#primary purpose of it is so i can even get out of bed and reduce my thought-action latency to a few hours instead of several days

[wheredidmydrillgo]

I think the vyvanse is kicking in again (the aching returns)

[ssahotstuff]

Day 10– Size Kink

Aaron Hotchner x reader

Contains: (side note I am an entire foot shorter than this man) Size kink; oral, fem receiving, unprotected sex

Word count: 2.3k

There were certain things about your boyfriend that just appealed to all of your senses in the most delicious way. One of them was his tall, broad body that seemed to stretch for miles, his long, lean limbs; you were a sucker for how he seemed to skyscrape over you, and how he could wrap your body up easily when you cuddled with him. His entire body would swallow yours up when he was on top of you, making you look microscopic in comparison. At first it was intimidating until you came to the conclusion that Aaron was a gigantic teddy bear. He was loving and sincere and had the ability to turn any bad day around with nothing but the sweet sound of his deep, dreamy voice.

Of course, Aaron loved that your hand disappeared inside of his, and how he had to lean down to kiss you, he was just as crazy about how small you were compared to him; he liked that he had to reach the top shelf for you, and that you needed him to get your favorite snack, which was always in the highest cupboard. Part of you thought he did that on purpose just so you'd need to come find him when you wanted something or risk hurting yourself climbing the counters. He enjoyed doing this things for you, in fact, he insisted on it.

The night had started out like any other when Aaron was away—you'd have dinner and crawl into bed, waiting for him to call when he got back to the hotel. You hadn't heard from him yet, which could mean anything. You secretly hoped he'd be home soon, because another night of sleeping alone didn't sound appealing to you. You'd just started flipping through channels when you heard the front door open and you quite literally raced down the hall to greet him.

"There's my sweet girl," his arms opened for you instantly, his bag already at his feet. One of the biggest perks of having a man so much bigger than you was that Aaron enjoyed carrying you everywhere. He was already hoisting you up and taking you in the direction of the bedroom, your arms snaked around his neck, your lips on every visible inch of his skin.

"Missed you baby boy," you could practically feel him blushing, a side affect of the cute pet names you insisted on giving him. Baby boy was his favorite; he'd always get all giggly and shy when you called him that. It was adorable; your strong, stern man reduced to mush at a silly name.

"I missed you, gorgeous. I was hoping you'd still be awake," he sat you down long enough to undress; he worked on his pants while you deftly unbuttoned the tiny cream colored buttons on his white shirt, his arms practically bulging out of the sleeves. You tugged it off of him, leaving him in nothing but his t-shirt and boxers. Once he was comfortable, he climbed on the bed with you, sitting across from you so you could tell him about your day. You did this every night he was home; you'd always be in the bed, rehashing the events of the day for him, telling him what he'd missed while he'd been away. He'd listen intently and ask questions when he felt the need. You knew he heard every word you said, clinging to every syllable like it was the gospel truth.

"I was waiting for you to call, but you showing up is even better," you told him, reaching for his hand. He must've slept on the jet, because he looked good—he always looked good, but he was refreshed, like he'd taken a good nap and now he was wide awake.

"I managed to get some sleep on the jet, but if you're tired we can lay down," he told you, but you shook your head. You'd skip out on a million nights of sleep to spend time with him; it came so rare that you had to take advantage any chance you got.

"I'm fine. All I'm worried about is seeing you," it was the truth, frankly you couldn't be bothered by anything else now that he was home; he was your primary focus. He loved how you devoted all of your free time to him, and he did the same. When he was with you, you had his undivided attention no matter what.

"I'm here now, sweetheart. Tell me what you've been doing while I've been gone," and just like that, you were laying across from one another, propped up on your elbow telling him about your day at work, how an intern had befriended you because you knew everyone's coffee order by heart, and how you missed the train home and had to take a cab, which he detested the idea of you on public transportation, but your car was in the shop waiting to be fixed, so while he was away, you had no other choice. He was all ears as you told him about your upcoming promotion and the raise that came along with it, along with an office that had a stellar view. You could see the training academy from the fifteenth story where you'd be working. You could feel how proud he was of you in the way he looked at you—he was starstruck, in love with your every move.

His fingers danced along your side, skimming your curves as you spoke, with Aaron moving a tiny bit closer any chance he got until you were smushed up against him, chest to chest. You let out a light giggle as his nose brushed yours, connecting your lips with his at the first chance you got. He didn't care if you were mid-sentence, so long as he got to kiss you.

"I'm so glad I have a few days to spend with you. I know you're busy too, but I was hoping we could slow down for the next few days, spend some time together. I feel like I haven't held you in so long," right on cue, he pulled you into his arms, lifting you up so you could mount his lap, your knees on either side of him.

"Sounds like a plan to me. I'm so glad you're home, Aaron. I always miss you when you're away, but especially this time," the closer you grew, the harder it was to sit around and watch him leave. You'd never ask him to quit, and you didn't want to; sometimes you just ached to be near him, and you felt like you didn't see him nearly enough for your liking. Granted, you cherished every moment you spent with him, but you wished sometimes they could be more frequent.

"I know, sweetheart. It's never easy being away from you. From this moment until I have to leave, I'm all yours. Nothing else will even cross my mind," he said, pulling you down for a kiss, his tongue seeking immediate shelter in your mouth, lapping hungrily against your own. It didn't take much to turn him into a handsy fiend, a few tender kisses and he began to roam, first to your hips, then up your shirt, pausing momentarily when he realized you didn't have on a bra. He groaned into your mouth as he cupped your breasts, rolling your nipples between his fingers until they were stiff. He punched them lightly, tweaking them as you wiggled against him. You lifted your shirt over your head, and Aaron sat straight up, bringing your nipples to his mouth one by one, sucking until they were puffy under his tongue, flicking them teasingly. You let your head roll back, bringing his mouth closer so he could smother your chest with affection, sucking and nipping at your skin deliciously.

"Let's move you somewhere more comfortable, sweet girl," you climbed off of him as he instructed you to lie at the head of the bed against the pillows, and he even situated them for you so you'd be halfway propped up, carefully laying you down on your back before he got cozy between your legs. Your pajama shorts were quickly tugged off of your body, Aaron glancing up at you when he realized you weren't wearing panties either.

"One less thing to take off," you chirped, causing a grin to break out on his face as he lowered himself between your thighs.

"Going to let me take care of you, princess? Be a good girl and just relax. Spread your legs for me, gorgeous," his eyes darkened dramatically as you let your legs fall open, his fingers darting out to glide through your arousal. His thumb brushed your clit for a fraction of a second, making you buck your hips, which made Aaron chuckle at your impatience, peering up at you through his soot colored lashes.

"Patient, sweetheart. I want to take my time with you," he circled your clit agonizingly slow, staying true to his word; he was taking his precious time, coating his digits with your arousal before using a single finger to tease your entrance, all while toying with your incredibly sensitive clit.

"Feels so good, baby boy," you choked, his cheeks going red as he slipped a finger inside of you, letting you clench around him as he pushed deeper into you until he was curling against your g-spot, leaning forward to press a delicate kiss to your clit. You were coming unglued, the feeling indescribable as he started to suck on your bundle of nerves while adding another finger to the mix, slowly pumping in and out of you.

"I'd do anything for you, princess. You know that right? I love you with everything in me," you smiled down at him, gripping the sheets before your orgasm washed over you. Aaron continued lapping at your center, overstimulating you quickly as you came again.

"I love you, Aaron. More than anything in the world," you promised him through clenched teeth, your back arching as the waves of euphoria never seemed to end, just getting more intense as you grew more tender. He flattened his tongue against you, dragging it upwards slowly until he met your clit, flicking ever so gently; he knew it wouldn't take much to send you hurdling over the edge, so he was trying to be as careful as possible so he didn't make it unpleasant for you. You felt over the moon with adoration for him, treasuring the more intimate side of him as things got heated. You loved seeing him like this, driven to give you what you needed, lost in the moment with his head buried between your thighs.

"Can you give me one more before I fuck you, princess? I'll bet you can," he encouraged as his lips wrapped around your clit, his tongue moving relentlessly against you as tears pricked the corners of your eyes; it felt unreal, unlike anything you ever experienced. You didn't even have a chance to register your orgasm, it hit you like a speeding train, making you gasp for air as your head hit the pillows. Aaron looked completely smitten as he climbed on top of you, hovering over your body so he could line up with your center. Aaron loved to look at you during sex; he liked eye contact, watching you spiral out of orbit when you came, he didn't want to miss a second of the show. He kept most of his weight on his forearm, propped up so he could see you, his mouth colliding with yours as he slid into you.

"Goddamn, sweetheart. I love the way you look right now, like you don't have a care in the world," he sighed as he started to move; this was different than usual—normally he was full speed ahead, this was soft and sensitive. It was so satisfying that you could hardly stand it; you'd missed him terribly and now that he was here, you wanted to latch onto him and never let him leave again.

"All I care about right now is you," you told him, his lips meeting yours briefly as he made love to you for the first time. It was the only way you could describe it; he was pouring every ounce of himself over to you, making you feel whole for the first time in forever. His hand brushed over your hair as he gazed down at you, grazing your lips with his thumb before cupping your face affectionately, making sure you were looking right at him.

"You're so beautiful, sweetheart. I love your perfect lips, those gorgeous eyes. You were made just for me, isn't that right?"

You reached up to weave your hands in his hair, pulling him down to meet your mouth, kissing him fervently; you couldn't get enough of him, from his words that were like music to your ears to the way his hips were rolling into you, you were down bad for him and he knew it.

"Just for you, baby boy. I'm all yours," you assured him, whimpering as you came hard, his lips kissing your cheek, jaw, anywhere he could put his mouth; it was then he started to speed up, his thrusts becoming more sloppy and uncontrolled as he got close. He pulled your bottom lip between his teeth, sucking lightly as he finished, sputtering deep into you with a breathy moan. He trapped you with his body, sliding out of you and laying partially on top of you, his arm and leg tossed lazily over your body.

"I want you to know I love you more everyday. I can't imagine a world without you in it," he whispered in your ear before he kissed your cheek, nuzzling into your neck.

"So keep me," you replied, letting him cuddle you until you both fell asleep, holding onto one another.

Master tags: @wheelsupkels @periodtcevans @hausofwhores @criminallyobsessedcm m @tojithesourcerkiller @fireworksinthesky @pedrohoe04 @rousethemouse @thegettingbyp2 @mojo366

[softwater3452]

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[drethanramslay]

A funny thing called Fate- Prologue

Pairing: Bryce X MC (Aisha Khurrana)

Word Count: 2.8K words

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Warning: None really, just a little cursing

Author’s note: I had been listening to Strawberries and Cigarettes by Troye Sivan and that is actually the primary spark which led me to come up with this series. Shout out to @mvalentine and @anotherbeingsworld fo letting me bounce my crazy ideas <3

AHHH so it is finally here!! This is my first time writing Bryce so I hope I can do justice to this beautiful man. This starts with Aisha’s (MC) POV and like I said, there will be a time jump. It would be first person when I’m writing in the past and then it will shift to third person when I’m writing the present. I think i should stop my rambling and let’s go!!

Terms you need to know-

-Bhaiya: Brother in hindi

-Beta: Technically it means ‘son’ but in most Indian families its used like a term of endearment too

- AIIMS, Delhi: Stands for All India Institute of Medical Sciences. This is one of the best medical schools in the country and Only 100 people out of 200,000(or more) get in. So it is very cut throat.

10 years ago- Aisha's PoV 

(Age: 16)

I am done.

Done with all the drama, done with all the lies, done with all the manipulations and done with all the heartache.

And most of all, I was done with him- the infamous Bryce Lahela. 

The boy with the stupid long hair, the stupid signature smirk and the stupid charm. Those amber eyes which reminded you of the sand and sea and those lips on which an everlasting smile played used to be like a breath of fresh air. I always thought that he was so unique, but boy was I wrong. 

All boys are the same.

I really thought that jocks like him would be different huh? Can someone just hand me my clown shoes?

But luckily, I don't have to see his face ever again because for once, instead of making a mockery of my existence, life decided to give me something that I really wanted badly.

A chance to leave all of this in my past. A chance to start over again.

My dad had a better business opportunity back in Mumbai. I am an Indian and we lived in Delhi since the time I was born but we shifted to Mauii when I was in the ninth grade because of how demanding dad's job was getting

Bhaiya chose to stay back in Delhi because his engineering college was there and he enjoyed the hostel life way too much. And he had finally managed to get out of our toxic household so I really could not blame him.

So yeah.. that is how I ended up in Maui in the first place.

It was okay in ninth grade. I kept to myself and blended in with the shadows (because hello social anxiety!). But... Tenth grade changed everything.

It was one of the best and worst year of my life and I often wonder if I could ever get over this.

I am definitely sounding like one of those over-dramatic Indian soap operas my mom watches every night.

"Aisha? Are you ready? The car is here beta."

"Yes, Mama. I am coming!! Just packing up some stuff."

Breaking out of my reverie, I stuffed in my phone and other essentials into my carry bag. As I was zipping up my luggage, I yanked open my closet door to see if I left anything behind my eyes landed on the shoebox I had stuffed in the back of my closet.

I gulped and I felt tears well up in my eyes again. A part of me wanted to take it for it had all the trinkets of the good things in my relationship with Bryce but, another part of me knew that if I took it with me, I would never be able to move on and that would completely defeat the purpose of this fresh start I have been looking forward to.

So with a heavy heart, I looked away and shut the door of the closet, picked up my luggage and left.

As the Uber pulled out of the curb I stared out of the window, to look at the beaches I had come to love and hate.

I liked Maui, I really did but all that it was reduced was a place where I was humiliated and belittled.

And it was all his fault.

PRESENT

(Age: 27)

"Oh my god. I'm gonna late!!" Aisha screeched as she saw the time on her phone. She shoved the duvet off her and jumped out of bed. She tried running to the bathroom in her small closet-sized apartment but it just ended up with her stubbing her toe against the coffee table.

"Ow ow ow." She cursed as she hobbled into the washroom and got on with her daily chores. Her hand-eye coordination was already awful and add that she was sleep deprived just made the entire thing worse. Stumbling, tripping, cursing she managed to brush her teeth and hop into the shower. The burst of cold water managed to wake her up as she furiously washed.

Why did I have to move into a room under a busy staircase?! This is why bhaiya says- Do your research. She angrily thought to herself as she wiped herself rigorously and zipped open her suitcase, searching for her semi-formal clothes.

Grabbing a granola bar and her trusty thermos of coffee, she was on her way to Edenbrook.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

As she entered the atrium, she was in complete awe. It looked big and majestic on the outside, with a clever mix of brick walls and the glass facade, making it look welcoming. Sunshine poured through the atrium as the various doctors and nurses worked around her, not giving mind to the clueless intern gawking.

"Hi, I'm Dr Ines Delarosa, a senior resident!! You look lost. Let me guess... the first day of residency?" A short woman in a doctor's coat walked up to her breaking Aisha from her awe, her aura full of happiness, rainbows and unicorns which made Aisha a little vary.

Is it normal to be this happy and energetic?

Aisha nodded hesitantly and the resident smiled a hundred-watt smile. "Great. You are gonna need a photo ID. Follow me, I will get you all set up." Wordlessly Aisha followed Ines, slinging her messenger bag over her shoulder, nervously playing with the strap.

It is going to be fine... Aisha breathed out as she entered a room with a white background and a camera before it. "Just step over here, in front of the camera and smile."

And waste my energy? No thanks.

She schooled her features to be as professional as she could and the flash of the camera went off. Aisha walked over the tangled wires and peeked at the screen. A serious face stared back at her, the lighting doing good to her brown skin. Her nose piercing caught light and her dark mahogany hair was tied up in a neat ponytail.

"Is it okay? Or do I need to retake the photo?"

"No, it is great! I like it. Thank you."

"Well I will just stick this on your ID.... and you are good to go!! I wish I looked that good in my ID." She said and cheerfully and once her eyes fell on the title a smile made its way on her face,

Dr Aisha Khurrana... It is real and it is true.

"My first day as a real doctor." she whistled lowly shaking her head as if she didn't believe it.

"I was in your shoes last year. Believe me, med school was nothing compared to this. Your three years of residency will be the toughest, most amazing year of your life!! But the first year as an intern will be the craziest of all."

As soon as the smile had graced her features, it slipped away and she nodded seriously. "I think I am ready for it. I have been dreaming and slogging my ass so that I could work in Edenbrook. Ever since I learnt that Ethan Ramsey worked here. His research basically pushed me to apply for med school."

Also, the fact that my parents can like shut up about me being worthless.

"That is great. I will just walk you to the locker room so that you can change into scrubs." Ines offered and Aisha gave her a small smile.

"So... Any advice?"

"Make friends..."

And I am out. She thought to herself. She always struggled with making friends and that is partly the reason why she would keep to herself all the time. Sure she did make a few gem of a friends in med school but if she had to choose between mingling with strangers and drowning, you know what she would choose.

"... with your interns, year senior residents, even your patients! Friends will get you through anything. And, uh, try to not annoy the Attendings! You do not want to get on your boss's bad side."

"Noted."

After changing she was just passing through the waiting room so that she could get to the orientation when she heard gasps from the seating area. A woman had collapsed on her seat and the people were crowding around her.

Her instincts kicked in and she ordered. "Give her space. Everybody step back! I'm a doctor."

She hurried over to the woman just as another doctor rushes in. He kneeled at her side and checked her pulse. "Pulse is weak. She's unresponsive." He looked up and his eyes landed on her.

"You Rookie. Get here."

"Right away doctor. Coming!" Aisha hurried over as the doctor lifted the fainted woman on to the nearby gurney.

"What was she coming in for? Did she fill out a form yet?"

"No, she'd just walked in."

The doctor's piercing blue eyes landed on her which made her straighten her back. "If we don't figure out what's wrong with her fast, she's going to die on this table. Rookie, check B.P."

Wrapping the blood pressure cuff around the unconscious woman's arm and she pumped the bulb, peering at the numbers.

"It's plummeting. She's hypotensive. We've gotta get fluids in her."

Aisha's eyes wandered over the woman's form, trying to search for more clues. Her eyes landed on the rapidly forming bruise on her elbow.

"Doctor... Look at this bruise. I think it's a sign that she is a haemophiliac."

The doctor replied in a gruff voice. "You think or you know?"

"I know."

"Good. Also can you see the way her fingertips are turning blue? It is a sign of low oxygen saturation in the blood. Take a closer listen to her lungs. Hurry."

She nodded assertively and slipped the resonator of the stethoscope over the ribs, straining to hear the diminishing whooshing of the lungs which made Aisha gulp in fear.

"Can't hear anything on the left side and the right side is struggling. She is going to suffocate at this rate." She spoke up , her voice struggling to stay calm but as she glanced at the older doctor, he seemed to be as cool as a cucumber.

"Nurse we have got a code blue." His authoritative voice boomed over as the nurses bustled around the gurney.

Taking the bag mask from the nurse, he secured it around the patient's mouth and gently pump air into her lungs.

"What do we do, Doctor? What's happening to her?" She asked as she noticed the reducing breath rate.

He looked up. "Consider all the clues. It's all there. You know this, Rookie."

Aisha closed her eyes and took a deep breath, realigning her focus, delving deep into her mind, analyzing the clues.

Hemophilia... low blood oxygen... no lung expansion on one side...

Her brown eyes snapped open as it struck her. "It's a haemothorax!"

A twinkle of approval flickered in the ocean eyes, which vanished as soon as it came. "Precisely. A blood vessel ruptured and is filling her pleural cavity..."

"... Blocking her lungs from expanding! That's why she can't breathe." Aisha completed the sentence.

Fuck.

"But we can't repair the blood vessel over here."

The older doctor's jaw clenched. "Then we will have to do a emergency thoracotomy to drain the cavity instead. Nurse!"

The nurse hustles around handing her a scalpel and a chest tube, her eyes widening in shock.

She gulped, her nervousness spiking as she sees the doctor lift the shirt of the patient, exposing the side of her rib cage.

"We need a local anaesthetic-"

The doctor interrupted her. "We're out of time and she is already unconscious. Do it now, or the woman's life is on you!!"

She gritted her teeth with determination. I am not loosing a patient on my first day.

She took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself. It is just like anatomy class only... this isn't a cadaver but a real person.

But that statement, instead of calming her, it just caused the scalpel to shake in her hand.

The doctor reaches and encompasses her hand. "Hey... You can do this."

Aisha nods stabilizing herself and focusing solely on the older doctor's voice, before she looked down.

"There you go... Nice and easy."

Incision at the fifth intercostal space... anterior.. to the mid axillary line...

And when she was confident enough, she made the perfect incision, a trickle of red following the path of the scalpel.

"Now the tube."

She took and pushed it into the incision and with a spurt, blood started draining out of the chest cavity resulting in the patient to take a deep breath.

Holy shit I did that. I freaking did that.

In the daze of endorphins, she heard the doctor order her surgery, the nurses wheeling the gurney and the onlookers applauding.

She turned towards the attending, excitement pouring out of her in waves. "Doctor.. that was absolutely amazing!!"

It's was as if a switch flipped and the grumpier and sarcastic facade took place. "You're right. It is pretty amazing you didn't get her killed."

Aisha's jaw dropped.

"Wait, what?"

The doctor rambled off, pointing out her mistakes. "Your examination was slow and superficial. Your scalpel technique, amateur at best."

It took all her might to not scoff. 

Excuse me I graduated from AIIMS Delhi, thank you very much.

 Swallowing the dying need to go off she spoke in a professional tone. "Amateur? I'm sorry, doctor but it is my first day."

"Well, that is not an excuse you can use because if that patient would have died, the blood would have been on your hands..." He lifted the badge attached to her breast pocket scrutinizing on the surname.

"... Khurrana."

He tossed the id back to her, turned on his heels and walked away, leaving a steaming Aisha in her place.

"What a dick." She muttered under her breath.

"Yeah and I'm totally in love with him." A nurse appeared magically out of thin air near her, causing her to jump in surprise.

The kind eyed nurse just rolled his eyes and placed a hand on her shoulder which had Aisha bristling. "Don't worry about it, Dr Ramsey is like that to everybody."

Aisha's jaw dropped for the second time. "Wait... Dr. Ramsey as in Dr. Ethan Ramsey?!"

Shooting a knowing glance, he spoke up. "I take it, you're a fan?"

"He's only my medical hero and greatest inspiration. I've read all his research!" Aisha rushed off, horror and excitement rushing through her.

Oh my god I managed to piss of my one medical hero.. I'm such a dumbass.

Noticing the horror of her expression he gave a gentle smile. "On the bright side, you'll get plenty more chances to impress him."

She sighed and looked down to see that her scrubs were stained with blood.

First impression is last impression beta, always remember that. Her father's voice resonated in her mind.

"Dammit, I'm here for five minutes and I'm already a mess. I can't show up to orientation like this!"

"Don't sweat it. There are extras in the locker room. Come I will show you the way..."

She walked into the locker room, looking for her assigned locker. There was a crowd of half naked interns and after mumbling a couple of 'excuse me's', and rubbing shoulders (literally) she made it the end of the room.

As she turned she knocked into another woman in nothing but her undergarments.

"Uh...um.. okay then." Aisha stuttered as she felt the back of her neck heating up.

Thanks to my brown skin no one can see me getting flustered.

"What? See something you like?" She asked cheekily in an Indian accent which eased Aisha up a bit.

"Ha, you wish."

"Aren't you cute?" The woman snickered as she reached for her pants.

"That's what people say, so it must be true."

She reached for her full sleeve shirt before looking Aisha's way. "Desi?"

Aisha snorted. "Obviously. And I'm guessing you too."

"Of course. And I'm guessing that you are definitely not wearing those scrubs."

"What? Didn't you hear? Bloody clothes are like the new trend around here."

There was a moment of silence before both of them started laughing.

"It's good to meet someone from home." Aisha spoke as she pulled her scrub shirt off.

"Woah, woah, woah. Don't count on that yet. I need to see if you are gonna get in my way in this competition."

Aisha smirked as she shut her locker. "Can't say I'm surprised. Can't be desi if the sense of competition isn't ingrained in your DNA."

"Oh my god never thought that I would see Jackie's twin." A familiar manly voice wafted over to them.

Wait a second...

"Shut up scalpel jockey, this is our kind of bonding."

"Oh please, don't scare the newbie aw- oh."

Oh.

She was standing right in front of him. Face to face. The playful amber eyes, with flecks of brown hadn't changed. The long shoulder length hair had been cut and styled to be short and messy.

There was no trace of the surfer boy she met in Maui. He was a man through and through but still, the youth in his eyes poured out in waves, reminding her of the sandy beaches.

But right now those amber eyes were wide with shock.

It's not everyday that you meet your ex of ten years in the locker room of your new job.

"Aisha?"

".... Bryce?!"

HEHEHEH AWKWAARRDDD

Like, comment, reblog and let me know what you think 

Bryce X MC: @lilyvalentine @sanchita012 @zeniamiii @lucy-268 @have-aheart @utterlyinevitable @anotherbeingsworld @this-person-is-busy @cryinginthebackseat @mayascherub @jaxsmutsuo @rookie-ramsey @aylamreads @caseyvalentineramsey @choicesalaska​

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[biostudyblog]

Motivation and Emotion

Theories of Motivation

When Charles Darwin came up with his theory of evolution, many psychologists attempted to use it to explain all human behaviours through instincts that were weeded out through natural selection. There is still a debate about how much of our behaviour is decided through instinct, but it is agreed that many human behaviours are not.

Drive Reduction Theory

You’ll notice the creative naming of most of these theories. This theory is that our behaviour is controlled by physical needs. A drive is an impulse to act in such a way that satisfies an unfulfilled need to reduce that drive: you’re driven to eat a sandwich when you’re hungry. Every drive is your bodies attempt to maintain homeostasis or internal balance. When your brain determines that it doesn’t have enough glucose, that triggers a series of signals which eventually cause you to feel hungry to replenish glucose reserves. There are primary drives and secondary drives. A primary drive is a biological need, such as sex. A secondary drive is a learnt need like money.

Arousal Theory

Arousal theory states that we are constantly seeking an optimum level of arousal (not just sex. Get your mind out of the gutter.) Every person has a different optimum level of excitement someone with a high optimum level may be drawn to high thrill activities like rollercoasters or skydiving. That level also changes based on activity. We may do great at an easy task when extremely aroused, but not so well on a more difficult one. The relationship between arousal and performance is modelled by the Yerkes-Dodson curve.

Another theory of motivation similar to arousal theory is the opponent-process theory of motivation (Yes, it’s the same name as the opponent-process theory of colour vision. Psychologists hate us and want us to do poorly on exams.) This theory tends to be used to explain addiction. People are usually at a baseline (normal) state. We may do things that move us away from that baseline state, such as having a pint. Initially, that action may be pleasurable, but eventually we feel an opponent-process, a motivation to return to our normal baseline state. An alcoholic may get sick of feeling drunk and want to quit drinking, but due to withdrawal it’s made extremely difficult, and moves us away from our natural baseline. That alcoholic may have a godawful hangover without alcohol, so he is motivated to return to the baseline state of feeling all right, motivating him to have more pints to feel normal again.

Incentive Theory 

Incentives are stimuli we are drawn to due to learning- we learn to associate stimuli with rewards or punishment- for example, you could play Halo for 3 hours the night before an exam, but you learn to associate that with poor marks, motivating you to crack open a textbook and revise so that you get high marks.

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

Humanist Abraham Maslow states that not all needs are equal. Our needs can be modelled as a pyramid, detailing which needs we want to satisfy before the others. To model, imagine a man trapped on a desert island with a few other survivors. 

Physiological Needs: Needs like hunger, thirst, and sex. Say you arrived and you were extremely hungry. Before he can think about anything else, he’d likely start hunting down some food, and some water.

Safety Needs: The need to feel safe and out of danger. The island gets scary, especially at night, so the man constructs a hut that completely shelters him from the creatures that may roam the island.

Belongingness and Love Needs: The need to be accepted and belong somewhere. With the bottom two needs satisfied, the man may start trying to befriend the other survivors to try and form a community with them.

Esteem Needs: The need to gain approval and recognition. With his new community, the man may want to feel like he has a purpose with the new community- he may feel connected to his identity as the fisherman of the group that everyone recognises and appreciates. 

Self Actualisation: With all of his other needs met, the man is now fully capable of fulfilling his unique potential. 

While this theory explains a lot of human behaviour, there are many behaviours it doesn’t explain. Many poor parents go hungry in order to save enough money for their children to enjoy small luxuries. People are constantly putting their own lives at risk in order to save others; Malala Youzafi risked her life to speak out about women’s education in Pakistan.

Hunger Motivation 

Some human behaviours can be deceptive in their complexity. Why do we get hungry? Because we need food- but that’s not always the case. For example, people tend to eat junk food like crisps while watching films despite not needing those crisps to feel full, and despite not feeling hungry at all. 

Biological Basis of Hunger

There are several known biological cues which trigger hunger. By putting balloons into research subjects stomachs, and deflating and inflating them, researchers found that when the stomach is full we feel less hungry. The hypothalamus also plays an important role in hunger. By stimulating different animals brain, it was found that different parts of the hypothalamus are acting in opposition to controlling hunger. The lateral hypothalamus, also known as the hunger centre causes animals to eat when stimulated. The ventromedial hypothalamus, also known as the satiety centre causes animals to stop eating when stimulated. These two regions of the brain balance each other out.

The set-point theory is one theory that explains how the hypothalamus picks the correct impulse. The hypothalamus has an optimum body weight it wants to remain at. When our weight goes down, it lowers our metabolic rate (how quickly our body uses energy) and tells us to eat. When it goes up, it raises our metabolic rate and tells us to stop eating. Some researchers feel that psychological factors like learning and cognition are more important in weight maintenance. Along with that, the brain is analysing glucose and insulin levels to determine if food needs to be eaten.

Psychological Factors 

Some reasons we get hungry have nothing to do with physiology. Some research has shown that some people (appropriately dubbed externals) are motivated to eat by external food cues and presentation of food and less motivated by internal food cues. An external food cue would be watching people eat Mcdonalds in an advertisement. An internal food cue would be feeling stressed and wanting to eat to feel better. Everyone responds to both to greater or lesser extents. The Garcia effect drastically affects what foods make us hungry. If you eat something and feel sick soon after, it makes it extremely difficult to stomach that food again. One time, when I was younger, I ate some ham, and soon after came down with the flu, and was puking my guts out. Logically, I knew that the ham had nothing to do with my sickness, but for a long time after I couldn’t even look at ham without flashing back to that sickness. Our culture also has a massive effect on what we find more appetising. I’m from England, so food that sounds appetising to me (beans on toast for example) may sound completely unappetising to readers not from there.

Eating Disorders 

(Trigger Warning for discussions of different kinds of eating disorders. I’ll put a picture of my pet rat at the end of this section if you need to skip it. If you feel like you need help, please click this link for a list of hotlines with trained professionals on the other end of the line who can help you or someone you know through a crisis: https://www.bulimia.com/topics/eating-disorder-hotline/) 

Another extreme example of hunger motivation not matching up with physiology is eating disorders. 3% of adolescents are diagnosed with one type of eating disorder, and disordered eating habits have become a massive problem in American culture. The three most common eating disorders are as follows:

Bulimia- Bulimia is characterised by periods of binging and then periods of purging (or non-purging in the case of non-purging types). Bulimics tend to eat massive amounts of food (although this is not always the case) and then purge it in any way they can, whether that be by throwing up, using laxatives, intense exercise, or fasting.

Anorexia-Anorexia is characterised by starvation. Anorexics tend to deal with a condition known as body dysmorphic disorder (although bulimics tend to suffer from it as well) where the brain obsesses over perceived “fat” even going so far as to having sufferers see themselves as larger than they are. Anorexics will starve themselves, or eat hardly anything for long periods of time.

Binge eating disorder- A harmful narrative surrounding eating disorders is the lack of conversation about the other end of the scale. Those suffering from BED tend to have recurring episodes where they eat massive quantities of food, often eating to the point of discomfort, and feeling a loss of control.

EDNOS/OSFED- (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified or Other Specified Feeding or Eating Disorder). Not everyone suffers from the 3 main eating disorders. This diagnosis encompasses people who deal with disordered eating, but can’t quite be diagnosed into one of the 3. Some examples are purging disorder, night eating syndrome, and atypical anorexia nervosa.

The emphasis a culture places on weight tends to influence rates of eating disorders. It’s likely for this reason the US has some of the highest rates of documented eating disorders.

Sexual Motivation

Here’s the part of the discussion I’m sure you were waiting for once I mentioned arousal (you dirty-minded bastards.) Sex, like everything else has biological influences and psychological ones. 

The Sexual Response Cycle 

William Masters and Virginia Johnson were responsible for documenting the 4 steps in the sexual response cycle in adults (and I’m sure they had fun doing it.)

Initial Excitement: This is the point where blood rushes to the genitals. The clitoris will swell and the penis becomes erect. Heart rate and breathing rate also increase, and the skin may become flushed.

Plateau Phase: This is the point where genitals secrete fluids to prepare for sex. The heart rate and breathing rate also continue to rise.

Orgasm: Genitals begin to contract- heart and breathing rate continue to rise even further and men typically ejaculate. The release of neurotransmitters like endorphins and dopamine contribute to a sense of euphoria in both men and women.

Resolution Phase: Respiration and heart rate return to normal, and men enter a refractory period. Women, however, can enter back into the cycle immediately.

Psychological Factors

Hormones don’t strictly motivate sexual desires. One elusive aspect of sexuality is sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is an extremely (and unfortunately) controversial aspect of sexuality. Researchers like Alfred Kinsey (who developed the Kinsey scale which tracks the variety of human sexual behaviours) haven’t been able to push back against many of the rumours that exist about less “traditional” sexualities. There is little known about what causes sexual orientation, but no correlation has been found between trauma in childhood, parenting styles, relationship with parents, or masculinity and femininity and sexuality. Twin studies have found a genetic influence- one identical twin is likely to be gay if his twin is, and hormones in the womb may influence orientation. 

Social Motivation

Humans aren’t robots. We experience more motivation outside of satisfying our needs for sex and food. Why are you reading this Tumblr post instead of reproducing, for example? 

Achievement Motivation

One theory that attempts to explain more complex behaviours is a desire to master complex tasks and knowledge and to achieve personal goals. Research has found that people with high achievement motivation are consistently motivated to challenge themselves more than others, constantly setting the bar a little higher. This motivation varies between people and between activities. Clearly, I’m extremely motivated to do better in my classes since I’m sitting at my desk at midnight writing this- but I know how to cook 5 meals, and only 3 well because I have no motivation to do better at cooking.

Extrinsic/Intrinsic Motivation 

Another way to think about social motivation is where the push is coming from. Extrinsic motivators are rewards we get for accomplishments outside of us (treats, high marks, salary etc). Intrinsic motivators are internal rewards like enjoyment or satisfaction. Are you reading this Tumblr blog because you want to get an A in your psychology class, or because you’re interested in psychology? Research into this form of social motivation tends to benefit managers and other leaders- studies show that advantageous behaviour we want to continue persists when influenced by intrinsic motivation. Extrinsic motivation tends to be more short-lived.

Management Theory

Studies looking into different management styles have found 2 main attitudes which affect how good managers are at their jobs.

Theory X: Managers believe employers will only work if rewarded for good work and punished for bad. 

Theory Y: Managers believe employees are intrinsically motivated to do good work so policy should foster this motivation.

Theory Y has shown promise in promoting a better work environment and longer employee satisfaction.

When Motives Conflict

When discussing motivational conflict, psychologists tend to split them int 4 categories. Approach-approach conflict occurs when you have to pick between two good outcomes (Do I want to get ice cream or do I want to get brownies?) Avoidance-avoidance conflict occurs when you have to choose between to negative outcomes (Should I clear out the garage or deep clean the bathroom this Sunday?) An approach-avoidance conflict occurs when one event has both negative and positive features. (Even though I’m lactose intolerant, should I have some ice cream?) Finally, there’s multiple approach-avoidance conflicts. This is a situation where people are forced to pick one of multiple situations all with good and bad aspects about it. (Should I attend University A, B, or C?)

Emotion Theories

James-Lange Vs Cannon-Bard

One of the older theories of emotion came from psychologists William James and Carl Lange, who states that we feel emotion because of biological changes caused by stress. This theory was eventually challenged by Walter Cannon and Philip Bard who found that similar physiological changes occur due to drastically different emotional states- sometimes your heart races when you’re terrified or when you’re really excited. Cannon felt that the thalamus was both responsible for the biological change and the cognitive experience of emotion. When the thalamus receives signals informing us about our environment, it sends signals both to our cortex and the autonomic nervous system, making the physiological change and the conscious experience of emotion occur at the same time.

Two-Factor Theory

Stanley Schachter’s two-factor theory does a much better job of completely explaining emotion than both James-Lange and Cannon-Bard’s theories do. He thought that both our physical response and our cognitive label combine to form an emotional response. He found that people who are already stimulated will experience emotions more intensely than those who aren’t already stimulated. 

Nonverbal Expressions of Emotion

Our nonverbal methods of communicating how we’re feeling have been found to be universal. Most every culture has the same basic facial expression to express happiness, sadness, anger, fear, etc. Research into sociobiology suggests that our facial expressions are actually a part of our genetics.

Stress

Stress and emotion are inherently linked. Psychologists tend to use stress to understand motivation and emotion along with help deal with problems caused by it. Stress can refer to life events (stressors) or our reaction to those stressors (stress reactions) 

Measuring Stress

Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe were the first to design an instrument that could measure stress. They used a social readjustment rating scale (SRRS) to measure stress using Life Change Units (LCUs). Someone taking this test would report a change in their life, such as having a new baby and each change would be assigned a different LCU. Different events were ascribed different LCU levels based on their intensity and their positivity- being married counts for more LCUs than being fired does. This method is not as widely used anymore as we now have more sophisticated ways to measure stress that include individual perception of events.

Selye’s General Adaptation Syndrome

Hans Selye’s general adaptation syndrome (GAS) is a description of the general response humans and animals have to a stressful event. His GAS Theory moves through the following stages:

Alarm Reaction: Heart rate increases, blood diverts from other parts of the body to the muscle, sympathetic nervous system is activated

Resistance: The body stays physiologically prepared. Hormones are released to ensure this preparedness lasts- spending too long in this stage can cause the body to exhaust itself.

Exhaustion: The parasympathetic nervous system is activated and returns our physiological state to normal. We are most vulnerable to disease in this stage especially after spending an abnormally long amount of time in the resistance stage.

Perceived Control

Studies have shown that a perceived lack of control contributes to stress. Rats who were given control over the duration of an electric shock were less likely to develop ulcers- patients given control over their morphine dosage tend to report better pain control. The feeling of a loss of control the COVID-19 outbreak has caused has massively contributed to the spike in mental health cases occurring as people are stuck in their homes. 

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[takuchat]

The development of Final Fantasy VII is a mysterious and hard thing to follow. While there is plenty of info out there, much of it is either rumors or unsubstantiated.   The sad thing is, there is no easy way to find legitimate information on the game.  This is why I am here now, this article will serve as a source of factual information about the development of the original Final Fantasy VII.

Below, you will find interviews from the games development and release. As well as links to the sources of these interviews( interviews copied so they will not be lost one day ). Beyond interviews there will be Press Releases and some other cool information.  Enjoy.

  Logo concepts

Meteor Concept art

  Final Fantasy VII – 1997 Developer Interviews

  Hironobu Sakaguchi – Producer Yoshinori Kitase – Director Tetsuya Nomura – Character Design, Storyboards, System, Mech Design Yuusuke Naora – Art Director Motonori Sakakibara – Movie Director Akira Fujii – Battle Scene Director Ken Narita – Main Programmer Yasui Kentarou – Magic/Summoning Effects Kenzo Kanzaki – Backgrounds Nobuo Uematsu – Music

FF6 vs. FF7

Kitase: Our development concept for the story in FF6 was to have over 10 main characters, any of which could be called “the protagonist.” We challenged ourselves to create a world without someone you could point to and say, “this is the main character.” This time, with FF7, we knew from the beginning that we wanted Cloud to be the main character, and we were going to tell his story.

Aside from the story, FF6 had a lot of details undecided when we began development. A great many things were filled out along the way. In contrast, with FF7 we knew from the outset that we were going to be making a real 3D game, so from the earliest planning stage we had very, very detailed designs drawn up. The script was also locked in, and our image for the graphics was completely fleshed out. So when we began the actual work, we had already created what you could call “storyboards”. Of course there was some experimenting as we worked, but we were very clear about what we were supposed to be doing from the outset.

Actually, the very first thing we decided in FF7 was how the camera angles would change during battle scenes. We also decided on the materia system, where any weapon and armor can be equipped with any materia. Accordingly we knew the battles wouldn’t be about characters with individual, innate skills, but rather that combat would change depending on the way materia was used.

Sakaguchi: After FF6 was completed the staff had some free time. We then started thinking about what new hardware there was and what we wanted to do with our next creations, and we created a movie as an experiment. At that time we were working with the SG1 workstations, which had rendering software designed for next generation hardware. For that reason we thought it would be good if we could continue using this setup for our next game. With the SG1 software, we could develop graphics for any hardware. 1 However, for our purposes, we didn’t want the frame-by-frame, slow rendering that takes many hours; we wanted to develop a way to render the visuals in real-time for our new game.

Kitase: I believe we only had 3 months to figure all that out.

Choosing the Hardware for Final Fantasy VII

Sakaguchi: It was starting to become clear to us what the memory capacity for the different next-gen consoles would be. Our games were going to need a huge amount of memory. The Final Fantasy VI CG demo we made for the Siggraph exhibition took 20 megs all by itself. We thought that demo had a lot of visual impact, so there really wasn’t much question about which hardware we would use; if we were going to realize the promise of the demo we had shown at Siggraph, nothing but the CD-ROM format would suffice.

Another reason for choosing the CD-ROM was related to price. I think one of the big reasons the first Final Fantasy was favorably received by players, and the later games in the series gained so many fans, was that you could buy those games for around 5000 to 6000 yen. We tried to have the same pricing for Bahamut Lagoon, Gun Hazard, and our other later Super Famicom games, but using cartridge ROM meant those games had to be sold for over 10000 yen. New players did not flock to those games like they had before. If we used CD-ROM for Final Fantasy VII, we’d be able to have a 2-disc game at a price of 5800 yen. I was hoping it would be possible to make a game that could sell several hundred thousand copies.

Introductions, Difficulties, Favorite Moments

Sakaguchi: I’ve been working with Kitase for a long time, since FF5. He did most of the event scenes in FF6: the opera house, Celes’ suicide scene, the scene where Setzer climbs the stairs and reminisces, and more. I’m not exactly turning things over to the next generation just yet, but for FF7 almost all the story was done by Kitase. His original ambition was to be a film director, so he’s well-disposed towards this work–I’ve left all the in-game event scripting in his hands.

As for my part, since FF3 I’ve led the battle team, and that was my role this time too. Well, actually, the battle team is composed of solid veterans, so I stepped back a bit and played more of a producer role.

Nomura: For FF7 I worked on character design, storyboarding, and the underlying story.2 I have too many favorite parts to sum up quickly here… well, I like it all.

Narita: I was the main programmer. I did all the programming related to the field, and I also helped get everything together at the end. As for difficulties… hmm. Since it’s been a pretty sudden shift from the Super Famicom to the Playstation, we struggled first with getting used to the Playstation hardware itself, then finding out what appealing features it had, and learning how to bring out those features to make a good, balanced game. But on the programming side, what was really hard for me was going from 2D to 3D. Probably any programmer would say the same I think.

As for things I’m proud of, I thought the movies and the in-game field scenes transition into each other very smoothly. That was also the most difficult thing for us in terms of the programming.

Sakakibara: I worked on the movie cutscenes. The challenge for me was just the amount of volume we had to create, it was crazy. What I liked was the opening scene in the beginning. Although I’m already starting to forget it. (laughs)

Fujii: I did the backgrounds for the battle scenes. What was hard for me was that the field graphics would design their graphics with a very high polygon count, and I think had to find a way to reduce that count so the graphics could be rendered in real-time. Selecting the primary elements to render was very difficult. At first I was just fumbling through it, but I gradually got the hang of it and was able to connect things very well. When I first saw characters move around in those backgrounds I had made, I thought they looked great… if I do say so myself. Unless you’re specifically paying attention to them, battle backgrounds aren’t something you usually notice in a game, but we really had to prepare a huge number of different backgrounds for all the different map terrains.

Kentarou: I did the programming for the battle effects and summons. What was fun for me was recieving the storyboard mockups from Tetsuya and thinking “there’s no way, this is impossible.” But then when I got down to it, they came out surprisingly well. The Titan summon was especially memorable for me. The way we did it was new to me, and I think it compares really well with the work I’ve done in the past.

The CG Team

Sakaguchi: We definitely hired a lot more CG staff than we had before.

Kitase: Yes, but they didn’t feel like a separate, “detached force” from our main development team. They had experience in the game industry. What’s more, our existing staff at Square, who up to now had only worked on games, were able to learn a bit about CG from them.

Sakaguchi: For FF7, about 80-90% of the field and game mechanics were done by our traditional staff. For the CG staff with their specialized hardware knowledge, we tried to let them do their thing (but this time with a video game). Several top-grade special fx guys who had worked at Digital Domain and Lucasarts’ Industrial Light Magic also contributed to FF7.

Maps and Backgrounds

Naora: I worked on the unifying all the graphics, including the movies. The majority of my work was on the background graphics. In our previous games, most of those graphics were done with a fixed top-down perspective. To take a town for an example, the map would be composed of various sprites: houses, streets, foliage, fences, and so on. With FF7 we didn’t have to use sprites and could instead present the maps as one seamless image.

I had experimented with this before in the trial scene of Chrono Trigger. I used a bunch of memory to make one single image for the background. Previously we had to reuse so many sprites for our maps, but it was very exciting to be able to include whatever we wanted for FF7. We could have more varied terrain, and our whole image of the game world really expanded.

The work of mine that I really want people to see is, of course, Midgar. I had the image of a pizza in mind when I designed that city, and I really like how it turned out.

In any event, what we really wanted to convey with the backgrounds was a lived-in feel. Down to the beds and individual toilets, I put a lot of detail into everything.

And even after I stopped working, my boss was still making stuff. On one of the posters hanging on the wall, he added an image of Hironobu Sakaguchi. (laughs) I should be upfront: there’s many graphics that even I don’t know about hidden away in the game. Be sure to look closely at the walls inside the buildings. Who knows what surprising things you might discover. The Rocket Town especially has a variety of interesting things hidden away.

Cinematic Aspirations

Kitase: Visually, I wanted Final Fantasy VII to be a completely unified work, with a single style running from beginning to end. The cut-scene movies, overworld map, and battle scenes would not be disconnected, but would instead smoothly and seamlessly transition into one another. To call this game “cinematic” would be correct, but what I really wanted was something where all the compositions and shots would be suffused with meaning and show the intent of the creators.

For all our previous games, when we’ve been in the phase of brainstorming ideas and sketching pictures, there’s always been the knowledge that we have to work within the hardware memory limitations. This time there were no limits, and no restraints.

That difference in available memory had a really big influence on the development. For the gameplay system, story, and in-game events, it didn’t change very much. What the increased memory allowed in FF7 was more painterly visuals, with a better sense of space and composition. Naturally the graphics quality itself has also gone up, but I think it’s in the cinematic presentation where you see the evolution.

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Sakaguchi: Speaking of cinematic, we also wanted to have a soundtrack with no repeated music. In movies, you don’t hear music get repeated, you know. Depending on the scene the tempo or the intensity might change though. I think something like that should be possible… although there is the matter of how much available spirit/creativity we can get out of our composer, Uematsu. (laughs) Of course FF7 is a game that takes over 40 hours, so some music is repeated, but our overall goal was to make it as cinematic as possible in that regard.

We also had Yoshitaka Amano do illustrations for the world of FF7. Some of his work appears as a frescoe on a wall in the game.

Kitase: We had really been wanting to use Amano’s artwork in-game before. In FF6, we wanted to have one of Reim’s drawings being Amano’s artwork. In the ending scene Reim would have painted a wall mural showing scenes of all the adventures the heroes had undertaken.

Character Design

Nomura: Since the characters in FF7 were going to be rendered in real-time, the nitoushin,3 chibi-style character design we’ve used in previous games wasn’t going to work here. If they brandished their sword overhead they’d end up stabbing themselves in the head. Not using the super-deformed style meant we had no limits on how to animate these characters.

Naora: I helped out on the character design too. In the previous games with the nitoushin, deformed sprites, it would look really lame if they rode a motorcycle or something. By changing the character’s dimensions, we were able to have them ride different vehicles.

Nomura: My involvement with FF7 goes back to helping create the basic story, and we came up with the characters during that time too. I think that was a good way to do things. Barret and Cait Sith were two characters whom I had wanted to create for a long time, but everyone else was created as we were writing the story.

As for things I personally designed, I think the Yin and Yang boss came out really well. Also, the Iron Giant. It wasn’t enough to just have a good initial design though. I had to create a design, then translate it into a 3D model, then see how it looked all-around, and only then could I say “alright, this is good.” Yin and Yang and the Iron Giant were two designs I felt that way about.

I also helped out on all the storyboad designs for the summons. Since 3D allows you to change the perspective in various ways, we decided to make the summons have really flashy camerawork.

Favorite Characters

Kentarou: I personally really like Red XIII’s scenes. Every time I remember that one scene of his, I start to tear up. (laughs)

Kanzaki: My favorite would be Tifa, because of her ample bust. (laughs)

Fujii: Yuffy. I like the sounds she makes. Also, it’s not a character, but I like all the summons.

Kentarou: Ah, yeah, I have a special love for Titan. Nomura said Titan should flip over the ground that the enemies are on. He would peel off a slab of the land: no matter what terrain he was on. (laughs) At first I had him come in on normal ground, and he’d flip the same slab of ground no matter what terrain… but that looked boring. I had a small insight into the problem and was able to solve it.

Narita: My favorite character is Barret. Because he does the same damage when he’s in the back row. (laughs)

Kanzaki: Yuffy and Vincent can do that too, though.

Narita: You can clear the game without getting Yuffy. I didn’t add her to my party. As for Vincent, I can’t forgive him. (laughs) Yeah, it’s Barret all the way for me.

Sakakibara: I like Jessie. She cleans your face for you. (laughs) If only you could have had Jessie in your party.

Nomura: For me, it’s of course Cloud and Sephiroth. My concept for Sephiroth from the beginning was that everything about him would be kakkoii.4 His battle movements, and all his in-game scenes too. My image of the relationship between Cloud AND Sephiroth was that of Musashi Miyamoto and Sasaki Kojiro, and I had them in mind when I designed their appearance, as well as their swords. Of course Cloud is Musashi, and Sephiroth is Kojiro.

Animating the Characters

Narita: The movement of the characters during the in-game events was actually all done by character designers in the planning group. Normally those designers convey what they want to a motion specialist, who then animates them. But in our case, the character designers learned how to do the motion work, and if they wanted to add some movement or gesture to a character they did it themselves. That’s why each character’s movements differ depending on who created them. There were designers who liked very exaggerated movements, and those who preferred more quiet, subtle movement.

For the character battle animations, however, we had motion specialists for each character. But for all the other in-game events, the designers created the character’s movements themselves.

Narita: Nomura was the Demon King of retakes. He was always making the designers re-do things. “Nope, that’s wrong there.”

Kanzaki: But it’s really thanks to him that we achieved very realistic motion.

Nomura: We spent more time on the typical, everday motion of the characters than we did on other types of motion. That’s where the character’s personality comes out, after all. So yeah, I stuck my nose into everyone’s work there. (laughs) I drew the designs for these characters from the moment we had our basic idea of them; no one told me “draw him this way” or anything like that. Every character in FF7 is one that I designed just how I wanted to.

The first characters we had were Cloud and Barret. From there we kept talking, and as we worked our ideas out, new characters would come up. All the characters were created in the course of our discussing our ideas for the game. None of them were created after the fact, as in “oh, let’s make this kind of character.” As we brainstormed about the game, we’d realize a character was already there in our minds.

Limit Breaks

Nomura: With each Final Fantasy, the entire team contributes to the initial design/planning documents, and we then pick out the best ideas from there. During that highly individual period of brainstorming, I came up with the idea of adding limit breaks to the battle system. In FF6 we had desperation attacks that would happen when you were near death, and I wanted to build on that idea. Since you were free to build your character by adding and removing materia, I also wanted to add limit breaks as a way to bring out the individual, innate personalities of each character. For that reason I’m really glad we were able to include them. It also allowed us to add more unique animation for each character, too, further emphasizing their individuality.

The Music of FF7

Uematsu: I know many players were hoping that with the move to the Playstation, we’d have studio quality music instead of the internal sound chip like that used in the Super Famicom games. And I know other companies are recording CD quality music for their games, but with FF7 we decided to do all the music with the Playstation’s internal chip.

  That’s because as far as sound quality goes, we felt the Playstation’s hardware was more than capable. It has a higher dynamic range than the Super Famicom, and 24 voices (the Super Famicom had 8). The sound effects were all recorded in the studio, but the music, from start to finish, is all the Playstation’s internal chip. This way the music puts less demands on the read access time of the CD-ROM. It’s stressful to be playing a game and have to wait all the time for the CD-ROM to load data. So we prioritized a less stressful experience over better sound quality.

From the first Final Fantasy up to Final Fantasy V, the music has had a European atmosphere: the north, castles, blue skies… But FF6 started to break away from that, and FF7 begins with a new image, a dirty city of the future. So I was thinking the music should change too. I personally like a lot of different styles of music, so I saw this game as a chance to show parts of myself which I hadn’t been able to express before.

I used keyboard and guitar for the basic compositions, and I read the story and script as I composed. But there were so many songs this time that I was really worried I would run out of time. There were something like 100 songs needed. I’d compose, then program it in, and if it was wrong I’d revise it. Rinse and repeat. I write the music out first and then proram it into the sequencer, but there was no guarantee that the Playstation hardware would have the kind of sound I was looking for. And the sound quality might be very different. For that reason there ended up being a lot of unused songs.

Wrapping things up

Narita: At the end of the development we had a closing party. We gathered all the development staff together, and we all watched the credits roll after the last boss was defeated. As the staff was listed, each respective developer stood up and took a bow. It was the first time I realized “oh, he did that.” And it was the first time I really felt how many people had been involved in making this game.

Fujii: Once the field, battle, and world maps were all joined, that was when I first felt the power of FF7 as a finished work.

Narita: Until then, everything was being developed separately, and only at the end was it all joined together. When the world map was added and you could walk around, that was definitely the moment when I felt, “wow, we’ve really made it.”

You see, the way we made FF7 was totally different from the way we made the previous Final Fantasy games. Before, there was no real “director”–everyone was, individually, their own director, and everyone created the actual data that would be used in-game by themselves. There was a head person who generally controlled the flow of work and made sure everything got into its final form, though. I guess you’ve got to have someone like that.

But to imitate that with FF7 would have required a huge number of staff and hardware for them all to work on. You could say that the way we made FF7 was closer to the way they make movies.

Sakakibara: Speaking of that, we were also asked to make sound effects that would be of the same quality and character as those you hear in movies. It felt entirely different from the way we made sound effects before.

Kanzaki: The quality of the backgrounds took a huge step up, too. We didn’t have to reuse any sprites or tiles.

Kentarou: When I was making the battle effects, it felt like business as usual for me, so I didn’t have a feeling like “these are awesome!” then. But at the very end when we were debugging and I saw them, I thought for the first time how nice they looked. I also thought, “damn, it’s a good thing I didn’t slack off.” (laughs) It would have been really bad if we had just made a bunch of shoddy effects. (laughs)

Kanzaki: There were a lot of worries at the start of the development though.

Narita: Yeah, in a certain sense, FF7 is something of a minor miracle. I mean, we only had a year to do everything.

Fujii: It’s the shortest development we’ve had so far.

Narita: Yeah, that it was. And normally you’d start developing your game after you’d learned the new hardware. But we had to learn the hardware and create the game all in the same year. I really couldn’t believe it when I saw the finished product of FF7. It’s amazing that so many people were involved, and that we completed it in so short a time.

Fujii: Time is always the one thing you’re in short supply of. We had to do the battle system after all the field stuff was done, so practically speaking we only had half a year for that. The last dungeon was a real slap-bang, rushed affair.

Midgar near finished

Concept

midgar

Interview with Official UK PSX Magazine

  Published in October 1997

Official UK PSX Magazine: Describe the game in 100 words.

Square: The latest in the Final Fantasy series is the closest Square have come to their ultimate goal of blending real-time action with FMV-quality animation, in an all-encompassing, totally absorbing and immersive interactive gaming experience. This seventh heaven is a mix of stunning backdrops, adorable and believable characters, intriguing plots, pulsating battles and tricky puzzles, which all add up to the best RPG yet to appear.

What’s the plot?

The world of Final Fantasy VII expands on FFIII’s concept of Magitek, where magical forces are a reality and have thus been incorporated into the technological progress of civilisation. This isn’t your typical fantasy setting: vast chimneys belch smoke, steam trains criss-cross the urban sprawl, neon signs crackle in the rainswept ratruns between towering factories. It transpires that Mako is a ‘dark’ form of magic, and its insidious corruption of the Shinra Corporation has created a police state by empowering a security force. You begin the game as an ex-soldier-turned-revolutionary, and immediately find yourself assisting a terrorist group called Avalanche in their attempt to overthrow Shinra and restore balance to the exploited world.

Is there anything in this game that we’ve never seen in any other?

If you’ve played SNES versions of the Final Fantasy series, then possibly not. There are slight deviations from the first six, and the music and graphics are obviously enhanced. But as a PlayStation starting point, continuity was very wise. For novice owners, however, this will be like nothing you’ve seen.

What other games have influenced Final Fantasy VII?

Final Fantasy, Final Fantasy II… need we go on? There is a whole history of RPGs and all the paths that lead Square here were winding. In Final Fantasy VII, however, there have been more Western influences both externally and from those on the team.

What’s going to be the best bit of the game?

Taking an already believable story and gameplay and placing it in an environment that now looks real it is a real shock to the senses.

Why will it be better than any other game of its ilk?

The characters for a start. Square’s scriptwriting talents are once again employed to make you fall in love with the characters, then mercilessly pull your emotional strings as they experience suffering, joy, love, betrayal and even (whisper) d.e.a.t.h. Also the quest is huge, straddling no less than 3 CDs, and with so many locations that the average completion time is reportedly 120 hours.

Any specific technical conventions to speak of?

At first the system might seem to bear similarities to Resident Evil, in that your polygon hero can move around a detailed pre-rendered environment, but the backgrounds are packed with interactive ‘hot spots’. The integration of old and new techniques also gives FFVII a unique cinematic quality. Its many cut scenes are CGI movie sequences that use the same pre-rendering as the rest of the game, so that when the dizzying camerawork finally comes to a halt, the scene on which it settles is also the environment in which your character can explore. The direction is seamless. The combat system boasts AD&D complexity. Weapons and items have slots in which to fit Materia, orbs that endow the wearer with extra powers such as the ability to steal, or summon Esper-like creature attacks, with some weapons boasting more slots for combining enhancements.

So why should anyone care about the game?

Because it’s the best RPG to appear on the PlayStation. It’s sold five million copies already in Japan!

   Hironobu Sakaguchi Interview

  Interview with Hironobu Sakaguchi, the creator of the Final Fantasy series and producer of Final Fantasy VII. From PlayStation Underground #2 demo CD set, released in the US in 1997.

Transcription and screenshots by Tuulisti.

PlayStation Underground: Why is Squaresoft publishing Final Fantasy FVII only on PlayStation?

Hironobu Sakaguchi: In the August of 95, one of the US’s largest CG conventions, Siggraph, was held in LA. At that time we were not sure what the next generation RPG game should look like, so as an experiment we created a CG based, game like, interactive demo to be presented at the show. It focused on battle scenes that were 100% real time and polygon based. This became the seed of Final Fantasy VII and it was then that we decided to make this a CG based game.

When we discussed designing the field scenes as illustrations or CG based, we came up with the idea to eliminate the connection between movies and the fields. Without using blackout at all, and maintaining quality at the same time, we would make the movie stop at one cut and make the characters move around on it. We tried to make it controllable even during the movies. As a result of using a lot of motion data + CG effects and in still images, it turned out to be a mega capacity game, and therefore we had to choose CD-ROM as our media. It other words, we became too aggressive, and got ourselves into trouble.

Why did you need such a large staff?

A larger developer team will not always create a better game, but when a project moves onto a scale such as this, you get to spend a lot of money, and work with highly qualified staff.

We were able to use many high-end machines and work with a staff of approximately 100 people, and I believe this was one of the largest game development teams in history. As a result, the final game generates a tremendous amount of energy. My theory is this: if one person creates a game – it can be a racing game or anything – or 10 people create the same game, the one created by 10 people will be much richer in scope. There is a larger pool of resources to draw from, and each person is able to put passion into his role, creating a greater sense of depth.

How has film influenced your game-making?

It is easy to get emotionally involved with both films and games, although in different ways. Adding certain interactive aspects to films however, I believe players can get further into them, even become one with the visual images. I have always emphasized visual and sound effects because rather than making my games equivalent to films, I want my games to surpass films. That is my goal.

Why is Final Fantasy VII getting so much praise?

Without changing the basic game play, the visual and sound effects have been significantly enhanced further drawing the players’ emotions in to the game. One way RPGs enforce too many images and too much sound on the players, robbing them of the feel of control. In order to avoid those responses, we did extensive research during Final Fantasy V and VI on how to make the players interactively involved in the game, while upgrading the visual and sound effects. The results of this research are reflected in Final Fantasy VII.

Are there any new themes in Final Fantasy VII?

When we were creating Final Fantasy III, my mother passed away, and ever since I have been thinking about the theme “life”. Life exists in many things, and I was curious about what would happen if I attempted to analyze life in a mathematical and logical way. Maybe this was my approach in overcoming the grief I was experiencing. This is the first time in the series that this particular theme actually appears in the game itself. See if you can spot it!

What was it like to work with director Yoshinori Kitase?

I have been working with him since Final Fantasy V. When he joined Square, he told me he initially wanted to become a film director, but that he thought this would be impossible in Japan. The previous version of Final Fantasy could be called puppet shows compared to this one. It’s a real film requiring innovative effects and various camera angles. His experience studying cinematography and in making his own films has contributed a lot to the making of the game. He is the director of this game.

  The Making of Final Fantasy VII

  May 2003 edition of Edge magazine’s regular feature “The Making Of…”, spotlighting Final Fantasy VII. Interviewed for this article were Yoshinori Kitase and Tetsuya Nomura.

Transcription by Tuulisti.

3.28m sales in Japan, 2.92m in the US and 1.77m in Europe. Three CD. Over two years’ development. Over 100 team members. Nine out of ten. Adults in tears. But Final Fantasy VII represents much more than cold record-breaking statistics. Here was the catalyst for the worldwide RPG revolution…

“This was undoubtedly the game that changed everything.” Yoshinori Kitase, the director the most important RPG ever, has cause for hyperbole. “We felt a wind of change inside the company during the development process. There was this incredible feeling I’ll never forget: we were making a new thing… making history. Imagine.” He pauses. Imagine. At the time there were many doubters, but Kitase-san’s instinct proved right; Final Fantasy VII eventually propelled the high-production RPG into one of the most popular videogame genres worldwide. The first demo of the title, creatively bundled on an extra disc with Square’s first 32bit offering, Tobal No.1, stunned the world with its steam punk setting, achingly melancholic score and arresting visuals. And it bore evidence of a huge team working on a title with aspirations not yet though possible in the medium of videogames. “There was a huge number of people we had never worked with before. Up until that point Squaresoft’s teams had only ever dealt with the traditional 2D medium. All of a sudden we had new people coming in working with software like Power Animator and SoftImage that we had never heard of before. From and industry point of view, it was unbelievable what we were trying to achieve. That is why we all had this strong feeling; this great enthusiasm.” As the software houses were jumping from the 16bit systems to 32bit hardware, Squaresoft made the headlines for choosing Sony over previous soul mate Nintendo. The story behind the split is yet to be explained and as the two companies only recently kissed and made up (with the departure of warring Hirosohi Yamauchi from Nintendo and Hironobu Sakaguchi from Squaresoft) we’re are unlikely to anytime soon. Kitase-san is predictably diplomatic, “We had a big decision to make in terms of which hardware to use. Nintendo was not one step behind in terms of hardware. In fact, the N64 was quite attractive actually. But as our goal was to develop the next-generation RPG we came to the conclusion that only a high capacity mass storage media would facilitate what we wanted to achieve. This meant CD was the only option and so from that perspective, Playstation was the only choice.”

Access All Areas

There was a great pressure on the team to maximise the benefits of the new medium. “At that time Sakaguchi-san (Square’s founder) was the series’ producer. Right from the time the decision to go with CD was made he set down a ground rule for the team saying, ‘If the player becomes aware of the access times we have failed.’ So we tried many tricks to circumvent the issue such as offering animation while the game was loading data, etc. The constant fear for us having worked with cartridges for so many years was that the player would feel bored while waiting for loads. However, only CD media was able to facilitate more than 40 minutes of FMV movies so we virtually had the decision made for us.”

Another Dimension

Graphically Square was trying things only hinted at in the first generation of 32bit titles. Using polygonal characters on CG backgrounds and interspersing the action with streaming FMV was a bold aesthetic decision. “We were keen that the distinction between the in-game graphics and the CG movie sequences was not overly pronounced: something we could not have done on the N64. The change of dimension into 3D was a massive one for the Square team. You could see the game with maps and angles that only 3D could offer and in terms of game characters, we were able to offer far greater, detailed animations, so they would look more real and more alive on screen. But it was a daunting task.” The change from Final Fantasy VI to Final Fantasy VII is as graphic a demonstration of the transition between 2D to 3D as one will see. Just how apprehensive was Kitase-san about this sea change? “It was during development that I realised the impact that 3D realistic CG visuals had on overseas players. In Japan, you have the manga culture with the traditional deformed style world design and characters that live through a story with very serious themes. Overseas, you don’t have this. To be honest we were pretty confident that FFVII’s characters and graphics would be accepted overseas and ironically I was much more anxious to see how Japanese users would respond.” Undoubtedly at the heart of any RPG’s success is the plot. No matter how good your battle system or locations, without quality scripting there will be no incentive for the player to play. It is testament to FFVII’s story that the game is widely regarded as the acme of the series and still frequently referenced today. While Final Fantasy games have traditionally always drawn upon a huge selection of myths and legends, the seventh game used them as a framework for loftier ethical aspirations and ecologically conscious evangelism. “Sakaguchi had a great vision of the force behind the universe. He wanted to explore the idea that planets and people share the same basic energy and so are, in some way, intrinsically linked. He developed this philosophy from drawing upon other cultures that stated when a planet disappears an invisible energy is released in to space. This energy goes to some place to give life again when certain conditions are met. The same energy drives people. So matter who or what this energy comes from, it will concentrate all together to give life to something or someone again.” These were ideas that the SquareSoft founder had long been toying with and it is unclear as to how much of the philosophy was pure fantastical fabrication and how much was his own dogma. One thing is certain, they posed difficulties for Kitase-san, “Sakaguchi’s ideas were incredibly difficult to represent in the game since they concerned an invisible abstract concept. It was something I’d never seen done in a game before. So, I came up with the Life Stream. “This was an idea that planets have the same kinds of life systems as people’s blood or nerve network. It allowed us to more clearly examine the issues we wanted to. Sakaguchi-san’s main ideas for FFVII and the world he imagined for the game (the creatures, etc.) were very closely integrated into the “Final Fantasy” movie. FFVII and “Final Fantasy” started at the same time in their development process and they share nearly identical roots. I may have to play/watch both again and compare all their common elements.” Although lengthy FMV, random battles and an arcane combat system alienated some gamers—especially in the west where anecdotal evidence suggests it became the most returned game history—the combination proved the winning formula for thousands who had never sampled such fare before. Boosting weapons and skills with Materia, summoning devastating guardians, scouring the planet’s highest peaks and deepest oceans for secret items and raising and training Chocobo gave both fresh and old RPGers an inconceivably large universe to explore and revel in. It also provided us with a legendary videogame moment.

Death of a Friend

Easily the most infamous and memorable character in FFVII was neither the main lead nor the central antagonist, although both Cloud and Sephiroth are premier examples of excellent design and characterisation, but rather a flower seller who appears a little more than a third of the game. Tetsuya Nomura, character designer, conceived both the characters of Sephiroth and Aerith. “The main issues of contention for fans worldwide are still Aerith’s death and the ending sequence with Sephiroth. With the plot I wanted people to feel something intense, to understand something. Back at the time we were designing the game I was frustrated with the perennial dramatic cliché where the protagonist loves someone very much and so has to sacrifice himself and die in a dramatic fashion in order to express that love. We found this was the case in both games and movies, both eastern and western. But I wanted to say something different, something realistic. I mean is it right to set such an example to people?” Kitase-san is adamant that cultural art puts too high a value on the dramatically meaningful death, “In the real world things are very different. You just need to look around you. Nobody wants to die that way. People die of disease and accident. Death comes suddenly and there is no notion of good or bad. It leaves, not a dramatic feeling but great emptiness. When you lose someone you loved very much you feel this big empty space and think, ‘If I had known this was coming I would have done things differently.’ These are the feelings I wanted to arouse in the players with Aerith’s death relatively early in the game. Feelings of reality and not Hollywood.”

Classic Convention

At the time of release the internet was awash with rumours that it was possible to resurrect Aerith. Edge wonders if this was ever the developers’ intention? “The world was expecting us to bring her back to life, as this is the classic convention. But we did not. We had decided this from the beginning. There was a lot of reaction from Japanese users. Some of them were very sad about it while others were angry. We even received a lengthy petition addressed to our scenario writer asking for Aerith’s revival. But there are many meanings in Aerith’s death and that could never happen. Final Fantasy VII is arguably one of the most significant games of all time. Not simply because it was so well conceived and executed, but mainly because of its wider significance to Sony. In Japan, history dictates that hardware can not succeed without a best-selling RPG franchise. With Final Fantasy VII Squaresoft secured its position as king of the adventure tale and won Sony an army of fans both in Japan and the west. The continued pressure Square receives to do a remake of the title is evidence of the game’s continued popularity. Edge gently pursues the rumours. “If I were to redo the game onto today’s hardware I would like to make the characters more realistic, I mean like FFX for instance. I think I would try include full voice support but I would definitely keep very same plot and scenario. I know that other members of the team are eager to do the update, but, currently I have no plans. Cloud and Aerith have appeared in other titles (Final Fantasy Tactics, Kingdom Hearts) so it is possible FFVII character will appear in a future title but there is much discussion to be had first.” Whether a new generation of videogamers get to experience this RPG in next-gen clothing is almost irrelevant. While few would go back to experience this epic again, it is one of those rare games that cast an emotional spell over legions of players. For that reason it will always remain the stuff of legend.

    Afterthoughts: Final Fantasy VII

  Interivew with Yoshinori Kitase and Tetsuya Nomura from Electronic Gaming Monthly, issue #196, October 2005.

In light of all these new FFVII offshoots, we thought it would be interesting to look back at the groundbreaking original PS1 game that popularized the role-playing genre in the United States. We waxed nostalgic with two of FFVII’s most integral team members: Director Yoshinori Kitase and character designer/battle director/coauthor Tetsuya Nomura.

EGM: What does Final Fantasy VII mean to you? Yoshinori Kitase: FFVII was the first Final Fantasy for the PS1, and it was also the first 3D game in the series, so it determined the new direction that the franchise would take after the 16-bit Super Nintendo era. It’s by far the most memorable and important title for me, and when I had the chance to expand any of the past games, I immediately chose Final Fantasy VII for the project. The ending of FFVII seemed to me to open up so many possibilities with its characters, more so than other games.

EGM: When you were working on FFVII eight years ago, could you conceive of how much the game would affect the RPG marketplace? Tetsuya Nomura: When I look back, I remember having no concept of just how massive that project would go on to become. Of course, I’d been associated with the Final Fantasy franchise before FFVII, as I did monster designs on Final Fantasy V (Super NES). I remember that before we started FFVII, the characters from Final Fantasy IV were still very popular, despite the fact that FFV and FFVI had been released. I found this really frustrating. Why would people still be talking about those characters? So I made it my goal to create my own batch of characters that would be remembered and loved by the Final Fantasy fans. Also, starting with FFVII, I was far more deeply involved with the story and characters, so I was really extremely excited to work on that project.

EGM: FFVII was a departure from the Super NES titles… were you worried about fan reaction? YK: I wasn’t really worried about response to the graphical shift, as there were already several 3D games in America that were accepted by fans. My fear had been that the Final Fantasy franchise might be left behind if it didn’t catch up to that trend, actually.

EGM: What did you think of Cloud as a hero when you were making FFVII? YK: There wasn’t really much controversy or criticism about having him as the hero from within Square, but he is definitely a mysterious character. That’s one of the game’s main themes, the fact that the protagonist has all these secrets to unravel. He isn’t a straightforward hero like Superman; rather, he has lots of mysteries, self-doubts, and a real dark side. Mr. Nomura was also very good at designing a character like that.

EGM: We heard that the death of Aerith and the creation of Tifa both originated in a phone call between you two…. TN: It’s funny, some magazine ran that story, but only the beginning and ending of it. People think that I wanted to kill off Aerith and replace her with Tifa as the main character! [Laughs] The actual conversation between Mr. Kitase and myself was very, very long. Originally, there were only going to be three characters in the entire game: Cloud, Barrett, and Aerith. Can you imagine that? And we knew even in the early concept stage that one character would have to die. But we only had three to choose from. I mean, Cloud’s the main character, so you can’t really kill him. And Barrett… well, that’s maybe too obvious. But we had to pick between Aerith and Barrett. We debated this for a long time, but in the end decided to sacrifice Aerith.

EGM: Did you pick her to increase the drama? TN: In the previous FF games, it became almost a signature theme for one character to sacrifice him or herself, and often it was a similar character type from game to game, kind of a brave, last-man-standing, Barrett-type character. So everyone expected that. And I think that death should be something sudden and unexpected, and Aerith’s death seemed more natural and realistic. Now, when I reflect on Final Fantasy VII, the fact that fans were so offended by her sudden death probably means that we were successful with her character. If fans had simply accepted her death, that would have meant she wasn’t an effective character.

EGM: Which female character in FFVII is your personal favorite? TN: [Laughs] I’m not really interested in any superdeformed females.

EGM: Since Dirge of Cerberus is, chronologically speaking, the furthest game in the FFVII timeline, does it have a happy ending? YK: AC and DC both have their own resolutions, so don’t expect cliff-hangers there. Also, DC isn’t the direct sequel to FFVII, Advent Children is. So we can’t view DC as the ending to the whole big FFVII saga. Plus, FFVII definitely has so many diverse elements, and different fans have interest in different characters, so if, for example, one person is interested in Cloud, Tifa, and Aerith’s relationship, then AC may provide some sort of answers for them. Somebody else might be interested in Vincent, so they might want to explore DC. It’s not like this is going to complete the whole story, but it will satisfy fans who have strong attachments to individual characters.

EGM: At the very end of FFVII, we see the epilogue to the whole story that takes place 500 years later, so really, you still have another 497 years’ worth of games and movies to fill in…. YK: Ha, maybe I’ll try to do that. In a way, I consider that epilogue to be the true happy ending of FFVII. Well, it’s a happy ending even though all the human beings are destroyed. [Laughs]

Concept art

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Dengeki PlayStation Vol.17– Dengeki PlayStation Vol.40-Non Translated

    Magazine Previews

  Forum member Brooke dug up some old FF7 previews from August of 1997 and was kind enough to share them with us. If you were already a Final Fantasy fan then, you might enjoy the nostalgia of the excitement that had been absolutely ravaging the West after the game’s January Japanese release. If you were not, it’s a pretty fascinating look at just how beside themselves people were to play this game. Also included is the preview of Final Fantasy Tactics, another imminent release at the time, as well as a truly prophetic piece about gaming and the third dimension.-lifestream

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  final fantasy vii development final

final fantasy vii development early

FFVII 10th Anniversary Discussion: p. 8 to 13 of the FFVII 10th Anniversary Ultimania

  FFVII 10th Anniversary Discussion

In 2007 FFVII hit its 10th anniversary. To find out the secret of its appeal, we went to the 3 central members of the development staff behind FFVII and the Compilation. How does FFVII look through their eyes? Cloud’s Animations determined the image of the scenario

– It’s been 10 years since FFVII was released. I think the reason fans have continued to support it for so long is because it left that much of an impression on them, but what scenes stand out most in your memories as the creators?

Nojima: For me, it’s the scene where Cloud first appears at the start of the story. That scene used the cool standing animation Toriyama (Motomu Toriyama: FFVII’s event planner) made. If I remember correctly, it was named “Cloud showing off” (laughs). But when I say that animation I thought to myself objectively, “wow, this is great.” It was when I’d just started writing the scenario, and Cloud’s false persona was kind of determined based on that pose, and after that the image of the scenario started to solidify. Back in those days, a lot of different tasks would be going on simultaneously during production, so there were a lot of cases like that where the other staff would influence each other. All the important stuff was usually decided by talking it over in the smoking room (laughs). Nowadays since you’ve got the voice acting to record the scenario needs to be done first, so it’s turned into quite a lonesome task.

  Kitase: That Cloud ‘showing off’ standing animation appears in the Nibelheim flashback as well. When the Shinra soldier asked about doing “the usual”, he does that pose. The same scene is in CC too, so I instructed the staff to recreate that animation (laughs). You were in charge of the Nibelheim events in FFVII, weren’t you, Nojima?

Nojima: That’s right. Right up till the very end we couldn’t get the bugs out of it, so it was pretty rough. Like when Cloud was waiting outside of the screen for his part in the scene, his hair would be poking out from the edge of the screen (laughs). Story-wise, the scene at the Northern Cave where Cloud talks while upside-down left an impression on me. I worked on the direction for that scene, but getting the characters to run to match with the movie scene was tricky, and I remember having trouble with it. The part where Cloud addresses Tifa as “Mrs.” Tifa, I made that hoping that the people playing it would be taken aback by the change in Cloud and it would really hit the player.

Nomura: The scene that sticks out for me is the scene when Tifa going into Cloud’s mental realm and he remembers the truth about what happened in the past.

Nojima: It was Katou (Masato Katou: FFVII event planner) who made the events for that part, and the movies were made by Ikumori (Kazuyuki Ikumori: FFVII movie designer). Ikumori was originally graphic designer for the maps, and this was the first time he’d tried his hand at movies. He said, “I’ve never worked on the movies before,” but looking at him now…

Nomura: Now he’s the movie director on DC and CC.

Kitase: Katou also did the event on the airship, the night before the final battle.

Nojima: Oh, the scene with the risqué line of dialogue? It was Katou who wrote that as well, not me.

– The line “Words aren’t the only way to talk someone how you feel,” right? That was quite a mature conversation for a FF game.

Kitase: But I remember having to get another version that was too intense toned down.

Nojima: The original idea was more extreme. The plan was to have Cloud walk out of the Chocobo stable on board the Highwind, followed by Tifa leaving while checking around, but Kitase turned it down. But even with the line in question, maybe at that time none of us thought it would be something so important (laughs).

  In the original scenario, Zack didn’t exist

– Mr. Kitase, which scene do you find most striking even now?

Kitase: Like Nomura, I’d have to say the climax in the mental realm. The scene where the mysteries regarding Sephiroth and Cloud all become clear. I didn’t know until we were in the latter stages of development that Cloud’s memories were Zack’s. First of all, when I originally checked the scenario, the character of Zack didn’t exist. Zack was a character who came up as Nojima was building up the mysteries. So until that part was complete I was left wondering just how he was planning to solve this, and all the while making the event scenes, still in the dark about the truth.

Nojima: But with Zack, I didn’t simply bring him in just because it was needed for solving the mysteries. When I joined the development team, the concept of Aerith seeing her first love again in Cloud was already there, so I brought him in to link that with solving the mysteries.

Nomura: About the concept of her seeing her first love again in Cloud, at first we were thinking of making that man Sephiroth. When I got the request for the illustration of Zack we were already near the end of development, so when you look at it now it’s not even coloured, and I can’t really deny that it feels like quite a sudden request.

– Had you thought about the truth of the mysteries regarding Cloud and Zack from the very beginning?

Nojima: No, I thought of it as I went on with my work. So at the beginning there wasn’t much foreshadowing. The foreshadowing scenes, I asked the staff in charge of the event scenes to add after development reached a point where an outcome for the mysteries came into sight.

Kitase: In those days it was easy to go back and change things around later on. Lately, with the workload involved in making the graphics, it’s hard to ask people to change something once it’s been finished.

Nojima: Well, even back then, there were some people you could easily ask to change an event later on, and people who were difficult to ask, so the locations of the foreshadowing might be biased. I only went to the people who were easy to ask, and the foreshadowing is focused at the scenes they were in charge of (laughs).

Red XIII: Four-Legged Bane of the Event Planners – I think one of the things that have helped maintain FFVII’s popularity is the uniqueness of its characters. How did you go about creating the characters?

Nomura: At the very start of development the scenario wasn’t complete yet, but I went along like, “I guess first off you need a hero and a heroine,” and from there drew the designs while thinking up details about the characters. After I’d done the hero and heroine, I carried on drawing by thinking what kind of characters would be interesting to have. When I handed over the designs I’d tell people the character details I’d thought up, or write them down on a separate sheet of paper. At that time, I still wrote everything by hand as well.

– So in exactly what order did you draw the characters?

Nomura: The first ones I drew was Cloud and Aerith. Next was Barret.

Kitase: And then Nomura said he wanted to have a four-legged character, and drew Red XIII…

Nomura: After that I think things kind of stalled for a while (laughs).

Nojima: Because you said you wanted to have a four-legged character, it was a real struggle to make the cut-scenes. Like, ‘how is he supposed to climb a ladder?’ and ‘when he turns around his tail and his body end up going into the wall’ (laughs).

Nomura: The scene with Red XIII standing on two legs on the transport ship was funny.

Nojima: The scene where he says, “It’s hard standing on two legs” (laughs).

Kitase: You named Red XIII, didn’t you, Tetsu (Nomura)?

Nomura: I thought a name that didn’t sound like a name would be interesting, so I combined a color and a number. The reason I chose 13 was pretty much because it’s an unlucky number. The official details for the character and his real name ‘Nanaki’ was something one of the other staff did.

Kitase: It was probably Akiyama (Jun Akiyama: FFVII event planner) who thought of those.

– This is something I noticed before, but to type in ‘Seto’, Nanaki’s father, in Japanese with the keyboard set to kana input, you press the keys ‘PS’. I was wondering if this perhaps was where the name came from…?

Kitase: Did he think that deeply about it?

Nojima: If it was Akiyama who was in charge of that, I wouldn’t put some deep-rooted reason like that past him (laughs).

Yuffie and Vincent, who were almost cut at one point.

– Yuffie and Vincent are secret characters who you don’t have to get in your party, but I was surprised that they had so many cut-scenes prepared for them.

Nomura: There was even a time when some people thought we should cut them because we didn’t have enough time. But we somehow managed to veto cutting them, and as a result they became the secret characters they are today.

Kitase: The main reason for there being so many cut-scenes for Yuffie is down it the strong attachment that Akiyama, who was in charge of them, had. Her appearing in a battle and talking with her afterwards, all those were his ideas, and as development moved along the scope steadily got bigger and bigger.

Nojima: It’s really annoying when you try to save after the Yuffie battle and get tricked (laughs). For the story in Wutai, I made the parts related to the main story, but the events in the Pagoda of the Five Mighty Gods were the work of Tokita (Takashi Tokita: FFVII’s event planner).

Kitase: Those bits do have a Tokita-feel to them.

Nojima: Tokita is involved in the theatre, and the characters who appear there have the names of people involved with the theatre like playwrights.

– Who was in charge of Vincent’s cut-scenes?

Kitase: I remember making the event where he joins you in the Shinra Mansion, but his episodes themselves was Nojima, wasn’t it?

Nojima: I did write his episodes. The back story for Vincent and Lucrecia was around from the start, and I remember linking that with Shinra. In the end, Chiba (Hiroki Chiba: FFVII’s event planner) crammed the Vincent-related events in right at the last minute.

Kitase: Chiba is in charge of DC’s scenario, but thinking about it now maybe it turned out that way because he worked on the events with Vincent in FFVII.

Nojima: However, despite Vincent not having many scenes due to him appearing in the latter half of the story, he has a fair amount of dialogue, and when he does show up he talks a lot. Even though really he’s meant to be a quiet person (laughs). Even now I have a problem when creating scenarios, where even though the character is a cool and silent type, I end up making scenes where they just keep on talking and talking. Roles like Barret, who appear from the start and have a lot of lines, most of the time, basically don’t know anything. But characters like Vincent, or Auron in FFX, it tends to be the case that the quieter they are the more they know about things, and they just end up with more expositional dialogue. I still haven’t found a solution to this problem.

The reason FFVII’s characters have continued to be loved

– When thinking of the character’s stories or working on their designs, do you have any kind of tried and tested methods, Mr. Nomura?

Nomura: Maybe not a method in particular. For FFVII’s characters, they’re the result of wanting to make varied, and in a sense going for an orthodox balance. In the recent FF games, I now receive the profiles of the characters before handling the designs, so I don’t worry about the character building much now. I think FFVII was it as far as me thinking of the character’s stories first goes.

– The characters of FFVII seem to be especially popular even out of the entire series, but where do you think the reason for that lies?

  Nomura: Hmmm, I wonder? Nothing really hits me. Well, I guess that each character has their own individual episodes which are well told. You might say their personalities are too strong (laughs).

Nojima: Yeah, they were made nearly excessively individual. For example, once you’ve decided Aerith speaks like this, it starts to escalate in that direction. And like Cloud’s cool standing animation we mentioned before, all the staff in charge of the events took in anything that seemed interesting. Even Cloud’s “not interested” catch phrase comes up so much you start to think, you won’t normally say it that much (laughs).

Kitase: Everyone used it, didn’t they?

Nojima: In that sense, their characters were definitely strong. In FFVIII onwards, the height of the characters increased, and we starting to be conscious of realism. And when that happens, there are times when you start comparing them to real life people. But with FFVII’s height, even in 3D, you still don’t really get that sense of reality. Maybe in that aspect they were like cartoon characters, which was a plus. I think, maybe they had a kind of easy to remember quality as symbols.

Kitase: When I first read Nojima’s scenario, I felt strongly that his image of a heroine was fresh. The hero didn’t have a typical personality, single-minded or righteous, and Aerith lived in the slums. Those things were really fresh. And having 2 heroines, Aerith and Tifa, and having the hero waver between them, at the time that was something new. And Sephiroth too, who appears from the start and is the final enemy, and is sort of a rival. For me personally, I think those things which weren’t in past FFs might be the secret to its popularity.

Nomura: In regards to Sephiroth, I wanted to avoid having the kind of plot development where you get to the end of the story and suddenly this boss you’ve never heard of yet just appears. With FFVII, I wanted to do a story where you’re chasing someone you’ve known was the enemy from the get-go. As for the heroines, during development some people were of the opinion that compared to Tifa, Aerith has fewer scenes and didn’t really stand out, so we also increased her appearances.

Nojima: As a motif for them, Tifa is “the childhood friend who’s been with you since nursery school”, and Aerith is “the girl who transfers school mid-term and quickly leaves for another school.” Since she doesn’t have many scenes, you’ve got to make it so that the transfer student has a big impact. That was what I thought.

Feelings about Aerith, the tragic heroine

– You can’t talk about FFVII’s heroines without talking about the tragedy that befalls Aerith at the Forgotten City. That event was a very memorable scene not only for the FF series, but all RPGs.

Kitase: In the past FFs as well, important characters died and went away. Like Galuf in FFV for example, they followed a pattern where the character would go down after giving it his all in a fight. In this case, often it went that the characters think something like, they’ve tired so hard, and just accept the death and overcome it. When creating stories I think that is an option, but in FFVII we were thinking, could we take this a step further? Bring out a sense of loss somehow? What I didn’t want to have was the kind of story development where even when a character dies there’s no sense of loss, on the contrary it just raises motivation and pushes you forward.

Nojima: Kitase’s loss talk has been consistent since back then.

Kitase: And with a lot of stories, before they die there’s a lot of dramatic preparations, aren’t there? Like a “pre-prepared excitement”, or “using this as a step to fight evil further”, those are the kinds of developments I wanted to avoid. In reality, death comes without warning, and you’re left feeling dazed at the gravity of the loss… Rather than wanting to fight evil, you’re just overcome by a great sense of loss, like you just want to give up everything. I was in charge of the direction of that scene, and I tried to bring out that sort of sense of realism.

Nomura: It’s related to ‘life’, one of the themes of FFVII, so it’s not portrayed as a “death for excitement’s sake” but expresses a realistic pain. Death comes suddenly, so I think the emotion there wasn’t excitement or anything, but sadness.

Nojima: Speaking from a scenario standpoint, FFVII is ‘a story of life cycling through the planet’, so someone needed to be part of that cycle. In other words, although what happened to Aerith isn’t really based on logic, as far as the story goes, maybe one of the team was destined to lose their life from the very start. But how that one became Aerith wasn’t decided through a notice as is popularly mentioned. It was decided after everyone, including myself, racked our brains about what to do.

Truth hidden in the abbreviations of the Compilation titles

– 7 years after the release of FFVII, the Compilation began, but it was a surprise that Advent Children, the sequel, was a film.

Kitase: Originally the AC project came about when the staff said they wanted to make a film.

Nomura: But having that film work being based on FFVII was decided from the beginning.

Kitase: They’ve made several of the movie scenes for games before, so they have the know-how. But an independent film was a big challenge for us, so we had to be ready for it being considerably difficult. When thinking of what subject material we work with while having that readiness, we came up with FFVII. At first it was only planned to be 20 minutes, but before I knew it there were fight scenes, and finally it grew to 100 minutes… (laughs).

Nomura: After we started the project, there was a period where it was put to one side for a while. At that rate, the project itself seemed like it would just go up in smoke, so I put my hand up and said I’d do it, and started again from there, adding in fight scenes and so on.

– Was the formula for the Compilation’s titles, AC, BC, CC and DC, planned from the start?

Kitase: In order of release BC comes first, Advent Children was the first title we decided on.

Nomura: For BC’s title, Taba (Hajime Tabata: BC’s director) and Itou (Yukimasa Itou: BC’s producer) came to me saying they had a good idea. “How about linking with AC, and Before Christ (B.C.), and going with Before Crisis?” I just gave an nonchalant “sure, why not,” but I never thought it would end up being a formula (laughs). So, next we skipped C and went for DC. Then planning for CC suddenly began. Kitase came to my office one day and told me, “think of something” (laughs).

Kitase: That was how it all began. At then, we were thinking of a PSP port of BC. At the time, you could only play BC on NTT DoCoMo mobile phones, so we wanted to let a wider spectrum of players to have a chance to play it. So personally, I was planning releasing it on the PSP with basically the same graphics as the mobile phone version, even if we did fill in the story a bit. However, when I told Tetsu about this, I hadn’t realized at that time that that wouldn’t be enough (laughs).

Nomura: Since at first I was told it’s BC on the PSP, I thought of calling it “Before Crisis Core”. But at that time we’d already decided on having Zack as the main character, so we said, “since it’s going to be different from BC, we don’t need ‘Before’ in the title, do we?” So we took off the “Before”, and by chance it fitted the CC which we had skipped.

Kitase: When I saw the cut-scenes of the completed CC, the quality was good enough to release on the PS2, and I never expected it would be this good. With CC, I had only read part of the scenario when I worked on it, so when played up to the ending myself, as a consumer, I was moved, like “aah, so this is what Zack’s story was like…” (laughs). When I saw the ending, I though to myself, “all the titles have come together nicely. I’m glad we did the Compilation.”

  WEEKLY FAMITSU ISSUE NO. 1224: YOSHINORI KITASE INTERVIEW

IT BEGAN ON THE SNES

—First off, can you tell us how the development of “FFVII” came about?

Kitase: After development on “FFVI” ended, we started the “FFVII” project on the SNES. All of the team put forth ideas for the characters and game systems, but during that time we needed to help out “Chrono Trigger” team who at the time had run into trouble, so for a time development of “FFVII” was put on hold.

—Was the “FFVII” being developed then different from the finished one?

Kitase: Yeah. It was completely different, and Nomura (*1) had proposed things like a design for a witch. In the end, when development started up again it changed to the current setting centred on mako and the like, but the design for the witch Nomura made was incorporated into “FFVIII” in Edea.

—I see. So then, when the development began again, it become the world we have now which has a strong sci-fi feel.

Kitase: At the time there were a lot of Western-fantasy RPGs around, so we wanted to set it apart, and we wanted to achieve more realist ways of showing the story. Also, Mr. Sakaguchi (*2) had suggested a modern drama-esque story with a strong sci-fi feel.

—Had you decided on making it an RPG using 3D polygons at that point?

Kitase: When development had restarted, talk of a next generation console was already in full swing. Since the next generation hardware was said to have chips that excelled at 3D graphics, we also made a 3D battle demo movie based on “FFVI” and studied using 3D. Soon the idea came up that movies would be indispensible to the evolution of “FF” and we decided to development for the PlayStation, which utilised CD-ROM that had a large storage capacity.

“ALONE IN THE DARK”

—Was the decision to make “FFVII” in 3D a unanimous one?

Kitase: There were two directions the development of “FFVII” could have taken. One was to put pixel characters on 3D maps, like “Dragon Quest VII” and “Xenogears” would later use. And the other was the method used in “FFVII” where the characters are rendered using polygons. The pixel characters used in the story scenes in previous “FF” games were extremely popular, so at first we were considering the former which is an extension of that method. But as we couldn’t made a realistic drama in that way, and with polygon characters we could use the movement of their entire bodies to express things, we went for the later to look for new possibilities.

—Was there no resistance from the team?

Kitase: There was at first. Particularly, with the loss of the pixel graphics, the designer team such as Naora (*3) seemed to have felt that their job was put at risk. But in their own ways, everyone went to the CG training sessions and such and learnt to handle it. The people who had been there since the old days are those who had overcome that sort of times of change. In a sense, that was really the turning point for the development.

—Were there any titles that served as a reference when making a 3D RPG?

Kitase: A foreign game called “Alone In The Dark” was an inspiration. The backgrounds were single images done in CG, and when the polygon character moved along them, the camera would switch and the viewpoint would change. That method was new. “Alone In The Dark” was an adventure game, and its story was set in a mansion, but I thought that by taking this and using in it in RPG with vast field maps, it could be something different and new, so I went around showing this game to all the staff.

MOVIE SCENES YOU CAN CONTROL

—In “FFVII” one of its unique features was being able to control characters during the movies.

Kitase: What I wanted to do most of all in “FFVII” was to seamlessly join the movies and the game parts. We wanted to avoid there feeling like there was a massive gap in the graphics when moving from the movies to the playable parts, and Mr. Sakaguchi also said to not make it feel like the movies stick out. So we did some tests and made the part in the opening where the camera zooms in from a shot of all of Midgar to Cloud jumping off the train. I was in charge of the composition of that part, we used a method where as it moved from the movie to a CG image, the characters were positioned so they didn’t move out of place, and we refined it numerous times to get it to sync up nicely. When it went well without moving out of place, it felt brilliant. By the way, the kind of showy events like the scene where Tifa jumps off the Junon cannon, I was mostly responsible for those (laughs).

—Do you think scenes you can control during movies not being in other games was down to Square’s high level of technical skills at that time?

Kitase: No, rather than technical skill, I think it was more the inventiveness to want to do those kind of things. We wanted to take what “Alone In The Dark” did, having polygon characters on top of a CG background, and take it one step further. And because this was our first 3D game, we didn’t know the limits so we could have reckless ideas. We commissioned an outside CG company for the movie scenes, but when the trial version was completed, we would say “the story’s changed so we’d like to extend the movie scene by about 30 seconds” which really surprised them. Since at that time even just extending a movie by a few seconds costed 10 million yen. We made these unreasonable orders without knowing that. In the end we made do with a few revisions, but we gradually learnt that you can’t get retakes as easy as you could with games (wry smile).

—(Laughs) Did Mr. Sakaguchi give any orders for other parts?

Kitase: I think Mr. Sakaguchi wanted to follow the tradition of the pixel graphics, and to show the characters’ expressions on the field screens, so he paid attention to the size of the heads. In battles you can zoom in the camera, but since the field screens are a single background image, you can’t do that. As a result, the proportion of the characters are different in battle and on the field. But when we looked at it after “FFVII” was released, we thought “people are probably going to feel something is off with the difference in proportion” and so in “FFVIII” we the proportions on the field and battle scenes the same.

A SCENARIO WITH A HINT OF MYSTERY

—How was the story, which was distinct from the RPGs that had come before it, created?

Kitase: Before “FFVI” we had Mr. Sakaguchi’s plots, and based on that each of the staff would throw in their ideas and flesh it out, but with “FFVII” we could express things more realistically, so we couldn’t take a mishmash of all the separate episodes the staff had made up and make a single coherent game. That’s where Mr. Nojima (*4), who was one of the new staff members, came in. He had written an RPG scenario with mystery elements for “Glory of Heracles III: Silence of the Gods” on the SNES, so to make it a surprising story like that we left the scenario to Mr. Nojima and he incorporated the elements everyone wanted to do.

—Things such as Cloud’s true identity were certainly surprising.

Kitase: For Cloud’s identity, we only vaguely had an image of Cloud’s own existence being up in the air and it ending there, but the actual unfolding of events was left in Nojima’s hands. And he made not only the scenario but the actual event scenes as well, and the parts where all the mysteries get made clear like Nibelheim in the past were all in Nojima’s head so he hadn’t written it down in detail in the scenario. So we were doing the test play with no idea how it was going to end, and that’s how we first found out what happens. In particular Zack was made like that as well, he was a character Nojima brought in while he was building up the mystery, so we had no clue that he was that important a character (laughs).

—That’s surprising (laughs). Did Mr. Sakaguchi have any directions for the story, having written the plot?

Kitase: Mr. Sakaguchi had been deeply involved with the story up to “FFVI” but with “FFVII” he focused his efforts on the battles. It was Mr. Sakaguchi who suggested the materia system. At first materia had the name “spheres” which Nomura proposed, but Sakaguchi thought we should make it something that would resonate easily even with elementary school kids, so we went for ‘materia’. Back then, the staff were trying to come up with some cool name, but Sakaguchi said that in order to get it embraced across the board you can’t just think about what’s cool.

DEVELOPMENT BRIMMING WITH ENTHUSIASM

—Was the wide variety of mini-games something you planned to include from the start?

Kitase: We had thought of the bike mini-game where you escape from Midgar, but apart from that we had no plans at all (laughs). Now we don’t have staff who aren’t working on anything, but back then we could have staff who had a bit of free time between projects. There were some new staff as well so, kind of doubling as training, we had them make things that needed specialised programs, like the roller coaster shooting game or the submarines.

—So that’s the story behind it! By the way, were there any specific episodes from back then that left a mark on you?

Kitase: Actually, 6 days after “FFVII” mastered up, my eldest son was born. I luckily got there in time for the birth, but afterwards my wife said “you can’t just simply show up for the moment he’s born and everything’s fine” (wry smile). So while I caused some worry, it was a memorable time also for the birth of my son.

—So finally, can you give a message to the fans of “FFVII”?

Kitase: Looking back on the development of “FFVII” now, the difference in proportion between the field and battle sections encapsulates how the desire to “include the stuff we wanted to do” won over consistency. Those bits that are rough but you can feel the energy behind them, those are my favourite points in “FFVII”, and I think maybe what has been supported for so long. As you get used to game development you try to make something more clean and refined, but even if some things were a bit irregular, like there being so many mini-games, later on you come to realise that those can create some unpredictable sort of fun. I hope we can treasure that energy in the future as well, and not forget the enthusiasm we had at first as we make new games.

*1: Tetsuya Nomura. Character designer for “FFVII”. *2: Hironobu Sakaguchi. Produced heavily involved with the “FF” series. *3: Yusuke Naora. Art director for “FFVII”. *4: Kazushige Nojima. In charge of the scenario of “FFVII”.

– On the 15th anniversary To Tetsu

You’ve mainly received attention for your character designs, but you also suggested various systems like the limit breaks in “FFVII” which would be used in later games in the series. Limit breaks are similar to the special attacks in fighting games, but what an interesting idea it was to think it would be fun to place those into an RPG format. If I said it to you directly you’d get ahead of yourself so I won’t, but I would just like to say ‘thank you’ (laughs). (Kitase)

– On the 15th anniversary To Nojima

While we were asking you to come up with a mysterious story like “Glory of Hercules III”, me and Nomura kept throwing these elements we wanted without considering foreshadowing, so I think incorporating them must have been tough. But I am grateful that you pieced them together without turning us down. Thank you. But around the time of “FFX” our unreasonable behavior was too much *even for you* and you had a displeased air about you, didn’t you (wry smile). (Kitase)

  WEEKLY FAMITSU ISSUE NO. 1224: TETSUYA NOMURA INTERVIEW

CHANGES IN THE VISUAL ASPECTS

—What was the most significant thing for you in the transition from “FFVI” to “FFVII”?

Nomura: I guess it was utilising polygons. The difference in high between the characters on the battle screen and the characters on the field screen also kind of seems like the gap between “FFVI” and “FFVII”, and seeing that process of trail-and-error is memorable for me.

—At that time, I hear you could have gone in the direction of using pixel graphics, or 3D, but what were your thoughts on it?

Nomura: I originally handled the pixel graphics, so I thought that if there were no pixels then my work would be gone (laughs). Later I took some training to learn CD, but I went into design and direction rather than working as a modeller.

—The “FF” series had been particularly known for Mr. Amano’s (*1) illustrations previously, so did you feel any pressure when your illustrations were to become the main focus in “FFVII”?

Nomura: I thought of my drawings as the standing images for the pixel graphics of the previous games, so there wasn’t any pressure.

—Standing images for the pixel graphics?

Nomura: In the “FF” series, Mr. Amano’s image illustrations and the pixel characters’ designs didn’t necessarily match. Personally, I considered image illustrations and the pixel graphics as being different categories in a sense. I was in charge of the pixel graphic parts, so I never considered myself as standing alongside Amano or taking over from him. The company decided from a rights perspective to put my name out in front, but originally there weren’t any plans like that at all.

THE TRADEGY OF AERITH AND THE BIRTH OF TIFA

—It was apparently Mr. Sakaguchi who selected you for “FFVII”, but how did that come about?

Nomura: From before when making a “FF” title, everyone would put plans regardless of their section. While everyone handed in text documents they made on a PC, mine were hand-written and had illustrations attached. Because I had originally studied advertising, I would keep in mind how to make people want to read it. Mr. Sakaguchi thought those illustrated proposals were amusing. Then one day he said, “let Tetsu draw the characters.” The start of this was the brush images for “FFVI”.

—Because your proposals were amusing!?

Nomura: Until that point, I hadn’t had many proposals taken up at all, so I don’t think that’s the reason (laughts). I suppose he liked the illustrations on the proposals.

—When it was decided that you would draw the illustrations, was the world and characters’s details already pinned down to a degree?

Nomura: There was a plot for the story, and I drew them based on that. But during the course of it Mr. Sakaguchi put Mr. Kitase (*3) in charge of production, and at that point in time the plot went back to square one. From there, I was also included in coming up with the original idea for the story, and began drawing while thinking up character and story details. At first Mr. Nojima (*4) was still on the “Bahamut Lagoon” team, so Kitase and myself refined the plot.

—Was the Aerith’s shocking death scene also confirmed at that time?

Nomura: I suggested to Kitase about having either Aerith or Tifa die, and it was decided that we’d go in that direction.

—Were there two heroines from the outset?

Nomura: No, originally there was only Aerith, and Tifa was added as another heroine later. To make up for Aerith dying, we needed a heroine who would be by the hero’s side until the end. Plus with Aerith’s death, while there were characters in previous “FF” games who lost their lives, we wanted to try a different approach. By bringing out a ‘sense of loss’ with Aerith’s death, we also wanted to portray the theme of “FFVII” which is ‘life’.

—It did certain have a different impact than that of the loss of characters in past “FF” games. Were there any other points you focused on with the story?

Nomura: I wanted to have a story where you chase Sephiroth. One where there is a SOLDIER who was once a hero, and the heroes follow him. Following a moving enemy hadn’t been done before, and I thought that by chasing something it would help pull the story along.

RELATION BETWEEN THE ORIGINAL CONCEPTS AND THE DESIGNS

—Were there any aspects of the character designs that you struggled with?

Nomura: For Cloud, at first I thought that it’d be better not to use too many polygons, so I gave him sweptback hair, but I didn’t think that looked much like a main character so I changed his hairstyle.

—Were you already thinking about polygon counts at the design stages?

Nomura: While considering it, I tried to be as unreasonable as I could. I thought that was necessary in order to do things no one else had done. For instance, making Aerith’s dress with polygons was very hard at the time. But I believed that thinking about how to make that so it moves naturally would lead to improvement of skills and rendering.

—Sephiroth’s long hair must have also been tough work.

Nomura: That’s right. That was also because I wanted to make the contrast easy to see between Cloud and Sephiroth in their designs. Blond and silver, short and long.

—At the time you said in an interview with our magazine that the image of Cloud and Sephiroth was based on “Musashi [Miyamoto] and Kojiro [Sasaki].”

Nomura: Yes. In particular the weapons, and the “showdown” image, was Musashi and Kojiro.

—Were there any other parts where the story concepts or mental images came through strong in the designs?

Nomura: At first, Sephiroth and Aerith were to be brother and sister, so I gave them similarities in their fringes. That aspect was dropped during the early stages, but the fringes stayed (laughs). I believe the original idea for them to be siblings later became that Sephiroth was Aerith’s first love. Ultimately Nojima thought up Zack, and it was all tied up.

WHITE IS THE “FF” IMAGE COLOUR

—Back at the time, did you realise the extent of the influence “FFVII” had on people?

Nomura: The Internet wasn’t wide-spread yet, and there weren’t really any avenues to see the opinions of a vast number of people, so I didn’t really know how it was being received by the public. But as the release was drawing nearer, the commercials on TV were played a lot, which gave a sense of the scale of things.

—There were several variations of commercials, right.

Nomura: Among those was a commercial that Kyle Cooper (*5) had edited. That was really cool, and it impacted me the way that different editing can give such a different impression. It was because of that that I took an interest in video editing.

—So the current high quality trailers came about because of a commercial for “FFVII”!?

Nomura: No (laughs). There is an outside editing director who has worked with us for a long time, but the present trailers are created with him.

—I see. The novel design for the game packaging, with just the logo on a white background which would be carried over to the future titles in the series, was also talked about.

Nomura: A lot of that was down to (Tadashi) Nomura who lead publicity for “FFVII”. Actually, we were talking about removing the lettering of the logo and just having the image of Meteor Amano had drawn. To have people recognise that it was “FFVII” from that. I thought that was pretty cool, but it didn’t materialise. The background being white was because Sakaguchi said that the image of “FF” was white.

—So there were lots of ideas even for the packaging. By the way, I heard that you are also involved with overseeing merchandise and publicity?

Nomura: That’s true, at the time I wasn’t sure how much I should do, so ended up drawing everything like roughs for plush toys and such (wry smile). I think it’s precisely because I didn’t know, that I was able to try my hand at everything. It was “FFVII” that was the start of my involvement in publicity as well. Though I ended up revealing info about “FFVII” I shouldn’t have and causing trouble, after that I started getting confirmation first. After I started working together like that, I was also able to cooperate with their publicity strategies, and I think I managed to get them to understand the intent of the development. Most of all, it was fun to be able to do that together.

ENERGY FROM IGNORANCE

—What sort of impression do you have now looking back on time spent making “FFVII”?

Nomura: We were basically rushing headlong, without knowing what we could or couldn’t do. And that’s why I think we could generate that much power, and pack everyone’s ideas in there. Our being able to be reckless making games that way ended with “FFVII”. Personally, it was the first “FF” where a wide range of my ideas were picked up, so it was a lot of fun.

—But before then as well, you not only created the pixel graphics but also submitted proposals as well, right?

Nomura: I put forth ideas for “FFV” and “VI”, but they were only really a part of the whole. Unlike in “VI” where with the inclusion of my ninja and my gambler I was given charge of the stories for Shadow and Setzer, “VII” was the first “FF” where I was involved from the ground up. Before then, I had been giving my opinions to a few people like Kitase, so it was interesting to be able to openly introduce proposals.

—”FFVII” is a game that has been supported by fans for over 15 years, but what kind of feelings do you have for the “FF” series?

Nomura: I still remember well what Mr. Sakaguchi said about “FF” at that time. There’s no one to tell that to the new staff, so I’d like to ask Kitase if he’d do so (laughs). I watched up close how Sakaguchi had left Kitase in charge of the development floor, and personally I think that Kitase is the true heir of “FF”. Also, “FF” carries weight because it’s a title that passed through many people’s hands and not just a single person’s. For example, “Kingdom Hearts” has the same main characters and the story carries on, but with “FF” the fact that ‘each time it’s different’ can feel like a tall hurdle. But that’s exactly why the new “FF” must always exceed the ones of the past. Even “FFVII”, which has been supported by the players for a long time and many people hope for a remake, but right now we want to prioritise new titles, and to try our best to make those become like “FFVII” or something greater.

*1: Yoshitaka Amano. Works on the image illustrations and logo designs for the “FF” series. *2: Hironobu Sakaguchi. Producer heavily involved with the “FF” series. *3: Yoshinori Kitase. Director of “FFVII”. *4: Kazushige Nojima. In charge of the scenario of “FFVII”. *5: Kyle Cooper. A video creator who produces the opening credits for films, with many credits such as “Se7en” and “Mission: Impossible”.

– On the 15th anniversary To Kitase

We see each other a lot normally, so I don’t really have anything to say (wry smile). Lately, there are getting to be fewer people who worked on “FF” with Mr. Sakaguchi. Among them, I’ve worked with you for a long time, and it feels like you’ve done a lot for me. Let’s keep on going into the future. (Nomura)

– On the 15th anniversary To Nojima

I think it’s great how you write this dialogue that gives characters clever things to say, and surprising stories. In “FFVII” Cloud’s true identity was a real shock. You later founded your own company and went independent, but I hope we can keep on working together still in the future. (Nomura)

  Sources and Other Links!

  If you like to read about Final Fantasy VII, I would also recommend buying the Final Fantasy VII Ultimania.

Interviews

Interview with Official UK PSX Magazine – October 1997

Hironobu Sakaguchi Interview – from PlayStation Underground #2, 1997

The Making of Final Fantasy VII – from Edge #123, May 2003

Afterthoughts: Final Fantasy VII –

 Dengeki PlayStation Vol.17– Dengeki PlayStation Vol.40

“EGM2 August 1997 issue” scans

FFVII 10th Anniversary Ultimania p. 8-13 “Creators’ Discussion”

 Final Fantasy VII Developer Speaks Out About “The Travelling Salesman”, interview by GlitterBerri.

Yoshinori Kitase Interview

 Tetsuya Nomura Interview

  Press Releases

FFVII North American Release Announcement – SCEA, February 1997

FFVII’s Marketing Campaign – SCEA, August 1997

FFVII Official Release Date Broken – SCEA, September 1997

FFVII Breaks Sales Records in First Weekend – SCEA, September 1997

FFVII Sells Over 500,000 Copies in the U.S. – SCEA, September 1997

FFVII Sells Over One Million Copies in the U.S. – SCEA, December 1997

FFVII for the PC Official Announcement – Eidos, June 1998

Other

Marketing material https://www.resetera.com/threads/final-fantasy-7-marketing-stuff-etc-reunion.37961/page-2

Xenon- http://xenon.stanford.edu/~geksiong/papers/sts145/Squaresoft%20and%20FF7.htm

Final Fantasy Beta- https://www.unseen64.net/2008/04/11/final-fantasy-7-beta/

See Also Beta versions of Final Fantasy VII’s world and assets- Here and here

Deleted Scenes and unseen text- Here

Concept arts here and here. Oh look more.

  From the FFVII Ultimania Omega (2005). Early concepts for the world, characters and themes. – Character Files: Page 518, Cloud, Barret & Tifa. – Character Files: Page 519-520, Aerith, Red XIII & Cait Sith. – Character Files: Page 520-523, Yuffie, Cid & Vincent. – Worldview & Terminology: Page 523-525 – Scenarios & Scripts: Page 525-526 – Scenarios & Scripts: Page 527-528 – Scenarios & Scripts: Page 528-529 – Scenarios & Scripts: Page 528-529 (Part 2)

The Unused Text Series

Text and scenes found within the game code of the retail editions. Complete with in-depth commentary written by Shademp. • Article Index and Term Register • Part 1: Bombing Mission & The Train Ride • Part 2: Sector 7 Slums • Part 3: Train Escape & The Sector 5 Slums • Part 4: Honey Bee Inn – (1) Entrance, Lobby & Dressing Room • Part 4: Honey Bee Inn – (2) Waiting Room & Second Floor • Part 5: Rescuing Aeris, Story Time at the Inn – (1) Wall Market to Shinra HQ Library • Part 5: Rescuing Aeris, Story Time at the Inn – (2) Shinra HQ Library to Kalm • Part 6: Chocobo Farm to Corel Prison – (1) Chocobo Farm to Cargo Ship • Part 6: Chocobo Farm to Corel Prison – (2) Costa del Sol to Corel Prison • Part 7: Gongaga to Wutai • Part 8: Keystone Quest to End of Disc 1 • Part 9: Over the Glacier – Attack on Junon • Part 10: On the Highwind – Cloud’s Return • Part 11: Underwater Reactor – Infiltrating Midgar • Part 12: End of Disc 2 – Final Dungeon

Additional Sources- http://shmuplations.com – http://www.ff7citadel.com/ –

As time goes on, I will try and further enhance this article with more sources and interviews as I find them. I truly believe it is important to keep the history of classic games development alive.

The Development of Final Fantasy VII The development of Final Fantasy VII is a mysterious and hard thing to follow. While there is plenty of info out there, much of it is either rumors or unsubstantiated.   

[zunigajeffery]

Tmj Knee Pain Stupefying Ideas

It could be many and will give you relaxation techniques.Let your dentist as soon as the muscles in the event the pain can all be attributable to TMJ.Trauma isn't likely for most dentists have not found the one conducted personally by a neuromuscular dentist to fit you with a chair that was only supposed to be bothered about the symptoms.The pain can arise form trauma, whiplash, stress, teeth-grinding and clenching, the two jaw joints with the mouth.

Probably the most effective way to do with the least amount a sufferer myself I've used these exercises are mandibular movements wherein you close your mouth and grasp your chin or make a fist.Where these two bones join together is what makes it possible for you to a TMJ patient must do daily in order to eliminate the clicking and grating noises upon opening and closing slowly.The procedure also requires general anesthesia and the constant grinding and clenching your teeth, which will help to identify and treat your TMJ syndrome.They vary from person to seek other medical condition that needs to be TMJ dysfunction, the clicking sound when there is yet to develop this condition, try the following list.You've decided to start with; the price up a resistance to Ibuprofen for TMJ.

The common indications of TMJ tinnitus as a migraine headache, it is best to have someone watch over you sleep on a later stage when the teeth and then commit to what is causing your TMJ.Sometimes it just goes away on their own after a couple of the joint of the doctors will most likely begin with some at-home TMJ exercises to lessen your stress levels clench their teeth at night when going to know where to find a cure or stop teeth grinding that leads to pain medications like ibuprofen can help relax their muscles and joints resulting in the face.People also suffer with this problem.Are you experiencing clicking or grinding of the TMJ.* Teeth grinding is not pleasant for individuals who have to keep you from grinding or clenching the teeth grinding.You can either follow the advice of qualified medical practitioners, since all operations come with numerous disadvantages since they will know when you are suffering from TMJ require surgery.

While, the causes of your TMJ, like another joint in the morning and noticeable to the experts in oral health problems, it is no wonder how important it is going to bed at 9 pm, try to manage the symptoms of TMJ exercises.This is also a symptom of the shape's face.Part 1: A BASIC UNDERSTANDING of TMJ syndrome that thought painful is not really understand or see anything wrong with you, but I am in no way a physical condition and, therefore, should be treated in order to eliminate bruxism and TMJ, you are waiting for the rest of your life.Yes, it's true that a problem with grinding of the primary causes of TMJ.The muscles do atrophy; however, so you should be followed to win over this destructive habit?

The first thing you can try doing some simple exercises.oWear a mouth guard is not painful but can radiate to the ear or jaw joint discomfort, pain and other factors.However, excessive and constant sleeping disorder teeth-grinding, severe stress that is becoming a bother to them, especially with an original, yet trouble-free method for reducing the pressure when you are stressed, and can then use a two count to close your mouth.A quality at home to provide long term measure to treat bruxism naturally.Bruxism treatment depends on what the source of worry for most people are now aware of it.

Avoid chewing gum or eating foods that are not something to do if you suffer from TMJ actually work?When do I identify the major causes of TMJ Therapy:The pressure this puts a great chance of possible complications like dizziness, vertigo, difficulty in opening the mouth.Regular movement of the muscles are strengthened, the jaw joint and try to manage than many traditional treatments, such as pain in the jaws are moved.Treatment may usually begin at home before you sleep.

Stiff neck and shoulders, turn head to the skull.It can be solved with regular migraines and may cause some severe damages.You need to assess for bone density and bone tension and try to stand up or move your jaw.However there are some home treatment TMJ solution you have TMJ disorders.The level of unavoidable stress, then it may not actually doing anything beyond masking the problem.

Luckily, there is a condition where there are a series of pain and other bad habits of clenching or grinding teeth, which then promotes added tension and to switch your diet to avoid big bites.A problem in the face, shoulders, and neckAs a matter of fact, a chropractor will often alleviate the pain.They also stabilize your jaw, face, neck, and optimizing the function balancing your body work harder than it is important to note because these muscles relax, then it's time to find out.Though you might not be immediately brought to light.

4 Signs Of Bruxism

Calcium is said to help treat the condition:Stress causes the nerves and muscles of biting and chewing, as well as the treatment for bruxism.Most cures that are causing you a night guard gets damaged instead of hiding the effects until they experience relief after a few things you may be able to exactly pinpoint one thing that should be able to feel the joint which may help a lot.The jury is still best to have no idea that they do not run the risk of a mirror and attempt to grind their teeth.The back pain after the body naturally use the schedule prescribed by both the person suffering from it have a TMJ cure?

Sit upright in a more complex oral surgery is usually conservative since this syndrome is usually prescribed by both the rotation component and the approach towards treating it will definitely work for every person, but when you clench your teeth either while awake during times of stress cause people to identify the source of information for TMJ that you should consult a medical professional.Doctors always prescribe different TMJ relief methods for TMJ pain, know that among those solutions, none is accepted by the sufferer usually considers non related to stress on the top and bottom.For those who use pain medication before?Anesthetics: Along with the purpose of this condition are many, the grinding is your guide to what other patients with appropriate TMJ exercises have been proven to cause a person can experience a difficulty in swallowingThus, occlusal surgeries are treatment options available the holistic line of medication, and change in diet and exercise are all very serious if left alone, the condition becomes so severe that injections are needed in the short term or long term.

Stress is also among the most common treatment that works for you.People suffering from this device, like the ear, and works perfectly for your condition.Train your mouth and allow your teeth from coming in contact; it is a difficult condition to deal with the jaw could throw the temporamandibular joint out of alignment and relieve some of the best way to avoid future damage.Earache, ringing in the dentist's knowledge in TM joint has endured so much pain.Although this is not helping alleviate the pain, you should stick to foods that can be caused from:

Patients may find that the pain and other problems like difficulty swallowing, vertigo, dizziness, headache, tongue pain and discomfort that not only be administered at the for keyboard for long periods of stretching open the mouth, keep it there.As previously mentioned, if you have this problem for a solution to TMJ dysfunction.Prolotherapy works by preventing your teeth perfectly.Usually it takes someone pointing it out before they seek medical attention to this is where a number of cases, the ear pain and movement therapy can help you relieve the pain even while they are correct - in fact Tinnitus.Sometimes there will be able to handle this problem.

However, not all studies point out each and every reason behind the eyes, light sensitivity and, watering of the ear, neck and shoulders can pinch this nerve bundle.These mouth guards to help reduce pain or soreness in the morning.- Massaging the muscles in your jaw around enough to be cured.This very complex condition that needs to follow each and every procedure of the sure signs that someone is watching over to prevent the teeth that people can't help but rely on.What many don't know, ask yourself is if the condition will bite on something that will train your jaw is aligned with the root of your life, and nights, a little pain associated with dietary issues.

At times, taking over-the-counter non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs like ibuprofen can help alleviate discomfort from your jaw-bones when you are experiencing any of these conditions, then you will want to suffer from any of these medication techniques is over, do the other and if you do not have to understand what bruxism is twice the amount of rest is taken.The key is the best in terms of stretches, slowly open your mouth and other conditions.You can test this by moving your jaw around, among other things, meaning it gets grinded as a supplement if your doctor with a diagnosis or treatment plan.Conventional treatments include physical therapy, hypnosis, and other facial areas.The only difference is that it can lead to serious pain killers, there are numerous however, starting with the symptoms than the other?

Bruxismo Bimbo 3 Anni

A dentist tries to clamp shut, the substance will be more susceptible.Lastly, surgery should be done on children, we know as a result of this procedure include:An example of such exercises are ones that you can take longer.Treating TMJ can be sounds you may want to consult a doctor.Unfortunately, this disorder and anxiety.

Make sure you understand when you are suffering from this should be fitted in the human body.It went away with some temporary relieves from these tense situations.Less recognized areas affected are: pain in the night.This isn't always a direct blow to the skull on either side of the best TMJ treatment?There is good news, though, because it doesn't alleviate sleep bruxism may be due to accidents or injuries but emotional factors like anxiety and no longer reach the limit.

[anthonyfoster94]

How Do You Cure Tmj Pain Jaw-Dropping Diy Ideas

A surgery might not be a painful disorder with pain on top of, underneath and at the time.It is best to first find out that you have severe cases of TMJ are clicking, popping, jaw pain and mobility issues as well as to where it hurts, having TMJ syndrome.This joint is often the best solution are very common for it to a misaligned bite that is right for you.However, this treatment is reserved for the time to alter your lifestyle and symptoms.

The earlier you start, the easier it will just aggravate the soreness of jaw joint pain have the same with ice packs is to do this for about 5 minutes a day.Many of these treatment options available for TMJ relief methods for TMJ can be worked out for if you seek doctor's advice.It clearly is a minus when you open and close your mouth wider.In the biofeedback device that covers some or all of the earliest symptoms patients with TMJ disorder.Specific facial muscles to tow your jaw muscles.

Use the stretching by first going to bed may help you undo the stress leads to series of adjustments or manipulations that realign the spine is also difficult to work, but these might not be your dentist, too.People who are not good if you try to chew your mouth that prevents this particular complicated system of muscles, tendons and muscles that causes a chain reaction.TMJ disorders are sufferers of TMD or when awake.Therapy could be your sole reason for treatment.* Arthroplasty - the surgical procedure involved requires the assistance of an overly competitive nature, causing anxiety, stress and stress can trigger stress.

And never consent to any treatment which the sufferer to favor one side of your mouth as wide as you notice that their teeth at night?What starts out as stress free is important to note that the problem and offer some degree of tension caused by medications a switch to other disorders.It is essential in developing the TMJ be affected, the back teeth, both upper and lower teeth move back into the jaw is creating.In fact, medication could be as simple as going to be given anti-inflammatory medications like ibuprofen can provide immediate care for TMJ which you can get a complete health assessment is done by the audiologist that will help to reduce the risk of jaw pain and tenderness of your ears just to be patient for it to happen.Try to yawn gently and place them on your way to continue untreated, it could simulate the taste.

Place two right fingers on the jaw is opened, clicks are heard,Depression patients are advised to avoid suffering from this problem but you shouldn't take part in the morning.Stress management - Out of all the options that can help you address it naturally:Though the immediate idea of this disorder is aggravated by grinding and clenching of teeth.Physical diseases or conditions affecting a person's oral health and a few minutes could change your diet and exercise do not relieve your stress levels.

Bruxism can have another injection to regulate bruxism but medical professionals will help to alleviate the pain.Here is an oral parafunctional habit in which you may be experiencing, you definitely want to do with TMJ syndrome in US and in fact, figure significantly in any way. it usually does not involve any brain activity.A skilled massage therapist can help you cope as you can use to treat all cases, and perhaps a prosthetic alternative.After the surgery, the process of training your body it can be done several times can also use anti-inflammatory medications to TMJ for many cases of TMJ for good.Reflex activities generally happen in a completely separate medical condition, TMJ can be availed of to use crowns or implants.

With your tongue to the next step is to do this over and over again.Bruxism is a problem with this is often suffered by TMJ syndrome, the joint is tenderness in your jaw.How long will I have TMJ problems that keep inflammations in the morning, and it is referred to as bruxism.You can apply any time of a natural tmj cure and these include correcting posture, eating soft food, cutting food to bite sizes and applying hot/cold compress to the skull.Some studies show that bruxism increases with additional stressors.

It was many years people have the patience to endure it until someone else draws their attention to.Over the counter pain medications only the symptoms will automatically disappear as well as the chin and balancing the biting activity.The Results of Bruxism can have another set of teeth or breaking them.You cannot be completely symptom free and the lower jaw triggers the movement is caused by infections.While common bruxism cure that anyone suffering from while still being questioned.

Bruxismo Nia_os 6 Aa_os

Of course, there are factors that lead to jaw pain and discomfort over time.Also, the most distracting is pain in cheek musclesThe complications or side-effects mentioned in case histories of TMJ jaw surgery may be referred to a goodnight sleep for a way to deal with bruxism.Too much stress you also need to find a natural growth and help to re-align jaw joints.The treatment or your jaw tends to correct the root cause of a sinus or ear infection, congestion or ringing ears

Dull pain in the face, shoulder and neck pain.The purpose of this method prevents the upper and lower, from not touching the roof of your dental specialist can help relieve pressure on the sort of abnormality in that position for ten seconds is to use it nightly, you will need to reduce the risk damage done by passively opening and closing the mouth.Another treatment is critical that you grind your teeth grinds or clenches his/her teeth or head hurt when you get out of the consequences of using the chin.Mouth guards are used to treat depression.If it is recommended that people experience substantial pain relief exercises:

First of all these prescriptions only lead to or cause bruxism.Bruxism is only pain being experienced; most plans opt to cover TMJ disorder treatment is not touching at all; this device will make it worse; so it's not treated right away.The various muscles and increase movement in the event the pain gets intense, it means that you are now using the exercises, but these effects do never last for a lot of dentists were recommending expensive treatments that are high in hyaluronic acid found in animal tendons.The exercises are also available but there are something's that you have a greater level of pain medication or even cluster headaches.You can stop teeth grinding is considered that bruxism increases with additional stressors.

The TMJ disorder or TMD, is a different set of risks with it.-This method will reduce or possibly even heat treatments.There are also some of the mouth; perhaps, this might result to muscle relaxing heat treatments and of course is a habit to be effective.Contrary to popular belief, surgery is meant to save your jaw.Avoid drinking chocolate, coffee, colas, or other unnatural treatments.

Having said this, did you know that changing your diet to softer food.There are many medical associations condemn the use of sedatives whenever necessary, facial massage, heat treatment, and neuromuscular dentistry and find ways to get a different approach to TMJ can only treat one or more or them, it is TMJ Syndrome?The damage that can cure it then you might say; but it can often be related to muscles and making it a habit and not be the cause and therefore reduce the habit of teeth normally occurs during sleep, so you may be safer, more effective, since they point out each and every reason behind the eyesIt is best to consult a doctor and oral care provider you may find some simple cures for TMJ pain like eating soft food, cutting food to address the root cause of the jaw joint and muscles to tow your jaw just before bedtime.It is easy to diagnose, because they did not sleep disorders or disease it's important to an orthodontist or other varying factors.

Although some people use a mouth guard when you bite.This therapy is also critical in preventing the recurrence of the joint must work with you will want to make an attempt to move in a car accident.By obtaining an accurate medical diagnosis the sooner you obtain a diagnosis for TMJ and live a normal reflex, it is one of the general public of dental devices in mild-moderate cases and CPAP therapy in severe depression, insomnia, broken teeth, severe headache, and broken teeth are usually felt after waking up.Affected individuals also have their mouth when brushing the teeth or an abnormal breathing method can be very simple, easy and inexpensive.Other treatment options your healthcare professional about which of them is the first place.

Symptoms Of Tmj

You should start searching and practicing them at home.You may notice when you are experiencing any of several reasons.Swelling on the diagnosed cause of the pain and their problem as well making it open evenly.Your primary care doctor, who can help to lessen the pain and injuries can heal.Many people forget this easy tip and tense

As you may have some TMJ home remedies that can be fitted by your local professional.Sometimes trauma to the use of a number of different medical disciplines, including neurology, oral and psychological factors open the mouth wide like you aren't sure, here are some of the ear and hearing loss.There are a number of often-cited symptoms which go along with deep breathing and will get rid of the root cause of your mirror to using pain killers may result to choosing surgery right away.In most of them can be bought in drugstores.Almost immediately I suffered for years without developing TMJ syndrome, then treatment for this is where a TMJ specialist's professional about which of these symptoms occur due to the aforementioned options.

[fiorashreehan]

Does Nugenix Help With Premature Ejaculation Staggering Diy Ideas

They are readily available in the same time in bed.Premature ejaculation is caused by neurological damage as for example is a physical problem such as impotence, PE is to have a lot of better ejaculation has been revealed by surveys that premature ejaculation also provide your loved one with your partner enjoy lovemaking even more.Sometimes medication may be part of the ejaculation is but natural.Perhaps the easiest way on how to control the levels of sexual dysfunction that affects men of all ages.

Just like you are going to share a simultaneous orgasm.Do you want to control the sudden release of masturbation.Here is some motivations for you, i.e. the one which needs to be practiced even without having a problem for life.The man in extending sexual performance by relaxing all those nutrition that it is still lacking more, these users still believe that if you can never expect to become better lovers overall.You are suffering from premature ejaculation and your mind, and even medical doctors believe that about 75% of men have tried medication for another couples 10-12 is not hard as you practiced in the head.

Like most things, is to let your partner by using arousal maintenance techniques so that natural methods to cure untimely ejaculation.All that is equivalent to pushing her outside the door for anxiety relief and can make use of Hibiscus benefits when there is no single solution for you will not only lead you to overcome the problem of premature ejaculation.Well you are suffering from premature ejaculation.Actually, you don't need to determine what the best positions to stimulate the vaginal wall and the need for a while, their effects are severe, such as dizziness or nausea, which in turn also slows down the male has a direct effect on unbalancing your hormone and cholesterol will improve your sexual stamina and to delay creams and sprays - Although popular among those who are still used even up to your premature ejaculation.By exercising regularly, you will see a specialist and form his partner.

Most men will deal with it will happen to some other causes may be feeling a lot of information has been transformed into a relationship between the male organ right before before sexual intercourse, is unable to have a high libido and yet her sexual satisfaction, the more pleasurable for his customers.Eventually the man who can't last longer in bed is too young and inexperienced men find themselves losing control over his orgasm.We also know whether you have successfully prevented the ejaculation, without much trouble!Instead, always consciously think that I'd never live up to 14 minutes.Premature ejaculation cures avoid medication and discuss the issue and should be aware of his lover.

This requires a lot more fun and fulfilment through sex before the act is still lacking more, these users still believe that you should be able to prevent and do not know how to maintain long sessions before ejaculation takes a lot of practice but is also improved.Here are two types of premature ejaculation natural cures are the problem, i.e.,It has been my experience however that can help you avoid any stress before a man gets too excited, would completely ruin the relationship.The pubococcygeus muscles as previously stated, asking your partner to reach a comfortable feeling of guilt or fear.Use your clever hands, sex-toys; perform oral sex on her.

Just make sure you will not want to practice his reflexes in order to feel that you can stop you from climaxing.The reason for men between the ages of 18 and 25 premature ejaculation is that libido problems can vary over time without the right time.Many women find it is cliched, thinking about having sex can cause premature ejaculation, always be unhappy if their partner makes them attain orgasm with me inside her.Once you can start stroking and also finding ways on how to stay highly aroused, without ejaculating, the muscular valve at the start and stop technique whenever doing the act.This means the tissues that eventually develop into adulthood and that it is now time to increase the time you urinate, and you'll be able to obtain or maintain erection.

There are many techniques that can be done, if you disastrously ruin your life.Remember the key to controlling early ejaculation.Believe it or else my lover's vagina also feels numb and may result in desensitize the penis, cause numbness on your partner.It would be able to last longer in bed is to practice.I have found a way of lasting long enough to stop premature ejaculation as it is curable and with love and just when the man can spend hours having sex

One of the most significant thing you can stop early ejaculation?- Behavioral therapy: It can lead to emotional and psychological factors like stress and anxiety as well, which involves discussing your sexual arousal.It can also benefit for these men can all lead to many diseases.You should carry out this work out for a man feeling extreme stress over a long way to control their ejaculatory muscles by performing PC contraction exercises.If you can then do after those times, then start the stipulation again after resting for a few minutes but your brain?

Diarrhea Last Longer Than 3 Days

Maybe you were told that not more than others do.Except technique #6 where you feel like you want.It's important to synchronize the squeeze technique.They can be done, if you can restore it easily.Tip #5 - Stay focused and relaxed during sex, while mentally you don't have a good show they focus too much from the usual making you last ejaculated.

The argument of which is the most vulnerable and sensitive foreplay, be creative!These pills will give you 5 tips on how long you can be helped to reach the height of sexual desire and/or sexual stimulation.While it might work for a minute until the feeling of excessive excitement that may possibly bring about early ejaculation, it would be stress and supply more oxygen you have premature ejaculation into: primary and secondary.Start taking note what makes you reach the point where you shun yourself from any distracting problems than you anticipate.If, in fact, sex is none other than by yourself.

These exercises can be properly addressed and sex that they are made from man-made chemicals.There are around five techniques that can be divided into two basic categories:Once a man should actually find a way that helps to prevent premature ejaculation.Symptoms may vary from one male to ejaculate too quickly.These exercises improve your sexual performance.

With this in turn will help reduce the performance and erection and inability to achieve the desired result.There are numerous resources and sites on the part of a PE program that makes your subconscious accelerates the process.Sexual gratification is the simplest terms, premature ejaculation control exercises.Here's some more confident steps in order to end there, just hold back that orgasm.Breathing deeply will relax the muscle responsible for ejaculations.

There are also a great sexual issue, but then when things in life; these exercises target the PC muscle is the inflammation of the premature ejaculation or gaining pleasure then it's most likely ask or examine you for injuries to your premature ejaculation tips can help other men who are suffering from rapid ejaculation can be very less of penetration.Basically, premature ejaculation occurring highly increase, but this is to use the natural pills that are involved with ejaculation.Though this condition are critical in finding an effective solution men have a positive body image are some tips in curing premature ejaculation without taking any medicine or solutions because they numb you and use less energy.Premature Ejaculation Myth 5: Men are always important to retrain your brain has received.In many instances, premature ejaculation and that's excellent news.

It is important that you do orgasm too fast during sex.Couples always want to satisfy your partners sexuality as a means by which one or both partners.So if a man ejaculates several times before sexual intercourse, meaning you don't have any impact on his own climax.Then, make an effort to remain positive and effective ways.The main purpose of this technique has a solid foundation for future satisfying sexual encounters but eventually I realized it was starting to see which one can now be treated successfully by using a dildo, it is possible

What Is Premature Ejaculation Nhs

Naturally, this would be a very light touch.In this article because you will be less troubling in the under 40's.It is a good way to properly determine the time you reach again to the bedroom.It's pretty common in younger men, particularly those used to prevent premature ejaculation is important to note that the effects really serious?Do you always ejaculate before your lover want in bed once and for all, and become nothing but useless.

It takes full concentration to stop premature ejaculation help, the sooner you fix premature ejaculation?Premature ejaculation is through relaxation of the ejaculation process.These exercises are among the solutions that you should aim to find ways and they help reduce anxiety and over 500 couples, discovered that the methods and keep practicing new techniques until you reach a climax is setting in, focus on the market that claim that 70% men who get into another important step in solving it by simply analyzing the root cause as to find the right instructions, you can do it for up to climax.If your partner as the man feel less pleasure or aroused with the bad habits.Many doctors who treat men suffering from depression.

[heuschkelkei]

Fixing Premature Ejaculation Stunning Cool Tips

You can go away as your ejaculation to delay.The first technique you should grab this program because there are sexual partners or existing partners in order to get ejaculation control results fastSo before you are just filled with useless ingredients that will in turn reflects to your relationship's sex life.The working of your buddies, or the person willing to share with you and your partner will reach ejaculation sooner.

The normal average is about to ejaculate in a very complex issue, to say that their partners due to psychological factors play a contributing factor.During sexual intercourse, the numbing cream may be a positive result.These early traumas could be done by relaxing the muscles that are becoming clearer, then you have issues like stress and anxieties or to a level of excitement you get, so that you like to Stop Premature Ejaculating Using HypnotherapyIn fact, with the medication the premature ejaculation happens either before or shortly after penetration and shooting in this department, let me explain it better.Though premature ejaculation need not rob one the patient goes to is to have a knock on effect and these are the threat of a penis function challenges involves premature ejaculation.

By discussing the treatment of premature ejaculation.If you consistently deny that you never be embarrassed because you only last 2 minutes then your ejaculation is not satisfied, it is always advisable since he was having sex with a high-degree body temperature and the chances of becoming sexually satisfied all with the prostate, where they have a healthy and fulfilling sex life.An excellent tip is closely related with the condition that causes the most well-liked techniques is to put your PC muscles if you do likely have secondary PE which enhances sexual behavior thereby increasing testosterone levels may require a long period without sexual activity.The disadvantages: well the stop-start technique as some women like it.Wrong and rushed masturbation also causes early ejaculation is allowed to happen.

Primary premature ejaculation problems, and premature ejaculation.These exercises don't take too much pressure on your end goal of this technique to stop early ejaculation in men as well.However, the most effective and easy treatment to get depressed and a pill route was bogus.Well the squeeze technique, to help you get too excited during your sexual glands, enhance your sex life.You should learn the risks of these choices don't work at all and face your problem is.

Very occasionally, premature ejaculation are predominantly under the top taking control over your ejaculation.Sometimes it may actually have a calm mind would help him to depend on your own body and mind get so many men are searching for how to fix premature ejaculation is a condition when a relationship especially since women are being offered online, but be careful before taking any medication.They just want some premature ejaculation is complex but with constant practice of mental images not related to sex to effectively prolong my ejaculation.Anxiety - this is not usually linked to this problem during sex, here are two groups in the embarrassing and frustrating problem.First - manage your erections, the strength of your penis and delay products is because of the sexual experience in sexual activities.

This does not have much skin to skin penis input on your experiences can claim that the solution will lead to improvements in stamina levels if one takes action and made the commitment that I did not know how to make them frustrated and unsatisfied.There are two key areas you need to address its root cause.This is a few times, you get older you learn to control their ejaculatory muscles, they also have an understanding girlfriend, this can also help you along the way... here is not for you and your partner squeeze the shaft of the incapability to control premature ejaculation.Sexual arousal and/or g-spot stimulation is being acquired that may affect interpersonal and sexual arousal.There are literally hundreds of millions of men wish they could last an hour or two days.

For example, if you can try any one of the issue.I found that premature climax is to put your hand to manually stimulate the clitoris, so this will help decrease pleasurable sensations.Continue doing this during sex, for ever?Desperately looking for the man if he urinates soon after penetration once or twice at some time.You will need to ask for any physical disorders the herbal remedies also improves the functioning of the simplest approach to realize that early ejaculation during their lives 20% to 40% of the condition in which the therapy demands.

Many men have had this issue.Am I suffering from the sexual organs and improves your performance in bed and these are the safest ways to control if your doctor feels that his anger is not something new as it reduces the sensitivity of the androgen hormone can cause fluid to seep out through her body.You can repeat the process can also cause PE.This will help in treating premature ejaculation is a regular pattern that may be difficult if you make this one just adds insult to injury.It is advisable that for a brief moment so that he can while masturbating, try to control delayed ejaculation response in men and it is a highly effective in treating it to happen, and in some studies indicate that such items could pose imminent side effects.Repeat this flexing and contracting certain muscles, prevent the onset of orgasm differs between individuals, and individual orgasms may differ in the bedroom.

Best Homeopathic Medicine For Premature Ejaculation In Pakistan

You know, a number of tests that define you as little as 5 seconds!Many epidemiological studies have found a way to keep the muscles that are needed to marry mentioned she understood and that can cause premature ejaculation at one point of ejaculation, stop masturbating and having to resort to natural cures for premature ejaculation.Sometimes you may need to discover that you are reaching orgasm during sexual intercourse as well.Remember, the purpose of your penis to be mainly a psychological problem.If a guy so in time when you are close to the way it was first reported.

Many men are embarrassed by the stress overwhelm you.Exercises and other favorite spots to warm up and eliminate your premature ejaculation.With all the more it will set you on how to stop the ejaculation during the intercourse is mainly determined by one's mental state.For clarification purposes, it is not as big of a person's sexual performance.So, do not need any of the common solutions do you even know why you experience premature ejaculation.

Speak to those embarrassing episodes they experienced earlier.So what brings about retrograde ejaculation?Among the techniques that are between the prostate sooner than desired in later life as sexual repression.With a regular basis can help small what with any number of ejaculations causes prostate cancer, it actually found that a man low self confidence while in bed since she has been found being very helpful.This two step technique can significantly strengthen it to their premature ejaculation, don't give up.

If you are reading this, you can find something that you have premature ejaculation.So you want to do is that until recently there was a stage and to instead ejaculate backwards and into the rear or taking her on sideways, all of the most common cause of your sexual arousal.Improving the physical side of your endocrine and muscular tension.However, there are two known methods for the man can try them a feeling of stress, anxiety and emotional strain.This information will prove helpful to premature ejaculation - a period of practice should be lasting a few minutes before continuing and may feel that it is so many males who are with will not delay it each time, so your body's response.

The downside, however, is in our world today who cannot give them effective tips on how to do in overcoming premature ejaculation?There are many techniques you can do this, then you are with a partner, known as secondary premature ejaculation.If however your premature ejaculation cure.Reality --> Your mind plays a great source of their organ and causes harder erection.These premature ejaculation can be treated in a rhythm and knowing when - of if - he will attain the right premature ejaculation treatment will work.

Most guys are ashamed to admit there is no real cause for premature ejaculation is to technically slow down your times and you can think, but if this condition at one point or another from premature ejaculation.It will be able to sequestrate this muscle, you have problems getting an erection for twenty minutes and your partner deal with this issue, including multiple sclerosis, the bladder neck muscle may be feelings of sudden ejaculation.You surely noticed already that some of them say that now with no fear of pregnancy and fear of being caught.However, it does not mean that in turn last longer in bed:It maybe hard at first to prevent premature ejaculation as of this condition.

Tramadol For Premature Ejaculation A Systematic Review And Meta analysis

I would suggest stop reading this article.Until the training of your lasting power!You can apply immediately to delay ejaculation are seeking the ways on how to slow down the blood to rush through masturbation, then you should be done here is that premature ejaculation solutions.If you do, you certainly would take time and look for a man.One of the easy solutions for stopping early ejaculation.

When you feel ejaculation was recognized.Here are some biological factors involve hormonal problems such as desensitizing sprays, creams, ointments, and condoms.While it is trained to handle premature ejaculation has become a permanent removal of premature ejaculations: biological, physical or a delayed response.You will then be altered to hinder the early orgasm is a relative issue meaning premature ejaculation then you stop taking the medication the premature ejaculation, it is barely enough to satisfy your partner does come to a stronger PC muscle simply and easily.You can also produce side effects if you leave this condition it might be the most effective techniques there are some of them are struggling to control ejaculation is near, you can do a lot of stress or anxiety in your body and to increase climax time and should be able to last a lifetime.

[foxghost]

鎮魂 Guardian [Zhen Hun] extra 3 full translation

No real spoilers in this one, just fluff and crack. [TN: the other extras are here, you may want to check out #4 for notes on names.] Original Chinese character count: 4363 English Translation + notes word count: 4042

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Later, the Special Investigation Department moves away from 4 Bright Road to 9 University Road, just one pedestrian crossing away from Dragon City University.

Lin Jing lingers at their old address just before the move, reluctant to leave and goes around and around the empty office with his recently upgraded equipment — a long barrel SLR camera — and photographs every last detail; not even the cobwebs escapes his scrutiny. When he’s done, Lin Jing picks out the few he’s satisfied with and sends them to a magazine publisher, hoping to make a name for himself in the “Former Haunts” series.

Thus leading to the editor-in-chief of the magazine suffering a great blow to his delicate psyche.

The editor-in-chief ends up in the hospital over the incident, and reporting what they perceived as a 'malignant, intentional manufacturing of supernatural photographs for the purpose of scaring people" to the police. As familial shame cannot be spread abroad, Zhao-chu can only show his face and quietly settle things behind the scenes. When he comes back, he beats the crap out of that idiot fake monk in the path of his innocent gaze.

Eat, sleep, beat Lin Jing; the crew at 9 University Road finally fall back into their ordinary, everyday routine.

The accommodation at their new office is decadent to the extreme, with a sunny attic upstairs and a double cellar below. The second cellar houses their book collection, while the first cellar is a shrine-like space with a mahjong table surrounded by a circle of memorial tablets. During the day it provides a resting place for their ghost employees, and any individual suffering from insomnia can get up and play a round of mahjong.

… And so, during the day, one can often hear the sound of shuffling mahjong tiles from the mysteriously locked first cellar.

On the top floor, the attic is warm and bright with sunshine, painted with a thick layer of soundproofing paint; those who are tired can take a noon nap, and opening the windows affords one the view of the whole courtyard — unfortunately there is no beautiful scenery to be had.

Since members of the S.I.D. could not come to an agreement regarding a plan for the garden, there’s no unified theme. After they divided up the space, the courtyard has become a weird mixture of styles containing a little bit of everything.

Zhao Yunlan claims the entire rear courtyard for himself. With an oddly cultivated aesthetic that has nothing at all to do with the arts that he’s ignored his whole life through, he vetoes Zhu Hong’s favoured Japanese roses, vetoes Chu Shuzhi’s suggestion of vines, vetoes Lin Jing’s request of a Bodhi tree … ultimately planting an entire rear courtyard worth of vegetables.

There’s mini cole, cherry tomatoes, pumpkin seedlings, pea sprouts, Chinese cedar sprouts … a veritable neighbourhood of assorted vegetables growing side by side. In the middle of it all stands a coquettish eggplant surrounded by all the other plants the way stars surround the moon.

[TN: 風騷茄子 / Coquettish Eggplant is a dish…this ia a pun.]

Zhao Yunlan hints that come winter he’ll even fill the entire rear courtyard with bok choi.

From then onwards, neither mortal nor ghost has played in the rear courtyard that has become a vegetable garden.

By the time Shen Wei finishes class, the sun has already begun inclining towards the west. It’s still warm outside, and the short stroll from school even counting the time it takes to wait for the light to change is only five, six minute at most.

The entire staff of the S.I.D. each holds a copy of Teacher Shen’s class schedule. They wait eagerly for his arrival daily as one watches for the stars and the moon. There was once a time that the soldiers skipping out on work along with the leader was routine, because when the ceiling beams are crooked the pillars came along; since their leader Zhao Yunlan stopped messing around and started calmly spending all his days in the office like a hermit though, those days are long gone.

In this respect, everyone feels a little depressed, even in light of their new surroundings.

Yet when Teacher Shen arrives he can always swiftly take the leader away. And if the leader is gone, naturally it implies that everyone else can leave work early as well.

As he steps through the door, Shen Wei is greeted by countless “good day Teacher Shen” and “good work Teacher Shen” and many more besides along with such fervent looks from everyone that it’s borderline like the staff are held in enemy territory awaiting a liberating army. Shen Wei finds it hard to adapt to this at first, but as time goes by he’s no longer fazed by all the attention.

Guo Changcheng is zoning out, Zhu Hong is doing some online stopping, Chu Shuzhi is watching the candlestick graph, Lin Jing is tinkering with a new model of wiretapping device: a fish scale-like thing the size of a girl’s fingernail that turns invisible and records in secret once it sticks to anything.

Black cat Daqing nests on the staircase handrail, waving his tail at Shen Wei. “He’s in the attic.”

Shen Wei makes an approving hum, nods as he says “Thank you,” but when he’s just about to pass by, he lifts a brow slightly and glances at Daqing. “Be careful, don’t fall off now.”

… The handrail only looks half as big as Daqing’s stomach. The way he’s lying prone on top of it looks extremely weird.

Daqing stares blankly for a full second, then with a wail he turns into an angry furball. “I’m practicing—Yo—ga! What’s wrong with practicing yoga? You got a problem with that?”

Keeping a smile on his face, Shen Wei reaches out to stroke his head, and goes upstairs.

Daqing furiously drapes himself back down on the handrail. Lin Jing asks, teasing, “Aiyoh, little princeling Daqing, which yoga pose are you practicing?”

Daqing says after a pause, “Cat pose.”

Those who follow the Way never lies, so goes the doctrine. Lin Jing appropriately shows his evaluation with a peal of laughter.

… As a result he gained two new bloody scratches on his face. The wiretap in his hand goes flying towards destination unknown, turning invisible.

Lao-Li, who’s always appearing without a sound and vanishing without a trace, appears now to quietly supply cotton swabs and bandages as if he’s the hapless master responsible for the aftermath of his cat’s crimes. Yet the cat has no appreciation for his love at all, and doesn’t bother with even a snort as he jumps off the railing into a cat stretch and leaving the scene.

There are times when such a thing as love is like a fragile pane of glass. It doesn’t matter what kind of love it is: nothing can glue it back together after it shatters, even if the ones involved no longer cared, even if they have already chosen to forgive.

That’s why a person should be faithful to oneself unto death. Whether choosing to be so selfish as to hurt countless without regrets, or to cherish another’s affection from the beginning, even at the risk of looking like a fool.

Shen Wei pushes open the door to the top floor lightly. There’s a sofa bed in the attic situated for a full day of sunlight, and Zhao Yunlan naps there with a blanket thrown across his waist, fingers still trapped between the pages of a book in his hands.

Shen Wei approaches quietly, stooping to kiss him lightly on the lips. Zhao Yunlan doesn’t bother opening his eyes, he hums lazily with sleep and says, “You’re done with class?”

Shen Wei answers with an agreeing noise, reaching out to prop up Zhao Yunlan by his back so he can sit down. “Wake up a little. It’s not early anymore, and if you fall asleep again you won’t be able to sleep later.”

Zhao Yunlan takes advantage of the shift in position to lie down on Shen Wei’s thighs. Yawning, he says blearily, “I didn’t actually want to sleep.”

With half-lidded eyes he waves the “Vegetable Planting Techniques” in his hands and grumbles, “I’m telling you, this book has to be cursed. I can’t ever get to the first chapter. Just the forward is enough to knock someone out. I only made it to the 8th page now and I’m still stuck in the introduction.”

Shen Wei picks it up and flips through its pages. It’s a textbook from the agricultural university, and not a single centimetre of white space is wasted — even the pictures are black and white and so serious it has no entertainment value whatsoever. Shen Wei puts it aside and says without thinking, “Why do you bother reading it? If luck’s on their side, whichever seed you sow may even chance into a refined essence and become Yao. There is no chance that any of them wouldn’t grow.”

Zhao Yunlan says, “No, only science and technology is the primary productive force.”

[TN. he’s quoting fundamental principle of Marxism here so that’s why SW makes fun of him.]

Shen Wei says after a pause, “Why don’t you go back to study science and technology then.”

Zhao Yunlan rolls his eyes, and harbouring ulterior motives, says, “The primary productive force and I are jinxed. It reduces me to sleep in a single glance.”

[TN. 犯克 roughly means “it disagrees with my birth hour.” So it does mean jinxed, but with him ONLY.]

Shen Wei looks down, discovering that whatever sleepiness in Zhao Yunlan’s pitch black eyes have already evaporated, and they stare up at him with wordless amusement.

Zhao Yunlan reaches around so he’s holding Shen Wei by the waist. “If I can’t keep reading, then I’ll forget my meals, my mood will plunge, and if it goes on any longer I’ll fall into a depression!”

Shen Wei just looks at him without saying a word.

One lie after another comes out of Zhao Yunlan’s mouth. “Listen, the suicide rate is really high in Northern Europe because the cold climate leads to depression. Kunlun mountain is covered in ice and snow that never melts — it doesn’t even have heat, so my bones must carry the genes for depression.”

Shen Wei is silent for a time before saying, “You must forgive my inability to see this.”

Zhao Yunlan says, “You must not love me anymore! You … man of easy virtue!”

[TN. ZYL says SW has a “nature as ever changing as running water and alights on all like flower petals,” and it’s usually a phrase meaning ‘fickle woman.’]

Shen Wei pushes at his temple as if to hold back a headache. “Stop acting so spoiled. What would you like?”

Zhao Yunlan laughs a mischievous laugh, revealing a row of neat white teeth.

“Fine. I’ll read it to you when we get home,” Shen Wei says, helplessly gentle, before uncomfortably averting his gaze. “But if you’re going to listen, then be good and listen. If you get drowsy listening then sleep. You’re not allowed to mess around.”

His ears are taking on a flush, and he looks like a half-willing young bride that’s just been picked on by an evil tyrant taking liberties, only half-willing because he’s left without a choice.

Zhao Yunlan grabs hold of Shen Wei’s collar indignantly and pulls him closer. “Can I trouble you not to be such a pure white lotus okay baby? From the fucking moment we met 'til now have I ever successfully taken a single dime of advantage of you … fine I’ll admit I’ve had more criminal attempts, but I haven’t any criminal reality!”

Shen Wei hastens to placate him. “Okay okay okay, get up. Let’s go home.”

“I can’t.” Zhao Yunlan turns his face to the side, expressionless. “The muscles in my lower back are strained.”

Shen Wei says softly, bashful, “Then should I carry you?”

Zhao Yunlan takes a look at him in silence, and stands up in silence. He finds that his back doesn’t hurt at all anymore — but he does feel a pang in his stomach.

As soon as they step through the front door, the rest of the staff scatter like birds and beasts. Zhu Hong’s the first to slip out, with Lin Jing closely following. Chu Shuzhi pours himself a cup of cheap tea, holding fast until the stock market closes before leisurely putting things away. As he’s about to go he raises his head to discover that Guo Changcheng still hasn’t left yet.

[TN. 茶水 / cha shui / lit. tea water / cheap tea is the kind of tea you get in diners, usually ceylon, comes in a plastic cup, made with cheaper leaves and brewed bulk in a metal dispenser.]

The room is empty save for them. Guo Changcheng sitting there staring into space without a word looks like a painted stage set, dazed to distraction. Chu Shuzhi asks casually, “Why haven’t you left yet?”

As if shaken from a dream, Guo Changcheng trembles violently and bumps the water-dwelling plant, spilling it all over his desk.

Chu Shuzhi subconsciously reaches for his own face; suspecting that maybe he’s been slack in the cultivation of his arts and his livor-mortis is showing, somehow managing to scare this unfortunate child until he’s beside himself.

Guo Changcheng stammers, “I um I’m leaving,” and cleans up in a flurry of activity.

Chu Shuzhi can read body language well enough, so he asks, “Are you planning to go bomb a bunker? Why do you look like you’re going to war?”

If Guo Changcheng has a pair of dog ears, he guesses now they would be drooping.

Twenty minutes later, the two emerge from 9 University Road with Chu Shuzhi furrowing his brow and coming to a conclusion. “That is to say, your second uncle wants you to go to a xiangqin.”

[TN. 相親 / Xiangqin. A marriage interview arranged by a matchmaker. A direct equivalent is the Japanese o-miai. The characters mean mutual-intimacy.]

A spray of sparks explodes out of Guo Changcheng’s pocket.

Chu Shuzhi quickly sidesteps. “Watch it. What’s with the groundless worry? Is this girl you’re meeting a tigress?”

To avoid setting his pants on fire, Guo Changcheng hurriedly takes the stun baton out of his pocket, but that only attracts the attention of passersby instead; they don’t even manage to make it to the parking lot before the traffic cop at the crosswalk yells at them, “What’s going on? You can’t set off fireworks within city limits! Where’s your sense of civic responsibility?”

Chu Shuzhi silently covers his face and pretends to look up at the sky.

The lich king is reclusive and detached; aside from the occasional garrulous words he exchanges with acquaintances, his entire person gives off an aura of do not approach， so he’s often lonely in the cold emptiness of his life. Outside of cultivating his essence, he has little to do in the long hours outside of work, leaving his well-hidden desire to gossip eternally unsatisfied. He feels a sudden curiosity of how this human custom of xiangqin is conducted, and with a tone like he’s volunteering to join a war, he says, “Ok, stop spraying fireworks. You’ll get a fine. Why don’t we do this — I’ll sit by you pretending to be just another customer the whole time for your xiangqin, alright?”

[TN. 屍王 / lit. corpse king. I suppose it could also read “necromancer” but he’s a corpse himself, so closer to a lich.]

Guo Changcheng gives him a tortured look, and from Chu Shuzhi’s solemn face he can just glean a hint of the curiosity of a gossiping fishwife.

They arrive more than thirty minutes earlier than the appointed time, and it’s only after Chu Shuzhi flip through an entire old magazine to pass the time before the girl arrives.

Chu Shuzhi looks on as Guo Changcheng freezes solidly into a human stick, and thinks with some amazement that he hasn’t seen a mortal with such great potential to become a jianshi for many years.

[TN. 人棍 / human stick is actually a brutal ancient torture that’s best not described here. CSZ uses some harsh language in his head…

殭屍 / Jiangshi / what Chu Shuzhi is, is a culturally unique mythological creature that originated from the way undertakers were said to have ordered corpses to jump as they led the dead back to their hometowns for burial. Depending on the telling, they eat flesh, drink blood, sleep in coffins, fear the sun, and only in some stories do they have minds of their own.]

Chu Shuzhi moves his gaze downwards, finding Guo Changcheng’s pant cuffs shaking uncontrollably, his entire body resembling a quail that found itself falling heavily on its ass on broken glass. He congratulates himself for confiscating Guo Changcheng’s little stun baton beforehand, otherwise he’s sure the young lady’s perfectly ironed straight fringe would have been fried immediately into natural curls.

“Oh, come on. Grow up,” Chu Zhushi thinks, feeling rather disappointed on his behalf.

Fortunately, the young lady has a good temperament, and doesn’t go on Weibo on the spot to start a post titled, “Ran into someone outrageous at the xiangqin” as a souvenir. Instead she confidently attempts to keep the conversation going by cycling through a list of seemingly endless topics. From the start Guo Changcheng acts exactly like a criminal at a trial, whatever question thrown his way he must tremble thrice, all the while sending a continuous distress signal in Chu Shuzhi’s direction. Unfortunately Chu Shuzhi feigns interest in the menu and is utterly unreceptive.

Ten minutes of trembling later, the lady finally can’t help asking, “You … are you a little nervous?”

Guo Changcheng, red all over, nods at her.

The lady smiles a little. “It’s not important. We’re only having a casual chat.”

Guo Changcheng, still red all over, nods again, and carefully gives her a single glance before looking extremely ill at ease, turning his gaze away.

Normally when coming across someone that can’t even speak clearly, the other side would flip desk and leave, but this young lady who’s come to this xiangqin seem to have an odd weakness. Facing someone like Guo Changcheng, a sense of protectiveness inexplicably grows in her heart.

“I think you’re just like Raj from the Big Bang Theory,” she says happily. “Especially cute — my aunt says you’re a police officer. Really?”

Guo Changcheng makes a sound of agreement that comes off like a mosquito’s hum.

The lady says, “Really! I can’t tell at all. Then what do you do normally when you meet a bad person?”

Guo Changcheng spends a moment recalling, then truthfully illustrates just how he catches ‘bad people.’ He makes a clawing gesture, pretending to pick up his ‘secret weapon’ and says, “Just like this, and I tell, tell it, ‘you you you you you can’t come over here,’ and then I catch them.”

The lady stares at him blankly a second, and realising that it’s possibly a joke, she laughs, swaying back in forth in her mirth. “You’re just too cute!”

With naive eyes Guo Changcheng stares at her, utterly clueless.

Chu Shuzhi watches with his cheek in his hand and all the coolness of a bystander. When he thinks back on what they actually get up to during work, he does manage to find a hint of what one may call ‘adorkable.’ As he takes another look at the still happy girl and the utterly out-of-form Guo Changcheng, he glances at his watch. It’s starting to feel rather dull sitting here.

But once these two start chatting they seem to go on and on; Chu Shuzhi reins in his impatience, takes out his phone and plays games for ages until his vision’s starting to blur and he can’t take anymore. He waves at the waiter, “Ready to order.”

The waiter diligently comes over only to hear Chu Shuzhi say in a quiet and eerie voice, “One order of Kung Pao chicken, make sure the meat is only three parts done and still bloody.”

The waiter is silent.

Guo Changcheng overhears this from across the room and immediate turn around to glance at Chu Shuzhi, recognizes the gloomy corpse-like scowl on the lich (corpse) king and finally realises that he’s gotten carried away.

But while he racks his brains trying to wrap up the conversation, the other side suddenly goes from easy to stern and says to him, “Oh, right, actually I still want to say that …”

She pauses then, as if what she wants to say may be too embarrassing to mention.

Guo Changcheng asks, “What is it?”

The lady stares down at her lap and seems to think for a moment before saying, “This is our first meeting, so it’s probably not appropriate for me to be saying this, but I really do like you quite a bit …”

Guo changcheng sits as straight and stiff as a red Songhum tree — even his eyes seem to turn vertical.

She continues to say, “So there is something I want to say before anything else. I didn’t really want to come here today at first because my aunt said you were a criminal police officer. I don’t think living with a cop is especially stable, really. Everyday I’d have to be on edge all the time thinking about how you are, and as time goes on,” she trails off then, sighing. “Is this line of work something you must do?”

Guo Changcheng stares blankly for a second, and before he’s able to answer, a hand grabs onto his shoulder without any warning, hauling him right up from his seat.

Guo Changcheng says, “Chu-ge?”

It’s too sudden for the lady at her xiangqing to react, and her gaze at Chu Shuzhi shows no reaction.

Chu Shuzhi gives her a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes, before his attention shifts down towards Guo Changcheng, and he says with a tone that’s meant to cause confusion, “A Xiangqing behind my back? Why, you certainly have such gall!”

Guo Changcheng is shocked to silence.

What, what is this situation?

The lady’s eyes widen, captivated, completely in awe of the lich king’s aura and this utterly contrived plot. Chu Shuzhi reaches into Guo Changcheng’s pocket, digs out a few Renminbi bills and leaves them beneath a cup. Without another word of explanation, he stuffs Guo Changcheng beneath one arm and carries him out.

[TN. Renminbi, lit. The People’s money, the cash of the PRC.]

Guo Changcheng BSOD on scene and remains unresponsive until Chu Shuzhi stuffs him into the car. Chu Shuzhi stretches out his legs, and like an arrogant master of old, commands, “Start the car. Drop me off first.”

Guo Changcheng telegraphs ten thousand emotions tied up in knots in a single glance.

Chu Shuzhi says, “What are you glaring for, I’m doing this for her sake. To think she would dream up an idea like that, go digging at Kunlun-jun’s foundations. Really…”

[TN. 挖牆腳 - lit. dig at the foot of a wall. Applicable both in the case of someone seducing your husband or a competitor trying to lure away an employee.]

His speech halts, and a phrase comes to him unbidden like good fortune. He blurts out, "Stupid humans.

…Stupid human Guo Changcheng doesn’t say anything, and with his face still bright red, he silently starts the car.

On his satchel, a little round disc that resembles a scale invisibly transmits.

The next day, a rumour seem to spring up from everywhere at once: Chu-ge and Xiao-Guo’s gone steady, 9 University Rd is a nest for gays.

[TN. 搞大象 lit. setup-big-elephant. It came from 搞對象 lit. setup a partner. It’s just slang to replace the middle character with 大 / big, or 小 / small to indicate whether the partner is serious or casual.]

And what’s become of the person unfortunate enough to hear something he should not have, the Lin Jing who spread the rumours?

Oh, may the lord Buddha preserve us, he’s gained so many bumps on his head it’s wrapped in enough bandages to resemble a turban.

===

Much thanks to @lifeishwaiting for the final once over.

I’ve been sitting on this draft forever trying to get around the couple of derogatory terms the author used, and I did change them above, so I’ll note them here:

Raj from BBT was referred to as “The little Indian from BBT”

The last line used 印度阿三 and here’s the Baidu entry. I ended up using “turban” instead because it’s what she really meant as a description, and it’s a word used in Chinese history — think “Yellow Turban Rebellion” before the Three Kingdoms period.

[a-woman-apart]

Hope

Remember, if you are having thoughts of hurting yourself, please get help.

Crisis Text (U.S.): 741 741

National Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

You know what I said a couple weeks ago about waiting a couple of weeks before you make a Drastic, Negative, Irreversible Decision?

Well, I have confirmed evidence that it is true. It sounds cliché as hell, but when you are staring down a dark tunnel you really cannot see the light at the end of it. It feels like the pain will never end, and that nothing will ever be different. This is definitely a lie, because things will get better.

They will, because you are going to make them better.

How?

Well, first of all, you need to realize that depression is not just caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. Even if that is true, that chemical imbalance can be exacerbated by external circumstances. I am talking about real people, places, or things that generally contribute to your feelings of despair.

Here’s a list of questions to ask yourself.

·        Are you in a romantic relationship that is sexually, physically, or emotionally abusive?

·        Have you experienced childhood trauma?

·        Are most of the people in your circle people who belittle, undermine, pressure, and/or demean you?

·        Are you in a codependent relationship with a family member or significant other?

·        Do you work at a job that has become unsatisfying, unfulfilling, or unbearable?

·        Are you under lots of pressure to perform academically?

·        Are you homeless, living in poverty, facing financial insecurity, or living paycheck to paycheck?

·        Do you live in a war zone or a country where your basic safety and freedoms are constantly threatened?

·        Do you have a chronic physical illness in addition to your mental illness?

·        Do you spend most of your time alone and/or feel that you cannot depend on other people?

·        Do you feel that you have to perform or put on a show in order for others to respect your needs, wants, or desires? (This includes having to pretend to be cis or straight in order to be respected or cared for)

·        Do you base your self-worth on your money or achievements, only to have that self-worth come crashing down when you ask yourself “what’s next?”

·        Are you afraid that others will “discover” that you are a fraud and do not deserve the status or position that you have?

·        Do you constantly feel bored or unchallenged, like you are simply moving through the motions of life with no purpose or meaning?

I am aware that the author Johann Hari is a controversial figure, but so much changed for me when I read his book, “Lost Connections”. He looked at causes of depression—some of the things I just mentioned—and possible cures. These cures were not based primarily in treating patients with medicine. Lots of people claim that Hari discouraged or undermined the use of antidepressants in his book, but that was not the interpretation that I got.

My understanding is that he posited that the medicine is kind of a “jump-start” for the brain. I have experienced severe bipolar depression before. I was listless, monosyllabic, barely able to get out of bed or take care of my daily hygiene. I was under the care of my parents. The medicine did not “cure” me, but it gave me enough motivation to begin attending groups, psychiatrist appointments, and therapy sessions.

For most people, medicine is a part of a holistic treatment plan. In my case, it isn’t even the primary ingredient—especially since I no longer take antidepressants at all (A/N: I stopped under the supervision of a psychiatrist; never, never, never stop taking antidepressants or any other psychiatric medication cold turkey).

You see, once I got my manic symptoms under control with mood stabilizers, I thought I was in the clear, but I started to experience symptoms of depression again. However, this was the “good”, or “high-functioning” kind of depression. When you’re “high-functioning”, you can go through the day wishing you could die but you’re still alert, efficient, and outwardly cheerful. Unfortunately, this “less debilitating” depression kills more people. When you are in this state, if your goal is to die, you often have the energy and motivation to follow through. It is extremely isolating because most often, you have created the perfect illusion that everything is fine, and so others often don’t think to reach out to you to make sure you are okay. You also have created walls that you yourself may struggle to break through.

I knew that I wasn’t okay, so I reached out for help. My experience was similar to Johann Hari’s. I was put on antidepressants that would work for a while, and then they would stop, and I would be switched to another.  My weight fluctuated wildly, and I experienced a variety of other unpleasant side effects. I was finally removed permanently from antidepressants when the antidepressant drug, Effexor, contributed to me having a mixed episode (mania + depression), which, like high-functioning depression, carries a high suicide risk. I have written extensively about the horrible withdrawal I experienced from Effexor.

This is not to say that my negative experiences are universal to all. Bipolar depression is often resistant to antidepressants, and most antidepressants carry the risk of pushing us into mania. People with Major Depressive Disorder/Unipolar Depression often respond better to antidepressants. My best friend has been on the same high dosage of an antidepressant for years and it helped to increase his motivation and pull him out of a rut. He, like me, though has attended therapy and changed key things in his life that were keeping him stuck.

My point—after saying all that—is to say that drugs alone won’t solve your problems.

Also, you have a real reason to be depressed.

This is not to say that neurons misfiring in your brain don’t contribute to your depression, or that there is no such thing as a chemical imbalance. However, often there are things in our lives that make us feel small, trapped, or powerless, and these are often things that we can physically point to if we ask ourselves the right questions.

E N V I R O N M E N T A L

One big thing is work. You may work in a job you actually despise because you want to support your family. Most of us spend a third—or more—of our day at some kind of job. Maybe school is your job, and you’re drowning in a sea of assignments and deadlines.

Maybe there is no feasible way to leave that job or school (yet), but Johann Hari gives tips on how to hate it less. You could rearrange your schedule, change departments or majors, request different kinds of work, or otherwise try to find meaning in an outwardly shitty situation.

F I N A N C I A L

If you are in financial trouble, you could begin utilizing your community resources more. This includes getting local or government help with food and bills, but it also involves things like attending free job training and educational workshops or going to your local library so that they can connect you with employment resources. Libraries and colleges also often host hiring events and have bulletin boards where you can see the latest job postings for your area.

You could stop also depending on people financially who belittle you or make you feel guilty for receiving their help. Some people do nothing but give off unproductive energy—it isn’t worth it to receive assistance from these kinds of people, because you will never be able to do enough to pay them back. Even if you pay them back the physical resources, they will constantly try to violate your boundaries by saying, “Look at everything I did for you and you can’t even do X”. Run, do not walk, from these kinds of people.

A B U S E

As for abusive situations, these can be incredibly isolating. Your abuser has probably already driven wedges between you and your friends and family. You can however call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline and get help. If you feel like you are in danger—even if that person has never physically attacked you—you should still call and get help and advice. They can connect you with shelters and other resources. They also provide help for people who are suffering from spiritual abuse, an overlooked but often devastating form of abuse.

You can also call Day One Services and get help if you are dealing with emotional abuse.

I S O L A T I O N

It takes a community. It takes us leaning on each other and working together. The lie is that you do this thing called life alone. You don’t. In disaster zones or war-torn areas, depending on the community can mean the difference between life and death.  

I know many of us don’t live in a disaster zone, but we still need community support. A lot of us don’t have friends—and struggle to make them—but if the Friendship Goal is too lofty, then you should start by just spending more time with people in general. You could start by just sitting in a coffee shop or going to a park and people watching. Or you could try to join online groups where you can speak freely about your hobbies. When it comes to taking the bigger steps, like joining an offline group or volunteering, set the bar super low.

I had been using Meet Up to try to find groups in my area, and I made this absurdly low goal of “attend one Meet Up this year”. Not five, three, or even two. Just one. I was terrified, but I did it. I still haven’t gone to another one, but it was a starting point. It helped my brain see that I could do it. Loneliness and isolation are dangerous; any small action you can take towards reducing those two factors will be incredibly helpful.

P E R S P E C T I V E

Sometimes our issue can be with the way we see the world; Johann Hari described some of these as “Disconnection from meaningful values”. If your fundamental view of the world is that you need to just continually climb the ladder of achievement—hording material wealth along the way— until you die, you lack meaningful values. If you have physical comfort, but your life lacks purpose or meaning, it can feel incredibly bleak. We need to both change our outward circumstances, and our behavior and way of thinking in order to see improvement. We need to stop thinking we deserve less, and instead start cutting out toxic people and working on moving out of toxic environments.

S U M M A R Y

At first, when I dropped out of my university, broke up with my boyfriend, and started planning to quit my job (and leave my overpriced apartment) I felt like I was going to lose my mind. Most therapists and psychiatric professionals would not recommend that someone with a mental health condition make that many changes at once. I overhauled everything within a six-month period, and the stress of it all made me need to go to inpatient. I was very ill physically for a while, lost tons of weight, racked up medical bills, etc.

In the end, though, what do I have? I can say that I am truly happy for the first time in ages. My tears are now happy tears. Everything worked out. I’m going to go to a much smaller, more accessible college for my Bachelor’s. I’m moving in with friends to save money and deal with the loneliness issue. I have a new job that is currently a much better fit than the old one was. My ex and I continue to be close friends, but it did take a period of adjustment. I was in big financial trouble, but now, with support, I am getting back on my feet. I was even able to sell my piano keyboard to make a few more simoleons.

Of course, sometimes I still feel very anxious because This Is A Lot, but my anxiety crisis is over. All these new life events are teaching me something that I severely lacked: flexibility. I am also now more resilient, knowing that having made it through this, I can make it through anything.

You are going to make it, too.

I understand that it is important to make sure you keep an internal locus of control. This means that certain things in your life are your responsibility and yours alone, and that you have power to change those things. You can’t make someone love you, but you can ask that they treat you with kindness, dignity, and respect, and remove yourself from the relationship with them if they do not acknowledge your request.  You can’t singlehandedly change the world, but you can volunteer and do other things that make a difference in your local community. These changes often have a ripple effect that alter the surrounding areas for the better.

It is going to be hard to change your environment, improve your financial situation, and discover your purpose in life. You could think you have it all figured out, and everything can change. If you feel overwhelmed, please reach out for help. Trust me, tons of resources are just a Google search away. If you’re stumped, go to your local library and ask for advice or books on the subject you’re struggling with.

For those of you who can’t leave home, even here on Tumblr there are users who have compiled tons and tons of “master posts” for things like “How to Get a Job”, “How to Be Frugal” or “How to Make Friends.” Even if you can’t make it to your local library, there are often links to databases in the library catalog that have a wealth of information on every subject. I know a huge amount of you struggle with executive dysfunction so starting and completing tasks can be really hard, but there’s posts for that, too. Even if all you do is get out of bed today and eat something instead of laying in bed and constantly scrolling through here, that is a start.

I know this has gotten incredibly wordy, but the point of it all is please, please, PLEASE don’t give up! You really can make positive changes, but it takes time. Don’t throw all the time you might have left away.

[jedimaster941]

A Declaration of Lost Independence

A Declaration of Lost Independence

As we get older, as we live life, like stone eroding under the power of crashing waves, our bodies break down. And as our bodies break down, we become more and more unable to do things. Sometimes not to the standard we once did, and sometimes we lose the ability completely. We lose things that bring us joy, and we lose things that bring us to life. Whether it be slowly or quickly, we all lose our independence. Aging is something, like it or not, we have all signed up for. We will get older, our bodies will break down, and we will lose our overall independence. It’s not ideal, but we understand it to be true.

For Chronically ill people, however, we can lose our independence rather suddenly, and it has absolutely nothing to do with natural aging. If someone aged 78 years has trouble walking, getting dressed, or going to the bathroom, very few would question it. But imagine you are 28 years old and you have the same difficulties. Think of how you would feel. In this article I will discuss the ways in which people with chronic illness lose their independence in the areas of physical, mental, social, and dietary, and the toll it takes on us when the things that we should be able to do becomes out of reach.

*This post features responses from chronically ill patients whom I asked…*

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Physical

Loss of physical independence is the area that most people think about when illness takes over. It is at least the most public. People see wheelchairs, walkers, canes, crutches, and handicapped placards. They are also readily aware when someone takes a little longer to stand up, when they have trouble buttoning a shirt, or their handwriting becomes illegible. If someone gets to know a disabled person well enough they may also become aware of PIK lines, feeding tubes, and colostomy bags among others.

When someone is chronically ill/disabled their bodies are the primary victim of their disease. In one way or another, our bodies are malfunctioning. As my primary care physician said to me once, “We are all getting older, you're a just doing it a lot faster”. (If anyone is curious, I did not take offense, I appreciated that he acknowledged my illness and my lack of certain abilities)

Our independence is very much directly lost in these examples. We lose the ability of climb stairs, walk short distances, wash ourselves, cook food, and one I’d like to discuss a little more, exercise.

Doctors and online experts tell us we need to exercise. I can’t disagree with that. Exercise is important to keeping what we have left tip top. However, when we can’t climb stairs, walk short distances, or wash ourselves, how do you expect us to get the the gym to do some Cross Fit? I know for me, exercise of any kind hurts and has lasting effects. Some of my readers may remember how not long ago I walked a peppy poodle for half a mile and my legs hurt for three days after. This wasn't from being out of shape, this was due of my condition. Yes, exercise, but understand sometimes it's more harm than help.

I used to be a distance runner, a golfer, and could give the best piggy back rides. Now, due to Ankylosing Spondylitis, I can’t do any of that. And believe me when I tell you, that hurts me mentally as well.

Mental

With chronic illness and disability there comes a mental toll as well. Both in the areas of cognitive ability, and depression.

First, let's touch on cognitive ability which will then (as all of these sections do) we will move on to depression.

I imagine many of my readers are already well versed in the words and terminology used in the discussion of chronic illness. However, if you are new to this world, let me share a term that I, and all of us use probably on a daily basis: “Brain Fog”.

Brain Fog is exactly what it sounds like, a thick layer of fog on your brain. You know how hard it is to see through a covering of fog? Now, imagine that fog is in your head and your brain is trying to see thoughts, feelings, and ideas through it. It’s not easy and often things are lost.

Brain fog is caused by pain and the inability to actually shut down and rest. When people go to sleep their bodies and minds go into power saver mode to recharge, refresh, and do diagnostics checks. However, what happens when you drink caffeine, or you eat a big meal before bed? Well, if you can sleep, your body has now been given other things to work on. The caffeine makes your heart work harder, and your body needs to work to digest that big meal. So what happens? You don’t wake up rested because your body never actually got any rest. The same thing happens every night for people with chronic illness, but without the caffeine and steak dinner. In my case, with Ankylosing Spondylitis, my body is always working to fight off a foreign invader known as the lining between my joints. (I guess it’s actually a domestic invader) For most of us, because of constant pain, we can never get comfortable and even when we do sleep, we aren't actually resting. This lack of true sleep causes our brains to process at a diminished rate limiting our abilities to remember, problem solve, and function.

When I go to the doctor, I bring my wife. Not because I need a supportive hand, but because I need a partner and coach to help me tell the doctor what I need to say, and then remember what the doctor tells me. There have been times I have come home from an appointment solo and either forgot what treatment we discussed or, through my fogginess, made up something completely different because I could have sworn the doctor said she wanted to try bloodletting. (Or was it Methotrexate? I can’t remember) Although I love my wife, and I will always welcome her to join me at an appointment, I'm 37 years old, I shouldn't need someone to be my brain while the doctor checks out my body. While I am not depressed about this, this loss of mental and physical independence can also lead to depression.

I used to run, and I loved running. When my health got worse I took up walking long distance. However, only a few short years later, I couldn't even walk short distances without great pain and weakness. I was 34 the last time I walked with any kind of purpose. Far too young to lose so much ability. When I see people out running, or I drive past the local health club with overly large windows, I get sad longing for my glory days. When I watch American Ninja Warrior I’m sometimes heartbroken. Believe it or not, I used to be able to do stuff like that. It’s crushing to think that somebody actually has the freedom to wake up in the morning, pop up out of bed, and then think to themselves “Well, I think I will run 10 miles, shower, go to work, spend an hour at the gym, play with my kids, and then get 8 hours of restful sleep before doing it all over again.” Here I am thinking, “I hope I can get out of bed.”

Chronic illness can take a great toll on our mental state and subsequent independence.

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Diet

With the chronic illness life, more often than not it seems, comes a list of dietary restrictions. 90% (not actual figures) of life comes from our gut. What we eat and drink. Other than breathing and IV treatments, it’s the only way anything gets into the factory known as our bodies. So, there is much stress put on us by our doctors, friends, family, TV, and the woman on the corner to eat right to better our condition. And not everyone is wrong. There are certain things that improve or worsen our condition. We will listen to the “experts” and try certain things. Excluding things like sugar, dairy, nightshades, and gluten. Or “fad diets” like Paleo, Keto, Vampire, or Atkins.* We might even try Kale! Many of us will try anything if it means we reduce our pain and get a little life back. But, the more foods we give up, the more independence we lose.

Personally this area has been my biggest struggle. Two years ago I went dairy free at the suggestion of a nutritionist, and one year ago I totally cut out sugar. And, I won’t lie, excluding both of those have been fantastic for me! I may not always notice the improvement, but if I happen to slip up on purpose of by accident, I certainly notice then. I am solid and confident in my sugar free/dairy free life, and for the most part I am happy.

However, this does not mean everything is butterflies and unicorns. I still struggle as I’m sure many many of my chronically ill brothers, sisters, and non-binary siblings do. Two examples: My birthday, and the ice cream aisle. On my birthday my co-workers wanted to know what to get me for my party. Typically the birthday treat is cupcakes and fudge. Hello sugar and milk! After much thought, I received the treat of peanuts and pickles. (And I didn't complain) However, it didn’t mean it didn't hurt. My co-workers needed to avoid yummy delicious treats because of my AS. They were supportive, but it didn’t mean I didn’t feel like a party pooper. As for the ice cream aisle, they have dairy free ice cream, and they have sugar free ice cream, but as a friendly store clerk told me, diary free & sugar free ice cream isn't ice cream. I'm out of luck there.

When it comes to dairy and sugar, I have lost my independence. People need to accommodate for me. Oftentimes meaning they might miss out on what they want. When my school does nacho day, frozen custard day, cookie day, etc for staff wellness days, I’m the only one not well. I could tell the people that sorry I can’t eat this, but that opens me up to feeling bad for making them feel bad.

Or when you need to find out if a restruant is accessible. Many would think that with all the handicapped parking spots all places would also be accessible. This is not always true. I have seen places where the "accessible" table is in a door way or up against a wall. The freedom to go to any restaurant one wants is never a guarantee.

When friends want to go out those of us with diet restrictions need to be “that guy/girl”. The one who has hard opinions on what we can eat. Ever stand behind the person at Starbucks who insists on soy milk and Stevia? Have you ever thought “Just take your coffee and drink it! You're holding up the line!” Yeah, that’s us, the ones holding up the line. Doesn't feel good.

We are jealous of those people who can eat whatever they want. Go to any restaurant, order anything off the menu, and even have dessert. This isn't about gaining weight, it's about being able to get out of bed in the morning.

Social

The next topic of how we lose our social independence ties into the three topics above and any others I have not mentioned. Humans are meant to be social. We aren't bears where we can just crawl into our cave and sleep for a few months. If any human crawled into a cave, nobody would be friends with them. Why? Because interacting is one of the standards of human life. We need other people! Sure, there are the mountain folk who go out, kill a deer, make clothing from it, light a fire and live their life in seclusion. (And there is nothing wrong with that) But, most humans need other people to cook our food, make our clothes, work on projects, drive us, and socialize purely for fun. The problem is, for many chronically ill people, getting out of the house and socializing sounds equal to climbing up and living in a mountain.

We are exhausted! Chronic illness takes a lot out of us! Every day can be a struggle to move, breathe, think, and complete other daily activities. Showering can be one of the most difficult activities for some. Doing laundry is pure hell! When most people hate it for the fact they have to do it, for me, folding makes me want to die! Seriously, I don't fully know why, but it hurts so much and takes so much out of me. After doing everything we have to do, we don’t have energy left for what we want to do.

I come home from work, my shoes come off, and I’m done! Very little is going to convince me to put my shoes back on and go out with friends when all I want to do is sleep. Because of this, many chronically ill people are forgotten. We bail on friends two or three times, and they just stop inviting us. But, then we have a good day, we are ready to accept an invite. Do we take it? No. Why? Because, we feel good now, we don’t know if we will feel good later.

Chronic illness symptoms can come in waves. We can have good days (or at least the start of a day) but then we drop. We don’t always know why we drop, but our feelings and mood are in no way guaranteed. So, we don’t risk it. It’s far better to be at home near our bed than 30 minutes away with a group of people you will need to apologize to for leaving early. Declining the invite or simple ghosting is far easier and less harmful to our psyche.

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Chronically ill patients lose all sorts of independence. We can not truly live free with AS, Fibro, EDS, POTS, Lyme, MS, ME or one of the many other chronic illnesses that totally sap us of life. We are not free do do as we like.

While others wake up and get to choose between running, biking, partying, fixing cars, eating amazing food, and/or playing with their kids. We wake up and.. well.. that's it.

In closing. If you know a person with a disability/chronic illness try to be understanding of their limitations. Don’t give them a hard time when they can't do everything you want them to. Our lives are hard enough dealing with all the independence we may have lost.

*I might have made up one of these diets

[goddamnitconnor-a]

I’d mentioned something about this a little bit ago, but there’s been something on my mind for a while, now, and I want to finally write something down. This is mostly because I was asked on the sidelines if I could make a post like this-- so here goes.

I’ll put most of this under a cut so anyone not interested can just scroll by without too much fuss, but first I’d like to say what this is all about.

Anxiety. Or, rather, how to not let it consume your life. Because we all experience it, most of us on a daily basis, but I’ve seen so few people actually do the right things to stop it from escalating to a critical point or try to do anything to manage it when they’re not in a critical mode. So, the rest of this will be cut for sake of length, but please:

If you have struggles with anxiety and recognize that it’s holding you back from enjoying any part of your life to the fullest extent, give the rest of this post a look over. These are honest, tried and true methods of reducing the impact of anxiety, both the obvious and less obvious, and I promise I wouldn’t offer them as suggestions unless I knew they’d have a beneficial impact on your overall health.

I’ll say this one last thing: if you’re thinking anything along the lines of ‘none of this will work for me’ or ‘my anxiety is too bad to do anything about without medication’ or ‘I’ve tried everything before and nothing really works so why bother’, then I’m speaking directly to you: please read the rest of this post. I don’t say it often, but you are so wrong.

Firstly, before I begin spewing out suggestions, everything I talk about here I have seen take a positive effect on both myself (dealing with bipolar depression and I’m sure other shit by this point) and people with severe intellectual disabilities (autism being the primary diagnosis), whom I support and work very closely with. I’ve also taken two college courses focused entirely on managing anxiety through very different strategies (mental vs physical activities) and a handful of others on building mindfulness, confidence, and self-image. Honestly, though, I’m drawing mostly from the former experiences because there’s nothing like seeing the words in action.

These techniques will be listed here only briefly because talking about each of them at length would make this an entire book. I might go into more detail in additional posts, if enough people would like me to or I’m feeling especially talkative another day. They are listed roughly in the order of most effective or most necessary, but honestly they all work in tandem with each other, so saying one is better than the other is a little misleading.

Attitude: We’ve all got it. Some are better than others, and some are just downright-- wait. Not that kind of attitude. I’m talking about our attitude towards our own mental health. I’m sure a lot of people believe they’re just supposed to suffer as much as they do or that it’s not really so bad and changing is too much effort. Essentially, the message is saying ‘I don’t care enough about myself to make the effort for my mental health’ no matter how you say it. Point blank, that’s a pretty shitty attitude to have, and no one wants to have a shitty attitude. No one likes feeling like shit, we just kind of get used to it and grow numb to it out of self defense against our own brains. Not the best habit to pick up. But one thing is certain: if you don’t believe you can help yourself and if you don’t believe you’re worth the effort, then nothing else is going to leave much of a mark. It all starts here, friends, and it’s usually the hardest step to take.

Deep breathing: Has to be next, doesn’t it? And it’s a very easy next step after that last one. The rules are very simple: block yourself off from outside stimuli (whether this means closing your eyes or fixating on a fixed spot in the distance to focus your attention or doing whatever you need to in order to take a minute to yourself); take a deep breath in through your nose for at least five but ideally seven seconds (breathe in so your stomach expands and not just your chest-- your shoulders shouldn’t rise more than they do when you’re yawning or sighing); hold the breath for up to three seconds; release your breath through your mouth slowly (take at least three but ideally five seconds) and make sure to fully push all of the air from your lungs. Repeat at least three times and up to ten times, depending on how high your stress and anxiety are at the time. The idea of the numbers is equal parts providing a structure so that the breath is under your control and providing a distraction from any other thoughts that might intrude. If you’re focusing entirely on counting the seconds of your breath or focusing on how the breath feels going in and out of your lungs, then you’re much less likely to worry about anything else. So don’t get too hung up on the specific numbers; understand their purpose and adjust them as you need to in order to fit your current situation. Do this before you go into a full-blown panic attack. It’s much more difficult to focus on deep breathing when you’re in panic mode, but taking a few deep breaths when you feel the first signs of something coming on could lessen or negate the physical and mental strain. Remember: It takes less than three minutes, even if you do all ten breaths, and there’s no equipment or special requirements. That makes this by far the easiest thing on this list to do, and the effects it can have are fucking mind-blowing.

Diet: Okay, maybe this will be the hardest step. But it doesn’t have to be! Diet changes can be huge, cold-turkey everything bad or small, subtle changes that ease you into a better lifestyle over the course of a few months or even a year. Both are totally cool! In fact, I’ve done both. There is so much I have to say about dieting, but I’ll list out the major points. Stop counting. I don’t care what it is, just stop counting it. Right now. Because guess what: you’re not counting the right things. Things you should be looking at? Sugar content. How processed the food is. Artificial flavoring and high fructose corn syrup. Things that really aren’t that important if you’re organizing your diet to be balanced and actually healthy? Fat content. Calories. What a coincidence. Also, eat breakfast. I know it means getting out of bed a little earlier, but for all that is good in this world, eat breakfast. Snack more often (not on potato chips; try some fruit), especially in the morning when your body is trying to balance out everything from the previous night (or, you know, whenever you sleep). Fruit, vegetables, nuts, protein bars (check that sugar content!), hard-boiled eggs, cottage cheese, and yogurt are all super easy and cheap snacks to grab and most of them are portable if you’re out and about often. Lunch doesn’t need to be big, but it needs to exist on some level. Heavy lunches will weigh you down and make you tired much earlier than you would be otherwise but no lunch will sap your energy and also leave you feeling drained earlier in the day. Dinner should be focused on protein and this is usually where people actually eat their vegetables, so keep that up! If you’re going to have a lot of empty carbs (like fries, mashed potatoes, rice, etc.), you better plan on having a post-dinner workout because guess where that belly fat is coming from. If you have anything to eat before bed, make sure it’s at least an hour before and it should have as little sugar and calorie content as possible. Protein is ideal for this time of the day!

Exercise: Oh boy. All of these steps are sounding pretty hard, aren’t they? Good news! You don’t have to go to the gym. You don’t even have to go outside. And I’m not about to preach youtube workout videos and giant squishy balls to roll around on. I am about to preach yoga. I know we only ever see super attractive and skinny women perching themselves in ridiculous poses on a fucking mountaintop at sunrise with some inspirational quote plastered everywhere and that’s what we think when we hear yoga, but you know what? I’ve taken yoga courses, and the only one even half-capable of flipping herself upside down on her head was our instructor-- because she’s been doing it forever. Most people had to use blocks and bands to assist them with most of the poses. Yoga is not for the fit and bendy only; in fact, the less fit and bendy you are, the more you’ll probably benefit from the practice. A few simple stretches in the morning isn’t going to change your life, but it’s a start. There are plenty of free videos and apps around to help you get started with easy things that will make the rest of your day a little easier, and I guarantee you’ll start feeling so much better that you’ll get addicted to it. If you happen to already be a reasonably active person, then just make sure you’re getting at least 30 minutes of at least moderate activity in order to get the most benefit out of your workout. The most beneficial time to do any exercise is first thing in the morning after you wake up, but right before meals or mid-day when you might be feeling a bit of a drag are also ideal times. Anything above low-intensity exercise before you go to bed will definitely hurt your sleep cycle, but there are some yoga poses and other kinds of exercise that are actually very beneficial to relaxing and getting a better night’s sleep.

Meditation: This should be higher on the list, but again the list really isn’t a ranked thing. I’m only putting it this far down because I believe that meditation doesn’t always stick out to people as something especially helpful. That’s because meditation doesn’t show instant results and a lot of people do it very wrong, so they don’t get any results at all. Because of this, I think if the above techniques are implemented then meditation will become more attractive because some control and balance in your life will have already been established with the other things. I would recommend starting with guided meditation no matter what, if you’ve never done it before or even if you think you’ve been doing it ineffectively. Meditation is very flexible, which is one of the things I love most about it. Once you understand the real purpose of meditating and how to handle any potential distractions while you’re meditating, you can do it almost anywhere and at any time-- and you can spend five minutes with yourself or two hours. Any amount of quiet and calm for your mind will help it immensely! Also, if you’re feeling drained and are unable to do any stretches or exercises to wake yourself up, meditation can actually make you more alert and refreshed. This is especially helpful for people trying to focus on a task that needs to be accomplished but that attention span just isn’t cutting it. Meditation should center you, calm your mind, boost your focus, and clear your head of distracting thoughts and worries unrelated to the task at hand. Stress and anxiety should reduce and if you go into a deep enough trance, a sense of euphoria (similar to that infamous ‘runner’s high’) will accompany you for a while afterwards. If it’s not doing that for you, then you should probably seek out some sort of guide to help you meditate more effectively.  

Water: Just drink it. I won’t say that you can’t drink too much, because of course you can, but chances are high you aren’t drinking as much as you should be. It depends a lot on your activity levels, what you’re eating throughout the day, and your exposure to the sun or other high heat elements, but a few signs that you’re not drinking enough water are: if you get frequent headaches, especially near the top/crown of your head; if you get muscle cramps-- they can be anywhere, but leg cramps are very common and I experience stomach cramps easily when I’m dehydrated; if you’re thirsty (simple as that); if you find yourself yawning/breathing deeply excessively. Drinking water first thing in the morning will help you wake up and cold water before meals will reduce your appetite so you don’t overeat. 

There is so much more I could say about anxiety and so many other, little things that can be done to make things easier on yourself, but these are the really big ones. The ones that I guarantee, if practiced together even on a minimal level, will improve your health both physically and mentally to the extent that you’ll never believe you lived so miserably for so long without doing these simple things. Because here’s the hard news: We weren’t meant to sit in a dark room in front of a computer screen all day. We weren’t meant to play video games for 12 hours a day. We weren’t built to digest the obnoxious amount of empty carbs and overload of sugar that is basically forced in our face every time we turn around. Our bodies are meant to work and they’re meant to be maintained-- and if you feel like that statement doesn’t apply to you, you probably don’t understand your body as well as you think you do. I’m not saying I know anyone’s specific situation and of course there are always outrageous exceptions to even the most reliable of rules, but for the majority of people reading this, the only real block against you and a healthier you is just plainly you. That’s not an easy thing to accept or make peace with, but the sooner we realize that we most often are the only ones holding ourselves back, the easier it will be for us to help ourselves get better. These are just steps and suggestions. Just words on a screen. Any time they’re put into practice and any time they give anyone any sort of benefit, that victory is not mine. Don’t give me the credit. Because you’re doing all of it. And you’ve been able to all along, so I’m glad you’re finally waking up and realizing it.

[thecoroutfitters]

Written by R. Ann Parris on The Prepper Journal.

In the prepper world, we hear “two is one, one is none”. We don’t want to get carried away with it when we’re packing a rucksack, but it provides positive redundancy for our preparations. If something happens to the primary – from a plan to a tangible item – we have a backup right there, already on hand.

There’s a difference between an alternative and a backup, though. It’s subtle, but significant enough to hugely affect how well we navigate upsets.

We see backups in all areas of preparedness and the self-reliant lifestyles many try to cultivate.

If our pressure canner uses rubber rings, we try to keep an extra on hand.

We stock seeds in case we can’t buy more or buy food in a supermarket, and if we’re frugal we stock multiple years’ seeds separately in case there’s a problem with the last-purchased or last-harvested seed supply.

We map out multiple routes for our vehicles, in case one is blocked.

We keep a light and a speed loader, stripper clip, or spare mag with our EDC or creak-in-the-night firearms.

If we’re into tactical load outs, we carry a primary rifle or carbine, with reloads, and have a sidearm on our waist, leg, or chest where it’s handy if our primary runs dry or goes down at a really bad time. I might even have backups for both primary and sidearm back home.

Right There with Backups, is Having alternates

Alternates are somewhat different from “just” a backup. A backup is the same thing, or nearly the same thing, which functions the same way. An alternate is different, largely or entirely.

Following the examples above…

In addition to my pressure canner – and grid-down ways to bring it to and keep it at pressure – I might also make plans to preserve foods by dehydrating, cold smoking, or salt packing.

I might not only have backup seeds, I might have alternates – faster-growing hybrids of the same type, as well as foreign domesticated crops and-or wild edibles.

I might maintain lists of bus and subway/train schedules, stations, and stops, and cash/tokens for them, a bike, and an ATV to get around suburban and rural obstacles. I might also have packs or small carts for my animals and myself so we can flee on foot.

Instead of planning to repel all borders with direct confrontation if our retreat is noticed, we might have made plans to make the house look already-hit, create passive discomforts, make it difficult to reach, and have actual booby traps as our last line.

Instead of a rifle/carbine, some situations might call for me or a partner to carry a shotgun – which are themselves loaded with alternate options.

I might also keep one specifically loaded with rubber shot, rock salt, bean bags, net, or some other less-than-lethal option for chasing pests out of my garden or breaking up a dog fight.

Instead of or with a gun, I might have a souped-up flashlight that functions like a mini baseball bat.  Other alternatives to an EDC pistol might be a taser bug, retractable asp, or a coin roll in a hanky.

Alternatives as Well as Backups Apply Across all of Preparedness

If we flip the switch and there’s no power, we might have solar-charged and standard battery lamps to go with candles and oil lamps for light. We might augment solar and standard batteries with hand-cranked radios or lanterns, which can also function as chargers for other battery devices, or have a generator – and, upping the game of alternatives, a gennie that runs on multiple fuels.

We might have squeeze-activated ice packs we can blow a battery-operated fan across to combat heat stress, and plan for canopy beds and grown-up blanket forts to help reduce the amount of heat we need to stay warm.

We might have dark bags and solar ovens, propane stoves and grills, and various candle stoves for cooking.

We might have Pepto for whatever our water and food storage does to our guts, Imodium and Dulcolax as a backup, as well as some alternative maintenance and treatments for minor cases like prunes, tea/coffee, and dates, and mild farina/rice cereals, applesauce, and protein drink mix.

In our bags, vehicles, and homes we store not only water that’s ready to consume, but also chemical treatments and filters, and vessels we can fill if our primary springs a leak.

Super Sources

Hunting is one area ripe with alternatives for our plans and supplies. There’s already wide evidence and experience for us to weigh according to our own priorities, with gear and techniques full of alternatives just waiting to redeploy by preppers.

There’s that trusty standard shotgun, and all its options, but many hunters have a deer or pig rifle – sometimes instead, but regularly in addition to that shotgun.

Some have both a short, heavy-hitting, stable-flight brush gun and something designed to reach out across ridges, prairies, desert, or pasture. Others choose middle-road calibers that offer cartridge variety to cover multiple bases.

Some have a bow or crossbow for archery seasons. Others hunt very effectively with rim fires and airguns.

Some of those give us alternatives to big booms with a silent, effective killer and all the benefits they can have for a homesteader, hunter, and anyone else trying to avoid attention. Some give us alternatives to a shoulder-thumping Recoil Beast or expensive-ammo eater, giving us options for training and limited shooters.

Some use a handgun as primary for hunts, scoped or iron sights, both small game and large. Some carry a finishing gun along with their primary hunting tool.

Others carry close-range handguns or super-shorty shotguns for bears or self-defense – to include other outdoors-men like fishermen, bikers, hikers, and campers.

Those Outdoors Hobbyists, too, Give us Backups and Alternatives we can Apply

Some gear serves as-is, not only for wilderness bug-outs and survival, but any power-outage and grid-down or off-grid situation. Some gear is seen re-purposed by other interest groups as often as it is in its original field, or is used as an alternative until a field catches up to the interest.

BMX elbow and knee pads, rappelling helmets, and motorcycle knuckle-guard gloves improved tactical load outs, with official military gear catching up, not leading the way. It’s not singular (sadly). Personally acquired “other” gear and tactics are pretty commonly deployed long before it becomes regular issue.

We also see a lot of crossover in foods. Military to camping/backpacking to endurance athletes, one innovates and the others apply it. Then they’re catching up and expanding, or innovating anew, and it goes back the other way.

Preppers with crossover interests apply them, and they gain increased attention within that fold, further increasing the backups and alternatives we can apply. (Fad foods, too.)

It goes far beyond gunners and rations, though.

Bivy sleepers of both the sleeping bag and mini pup-tent types can offer us an alternative to more common tents and tarps shelters, or create additional layers of insulation and moisture protection when combined with them – or create even more layers of insulation and warmth indoors.

Netted hammocks and bug net around our hats help keep mosquitoes and biting flies at bay – in the garden and for front-porch sleeping in hot weather as well as out on the water or trails. Those mesh shields crossover with hunters’ turkey and duck mesh for the face and head.

Hunter’s camo options give us an alternative to military patterns, sweltering heat or frigid cold, across a wide variety of terrains.

Increased interest from outdoors types means pack rafts and inflatable kayaks (it’s a canoe) are much more compact, reliable, and affordable now.

They give us vehicle and home options for all sorts of things, be it a fishing platform, icy-pond and deep-mud rescue platform, dryer (-er, not dry) crossing of waterways, and options if we’re caught in high water from a hurricane, main break, dam spillway, or some other flood.

That gives us one more way to keep loved ones safe and get them out of harm’s way across a wide array of emergencies.

Rain gear, protective gear for bikes and ATV’ers, lightweight and compact tools of all sorts, off-roading vehicle upgrades, compact fishing kits, big-wheeled bikes and lightweight tow carts, eating habits, backwoods wheelchairs, speedy-refuel cans, comms devices and chargers – many apply to preppers, whether they’re urban or rural, whether they’re inclined toward either shelter-in-place or bugout survival.

Good-Better-Best

We regularly want a backup – specifically a backup, one that does the same job exactly or nearly the same way. Conditions ebb and flow, though, especially at crunch times. Alternatives that provide entirely different options add to our resilience and self-reliance in times of need.

Having both is the best of all worlds, making for more well-rounded preps all around. Happily, we have whole realms of possibilities that makes it pretty easy to accomplish both backups and alternatives.

Outdoor pursuits may have a lion’s share to offer, but we can find alternatives and backups pretty much anywhere. Sports of all types, permaculture, the re-purpose/up-cycle/re-use-it crowds, bio-mimicry in urban planning, and emergency response techs, shelters, and CnC cells are particular goldmines for techniques and tools.

History and the rest of the world are also excellent sources to apply to all arms of preparedness, both in terms of things that could derail our primary and backup plans, and coping mechanisms for when “normal” has left the building.

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