#pretty much everything on here is subject to change so i'll update frequently

[bittybeanie]

fics for gaza

august 13th update: all previously sponsored words have been completed, and sponsored wips are being paused! $5 requests will remain open, and gravity falls has been added to the list of available fandoms.

for examples of my works, check out my masterlist!

text version of images and more detailed information under the cut

hi y'all! i'm excited to announce that i'll be participating in @ficsforgaza! this post will be updated at least once a week as a progress tracker.

how it works: you make a donation to a fundraiser for palestine (for the indecisive or overwhelmed, i recommend gazafunds). then, you'll send me a screenshot of your donation with your personal info blocked out and a link to the fundraiser. then i'll start writing based on what you send along with your proof of donation!

you must be 18 or older to participate. if you ignore this rule, even if you make a donation, i won't take your request or count your word count toward any sponsored wips, and i will block you.

some housekeeping: your original ask/message will not be published, and i won't mention you on the finished fic post unless you verify it's okay in your ask. if you consent, you'll be thanked and tagged in the finished post. your donation amount won't be included.

rates: $1 = 100 words of sponsored wip (unlimited) OR $5 = 1 headcanon/drabble request (3 slots open at a time, these posts average about 800 words, and will be 600 words minimum)

rules for $5 requests: your request will be filled as either headcanons or a drabble, depending on what i think will lend itself better to the prompt. some direction is appreciated, but more general prompts such as tropes or lines of dialogue will help ensure i can fill your request! if a prompt is too specific, I may reach out and ask for more direction or for you to simplify.

you may request reader inserts for: mob psycho 100, osomatsu-san, undertale, gravity falls, the adventure zone (balance arc only)

request rules: requests may be nsfw. all requests must be for adult characters only. reader will be gender neutral by default (requests otherwise will be honored). requests may not include noncon, graphic violence, pregnancy, or family relationships (ie, you're related to the character). if your request includes something else i'm not comfortable writing, i'll get in touch privately for a second choice.

slot 1: open slot 2: open slot 3: open

wips available to sponsor:

on pause, check back later! total sponsored words written so far: 2,500!

[something-pithy]

Notes and an Update: Astarion, Tav, and Trauma in Stories

Pictured above: actual footage of trauma response from Astarion (j/k! kinda!) to catch your eye :D

Hey glittercats and cosmic kittens!

So I've definitely been neglecting the updates here, which I'm going to try to do better with.

We're up to Chapter 11 on this bad boy, and I've adjusted the anticipated chapter count to 30 (but honestly it's probably still all lies because I have absolutely no sense of how much writing each point on my outline ends up being loool).

I have a DOPE beta who's fucking amazing both in terms of conventions and idea partnership and I'm telling you right now, this story is so much better for having their hands and eyes on it.

SOME CONTENT WARNING STUFF RE: THIS CHAPTER:

Alcohol use disorder (AUD) and symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

.

.

.

MORE DETAILS ON THIS -- SPOILERS AHEAD, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK

So hopefully that's enough room for people who don't want to be spoiled to escape!

So I'm going to copy/paste the end note on the story, and expand on it a little bit.

So, although Tav is a "good drunk," as Frank Gallagher might put it, she is 1000% engaging in pretty serious substance abuse, or to be more specific in this chapter, alcohol use disorder. I'm not going to go into the way this story is going to approach mental and behavioral health disorders and trauma; hopefully it will speak for itself. Suffice it to say substance abuse and trauma are not the central subject of this story, but also, Astarion and Tav as they exist in this little pocket dimension of the BG3 universe have been impacted by the trauma they've each experienced both together and as individuals. In general, the impact of trauma can look and feel a lot of ways. Sometimes it's horrifying, sometimes it's heartbreaking, sometimes it's rage-inducing - but let's be honest, sometimes that shit is funny, too, because humor is such an incredible survival tactic / coping mechanism. Even if sometimes we're laughing at shit that shouldn't be funny. (Maybe especially then.) This story isn't going to be an after-school special or a PSA. It's a story about people, and sometimes people are fucked up (literally and figuratively). Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox now. If this has activated you, or you have earnest questions or concerns about what's going on in this story / with these characters, or you just want to shoot the shit, hit me up on my tumblr. There might be more notes there on this eventually, but for now, this chapter actually took a lot out of me and I'm still out here with these perpetual COVID symptoms, so... lol NOT TONIGHT. As always, thank y'all for reading, kudosing, and commenting.

OK, so I may have lied about the no notes part... but honestly, in re-reading that note, I think it kind of gets to the point.

But ALSO...

I've been a geek on the internet for a long, long time. I've engaged with different fan-based writing and roleplaying communities (tabletop, chat-based, forum-based, butt-based -- EVERYTHING) for pretty much the entire time.

"The Tragic Backstory" seems like it's been A Whole Thing since people started creating characters whether for roleplay or stories.

I think times have changed somewhat, but back in the day I ran in circles where a lot of thoughts about writing, creating characters, roleplay, etc. coexisted somewhat peacefully, but an old chestnut that consistently (maybe without fail) turned up in any conversation that involved Writers of Quality was a contingent of folks who had deep disdain for The Tragic Backstory.

I'm talkin' some deep, scathing, elitist shit, my beautiful people.

And I'm not gonna lie to you! This is approximately ten thousand years ago (no but seriously, decades), and honestly, I was up in those conversations, too, throwing around my disdain, assured by my fellow elitists that even though I frequently employed some form of Tragic Backstory, it was OK when I did it because it was good.

I mean in retrospect, it's kinda bullshit. There's always gonna somebody who's gonna think your shit's good, and there's also always gonna be somebody who thinks they're a Better Writer Than You who's gonna think your shit is... well, shit.

Not gonna lie, I still have very strong and particular preferences when it comes to the fic I read in general, and that includes backstory.

But over time, I got progressively less insecure (not just about my writing, but in general) and consequently less concerned with judging writing that's not my flavor as "bad" or "shitty" or "juvenile" (looool seriously, I was a dick) and more concerned with finding and creating writing that is my flavor.

However, and I don't think I'm going to apologize for it, some dickish tendencies linger in my soul. I'm going to try and frame these thoughts in terms of what compels me in a story I'm reading and what I do (or try to do) in my own writing.

This is a very long way of saying if something I say (or have already said) makes you feel like I'm coming for your neck, please know that I'm not.

My thoughts and/or opinions may cause you or someone you love to feel Some Type of Way. That is not my intention. I have no desire to:

Yuck anyone's yum

Contribute to or activate the crippling self-doubt that plagues almost every creative I've ever met

Be a dick.

Having said all that, I do have Thoughts on This Matter.

People write for a lot of reasons, but I'm fairly convinced that nobody's doing it with any level of purity. There are tons of incredible, beautiful, moving stories that feature a whole-ass Self-Insert, maybe even the dreaded Mary Sue.

(lol lookin' at you Dante's Inferno, Tyrion Lannister from A Song of Ice and Fire, and countless others lol)

People write to explore topics and themes that interest them, that compel them, that they see recurring in the world around them and/or their own lives.

One of those things is trauma.

In my writing, I approach trauma, disordered behaviors, dysfunction, dysregulated emotions, etc. (topics both of great interest to me and, not coincidentally, ones with which I have a great deal of personal experience) from a place of wanting fervently to tell the truth.

And I'm pretty good writing some things that feel true.

But I know that in some ways, I've shied away from harder truths; from using my writing and the characters I create not only as reflections of what I see in the world, but as accurate (rather than idealized) reflections of myself.

Because of this, while I've explored redemption arcs in roleplaying games (where being cheesy or facile or juvenile or fulfilling personal fantasies felt much safer than on a page), I've skirted neatly around it, I think, in my writing (for the most part). Because I absolutely was the girl who wanted to "save" or "fix" the wounded (and emotionally unavailable, and/or abusive, and/or toxic) lover. I wanted stories about it. I wanted to roll around in that narrative, bathe in it, eat it up for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

All while occupying the role/perspective of The Good One / The Good Girl whether in a game or in a story I was consuming.

But it's not the truth. Not the whole truth, at least. Not for me, anyway.

My admiration, respect, regard, and all the other good words for the writing and acting in Baldur's Gate 3 cannot be overstated. Each of the "origin" characters (and honestly, any character "Tav" has the opportunity to even have a conversation with, much less spend a significant amount of time with) is thoughtfully and truthfully written. I see this more in some than others, but that depth and breadth of understanding about human beings -- sorry, sentient beings -- shows up all over the place and honestly I almost can't stand how much I love it.

I'm not going to say that there's no character I feel this as deeply with as Astarion, but... idk, sometimes.

But there's no need to quantify this. Astarion is one of a number of characters from the game that I'm low-key obsessed with.

As such, when I decided to take on the story outcome in which, in my opinion, he throws all the growth, all the processing, all the truth and reconciliation I saw him moving toward in the game into a fucking woodchipper, I did not want it to be easy.

I get wanting it to be easy, and there are delicious, delicious fics out there that go this route. I think anybody who writes Ascendant Astarion at least flirts with it.

And it's not a binary; it's not either, "OMG this is completely uncomplicated, I love you I'm your spawn and it's just like if you hadn't ascended except your SUPER EXTRA POWERFUL AND SEXY AND HOT AND WHOOPS THERE GO MY PANTIES" (which, tbh... lool I'm not mad at) or "ASTARION IS IRREDEEMABLE LET ME WRITE OF HIS TRAGIC DEMISE AND TAV'S TRAGIC WITNESS TO IT / ENGINEERING OF IT." Which I'm ALSO not mad at, because THOSE THINGS CAN BE TRUE.

But while I'm subscribed to some stories that follow those paths or ones like them, and when I get that notification it's time to STOP THE PRESSES bc mama needs to READ, for me the challenge of this is if I'm going to continue Astarion and Tav's love story (or rekindle it lol), I want to honor the four years of intense character work Neil Newbon and Stephen Rooney and honestly the whole goddamn BG3 team from soup to nuts have done by considering "What would really happen here" as brutally as possible.

Komo, my incredible thought partner-cum-beta, can tell you about the pages of back and forth between us about "fml, how can we make this story work and maintain fidelity to the integrity* of these characters???? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY"

*not personal integrity -- meta shit. The integrity of their arcs, development, personalities, histories, traumas, etc.

SO. Back to trauma.

I said in my end note for chapter 11 that this story is not an after-school special (which looool probably at least some of you are like wtf are you talking about my dude and I'm like looooool omg life before kids were a whole target demographic unto themselves - kind of lol) or a PSA.

Which alludes to the fact that YES, I want to tell the truth about the ugliness of this relationship and the individuals in it with nuance and empathy and sensitivity; that I want to write about the pain and harm and longing and ache and all of it in ways that are neither hyperbolic nor diminishing.

But also, look, my darling motherfuckers, my comrades in fuckery, whoever's made it this far into this rambling monster of a -- whatever the fuck this is lool -- PEOPLE WHO HAVE TRAUMA ALSO HAVE FUN.

SOMETIMES EVEN WHEN THEY ARE ENGAGING IN BEHAVIORS THAT ARE DESTRUCTIVE TO THEMSELVES AND/OR OTHERS.

I don't think I've sufficiently unpacked this part to dig down much deeper into it, but what I will say is that this is not going to be a passion play about Poor Tav or Drugs Are Bad, Mmkay? or anything else.

What this is going to be (or at least, what I passionately want it to be) is -- framed with a delicious little fake-dating muffin of an emotional MacGuffin -- a portrait of some people in all (or lordt jebus please let me achieve at least MOST) of their complexity.

ALL OF IT.

Lordt Baby Jebus, Allah, Milal, Great Spaghetti Monster, ANYBODY

(not Lolth lol)

hear my prayer!

Aight, that's all I've got for today. <3

If you made it this far, PM me and tell me something you want to see in the story! I'll make you a treat.

And if it don't fit in the story, I might be able to make a li'l drabble happen.

COMING SOON to Writing Notes Storytime:

Identity in this story and in stories in general

The Good, the Bad, and the Neutral: Alignment and Astarion (and some other ppl, too!) in BG3, DnD, and This Story lol

Stuff I'm forgetting bc I'm STILL not over this never-ending COVID fuckery

[chocolatespyro]

welcome to my blog or something or other

I'll probably be most active here for most things. First thing's first though:

Please politely let me know if I accidentally forget to tag or tag something wrong or if I am supporting someone/something problematic thanks.

(Please provide proof. I don't want to listen to or spread possible misinformation.)

I don't control any blogs I reblog things from, so be careful and go to them at your own risk. And also heed any and all content warnings and block tags of posts you don't wanna see.

I don't tag posts with caps or regular swears in them and I use caps frequently. If there's a safe chrome extension that makes caps lowercase I can link it here

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DNI If You:

Fall under general DNI criteria (Racist, Homophobic, Zionist, Antisemitic etc)

Hate any harmless groups (Therians, Objectums, etc)

Are a proshipper/comshipper (Specifically if you're supportive of or make romanticised Inc/st and/or P/dophillia, fictional or not.)

(Idc much if it's a ship where they're both consenting adults w/ no familial relation.)

(Clarifying because of the 200 different meanings of proship. May need to update this to be even more specific so. ill get back to you on that. But this is it for now.)

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In general please be polite when interacting.

(That being said spam likes/reblogs are 1000% okay I love it when people do that please blow up my notifs. just dont spam asks just 1 or two are fine.)

Also also please change your icon and header and title so I know you're not a bot if you're new.

(Everything else below "Keep Reading")

I'm in the object show community. And I like III Cabby a lot.

I draw and will probably mostly just do object show related stuff here since it has taken over my interests but this is always subject to change because this is my blog and I do whatever lol

I'm very quiet and closed off in general unless I know you but you can talk to me if you want.

Also I might post negatively about Inanimate Insanity Invitational so if you don't wanna see that block the #ii neg , #ii negativity and #neg ii tags

Stuff w/ reblog bait is under #reblog bait tw so block that also if you need to.

^^ NOTE: I will likely not tag posts with #reblog bait tw if they just say "Please Reblog" or other similar phrases with no catch.

PSA-type posts or posts with important information will usually be tagged as #important

My art tag is #this is my art and this is the tag for it

(I do not support AnimationEpic I just like Cabby and I judge Inanimate Insanity Invitational pretty harshly in comparison to most things.)

[jaaankiey]

about me (& other)

hey everyone! i'm jankiey! i like writing cruddy bfdi fanfiction surrounding leafpin (them but evil!!!) and posting them on ao3! and i can't believe people read it, much less actually leave a few kudos here and there haha. i have a a quick and dirty faq section and a few additional notes here! i'll add more if i think of anything haha.

last updated: 03/12/22.

faqs i thought on the spot:

(subject to change)

why leafpin?

a good question and something i frequently ask myself. not really sure how exactly i latched onto leafy/pin, but it may be influenced by fics made from other authors! i also have a bad track record of latching on to rarepairs so naturally, i was pretty bummed out to see that on ao3 (the only fic site i frequent) is barren in the leafy/pin tag department. i sometimes do writing in my free time and thought "why not? let's see if i can make some material for myself".

okay, but why does your leafpin have that evil spin to it? cringe

OOF. a bit of a hot take but i dooooooooo kind of think that both of them in bfdi/bfb are a tad bit dry. like, where's the spice? i do get appealing to a young audience so it's something that i've kind of shrugged off. after all, fanfiction is fanfiction and the "what if pin and leafy were actually seriously morally grey" thought was too tempting to not use. it also makes writing the fics much more fun because i do love exploring the mental state of characters through good and bad.

any other ships you like?

just a few! i really like tennis ball/golf ball or tb/gb/8ball [the latter one being i kinda get that vibe to write something for since i can't find anything either haha]. apart from those 2 and leafpin, i don't think i have any other ships haha.

anything about you specifically?

i prefer not to, but i am a very tired adult still getting an education (which is why it takes me forever to get anything thrown on the ao3... like i'm dead tired most of the time haha). you can call me jankiey or any variation of that; my main accounts are ao3 and tumblr (so if you see someone stealing my fics ?? please let me know!!). i'm fine with people using any kind of pronouns for me (masc/fem/neutral) so don't worry too much about that. i also think the color blue is pretty rad.

additional notes:

feel free to ask me anything relating to my fics/future plots/general (still writing related) ramblings! i love talking to people but if i'm slow, i'm sorry! i also get overwhelmed easily!

please don't ask about when i'll update stuff. i know it can take me forever to update on certain works, but i'd love it if i didn't get pestered for it. I will get it done (eventually) haha.

i write dark themes such as death, violence, plots involving killing, etc... everything's tagged appropriately to the best of my abilities on ao3 but if this isn't for you, then do not interact/read please (i will also try to give a heads up on posts here kdjvnajdkv).