#pretended not to so he could hear what yori would say to him what's wrong... i also have many things to say/thoughts it's possible fandom

[logicheartsoul]

I may be very late here, but I was watching the first ep of TFATWS (because I hadn’t watch the first ep, I joined in a livestream watch a friend hosted halfway around episode 3 with NO context of any of the characters or the world whatsoever except for a very general sense of who is who, and even then it was like ??? I’ll just enjoy this ride with my friends here) and (sort of) rewatching the second ep.

And it’s been at least over a month since the finale aired (and somehow I ended up managing to binge read over 800K+ words of fanfiction plus watch CA:TWS and CA:CW) and... there’s just. Something that struck me.

Obviously, there’s 6 months of time between Endgame (which I had watched before, casually, and also through my dash, so I know marginally what’s going on, if by osmosis) and the start of the tv series (and also...you can tell they shot the boat scenes first (even though in the behind the scenes interviews Sebastian Stan actually admits episode 5 was the first to be filmed) because only during winter time could you wear jackets and long sleeves in Louisiana... lool Those scenes would’ve been something else if they filmed in southern heat) and while there is a lot of stuff they don’t say explicitly in terms of Sam and Bucky’s relationship, there’s still...a lot to think about.

Like the fact that there’s a deleted moment of Bucky actually being in the Smithsonian when Sam makes that speech. He’s all the way in the back but he doesn’t put a hat on (and his outfit kinda reminds me of that end scene in TWS) so if Sam actually...looked, he could’ve seen him. I get why they probably deleted it because they wanted to show us how Bucky and Sam are like “apart”/separate from each other and how they’re faring in their lives and how they would end up reuniting in episode 2 but it’s like, what’s going on here. Does Sam actually know or is he’s just focused on his speech and lost in his feelings (which is totally understandable)? How does Bucky take it -- resignation but feels he has to “move on” and be ok with it or? From watching the first two eps, he’s only truly pissed when Walker ends up taking the shield (and especially with watching Walker’s interview where he claims to “know” Steve and also see him like a “brother”, which, the only people who can claim that about Steve are the Avengers and Bucky, so lmao) and that’s when he ends up confronting Sam about it, after ghosting Sam for ages. (Just HOW LONG did he ghost him??? Because 6 months is a VERY long time!)

But as I was watching episode 2, there’s... a line that just. I don’t understand why it’s there. It’s right before Sam is about to board the plane, and he says, “It’s over”. That could be in reference in SO many things! The conversation? The whole “I’m not taking up the mantle and I can’t just go and ask to be Captain America and take the shield back”? Something else between them, like the end of their friendship or if they had something, anything before this moment??? (Especially when Sam makes one of those jovial/joking comments about “nice reunion”, jeez Sam)

That’s. Because if you take into everything else that happened between them, just how freaking close did they get? There’s so much we could speculate about the depth of their friendship (or even romantic relationship) between after TWS (two years you try to find a guy...) til that moment in Endgame... anyhow. That’s an entirely another post for another day.

What was interesting was that Torres didn’t really act surprised when Bucky was there -- and the way they not only moved in sync but the way Bucky just unconsciously goes to get the comm pieces and put it in his ear and it’s just like... Sam has been working with the Air Force for 6 months on certain missions, and obviously has a working friendship with Joaquin. I think it’s very easy to assume that perhaps Bucky in the beginning did work with them too, maybe not often, but enough times, to know each other and how this works. What kind of things, who knows. 

(Also, it really delights me just how much Bucky actually does know how to use modern technology, especially some advanced stuff, and I can imagine him doing that kind of thing on missions too if necessary. Even if he does only have a “flip phone”. Which makes me wonder, does he have another phone, like a smartphone, or does he do the dating apps thing with his tablet?)

And a tangent to that, when the hell would Bucky actually have a moment to actually have steadfast opinions about redwing???? It would make sense if he did some missions with Sam beforehand.

(Also. Sam doing some engineering on redwing? Sam AND Joaquin being polyglots? Why is this going underappreciated???? There’s “field repairs” and then there’s knowing how to fix technology that’s “Stark-level” as Joaquin claims.)

Maybe being new to all this info has allowed me to see this with fresh eyes because it’s interesting to think about. 

I read a meta post earlier today that was talking about how despite the Winter Soldier being very efficient about “eliminating his targets” (and anyone in the way), that Sam of all people managed to evade that twice. The first time could’ve just been a fluke, after all, the Winter Soldier just needed Falcon out of the way but he just ripped his wing, he didn’t think Sam had a parachute, or possibly thought at that height Sam would’ve died anyway. And then, when he got activated again in CW, all the other people are (assumed) dead when Steve goes down to the cell, but somehow, even with a throw by the chin, Sam isn’t actually dead.

Which really makes me wonder, why Sam of all people? Other than plot reasons/armor, was there something unconscious going on? Or is it because Sam has some association with Steve being with friend, and thus some part of him is like no, I can’t kill him?

There’s just... a lot of implied depth with their friendship (and more, if you ship them) that just makes me go how far does it go because obviously we see that deepening til the end of the series (episode 6 is just. that ending is so soft, hello) but when you pair the “it’s over” comment, with the scene in episode 3 where Bucky pleads with Sam to “do this [that whole thing with Zemo], for me” it’s just. There is some untold story there and we’re all itching for it.

I could honestly go on (there was a lot of nonverbal/visual things I picked up and also thoughts about parallels and other comments I was thinking while watching, and also a lot of thoughts about Sarah & Sam’s relationship, because that nuanced sibling relationship was great even if I wish we saw MORE UGH) but this is a rambly mess and I had to get some thoughts out but. Yeah. Never thought I’d be here but this show proved me wrong (well, actually it was the fics I read that got me here coz I was like... hey, i wanna see the quality of the best fics and well. I read one, and then read more to see if it was a fluke or not and then somehow I inadvertently got hooked).

[hanoella]

Deserving

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x healer!Reader

Word Count: 2.1k

Summary: When someone bad mouths Bucky in your presence, you set things straight.

Warnings: Angst, but with happy ending, and one vaguely 18+ insult? I'm new.

Speaking of- @wkemeup has inspired me to post my writing for the first time! For their 9k writing challenge, I used this prompt:

"Character A is the target of harassment on the street. Shamed, they pretend it doesn’t bother them. Until it happens in the presence of Character B, who reigns hell on whoever dared to upset [A]"

Enjoy!

..........

Bucky was used to the whispers he got from people the street when he passed by them.

“Is that-?”

“Don’t make eye contact, he’s dangerous.”

“They just let him walk around like he hasn’t killed a bunch of people?”

His enhanced hearing picked up more than he wished it did. He liked to believe it didn’t bother him but deep down it did. It was just one more reason to stay secluded. Isolated. Alone. And he had been successfully doing that.

Until you came along.

Having been the test subject of a super serum version that focused on health and regeneration, you used your healing powers to help the Avengers get back to world-saving shape. Bucky hadn’t been keen on anyone touching him, much less someone he didn’t know. Despite his best efforts, he had caved in when you noticed he was having a bad day with his shoulder and offered to help. Since then, your companionship has been like a guilty pleasure.

You had this way of making him feel like he was the most important person in the world to you. Regardless of what he thought was evident, you only seemed to notice the good in him, even when he protested.

“There’s nothing I can do to right the wrongs that I’ve committed. Redemption isn’t possible. I don’t deserve-”

“Stop.” You said, cutting him off. ���You are amazing. You have been through everything that you’ve been through and you still give back to the world. You fight for a world that made you this way, a world that gives you nothing back and yet you fight. It’s the world that doesn’t deserve you.”

Bucky swallowed hard. Looking at you in your eyes, he saw no dishonesty. Only pure admiration.

After that, there was no hope of him being alone. You cracked open his shell slowly but surely and now Bucky couldn’t imagine life without you.

Which led him to his current predicament.

“Come on, please? It’ll be so good and only a few blocks away. I know tapioca sounds gross, but you’ll love it!”

Bucky didn’t know what bubble tea was but apparently it was worth begging him for the past 20 minutes while you worked on his shoulder. Your hands emitted a warm white light as you gently massaged his shoulder. The direct contact wasn’t necessary but Bucky hadn’t complained when you started doing it and it’s become routine every since.

“I don’t know. I know I’m old but I don’t have to resort to tapioca yet.”

Bucky let a moment pass before his lip twitched up into a smile. You feigned annoyance as you cut off the healing and placed your hands on his shoulders.

“How about you go with me and I won’t bill the heck out of you for my magical five-star massages.” You say as you squeeze his shoulders.

“Okay okay, fine.”

Bucky put his hands up in defeat as he got up from the couch he was sitting on and turned to face you.

You swallowed as you let your eyes drift across his chest before you grabbed his shirt from off the back of the couch and tossed it to him.

“Alright! I’m so excited!”

Bucky listened to you chatter on about the different flavors he could try while he put on his shirt. Sometimes, he couldn’t believe he actually had a friend besides Steve. Sure, it helped that you had been Steve’s friend first. But there was something about you having grown closer to him that made him feel special. Never did Bucky think there would be a time that he’d be jealous over a girl that Steve was friends with rather than the other way around. Times were certainly different.

“You coming?”

Bucky broke away from his thoughts and made his way towards the doorway that you were standing in.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

---

Yeah, he knew this was a bad idea.

As soon as you two had left Stark Tower, the whispers started. While the café was only two blocks away, you noticed something was off a block into the trip.

“You alright?” You asked as you tried to decipher his facial expression.

“Yeah. Fine.”

You looked at him skeptically and then shifted your eyes to follow his, glancing around you. You slowly nodded in understanding as you looked at the people around you who were trying not to draw attention to themselves.

“Okay. We can talk about it later.”

Bucky was thankful that most people talked quietly enough so that you couldn’t hear what they were saying.

Keyword: Most.

You two arrived at the café, where it was slightly crowded. It was a warm afternoon, the perfect time to get a cool drink. Before heading inside, you gently placed your hand on his arm for a moment to reassure him.

“If you want, we could look at the menu out here and then I’ll go inside to order it.”

Bucky shifted his weight slightly from one side to the other as he contemplated it.

“Nah. We can go in together.”

“Okay.” you said, gently smiling to hopefully reassure him.

You both enter the building and make your way to stand in line. Bucky looked around at the seating areas. It reminded him of a Starbucks but with a more pastel color scheme. You looked at him and he raised an eyebrow in response. You smiled, happy that he was with you. Bucky’s heart skipped a beat and he smiled back.

That’s when you hear it.

“Is that that Hydra goon? Hey, go back to Siberia you brainwashed Hydra dog!”

You spun around violently the same time Bucky did with an incredulous look on your face, making eye contact with the college aged boy further back in line who was currently sniggering with his friends.

You stalked over to them before speaking in a low even tone.

“Sergeant Barnes has done more for the world than you could ever dream of doing. Apologize.”

You had let the venom creep into your voice, shouting the last word and silencing the rest of the line. Bucky walked up to you and put a hand on your shoulder, trying to turn your attention to him.

“C’mon. It’s not worth it.”

You let out a slow harsh exhale from your nose but didn’t move. The man only sneered.

“Why don’t you scurry along. I don’t care if you’re where he sticks his-”

The next thing Bucky registered was a nasty sounding crack as your fist connected with the jerk’s cheekbone. A round of gasps came from the surrounding crowd as he fell on the floor, completely dazed. You let out a pained grunt as you bent over, holding your hand while trying to cover the white light that started coming over your hand where the skin had bust open and something had definitely cracked.

“Okay, time to go.” Bucky said as he made an executive decision to get you two the heck out of there before anybody could react further. He put his hand on your back and quickly guided you out of the store, walking until you were out of the vicinity and almost back to the tower. You could tell that Bucky was not happy with you since he hadn’t said anything the whole way back. You entered the building and then stood silently in the elevator as it made its way up, refusing to meet his eye.

The elevator dinged as it opened up on the team’s dorm floor. You both walked quickly trying to avoid other people unsuccessfully as Sam stepped out into the hallway from the gym.

“Hey you two, what’re you… What happened to you?” He asked with a furrowed brow, nodding his head towards your hand as you walked past. Bucky and you answered at the same time.

“Nothing-”

“None of your business Sam-”

You gave Bucky a look and started chastising him.

“Hey, don’t be mean to him just because-”

“Keep. Walking.” He said through clenched teeth.

You rolled you eyes and shrugged apologetically at Sam as Bucky punched in the code to your apartment and swung the door open. He nudged you inside and then followed, shutting the door forcefully behind him.

Sam looked down the hall for a moment longer before shrugging it off. Natasha popped her head out into the hallway from the gym.

“What’s all the commotion?”

“Not sure. I think Mr. Tall, Dark and Metal left a few brain cells behind in the pod the last time he was frozen.”

Natasha snorted and then turned back into the gym.

---

Bucky closed the door behind him and then swung his arms out in confusion, giving you the same look of disbelief that he gives Yori when he starts a fight with his neighbors. You gave him the same look back, as if he was crazy for questioning your actions.

“What was that?” He finally asked.

“That guy was crazy! How could I not say something to him?”

“You didn’t have to hit him and hurt yourself! People say stuff like that all the time, you just have to ignore it and move on with your day.”

You stayed silent for a moment, averting your gaze and holding your injured hand that was gently glowing. Bucky gently let out his breath. He closed the distance between you and put his hand under yours to help you support it. His other hand grasped your forearm, gently moving over your smooth skin. He glanced down and watched as the inflammation went away and a bone shifted back into place under your skin.

“Please,” He whispered, his hold on you tightening ever so slightly. “It’s not worth all the trouble. It’s not worth you getting hurt.”

“No.”

Bucky snapped his head back up to see you calm and determined. Speaking again, you look into his eyes.

“It is worth it.”

He blinked twice, not having expected that answer.

“Why?”

“Because if I had let him say what he was going to say. Then to me, it would be validating anyone who has ever said anything like that about you. I can’t let you believe that any of that is true.”

“I don’t believe it.”

“But you do.” You cried out, slipping your newly healed hand out of his grasp and stepping away.

“I can see it in your actions, Bucky. I see it when you deny yourself anything that would make you happy. I see it when you try to hide yourself from the world. I see it when you look at me.” You spoke, voice wavering with the last sentence, averting your gaze again. Bucky stood silent as you continued.

“I see a deep sadness in your eyes. I can feel it in your soul when I heal your shoulder. Or when you touch my hand to see if I’ve fallen asleep. I can feel it emanating off of you. But I know for a fact that you deserve to be happy. You deserve to rest and to be happy. How many times have you fought a fight that wasn’t yours because it was the right thing to do? And don’t say it was to redeem yourself because I know it’s more than that. You are a good man, James. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. But if you need to prove it to yourself than just take a look at me.”

You gently hold his face and guide it so that he’s looking at you. He’s surprised to find your eyes full of tears, threatening to spill over.

“When you look into my eyes, there is nothing but love and admiration for you. When you touch me, I feel the warmth you leave on my skin. When you hear me speak, you should be able to tell from what I say that I genuinely think you deserve the world. When you are hurting, the only thing I feel is your anguish. It kills me, to see you punish yourself so undeservedly.”

You were whispering now, looking up at him. Bucky’s eyes were watering as well, his jaw clenched in an attempt to hold back his emotions. With your hands still gently caressing his cheeks he slowly lowered his head so that his forehead was resting on yours, swallowing hard.

Bucky lifted his head slightly so that he could look at you and he saw nothing but love. Your eyelashes were wet and shimmering from tears you shed for him. Your cheeks were flushed from the overwhelming feeling that you had for him. He looked into the depths of your eyes and saw only his future with you. Finally, his gaze settles on your lips, soft and supple.

“Please,” you begged. “Please do not ask me to stand idly by as the world tears you apart. You are worth more to me than anything else in it.”

Slowly, his hands touch your waist and slide back until he’s holding you against him. Closing the gap between you, you kiss.

Nothing more in this world could assure him of your love. For once, he believes it.

[fallingforyou123]

Cupcakes and Therapy-Meeting

A/N: I'm so sorry this is late, I had it queued up for the wrong day, but it's finally here. This is just the first part, I plan on continuing this with little blurbs after. I hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 2.15k

Warnings: Some language, a panic attack and talks of panic attacks, falcon and the winter soldier spoilers

He woke up in a cold sweat, the last of his nightmare still fresh on his mind. For the third time that night he’d been jolted awake, the idea of sleep slowly slipping away. The sun was just starting to rise, a few rays slipping through the cracks in the blinds. He hadn’t slept through the night since his time in Wakanda. After Steve left him and the fighting stopped, there was nothing keeping his mind occupied anymore.

Slowly, he rose from his makeshift bed on the floor, every inch of his body aching from lack of sleep. He made his way over to the window, looking out at the street below. A new hobby he’d found was people watching, as creepy as it is for an ex-assassin to do, but it calmed him. It brought him back to reality when he felt like he was slipping into a dark place.

He doesn’t realize how long he’s stood there until Alpine starts rubbing up against his leg, meowing loudly. Alpine never fails to remind him just how utterly starving he is after sleeping for 22 hours a day. Bucky makes his way to the kitchen to fill his bowl, making note of all the things he’s running out of, a trip to the market after therapy becoming his plans for the day.

He throws a jacket on over his t-shirt and slips on a pair of gloves before leaving the apartment and making his way to the small coffee shop just around the corner. His routine had started consisting of coming here at ungodly hours of the morning for breakfast before making his way to his weekly therapy sessions.

He walked in and sat at his usual table, the barista on shift coming over with his usual coffee and muffin. Bucky hands her a crumpled 5 with a small smile, before grabbing a newspaper. He doesn’t really read it, he’s not one for politics before noon, but he does it to keep him occupied. It also helps to make it not look like he’s scoping the place out when he sits there for hours a day.

He sits there sipping his coffee and nibbling on his muffin, still too shaken from his nightmare to stomach much. He looks up from the newspaper every now and then to watch the people around him. Sunday mornings make the cafe crowded, couples and groups of friends line the one wall, families taking up space at the tables, and a few solos floating through.

There’s a feeling in his chest that hits him hard as he watches a mom trying to wrangle her daughter as the dad laughs. It hits again as he sees a woman curled into the side of the man beside her, giggling at something he’s whispering in her ear. His eyes shift from person to person, the ache growing strong as his breathing becomes difficult. He stands up abruptly, his knee hitting the table causing his coffee to spill, the few people around him shooting him strange looks. He rushes for the door, barely having time to apologize for bumping into someone.

The heat hits him hard when he steps outside, the feeling of being suffocated only worsening. He can’t think straight, the lack of air in his lungs making him dizzy. He turns into an alleyway, leans against the wall and tries to ground himself. A woman spots him as she walks by, coming over to check on him. She rests her hands on his arms, shaking him gently to get him to focus on her.

“Sir, sir you’ve got to breathe. In, out. Easy, easy. There you go.”

Her voice is smooth, almost melodic, and it does the trick to help calm him. Bucky attempts to follow her breathing, gasps of air slowly turning into steady breaths.

He manages to say a small “Thanks,” between breaths. The girl smiles and lingers a little longer to make sure he’s okay before heading on her way. Bucky’s stuck momentarily, trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Suddenly much more tired and willing to go back to bed, he wishes he could head back home and hide for the rest of the day, but he doesn’t want to deal with what’ll happen if he doesn’t show up to therapy.

***

He keeps zoning out as his therapist talks, his mind wandering to what had happened that morning. He was no stranger to panic attacks, but they usually came after a nightmare, not sitting in a coffee shop. And the woman, no ones ever been that quick to help him, not when he looks the way he does. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, her face stuck in his mind.

“James, at least pretend to pay attention.” His therapist's voice knocked him out of his thoughts.

“I’m listening.”

“No you’re not, you’ve got that look on your face that means you’re thinking about your nightmare while telling me you’re not having any.” Her voice is calm, but he knows she’s getting annoyed with him.

“I can assure you, I’m not thinking about a nightmare. I, uh, had a panic attack this morning.” He looks away from her, the confession more than he’s ever shared.

“James, that’s normal. PTSD has a lot of symptoms.”

“No, no this was different. This wasn’t because of a memory or a nightmare. I was sitting drinking coffee, just looking around, and it hit me. I had to leave, spent a while trying to calm myself in an alley. And this woman, she came over and tried to help me. I mean, it worked, but I just, I don’t know. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid, you’ve got to stop downplaying these things.” She’s really starting to get annoyed now, her voice now having a slight edge to it.

Bucky can’t quite figure out what pisses him off more, knowing she’s right, or how she doesn’t sugar coat things.

“Tell me exactly how it started, what were you doing?”

He groans, not feeling up for a heart to heart at the moment.

“Listen, I told you. I was drinking coffee and looking around. People watching, I guess. Keeps me occupied.”

“Ah,” she sighs. “I think what’s happening is your minds telling you that you’re lonely. Seeing all those people being happy together, it’s something you haven’t had in a while. You need people, James.”

He doesn’t want to hear it and she knows it. It’s all he’s been told for months now. But he’s fine, really. He has weekly lunches with Yori, and Alpine is plenty of company when he’s at home.

“Listen doc, I’m fine.”

“Bullshit. After everything that’s happened to you, being alone is the quietest, most personal hell. And, James, it is very hard to escape it.”

***

The market was crowded today. The mid-summer heat enticing people to spend their days in the sun. Bucky made his way through the rows of stands, stopping to grab various items he thought his fridge was lacking. This had become a weekend routine for him, spending Sunday afternoons trying to create some sort of normality in his life.

He gets distracted momentarily by the sound of a high pitched laugh, forgetting about the bag of fruit being handed to him. It’s then that he spots you, the same girl who helped him in the alley. You’ve traded your hoodie for a tank top and you’ve got a little yellow apron covering you now. There’s a basket of pastries in your hand and you’re laughing with a group of people.

That small ache in his chest makes an appearance again, thoughts racing through his mind. Bucky doesn’t believe in fate, he’s far too old and seen too many things to think it’s real. But in this moment as he watches you, the girl who took time to care for him in a dark alleyway, looking like the world belonged to her, he can’t help thinking that maybe it does exist.

He doesn't know what comes over him, but before he knows it, he’s shoving everything into his bags and heading towards the shop. He doesn’t know what he’ll say, blinded by the need to just be near her. Before he can reach you, you’ve already headed back into the building and stationed yourself behind the counter.

He walks in and is hit with the smell of fresh pastries and he’s brought back to spending weekend mornings baking with his mom and sister. You’re just finishing up with the group, turning your attention to Bucky, “Hi! Welcome to Honey, what can I get for ya?”

Bucky blinks a few times, suddenly losing every ounce of confidence he’d had. “Do you need a few more minutes? Or would you like a suggestion?”

He takes a second to compose himself before replying, “Yeah, um. A suggestion, please?”

He doesn’t understand where his shyness has come from, but you seem to find it endearing. You motion to the display case and start rambling on about each treat, “The orange zest cookies seem to be a fan favourite, personally I like the neapolitan ones the best. We’ve also got every flavour of scone you could imagine if you’re feeling more classy. And oh, this one's new, bourbon pecan nut bars, a little midday pick me up. We’ve also got some fresh sandwiches if you’re looking for lunch. Or if you’re still not sure I can do a sampler box?”

“Yea, I’ll just get one of those, and maybe a sandwich too?”

“Sure thing!”

Bucky watches you fill up a little basket for him, noticing how you add multiples of your favourites. When you head into the back for a moment, he starts figuring out how to bring up this morning without being creepy. He doesn’t want to sound like he stalked you, that would really mess up his shot with you. You finish it up with a fresh sandwich from the back and hand him a neatly wrapped basket. “Alright, is that everything?”

Bucky realizes that this is his last moment to say anything, “Yes, and no. I don’t know if you remember, but I’m the guy who you stopped to help in the alley this morning. I didn’t stalk you or anything, I swear, I was just shopping in the market when I saw you and I thought I’d come over and say thank you.” By this point he’s wishing the ground would open up and swallow him, his face turning extremely red.

“I thought it was you. Don’t worry, I’m not freaked out. It’s no big deal, I’m glad you’re okay. I know how scary panic attacks can be when you’re alone, I’ve had far too many.” You offer him some sympathy, knowing how awful these things can be.

“Yeah, yeah I’m good. Thank you again for the help. I’m Bucky by the way.” He reaches his hand out towards you, and when you take you swear you feel something, “Y/N, nice to meet you.” You reply with a smile.

The both of you stand there for a moment, lost in each other, only shaken out of it by the ringing of the door as someone enters. “I should go, I’m still on the clock.” You reluctantly let go of his hand.

“Can I get your number before I leave?” The question takes you by surprise, but you’re quick to put your number in his phone, and he makes a promise to call you later that night.

***

When you arrive home that evening you’ve completely forgotten about the promised phone call, too eager to make dinner and then climb into bed. You’re in the middle of cooking when your phone goes off with an unknown number on the screen. “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Bucky.”

That voice fills your ears and your heart stops for a moment. He sounds tired, the raspiness sending a warm shiver throughout your body.

“Hey, yea, how are you?”

The both of you fall into comfortable small talk. He asks you about work and you tell him about all of your favourite moments from the day. You ask him about the pastries you sent him home with and he confesses that his favorite were the oatmeal lemon cookies, they remind him of the ones his mom used to make.

You end up still on the phone with him by the time you’re curled up in bed, barely able to keep your eyes open. “You should go to bed doll, I can hear how tired you are.”

“But where’s the fun in that?”

Bucky laughs, a small little chuckle, and all you want is to be able to hear that sound forever. “Why don’t you come over tomorrow after I’ve closed up the bakery and I’ll teach you to make something?”

“I’d like that. I’ll see you tomorrow doll.”

“See you tomorrow Bucky.”

[barcaavengers]

Weakness || Bucky Barnes Imagine || Pt. 4

Note: Here we go! This part is mostly a short fluffy moment. Reader being there for Bucky when he talks to Yori, and supporting him when he admits he will always be missing a key person in his amends. Next part will probably be more fluff, domestic and carefree Bucky cause we all know the Wilson's bring out the best in him. I'm thinking of what else to add to it so I want you guys to tell me what you'd like to see in part 4!

Updated: The first posting was all messed up and cut parts for some strange reason so it is now updated correctly!

Disclaimer: Gif not mine. All credits belong to @ryangoslings Tag List: ❤️ @hanakin-im-panakin, @evie-pr, @justinekomwriterkru, @felicityofbakerstreet, @maaaaryx, @ijustwantedplums, @winterberryfox, @ttatum14, @pastelbabygirl19, @love-buckybarnes, @forever-aimless, @izzlenizzlebizzle @pastel-boy-sungjae, @johnmurphys-sass, @ren-ni, @rachelizabethgraham

"This looks so different…" Bucky says as you two walk down the streets of Manhattan. "Steve and I would come to a hot dog stand on that corner after school. I would get him the same order every day" he says as you two walk.

"Wow, the same order" you smirk.

"He felt bad whenever I paid him, it was the cheapest order so he always asked for it no matter how many times I told him he could order something else."

"I have always admired your loyalty to each other" you say. "Never gave up on each other, always had each other's back no matter what."

"There was a time we were all we had left" he says and you could hear the nostalgia in his voice.

"Well, things change now" you bump into him and he chuckles, hands tucked in his jacket pockets. "You are not alone. You got Sam and you got me" you smile at him and he looks at you, smiling back. How much you loved this happy side of him was beyond words.

"I couldn't be more thankful," he says. His hands fall from his pocket and for a moment you see him hesitate after lifting one hand, until he realizes you were on his left side, so he drops it.

"You can do it, you know?" His eyes go wide for a moment, like if you have read his mind.

"Was it that obvious?"

"A little" you giggle and you can see his cheeks flushing. You reach for his gloved hand, but he moves it out of your reach. "Easy steps, remember?" You pause as you look at him. He nods his head before moving his hand to yours and you hold it. "So…" you trail off and get close to him, taking his arm and wrapping it over your shoulder. "This is what you wanted to do, right?" You ask him with a smile.

"Too predictable?" He asks.

"Not at all," you grin. You notice he is almost hovering it, he is touching you alright but not letting it actually drop on your shoulder. "Relax," you say. He let out an air through his nostrils before he rests it completely. The arm wasn't that heavy, or it wasn't to you. You haven't said anything about the Serum still having a slight effect on you although you have slowly felt it leaving your body.

"Thank you, for being so patient," he looks down at you as you two walk down Central Park.

"I told you I'd wait for you, I meant that" you admit. "I'm sure you will get the hang of being around a girl real quick again" you tease.

"I wonder what Steve said to you about me" he chuckles.

"That you got all the girls, even the dates you got for him" you smirk. "A true charmer" you say playfully.

"Jerk" he chuckles. "I didn't even try."

"With those looks? Of course you didn't try. One word and girl's would show you their ankles in one go" you laugh.

"Now I see enough ankles" he looks around and you elbow his side playfully and he pretends to be hurt.

"Don't you dare look other girl's ankles, Barnes" you tease.

"I'll try," he chuckles. "How have you been feeling though?"

"It's...almost gone" you shrug. "I mean, I feel it still but it isn't like the first time."

"I don't like that," he frowns.

"I know. If that stays in my system you won't see me as someone you have to save or help cause I can take care of my own."

"It has never been about that, doll" you duck your head so your hair falls and covers your cheek. The word making your cheeks flush instantly. "I'll still be there to save you, and you don't need saving so it isn't even that. You don't need help. I'm just worried of the toll it could have on you. That was a prototype, we don't know the side effects it could have…" he admits.

"Hopefully none" you bite your lower lip.

"We will figure it out," Buck says as he stops to pull his phone out when it starts ringing. "Sam?" You eye him curiously as he answers.

"Look at those lovebirds, taking a walk through the park like old people" you hear Sam on the other side of the phone. Your eyes look around the green areas, but he was nowhere to be found.

"Considering I'm a hundred and six" Bucky is looking for him too, dropping his arm off your shoulder.

"You dumbasses realize that I can fly, right?" That makes you two look up and you squeak at the sight.

Sam was above you, his wings and uniform were different, more white than the colors that Steve used to wear for his Captain America uniform. It was a sight. He lands perfectly in front of you, wings extended before they get concealed.

"Holy shit, is that what you asked Shuri to do?" You ask Bucky.

"Just a little something," he shrugs.

"Damn, Sam." You laugh as you go around him, his wings coming out scaring you off making him laugh.

"You like it?" He asks.

"I do" you say and squeak again at the shield on his back. "Oh, that's awesome." You say as you poke the shield.

"Thanks, man." Sam says to Bucky with a grin.

"No problem." Bucky says with a nod of his head. "What's up?"

"Karli is going to try to sabotage the votes in the GRC tonight" Sam says.

"If you give me a chance to change to something more comfortable I can be there."

"Alright. Voting starts in an hour. I'll send you the coordinates" he says and the jetpack initiates. "Sorry for ruining your date!" He shouts as he goes up to fly away.

"Right," your lips pressing together and you turn to Bucky. "You are going to change too?"

"Nah, I think I'm good. I'll go with you."

"If you want you can go and meet with Sam. I'll be quick" you shrug. He eyes you and you tilt your head, "I'll be fine, Buck."

"Be fast," he says and pecks your lips before he walks away without a glance back at you. It takes you a second to process that gesture before you start running back to your place.

When you get into the building, Sam, Bucky and Sharon were already inside in their respective places for the mission. Karli was forcing everyone out, which you had to admit, it was quite smart. Then you find yourself in the garage of the building where the armored cars with the Senators were leaving from. "Bucky?"

"I'm here," he says as he comes from your side. "Karli distracted me on the phone." He says as he takes the keys from one of the bikes, tossing it to you before he gets on one of them. "You are coming with me."

"Seriously guys, you had one job," Sharon says from your earpiece.

"You worry about your guy" Bucky says as he accelerates the bike. "Stay behind me." You nod your head before reviving the engine and taking off as instructed.

When you arrive at the meeting point of the Flag Smashers, Bucky turns to you, "You still have that adrenaline rush?" He asks, not stopping his bike.

"I think so!" You shout.

"Get ready!" And with that he hits the break of the bike, sending him forward and he tackles one of the group.

You jump off yours before taking the bike by the handles and flinging it forward to the group, taking down two of them at once. You are quick to run to them and kick one on the side, sending him back a few feet away, the other one comes at you and you avoid their hits for a moment before they take both of your arms. You screech as they try to hold you back but you are quick to kick the back of the knee of one of them, making her lose her grip before you move backwards behind the other person, making them follow you for a moment which gives you the chance to use their weight to your advantage and fling them over you and to the floor with a loud thud.

"Karli!" You shout as you see the group lighting up both trucks. Bucky is quick to try to open one and you go for the other one but to no avail.

"Morgenthau!" Walker's voice echoes and your eyes widened and you look at Bucky.

"How the hell does he keep showing up?!" You ask, but not really expecting an answer.

John is getting beaten by the Flag Smashers and Bucky is quick to save him from one of them, and you get to Karli, kicking her on the side, sending her against a fence. "Don't make us do this, Karli." A member of the group catches you off guard and wraps their arm around your neck, Karli delivers a few punches into your stomach that takes your breath away before punching you in the face. You are let go of and drop to your knees. Yep, the Serum was wearing off. Your vision was blurry, but you see Karli kicking Bucky and you see him sliding to the edge of the construction site before falling, hearing his scream. "Bucky!" You shout and are quick to stand up and run to the edge.

Everything keeps happening in quick blurs. John helps hold back the falling truck you couldn't open, and he manages to almost do it until the group kept going at him making them all fall to where Bucky was. Sam stops the truck from falling and is able to open the doors thanks to Redwing, so you help the Senators before jumping down to where your friends were. Batroc throws smoke grenades and Karli and her crew escape your sight until Sam identifies them and you follow, along with Walker.

Next thing you know, Sam is bringing Karli's body and talking with the senators and you had to lean against one of the trucks to process her death. Of course you didn't know her, but she was just a kid fighting for a very good reason but in the wrong ways. She was just a kid.

The next morning, the sound of a knock on your door woke you up. You lazily stand up, dragging your legs across the floor to your apartment door. Usually you would ask before opening the door, but you were too tired from the fight from last night to even be careful. When you open the door, you find the Sergeant right in front of you. "Hi" he breathes out. "Sorry, I- I didn't mean to wake you up."

"No. It's okay. Um...Come in" you step aside and he walks in. His cerulean eyes look around your apartment while you close the door. "Is everything okay?"

"Uh, yeah. It's just...I want to go visit someone, you know, about what Sam talked to me about...I was wondering if you wanted to come with me. If not it's okay. It's early but-"

"Yeah," you interrupt him and he sighs in relief. "Just let me change real quick before we go" you pat his chest as you walk to your room, leaving him behind you. You pull your shirt over your head, tossing it to the side and grabbing a bra and pulling it on, then throwing a shirt on. You reach for your jeans and step on them in front of the mirror, only to catch Bucky's eyes before they drift away like the gentleman he is.

He takes you in his bike to his destination, your arms wrapped around his waist. This felt too... intimate and your head can't help but wander off at the situation, you have to shake your head when things get heated in that daydreaming you were having. He parks the bike on the street side and turns it off. He was quiet, jaw clenched, eyes showing his concentration.

"Buck?" You call as you step out of the bike, following him. "Are you sure you are ready?" You ask him as you step in front of him.

"Yeah…" he clears his throat and your head tilts to the side.

"I'll be out the door, okay?"

"I don't know where to start…" he admits, looking at the entrance of the building. He was nervous, fidgeting with his own fingers, his voice slightly trembling.

"You will when it comes to it" you nod your head. You take his vibranium hand in yours and give it a reassuring squeeze. "Just one more name and you will be free, Bucky." A smile goes up your lips and his head nods.

"I know... It's just...he trusted me from day one. Telling him this about his son after so long…"

"I'm sure Yori will understand, not right away, but he will" he returns the squeeze of your hand before letting go. He walks inside and you follow him closely. He hesitates in front of the door before knocking. You lean against the wall, he looks back at you and you nod your head before his eyes return to the door as it opens.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Yori asks as he looks at James. "It's early, come in before someone calls the cops" the man says before he catches your form a few feet away. "Is she with you?" He asks.

"Uh, yeah, but don't worry about her…" Bucky waves off. You nod your head to the man with a smile before Bucky walks in and the door closes.

You wait patiently outside, your head resting against the wall and closing your eyes. Not even twenty minutes go by until you hear the door opening and Bucky walking out, shutting the door close behind him. You could see he was on the verge of tearing up, the tip of his nose red, his shoulders hunched and his head hanging low. "Bucky," you call quietly and he looks at you. He walks up to you and you wrap your arms around him. "Hey, it's okay. It's okay…" you coo as he holds you close to him, the few tears he let out wetting your shirt. "You gave him closure, Bucky. You gave yourself closure. You did the right thing…"

"He won't forgive what I did. What I did to his son…" his voice was shaking and it broke your heart into a million pieces.

"He won't forget, but he will understand later that it wasn't really you. I promise" your hand moves to the back of his head, your fingers soothingly moving along his scalp.

After a few seconds, he pulls away before taking his book out of his jacket pocket, taking out a pencil as well and scratching the name off his book. He stares at the book for a moment, looking at all the names he has crossed. Your hands place on top of his and you press your lips against the back of his palms, he looks down at you and nods his head before sighing and putting the book back on his pocket. "I need to do one more stop…"

After taking the bag with the book and an envelope with Bucky's gratitude. He takes you back to your place. You don't remove your arms from around his waist until after he turns the bike off. "Feeling better?" You ask, your chin resting on his shoulder blade.

"I do," he says with a nod of his head.

"Come on," you say and pat his back before stepping out of the bike and walking to your apartment. He is quiet as he walks with you and comes through the door, sitting on your couch. "We have to drink for today" you say as you walk to your fridge and pull two beers out, tossing one to him which he is quick to catch with his vibranium arm. "For closures, for partners, and for the beginning of something new" you say with a smile as you sit beside him.

"Cheers to that" he raises his beer before the two bottles make a crystal sound as they bump into each other. He takes a sip from his drink and stares at the bottle afterwards, his mind somewhere else.

"Steve would be proud, you know?" The mention of his best friend's name makes his eyes light up. "I know I am" you say as you take a swig.

"I thought I would never be able to finish that list," he says. "There's still one person I couldn't even apologize for what I did back then. I know they hated me for it but-"

"You are talking about Tony?" His head nods. "He never brought it up after what happened" you say. "Tony felt betrayed, Steve kept that from him, never mentioned it. That alone and the accords complicated things to a different level."

"That was a horrible moment…"

"Tell me about it" you say and take a sip of your beer, so does he. "I had to step out, I couldn't fight Tony, I couldn't fight Steve or you. The best thing I did was to stay out of it. I couldn't have forgiven myself if I fought any of you…" you say. "Tony wouldn't have admitted it...but I know he knew it wasn't something you could've controlled."

"Even then, I never got a chance to say something about it…" he says as he fidgets with the bottle. His cheekbones doing that thing you couldn't describe but you found attractive…

"I'm sure he understood in the long run…" you assure him. Bucky was looking at the floor, lost in thought.

"Hey, no. Let's not ruin the good moment we were having" you whine as you lean against him and he let out a soft chuckle. "We have to celebrate later with Sam. He is officially out there as Captain America," you raise your bottle and grin.

"True" you can see how proud Bucky was of Sam by the smile that appeared on his lips. "I'm glad he took the shield back."

"I'm sure he is too, and he will do a great job. He already did with that speech." There is a moment of silence. "I'll go get another one, you want one too?" You ask him noticing his beer was about to be empty.

"Uh, yeah, sure" he lifts it up.

You walk towards the kitchen and open the fridge, pulling two beers. "I have to restock-" you say as you turn around only to be met by Bucky's body a few inches away. His gaze was soft as he looked down at you. You could feel his hot breath close to you, and you were sure he could hear the fast beating of your heart. His tongue runs along his lips, and you can't help but bite on your lower lip as you look up into his eyes. "Bucky-"

"I just...want to try something…" his vibranium takes the beers from your hands and sets them aside, then resting it against the fridge, caging you, but where in any other situation you would've been defensive, you were calm because this was all Bucky, not the Winter Soldier. His other hand moves to the side of your neck, his fingers resting on the nape of it, moving ever so slowly. You can feel your cheeks flushing, your breath hitching as he leans in, his lips pressing against yours slowly. Three times you two have kissed, three times he has kissed you differently and three times you have felt different.

The first kiss was an impulse of yours, very out of place, but he kissed back anyway, even if it was a liplock kind of kiss. You felt guilty about it, you felt like you took advantage of the situation and you two had a small argument about how you shouldn't apologize for it. The second back at Sam's house which he initiated. It lasted somewhat longer than the first one, it was something that happened with the moment because you were talking about your status. Now this, which you wanted to kiss him as much as he wanted to try that something. You melted into the kiss, trying to mold your body against his. Your hands rest on both sides of his hip ever so lightly, your lips moving slowly against his, his tongue brushing your upper lip. Your head tilts, deciding to test the waters by deepening the kiss, and you were glad when he didn't pull away like the first time.

His body presses closer to yours and your fingers curl around his shirt, unconsciously pulling him closer. Your teeth graze his lips and he hums, and gosh you would lie if that didn't awaken something in you. He pulls away slightly, and you take the chance to get your breathing in check, your eyes open slowly while his remain close for a few more opens until his eyelids lift. "You good?" You ask under your breath and he nods, noticing he was short of breath as well. One of your hands let go of his shirt, moving up his side and wrapping around his neck, the one on your neck moves to your waist, holding you close to him but he leaves against the fridge his metal arm.

His lips connect with yours again, this time isn't slow, it's more urgent and you can't help but give into it. You bring him closer, if possible, as you tilt your head to deepen the kiss. Your tongue trails his lower lip, and he grants the access, a soft moan escaping your lips as his own intertwine with yours. His finger traces your skin where your shirt rolled a bit and you shiver under his touch at the contact of his hand touching a part of skin he hadn't touched before.

Then your phone goes off and you break the kiss, your forehead resting against his as you pant, so does Bucky. "I-"

"Yeah. It could be urgent…" he clears his throat and drops his left hand from the fridge and the one on your back. You look at his lips one last time, catching your breath before walking to the table and picking up your phone.

"Hey, Sam" you say as you look at Bucky who slowly turns to face you.

"Hey, kiddo. Just wanted to invite you and Barnes to a cookout my family will have tomorrow."

"Oh, uh" you look at Bucky who shrugs. "Sure, I'll let him know."

"He already knows, huh?" Sam chuckles.

"Shut up, Sam," you say playfully.

"Well, be safe. Have fun. Not too much fun though" Sam chuckles.

"Weren't you the one to tell us to take baby steps?"

"Depends on how big the baby already is."

"Sam!"

"I'll see you two tomorrow! Bye now!" And he hangs up.

You stare at the phone in your hand before sighing. "Cookout tomorrow?" You offer the man an apologetic smile, tapping your phone against your palm.

"Would be nice to go back," Bucky shrugs, leaning against the kitchen counter. "I go if you go."

"Only if you want to" you walk to the counter, standing on the other side of it so it was the only thing between you two. "We can take the first flight tomorrow. I can go and pick you up," you shrug. Then you have that idea… "Or you-" you stop yourself. Nope. Too straightforward. "Nevermind."

"What were you going to say?" His head tilts, eyeing you curiously.

"Oh, nothing" you put your phone down on the counter and scroll through the airline app looking for a flight. "There is a flight tomorrow at 5am. We can get there early to spend some good time there." Best attempt to change the subject, but when you look up, Bucky is eyeing you. "Oh, no. I'm not gonna talk."

His lips purse and he walks around the counter and you curse under your breath. "Would it be that bad?"

"Terrible actually," you swallow harshly as he stands in front of you, his arms crossing against his chest making his biceps bulge out. Why was he like this? His head nods in agreement, but he has that face that you know he won't let go of it until you speak up. You sigh. "Fine," you pause. "Can I walk you through a hypothetical?"

"Using my words. This sounds promising" he says, and you see that playful smile on his lips which purse as he waits for the answer. No matter how many times he smiled, you were glad about two things. One, that he was now falling to the Bucky he once was, he was getting his personality back. Two, that his smiles were around you, that you in a way have helped him. Yes, there was still a long way to go because he still hesitates about some things, but it was okay. Every new thing he tried you took it as a huge step.

"So, what if, hypothetically, you…" you trail off, "you stayed the night and we go to the airport." His gaze softens, and you see he is thinking of your words. "Hypothetically, okay? Like, just an idea. That way we just go straight to the airport." You can't help but chew on the inside of your cheek nervously.

"That's- I would- I would like that" he was stammering. "But, um...I don't want to make you feel-"

"If you say uncomfortable after you kissed me not more than five minutes ago I'm gonna kick your ass" you say and he smirks, but he remains somewhat serious. "You can sleep on the couch" you were regretting this. The more you say, the more you felt you were screwing it up. "I mean, if you want, Buck. It was a random suggestion." You wave off and turn around to continue looking for the flights.

"Hey" Bucky calls and you continue on your phone. His hand rests on your back before it reaches your waist and turns you around, you avoid his gaze but he bends down a little to meet it. "I would like nothing more than to stay with you, doll" he starts. "But I- I don't trust myself enough to stay around you while the nightmares are still there. I don't want to hurt you."

"Bucky," your hand rests on his cheek, his stubble poking the inside of your palm, feeling his warmth. "I trust you." He leans against your hand and kisses the inside of it, sending warmth all over your body. His cerulean eyes were looking at you with such affection that was making you weak. "I know the Winter Soldier is gone. It's just a matter of time that the nightmares will stop, when you feel more at ease."

"I know, doll" he nods his head and you smile softly at him. He pulls you closer to him, leaning in and kissing your forehead. Lips lingering there for a moment. "I'll go get my things. Text me which flight you choose" he says as he pulls away, letting go of your body before walking out the door.

You felt like this trip could help him. There was nothing to be worried about. No Zemo. No Karli. No Flag Smashers. He could now be at ease and sort his thoughts out now that he has finished his book. This could be the perfect getaway if things planned out right.

[silversaturnss]

It’ll Be Okay

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female!reader

Word count: 931

Warnings: Sad Bucky, lil bit of swearing, mentions of violence, idk

A/N: This is my first ever fic that I’m writing and posting!! Ahh I’m so excited. I hope you all like it! :)

Plot: Bucky tells y/n about the death of Yori’s son, she comforts him

(Bucky)

“Thanks, Yori. It’s been great but I gotta get home, y/n will be wondering what happened to me.” Bucky smiled as he opened the door, leaving his friend’s apartment. The minute it closed behind him, his smile fell.

He couldn’t do it anymore. He couldn’t keep pretending to be there for his friend when he knew the truth. Listening to Yori’s devastated voice as he wondered about his son’s fate broke Bucky a little more every time they met. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his notebook and flipped to the most viewed page. At the top, the last name Nakajima stared back at him; circled but not crossed.

As he walked down the sidewalk, he carefully placed the book back in his coat. The street lamps gave off an eerie glow, glinting off his exposed hand. Pulling out his phone, he checked the time. 11:46 pm. Shit. Y/n would be beyond angry that he hadn’t texted or called to let her know he was going to be late.

“Hopefully she’s fallen asleep by now,” Bucky thought. He didn’t want to talk to anyone about things right now, just to go to sleep and start a new day tomorrow.

(Flashback)

“I think the worst part is not knowing what happened to him,” Yori said sadly, gazing at his son’s memorial shrine. “Getting that closure would be more than anything else I could ask for.”

Bucky swallowed, tensing his jaw. He studied Yori’s face as he picked up his son’s picture. The lines on his face showed the years of stress and worry he had been through, and Bucky knew he was to blame. With just a few words he could take away some of that pain, maybe ease a fraction of the suffering he had caused...

He opened his mouth to speak, but the words caught in his throat as Yori glanced up at him. “I-“ Bucky started, before falling silent. “I... I’m so sorry for your loss, Yori.”

(Y/n)

Y/n heard the knob rattle and was on her feet before the door could even open. Bucky entered, turning around to close it. “Are you okay? I texted but didn’t hear back, you said you’d be home by 10 at the latest.” She asked, approaching him.

He turned around and she stopped. His face was red and his eyes were full of tears. “Oh my god Buck, what happened?” She hurried over to him, engulfing his broad frame in a hug. Immediately he fell into her and began to sob.

Leading him over to the couch, she sat him down and held him until his crying slowed. “Buck, please talk to me. I’ve never seen you this bad, what happened? Is Yori okay?” She asked, pushing his hair back.

“I don’t... I don’t know how to say it. I can’t.” Bucky started, breath still shaky. “I tried to tell him but I couldn’t.”

Y/n looked at him, confused. “Tell him what?”

Bucky took a deep breath, and pulled out his notebook. Y/n had never seen what was inside it; she only knew he and his therapist were using it to help him move past everything he had been through. Flipping through the pages, he stopped on one with a list. Looking closer, y/ncould see it was last names. Most crossed out, with the exception of a select few. Bucky pointed to Nakajima, circled on the top of the right hand page.

“This is a list of everyone I wronged during my time as the Winter Soldier. As per my therapist’s advice, I’ve been going through each one and righting those wrongs any way I can.” He explained. “There’s only one that I can’t bring myself to do, and it’s the most important one.”

Y/n looked back up at him. “What happened with Yori?” She asked, hesitantly.

“I was on a mission. Take everyone out, leave no witnesses. I was almost finished, but there was one more. I can still see him trying to escape, begging me to let him go. He couldn’t get his key in the lock of the door he was trying to leave through. The closer I got to him, the more desperate he sounded.” Bucky stopped, taking a gulp of air. “That man... was Yori’s son. He was innocent, I should have let him go. Instead, I shot him right between the eyes.”

They sat there in silence, neither knowing what to say. Eventually y/n spoke. “Bucky... there was nothing you could have done. You may remember and know what you should have done, but in the moment you had no choice. Hydra used you, they took that choice away from you. This is their fault, not yours.” Bucky’s breathing was getting shaky again, and she took his hand in hers. “You were a tool that they used for wrong. And that never was, and never will be, your fault.”

Bucky looked up at her, and pulled her into a hug. “Thanks, doll. I just don’t know how to tell him... he has a right to know. He’s in so much pain because of me.”

“Buck. It’ll be okay, you just need to give yourself the time to be ready.” y/n said, standing up. “Yeah,” Bucky replied. “I need to do it soon, though. I can’t handle being around him knowing what I know.”

“You’ll get there, I know you will.” y/n reassured him, giving him a kiss on the forehead. “Let’s get to bed, you’ll feel better in the morning once you get some sleep.”

[seven-oomen]

Until the end of time | Sambucky | Chapter 1

warnings/tags/main post here

Notes:

It's been a long while since I wrote anything for the Marvel fandom but I decided to step back into it after watching fatws. I'm writing this fic through Bucky's perspective mostly because I'm also doing it as an exercise to cope with my own CPTSD. And many of the feelings like pulsating energy and sensory overload are things I myself experience. Considering the things Bucky has been through, it seemed like a logical thing for him to struggle with as well.

I haven't decided if I want to turn this into mpreg near the end, but I wanna bring it up because I'm thinking about it. Haven't made my mind up on it yet. It will get a lot happier and brighter though, near the end. And they will end up together before the fic is over. But the fun is in the journey right?

Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this.

-

He didn’t have a family. Not anymore.

The only living family he had left could no longer remember him. She was 102 and living in a nursing home. He visited Rebecca at times but, well, it never really amounted to anything. She couldn’t remember his name, what he looked like. And he made sure he only ever visited when her children and grandchildren weren’t around. How was he supposed to explain all of it anyway?

I’m your uncle James but I never contacted you or stuck around because I got brainwashed, experimented on, and kidnapped? Yeah… that would go over well.

He only ever observed Rebecca’s children from a distance. She had two sons; James and Robert, and a daughter, Annie, who looked just like her. It gave him some comfort to know that at least her legacy would live on.

Sometimes Hazel’s children and grandchildren visited her as well, even though Hazel herself had passed away a decade ago at 90. He didn’t know if Grace had had any children. He never saw them visit Rebecca if she had. The only thing he knew about her was that she had passed away a year ago at the age of 97.

Though they were his descendants, they weren’t his family. They didn’t know him and he didn’t know them. Not really. Files could only tell you so much about a person.

And now that Steve was gone too, life had become nothing more than a dull thrum as he tried to navigate it to the best of his abilities. Which was a lot harder than he’d anticipated. Living in New York had changed in the last century, of course it had. He found it difficult to settle in and pretend nothing had changed. To live life, go to therapy. None of that truly held any meaning for him anymore.

Or at least, it hadn’t.

Crossing the names of his list had given some of it back, for a while. He enjoyed being able to use technology and his particular skill set for the common good for once, even if his methods weren't exactly... therapist approved. Not that he listened to her anyway. He didn't see the need most of the time.

His phone pinged once again as he left the scene, letting the sirens of the approaching authorities drown out the constant murmurs and images in his head. A quick phone check revealed a text from Sam.

[Barnes I need you to answer me.]

He ignored it. Again.

It had been the fifth text in three days. Sam clearly wanted something from him, most likely his help. He didn't care much anymore. All he cared about was finishing his pardon and finding something, anything to stay alive for.

Please. Please I didn't see anything.

He squeezed his eyes shut at the intrusive thought, shaking his head and clenching his hands until his nails dug into his palms. Body thrumming with a pulsating energy. No. No, not now.

A deep breath. In, hold it, and out. He repeated the gesture, navigating his way through busy streets purely on autopilot

In the sanctity of his apartment, he dropped down in the nest of blankets in front of his tv and wrapped his arms around himself.

He- he couldn't.

Images of flashing metal, blood dripping to the floor plagued his mind, and the overwhelming feeling of his throat contracting made him gasp for breath.

He couldn't breathe.

His phone pinged again.

"What do you want, James?"

Family. Love. Understanding. But above all... "Peace."

"That is utter bullshit."

"You are a terrible shrink."

It was and it wasn't. He didn't want to be alone with his thoughts but he also wanted those same thoughts to just- just stop.

[Barnes, pick up your damn phone.] Sam's text read this time.

He just needed it all to stop.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed as he breathed in and out, letting the energy just flow through him as he tried to calm his mind. Blinking back the tears that threatened to fall once he was done, he rubbed his hand over his face and got up to grab some water and a snack.

The days passed as usual.

He went to therapy, spend some time with Yori, went on a date that failed, and revisited Rebecca again. He read the hobbit to her once again, just as he had back in the '30s. She smiled at him once he was done and asked; "Who are you?"

He'd taken his leave after that. Endlessly roaming the streets of Brooklyn until evening fell and he ended up back at his apartment in front of his tv.

He had nobody left.

His sister was as good as gone. Steve had left him. He was alone. And he would die alone. Out of his mind with the walls closing in on him.

The incessant ringing and vibration of his phone pulled him out of his thoughts. Jesus…

“What the hell do you want, Sam?” He said as he picked it up, probably a little more forceful than he meant to.

“Not Sam, and I’m just checking in on you.” Rhodey’s voice said on the other end.

Shit.

He sighed. “Rhodes, I-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Rhodes paused, “Have you seen the news yet?”

He really couldn’t take this kind of bullshit right now, of course, he knew what Sam had done. “I know he retired the shield, Rhodes. You don’t have to keep checking on me. I’m fine.”

“You’re not,” Rhodes clearly didn’t believe him, although to be fair, he wasn’t sure he would have believed himself right now, “And that’s not what I meant. They-”

His tv chose that moment to cut back to the news from the commercials that had been running. Almost as if it had a mind of its own with the world’s worst possible timing. There, in white letters on a blue banner, was the worst news he’d seen in a month.

John Walker named Captain America.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me…”

“Barnes, I know what this looks like-”

“Please tell me you’ve tried to stop this.”

“I tried. They wouldn’t listen to me.”

“Fuck…” He couldn’t believe this, this was, just, fuck. He needed to punch something.

“Barnes,” A pause “do I need to call someone?”

He shook his head, though it only took him several seconds to realize; Rhodey couldn’t see him shaking his head. “No. No, I’m- I’m fine.”

Rhodey didn’t say anything for several seconds but he practically felt the man’s incessant gaze and knowing smile. “In that case, you should check on Sam, make sure he’s okay too.”

“Yeah…” He didn’t want to, especially not now. But maybe Rhodes had a point, he probably wasn’t the only one struggling with this news. “Give Pepper and Morgan my love, alright?”

Rhodey probably wanted to press on, judging by the hesitation in his breathing. He didn’t though. Something he was inherently grateful for. “Sure. I’ll pass it along. Take care Barnes, I’ll be a phone call away if you need me.”

“Alright. Bye.” He said, looking at the number on his phone screen for several minutes while the interview played in the background. He was grateful for all the strings Rhodes had pulled within the government to get him his pardon. He was grateful for Pepper’s non-stop work to get his bank accounts, social security, and money restored. He was grateful for the fact that they had helped and stuck their necks out for him, even though he didn’t deserve any of it. Especially considering his past and what he’d done to their family. They didn’t seem to care, and if they did, they were good at hiding it. They helped him anyway.

But he wasn’t part of their family. It didn’t feel like he was.

He sat there, watching Walker’s interview. And goddamn it was so stupid. The man didn’t know anything about Steve or the mantle he was taking on and yet there he was talking about him as if he’d always known Steve. Calling him his brother and whatnot.

He didn’t register the bleeding lip until a metallic taste filled his mouth, his hands clenched in his lap, and anger pulsing through him with an energy he couldn’t contain. What he wanted to do in that moment would have negated everything he had worked so hard for and would undoubtedly mark him an international terrorist once again.

Instead, he grabbed his keys, went to the nearest bar, and drank through so many bottles of booze that the bartender wanted to call an ambulance for him. He didn’t need one. It wasn’t a healthy coping mechanism in the slightest, but it was far better than tracking Walker down to pummel his ass.

Although he knew it wasn’t fair and part of him knew that Sam couldn’t have foreseen this coming. It was easiest to blame him. So he did.

It was all Sam’s fault. If Sam hadn’t given up the shield, none of this would have happened. If Sam hadn’t given up the shield, Walker wouldn’t have become Captain America. If Sam hadn’t given up the shield, hadn’t given up on Steve’s wish-

He shook his head and sighed. If Steve had been wrong about Sam being the right man, then Steve was wrong about him too. And that was something he couldn’t process, not now, not yet.

In the morning, he arranged an Uber to take him to the Air force base.

-

End notes:

So that's it for chapter 1, there will be seven chapters in total. Let me know what you think of it so far, comments fuel me and keep me writing.

What did you like this chapter? Are there things that aren't clear or not written clearly? Let me know and I will make sure to fix them.

I would love to hear your thoughts.

[darkangelonthemoon]

Title: Lucky Me

Summary: The idea of telling Touka the truth filled Yoriko with dread every time.

Prompts: Day 2 — Roleswap / Stars / “That’s no fair!”

Notes: I did not expect this story to be so long. Hope you like it.

Yoriko’s heart was pounding so hard that she wondered if Touka could hear it. But no, just like always, Touka gave no indication that she thought anything was wrong. No indication that she could sense the inner turmoil raging on inside of Yoriko.

With a quiet gulp, Yoriko forced herself to remain calm as she asked Touka to repeat what she said, hoping there had been some miscommunication. Touka ate the rice ball in her lunch and said as calmly as before, “I’m going to join the CCG.”

That’s what Yoriko thought she said. Yoriko plopped a tomato in her mouth, swallowing it quickly before pretending to chew. She needed that moment to think.

“Why?” was all she could ask but she already knew the answer.

“Because ghouls are dangerous.”

Yoriko sighed through her nose, wishing she had something else to say to Touka. All that came out was a weak “Not all of them.”

Touka chuckled. “That’s the great thing about you, Yoriko. You see the good in people, even the ones who don’t deserve it.”

Yoriko knew that was supposed to be a compliment but she didn’t feel it. All she felt was sick to her stomach. She knew that the CCG wasn’t what it used to be, that they were meant to monitor and not just hunt down and kill but...it was still terrifying. It was true that there were still ghouls out there who slaughtered humans for fun but the reverse was always still true. Touka wouldn’t...wouldn’t turn into that, right?

“Why...” Touka looked at Yoriko and she had never been so scared to talk to Touka before. “...why can’t you just...leave it to them? Do something nicer? Less...dangerous?”

Touka didn’t respond to that, choosing instead to look to the ground. Yoriko wasn’t sure what she expected and was going to let it go when Touka grabbed her hand. Yoriko’s cheeks went pink and she looked at Touka whose attention was still focused on the ground.

“I...I see so many stories on the news about ghouls and the people they’ve killed and all I can think is...” Touka’s cheeks went red as her grip on Yoriko’s hand tightened. “...is how I can’t let that happen to you...because you’re all I’ve got.” Yoriko blinked and Touka risked looking her in the eyes; she looked...scared but her next words were full of conviction. “And as long as I’m alive, I’ll never let anything hurt you.”

Yoriko should have been happy, should have felt the butterflies in her stomach. Instead, all she could do was smile, hoping it didn’t look as forced as it felt.

“Lucky me.”

-

“You gotta tell her.”

Yoriko groaned as she placed her newest pastries in the counter window. She was really proud of how these came out. They tasted like garbage as far as she was concerned but they looked super cute. The irony of a ghoul who loved to cook would never be lost on her.

Once she finished, she looked over her shoulder to see Hide and Kimi, both giving her the ‘You need to do it’ stare.

“I will,” she said, but she knew it wasn’t convincing since that was what she always said.

Hide sighed, leaning against the counter. Luckily it was a slow day so no one seemed to mind that the three weren’t focused on their jobs. Kimi sat on the stool near the counter, just staring at her.

“I will. I just...” Yoriko wasn’t sure what to say because she knew that there was no real time left.

Kimi broke her stare, looking at the ground. “Yoriko, we understand you’re scared but--”

Yoriko cut her off. “But you don’t hear her. What she says about us...” Yoriko whimpered the next part, her chest tight. “...about me.”

“And that’s why you have to tell her,” Hide explained, putting a hand on Yoriko’s shoulder. “You have to tell her before it’s too late.”

“Too late?” It was phrased as a question but she knew what that meant.

Kimi let out a resigned sigh. “Imagine it.”

-

Yoriko was sent flying into the wall before she collapsed to the ground. She watched as Touka strolled up to her, the Quinque she had just used to impale her dripping with blood. Touka...how could she look so beautiful even when she was about to kill her?

Yoriko let out a bitter chuckle and was rewarded with a kick into her open wound. Touka grabbed at her hair and screamed, “What the hell are you laughing at?!” When Yoriko couldn’t respond, that only further angered Touka. “Answer me! Look me in the eye and answer me!”

Touka’s hand moved from Yoriko’s hair and ripped the mask off of Yoriko’s face. The anger faded, buried under shock which gave way to terror.

“Y-Yoriko?”

Yoriko smiled, wanting to make Touka think that it would all be better. “h-hi...” was all she could get out before she coughed up blood. 

“Oh my god. Yoriko...Yoriko, no!” Touka took off her jacket and pressed it against Yoriko’s wound. “Y-Yoriko...it’s-it’s okay...y-you’ll be o-okay.”

That was what broke Yoriko. Not the pain, not the fear of death, but hearing Touka so scared.

“T-Touka...” Touka looked at her, tears pooling in her eyes. Touka never cried. Why did she have to cry? “I...I love you.”

Touka froze, the tears seeming to stop in her surprise. Yoriko closed her eyes and Touka just shook her. “Hey, no! No, don’t--don’t you dare!” But no matter how hard she shook, Yoriko didn’t open her eyes. “No, please, no! Yoriko! Yoriko!”

Touka cradled Yoriko in her arms as she let out a shattered cry:

“YORIKO!!!”

-

“And scene.”

Yoriko and Hide stared at Kimi in a mixture of horror and awe. They were broken out of their trances from the bell over the front door ringing followed by a soft but clear “Good afternoon.”

Hide turned to the door before hopping over the counter and running to his best friend. Grabbing Kaneki by the shoulders, he shook the other boy and shouted, “Kaneki, don’t you ever lend Kimi another one of your books!”

Kaneki could only stutter out, “B-b-but I...I have the new T-Takatsuki Sen book!”

“NEVER!”

Hide stopped shaking Kaneki when he was hit on the head. Nishiki just glared down at the blonde, almost growling, “What are you telling my girlfriend not to do?” He then turned to Kimi who gave him a wry smile. “What did you do?”

Kimi feigned hurt as she placed a hand to her chest. “How could you accuse me of such things? I thought you loved me.” Nishiki mumbled something and Kimi held a hand to her ear. “What~? Couldn’t hear you~”

Yoriko watched the four and couldn’t help but smile. She was really glad that her friends were so happy, that they had found people to accept them.

She knew the stories. Hide and Kaneki had been friends since they were kids and Hide told Kaneki when they were in high school, old enough to decide what he wanted to do with that information and though there had been friction, the two never left each other’s sides. Kimi told Nishiki a while after they started dating, saying she didn’t care if he turned her in because he was her reason for living. Apparently, Nishiki called her an idiot and they’d been together ever since.

She knew it was possible, knew that if a person loved you that they’d be okay so why was she still so terrified? That question haunted her thoughts for the rest of the day. Once Anteiku closed, the group headed their separate ways: Hide and Kaneki were going to the park, Kimi and Nishiki were going to a new restaurant and Yoriko waited at the front door for Touka so they could go see that new movie she was expecting.

Touka had said she’d be a bit late because of a group project and demanded that Yoriko stay at Anteiku until she got there. Yoriko just smiled as she waited, playing a game on her phone. Once she finished a level, she glanced at the time in the corner.

8:02.

It was only two minutes past when Touka said she’d be there so she shouldn’t worry but something was bubbling up in the pit of her stomach. Walking in the direction Touka would have to come from, Yoriko started calling.

“Pick up. Pick up,” she pleaded. All she got was a voicemail and that was when Yoriko broke out into a sprint. As she rushed down the empty sidewalk, she kept one ear focused on her cellphone while the other was waiting for any sign of...

She stopped once she heard a familiar ringtone. Turning towards the alleyway, Yoriko cautiously crept forward, the anime theme still playing. Once she turned the corner, all she saw was red.

No, rather, all she saw was Touka on the ground, her arm bending in a way that arms shouldn’t bend. And a ghoul who had no business being anywhere near her, laughing about humans and how they needed to know their place on the food chain. It took a moment before he noticed Yoriko standing there.

“Eh? Who are you?” Yoriko said nothing, her gaze focused on Touka. “Ah, you want a piece. She tried fighting but you know humans, so weak.”

Touka looked up and when she saw Yoriko, the fear became evident. “Yoriko, run!”

The ghoul order Touka to be quiet before he reached for her and that was when Yoriko snapped. She let out a blood-curdling scream as she rushed him, Kakugan blaring. Tacking the ghoul into a wall, Yoriko pinned him by his neck with her forearm.

“Don’t you touch her,” Yoriko growled. The ghoul tried to argue and Yoriko pounded his head into the wall. “This isn’t your territory! She isn’t yours! Come near her again...” Yoriko’s Ukaku flared from behind her, crystallizing and ready to strike. “...and I’ll kill you.”

She could see the ghoul tremble under her glare and she let him up. The ghoul didn’t say anything as he ran away to whatever sewer he crawled from. Yoriko took in a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down.

She froze when she heard “Y...Yoriko?”

Yoriko could feel her Ukaku wilt as she stood in place. She couldn’t turn around; she couldn’t see what Touka would look like. How’d she...

“Yori--”

“I’m sorry!” Yoriko screamed before she ran down another alleyway, leaving Touka crying out for her. But Yoriko didn’t stop, not until she had gotten at least several blocks away. Once she was sure she was alone, she pulled out her cellphone again. “H-hello...I-I’d like report an injured person...”

-

Yoriko sat on her sofa, curled up into a ball. She didn’t know how she found her way back to Anteiku but once she had, she refused to leave her room. Hide had found out about the ghoul, saying he was a vagabond who traveled between territories for whatever humans were available. He probably wouldn’t show his face again but the damage had been done.

It had been days. Plenty of people from school called, wondering where she was and asking if she had heard from Touka. No, she hadn’t. Touka hadn’t called her once. And Yoriko wasn’t surprised.

knock knock

Uncurling herself from her ball, Yoriko walked to the door. It was probably Kimi again with another cup of coffee. Opening the door, Yoriko felt the words die in her throat. Touka stared back at her, one hand raised to knock. She lowered her hand, staring at Yoriko as if she hadn’t expected her to open the door.

Yoriko just stared back at her, taking in the disheveled appearance. The bandages on her face, the cast around her arm. They were by...by a ghoul...someone like...

“I’m sorry!” Touka blinked and Yoriko couldn’t stop crying. She didn’t know what else to do. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that...that I...”

“You idiot!”

Yoriko flinched, shutting her mouth. That was when she noticed the tears pooling in Touka’s eyes. Why...why was Touka crying? Touka covered her face, probably to hide the tears from her.

“You’re sorry? For what? God, I’m the one who’s sorry, Yoriko.” Yoriko just looked confused; Touka could see that when she moved her hand and asked, “How many times did I say something about how I didn’t trust ghouls? How many times did I scare you?” The tears started to fall as she asked, “How many times did I make you think I hated you?”

Yoriko couldn’t answer; she just stared at Touka who continued to to cry and apologize. Silently, she raised her arms and risked wrapping Touka into a hug. Touka clung to her with her one good arm, sobbing into her shoulder.

“You’re not supposed to be comforting me. I’m the one who...I...” Touka couldn’t finish her sentence as she muttered, “Damn it.”

This was not what Yoriko expected. She had to make sure. “You...” She took in a deep breath. “...you don’t hate me?”

"...How could I ever hate you, dummy?”

There was no bite to it and that was all Yoriko needed before she laughed, clutching Touka tighter while minding her broken arm. All that worry, all that trouble...for this? The two stayed in their embrace for a while before Yoriko invited Touka inside. Maybe it was okay but they still had to talk...didn’t they?

The two sat on Yoriko’s couch. “Would you like something to eat?” Yoriko offered. Touka looked at her, confusion evident. Yoriko raised an eyebrow before realizing what her newfound knowledge meant. “Oh, no, don’t worry. It’s all human food. I don’t keep what I eat in my room, except coffee and even that’s completely normal and--”

“Yoriko.” Yoriko stopped talking and Touka sighed, a small smirk on her lips. “Not worried about that. I just don’t get why you have it. I’m rarely here so...”

Yoriko blushed, avoiding Touka’s gaze. “I...I like cooking. I like...people’s faces when I do.” Yoriko scratched her cheek, feeling embarrassed anytime she said it. “I know that’s weird but...it’s nice.”

“Nah, that sounds like something you’d do.” Yoriko caught Touka’s eye and couldn’t stop smiling. It was like nothing had changed. Touka smiled back but it was gone with her next question. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you.” Yoriko was going to tell her it was okay and Touka shook her head. “It isn’t okay. I know I hurt you. While I was in the hospital, all I thought about was you and how...how I should have...I should have known better.” Touka gripped her pant leg as she let out a disgusted scoff. “You deserve better.”

“That’s not true!” Touka turned to Yoriko and Yoriko covered her mouth, just as surprised. But she couldn’t just let Touka say that about herself. “You...you always talked about wanting to protect me, protect others because you were amazing and I...” Yoriko reached out for Touka’s hand and smiled when Touka met her halfway, interlacing their fingers. “...I was a coward.”

“I didn’t make it easy for you,” Touka said, eyes focused on their intertwined hands. “It’s no excuse but...I never would have...” Touka’s grip tightened. “...I promised nothing would ever hurt you...and I’m going to be better so I can keep that promise.”

Yoriko just held Touka’s hand, knowing that Touka was going to keep this promise. That they were going to be okay but there was still something to do. Because Yoriko...

Yoriko was done hiding from Touka.

“Can I...show you something?”

Touka looked up, curious. Closing her eyes, Yoriko took in a deep breath before she looked at Touka with her Kakugan activated. There was no immediate reaction, just Touka staring at her. Yoriko wanted her to say something, anything. Instead, Touka released Yoriko’s hand and used it to gently cradle Yoriko’s cheek.

“I’ve heard people say ghouls had some kind of ethereal beauty or something. I thought they were dumbasses.” Touka caressed Yoriko’s cheek and Yoriko couldn’t help but close her eyes and relax into it. “Guess they had a point.”

Yoriko couldn’t help but chuckle. “Have a thing for ghouls now?”

She head Touka scoff, “...No.” That was when she felt something soft touch her forehead. Yoriko’s eyes shot open as Touka backed away, her cheeks a lovely pink. “...Just one.”

Yoriko just stared at her before she laughed and tackled Touka into a hug that she was certain she’d never let her out of.

-

Anteiku’s door opened and the ghoul trio looked up from their work. Kaneki walked in with a big smile.

“Good afternoon.”

Hide waved. “Yo, Kaneki! The usual?”

Kaneki nodded and Nishiki followed in behind, grumbling, “You’re too fucking loud, Nagachika.”

Kimi laughed as she finished the cappuccino she was making. “Be nice.”

Yoriko smiled to herself when she saw Touka walk in behind Nishiki, giving him a small shove. “Move it, shitty Nishiki.”

“What’d you call me?”

“Guys, please.”

Yoriko laughed as the three humans went to their usual table, bickering all the way. She glanced at Hide and Kimi whose faces were filled with the same love and adoration hers had to have. She turned back to the table and when she caught Touka’s eye, what else could she say?

“Lucky me.”