#pretentious 1am ramblings

[rusted-phone-calls]

trust and devotion in jolie and vertina's relationship: a presentation

for @camelspit's roisin's reading rumble 2024! thank you sm for the opportunity to ramble about the characters i love. behold a ppt in which i am so normal about them. and i talk about jolie & vertina a normal amount

and bonus where i break the fourth wall and overthink:

[drd3athdefying]

Kinda a ramble/rant but like,,, Placebo fans on reddit calling the band pretentious for their "don't use phones at shows" sign get on my nerves. Like,,, above anything else I feel like Placebo have kinda earned the right to be pretentious. Not only are they hugely influential, they're also such an iconic queer band that at this point why tf shouldn't they get to be pretentious sometimes??

Like to an extent I get the whole "Well I paid for this concert so I should be able to record" but like... honestly? The bands I've seen where I haven't recorded have been the concerts I've enjoyed the most. It's nice to capture memories but also it can be just as nice to not record things.

Idk it's 1am so my wording is weird but like,,, let bands be kinda pretentious sometimes. Saying "don't use your phone so we can connect more with you" isn't the end of the world and isn't hurting anyone so what's the point in getting up in arms about it??

[bananonbinary]

i love the idea of “ultimate self” from hs because honestly that’s exactly what fandom is about. like once you’ve been around any fandom enough, the characters “True” self starts to take shape to the point that you could look at a film noir gay mermaid au and still say with authority whether or not it’s IC.

i dunno i just love this thing where fandoms take canon characters and very organically refine them until we’ve collectively created this sort of platonic ideal of who X is, and i feel like the concept of characters existing across all timelines and aus, especially in such an interactive and fandom-driven piece of work, is an interesting reflection of that

[borealis-hopping]

((WARNING LMAO, this post turned out a lot longer than I thought it would, sorry. Autistic idiot rambles about Jack Stauber for multiple paragraphs.))

TLDR; Watching Jack get popular as a fan who was there before he went viral has been great, however, most people only seem to view his art as nothing but a vehicle for their own. Taking inspiration from other people's art for your art is wonderful and fine, however if you ONLY view someone's art as nothing but a vehicle for your own, it's not great. Doing so ignores the intention behind it, covers up it's original meaning, separates it from it's artist, and ultimately strips it of it's worth as an individual art piece, even if that wasn't your intention at all. ((Also pls listen to more than just the same 4 songs, he has a pretty big amount of music out there and it's all really good, give it a try and stop listening to nothing but "Buttercup"))

vv Thoughts below vv

________________________________

Look it's 1am so idk if I'll word my exact feelings on this as ideally as I'd want to but like, I have mixed feelings on the fan base that has formed around Jack Stauber's work.

While yes it is good he's getting popular, and yes it is good he's finding success after all his years of work, and yes I'm happy people are enjoying his music, I can't help but find the fan base that has formed around his music to be fairly disingenuous.

And by disingenuous I mean, most people don't tend to care about the art of the music itself, what any of it actually means, or the heart and intentions put into it, or really Jack himself. Now ik this makes me sound like a pretentious dickbag, but it comes from a place of care.

I love Jack Stauber's work because it's so interesting to me. Not cause "oh wow it's so weird and fucked up!! Jack must be such a fucked up edgy guy to make such surreal art LOL." But because of the amount of soul is in his work.

I think people are too fast to dismiss surreal art as meaningless or weird simply for the sake of being weird, completely missing any thought the artist put into it. Like, if you have the capacity to suspend your disbelief even for a second and look past his arts surreal aspects, you'll see just how /human/ Jack's writing and art is.

While I'm not generalizing EVERY thing he's made or is going to make, ultimately I think Jack's work is about humanity. Human struggle both internal and external, with relationships, grief, communication, and the complexities of self image.

If you pay attention to how he writes his characters, all the dialogue feels really authentic. Like yeah I can imagine passing a person in public who sounds like that or would say that, or I could totally see a person in that context talking like that. He seems to have a really good understanding of people.

The way he portrays them is honest but not nihilistic. They're just people, and sometimes people are a bit weird, or awkward, or just plain dumb. But they're still people and they're not evil for being that way.

Even in Jack's more surreal shorts or songs, if you pay attention to the lyrics and context clues, you can probably derive meaning from it that in one way or another is fairly human and sincere.

Ofc surreal art that is weird or funny or off putting simply for the sake of being so has plenty of worth as well, and I'm sure Jack has just had fun here and there making strange stuff for the sake of making strange stuff. (Think "Nerpo") and that's valid too!

But ig what I'm getting at here is that, more often than not the majority of engagement I see w/ Jack Stauber's work outside of his YouTube channel, is people simply using his work as a vehicle for their own characters or stories, or fandoms.

Now I'm in no way saying that doing that stuff is inherently bad. I do it all the time! Finding inspiration from other artists as a way to express and expand your own art is beautiful and extremely fun, HOWEVER-

That seems to be the /ONLY/ type of engagement there is. Which, sadly, isn't great. Using someone else's pre-made art, especially music, as a vehicle for your own fandom/art isn't bad, however, if you ONLY view that person's art as nothing BUT a vehicle, even if it's not your intention, you completely lose sight of the art you're riding off of. You separate it from it's artist, disregard it's original meaning, cover up the intentions behind it, and ultimately kinda strip it of its own individual worth as a piece of art.

Anyways! Enjoying Jack's work is good but I wish more people would appreciate his work for what it is on it's own, as well as who Jack is as an artist and look at his work with a more realistic and proper perspective even if it does look "weird" or "pointlessly creepy"

Also this is a bit more petty and just how I feel but PLEASE listen to more than just the same 3 to 4 songs. There's nothing wrong with having favorite songs or just listening to the same few songs from an artist and not exploring the rest of their work, and like idc if saying this makes me sound like a shitty hipster- if you're gonna do that just PLEEAASE stop walking around and telling people you're this BIG Jack Stauber fan when the only songs you listen to are "Oh Klahoma" "Coffee" and "Buttercup"

He has SUCH a big selections of tracks out there if you include both the extended and non-extended micropop songs, as well as his albums. My personal favorite album is "HiLo", it means a lot to me and is getting me through a pretty tough time in my life rn. I recommend ALL of his music! Even his very first album, and the stuff at the start of his YouTube channel.

There's even people trying to compile his "lost media" on SoundCloud. Old and unreleased music he never put on YouTube. It's a fun thing to look into if you feel up to it!

[pomrania]

Great AO3 tags V

(I) (II) (III) (IV)

Taking a dive through the Magnus Archives tag, and here's some things I found. As before, only one tag per fic; so if some seem amusingly linked, it's a lucky accident. And since this is the result of me going through over 150 pages of AO3, it will be in multiple parts.

I am a touch-starved lesbian and that's everyone else's problem now

only sexy vampires allowed in this household

Victorians were kinky freaks

when you're bad at saying "I care" but great at knowing how to annoy the other person

seducing your monster boss as a way to get him under your thumb

the summary's pretentious im just a stem major whos doing their best to write okay

make sure to check which tabs are visible before you ask someone to fix your computer

pure visceral hatred for old rich men with libraries

the timeline of this is "I'm having fun"

the idea of road trips was only created by americans to cope with how outrageously big america is

working title for this was 'evil reprehensible men have been divorced 7 times & counting'

not canon compliant! everyone is alive and well definite

i didn't know that was a tag but i guess that applies

The Weed Socks Stay On During Sex

this is half meta half fic and half projection

Elias gets punched by a child and clawed by a cat

must a story be good? is it not enough for it to simply be extremely self-indulgent and sappy?

If you stop your husband being murdered in his sleep it probably does mean you like him

I can't be proven wrong in-between episodes

Need a beta reader but might just die like men without one

i hate that i feel deep emotions about these evil old men IN LOVE

nothing says lonely like sad masturbation on the sofa

i was absolutely drowning in sad gay bitch juice the other morning and this is what came out of it

listening to people ramble about their highly specific knowledge and interests is a love language

Character Death and Undeath (Not Necessarily Correlating)

we're all here for monsterfuckers... but what about monsterLOVERS.....

overuse of uk specific school words i will explain promise

this fic is meant to reach an audience of me

everyone has trauma and I Will make them talk about it

it’s just a lot of meta and it gets more and more meta each chapter that’s really all this is

Sentences That Don't Make Sense In Order To Evoke A Specific Emotion

i don't feel right calling this hurt/comfort so let's call it...bittersweet lol

i wrote this at 1am bc i wanted to be in pain apparently

honestly fuck America and their fucking werewolves

[threemoonsareshining]

hey i can’t sleep it’s 1am and i’m too out of it to pick i can’t properly express how much i love reading your answers so just answer any / all of those fruit asks i know i said that last time but time is a lie and you’re a cool person yeet

Hi! Oh my god it’s me the one who can’t properly express how much I like getting your asks, and how weird it feels when someone tells you that they like your answers (I still don’t get how you find my ramblings interesting!), but I actually find writing them quite liberating, and it helps me practice my writing skills in English even though they’re not very good! Ok, so you ask for it, here are some long-ass answers

peach: do you have any piercings or tattoos? No! I just had my ears pierced when I was a baby and I wear normal earrings. I don’t really want any kind of piercings because I find them soo unnecessary (for me personally), I don’t see the use in involuntarily mutilating my body you know (I hate needles). I don’t have tattoos either, and I’d like to get one someday, just something tiny and pretty, but then again we encounter the problem of needles…….

raspberry: favorite flower? I honestly love all kinds of flowers but I really like… orchids for example, and when I was little I used to be obsessed with wildflowers (I made bouquets all the time) and now every once in a while I go out to my garden and pick flowers so i can press them in a book and then stick them to an empty notebook (so cliche I know) but I just think they look so so nice.

passion fruit: how would you describe your style? Mmmm I don’t really know if I have a style, I’m really basic tbh. I wear simple clothing but somehow I always manage to differentiate myself from the rest, sometimes without even trying. Like, when I go shopping I get really annoyed because 90% of the shops in every mall are owned by the same company (Inditex) and want it or not, they always end up selling the same stuff, because it’s what everybody is wearing and they sell more you know, but I hate wearing That Exact Garment That Everyone Is Wearing This Season, unless I really really like it. But most of the time I just stick to a simple style, with plain colors, although now I’m trying to broaden my horizons and feel a little bit more comfortable showing a little more skin, which I don’t always like but I’m trying you know.

pineapple: sexual orientation? Ah, the eternal question. I’m honestly not sure. I spent a lot of time believing I was ace, I have always been “mocked” for my lack of sexual behaviours. When I was in middle school people thought it was because I was  a lesbian, but I gave it a lot of thought and I arrived at the conclusion that I wasn’t, I just didn’t have attraction towards anyone, which apparently people find completely incomprehensible. But this last year I’ve experienced some situations that have made me realise I might not be 100% ace, but it’s weird because I don’t think those feelings were towards anyone in particular, so I’m pretty confused. What I have more or less clear so far is that I need a lot of trust, and when I say a lot I mean a lot, like I need to “click” with that person in a special way so I am capable of feeling the minimum sexual desire, or at least to feel comfortable enough to engage in some kind of physical contact (even kissing, like, last year I couldn’t even stand people touching my arm, so yeah all kinds of physical contact are kind of big deal to me, specially with the opposite sex, idk why), and even then it doesn’t always happen. I still have a lot to figure out, but I’m not really stressed about it, right now I’m pretty much craving some human contact (this sounds contradictory to what I wrote above, I just think I avoid physical contact because I don’t really know how to react to those situations) and hopefully I’ll get it tomorrow, even if it’s from someone that hasn't been really been really nice to me

strawberry: favorite desserts? Always ice cream, or any of the cakes that my mom bakes because they are all delicious.

cherry: can you play any musical instruments or can you sing? I used to take violin lessons and I self-taught a little of piano, but last year I didn’t have time to do anything and I ended up dropping everything art-related, which pretty much killed my soul. Giving up violin was to be expected, since it was never my passion, it felt more like an obligation because my parents pressured me a lot, and by doing that I refused to practice as much as I should so I never got to see much progress and I got stuck, while the rest of my mates kept getting better and better, which discouraged me even more. With piano, I enjoy a lot playing the little I know, and I’ve composed some themes (without any actual academic knowledge of music of course) but I think they sounded pretty good given that I came up with them with 14 years old or so. Right now I have some themes in mind (it’s amazing because I came up with them like 4 years ago and I still haven’t forgotten them, which is dangerous because I haven’t written or recorded them…). Regarding singing, I like to do it (as I type this I’m performing Africa by Toto with my heart and soul and I bet my neighbour wants to kill me right now) but I’m too shy to sing in front of people, even though I’ve been told I’m good at it (my voice isn’t strong at all btw). I’ve just performed alone in public once and I still don’t know how I managed to do it without having a nervous breakdown. Anyways, yesterday I was home alone and I started singing while doing my hair and I was surprised by myself like “woah bitch when did you learn to do that with your voice” and it was a nice feeling.

banana: favorite horror movies? Mmmmm I’m not a fan of horror movies, I’ve only started to watch some this year. For example, the only horror movie I’ve seen in an actual cinema was A quiet place, and it wasn’t even that scary, but I really liked it. I’ve also seen The Others and The Shining, which were also pretty scary for me hahah

blackberry: is your life an action film, a comedy, a romantic comedy, or drama? My life is one of those pretentious indie European drama movies in which nothing happens, except it’s not aesthetically pleasing

pomegranate: when do you feel the most confident? The other day I was wearing a clean pyjama and I was freshly shaven and honestly, I had the confidence to kill a man.

guava: dark & dramatic makeup or natural makeup? I’m trying to perfect the art of achieving a natural makeup that actually looks natural, but problem: I’m bad at it and I don’t have the right products to do it.

tangelo: if you could be any mythical creature, which would you be? I’d be a dryad, an elf or something that lives in the forest, nothing like a mermaid or a creature that lives in the water because I’m afraid of it, just let be me eaten by the moss please and thank you

papaya: what song describes your aesthetic? I’ve said it like 461654 times but Plant Life by Owl City is me, like, if that song was a person, it would be me.

cranberry: favorite time of the day; morning, afternoon, dusk, or night? I love the night because it feels like time stops. If I’m alone, I don’t feel judged because there’s no one else to see me, I can just enjoy the world when everything’s quiet and if I stay awake till dawn I get to see how the world wakes up which is also really nice. I also like the night when I’m with people, I can’t describe the feeling, like, when I breathe deeply, I feel some butterflies in my stomach (sometimes it’s the anxiety and I want to end my suffering right there but other times it’s like a nice way of feeling excited), just being surrounded by people... it gives me a weird feeling (my way of expressing this is so shitty i’m sorry)

nectarine: would you consider yourself an emotional person? I’ve always been known for being stone cold and emotionless, but actually I am Very Sensitive, everything affects me, even if I’m not the target of it (I would get really upset at school when my classmates were mean to teachers because I felt so so so so bad for them and my mom told me like “but the haven0t done anything to you!” and I’m like I know but my soul is in pain what can I do). Despite this, I never cried once at school, I just let it all out when I got home (I would cry a lot outside), and that’s why everyone thought I had no feelings, when actually I had a lot of them, too many, I just got really really good at hiding them. This is now a problem since I find myself incapable of expressing my feelings to other people. I’m good at rationalising them to myself, I can distance myself from my own perspective and think “You’re feeling this because of that”, but there’s a difference between being able to acknowledge your feelings objectively and actually having the capability to control them, or change them (that’s why they’re feelings, they’re the opposite of “objective” and they can’t just be turned off whenever you want). This is the reason why it’s so exhausting to be concealing them all the time like I do or not even that, just trying to canalise negative feelings instead of avoiding them can be really hard. So yeah, to sum up, I’m very emotional, but I’d like to believe I’m very self-aware so I can find some kind of balance.

orange: do you have long eyelashes? I actually do, but only because I apply ricin oil every night before bed. I did it just to give it a try but my lashes are now not only longer, but also denser (I have lots of new hairs popping out, it’s very nice to see). I do it because I hate wearing mascara, and I want them to look fuller without having to apply anything.

apricot: what do you do when you’re sad? When I’m very very sad I just get this sinking feeling in my chest, which I can’t express with words how much I hate it, it reminds me of all the times I’ve gotten that feeling in my life and makes me feel completely miserable. When I feel like that, there’s literally nothing else I can do but lie feeling just kind of paralyzed. I often try to watch a tv show, and even though I can’t concentrate on it and I’ll probably end up having to rewatch that episode, it distracts me a little. I also play music, but it sometimes makes it even worse. Lately, when I feel really down, or anxious (specifically anxiety over things I know are stupid and no big deal, but things that my brain decides to worry about anyway), I end up cleaning something very thoroughly, like my bedroom or bathroom while listening to some playlist with mainstream songs that I know the lyrics to but that I’m not emotionally attached to so I can keep my mind busy until lunchtime or until I have to go out.

star fruit: favorite sea creature? I used to be obsessed, and when I said obsessed I mean obsessed with whales, specifically beluga whales. I have a stuffed beluga toy, a beluga notebook and I still have the picture of a beluga hung on my wall (it’s not big I swear it’s not that bad now). I also made my mom tell my tales about belugas for like 6 or 7 years every single night (I can’t remember when exactly she stopped doing it but I can tell you I was old enough to feel really, really ashamed of it if anyone found out about it), now I feel sorry for her because it must had been a really big effort for her… I was obsessed with dolphins as well, I remember crying while watching dolphin documentaries on tv because I wanted one so bad and my parents tried to explain me that that was just… not possible. Oh I also have those figurines that glow in the dark with whale shapes (you know those stars that are on the ceiling of kids’ rooms? well just like that but with whales, I still have them)

dragonfruit: do you drink alcohol? I do, and I know it’s really unhealthy but I mean… besides that I’m a pretty healthy girl, I don’t smoke, I don’t eat processed foods and I work out every once in a while… you gotta live a little. And it’s also nothing like drinking every day or anything, it’s just that when I go out with friends I drink, heavily, but I still know when to stop (I’ve only gone overboard like… twice, and it was nothing serious, like, you end up getting all your dinner out and with a terrible hangover the next day). It’s funny because when I’m drunk and my head is spinning, I can still see myself trying to rationalise everything and i have some principles as a drunk girl: 1. Watch your step as gracefully as you can 2. Be nice and try to help everyone, stranger or not 3. Pick up the things you drop on the ground because the environment is still in danger 4. If someone needs to go to pee, especially if it’s one of your girlfriends, don’t let them go alone. It’s actually a little sad because one of the main reasons why I drink at parties it’s because I get really anxious in social situations, and it helps me feel a little less self-conscious, but lately it doesn’t do the trick, and I just stare into space and my mind goes blank every time someone talks to me, and them feeling terrible about my lack of social skills… I should fix that

This was really nice to write, it kept me busy for a while, just what I needed. I don’t know if you go through all of it but hey at least it helped me!

Have a nice nice day!!! 🍃🍃🍃🍂🍂🍂