#probably because I'm laying down in the dark so I'm more hyper vigilant of my body sensations

[heartshattering]

Great, it's that 'lovely' time of night where I lay down and feel my guts churning/bubbling/spasming uncontrollably and causing me intense pain as well as triggering obsessive thoughts about death and dying 🙃

My only relief is sleep but I'm literally in too much pain to sleep and my brain keeps telling me that I'm going to fucking die since I have no way of seeing a specialist until July. I don't have any signs of bleeding, just the pain and bathroom problems, which are symptoms I've had before. But of fucking course my mind wants to convince me that this time my obsessions are right and I am going to die horribly somehow.

I haven't eaten my favorite food in a week and I miss it. I can't take medicine for pain and headaches anymore. Every time I eat, it just hurts my body to the point where I don't know what I can possibly eat without making myself feel 1000x worse. Between the physical and mental pain, I'm up all night panicking, crying, and feeling miserable and sick. I just want to feel better already.