on his knees in front of you he sat not moving. "To-Togame?"

"You did want to see me beg."

"Eh?!?" Togame scooted closer to you grabbing your right ankle planting a firm kiss on it. Slowly dragging his tongue against your calf your lips were caught between your teeth, his head turned slightly planting another kiss on the inner corner of your knee. You gasped when he finally looked at you, his pupils blown out, hair tousled when he nips and sucks on your inner thighs, pleading, "Forgive me Y/N." You could feel yourself getting more aroused as he continued his slow sensual ministrations along your left leg. Pushing your towel past your hips he begs, "Please?" With this new switch in power you couldn't help but revel in the fact that you had this aloof 6',1' man on his knees in front of you, worshiping your half naked body in all its glory, rolls, dips, and all. You could feel your wetness seeping through your thighs, squirming at the new position. Tilting his chin up you ask, "What do you want Togame?"

"Want-no need ta show you how sorry I am."

"Show me then." Togame peeled your legs open groaning at your slick folds, watching your pussy clench and unclench around nothing, your clit at attention. Wrapping his arms around your thick thighs he inhaled slowly, his eyes rolling to the back of his head. Gawd he missed this. You. Licking a long, slow stripe he stopped at your clit, his tongue circling the tiny bud, Togame groaning at your saccharine taste. He sucked and licked his way towards your entrance, his tongue circling and swirling against your folds. "Mmph, Togame, more." Tightening his grasp on your thighs he pulled you more towards the edge of your bed causing you to lay back as he began slurping and eating you out like a man starved. Gathering some of your slick with his middle finger he slid it into your entrance while drawing circles on your clit with his tongue. Adding his ring finger after feeling your walls opening up he glided his fingers in and out of you in a slow pace watching as you buck and rock your hips, some of your sweet juices spilling into the cup of his hand. "Togame please stop teasing me." Sucking on your clit he added a third finger wanting to burst at how your pussy stretched, intoxicated by how long and drawn out your moans were. Moving and scissoring his fingers in rapid succession he bent them forwards and upwards against that spongy spot in your pussy. "O-oh Togame! Right there!" Tangling your fingers in the depths of his black trenches you dragged your pussy up and down his face and fingers. "Fuck sweetheart you're soaked. Listen to her." Falling silent for a brief moment your pussy tightened around his fingers as you listened to the squelching noises coming from below. "Fuuuck Togame."

"Come on sweetheart, cum on my face."

"To-Aaaaaah!" your legs shook as your thighs trapped his face in place, fingers pulling roughly at his black trenches as your orgasm hit you hard. Attempting to catch your breath you slowly unhooked your legs from his grasp. "Sorry." you offer sheepishly.

"Don't be sweetheart." you watched intently as he slowly licked his digits clean, his tongue circling the tips of his fingers. Traveling the length of him you took in his bulge, your mouth already salivating. You missed his taste, his scent. Him. Sitting up reaching for the waist band of his sweats he gently swats your hand away. "Nuh uh sweetheart, today is about you."

"But I want to make you feel good."

"You will don't worry." Slowly stripping himself of his shirt, boxers, and sweats you rubbed your thighs in anticipation, licking your lips when your heard the loud smack of the tip of his cock hitting his stomach. Pushing yourself up towards the headboard he climbed in between your legs prying your legs open. "Damn," he whistled. "You're so fucking beautiful." Grabbing his cock by the base he rubbed it up, down, against your folds tantalizingly slow. "Togameee." you whined. Slapping his tip against your clit you jolted. "Can't believe you thought we were just friends." he spat out. Alternating between slapping and rubbing his tip against your clit he continued to tease you. "Here I was thinking I was yours and you were mine."

"Togameeee-" Without warning he slid into you, his hips flush against yours in one go, your mouth agape, his jaw clenched. His thrusts were slow and languid, each one punctured deep into your gummy walls. "Here I was thinking you were smart because of all those damn books you read but it looks like you couldn't even tell how I felt about you. How I've always felt about you. 's ok, 's probably my fault anyway." Lifting your hips up a little higher, he leaned back against the haunches of his feet pounding into you, the new angle making you gasp at how deep his thick, long cock was reaching, his ever observant gaze watching your breasts bounce and sway. "To-Togame."

"Tell me you're mine Y/N." You couldn't get the words out if you wanted to, his cock hitting your g-spot repeatedly made you into a moaning mess. "Y/N," he demanded (pleaded). "Need you to tell me you're mine."

"To-Togame pleeeasse." Smirking he drawls out, "What's wrong sweetheart? Dick so good can't think straight?" Moaning as a response he kept your hips in place as his hips snapped against yours furiously. Through lidded eyes you watched the sweat drip down his forehead, his luscious black locks falling in front of his face, pecs and abs flexing at each powerful thrust he was delivering, veins more prominent. Locking eyes with you his jaw clenched as he felt your gummy wet walls squeezing him oh so good. He wanted, no needed, to hear you say it before he came. Cupping your chin firmly he demands, "Don't make me tell you again Y/N. Tell me you're mine." Feeling the tightness in your belly threatening to snap you yell out, "Yesyesyes Togame. I'm yours, all yours, only you!"

"Good girl." With those two words you screamed as the tightness in your belly snapped, your vision white, ears ringing. Togame's jaw clenched as your pussy squeezed him tighter, he groaned his release into you, hands a bruising grip on your hips, your walls painted white with his hot, thick, cum. Laying there panting trying to catch your breaths you felt wet lips peck and suck at your collarbone. "Togame," you giggled. "Stop that." Pulling out of you slowly he made his way to your bathroom wetting a washcloth wiping you and him down tossing it on your bed stand once he was done.

Pulling you against his chest he chuckles, "Soooo SHITTYtoren huh?" Groaning hiding your face in your hands you beg, "Oh my gawd please don't tell them I said that." He barked out a hearty laugh, your heart warming at the sound. You reached up caressing his cheek, he took that same hand planting a kiss on the inside of your palm. "I love you." Togame affirms.

"I love you too."

─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ─── ─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ─── ─── ⋆⋅ ☾⋅⋆ ───>>

A/N: Hello! Thank you for showing so much love to the first part of this ^^ to be honest this second part was actually inspired by BTS' Save Me ^^ I wasn't thinking of the first part, I was more focused on the second part lolol Anway make sure to check BTS out! Enjoy~!!

[peggyao3]

Relic - Pt. 1 "Oh Lady, Dear"

PAIRING: Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x Unnamed Ambiguous FMC

SUMMARY: ✧༺༻ Dreams are messages from the deep ༺༻✧ A woman from the unknown comes to Feyd in his dreams and his nights become his days as he flees to the dreamscape to escape the nightmares that haunt his waking hours.

TAGS: 18+, smut, she/her AFAB FMC, vaginal sex, vaginal fingering, oral sex, Porn with Plot, Feyd-Rautha's black cum, Feyd-Rautha's big cock, Praise Kink, Body Worship, angst/hurt and comfort, drama, fluff, Frank Herbert would frown, some politics, implied/referenced (child) abuse ❗, Trauma, mentions of suicidal thoughts ❗, Healing, Strangers to Lovers, falling in love, Vulnerable!Feyd, Emotional!Feyd, Possessive!Feyd, Feyd is a sweet baby who did nothing wrong and I WILL pamper him, nurture not nature, Stockholm Syndrome but in a consensual way, lucid dreaming, implied/referenced cannibalism ❗, implied/referenced murder

WORD COUNT: 3.3k

Reposted from my Ao3 💕| Masterlist under construction ⚠️ | Relic Masterlist (estimated 12 Chapters)

Divider by @saradika-graphics

Tag list? Do let me know if u want me to tag u 👉👈

Next Chapter →

Day 1

"Look, doesn't this remind you of something?" A female voice whispers to him excitedly and Feyd-Rautha tilts his head to the source of the sound. 

"What do you mean?"

"Look!" The hand he didn't realize he was holding slides out of his grip and he chases after it viscerally, nearly overwhelmed by the sudden discomfort of having no soft palm against his own.

Advancing into the room, Feyd's feet step on polished parquet and his gaze swivels around, scanning his surroundings as to what could be so exciting. There are white curtains fluttering by the window, a king-sized bed carved out of white marble, a black comforter tucked around the mattress and blue pillows are lined up against the headboard. A real fern grows in a terracotta pot in the corner.

Alarmed, Feyd's head snaps back to the woman whose curves are wrapped in a Harkonnen gown of flattering and intricate nature and he finds her eyes brimming with meaning. She clutches his wrist and it is like some sense of mutual understanding settles upon him and the stranger. Her features soften and she looks at him confused.

"I don't recognize this place," he truthfully says.

"Me neither." She pulls her hand away and takes a step back, blushing from the proximity of this outlandish stranger.

"I'm dreaming, aren't I?" Feyd rumbles, tracing his fingertips over the cool, smooth marble bedpost. It feels so real. He wonders if she will feel just as real.

"I don't know. I feel so awake." 

A flash of warmth blossoms in Feyd-Rautha's chest as he regards this woman he has never seen before, moving curiously around the light-flooded bedroom. Sunlight filters through the curtains, temporarily robbing her flesh of color. A frown decorates her brows and she turns back to face him. There is something comforting about the way she moves and Feyd chases after her with measured steps.

"What's your name?" He asks. She tells him only a forename, no House, unfamiliar sounding. "I've never heard that name before," Feyd confesses, standing too close to the stranger, but she doesn't seem to mind. Her pretty face is craned upwards to meet the alluring gaze of his eyes. She would describe the color as baby blue.

"And what's your name?" She breathes. If this is a dream, she has no reason to be nervous.

He hesitates at that but ultimately says truthfully: "Feyd." 

The name sparks no recognition on the woman's features and he finds himself flooded by immense, stupid relief. There is probably more than one person in the universe named Feyd. And he's often heard that Harkonnens all look the same to foreigners. He will not mention his last name, he vows to himself. It will be his secret. He doesn't even dare to dream within the dream of all the things he could talk about with a person who doesn't know who he is.

"Feyd," she repeats, suddenly giggling.

What? What is there to giggle about? Feyd leans an inch closer, eyes rapidly dancing across her mirthful face.

"Feyd as in you will fade away when I wake up?" She covers her mouth now, still laughing. Something compels him to laugh as well because all things considered, this was a funny joke. There is unfamiliar pressure against the apples of his cheeks as the corners of his mouth lift into a wide grin and then his lips part and what escapes him is a small haha.

Suddenly, the woman flinches and a little bit of color is drained from her cheeks. She catches herself quickly. "Sorry! I just-"

"What? Oh, the black teeth? People usually find them very pretty where I'm from, desirable even.” Feyd closes his mouth. Laughter doesn't suit him anyway.

"Oh, no, please keep laughing!" She wraps her hand around the man's wrist, noticing he is entirely smooth and hairless there too. So smooth, she wants to curl against his body and rub her cheek against his pallid flesh. She's been trying hard not to stare at his outlandish features too much, the strikingly pale skin, so light that it almost looks translucent, the entirely bald head and lack of brows. She doesn't want to be disrespectful.

Why does she worry about insulting a figment of her imagination?

Encouraged by her touch, Feyd tries to smile once more and is surprised how easy it is. It shouldn't be that easy. It shouldn't feel so good. He looks away from the woman who still holds his wrist and finds a mirror on the far wall, suddenly understanding her reaction. He looks scary to himself, his cheeks not in the right place

"If I pinch you, will you wake up?" She teases, pinching his skin without waiting for his answer. She seems fascinated by the small blotch which decorates his wrist where she poked him with her nail, twisting and turning his wrist and hand like he's an interesting specimen.

If this  is a lucid dream, he doesn't have to worry so much about what he does, Feyd thinks. He feels compelled to do things he wouldn't do in real life, such as dismantling the walls around his soul with laughter.

If this is a lucid dream, she doesn't have to worry so much about what she does, she thinks. She also feels compelled to do things she'd never do in real life. Such as throwing herself at this stranger's chest and chasing after his hauntingly pretty face, because she fears she will never again have a lifelike dream like this.

What isn't real cannot hurt me, they both think.

"So, Feyd…" She pronounces his name like an exotic, amusing thing. "What would you like to do?"

Feyd is taken aback by the question, because no one ever asks him that. Not like that. "What would you like to do?" He avoids, slinking closer with rolling gait and a small smirk on his serpentine features. He knows the way her pupils dilate well.

"There's a bed in the room, so…"

Feyd leers, smile turning wolfish. Yes, he will fuck this imaginary woman. He might even fuck her so good that his own climax jostles him awake. Which, upon second thought, would ruin the fun.

She speaks again, moving her lips closer to his, pretty lashes lowering so they almost kiss her cheek bones "...So perhaps that means we should sleep."

Feyd is baffled for a moment, then rumbles: "I won't sleep in my sleep."

"I meant sleeping with each other."

Oh. Feyd's hairless brows shoot up and something light flutters in his stomach when she starts giggling again, attempting to turn away as if suddenly bashful about her own words.

"To the bed, you confusing woman," he orders with a low growl and there is not even an ounce of resistance when his hands wrap around her shoulders, nudging her backwards, so her knees bend around the mattress and she sinks down.

The strange man's face hovers directly over her and she admires the dip of his cupid's bow and the soft curve of his jaws. So pretty. She reaches up and cups his cheek and the way his bone structure slots against her palms feels just right.

He pounces on her like a tiger and the strength and weight of the hard muscles concealed by a black tunic and slacks becomes evident. Heat pools into her abdomen instantly, caged under a man who feels like flesh and blood, smells like it too. A note of something leathery and metallic clings to him.

There is no need for a prelude. Feyd's lips kiss her decolletage before they find her throat and by the time they've found her lips, the hard ridge of his cock is pressed against her core which is only covered by the fabric of her dress, ridiculously easy to access.

Why not, she thinks. She likes how exotic he looks.

Why not, he thinks. He likes that she looks him in the eyes like she's not at all afraid of him.

Her hands curl around the back of his head shyly and Feyd wants to laugh at how soft her touch is, almost like she's worried of hurting him. He will have her fingernails in his scalp soon enough, he smugly thinks.

She rolls her hips against his pelvis, amazed how hard his body is. A small grunt escapes the stranger's mouth and mingles with the sloppy kiss which is all soft lips and saliva, leaving her open-mouthed and softly moaning for more as her core yearns for friction.

Feyd-Rautha is amazed by how soft and pliant her body is, breasts and stomach like a pillow for him to snuggle. And her little cunt is already grinding against his crotch. Under different circumstances, he might have had his fun right away, but her squirming hips are too tempting to not take a closer look. He reaches down, long fingers gliding up the curve of her thigh where the dress has pooled around her hips. Instinctively, her leg curls up higher, knee pressing against his ribs. Feyd works her underwear halfway off her rear, needing to get up to slide it off fully.

"If this is a lucid dream, I should be able to make myself wet with a thought," she muses as Feyd scoots down and settles between her thighs, hard cock trapped between his belly and the mattress.

"Why waste a thought when I have a tongue?" 

"Oh my, aahh!" A pink tongue rolls past inky teeth and tentatively circles the tender bud at the apex of her slit. "I think you don't need to think at all right now." He whispers against her cunt, hot breath fanning across her flesh.

She seems to agree with him, lifting her knees against her chest with a soft sigh, baring all of herself to him as if it's the easiest thing in the world. Her heart flutters when she peeks down, catching the pale man staring up at her with light blue eyes, framed by long, blonde lashes. The tip of his nose is snug against her venus mound and his tongue pampers her with tight circles that make her spine arch off the mattress. She cups his head, finding nothing to pull on, so her fingernails become little anchors trying to dig into his scalp.

It's nice like this, Feyd thinks, allowing her to cradle his head with both hands and rock her pelvis against his tongue. One pale hand keeps her thigh pinned to her chest, the other deftly nudges her folds apart and two fingers sink into the wetness that her body so generously provides. 

She moans so sweetly and Feyd means to wink but somehow ends up blinking with one eye, then with the other which makes her giggle Laughter really is the last thing he ever wants to hear when eating out a woman, but her head rolls back, chest arching off the bed, and her fingers on his scalp urge his tongue back to work, so wraps his lips around her clit and suckles, enjoying the wetness of her cunt while her cunt enjoys the friction of his fingers.

Patiently, Feyd notes her breaths becoming more shallow, the tension in her legs greater, the needy rhythm of her pelvis against his face quicker. With one determined flex of his muscles, he pulls away, emerging from between her thighs with glistening slick smeared all over the lower half of his face, pink lips swollen.

"Ahhh, wait, no! Don't stop!" She cries for him to continue but ends up silenced when Feyd pulls the tunic over his shoulders and the pants down his hips. He wishes she would say something rather than just stare, but her parted lips and flustered expression are good enough of a compliment. Her legs willingly fall open when Feyd climbs back on top of her, all hard, milky flesh and dilated pupils. He looks beautiful enough to die for, she thinks, wondering how her mind came up with such a uniquely gorgeous specimen.

"Oh this isn't going to fit." She shakes her head in denial when he wraps his fist around his cock, stroking himself a little. 

"Oh, but it will." Two pale fingers sink into her squishy hole once more, thrusting and curling while her eyes remain transfixed on the length and girth of his cock, the head flushed pink with excitement. After a moment, he pulls out and lubricates himself with her glistening essence before nudging his cock head to her waiting entrance, pinning her soft thighs in place with his muscled ones on either side of her.

"Ahh-Ouch!" She cries out and Feyd shushes her, thrusting slowly into her wet, hot cunt, lips parted with awe as he observes every scrunch and twitch of her face.

Of course it fits eventually, because why wouldn't it? Anything is possible in a dream.

She lets out a little huff when somehow all of him is stuffed inside her and the man settles on top of her, bodies intimately flush. He is a hard and soft cage of muscles and impossibly smooth flesh and she feels every twitch of his pelvis against the back of her thighs. She feel so full, she wants to weep into Feyd's shoulder, which is exactly where her face is currently buried with the way he is folded over her, grunting softly as he fucks her with short, quickening thrusts.

"Ahh, Feyd!" She clings to his back, nails clawing at the corded muscles.

"Say that again."

Feyd's hand slips down and wraps around around her ass cheek, lifting her pelvis with every thrust. Great Mother, she thinks. He is so strong, manhandling her body like it's a cute little plaything. Her pussy clamps down on him with a foreboding flutter and wetness drips past the root of his cock, down the cleft of her ass where his balls smack against her flesh wetly.

"Feyd~" She whimpers his strange name, wrapping her legs around his waist, heels pressing into the back of his strong thighs, then higher. The muscles of his ass are equally hard, currently flexing with each thrust. He is so impossibly smooth everywhere, cuddling with him must be the nicest thing in the world.

He lifts himself a few inches, changing the pace to keep her away from the edge of climax. She lets out a sweet whine, probably thinking he's done it by accident. That makes him feel guilty and he doesn't like the feeling at all. Feyd decides quickly on a hit and run strategy, trying to memorize every square inch of her face (so he may picture it in front of his mind's eye when jerking off the next day) while filling her cunt with quick thrusts, igniting pleasure that spills from his balls through his cock and culminates in thick ropes of cum.

Feyd was so dead certain he would wake up the second that his orgasm ripples through his body, that he almost finds himself unable to cherish his release when he doesn't wake up. Nothing changes. The woman remains beneath him, softly panting and riding out his climax with him, hands curled around the back of his head. Her soft, wet cunt feels too good to be a figment of his imagination and Feyd tries to bring his face under control, closing his mouth and blinking away the rapture. He pulls away from her and rolls on his back, letting the air cool the sheen of dampness that has formed on his chiseled torso.

There's nothing he can do to keep himself busy, no chains or shackles to remove, no burning welts to soothe. He can't even throw her out or the room because this isn't his room. Hyperaware of every breath and every shift of air molecules in the room, Feyd stares at the ceiling. He didn't wake up. What if she drew a knife and killed him now, would he wake up or be found passed away in his sleep in his somber chambers in Barony?

His head whips around, livid at himself that he didn't smell a trap sooner. She could be  bait, a Bene Gesserit witch, a hallucination. Perhaps the Baron poisoned the wine Feyd had for dinner. He finds her expression gloomy and her arms crossed in front of his chest, dress tugged back down. She doesn't acknowledge him looking at her, so Feyd sits up. 

"You're pouting with me?" His voice still sounds a little breathless.

"You stopped before I was finished! Twice." 

"I didn't want you to wake up." Warmth tickles at his chest from within. She's too sweet.

"But if your climax wakes you up, that's fine?" She finally looks at him, finding his plush mouth twisted into a little smile.

Feyd's eyes sparkle as he leans closer, shifting his weight on one elbow. "You could have stopped me."

"But I liked the way you fucked me. And the way you looked and sounded while you were doing it." That causes Feyd to fight against the grin that pulls on the corners of his mouth. "But we're absolutely not finished." She reaches for his shoulder and pulls, so he sits up halfway, then pushes to urge him between her legs. "You're going back down there."

Chuckling, Feyd complies. He doesn't mind eating his own cum. With an appreciative hum, his hands curl around her thighs, lifting them, so he may regard the feast ahead of him properly. Her cunt looks as flushed and soaked as it should and Feyd wriggles his tongue inside her squishy entrance to soothe the burning stretch his cock must have caused her. Her hand finds his scalp and Feyd involuntarily huffs against her slit, loins throbbing with dull arousal. If he wasn't so utterly spent, this simple touch would have made him hard.

If this is a lucid dream, shouldn't he be able to get himself ready again? 

It doesn't work, or perhaps he just doesn't know how. The woman's fingers tug on his head, wordlessly upset at his lack of hair. She wants his tongue on her clit and he is in the mood to comply, circling the little bud and enjoying the way her hips jump against his face. He adds two fingers, perhaps for vain reasons, eager to feel each twitch of her walls. She gasps, feet planted on his shoulders. He tries to be careful with her sensitive, little cunt and suckles on her clit, thrusting his fingers just slowly.

Teasingly, he pulls out for a moment to make a show of suckling his spend off his digits.

"What is that?!" She suddenly snaps and scrambles away from him, nearly catching his chin with her foot. Instinctively, Feyd snatches her ankle, yanking her back to him hard, lips pressed into a worried line.

"What's wrong?" He growls.

"What did you put in me?! Why is it black?" Her expression has slipped from dream to nightmare. Feyd however breaks out grinning wide, showing all of his inky teeth as the alarmed tension dissolves. She is so cute. She's never had a Harkonnen, and why would she? Feyd quite enjoys being her first and maybe her last, if she continues being like this.

"You didn't know it's black?"

"Why would it-? Ugh." Her head plops back down on the pillow. This is a dream, she reminds herself, and if his cum is black, it's black and it's not going to affect her. Satisfied, Feyd bends her legs back up and lies down on his tummy. "And you promise it's… safe?"

"Well, yes, aside from the usual chemicals."

"Chemicals?! Oh, sure, ahh, if you say so~"

A dream, she reminds herself again as Feyd resumes his work between her thighs, teasing her tender nub with the tip of his tongue. Only a dream, a strange and wonderful one that feels too good to be true as her pleasure crests the summit and her release rolls through her body in sweet waves.

Oh, lady dear, hast thou no fear? Why and what art thou dreaming here? - The Sleeper by Edgar Allen Poe, 1831

[ellewritesalright]

The Lost Princess - Part 2

Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

Part 1

Synopsis: The old Queen Mother of Kerch's former royal family is offering a hefty reward to whoever returns her rumored-to-be-alive granddaughter to her. Kaz being Kaz hears about the reward and hatches an elaborate plot involving a fake princess. Reader is a lowly amnesiac orphan and escaped indenture who flees to Ketterdam where she gets tangled in Kaz Brekker's plot.

A/N: Hi folks!! I hope you've all been good--it's been a busy time for me but I'm so excited to be posting part 2! Just a reminder to everyone that the story is inspired by the movie and musical Anastasia. Once again, I hope it makes sense lmao

Warnings: mentions of sickness, death, drowning, violence, the Kerch indenture system. Me rambling. pls let me know if I've missed anything

Word count: 2901

.........

The dreams were worse tonight.

The once gentle, whispering voices turned to screams. Someone was calling for you, crying into the pitch black night with a painful tremor in their voice. You wanted to call back but couldn't find the strength. Honestly, when have you ever had that kind of strength? You're not brave, not like you should be. There were times at the big house where you would get so angry with the other servants, angry enough that you felt ready enough to cuss them out, yet you never did. You were too afraid of the consequences that stepping out of line would yield.

Your nightly visions only further prove your cowardice. In the dark of your nightmare, there was no hope, and you woke up shaking and nauseated.

The streets below the window of your room were still populated despite the late hours. It was the end of the week, though, and you figured people were using the night to let loose. The lantern beside your bed had long burned out, and you rummaged in your trunk for the pair of shiny candlesticks and matches you had stolen from Devisser's home--the wax had almost all burned out but there were still the holders. The brass would fetch enough money for you to survive maybe two weeks. It was not enough, though. Nothing was ever enough. You could have stolen his wife's entire collection of jewelry and you still wouldn't be able to get a ticket out of Kerch. No amount of money could strike your name from the lost indentures list.

There was always that Brekker that the shopkeeper had steered you towards. If he could do what she said and help you get to Ravka then you should find him as soon as possible. You had nearly gone to see him several times in the last few days, but you always chickened out. You would head over to the Crow Club with every intention of meeting Brekker, and yet, you could never bring yourself to go inside.

You were about to light one of the candles but instead you packed them away and pulled your day clothes from your trunk. You probably looked disheveled as you hit the streets, but not less composed than most of the people around you. A man stumbled past you, drunk, before he leaned into a post and emptied his guts into the street. The barrel really was a lovely place. You should have come sooner.

You pulled up the collar of your jacket to protect yourself from the wind that seemed to pick up the closer you got to the Crow Club. People were milling about the streets, their chatter and whispers carrying through the crisp air. What kind of secrets did they share? And how long would it take before their secrets infected the entirety of the barrel? In the short time you had been here it seemed you had heard the phrases "I heard it from" and "I assure you it is true" a thousand times. Everyone was a gossip, which made everyone dangerous. All it would take for you to be found by Devisser or the stadwatch was a rumour about your origins. Speculation about you might lead to the uncovering of your deserted indenture or people might think you were a runaway Grisha. The last thing you needed was for people to think you were valuable or worth notice. You were just another face in the crowd; your only goal was to go to Os Kervo.

The club was bustling with people as you arrived. You stood back a bit, biting at the inside of your cheek. For a moment you debated whether you should just go home, but you couldn't seem to make up your mind. You could only wait. As for what you were waiting for, you had no idea. A sign from the saints, maybe? Anything at all that would tell you to trust the club and the Brekker inside of it.

A young man stood against the building, staring directly at you as you eyed the crow sign above the door; it swung in the breeze, as though it was about to take flight. The man had been outside before when you passed by, watching you closely then as he was now. He called out to you.

"Have you finally plucked up the courage to come inside this evening?"

Your stare snapped down to him. He palmed a pair of pistols at his waist, but there was no threat in the action. It looked like more of a comfort or a habit that he had. He had never interacted with you before, just stood watch.

"I don't know," you answered, truth in your words. You stepped closer to the building, closer to the man. "I was thinking about it."

"Well, you look cold, perhaps you should think about it inside," he smiled.

A short scoff escaped you and you moved to stand before him. "If I entered the club I wouldn't need to think about entering the club."

"Sounds logical to me." He tilted his head at you. "What are you afraid of?"

You paused. There was nothing innately scary about the club. You weren't a gambler nor were you a drinker, so you wouldn't be trapped in a cycle of either if you decided to go inside. What you were doubting was the person you were supposed to see. If you were to believe the shopkeeper, this Brekker could be the key to your future. He could help you attain your lifelong dream of finding your family in Os Kervo. It was the idea that you might finally be getting what you wanted that made your stomach turn to lead.

"I just… I have to ask a big favour of someone I've never even met and I don't know how they'll react," you decided to tell him. It was close enough to the truth, and he considered what you said.

"There's no use in worrying over it, then," he said. "It sounds like something you just have to do."

His words were encouraging, and you smiled at him.

"If I may, who are you asking a favour of?"

"Someone called Brekker."

His mouth desperately wanted to curve into a smirk and you could tell that he was doing all he could to stifle a laugh. This reaction made your fear return, and you frowned up at him. He noticed your pointed look and managed to clear his throat.

"What's wrong with Brekker?" You questioned.

"Nothing at all. It's just funny to me that you're so afraid of seeing Kaz."

"You know him?"

"Know him? We're great friends. You're gonna love the man." He leaned towards you, raising a brow. "In fact, why don't you and I go inside and meet him right now."

His tone was playful with a hint of deceit, but you could tell he was not entirely dishonest. If you had to go out on a limb you would say that he was not trying to lead you astray.

You nodded, and he grinned, leading you inside.

……….

The breeze caught the curtains in Kaz's office. He had been doing the books when Inej came in, giving him a report of the whispers on the street. She was still there, explaining to him about an actor that Pekka Rollins was training to be the missing princess. Apparently the actor was very convincing, and--to add insult to injury--she had been one of the ones Kaz auditioned and ultimately turned away. But if he rejected her it must have been for a good reason. Still, the thought of Pekka fooling the old lady and getting the reward put a sour taste in Kaz's mouth. That reward was his. She was his pigeon.

Inej was interrupted by the door squeaking open, making a wedge of space just big enough that Jesper poked his head in.

Kaz spat his name, glaring daggers into his friend's face. "What could possibly be important enough for you to be here? I told you to watch the door."

"I was watching the door," Jesper replied, "when I came across someone who wanted to meet with you."

"Tell them I'm not seeing anyone right now," he dismissed, turning back to Inej. He knew he was being harsh, but the information he had just been given put him in a foul mood. He would likely seethe for the rest of the night, snapping at anyone who bothered him.

"Oh, you'll want to see them, I can promise you that." Jesper opened the door, gesturing for someone to come in with a "here we are, my dear."

You stepped past the threshold and immediately Kaz felt his anger diminish. After waiting for nearly a week since that day in the shop, you had made your way to him. There was apprehension in the muscles of your shoulders as you took in the room. Your eyes fell on him and he stared back, studying your features properly for the first time. There was something uncanny about your face, and you certainly looked more like the missing princess than everyone else he had seen for the job. You murmured a quick introduction, eyes darting to Inej but quickly falling back to him as you told them your name and began to explain why you were here.

"I have an issue I was told could be solved by a man named Brekker. I assume that's you." You tilted your chin at him, uneasiness in your stance. It didn’t take a genius to tell that you were nervous.

"You assume correctly, Miss Vos." He motioned for you to sit in the armchair before his desk, and he stepped behind the surface. Jesper and Inej stood by the wall, and you glanced over your shoulder at them before meeting Kaz's waiting stare. "Your issue?"

"I need to go to Ravka, but I don't have the money for travel papers. Also… it's not exactly legal for me to leave the country."

He half expected you to lie, to say something other than what he had overheard in Eugenia's shop, but you didn't. You either trusted him enough to be honest--which didn't seem likely judging from the way you sat with your spine as rigid as a marble post--or you had no other choice but to be frank with him. It was probably the latter.

He looked down at you, responding smoothly, "Normally I wouldn't be able to help you with something like that, but as luck would have it, I can obtain the proper documentation."

Your shoulders relaxed a bit, your face softening. But you had barely any time for ease as he spoke again.

"However, my offer is conditional," he said, leaning into the desk. You swallowed, brows pulling together as you looked up at him. "Have you heard the rumours of a missing princess?"

You gave a quick nod.

"And have you heard of the Grand Duchess Marien?"

"I know the name."

"Good. Then perhaps you'll know that the Duchess is the mother of the late king," he explained. "She's been searching for any leads on the missing princess."

"I don't see the relevance of this."

"I can help you get to Ravka, but only if you help me by posing as the princess."

You scoffed. "That would never work."

"Why not?"

"I-I was brought up in servants’ quarters, not a palace--I wouldn't even know where to start if I were to pretend to be a princess."

"That's where we come in," he said, nodding to Jesper and Inej. You looked at them, and he kept on, saying, "We can teach you everything you'll need to know."

"This is ridiculous. I'll find my own way," you huffed, moving to stand. Kaz was quick to react, his cane blocking your path to the door.

"Sit down," he ordered. Your glare, piercing as it was, could not rival his. The sight of yours did nothing to intimidate him, whereas--after a long, unblinking moment--his had the required effect. You took a seat.

Kaz pulled a book out of his desk drawer, flipping to a dog-eared page. He turned it around, motioning for you to look. A portrait of the royal family peered up at you, and you stared at it with pursed lips.

"The princess was six years old here, and though the resemblance is not exact, it is there," he explained, pointing at the youngest girl in the image. She stood beside a little boy, hands folded atop his shoulder. You stared between them for a moment. When you looked up at Kaz he swore he saw a glint of sorrow in your eyes. You recovered in a split second, shaking your head.

"No way." You crossed your arms, casting an irate stare at Kaz. "I'm an orphan. I don't have a family. I know for certain that I don't because if I did I would remember them--especially if they were a royal family."

There was a bite to your voice, a bitter sting of something which seemed to pain you. It was hopelessness that marred your words, and yet a lack of hope should have led to despair or exhaustion, not bitterness. Perhaps you hadn't lost hope. Perhaps it was the slim possibility of hope he presented that made you recoil. He could work with that.

Kaz sat down in his chair, levelling with you in the aim of coaxing information out of you. He wasn't trustworthy enough when he stood over his desk. If he wanted you to be vulnerable, he had to show vulnerability, and sitting would do that. He even briefly considered sending Jesper and Inej away but figured you seemed comfortable enough already with them in the room. They weren't as imposing as him, he supposed.

"What do you remember?" He asked, trying to be gentle with his words. You stared at the wall over Kaz's shoulder at a painting of the harbour. He saw Jesper start to fidget where he stood and even Inej looked slightly disinterested, but once you started to speak they listened carefully.

"I was ten or so when I was pulled from the True Sea. A group of fishermen found me floating on a barrel, said I probably jumped from a slaver ship. I was barely breathing, at least that's what they told me. They wrapped me in blankets, gave me food and a name; I still can't remember what my old one was."

You picked a bit of fluff on your pant leg, averting your stare even further. Your words were ghostly, devoid of all feeling like you had rehearsed them your entire life, and yet there was a faint tremor to your voice. How curious.

"When we got to shore they handed me over to their boss, a mercher named Devisser. I worked in his second home on the southern shore until a few weeks ago. Almost all of my memories were made in the kitchens of that place; I don't remember anything before the fishing boat." You met his eyes again, folding your hands in your lap, a neat little pile of rough knuckles and calluses, nothing fit for a princess. "Look, all I want is passage to Os Kervo. I don't even need to be taken all the way there, just as long as you get me to Ravka."

"And we can help you," Kaz insisted. "If you pretend to be the princess, learn the etiquette, the history, you can get to Ravka in mere months."

"I don't want to lie to make my way in the world."

"But if you think about it, It's not really lying," Jesper jumped in then, and Kaz held his breath. If he ruined this for them… "For all any of us know, you could really be the princess. I mean, you look like her, right? Plus, you've got family in Os Kervo, she's got family in Os Kervo."

If it weren't for the softening in your brow–your thoughts rolling through your mind with Jesper's words–Kaz would have put a stop to his friend. But, as it was, you seemed to be coming around to the idea. Jesper was playing on your lack of childhood memory in order to alleviate your guilt about tricking an old woman, and Kaz might have commended him for it if he really wanted to.

"We can show you to the old bat; if she says you aren't her granddaughter then there's no harm, no foul." Jesper smirked at you, "Plus, you'll have made it to Os Kervo where you can look for your real family."

You stared between the three of them, perhaps measuring the degree of sincerity in each of their eyes. In a rare attempt to be like Jesper, Kaz let his expression fall, making his face friendlier–or, at the very least, neutral. When you looked at him he looked back with eager eyes. They ought to do the trick.

"Are you in?" He asked.

"Why not?" You sighed, folding your arms. "If it gets me to Os Kervo…"

Jesper was grinning behind you, Inej had a small smile, and Kaz felt his mouth nearly imitate them. All the anger he had ten minutes ago had melted away. Pekka Rollins was far from his mind. The only thing that mattered now was making this amnesiac orphan into a princess.

..........

A/N: Thanks for reading! Feel free to like, reblog, and comment if you want to read more, I really appreciate the feedback! If you want to be tagged in the upcoming parts of this series please comment on this part or send me an ask. And if you want to request a fic, please feel free to send in an ask. Otherwise, I hope you have a great day/night :)

Masterlist

Taglist: @clockworkballerina @happyhauntt @mysticalfuncollectorus @aislinrayne @littleshadow17 @tooru-bread @katrina0-0

[ficnation]

Chapter 3: Splattered Brains

Series: “Eat Your Heart Out” Pairing: Hannibal Lecter x Female! Reader x Will Graham Word count: 4,6k+ Warnings: canon-typical warnings A/n: Plot twist—I couldn't wait. Enjoy it, my darlings. (unedited)

Main Masterlist || Hannibal Masterlist

PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

Will looks through the peephole before opening the door, his entire body tense. He glances back at you apologetically, and you know he wants to continue where you left off. You want more too, but you understand—there’s the world outside, with its mysteries and its demands, and you both have to confront it.

The woman on the other side of the door is someone you don’t really recognize. Her face rings a bell somewhere in the back of your head, but you can’t say for sure you’ve met her before. She doesn’t seem like a person that would linger in your memory for long.

“Will,” the woman acknowledges him, red lips pressed into a thin line.

“Alana,” he responds, his tone flat and devoid of any sympathy. “What brings you here?” 

Will’s face is frozen in a state of neutrality, neither annoyed nor pleased by the woman’s presence—it’s impassive. A tiny part of you wonders if he’s ever looked at you with this much disinterest.  You know he doesn’t have it in him, he loves you with his entire being, but the idea makes a sour grimace crawl onto your face.

There’s no happy greeting between them, and it’s selfishly comforting even though it shouldn’t be. You don’t know her at all, yet she seems to be the polar opposite of what you stand for. 

Alana’s eyes flit across the room, landing on you for the first time, and as her gaze lingers, she raises her eyebrow. Her face has a timeless quality, sharp angles, and beautiful, expressive eyes. But something about her doesn’t sit right with you. That look she sends you as if she’s inspecting you, trying to analyze you—you hate it.

“Don’t ask me that question when you already know the answer to it,” she says, her tone just as cold and detached as Will’s. “I’m here for a reason, Will. And the less you drag this out, the better.”

You notice Will’s fists clench at her words, you take his hand in yours, dragging the pads of your fingers across his white knuckles. He relaxes under your soothing touch. You take a step closer to him, pressing yourself against his shoulder.

“Just get to your point,” Will says, his coldness making the situation all the more tense. “What do you want from me?”

Alana stares at your entwined hands then her eyes meet yours again, and Will notices how her attention is immediately pulled solely to you—as if everything else is bathed in a thick fog. You notice how her lips slowly curve downward, just a bit. You think she might be envious.

She bites the inside of her cheek, proving you right. She’s jealous. You can’t help but smirk at this realization. Will glances at you, asking wordlessly for an explanation, because whatever game this is, he’s clearly not in the loop. You don’t give him what he wants this time.

“I will give you some privacy then,” you suggest, whistling at the dogs to follow you outside. You don’t have to call for them twice, as they run toward the door, waggling their tails. “Just don’t take too long. I don’t want to keep Crawford waiting.”

Before Will can object, the dogs dash out the door, and you follow in their steps, shutting it behind you. You know you did the right thing by giving them some space. How she treated Will was unforgivable, but he has to fight this one battle by himself—if you stayed there by his side, you’d probably bash her head against the wall. Not today. This fight has to be his.

You look over at the door, and you think you can hear their voices through the walls, but you’re not entirely sure. After a few moments, the door opens and Alana storms out. She doesn’t even look at you, she just turns on her heel and walks away, leaving Will behind.

You lean against the railing of the porch, the dogs snuggling up against your calves for pets and scratches—something you never deny them. It’s a moment of peace in a world full of chaos, and you can’t help but enjoy it all—even the chill bite of the winter air. It’s refreshing after spending all night and morning with Will, whose body radiated so much heat, and who left you breathless every time he was close.

He steps out on the porch, and you turn to face him, confusion written across your features. The man only shakes his head, staring at her retreating back. You don’t pry, and he doesn’t tell. There’s a wordless understanding between the two of you already—he’ll tell you when he’s ready, and his emotions are no longer an overwhelming susurration.

Will takes his place at your side, elbows leaning on the wooden balustrade. Both of you watch in silence as Alana Bloom walks down the driveway, soon disappearing from your view. 

“You don’t like her much, huh?” you ask, voice laced with irony.

You don’t really expect an answer, so he only rolls his eyes. But there is a hint of sadness in them, a tiny sign of his own disappointment, at himself, her—all of it. He takes your hand in his and leans forward to kiss your icy-cold cheek.

He pulls away then, his gaze fixed on you. “We should get going,” he says quietly. “You don’t want to keep Jack waiting.”

And he’s right. You’ve been out here a little too long, and Jack is bound to be impatient by now. You’re sure he’s already called twice to ask you where you are.

Your cheek still tingles from the kiss, but you remain focused on the way Will’s expression shifts slightly. He’s crestfallen, there’s no denying it, and you know this conversation took a toll on him—even if he doesn’t want to admit it. He calls the dogs inside, then locks the door. You squeeze his hand, and with a sigh of resignation, the two of you head to the car.

The cold has gotten to your skin, and you can feel every pore of your body aching for warmth. The windshield is covered in a thin layer of snow, and your body shivers as you wait for Will to swipe it off with his glove-covered hand. Even though he already unlocked the car, you refuse to let him suffer in the unforgiving winter alone.

Once he’s done, he joins your side and opens the passenger door for you. The protest on the tip of your tongue dies off when he guides you inside with a steady hand on the small of your back—you comply. He closes it behind your back with a satisfied grin that doesn’t really reach his eyes. He gets in the driver’s seat and starts the car, warming it from within.

You put on the seatbelt, and relax your muscles, letting your fingers trail along the armrest and the door, enjoying the warmth against your skin. Your mind is wandering, lost in memories of the morning and the little moments you shared with Will. 

“You know…” Will starts from behind the wheel, his eyes don’t stray from the road ahead. There’s a quiet moment between you two while he considers what he has to say, and when he finally talks, he barely mumbles the words under his breath, “I was thinking…”

“About what?” You raise your eyebrow in curiosity, giving him all your attention and more.

“Well, I was thinking…” he pauses for a moment, the words struggling to leave his lips, he’s visibly tense.

You want to say something, help him find the words. It’s clear he needs a little push. So you reach up and caress his stubbled jaw—the lightest of touches—hoping the gesture can help ease him out of this nervous state.

It works. Will sucks on his bottom lip for a moment, still facing forward, but at least his face is calm now. “I’ve always been in love with you.” Even though it’s only a whisper, the confession sounds like thunder in your ears—its rumble shaking every tiny cell in your brain. “I never said it out loud until you disappeared. I regret it to this day.”

That’s all it takes for your chest to tighten and your heart to start hammering wildly. It makes you wonder if you’re on the verge of having a heart attack. You know you love this man—you know more than anyone else on this earth just how strong your feelings are for him. You were always aware that he reciprocated it—in his own intricate way, but there was no way to be absolutely certain. Hearing him say it now—gifted your mind with a blissful sense of peace.

You look at him, and you can’t find the words to respond. Nothing that comes to mind is even faintly close to what you feel for him, so you settle for a gentle squeeze of his thigh.

Will glances at you, his eyes roaming over the curve of your cheekbones, the shape of your lips, the long lashes fluttering over your eyes—you’re breathtaking. You don’t even need to respond—he knows how you feel already, and he’s just happy to have you by his side again. He’s head over heels, hopelessly and utterly—in love.

“I’ve never met anyone who made me feel the way you do,” Will continues, and the words ring out in the cramped space of the car. “Nobody has ever seen me the way you do. Nobody has ever loved me the way you do. You’ve been the only light in my darkness, the only source of hope in my life.” His voice softens with every word, and he doesn’t look at you as he talks, afraid he’ll get distracted if he does. He just needs to get it all out.

Your smile is so bright when he catches it in his peripheral vision—it could probably replace the stars at night. He takes a pause, and you wonder if all those words have made him feel better. It seems like that’s the case—he looks so much more peaceful next to you, no longer tense from holding in everything he felt.

Will chuckles, and it fills the air with a different kind of light that washes over you and makes you feel just a bit warmer. Just as you retract your hand from his thigh, his own reaches past the center console, his palm grazing your knee to find it again. He interlaces his fingers with yours, and you think you’ll die of joy, and you wish the drive in the car never had to end—you could stay like this, his hand clasped tightly to yours, forever.

Silence falls between the two of you, but you’re so close to each other that it feels like there’s no need to speak. The tension in the car is gone, and Will’s words still linger in your mind. I’ve always been in love with you…

You’re so caught up in this elation, you don’t even notice when you reach your destination. The brutalist architecture of BAU’s building makes you feel intimidated—more than you anticipated. It’s cold, uninviting. There’s also another feeling that crawls over your skin, a sense of dread, but you shake it off before it can completely take over.

Will pulls into a parking spot, turns off the engine, and faces you. “We’re here,” he says, a grim expression on his face. It’s so different from how you just saw him a mere moment ago.

You share that expression. You feel it on your face, the weight of it pressing down on your soul as you slowly realize that you’ll need to step away from the bubble of happiness you’ve been in. It’s not a bubble you would ever want to pop—so you have to leave it behind. Shut it off.

You take in the headquarters’ exterior, its harsh outlines, and the shadows it casts on the already grim streets of Quantico. Your stomach sinks. There’s a part of you that missed this place, being in the field and helping people—it used to be your dream—but now you despise it. You don’t want to go back to seeing dead bodies over and over again, hearing the murmur of their whispers that never disturb the air and never leave you in silence for too long.

“I’ll take you inside,” Will offers, but you don’t really have a say in it either way. Of course, he notices the solemnity on your face. He puts his hand on your cheek, the skin of your cold face against his warm palm warming you for a brief moment. “Are you okay?”

“No,” you answer simply. You don’t have to say anything more.

Will gently caresses your jaw, thumb brushing softly against your lower lip. His eyes are filled with concern for you. He nods slowly, his hand still on your cheek. You can’t even explain what you’re feeling right now, but he understands as much—he’s been there too.

“I know it’s not easy,” Will says softly. “But I’m sure Crawford won’t keep you there long.”

You’re about to voice your doubts, the million reasons as to why this is a terrible idea, but then you pause. You can’t seem to find them—there is no single coherent thought in your head, the stress of the day finally taking its toll on you.

Will sighs and pulls away, leaving his hand hanging in the air for a while before he finally rests it on his own thigh. He climbs out of the car, and you take a few deep breaths to try to quiet the voices inside your head. You don’t know what you need, you just know that you don’t want this.

You step out, and the silence between the two of you doesn’t go unnoticed. Will reaches out to you once again and puts a hand on your shoulder, as if he can’t decide what to do, either. He looks over your shoulder—at the towering building in the distance.

The man sighs and steps closer to you. He looks at you, eyes roaming over your face, scanning every single detail of your expression. His voice is soft, almost a whisper. “I know it doesn’t feel right being back here,” he says, his hands still resting gently on your shoulders. “But I need you to be strong, for just a few minutes. Okay? This might be important.”

You nod, willing to do anything for him—anything at all. The deep breath you take in almost makes your lungs flutter in outrage.

“That’s my girl,” he says, his voice a little softer than usual.

He pulls away finally but doesn’t let go of you entirely. His hand holds tight to your fingers, and Will starts to walk you toward the building. It’s cold, windy, and you’re not looking forward to a single second of being inside that building. You’d much better prefer to freeze here outside—maybe turn into an ice sculpture if you’re lucky.

There is an undeniable uneasiness in Will’s expression as he opens the big doors and ushers you inside. It’s a big lobby, and every person there is busy with tasks, on the phone, typing something or other away on their computers.

You see Crawford sitting on one of the couches in a corner that almost resembles a waiting room. He glances at Will, and his expression only hardens upon seeing you two together. You want to run away, but Will has a grip on your arm and doesn’t let go.

“Come with me,” Crawford says to you, his tone stern and a little annoyed, probably by the fact you’re twenty minutes late. “We need to have a long conversation.”

You share an unsure look with Will, he nods encouragingly.  You feel his hand gripping yours, and you notice how shaky you are. For a moment, you wonder what the hell you’ve signed yourself up for by coming here.

Crawford heads for the nearest elevator, not waiting for you to catch up with him. His attitude is clear—he’s annoyed, and he wants results. That’s how it’s always been, but you never got the chance to get used to it.

“I will be here when you come back,” Will promises, tentatively releasing you from his hold.

You nod in acknowledgment before following after your former boss with hurried footsteps.

It’s a tense, uncomfortable, and entirely too silent ride up to the top floor. The lights are bright, almost blinding, as the elevator rises. Crawford stands by your side, arms crossed over his chest, face expressionless. You wonder what he even needed you here for.

He walks ahead of you and takes out a keycard from one of his pockets. A moment later, he uses it to open a door in the hallway, revealing a large office. The lights inside are dim, almost cozy, and the view from the large windows is one you recognize. Crawford heads inside, telling you to follow with an exasperated sigh.

“They moved your office two more doors down the hallway,” you notice, looking around in curiosity. You hope your poor attempt at loosening the atmosphere works, even just a bit.

Once Crawford chuckles at your words, you know you succeeded. “You’ve always looked for distraction, haven’t you?”

He takes a seat behind his desk and motions for you to do the same. He spends a few moments looking you up and down with a blank expression, the kind he usually reserved for suspects at interrogation.

“Have I changed that much?”

Crawford shakes his head, a grin forming on his lips. “Not really.” He sighs and leans back in his chair, taking in the view from the nearby window. “Though you look older than I remember.”

“It’s been long eight years,” you admit with a nod. You don’t even want to think about all the new wrinkles that materialized on your face through those years.

His eyes travel over the length of your arms, and then over your face again. “I can see time’s been hard on you,” he says. You know he’s not referring to your physical appearance, and that’s what stings the most. “You haven’t had it easy, have you?”

“I managed.” You don’t give him more than that. The stories of your suffering are yours to tell when you feel ready—and you don’t.

Crawford’s lips narrow as he considers your response. He doesn’t seem to be one who accepts “I managed” as an answer. Then again, he’s never been the patient type. You’re surprised when he doesn’t question you further on the matter.

He leans forward to grab a folder from inside his drawer. “I brought you here because I wanted to talk to you about Hannibal Lecter.”

You sit up straight and lean forward in your chair. Your eyes, bright and curious, are fixed on Crawford, who seems to notice it.

“You seem interested,” he says in the same neutral tone as always. He opens the folder and starts flipping through the pages. Then, he sets the folder down and looks straight at you. “I’m here to ask you a question,” Crawford says, “and I want you to think very hard about your answer before you say it.”

The room is quiet, still, and your heart is beating frantically in your chest. The silence stretches on, and it’s so loud you can practically hear it. 

“Do you believe the Chesapeake Ripper murdered your father’s killer?”

You study Jack for a moment, noticing the gleam in his dark eyes, and the way he focuses entirely on your response. You weigh your options—you can deny it and trust that Will already has a plan to catch Hannibal, or you can tell the truth and hope your former boss doesn’t consider you delusional.

“Yes, or no?” Crawford urges you, his tone sharp. It takes all your willpower not to answer right away.

“I do,” you blurt out finally with a resigned sigh. “I think he did it.”

The man nods slowly, his lips pressed together in thought. He doesn’t seem surprised by what you told him—it almost makes you wonder how much he already knows.

“Do you have any proof?” he asks. That’s the million-dollar question, and you know your former boss isn’t asking it just to make conversation. “Do you have anything to support your claim?”

“I wasn’t allowed near the evidence.”

“Don’t bullshit me.”

You feel your stomach twisting into knots for a second, but you remain calm. Crawford is not the kind of man you can lie to, so you take a breath and say what you have to say, the words spilling out of your mouth on their own.

“I know it sounds crazy,” you admit, “and I can’t say that I expected you to believe me. But I know I’m right about this.” You can feel Crawford judging you with his relentless gaze, so you continue, “He lost far too much blood, yet there was no sign of it pooled around him. Not the amount he’s lost. It’s almost as if it was drained out of him.”

Crawford only nods. He doesn’t look at you like you’re crazy—he looks at you like he’s studying a puzzle. He considers your words, staring at your face, his expression still and unchanging. Your words feel like they’re bouncing in the air, waiting for a response, for something that isn’t silence.

“And you’re sure there’s no other plausible explanation for it?” his tone is curious, interested.

Your heartbeat quickens as you shake your head back and forth. “No, that’s impossible.”

He’s intrigued now. The man doesn’t say a word, but you can tell from the way he looks at you. Crawford looks like he almost believes you. He’s interested, alright—very interested.

“Do you think it was Hannibal?” he asks. You notice the change in his tone, and you know a yes or no response will not be enough for Crawford this time. He needs the answer to satisfy his curiosity.

He has an aloof expression on his face, the kind that never truly gives away his thoughts. It keeps you hanging in uncertainty, because you have no idea what you should tell him that could possibly sate that curiosity.

“I believe Will.” Your answer is short, devoid of anything he was hoping for.

Crawford doesn’t seem to like that answer, at least by the way his eyes narrow and the way his lips tighten into a thin line. Then, after a momentary pause, he leans forward in his chair, his elbows resting on his desk.

“And what’s this belief based on?” he asks, his tone demanding, almost a challenge. He’s expecting you to tell him, to give him a reason to believe you.

“He’s not insane, Jack.”

“What makes you think he’s sane?”

You don’t hesitate when you give your answer this time. “Because I know him.”

You notice his eyes studying you once again, his gaze not stopping on any detail of your face. He doesn’t comment on what you just told him, and doesn’t tell you whether he believes you or not. Instead, he leans back in his chair once again and sighs. He lets his fingers tap against the wood of the table for a moment, a small sound in the quiet office.

“Your father’s case will be reopened. Be prepared to be questioned again,” he says, his voice very much like the Crawford you know. “Now I need you to answer me one last question.”

“What is it?” You tilt your head, you almost look curious, as if whatever he wants to ask isn’t something that worries you. It’s a carefully built facade, and you hope he doesn’t see straight through it.

It’s an uncomfortable few moments, as Crawford takes a break from his tapping to look straight at you with those intense eyes. The wait is almost killing you—but the tension in his expression might be even more deadly. He’s thinking deeply, and whatever he’s just figured out isn’t anything that you would like to be privy to.

“I want to offer you a deal,” is all he says. He leans back, crossing his arms over his chest.

“What deal?”

Crawford takes a deep breath as if he’s been holding it in for the better part of his life.

“I want you to go back to BAU.”

“No.”

He blinks, completely caught off guard by your response. You didn’t think saying no would be that easy. He pauses before his lips form a firm line. 

“That wasn’t a request,” he says.

“Well, you can’t really force me.” You shrug your arms—not even slightly moved by the intimidating raise of his eyebrow.

“Actually, I can.”

The air around you changes. You can feel the meaning behind his threat like a heavy weight, pressing down on your skin, suffocating you. You go to breathe, but find that the air is suddenly too thin, that it’s like breathing underwater. The world around you buzzes like a lightbulb before it explodes.

You can hear the screams of your sister, her wretched sobs, her desperate begging for you to stop. The buzzing gets louder—the image of your father’s body sliding down the wall as his brains splattered over the flowery wallpaper burns alive in your mind. 

You blink once, then twice, making sure there’s no suspicion nor satisfaction on Crawford’s face. There isn’t and relief washes over you like a wave—one that’s perfect for surfing.

“You can’t.”

Crawford’s face contorts, his lips twisting into a frown. He eyes you carefully. You can tell his mind is racing, trying to come up with something to make you join his team. There’s a heavy silence between the two of you as if you could hear a pin drop. You wait carefully with your breath bated and watch your former boss, waiting to see what he’ll do.

“Do you want your sister’s case solved or not?” he taunts. So that was his leverage over you. 

It’s almost jarring to hear him mention her, to see him play this card. You take a deep breath and keep yourself calm. His thought process was on point—you had to give him that. You’d do anything for your sister and to get rid of that stormy cloud hanging over your head anytime the room was too quiet or someone dared to mention her person.

“Yes,” you agree finally, “I want her case solved.”

“Then go back to BAU. It’s your answer.”

That tone of his makes it hard not to laugh out loud. You thought it might be that simple—a yes or no, two letters of the alphabet. That didn’t apply to Jack Crawford, it seems. He wants an answer, and he will get one. A smile curls on your lips as you consider how to proceed. You’d have liked to have more leverage in terms of negotiation, but unfortunately, you have none.

“Then make me an offer worth my while.” You cross your arms over your chest and wait with a raised eyebrow.

Crawford is still the boss you know and love, albeit slightly confused by your attitude. It’s clear that this isn’t how he expected you to respond. His lips curl into a frown again, but he seems to think of something suddenly.

“I want you to join BAU as Will Graham’s partner. You’ve worked with him before, and I need you on the team,” he asserts. “I need you to look at his cases from your perspective. You will have access to all resources we have available at the bureau. That’s my offer. Take it or leave it.”

You can’t help the surprise that colors your expression now. Working with Will again, and having access to the FBI’s resources, it’s impossible to say no. Now you might have a chance against the cunning mind of Hannibal Lecter.

You don’t even hesitate as you say, “Deal.” 

Crawford’s eyes soften as he hears your answer, and you can tell he’s glad you’re not going to give him a difficult time.

“The decision is yours, then,” he says finally. Your eyes meet his. “Will you go back to BAU?” 

You nod in response, showing him the brightest of your smiles. “Absolutely.”

[k4marina]

this was supposed to be a drabble, but fuck it, we ball.

bassed off of this.

warnings: gotham. moral of the story is don’t walk the streets of gotham alone at night

—��

"i don't get it," you say into the phone that's pressed in between your ear and shoulder. your best friend on the other line hums in agreement. "it's like he's living like a double life y'know? rich corporate dude by day, and then some sort of street thug by night."

she laughs on the other end. "that would be an interesting movie plot. but for real, i'm glad that i'm not in your shoes, no offense-"

"none taken,"

"-i'd drive myself insane trying to figure out who my soulmate was."

you shake your head, smiling, "careful, keep talking like that and you'll end up in arkham."

her laugh fades for a second before coming back to the phone. "speaking of which, has your little thug boyfriend run across the batman yet?"

you shake your head, not that she can see anyways, "no, not yet. i wonder what that would be like though. maybe then he'd stop running around in the streets like an idiot."

"a little intervention by the bats?"

"totally," you laugh. you glance back at the little wall clock you had, groaning. "i'm gonna have to go, gotta head to work. talk to you tomorrow?"

"okay, stay safe, byeee," you could hear the sound of her kissing on the other end, you doing the same before ending the call and getting ready for work.

—

by the time 4 am had rolled around you had finished your shift and were steadily making your way back home. was it risky to walk alone in the dead of night in gotham? yes. but at least you have your pepper spray.

the streets are dimly lit, casting an orange hue onto the pavement. the second you turn the corner you could already tell something was off. your hand reaches into the bag, pulling out your pepper spray, uncapping it.

your eyes shift around, scanning the area in front of you when a hand reaches out, pulling you back by your shoulder. you hit the persons chest, instinctively pulling back to see who it was.

some street thug who looked like he hasn't taken a shower in days gives you an eerie smile, sending shivers down your body and paralyzes you.

"don't cha' know betta then to walk around at night?" his nasally voice makes you want to recoil into yourself. his rancid cigarette breath doesn't help when he speaks up again.

"hey, i'm talkin' ta yah. you not gon' answer me." he steps forward and you step back in fear. "what? you think you too fuckin' good?"

he reaches into his pocket, pulling out a switchblade. "no like's a fuckin' bitch, yeah?"

before he could do anything, he stops, looking past you. you find the courage to turn, craning your head at the shadowy figure, spotting the symbol on his chest.

batman.

his eyes lock onto yours and you take a sigh of relief. he grunts, softly grasping your shoulder and pushes you behind him. only, when his hand makes contact with you, a white flash comes over your eyes and when it all fades away your met with the thugs face.

except, it's like you're in another persons body.. sort of how when you and your soulmate see out of the others eyes...

you watch as the thug gets beaten into a pulp in an all familiar way, now finally taking notice of the gloves he always wore and how thee thug rasps his name.

by the time the beating is finished your sight has returned to you and you stare into batman's back, your heart racing. he turns, and by the look in his eyes he knows too. he steps back to leave, but you're quicker.

"wait," you reach out, your hand just briefly making contact with his gloved hand. but it's enough for your sight to switch, momentarily seeing your own shocked face from a higher angle.

it was the batman.

"no fucking way," is all you're able to say. your soulmate wasn't a rich street thug.

i tired to make the creepy dude have a new york /jersey accent, but i've never written one before so it's probably shit lol.

[papermatisse]

Let Me Try Again || K.SY

♗ pairing: kwon soonyoung x f!reader

♗ genre: angst, fluff

♗ word count: 30k

♗ warnings: heavy plot + elements (depression, anxiety, abandonment), pregnancy, foul language

♗ synopsis: Soonyoung had never wanted to live a restrained capitalistic life, forced to work a tiresome 9 to 5, paying taxes until the day he dies. Though in exchange to pursue the other option, that being devotion to a career, he had to pay an unfathomably large price—he had to abandon everything and everyone he's ever loved. can he fit himself back into his former life? one that's changed more than he can possibly imagine? could the ones he loved forgive him for his wrongdoings? could he get the second chance he wants so desperately?

♗ (a/n): im back w my bs uwu. one of my biggest fics, named after Frank Sinatra's "Let Me Try Again". pls give it a read and enjoy! 😭🙏❤️

main masterlist

Soonyoung breathed a sigh of relief upon stepping off the plane. Though he was still trapped in the crowd of other passengers, scrambling to meet with their respective families and collect their baggage, he had never felt so free.

College was an experience, to say the least. He had his fair share of fun, partying and meeting new friends. Sometimes those parties went awry, with either cops showing up to dismantle the chaotic atmosphere or Soonyoung drinking more than he could handle. He also experienced those painful nights of cramming, staying up until the crack of dawn, eyes near bloodshot, faint lines of text imprinted in his vision for the next few minutes as he turned away from his textbooks.

Many times, he was sure he'd fail, ruin his life forever. The life he had worked tirelessly to prepare for. The life he traded everything for, leaving behind his family, his friends. The girl he had sworn he'd marry one day.

Yet here he was, Master's degree now printed on his resume in a single additional line. A new and accomplished man, ready to take on the world.

And it seemed his efforts were already coming to use as he left his university. He had already gotten a fairly reasonable job offer; a software engineer in the tech department of SVT Corporations. It was a major industry, a rare job offer he'll probably never see again in his lifetime. It had to be pure luck. That he was in the right place at the right time. A surreal experience, that he was able to land such a fantastic start to his career.

Though before accepting, he decided to return to his roots one last time. A final goodbye to his past. The foundation which supported him up to this point. His childhood home. 

Being away for so long was quite the challenge for Soonyoung. He had always been a family man, someone who always put his loved ones before himself. Though as he grew older, his priorities admittedly shifted. Yet there still remained that tug in his heart, swaying him back to his loved ones, reminding him that though he wished to give himself the stable life he had always craved, he could never truly sacrifice everything for himself.

So to have to pack up and move across the country for years was truly a harrowing feat, though one he nevertheless conquered.

It was difficult, a trial he never really prepared himself for because he never believed he'd have to endure it. That dull ache in his heart that first time he video called his mother. Watching her face appear on his screen, grainy from the lousy connection, though still there. Still his loving mother. She cried for him, proud he was doing this for himself. Happy that her son was going to have a future as an engineer. What more could a mother want but the joy of her children?

He remained where he was for all those years. Never once flying back home. Because he feared that the moment he stepped foot in his town, he'd stay. The memories of his past calling out to him. The treehouse his friends and him always frequented. The bowling alley Seokmin and him would spend hours in avoiding schoolwork. The park he confessed his love to his crush. 

Yet as he stepped off the terminal, breathing in the air of his hometown for the first time in six years, he felt his worries were for naught.

He had heard his family before he had seen them, sister all but colliding into him the moment she spotted him. Tears brimmed his eyes as he held her for the first time in years, surprised at how grown she had become. Afterwards came his mother who had already been crying long before she had seen him, and then his father who also looked equally misty eyed.

For the first time in a long while, Soonyoung felt somewhat complete. 

His first day back had been spent with his family. Catching up with them, sharing his stories from college, hearing some of the family drama he missed out on.

At the dinner table, as they continued to converse with one another, his father had asked what his plans were.

He told him that he had been given a job offer that he was supposed to answer by the end of the month.

The news definitely dampened the mood, as he basically admitted right then and there that they would only have Soonyoung for four weeks before he was to leave them once more. Nevertheless, they chose to cherish the little time they had with Soonyoung, refusing to dwell upon the inevitable and instead thrive in the happiness he granted them with his presence.

The next day, he was already calling his friends again, digging through his old contacts and hoping none of them had changed their numbers. Though more specifically, he hoped Seokmin hadn't changed his number. 

He pressed the contact, smiling fondly at the silly display before him. An old picture of the boy from when they went to the pool, the dual ensemble of a swimming cap paired with a tiny set of black goggles. It was dumb, yet ever nostalgic, and still brought joy to Soonyoung as he finally dialed the number, pressing his phone to his ear. 

Upon the first ring, Soonyoung felt himself gulp, nearly choking on the descent down his throat. His thoughts began hitting him all at once. 

What if Seokmin didn't want Soonyoung anymore? He did just leave with no other words after getting on that plane. What if Seokmin hated him?

Second ring.

Why didn't Soonyoung just talk to his friends? He knew he was busy, but he shouldn't have been too busy for his childhood friends? Why couldn't he just keep in contact at the least? A simple greeting every so often wouldn't have hurt him. 

Third ring. 

Soonyoung felt his face redden with anxiety, his heart rate picking up. Worries of whether he truly did lose his lifelong friend riddled his mind. His fingers clutched at his jeans, gulping again as his nerves burned within him. 

"Hello?" A voice chimed through his phone, the familiar voice of his best friend wading into his ear, easing Soonyoung's frantic worries as a grin stretched on his face.

"Hello," Soonyoung responded, biting his lip as silence filled the other line. Just from assumptions alone, Seokmin must've pulled his phone away, getting a gander at the contact that called him, because a distant gasp sounded out before the voice was once more right at the mic. 

"Soonyoung!" He hollered, nearly bursting his eardrum as he laughed at his friend's reaction. "Holy shit, dude, what's up! It's been literal ages! How've you been?" 

"I'm good, I'm good," Soonyoung answered, looking down at his lap. "I just graduated."

"Oh, I'm talking to an educated man, I see," Seokmin noted, bringing a chuckle to Soonyoung. "Well, Sir Academia, to what do I owe the pleasure of your call?" 

"Well, I'm home." It was quiet for a moment, so quiet that Soonyoung believed his friend may have hung up, but then he chimed in moments later. 

"Wait, home home? Like, here home?" 

"I'm at my parents house right now–"

"Oh my God! Stay there! I'll be there in ten minutes, okay!" The man suddenly hung up, causing Soonyoung to break out into more laughs at his friend's manic behavior.

At least he hadn't lost him. It felt like a light weight was lifted from his shoulders. That his bond with Seokmin was strong enough to persevere through these years. He still regretted cutting off everyone, though was still incredibly relieved at such a development.

The moment Seokmin pulled up, he was practically dragging Soonyoung away, shoving him into his car after a dramatic hug, and driving off. 

"I'm taking you to everyone," Seokmin explained as they made their way through the town.

Soonyoung smiled at the sights they passed. Nothing had changed. As if he hadn't ever left. As if the town was frozen in time, waiting for his return to thaw back to the present. It was comforting, a constant in his life he could rely on. 

The first person they went to was Seungcheol, working at his mother's real estate agency. They had waited for him to look up from his desk, and when he met their eyes, his facade of professionalism evaporated, the suited man leaping to his feet and practically hopping over his desk to embrace Soonyoung. The others in the office looked to them with terror at the display, but that didn't stop Seungcheol from lifting his long lost friend in the air, hugging him nearly to death with a bright smile on his face. 

Their next stop was Jeonghan and Joshua's apartment, the two of them having off from their jobs for the day. Seokmin had knocked on their door, to which neither of them answered. Insisting that he knew they were in there, Seokmin continued to knock until a disgruntled Jeonghan finally whipped open the door, about to tell off the supposed loiterers at his door until he saw Soonyoung. The fanfare continued as Joshua came out, coming to investigate what all the ruckus was about, though inevitably joining alongside his roommate with welcoming Soonyoung back. 

This continued for the rest of the day practically, Seokmin dragging Soonyoung to every corner of the city, reuniting with his old friend group. Mingyu had regrettably grown even taller since they last spoke, Vernon's fashion sense had mellowed over the years, and Chan looked so grown, the sight of the young man almost bringing tears to Soonyoung's eyes.

"You really didn't have to do this for me, Seokmin. I was planning on just calling everyone eventually and planning meetups," Soonyoung explained as Seokmin drove them back from Chan's place. The sun was setting, the sky an orange pink hue as the day was nearing its end; a day well spent in Soonyoung's book. 

"No worries at all!" Seokmin assured, waving his hand in the air before returning it to the steering wheel. "It gives me time to hang out with my best friend who abandoned me all these years." Soonyoung rolled his eyes and sighed as Seokmin laughed. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I knew you were busy. You got your Master's pretty early, too."

"I did, I did." Soonyoung sighed. Rather than it being necessarily early, it was mainly right on time. Though it cost him so much to stay on this schedule. "It was difficult, especially being away from everyone." He paused, smiling as he thought back on the day. At the faces of his friends he hasn't seen in so long. He hadn't realized how much he missed them until he was there in front of them. Hearing them speak for the first time in years, seeing how they changed while he was away, seeing them become settled in their lives, finding that happiness everyone sought for. "I should've at least texted you."

"What'd I say?" Seokmin parked his car, turning his head to face Soonyoung. "No. Worries." He poked his finger into Soonyoung's side with each word. "We all understood, you were chasing your dreams. We wouldn't want anything different. And knowing you, you were bound to come back." Seokmin patted his friend on the shoulder.

"Thanks." Soonyoung smiled softly at the comforting words directed to him.

He had been so worried everyone would have been upset he just left them and never spoke again, but after today, he knew everyone missed him just as much as he missed them. 

Though through all the joy in him, past the relief he felt upon meeting his friends once more, one thought plagued his mind. 

"Hey," he began warily, attracting Seokmin's attention, "How's (y/n)?"

Seokmin grinned at the name, though not as ecstatic as his usual wide smile. More so one of familiarity, comfort, fondness.

"She's great, we just hung out last week. Her, Seungkwan, and I.'' Seokmin said, bringing a smile to Soonyoung's face. He was glad to hear that. That they all remained friends after he left. After he broke her heart, and left her behind. Before he could speak though, Seokmin continued, his words all but halting Soonyoung's every thought. "It's really hard to plan things with her since she has to adjust her schedule to fit both us and her kid, but she still makes the effort."

"Her... kid?" Soonyoung's voice was weak, barely even louder than the air conditioning hitting his face, but Seokmin heard nevertheless. He glanced at him in confusion before realization hit him, eyes widening and jaw dropping. 

"Oh, nobody told you!" He shouted in shock, glancing around the street they were on before swiftly recalculating his destination, making a U-turn all of a sudden. "Yeah, she has a daughter! Little Chaerim."

Soonyoung's face blanked, his chest tightening at the information relayed to him. 

She had a kid. So many things had changed during his time away, like Minghao taking up meditation, Jihoon becoming a famous producer, even Jeonghan adding more furniture to his pet rock's house. But (y/n) having a kid? 

For as long as he could remember, Soonyoung had the biggest crush on (y/n). Starting from their first meeting at the age of 11, his feelings only seemed to spiral deeper and deeper with every year until he had finally asked her out in the middle of highschool.

They were highschool sweethearts. The epitome of a perfect relationship. They never got into fights, unlike the other relationships around them which seemed to fizzle with the angst of teenage development. They were never jealous, having this undeniable trust in one another, enough to grant them comfort with one another from just the mere thought of the other, and no random addition of a person could tarnish that mentality. They were mature, treating their relationship as something which should be cherished and nurtured, never once treating the other disrespectfully or tarnishing the perfect bond they had. 

That is until after highschool, when Soonyoung was accepted into his college across the country. 

It all began crumbling after that. Doubt riddled his mind soon after.

Whether he could truly keep (y/n) happy from such a great distance. Could he manage a long distance relationship and his studies? Would he have to put one over the other? If he did, then his grades would tank, because he wouldn't have the heart to put his school before her in any scenario. Should he just abandon everything, throw away this idea of self fulfillment for love? Find a regular 9 to 5 to support him and (y/n)?  He'd stay with her, but at what cost? Soonyoung never wanted to work a job like that. To live a life where everyday, waking up felt like a task, and his only reprieve was the peace of sleep. It's why he was struggling with this debacle in the first place. 

Whether to put his happiness or her happiness first? 

Yet at the end of the day, he chose the former. He couldn't possibly give her the happy life she deserved if he himself was miserable. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he brought her any form of misery, like the lack of a devout husband. Someone she was forced to watch crumble with every passing day, nothing more than a shell of what he once was. His vibrancy extracted through the shackles of capitalism until he could no longer handle it. Until not only his will to be happy dissipated, but also his will to make her happy, gone like everything else. He couldn't condemn her to such a cruel inevitability. 

As much as it pained him to admit it, it would be much better for him to let her go, give her the chance to find the happiness she deserves, which clearly didn't belong to a monster like him.

And so he let her go.

He had been so distracted he hadn't even acknowledged Seokmin parking again in yet another unfamiliar apartment building. 

"We're here!" He announced, stepping out of the car excitedly. Soonyoung on the other hand stepped out warily, glancing around as if he'd see her waiting for him, glaring in disdain at the man who shattered her heart and left. 

All the while, Seokmin raved about Chaerim as they made their way to her apartment. He talked about how cute she is, how she's the sweetest thing he's ever seen, how Soonyoung would just love her. 

Yet her mere existence seemed to haunt Soonyoung, torment him the longer he knew of her existence. Because she stands as a testament of (y/n) moving on from him. 

Before he knew it, they stopped before a door.

It was just like any other along the narrow corridor, though it felt much more daunting to him, knowing who was behind it. 

"Watch this," Seokmin whispered excitedly, cracking his knuckles before placing both on the door. He began rapping a beat on the wood which went on for longer than any knock should . He then stepped back proudly, a smile on his face as he looked back at Soonyoung, patiently waiting for something to happen. They could hear muffled shouting through the door, growing louder and louder to the point that Soonyoung could now very clearly make out the voice to be saying "Uncle Seokmin!" on repeat.

Suddenly, the door swung open. Time seemed to stop as a tiny face peeked out, smiling brightly up at his friend who then crouched with outstretched arms. The girl had leapt into his arms, giggling as he lifted her up and hugged her. 

Soonyoung felt his breathing pick up, seeing the little girl buried in Seokmin's shirt. That little girl was the daughter of his true love. The one girl he had always adored. The girl he all but abandoned.

But she wasn't his daughter. 

And though that fact lingered over him  treacherously, reminding him of his past faults, reminding him that he could've had that had he chosen (y/n) at the end, he still attempted to push away his negative thoughts, offering the girl a smile as he waited for Seokmin to acknowledge him.

Once the enthusiasm subsided, Seokmin finally did turn to him again. 

"Chaerim, I'd like you to meet my friend, Soonyoung."

The girl looked up at him, peeking over from beneath Seokmin's chin at the strange man a few feet away from her. And as their eyes met, Soonyoung felt his heart all but collapse, watching two sharp, angular eyes peering at him curiously. Eyes which quirked upwards at their ends… Just like his. 

His expression dropped, the color of his skin draining as she revealed all of her face to him, and it felt as if Soonyoung were looking directly into a mirror. She stared at him so resolutely, his own panic seeming nonsensical from how calm she remained, merely resting against Seokmin as she continued to look at Soonyoung, observing as you would an animal exhibit. 

"Chaerim!" A voice hollered from inside the opened apartment. A person emerged from the hall within, making her way swiftly to the entry, exasperated as if this were a daily occurrence in her life. As the woman appeared at the door, Soonyoung realized who it was. 

Jihyo, (y/n)'s best friend. 

She looked to Seokmin and Chaerim for a moment, silently acknowledging that the situation is handled, before looking to Soonyoung, standing there starstruck with his mouth agape, glancing between Jihyo and Chaerim. 

Jihyo's face shifted from indifference at everything, to shock upon seeing Soonyoung, to then near terror, brows arched in surprise as she froze in place, much like Soonyoung at the moment. 

"Was it Seokmin?" Another voice resounded from the apartment. A soft, lull like voice which carried in the air, light and delicate with its tone as it hit Soonyoung, a familiarity which lit his nerves though also seemed to melt him into butter.

And then she appeared, rounding the same corner as Jihyo. Soonyoung felt his knees buckle, weak against her mere presence which seemed to dominate the entire room. She looked up, stopping mid step as she met Soonyoung's eyes, and regrettably to his disappointment, instant fear washed across her expression, a fact which seemed to stab at Soonyoung's heart. That he was no longer the one who brought her peace or comfort like he once did so long ago. That she looked to him as you would any unwelcomed stranger. 

"Is everyone okay?" Seokmin asked, the only person who wasn't in some stare down with another.

Yet before he could question it any further, Chaerim began squirming in his arms, crawling out of his embrace before bounding towards her mom. (y/n) hesitantly crouched, scooping the young girl up and into her arms, who then began whispering into her ear, legs kicking excitedly. With a shaky breath, (y/n) smiled to her guests.

"Seokmin!" She greeted first, voice wavering as she approached the door. "And Soonyoung! Please, why don't you all come in." Her hand landed on Jihyo's shoulder, snapping her out of her stupor before she backed away, allowing the boys to enter the home. 

Jihyo muttered a brief, "excuse us," before she was dragging the two girls down the hall. Soonyoung looked worriedly to their retreating forms.

The way (y/n) said his name.

She once said it with such adoration. Calling out to him from across the courtyard at school, referring to him in the middle of a conversation, whispering to him late in the night when they embraced one another. His name alone once felt so loved because she said it. Because she spoke love into it. With every syllable, with every roll of her tongue, as if speaking an entire ballad of her affections, though it was merely his name.

Now she spoke his name tentatively. As if it were poison on the tip of her tongue. As if she were stepping through a field of landmines. As if it was taboo to be spoken. 

He felt tears brimming at his eyes. Selfish tears, ones which shouldn't be shed because he condemned himself to this reality. He was the one who pushed her away. He was the one who left her home, ignoring the silent cries she left behind, ignoring the way his heart fought tooth and nail to turn back and return to her. He was the one who got onto that plane, drowning in his own sorrows as he flew further and further away from her. Away from his other half.

He once believed everyone was a whole, and that some people just made one larger whole once together, and would stay as their original wholes once separated. Yet here he was, a broken half of a man, whose other piece was left shattered and abandoned by him. 

And he still felt like that. He could feel his dormant heart stirring alive with pointless hope, beating against his rib cage as if wanting to break free and reunite with her. Yet like he always did, he ran away, walking over to her living room and sitting beside Seokmin.

"Cute, isn't she?" Seokmin nudged Soonyoung, a warm smile on his face as he referred to the young girl. "God, I just want to squish her cheeks all day. So round. Doesn't she remind you of a hamster?"

"No," Soonyoung answered faster than he had intended, shocking even himself with his thoughts. That he wasn't a hamster, so she couldn't possibly be a hamster either. He shook his head, attempting to clear away his assumptions as Seokmin chuckled. 

"You're probably right. That won't stop me from calling her my hamster though," Seokmin continued. Soonyoung leant forward onto his knees, steadying his breathing before the girls would eventually return. "You know, I'm her Godfather." 

Soonyoung looked over to him, brows furrowed in intrigue. 

"Yeah, (y/n) insisted," He continued. "I was one of the only people who knew about her pregnancy, so I was taking care of her with Jihyo for those few months." Soonyoung felt his eyes water. The thought that she was struggling so much while he was away at college. And he knew absolutely nothing. "I was even the one who drove her to the hospital when she went into labor, cause Jihyo was working at the time."

There was some relief in him at this. That she wasn't entirely alone. That though he left her behind, she still had others to care for her. He felt obligated to thank Seokmin for his efforts. For being there for her when he wasn't. For taking care of this child like she was his own. 

Chaerim.

Soonyoung was about to question him further, about to ask him more of his dear god daughter, until Jihyo appeared from the halls, hands clasped together with a nervous laugh resounding from her. 

"Okay, hello everybody, how are we feeling?" She asked, sitting on the loveseat beside them. "Sorry, we're all understandably shocked to see Soonyoung, you know?"

"No, we completely understand," Seokmin waved her off. "We should've told you guys on our way here, I just got excited." He nodded towards Soonyoung beside him. "He didn't know about Chaerim! Can you believe that?" 

"Insane," Jihyo responded, her voice monotonous as she stared blankly back at the two. 

Soon after, the final members of the party came out once more, Chaerim immediately making her way over to Seokmin again. He brought the girl to his lap, brushing back her black hair as (y/n) took a seat in front of them on her coffee table. 

"Hi," She greeted them all, though her eyes landed on none other than Soonyoung. 

"Hi," He responded, voice soft, afraid he would startle her and she'd run off. He wouldn't blame her though. He did the exact same thing. 

"Seokmin, let's go to the kitchen." Jihyo began walking off, Seokmin following after. Chaerim was peeking over his shoulder, still staring right at Soonyoung up until she disappeared into the kitchen. 

"How have you been?" (y/n) continued. He stared momentarily at the kitchen before turning back to her with a wry smile. 

"I'm okay," He answered. "I just graduated. Master's in software engineering." 

"That's amazing, congratulations!" She noted, a smile spreading on her face, though not reaching her eyes. "I'm happy to hear that. You must be so proud." 

Soonyoung winced at her words, because she seemed to unknowingly see right through him. She may not be fully aware, but he was filled with doubt. Yes, he achieved what he set out for. He got his Master's, he's got the job offer, he's got his life laid out before him, and all he had to do was live it out accordingly. Yet he was full of doubt. Doubt because he was still riddled with sorrow, wondering if things would've been better had he given up on this plan. If he could've accommodated, still involved (y/n) in his life, and just worked a little harder to keep her beside him through the long distance relationship. 

At the end of it all, that unhappiness he believed he'd have working a basic 9 to 5 equated to the unhappiness he felt living a life without (y/n). 

"Soonyoung?" She asked, startling him back to reality. 

"I'm sorry. I zoned out." She softly chuckled, nodding at his words with a soft affirmation. She looked down to her lap, fiddling with her fingers as silence encompassed the two. And as much as he didn't want to ask, as much as he knew it was inappropriate for the time being, he couldn't help it. He couldn't fight back the curiosity flooding his brain. "You have a daughter…"

She froze for a moment, hands wringing together before she looked up at him with a smile. 

"I do, yes." (y/n) pulled out her phone before handing it to him, showing her wallpaper which was Chaerim, beaming up at the camera, her eyes narrowed into slits. "Her name is Chaerim, as you may already know." His heart softened, seeing the bright little girl practically radiating like the sun. He understood why Seokmin seemed to love her so much. Because he was gradually already falling for her and he hasn't had one conversation with the girl. 

"She's beautiful," Soonyoung commented, handing the phone back to (y/n), smiling widely at his words. "What's she like?"

"Well…" (y/n) started, breaking off into a brief chuckle as she thought of the girl in question. "She's… something. Very hyperactive." (y/n) looked down at her phone, fondly gazing at the picture once more. "She's silly. There's never a dull day with her." She paused, looking for a second more before putting her phone away and sighing. "So mature. It feels like I'm talking to a little adult at times." Soonyoung smiled, seeing how much (y/n) loved her. 

"Can I meet her?" He asked softly, voice barely above a whisper. He was afraid, scared to meet this little girl. He didn't know what exactly he feared, but his thoughts were incessant.

It was either he was meeting the child of (y/n) and some guy who came and replaced him, or he was meeting the child of him and (y/n). 

And as (y/n) called out for the girl and she emerged from the kitchen with those familiar sharp eyes of hers, Soonyoung had an inkling he knew it was the latter scenario. 

"Chaerim, I'd like you to meet Soonyoung," (y/n) spoke, gesturing to the person as she said their name. "Soonyoung, this is Chaerim." 

He slid off the couch, crouching onto his knees before her with a smile on his face. 

"Hi Chaerim. It's nice to meet you." 

The little girl stood there, staring right at him, expression blank and unreadable. It almost intimidated him, the way she seemed to stare right into his soul as if it was child's play. She stepped closer to him, face to face, her gaze unwavering, as if she hadn't an ounce of fear for him. (y/n) and Soonyoung watched her with confusion, though allowed her to continue to inch closer and closer to Soonyoung until she pressed her tiny lips against his nose, pulling away after planting a soft kiss to him. 

"Chaerim, what are you doing?" (y/n) spoke in a panic, pulling her daughter against her. "You just met Soonyoung, we don't kiss strangers."

"We don't?" She asked. The first words she has spoken in his presence.

"No, we don't– How many strangers have you kissed?" (y/n) asked incredulously, eyes wide at the girl's question. Without answering, Chaerim approached Soonyoung again, his face reddened at her kiss. 

"Hello, my name is Chaerim," she greeted, voice louder than necessary, though still getting her point across. She held out her hand to him, and he hesitantly took it in his own. His lips twitched into a smile, thumb brushing over her smooth skin as he reciprocated her greeting. In some way, he knew. The moment he touched her, he knew she was his. 

Though before he could say anything else, Jihyo appeared. 

"(y/n), it's 8," she stated. Like that, (y/n)'s fond smile at the exchange dissipated, and she snapped out of her daydream at the time. 

"Chaerim, we need to give you a bath," she stated, about to stand up before Jihyo stepped in. 

"It's okay, Seokmin and I can prepare her for bed," she insisted, lifting the girl into her arms with a small huff. "You guys can keep talking." Jihyo briefly looked to Soonyoung, nodding at him in acknowledgement before turning around and disappearing down the hall, Seokmin trailing behind after waving to Soonyoung. 

Once they were alone, Soonyoung climbed back onto the couch, staring at (y/n) whose eyes darted everywhere but to him. She was nervous, which saddened Soonyoung. He remembered how she once relied on him for comfort during times like this, yet now he was the source of those worries. He just wanted to bring her to him, remind her of his undying love for her, the same love which hasn't waned since the moment he left her. Yet he understood. He understood she needed time. She needed space from him. She needed time to think after he just suddenly came back into her life. 

Though yet again, his impulsivity came through, far too curious to merely ignore the elephant in the room.

"(y/n)..." He started, tilting his head down to meet her gaze now staring at the floor between them. She continued to avoid him, eyes shifting away once he entered her peripheral vision. "(y/n), please." 

There was a desperation in his voice, this weakness in his tone that startled (y/n), loosened her resolve some as she finally peeked up at him. Her eyes were glassy, her lip quivering as she met his gaze, this pleading stare greeting her as they finally looked at one another. Truly looked at one another.

The sun was setting, casting this deep orange glow into the apartment. A myriad of colors danced across her face, the warmth of the sunset seeping into her skin. Ethereal, Soonyoung thought to himself. How beautiful his beloved (y/n) was. Perhaps it was the time spent apart, but Soonyoung swore she seemed to radiate even more now than she ever had before. As if with every passing of the sun, she seemed to blossom more and more, this breathtaking flower before him that he had left behind. 

"Talk to me. Please."

She blinked at his words, tears beginning to well up along her waterline. Though he could very clearly see that anguish in her eyes, she still attempted to play it off, breathing out a chuckle as she shrugged nonchalantly at his request. 

"What's there to say?" 

Dismissive. She looked away the moment she finished her sentence, eyes once more skirting around him, avoiding him. He winced, this surprisingly sharp pain stabbing at his heart. And yet it only encouraged him to pursue her more. 

"So much. (y/n), it's been years. Please, tell me anything. Tell me about your parents, your job, Jihyo." At this point, he had leant so close to her that their breaths were intermingling, warmth brushing against their faces from the proximity, yet to them, two long lost lovers who hadn't spoken in what felt like a lifetime, the space was anything but discomforting. A welcoming sensation that had the tips of his fingers itching to touch her, any part of her, anywhere she was willing to offer him. His eyes opened, glassy gaze once more seeking out her own as she took in a shaky breath, overwrought with the surge of emotions that came with Soonyoung's presence.

Tell me about Chaerim.

He wanted to ask so badly. The question was at the tip of his tongue, begging to be spoken. Yet upon the first break of tears cascading down her face, he knew he had already pushed her too far for now. 

Once her tears spilled, so did his, a never ending stream of moisture seeping out of his eyes, his sobs choked back upon hearing her muted sniffles. And to make matters worse, he couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't gather her defeated body into his arms. He couldn't wipe her tears away or kiss at the trail they'd leave behind. He couldn't hum her favorite songs to banish her sadness away. Because unlike the other times, he wasn't hers and she wasn't his. At this point, they were no more estranged than two strangers.

His hands shook by his side, forcing himself back from holding her to him. He had no place to do so. He was nothing to her anymore. It took every fiber of his being to separate him from where he was, leaning back onto the couch with a rough sigh, jaw clenched as he attempted to will away his tears. (y/n) similarly followed suit, her hand pressed against her mouth as if to quell the cries that wanted to break free. And they remained that way for what felt like an eternity, silencing their anguish on their own. The solitude felt like a stone pressing down on him, an aching reminder of what their relationship had eventually boiled down to. 

They were childhood sweethearts. Ever since he could remember, he'd held a sweet spot for the girl next door. His friends had teased him relentlessly, the adults in his life equally tormenting him with the premise of one day marrying (y/n). So it was no shocker when he had confessed to her one fateful evening in the park by their neighborhood. What did come as a shock was when she had almost immediately reciprocated his feelings, dragging him into a bone crushing hug as she giggled away into his chest.

Seungkwan hadn't believed him the next day, giving him a once over with a raised eyebrow. His hair was frizzy with damage from repetitive bleaching, his clothes hung loosely on his lanky body, and his smile was obscured by an array of multicolored bands on his braces. Yet it only further proved her genuine affections for the boy.

They say love is blind, but it seemed like she had revealed to him a whole new plethora of shades never before seen by the human eye. The sky was bluer when he was with her, grass greener as they laid together in the field, the orange of his tiger plushies felt more vibrant whenever she cuddled one of them. 

And even now, it still held true, his atmosphere intensifying in her presence just from her sitting there in front of him. She brought him such anguish, unearthing memories he had once tried so adamantly to bury away, yet she also brought this unfathomable peace in his heart, soothing the storm that had plagued his soul for the past six years in college. The thought was what finally calmed his tears, leaving dried streaks across his face. She had yet to stop her own. 

"(y/n)." She finally spared him a wary glance, that same storm which racked his being now whirling in her irises.

In a much softer tone, he called out her name again, desperation laced in his voice, and perhaps even in his gaze, because just from looking at him, (y/n)'s resolve seemed to dissipate into thin air. With a quivering lip and another bout of tears welling up in her eyes, she found herself shifting over to the couch, collapsing into Soonyoung's arms with a loud, agonizing sob.

Her body quaked in his arms as he finally held her again, his face burying into her hair and breathing in her scent. Her arms had wrapped around his torso, fingers clenched desperately into his shirt, tugging him impossibly closer to her. He could feel the warmth of her tears seeping into the material of his top, attempting to coax more tears out of him, yet he remained as is, striving to keep his strength for the both of them in this moment. 

"You left me," she cried into his shoulder, voice wrought with unwavering sorrow. "You broke my heart." That familiar lump began forming at the base of Soonyoung's throat, yet he swallowed away the threat of tears once more, simply opting to drag her closer into his frame.

He shut his eyes, his breaths heavy and ragged as he took in her despondency, feeling firsthand how his capricious actions had not only destroyed himself, but also the love of his life. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered, voice broken as he spoke through his own misery. "I'm so sorry, (y/n). I could apologize for an eternity and then some, and it would never amount to the regret I feel." His hand rubbed up and down her back, attempting to repress at least some of her sadness at the moment. "I thought… I thought this would be better for you. You didn't deserve to suffer in a long distance relationship. I thought it would be better to let you go so you can actually experience the fulfilling relationship you deserve."

"That's so fucking stupid," she sobbed out, each syllable sounding forced out through the exhaustion already setting in from her crying session. 

"I know."

"You broke my heart, you asshole."

"I know." She had mumbled out a few more indiscernible words that had intertwined with her next bout of cries, until eventually it had dissolved into nothing. The tight grip she had on Soonyoung had loosened, her face once buried in his chest now lolled loosely against his shoulder, and the quivering of her body now replaced by the gentle rise and fall of her steady breathing. And with her now silently sleeping away, he took the opportunity by himself to let out his own tears once more, littering the top of her head with soft kisses as he wallowed in his own pitiful state. Embracing the girl he had abandoned and broken, begging for forgiveness as if he deserved anything from her. His apologies fell upon deaf ears as she slept, yet it hadn't deterred him from continuously whispering his pleas to her. 

The only thing that seemed to stop his mantra was Seokmin squeezing his shoulder. 

"Hey Soon," he called out quietly, snapping him out of his daze as he looked up at his friend. "Let's head home. You guys had enough for the day. There's always tomorrow."

Soonyoung nodded, rising to his feet with (y/n) in his arms as Seokmin guided him to her bedroom. Soonyoung spared her one last glance as he laid her there, brushing back her hair and stroking her cheek, taking in her peaceful expression once more before departing. Seokmin was at the entrance with Jihyo already, the two talking to one another in a low voice, as if the tension of before still resided even with (y/n) fast asleep. 

Upon Soonyoung's arrival, their conversation faded into nothing, Seokmin offering the man a gentle smile upon taking in his beaten form. 

"Hey buddy, how are we feeling?" Soonyoung's silence was answer enough, staring at his friend blankly with red eyes and a puffy face. "Ah, that's good, that's good. Like I said, there's always tomorrow. Let's get you home now, yeah?" Seokmin bid Jihyo goodbye with one last nod before heading out the door.

Before Soonyoung could fully walk out the door, his body halted in its spot, standing at the threshold of the apartment with Jihyo staring up at him confusedly. 

"Chaerim," he spoke, voice gravelly from his earlier happenings. "Is she mine?" 

He didn't know what brought this upon him. In any other instance, he'd be horrified at the sudden audacity he obtained to have asked such an illicit question. Yet right now, he was numb. His body ached. His heart felt drained beyond reparation. He felt like nothing. So what was there to lose with such a risky move?

Jihyo was silent for another moment, until she shook her head out of the corner of his eye. 

"No," she stated, voice weak as she looked at the defeated man before her. "No, she's not. I'm sorry."

Soonyoung shut his eyes, nodding at her words before fully walking out, meeting up with Seokmin at the elevator. 

It was an answer he had anticipated, one that was honestly expected, yet somewhere deep in his heart, he had truly thought she was his daughter. That she was the product of his and (y/n)'s love. That he possibly still had a chance with (y/n), as long as that fragment of their relationship still existed in this world. Yet it was all hopeful wishing. 

Even long after Seokmin dropped Soonyoung off at his parent's house, bidding the man goodbye and promising to return tomorrow, the events of the day still weighed heavily upon him. And even after shutting his eyes and going to sleep, the memories of (y/n) tormented him throughout the night. Illusions of what could have been had he chosen her at the end. The happy life he could have had with (y/n) in his arms. Chaerim could have been his. He could have had a daughter as beautiful as her. Yet he had given it all up for a piece of paper.

The last person he had seen that night was Seokmin, and he had also wound up being the first person he saw when he woke up the next morning.

"Soonyoung," he called out, shaking the man's shoulders until he stirred from his slumber. "Time to wake up." 

The aforementioned man did not look his best, to say the least. Eyes completely bloodshot, face puffy beyond recognition, and his usual sanguine demeanor was depleted until he sat there as nothing more than a breathing human. The living embodiment of the contrast between living and surviving. 

Though Seokmin didn't seem too perturbed by his friend's ragged appearance, merely cooing as he patted down the disheveled mane on Soonyoung's head. 

"You ready to get back into the ring today?" His voice was chipper, comparable to that of a kindergarten teacher to their students, yet it had little to no effect on Soonyoung who grumbled in response to his patronizingly toned question. 

Seokmin stood there as Soonyoung dragged his feet about the room, tugging on whatever clothes he could find, brushing his teeth as he combed his hair, attempting to stay awake through Seokmin's droning dialogue in the background. 

"I got everyone's schedule for today. Mingyu and Vernon have the day off. Chan gets off later on today, so he could join us whenever. Seungkwan and Junhui said they couldn't come today because they're working, but Joshua literally has the closing shift and said he'd come around at midnight, so I think they're just not committed enough, you know?

"Jeonghan and Minghao have not responded to me yet, but Jeonghan literally posted on Instagram yesterday, so I know he's ignoring me. Seungcheol and Wonwoo said no for today, but they are available later on this week. Did I forget anybody? I feel like I'm forgetting someone?" 

(y/n). 

He wanted to ask how she was. If she had fared well after last night. How she felt this morning, waking up after such an eventful night. How Chaerim was doing. What the girls were up to this morning. What they'd be doing later on. If (y/n) still wore blue every Wednesday and acted like it wasn't an actual routine of hers because she didn't think anyone would notice. If he could see her again today. 

"Jihoon!" Seokmin snapped his fingers upon realizing, laughing to himself soon after. "Jihoon is busy right now, but he'll join us later."

Their conversation continued once they were in Seokmin's car and driving off.

"So we're going to pick up Mingyu and Vernon and head out for breakfast. At around 12, Jihoon said he'd come join us, so maybe we can take a walk around downtown for old time's sake. At 2, I have to pick up Chaerim and drop her off at Jihyo's, but Chan should–"

"Chaerim?" Soonyoung's eyebrows had risen at the mention of the girl's name, turning to face Seokmin with sudden fascination at the schedule. "You pick up Chaerim from school?"

"Well, from daycare, yeah," Seokmin responded, eyes still trained on the street, but still with that soft grin plastered to his face, the casual air he has when talking about the girl stirring this envious feeling within Soonyoung. "Jihyo gets out of work at 2, but the daycare is pretty out of place on her route home, so I pick up Chaerim and hand her to Jihyo. And then at 5, (y/n) gets out of work and she retrieves the child from Jihyo and they head home." 

Soonyoung sat there enraptured at Seokmin's words, nodding and absorbing everything said as if he himself would need the knowledge in the coming future. Seokmin kept talking afterwards, continuing where he left off regarding Chan's and Josh's arrival before they had finally reached their destination. 

This 24/7 breakfast joint they'd frequent as they grew up, Attacca. They'd eat waffles there as a child with their families, eat waffles after school while procrastinating on doing their homework, eat waffles on snow days when they had nothing better to do, eat waffles at 2 am after late night parties at each other's houses. And even now as the four of them sat together to catch up, they ate those exact same waffles. 

"You still have the high score on Galaga?" Soonyoung gaped as Vernon nodded cockily, leaning back against the chipped leather of the booth they sat at, arms raised triumphantly while he basked in the glory of his achievements. 

"The undefeated champion still reigns to this day." Vernon began waving to his imaginary fans, blowing kisses and posing for photos as Mingyu grimaced at the overplayed fantasy happening before him. 

"He goes to that same rundown laundromat every month to make sure he hasn't been bested, as if kids are even still going there." Soonyoung chuckled at Mingyu's words, which had supposedly gone over Vernon's head as he continued to fantasize about the glories of victory, muttering to himself about how he would love to accept Oprah's invitation to her show. "Though on the less pathetic side of things, my restaurant is doing very well."

"I can't believe you actually own a restaurant." Soonyoung took a sip from his chocolate milk, humming in amusement at the thought of Chef Mingyu. "That's insane. Congrats, man." 

"Thank you very much."

"Yeah, Mingyu said he'd serve us for free next time we go," Seokmin quickly added, earning a kick under the table from Mingyu himself. 

"Wait, is Mingyu finally feeding us for free?" Vernon asked, mouth agape as he finally snapped out of whatever trance he had propelled himself into minutes earlier. 

"No, Mingyu is not feeding you freeloaders." Mingyu elbowed Vernon as he spoke, glaring at the group before him with disgust. "You get discounts at most, but I'd go bankrupt if you all came to my restaurant for free." 

"You hear that, boys, dinner at Mingyu's tonight." Seokmin tossed his hand forward, immediately receiving a high five from Vernon on command as the two continued to goad Mingyu. With a roll of his eyes, he redirected his attention to Soonyoung, offering the man an excited smile. 

"So, Soonyoung, what's up with you? Six years on your own, new degree, job offer. You've got so much going on for you!"

"Thanks." Soonyoung smiled, stirring his straw in his drink absentmindedly as his eyes lowered to the table's surface. "I'll be off again in a few weeks presumably. For that job offer."

"I don't know if this is dumb of me to ask, but what does an engineer do?" Vernon questioned, shoveling another load of waffle into his mouth.

Soonyoung pouted as he thought about the question, because to be fair, he doesn't even know what his job will entail. Six years in college. He's learned his way around a computer. He knows how to fix things now. That's pretty much all he can say, because to be honest, he doesn't know what awaits him in the future. He doesn't know what finally entering the field of his career entails for him. He doesn't know if it'll be what he had anticipated out of such an intensive career. If it'll prove the regrets that stir within him wrong, prove that it was worth leaving everything behind to pursue. 

Suddenly, Chaerim and (y/n) came to mind. A little glimpse of them together popped into his head, (y/n) chiding her daughter who had just planted a kiss onto his nose. With those two girls remaining in his mind, he was beginning to seriously doubt that last presumption of his.

Because no amount of money in the world could possibly top the exhilarating feeling that settled at the base of his heart when he was with them both yesterday. 

"I don't know," Soonyoung announced, rather proudly regarding the circumstances, causing the lot to burst into laughter at his own confusion. 

"Well, hopefully it comes easy to you," Mingyu spoke, bringing his coffee mug up to his lips for a sip. "Who would have thought the tech challenged Soonyoung would become a software engineer of all things."

"I wasn't that bad."

"You typed like a grandma after her fifth shot of tequila," Vernon interjected with a shake of his head. "We all know (y/n) was the one who had prepared all of your presentations for you." 

Soonyoung nervously chuckled at the mention of her name. His technical ex girlfriend, as painful as it sounded. And as true as that was, so was Vernon's statement. 

They'd be lying on his bed, her laptop in between them as she helped organize his notes and points on one PowerPoint. She'd type away, showing him different things the program offered, putting in her own input on designing, and he'd merely sit there and listen, head tucked away in the nook of her neck as he dozed off to her gentle voice. He'd fall asleep while she worked, and she'd wake him up by littering kisses all over his face. He'd rehearse his presentation for her alongside the PowerPoint, just to show how her work would not be going to waste. She'd applaud him, congratulating him even though he had done the bare minimum, but it felt good nevertheless. To be doted upon by the girl he loves the most, falling asleep in her arms the night before his project, that good luck kiss before he'd enter class that he swore was the key to his passing grades. 

Soonyoung would wait for (y/n) after class to tell her how it went, and the smile she'd bless him with was like the cherry on top of it all. This big, gorgeous smile that was so bright and happy for him and him alone. 

As if punishment upon him, for even daring to derive even a shred of happiness from a past memory, the blissful image of (y/n)'s smile had been torn away from him, instead replaced by one of their last moments together. 

It was in his room as he was packing away his clothes for college. (y/n) sat on his bed, folding whatever she could and neatly organizing it into his luggage whilst filling the quietude with her thoughts. 

Though Soonyoung couldn't really recall much of what she was saying that day. He was too into his own head. He was too distracted by his own thoughts plaguing his psyche. Thoughts that he had initially written off as intrusive ones that would soon fade away, though they remained recurrent, sprouting forth practically every moment he spent with (y/n) until every waking second of his life revolved around those thoughts and those thoughts alone. 

(y/n) managed to snap him back into reality as she began directing her voice towards him. 

"You'll have to text me when you get situated over there!" She gushed, far more excited for him than he was for himself. "I mean, you'll text me when you get there of course, but you have to text me when everything's settled and you have some spare time. I can fly over and meet you." She slipped off his bed, shuffling over to him and wrapping him in a hug. Soonyoung naturally reciprocated it, arms embracing her against him, relishing in the warmth and comfort that came with holding her. That keen familiarity that he'd never grow weary of no matter the distance or the time which passed. But even so, even with her presence serving as an anchor for him, his mind was elsewhere, drifting far from reason and compiling what he could only describe as utter nonsense now. 

"(y/n)," he muttered aloud, somehow hoping she wouldn't hear him even though he spoke right by her ear. She hummed, cursing him into finishing what he had started. "How do you feel about all of this?" 

"About what? College?" He hesitantly pulled away from her, arms loosely holding her as he took in her appearance once more, as if needing the momentary motivation to continue with whatever he was doing. 

"About me going to college. About me leaving everything behind." His eyes flickered about her face, tension settling in his eyebrows as his emotions were already beginning to seep through his facade. "About me leaving you behind."

"That's a weird way of putting it," she laughed dismissively at his words, though still hummed in thought. "I feel… conflicted." His arms strained for a second, briefly gripping onto (y/n) as she paused for consideration. "Of course I'd love to have you with me or me with you, but we can't. At least not right now." She tilted her head with a pout forming on her lips before she smiled resolutely. "Life has other things planned for us right now. You're off to do great things, to study and get a career like you always wanted, and I'll be here, finding some sort of stability like I've always wanted.

"But that's okay," she tugged him along with her to the bed, seating him on the edge and cozying herself against him, head resting on his shoulder with her arms draped over him. "Because we'll always be here supporting one another. I'll be right here when you're ready to come back." 

He hadn't even realized he was crying until he felt a tear brush past his lip, her words being the nail in the coffin for those incessant anxieties that had tormented him for weeks now. 

"(y/n), I think we should break up." 

The words felt like poison in his mouth, churning his stomach until it was wrought with absolute disgust. There was a conflict in his body, one that had him beating himself for having even uttered said cursed words, but it was too late. He had spoken his thoughts. 

(y/n) had stiffened in his arms, silent as Soonyoung battled with himself, but then she slowly pulled away from him. Her eyes were blank at first, face stoic whilst analyzing his expression for any sign of humor or any indication that what he said was merely a cruel joke. But it wasn't. 

"Soonyoung, what are you trying to do? Talk to me before making such a large decision like that on your own." Even at such a young age, she was so mature. It was something he had always admired about her. How level headed she was, how calm and patient she became whenever he was off his hinges. She continued to show that maturity of hers, concealing whatever emotions she may be feeling and instead waiting for Soonyoung to calm down enough to talk. 

"I…" He had begun, eyes straying to his lap when he felt his words get caught in his throat, his body quaking with an incoming sob, though quickly collecting himself, clearing his throat of any obstruction and continuing. "You have been the light of my life for as long as I can remember. I've loved you for longer than I could even talk. You are the love of my life, and that's very clear to see." He paused, gathering his thoughts once more. (y/n) remained where she sat, hands having slid down to his biceps where they tentatively rested. "And all I've ever wanted was your happiness… But I think I will become that obstacle for you. I will be the thing preventing you from being happy."

"Why would you ever say that about yourself, Soonyoung?" She cupped his face, bringing his gaze back to her intimidatingly serious one. "You can't be in the way of my happiness if you are my happiness."

"(y/n), we've never been away from each other for even a day." Soonyoung all but wept, eyes blurring with tears as he laughed incredulously at his own statement. School field trips, family road trips, even girl scout camping included them both, Soonyoung somehow getting away with disguising as his sister when they were all children. "I don't think we'll be able to make it long distance."

"Who says we can't?"

"I do." His voice was broken, as was the rest of him, barely able to hold himself where he sat. (y/n) was quiet for a moment, in complete shock of what was happening in front of her. 

"Why are you so confident we can't do long distance? Sure, we've never been apart, but who's to say we can't survive away from each other? Soonyoung…" Yet again, (y/n) found herself redirecting his attention back to her, making sure he could see the absolute resolve in her eyes. "I love you. And I know you love me just as much. Isn't that enough reassurance?" 

Soonyoung could see how serious she was. He could see how much she was holding back, wanting to also burst into tears alongside him at such a scary moment in their lives, but even so, he had his mind settled. 

"No, it's not." She flinched at his words, her hands suddenly pulled away from him as if his skin were fire. She was taken aback, eyes wavering as Soonyoung began rubbing away his tears. 

"Why are you acting this way? You're not even giving us a chance. You're acting as if everything we've built together was for nothing. As if all those years together were just child's play when you literally mean the world to me." 

"(y/n), I love you," he interjected, shutting his eyes and taking a deep, final breath. "I love so much. You are everything to me. And I know I can't live without you. But I can't bear to see you lose yourself to a long distance relationship like this."

"Soonyoung–"

"You deserve a fulfilling and present love. A love that you won't have to struggle with time differences just to video call, a love where you don't have to be decided over homework, a love that's just as invigorating and perfect as you, and I'm no longer a viable option." 

He didn't know what had done it—which of his words had finally broken her fortitude, but before he knew it, he heard sniffling beside him, and when he finally met her gaze again, there were tears running down her face, lips downturned whilst staring back at him in disappointment. 

"Who even are you anymore?" He stayed quiet at her question, not really knowing how to even answer this if he had wanted to. Physically, he was still Soonyoung, but so much had happened in such a short duration of time that he felt like his soul lay dormant deep within him. He didn't know what entity of sorts took over that compelled him to act in such a way and feel these doubts he's never felt before, but there was no changing him at this point. 

And within seconds, this strong, independent girl Soonyoung had grown to love with all of his heart had deteriorated with defeat. She pulled her hands away from his in lieu of shielding her face, leaving cold pockets on his body from where her touch had once resided. He felt a stab at his heart as she silently wept to herself, a sight he rarely if ever saw from her. And to know that he was the reason she was like this killed him inside.

Yet even so, he still didn't take back his words. He didn't apologize for destroying their relationship so heartlessly. He just sat there, watching her, knowing this would be the last image of her he'd see before flying the next morning.

And as greedy as it was—as absolutely cold and insensitive as it was for him to do—he slid closer to her, hands hovering over her wrists for a second more, as if giving himself one more chance to stop, but it seemed as if his body had now begun running on autopilot. Latching onto her hands, he gently tugged them away from her face, cupping her cheeks so as to have her looking at him. 

She was crushed, tears an endless stream of moisture seeping from her now reddened eyes, facial muscles contorted with sadness. It was a sight that absolutely destroyed Soonyoung, yet still it was undeniable in his mind: she was as beautiful as she had always been and always would be.

Perhaps it was with that thought, that subtle reminder that he truly did and always would love her for who she was, that compelled him to lean forward, pressing his lips onto hers one last time, as if one last proclamation of his eternal love for her. His eyes had shut, tears slipping away from him as he brought her closer to him, pouring out every ounce of affection he could, hoping that what his words failed to convey, his kiss would translate—show her that somewhere in him, Soonyoung still resided; that she hadn't lost him entirely yet. 

She had kissed him back, hands threading through his hair and pulling him closer, afraid that if she had let go, he'd disappear from her forever. 

And her fears had proven true. After that last night together, tangled in each other's limbs, their final moments expressing their love for one another, he had left, leaving behind a kiss on her forehead and his heart now in her hands as he flew across the country, an emotionless void as he pursued what he thought he'd always wanted. 

His demeanor had changed greatly during breakfast, something Seokmin had noticed almost immediately. The boys agreed to meet up later when the others were available, agreeing to hit up some places around the city together. Seokmin was driving Soonyoung home for the time being, refraining from mentioning his solemn expression as he sat in the passenger's seat quietly. The man had too many thoughts running through his mind at all times. It was something that Soonyoung had always dealt with. They'd be talking about one thing, and within a second, Soonyoung would have changed the route of their conversation because he suddenly remembered something. Though now rather than his silly little conversational segues growing up, his thoughts seemed a dark place that no one would want to venture into. Seokmin just hoped that their friends would be able to distract him some later tonight. 

Once they pulled into the driveway of Soonyoung's parent's house, they both stepped out of the vehicle, making their way to the entrance until Seokmin's phone began ringing. 

"Hello?" He swiftly answered as Soonyoung fished for his keys. "What? Wait– hold on– Grandma, I– Slow down for a second, slow down. Are you okay? Are you hurt at all?" Soonyoung turned around, eyes widening in shock as he looked at a very concerned and confused Seokmin. "Okay, I'll be right there. Just stay put." 

"What happened?" 

"She got into a car accident. She said it's a minor one, but still." 

"Of course, I understand, go over there," Soonyoung insisted, already ushering Seokmin over to his car. 

"Wait, Soonyoung, wait." They both stopped for a moment, facing each other with equally troubled expressions. "It's almost 2 o'clock." Soonyoung's mouth dropped immediately, hand resting on his forehead as he began to truly process Seokmin's plight. 

"Chaerim…" 

"I know it's a lot to ask of you, but could you pick her up for me?" Seokmin asked, already unlocking his car as he waited for Soonyoung's answer, which came seconds later in vigorous nods. It brought a small smile to his face, seeing some form of life once more in his friend's eyes. "Great, thank you so much, dude. I'll text you the address. I owe you big time."

Once Seokmin had left, Soonyoung immediately rushed into the house to grab his keys before driving off. He must've broken quite a few traffic laws considering he made it to the store, bought a car seat, and installed it, all with just minutes to spare before 2.

He double checked the booster seat once more, shaking it around to ensure it was latched on safely, before he backed away with a huff, turning his attention to her daycare he was parked in front of. 

A quaint little location with trees and flowers littered around the front, a sign of alternating primary colors reading 'Little Sun Daycare' under a rainbow arch with clouds on either side. From where he stood, he could see a large, open backyard with all the things to occupy a child's attention span. Though it was barren, so he knew they were all likely nestled away safely inside. 

He rubbed his suddenly sweaty palms on the front of his jeans before pulling the door open, wincing at the loud chime over his head once he saw what he had walked into. About a dozen or so children, all scattered across the floor with blankets and pillows as a faint lullaby played on loop behind them. He stood there awkwardly, frozen in place with his eyes darting from each and every child, checking to see if any stirred, though luckily it seemed he'd gotten away with it. 

Another moment passed before a lady came around the corner, steps light and casual like the seasoned caregiver she most likely was. She was older with brown hair pulled into a bun, a few wiry gray strands sticking to and fro from what must've been an already strenuous day with the children. She offered Soonyoung a gentle smile, revealing wrinkles that curved with her face, as if showing how often they formed due to her frequent grins and happiness. 

"Hello," Soonyoung whispered, practically tiptoeing closer to her out of fear of making any more noise. "I'm sorry for… that." He gestured grandly to the bell behind him. She snickered, waving her hand dismissively to him. 

"It's alright, dear, these kids can usually sleep through a stampede." Her voice was low, though definitely not as quiet as Soonyoung had been, and he found himself quickly adapting to her volume levels as she went behind the front desk. "Pick-up?"

"Oh… Yes, I'm here for pick-up." He nodded at her words, somewhat surprised at how quickly she had deduced his reason for coming. She handed him a clipboard of names, presumably that of the kids, before she left to go into the room of napping children.

His eyes scanned the list before settling on Chaerim's. There were two boxes in her row, one for drop off and one for pick-up. (y/n)'s name was already signed in one, and Soonyoung needed a moment to collect himself, gaze now focused on her signature. It was silly of him to feel so affected by mere writing, especially when he had written his name next to hers on the pick-up column. It had the same satisfaction as when he'd write his name with her last name growing up, long before he had the bravery to ask her out and he was merely dealing with a crush that rotted his brain away.

Chaerim. (y/n). Soonyoung. 

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard a little voice calling out to him.

"Soonie?" He turned around, heart swelling as he saw a tired Chaerim rubbing the sleep from her eyes. Her face was puffy, hair in complete disarray, but she looked absolutely adorable to him. He crouched to his knees with a smile on his face, and that was supposedly enough of a boost for the girl to all but launch herself into his hold, tiny arms thrown around his neck as she buried her face into his shoulder. A warmth spread through his body as he cradled her against him, standing to his full height before facing the woman again. 

"She had almost an hour-long nap. Snack time was just before naptime, so she may be hungry. And she was praised today for sharing toys with the other kids." Soonyoung chuckled at this, patting her back approvingly as she refused to stray from where she nestled herself into him. 

"Thank you so much," he responded to her, backing away towards the door as he waved goodbye to her. 

"Of course. It's lovely to finally meet you!" The words hadn't really hit him until the door had closed behind them. Then he, had stood there frozen for another moment, eyes widened when he processed both her implication and how she had wordlessly gone to retrieve Chaerim. He bit back a smile, continuing his trek to his car as he greeted the little girl in his arms. 

"Are you surprised?" He felt her nod against him. 

"Yeah," she mumbled into his shirt. "Because usually it's Uncle Seokmin who picks me up. But today, it was Soonie." His cheeks were already hurting from smiling and he hadn't even gotten into the car yet.

"I like the name you've given me," he replied to her as he strapped the little girl into her seat, shaking her around a bit to check again for stability purposes, earning a few bubbly giggles from her before he slipped into the driver's seat. 

"Are we going to Aunt Jihyo's? Uncle Seokmin usually takes me to Aunt Jihyo's afterwards. And then Aunt Jihyo and I play games and watch movies until mommy comes." Soonyoung hummed happily at her babbling in the background, refreshing his chat with Seokmin where he had only sent him the address to the daycare. Soonyoung sent a second text out, even though his other one hadn't been read yet. He knew it'd be a stretch asking Chaerim for directions, so with a shake of his head, he began backing out of the parking lot. 

"I was actually thinking we could hang, you and me. How does that sound?"

"Yeah!" She hollered loudly, all that drowsiness she had before dissipating as she kicked her legs excitedly. 

To be fair, if he weren't driving, he'd also probably be kicking his legs around, the thought of spending time with Chaerim just as exciting of an idea to him as it was to her, and he hadn't even had a full conversation with the girl on his own. It just comes to show how invigorating of a person she was at such a young age already. Just as entrancing as her mother.

It was almost by nature that he had navigated them to the park. It was a quaint area filled with lush trees and winding cobbled paths. At the center of it all was a lake where many visitors would fish or feed the wildlife, and that main walkway encircled the body of water, a route many morning joggers would wind up taking.

Their town wasn't necessarily small, but it also wasn't a grand city with a variety of things to do and places to visit; as such, the park was a sight he and his friends had frequented often whilst growing up together. He remembers learning to skip stones with Minghao at the lake, climbing around the playground with Mingyu and Seokmin as if it were an obstacle course where they couldn't touch the floor, playing manhunt with everyone in the middle of the night. Asking out (y/n) as the sun was setting behind them. It was a place he held near and dear to his heart, and something in him wanted to create even more memories now with Chaerim by his side. 

The girl seemed perhaps even more excited than he was, if that were even possible, already preemptively pressing the red button of her car seat and freeing herself from her restraints. Though she sat there anyways, waiting for Soonyoung to turn off the car and take her out of her seat himself. 

With her little hand wrapped around two of his fingers, they strolled through the park together, Soonyoung letting her ramble away to her heart's content. 

"You should be happy I named you Soonie," she called out to him from where she walked below. He hummed in acknowledgement at this, a confused yet amused smile crossing his face as she continued speaking. "Uncle Seokmin keeps asking me to change his name, but I don't want to."

"Why not? A nickname would be much shorter than Uncle Seokmin."

"What's a nickname?"

"It's when you shorten the person's name. You call me Soonie instead of Soonyoung. Soonie is a nickname."

"Why can't it be your real name?"

"It could if I legally change it."

"Change it."

"Maybe some other day," Soonyoung laughed at her insistence, gazing down at her fondly. How lucky you would have had to been to be blessed with Chaerim's presence on a daily basis. It was a relieving thought to know that three of the most trustworthy people he could name were her guardians.

Jihyo, who had been with (y/n) for years to come. A friend that was one in a million. Someone who stood the test of time, never once straying from (y/n) throughout the duration of their friendship.

He remembers when he had gotten into a fight on (y/n)'s behalf, having heard a guy talking crassly about her. It was Jihyo who had yanked Soonyoung off the guy, urging him to rethink his decision. The last thing (y/n) would want out of this was her boyfriend to be suspended for fighting this jerk. But when the guy continued with his vulgar language regarding (y/n), Jihyo had performed quite possibly the most impressive elbow drop ever seen, landing them both into weeks of detention together. 

It was a silly thing to bond over, but nonetheless had sealed a sort of unspoken friendship that neither of them had expected. 

Then there was Seokmin, one of his best friends since elementary school—and still claiming that title today. 

He was inherently kindhearted, accepting of anyone no matter their circumstances. Soonyoung berated him at times for putting others before himself too often, though it seemed like it didn't affect Seokmin in the slightest. As if he derived all of his enjoyment from helping others, both a selfless but also selfish matter as he did think of others, but he mostly did it because it brought himself joy. Still a saint if there ever was one, and from what he's heard thus far regarding his participation in Chaerim and (y/n)'s life, this still proved true. 

Then there was (y/n). Were there even words to describe how perfect (y/n) was? How sweet and caring and loving she is. Warm and doting with kisses that can heal any ailment, physical or emotional. Thoughtful and patient and compassionate. Soonyoung had brought the passion in their relationship, the whimsy that made love so worthwhile and memorable. Yet she was the stability in their relationship, able to ground Soonyoung when he grew too rambunctious, quell any argument that would surface between them, balance the energy Soonyoung evoked with her own tranquility. 

There was no better person to mother such an adoring child as Chaerim. No better person to be raised by with such love and tenderness. There was no person like (y/n), nor would there ever be. 

"Why is it called nickname?" Chaerim suddenly chimed in, catching Soonyoung off guard who just spoke the first thing in his mind, in a feeble attempt to impress the young girl with his nonexistent knowledge. 

"Nick is the shortened version of Nicholas." His eyes had widened comically at his words, impressed by how the reasoning seemed to fit the context, yet also dumbfounded by how idiotic he was. Chaerim didn't seem to be affected by his nonsense. 

"So Soonyoung is your Nicholasname?" 

"Yes." He could already sense another question on the tip of the inquisitive girl's tongue, and Soonyoung couldn't find it in himself to lie to her again. "Oh, look at that!" He threw his hand up with a gasp leaving his mouth, pointing to the ice cream truck just off the edge of the path they walked on. While he seemed excited, Chaerim was otherwise unimpressed, drawing nearer to him as they stopped in their path. 

"I'm not allowed to have ice cream," she explained, to which Soonyoung gaped at her response, almost immediately crouching to her level in shock. 

"Why not? Is it something about spoiling your dinner?" She hummed at his question, needing a moment to herself to think of her words. 

"Mommy says I can't. She says I lack toes in taller ants." Soonyoung blinked in wonder at this, in complete and utter confusion at what she was getting at. Lack toes in taller ants. Lack toes. In taller ants. 

"Lack toes… Lactose intolerant." His voice was barely above a whisper, both hesitant of his conclusion, but also fearful for the answer—on whether she truly is lactose intolerant.

She nodded. 

His breathing was shaky, nerves alight as he nodded at her response. His heart felt like it had seized in his chest for a moment, yet even with the internal panic setting in, he still felt a smile twitching at his lips. 

"Well, lucky for you, this ice cream truck has ice cream you can eat." Her eyes widened, a wide toothy grin setting in. 

"Really?"

"Yeah. And you can trust me on this. I'm also lactose intolerant." She laughed in absolute wonderment, allowing him to scoop her up and take her to the ice cream truck he used to visit as a child himself.

Ordering the ice cream felt sort of like a fever dream as he was still processing the newfound information. The coincidences were becoming far too frequent for him to ignore. Chaerim's undeniable resemblance to him that has even stumped people outside their circumstances. Chaerim's genetic lactose intolerance that she had to have gotten from someone other than (y/n). Even now as they ate their sorbets, they had similar tastes. 

"I don't like this," Chaerim said, sticking out her tongue in disgust. 

"Then why'd you ask for it?"

"Mommy says I like peaches." Soonyoung chuckled at this, glancing down at his strawberry sorbet one last time before extending it to the girl seated beside him.

"Here, try mine." She leant forward, biting into the pink dome of sweetness before humming in delight and nodding. Gone was his strawberry, now eating her peach one—which he also didn't really like all that much. 

She was cozied up into his side, all but devouring her strawberry treat while Soonyoung soaked in the moment. He memorized the way the sun beat down upon them, how the cool breeze passed by and chilled the perspiration settling on their faces. The feeling of fulfillment gripping at his heart just from being with Chaerim, feeling her so close to his side, taking in the radiance she emitted, her happiness that he had managed to instill in her. It was an emotion he never thought existed, but now couldn't get enough. Something only she seemed to awaken in him, and something he'd quite possibly never grow weary of. 

"DK," She shouted enthusiastically all of the sudden, startling Soonyoung some out of his thoughts. 

"What's DK?"

"Uncle Seokmin." 

"How'd you come up with that?"

"It's the letters in his name. Seok and Min." 

"That's not… There's no… Okay." She giggled at him, causing him to laugh along with her. Her head pressed into the side of his chest, right along where his heart seemed to beat more obviously by the moment. It was such a perfect moment, and Soonyoung's delusions seemed to continuously feed into that delight, yet something in him nagged incessantly, a voice that seemed to call upon his downfall as his mouth opened. "Chaerim… How old are you?"

"I'm turning 4." She proudly raised up four fingers into Soonyoung's sight, and his heart all but shattered alongside the fantasy that had been concocted in his head at the moment.

She was 3. Far too young to have been his child. 

He didn't understand. There was so much that said otherwise. So many signs that supported his beliefs. So many reasons to prove that she was his daughter. It confused him. It left his heart in fractures. It had this numb feeling quickly settling in, reminding him that he was nothing. That he was delusional to have even thought for a moment Chaerim was his. That he had even the slightest chance of reconnecting with (y/n). That he could ever possibly get this dream life that he had abandoned on his own. 

"Soonie, I like ice cream. Can we get more later?" He bit his lip, blinking away the tears that threatened to surface and began nodding his head. A grin settled over his face at Chaerim's request, sighing in relief as he was forced back into reality. The reality that although he wasn't her father, he still very much so loved this little girl, and nothing could change that. 

"Of course, sunshine," he cooed, fingers combing through the thin strands of her jet black hair. "We'll have to get permission from your mommy first. I'm not even sure if I was allowed to do this much." 

"And when mommy says yes, we can all get ice cream together." Soonyoung's heart skipped a beat at the mere mention of (y/n), but his mind blanked upon the insinuation of her joining them. The three of them all together, spending a day in the park eating ice cream like a little family. 

His perfect little family. 

"Yeah. We'll do just that."

"Pinky promise?" She held out her hand to him, pinky jutted out expectantly as she looked up at him. 

"Pinky promise." He linked his pinky with hers, earning more of her pleased giggles that soothed away all of his anxieties. 

Time passed by quickly, and soon Soonyoung was waiting at (y/n)'s door, seated on the ground as Chaerim continued talking to him. The elevator they had used to arrive at the apartment chimed, and out rushed a panicked (y/n), eyes manic as she zeroed in on her daughter. 

"Mommy!" Chaerim called out, rushing over to the woman who dropped to her knees, a sigh of relief puffing out of her as she finally had her daughter back in her arms. 

"My baby, thank heavens you're alright." Soonyoung smiled fondly at the sight, taking another moment to watch the two before he rose to his feet, garnering (y/n)'s attention. 

"I'm sorry. I would've called you about the change in plans, but I basically only had Seokmin's number, and Seokmin was preoccupied." She nodded, also standing up with him, Chaerim wrapped in her arms. 

"I understand," she responded, heading over to her front door. "Could you get my keys out of my bag?" 

Soonyoung automatically obeyed, fishing out her keys in mere seconds as he unlocked the door for the two. He followed close behind, slipping her bag off her shoulder and allowing her to peacefully reconvene with her daughter in the living room, cradling the young girl for a few more minutes to herself. 

"Mommy, Soonie picked me up today!"

"I know, that's so fun, isn't it?"

"Yeah! DK was busy, so Soonie came."

"DK?"

"And then we went to the park!" Soonyoung snorted as Chaerim completely ignored (y/n)'s confusion, leaning against the wall and watching (y/n) struggle to keep up with her daughter. "We went to the park and we had ice cream!"

"Ice cream?" She turned to look at Soonyoung, a hint of confusion, but upon seeing him mouth 'sorbet', she nodded in understanding, smiling as she returned to her daughter. "That's exciting! Was it yummy?"

"No!" Chaerim proclaimed proudly, (y/n)'s jaw dropping at the rollercoaster of a conversation happening. "I had peach ice cream first."

"You don't like peaches." Soonyoung had to hold back his laugh, chest quaking with contained cackles, remembering how confidently Chaerim had explained her mom telling her she liked peaches. Though that laughter dissipated, quickly replaced with betrayal as Chaerim continued. 

"Soonie said I liked peaches." While Soonyoung was about to defend his position, (y/n) merely nodded, already accustomed to Chaerim's inconsistencies as a toddler. "But he gave me his strawberry, and it was really yummy!" 

"You swapped ice creams?" (y/n) asked, gaze returning to Soonyoung, a ghost of a smile on her lips with that familiar glint of fondness returning to her eyes, a sight that Soonyoung couldn't recall the last time seeing, and it had him shaken to his core right at that moment, stomach twisting in knots and heart pounding against his chest as the emotions swirling in him seemed to awaken from their hibernation. 

"Yeah we did! We can swap again next time with you!" (y/n) drifted her attention back to Chaerim, that fleeting tender gaze dissipating, soon replaced by confusion once more. 

"What?" 

"Soonie and I want you to eat ice cream with us!"

She didn't look back at Soonyoung, merely nodding in agreement and faintly smiling. 

"Of course, sweetheart. I'll join you guys next time." Before Chaerim could offer her pinky as she did him, (y/n) stood from the couch. "Soonie has to go now though! Go ahead and say goodbye!" 

(y/n) was already walking away as her daughter whined in protest, darting over to where Soonyoung resided and clinging to his legs. 

"Soonie, don't go!"

God, he didn't want to. It was the last thing on his mind, especially when he met her glassy eyed stare, a pleading gaze begging him not to leave her. His heart was too weak for this, but he knew he couldn't disobey (y/n)'s decree, and he begrudgingly lowered to his knees, gathering Chaerim in his arms for one last hug. 

"It's alright, sunshine. There's always another day. I made a promise, didn't I?" With one last squeeze, he pulled away, making sure he looked at her with the most unwaveringly resolute expression he could muster. "And I never break my promises." 

She giggled and nodded, hugging him again before running off to her room, leaving (y/n) and him alone at the foyer. 

"I'm really sorry about today," Soonyoung began, quick to break the silence before it grew to be too tense. "Seokmin had that issue with his grandmother, and he forgot to text me Jihyo's address–"

"It's okay, Soonyoung. Really." Her voice was soft as she cut him off, hand raised to silence him. "I should be thanking you, to be honest. This is probably the most fun she's had in a long time." 

"No need to thank me at all." Soonyoung gave a subtle laugh, looking down at his feet bashfully. "Chaerim is the sweetest little girl out there. I had a very good day with her." 

(y/n) smiled at this, nodding at his words before turning to begin making dinner. 

"I'm glad. She seems to really like you." She hesitated for a moment, causing mid sentence. "Thank you… for giving her your time of day. It really means a lot to us."

"(y/n)..." He knew where her words came from. He could hear it in her tone. The pain. The betrayal. The wounds still fresh from when he had left her that morning. Left her to wake up on her own to an empty bed and no other word from him. Completely and utterly alone. He knew what he had done, and while he regretted it with every fiber of his being, he still stood there, contemplating what he could possibly say to someone he had left behind years and years ago. Because no matter how much he regrets his actions, he can never take it back. "I'm sorry… I know it doesn't make up for anything, but truly, I'm genuinely, desperately sorry."

Her eyes were focused on the granite of her countertop, hands shaking while clenched together on the surface. She was holding so much in, and it killed Soonyoung. Knowing he had left her this way. That he reduced her to this state.

"It's fine. It's in the past." Her voice was steady and calm, a contrast to her physical appearance where she seemed to be barely holding herself up. But in typical (y/n) fashion, she looked up at him, all emotion stowed away as she greeted him with that professional facade of hers; the one that she used on everyone to hide how she truly felt. The facade that she had never once directed to him because he could see right through it every time. And it hurt. Seeing how she couldn't even bear to share even a fragment of emotion to him anymore, as if last night's crying fest between the two was for nothing. He hated it. Indifference felt even colder than the sting of hatred. He'd much rather have preferred she loathed him to the depths of his soul, yet she just waved it off, smiling and making her way around him and to her door. "New era, new me. There's no use in holding grudges or holding on to the past. I appreciate everything you've done for Chaerim today. But I'm sure she's taken up quite a bit of your day, and I wouldn't want to waste anymore of your time."

The door was wide open before Soonyoung could even get a say in, and he unwillingly walked out of the apartment, steps slow and dragging as he passed by (y/n) avoiding his stare by focusing on the floor beneath them. 

"I…" Soonyoung spoke as he passed the threshold of their home, turning around before (y/n) could start closing the door. She looked up at him, brows furrowed together warily at what he could possibly want. "Can I… take Chaerim out some days while I'm here?" Her mouth fell open, but nothing came out, merely shocked to hear Soonyoung's preposition. "I don't have any plans this month, and I really did enjoy my time with her. And I'll take good care of her. That is, only if we have your permission, of course." 

"I'll… I'll have to see how she feels about this. You know, since it's also her opinion on the matter."

"Of course." Soonyoung hesitated for a moment, biting his lip in thought, but he urged himself to push forward. "Can I… give you my number? So we can stay in contact about… Chaerim?" 

"Soonyoung…" She was tongue-tied to say the least, fumbling over noncommittal words and syllables, trying to get herself out of this situation, but to no avail. It brought a smile to his face as she pulled out her phone and handed it to him, because he did have a point. As a mother, she wouldn't want what happened today to happen again. Yes, Soonyoung was playing on her natural maternal instincts, but he meant well nevertheless. 

With their numbers exchanged, she bid him farewell, thanking him one last time before allowing the door to fall closed behind her. And Soonyoung walked out of that apartment building triumphantly, pleased with himself and how his day had gone. His heart felt more full than it ever had before, all because he had the knowledge of (y/n)'s number stored into his phone. It was a silly thing, but something that had him beaming to himself as he took a moment to stare at her contact in his car. He felt like a schoolboy all over again, gushing about his crush who had given him the bare minimum, but God did the bare minimum feel like everything he's ever wanted in life. 

He was snapped out of his revelry with his phone vibrating in hand, Seokmin's contact taking over his screen with an incoming call. 

"Hello?" Soonyoung answered. 

"Soonyoung, hey! It's Seokmin. I just wanted to check up on how everything's going. My grandma got checked up, she just has a few bruises that should clear up in a few weeks. Car doesn't look too good, but at least she's fine."

"That's great!" Soonyoung sighed for his friend, smiling at the good news. "I'm glad to hear everything is okay. As for me, today went well. I picked up Chaerim and took her to the park. We had some sorbets together, walked around a bit, and I just finished dropping her off at (y/n)'s." 

"Awesome, I seriously owe you, dude."

"No, you don't." Soonyoung's eyes glanced up to (y/n)'s floor, comfortingly smiling at whatever the girls could be up to at this time. "I honestly owe you, if we're being honest."

"Ah, you see what I mean?" Seokmin spoke in a teasing manner, and Soonyoung could already envision the shit eating grin across his friend's face. "Isn't she the sweetest thing ever. I love hanging out with her." 

"I do, too," Soonyoung confessed, eyes slowly moving down from the apartment building, naturally landing on his rearview mirror with a clear image of Chaerim's now empty booster seat. "Listen, Seokmin, I have a… serious question to ask you." 

"Shoot, what's up?"

"Who's Chaerim's father?" 

The line was dead silent with only the natural buzz of feedback to greet his ears. His hand clenched at the wheel, waiting for Seokmin's words which seemed to be far too delayed for his taste. As if this silence would stretch on for another eon with Soonyoung wasting away, waiting in anticipation for his answer, only hoping it's the one he wants. 

"I don't know," Seokmin responded, his tone growing grave with his words. "I'm not sure… But I mean, Jihyo is basically her dad. We like to joke around that she's more of a dad than an aunt to the girl, you know what I mean?" Soonyoung pursed his lips, easily seeing how Seokmin redirected the conversation. But he didn't dwell on that, nodding to himself at his friend's excuse of an answer. 

"Yeah, I get you. Jihyo is a real one." 

"I actually have to go and deal with her now, because I had like 20 missed calls from her and I called you first to delay the inevitable when I have to call her back." Soonyoung expelled some air from his nose in a soft, breathy laugh. 

"I wish you luck, my friend." 

"Thank you, I'll be needing it. I'll pick you up at 8 tonight. Sounds good?"

"Sounds good to me."

Soonyoung may have drank too much last night. And he may have woken up with a hangover so bad that even laying on his pillow had his head pounding. All of this may hold true, but none of it stopped Soonyoung from downing some painkillers and heading out to the daycare, far too excited to even consider the pain throbbing at his skull. Because through all of the agony he had woken to, there was one shining light at the end of the dim tunnel; a text from (y/n), saying that both she and Chaerim had consented to him picking her up and spending the day with her. 

He was lucky that the other guys were just as drunk as him, Seokmin not even reading Soonyoung's message telling him he was going to be busy that day—perhaps still knocked out after their rambunctious night, one that Soonyoung struggled to remember. 

He could only remember glimpses of memories here and there. Joshua pulling a Gatorade out of his backpack and mixing it with his shot, attracting the attention of passersby who also wanted a douse of Gatorade infused in their liquor. He remembered Seokmin trying to front flip on the karaoke stage and failing miserably, laying there flat on his back as the instrumental to Call Me Maybe continued playing in the background. He remembered Mingyu and Chan trying to impress girls by using their strength in quite possibly the dumbest way Soonyoung had ever seen being attempted; Chan trying to do pull ups on Mingyu's arms who desperately flexed to try and hold the boy up—though it did manage to impress many guys at the bar, and they made quite a few gym friends along the way.

He was just grateful he managed to find his way home somehow in one piece, and made it a reminder to check on the others later in the day when they've likely recovered. But for now, he was on his way to the daycare, ready to retrieve Chaerim early so they could be together for even longer today. 

The pick up was much like the day before, though this time, Soonyoung came before naptime and was greeted by many smiling faces playing together in the next room. The lady came to greet him once more as Chaerim clung to him again, and soon they were off. 

"Where are we going today, Soonie!" She shouted from where she sat, inside voice out the window as she kicked her feet excitedly once more. The sight warmed his heart, the small mirrored image of her in his rearview mirror sparking this wholesome comfort in his heart, a fond smile stretching across his face. 

"I haven't decided yet, sunshine," he replied. "We can go to the zoo–"

"The zoo!" She cried enthusiastically, the shrillness of her voice somewhat grating on his ear, triggering another throbbing sensation in his head, though he shook it off with a wince and a shrug. "I want the zoo, Soonie! I want the zoo!"

"Or we can go to the mall and I can buy you whatever you want."

She grew quiet all of a sudden, startling Soonyoung who quickly glanced at his rearview mirror to see the girl staring off into oblivion, mouth ajar and eyes glazed over. She sat there completely motionless for a few seconds, and Soonyoung was about to pull over to check on her when she suddenly sat up again. 

"Soonie buys me toys at the zoo." 

He blinked at her proposition, but nevertheless nodded with a laugh. 

"Sounds like a plan. Good job finding a compromise so quickly." 

"What's a com-pom-rise?" 

The remainder of the journey was repetitive, to say the least, with Chaerim babbling nonsensically, hitting Soonyoung with unexpected questions as if to keep him on track with her discussions, singing songs together, and at some point she dozed off for five minutes before waking up fully energized. 

And the zoo was as good an idea as ever, perhaps better than it had gone in his head when he had been deliberating on potential places to take the young girl. Her smile seemed to never fade throughout the day, a permanent fixture on her face as he brought her to each and every animal they had to offer. He'd hold her up to get a better view of the monkeys, summarize what the tour guides said in words she'd understand, even had his arm wrapped around her the entire time she was in the petting zoo, far too wary to approach any of the animals on her own.

All the while, he snapped photos of her and him, sending them to (y/n) to keep her updated. It felt bittersweet to have her on speed dial once more. Accessible to him at any moment in time. He'd remember them texting each other at night, using up all of their minutes just to be with the other. And later on, they'd call each other for hours at a time, his face pressed into the pillow and his phone resting on his ear, dozing off to the sound of her absent-minded humming. Though again, they were merely memories at this point. And he was reminded of that as he sent her the next batch of images, the last one staring back at him almost mockingly.

One where his face was pressed against Chaerim's, the both of them sporting the same toothy smile, cheeks puffed with joy and eyes crinkled into slits. While the fact still remained—that being Chaerim is not his biological child—he couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort looking at the image. A sort of reminder of what could have been. That this little girl is what his child with (y/n) would've looked like had he not thrown everything away.

"Soonie," said little girl called up to him, tugging at the hem of his shirt to summon his attention. "I'm tired." 

That's right, he picked her up before naptime. Not only that, but they've been walking around the zoo for a few hours now. Of course she's bound to be tired, she's still practically a baby. He could probably find a quiet spot where she can nap. She can use his jacket as a blanket and his lap as a pillow. Would that be sufficient enough? What if it's too sunny out for her to nap? Is there a place that's even quiet enough? What if she collapses on him out of exhaustion? 

Another tug at his shirt has him crouching to her height almost immediately, and Chaerim took the opportunity to latch onto his neck, scrambling into his arms so when he stood again, she was safely nestled against him. As if through magic, her touch settled the frenzied thoughts swirling in his head, silencing his incessant doubts and worries with a simple hug. The ends of her pigtails tickled beneath his jaw, grounding him and bringing a smile to his face. 

This must've been what it felt like to be a father. The thought harrowing, the responsibilities debilitating, worries for your child being an inevitable occurrence with every waking moment. Yet at the end of the day, when you had them in your arm, feeling their comforting weight against you, it was like there was nothing to even worry about. Like all of those struggles endured were worth it in the end. Like nothing else in the world mattered, as long as they were safe and happy. This fulfilling sense of harmony like the calm after the storm, the remedy to his qualms, the spark of warmth in an otherwise frigid wasteland.

What power such a tiny human held, one that he had only met some few days ago, yet one that he found himself loving wholeheartedly, willing to throw everything away if that's what she asked of him. There they sat on a secluded bench, his jacket draped on her back as she dozed off on his shoulder. The hanging branches above them offered a generous amount of shade, yet those pesky rays of light that peeked through the leaves threatened Chaerim's rest, so Soonyoung sat there with his hand hovering over her face, making sure nothing disturbed her peace. His arm ached and his shoulder had long gone numb from keeping its position, though he found he couldn't care less about these minor inconveniences. 

Not when his little sunshine was sleeping calmly against him, her steady breaths puffing against his neck as her fists weakly pawed at his shirt. 

The zoo trip finally reached its conclusion, Chaerim strapped into her car seat between her new flamingo, giraffe, and tiger toys, who were also strapped into their seats. The latter was a given, Soonyoung already snagging it from its hook and adding it to her pile. She didn't complain though, if her talking to her new tiger was any indication. On the way home, she had already bestowed upon it the noble name of Stripey, as well as an entire backstory about Stripey having fled from her wartorn kingdom before the enemy lion troops were to capture her, taking refuge in the zoo until Chaerim came to her rescue.

Soonyoung was very invested, on the edge of his seat whenever she hit him with yet another plot twist to the convoluted story, to the point that he hadn't even realized he'd made it to the apartment building until he had actually parked, nor did he truly acknowledge the situation at hand until Chaerim had rapped her knuckles against the door once they had reached the apartment itself. 

Moments later, the door opened, and there stood (y/n) in all of her glory. It was idiotic how absolutely awestruck Soonyoung was every time he saw. How enamored he was with her whenever he so much as stood in her presence. The impact she had on him still to this day something that astonished him, though at the same time didn't necessarily surprise him, as she had lingered in his mind practically every day since the moment he first met her. 

Soonyoung stood in sheer wonderment as usual, though was suddenly sent hurtling into a completely different sense of astoundment as she blessed him with a smile. A warm and genuine grin with tinges of bittersweet poignancy at its edges. It wasn't that conflicted, distant gaze she usually looked at him with, watching him as one would an exhibit of sorts. It felt new, yet comfortingly familiar in a way. As if slowly but surely, her exterior was melting away. 

"Mommy!" Chaerim shouted, squirming out of Soonyoung's arms the moment (y/n) appeared. She managed to wrangle the little girl from Soonyoung's wavering grip, chuckling to herself at the fear that flashed Soonyoung's eyes the moment he thought he'd drop Chaerim. He was left to trail after the two, right arm still clutching the three stuffed animals and the small gift shop bag. All the while, Chaerim babbled on to her mother about the entirety of her day. 

Soonyoung was leant against the wall as the two girls sat themselves on the couch, the scene similar to the day before, yet also vastly different. The setting sun's rays seeping in through the windows no longer felt like an anxious conclusion to the day, though instead a hopeful end. One where Soonyoung could rest assured that he wasn't being completely removed from the equation. He couldn't really pinpoint it, but it felt as if something changed. As if turning a new leaf. Watching the girls talk hadn't felt like he was intruding on a private conversation, but instead spectating the amusing scene of a toddler desperately strewing words together to describe the events of the zoo to her mother. 

"And then–and then Soonie and I went to see the rhinos, and they were like this big," she exclaimed excitedly, tossing her arms open to indicate the sheer size of the animals mentioned. (y/n) nodded, undoing Chaerim's pigtails and combing through her locks. "And then we saw the giraffes and they were even bigger!"

"No way," (y/n) responded, triggering another surge of excitement from the little girl who insisted vehemently on the giraffe's staggering height. Soonyoung rested his head against the wall, a wide smile stretched across his face. (y/n) glanced over at him, biting back her own smile while Chaerim continued.

Something had changed. A shift in the atmosphere that was unlike yesterday's. It felt almost unfair that Soonyoung couldn't narrow down what exactly it was, yet either way he was immensely grateful, especially as (y/n) redirected her attention to him, dismissing Chaerim for now. She stood from the couch, walking into the kitchen, and Soonyoung naturally followed after her, no words needed. 

"Looks like she had fun," (y/n) stated, an entertained laugh slipping out at the end of her sentence.

"She did, I'm glad to see that." Soonyoung glanced into the living room where the aforementioned little girl watched her cartoons in an almost dazed state. "I was worried she wouldn't like it." 

"Please, she got to see animals and she got toys at the end of it all. You couldn't have made her happier." She briefly opened the fridge, pulling out a sealed container before placing it on the island countertop. Soonyoung glanced between it and her for a few moments, not understanding the sudden appearance of the item, but with a roll of her eyes, (y/n) slid it closer to him. "Hangover soup." 

Soonyoung's mouth fell open, eyes widening some as he hesitantly brought the dish closer. 

"How did you know?" She looked at him with amused confusion, as if the answer to the question was obvious. Nonetheless, she shrugged with a smirk. 

"Maybe a little birdie told me you all were getting wasted last night." Soonyoung giggled some, thoughts returning to his friend who most likely is dealing with the same pain as him. He'd be sure to share this with Seokmin when he sees him next. 

"Thank you. Really. You didn't have to do all this."

"Of course I did." She waved him off dismissively, faux exasperation at his humility. His lips pursed into a thin line, fingers fiddling with the twine loops of the gift bag before finally lifting it and placing it on the counter with a soft thud. It was now her turn to look between the bag and him expectantly, only for him to follow her prior movements, sliding the bag across the counter much the same as the soup. 

Hesitatingly, she took the item, the light touch of her fingers causing the dense paper material to crinkle under her. She wore an appreciative, yet otherwise curious, smile as she fished out whatever resided in the bag, lifting it from its bed of wrapping and into the light. 

A small white leather box, unassuming in presentation, to the point that she hadn't even spared a second thought before opening it, unveiling a pair of pearl earrings. Her mouth fell agape, a small gasp leaving past her lips. She stared for a moment more at the jewelry before looking back up at Soonyoung. 

"The zoo had an area where they bred oysters," he explained, his voice coming out softer than intended, yet even so still feeling out of place in the otherwise quiet atmosphere with only the sounds of children's cartoons offering a low humming white noise in the background. She turned back to the earrings, a finger tracing over the smooth surface of the item at hand. "I hope you still like pearls. I saw them and thought of you." 

"I love them." Her response came as quietly as his own, though her voice had a crack in it that had Soonyoung's brows raising in concern. Meeting his gaze again proved his suspicions correct, her eyes now glassy with a pout on her lip as she clutched the box closer to her chest. 

"Aww, baby, don't cry." Soonyoung let out a laugh, body moving instinctively as he opened his arms. It wasn't until she had already shuffled into his embrace, whining into his chest and quietly releasing her tears, that he realized what he'd done. Though feeling her against him, the warmth of her tears against his shirt, that soothing aroma of hers that always calmed his nerves, the weight of her head pressing into him, quelled the worries in his heart. Like mother, like daughter, the two girls holding such an authority over him to be able to sway his every thought and his every emotion. For the next few minutes, he reveled in whatever comfort he could acquire, arms squeezing (y/n) to him as she mumbled her thanks to the man. 

For once, Soonyoung felt a sense of completion, more sated holding (y/n) than he had been at his own graduation. His lips twitched into a smile, and he was sure (y/n) must have heard the beating of his heart kick up with every passing moment, though she didn't comment on it. Chaerim had begun singing the songs on her show, and the orange glow of the setting sun continued basking them in its warm honey-like ambience. 

For once in his both hectic and monotonous life, he felt a stability he feared he'd never experience, the key to his peace resting in the hands of (y/n) herself. As if he had strayed from his intended path, only to veer back to her. Like no matter how far you throw a rock into the air, it's bound to return to the earth below it. No matter how far he fled from home, no matter how distant he grew from her, he'd always find his way back to (y/n). Like it was meant to be. And as he cradled her to him, he knew it was because it truly was meant to be.

He didn't know for how long he'd stood there holding (y/n), rocking them back and forth calmly as they embraced one another, though it was the sound of the apartment door opening that brought them back to reality, regrettably separating as Jihyo waltzed in. She had a look of surprise on her face for a moment, but offered Soonyoung a kind smile in greeting. 

"I should head out," Soonyoung quietly spoke, turning back to (y/n) after waving to Jihyo. 

"I'll walk you out," she replied, already walking out of the kitchen and into the main hall.

Soonyoung made a brief detour to the living room, crouching in front of the couch where Chaerim resided. 

"I'm heading out now." Chaerim immediately threw herself at him, causing Soonyoung to briefly huff at the sudden action. 

"I want Soonie to stay." 

"I can't, sunshine. We'll hang out again tomorrow, yeah?"

"Zoo?"

"I was thinking we could go to the aquarium. We can see more water animals." She gasped, pulling herself away from him to nod enthusiastically. Soonyoung laughed, nodding along with her and promising to pick her up from daycare again. Though before he could stand up, she grabbed him again, dragging him closer to her. 

"Come to my birthday," she insisted, practically vibrating with excitement. "It's really soon. Mommy says the 17th. Come to my birthday." 

"Okay, sunshine, I'm there."

She finally let him go, smiling as he walked back to the hallway where Jihyo and (y/n) stood. Jihyo bid Soonyoung a brief goodbye before heading to the living room with Chaerim. 

"I can't thank you enough for taking care of Chaerim, and for my earrings." (y/n) fiddled with the box still in her hand, and Soonyoung couldn't help but to grin at her shyness. 

"Of course. Nothing but the best for you both." 

"And thank you for the pictures… I really liked them." 

"I'm glad to hear." He felt his cheeks warming under her attention, bashfully looking down at his feet. "I'll send more tomorrow. We're going to the aquarium." 

"Oh, she's going to love that."

There was a pause between them, a silence as they looked at each other one last time. Soonyoung couldn't help but to smile whilst admiring her, remembering how he'd zone out in class and miss the entire lesson because he was staring at the back of her head. Old habits die hard. 

A sudden holler from the living room drew their attention back to the present, snickering at Chaerim's hoots of laughter from beyond the apartment. Though it reminded Soonyoung of what had happened some few moments ago. 

"Chaerim invited me to her birthday." (y/n) smiled at this, nodding her head at his words. 

"Yeah, it's coming up in just a few days. It's just going to be a little get together with Jihyo, Seokmin, and I. Maybe some of the guys, but who knows. We'd love to have you over." 

"I'd love to attend. So this is me RSVPing for that." 

"I'll be sure to write your name on the list of attendees." They shared another laugh together.

Soonyoung couldn't believe how light it felt to be with her today. That agonizingly taxing weight which once lingered over him in her presence now all but dissipated. He couldn't tell what had happened, but God he'd be lying if he said he wasn't eternally grateful for such a turn of events.

The glee in this revelation remained with him as he drove home, and also as he ate all of the hangover soup, changing his mind about sharing with Seokmin, keeping (y/n)'s gift all to himself. 

"Bullshit!" Chan shouted, already whipping his hand out towards the messily strewn pile of cards at the center of the table. Flipping over the first two of the pile revealed an ace and a ten—not the two aces that Jeonghan had initially declared. 

The man groaned to himself as he dragged the entire pile over, causing Chan to victoriously raise his arms up in the air. Beside him, Mingyu patted his back while Seokmin hyped him up, the two sporting encouraging smiles for the youngest's achievement. With a new round starting, Soonyoung grabbed two from his hand and placed them at the now barren center. 

"Two aces," he announced, leaning back and refusing to meet anyone's perceptive stare. No matter how drunk they got, they somehow always remained vigilant when it came down to Bullshit. 

"One two," Wonwoo muttered afterwards, dropping a card into the newly accumulating pile. 

"Two threes," Jihoon leant forward to join with his addition, leaning back seconds after and absentmindedly reorganizing the cards in his hand currently, unaware of the six other men staring at him in disbelief. 

"Um… Bullshit?" Seokmin mumbled confusedly, causing Jihoon to finally peek over and see that the two supposed threes he'd dropped were instead face up, revealing instead a three and a nine. 

"No– Wait– Don't look at that." He dove forward to retrieve his cards, but he knew it was too late as the lot all erupted into laughter, shouting out Jihoon's slip up and pushing the slim pile over to him. "I hate this game. Why are we even playing this game? I don't want to play this game. Let's play Uno." 

"Like that's any less ruthless," Jeonghan grumbled, brandishing his hand which made up a good chunk of the 52 count deck of theirs. Jihoon took another swig of his beer, irate at the turn of events.

"Someone better win soon then, or I'm leaving the party early." 

"Don't worry," Chan stood to his feet, chair scraping back as he assumed a heroic pose. He raised his hand up, a single card resting between his two fingers. "I've got that covered." He gently placed the card at the center of the table, his voice just as soft as he announced. "One four."

Vernon glanced down at his cards, brow raising as he glanced from his hand to Chan. His mouth had momentarily opened, but before he could call the boy out on his fib, Jihoon all but tossed his cards ceremoniously onto the table, clapping and monotonously cheering for the winner of the game. 

"Hooray, good job. Seokmin, get your Uno." 

As the new game was starting, Seokmin dealing out everyone's seven cards, Soonyoung's phone buzzed against his lap. With one last tentative sip of his drink, not wanting to go through another terrible hangover so soon, he pulled out his phone under the table. Almost immediately, his expression brightened, putting down his drink and scooting out from the table. 

"Excuse me, I have to take this," he quickly stated, shuffling away from the rowdy bunch and into the hall. The noise was muted some here, just enough that he could probably talk peacefully on the phone, though if not, Seokmin's bedroom door was right there next to him. With one last sigh, he swiped on the incoming call, voice unexpectedly wavering as he answered. "Hello?"

"Soonie!" The familiar shrill voice of Chaerim momentarily surprised him, though his shock washed away rather quickly. 

"Hello, sunshine! How are you?" Soonyoung already found himself slipping into the aforementioned bedroom, knowing his voice would carry over to where the others resided. 

"I'm good!"

With the formalities over and out of the way, she began spewing out near nonsense supposedly telling Soonyoung about her day from what he could decipher. He hummed affirmatively and responded when need be, though for the most part just sat there with a dopey smile as the little girl continued on with her speech. From beyond her voice, Soonyoung could hear (y/n) in the background, giggling to herself as Chaerim talked, and it had Soonyoung biting his lip, his cheeks aching with the sheer breadth of his grin. 

"Soonie, you didn't pick me up today," she noted randomly. 

"I know, sweet pea, it's the weekend. Don't you want to spend time with your mommy?" 

"No, I'm okay." Soonyoung laughed as (y/n) whined at her daughter's quick dismissal of her, even more so when (y/n) began seemingly wrestling the child for the phone back. "No! I want Soonie! No!" 

"You're quickly losing Soonie privileges, Chae." (y/n) warned, voice authoritative, yet nevertheless carrying a jesting undertone.

"Soonie, she's so mean to me. Where are you? Why aren't you here?" 

"I'm at Uncle Seokmin's house."

"I want to go to Uncle Seokmin's house. I want to be with Soonie." His heart felt so incredibly full, his hand clenching over where the organ was beating. She was too precious for this world, he thought. If he hadn't already had a drink or two, he'd be driving over to the apartment to reunite with Chaerim right then and there. Though with some forced restraint, he tethered himself back to reality, pouting at his newfound maturity. 

"I can't, Soonie isn't feeling very well right now." 

"Oh no! Why are you sick?"

"I drank some… icky water… and now I'm too weak to drive over to you." 

"Soonie, don't die." Her voice was suddenly so terribly sad, and Soonyoung immediately regretted his words. 

"No, I'm just feeling a little sick! I'm not big sick!"

"The icky water made Soonie's tummy hurt. You know how tummy aches feel, right?" (y/n) began explaining, earning a sound of acknowledgement from the little girl who quickly returned to the phone. 

"Soonie, it's okay, I get tummy aches, too. It's okay, it's okay." 

"Thank you, sweetie. I'll be sure to feel better before your birthday." 

He could hear (y/n) whispering to Chaerim, her voice quiet as she told Chaerim to say goodnight to him. 

"Goodnight, Soonie! I can't wait to see you on my birthday! I miss you!"

"I miss you, too."

"I love you." 

If his heart had felt full before, it was practically overflowing now, that overabundance of warmth now seeping into his stomach, gripping him with its comfort and bringing a flush to his face. 

"I love you, too, sunshine." 

There was some commotion on the other line, the two quietly speaking to each other, though now Soonyoung couldn't really decipher it. He just sat there, permanent smile on his face, still reeling over Chaerim's farewell. It felt nice. To be loved by this little girl that he had already accepted he loved back with all of his heart. It felt gratifying, that of all people, Chaerim came to love him. 

"Hey," (y/n)'s voice sounded from the phone. 

"Hi." He found himself looking down at the floor, socked feet fiddling with the carpet beneath him, brushing it back and forth and toying with the opposing shades it created.

After a little over a week, it still felt so surreal to hear (y/n) again. To be near her. To be able to actually talk to her. As if his six year drought had come to an end with her monsoon-like return. As if she brought life back to his otherwise desolate form. He felt more alive these last few days than he has in the half decade he's been away. He was beginning to feel concerned for himself, because he honestly couldn't even remember the past six years he's been gone, all of it like a numbing fever dream where he'd survived on autopilot alone.

But now he was present. He felt himself again. He felt like a human being. As dependent as it may sound, (y/n) made him who he was, and he was nothing without her. 

"Sorry about that. She refused to go to sleep until she saw Soonie today." 

"I don't mind. It did feel weird today not seeing her." 

"You spoil her too much. She still refuses to let go of her manta ray stuffed animal since you got it for her at the aquarium." Soonyoung chuckled at this, remembering that day fondly. 

"That's surprising, considering she was terrified to even approach the stingray petting area." (y/n) laughed, remembering the picture Soonyoung sent her of him smiling at the camera while Chaerim was red faced and crying next to the said animal petting area. 

"Says the guy who had to be protected by that same little girl when you both went to the circus."

"Hey." Soonyoung's quick interjection had (y/n) bursting into another fit of giggles. "Those clowns were terrifying. She was a brave soul that day. I wouldn't have come out alive." 

"Of course, I understand."

"Well, we'll see who's talking when we take you to an amusement park for the rollercoasters." She gasped at his threat, her voice dropping into a pained whisper soon after. 

"You wouldn't dare."

"I would, you know I would." 

"I'm being abused by both my daughter and you, I can't handle this." 

His heart felt light, soaring about frivolously without a care in the world. This dark mass which once clung to it had slowly but surely faded away, taking with it the dense murkiness it once obscured Soonyoung's life with. Those butterflies in his stomach fluttered with it, joyous and abundant after their long hibernation, dormant until (y/n) had come back into the picture. 

Her voice spoke to him like a lullaby, soft and tranquil as she chatted faintly, words light and breathy and weaving together into incoherency, though he didn't really mind, reminded of the days they'd do just this until they passed out. 

"(y/n), you're tired," Soonyoung uttered, to which she hummed in consideration. 

"I am."

"You should go to sleep." There was an ache in his heart, sending her off so early, though he couldn't keep her to himself all night. She was busy, and sleep was practically a rare commodity to her. 

Silence settled over the two, with only the grainy feedback of the phone call to occupy them, yet Soonyoung still found it to be comforting merely knowing she was on the other line. He'd probably stay on the phone with her all night like this if he could, but he really should let her go. 

"I don't want to." Her response was low, a whisper into the phone, as if having uttered something she shouldn't have. His breath stuttered, body stiffening while his heart seized in on itself, thudding against his chest to the point that it almost ached. And with the undeniable warmth coursing through his veins at the moment, he couldn't help but grin to himself, clutching the phone tighter in his hand.

"I don't want you to either."

She hummed appreciatively at this, a content thrum against his ear, and for a moment, he was beside her. He was laying there, her hair fanning out against her pillow, eyes slid shut with the faintest trace of a smile gracing her lips. He could feel her breath against his skin, her presence like an otherworldly comfort. He could hear her breathing growing steadier by the minute as they basked in the silence. Telltale sign of her drifting off. And the thought seemed to come to him naturally, like an old record that still played the same tune as he began rambling. 

"The guys are playing Uno in the other room. We were playing BS, but Jihoon lost his patience a bit." He heard a slight chuckle on her side, though one that hadn't deterred her already tired state. "I'm pretty sure he's still losing his patience. Uno is much worse than BS. I'll text you the details tomorrow once I go out there again later." He leant back, laying flat on Seokmin's bed with his phone still pressed to his cheek. "I already got Chaerim her gift. I don't know if I should tell you. I think you'll get mad at me. But Chaerim will like it at least. I know she will."

He paused for a moment, thoughts still whirling in his head. He chuckled to himself thinking about his gift, the mental image of Chaerim using it already playing in his head.

Chaerim. 

"I really did miss my little sunshine today. I know we've hung out everyday, but it still feels lonely without her. On the bright side, I already know where I'm taking her next. I think she'd like the ice skating rink. The one we used to go to."

Memories came to him. Memories of that very rink. Of his friends and him all busting their ass more than once. Jun clinging to the plexiglass paneling on the rink's perimeter. Jihoon teetering with his legs and arms spread out as far as possible. Chan accidentally learning to skate backwards first. Soonyoung struggling to grasp the concept of ice skating, clinging to (y/n) like his life depended on it. Really, it did. And she'd just laugh and let him hold her, his arms wrapped around her body with his head resting on her shoulders, and she'd skate them around while Soonyoung just cradled her to him. 

He hasn't skated in years. Not since (y/n). He didn't even realize this until this very moment. 

"Maybe I should hold out on the skating rink for another day. I don't think I can actually skate. I never really learned." He pursed his lips, blinking back his sadness. "I never learned because once I did, it would mean I wouldn't need you anymore. I wouldn't be able to hold you like I did. It would've just taken away one of the ways I showed my love to you." The blinking was becoming redundant as he felt his eyes begin to burn with unshed tears. "But it was kinda pointless in the end since I was the one that took away our love. Since I was the one that gave up." 

He scoffed as he felt the first tear slip by, as if he even deserved to cry at this point. Though once the second and the third slipped by, that indignant irritation disappeared, leaving behind the raw sadness that had been plaguing him for years. He frowned, staring at the popcorn ceiling above him. It looked like (y/n)'s ceiling growing up.

He was reminded of those sleepless nights when she'd jostle him awake, either anxious with her thoughts or scared from a nightmare, and he'd lay awake with her. They'd rest their heads against one another as she talked to him, released her thoughts so they were no longer trapped in her head. And he'd comfort her with words or cuddles. He'd point at the textured ceiling staring down from above them, making constellations and telling her whatever convoluted story he'd make up on the spot. Until she had fallen asleep peacefully to the sound of his voice, a smile on her face as he kissed her goodnight before falling asleep himself. 

Staring up at that very ceiling, the replacement for their city's light polluted sky, only served to make him cry harder. He shook his head at the thought, at his words he'd only just uttered. 

"I gave up our relationship like a fucking idiot," he muttered, voice wrought with emotion, wavering with the tension in his throat. "But I never gave up our love. Never once in my life have I ever stopped loving you. And I never will. Even after you've moved on, I'll still be here, knowing that I lost my soulmate the night I walked away. The night I left you." He bit his lip at the memory, sniffling as softly as he could. From the sound of her breathing, he knew she was asleep, yet he kept going. "That was the most painful thing I've ever had to do. Leaving you was a mistake, but it was just… atrocious of me to leave you alone in my bed like that. I should've done better. I should've said goodbye to you personally like I had wanted to." A sob slipped past his lips for a moment, but he brought his fist up to his mouth, concealing the despair that seeped out of him with every word. "I shouldn't have even left you in the first place."

He moved to wipe his tears, smiling through the pain as he heard the deep steady breaths on the other line, anchoring him back to the present. 

"I love you," he admitted, a laugh following at the end of it. "I love you so much. More than I could ever even try to explain. I love you." His hand flew up to his hair, tugging at the strands as more tears flooded his eyes, that agonized smile stretching further across his face. "I love the way you haven't changed over the years. I love the way you still make me happy. I love how strong and intelligent you are. I love how you still show your love through different means. I love that you made me soup when I was hungover. I love that you wear those pearl earrings I got you everyday. I love how you still fall asleep to my voice. I love Chaerim. I love your little family." Another shaky breath, and the tension which had built up over the course of his confession unraveled, his body going limp, and that smile slackened until it was truly genuine. A genuine, gentle, ever so loving, absolutely enamored smile as he let it all go. As he accepted his flaws. His mistakes from the past. His frenzied emotions. His absolute, undeniable, to the moon sort of love he held for (y/n). "I love you." 

The last few minutes of the call were spent with Soonyoung silently crying, letting out the last shreds of despair wracking his body. Her breathing soothed his tormented heart, reminding him of the constant she was to him. That anchor in his life he so desperately needed, tethering him to her lest he stray wayward once more. He felt that tug once more. That urge to run directly to her. To watch her peaceful form beside him, memorizing every line and every detail of her face, tracing the outlines of her form carefully with his eyes, until he had it all ingrained in his mind where he'd then fall asleep, pressing a kiss to her forehead before drifting off. 

"Goodnight, my love," he muttered, which was all he could do at this point, smiling warmly as he took in the last remnants of her presence before he'd have to leave. "Sweet dreams." 

The game had all but stopped once Soonyoung had come back an hour later with tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes, face red and puffy, all the while attempting to act as nonchalant as possible, as if he hadn't just walked out of the most devastating experience he'd ever encountered. 

"You good?" Chan was the first to break the silence, eyebrow raised in concern at the state of his elder. Soonyoung nodded. 

"Yeah, why?" His voice cracked, as if the cherry on top to this entire fiasco. 

"Who was that on the phone?" Wonwoo was the next to speak, fiddling with the cards in his hands. 

"Oh, it was just (y/n) and Chaerim."

The boys uttered a collective 'ah' in understanding, returning to their game as if nothing had happened. That is except Jihoon, taking another gulp of beer with a sigh followed after. 

"You know what, this is good," Jihoon announced aloud. Jeonghan absentmindedly hummed at him to continue, all the while dropping his card on the pile at the table's center. "Let it all out, talk to each other. So much unresolved tension that's finally getting closure." He pointed to Soonyoung, eyebrows furrowed seriously. "It's about time you two made up."

"He's right," Vernon spoke up, putting his cards face down before him. "You guys… personally founded romance or something. You're our modern day Romeo and Juliet." He placed his hands on his chest, looking around the table for support as he continued. "I was honestly devastated when they broke up. Cause like if they can't work out, what hope do we have?" Chan nodded at this, pursing his lips in understanding. Wonwoo similarly mimicked this, lips downturned as he confirmed Vernon's words. "You need her. She needs you. You both need each other. It just doesn't make sense to have one without the other. You know what I'm saying?" 

"You two were made for each other!" Jihoon cried out passionately, slapping down a draw four and causing Jeonghan's jaw to slacken at his audacity. 

Soonyoung was flustered at all the attention on him, and was ever so grateful when the game returned to its original state before he had intervened. Beside him, Seokmin patted his back, as if knowing Soonyoung was riddled with conflicting thoughts and emotions. Though really it was pretty one dimensional where his stance had settled. 

He loved (y/n). He loved Chaerim. He loved them both. God, he wanted them both. But he's been far too greedy in his life. And at this point, he's willing to take whatever (y/n) was willing to offer him.

Soonyoung knocked on the door excitedly, biting back his smile as he heard Chaerim's familiar holler from within the apartment. A few moments later, the door opened, revealing a smiling Jihyo donning a pink party hat. 

"Hey Soonyoung! Come on–" She stopped talking once she looked down and saw the gigantic box at his feet. It had barely even fit through the door and required both of them cooperating with one another to manage it through. "What the hell did you buy this little girl?" 

"Soonie!" Said little girl came barreling out of a room down the hall, hurdling herself into his arms at full velocity.

"Chaerim!" He yelled back, squeezing her in his arms and twirling her in the air. She erupted into giggles, face squished into his neck as her limbs clung to him desperately. "How's my favorite birthday girl?"

Before she could respond, a delighted gasp brought their attention to her, her eyes now entirely trained on the enormous box behind Jihyo.

"Is that mine?" She asked excitedly, squirming out of Soonyoung's grasp to rush over to the box. It was practically as big as her, and it had Soonyoung giggling to himself as well. Jihyo shook her head, staring at him in disbelief before turning back to Chaerim. 

"Yes, sweetie, Soonie got it for you. You can open it after we blow out your candles." She immediately came bounding back to Soonie, crouched to her height as she hugged the living daylights out of him. 

"Thank you, Soonie." He grinned, hugging her back happily. 

"Of course, sunshine." A few moments passed before (y/n) came strolling out of her room, just as lovely as she always was. Her eyes landed on Soonyoung, and he felt his heart skip multiple beats upon the sudden smile she had on her face. 

"Soonyoung, you came!" He stood up, Chaerim still held by his right arm as he accepted (y/n)'s hug with his left. He felt so full, heart overflowing with adoration and stomach twisting into happy little knots as he surrounded himself with his two favorite girls. Jihyo stood on the sidelines, a contented pout on her face as she watched the scene before her. 

Still wrapped in Soonyoung's hold, (y/n) glanced over to Jihyo. 

"Any news on Seokmin?" 

"Stuck at work," Jihyo regretfully informed, glancing down at her phone as if checking to see if Seokmin had miraculously escaped the clutches of his day job. "But he did invite some of the other guys, so they should be showing up throughout the day."

"Oh, that'll be chaotic," (y/n) snickered, laying her head on Soonyoung's chest in thought. He had no quarrels with this, in a permanent blissed out state as he rocked them all back and forth, lost in his own world. "Should we just have her blow out her candles now so she can play with her toys throughout the day?" (y/n) continued talking as Chaerim had yelled out her agreeance excitedly. "That way she'll have time to play with some toys, and then when one of the boys comes, she can play with the next toy?"

"That sounds like a plan." Jihyo nodded, already in motion as she began setting up the cake.

Soonyoung handled the birthday girl as (y/n) and Chaerim scurried about, delicately placing some candles on the cake, to which Chaerim indignantly commanded there to be more. Once there were about 20 candles scattered across her princess themed cake, Soonyoung placed her down on a barstool placed at the middle island, making his way across the counter to where (y/n) stood. Jihyo sat beside the little girl, slowly lighting up the candles for the ceremony until (y/n) took a sharp intake of breath, turning to face Soonyoung with a shocked expression on her face.

Before he could reciprocate her panic, however, she had already begun fleeing from the kitchen. 

"I forgot the camera!" Her voice faded in the distance as she grew further away, leaving the three of them in the kitchen. Soonyoung averted his gaze from where (y/n) ran off to Chaerim, precariously eyeing her cake with a mischievous glint in her eyes. It brought a smile to his face, watching the few lit candles flicker in the reflection of her dark eyes. 

"You should blow out the candles before wax gets on the cake," Soonyoung suggested, catching Chaerim's eye as she began smiling with him. Before Jihyo could put out the few candles, Chaerim beat her to it, puffing out her cheeks and blowing out the tiny flames in one big breath. Victoriously, she threw her hands up in the air. 

"Yay! I'm turning five!" She hollered aloud, bringing a chuckle out of Jihyo beside her. 

"No, sweetie, you are five. You only say turning when you're going to be that age very soon. Yesterday, you were turning five. Today, you are five. Understand?" 

"No." 

"Okay, well–" Jihyo was cut off by the sudden presence of Soonyoung's hand on her shoulder, drawing her attention over to the suddenly very shaken man. His eyes were shaky, attempting to focus on Jihyo, but struggling to maintain what little restraint he had left in him. 

"She's five?" He asked, voice coming out in a wavering manner through his unsteady breathing. Jihyo looked at him confused for a moment, incredulous at his inquiry, though as quickly as she mentally questioned him, realization had hit her. Realization that Soonyoung had put the puzzle together. 

"Soonyoung–" She started, her tone of voice full of remorse, though she couldn't get much else out as he all but bolted out of the kitchen and down the hall, barging into (y/n)'s room unceremoniously. His head whipped about momentarily until his eyes landed on her emerging from her closet, digital camera in hand. 

"Oh, I found the camera, it's alright–" (y/n) yelped as Soonyoung's hands clamped down on her shoulders, the force of his hold startling her for a second, though not harming her in any manner. As if his only intention was to keep her where she stood. 

"(y/n)," he began, faltering in his speech. She grew concerned for him, hands instinctively reaching up to hold onto his bicep, squeezing him back reassuringly. The motion, at any other moment in time would've called him down. Though right now, it did nothing but remind him of who stood before him. "(y/n), I've asked Jihyo. I've asked Seokmin. I haven't asked you. So I'm only going to ask this once." At this point, (y/n) was slowly understanding the situation at hand, and she could do nothing but quiver at the raw emotion in his eyes. The blaze of unbridled despondency seeping into his dark, lonely gaze. His lips quivered as he took in another breath, nerves shaking with him and almost sending his body into a similar state. "Is Chaerim my daughter?" 

Her mouth had fallen open, and then it closed, and opened again, though no sound came out. Her eyes darted about the room, from the door leading to the hallway, to her bedside table, to the closet behind her. Anywhere but Soonyoung, who couldn't tear his gaze away from her for even a moment, trained on her every minute action, relying on his years of being fluent in (y/n) to lead him to his answer. 

She was scared, that much was obvious. She was attempting to school her expression, a twitch on her lip trying to incite a casual smile to brush him off. A light, humorous scoff being the first sound to leave her lips, and she finally focused her eyes on his mouth. 

"What are you talking about?" She asked, a joking air to her words, a tone that could have potentially fooled others, but Soonyoung could detect the lack of sincerity in her actions. Her fingers twitched where they rested on his arm, squeezing him to calm herself as she continued. "Jihyo and Seokmin have both told you no."

"They have," Soonyoung agreed, dragging (y/n) closer, so close that he was sure she could hear the way his heart beat so violently against his chest, just as terrified of the results of this interrogation as she was. "But you haven't."

That faux curl of her lips had crumbled, bottom lip trembling as her eyes began to well with tears, her body similarly quaking under his touch. Her breathing had picked up, chest rising and falling to an almost concerning rate that Soonyoung had to reposition them, one hand falling down to her back and the other brushing away the strands of hair in her face. She whimpered at the sudden proximity, attempting to curl in on herself and away from Soonyoung's prying eyes. 

"(y/n)," he quietly called out to her, voice now hushed, lowly soothing her as best he could. Her hands had retracted to her chest, fiddling with the material of his shirt as he drew her closer to him, shushing her when silent tears had begun slipping out. At this point, he had his answer. He just needed (y/n) to come to terms with it as well. So he patiently held her, face buried in her hair as he swayed them side to side, rocking her until he felt her breathing even out. 

When he retracted his head to look down at her, he saw her terror filled eyes, widened and focused on the whitewashed wall of her bedroom. Gently, his finger trailed down to her chin, bringing her face to him as he pressed his forehead against hers, noses brushing past one another. When she met his resolute gaze, his eyes like the calm of a dark sea, her panic slowly but surely subsided, his staunch resolve seeping into her own eyes. 

Finally, in the steadiest manner he could muster, Soonyoung breathed out the question once more. 

"Is she my daughter?" A silence settled between the two, (y/n) slowly becoming lost as he stared into her soul, as if he were weaving his way back into her life, tangling the strings she had worked tirelessly to rid herself of, yet she couldn't find it in her to feel repulsed by his invasion at all. Instead, relief momentarily flooded her being. That peaceful understanding and comfort she had always felt in his arms reminding her of who he was. Her defenses had crumbled, and her mouth had fallen agape once more, voice coming out as nothing more than a whisper as she answered him. 

"Yes." 

His first reaction was to laugh. This disbelieving chuckle as he slowly pulled away from her, eyes immediately watering once more. His hands flew to his hair, yanking at the strands as a smile overtook his features. He was ecstatic. He had a daughter. A beautiful, lovely daughter outside waiting for his return. He had a daughter with the girl he promised himself he would one day start a family with. 

(y/n) had slapped a hand over her mouth as Soonyoung separated from her, a loud sob threatening to leave her. At some point, she lost the strength in her legs and collapsed on the edge of her bed, crying into her hand as Soonyoung considered the newfound information. 

He was beyond happy to have Chaerim, though he sat there processing the weight of such a discovery. He had fallen to the ground soon after, on his knees as tears streamed down his face. 

"I have a daughter," he spoke aloud, hands gripping at the carpeting beneath him. "I have a daughter." He crawled over to (y/n), hands shooting up to her face as his thumbs brushed over the tears in her eyes. "(y/n), we have a daughter!" His hands went everywhere, brushing back her hair, smoothing out her shirt, running over the goosebumps on her arms. "We have a daughter…" His head rested on her thighs in between where her hands rested on her lap. "Why am I only just finding out on her fifth birthday? Why have you all been lying to me?"

He sat up again, staring at (y/n), awaiting any sort of response, but she sat there sniffling, quietly sobbing to herself. He didn't know for how long he stared at her before she finally spoke, voice broken and defeated. 

"You left me…" She couldn't meet his gaze, staring down at where he had scooped her hands into his own. The sight brought another wave of sadness through her, having to bite back the fresh tears wanting to be shed. "You left me. I begged you to give me a chance. Give us a chance. And you left me." His thumbs brushed over her wrists, encouraging her to keep talking. "Not only that, but you stopped talking to all of us. I know you felt bad about leaving in the first place. I know you thought it'd be better to just disappear from our lives than make us deal with long distance and time difference, but it was still painful, Soonyoung." He shut his eyes, laying his head back into her lap where she began absentmindedly fiddling with the messy strands of his hair. "And then I found out I was pregnant and… I was terrified. I just…" She stopped, clearing her throat from the dejection riddling her voice. "You chose to follow your dreams. That didn't include Chaerim and I. I didn't want to drag you back into this life you didn't want." 

"Baby, no," he whined, sitting back on his heels and tugging (y/n) down from her bed and onto the floor with him, cradling her weakened body in his arms. "You both are my dream. You're my fantasy. You're the only thing I've ever wanted in life." He pressed his lips wherever he could reach, mumbling between each and every kiss. "I never meant to make you think otherwise. I just wanted you to be happy."

"You make me happy, idiot," she countered, the loudest thing she's said in the past few minutes, startling Soonyoung for a moment. "And I didn't want to tell you this month because… you have that job offer, and Chaerim and I will only be a burden to you."

"(y/n), I couldn't care less about that damn job offer." She pulled away from his shoulder, meeting his unexpectedly passionate gaze, brows furrowed and ever so determined. He squeezed her tighter in his arms. "I have a family right here. Do you understand how…thrilled I am?" Another tear slipped from his eye, though this one was paired with a genuinely warm and blithe grin, a sight that brought a smile of her own to (y/n)'s face, giggling as he pressed his forehead against hers again. "I was already happy to have reunited with you, and to have met Chaerim, but now…" He chuckled, biting his lip a second after to mute the bubbly feeling in his chest. "Now she's my daughter. She's mine." 

His eyes were so incredibly mirthful, shining with unshed tears and unadulterated glee. She couldn't help but to smile at his happiness, pressing her hands against his cheeks and rubbing her nose against his own. The way he hugged her, fingers gripping her as if an extra measure to keep her close to him, reminded them of their youth. Their youth and the love they once held for each other. Their love that hadn't faded. Their love that persisted through time, distance, and every hurdle life has thrown their way. 

"But your degree–" She started, but Soonyoung cut her off immediately. 

"To hell with my degree, (y/n)! Holy shit, I'm a father!" He buried himself into her hair, drawing her even closer to his chest, holding her so closely to where her ear pressed against his torso, right over where his heart beat so rapidly within him. Though hesitant, she wrapped her arms around his body, hugging him back. Giggles and tears and happy sighs left them both, wandering hands squeezing any part of their person they could grab, wanting so much of the other that it almost didn't make sense. "I'm staying."

"What?"

"I'm staying." She pulled away to meet his gaze, so sure and earnest as he nodded at her confused eyes. "I can't leave you again. I physically can't. Even if you don't accept me as your lover anymore, I can't bear to be so far away from you again." Her heart fluttered at his confession, going speechless once more, allowing him to continue on. "Plus, I have Chaerim now. I need to be here for her. I have to make up for lost time." 

"Y-you're staying?" It was the only thing her overwhelmed brain could come up with, not even able to process the heart fluttering and adoring gaze Soonyoung looked at her with.

"I'm staying. I couldn't care less about a job offer or my degree or anything else. None of it matters. I just need you and Chaerim. And I can't believe it took me 6 years to realize this."

Immediately, another sob broke out, and even more tears spilled from her eyes. Tears that Soonyoung swiped away as quickly as they appeared, giggling at her with such loving eyes. Though as she quieted down and he had a moment to his thoughts, he swallowed down the lump in his throat and shut his eyes. 

"I love you, (y/n). So much. So, so fucking much... I'm so sorry for what I've made you go through. I should've been here this entire time. I shouldn't have given up on us. I'm so sorry." He could've said more, but she shook her head at him, cradling his face again, encouraging him to open his eyes and meet hers. 

"I forgive you, Soonyoung." He blinked at her words, eyes darting between her own as if looking for any falsitude in her statement. 

"You do?" He asked. She nodded at him. 

"Just please don't leave me again." 

"I'd never dream of it." 

Her eyes shone with such fondness, grin tugging at the corners of her lips as she stroked back Soonyoung's hair, properly admiring his grown features for the first time since he came back. Something she hadn't granted herself the privilege of doing so before, for fear of falling in love and being abandoned again. Though now she was sure, with that devoted glimmer in his eye and that dumb in love smile stretched on his face, that he truly was staying this time around. 

That's what motivated her to lean forward and press a chaste, yet affectionate kiss to his lips, separating before he could respond to it.

"I love you, too, Soonyoung." A short bout of silence fell between the two, Soonyoung staring at her blankly as she giggled and continued to play with his hair. Though soon enough, he came to his senses, hand cupping her cheek and drawing her into him again for another kiss. A better kiss. One that he poured his entire heart and soul into. One that he hoped conveyed what his words couldn't. How regretful he is. How relieved he is. How absolutely in love he is.

His hand stroked over her face, fingers slipping into her hair as he brought her even closer to him, arm tightening around her waist and pressing her against him. The only thing that stopped their kiss was their smiling, laughs that bubbled out of them both. She continued littering kisses onto him, even more giggles slipping from his mouth. Delighted laughs that filled the room and her heart. He had felt so at ease and so loved that he almost hadn't acknowledged the faint knock at the doorway, the ajar door slowly rolling wider to reveal Chaerim peeking in. 

"Mommy, Aunt Jihyo is asking if you guys are okay." It was the first time Soonyoung was seeing Chaerim since the revelation, but he couldn't have felt happier seeing the girl than right now. Looking at her before him right at this moment felt so obvious. He couldn't believe he even doubted himself. He couldn't believe he went along with Jihyo and Seokmin's words. He couldn't believe he didn't immediately know for a fact that she was his own flesh and blood. 

"Yes, baby, we're okay," (y/n) responded, laying her head against Soonyoung happily. 

Chaerim stood there for a moment more, twiddling with the stray lace of her princess gown as she looked between the two. 

"Does he know the secret?" His heart twisted at her words, looking over to (y/n) with an unreadable expression. A short breath of air expelled from her nose as she nodded. 

"Yes." 

At her mother's words, Chaerim came walking over to him. For the first time since he ever even met her, this was the first sign of hesitance she'd ever displayed—the momentary stingray panic aside. Once she stood in front of him, she extended her hand out, just as she had done when they first met. 

"Hi daddy, my name is Chaerim. I'm 5 years old. My favorite color is yellow. I love you." He felt his heart shatter and rebuild from her words alone, perhaps more than once, because how else could he have reacted to such a sweet and rehearsed statement, as if she had prepared her whole life for this very moment. His lip quivered, something (y/n) didn't miss as she slipped away from his lap, hand softly rubbing his back encouragingly. He cleared his throat and wrapped his hand around her offered one, smiling whilst attempting to mask the sheen of tears coating his eyes. 

"Hi sunshine, it's nice to meet you. I'm your dad." After the quaint handshake, she slowly opened her arms out to him. And the minute he brought her into his arms was the moment every last ounce of his tears spilled, whatever was left from his moment with (y/n) now being used as he hugged his daughter knowingly for the first time. (y/n) sat on the sidelines, though only for a minute before Soonyoung was dragging her into the hug with them, the two girls patting his back soothingly as he wept aloud.

Though he wasn't alone, Jihyo crying as well as she texted Seokmin the details, watching the scene from the safety of the doorway. 

Seungcheol was the first of the boys to arrive, just in time to come across the disaster which had transpired before his arrival.

Chaerim had opened her largest gift, the one given to her by her dad. And to (y/n)'s dismay, it was a large and elaborate tunnel system. Although it was soft and foldable, it was still something she couldn't believe Soonyoung would even consider buying considering the state of their apartment. But Chaerim was happy, crawling through the tubed labyrinth, giggles reverberating off the walls. 

Though the mayhem Seungcheol walked in on was mere moments after Soonyoung wanted to try out his gift as well, and now found himself stuck in one of the tubes. Jihyo and (y/n) attempted to yank him out from the outside, while Chaerim continued her incessant giggling, giving up on pushing Soonyoung from within and was now peppering tiny kisses all over his face. 

Luckily, Seungcheol was the one to free the man out of the tunnel, much to the child's dismay, until he handed her his gift: an easel set with a large notepad for a canvas.

She doodled away as the three of them explained the events that had occurred that day, Seungcheol at first shocked at it all, though nodding in understanding soon after. 

"It makes much more sense than Jihoon's assumption that you went out and found a Soonyoung doppelganger, because that girl is a carbon copy of Soonyoung, I swear." 

Jeonghan wasn't surprised in the slightest once he had arrived, only shocked that it took Soonyoung this long to realize that the lactose intolerant little girl with sharp eyes and round cheeks wasn't his child. 

Joshua, Junhui, and Wonwoo only congratulated the two, Jihoon still defending his doppelganger story, saying it could have been true.

Minghao and Mingyu also similarly did not show much reaction to it, somehow far more preoccupied with the little girl playing with them.

Vernon, Seungkwan, and Chan were perhaps the most interested in the circumstances, questioning how she had kept it a secret from them for so long, how they hadn't figured it out on their own, what she was going to do with Soonyoung now. 

"I guess I'll give him a second chance," she responded, hugging his arm and laying her head on his shoulder. Their hands intertwined, and Soonyoung smiled at the familiar warmth that emanated from her touch, seeping into his skin and sending waves of content satisfaction through him. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach and a blush settled over his cheeks, reminding him that that schoolboy crush he had on (y/n) never left, nor would it ever. 

Seokmin had arrived later on, immediately coming over to congratulate the two, as well as quietly apologize to Soonyoung for hiding his daughter from him. 

"You have to understand, man, I meant no harm. We didn't know your intentions. We needed to protect them, you know?" He muttered quietly, looking around the room as if he were dealing with classified information. "I didn't even know until Jihyo was legit scolding me for bringing you over. You gotta believe me, dude."

"I understand, man, I understand," Soonyoung replied, wrapping an arm around Seokmin and mimicking his overly suspicious mannerisms. Though with the secret out and about, he had to admit that he felt significantly closer to his former best friend, glad to know that his daughter has such an amazing godfather. 

The party soon ended and the boys all flooded out of the apartment. Jihyo was the last to leave after helping (y/n) put Chaerim to sleep. 

"Goodnight, you two!" She waved at the two lovers as she shut the door behind her. Soonyoung had also planned to leave, not wanting to overstay his welcome, but (y/n) continued to hold him in a tight hug, refusing to let go. 

"Stay," she insisted. Soonyoung would have laughed at her clinginess, though he heard the hint of fear in her voice, and he immediately understood the clinginess. 

"Okay, baby, I'll stay." Guilt riddled his body the entire way to bed. He had to keep reassuring her he wasn't going anywhere, keeping a hand on her at all times.

He washed her hair for her, letting her hug him while the warm water of the shower fell down their bodies. He helped her get changed, whispering sweet nothings to her the entire process. He held her hand as they got into bed, and once settled, she had immediately clung to him again, limbs tangling together as she buried her face into his shirt. And Soonyoung could only softly shush her, assure her that he's not going anywhere.

His hands combed through her hair, littering kisses on her forehead, muttering his love for her through soft whispers. Seeing the state she was in had a pit of lament settling at the base of his stomach, grimacing at his past misdeeds, remembering the cruel way he left her with nothing more than a final forlorn kiss. 

"I'm sorry," he spoke, hands momentarily stilling in her locks. "I'm so sorry, (y/n). I could apologize every second of every day for the rest of our lives, but it would never amount to how apologetic I truly feel. How much I regret leaving you." He pressed another reassuring kiss on her skin, a shaky intake of air once he separated from her. "I regret it so much. I regret ever doubting our love and I'll never forgive myself for that." He felt her hand splay out on his chest, right over his heart. "(y/n), you're the only thing I live for. You're the only thing in my life that matters." He paused, quickly reconsidering his words before stuttering out his correction. "You and Chaerim, I mean, but…"

He stopped talking as she laughed softly at his words, pulling away from him so she could actually study his face. He was speechless for a second, reminded of a few days ago during their phone call. How he had wished for this exact moment to come to fruition. To hold her in his arms once more, feel her falling asleep in his hold, watch that peaceful state of hers he could only see at night. When she'd enter deep sleep, the tension of the day washing away, her strong persona, her brave facade, all of those pretenses she put up for the world disappearing. And he was the only person she trusted in such a vulnerable state—and he left her. 

"I'm just… I left you. I was so lost and I thought I could find myself. I thought you didn't deserve someone as lost as I was. It just seemed easier to give you up so you wouldn't have to waste your life with a loser like me… I'm sorry." 

Her eyes twinkled under the moonlight, watching Soonyoung as he fumbled over incessant apologies.

When he had gone silent, she shuffled closer to him, leaning forward to press a kiss to his nose. She smiled when it scrunched, and then she pressed a kiss to his cheek. His jaw. His chin. The corner of his mouth. And then finally a kiss to his lips. A sweet, affectionate kiss. Short and simple, but still enough to leave Soonyoung flustered and motionless. 

"Soonyoung, love, I forgive you."

"I know you say that, but… I just feel like it's not enough. It doesn't make up for what I've done to you. I don't–" Another kiss, though this time, one that Soonyoung reciprocates just as fondly as her. 

"You've already apologized to me countless times." At the sight of his confused face, she grinned. "The first day, when Seokmin brought you to me." Soonyoung nodded at this, though he felt he was too emotional to properly convey his feelings. Plus, he mostly made her cry, so it didn't feel like a valid apology to him. "The night you boys went out drinking." 

"What?" Soonyoung furrowed his brows at this, making (y/n) smile. She brushed back his hair comfortingly, nodding her head in confirmation. 

"2 AM, you called me. Drunk out of your mind, crying and babbling to the point that I could barely understand you." Soonyoung winced at this, quietly groaning to himself as he remembered the night at the bar and how fragmented his memory was. "I laid there listening to you pour out your heart to me." He peeked over from where he wallowed in his own self pity, seeing the tenderness in her expression as she admired him wholeheartedly. "You told me about how much you regretted leaving me. How much it hurt you to leave me behind. The pain you endured throughout those 6 years away. You apologized so much that I had to beg you to calm down." At this, he hid himself again, this time burying his face into his pillow with a loud groan. "And then you said you love me." He felt her fingers tracing images on his arm; circles and stars and hearts. "You said you never stopped loving me. That I was the love of your life, and you'd forever mourn losing me. You probably said I love you just as many times as you apologized, until I myself was crying.

"And then you said… that even if Chaerim wasn't yours, you'd love her as if she were." He peeked out from his pillow to where a bittersweet smile greeted him. "That you love her like you love me. And you wished you had a family like ours. You said we were your happiness. Your dream life that you had always wanted." He pouts at this, realizing his drunk self was probably more articulate than he could ever be when sober. She lifted the arm she had drawn invisible patterns into, nestling herself against him before resting his limb over her.

"And the third time was as I was falling asleep." She had rested her head on his heart again, humming at the soothing rhythm it emanated. "I thought I was dreaming. Hearing the love of my life say such sweet words to me. Such a blissful moment." She sighed dreamily, squeezing his waist in a small hug. "I only realized it was real when I heard my phone beep, indicating you hung up." 

"I'm so sorry, my love, I didn't mean to wake you," he fussed, but she only shushed him. 

"No more apologies." Another kiss to his lips had him going silent, nodding along to her words. With another laugh his way, she curled up against him once more, cozying up in the warmth of her soulmate for the first time in six years. "So yes, I forgive you. I really do." 

"Thank you, (y/n)." She pressed one last kiss on his chest, one right above his heart. Like magic, he felt the wounds which have tormented him for years to come slowly but surely heal, tending to itself as she nurtured his love once more. A sigh of relief puffed out of his lips, one tear slipping from his eye as he savored the exhilarating serenity of the moment. Of being with his beloved again. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

(a/n): welcome to the end of this. if you made it, congratulations! thank you for reading my stuff! i appreciate it greatly! i didn't expect for this to be as big as it wound up being. as of right now, it is the longest fic i have published. im happy with how it came out though. hopefully i have more stories planned for the future! thanks for reading!

[zahri-melitor]

Ric Grayson, or Tim 'Nightwing' Drake: a story of how Tom King's Nightwing pitch would have functioned.

You can often see the remains of discarded or overruled pitches in comics, if you look at structural decisions and compare them to pitches that you know were made.

One obvious one people might be familiar with is that Helena Bertinelli, back in 2003, was being set up to be removed from the Bat books and transferred over to what eventually became Greg Rucka's Checkmate 2006. There's a whole establishing storyline done in Gotham Knights by Scott Beatty. However, Gail Simone's pitch for Birds of Prey, which was published a mere two months after the Beatty story wrapped up, took Helena and used her to expand the Birds of Prey roster. It's a move that likely redirected Helena's character arc permanently (though the ghosts can still be seen in the choice to use Helena B as Matron in Grayson).

Equally: I hypothesise the reason we got Ric Grayson is because we got Young Justice 2019.

If you look at the storytelling, in terms of cover dates:

Dick was shot in Batman #55, in November 2018

Tynion's 'Tec run finished July 2018

Young Justice 2019 started March 2019

City of Bane started September 2019

King's pitch for Tim to take over the Nightwing mantle would probably have been a 12 issue run, to my eye; with the schedule that Nightwing had at the time, it would have been 6 issues (twice monthly) and then 6 issues (once monthly), ending the run and placing Dick back as a restored Nightwing...in issue #61, August 2019.

City of Bane kicked off the next month, being King's big 'all family-in' storytelling climax arc. It would have been the perfect place to put Nightwing, once again himself, reuniting with people. (I cannot tell how this placement would have gone should King have got his full 100 issue run; but I don't think City of Bane was significantly shifted forwards?)

Now I can't tell if the twice monthly issues dropped to monthly because Ric Grayson went down like a lead balloon with the fandom, but that would have been a very fast turn around in solicits for DC to withdraw support on a new direction (about a month). If it was expected to remain twice monthly, then I still think it would have been a 12 issue story, but might have stretched to 18 to meet plot needs over in Batman (King doesn't seem to have an issue about padding stories to get timing to line up in ways he wants them to)

King's pitch was also made at the time when Tim was still Red Robin, but clearly there was internal interest in transitioning him away from the name and into some other identity as part of the shift away from n52. Putting Tim into the Nightwing suit for 6 months to a year would have been a nice intervening step to use as the prompt to give Tim a new identity.

It's a pitch from King that just...fits in really really well. I can see how he'd have had it interact with things. Especially as King really hadn't had an opportunity to use Tim in his run yet due to the Mr Oz storyline, and he'd been pulling so many other faces through his story.

(I will also note that the 'Drake' identity and costume for Tim appears in January 2010 in Young Justice; Bendis' initial concept was clearly taking Tim back to Robin before he also tried a 'new costume' growth arc).

But instead Bendis wanted to use Young Justice to anchor the whole Wonder Comics initiative, and he wanted Tim as Robin for it because the concept was to pull in all the nostalgia for everyone for Young Justice 1998, thus having everyone in their original identities. And that whole decision probably had more lead time than your average comic, so it took priority over suggestions of moving Tim to Nightwing (because they already had plans brewing).

(And then Young Justice got fucked over with SO MUCH editorial meddling, to the point that I cannot wait until enough people have left DC that we actually get stories about exactly how bad it was, rather than just inferring it from what can be seen in the text itself)

Come back next time for when I instead explain what I think happened with the accepted pitch for Ric Grayson (and how I cannot BELIEVE this was actually an accepted pitch, given the way it was treated as a hot potato; it feels more like an editorial dictate of a concept that was passed off until Dan Jurgens came up with an idea of how to make it into an actual plot)

[sena-shi]

SAGAU but with Scheming Creator!Reader Imposter AU

PT. 1

*ੈ✩‧₊˚⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

You were going about your day as usual when you decided to read some SAGAU Imposter AU fanfictions on the internet. The plot does not provide you with as much satisfaction as you would want, and the readers' ability to exact revenge seems too — in your opinion, quite lacking.

On the other hand, you consistently maintain a nonchalant attitude about it. You are still going to go ahead and read it, then continue scrolling until you discover another fanfiction.

A retribution in the form of exile? You probably won't find this interesting. Taking your newfound powers and using it to wipe them off as payback? That is quite thrilling; however, wouldn't it be preferable to make them regret and bear the sins of killing their one and only creator for the rest of their lives?

The shame and remorse that would slowly consume everything within them until there was nothing left.

The vivid memory of them using the blessings that you bestowed upon them to dishonour your divine existence is particularly satisfying.

The effort that you put into everything to get them to the position that they are in right now.

The memories that they will carry with them for the rest of their lives of how they used everything you blessed them with to get rid of you. 

The SAGAU AU fanfictions you've been reading have somewhat convinced you that the characters in the game can actually hear your voice, so occasionally you open the app, play the game, and talk to each character as if you think they can hear you.

The characters with the most heartbreakingly repetitive lines would receive your highest praise and reassurance.

You would hear Zhongli speak his infamous voice line, “Osmanthus wine tastes the same as I remember, but where are those who share the memory?”

And you would always reply with, “If the universe permits it, I would be delighted to share a drink with you and listen all about the wonderful times you and your loved ones have had together over the years.” In the warmest, and gentlest voice you could muster.

It's possible that you've gone insane because those are only fanfictions, yet you still find amusement on doing it.

And then, all of a sudden, it was as if the heavens had listened to your thoughts and made the decision to send you to the world of your creations, directly in front of the divine statue they had sculpted just for you.

Specifically designed with you in both heart and mind. The very statue that they would bow down to and pay respect to, something that they would look upon with reverence in their eyes.

You, the one who brought them into existence. You, the one who gave them life. You, their one and only creator.

Who would have the audacity to imitate the appearance of our Diving Creator and to step foot on the sacred ground!

Our Goddess was right; now that she has chosen to descend to our humble plane, a great number of people will attempt to copy her and steal her divination while her body is still adjusting to the conditions of our realm.

“Ah,” A sound like a gentle whisper was coming from your mouth. You did not move from where you were seated on the ground, keeping your attention fixed on the floor below you, which featured the most exquisite carvings you had ever seen. A smirk grew on your lips as you tried to stifle the chuckle; perhaps it was a maniacal laughter that was threatening to break forth. Fortunately for their sanity, they were spared the trauma of seeing it.

The fake, as one could have anticipated, displays an excessive amount of caution.

You were familiar with those lines. Where they would straight out deem you as fake. Imposter AU, huh? Then you guess that there’s no need to negotiate. After all, all of them will act like rabid dogs and probably decapitate you.

You slowly lifted your head, revealing long, wavy, glittering white hair that had fallen to the ground and was streaming down your back. The color of your hair was the most pristine that any human being could ever hope to witness. And your eyes. If one were to stare into them, they would be as dark as the abyss, and upon doing so, they would reveal the universe that is contained inside themselves. It appears to be a reflection of the night sky, where stars would shine brightly in honor of the one who nurtures the world, one whom they would always protect and one whom they would always look after.

As their attention was drawn to your face, those who were entrusted with the responsibility of guarding the sacred grounds began to tense up. The eye that had the most loving gaze was staring at them, as though the person they suspected of being an imposter is connected with them.

The imposter observed them in a manner like to that of a mother observing her children.

Despite their threats, they saw how you continued to lovingly glance at them with a hint of curiosity, perhaps wondering why they are so hostile to you.

Seeing them come to a complete halt makes you feel amused, but you keep up the act as if you are a compassionate and forgiving divine entity. However, at the bottom of your heart, you secretly wish for them to be ashamed by the way in which they regarded you as a fake.

Are you too vicious with your thoughts? Maybe.

Are you meant to ignore all of it simply because they are completely devoted to you?

Then why aren't they able to recognize that the imposter, who you believe was probably seated on the throne and bearing the title of God of the Gods, is the one who is being deceitful?

Is it because of your appearance?

You maintained your position on the ground, staying perfectly still as you watched them patiently while keeping your amusement well veiled in your eyes.

The only thing that can be seen by them is a stunning woman who is smiling warmly in answer to their presence. Simply the fact that the woman was watching them caused them to increase the pressure they applied to the grips of their spears and swords.

The wind that was not intended to enter the enclosed place unexpectedly caressed their bodies as if it were talking to them—

Do not hurt our Creator.

The grounds trembled, as if enthusiastic and pleased to be blessed with your presence, that their Creator was willing to dirty their feet to step on the land. The grounds were evidently happy that their Creator was willing to bless them with your presence.

It's not even an exaggeration to say that the entire Teyvat, the first child of the Creator, is likely experiencing an incredible amount of joy just from recognizing your divinity.

The big and broad doors swung open with a bang, and the glances that your beloved and wonderful acolytes gave you as they heard that someone was copying their dear God seared deep holes into your skull. In all honesty, you would prefer to stay and witness how they will act from that point on.

My, my… You thought. Have their IQs decreased dramatically in the span of a single night as a direct result of the arrival of the real fake?

The holy grounds are far too little for a game of "hide and seek," despite how much you love to have fun playing with them. You can't wait to discover how they will deal with someone they have identified as an imposter like yourself. You are patient, and you will embrace everything they will give you.

You would counteract any evil intended for you with acts of kindness. You, in turn, wish they wouldn't let you down as the shame destroys them from the inside out.

After all, it's hard to see a mother being the source of any kind of harm to her children.

If they wish to hurt you, then so be it.

You wonder.

Who will kill you first?

Them?

Or yourself?

You heard them running after you as you escaped the place, which you didn't find particularly difficult. Your lips formed an unconscious sneer as you ran, not too fast, and not too slow. You want them to catch up to you so that everyone may play together.

And perhaps, if they decide to give you the performance you want to witness, you would forgive as any other benevolent being would.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

[crystalandparrot]

RC9GN x Reader

New Season

Not my art!!

NEW SEASON OF RC9GN!!! This takes place AFTER the Sorcerer's defeat

If you would like to know what voice actors I had in mind for the new characters, I'll make a skippable chapter about it.

This is very different from my other stories! This (Y/n) is MAINLY based on Donnie from ROTTMNT. She can be seen as autistic, but for the sake of not writing too many details, I'll stick to the basics. If you want some chapters that have more details about autistic characters, I can write a few one shots. I don't want ANY exclusion. Without spoiling too much, her weapon is also VERY much like Donnie's. Lots of attachments, tools, and things that could further a plot line. A lot of the technology will be the same but it will all have different purposes. This is gonna be really out of my comfort zone, as most (Y/n) I write are somewhat based on me. If it ever gets too confusing or to OOC, let me know. I want to clarify, (Y/n) is NOT Donnie, I just don't see a lot of reader inserts or x readers with a truly intelligent reader and I thought it'd be cool. The Donnie inspiration was mainly because Ben Schwartz voices Leo from ROTTMNT and Randy.

I want to preface as well, if this does not become a Reader insert, this will be a slow burn. Again, getting out of my comfort zone.

"Congratulations! You have punched all the graves!"

With their signature move, Howard Weinerman a Randy Cunningham congratulated each other, but before they could completed said, 'slappage', Howard moved away.

"Now that we've finished the final final Grave Punchers game, we should talk about the Ninja situation." Howard stepped away, leaving Randy with his fist in the air.

"Okay, I know I'm gonna sound like a broken record on this but...there is no Ninja situation?" Randy asked, dropping his hand.

"Exactly! There is no Ninja situation!" Howard pointed to Randy's desk, where the mask and Nomicon lay, the book still disguised by a Math book cover. "Your Ninja stuff has been sitting at that desk all Spring Break! The stuff's probably collected dust by now." Howard complained.

"Pfft!" Randy waved his hand and crossed his arms defiantly. "N-no, no it hasn't."

Howard raised an eyebrow and blew a large gust of air at the Nomicon. A cloud of dust flew off and towards the boys, causing them to cough.

"Okay, okay. You might have a point." Randy walked to his desk and grabbed his mask. The red lines pulsed softly. "But, the Sorcerer's gone. And with him gone, McFist has no reason to fight me." Randy waved his hand for emphasis.

"Doesn't he hate the Ninja?" Howard asked.

Randy guffawed, "No one hates the Ninja!"

"I hate the Ninja!" A scratchy voice boomed throughout the circular room. "I just wanna punch him in his stupid Ninja face." He grumbled, slouching in his chair. The short burly man mashed his fists together angrily for emphasis. The man's face turned bright red, starkly contrast from his dark Judge's robe, hence the name they all knew him by.

"Whoo, take 'er easy there, Judge. You'll get wrinkles." The melodic voice came from the dark skinned woman sitting to the right of the Judge. She was staring into a compact mirror, although her counter parts were unaware as to how seeing as her fluffy hair was covering her eyes completely. With one hand holding the mirror, she used her other hand to apply bright red lipstick, the shade on the bottom read, 'Snake's Blood'.

"Yeah, you're starting to look like McFist." The sassy voice came from a tall tan man with brunette hair, elegantly styled.

"I am not-!!" The Judge angrily stood, his face red. He took a deep breath and sat back down, gently setting down his gavel after he angrily held it over his head. "I am not like Hannibal McFist."

"What's with this obsession over the Ninja lately?" The woman asked, setting her compact mirror back in her purse. "We're perfectly fine with how we're operating things now."

"And it's not like the Ninja notices small crimes, he's more focused on Monsters and Robots, right?" The brunette asked.

"Not anymore." The Judge shook his head. "The Sorcerer's gone, and with him out of the way, those Robots are soon to follow. It won't be long before he gets desperate." The Judge reached across the table and grabbed the small remote that sat in the middle. Pressing the red button, a projection appeared on the wall being the skinny brunette. "Last night. The Ninja overturned our truck of stolen money, the cops found it right after." Pictures of a dark figure, with, what looked like, a large mallet standing on top of the overturned truck, red and lights flashing behind them, making the lines on the suit look purple. The Judge turned off the projection.

"So we gotta go bigger." The woman smirked.

"How do you figure?" The brunette asked.

The woman, about to answer, stopped as her phone rang. She pulled it out of her blazer and answered sweetly, "Deputy Mayor Kranski. Oh, hi, hon!" Kranski giggled quietly, holding her other hand up to the phone to try to conceal her words, "I'm in a meeting, honey!" She stood straight once more, hand back at her side. "Yep, meatloaf is on the top shelf."

"Kranski." The Judge rolled his eyes.

"Okay, love you too. Buh-bye." Kranski smiled sweetly, hanging up.

The brunette looked at his nails out of boredom, then looked back up at Kranski. "You were saying?"

"The Ninja is used to dealing with larger threats. So why don't we give him one?" Kranski smirked, folding her hands together.

The Judge's eyes widened, "And how do you suppose we do that?"

"We don't exactly have the funds to do that. And before you start, I'm a rich designer. You want a guy to build robots, you should have gotten my old roommate." The brunette checked his nails again.

"Once again, you offer no help, Damien." The Judge rolled his eyes.

"But, I did hear that your old high school is having an invention convention in a few days. Maybe we could...sponsor one of the brilliant students to help us?" Damien smirked.

"My old high school..." The Judge looked off in the distance, remembering his old days in school. He rubbed his Norrisville alumni ring as he recalled the happy, the sad, the humiliation...oh the humiliation... "That might just be the best idea you've had yet." The Judge smirked.

The three began laughing, first small, then growing to loud chaotic laughter.

"Just you wait, Ninja. We're coming." The Judge smirked.

"I don't know about this (Y/n)."

"Bucky, you're gonna be fine. I'm a scientist—"

"You're fourteen!" Bucky interrupted.

"Still technically a scientist." (Y/n) poked her head up from behind her desk, goggles plastered on her head. The left lens was wide and red, much closer to the metal band connecting the goggles than the right lens. The right lens was slightly extended past the left and was blue. "Move to the right a bit." She commanded, motioning with her hand for her companion to move to his right.

Buck looked down at the ground and shuffled to the right, now more centered on the red 'X' on the ground.

(Y/n) grinned and gave a thumbs up, a noise of confirmation exiting her lips before she resumed her fast typing.

"So what does this do again?" Bucky asked, looking around at the dangerous equipment aimed at his head.

"Oh this? It's just a simple home alarm." (Y/n) waved her hand above her screens so Bucky could see.

"Simple, right." Buck nodded, but did not agree at all. "Has anyone ever told you that you tend to go a little overboard?" Bucky asked.

(Y/n) peeked around her screens again, goggles now over her eyes, "No, why?" Without waiting for an answer, she continued typing.

Bucky anxiously tapped his arms to his side but stopped once one of the large metal arms adjusted near his head.

"Okay!" (Y/n) clapped her hands and stood, slightly scaring Bucky. "If I did this right, you shouldn't get hurt! At least not too bad." (Y/n) mumbled. Flipping her goggles back onto the top of her head, she added some last minute adjustments.

"What was that?" Bucky asked quickly, sweating in all uncomfortable places.

"And 3, 2,-" Before she could press the 'enter' button on her large complicated keyboard, all of her screens changed to a cute emoticon of her face. The emoticon had half lidded eyes, goggles, and a lazy smirk, much like the counterpart that made it.

'School. School. It's time for the most important time of the day. School. School. As Galileo said,"All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered; the point is to discover them."'

(Y/n) turned off the alarm with a sigh. "As much as I'd love to listen to quotes from famous scholars all day, Galileo is right. It's time to discover new truths!" (Y/n) stood, finger raised in the air boldly. She grabbed her (f/c) satchel (A/N: sorry, just a question. Would you guys want you to have more inclusive things like (f/c) or (f/drink) or should I keep it Donnie-esque? Keep the favorite color purple and the favorite drink flavorless juice.) and Bucky's bag. She pulled her phone out of her (f/c) hoodie and began typing quickly with just her thumb, her previous excitement suddenly disappearing. (Y/n) began walking out of the dimly lit room, eyes trained on the screen. "You might want to follow quickly, because I accidentally pressed the button." (Y/n) said as she rushed out of the room.

The beeping of the mechanical appendages and weapons powering up around Bucky, made him gulp.

[emotionoitme]

thinking about carmy bending me over his lap and spanking me for being a tease

teehee 🤭 fwb reader as a host at the bear

“i’m not doing anything,” she crosses her arms, coy smile playing on her lips.

“bullshit,” he challenges, shutting the office door “what’s—” he sighs, brows creasing, “-what’s with that outfit?” gesturing to the questionable mini skirt she showed up in.

“what’s wrong with it?” she presses, “you said yesterday we could dress for the heat.”

carmy runs a hand through his hair and takes a deep breath, raking his eyes over her bare legs. she was right, he did say that. he didn’t anticipate, however, how jealous he would feel watching her sweet talk the male customers while sauntering around in a piece of denim that hardly covered her ass.

“you even know how people are lookin’ at you out there? guys?” he asks, jaw tightening. she just rolls her eyes at this, brushing him off.

“no one’s looking at me, chef,” she annunciates the last part, stepping closer, “except you, maybe,” tilting her head to the side. she watches his face grow stern, hoping to further rile him up. he’s silent for a moment, studying her expression, seeing her pupils expand.

“that’s why you wore it, right?” he challenges, further closing the distance between them, examining the way her smirk drops a bit, pout on her face replacing it.

“no,” she curtly responds, refusing to take a step back, her face inches from carmy’s, his breath hot against her lips.

“don’t lie,” he chides lowly, hand coming to rest on her hip, pulling her in. her lips almost touch his, the heat of the small office rapidly increasing. she badly wants to give in and admit her intentions, knowing he would lean in to press his mouth against hers in reward. she retains her resolve, though, eyes flickering towards his plump lips.

“i’m not lying,” she mutters, hazed by the warmth radiating from the man in front of her, hazed by the clean sharpness of his deodorant. it takes all of her strength, but she turns away, distancing herself from him.

“better not be,” he warns, eyes drifting down her form. he knew he shouldn’t be talking to her this way while they were at work, yet he found himself undeniably affected by her presence, trying to bottle it away for later, pants noticeably tighter than earlier. he runs his hand through his hair.

“go back to the front,” carmy directs. the sternness of his voice leaves a prickle over the girl’s skin, meeting his eyes once more, casting over the set firmness of his jaw. she knew what that look meant— the “i’ll deal with you later” glare, his lowered intonation. it did nothing but encourage the girl, wondering how far she’d be able to get under his skin tonight.

“yes, chef,” she breathes out softly, glancing to his lips, then meeting his gaze again. he doesn’t miss the way she bends to his authority, heart pounding in his ears. how much time was left until close? he wonders if anyone would interrupt them if he grabbed her and bent her over the desk, or fucked the attitude out of her. his line of sight follows her as she turns to the door, letting herself out.

she couldn’t deny the heat his words had sent to her core—trying to steady her breath, bringing her hands to her warm cheeks to try and cool them as she makes her way back to the front of house. the girl found that his threatening demeanor inflicted a reaction the opposite of what he had probably intended, instead now plotting her next advance. she glances back through the expo window, watching carmen resume his rounds, barking orders as if he were on edge.

the dinner rush progresses smoothly through the night as the staff diligently works to accommodate the guests, although the influx of customers leaves the front of house short of a few items as the closing hour approaches. the young host makes her way back to the supply closet to grab a few necessities, flicking on the light to dimly illuminate the small space. she spots the bin of spare glassware she needed perched on the very top shelf, inwardly cursing and checking the vicinity for a step stool. she scoffs, finding nothing in the direct area, instead opting to climb the shelf. she hikes up her jean skirt, placing her foot up onto the raised surface, shakily grasping onto the wood as she climbs towards the top. she can almost reach the bin of glassware, perching her leg a bit higher, trying to push herself upwards when she hears carmen’s voice.

“the hell are you doin’?” he asks, eyeing her precariously balanced position, the angle of their height difference with her on the shelf granting him quite the view. she gasps at the surprise of his presence, body unintentionally flinching and knocking her slightly off balance. she clutches the metal railing of the shelf, hearing it rattle under the sudden movement. it looks almost like she would fall, so carmy’s hand instinctually flies up to steady her, gripping onto the back of her upper thigh. he immediately notices the softness of the skin, fingertips teasing the curve of her ass. she jolts at the touch, his grip firmly holding her in place.

“i’m trying to get the extra glasses,” she meekly explains, turning her head to look at him. his brows are furrowed, jaw tightly set.

“there’s a step stool in the office,” he reminds her, moving his hand a bit lower once he notices his current position, trying to guide his eyes away from creeping under her short skirt, “c’mon, get down from there.”

she feels her cheeks heat, self assured that she could complete the task, opening the lid of the container and taking a glass out.

“i just need a few,” she protests, trying not to focus on the warmth of his grip on her leg or the butterflies erupting from her stomach. he sternly says her name, patience wearing thin with the girl.

“down. now,” he asserts, “let me get the stool,” scoffing when he watches her rolls her eyes and continue taking glasses out of the box.

“oh yeah?” his eyebrows raise, leaning to look up at her and catch her eye, “we’re gonna do this tonight?”

heat pools in between her legs at his challenging tone, eager to rouse him, leaning back into his touch with a small pout on her lips. carmen closely watches her with his eyebrows raised, anticipating a response, tensing when she continues to ignore him. he attempts to rationalize his urges, reminding himself that there were still employees clocked in and they were not alone.

even so, carmy slides his arm up her back and around her waist, bringing the other arm to wrap around her legs, picking her off the shelf and placing her on the ground. she cries his name in protest, voice falling flat when she meets his eyes and catches a dangerous glint. he firmly grips her wrist and pulls her as he stalks to his office, dragging the girl behind him. he slams the office door behind them, pulling his apron off over his head, only letting go of her once she’s sandwiched between him and his desk.

she knows where this is going— having wanted nothing more than for carmy to give her some reinforcement, some attention.

“what’s with the fuckin’ attitude today?” he asks, watching her closely, hand coming to her side, “hm? usually such a good girl for me,” his voice is low and gravelly, igniting every nerve beneath her skin, strikingly blue eyes devouring her whole. she lets out a breath, fixated on the plumpness of his lips as she feels his hand creep under the hem of her shirt to caress the heating skin.

“i don’t have an attitude,” she protests far less convincingly than she means to, eyes fluttering slightly at the sensation of his hand sliding up her rib cage and cupping her breast. he scoffs at her response, then leans in to press his lips to her neck, peppering kisses from the curve of her shoulder to the sensitive skin tucked under her earlobe. his thumb brushes over her nipple, feeling her shudder at how the bud quickly perks from his touch. he reaches with his other hand to shove the material of her shirt up over her breasts, marveling at the sight.

“really?” he asks, caressing her soft mounds, seeing her fight a reaction, “cause it seems like you’re trying to get me to put you in your place,” watching as her eyebrows raise and cheeks flush at his completely truthful accusation. she doesn’t respond, just leans further into his touch, eyes glancing away from his as a knowing smirk spreading over the man’s face. he slides his hand back down her stomach, wrapping it around her. he quickly spins her around to face away from him, pushing at the small of her back to bend her over the desk, his other hand gripping her forearm and pulling it behind her, chest flush against the wood. she lets out a small whimper at the swift action, feeling as he presses his hardening bulge against her backside. she can notice her body physically heat up when he dominates her like this, arching back towards his hips, turning her head so her face lays against the wood. carmen releases her arm, then grabs the hem of her skirt and begins pushing it up over her thighs, exposing her ass clad in lace, supple skin enveloping the tight fabric. he quickly palms it, massaging, the softness making his breath catch in his throat, listening to her drawn out whine. his thumb teases the edge of her underwear as he smoothes his hands over her lightly clothed curves, hard bulge against her thigh.

“yes,” she pleads into the wood of the table, heavily exhaling at the warmth of his hand sliding along her gluteus, slightly embarrassed at the compromising position. he lets out a soft scoff in response, eyes gliding over his tattooed fingers grabbing her, pressing into the skin. he doesn’t miss the way she shifts, pushing her ass into him more, her arms stretching out over his desk.

carmen raises his hand, then cracks it down onto the right cheek, gripping the plump skin immediately after to soothe the sting. she releases a cry, pushing further back against him, basking in the hot prickling sensation of the impact. she’s unable to mask the ghost of a smile that prickles at the edges of her lips, having gotten exactly what she sought. his eyes trace over her expression as he raises his arm again, hand flying down onto the other cheek with a sharp smack that sounds through the small office.

“that what you wanted?” he asks in a growl, cock straining against his pants, continuing to firmly press her into the table. she shakes her head and turns away in an attempt to hide the arousal painting her face. “no?” he asks teasingly, smoothing over the reddening skin, “you taking your punishment like a good girl? won’t be all wet when i take these off?” his finger looping through the thin band of her panties, tugging. she hums in agreement, head hazy with lust, only wanting him to spank her more. carmy shoves the fabric down her thighs until they slide to the ground, eyes finding a glistening wetness pooling at her entrance, coating the insides of her thighs in a sticky sheen. he spreads her open, swiping a finger through her folds, slickness soaking the digit. he then wordlessly brings his hand in front of her eyes, showing her how wet his finger was with her juices. she flushes, turning her face out of embarrassment. he grabs her hips, pulling her ass higher up towards him, admiring the red hand prints blooming on her skin.

“you’ve been trying to get me to do this all day,” he taunts lowly, hand wrapping around her throat, leaning in to speak in her ear, “wearin’ that little skirt…talking back,” his bulge throbs against her, and she lets out a whimper. he rubs his hand over her ass once more, then smacks her. she gasps, and he smacks her again in the same spot, gasp morphing into a cry. she reaches back for him, fingertips coming to his thigh, nerves electrified with pleasure.

“please,” she begs, “put it in,” panting, the juices from her cunt soaking into his pants. her body feels incredibly hot, mind only focused on one thing as she pushes back against him rhythmically, making the man grin at how needy she was from what was supposed to be a punishment. he grips her to to hold her in place, reaching down to quickly pull her panties back up her thighs, fabric coming to cover her soaking heat, reddened skin peaking out from behind the delicate lace. he shoves her skirt back down over her ass, then roughly pulls her to stand, ignoring the cry of confusion.

“go finish your close,” he orders, jaw tight, increasingly clouded with arousal. if he had kept her bent over the desk he surely would have given into her desires, providing her with exactly what she wants (and potentially alerting other staff members to what was going on). instead, he remains firm in his decision, taking a small amount of joy in the look of desperation that spread over her features, opening her mouth to protest. he says her name sternly, cutting her off, “you heard me,” pointing to the door, “go.”

she turns, still enveloped in a thick heat of desire, a sting ever-present under her skirt as she attempts to changes her focus to finishing nightly duties.

why do i love mean carmen so much

i’m sorry for my irregular posting!! i have so much going on in my life right now. i appreciate everyone’s support so much <3 it means more than you know

[sunofpandora]

Virago: Chapter 3 part 3

Neteyam x fem na’vi!omaticaya!reader

Characters:

Ka’lik- (like you would pronounce “Malik”) Y/n’s father, deceased, a warrior and hunter of the 

omaticaya clan. A teacher to young warriors undergoing iknimaya.

Zensira-deceased, Y/n’s mother, spider's adoptive mother, a strong hunter and the best singer in the omaticaya clan, and a teacher to young hunters.

Kailo-(Y/n’s ikran. Your ikran is a male)

Popiti-(tuk’s best friend according to the visual dictionary)

(Also idk how many of you know this but Jake’s ikran’s name is canonically ‘Bob’.)

(WARNINGS!

Sharing a sleeping hammock with the opposite gender (non-romantically)-

Neytiri hating on spider/ mentions of insecurities, heartbreak, war,/ fluff/ angst/ mentions of hunting, killing animals, mentions of therapy, military, ptsd, romance, pining, use of military terms/codewords/  Let me know if I missed anything.

Chapter desc:

Authors note:

Here we go! Chapter 3!! It feels insane to be posting the actual third  chapter of this. But holy moly, building up romance is much harder than I thought. This chapter is a long one so grab your favorite snack, find a comfy spot and buckle up. 

I have a small request for my lovely virago readers, please comment on your favorite line, moment, quote, or dynamic from this chapter. This is so I can know what kind of stuff you guys incline towards so I can throw more of it in as the story continues.

IMPORTANT:

hi guys. So I’ve decided to change spiders age from 20 to 19 for plot purposes. Jake and Neytiri are the same age. Tuk is still 7. Kiri is 19, neteyam is 19, Lo’ak and Y/n are 18.

Important!

This is part 3, the final part to chapter 3. Thank you for your patience!

                                                                   V I R A G O         

Chapter 3;

Surrender to his saubade, he has set his soul and sin ablaze (to be yours)

Part 3 (final part to chapter 3)

Y/n’s pov-

☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ 

(Still Neteyams POV)

Night hunts were a normality for our clan. Especially the ones led by my father.

I stood in the tent, slipping on my arm guards as I prepared myself to join my group on our ikran for the hunt.

I started Mentally checking off everything I needed.

Water flask, ionar (riders mask.), and-

I just can’t seem to focus. 

All I can think about is y/n and how I’m going to speak to her after this hunt. 

Kiri is right. I don’t deserve her. And maybe I never will.

I especially don’t deserve to call her mine.

And that’s okay. I can settle for just having her in my life. That’s enough. 

But that’s a lie. I know it deep down. 

It was never about sex or the physicality of it. I could love her my whole life and never touch her.

Would I go insane? Probably. 

But could I do it? Definitely.

Settling for distance is my sacrifice. Distance is safe. Distance will keep her safe. It’ll keep me sane.

Well, that last part was a lie. 

It’s a glass half full at this point. I told Kiri I only wanted us to be friends again. Normal, average friends.

That’s not what I want. I can keep trying to compartmentalize this for the rest of my life but I’ll always live with this ache. This void in my heart that only fits her shape.

Sacrifices. Sacrifices. Sacrifice-

“Neteyam?”

I snap out of my daze; turning around to see my mother standing in the entrance way to our hut.

“Are you ready yet, ma’itan? 

Lo’ak waits outside for you.”

I shook my head, chuckling awkwardly.

“Ah. Sorry. I got a bit…distracted.

It’s nothing, mother. I’ll be out in just a moment.”

She nods, taking a step closer.

“I wanted to give you something before you leave.”

I turn to face her, my eyebrows raised a bit.

“Oh? Alright.”

She reached behind her back, holding out a small pouch, long and thin tied by a string in a roll.

I open it slowly, knowing whatever was inside was of great value.

Inside laid about 8 newly made arrows. The wood carved for the shaft still fresh in scent and the feathers for the fletching too soft to have been reused.

It’s the color that peaks my eye. The all-too familiar green and yellow shades.

“Your arrows?”

She nods, a look that can only be described as prideful as she gazes at me.

“I want you to use them tonight.”

I shake my head. This was too much of a gesture. I haven’t done anything to deserve.

“Mother, they are beautiful. But I cannot-“

“Ma’itan.”

She cuts me off. Her tone devoid of any hostility or impatience.

“I was thinking about our talk the other night. About your father, and how he is harsh sometimes.

You know well by now what you are. Who and where you come from. You are your fathers son. You have his strength. You carry yourself much like he did in his days of battle. and you must understand that scares him.”

I’m quiet as her words sink in. She places a hand on my shoulder. Her eyes of a golden hue that mirror my own.

“He is not ready to see his son fight his battles or wear his colors. Your father has his own shadows he has yet to face. If you cannot yet wear his colors..I want you to wear mine.”

She places the arrows in my hands, and I’m speechless. 

She gently cups my face, her palm sliding down to my shoulder once again.

“You may use his weapons. You may speak his language. And you have grown up with his sky people ways. 

But never forget, blood of the real warriors comes from us.”

She places two fingers atop her chest, right over her heart.

It breaks my soul to remember that one of my mother’s greatest fears is that we will forget the ways of a na’vi. That even the minimal amount of tech we use in our family circle, with the exception of my fathers gun, seems to threaten everything she knows.

I’m taller than my mother now. Only by a few inches. So I lean down when I go to hug her.

“Irayo, Sa’nok.”

(‘Thank you, mother.’)

I pull back, smiling at her.

“I hope with these, the winds of our ancestors fly with me tonight.”

She chuckles, taking a step back.

“They are with you. Always. No matter where you go. No matter where you are.”

There’s a comfortable silence before my mother sighs, and I put the arrows in the leather pouch that is attached to my ikran saddle for hunting.

“You should go. Your father is waiting with the others.”

I nod, putting on my ionar and finishing slipping on my arm guards.

I lean down, fastening the straps to my leg guards as well before grabbing the small satchel and making my way off.

“Neteyam- one last thing?”

I turn the moment my mothers voice reached my ears.

“Here.” She spoke softly.

I turn to see my mother holding up my beaded choker. The one worn by so many generations of warriors in our clan. I took it off a few days ago when Tuk wanted to re-braid my hair. last time, she kept getting my hair tangled with the clasp at the back of the necklace.

“Let me.”

Without another word, she turns me around by the shoulders, brushing my braids out of the way as she slips the necklace on me, tying the clasp properly to ensure it doesn’t fall while hunting.

She struggles for a moment, having to crane her neck to see properly.

“Curse you and your height.” She mumbles, and I can’t help but laugh.

Once she finishes, I kiss her on the cheek before speeding off.

I jog across the pathway, slinging my bow over my shoulder. The thick air of high camp resonating and weaving through the sounds of distant conversations and laughter.

I finally spot Lo’ak and Spider. Lo’ak stands with his bow around his torso, the string brushing his chest. Spider carries a basket of the arrows he and lo’ak made for y/n.

I pinch the back of lo’aks neck before slinging my arm around him.

“Ready for the hunt, baby bro?”

He hissed at me, shoving me away.

“This is bullshit. I fluke once. ONCE. And now dad won’t even let me fly my ikran for the hunt!”

Spider shrugs, as the three of us start walking to the large crevice cutting into the mountains of high camp, making a large entrance way and a stable spot to land and saddle up ikrans for coming or going.

“Look on the bright side. At least you get to go. Plus you’ll be with the direhorse squad with Norm.”

He pushes Lo’ak lightly to walk a bit faster.

Lo’ak grumbled something and speed-walked ahead of us.

Spider sets the basket down once we meet the meeting spot. The same place the clans war and hunting parties gather before a raid

Or a hunt.

Some other hunters start to swarm in. Carrying bows and arrows of their own, all talking amgonst one another.

Spider groans.

“Lo’ak. Look.”

He taps Lo’ak’s arm, not-so-subtly gesturing to Makeyo standing across from us, speaking with one of the other hunters.

Lo’ak fake gags, Spider glares and the both of them stare him down for a good 7 seconds.

An odd feeling settles itself in the more unwelcoming corners of my heart.

Like fingers trying to pry their way through a barrier.

Something tenses in me as I find myself staring at him too. Remembering how y/n spoke of him at dinner.

Makeyo a bit shorter than me. Only by a few inches. My hair is longer, his braids reaches his shoulders. Still taller than y/n though. 

It’s only when I hear spider whispering I snap back to reality.

“Oh fuck. He’s coming over here. Don't make eye contact. Don’t make eye contact.”

Spider stares up, whistling as he shoves his hands behind him, leaning on a rock. Lo’ak fidgets with one of the arrows, both of them over exaggeratedly feigning to ignore Makeyo’s approaching figure.

He smiles at me, greeting us with an unhesitatingly proper formality.

“Neteyam. Lo’ak,”

He pauses for a moment, having to avert his eyes downward to notice spider.

“Ah, and..”

He struggles for a moment to recall spider’s name. Spider can only glare at the taller na’vi that somehow appeared even more intolerably annoying when he was being kind.

“Spider.” Spider mumbles, crossing his arms.

“Y/n’s brother.” I add, stepping in front of spider to try and distract Makeyo from the smaller human that looked like he was plotting a murder.

Makeyo nodded in recognition, smiling softly.

“Right. I assume y/n will be leading us tonight? As usual. She’s your fathers right hand man.”

“Woman.” I correct, with an unintentional edge delineating my tone. An almost crude enunciation of the word finds itself leaving my lips, making Makeyo still for a moment before chuckling.

“Of course. And what a woman she is..”

When did his face become so punchable?

Makeyo is someone that makes himself very difficult to hate.

Helpful, kind, smart, good with kids, the whole ordeal.

But I am no foreigner to a mask. Why? Because I wear one every single day of my life. Sometimes I wonder what Makeyo’s mask looks like. Or if he even wears a mask at all. Forever yearning to grasp such a thing that always seemed to evade you.

I bite my lip, my jaw tensing as my eyes graze over the expanse of his figure. Up then down.

Makeyo falters for a moment, but proceeds with an unhesitatingly sweetened glean in his eye.

“What I mean is, she is just amazing. Well, I don’t need to tell you that, of course. You’ve practically grown up with her.”

Something about the way he so shamelessly displays his simpering delusions of innocence in the form of this crush he has on y/n-

For lack of a better word, is really starting to piss me off. His bold assumptions of platonic love between me and y/n makes my tail flick.

And no, I’m not jealous. I’m not. Really. Yes, I am capable of violent impulses and of course, I do fantasize about punching his face every now and then, but that’s not jealousy. Is it? No. Of course it’s not.

Yeah, maybe I slightly envy the fact that he can love her so freely. 

The way he could stand where he couldn’t see and hold her hand, unbothered by the absence of sunlight to compulsively provide promises of safety and sanctuary. Maybe I hate that he is unburdened by the weighted whispers of the elders and third eyes peskily pruning gazes at holding her hand. Maybe I hate that he spends almost all day with her. Watching her laugh, and interact so perfectly with the children of the clan.

Maybe I hated the way he had no history with her that resonates with soured feelings and broken promises. I envied his clean conscience.

But that’s not jealousy…of course not.

He’s called away to assist with some other task, and when I turn around Lo’ak and spider are quickly jogging in the opposite direction, towards the edge where an familiar red, purple, and blue ikran perches, with an even more familiar rider on his back.

Y/n smirks as she hops off of  Kailo, the creature releasing an almost purr-like shrill as it rubs its chin against y/n’s cheek.

She chuckles, small luminous sparks leaking through the tops of the rocky stronghold flirting with her pulchritudinous smile.

She hums, gently petting the banshee’s neck.

“Mawey, pretty boy.”

I don’t really know why, but ‘pretty boy’ had an odd way of making my chest flutter. Even if I knew she was talking to her ikran.

She flips her braids over her shoulders. Y/n as always had a bit of a more effete-feel to her wardrobe. That of a warrior, of course. The strongly woven arm guards and her beaded cuff to tie her hair back when she flew, or hunted, always easily annoyed with her braids falling in her face.

The waist beads she wore, which were usually made by Kiri or my mother, were always a signature habit to herself.

She had quite a few scars, blemishes, and bruises that canvassed her skin. I find them beautiful. Like the patterns of the universe printed onto her skin.

Spider and Lo’ak fake saluted as y/n made her way towards them.

“Y/n, ma’am.”

Spider tipped his head ever so slightly, Lo’ak dramatically bowing, making her roll her eyes and laugh.

“At ease, boys.”

Lo’ak stands up straight again, slinging an arm around her shoulder and gesturing to spider.

“We made you something.”

Spider proudly holds up their basket of arrows.

There’s something indescribably tantalizing about the way she smiled at those two. 

“Aw guys, you shouldn’t have..”

Spider scoffed, placing his hands on his waist.

“Please. It was our pleasure to assist the mighty archer.”

It’s a moment later when spider and Lo’ak run off to help norm, and I stand quietly behind y/n as she places the new arrows in her side saddle along with her bow.

“I’m assuming you were on babysitting duty? Supervising those two with the fire pit and sharp edges?”

She teased, nudging my shoulder. I chuckle back, shrugging.

“Of course. Someone has to prevent the children from running with their hunting knives.”

She shakes her head, another giggle tumbling past her lips.

“Tuk? Or Lo’ak and spider?”

I hum before leaning over a bit to stand a bit closer.

“Why not all of them?”

She laughs once again, and my palms feel warm for a moment.

I clear my throat, straightening my back a bit.

“Y/n. Can We talk abou-”

“Alright people let's get moving! Fall in and line up!”

I’m cut off by the sudden cannonade of my father’s voice. Y/n’s  eyes widen a bit as it flickers to where he stood. Talking with uncle norm. She glances back at me, patting my back. “Later. Okay?”

I can’t even respond before she jogs over to my father, only stopping her dauntless strides when she pauses to fist-bump norm.

I follow suit with the other hunters in an almost feverish manner. Slinging my bow around my torso and finding a spot in the forming two long lines of other hunters and warriors beside Lo’ak.

“Let's move it people! We’re wasting the sunset! Oscar-Mike (move out), people, lets get it done!”

When the last few of the younger hunters scurry into line, my father stands tall in front of all of us, his arms crossed over his chest. Don’t be fooled by the brute build. He’s still the same man who stumbled into hometree all those years ago with a ‘good evening everyone’ and a ‘please don’t get up’.

He clears his throat bef0re he starts to speak.

“Good to see everyone turn up for tonight's hunt. This will be no different from training you’ve all had in the past, or currently undergoing.”

Some nod, others shift nervously on their feet.

Y/n approaches from behind my father. Her strides not faltering for even a second. Her chin titled high, looking us over with a gaze of a storm flooded a seafloor beneath a tideline. Y/n doesn’t get in line with us, no. Her place is beside my father. A leader.

spider perched behind her on one of the high ledges in the unevenly rocky stone walls of highcamp. One of his hands placed on her shoulder to keep himself from leaning forward too far.

My father continues.

“For those of you still training for your iknimiya, you will be on the ground team with Norm, and Awkey and the Olangi hunters will join us tonight. Stay in line with them. You will ride the pa’li on the perimeter of that narrow clearing in the middle of the grove. Understood?”

A few yips and grunts were heard from the younger na’vi, a few raising their bows and nodding their heads.

Father nods, turning back to face us again.

“Warriors. Those of you who have passed iknimiya and have ikrans will be in the sky. Bows on the ready, death from above.”

He takes a step back, gesturing to Y/n, who still stood in her place behind him.

“Y/n, my most trusted Archer, will be in command of the sky team. You are to stay within her flight patterns, and not go beyond what she sees as a fit perimeter. Follow her orders, and you might just learn something.”

Father finishes giving us our positions, and I stray from my assigned group, only for a moment. I walk towards the opening to the crevice, leaning down and making the bird call my mother taught me, pressing my lips together and releasing a high-pitched note of a sound.

The familiar flap of wings resonates in the air below me, and before I can blink, my ikran perches herself infront of me, making a soft shrill noise of her own. In all her glory, the green, brown, and yellow skin worn like a Hyde of the forest.

I pet her neck, adjusting the side saddle for my bow and tightening the neck reigns.

Rey’sa is what I named her.

Broken fragments of my mothers language stitched together. The meaning is a remembrance of Seze. My mothers first ikran. I had a toy ikran that was painted green, brown and blue, when I was around Tuk’s age. Y/n’s mother had gifted it to me when I was 7. Modeled after Seze even in color, my mother happily shed tears at the sight of the small wooden toy.

It’s been passed down. Me and Kiri played with it, then Lo’ak, then Tuk.

The toy is old and cracking now, the paint peeling away. I think love is holding it together. Tuk sleeps with the thing every night. I can’t imagine it’s very comfortable, though.

My iknimaya dodged the fateful curse of a chaotic, violence-craving ikran.

I’ve watched my brother and y/n almost die during their right of passage. Meanwhile, Rey’sa bucked me off maybe twice and it was over. Made the bond, had our first flight, the whole works.

I pet her neck, smoothing my palms over the leather skin one last time before I mount. My leg swinging over as I adjust the inner part of my thighs against the saddle.

I wait for my fathers signal.

☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ 

Y/n’s pov:

Neytiri hated when Norm and Max joined the hunt. Or any hunt for that matter. Hunting was a sacred practice to na’vi. To take a life in such a delicate way it’s almost painless. She didn’t want the sky people’s ways to taint such a delicate tradition.

You walk over to where Norm and Max were packing some extra radios in the Samson seat packs, Norm checking all the controls as he whistled a tune to himself.

When you approach, his ears perk up, and he smiles. His usual tan colored vest and shorts fashioned securely to his avatar body.

“Hey kiddo.”

He gives you a hug, ruffling a few of your braids. Mex sits behind him, sitting on the benched ledge of the side entrance to the aircraft, giving you a thumbs up and a soft smile.

Norm sighs, taking a step back, his hands on his hips as he looks you over.

“Look at you. Growing into a brave warrior. Seems like only yesterday and you and spider were running around the lab.”

Norm and Max had been like family to you. Especially with your parents always accounting for Spider, they didn’t completely understand how to raise a human boy, so Norm and Max were always there with extra breathing packs and masks. Plus, being a package deal with spider meant you hung out in the lab just as much as he did when you were little. Poking around at all the link beds and making norm play your stupid little games of tag, even pestering max. Sometimes, Max would let you use his glasses to look at different plants and leaves, because you loved the way things looked under the glass. 

And sure, some na’vi mothers and fathers couldn’t possibly comprehend why such intelligent, well respected clan members like your parents would leave their daughter under the watch of two sky people. But it didn’t matter. Max and Norm fared well as babysitters.

You smiled at Norm, a small laugh leaving you.

“Well. Seems like your joining us on another hunt?”

Norm nods, adjusting the radio on his hip.

“Yup. I keep telling Jake the misses’ ain’t gonna be happy with us tagging along, but he says it’s for Safety. If anything goes wrong, if RDA wants to show up for another playdate.”

You nod, thinking about the attack awhile ago.

Your attention rechannels itself towards the smaller pale creature that emerges from behind a much taller Norm in his avatar body.

Spider blinks up at you through the sheet of glass that has acted as a blockade between you both ever since you were 2. Protecting him from the unwelcoming atmosphere of Pandora.

“Y/n.”

He huffs.

“Please inform Norm here that I’m old enough to drive the Samson.”

Max scoffed.

“It’s not about age, Junior. It’s about training.”

Spider rolls his eyes, gesturing to you with over dramatic movements.

“I’m 19. I’m too old to be hitching rides on my little sister's Ikran.”

Norm shrugged.

“Fine. You can start riding with me and Maya.”

Maya was Norm’s ikran. He told you it was named after someone from the past. Back in the first war. 

Her name is Trudy. Jake told you that you reminded him of her sometimes. Same attitude and rebellious spirit. She piloted a Samson 16, and always called it ‘Maya.’ You admired that he named his own set of wings after someone’s dream of flying.

Spider shook his head.

“Or, let me at least have my own avatar. So I can pass Iknimaya, and get my own ikran!” 

Norm nods, a sudden wave of enthusiasm. “Sure junior. Just put 40 million on the table and i’ll have your order ready in the next..hm..12 years?”

Spider groans, rolling his eyes.

You laugh at Norm’s sarcasm. Though, a part of you really did feel bad for Spider.

Norm and Max were called over to talk with Jake one last time before the group descended, leaving you and spider alone.

You sat next to Spider on the step up to the cockpit, rubbing his back.

“You know I love you no matter what size you are, right?”

Spider scoffs, his head tilting the opposite way.

“Gee. thanks.”

You chuckled, and he spared you a small smile.

He sighed, staring out at the na’vi hunters and warriors that mounted their ikrans, preparing to descend.

You could never imagine what it was like for Spider. Being born a human on a planet he couldn’t even breathe freely on.

Ideals formed under disillusion. The little, messy-loc’d pale boy you’d help paint blue as a child is no longer shielded from the pesky whispers and glares of your clan. 

You don’t think its fair. You never did.  And you even found it a bit hypocritical. Considering your clan’s never ending preachings for the value of nature, balance, and adaptation.

Spider has adapted to be just like your people. And he’s done a pretty fucking good job.

Your moment is interrupted by Norm, who jogs back with Max trailing behind him.

“We’re moving out! Y/n, you’re needed in the front. Spider, lets get moving!”

You nod, grabbing your bow and giving one last small glance to spider.

He smiles.

“Be safe. Please.”

You scoff.

“I’m always safe.”

With that, you mounted Kailo, and took to the skies.

☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ 

Y/n’s pov

The wind whipped and wailed. The familiar sting of raw current against your cheeks was oddly soothing. Your team flew behind you. Neteyam, Makeyo, a few others. Jake next to you, and Awkey below. The smaller group of Pa’li hunters maintain obedience in formation as the maddening rhythms of horse hooves assault the ground beneath you. The half-finished notes demand attention through the heavy thrumming melody.

“X, do you read me?”

Jake’s voice comes through your throat comm with a static quality. Struggling to maintain volume against the violent symphonies that crowded the night air. 

You place two fingers on your comm, allowing your voice to cut through the mic.

“I read you.”

“Norm’s radars are picking up some heavy movement to the east. Take your squad and dive on down. I’ll catch up.”

“Roger that.”

You lift your bow, turning your head over your shoulder. Sending a call to your team, you start to dive further down beneath the canopy. They don’t hesitate to follow you, some even going as far to mimic your dive move.

You don’t have any words for what you see below on the muddied path.

You’ve been sturmbeest hunting before. Many times. But this..This was something you only imagined.

Sturmbeest in the most intense stampede imaginable, some even tripping and folding over one another. There doesn't seem to be even the smallest amount of space between them as they charge.

You made a signal for your team to disperse, some falling behind you or to the left side of the perimeter, keeping a close trail with the pa’li hunters. You saw lo’ak behind Awkey as he led them further down the sidelines. He looks just as shocked as you are.

Jake arrived on the scene not soon after.

His voice broke through your comm again, this time connecting Neteyam.

“X. stay front and center. Makeyo and Pathfinder are gonna spot you from the right. Try and find some targets. The rest of your team are far out behind.”

Minutes had passed, and you had watched the pa’li hunters desperately try to squeeze their way into the flow of traffic.

You watched a good portion of the hunters attempt at shooting one of the sturmbeest on horseback using their bow, only for the arrow to bounce off the rough exterior of the skin.

You watched a few of them collapse in a pile of chaos. 5 of them using spears only to get rammed down by a new group of the mud-covered giants, thrown with their pa’li into the dirt. The sight made you wince. Every fiber of your being just screaming for you to dive down there and help.

“Fuck it.”

You mumbled under your breath, preparing kailo to dive.

“Don’t even think about it.” Jake calls out to you.

You turn to see him, weaving through the trees on bob. 

You shake your head, your long braids wildly whipping in the wind.

“Sir, we have too many hunters riding pa'li down. If we just sent support to the ground level we’d make a kill!”

Jake shook his head. “Forget it, X. Your job right now is to keep your squad in line. If you dive, you run the risk of all of them diving down after you. You say up, they say how high. You gotta keep yourself steady, kiddo.”

You hiss to yourself, your ikran feeling mutual frustration as a shrill escapes your companion.

Neteyam flies ahead with you, his bow at the ready on his side.

“Any openings?” he calls to you, and you only shake your head.

“None that don’t look risky.”

Neteyam nods, his eyes scanning the path.

“Let's get a bit closer. We can scout better angles from below.” he offers.

It wasn’t a terrible idea. You looked to your side, your eyes locking with Neteyam’s. Flames that weren’t quite worthy of being threatening engulfed a jaded voice under your chest. Promises of sunlight and safety that were agonizingly familiar shade of olive green and bright yellow. The same sounds of a bird thrashing in a cage. Exhausted and rough, and yet, there was trust beneath the surface. Like jumping off a cliff and knowing something will catch you.

He nods at you. 

“I’ll be right behind you, X.”

You grab your bow and dive, Neteyam follows your lead.

You cruise above the chaos, mud flying in damp specks, your vision is clouded by dust and overbearing sensations.

Neteyam is beside you, and you can feel his gaze shifting between you and the path below in a predictable pattern.

Your eyes focus on a small rift forming in the middle of the stampede. Like a crack in the mountain. An open space where single beasts drifted in and out of a bare area.

Maybe small spaces still managed to infatuate you.

Your eyes locked onto one sturmbeest that took its turn in the middle. You reached for an arrow, pulling back the string of your bow. The familiar satisfying stretch felt beneath your finger tips as neteyam spotted you from beside, tilting himself down along with you.

You quickly devised a plan. A blockade of sorts could be created. If you shot down at least two of the biggest sturmbest, the rest would slow down because of the largest creatures stumbling about.

You traded in your singular arrow for two of your own, resuming your position as you pulled back your arrows.

Neteyam seemed to understand your plan, grabbing an arrow of his own.

You both nodded at each other, a mutual procedure seemingly placed into action.

“Ready whenever you are, X. I’m under your order.”

Neteyam’s voice sent a cold sensation down your spine. Something about obedience..The willingness to follow your every move.

You both released your arrows, one of your arrows hitting the exact same spot as his in one of the largest sturmbeest, your other arrow landing solo in the other.

It all seemed to happen in slow motion. The two beasts stumbled into the mud, causing the other sturmbeest to disperse into a wider path. Creating more room for targets.

Neteyam let out a celebratory war call, following your lead as you and Kailo flew up, circling Reysa and Neteyam.

“Hell yeah!”

You screeched.

“Hell Yeah!”

Neteyam mimicked you, his accented voice sounding funny on the human term spider taught you.

You both laughed, circling each other on your ikrans as the wind caught your hair.

Time seemed to slow for a moment as you both caught each other's gazes.

But it didn’t last for long.

“Y/n!”

Lo’ak’s voice screeched through the static of your throat comm, causing you and Neteyam to pause. 

You placed two fingers on your throat comm, tuning into lo’ak’s distressed call.

“I’m here. what’s happening?”

“It’s spider! The Samson is dragging too close to the sturmbeest, its looking dangerously close to a collision. Dad’s comm isn’t going through and neither is norm’s! You have to get through to them!”

Your heart thrashed itself into an unyielding rhythm of uncertainty.

You don’t even answer Lo’ak. You dive back down, ignoring the calls of your name leaving Neteyam.

You finally find yourself parallel to the Samson, that, quite literally as Lo’ak described, was dragging through the air, the usual smooth running ship making unusual sounds as norm seemed to struggle along with a concerned max on the controls. A malfunction maybe? Eywa. Why now?!

You yelled to catch spiders attention, he jumped out of his seat and leaned on the edge of the side door that was now wide open, hanging out with only his arm holding him up as he gripped a bar.

“Tell Norm and Max to go up!”

You screamed, desperately making hand motions.

Spider couldn’t hear you. He leaned a bit closer to hear when suddenly the Samson dips down further, a sturmbeest bucks upwards.

Your heart seemed to completely cease beating for a moment.

You didn’t see what happened. All you knew is that when you looked back at the ship, spider was gone. The panic that sets in was enough to smother your vision in an unfamiliar color you couldn’t quite place. Panic rushed through you in bolts as all you could think of is the possibility of your brother being dead. The boy you carried around on your back for so many years. The boy who protected you from all the creepy boys in the clan. The boy who let you scream and cry and vent after Neteyam broke your heart.

A small whimper left your lips, and you can’t really tell if you’re crying or not.

The world around you seemed almost in a reflective like manner, as If kept in a kaleidoscope or a dome.

You dive down desperately, screaming for him, your voice tearing through the wind.

Neteyam dives down after you, cursing to himself and calling for spider as well.

The world around you seems to blur when you catch sight of a smaller pale creature sprawled out on the ground, unconscious.

You dive down, scooping him up by the waist and throwing him on the back of your ikran, one hand struggling to steer as another hand keeps spider slumped against your back, stretched behind you.

Lo’ak is below you, following you on the back of his pa’li.

You land a bit farther from the path in the forest, jumping off your ikran with jagged, uneven breaths as you laid spider on the grass with scrambling hands.

You freeze when you see the twitching of his hands, and the small crack in his mask.

And all you can think about is how if you lost spider, you really did have no family left.

“No, no no no no no please-“

You whispered, not knowing what to do or how to fix this.

Do you take it off? Leave it?

You resort to placing your hand over the crack, thinking maybe it’ll keep more air from slipping inside.

Your vision starts to blur with tears. And just when you place your palm atop the glass, you feel a jolt of pain rush through your wrist.

The pressure you applied had cracked the mask even more, and now tiny shards of glass had covered your palm.

You didn’t feel the pain. Not at first. But then, like the bitch it was, adrenaline was starting to abandon you.

Lo’ak hops off his pa’li and runs towards you, leaning down.

“Shit! Spider!”

He looks at you.

“What happened? What- how-“

Tears streamed down your cheeks. And Lo’ak stared for a moment as one of the strongest people he knew was crying right in front of him.

“H-he fell- I don’t-“

Your breathing becomes uneven.

Behind you you see Jake and Neteyam both land their ikrans, the Samson landing behind them a bit in the distance as norm runs carrying a first aid kit.

The air around you thieves you of oxygen as your chest becomes heavy.

Strong arms wrap around your waist, gently pulling you to your feet as your turned around and met with Neteyams golden hour eyes, his palms softly dragging down your cheeks to your collarbones,

“Hey-hey look at me. Are you hurt?” 

You try to speak but the air in your lungs is swallowed instead, and you gasp.

“S-spider.”

He turns you the opposite way, shaking his head.

“Don’t look at that right now. Look at me. Just keep your eyes right here. I’m right here. Y/n.”

He looks you over, and freezes when his eyes settle on your palm.

“Shit. Your hand-“

You look down, seeing the thin trail of warm red liquid that dripped down your fingertips.

You felt like a faceless phantom in a hollow shell of a wreckage you called your body. Watching the world spin by as you remained trapped in your bird cage of broken wing bones.

You watched as Norm quickly replaced spider mask, his chest rising up and back down again like an ocean being suppressed under a sheet of glass.

You almost release yet another sob when spider regains consciousness. His eyes blowing wide like a shell-shocked animal. The sight of his pale hand gripping Norm’s much  larger bicep makes you sick to your stomach.

Neteyam gently guides you by your waist to behind one of the trees, you press your back to the rough bark in hopes some kind of sensation will break this shock.

He takes your hand, grabbing the waterskin pouch from his knife sheath strap.

You watch as he pours the clear liquid onto your cut. 

The cool water washing away the remnants of red and painful delirium that stained your hand was a soothing stimulation.

He’s movements are quick. Unrehearsed. A raw desperation submerged under his skin.

He rips a strip of fabric off of his loincloth, kneeling down as his knees suddenly assault the dirt with his sudden drop.

He gently takes your hand, wrapping the cloth around the wound, methodical movements carefully tying off this makeshift bandage.

He stands to his feet again, running his palms down your shoulders, then your arms, then your newly bandaged hands.

“Are you hurt anywhere else?”

You shake your head. You find yourself in an absent abstraction of a state. A warped, uncanny fabrication of reality. This verisimilitude within a broken mirror. A wondering reflection.

“You’re shaking.”

His deep accented voice breaks your wall.

You find yourself collapsing into him.

It was a blur, the whole thing.

Your face pressed to Neteyams chest as he kept an arm around you. You breathed in his scent, reminiscences in the familiar warmth of him, an almost magnetic feeling flowing through you.

And for a moment, the spaces didn’t seem too small anymore.

☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾𖤓 ⋆⁺₊⋆☾𖤓✮⋆⁺₊⋆ 

Y/n’s pov.

Norm says it was an accident. And accidents are prone to happen.

You sat in Mo’at’s tent, watching as the last few warriors had their injuries cleaned and bandaged.

You fidgeted with your bandage on your hand. Neteyam’s old one had been discarded when you returned, and you were given a real wrap for your hand.

Spider was alive. His breathing was normal again, but he suffered from his fall. You’re shocked he got away with only scrapes and bruises. He wasn’t allowed to climb or leave camp for the next few days. He was confined to bed rest. 

He was now resting in the lab bunks. Norm and Max promised you they would not leave his side. It gave you some comfort. 

It’s funny, really. How you had no problem facing war. You were good at strategy. A fierce archer. Different from some other na’vi who felt repulsed by human things.

You were fascinated with calculations and numbers. Planning and plotting. Reading and graphing. Heights, distances, etc.

But when something so sudden and blunt like your brother almost falling to his death out of a skyship, you fumbled and almost killed him.

You fidgeted with your bracelet. The one you, spider, and Lo’ak made as children. Twirling the beads between your fingers and staring down into the void of colors and shapes.

The feeling of Neteyam’s arms around you is far from absent. His scent lingers. Honey and wooded. 

When you returned, he didn’t leave your side. He led you to his grandmother's tent, gave you water and sat with you until his father dragged him away to assist with gathering the meat from the beast you both hunted up to camp.

You didn’t like being pampered or prodded at, but for some reason your skin that now feels as hollow as a shell, it  practically became a ragdoll under Neteyam’s hands.

The world around you felt far too big for this small tent to be encasing the storm of thoughts under your skin.

“Y/n!”

Tuk scampers inside through the entrance, practically throwing herself into your arms.

“Oh Tuk-Tuk.” You whisper, finding familiar warmth carrying you back to reality.

You held Tuk close. As if some threat of a force would take her away. As if the hollowness that shaved your bones longs for something to protect. Something to keep within the circle of your arms.

You smoothed back her braids, kissing her head. 

“You’re back.”

She whispers, nuzzling her head into your shoulder. You place your hand on the back of her head, keeping her still and safe.

“Of course I’m back. I’ll always come back. What do I always tell you, love?”

Tuk sniffles, wiping her big eyes with the back of her hand.

“It would take a thousand sky ships to take you away?”

You smiled, tapping her nose gently.

“Make it a million.”

She smiled, but it fades away a bit as she glances down.

“Is spider okay?”

You still for a moment, the familiar ache in your chest returns.

“Oh little love. He’ll be just fine. Spider is big and strong. He’s a wild child, remember?”

You scooped tuk up into your lap, pressing a few kisses to her head, tickling her stomach. She giggled and thrashed in your arms.

“Y/n! Stoppp!”

She laughed wildly.

Finally, you put her back down, letting her snuggle up next to you as you wrapped an arm around her.

It wasn’t long before Kiri and Mo’at entered.

You bowed your head slightly, greeting mo’at.

“Ma’tsahik.”

She nodded at you, placing a hand on your head, smoothing down a few stray hairs from your braids.

“The salve will take affect soon, child. But you must not use it for the next few hours. Let your mind and your body heal.”

You nodded, squeezing her hand.

“Thank you.”

You whispered.

Kiri sat behind you, starting to untangle a few of your braids from its disheveled position tied back with your beaded cuff.

“Let me straighten your braids, tsmuke (sister). It looks worse than my fathers job at braiding.

You snorted, rubbing Tuk’s back as a small giggle leaves her lips.

Mo’at started to clean up the bowls laid around, behind her entered Lo’ak.

“There’s my sister from another mister. Killer shot.”

He teases, locking his hands with yours in a handshake-hug gesture you and him

Picked up as children from watching norm and Jake do it so many times.

When you pull away, he swings his arm around you, making himself comfortable as he leans sloppily over you, pushing Kiri back further.

She groans.

“Lo’ak! You idiot! Stop making me pull her hair!”

He shrugs Kiri off.

“Relax. We all know who y/n’s favorite sully is.”

Kiri scoffs and you reach behind your head to squeeze her hand.

Before you even realize it, the broken fragments of fear and self-hatred wither away under the surface of a settled skin. No longer sleepless with worry. 

The air feels lighter with Tuk’s small snuggles and Kiri’s gentle hands running through your long braids, leaving some pieces at the ends unbraided just as she always loved the way it looked on you. Your chest doesn’t feel so tight after a few of Lo’ak’s stupid jokes and stories. The laughter seemingly loosening the threads of torn tapestry.

A few hours later, Neytiri enters the hut.

“Mama!”

Tuk squirms out of your arms, running to neytiri as she smiles softly down at her youngest.

“Oh tuk.”

She hums, leaning down to kiss her daughter's head, her attention turning towards you after tuk jogged away to mo’at.

“My sweet. Are you alright? Are you hurt?”

You shake your head, standing to your feet as she gestures for you to come closer, wrapping her arms around you and resting her chin atop your head, kissing your hairline.

“Oh my strong girl.”

She whispers, running a hand down your back.

“Strong heart.” She hums, stepping back a bit as her eyes slowly take you in.

She turns to Lo’ak and Kiri, who stand up soon after you.

“Your father has called a gathering of the clan’s hunters and warriors.”

She turns to you and Lo’ak, tilting her head upwards slightly.

“Your presence is needed. Both of you.”

You feel yourself straighten instinctively as you let her words register past the lingering haze of your earlier experience still looms over you like a storm cloud.

Lo’ak stretches, ruffling Tuk’s hair as she hisses and swats him away.

“Alright then. Let’s get moving.”

He nudges your elbow, brushing past Neytiri who softly touches his shoulder as he passes by.

“Y/n. A moment please.”

Neytiri’s slender fingers wrap around your forearm. Not harshly, but her voice has a clear coat of concern.

You pause, looking at Lo’ak once more as he ceases his strides.

“Y/n? You coming sis?”

You nod.

“I’ll be there in a minute. You go ahead. I’ll catch up.”

He nods, starting to walk away.

Neytiri turns to her mother.

“Sa’nok. Do you mind watching Tuktirey and Kiri?”

Mo’at shakes her head, standing to her feet and ushering Kiri and Tuk back to the sully family marui, Kiri giving you one last hand squeeze and Tuk giving you a small hug.

Once the tent is empty, your focus rechannels onto Neytiri. 

“Is there something wrong?”

You ask.

She shakes her head.

“I just wanted to see if you were alright, yawne.”

Her hands rest on your shoulders, traveling down to your arms.

“You have been through so much these past few weeks, my sweet. If you ever need anything, please, don’t ever be afraid to ask me or Jake or Tsahik. You know this.”

You nod. Smiling softly to reassure her. This woman. This strong, beautiful woman who was giving you the love your mother left behind.

“I am fine. I promise.”

She sighs.

“You have dark circles under your eyes, Y/n. Your thinning a bit. You need sleep, and proper meals.”

She cups your face.

“All I ask is that you take care of yourself, my sweet. And please, let us take care of you. We are here for you. We always have been  and will be.”

She gently runs her thumb over your cheek.

“Lean on us, yawne.”

You smiled, the two of you embracing one another in a hug.

You step back after a few moments.

“I promise. I’ll practice at it.”

She smiles and kisses your head.

“Tonight may be a bit evasive for sleep, thought. I’m gonna spend a few hours in the lab before turning in.”

Neytiri tilts her head.

“The sky people room? Why?”

“To check on spider.”

Her expression sours slightly as she hears his name.

“I’m sure he is healing just fine. The sky people’s tools take no time at all, it seems.”

There was an edge in her voice, but you knew it wasn’t directed towards you.

It was a difficult case when it came to what is left of your family.

It was always you, your father, your mother, and spider. A circle of safety and familiarity that never left you unguarded.

When your parents died, you were placed under the care of Jake and Neytiri. Neytiri would do anything for you. She would go to the same lengths for you, she would go to for any of her children. In her eyes, you were hers. Hers to love.

But love is a sacrificial abstraction. (Seems to be a common theme, does it not?)

You think what frustrates her is the sacrifices you make for him. Love was a unsteadily structured sentiment. And when all his attempts seem futile in forms of pale skin painted blue, there was a sensitive inflection of utterances. 

You were his sister. You weren’t leaving him.

To Neytiri, your life was a cage. Stuck with this feral human boy who fancied himself a na’vi. A soul coaxed to wild-child thunderstorms and bruised knees from tree climbing, messy locs from days of sunlit spaces.

In her eyes you were stuck with Spider. 

Her love and protection was something that created a barricade between you and your brother. You prayed you would never find yourself having to choose between spider and her.

“I should go see him. Just to check on him. I won’t be there long.”

Neytiri nodded, but you can tell she was biting her tongue.

You give her one more soft smile before turning to leave.

“Y/n?”

You turn at the call of your name, and she only utters a few words.

“Your mother loved that…boy. I know she did. But you are allowed to think differently. You need not be burdened with carrying yourself and another.”

You didn’t need her to elaborate. You understood.

You nodded.

“My mother believed that connection is unconditional. The color that stains our skin and our blood doesn’t make a family. She always told me that if you bind yourself to pure hatred, you forget who you are. I love my people. It’s all I’ve ever known.”

Neytiri’s tail swished.

“Y/n. Do not abandon what eywa has given us.”

Her voice was pleading. As if trying to place tessellations of an invisible disillusionment. A carefulness edged.

“I abandon no one.”

You whispered, holding her hands.

“But please. Understand that my home was built around both me and spider. The biggest abandonment I can see from that would be leaving him behind.”

She says nothing.

She stared at you with something you didn’t recognize.

It wasn’t cold, or shallow. Her gaze monitored a retrospection of something lost. Behind a liquid glass. You couldn’t tell if she saw you in a mirror or a window.

It’s blunted and ceased after a few moments. She kisses the top of your head.

“Olo’eyktan waits for you. Go on.”

You nod at her, deciding to take that as your signal to depart.

☾𖤓✮ ☾𖤓 ☾𖤓✮☾𖤓 ☾𖤓✮

When you arrived at the meeting spot, the first thing you see is your clans most renounced warriors in a circle with the exception of a few hunters and Lo’ak. He wasn’t quite as skilled as Neteyam when it came to certain skills, but was a warrior all the same.

You find a spot next to Lo’ak, nodding respectfully at the other na’vi easily recognizable that stood across from you.

Kyuna’s father, Makeyo and his father, Ka’ani, Lo’ak’s current teacher, and the man who took your fathers and place in teaching the young hunters undergoing iknimiya, and a handful others.

The dreamwalkers couldn’t be seen in the gathering, you assumed they retired back to their reserved part of the stronghold.

You turned to Lo’ak, who was fidgeting with his bracelet, the one you, him and spider shared.

“What is this about?”

You whispered.

Lo’ak shrugged, glancing at you, the two usual braids that framed the sides of his head falling in his face.

“Maybe we’re all gonna hold hands in a circle and dance about love and peace.”

He hummed, his face blank.

Your tail thwacked the back of his head.

“The sarcasm is not appreciated.”

You rolled your eyes.

He scoffed.

“I learned it from you.”

You felt something brush your side, you and Lo’ak both turn to see Neteyam take a spot next to you.

“Bro, where have you been? Being late for you is like-

Once in a lifetime.”

He nods, standing next to you.

“Had to make sure the ikran were tended to with a few others.”

He placed a hand on the small of your back, his gaze forged of soft honored gold, and deep skies.

“I fed Kailo and made sure he was tended to. He’s just fine.”

You mentally slap the shit out of yourself when you remember rushing to get spider to the lab so fast you dismounted Kailo without even noticing your companions weariness from the excitement.

“Shit- I completely forgot- fuck.”

You drag your palms down your face.

“It’s okay. He was fine. Still feisty as usual.”

The chuckle in his throat reverberated against the deep accent of his voice.

You felt yourself heat on the back of your neck.

“Thank you, Neteyam.”

He nodded, gently letting his hand fall back to his side.

“Yeah yeah, so kind of you-

Bro do you know what we’re even here for?”

Lo’ak not-so-subtly shoved himself between you and Neteyam pensively, unbothered by his clear dislike of your close proximity.

Lo’ak never loved the idea of you and neteyam being together. Not when you two were courting, and not now. Always pensive of you and Neteyam hanging out for too long, even doing together something as harmless as helping Mo’at back to her feet after a nap.

You always thought it was jealousy. Not the romantic type. The clan always told you that you and Lo’ak would make a beautiful match. But the thought felt like wearing clothes too big for you. Detached, displaced sense of stability. You loved Lo’ak. More than anything, you really did. But it wasn’t romantic. And Lo’ak clearly didn’t see you as wife material. 

That’s fine. He wouldn’t make a great wife either to be honest.

It confused you sometimes. Lo’ak often showed Neteyam off to you, praising him. You wondered if it was sarcasm, or just respecting his brother enough to not embarrass him, but not wanting you two to court again either.

It was a mess for another moment.

Neteyam shrugged, shaking his head.

“Probably just a debriefing. The hunt was…unexpected to say the least.”

You nodded, locking gazes with Lo’ak for a moment as you both had a silent conversation.

It wasn’t long before Jake arrived, the first thing he did was check on the three of you. Mo’at followed behind him, making her way straight for the center ahead the gathering. It wasn’t uncommon for Tsahik to be present and meetings like this.

“You kids alright?”

Placing a hand on Lo’ak’s shoulder, checking your hand and patting Neteyam’s back.

“We’re fine, sir. Just a few scratches.”

Neteyam affirmed, shifting on his feet slightly.

Jake sighed in relief, hugging both his sons, before dragging you into the hug.

“I’m proud of you boys. Did nice riding out there, Lo’ak. And your shot was right on line, Neteyam.”

Lo’ak didn’t show it, but you could tell he was smiling. He kept his gaze down, peering at the ground.

Neteyam nodded, a smile tugging at his lips as well. You found it cute that both Neteyam and Lo’ak, even at ages 19 and 18, were still excited about getting a compliment from the great Toruk Makto. Their father.

The two of them talked for a moment, you found your gaze drifting to Makeyo and his father. They were speaking in the crowd. Makeyo looked anxious. Almost tensed as his father kept a hand on his back, ranting in a whisper.

Jake lead the three of you to the front of the gathering, straying  from the crowd a bit. “Boys, do me a favor and go make sure we have everyone?”

Lo’ak and neteyam nodded, both jogging off to weave through the crowd and count heads of all the warriors they recognized.

As Neteyam and Lo’ak walked ahead, Jake placed a hand on your shoulder, giving you what you think spider called ‘a thumbs up’

“Nice shooting, sweetheart.”

He smiled proudly, sitting down next to you on one of the crevices.

You tried to conceal a smile of your own; your attempt pathetic as you smiled up at him like a child bringing home a freshly caught fish.

“Thank you.”

He ruffled your hair.

“Two for two shot-

Eywa, you never fail amaze me. What was it you and Neteyam did, the uhm, the two arrows in one-?”

“And one in the other. Something I’ve practiced with Lo’ak.”

You explained, smiling as he laughed.

“Genius. Absolutely.”

You two sat like that for a moment before neteaym and Lo’ak returned.

“Father, we are ready.”

Neteyam informed. Jake nodded, stretching as he stood to his feet.

Mo’at gently touched your back as she stood next to you.

Jake held a hand up, signaling the clan to be still and quiet.

“Thank you, my people for gathering. I’ll try to make this one quick.”

Jake’s lack of informality never seemed to not make you chuckle a bit.

“I have decided to make arrangements for the trainees in the war parties.”

He turned to the group that stood behind Makeyo and his father.

“It has come to my attention that some of you have clearly been ranked beneath your current abilities. And need more open field training.”

Open field training?

It was something you had back when you were 15. A few months after your parents passed. Jake started teaching you human tatical skills. How to use a gun, far distance targets, how to read radios and signals on old ships and navigate the screen charts on the controls. You so heavily insisted on having a position fighting the sky people. You worked, and you trained, until you became the most skilled warrior on your group. Even passing Neteyam and Lo’ak in your group.

Jake appointed you to his side. And you still at the realization that the moment he appointed you, it started with a meeting just like this.

Uncertainty shaved the hopeful soul that coated your bones. 

Jake continued.

“I have decided that the upper rank trainees will start with new practices. They will now be lead by Ka’ani. Awkey, you will lead the years younger.”

So it wasn’t what you thought. Your position remained, it seemed.

The sudden switch of teachers was a bit odd, nonetheless. 

Jake finished his speech minutes later. It was a short overview of new tactics the warriors would be learning. New places for target practice, and unfamiliar routines.

You didn’t mind the new schedules. It seemed like less of your day would be consumed in strategy sessions.

When he finished, the crowd started to disperse. Lo’ak went to speak with Awkey, leaving you with Jake, Mo’at, and Neteyam.

Makeyo and his father remained in their spots; as if waiting for a further instruction.

Makeyo’s father, Va’ru, was ambitious to a point it was farther than frightening. Constantly trying to put his son in first place. Like a cloud formulating a storm that swirled seated under restless skin.

Neteyam stepped forward, his tail flicked slightly.

“Dad, if Lo'ak's group will be with Awkey, does that mean I will be undergoing Ka’ani’s training?”

Jake shifts for a moment, as if trying to place his words in the right order.

“Yes and no. I have a different plan for you.”

Neteyam’s eyes widened only slightly, his tail flicking.

“Sir?”

He tilted his head.

Jake’s tone was clinging to remain inconcous as he saw Makeyo’s father approach.

“Olo’eyktan. I assume this is about the private lessons for Makeyo?”

Private lessons? Makeyo was going to take private lessons with Jake?

Makeyo seemed reluctant to engage in whatever was about to happen, gently tugging on his fathers arm.

“Father. Please. There was no certainty it would be me.”

His pleading falls deaf on his fathers ears.

“Va’ru. There has been a change.”

Jake speaks slowly, as if not to wake a sleeping thanator.

Va’ru is still for a moment.  

Neteaym steps forward, gently past his grandmother.

“What are we speaking of?”

He inquires, his own ounce of impatience slipping past his mask ever so subtly.

Jake sighs, rubbing his temple.

“This is not how things were supposed to go.

Over the last few weeks, I have been individually monitoring the warriors in your group to consider them for private lessons. Since Y/n is my most prominent warrior, she would be teaching the one I chose. My choice was Makeyo.”

Makeyo’s ears flicker upwards, and his father straightens, a smile forming on his face. It wasn’t genuine or even greatful. It was hungry, frenzied with torrid energy.

“Olo’eyktan. I would be honored to have Makeyo be taught under your most trusted archer.”

You felt your expression sour. Clearly uncomfortable with the energy that radiates off Va’ru.

Jake shakes his head.

“I have had a change of mind. As of a few days ago I have decided to give the role to Neteyam.”

This feels mosaic the moment you register his words. The figures around you now made of oddly shaped colors and sizes of glass. All the wrong shades.

You feel your fingers twitch and your mind go adrift. A blanket ablaze blanks your mind to a faceless slate. 

Alone. With Neteyam. 

The words swirl around like a whirlpool. A windless storm without the familiarity of chaos to stabilize the seas.

You try to place yourself in the vision but you can’t. You can’t seem to inhabit the precipice of this reality.

Your shaken away from the void of your thoughts as Jake places a hand on your shoulder.

“Y/n. You will train Neteyam. Teach him the things I have taught you and your own ways. He will learn a lot from you. We’ll have another archer in our skies. More air combat support.”

You force yourself to nod and swallow, neteyam still seemingly frozen at the news.

Va’ru is clearly not pleased. 

“Olo’eyktan. With all due respect-“

The funny thing is, there’s not an ounce of respect in his tone. Its ironically edged, as if Jake’s decision is the height of audacity.

“Makeyo has been training. He’s familiarized himself with Y/n’s methods. He studies her.”

It doesn’t go unnoticed when Neteyam’s ears pin down, his gaze narrowing as the words ‘study her’ reach his ears.

You can’t blame him. It does sound fucked up.

Va’ru digs himself in a deeper hole this time.

“He trains the younger children with her. He spends most of his days with her. He’s dedicated his time, his-“

Jake cuts him off, his voice a bit sterner this time, and you can tell his patience is slipping away.

“It’s not about time. It’s about skill. Makeyo is a very talented warrior. There’s no doubt. He’s a strong archer. But neteyam has shown promise over these last few weeks. He’s worked to improve his knowledge on the air strike patterns of the RDA. Hes flown with me to scout the perimeters of hell’s gate. He’s ready to advance to start training with newer methods.”

Va’ru scoffs, taking a step back, your tail flicks.

“You throw your son in the highest place again and again. You choose to ignore the others potential.”

Jake wasn’t one for favoritism when it came to the honest work of his warriors. To suggest otherwise was offensive. 

Honor was valued among the na’vi. It was wrong to accuse him of just always picking neteyam. If anything, this was Neteyam’s chance. He had worked so hard to be seen by his dad. You knew this.

Jake took a breath to steady his urge to let this guy steal the last shred of tolerance he has left.

“Va’ru. Not infront of the others. We can speak privately-“

Va’ru’s tone was biting now.

“You cannot keep doing this. And your son can’t keep ‘running to daddy’ when he falls behind my son and can’t admit it.”

Something surged through the hungered veins under your skin. The fire never stayed absent for very long. Purging itself to cultivate on unsettled gilded flesh.

A hiss left you. The ardent prolonged end notes of something almost inhibited by a growl. A fervid, feverish vehemence whisped behind.

Va’ru’s eyes widened a bit, his prior confidence subduing under a sheet of hesitance.

Jake pushed you back a bit, a warning glare tossed towards your squirming figure to step forward once again.

“We can speak privately. But I will not allow you to insult the hard work of my son. Or question the expertise of Y/n.”

Va’ru and Jake agreed to talk privately, but you predicted just more arguing.

☾𖤓✮ ☾𖤓 ☾𖤓✮☾𖤓 ☾𖤓✮☾𖤓✮ ☾𖤓 ☾𖤓✮☾𖤓 ☾𖤓✮

Seeking solitude in the hidden caves of the mountainous cave of high camp, you settled with your anxiousness with one of the corridors above the first columns.

You paced back in fourth, cursing to yourself and throwing sharp stones at the wall.

You weren’t ready. You just weren’t ready.  The moment Jake and Va’ru left you ran for the farthest place you could find. You couldn’t bare to look at Neteyam.

Jake’s words from earlier pierce the surfaces of unsteady standing ground in your heart.

Love isn’t easy

Love isn’t easy

Love isn’t easy

You know what else isn’t easy? Having to spend all day with the man you used to dream about kissing. Loving. Hugging. Mating with.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Your pulse quickens.

You remember that day. You remember the day though you waited for him under the rain. 

Under a lapis hued nightfall you were ready to give him your heart. Raw and bruised and blemished and every curve and dip and imperfection yearned for his touch.

But you fell in love with the sun. And you were undeserving of sunlight.

A boy made of flaxen fanned regrets and flamed forged promises.

You loved him. You didn’t love him for the son made of stone. Through the shifting shadows and vibrant visions of excellence engraved in ecstasy that echoed through disassembled pieces of manic daydreams.

You loved him. Tormented yourself with distance and fervent optimism. Idealisms too far to be attained.

This forbidden collision of the sun and the moon. 

And you waited. Damn yourself yet you waited. 

You waited for an explanation for his departure. A reason for this distance.

Weeping under a wild sky, disgusted with your own reflection. The sight of yourself just a poor effort of what you could have given him.

And then your family went somewhere you cannot follow, and suddenly he seeks remorse.

It’s unfair. It is so fucking unfair the nights you spent crying over the loss of his warmth. The sunlight felt cold. The warmth wind felt unfamiliar. 

And then you found the moonlight. The contingent comfort of dimmed sapphire hues and vengeance.

You refused to cry. You refused to be weakened. Your mother had seen fire and survived it. You had seen fire and burned with it-

And burn you will. Burn under the Sirius secrets whispered under the raptured intimacy of independence and its sweetening bindings.

So be it. So burn. bloodshed forging bones into bludgeons of tattered tears trains and scarred screams, soulless sleep.

Forgiveness surrounds itself in fractions of frustrations. 

You damned the sky starless because all the stars had fallen with your tears waiting for him. Waiting for the voices in your head to surrender and ricochet to the shallow corners of the planes traced lines on your palm.

You recount. Roll back and fast-forwards through every memory no longer remembered under glistening sunlight poured into liquid glass, and the hues of his golden eyes.

He was daylight. He wore a halo of Helios and draped warm flesh over sun-stained soulful essence to challenge the sea and the sky. A faint heartbeat under adrift moments scattered to a tethered wind. 

A man, a mask, and it’s burdens and bodies and sun-dried bones. He was a symphony and you, a mere half note of lost virtues.

Why must you constantly be at war with yourself? Why do you do this to yourself?

Do you hate him? 

Do you love him?

Do you want him?

You were nightfall.

Cascades of constellations and curls of lavender. A restless shade of reddened sunset, undertoned swirling and swept to hues of purple, orange, blue, a fiery sunset. Moonlight worn like a veil, tear-stained lips and blood stained hips and yet, oh how beautiful you were. Dark and delicately dressed in grief.

Sensationalize these bittersweet story endings and happily never after forever, then maybe some more.

To restrain this punishment, this internal unredeemable consciousness. 

Someone is behind you. Coming slowly into your peripheral view. 

You move quickly, drawing the knife on your hip and flipping it into your uninjured hand, steadying at the perpetrators throat.

“Shit! Easy, easy…”

Neteyam holds his hands up in defense, his eyes wide at your sudden movements.

“Y/n. It’s just me.” He cautiously lowers the knife in your hand.

Great. The man of the hour.

Oh eywa must have you fucked up if she thinks you’re dealing with this right now.

“Get out.” 

You didn’t mean to sound so punitive, but you were pissed, confused, and on the verge of tears. That was never a very delightful combo.

Neteyam shook his head.

“I can’t.”

“Neteyam I’m not going to tell you again. Get out. Please.”

Your voice cracked this time as you took a step forward. 

“Y/n please.” He begged. 

“Get out! Go! Leave! Fuera!”

You used every word you knew. Including another earth language spider had been teaching you. ‘Spanish’ is what he called it.

He winced, but only for a moment.

“I can’t. Because if I leave id just carry myself right back here.”

It satisfied you but it did nothing to console the ache in your heart.

“Then what do you want?”

You whispered.

“Another chance.”

Fuck.

You took a step away, running your palms down your face. Neteyam ignored the gesture, walking after you.

“It’s been years, y/n. I’ve dug my own grave and I’ve lied in it. I can’t eat or sleep properly anymore because it fucking eats me alive.”

Neteyam Sully was never one to curse. That was more of lo’aks calling card. So it stunned you slightly when he spoke in such a way.

You turned to face him. His golden hour eyes locking with yours.

“I don’t ask for your forgiveness. I only ask for you to hear me out.”

He took a breath.

“From the moment I was born, every single moment of my life feels like it’s been calculated. Staged, rehearsed, nothing was ever out of place. Everything was a plan- a strategy. I’m not asking for your pity but all I ask is that you understand. That life is all I’ve ever known, Y/n.

And then I fell in love with you. And you were just-“

He paces around as he walks. Talking with his hands, making grand gestures to try and articulate some spontaneous thought without really knowing what he was saying at all.

For every moment in his life being staged and prepared, this sure as hell didn’t seem rehearsed.

Maybe the sun-stained son made of stone broke like glass after all.

He continues stumbling over his words. It was rather unlike him. To be this outspoken and unequivocal with his words.

“You we’re just, Eywa I don’t know how to begin.

You were wild and unpredictable, so unbothered and reckless and passionate. You still are. You make the most dangerous shit I’ve ever seen in my life seem so graceful and beautiful. You care for my siblings, Tuk wants to quite literally ‘be y/n’ when she grows up and Lo’ak and Kiri would probably plot a mass murder if you asked them too. My mother and my father love you like one of their own. I don’t want what used to be between us ruin any of that. I’m tired of it, y/n. I’m tired of all the awkward formalities and hating eachother. And I’ll be damned if I’ve ever met a woman in my entire life who knows a bow and arrow like you do.”

You’re stunned. Everything he says sinks under your skin for a moment.

He takes a breath.

“Y/n. Please. Give me another chance. To be friends again. I miss you. I really do. You're going to be my teacher now. We shouldn’t be-“

“Just shut up for a minute.”

A small ‘yes ma’am.’ Leaves his lips as his gaze darts down a bit.

Now, if someone told you about 30 minutes from now you would be hugging neteyam sully, you probably would have called them crazy.

But now, as eywa as your witness, that’s exactly what you did.

He was still for a moment, and then he wrapped his arms around you, hugging you back.

You took a step back, smiling at him softly.

“Our first lesson starts as soon as my hand is healed. Don’t be late.”

And with that, you left.

Neteyam stood there for a moment before jumping up, fisting the air, a celebratory ‘fuck yes!’ Leaving his lips silently.

Maybe things made of stone can break like glass after all.

☾𖤓✮ ☾𖤓 ☾𖤓✮☾𖤓 ☾𖤓✮☾𖤓✮ ☾𖤓 ☾𖤓✮☾𖤓 ☾𖤓✮

Parallels:

Biggest parallel: the “hell yeah!” Line between neteyam and y/n is parallel to this scene between Jake and Neytiri.

Spider and Y/n - Tommy and Jake (two siblings, two sides of the same coin)

Y/n and Neytiri - (learning to love even through grief)

Y/n and Jake - (’soldier mentality’ and low self image because of trauma)

Lo’ak, Y/n and Neytiri - (rebelliousness) 

Spider and Neteyam- (oldest sibling responsibility)

Authors note:

I’m alive! I survived probably the longest chapter in this fic. I think I owe all my virago readers an apology. This chapter is WAY overdue. I'm sorry about that one, y'all.

But we're finally out of the enemy stage! And now I get to enjoy writing fluffy moments between neteyam and y/n, aka our resident virago and sun son made of stone.

So I just want to clear some things up before I wrap this up.

In my story, spider is a Spanish speaker. I read the original script and saw that he does speak Spanish in one of the scenes, and as a Spanish speaker and a spider stan that just warms my heart. Yes, a na’vi speaking Spanish might sound kinda cringe but it's my personal headcanon that spider would definitely teach y/n Spanish. 

Btw I just finished watching the hunger games so if anyone can catch all the Haymitch and Katniss references between y/n and Jake I will literally kiss you.

Remember to pleas like, comment, reblog, and as a request from me, please comment your favorite quote. trope, dynamic, or moment in this chapter or even the story so far.

Taglist

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@iheartamajiki

[spork-supremacy]

Mr Walker’s unhealthy relationship habits

This analysis has been a long time coming but I’m just going to do a condensed version of what should be in a really long essay I’m working on.

so in a previous post I mentioned that I would further go into several issues that pop up in Jay’s character when he’s in a relationship. This shall be that post.

at the start of the show everything is fine, he’s quickly pinned as the comedic relief who would most likely derive some of his comedy from failing to impress the girl he liked. And then within eight episodes the show actually follows through with the relationship it sets up between Jay and Nya (who let’s be real was at first obligatory female we need to have this plotline and appeal to a wider audience from a narrative stand point, as much as I don’t like to admit it)

there was literally nothing wrong between the two for the first two seasons, like maybe early signs of possessiveness on Jay’s end, as seen in Double Trouble when he is told that his double kissed Nya before he could and then promptly poofs him out of existence. “No one kisses my girl.” But frankly that’s on par for the writing of the time from what I can tell. Or Jay’s general desperateness to be with Nya (see Wrong Place, Wrong Time, when Zane says something along the lines of “we have to convince Wu to help Kai or else Nya will never fall head over heels for Jay.” And Jay jumps at Wu yelling for him to help past Kai.) or any girl for that matter considering his first words in the pilot were “we’re saving a girl? Is she hot?”

aside from that there is no unhealthy display of behaviour that I can think of, and mostly the relationship was just a thing that was just there and often brought up to mess with Jay or even help build his character as his true potential lied in his self-confidence and learning he does not have to change who he is to be liked. For reference see the entirety of Once Bitten, Twice Shy.

the real issues start to show themselves during season 3, at first it was just something small, with the implication that over the months between season 2 and 3 that the main ship on the show was going through… something that developed offscreen. This mainly due to Jay’s clingy behaviour and boundary issues as Nya states “what did we say about boundaries.”

I still don’t know where this could be applied anywhere before season three though.

Unhealthy trait number 1 has been identified, and will take ages to be brought up again. Boundaries are further discussed in season six where he is shown to be in constant Violation of Nya’s, so much in fact he is able to have a parallel between him and the main villain of the season for that reason. It is implied that he himself comes to this realisation when Nya calls to the fact that both him and Nadakhan want her for themselves but no one considered her needs.

later on in the episode Black Out do we get the worst of his emotional outbursts. A side plot line that had been developing was that of Nya considering other options because a computer said she should be with Cole instead of Jay, no I’m not going to even how that machine knew anything about her, just going to accept the cartoon logic. Jay finds out about this from Pixal who corrects his mother as she says Jay and Nya are such a great couple. He freaks the hell out, as one does when faced with not being the number one option and instead of having a good discussion with his girlfriend about this, he instead tackles Cole as soon as he steps into the trailer.

for all intents and purposes Cole is oblivious to what is going on and fights back in a mixture of spite and self-defence, further fuelling a rivalry that really shouldn’t exist if someone just acted mature and-

Unhealthy trait two identified, that of jealousy so strong it overrides rational thought.

We can actually explain this trait as a result of Jay’s insecurities that we know have been present probably before the first season. Skipping to season six we are able to identify that a sum of these insecurities are rooted in how Jay grew up, raised in a junkyard and poor, we also know from season one he is also insecure about his general looks and personality. Most likely believes that he could never be enough for anyone so he overcompensates with false bravado, and once his ego is shattered it only grows with spite.

the third unhealthy trait that we can identify is the way he idealised relationships. In the pilots he makes it clear that he hopes to be attracted to whoever they end up saving, and once gets to properly speak to Nya he shoots his shot, well Zane speaks for him as he is unable to do it himself. All he asks is “do you like blue?” And the rest is seventeen seasons of history. In season six it is shown that Jay also more or less believes a relationship will solve all his problems, particularly to do with his self-esteem. Hence why he does anything to get his relationship with Nya back the way it was before season three, despite Nya’s insistence on not wanting a partner. He thinks it is what’s best for the both of them, when really he is just thinking about what is best for him, as being in a relationship helps him feel accepted.

with this we goes into the final trait, that of his selfishness. As we can see a lot of these problems are pretty much all on Jay and have to do with the relationship in relation to him. Until season seven, which is when the relationship was treated as more a background thing instead a catalyst for drama, we can see that Jay is often thinking of himself. He is insecure about himself, he disregards boundaries to get what he wants, he idealises relationships because he thinks it will validate him. He is too self absorbed in the early half of the show, so much that no wonder he developed these traits. But like a good character he grew and we don’t see much of these traits after skybound, signalling that some message about his selfishness was able stick and help develop him.

I’m probably not gonna read over this but here you go.