#pre-season 09

[umseb]

"While Tim and Guillaume are planning to go into the simulator, Adrian is already dreaming of a double diffusor." - january 5, 2024 📷 @.sebastianvettel / instagram

[ad-historia]

05/09/2024: everyone wake up it's take walks in the rain and hole up in the library season

academia: slowly working through preliminary research for a potential dissertation topic (women in medieval/early modern warfare), battling the university website for it to acknowledge me as an incoming student.

writing: ... so i accidentally started a new project again. that makes 13, not including the fanfic i write, but whelp. i'm hoping i can mesh it into a pre-existing project, since they're on a similar theme, and that'll feed two birds with one scone.

currently listening: hozier - to someone from a warm climate

[formulaforza]

miss americana and the heartbreak prince

—09. Sweet Nothing —word count: 8.5k —warnings: none :) love, mack... sorry. SORRY. you can't even begin to imagine how different my life is from when i last updated. SORRY. technically I got paid to write this lol.

Charles turns up to pre-season testing with a gifted case on his phone. It’s from Reid, FORZA CHARLES written in his best handwriting, colored red with his new set of crayons from his birthday. It’s been on his phone since the five-year-old gifted it to him because Reid was too excited about it for Charles to do anything but put it on. 

Reid had carefully explained that it was a good luck charm—but that Charles is not allowed to be mad if it didn’t have enough luck, since he had to rush to make it before Charles had to leave. 

Reid had played it so incredibly cool ( see: jumping around Chris' kitchen after school squealing like a baby pig ) when Chris had shown him a picture of Charles with the phone case on in the paddock. There’s a certain softness that she feels watching his excitement over something so small, something that gets this kid so incredibly excited because he thinks Charles is so cool. There’s something soft, and there’s also something so incredibly terrifying about it. That she let Reid develop this relationship—even if oh-so-small—with Charles, because now if it goes wrong, if it sours… not only is it going to screw her up in the head royally, but now she’s going to have to explain it to Reid, too. To break his heart, too. She thinks Charles is completely clueless as to the amount of people he’s got completely wrapped around his finger. 

Reid, in all his pure and unadulterated joy, insists that Chris call him up so Reid can share in the joy with her boyfriend--because no matter how many times she attempts to explain it to the kid, he can’t fathom the idea of timezones. 

Chase has always been so good at navigating them, even though he has ever been only, at most, a few hours off the time at home. He’s never missed a bedtime story or a goodnight kiss if he could help it. They’ve always been so good at it, him and Hannah, that Reid is truly unable to conceptualize why someone away at a race can’t talk on the phone with him. 

“He’s sleeping, Reid,” Chris says, shaking her head, and taking her phone back from his grubby hands. “I’m not calling him in the middle of the night.”

“It’s not the middle of the night!” He protests, and he’s not wrong. “It’s just after school time.”

Chris sighs. “But he’s not here. He’s somewhere far away, remember? We talked about this before he left?”

“No! Facetime him!”

She rolls her eyes. They go back and forth for some time like that, her arguing with a five-year-old about time zones. It’s only becoming clearer that there are only two ways for this to end. Either Reid throws the fit of all fits until Hannah gets off work to come pick him up, or Chris calls Charles. If she hadn’t spent all day already keeping five-year-olds from throwing a tantrum, she might have had the strength to endure another grumpy kid. But, she had spent the day on eggshells, so she makes the call and hopes his phone is turned off so it doesn’t wake him up. 

Despite her hopes, he answers, even though it’s past midnight there. She’s apologizing before she can even make out the shape of his face on the dark screen. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. His voice is groggy and sleepy and he speaks through a yawn, shaking his head in a dismissal of her apology. “Es-tu…” he groans. “Are you okay?”

“Yes!” She quips. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Reid just wanted to say hello. I promise it won’t be more than a minute.” Momentarily, she considers shoving her nephew into the pantry where it’s dark. Where the bright light of Chris’ kitchen isn’t going to hurt Charles’ eyes in the dark of his room.  

“It’s okay,” he smiles, and God. God, he looks so sleepy and sweet and if she didn’t feel so horribly guilty for waking him up, she’d be thinking about how badly she wants to kiss him. He turns on a lamp and cringes at the brightness of it. Her wince is disguised as a smile. “Where is he?”

Here, she says, handing the phone off to Reid, a half-scold, half-warning leaving her lips in the form of be quick. He grabs her phone with the heel of both his palms, keeping his greasy snack fingers off her screen, setting it down with a light clatter onto the countertop, forehead peeking in at the bottom of the screen. “Hi, Chuck!” Reid greets. “Auntie Chris says you’re sleeping!” he giggles. 

“Auntie Chris was right,” Charles laughs softly, and now she just wants to kiss him. She doesn’t get to see him sleepy nearly as much as she’d like to, as much as other girlfriends get to see their boyfriends sleepy. 

She manages to swallow the guilt gnawing away at her bones, silence the already rehearsed apologies she’ll be uttering the next time they speak, and just listens fondly to Charles entertaining Reid. He's so patient. So kind in his efforts to get close with her family. He doesn’t have to do that—seriously. Most people wouldn’t talk to their girlfriend’s nephew on the phone in the middle of the night. Then again, most people wouldn’t fly a quarter of the way around the world for that same nephew’s fifth birthday party—or travel that same distance for a family wedding on a fifth date. In fact, most people would be so put off by the idea of having to do those things, they would never in a million years entertain the idea of dating someone who lives around the world. Most people wouldn’t, and yet. Charles would. Charles does. Each and every time, he does. 

— — —

“So, he comes up to me, right?” She laughs, “I’m trying to give a reading test, and he walks up, and I almost tell him to go sit back in his seat because he’s supposed to be silent reading,” She continues. It’s 12:03 am, at least that’s what her microwave clock tells her. It’s 12:03 am in Georgia and when they’d gotten on Facetime twenty-one minutes ago, he’d told her exactly two things. 

One—the car is shit. Two—I don’t want to talk about it. 

So, she didn’t ask any questions and instead launched into the story she’d been anxiously waiting to tell him all about since it had happened that morning at school.

“But before I can say anything,” she explains to her phone camera—to him, on the other side of the globe— “He says, ‘Um, Miss Elliott, um, my tooth falled out,’' She grins, and Charles matches her expression because even across continents it’s a contagious smile. It was the first time any of her students had lost a tooth in class, and the room proceeded to erupt into chaos, she would continue to tell him. “It was crazy,” she laughs. “I didn’t know what to do with him.”

“So what did you do?” Charles asks, laughing himself. 

“I took him and his tooth down to the office,” she says, half out of breath. “And I let them handle it. I was way out of my depth. The nurse brought him back like, ten minutes later with a plastic tooth necklace that held the tooth all day.”

— — —

Chris is cozied up on the couch with Bean, babysitting the dog for her parents while they traveled to Vegas for her brother’s race when Charles DNFs in Bahrain. 

Her heart sinks, through the couch and through the floor and deep into her non-existent basement. It might even go all the way through the world and into Australia to wait for Charles to get there in a few weeks. 

Once he’s out of the car and they show him on camera, he looks so annoyed. Defeated and annoyed in a way she isn’t sure she’s ever seen him, and like he could use a hug. A bear hug. She wants to stick her arms through the television and around him and hug him and kiss him and make him laugh and get that look off his face. She wants the car to turn into a person she can fight. To kiss him all over and run her finger through his helmet hair until he forgets about it for a little while. To tell him how she’s sorry. And how she. How she… how she likes him so much. 

How, maybe someday. Someday, in a vast and distant future, she loves him so much that it scares her to think about for more than a moment. How—again, maybe someday in a timeline she can't imagine yet—she thinks of him constantly. How he’s burrowed his way into her skin and how every time she sees the color red she doesn’t think of it as angry or harsh or mean, she just thinks of him. 

How she loves him, maybe, and it’s wholly terrifying. She hates that she loves him, maybe, because she knows it’s only a matter of time. She’d really, truly hoped he would come to his senses before it got to this point, this drowning slowly in his honey words and soft smile, hoped that he would have found her too much and too messy and not worth all the energy and time and money. But he hasn’t. He hasn’t, and now she loves him, maybe, and has nowhere to put all this fear. 

She waits for him to call her, and he does, hours later when it’s got to be the middle of the night there. She can’t keep the time difference straight and has googled it at least half a dozen times today alone. 

“Did you watch?” he asks, and he doesn’t sound defeated, not like he had during testing. He sounds… dejected, if anything but normal. 

“Yeah,” she says, even though there wasn’t much to watch. 

“They’re saying on Twitter I looked hot,” he chuckles, and it puts a soft smile on her face. She pulls her knees to her chest, picking at the lint on the knees of her leggings. “At least I have that going, huh?”

“You always look hot,” she says, her smile growing.

“True,” he says, and he follows it with a laugh. An honest to god laugh that makes her heart swell. 

“Besides the obvious,” she says, adjusting in her seat, “It was a good race.”

“It was definitely not a good race,” he chuckles. 

Chris continues to pick at her leggings. They’re covered in lint from her blanket and hair from the dog. “Well, I thought it was good. I know you didn’t finish, but… if you had,” she smiles gently. He was on track for a podium. If he had finished. 

“But I didn’t,” He sighs himself into a perfect frown. 

“Eh,” she waves it off with her hand. “Semantics, semantics. Rose and thorn.”

“Rose and thorn,” he nods, quirking a brow. “What is rose and thorn?”

“Oh,” she shrugs, “you know. Like… take the good with the bad? The rose and the thorn,” she explains. “You were having a good race—rose. You didn’t finish the race—thorn.”

“Ah,” he says, his head dropping down into a chuckle. “Rose and thorn, yes.”

— — —

One thing you learn when you’re the aunt of a five-year-old little leaguer is that every single team is actually just a major league baseball team rebranded for whatever city these elementary schoolers are playing in. Same names, same logos—sometimes they’ll change the color scheme, but sometimes they can get away with keeping it. In Reid’s case, they kept even the color scheme. 

Chris supposes this makes her outfit choice for his season opener significantly easier. It’s sunny and sixty-five degrees and Chris is wearing a Detroit Tigers sweatshirt—Navy blue with a white old English D embroidered on the front—and a pair of blue jeans. Reid’s tee-ball team is oh-so derivatively named the Dawsonville Tigers. 

It’s Reid’s third year playing baseball, his third year playing tee-ball. Next year, he’ll get to move up to the real little league, which will only give Chase and Hannah a million more practices and tournaments, and games to travel to. Reid is counting down the days until he gets to play with the bigger kids. Chase and Hannah… not so much. 

They, along with the rest of the family, have grown relatively attached to the comedy show of a bunch of preschoolers chasing baseballs around a bunch of gravel. Chase is an assistant coach, and he’s been swearing up and down in the family group chat that at least ten of the fifteen kids on the team know they’re supposed to run to first base after they hit a fair ball. At least ten of them, and the coaches are working hard to get the other five on track as soon as possible. 

Chris and Hannah sit in folding camping chairs behind the fencing catching up while they watch the show, sipping boxed wine from Hannah’s secret purse-stash in their matching YETI wine tumblers. 

The conversation starts with a rundown of the team this year—of the moms, more importantly. Which ones Hannah likes, and which ones look at her like she’s still a nineteen-year-old with a baby she doesn’t know what to do with. It’s a common thing for Hannah, even now that she’s got a settled career and a house and a whole life with Chase. It doesn’t matter, not to the bitter southern housewives with nothing better to do than spend their time hating other women. 

It starts there. And somehow, with the quick exclamation of Oh! You’ll never believe what Miss Julie told me about Kacie! The two girls are deep in gossip about someone from high school’s relationship. It always seems to go like this, when Hannah gets this endless well of gossip from work, from the hours spent waiting for bleach to process and colors to develop in the salon. 

“But wait, forget about that!” Hannah laughs. “How’s Charles!? Your dad said he had a shit race?”

Chris furrows her brows, swallowing a sip of wine. “My dad knows how his race went?” She asks, and Hanah shrugs. “I mean, yeah, he did,” she chuckles. “Power unit issues, even though they literally replaced the battery and the ECU that morning.  They have to replace the whole thing, so he’s going to have to take a penalty next race too,” she sighs, rolling her eyes. “For the ECU that they just replaced.”

Hannah scowls. “That’s fucked,” she laughs, covering her mouth, doing a poor job at concealing her wine giggles. “He’s coming to visit in a couple weeks, right?”

“Mmhm,” Chris hums. “He’s like…” she laughs, “so geeked out about coming to one of these games. I told him they’re so boring, but. He’s adorable.”

“I’m sure he’s more geeked about other things,” Hannah teases, playfully shoving Chris’ shoulder. “Long distance fucking sucks for the sex life,” she giggles. Chris blushes bright red, holding her hands up in surrender before taking a long sip of wine and asking for a refill. 

Chandler shows up somewhere between the third wine tumbler and the fourth inning of the baseball game. She’s in her work clothes, complete with the kitten heels that sink into the muddy grass with every step she takes. She taps the opposite shoulder of Chris that she stands behind, and Chris falls for it, turning back the other way to see her, to smile genuinely because they haven’t had the chance to get annoyed with each other yet, haven’t had the chance to get annoyed with each other since they last saw the other at Chase and Hannah’s wedding.

“Are you still with that guy?” She asked, from her seat in Chris’ camping chair. She felt too bad watching her heels sink in and out of the mud, so now she leans against the fencing while Chandler sits. “The French one?”

Chris nods, her arms crossed over her chest. “Monegasque,” she corrects. “But yes. Still together.”

“Hmm,” Chandler hums curiously, picking at her cuticles. “Are you ever going out to see him?” She asks. 

“Uh,” Chris sighs, dragging her toe through the gravel, drawing harsh lines and kicking up dust. “I’m gonna fly out for spring break,” she says. “But he wants me away from Monaco.”

“He wants you to stay away?” Chandler asks, and Chris doesn’t miss the tone of voice, eyes darting to Hannah to confirm the condescending tone she already knows she heard. Hannah closes her eyes before she can roll them, and takes a sip of her wine, leaning back in her seat, crossing her legs. 

“Not like that, Chan, come on,” Chris sighs. “I don’t want to be there. We don’t want to be there. It’s too hard, everyone knows him there and we don’t want anyone to know me.”

“So, he’s hiding you?”

“No,” Chris shakes her head, pursing her lips together. “We’re being private. He’s trying to protect me.”

“Alright,” Chandler chuckles, putting her hands up in defense. “I’m just saying, I never would have hidden Lex.”

Chris’ head physically recoils, forcing a scoff out of her mouth. Hannah laughs, too. “You literally hid Lex for two years,” Hannah says. “Like, genuinely you hid her from all of us.”

“That’s different,” Chandler argues. “I wouldn’t have hidden her if she was a man.”

“And Charles wouldn’t be ‘hiding’ me,” She says, forced air quotes around the word she can’t come up with a synonym for. “If every woman he interacts with wasn’t crucified,” she defends. “Can’t you just give him the benefit of the doubt, Jesus.” Chandler rolls her eyes and pulls out her phone, answering texts or emails or whatever else is so pressing as a distraction from the current conversation. “Seriously?”

“What?” Chandler spits, rolling her eyes. “I’m just looking out for you, Chris. You don’t have the greatest track record with guys, so forgive me for being hesitant to give you the benefit of the doubt.”

Chris bites her tongue, literally, and purses her lips. She nods, watching the dead serious look in her sister’s eyes with a glare of equal intensity. Finally, after what feels like an eternity of death stares, Chris puts a pretty smile on her face. “I’m really happy you came all this way, Chandler,” she grins, slipping her phone into her back pocket. “I’m sure Reid will be thrilled to see you,” she continues. “He missed you at his birthday party,” she adds, squeezing her sister’s shoulder as she passes, walking away and kicking up gravel when she does it. 

Saudi Arabia is no better. He has a great qualifying, but he also has that pesky grid penalty and a Ferrari that just doesn’t seem to have anything even close to race pace. The car just feels… so undriveable. So unpredictable. One corner it’s all oversteer, and the next it’s a completely different car, fully understeery. It’s just. It’s terrible, really, and he’s known it since the first time he got in the car. 

It doesn’t help that he spends the whole race stuck behind Carlos, who seems to have just as much pace as he does. He calls Chris that night, so fucking angry, and she gets an earful, one that he immediately apologizes for dumping on her after he’s gotten it all out. 

“It's okay,” she tells him. “I’m just glad that your bad days don’t line up with mine,” she joked, and he laughed because it’s impossible not to laugh at her jokes, even when he feels like shit. “Better days are coming,” she promised, and he wanted to believe her, but he also knew this car inside and out. 

“Not soon enough,” he told her, and she smiled. He can’t get enough of her smile. 

“Patience, grasshopper,” she teased, holding up both her hands in a meditative pose, humming out an ommm. 

“You are so dumb,” he giggles. 

“Oh, please,” she says, opening her eyes, relaxing again. “You love me.”

There’s a heavy beat of silence. So heavy that it can’t even be blamed on FaceTime lag. 

His brain is malfunctioning; heart racing, palms clammy, entire body sweating thinking she knows. Thinking he’s been entirely too obvious about it and not done nearly as good of a job as he thought. You should tell her. You should tell her. Yes. Yes, I do love you. I love you so much I don’t know how to tell you. I love you so much that I’m scared telling you is going to mess it all up. 

He can’t tell her like this, though. Not now, when he’s halfway around the whole and every nerve of his body is frustrated.  No, it needs to be when he’s with her. Not over the phone. He’s completely clueless as to when or where or what the right time is, but he knows this sure as hell isn’t it. 

So, he stays quiet. Because he’s sure if he speaks he’s going to just blurt it all out, and he hasn't kept his mouth shut this long just to say it like this. She’ll have to break the silence. It feels like it takes an eternity for her to do it. 

“So, uh, what time does your flight land here, again?” She asks, and his shoulders loosen just a bit. 

“Yeah,” he nods, wondering if she can hear his heartbeat through the phone. It seems like it’s the only thing he can hear. “Sorry, uh. Yeah. Let me look,” he says, grabbing his phone from its propped-up place on the hotel coffee table and scrolling through it to find his ticket to Georgia. “Five… ish.”

“What time do you leave?”

“Eight-something?” He says, still looking at the flight information. 

“What time is it now?” She asks. 

“I don’t know,” he admits. He’s been making a habit of losing track of time with her. “Late.”

“Go to sleep,” she says, her voice playing out of his phone speakers softly. He smiles at her voice, at her instructions, at the fact she cares enough to tell him to go to sleep. 

“Yes ma’am,” he says, and then salutes her for good measure. 

“Merci,” she giggles in butchered French, and his ears perk up like a puppy, a grin painting itself onto his face. 

“Oh?” He laughs. ““Tu parles français maintenant, n'a pas? fille drôle, je pourrais te dire ce que je veux et tu ne sauras jamais mieux,” You speak french now, do you? Silly girl, I could say whatever I want to you and you wouldn’t know any better. 

“Goodnight,” she says, ignoring the French they both know she can’t even begin to translate in her mind. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow,” he nods. “Goodnight, baby.”

“Miss Elliott has to leave right after the bell today, friends,” Chris hums, leaning against the front of her classroom desk, holding a stack of school newsletters. “Do you think we can get our room nice and clean before the end of the day?” She asks, smiling and nodding at the spattering of little yeses and nods. “Okay,” she grins, pointing to the whiteboard. “All of our tasks are on the big board,” she explains, running through each table and their room assignments. 

The class stays about on task as a herd of twenty-something five-year-olds possibly can, with Chris reminding them to stay on task—and reminding them what their task is—from her seated spot on the group rug, cleaning up the class library with a couple of other students. 

“Where are you going to, Miss Elliott?” Quinn asks her, handing over a book. 

“I have to go to Atlanta,” Chris hums, putting the book on the correct shelf. “Do you know where Atlanta is?”

Quinn nods, handing over another book from the pile on the floor. “Far away.”

“It’s not soooo far,” Chris smiles.

“I just have a uncle there.”

“Oh yeah? That’s nice. Do you ever go visit him?” Chris asks. 

Quinn doesn’t answer the question. “Does you have an uncle in Atlanta?”

“Nope,” she shakes her head. “I have to pick someone up at the airport.”

“Your boyfriendddd?” Quinn giggles, dragging out the letter sounds teasingly. 

“A boyfriend?!” Chris grins, laughing. “You think I have a boyfriend? I spend all my time at school with you!”

“No!” She laughs. “Landry sayed you have a cute boyfriend!”

“What?” Chris giggles, snatching a book from Quinn playfully. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, crazy girl.”

— — —

With the help of her students, Chris manages to get the room put together for the next morning in less than fifteen minutes after the end of the school day, checking Charles’ flight tracking one more time before setting off from the parking lot to the airport an hour away. 

He emerges from the sliding doors of his terminal with his bags and a bouquet of flowers. Chris is shaking her head, cheeks already half-pink and mind more than half-melted when she hastily parks against the curb, popping her trunk and hurrying around the back of the car to greet him properly. 

“Get in the car,” she giggles, “before they start honking at us!” she says, but Charles couldn’t care less about the angry airport goers behind him, leaving his suitcase on the curb, waiting with his arms already open and a tired, jet-lagged smile on his face. 

Chris resists the urge to just throw his entire body into the car and speed away from the terminal, instead hugging him tight, arms wrapping around his frame, slipping into the space between him and his backpack, the plastic casing from the flowers crinkling against her back when he hugs her just as tight. 

He kisses her hair hastily, “Hi,” he mumbles, watching her lips carefully. 

“Hi,” she smiles, giddy. “Eyes up here, brother,” she teases. 

Charles scowls, dropping his backpack off his shoulder and lifting it up into the trunk. “Do not call me brother.”

“Too incest-y?”

“I can get another plane,” he teases, pointing his thumb over his shoulder, and hoisting his suitcase off the curb with his other hand. 

“Go visit one of your other girls?” She asks, pressing the button on the top of the hatch to close the trunk. 

“See?” He laughs, parting from her just long enough for both of them to get into the car. “You get it,” he says, closing the car door and quickly reaching over the center console to pull Chris into a kiss, muttering something about you did not really think I was not going to kiss you?

It’s a familiar speech he’s given that morning, the same one she’d carefully handed out when he was here months ago. The be safe, don’t get eaten by a bear lecture. That’s not where it ends, though. Chris continues to go on and on and on about her Mom’s birthday party that evening—one of the many reasons he’d decided now was a perfect time for a quick visit—and how he was under no circumstances to go overboard on gift-buying, or even buy a gift at all for that matter. 

“I’m going to pick up a card on my way home from work,” she explains, standing at the end of the bed, work bag slung over her shoulder, travel coffee mug in her hand. “And I’m gonna sign both of our names,” she continues. Charles rolls his eyes from the bed. “What?” She laughs. 

“Your siblings’ partners…” he yawns. “They get her their own gift, yes?”

Chris hesitates, which makes Charles grin, which forces her to grin. “Yeah, but—”

“No but.”

“But,” she laughs softly. “They’ve been around longer than you.”

Charles scoffs, feigning offense. “Stupid reason.”

“But a reason, nonetheless.”

Charles shakes his head, smiling. Dramatically, he pulls the comforter back over his head. “Goodbye,” he mumbles. 

“Goodbye. I’ll see you later,” she replies, her shoes creaking against the floor as she moves through the hallway. “No gifts!”

“100 percent buying a gift, but okay!” he calls back, pulling the covers back down, listening just long enough to hear her car pull away from the driveway before turning the nightstand lamp off and putting himself back to sleep. 

— — —

When he wakes up again, much closer to an acceptable morning time, he’s already racking his brain for gift ideas. 

It’s an area of life he’s never considered himself particularly strong in. Sometime shortly after the appropriate period of making his Mum a homemade necklace from uncooked macaroni noodles and washable markers, he discovered he was particularly inapt at choosing gifts. 

It’s a shame, really, because he’s always felt like a good listener—especially when it came to people he cared for. And yet, every holiday and birthday and anniversary he’s struggling to come up with something besides an outrageously priced bouquet of flowers at the local florist. 

Which is why he sits on the sofa, legs kicked up on the ottoman, laptop on his legs as he searches What to get your girlfriend’s mum for her birthday? Birthday presents for Mum. Birthday gift ideas. Birthday gifts for Mums near me. What should you get your mother-in-law for her birthday?

Nothing is right. Everything is too silly or too impersonal or too cheap or too expensive for Chris to forgive him for buying. He’s scrolled through so many pages and so many articles hoping for an idea to spark that he’s starting to go crazy. 

Defeated, he closes the laptop, abandoning it on the couch cushion next to him, and dragging his feet all the way to the bedroom, planning on flopping face down on the bed. Instead, he comes face to face with the unmade mess, sighing. He haphazardly peels all of the layers off the bed, stripping the pillows of their cases, tossing them onto the pile of blankets on the floor. With two new pillowcases from the linen closet, he carefully remakes the bed. 

But now, there’s laundry. So he gathers up the pillowcases and the plastic purple hamper in the corner of the room and hauls it all to the laundry room. He tosses the entire hamper into the washing machine, and then stares at the shelf of containers. Three look dustier than the orange plastic container, so he picks up that tote and reads the instructions on the side of the box, following them carefully. When he closes the top of the washing machine, the start button glows green. He doesn’t dare adjust any of the settings, pressing the button and saying a soft prayer to the laundry gods. 

He pulls the dry clothes from the dryer, putting them back into the hamper—and they’re all white. Fuck. Was he supposed to do that with the pile of clothes he’d just dumped? Too late now. Another prayer to the laundry gods. He heads back to the bedroom, dumping the clean white clothes onto the freshly made bed, and folding away at them. He sorts them out by drawer, checking the continents of each drawer half a dozen times, and puts everything where he’s nearly certain it belongs—first in the closet, then in the dresser. 

Sitting atop the dresser are two loose rings and an unclasped necklace. He puts both the rings on the plate of her jewelry stand, and carefully clasps the necklace back together. It’s a thin gold chain with a row of several pearls in the middle. He hangs it gently with the other three pearl-styled necklaces that hang from the top pole of the rack. Pearls, pearls, pearls. She’s always wearing pearls. The next pole has half a dozen bracelets, most with pearls incorporated, and he can’t even begin to count the pairs of pearl earrings in the dish. It’s always pearls, because of what her Mom always says. Pearls make a lady. 

Pearls make a fucking lady. The answer to his question has been literally sitting in front of him this entire time. New Google search—re: Jewelers near me. 

— — — 

Charles is in the kitchen assessing the fridge for snack options when the front door is swinging open at a speed he can’t believe doesn’t result in a loud clattering of the house shaking. “Chuck!” A small voice calls out into the house, followed by another thud, presumably his backpack against the floor of the foyer. The noise continues, heavy little feet running down the hallway through the house, in his direction. Quieter, he can hear Chris, the metal jingling of her keys against the coated aluminum of her travel coffee cup, the click of her shoes down the hallway floor. His name is not Chuck, she hums behind the small boy. “And my name ain’t Reidy but you’s still call me that.”

“That’s different.”

“Nuh-uh.”

“Uh-huh,” Chris mocks. “I’m the boss,” she says, calling after the boy as he walks through the kitchen doorway. “I get to do whatever I want!” Chris calls out from another room in the house. 

Reid catches Charles’ eyes, squeezing between him and the fridge. He rolls his eyes, twirling his finger beside his head. “You are not the boss,” he insists, grabbing a juice box and a stick of mozzarella cheese. “You are like my stupid little boss.”

Finally, Chris appears in the doorway, shaking her head. Her eyes meet his and he feels himself grinning—an almost embarrassing amount. She looks so pretty, he thinks. So full of life and color. “I’m his stupid little boss,” she says, grinning. 

“Ah,” he nods, closing the fridge doors, moving to kiss her hello. “It’s like this, you know?”

“Do not tell me you haven’t gotten a gift yet!” Chris scolds her brother. First, he’s fifteen minutes late to pick up his kid, and then he has the gusto to ask her what she bought their mom for her birthday…. To give to her at the party in two hours. 

“Okay,” Chase laughs, “I won’t tell you.”

“Chase!”

“I have like, two hours,” he shrugs, looking at his watch. “Relax.”

“You’re ridiculous!” She insists, rolling her eyes. “Seriously. I got her a new Circuit because she’s always telling Dad how slow the one she has is running. And then I got her a bunch of scrapbooking stuff to go along with it.”

Chase nods, burying his hands in his pockets, rocking back on his heels. “And he’s just signing his name?” He asks, looking past her in the doorway to Charles, currently half-engaged in a Mario-Kart battle with Reid. Chris nods. 

“Actually—” Charles interrupts, eyes still focused on the game, hands moving with intentional precision over the controller buttons. “About that. I got her one of those….” he trails off, moving one hand to gesture around his neck. “You know. For your… here.”

“Your neck?” Chris questions. “You went out and bought a necklace?” She continues, thumbing at the gold chain around her neck. 

“Necklace!” He snaps his fingers, pointing in her direction before immediately flopping back into the sofa cushions, Reid laughing maniacally beside him at the sight of his rainbow road victory. “A pearl necklace,” he adds, holding his hand out to shake Reid’s. 

Chris smiles. A pearl necklace. A friggin’ pearl necklace. It’s so simple that it’s stupid, really. It’s dumb. It’s stupid and it’s dumb and it’s cliche, in all honesty—that he is the person to remember a one-off about pearls when he can’t remember anything else. 

“Oh, fuck you, that’s good,” Chase groans. “Hannah got her this, like… a cutting board with a recipe burnt into it or something.”

Chris shakes her head softly, still thumbing her necklace. “It’s Meemaw’s brownie recipe,” she says, her eyes glossed over, mind elsewhere. 

“On a cutting board? Because brownies famously need a cutting board.”

“Shut up,” she says softly, smacking his chest with the back of her hand. “It’s cute.”

“It’s expensive.”

Chris’s attention snaps back to her brother. “You won like, literally a million dollars a few months ago. But a cutting board for Mom is too expensive?” She questions, raising her brows, crossing her arms over her chest. “You better find something,” she warns.

Chase holds up his hands in defense. “I know. Worst case scenario, I’m a little bit late to dinner, okay?”

“Get out of my house,” Chris shuffles, gesturing to the open front door. 

“We’re going, we’re going,” Chase laughs, gathering Reid’s backpack from the floor, and helping the boy tie his shoes. 

Chris closes the door behind them, staring at Charles, her back pressed against the cool door. He looks back guiltily, gathering the controllers and putting them on the end table. “I’m sorry–”

“A pearl necklace?”

“Yes,” he nods. “Do you want to see it?”

She shakes her head, moving to join him on the couch, an almost painful smile pulling on her lips as she curls up against him. “I want it to be a surprise,” she hums softly. Charles adjusts underneath her slightly, wrapping an arm around her frame, pressing a kiss into the top of her head. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she nods. “I’m just happy you’re here,” she adds. 

Is it possible for love to be a pearl necklace?

It’s an easy routine they’ve found—early morning alarms and goodbye kisses and listening to her try to sneak around the creaky floors without waking him up. 

Today, he gets a guest pass to a local gym and works out in the corner following a workout plan Andrea had sent him—minus the neck training. That’s not happening alone in public. 

After the gym, he heads to a grocery store—the biggest one he’s ever seen. He spends more time trying to figure out where he is in the store than he does actually shopping. Like, how many different kinds of pudding could one person need? A whole wall of cereal? Of chicken? Of milk? Be serious. It’s insane. What was meant to be a quick trip to the store for dinner ingredients has turned into a whole ordeal. 

He was just trying to make things easier—for Chris, not for him. It was the middle of her work week and instead of planning a lazy night at home, she’d planned out a million and one things for them to do while he was in town. Charles can’t help but feel like she’s trying to keep him entertained, and it’s a feeling he hates. It’s not her job to keep him entertained. He’s not a toddler. 

So, in response to their full evening schedule of a little league baseball game for her nephew, the possibility of some type of family gathering to follow that could last any vast pan of time, he figured the least he could do is make dinner and have it waiting for her when she got home. They aren’t on Reid duty after school, so it will just be the two of them. It can’t be that hard. 

He’s in the kitchen, humming along to The Kooks—watching the chicken and pasta and stirring the white sauce when she walks through the front door. “Bonjour bébé,” she says, walking through the doorway into the kitchen. 

His head shoots up from the pot on the stove, a smile instantly falling across his lips. “Oh, c’est bien, mon ange,” he says, even though her pronunciation was so forced she’d be laughed out of Paris. She’s trying, and he loves it, and he loves her. So, it’s a good job. 

“Really?” She beams. “It was good?”

He can’t help but smile at a smile like hers. “Yeah, very good,” he nods, kissing her quickly. 

“What are you making?” She asks, hoisting herself up onto the countertop beside the stove, wafting the air in the direction of her face. “It smells good.”

“Chicken and pasta,” he says. “One day, we are going to make pasta from the beginning.”

“You know how to make pasta from scratch?” She asks. 

Charles raises his brows, giggling to himself softly. “To be honest, no. I was hoping you did.”

Chris laughs out loud. “Oh. Well, then. We’re screwed.”

“No,” he frowns. “We’re in serious trouble if I have to be the good cook.”

“I’m not a bad cook!’ She insists, feigning dramatic offense, clutching her pearls, literally. Charles cocks his head to the side, glancing over to her. He smiles a come-on, now smile when she raises her brows in defense, an ache-inducing smile on her face. She is so beautiful it hurts. She is so soft it hurts. She is so, he supposes. End of sentence. 

“Et je ne t'aime pas,” And I do not love you, he mutters, leaning over to press a quick kiss into her lips, lingering just long enough to feel her grin. 

“En Ingles, por favor, Señor?” She asks, quirking a brow. 

“Not a shot in hell.”

“Please?” She frowns, and he actually considers it. Just momentarily, but considered nonetheless. Because what a moment this is. What a time it would be to do it, to say it, to make it known.

Instead, he shakes his head. “Maybe later.”

— — — 

“You’re going to want a jacket,” Charles mutters, moving behind her in the bathroom, sizing up her outfit. They’re getting ready to head out to the baseball game, and she’s wearing leggings and a blue sweatshirt with an Old English D on it—one that apparently matches the color and logo of Reid’s team uniforms. He’s opted for jeans, a white t-shirt, and a blue knit zip-up sweatshirt. It’s quite chilly out, and despite the sun peeking through the clouds, it’s windy. 

“I’ll be fine,” she says, running a brush through her hair. 

They remember to bring a backpack full of snacks, as well as two travel thermos mugs of drinks that are certainly not alcoholic. They forget their camping chairs, though, as well as the sweater Charles had planned on bringing for when Chris decided she did in fact want a jacket. And most importantly, they forget how to keep their mouths shut. 

It’s cold. It only gets colder as the sun sets, as the game continues. Neither their drinks nor the bottle of wine smuggled in by another one of the player’s mothers manage to keep the chill off. 

Chris stands against the fence that goes around the field with her mom, talking animatedly about who knows what. Charles steals Cindy’s empty seat beside Hannah. He watches as Chase and Reid walk up to them—Reid kicking up a trail of gravel dust with every excited skip. 

“Do you want kids?” Hannah blurts out from the seat next to him, and then before even a beat can pass, “Jesus, sorry,” she laughs. “Sorry. Ignore me.”

“No,” he smiles, as soon as he can regain his composure from the blindside of do you want kids. “It’s okay,” he reassures, adjusting in his seat, his eyes lingering on Chris for a moment longer than usual—just to make sure she isn’t hearing this conversation. 

“It’s really not,” she laughs, shaking her head, taking another sip of her definitely-not-wine. “It’s just that if Chase and I die, Chris gets Reid. And she’s… I mean. You see her. You know her,” she says. The sentence left unsaid is that anyone who has ever met Chris would know that if anyone was ever born to be a mother, it’s her. “And she really likes you. Like, a lot,” Hannah whispers. “And I like you, too—but I won’t ever like anyone enough to let her sacrifice something I know is so important to her—”

“I want children, Hannah,” he laughs, cutting her off. “Do not worry.”

“You do?”

“Three.”

“And you want to get married?”

He nods again, almost instinctively looking to his girlfriend, because, as he would argue if pressed about it—who else do you look at but your girlfriend when someone asks you about marriage? “Yes.”

Hannah notices his lingering glance, apparently, because the next words out of her mouth are: “To Chris?” Charles cocks his head back over to face Hannah, rolling his eyes when he does it. Hannah nods. “Sorry, fuck,” she laughs, covering her own mouth. “I know, what’s wrong with me?”

“It,” he starts, but then he’s stopping himself because he isn’t exactly sure what he planned to say. “There is nothing wrong with you. You’re just being a good friend—a good sister,” he pauses, looking back to Chris quickly, spinning his ring around his finger. “I don’t think it is the craziest thought, maybe,” he says, and he’s as surprised to say it as Hannah is to hear it. “But,” he holds up a finger and laughs. “Ask me in six months and I bet I can give you a proper answer.”

Hannah smiles, raising her brows, and takes another sip of her drink. “I’m gonna hold you to that.”

“Oh, I’m counting on that,” he says, and now he can stare without care. It’s normal, he tells himself, to think about it all after it’s talked about like that. It’s not his fault that he’s picturing it—his future, her future. Their future together. He thinks that maybe if he squints really hard and takes a step back he can see himself getting married. That maybe she’s there too, in some wedding dress that probably has pockets. 

“You’re thinking about it now, aren’t you?” Hannah asks, and it pops into his mindless bubble of crazy. He laughs, shakes his head, and pulls his phone out without saying a word. “You totally are,” Hannah giggles, and he feels his cheeks flush. “Look at you blushing, oh my god!”

Charles rolls his eyes, a smile pulling on the corners of his lips. “Shut up,” he mumbles. 

He watches from his conversation with Hannah, watches as Chris stands at the chain-link fence, hugging her own arms and shifting her weight from one foot to the other like she needs to pee, trying and trying to warm herself up with the friction of her own arms. 

“Did she bring a coat?” Hannah asks. 

“No,” Charles replies. “But she’s half a minute from forcing her to put on mine.”

“She can take mine, if she wants,” Hannah offers, but Charles turns her down. 

“No, no,” he says. “I am warm, anyways,” he lies. It’s cold out, but his mother raised a gentleman. 

Chris shivers one more time and Charles has had enough of watching her stubbornness. He takes off his sweatshirt and walks up behind her, draping it over her shoulders in the middle of a sentence. 

“Hi?” Chris says sweetly, turning to look at him over her shoulder. 

“Hi,” he smiles, kissing her cheek. “You’re cold.”

She rolls her eyes but smiles and mutters a soft thank you. Charles hums his response and nods, moves to return to the empty camping chair beside Hannah. Chris reaches out to stop him, catching his hand, his fingers interlocking into hers with a casual ease. 

He stands behind her, adjacent to her conversation with her Mother, watching the game through the fence. He’s barely listening, his focus split between the game he doesn’t understand and toying with Chris’ fingers behind her back. “I’ve been learning French,” she tells her mom. Charles smiles. 

“Oh really? Where at?”

“Uh, just on my phone. I got this app that you can do lessons on every day.”

“And you chose French because of…” Cindy trails off. Chris nods, her grip on his hand tightening, which really pulls his attention. 

“I’m pretty bad but he likes to pretend I’m a pro,” she grins, leaning back into him. 

“Well,” Cindy laughs. Chris shivers, moving to put on the sweatshirt instead of just having it draped over her shoulders. “Charles, you shouldn’t be scared to put her in her place.”

“Oh,” he laughs. “No, she’s a quick learner, really.”

— — — 

Cindy excuses herself, says she’s going to go and get some hot chocolate to take the edge off of the chill, and asks if Chris or Charles want any. Charles says no, Chris says yes—offers to pay but is denied. 

Once she’s gone, Chris is spinning in the gravel to face her boyfriend. “Thank you for the sweatshirt,” she says. “And thank you for not saying you told me so.”

“Are you still cold?” He asks, putting the back of his hand on her forehead like he’s checking for a temperature. It’s chilly, but it's not bitter or wintery. 

“Yeah,” she says, swatting his hand from her forehead. “I’m fine, just can’t get warm.”

“C’mere,” He says, pulls her into a tight, warm hug, fully wrapping her up in his arms, running his hands up and down her back. She melts against his chest. “I think it’s Reid’s turn,” he points out, and Chris spins in his grip to face the same direction so he’s hugging her from behind. 

Chris whistles, “Let’s go, Reidy!” She calls out, and then quieter, just to Charles. “He’s nervous that you’re here.”

“Hmm?” he laughs. “Why?”

“He wants to impress you.”

They watch Reid’s at-bat, watch him swing and miss on the tee twice without laughing. Chris is talking to Charles about whatever she and Cindy were talking about before he came over, neither of them taking their eyes off the game. Charles kisses Chris’ covered shoulder while he listens to her talk, runs his hands up and down her arms to create some friction. 

Reid hits the ball off the tee on his third swing, and Chris actually jumps with excitement. He hits it right to the second baseman, hurries his little legs towards Chase on the first base. Chris cheers through a laugh, her body vibrating against Charles’ chest. 

In a pause in the conversation, he wonders if she’s ever been more her than she is right now. At home, with her family, a never-ending well of love and laughter and beauty. He almost wishes that he could just observe her and all that she is, admire the woman he gets to love. 

This is the moment. 

It has to be. Perfect moments don’t exist but this has to be as close as you can get. “Are you okay?” Chris asks over her shoulder, “Your heart is racing.”

“Yeah,” he nods. “Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“Um,” Fuck. Just say it, Charles. 

Chris laughs anxiously, turns around to face him, brows furrowed. “What’s wrong with you?”

“I love you.”

Chris doesn’t miss a beat. “No, you don’t.”

“I do,” he nods. “I’m so in love with you.”

Her face softens, the concern melting away. “Really?” God, she says it so soft that it’s almost a squeak. It hurts him how much she clearly wants to believe him. How maybe, maybe she does. He nods. “I love you, too.”

Charles beams, cradles her face in his hands and kisses her. Kisses her like they’re in love. Because they are. They pull apart in a fit of giggles, his thumb dancing on her cheek, running over a tear. “Are you crying?”

“Shut up,” she says through a smile, turning around to lean against his chest again, wiping a tear from her cheek with a sniffle. It’s cute, he says. “Shhh.”

Through a peppering of kisses on her shoulder, her hair, her cheek, he repeats between each peck. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

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[digi-lov]

DIGIMON CARD GAME: Next Plan Announcement

Very exciting news for what's to come in 2025 and beyond!! Must read for Appmon fans!

SPECIAL BOOSTER Ver.2.5 [BT19-20] Release Date: February 28, 2025!

In Japan the next release is BT-20 Booster Over the X!

We got some previews of what to expect! With Tamers from Digimon Chronicle and Chronicle X, Digimon Seekers, and Digimon Liberator, as well as Alphamon Ouryuken Ace and Zephagamon Ace!!

The Special Booster Ver. 2.5 will include serial cards WarGreymon & MetalGarurumon!

There will be a Celebration Event for Special Booster Ver. 2.5 The Event Period is February 21 - March 7, 2025 and all players will receive a BT20-090 Yuuki alt-art as a prize!

Here's another look at the first wave of official sleeves for 2025!

Next we have the illustration and logo to commemorate the global unification of the Digimon Card Game release! This included the Japanese, English, and Simplified Chinese releases.

The Release dates for the next Starter Decks, ST-20 Protector of Light and ST-21 Hero of Hope have been revealed to be April 18, 2025!

These Starter Decks will include double tamers for the Adventure cast, as well as "Scramble" cards of all colors with new artwork!

There will also be a Release Event encouraging people to introduce friends to the game!

Next up, the release date of BT-21 World Convergence on April 25, 2025!

This set will once again include Digimon and Tamers from all anime seasons, but now including Digimon Universe Applimonsters!

Now we also finally got to see the new [Link] keyword! This effect reads as follows, in this case for [Appmon] trait: Cost 1 (Plug this card from the hand or battle area sideways into the specified Digimon in the battle area.) In the case of this Gatchmon card, this will give the linked Digimon an extra 2000 DP!

BT-21 will also include Owen Dreadnought and Elizamon, and Zenith and Vemmon from Digimon Liberator!

We will also get the previously announced signed cards, and now get a look at the artist's signatures!

Titamon by toriyufu, WarGreymon (X Antibody) by As'Maria, Agunimon by Naochika Morishita, Lanamon by Tonamikanji, Beelzemon: Blast Mode by Keita Amemiya, GraceNovamon by Nakano Haito, and Zephagamon by sasasi!

We also get a sneak peak at the cards from the "Illustration Celebration Pack" which will be included as Box topper! These cards had previously been voted for by attendees of Digimon Con 2024, and got new artworks by the same artists.

There will also be a purchase bonus pack, [LM-05], with 6 new promos and 4 alt-art reprints! The new cards are Valkyrimon, Vikemon, Regalecusmon, Rasielmon, Darkdramon Ace, and Ghoulmon Ace!

Much like the Special Booster Ver. 2.5 will include numbered WarGreymon and MetalGarurumon, BT-21 will feature a low pull-rate numbered Omnimon!

Now more looks at future releases!

EX-09 Extra Booster VERSUS MONSTERS has been announced, with a release date of June 26, 2025! This set will pay homage to the Digital Monster Ver. 1-5 v-pets!

It is unclear if the cards with these special borders will be the Special Rares of the set, or if all cards will recieve them.

Next up, BT-22 Boster CYBER EDEN, a long awaited Cyber Sleuth set! This will be Aiba Ami's debut to the card game! Scheduled to release July 25, 2025!

A tease for EX-10 Extra Booster SINISTER ORDER! They say it will include Villains from all Digimon Anime Seasons! Scheduled to release September 19, 2025!

Then an announcement for LM-06 Limited Card Pack BILLION BULLET! Pre-orders will start in March 2025 with a planned delivery in October 2025! What do you think could be in there?

Lastly another encouragement to go read Digimon Liberator! We got a preview of Episode 10 Part 1 and 2 covers, with the first "good look" at Violet's Ghostmon in its new mega form!

[elminx]

Energy Update: Venus retrograde Spring 2025

We are coming up fast on another Venus retrograde cycle. This time, Venus will retrograde from 10° Aries on 3/1 to 24° Pisces on 4/12. This is a complicated retrograde, including the switchover between two signs; in this case, the switchover from Sign 12, Pisces, to Sign 1, Aries. This line between Pisces and Aries represents the ending (Pisces) and the beginning (Aries) on the horoscope wheel. This point between 29° Pisces and 00° Aries is central to the astrology of the entire year, and Venus is our groundbreaking planet.

The Set Up

Venus retrograde is comprised of three stages:

This is the reason many people associate retrogrades with lessons: as Venus changes directions in the sky, it moves over each point it crosses thrice: first in forward motion in the pre-retrograde phase, a second time in backward motion through retrograde, and a third time in forward motion in its post-retrograde phase. It tends to put any planet it aspects (in the skies or in your charts) under a microscope as you get a deep dish serving of how that planet interacts with Venus.

Venus is exalted in the mutable water sign of Pisces and at her fall in the cardinal fire sign of Aries. Pisces, as sign 12, is concerned with the collective - the eternal other; Aries, as sign 1, is concerned with the self. If Pisces is the theoretical desolvation of ego death, Aries is ego birth. They sit side by side with one another - this is one of the great mysteries of our astrological story.

Several other major astrological things are going on around the border between Pisces and Aries that are worth mentioning here. Saturn and Neptune are moving to exit Pisces in the next couple of months. Mercury will be moving through Pisces to then retrograde in Aries at 09° (only 1 degree off from Venus) during Venus's retrograde. Additionally, the North Node has just entered Pisces and is working backward through the sign (it naturally moves retrograde the planets). The Sun will do this, too, on our Spring Equinox. This is putting a huge amount of emphasis (and pressure) on this degree - 00° Aries - which is the first degree of the entire horoscope wheel.

As Venus moves through her retrograde cycle, she will conjunct Saturn twice and Neptune and the North Node thrice. She will also sextile Pluto in Capricorn thrice, trine Mars in Cancer, and conjunct both the Sun and Mercury.

The Details

All eyes are on the crossover between 29° Pisces and 00° Aries, which will experience a whopping 25 planetary transits over 2025. The demarcation delineates the end of the horoscope wheel (Pisces, sign #12) from the beginning (Aries, sign #1) and is, at once, both an ending AND a beginning. This is one of the mysteries of astrology - as it tracks the wheel of life (time and the seasons), everything comes back around again. Normally, planets move across the boundary in a forward direction, going from 29° Pisces (an ending) to 00° Aries (the beginning). This year, though, four planets - Mercury, Venus, Saturn, and Neptune - all retrograde backward across these degrees.

Although planetary retrogrades are "business as usual" (just a different expression of the planetary energy), four retrogrades over the same degrees are not. This is highly unusual and, therefore, highly significant astrologically.

The bulk of this post is going to be about Venus, but I would be remiss if I didn't mention that she isn't retrograding in a vacuum. She is merely the vanguard, the forward scout, the first of our planetary grouping to cross the threshold into 00° Aries this year.

The planets will cross over the threshold of 00° Aries (not counting the moon, which does so at least once every month) in the following order: Venus, Mercury, Sun, Venus (retrograde), Mercury (retrograde), Neptune, Mercury, Venus, Saturn, Saturn (retrograde), and Neptune (retrograde). All of our personal planets will be moving through Aries this spring, while Saturn and Neptune will continue to do so throughout this year and into the next. This shows us that we are in the beginning phases of something but not quite ready to move forward. There will be a lot of missteps and false starts in this process. We will all need to pause and realign, perhaps over and over again throughout this year. This is quite in line with 2025's numerological "9" energy (2+0+2+5=9); 9 is a completion number. It is often called on by repetitions of threes. As mentioned above, there are three phases in every retrograde cycle.

Speaking about every planet involved in this year-long transit is outside of the scope of this article. instead, we focus on our first hit of this lesson through Venus, our planet of pleasure and getting what we want. Venus, along with Mars, is one of our two relationship planets. Traditionally, she is viewed as our receptive planet, although as we continue to revise our ideas of masculinity and femininity, this is beginning to change. She is the Divine Feminine, not in a woo new age way but in the way or in a way that discludes her use to non-femme identifying folks, but in the sense that she rules the archetypes of femininity: beauty, comfort, and love. She is a She because she CHOOSES to be, and she is a fierce defender of anyone's choice to be whatever they wish to be. She is feminity divorced from the yolk of motherhood (generally associated with the moon); she is the divine shapeshifter, and her art is beauty,

That said, like all of the signs, She is not confined to one ideal of what is beautiful, as in each sign, she expresses a different face to beauty. She is the reminder that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and she encourages you to be the beautiful person YOU want to be. Although we associate her with peace and negotiation (she was traditionally known as the Lesser Benefic), she will go to war to defend the right to be the woman (or man, or nonbinary folk) that you really are. That seems important to point out in these times.

In Pisces, Venus carries the sacred heart - she has realized that everyone in the entire world is worthy of love just as they are. She is the ideal - the exalted expression of Venusian energy. In Aries, she is a holy terror, fierce and wild in her need to defend anyone's right to be their whole and completely imperfect selves. Venus is in her exile in the cardinal fire sign, but this retrograde cycle shows us that we need both - the best and the harder-to-handle expressions of Venus during this time. As we move forward and backward between these two signs, we need both - the lover AND the fighter - for the path that lies ahead of us.

It is worth noting here that for the last year and a half, the North Node - the point of forward-facing fate - was pointed towards Aries and the individualized self, but in January 2025, it moved on and into Pisces. We all, as a collective, will be forced to confront the reality of our shared future. Although we walk as one, we all live as a whole far more than modern life likes to acknowledge. Right now, most of us are far more comfortable in Aries energy. Still, we are about to have a distinctly Piscean moment, especially in and around the upcoming eclipse cycle (which coincides with this retrograde).

While Venus enters her pre-retrograde shadow at 24° Pisces on 1/28, she will already be in conjunction with the North Node, and that conjunction won't break until after her post-retrograde shadow ends. This affirms for us what should already be quite obvious: this retrograde cycle matters. It matters quite a lot. It will likely be life-changing for some people.

Many astrologers will talk solely about how Venus retrogrades affect Big "R" Relationships, which is fair as Venus, along with Mars, does rule romantic and sexual attraction, but this is fairly short-sighted. Venus rules pleasure in all forms and most especially, esthetic pleasure. She is the patron of the arts and of all things that make us feel good: good food, good drink, luxurious clothing, objects of beauty, and so much more. She is also one-half of all conflicts – the half that seeks to find common ground and compromise (the other half being Mars, who almost always wants to fight it out). When Venus is poorly aligned in our skies – either by planetary placement, by aspect, or in retrograde – it is harder to do Venusian things. It is harder to make art. It is harder to find patronage or get tips. It is harder to seek out a compromise and avoid conflicts or war. It is harder to find joy or just enjoy your life as a whole.

As one of the personal planets, Venus retrogrades are felt - to a greater or lesser degree - by everybody. Those that will feel this retrograde the strongest are likely to be Libras (Sun, Moon, Ascendant, Mercury, Venus, and Mars), especially first decan Libras, as their sign is ruled by Venus AND they will be impacted by an opposition to retrograde Venus. Followed by that would be anyone with a planet between 24-29 degrees Pisces or Virgo, and 00-10 degrees Aries. Then, the same degrees Gemini/Sag and Cancer/Capricorn, respectively. Luminaries, personal planets, and Jupiter and Saturn only here (unless Venus is crossing over your outer planets in exact conjunction).

Venus retrogrades are break-up weather; that much is unavoidable. This one may be doubly so because it follows so close on the heels of our Mars retrograde, but it could be the opposite, as everyone who needed to break up may already have done so. You don't need to fear that if you are in a healthy relationship where both parties are committed to working things out. This will trigger some Aries and Libra types who are still nursing their wounds from the Aries-Libra lunar node shit that rocked our world throughout 2023-2024.

The big flex with all retrogrades is to pay attention to what is coming up in your own life. Something needs tending. Tend to it.

This will be easier done when Venus is in Aries, who likes to be direct and get to the point, and less so when she is in Pisces, who - in its immature form - would rather hide its head in the sand and pretend that conflict doesn't exist. Watch out for the stories we tell ourselves. Are they true? Are they kind? Are they serving the person that we want to become?

This retrograde cycle is likely to feel extremely uncomfortable at varying times. It also overlaps with Mercury's retrograde cycle. We might not be telling the truth out of a desire to keep the peace, but it's not working as intended.

It's worth noting here that Mercury and Venus will retrograde over almost exactly the same degrees - Mercury from 09° Aries to 25° Pisces and Venus 10° Aries to 24° Pisces, this is going to put a HUGE amount of pressure on these degrees. If you have a personal planet in this zone - pay attention. Both of these retrogrades will conjunct Saturn, Neptune, and the North Node.

I don't think we need to worry about Neptune here; he may muddy the waters a bit, but Piscean energy will do that anyway. Saturn, though...

Saturn was traditionally known as the Great Malefic because his energy is so damn intense. He is consequences coming right back around to show you what you did wrong. Or what you did right. We don't talk about that as often. A reward is as much a consequence as a punishment is.

If you are prone to depression, be aware that Saturn almost always makes this worse and take actions now to support yourself through this transit - ESPECIALLY if you are a personal planet or luminary between 24-29 degrees or 00-10 degrees OF ANY SIGN. Saturn is just so heavy. The combination of Saturn + Venus weighs heavily in Saturn's favor; it can feel like all of the light has gone out in the world.

There aren't a lot of ways to remediate this. Any way that you can get or stay in your own heart energy will help here. If you work with crystals, rose quartz or lepidolite could be a girl's best friend (nongendered). Schedule time to do the things that you love. Look for the little glimmers that give you happy brain chemicals wherever you can. Heart-opening yoga poses can be helpful here, as can remembering to get outside in nature and move your body. We're all different: make a list of things that work for you now and refer to it early and often.

People tend to be excessively unkind when Venus is in retrograde, and Saturn will extenuate this - work at remembering that other people's reactions are not a reflection of you. Holding personal boundaries will probably be a must. Make time to see the people who make your heart grow two sizes, and limit time with people who turn you into a Grinch.

In the end, it is what it is. We are all going to have to live through these rough transits, whether we like them or not. But, with so much emphasis on 00° Aries, I can't help but believe that this IS working to our advantage; it may simply take a while before we get there. We ARE starting something. A new beginning IS on the horizon. Maybe it doesn't matter if we're taking two steps back as long as we took three steps forward in the first place.

The Details

1/28 - Venus enters her pre-retrograde shadow 24° Pisces 2/1 - Venus conjunct Neptune 27° Pisces (1) 2/3 - Venus conjunct North Node 29° Pisces (1) 2/4 - Venus enters Aries 2/7 - Venus in Aries sextile Pluto in Aquarius (1) 3/1 - Venus retrogrades 10° Aries 3/11 - Mercury conjunct retrograde Venus 08° Aries 3/14 - Lunar eclipse 23° Virgo 3/15 - Mercury retrogrades 09° Aries 3/21 - Retrograde Venus in Aries sextile Pluto in Aquarius (2) 3/23 - Sun conjunct Venus 03° Aries 3/27 - Retrograde Venus enters Pisces, Retrograde Venus conjunct Neptune in Pisces (2) 3/29 - Solar eclipse 09° Aries, retrograde Mercury enters Pisces 3/30 - Neptune enters Aries 4/2 - Retrograde Venus conjunct North Node 26° Pisces (2) 4/6 - Retrograde Venus in Pisces trine Mars in Cancer 4/7 - Mercury stations direct 26° Pisces, Retrograde Venus conjunct Saturn 25° Pisces (1) 4/8 - Retrograde Venus in Pisces sextile Uranus in Taurus (1) 4/12 = Full moon 23° Libra, Venus stations direct 24° Pisces 4/20 - Venus conjunct North Node 25° Pisces (3), Venus in Pisces sextile Uranus in Taurus (2) 4/22 - Venus conjunct Saturn 26° Pisces (2) 4/17 - New moon 07° Taurus 4/20 - Venus enters Aries 4/21 - Venus conjunct Neptune 01° Aries (3) 4/6 - Venus in Aries sextile Pluto in Aquarius (3) 4/16 - Venus exits her post-retrograde shadow 10° Aries

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[the-conversation-pod]

Finally, Some Good Fucking Food: The Marahuyo Project and Ossan no Pantsu Episode

AND WE'RE BACK!

After a longer break than we expected, we are finally back to catch up on some shows we really enjoyed this season. Come join us for a Bangers Only episode as we take a break from BL and explore the queer truth found in JP Habac and ANIMA Studios' (Gaya sa Pelikula) Marahuyo Project and Ossan no Pants ga Nandatte Ii Janai ka! aka Don't Care For an Old Man's Underwear!

Timestamps

The timestamps will now correspond with chapters on Spotify for easier navigation.

00:00:00 - Welcome

00:01:15 - Introduction

00:08:40 - Marahuyo Project: A Queer Activist's Story

00:20:24 - Marahuyo Project: On Queerness

00:30:16 - Marahuyo Project: Our Characters

00:42:09 - Marahuyo Project: The Christina Story

00:48:52 - Marahuyo Project: Parents and Children

00:54:54 - Marahuyo Project: Final Thoughts and Ratings

00:59:48 - Ossan no Pants

01:05:18 - Ossan no Pants: Our Characters

01:26:30 - Ossan no Pants: Key Character Arcs

01:36:49 - Ossan no Pants: Furuike and That Fucking Guy

01:45:25 Ossan no Pants: Final Thoughts and Ratings

01:51:18 - Importance of Variety in Media Consumption

The Conversation Transcripts!

Thanks to the continued efforts of @lurkingshan as an editor and proofreader, we are able to bring you transcripts of the episodes.

We will endeavor to make the transcripts available when the episodes launch, and it is our goal to make them available for past episodes (Coming soon thanks to @wen-kexing-apologist). When transcripts are available, we will attach them to the episode post (like this one) and put the transcript behind a Read More cut to cut down on scrolling.

Please send our volunteers your thanks!

00:00:00 - Welcome

NiNi

Welcome to The Conversation About BL, aka The Brown Liquor Podcast.

Ben

And there it is. I’m Ben.

NiNi

I’m NiNi.

Ben

And we’re you’re drunk Caribbean uncle and auntie here sitting on the porch in the rocking chairs.

NiNi

Four times a year we pop in to talk about what’s going on in the BL world.

Ben

We shoot the shit about stories and all the drama going into them. I review from a queer media lens.

NiNi

And I review from a romance and drama lens.

Ben

So if you like cracked-out takes and really intense emotional analysis…

NiNi

If you like talking about artistry, industry, and the discourse…

Ben

And if you generally just love simping…

NiNi

There is a lot of simping on this podcast…

Ben

We are the show for you!

00:01:15 - Introduction

Ben 

And we're back. This week we're going to be taking a little bit of a break from BL and doing a special class pre-award season discussion of two shows we loved so much that it restored my faith in television as a genre. We're going to be discussing Marahuyo Project from ANIMA Studios and we're going to be discussing Don't Care for an Old Man's Underwear! The Japanese name is Ossan no Pantsu ga Nandatte Ii Janai ka! 

Before we get into this, we're gonna do a little bit of a breakdown on our special class awards and why we often will pull them aside from our BL discussion. NiNi, would you like to offer some insight for us?

NiNi 

Sure, Ben, but first, we've got a guest. Say hi, Shan. [laughs]

Shan 

Ben just forgot that I'm a guest at this point. 

Ben 

It’s true. Shan's still here! She has not left the booth. [laughs]

Shan 

I just stay here permanently now. I have squatted in the booth. Hi people, it's Shan.

NiNi 

Always good to have you around, Shan. 

So, so we are talking a little bit outside of the BL genre this week. We are talking about our special class type programs. We have several categories of special class in our VIIB awards, but the one that we're talking about here is standout queer narrative. Those queer stories that are not technically romances, or at least go beyond the romance genre to reveal and get into some kind of queer truth that maybe romance is not best placed to delve into.

Ben 

Since Shan is here and she has watched so many dramas, [laughs] Shan, why don't you walk us through some of the things that distinguish broader sort of family- and community-oriented dramas versus, like, romcoms and romantic dramas.

Shan 

I think what makes a show a family drama, versus a romance drama that has family elements, is really what drives the story, what the focus and locust of the story is. In a romance, in a BL or a GL, a QL in general, the primary driver of the plot is a romantic relationship. In a family drama, what drives the plot is more about the relationships of a family unit. Or a drama that's more about community, like something like a Moonlight Chicken, you get community and the relationships between different community members, friendships and neighbors and things like that, being the driving force of the plot.

So when you're talking about categorization, that's really the difference. It's not that a family drama or a community-based drama cannot include romances. They very often or even usually do. It's just about really what drives the story. And in both of the dramas that we're talking about today, what drives the story is relationships that are more familial in nature or more friendship-oriented or more about how a community of people comes together.

Ben 

Something else that I think is notable in different styles of drama is what role the supporting cast has. NiNi, you've been probably the biggest fan of side characters and their roles in all the various QL we've watched. I’d like you to maybe talk a little bit about the role you feel for side characters in romance versus side characters in dramas.

NiNi 

When it comes to side characters in a romance, these people are usually the friends and family of the main couple. And they're usually deeply integrated into how these two people are coming together. Sometimes they have their own stories happening alongside that are sort of echoing the themes or maybe even opposing the themes in some really interesting ways. That's what I'm looking for when I'm thinking about side characters in a romance story. 

When you’re going outward to like family or community and talking about those stories, what you're looking for, for me anyway, is an expansion of the world. I want to know everything about this universe when I'm getting into a family drama, a community drama, a workplace drama. I want it to expand. I am a romance girl, so I like when a romantic drama focuses on the couple, and yes, you get some expansion of the world in that and an understanding of the world around them. But the couple's really the focus. I think in these wider dramas, I like understanding how these people's world operates and how they are all connected to each other inside of that world.

Ben 

I like the way you broke that down. In BL in particular, the friends are always built around their support for the core couple. Even in our award season, we award a Best Boy and Best Girl award each year. And that usually goes to one of the standout friends that supported our romantic leads. But in drama like this, I'm interested, like she said, in expanding the world, like what perils and challenges are the side characters facing that help add flavor to the core themes that we're exploring here? 

So with the two shows are gonna be talking about today, Marahuyo Project is about a young man who's a very out queer activist in his school in Manila, and after being expelled from the school is sent to a very rural town and there decides to create an LGBT club. Sorry, he uses the full acronym. LGBTQIA+ community while he's there. In our other show, Oppan for short, we're dealing with a middle-aged man kind of a grognard stuck in his way who, after a surprise encounter with a young gay man decides it's time for him to update himself and rebuild his relationship with his family and his co-workers. And it's a show fundamentally about personal growth. 

So those themes don't necessarily prioritize romance in them. And we'll get into that more as we focus on those shows. The last thing I wanna highlight before we talk about these shows, ‘cause we've been talking about it a lot, particularly with last season's complex disappointments for us, neither of these shows is in the bubble. These shows exist in a world very reminiscent of our own, and homophobia and the expectations of society at large and how queer people should conform are very much present themes in these stories.

And with that, NiNi, take us in!

NiNi 

Why is NiNi always taking us in? NiNi never knows what's happening here. [laughs]

00:08:40 - Marahuyo Project: A Queer Activist's Story

NiNi

So first up we're going to talk about the Marahuyo Project from the Philippines. Ben, what is Marahuyo Project about?

Ben 

About how that thankfully ANIMA Studios is not dead and Gaya sa Pelikula is not the last thing we're gonna see from them. JP Habac is still out there, friends, and he's still making stuff. 

Marahuyo Project is a kind of, like, a romance drama, sorta, about a young man named King. He is a queer activist at his school in Manila and he does not like the dean of his school. He ends up fussing with her and to piss her off, he ends up making out with his friend in front of her. She tries to separate them and he throws her to the ground accidentally, gets expelled for laying hands on her. And so he is sent away to the town of Marahuyo, a town very far from Manila, and he has to figure out how to exist in this community that doesn't have very much of an out queer network here. He decides to build an LGBTQIA+ organization on campus. And as with everything with these sort of stories, as soon as one person starts coming out, other people start coming out quite loudly in response, or not so loudly in other ways. This show is really fascinating because they insisted on using the entire LGBTQIA+ acronym, and they were intentional about that. 

Adrian Lindayag played King in this and he was also in The Boy Foretold by the Stars, which I forced Shan to watch. And she did not like it!

Shan 

You sure did. Forced is the right word. 

Ben

And she did not like it!

[Ben and Shan laugh]

Shan

I did not like it! But I loved Adrian. I was so excited to see him get another show, and a frankly much better written show. [laughs]

Ben 

And his friend who he kisses in the first episode is played by Tommy Alejandrino, who was the lead in The Day I Loved You, a show that I really loved. And I thought it was really special and kind of interesting that this show led in its very first episode with a kiss between two boys whose actors had played kind of femme-y characters before this. That felt really intentional.

I actually want to start with you, NiNi, because you grew up in an island community. I actually want your perspective on King being moved from the metro of Manila to an island that doesn't really have a stable power grid for all day power, and how you feel about him going from an urban center to a rural town.

NiNi 

It's so funny. I grew up in Trinidad and the southern Caribbean. Trinidad is considered a quote-unquote rich country and I grew up in the city. But I have friends who grew up in the country. My own family is from the country. My aunt used to tell stories, leaving town and going down to the country to spend time with her father's family, with her grandmother, sometimes with her cousins, and my friends now tell stories about that kind of stuff, as well. There's even a joke sometimes that if you got into trouble in town they would send you down south which is more rural. Or they would send you to live with your grandmother in Manzanilla, which is another rural area. So, there's some elements of that to the stories that I knew about the way that people grow up. And so there's a lot about Marahuyo that reminded me, not just of parts of Trinidad, but of other parts of the Caribbean that I'm familiar with and people that I know and that I'm friends with, have grown up in. 

So the whole thing about getting sent to country, it was so familiar in a lot of ways. That whole thing about not having power, or having these village politics kind of mentality about a lotta things. And ways that people can surprise you as well, because you have certain expectations of people who come from those kinds of communities and that kind of background and those kinds of situations where, you know, oh, you don't have lights, what do you know about anything? People make assumptions about people being backward or whatever, and actually no, that's not how it is. So this had a hint of familiarity to it in terms of the story. 

Also, I was glad to see it because so many Filipino stories are set in metro Manila or are set in the pretty tourist parts, not places like Marahuyo. I really enjoyed seeing that aspect of life in the Philippines. It felt very homey to me in a lot of ways. But this is one of the things that I enjoy about Filipino drama and about Filipino BL. A lot of these BLs are coming from countries that do feel familiar to me, but Filipino BL in particular has that ring of familiarity to me in a way that some of these other places don't.

Shan

NiNi, I think what you said about the assumptions people have about people who live in these more isolated places in the country or, like, on a small island, is really such an important thing that informed this story. Because King stormed onto that island with his big city attitude and he assumed that every single person he met was a hick who would never understand him. And I think one of the best parts of this story was seeing him have his eyes opened to the reality that there are queer people everywhere and there are people who can understand him everywhere and he has to be open to seeing them and connecting with them. I thought that was such an important piece of the journey that he went on as the main character of this story. I really loved the way the show peeled back those first assumptions that he had about a lot of the people he met in Marahuyo.

Ben 

It's very clear that King was sent to Marahuyo in the hopes that isolating him there digitally and physically would sort of, like, contain him. And it didn't. He seemed to adapt to his circumstances fairly quickly, even as he demanded that those circumstances [laughs] also adapt to him. I thought it was really interesting that they sent him to the mom who abandoned him essentially to hang out and live with his grandmother who's always had his back. That was probably one of the most unexpected dynamics in the whole show. I was not expecting that complex set of interactions where the grandma was so on his side that she had put a whole pride flag in his room and had dresses ready to help his friend, but the mom's still sorting her shit out.

Shan 

I loved the nuance of that, because… it can be complicated. We are shaped to some degree by our families and by the people who raised us, but we're also shaped by the world we live in. And I thought it was a cool choice to have King have an accepting and loving grandmother. His mother did not learn her fear and her bigotry from her own mother. And I think that's an interesting choice that really reflects reality.

Ben

I think what worked really well about having his grandma be so queer friendly is that when she tells him to give Marahuyo a chance, the growth arc that you mentioned is possible because he's able to receive that message from someone he trusts and respects, who he knows also trusts and respects him. I think that that sets him up to be open to learning things. ‘cause he spends the beginning of almost every episode giving us a small lesson in Filipino queer history, particularly as it pertains to colonization. 

I was gonna go to NiNi for that one and see if you had thoughts about that because you've spoken at length about the diasporic experience and living under extensive colonialism.

NiNi 

I mean, how much time do we have to have this conversation?

Ben 

Probably five to eight minutes.

[all laugh]

Shan

Yeah, do your whole talk on colonialism in five minutes, NiNi.

NiNi 

Oh my god, okay, no pressure. Yeah, I think that's one of the reasons that Filipino BL in particular does speak to me because of that colonized experience. The colonized experience is so specific and so similar all over the world, no matter where you were colonized or who you were colonized by. You recognize it in people, you recognize it in the society, you recognize it in the environment. The way that the Philippines is so Catholic and Catholicism is all over this story. How Catholicism has harmed people, how people find shelter in it, how people find safety in it, it's all over this. 

And one of the things about coming from a place that was colonized is that you have this sort of weird love/hate relationship with the people and the places and the experiences of the colonizer. On the one hand, like, revolution, resistance, that's part of it. And that's part of what King is dealing with as well. Talking about the parts of history that get hidden by the colonizer because it's inconvenient to them or they wanna bury some particular truth. That's the resistance part, but also the part where people are talking about things like tradition and gentility and all that stuff that the various deans, because it's two deans—three deans, I think—in this story. And they're all talking about things like propriety and respectability. And those are things that you're fighting against every single day, where those ideas even come from is a place in yourself that you sort of recognize, but you fight against every day. The experience of being colonized does a number on your head, it does a number on your society. It is wild to experience.

One of the things that I enjoyed about this is that it did give me that kind of feeling of wanting something out of the experience that you're not even sure what it is. Like you want revolution, but you also want all the things that the colonizer told you to have. It's this bizarre feeling. 

Shan 

It’s a mindfuck.

NiNi 

Yeah, it is a mindfuck. And it's a hard thing to explain to anybody who hasn't had the experience.

00:20:24 - Marahuyo Project: On Queerness

Ben 

I wanna start moving into our character specific discussion. When King first gets to the island, he has a very weird meet cute [Shan laughs] with like the island's favorite boy who's the scion of their most beloved or most successful, whatever, family—the Soliman family—where a, like, shit ton of fish gets thrown in the air. [laughs]

Shan

There's so many fishes!

NiNi 

He literally gets showered in fish and I'm like, this is so clever. Like, as a joke, it was a very good joke. 

Shan

Very effective.

NiNi

It was a very effective joke. And as a metaphor, also extremely effective. It was so good. This is the kinda shit that JP Habac excels at.

Ben 

I knew you were gonna love that. So, right away, because King won't shut the fuck up about the fact that he's queer, he ends up finding a trans girl in his class almost immediately, who's also beefing with the local priest, who ends up going by the name of Venice. And the two of them team up and decide they're gonna start their own LGBTQIA+ organization. And Venice, was like, we added more letters? Wait, what?! [laughs] How do I say all of those? 

Shan 

I love my naive girl. She doesn't know anything.

Ben

She's so pretty. [laughs] Also, shout out to Venice for eating in, like, every scene—

Shan

Every scene!

Ben

—for eight episodes.

NiNi 

So much rambutan, I swear.

Shan 

Always eating rambutan specifically, not just eating, eating this specific island fruit. [laughs] She loves ‘em.

Ben

So, Ino's family is very beloved on this island and Ino is the first obstacle they think they have to get past to getting their organization approved. But very quickly we suss out that Ino is likely closeted. And then we confirm that he's closeted in a really interesting bit we'll get into in a bit. 

I wanted, while we're here talking about the island politics, NiNi, to talk about the reveal we get later on that Ino’s ancestor, who his family has all of this pride for, exists because he outed a queer man and then robbed him. And then the island community built a tradition around the poetry that they stole from a queer man, who they then basically drove to death.

NiNi 

Yeah. This is a comedy, by the way.

[all laugh]

NiNi 

I just had to fire that one out.

Shan 

We started with all this super serious stuff. It sounds like such a heavy show. And it is, kind of, but it doesn't feel heavy. It just deals with heavy things.

Ben 

The themes are actually heavy when you think about them, but because you've got really optimistic and energetic young people, it doesn't feel as heavy as it actually is.

NiNi 

It really doesn't. But I mean, again, this is a story of colonization. Things get stolen all the time. Your own history gets stolen from you. And you have to go back into history and find your truths. So that work of uncovering and unearthing and archiving and storytelling and passing things down from generation to generation, that is real active work that takes place every single day in a colonized place. Unlearning a lot of what the colonizer tells you about yourself. All of that is part of the colonized experience and that's what I was really gratified to see them tackling in this show. This idea that they hid the truth from you and now you have to not only go and learn the truth but tell it to as many people as possible.

Shan 

Yeah, and I think it's really meaningful that they found out this truth via a story told to them by an elder on the island who they just kind of happened upon.

Ben 

But it happened because they were doing research. They were trying to justify their organization and it was recommended to them that they show that this organization would be good for Marahuyo as it currently is, not just because some kid from Manila says they need to have this. And so the trio that had formed at that point was doing real research into the history of the town itself, and that's what eventually led them to asking this woman about this history.

Shan 

Yeah, and to tie that into the romance, which you kind of alluded to, Ben, but we haven't really talked about is, King and Ino, they start with a very antagonistic relationship. Over time we figure out this antagonism on Ino's side is because King is pulling things out of him that he's trying to suppress. He feels uncomfortable because he is a closeted queer kid and King is loudly and forcefully demanding that folks recognize his queerness and also the queerness within themselves. And so, they have an uncomfortable dynamic that starts to smooth out over time as they get to know each other and understand each other better and as Ino decides to kind of push back his fear and start helping King try to make this club happen. 

So it's in that context that they're on this research trip and they go to this elder and she sits them down and she tells them this story. And that is how Ino finds out that his whole family legacy is built on a lie and that his ancestor harmed somebody who's just like him, a gay man who did nothing wrong. All he did was profess his feelings for somebody who didn't return them. And he was destroyed over that. That is what Ino's family legacy was built on. Finding that out was just a huge moment of despair for him. And in some ways brought him and King closer together as they worked through that, and in other ways made it even harder, I think, to imagine being able to be with someone like King, who's so open and so free. It was a really beautiful moment and it was a really important moment, both in the romance and in the broader story.

NiNi

There's two things that you said there, Shan, that I actually want to pull out. The part that you said about Ino’s ancestor having harmed somebody whose only sin was expressing feelings to somebody who didn't return them. I actually, I can't remember exactly, but wasn't the story that he did return the feelings and then panicked about them, or something like that? I can't remember.

Shan

I think we don't know.

Ben 

That part is unclear.

Shan

It's a speculation. 

Ben

What we learned, based upon what is provable, that he had written poems about his unrequited love for the Soliman ancestor. And then the Soliman ancestor unintentionally—or maybe intentionally—discovered these poems. He had not been given them. I think that's a big part of this too, is that—what's his name, Nalundasan—was outed. And then the Soliman ancestor turned on him in a vile way. And that ended horribly. And—

Shan 

So we don't know if he turned on him because he was afraid, because he was suppressing his own queerness, or if he was just a garden variety, homophobic heterosexual man. We don't know.

Ben 

I think what also makes me particularly sad about that story is Nalundasan, the person that they harmed in this, had performed a role as a community and cultural leader. And had chosen to closet himself, he left descendants behind. He formed a marriage and had kids. This was just the part of his life that he was not able to express, so he expressed it in his poetry that he had kept private until it was made public. And that part is really sad too, because Ino is closeted and knows it. 

A lot of times in BL, a lot of these guys are, like, untapped sexual beings who are activated by the power of BL and product placement. In this story, most of the characters are well aware of how they feel about who they are and what's going on with them. King definitely knew who he was the whole time. His loud gay ass showed up with his mullet and was like, you can't tell me what to do. 

Shan 

His rainbow mullet.

Ben

Speaking of his mullet, I have to get this out on the podcast. I will never forgive his mother for cutting his hair while he was asleep. That was horrible and vile. And the only thing saving her from these knives is she's played by Sue Prado.

[Shan laughs]

NiNi 

No, but legit, the fact that the show lets this go really upset me. Because it was such a violation. When it happened, I gasped. And the show gave it a lot of grace and let it go and that did not sit right with my spirit, I have to say.

Ben 

I agree.

00:30:16 - Marahuyo Project: Our Characters

Ben

Ino is an interesting queer character in that when he sees King right away, he sees him almost as a threat, because Ino is trying not to draw attention to his own queerness. Like, it's clear he maybe wants to leave at some point and then deal with his shit. And he can feel that he's not going to be able to get away with that around King. He's also drawn to King because, I mean, why wouldn't he be? He's tall, he's really pretty. He wears ridiculously gay shirts. Some of them show off his midriff.

Shan 

And he's brave! He's brave in a way that—

Ben

So brave!

Shan

—-Ino wishes he was. That's the thing, right?

NiNi 

There's so much about King and King and Venice in particular that had me thinking a lot about the importance of the people who can't hide.

Ben 

Mmhmm.

NiNi

And what they mean to the community and what it means for them to be out there at the vanguard, taking all the shit and how that's almost never recognized or rewarded or anything like that. But it's so important for the ones who are like Ino, the ones who are like Archie, to see the Kings and the Venices just loud and out in front and visible and unhideable and unapologetic and what that means. And the show really made you feel that. It made you feel not just that King and Venice are brave, but also how important what they were trying to do was, what the mission for them was.

Ben 

It's also interesting too because their mission is not academic for them. King was dealing with homophobia even in Manila. Then he lands in Marahuyo and he's like, same shit different day. That man got called a slur and was like “hmph, uncreative.” And I was like, wow, they're throwing slurs around in these shows again. Finally, mask off. And I was weirdly relieved that the show was mask off about its homophobia because it's very frustrating sometimes to talk about shows where the homophobia is kind of subtle. And you have to argue with people about your interpretation, where they think you're being cruel to the show for recognizing what the show is doing. I like that that wasn't an issue here, thank you, JP Habac! 

But in terms of what Venice is dealing with and what Archie and Ino are dealing with, queerness is also not academic for them either. King is not the first other homo they've ever encountered, because we learn that Ino's father almost or temporarily left his family for a love with another man and then chose to come back to his family and stay with their mom. And his dad explains that he loves Ino's mom and wants to be her husband even if it means he cannot enjoy his attraction to men. So, Ino is dealing with, like, a double closet in his life where the whole fucking town knows about his dad steppin’ out on his mom with a man. 

We learn that Venice and Archie lost their friend.

Shan 

Should we do, Ben, a rundown of the characters? ‘Cause we haven't really done that yet.

Ben 

We probably should. Let's go down the whole cast! 

Shan 

Let's go down the list.

Ben

We've got King, our favorite gay boy with a mullet that should not have been lost. [Ben and Shan laugh] We have Ino, who's our big man on campus who gets his shit rocked. We've got Venice, everyone's favorite local trans girl. Who eats rambutan all the time.

[Ben and Shan laugh]

Shan

She loves those fucking rambutans.

Ben 

Hanging around the local priest all the time is Archie, Venice's former friend who has pulled back on his friendship with Venice because of the death of their friend, who he repeatedly deadnames over the course of the show until he finally cracks through the core of his grief.

Archie is a complex character to talk about because he is also queer in some way and suffering in his own closet. And he's choosing a path that leads him to the priesthood as a way to survive under the pressures of the homophobia he lives under. 

NiNi 

So many thoughts about that.

Shan 

Yeah, let's not, let’s not lose sight of the girls. Let's not go down the Archie Road yet. We also have—

Ben 

Lorena! Aka Lorie. Lorie is probably some kind of queer. Might be bi, might be a lesbian, might be asexual. It's very clear—

Shan 

She's figuring it out.

Ben

—she's still figuring it out by the end of the show. We are not going to label her here because she has not chosen one for herself. She is sorting through her own angst with men because of her own father's infidelity. And she's very close to her friend, Lili, who is eventually revealed to be probably intersex. And it's very clear that their friendship is extremely important to them in a way feels romantic on Lili's end, but Lorie is still sorting through. But the reveal from Lili to Lorie about this truth about her is one of my favorite moments in the whole show. 

And then there's that asshole Marco who ruins it like five minutes later. I hate that boy.

Shan 

Marco, our villain. 

Ben

I hate that boy.

Shan

He's really the most villainous character in the show. 

Ben

I hate that boy so much!

Shan

He's the worst. He's the fucking worst.

Ben

[laughs]I hate him. I hate him so much! Mmmmmm.

Shan 

This is a story that takes place on a small island, but it’s also in a school. So there are school dynamics at play here with this group and how they come together. King and Venice connect pretty much right away when he gets there because they are both visibly queer and they latch onto each other. And King is very much, as Ben said earlier, an activist. He is loud and proud and he demands respect for his existence. And he also wants to create space for other people like him, or somewhere on the queer spectrum to have pride and to be able to come out and have space, too. Venice is very classic sunshine character. That girl is so pretty and so dumb and she's just the nicest girl, just ever! [laughs] But she just doesn't really know much. She doesn't know much about queerness because she's been very isolated. So King is teaching her about what it means to be a queer activist, what some of these terms mean, what it means to try to fight for your space, ‘cause she has been in a space of insisting on living as herself, but also accepting that in some ways she would have to just be quiet and conform to get by in the school, and King doesn't find that acceptable. So they latch onto each other through that.

And then Lorie is the mayor's daughter, so she has a lot of status in the town, similar to Ino, who’s part of this family that is the big legacy family. So they both have a lot of positional power within the school and within the community, which they use over the course of the story to help with the club and helping some of these other kids who are more like outcasts. Lili is friends with Lorie and that's her social entree in the school. Archie is part of the local church and close with the priest, which gives him a kind of authority too. He's seen on the island as almost like the deputy priest.

Ben 

I have to say it, he has the authority given to an overseer.

Shan 

Exactly. That is definitely his role. He's kind of a cop. 

And Marco is just a little asshole who’s just a fucking asshole to everybody all the time. And they're all in school together, they're in this forced proximity and King and his arrival to the island really awakens in a lot of these kids who are queer but have been suppressing it, who are closeted either knowing or not, he really awakens in them this kind of connection to their own queerness. And they have varying responses to that. Some of them really joyfully wanting to come and be part of what he's building. Some of them being really afraid of it. We see the whole spectrum of responses there.

Ben 

I think what also really works for me in terms of how this felt particularly queer, there's two big things. First, spoiler alert, they do not get to have their club. They are not given official approval for their club, but then they go, fuck you, we don't need it anyway. And then they have their march regardless. I love that. 

The other part I like is that we have three characters who agree to out themselves in some way by trying to pursue the organization that they want to have. You get King, who's like, “I'm gay. You can use whatever slurs you want. They apply.” You got Venice, who's chosen to stay optimistic despite the death of Christina. And then you've got Lorie, who's like, you guys suck. I have way more fun with these guys. I'm going over there with them. And then each of them ends up holding the confidence of someone else who is closeted that they're close to.

King is developing a romance with Ino, Venice is holding the confidence of Archie, who does not come out over the course of this show. He's still closeted in the end and cheering for them from the closet. Something that I really appreciate the show doing. There are still people in our communities who do not feel safe enough to come out. And Lorie is holding Lili's confidence about her truth about being intersex. And I like that those three did not betray that confidence to each other. I thought that was a really important thing that the show did because when you are protecting someone who's closeted, the best way to do that is to shut the fuck up. You don't even tell people who could be trusted with that info because it's not your info to share.

That's the big point about protecting closeted people, is, if they're gonna come out, they need to feel like it's something that they have control over. What's so evil about Marco is he went out of his way to take that moment from Lili because she embarrassed him because he wouldn't stop sexually harassing Lorie.

NiNi 

Yeah, I do like that you get three different takes on that whole, I guess you could call it end game, of the closet because you've got Archie who stays in, you've got Ino who comes out, and then you've got Lili who gets outed. And then you get to see how each of those things impact the characters. I found that to be really, really interesting to watch.

00:42:09 - Marahuyo Project: The Christina Story

Shan 

We should talk more, we've been alluding to it, but we should fully elaborate on the backstory with Archie and Venice because it is, I think, one of the most touching stories that this show told. 

So Archie and Venice and their friend Christina grew up together. They have been best friends since childhood. We don't get every detail, but what we do learn over time is that Christina, like Venice, was trans and somewhere in her transition and in her coming out, something went very badly for her and she ended up, presumably, ending her own life. This created very different responses in Archie and in Venice. Venice kind of carried on, she's a very optimistic person at heart and she carried on that way, kept Christina's memory close, and continued to live in her truth as a trans woman and carry that forward. Archie became so deeply afraid of queerness and the way that it could damage somebody's life that he locked up tight, and as a result of that, rejected Venice and her transition. 

When the story begins, he seems like—on the surface—just this hateful bigot. He's constantly deadnaming Venice and Christina. He is disapproving of Venice. He doesn't support her. And then you find out more about this history that they share together. And you find out more about what motivates him and how ultimately at the root of it he really is just so terrified for Venice that she will end up like Christina. And he thinks, wrongly of course, that preventing her from transitioning is going to save her life. And that is what is driving his behavior. What a nuanced story to tell about what is normally reduced to something so simple and hateful.

The emotions between Archie and Venice are so complex. And Venice, because she's a very kind and generous person, she has a lot of space for Archie. She understands why he's behaving the way he is, and she gives him a lot of grace around it. And she really tries to support him. Like, he is so afraid and doing so much to suppress his own queerness that it's manifesting physically for him. We see throughout the show he's got this anxiety habit of scratching at his neck. It gets gross, like, to the point where he's basically scratching—

Ben

It was gross. 

Shan

—his skin off. 

Ben 

If you have any phobias or squicks around people self harming because they've been scratching at themselves too much. You're gonna want to maybe be ready to look away when they show the back of Archie's neck—

Shan

Yeah, be prepared.

Ben

—because he's legit tearing his own body apart. They manifest how deeply he's tearing himself apart in the way he's scratching up his neck. It's really uncomfortable to watch.

Shan 

It is. And so Venice sees that, and she has a lot of sympathy for him. She understands why he's behaving in this way. And she doesn't tell anybody else. That's their private personal history. And she doesn't think it's hers to tell. It's just a really nuanced look at how these fears and anxieties and how suppression of your own queerness can manifest in these different forms of self-harm and harm to others. I just, I found it to be such a beautiful and touching story that didn't get all the way resolved by the end of the show, because you don't just fix something this deep overnight.

NiNi 

I think that the colonized thing adds another layer to this as well because the place that Archie is running towards, running away from himself, is the church. That's the colonial ramification. That's the idea that respectability will save you. That comes from the colonizer. All of that stuff is on top of all this other stuff that's happening with Archie. It's something that I recognize from people that I know, people that I grew up with, people who grew up in the Catholic Church, definitely, but also in other traditions that are imported traditions, that are colonizer traditions. This idea that if you are part of the establishment, if you are part of what they value, if you are somehow involved in that stuff, then you're safe. These ideas are not uncommon to even uncolonized societies, but there's a whole different layer and level of it that you get in colonized societies or societies that were colonized.

I don't even know if I can accurately describe how it works, but just know that there's layers to this shit. And one of those layers is Archie trying to disappear into the Catholic Church.

Ben 

My favorite thing about Archie, too, was despite how awful he seemed at first, they gave us signs early on that there was more going on here. There was the way that Venice didn't sneer at Archie. She mostly looked annoyed and disappointed. Like, it was clear that they had a relationship. And there was a moment when an adult stormed in on their party and Venice was in a dress. Archie, from the shadows, reaches out to her back and tries to pull her back from being seen because he's worried that something might happen to her. And I'm like, never mind. I know where the story is going! And I was way less worried about Archie. 

By the time we get the reveal about what happened to Christina, Archie is the one who is seemingly the most visibly devastated by this loss. So, all of his cruelty towards them was given context for me that doesn't make it okay, but humanizes it. This is not the best way to cope with this, because shoving your other friend into a closet is not going to help her either. But I understand that this is how you're trying to cope. It's not helping you, either. But I understand you.

00:48:52 - Marahuyo Project: Parents and Children

Ben

So, on a lighter note! [laughs] Since we've talked about a lot of sad things here.

Shan 

Here we go! This is a comedy. Let's remember. [laughs]

NiNi 

I was just about to say.

Ben 

On a lighter note, one of the most absolutely fantastic things about this show was the way that they had Adrian constantly breaking the fourth wall to look at us and kiki with us as the audience.

Shan 

Yes! Whenever King would look at us, I would get so thrilled. [laughs] And he was always pulling the best faces.  [laughs] 

Ben 

Adrian is really funny. Adrian, I don't think you'll ever hear us because we're a tiny little podcast, but we loved your work, sir. I loved your work and all three things I've seen you do. It was great. We love you. Thank you for the gift of King and the gift of Dominic.

Shan 

Do you have a favorite fourth wall break? Mine was when [laughs] he looked at the camera when Ino was talking to him by the water and was like, “oh my god, he loves me.”

Ben 

Yeah, that was the one for me!

[Ben and Shan laugh]

Shan 

I love that kid so much.

Ben 

I liked the little march they did at the end. I don’t think the mom deserved to be there. And I don't know about Ino's dad deserving to be there, but grandma deserved to be there and I'm glad she was there. I liked seeing them all walk together because it's a cool visual, even if I think it's not wholly earned by some of the time that they had available. 

Let's talk about Ino's mom. Ino's mom clocks very quickly when she starts seeing him hang around King that clearly he's gay, too. And she's like, what the fuck? What are you gonna do to our family? And he pushes back on that because he was ready for that particular fight. I was really proud that for a kid who they've been grooming to speak in front of crowds and talk about stuff, he was able to hold his ground against his mom. And I was really frustrated with his dad. I did not think his dad gave him any useful perspective or advice at all. And that was a real failure.

Shan 

That man was useless.

NiNi

I actually found the dad to be really sad. I think the dad was included almost as a cautionary tale? Because the dad just seemed so beaten down by his whole life, by everything that had happened to him, by all the choices that he had made. Yes, he's trying to make it so that his son doesn't have to make the same choices that he made once he realizes what's going on. Because the other thing is that he definitely buries his head in sand a little bit about Ino because of his own background and his own history.

Ben 

I think that's the only way to read him. 

Shan 

He definitely was.

Ben

I don't think we got really great answers about Judy, King's mom either, about why she left.

Shan

That was one of the disappointments for me. I really loved the show. I didn't think it was perfect. It had a couple areas where I think it could have been stronger and one of the primary ones was on Judy. I really wanted to understand her better because we know her mother, we know that she wasn't raised to be this way. So bigoted, so afraid. And I don't really feel like we ended the show understanding better why she left King. Why she treated him the way that she did. I just, I wanted to get a little bit deeper down into what was going on with her. And I just don't think we ever got there. 

NiNi 

Well, maybe the show didn't get there, but I got it. I know so many Judys. She left the country, went to the big city, fell in love with this man. I don't know what happened with her and the husband, but whatever it is, plus the whole thing with King, she didn't know how to deal with it. She ran straight home to the arms of something simpler and more familiar. It has nothing to do with the way that she was raised. It has everything to do with that, like, colonized mentality. Her life went to shit and it was because she didn't do the things that in her mind she was supposed to. Because I guarantee that she rebelled against her own mother, not just in running away to Manila, but also I am sure her mother's such a free spirit, she's definitely straight-laced, I'm telling you. It's a story that I've seen so many times. 

I agree that it wasn't on screen, but for me it was a shortcut. Like, I saw Judy, I saw the grandmother, I was like immediately I got it.

Shan 

Yeah, I appreciate that. I definitely needed the show to actually go there, [laughs] especially because like, this is a woman who abandoned her child and I wanted to understand why. And I wanted to understand the way that she chose to interact with him even after he came to live with her. And they just never dug into it. That was a bit of a disappointment for me.

Ben 

Big fan of this show never showing us King's dad, fuck that dude.

Shan 

Yeah, we didn't need to see him. I don't care about that.

Ben 

I also want to talk about… one of my favorite things was despite having limited connectivity on the island, King did not lose touch with his bestie in Manila, who called that man out on his shit every single time he got her on the phone. [laughs] It's very important when you're gay and extra that you have somebody who tells you when you're doin’ too much.

NiNi 

You do need a get a grip friend. And she was definitely the get a grip friend. It's one of the things that JP Habac likes to do, because he did the same thing with Vlad and his friend Sue in GSP [Gaya sa Pelikula]. She was not there, but she was his get a grip friend. She's the one who called him out on, like, sad dancing to The 1975.

I love a get grip friend, my favorite type of character.

00:54:54 - Marahuyo Project: Final Thoughts and Ratings

Ben 

My last positive comment about this show—I'm lying, I probably have hundreds more—[Shan laughs] is this show wore its politics on its sleeves, but in a way that didn't feel preachy. There's a really great moment where King is pushing back on a lesson they're having about fucking Machiavelli's The Prince. Oh my! [exhale sound] I went to an all male Catholic school, I have strong thoughts about [laughs] Machiavelli. 

I love King reminding people in that whole stupid argument that no social progress has ever been made by people being very polite to the powers that be. Every form of welfare and the social safety net that we all expect and rely upon, people fought and bled for. And I liked that there was not really a response to that. Are there any social services that you rely upon and expect? People died for that. So shut the fuck up. 

Great work. A+.

NiNi

And there's some little things that I want to really pick up the show on. The whole Balagtasan tradition, the debate in verse, it was so beautiful. I really enjoyed listening to the debate on a musical level, almost. And while we're talking about music again, this is from the people who did Gaya sa Pelikula. So of course the music was gonna be bangin’.

Ben 

This soundtrack, this soundtrack fucks!

Shan

Let me actually get the name of the song because holy shit, one of my favorite songs that I have ever heard in a drama. Let me pull it up.

NiNi 

Which one are we talking about? Di Inakala or Magpatuloy?

Shan 

My favorite song in this drama, so beautiful, it's called Di Inakala by Paul Pablo. Gorgeous.

Ben

It really is.

Shan

It was used in the romance arc. 

NiNi 

It's fabulous.

Shan

What was the one you really liked, NiNi?

NiNi 

I like, there's a song called Magpatuloy by Mijon and that song, I listen to literally every day now, every single day. One of the things I always love—

Shan

Beautiful.

NiNi

—about this team, about JP Habac, and he works with music supervisor Patricia Lasaten, they always pull out Filipino artists and songs in Filipino language front and center when they're doing music for their shows and I love it. I've learned about so many great artists and gotten into so much great music because of this team.

Ben 

We're gonna have to move on ‘cause now I'm gonna start talking about the consent part of their first kiss and how great that was. The show's great! Please go watch it.

Let's finally rate this show. Let's go around the board. Shan, rating?

Shan 

I gave this show a 9. I loved it. I think it's beautiful. I think it is required viewing for anybody who cares about queer drama, good community drama, good Filipino drama. There's just so many reasons to watch it. It has a bit of rough edges around some of the storytelling decisions. I don't think it's a perfect show, but it is beautiful and I intend to rewatch it and I hope everybody listening to this will watch it if you haven't already.

Ben 

NiNi, rating?

NiNi 

I also give this a 9 because I do agree that the things around King's mom sort of hung there. I don't think they necessarily had to be resolved, but they weren't really even addressed very much. So that would be why I dinged it, but it is a fantastic show.

Ben 

My public rating for this show is a 10. I do think it's one of those shows that anybody should watch. And if you are one of the listeners who likes what I have to say about things and is curious about how I think about stuff, it's one of those shows that I beg people to watch. It's one of those shows that you show people: here’s a short list of shows to watch to understand me as a person.

I think everybody should watch it. I agree with you both. Not a perfect show. Has some rough edges, but in terms of me recommending it to people, I'm givin’ it a 10. Top of the list. Go watch this. Right now.

NiNi 

So two nines and a ten, okay, I'm not mathing today. We're gonna give it a 9.5 from The Conversation.

Shan 

Feels right.

Ben 

I think a 9.5 from us is correct. It is an incredibly good show with a couple of quibbles we have about mostly the way they handled some of the adult storylines. But I think the youth storylines are crystal clear and really well-executed. And we get to see a side of queerness that we very rarely see. It’s a beautiful show. Please watch it.

00:59:48 - Ossan no Pants

NiNi 

Let's move on now to the next show that we're going to talk about, and it is called—let me see if I can get this correct…Ossan no Pantsu ga Nandatte Ii Janai ka!…I totally butchered that. English title is Don't Care for an Old Man's Underwear!

I just started watching this today so I'm very excited to discuss what of it I have seen and I am just prepared for the spoilers that are going to come. So Ben, what is Oppan about?

Ben

About how if we give Japan 50 minutes to tell a story, they're gonna use that time well! [laughs]

Shan

So well!

Ben

Oppan is about this man named Okita Makoto, who is a kind of upper-middle manager of a printer sales company. He is very much a salaryman type who is upholding a lot of casual misogyny because this is what he is taught to do, and he believes he's filling in the role that's expected of him. He goes to work every day. He works really hard. He sacrifices everything of importance that matters to him to be present for the work. and he leaves the household matters to his wife. And it's not going that great! 

He finds himself feeling distant from his wife, distant from his daughter who doesn't seem to like him; and their family is dealing with the crisis because for whatever reason, his son—who he's never been able to feel close to—refuses to go to school and doesn't leave his room. 

One day while walking to work, he almost falls down the stairs, because he lives in a walkable community, and is saved by a young gay man who catches him. The two of them have a little bit of bonding that comes from this. A friendship begins to grow between them. And over the course of this friendship, Makoto decides that he needs to change with the times and update himself, because he recognizes that he wants to better connect to people and what he's currently doing is not working. 

And the rest of the show is about Makoto learning how to be a good friend to this young gay man who's near to graduating from veterinary school, his wife, his two children who are an adult and approaching adulthood, and his coworkers. 

This is one of the kindest shows I've ever watched. When I tell you that a show about a misogynist was one of the most empathetic things I've watched this year, I am not being funny or being ironic. This show understands how everybody responds to societal misogyny, how it shapes them, hurts them, but doesn't have to be the end of their story. This was an absolutely delightful experience. I loved every single moment I spent with this show. Holy shit. 

NiNi, before we get into Shan's impressions, because I have much I want to ask Shan about, you are three episodes in. Just give us some of your initial impressions and thoughts on how you're feeling about the characters, and some of the stories you've encountered so far.

NiNi

The only reason that this show works is because Okita loves his family. He really truly loves his family, and he doesn't want to lose them, and he knows that they're slipping away from him. And there are so many ways that that kind of story turns negative. In this instance, the show uses that love and that fear of losing his family, and turns it in a positive direction. He turns it in on himself and says to himself, “What can I do to not let this happen? How can I bring them back to me? What have I been doing wrong and what can I now start to try to do right?” And that's really what stuck with me. 

We don't talk about this a lot in the world. I know this is a weird segue. Life is extremely hard on middle-aged men in the modern age, because they were told a certain way to be that has just, to their minds, vanished. They were told they were the main character and that everybody was around them to make sure that they succeeded. And that's gone, and they don't know how to deal with that. Watching a middle-aged man deal with that in a healthy way, in a way that looks at himself and says ‘I have to do better,’ I find incredibly satisfying. That spirit of, ‘I need to look at my life, look at my choices’ basically and ‘I need to fix the relationships in my life because I have broken them.’

01:05:18 - Ossan no Pants: Our Characters

Shan

I think we need to start with a little character cheat sheet.

Ben

Let's first name the Okita family members.

Shan

Makoto is our patriarch, as NiNi just so eloquently said, is the heart of this show, his journey. We have in his family, his wife Mika, his daughter Moe, and his son Kakeru. That’s our core family that we will keep coming back to. 

Our other main character is Igarashi Daichi, and he is the young gay man who lives in the neighborhood who meets Makoto and kind of starts the journey that he's on. Daichi also has parents who are relevant to the story. Mihoko is his mother and his dad, we will just be referring to as ‘That Asshole.’ 

Ben

—Fuck that dude! Ho ho!

Shan

Fuck that dude. We don't need to give him a name. 

Daichi also has a boyfriend who, in what I considered a bit of a revelation for this show, actually matters and has a story. Madoka is his name. He's very important. We'll talk about him. 

We also have a broad constellation of side characters in this show. I will not name them all because there are far too many, but a few that I think are really important to know because they have important plot lines or are part of important plot lines for our family are Hasegawa, who is a schoolmate of Kakeru's who is on the baseball team; and Shizuka, who is a schoolmate of Kakeru's who bonds with him over a shared interest. And then we have Furuike, who is Makoto's senior at work. Those folks all have pretty important actual arcs in the show. 

There are also other side characters who are Makoto's coworkers, Kakeru's schoolmates, and Moe's friends, but they're not as present in the narrative.

Good luck to our translator for having to do all those names. [Ben laughs] That's me, why am I, I'm giving myself luck!

It's a big cast. This is an ensemble show. It's a family drama. It is rooted within a family as the central unit of the story, and then we follow each of these family members on their own individual storylines that intersect with some of the other characters that we talked about.

Like, in terms of my overall feeling about this show, I just fucking love it. It is one of the best family dramas I've ever seen. It is one of the most thoughtful and smart shows that I have seen in the way that it takes the themes that it wants to explore and it really digs deep into them in a way that still feels really natural. Like, this show is absolutely intended to be educational television for a broad audience. And it also is just a really good drama that does not feel, usually, like an afterschool special. It feels like a very organic and natural story of a family and the people around them, rather than a show that's just sitting you down and preaching at you all the time, despite the fact that it is literally preaching at you a lot through the story and through its themes. 

You know, I think NiNi's summary of, kind of, the core plot of the story and the purpose of the story was spot on. This is really rooted in Makoto's journey to do better, to recognize that he has damaged his own relationships with his inability to change and evolve with the times, that he is the one who needs to do some thinking and some learning. And I think what's so beautiful about this show is that he is able to do that through the kindness and the compassion of a stranger who sees potential in him, who sees an opportunity to engage him and to help him learn, rather than just dismissing him. 

You really need both sides of that equation to make this work. You need somebody who is willing to admit that they're wrong and be open to learning. And you need someone who is willing to have patience for them and to see the good intentions behind some of their mistakes. And that's what you really get in Makoto and Daichi. They are the unconventional friendship that really powers this show, that gives Makoto the energy he needs and the knowledge he needs to do better by his family. And then in turn gives Daichi the support he needs when his life starts getting a little bit messier. 

One of my favorite things about this show is that when it starts, you kinda get a little niggling in the back of your head, you're a little worried. You're like, is Daichi a manic pixie dream gay? Is he just here to be this fairy who blesses Makoto and helps him be better and is used as this font of wisdom? Or is he going to be a full human and a real person? And it's definitely the latter. 

As the story goes on, we get his life filled in too. We learn about his struggles. We learn about his relationship. We learn about his family. We see him make mistakes, and we see him need to draw on strength from Makoto. This friendship becomes very mutual, and they change each other's lives. This is an all-time great drama. I love it. Everyone needs to watch it.

Ben

NiNi, I want to check in with you about Daichi at episode three, because you just got through the sequence where they went to the public bath together, and Makoto was trying to show Daichi some appreciation. And it was well intentioned, but kind of annoying. And Daichi got legitimately irritated in that moment and very politely told Makoto to step back.

I want to know how you feel about Daichi coming out of the sequences that happened in the public bath,

NiNi

I think the timing and pacing of that is actually perfect because I was just getting to the point in the story, having watched two and a half episodes of Daichi having what seemed like unending patience for Makoto and his foibles and his crass, sometimes crude expressions and the way that he is often unthinking before he says something. I was just getting to the point of being, does this kid not have any feelings or does he just exist to be Makoto's conscience and sounding board? 

And then that moment in the tub happened and I was like, okay, so he does get pissed off. And he does get annoyed and he does get exhausted and he does get tired of having to deal with this shit.

Ben

Daichi joins a very short list of characters who are now my all-time favorites. He and Shiro are gonna live in my psyche for the rest of my life.

Daichi is so fascinating because he's a well-read, self-actualized queer character who has the full support of his mother, who has clearly dealt with a lot of homophobia. And we learned that he suffered in high school when he was outed. But he has chosen to proceed through the world with kindness and not assume the worst from people, because it burns you out. We get to experience Daichi's complicated romance with his closeted boyfriend. 

And then the relationship he forms with Kakeru. Daichi is helping Kakeru because Kakeru might be going through some sort of queer awakening. He wants to have control over his gender presentation and he likes to be cute. He wants to be pretty. He wants to use feminine styling and cutesy girly things, because they make him happy. But he is not certain yet where he sits on the spectrum of sexuality. The big thing he hates the most is people projecting and presuming about him.

Shan

They really made a contrast here because Moe, Kakeru’s sister. She is so schlubby. She's like hair tossed up in a headband, unshowered, wearing, like, shapeless sweats. Just like looking like, you know, she didn't even bother with anything in the morning besides rolling out of bed. But then when she has to go out in the world and she does her hair and puts on makeup, she looks like a different person. The first time they showed Moe outside of the house all done up, I was literally like, who is that? Who the fuck is this girl? Why are we following her? It really took me a second to click in and realize that was Moe.

What I liked about the contrast there is that Kakeru, for him being pretty, coming on with these feminine styles, doing his makeup every day, that is what actually makes him happy. So he looks that way even when he's sitting in his own home. For Moe, that's not part of her self identity so much as part of the armor that she puts on in the world. They didn't comment on it at all in the show, but the visual contrast was there the whole time between these two siblings.

Ben

I love so much that Daichi was able to help Kakeru get himself out of that room by never telling him what to do, by always focusing on asking Kakeru questions to help Kakeru find the answer in himself. He often did the same with Makoto as well. He very gently corrected presumptions. 

Like, he—Makoto asked a reasonable question. “My son likes to dress up like a girl. Is he trans, and what do I do about that?” And Daichi is like, “Well, he hasn't said he's trans, so let's not presume there, but let's think about trans people for a moment.” And I really love the way that that was handled because Kakeru tells us plainly that he does like being a boy, but he wants to be pretty.

There's the bit where Kakeru is leaving and he thanks his dad for what he did, and his dad, desperate to try and say something that helps his son is like, “You survived being my son for 17 years, you can handle anything.” And I was like, Oh, buddy. [laughs] 

Man, I'm getting lost in all the characters I want to talk about. Let's go back one step and let's focus on Daichi. Daichi helps Kakeru by being gentle with him and letting him figure things out for himself, and then giving him encouragement and friendship when he needs it. And when we finally get to see Daichi's relationship with Madoka, it's complicated. He has an incredible meet-cute with the biggest man we've ever seen in a Japanese drama.

NiNi

I have seen that man! He is large!

Shan

That man is large. He's large.

NiNi, immediately: “Why did no one tell me there was a large man in this drama?”

NiNi

Ben and Shan can attest, literally I paused and I typed in the chat, “So who is this big one?” I was like, why is there a large man and nobody told me there was a large man here?

Ben

Shan is like, I feel like we failed on our strategy with needing to get her to watch this. We should have told her it was a big man. I'm just like, see, but then she would have felt like we were baiting her and she would have taken even longer to start. It's better that you discovered the large man— 

Shan

—We decided to let you discover on your own.

Ben

—You needed to discover the large man on your own as a, as a pleasant surprise.

NiNi

Listen, it was very pleasant and very surprising, because all of a sudden he was just there and he was large and I was like—

Shan

There he is. Can't miss him. He's so big.

NiNi

—these bitches, these, these bitches didn't tell me that there was a large man here—

Ben

Nope!

NiNi

—I'm disappointed in you all. I will say that much. [laughs]

Ben

Nope. We got exactly what we wanted. Because you kept watching. You like, “There's a large man. Is he going to show up again?” And then you kept watching. 

[Ben and Shan laugh]

NiNi

You…

Shan

Let's tell the people more about Madoka, Ben.

Ben

So Madoka is from a smaller community, and his family is anticipating his return home after completing his veterinary studies. He's going to take a position at a large clinic that's basically been prepared for him. He's expected to marry. And this is a huge amount of pressure on him. He doesn't want to disappoint his family and let them down because he's not shared this truth with them because he's afraid of that disappointment. 

I think for a lot of us, that was my big thing that kept me in the closet. Because my family wasn't more homophobic than like a standard Southern cosmopolitan family. But they have these ideas about who you're going to grow up to be in the life that you might be sharing with them as you get older. And when you tell them this about yourself, you are shattering whatever image of your life that they had growing up, particularly when you were able to hide what you were. 

Certain people cannot hide who they were. Daichi is one of those characters who could not hide who he was, and his peers made him suffer for it. And his father. Fuck that man. Fuck that man!

Shan

Seriously, fuck that man. We have nothing nice to say about him. Nothing!

Ben

But Daichi is being patient with Madoka, too, because he's not gonna demand like, “You have to come out so that we can be together.” He's patient with him and lets him sort through that. And the show lets that be as difficult as it needs to be. When these two eventually decide to marry, they have a stellar sequence that I will never get out of my brain. I don't wanna describe it further because you’re gonna watch this scene, NiNi, but know that the proposal sent all of the clowns into the stratosphere.

Shan

All of the clowns and all of the characters within the show as well. 

[Ben and Shan laugh]

The people inside the show reacting to it happening were perfect mirrors of all of us at home reacting to it happening. It was so good. And that's a surprising thing in and of itself, that in this family drama that was meant to be more mainstream, we actually saw two gay men decide to marry each other. Same-sex marriage is still not legal in Japan. That doesn't mean that people don't want to commit to each other in a meaningful way, and I think it was really powerful to see these characters make that choice. As the show goes on, we learn more about Daichi's family and his horrible fucking father— 

Ben

—Horrible man!

Shan

—and a fucking horrible homophobe who has made Daichi feel so isolated and small in so many ways. And we see this dynamic flip between him and Madoka, where he's been the one who's been patient and been strong while Madoka had to work out talking to his family. And then his horrible father comes back into the picture, and suddenly Daichi is the one who's having a crisis of confidence. And he doesn't know if he can commit to this life that he knows he wants because of the way that it disappoints his father, who he still has this attachment to. 

To see them get the chance to support each other through those journeys and to come out the other side of it was just such a really meaningful part of this story. And the way that it tied back to the Okita family because they have come to love Daichi. They have their own relationships with him. He's so important to them in a number of different ways. And so they get very invested in his life. We talked earlier about how in these dramas, the side characters don't exist just to power a romance, right? These are not fujoshis. That's not what's going on here— 

Ben

—Well, there is a fujoshi in the story. Like—

Shan

Although Moe does write—

Ben

—gay boys— [laughs]

Shan

Yeah, she's a mangaka. She does actually write yaoi manga, but she's not like that about Daichi and Madoka. They are real people to her. She's not looking at them as a fan girl. She's here for fictional romance only. 

So, the Okita family really cares about this couple and wants to see them happy and is so deeply emotionally invested in them that it becomes part of their family story, too. It's just a really beautiful way that Daichi's family became very connected to the Okita family, and that all of them became a bit of a surrogate family for Madoka—whose own family by the end of the story does know more about him and have accepted him—but are kind of far away. So he gets this familial support system through these other two families coming together and surrounding him and Daichi with love.

NiNi

Shan you said something there about being surprised about how they got to a wedding. I'm actually not surprised because one of the things that Ben and I have been discussing about Japanese drama when we've been discussing it lately is how there seems to be a category of Japanese drama in like the last five to ten years I’d say which is what I've been personally calling normalization drama.

Me, My Husband, and My Husband's Boyfriend. She Loves to Cook, and She Loves to Eat. Koisenu Futari. Like, there's a list of these shows, and this list is building up, of shows that are looking at, they would probably use the term 'alternative lifestyles'. But what it's about is normalizing these things because so much of what I understand about Japanese culture is about not standing out. It's about conforming. And the reason, and Ben and I have talked about this, that a lot of homophobia and stuff that comes out in Japanese dramas is more about how people are rocking the boat than necessarily about the queerness in particular sometimes. 

One of the things that I have been looking at in these normalization dramas and in terms of what Japan tends to put in front of its audiences is about saying, “Look at these people, they're just like you. Isn't it lovely? Isn't it normal? These people are like us.” So I'm not surprised that this is something that came out of Japan.

Shan

I think that's a really accurate description of what this show is trying to do and why it does fit into that pattern. As we were watching live, it wasn't clear to us as we were going how much any of these side characters or storylines was going to get real attention. And so I think, honestly, I think we were all surprised that he was a real character, that Madoka got his own storyline, that he wasn't just there to be part of Daichi's backstory. That he wasn't just there to be a complication for Daichi, but that he became a character in his own right and got a whole story. 

Like, this show really became a true ensemble piece. Makoto's at the center of it always, but this show really cared about every single character. Even the side characters. Like, the characters that you would normally expect to only kind of be in the backgrounds of scenes. Some of them really got to come to the fore for, like, limited periods of time and really shine. 

One of my favorite side characters was Hasegawa, who is a classmate of Kakeru's, who was on the baseball team with Kakeru. One of my favorite little side stories in this show is that Hasegawa, he actually is really curious about Kakeru and he cares about why he has disappeared from school, and he wants to understand him. And he really makes an effort to reach out to him. He goes to Kakeru to ask for help with skin care because he has acne, and Kakeru gives him an amazing routine, buys him a whole slew of products and gives him—

Ben

—And it starts working like right away. That man's skin cleared up in like a week!

Shan

That boy looks amazing! His skin was cleared up within a week! He went to him for skincare help because he knew that that was a way to approach Kakeru that would be acceptable to him, and then use that as an in to try to rekindle their friendship. And eventually when Kakeru was ready, and felt like he could trust him again, they did start having more mutual exchanges and rebuilt their friendship. 

I mean, listen, I can't lie. We all know I was shipping it. I know this is not real—

Ben

I did not feel bad for Makoto when he was like, “Kakeru seems to be having some very nice interactions with a boy. I mean— 

Shan

He fully, he was like, does he like that boy?

Ben

—if that's where it's gonna go, we gotta make sure he knows. It's okay, son.”

Shan

Yeah, and we kind of knew it wasn't going to go there because that's not the point of the show. This is not a romance drama, and they already had a romance storyline that they were dealing with with Daichi and Madoka. But I was kind of shipping it, because this boy was such a nice boy. I really liked the way that this show made room for that. That one of the things that I think stands out the most about this show is how much empathy it has for all of its characters. Even the shitty dad. 

This show has some empathy for him. We don't like him, but the show has space to understand his perspective. All of these side characters, the show really cares about giving space to who they are and revealing through context that they also have the chance if they're willing to take it to learn more and open their mind and be kind to others.

01:26:30 - Ossan no Pants: Key Character Arcs

Ben

I'm gonna blow through a lot of these characters to power through some of the arcs they went on. 

NiNi, you watched episode two where Moe was determined to go to Comica to sell her manga to her readers. But the family was like, you're too sick. You cannot go to a public venue. And Makoto decides to step up and go sell the books for her and brings Daichi along to help. That was a really interesting episode for us to see Makoto step into Moe's passion and Moe's world and see what she values. And it's the beginning of the rebuilding of their relationship.

NiNi

The show isn't just about Makoto's relationship with Kakeru, it's about his relationship with his entire family. Because you see how disconnected he is from his family. Like, even the dog— ignores him. 

Ben

—Carlos!

NiNi

Like, there's a whole side plot about the dog ignoring him. Okay? I have a lot of thoughts about men of a certain age. We are feminists on this show, and as feminists we actually do love men and want better for them. One of the things about this show is watching a man also want better for himself. Beautiful.

Anyway, he's become so disconnected from his family because he doesn't have any kind of interiority, he has no inner life, he has no conception of self beyond what society has given him. He has no hobbies, he has no things that are interesting for him. On a day when he's at home and all the rest of his family is out or doing something that means something to them, he's sitting at home because he doesn't have anything to do. And then he eventually ends up going out and getting drunk in the park because what else does he have to do, because he has no other interest because he's never been allowed to have this internal life. 

And part of the show is about him actually doing that, and part of that story is him understanding his daughter's internal life because he's been so dismissive of what she does. She's a mangaka, she works on what we in fandom call the transformative works space.

Ben

[laughs] She's a doujin artist writing fic about her favorite characters.

Shan

I love her so much.

NiNi

She's fantastic. This is not something—yes, she makes money on it occasionally—but she does this for the love. This is a hobby for her. And he doesn't understand being so involved in something that you are not a professional at, you are an amateur in that sense of the word, but it's important to you. And what you do is important to people. It made me feel a lot of feelings about this podcast. I gotta be real with you. But anyway—

Ben

Aw, bestie!

[Shan laughs]

NiNi

It did, it really did. So him sort of stepping into her world and understanding that about her—to my mind the way that I saw it, it made him also feel a little bit sad that he doesn't have anything like that. I saw a little bit of sadness that even as he feels the joy of stepping into her world, and starting to understand his daughter a little more, and having them getting that little bit closer off of this interaction, and opening a little bit of a door for their relationship to start being repaired, I could see it raised a little bit of sadness in him as well. And I'm curious to follow that thread and see where it goes. 

One thing that I've been really interested in, I realized that Mika, the mom, actually does have a job outside of the home. When she first called from work, in my head I'm like, did we know she had a job? And the fact that when he gets home, she's always got food prepared on the table for him. He never asks about it. He never says thank you about it. It's expected that it's gonna be there. 

Ben

Good—

NiNi

He comes in at the end of the day. He never asks her about her day. He doesn't seem to have any interest. And I am waiting for him to realize. I am ready and excited to see how he starts repairing his relationships with each of these people in his family. Like he even has to repair his relationship with the dog at this point. That's how bad it's gotten.

Shan

[laughs] I'm so excited for you watching this show, NiNi. I do want to give Mika her due because she is the overlooked member of this family, she is doing so much of the invisible and emotional labor for the family. And the show does give her her due and you'll get to see all of that. It kind of builds on what you were saying about Moe and how she feels about the fandom stuff that she does. 

Like, this show really understands fandom and what it means to people. Mika, she is a mother. She does have a job that you'll learn more about. And she's also a fan. She is a fan of a K-pop group called RANDOM. That actually ends up being a really important part of who she is and a part of her story with Makoto and his journey to understand her. They really take that seriously and they really help you understand and they motivate her obsession with this K-pop group and really root you in following them as a fan has done for her in her life, and allow Makoto to understand that too. 

And when he gets there, when he finally fully clicks into what he owes to this group of K-pop idols who have given his wife something to feel joyful about is one of my favorite moments in the show.

Ben

So, Mika tells us about how she's given up a lot in her life to be the mom figure of this family. She was spiraling in a depressive state when Moe was having problems, Kakeru wouldn't leave his room, and Makoto didn't even want to talk to her about any of these big family problems. And she felt like if it had been someone else, they would have solved it already, that she had failed as a mom.

In this moment of despair, she saw an interview with the leader of RANDOM, and was really touched by the way he talked about dealing with the challenges in his life. That gave her a light out, and caring about RANDOM and the goings on with that band gave her a little light that she was able to hold on to, to hold fast, as her family dealt with these big problems that she was trying to just tackle for them.

Once she reveals all of this—as they're on the way to a concert together, by the way! 

Shan

Hell yeah!

Ben

Makoto says, “Ah, then RANDOM is the Okita family's benefactor.” I just love that man so much because that is the right response.

Shan

What a good attitude, sir! You’re doing amazing!

NiNi

What you just said just leads me to think about the scene that gives the show its name about the old man's underwear thing. Makoto has ways, of expressing yes, but also of conceiving the world through a lens that he can comprehend. The things that are incomprehensible to him. Finding a way to reframe it to himself that's comprehensible. Sometimes that's serendipitous, like the thing with the underwear. And sometimes that's considered, but him saying something like “RANDOM is the Okita family's benefactor,” that's him reframing this thing into a thing that makes sense to him that he can then use that as a way of understanding the idea that he's grappling with or that he's struggling with and I really like that.

Shan

Absolutely.

Ben

You're gonna love that moment you get there, NiNi, because you just came through the Comica stuff where Makoto, like you mentioned, has his own way of contextualizing how he appreciates what people are doing. He went through the whole Comica experience, and he appreciated how passionate everybody was, and how diligent and organized they were— 

NiNi

—And how efficient they were.

Shan

—Yes.

Ben

Yeah, that was his big thing he took away.

Shan

He saw them through a workplace lens ‘cause that's what he knows, you know?

Ben

And there's this great moment when they come out of the RANDOM concert. He lets Mika go and hang out with her other friends, because Mika ends up hanging out with Daichi's mom and another older female fan who are having fun talking about their favorite boy group. He ends up reading about RANDOM. 

When he's still hanging around, Mika wasn't expecting him to wait around for her. They're walking home together. They're talking about the band. He's like, he's read some articles. He's read about them. He's talking about the band—

Shan

—He selected a bias!

Ben

He picked a bias! He's like, “I completely understand why you like Seojun. I found that article you mentioned where he told that story. It's a beautiful, touching story. But we were watching them on the stage. Did you notice that the other member noticed when the other guy tripped and he helped cover for him?

[Shan laughs]

“I really appreciate the teamwork and determination he showed in that moment. He really touched me in that moment.” And he had his own bias coming out of the concert! [laughs]

Shan 

And then they’re out there practicing the dance moves! I can't wait for you to get to that episode.

Ben

It's so great because… Like, Daichi says it early and it kind of throws Makoto off. He's like, “I don't have any hobbies.” He's like, “Your family is your hobby. Everything you do is for the benefit of your family. That's what you're most passionate about.” 

And so we get through this whole thing where we learned that Moe is passionate about manga, it’s what she loves it’s what gets her up every day. Mika is passionate about RANDOM. It's what helps motivate her day in and day out. She gets this really great moment where she gets mad at her family for not appreciating the food she's doing, because she wanted to share a recipe that had won a contest with them. Nobody checked the fucking group chat. And everybody was up in their asses about their own shit that night. Nobody congratulated her, said anything nice about her food. And she went the fuck off on them and they all deserve that ass whooping.

We go on this long journey with these characters of understanding who they are and rebuilding their relationships with each other in a way that is so beautiful. This is great.

01:36:49 - Ossan no Pants: Furuike and That Fucking Guy

Ben

There's even in the show where an older version of Makoto shows up, like one of Makoto's seniors who has been displaced from one team because of being rude and sexually harassing women there. I don't think he was touching them inappropriately per se, but just his general demeanor was deeply offensive. 

And so he gets reassigned to their team. Makoto is able to reach through to him in a really great moment where they go and solve a major work problem together the way guys like them used to solve problems. And it's a way in for him to talk about how “That's not how the young people operate now. And your information and the way you operate is good and we should teach them. But also we got to open up to them too." What's so great is, like, Makoto is kind of an idiot. He's not mean-spirited, but he's doing irritating and annoying and harmful things to the people he cares about. 

Daichi's dad is the worst kind of bigot because he is well-read. He has heard all of the arguments. He does understand that his son is suffering, and is willfully choosing to exacerbate that dynamic because he thinks he knows what's best for his son. But it's not really for the benefit of his son. It's about power and control.

One of the things that often frustrates us when we talk about these shows, particularly Shan. Hello, Shan—is these shows often like to rush reconciliations and apologies so that we end with a moment where the whole family’s come back together through the power of love and teamwork or whatever. And Daichi's dad does not get to have that moment. He is excluded from the final triumphant moment of the series because he is too bigoted to let go of his own ego.

Shan

It was a thing of beauty to see a parent who did not deserve to be forgiven unforgiven and excused from the table.

[Ben laughs]

It is everything that I have ever wanted from a drama. I was so fucking happy, because most of the time in these shows, they just insist on pushing toward this unearned redemption that is so unsatisfying. And this show just said no, because you know what? This show has a really clear thesis. And it came through, I think, in a final speech from of all people, Furuike: You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to know everything, but you do have to care about hurting people. And you do have to try to do better. And you do have to be willing to learn and update yourself. 

And what he says in this final speech in the workplace is, “I'm older than all of you. And I have learned that going through life and all of its good and bad can really desensitize you to the things happening around you, to the experiences of others. And if you let yourself become desensitized, you will hurt other people. And if you can just try really hard to not get used to yourself, and to keep learning and to keep trying, you will do better and you will enjoy life more.” And that is really this show's thesis. 

And Daichi's father doesn't do that. He's not open to learning. He doesn't care ultimately that he's harming other people, because he thinks he's right and that's all that matters to him. And so he doesn't get forgiven. And he doesn't get to sit at the fucking family table at the end of the show and play happy families with everybody. He's not invited to the wedding. If he wants back in, he's going to have to try, and he's going to have to care. And he is going to have to put in the effort to update his thinking and make amends with his son and with the people his son loves. Until he does that, he is not welcome and he is not part of the family. 

And I just loved that the show was so firm on this. There is room for redemption for everyone, everyone deserves the chance to do better. But if you don't put in that work, you don't get to sit with us. Period.

Ben

PERIOD!

Shan

PERIOD!

Ben

[laughs] Let me tell you, NiNi, you will lose your mind when you get to this scene. I am still thinking about it. I was screaming to Twig for three hours about this scene because the Okita family is in this very fancy restaurant wearing their jackets and stuff and they start removing their jackets like fucking Care Bears revealing their stomachs and blasting this man with the hearts of everything that they love.

Shan

It was like the family Care Bear stare. Like they all pulled back their shirts and the beams came out of their chest. [laughs]

NiNi

I'm so mad at y 'all for a Care Bear stare. I haven't thought about the Care Bears in at least, at least two decades—

Ben

—30 years? [laughs]

NiNi

I can't stand y 'all ass. I can't stand y 'all ass!

Ben

Kakeru is like, “Yes, I'm wearing women's clothes.” And then Moe was like, “And I love to draw fujo art, fuck you.” And Mika's like—

Shan

—She like pulls back, she's got a t-shirt with like two people kissing on—

Ben

—she's like, “I'm old and I get to like idols too.” And then he looks over at Makoto's like, “At least you're the only normal one.” He's like, “No, I'm not. I’m the most fucking crazy person here. I love my family. I love all of these people. And I was asked to be here as the matchmaker for Daichi. And I'm going to tell you to your face that you are a bigot and an asshole.” 

He asked that man the most important question: “You are correct that the world is harsh, and that it's not going to be nice to our kids. But it doesn't matter if they're queer. They're going to be made to feel awful and bad and weird and wrong for any number of reasons, whether it be Moe loving to draw fujo art, Kakeru wanting to wear the clothes that make him feel better, or Harunishi wanting to wear his b-suke-kun to work every day.” [laughs] 

For any number of reasons these kids are going to be made to feel wrong and unhappy. And that's one of the things the show makes clear. None of the older men in this show are happy at all. Not Makoto, not Daichi's divorced dad, not Furuike when he gets assigned to their team originally, and not multiple colleagues of theirs who get downsized over the course of the show. No one is happy. 

Everyone is being asked to present and conform for the sake of others in the society and everyone is miserable as a result. And the Okita family says, “No, we're going to prioritize our happiness in this family. I'm doing these things as a parent because I love my family and I want them to be happy. I don't want them to suffer for other people and be miserable like you.” And he asked that man directly, “If the whole world is lining up to be cruel to your son, why are you trying to cut to the front of the line to get the first lick in?”

And that man had no answer for that.

Shan

Man, that was so infuriating. This was what was so challenging about fighting him, why Makoto struggled a little bit, and why Daichi really struggled, was that he wasn't an in your face, loud, screaming bigot. He would espouse his bigoted ideas in the most calm, rational matter of fact way. And it would make the other characters second guess themselves. He wasn't talking as if he was being hateful. He was talking as if he was just being the rational one in the room and the rest of them needed to come back to reality. 

That can be very disarming, trying to deal with somebody when they're presenting what they're saying to you as if they're just talking common sense and you're the one who's offbase. I liked that representation of a kind of bigotry that can feel a lot more insidious than the more in your face stuff that we often see depicted in media.

Ben 

I was really happy with it because they showed through Makoto and Furuike that they aren't trying to be mean-spirited when they interact with people these ways. They're just deeply out of touch and deeply misinformed and they were taught poorly. The worst thing about Daichi's asshole of a father is he's the people who teaches people to be like that.

01:45:25 Ossan no Pants: Final Thoughts and Ratings

Ben

What really works with this too is, like, Kakeru can be a real bitch over the course of the show when he gets pissed off with people expecting things from him. But I really like that for all that he doesn't share interests with his father that much, in so many ways he is a lot like his dad and how he handles interactions with people. That was a really well done arc— 

Shan

And him continually recognizing that.

Ben

—that he and he starts to recognize too. Yeah.

Ben

The final scenes of the show are so earned. Makoto is like, “If the world is going to fight my kids, they're going to have to go through me!” 

Shan

Hell yeah!

Ben

—And he's flexing in the mirror. And then the kids are coming through the door of the bathroom, because it's the day of Daichi's wedding. And Moe dunks on him right away. She's like, “You're not going to get buff in three days, Dad. Move. We have things to do today.”

[Ben and Shan laugh]

Kakeru’s like, “Move.” He's like, “Don't look at me like this.” They're like, “Get out of here, Dad.” And he's like, “Oka-san, your children are bullying me!” [laughs]

Shan

It was so nice to see this family that in the beginning was so strained with each other, they would have never joked with him that way when the show started because they had no trust in him and they were tense around him all the time. And to see them come all the way to the other side of getting back to a normal dynamic where they can just make fun of their dad for being a dork. That's such a beautiful way to show that he has rebuilt that trust with his kids. They feel comfortable now to make fun of him when he's standing in front of the mirror in his dorky underwear making macho poses.

Ben

[laughs] We finally get to their wedding and Makoto is given this parental position as Daichi's stand-in father. And of course Makoto is a crying, slobbery mess at this wedding.

Shan

The way that he weeps over this relationship makes me laugh every single time. [laughs] He's just so happy for them. He's so invested.

Ben

The long and short of it is, this is a show that is super empathetic about the way internalized misogyny has done so much damage to all of us. And it wants to gently lead us down the path to learning to reconnect with the things we love and the people we love without feeling the need to enforce arbitrary norms that have only made everyone miserable.

And it earns that repeatedly in every single moment for 11 fantastic episodes.

Shan

Man, what a show.

NiNi

I look forward to watching the next eight.

Shan

I'm so excited for you to finish it, NiNi. You're gonna love it.

Ben

Alright, hot ratings. NiNi, can't rate it yet. Shan, rating.

Shan

I gave the show a 9.5. I love it deeply. I think it is excellent. I think everyone should watch it. My ratings are about execution and I think there were a couple—not really wobbles in the show—but a couple little bits that could have been smoother. There were a couple scenes that didn't quite carry off the PSAs in a way that sounded like natural dialogue.

Ben 

You're going to have to let go of that moment at the end of episode five.

Shan

I can't do it. It's sticking. [Ben and Shan laugh] There's one scene in particular that felt deeply inauthentic in the way a character— 

Ben

—You're so mean!

Shan

—I'm sorry, but it's true. In the way the character reacted to something, instead of reacting in a way that felt authentic for his character, he gave a very after-school special speech, which felt so wrong from a character perspective. It just sticks in my brain. 

And so it's not technically perfect, but it is spiritually perfect. It is emotionally perfect. I love this show so much and I want everyone to watch it. I am in the process of bullying my own family into getting a Plex media server so I can force them to watch it. I just, I think everybody should see this show.

Ben

I'm giving this show an 11.

Shan

Nice. He's just gonna make sure the average pulls it back up to 10. [laughs] Which I am fine with!

NiNi

You see, whenever, whenever Ben does this and he calls producer privilege, I just sit here and I go mm okay. Because he's always on me about it.

Shan

Okay, I see how it is.

NiNi

Okay, have your 11, sir. Have your 11.

Ben

This is one of my favorite shows of all time. We've made a lot of memes on this podcast about my repeated mentioning of What Did You Eat Yesterday? or random diatribes about how New Siwaj could make good work if he wanted to make good work. 

Shan

Oh boy.

Ben

But this is, this was probably one of the most enjoyable experiences I've had with TV itself in a really long time. This was the kind of really homey and welcoming drama that I have really needed to believe in TV as a medium again.

I loved watching the show and I loved talking about this show with our friends the whole way through. This is the kind of drama that I feel determined to show to people

So, it gets a 10 from me, from The Conversation.

I am desperately begging you to go watch it. And then tell us how you feel about it.

01:51:18 - Importance of Variety in Media Consumption

NiNi 

So what are the connection points between these two shows, other than the frame, obviously, which is that these are queer narratives that go outside of and beyond romance? 

Ben

I don't want to be harsh to our listeners who enjoy BL when I say this. Watching both of these shows is a real relief for me, because sometimes BL feels so detached from reality that it can feel kind of alien. I need to get a couple of queer dramas in me a year that are about the queer experience in a grounded way, or else I go insane.

I am really relieved that both of these shows came to us when they came to us. Because I need experiences like this to make BL worth it for me. These are the kinds of projects I only encounter because I'm in the BL space.

Shan 

I think what connects these shows for me is that they both really care about all of the characters involved in the story. They try to tell really full stories about a community or a family that does not just narrow down to one point that's about one person or one relationship. They really try to take a holistic look at the full world around our characters, and how all of them form relationships with each other and how the world around them informs those relationships and puts stressors on them. It's just, like, a really complete immersion in both of these shows into a place and a way of living and a way of being that can sometimes feel missing in some of the other things that we watch and discuss on here. 

It's really refreshing to watch stuff like this sometimes. I think any healthy media diet requires some variety, requires stepping out of the same formula that you are used to in the media that you consume. What really matters to me about these shows in the context of this podcast where we discuss queer works, is that it really takes queer reality very seriously. And it roots its story, both of these shows, in a very close-to-realistic version of what it would mean to hold these identities in the world that we actually live in. When we are often watching shows that are in a bubble that don't deal with those realities, it's important to dip into that every once in a while. 

And, this is not a homework assignment, either of these shows. They're beautiful dramas. They are joyful. They are fun to watch. They are touching. Just because they have heavy themes and because you learn a lot doesn't mean that they're not also incredibly entertaining shows.

NiNi

For me, what I get out of being in this particular space and shows like these. I was calculating today. I am actually in a relationship maybe about once a decade, but I am living in the world all the rest of the time. While romance for me is…not exactly an escape—there are escapist elements to romance for me. I find a lot of fascination in different aspects of romance. I live in the world all of the time. And so getting into shows that are in the world, that are focused on things that I have much more of a day-to-day connection to than romance. Occasionally it's just fun to sit there. It's good and enjoyable and it feels good inside to sit in. You feel a little bit of coming home about it. And that's where I'm sitting with these two shows so far. Every so often I do need to watch something that isn't a romance, and I like when it's good.

These two are really good. 

Ben 

I gotta say that, too. Like, no disrespect to a lot of the work that we talk about on this podcast. We watch a lot of shows that are flawed in one way or another. And it's not for a lack of effort from the people making them. But every now and then, it's really helpful to watch a really, really good show or a really fucking good movie, and be like, damn, that was something else. It can be really inspiring and it can help keep you grounded.

You need to balance your media diet. You have got to not just watch romance. It will overly flavor your taste, and you're not gonna notice when the creators are playing with things outside of romance. You got to...expand your horizons, because the more types of stories you encounter, the more you'll be able to enjoy the stories that you love the most. It's good for you to watch something other than BL.

NiNi 

And with that, that is going to wrap us up on episode one of our fall season. Dun-da-da-dun!

Shan

Wow.

Ben 

I'm really glad we're starting on a high note because BOY was summer rough! Ha ha! Shit!

NiNi

I just want to point out we just at the end of the summer had our 50th episode. So this is our 51st and this is our 8th season. We are rounding out into almost two years of doing this show. We're going to have some thoughts about that as we wind down.

With that, we out. Say bye to the people, Shan.

Shan

Bye, people.

NiNi

Say bye to the people, Ben.

Ben

Peace!

[destieltropecollection]

Destiel Trope Collection 2024 | Day 24: Fluff

Animal | @ididitallofitforyou Rating: General Word Count: 1,014 Main Tags/Warnings: Fluff, Established Relationship, Kid Fic Summary: Cas and the kids stumble over a pet adoption event

The Bliss | @blessyoushondahurley Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1,223 Main Tags/Warnings: established relationship, domestic fluff, halloween Summary: A fluffy domestic day in the life of a happy, settled, married, post-hunter Dean Winchester and family.

Kiss it better | @tami-ryver Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1,332 Main Tags/Warnings: Season/Series 09, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Human Castiel in the Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural), Sick Castiel (Supernatural), Caretaker Dean Winchester, Fluff, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Cuddling Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Takes Care of Castiel Summary: Cas is sleeping soundly, and Dean tries his forehead; it's not as hot as it was before. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and smiles. Cas is indeed in good hands, and Dean is going to make sure he is healthy as soon as possible. Because if there is one thing he doesn't like, it's when the people he loves are in pain. Wait, loves? He loves Cas? Oh. Oh.

Early Morning | @ididitallofitforyou Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 1,378 Main Tags/Warnings: Fluff, Post Canon, Boys Kissing, Established Relationship, Retired Dean and Cas, Baker Dean, Bookstore Owner Cas Summary: When Dean’s alarm goes off, he quickly silences it and groans as he falls back against his pillow. Before he can talk himself out of bed, Cas rolls over and snuggles up against him, head on his shoulder, arm around his waist. Dean leans down to nuzzle Cas’ hair as he slowly rubs his hand across Cas’ back and shoulder. How did he - Dean Winchester, hunter extraordinaire, the guy with nothing but a GED and a give ‘em hell attitude - get so lucky as to end up here? Married to his not-quite-an-angel-anymore, best-friend-turned-love-of-his-life. He’s so goddamned happy he doesn’t know what to do with himself sometimes. Dean huffs an incredulous laugh and shakes his head. He’s got to get moving or he’s going to be late.

loving on island time | @deancaskiss Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2,015 Main Tags/Warnings: Dean Winchester, Castiel (Supernatural), Kissing, Boys Kissing, French Kissing, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Established Relationship, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Married Castiel/Dean Winchester, Anniversary, Day At The Beach, Beaches, Sunsets, Road Trips, POV Castiel (Supernatural), Surprises, Surprise Kissing, Flirting, Castiel/Dean Winchester Flirting, Romance, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Roses, Alcohol Summary: Cas slipped a note into the handle of Dean’s coffee mug, set it on the bedside table, and placed a kiss against Dean’s temple. 'Let’s go on a road trip. I’ll drive.’

Hot & Cold | @macy2me Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2,064 Main Tags/Warnings: Established Relationship, Domestic Fluff, Marriage Proposal, Castiel Proposes Marriage to Dean Winchester, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Human Summary: When Dean accidentally finds out that there is an engagement ring hidden in the house, he plays a game of Hot & Cold with Cas to find it. Short fic created as part of the Love & Winchesters birthday drabble exchange.

Fairy Cake Shop | @verobatto Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 2,546 Main Tags/Warnings: Fantasy, love at first sight, fairy!Dean, human!Cas, modern setting Summary: Dean, Charlie and Benny are unpaid fairies working for Fairyland collecting human's emotions like pearls. To do this work, they run together a cake shop that fullfils human's good wishes. One day Dean meets Castiel, a widower father, and his life changes for ever.

The Starlight | @Velvethopewrites Rating: General Word Count: 3,803 Main Tags/Warnings: Meet-cute, AU, shy!Cas, awkward!Cas, fluff, bartender!Dean, human AU, pre-slash Summary: A cold and rainy night brings two people together.

The Way to a Man's Heart (In a Blizzard) | @thefandomsinhalor Rating: General Word Count: 4,344 Main Tags/Warnings: Neighbors AU, Dean Has a Crush on Castiel, Snowed In, Baker Castiel, Sweet Dean, Happy Ending Summary: Determined to spend the weekend on his own as a snow storm hits the city, Dean may change his mind when a handsome neighbor knocks on his door. Propositioning him with delicious food, no less.

One Way Mirror | @starstiels Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 5,312 Main Tags/Warnings: outsider pov, fluff, didn't know they were dating, protective dean, protective castiel, episode: s12e01, episode: s12e02, cas and dean use their words Summary: When Mary comes back from the dead, she didn't expect her 4-year-old to be 37. She also didn't expect him to be a hunter and married to an angel. AU where deancas are just slightly more openly affectionate and Mary immediately assumes they're married.

The Royally Unexpected Jollification of Two Princes | @thefandomsinhalor Rating: General Word Count: 6,096 Main Tags/Warnings: Royalty AU, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Temporary Meg/Castiel, Helpful Sam Summary: Prince Dean has a lot of feelings to sort out when he hears the unexpected news that best friend Prince Castiel is engaged. Unsure if he’s upset about not having been told the news by his own friend—or perhaps because of another elusive reason—he plans on clarifying the situation. Good thing his friend is set to arrive at the castle on that very afternoon, unaware that an important discussion is awaiting him.

Their Own Personal Eden | @thisisapaige Rating: Teen & Up Word Count: 7,394 Main Tags/Warnings: Canon Divergence After Episode: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Gardener Castiel, Gardener Dean Winchester, Inspired by Draft Script for Episode: s13e06 Tombstone, Language of Flowers, Fix It Summary: Years ago, Dean lost Cas and spread his ashes across a meadow with a windmill, a brook, and a garden. Years later, Dean loses Cas again and returns there to plant flowers in his honour. One day, while Dean lies in the meadow now full of forget-me-nots, a portal opens and Cas returns. With the help of soil, seeds, and the language of flowers— and perhaps a little meadow miracle— Dean and Cas learn how to navigate their relationship in the new, Chuck-free world.

[perfectsunlight]

09 ⸺ BORED

warnings: cheating, mildly suggestive

word count: 2.2k

part of the series: LOGICAL

minatozaki sana fell in love with nakamura kazuha on the first day of summer volleyball practice. 

zuha started was a transfer student from overseas. and she had a single dorm at the time, meaning she wasn’t able to meet any of her teammates until the first day of pre-season training. 

sana never remembered a lot of things in her life, but meeting kazuha would definitely be something she’d never forget.

sana’s ponytail swayed as she practiced her hitting approach against the net. her thoughts were too occupied with the long list of things to get done before the first game of the season. however, she was so far lost in her own thoughts that she stepped incorrectly, causing her to fall backwards.

she quickly felt panic set in, but it was short lived when she collided into a pair of strong arms.

startled, sana blinked up into the face of her savior. to her surprise, it was a face she didn’t recognize.

the other girl laughed softly, looking down at her captain. “are you okay?” she gently smiled as she helped sana stand back up.

sana was mesmerized by the taller girl, taking in her features fully as she nodded. the other girl was definitely japanese, causing her to remember that the team was getting a transfer student this year.

“are you the transfer?” she asked as she quickly dusted herself off and played with the ends of her ponytail. 

her savior nodded with a smile that sana could swore was cursed, that’s why she felt her heart beating out of her chest. she stretched her hand out and locked eyes with the older girl.

“i’m kazuha, nice to meet you.”

and when sana took her hand to shake, she knew there was something special about kazuha. not the kind of special that she sees in others, but rather a type of special that made her want to spend her entire life holding her hand.

“i’m sana.”

as the summer went on and the fall season approached, sana found herself drawn to the other girl’s company both on and off the court. they shared moments after practice, laughing over inside jokes and discussing strategies to outplay their opponents. 

kazuha could be talking about anything in the world, and sana would listen to her forever.

soon enough, their connection had grown stronger. sana's feelings for kazuha had grown into an undeniable attraction. she found herself daydreaming about the younger girl, thinking about her infectious laughter and the way her eyes lit up when she was excited about something. 

to sana, kazuha was everything. 

the lingering scent on sana’s clothes from when the two hugged, the way the younger girl’s head rested on her shoulder when they sat together on the bench, and even the way zuha’s water bottle was always right next to the captain’s all were reminders of the girl she was falling for.

it was obvious to everyone — minatozaki sana was in love. 

her world revolved around the younger girl. morning, noon, and night, all sana could think about was kazuha. it was a natural thought process for her, and she saw the younger girl in everything she did, even outside of volleyball.

zuha didn’t think dating her senior captain was something that was ever even a possibility for her.

there are two types of volleyball players in the world—the amazing and the average. 

sana was above amazing. she was truly outstanding.

she was the type of player people were terrified of, and she didn’t need to be anywhere near the ball to prove it.

sana moved in way that were both mesmerizing and intimidating. her eyes, sharp and focused, scanned the court with a predatory precision that sent shivers down the spines of opponents. even coaches knew they had to truly work for points if sana was present on the court. her reputation as a fierce competitor preceded her. even her leadership style was both assertive and inspiring, turning her into a natural captain. 

teammates respected her, rivals feared her, and coaches marveled at her innate ability to bring out the best in everyone around her. she was the perfect player, and an even more perfect person.

the running joke was that everyone in the university had a crush on sana at one point, but zuha never imagined she would be a statistic of the matter.

kazuha didn’t realize she had fallen in love with her captain until sana knelt down and tied her shoes for her before she stepped onto the court.

zuha had been in a rush that day because she overslept by just 10 minutes. it was actually 30 minutes, but she likes to remember it as only 10. by the time she made it inside the gym, she had almost put her kneepads on inside out because of how fast she was rushing.

coach wendy was already doing roll call, and before she could even take a step further, she saw her captain rush up to her and quickly bend down.

“what are you doing?” the confused girl asked, looking down to make sure she didn’t embarrass herself and actually put her kneepads on inside out.

sana’s eyes flickered up to the younger girl’s from her kneeling position, a small smile on her lips. her fingers quickly tightened the outside hitter’s laces.

"making sure you won’t fall," she replied with a playful glint in her eyes. the older girl rose to her feet without another word after before smiling over her shoulder as she jogged off. 

a gentle flush crossed the younger girl’s cheeks, and in that moment, she knew what had become of her heart.

kazuha didn’t physically fall once that day, but she knew she had fallen for sana. 

how couldn’t she fall for someone so gentle and kind? sana always cared about her, it was the main reason kazuha fell in love with her. 

sana just cared about everything around her in a way that was both healing and helping.

she cared about the players, the team, her schooling, the random cats that roamed the apartments, and even the plants across campus.

kazuha never had someone who cared. it felt different, it felt nice.

dating sana was a dream come true, and the younger girl knew she won the girlfriend lottery. it was easy to fall for someone who cared, and even easier to love them. 

but there was one problem. it wasn’t that zuha didn’t care, it was just that she didn’t care enough.

it started as just an occasional thought and fleeting feeling, but then it grew to be constant. despite the initial thrill and excitement of dating sana, the younger girl started feeling a sense of restlessness. the intensity of their relationship and the routines they had developed began to feel a bit too “normal” for her.

it was unfortunate, but kazuha was getting bored.

she found herself yearning for something different, something more thrilling and unpredictable. but she couldn’t do anything, she knew she couldn’t do that. she was bored, but she still loved sana. she was her girlfriend, and the love of her life, despite the relationship being an absolute drag now.

however, temptation could only be resisted for so long.

it was during dorm move-in day that she first met ahn yujin, a charming and charismatic player from the university’s basketball team. 

the japanese girl needed help moving things in since her girlfriend was out buying things from ikea, but luckily for her, yujin was happy to help her new neighbor from across the hall.

ahn yujin’s infamous reputation was one full of one night stands and a trail of broken hearts, but kazuha didn’t see how someone so charming could be capable of such things. yujin’s magnetic personality and confident demeanor immediately intrigued kazuha. 

as they exchanged playful banter while organizing boxes, kazuha felt a rush of excitement she hadn’t experienced in a while. yujin’s presence was like a breath of fresh air, a stark contrast to the familiarity and routine she had fallen into with sana. 

their casual interactions during that move-in day planted a seed of curiosity in kazuha's mind. 

despite the guilt that occasionally tugged at her conscience, she found herself seeking out yujin's company more often, drawn to the thrill of unpredictability that yujin effortlessly exuded. 

days turned into weeks, and kazuha's interest in yujin continued to grow. she rationalized her feelings, convincing herself that it was just harmless fun, a distraction from the monotony she felt in her relationship with sana. 

yet, as she spent more time with yujin, the lines between innocent curiosity and genuine attraction started to blur.

the encounters became more frequent, evolving from casual hallway chats to private conversations in secluded corners of the university campus. kazuha found herself sharing personal stories and dreams with yujin, feeling a level of excitement she hadn't felt in a long time. 

all the meanwhile, sana remained oblivious to the growing distance between them. 

she still poured her heart and soul into her relationship, unaware of the subtle shifts in kazuha's whereabouts and the cracks forming in their once-strong relationship. 

but kazuha had yet to cross the line. she knew better than to act on such thoughts, and part of her even felt perfectly fine still seeing yujin as somewhat of a crush because it wasn’t like she was acting on those thoughts.

but everything changed the night ygu beat snu in the scrimmage.

it was the night before her six month anniversary with sana, and the thought of it brought no excitement to her. 

nakamura kazuha had a perfect, loving relationship with a girl who treated her like she was the only girl in the world. and yet, she was jumping at the opportunity to throw it all away.

sana wouldn’t be coming back to their dorm until the next morning, which left zuha alone for the entire night.

it was the perfect set-up for the most immoral act. 

she stared at her phone, the messages from sana about tomorrow’s date waiting for her response, yet she couldn't bring herself to reply. the thought of spending the entire day celebrating their anniversary bored her out of her mind. 

sure, she loved sana, but enough to sit through a 14 hour anniversary itinerary? debatable.

and yet yujin, unaware of kazuha's current relationship status, sent a text suggesting they celebrate the win together. 

the thought alone sent a pulse of excitement through her veins.

the japanese girl hesitated for a moment, contemplating the implications of her actions. the rational part of her mind screamed warnings, but the allure of something different clouded her judgment.

with a mix of apprehension and anticipation, she agreed to invite the basketball player to her own dorm. 

the guilt weighed heavily on her as she sprayed on her best perfume and moved her girlfriend’s things into nearby drawers, each moment feeling like a betrayal to sana.

she couldn't deny the excitement tinged with guilt that coursed through her veins. the clock seemed to tick slower as she prepared for what she knew was a grave mistake.

but part of her felt excited. this was the most excitement she has had in weeks.

when the basketball player finally arrived with a gentle smile on her lips, kazuha felt butterflies in her stomach. they were nothing like the butterflies she got when she looked at her girlfriend. 

these felt better. 

she didn’t waste another moment, grabbing the taller girl by the collar and pulling her in for a kiss after shutting the door behind her.

“not even a hello?” yujin mumbled against the japanese girl’s lips, her smile growing as she felt the volleyball player pulling her team-issued sweater off of her. kazuha's pulse quickened at yujin's playful response. the rush of adrenaline coursed through her veins, drowning out any lingering traces of guilt. 

“stop talking.” the shorter girl husked, already feeling the heat flowing through her body. with an impulsive fervor she hadn’t felt in a long time, she leaned in closer, deepening the kiss with a hunger that surprised even herself.

she couldn’t even remember the last time she kissed sana like that. 

yujin understood immediately and quickly picked up the other girl by the waist and carried her to the bedroom, unaware of the evidence of zuha and sana’s relationship scattered across the apartment. an engraved jewlerybox, a hand-print painting, and a framed photo of the two girls on their first date were all passed by without a first or even  second glace.

kazuha also didn't spare a glance at the photo on the dresser, or even forgetting that she was wearing sana’s hoodie just moments before yujin threw it across the room. it didn’t matter, her focus was fixed entirely on the way the basketball player’s lips felt on her neck. 

with swift movement, yujin gently placed zuha onto the bed, eager hands explored each other with an urgency. yujin was used to moments like this. but for kazuha, this was something entirely new. 

sana was her first everything. her first kiss, her first girlfriend, even her first time. maybe that’s why she didn’t feel too bad about it. sana had her frst, so there was no need for her girlfriend to feel second. for a moment, kazuha saw a glimpse of her girlfriend’s face in her mind. it did make her heart ache a little, but only because sana didn’t deserve this. 

however, kazuha didn’t care. her mind was made up.

because for something that was so wrong and immoral, it couldn’t have felt better at that moment. 

TAGLIST ⸺ ✭ @silantryoo @rosiehrs @niniwhiskers @cwpiqwon @jisooftme @1luvkarina @scarfac3 @santasbitch @lisas-earlobe @wallfl9wer @aerihiltonn @unforgivenangel @uzumakioden @skydreamed @haerinfangs @la-douleur-ne-finit-jamais @haerinkisser @giginings @lilsvx @milanlaia @pandafuriosa60 @wifey-badalee @slowlyturninggay291 @dreamingst99 @7daysronnie @thefckghost @drawing-into-the-night @xszn

CLOSED.

[fewwawihater]

wait whats the tea w kimi and paul aron

in short you can skip over to 2024-03, but i wanted to put together a rough timeline for those interested (≈3 people on here lmao):

2017: kimi antonelli (11) was scouted by the mercedesf1 junior team (mjt) and introduced to toto wolff

2018: paul aron (14) won the CIK-FIA OK Junior Karting European Championship and was officially signed into mjt. so was kimi, who won several WSK titles and was offered a one-year sponsorship

2019: paul stepped up to a full season of italian f4 with prema but finished 3rd behind hauger and his prema teammate, and 7th in ADAC f4. kimi won more karting titles with the rosberg racing academy, so merc offered him a 10-year contract and he got full sponsorship for the 2020 season

2020: mjt decided to move paul up the feeder series ladder anyways, and he finished 11th in the renault eurocup (the old freca). kimi won the CIK OK european title but fractured his leg and arm in the world final

2021: paul finished 3rd in freca. kimi was recovering from his injury so he only did three italian f4 races with prema

2022: mjt put paul through another year of freca in which he finished 3rd behind his prema teammate, but let him compete in formula regional asian as well in which he finished 8th. i get that, at this point paul was probably already thinking he should be sent to f3 instead. and he was not too happy with repeating the 3rd. so at prema's year end party (or maybe in the 2023 one i cant remember) he said something like i wish the team championship trophy is my driver championship trophy instead. last year i was consistent but didnt have as many wins as my temmates, so this year i got the most wins, but still dino got the title (because the team fumbled some of my races)

kimi won both the f4 adac and f4 italian titles. broke his wrist in the fia motorsports games qualifying, won the final, but missed the winter test

and because paul and kimi were the only mercedes juniors in the team they filmed quite a lot of cute content together as a duo (the hatewatch was getting too serios i almost forgot about all the prema media💀) pretty sure their trainers knew each other too.

2023: everybody thought kimi would move up to f3 but he was sent to formula regionals. won both the freca and frmec titles thereby earning enough f1 super license points. paul got 3rd in f3 behind his prema teammate again (i swear all this man ever did was finished third). he considered himself worthy of the merc-sponsored f2 seat because the top 6 in that year's championship all moved up

2023-09: merc announced that kimi would be moving up to f2 with prema and the other seat was already taken by ollie

2023-10: kimi already won his freca title but with a last lap overtake in the last race he won the title for the team as well. paul was also there because his brother ralf aron, who's a team manager at prema, was racing GT the same weekend. he went to greet kimi before the race start

all of the above was honestly just to show why paul thought he should move up and why merc wasn't so sure about that. i am assuming paul felt robbed regarding the f2 situation, and he did the logical thing to deviate from mjt's plan for him by doing the final 2024 f2 race with trident. i am not sure when exactly he left but the announcement came out late in november that he would no longer be a merc junior driver. he subsequently signed with hitech f2 (team principle oli oakes). he liked some tweets saying prema and mjt failed him. should have promoted him instead

2023 post-season: kimi left a final like on paul's ig? they might have talked to each other at the award ceremony. some fans asked paul to sign a merc shirt to which he said you know i hate those guys

2024 pre-season: lewis's ferrari move. toto wolff couldnt keep his mouth shut so kimi was put under immense pressure as the to-be 'lewis hamilton replacement'. media cooked up rumors about kimi going to williams. prema flopped. so people started to call toto crazy and kimi antonelli the wonderkid a big joke

2024-03: bahrain: ollie in a ferrari. australia: kimi qualified p2, reverse grid for sprint and moved up to p4, spun on his own. vershoor took avoidant action and also spun. vershoor clipped paul's front wing. paul was beyond frustrated after the race, and said on socials that he really disagreed with the action of some driver. went on twitter to like more hate posts against kimi. said to his fans in his ig subscriber groupchat that he would have won the race if not for kimi antonelli doing his wonderkid thing. feature race, almost pushed kimi sideway to the wall. kimi avoided it so fia investigated but said no further action. kimi finished p4 in the feature race but paul was on the podium.

before the summer break: hitech was doing good and paul got more p2/p3s, leading the championship. at imola where colapinto overtook him rather agressively on the last straight he was so pissed off that he just walked off the podium after getting the trophy, so no champange no group photo whatsoever. then throughout the first half of the f2 season the narrative was just mercedes sacked the wrong driver. give paul an f1 seat. more false rumors on kimi replacing logan sargeant. people saying kimi's an even bigger joke. kimi should be in f3 intead. kimi's gonna be the next logan sargeant. stuff like that. kimi got his first wins in f2 before paul. some weekends with scarcely any points

after the summer break: oli oakes moved up to alpine. hitech began to flop. kimi turned 18, debut, spun, contract announced and some fans didnt really need him to turn 18 to start their hatewatching anyway. turned out colapinto would replace logan. i think paul might have liked one or two posts in between but definitely not the announcement itself. no interactions from kimi.

2024-11: they were at the qatar fanzone, sitting like

host ollie kimi paul jak isack. (fun stuff: paul and jak are best friends with ollie because they've more or less always raced in the same categories with prema growing up. as for kimi you can go to anybody's bearnelli tag for this just not mine) basically ollie moved his chair towards kimi so they began to sit like

host olliekimi paul jak isack.

paul was doing a collab with parcferme (a feeder series media account that took a lot of the f2 driver photos) so he got a couple merch he wanna throw to the fans to advertise. but the host was just talking to ollie and kimi. paul: there are three other drivers on the stage let us talk too

2024-12: very dark month for kimi and me i am not gonna elaborate... paul finished 3rd in the championship (AGAIN) and got announced as the alpine reserve (not surprised considering his connection to oli). turned out he might have a shot at f1 afterall but then alpine signed colapinto lol

paul seemed to be liking kimi's posts idk man but you can go through the aronelli tag (it's very disorganized you've been warned)

[ms-m-astrologer]

2025 Pisces New Moon

Friday, February 28, 00:45 UTC, 9°41’ Pisces

Chart erected for Washington, DC

The usual key phrase for the New lunar phase is “set a new intention for the month” - nothing drastic, just one good habit you think you can establish in one month’s time.

But this chart isn’t the best chart for that. The sole major aspect to a “traditional” planet is a square to Jupiter/Gemini - too many ideas, too many possibilities, too much fog and too much distraction. We’re talking maybe four different directions here. (Two Pisces fish plus two Gemini twins.)

There is a sextile to Pholus the Centaur, in Capricorn, but unless your natal Pholus is prominent you aren’t likely to be able to call upon that. (If you are attuned to Pholus, look for creative opportunities for growth and transformation, amidst the chaos and confusion.)

There is also the fact that Eclipse Season begins next week, on Tuesday, March 4. This is a horrible time to start things, especially if you care about the outcome.

My advice is to just sit back and observe, as detachedly as possible, all the various options and potentials wafting around - and trust The Universe to sort through them and filter them out.

There’s an Opportunity Period during the Moon’s transit through Pisces: from 23:32 UTC on Friday, February 28, to 09:52 UTC on Saturday, March 1. “Have fun, see old friends, and expand your mind.” Really nice for relaxation, too.

Then the Moon enters Aries on March 1, and it gets more intense: Mercury enters its pre-retrograde shadow, Venus makes her retrograde station; and we have to contend with a very long void Moon, lasting from 13:52 UTC on Sunday the 2nd, until 10:37 UTC on Monday the 3rd. Have a good physical outlet for the stress.

=+*+=+*+=

Just wanted to add - a few hours before this is scheduled to post - maybe one thing we could try is to set the intention to cultivate the more positive Piscean traits? Especially if it’s a trait we aren’t very good at. (Yours truly, for example, has a very difficult time “letting go and letting God/dess.”) Jupiter square the New Moon (or anything else, really) is going to exaggerate the trait, so why not pick a trait you need and go for it?

[moxiebrown]

Moxie’s Smosh 2025 predictions, spurred by Anthony saying 2024 was a transition year for the company and they have big plans for 2025–their 20th anniversary!

Bonus: new branding and new merch across the channels (basically a gimme since it was mentioned in Spencer’s ISADW).

10.) BitCity comes back for a second season, retooled

09.) Anthony’s channel gets a substantial rebrand, with additional hosts and shows

08.) Trevor becomes a recurring host on Anthony’s channel

07.) Multiple livestream shows, including an anniversary special event

06.) LWS ends or gets substantially reformatted so it feels like a new show

05.) No new cast members join, but one older cast member leaves or fades away

04.) Smosh Main or Smosh Mouth get a dedicated director

03.) At least one new show or format is added to Pit and Games

02.) Ian will appear in a lot more videos, getting similar airtime to pre-vacation levels

01.) Sketches return in some way (lol this will never happen but a girl can dream)

[puckpocketed]

22/09/2024 - OTT @ TOR

carter yakemchuk debuts for the ottawa senators in preseason - a collection of comments.

"The only criticism I had on Yakemchuk that has persisted all season is that he is responsible for a lot of puck losses while attempting plays. Strangely, it’s not that Yakemchuk doesn’t have good hands. This was also mentioned previously when talking about his ability to change his shooting angles and to set-up plays for his teammates. The problem is that he thinks his hands are much better than they actually are." "This season, he tried to beat an opponent 1-on-1 five times more often than Artyom Levshunov, and twice as often as Zayne Parekh — the other hyper-offensive defenseman in this draft. The only players I could find that had a similar dangles-per-60 stat were all forwards." "Many think Yakemchuk’s pure skill and size will ensure he becomes a serviceable NHLer. But until he can establish better defensive reads and add more speed and mobility into his step, he’ll need to do a bit more to take his game up a notch." “He’s boom-bust,” another scout said. “If he plays to his strengths, he’s going to be a game-changer. But he’s not going to have the same time and space to dangle guys in the NHL, and if that goes away, all he has is size. The other elements need refining.”"

“It’s overtime at Scotiabank Arena and 2024 first-rounder Carter Yakemchuk is on the ice in his first ever pre-season game. First thing Yakemchuk does is slip past 69-goal man Auston Matthews behind Ottawa’s net. Gathering speed, he races up the ice, dangles through Jake McCabe, and then pushes past Mitch Marner and finishes off the game by undressing former Senators goaltender Matt Murray with a neat backhand move. Welcome to the NHL and the highlight reel, kid.”

[1arkspur-aconitum]

CHECKMATE (s.r.)

IN WHICH: Spencer bites off more than he can chew when he and Juniper sit down to play their first game of chess.

PAIRING: Season 3 Spencer Reid/Fem!BAU!OC

CATEGORY: fluff

CONTENT: pre-relationship flirting, teasing, suggestive language (they discuss strip-chess)

WORD COUNT: 3k

PUBLISHED: 28/09/24

‘I give up!’ Emily says from the back of the jet. It’s the first sound louder than a hushed whisper in the past few hours, and it echoes jarringly around the cramped space. ‘I don’t even know why I bother.’

I look up from my book–The Poppy War by R.F.Kuang–and blink a couple times in the fluorescent light. Dragged from my fantasy world, I realise my shoulder is sore. I guess that’s what you get for sitting smushed up against the plane window. Wincing, I watch as Emily clambers to her feet and tosses down her hand of cards. Even from this distance, I can tell she’s been losing–and losing bad. That’s always a sore spot with Emily.

The journey back from Wyoming is a good six hours, and the past three of them have been filled with almost-silence. Derek is spread out across the bench in front of me, headphones on, arm slung over his eyes to block out the brightness. Hotch and Rossi are exchanging quiet war stories in the seats closest to the bar. JJ is asleep, a forgotten martini balanced precariously on the edge of her table.

‘Aw, come on, Emily.’ Spencer wheedles, pulling a horde of peanut butter cups towards him with a sly grin. ‘I wasn’t hustling you that badly.’

‘I don’t even want to look at you right now.’ Emily says, shaking her head and stalking down the aisle. ‘Find someone else to swindle.’

‘But we were having fun.’ I can practically hear the shit-eating grin on his face. ‘Come on, I’ll go easy on you.’

‘I don’t think she wants to, Reid.’ I say, sticking my bookmark into place and stretching as I stand. Emily gives me a wry look as if to say ‘understatement of the year’, but I just quirk an eyebrow. I scootch my way out of the booth I’m in and glance down the fuselage to the good Doctor. ‘Hard luck.’

He’s busy wedging his hard-earned winnings into his pockets, but he spares enough time to give me a little pout, his bottom lip thrusting forward. His not-quite-long hair is tucked behind his ears, the ends of it curling up towards the sky. My chest tightens. There’s something so endearing about him that I have to look away.

‘Hey, Hops, why don’t you play a game with him?’ Emily suggests as I reach the bar, bumping her shoulder with mine. She’s in the middle of mixing herself what looks like a relatively complicated cocktail for 7pm in the evening. There’s even a small bowl of olives at her elbow. ‘You might actually be able to give him some competition.

‘I am not allowed to play poker.’ I say, pouring myself a small gin and tonic.

‘What do you mean, ‘not allowed to play poker’?’ Hotch says from my left, giving me his patented disapproving expression. Rossi is leaning back, beer in hand, a bemused smile on his face. My wince is not missed by either of them.

‘I mean exactly that.’ I grimace, swilling my drink and eyeing my new boss nervously. ‘My mother said that if I ever played a hand of poker again, she would cut off my pinky fingers, and she’s not lying–a scary woman, my mother.’

‘We don’t have to play poker.’ Spencer suggests, twisting his hands on top of the table. It’s not an anxious gesture, not like how it would be normally. It simply seems self soothing. A tick, or stim. His brown eyes sparkle. ‘We could play blackjack, or Go, and I’m pretty sure there’s a chess set here somewhere we could–’

‘I’ll play a game of chess.’ I suggest, starting to make my way down the aisle towards him. I take a sip of my drink to prepare myself for the next lie. ‘I’m not very good, but I’ll give it a go.’

‘Oo, are you sure?’ Emily says with a hiss, the sound of an olive plopping into her drink surprisingly satisfying. ‘He’s really good.’

Spencer’s neck flushes as he clambers to his feet, as graceful as a newborn giraffe. He can’t meet my gaze as he brushes crumbs off of his brown sweater vest. The fluorescent lighting casts deep shadows underneath the sharp cut of his cheekbones, plush lips parted in…shame? Concentration? Pride? He rubs the back of his neck as he reaches for the overhead compartment where we keep the board games.

‘It appears Dr. Reid is really good at everything, so I can’t exactly win, can I?’ I turn around to look at my friend, unable to watch as Spencer’s shirt rises just enough to expose a slit of skin across his hip.

‘At least you’re aware of your future.’ Emily chuckles to herself, but when she sees the slightly coy expression on my face, she understands. The corners of her lips jerk upwards for a split second before any trace of joy vanishes. She truly is an excellent actress. ‘I wouldn’t want to be you.’

‘It’s alright, I consign myself to my terrible fate.’ I sigh, plopping myself down in the space that Emily had just vacated. ‘Good afternoon, Dr. Reid. Please go easy on me.’

‘I’m surprised that you’re not very good at chess.’ Spencer is busy setting up the chessboard, elegant fingers deftly putting the pieces in place. After each is set down, he twists it so it’s facing the opposite line of warriors. He’s given me white. His sleeves are rolled back slightly, and I trace a thick vein with my eye over the rim of my glass. ‘Studies show that it boosts cognitive function and creativity, and is proven to exercise both sides of the brain–someone like yourself would probably benefit from all of those things.’

‘Someone like myself?’ I prop my elbows up onto the table, peering down as he finishes setting up the board. ‘What’s that meant to mean?’

‘What? No–no, I mean, chess–you have a doctorate, and you’re a polyglot, I mean, it seems like the intellectually stimulating game you might enjoy.’ Spencer’s neck turns red again, and he makes a conscious effort not to meet my amused gaze.

‘Hmm. No, see, I tend to find other things intellectually stimulating.’ I say, dropping my voice into a low, teasing purr. Spencer goes even redder, and swallows hard. Deciding to spare the boy, I continue. ‘I don’t know, it just wasn’t something I played a lot of.’

‘But you understand the basics?’

‘Yes, I understand the basics.’ I murmur with a scowl, taking another sip of my drink. I fold my legs underneath the table and eye him apprehensively. ‘You’re not gonna go easy on me at all, are you?’

‘Well…no. No, I’m not.’

‘The game will be over in mere seconds, then–what’s the fastest you’ve ever won a chess game?’

‘One minute and thirty four seconds.’ Spencer answers immediately, setting down his final black knight. ‘Though, the quickest game ever recorded between Masters was actually only four moves in 1968, where Lazard beat Gibaud in Paris. It was actually pretty cool, though there have been casual games that have only been a couple of moves each.’

‘Well, maybe you’ll have a chance to beat your time today.’ I sigh, taking another swig of my drink before inspecting the chess board. The palms of my hands are clammy, and I wonder if that’s because of the game or the man sitting opposite me.

‘I’m sure you won’t be that bad.’ Spencer reassures, but anyone would be able to catch the glimmer of teasing pleasure in his eye–as a profiler, it practically blinds me. ‘At least we’re not betting anything.’

‘Maybe I would bet my clothes,’ I say, picking up a pawn and moving it forward. The piece thuds satisfyingly on the wooden board. Spencer’s Adam’s apple bobs. ‘Perhaps you being distracted would give me an edge.’

‘I don’t think strip chess is a thing.’ He says, swiftly pushing a piece into play milliseconds after my fingers have left mine. Spencer can’t look at me, staring down at the checkerboard between us.

‘Oh, sweetheart,’ I pick up the knight and move it into place, trying to seem a little more nervous than I actually am. ‘Anything can be made into a stripping game if you try hard enough.’

‘I don’t know if you could make Go a stripping game.’

‘Oh, sure–every time a piece gets captured, you take off an item of clothing.’ I grin up at him, admiring the focus he has as he pushes another pawn out of the main file. ‘Same goes for chess, except the more important the piece, the more important the item of clothing.’

‘Surely that would mean you’d have to take off a sock or something now.’ Spencer’s voice is tight as he takes one of my pawns, deftly handling the pieces. I nod at him, already moving my bishop out into the centre of the board. ‘You’re quite confident for someone who doesn’t know how to play chess…’

‘I never said I didn’t know how to play it.’ I retort, trying my best to remain impassive as he scrutinises my face. Eyes wide, mouth slightly parted, I swear he can hear the pounding of my heart. ‘I just said I wasn’t very good. And if I know I’m going to lose anyway, I may as well give it my all.’

‘Brave of you.’

‘Why, thank you.’ I scoff, leaning back in my seat and observing him more than the board. I swear it should be illegal to be that pretty–so structured, so in balance, even when his nose crinkles slightly as he thinks over his moves. He rubs his fingers absentmindedly down the sharpness of his jaw as he does so. I clench my thighs together.

Spencer scrutinises the board once more, and starts to play a little more aggressively. He’s clearly very well educated when it comes to chess, that much is certain, and moves pieces with a confidence I very rarely get to see in him. Truth be told, it’s actually very sexy. This is going to be dangerous.

‘It’s your move.’ His voice is taught, and when I look back down at the board, both of our pieces are equally distributed in a tense match. Spencer is leaning forward with his elbows on the table and a stray strand of hair flops into his face. I resist the urge to push it behind his ear.

I’ve managed to create a nice couple of protected squares around my king, figuring that if Spencer is as good as expected, the best offence is a good defence. Somehow I succeeded in making this look accidental, having given away a few unimportant pieces at the start, but now the net has been cast and I need to bait Spencer into it.

‘You’re surprisingly aggressive, Dr. Reid.’ I murmur, low enough that he’s the only one who can hear. My eyes are locked onto his, so I do not miss when he glances at me. His cheeks colour and he looks away. ‘Is this what a typical chess game with you is like?’

‘I don’t think I particularly have a ‘standard’ type of playing–I mean, yes, statistically, I play more aggressively in the middle parts of games, but it’s not so much of an increase that it should be considered a, a pattern or something.’

‘I kinda like this side of you.’ I say, sliding my rook into position. Go on. Take the bait. ‘It’s…interesting. Makes me wonder how much more there is to you, Spencer.’

‘There–there isn’t much…’ Spencer chokes a little, but does not end up taking the bait. Instead, he moves a rook into a better file. ‘I’m not much more than what you see.’

‘I seriously doubt that.’ I say, quickly taking a spare bishop with my own rook, popping the piece on my side of the board. Spencer leans back in his seat, but his eyes flicker to me once more. I take a drink, and gesture. ‘Perhaps we should play Go next. Really dig around in that big brain of yours.’

‘Why are you not allowed to play poker?’ Spencer deflects, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth in a move that sends me reaching for my drink again.

‘I may or may not have started up a gambling society at the place my mum lives, and it may or may not have been the reason that we no longer have the first edition of a Margaret Atwood.’

‘You gambled a first edition Margaret Atwood?’ Spencer’s yelp is loud enough to draw the disapproving glances of Hotch and Rossi. He bobs an apology nod towards them before fixing an accusatory glare at me. ‘Dr. Juniper Bishop, how could you?’

‘I’m not proud of it.’ I sigh, wincing a little at the use of my full name. ‘In my defence, I had every intention of winning it back, and I would have if my mum hadn’t intervened.’

‘I can understand why you’re not allowed to play poker anymore.’ Spencer chuckles and absentmindedly makes a move I can tell he instantly regrets. His posture stiffens, and the glance he sends my way is anything but casual.

‘I’m allowed to deal poker, I just can’t play it.’ I lean forwards, running a hand through my hair and making a show of inspecting the board. The cold air from the fans above us brush across my bare shoulders and chest, pebbling the skin into a run of goosebumps. ‘Oh, and the same goes for Uno.’

Spencer doesn’t reply. Curious.

When I spare a glance from where I’m fiddling with the edge of the board, I can see why. Spencer is looking about five or six inches below my chin. The top I’m wearing is tight in the right places, accentuating the swell of my breasts. From where Spencer is sitting, he has the perfect view of my cleavage. His mouth is agape. I twist my smirk in an effort to hide it, using my free hand to rub my collarbone before trailing it down to press on my sternum. His eyes follow.

‘You should probably focus on the game, Spence.’

‘R–Right. Yes.’ He blinks a couple of times, as if waking up from a daydream. As usual, his cheeks flush, and he can’t look me in the eye. ‘Sorry.’

‘It’s alright.’ I keep my tone even as I take the piece he misplaced, and the threads of his offensive strategy start to unravel. ‘It is easy to get distracted sometimes, huh.’

I can’t help but feel a little bad as the nettings of my trap tighten around him. His constructed offence starts to deconstruct before his very eyes. I don’t feel guilty because I’m winning, I feel guilty because I lied to get there–truth be told, I’m not that good at chess, but I do have a better understanding of it than most. My brother, Ash, and I would play a lot when we were children, and I enjoy the methodical nature of it. The considerate way you have to play. Plus, I do kind of want to beat Spencer at a game once.

‘Alright there, Mister Genius?’ I try (and fail) to keep the laughter out of my voice.

To his credit, it has been a close game, but a few mistakes on both our parts has lengthened it out. He’s down to a few key pieces, where I have a little bit more canon fodder to do damage with. Spencer’s slumped in his seat with a hand over his mouth. I can practically hear the cogs turning in his brain. His beautiful brown eyes are narrowed.

‘Yeah…yeah. It’s just…interesting.’ He says from behind his fingers. He moves a piece, and I can’t help the small smile appear when I spot what I can do next. Unfortunately for me, Spencer clocks it. ‘What do you see?’

‘Check in two.’

‘What?’

‘Oh, wait–checkmate.’ I slide my queen across the board, effectively trapping his king in a corner. That move was accidental, and if he hadn't asked me what I saw, I wouldn’t have seen it at all. Knowing Spencer, if he hadn't asked, the game would have dragged on for a while. Spencer fixes a wide, suspicious look on me. ‘Something wrong, Dr. Reid?’

‘I–uh, well…I didn’t expect to lose.’ He admits, showing me the palms of his hands. Spencer slumps back into his seat and drags his hand through his hair. I bite my lip to resist the urge to grin even more. ‘Well played, Dr. Bishop, well played.’

‘You didn’t expect to lose against me?’

‘I have a feeling you know more about chess than you’re willing to let on.’

‘A lady never reveals her secrets.’ I wink at him, picking up the elegantly carved bishop and twiddling it between my fingers. ‘Does make sense though, I am effectively named after one of the pieces.’

‘Did you swindle me?’

‘Did you go easy on me?’ I know the answer to the question already–he definitely did. There’s no way that was him playing at full capacity. Not this fucking genius, who knows way too much information for his own good, who could probably (most definitely) recite to me the final matches in all of the Grandmaster chess games.

‘Maybe.’

‘Then I’ll say the same to you: maybe I swindled you. Embellished the truth, perhaps.’

‘So you admit to cheating?’ Spencer says, a sly grin spreading across his face. He straightens up in his seat and rests his chin on steepled fingers. ‘I knew it.’

‘I didn’t cheat, per say. All the moves were legal.’ I scoff, rolling my eyes playfully. I copy his motion, mirroring him as I set my own chin on my hands. ‘Just a little…misdirection, if you will.’

‘Well, I suppose that’s fair.’ Spencer concedes, corner of his mouth twitching upwards. Underneath the table, my foot brushes his. ‘You are a profiler after all. It is in your nature to deceive.’

‘And you’re a genius,’ I counter, cocking my head. ‘It’s in your nature to overthink.’

‘Touché.’ Spencer chuckles, a low rumbling sound that I swear could reverberate through me. ‘So…what now?’

‘Huh?’ I blink, breaking the pose to take a sip of my drink. It burns deliciously on the way down. I don’t miss how Spencer’s eyes linger on my lips. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, I lost the game.’ Spencer leans backwards again, fingers going to his tie. He loosens it in a motion that makes my mouth water. There’s a hard to read expression on his face, one that leaves me unbalanced–or maybe that’s the gin. ‘Traditionally, losers of games have to do something, like a forfeit or challenge.’

‘How about a rematch, Reid?’

‘A rematch?’ Spencer repeats, raising an eyebrow curiously. ‘Are you sure?’

‘What can I say?’ I murmur, licking my lips as I spin the board around. ‘I’m feeling lucky.’

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! MORE SPENCER REID FICS ON THE WAY.

[el-cabroncito]

I was curious so i'm doing a deep dive on Marc's career the beginning of his world championship career to 2019 (I would do it to now but I'm going to make his post 2020 injury career as it's own series cause it feels like a different chapter in his career and I also think i'll need a bit more time to do that one cause it'll be more challenging to research and read all the articles about what Marc went through at that time. I'll also probably do a seperate post about his career before the world championships, so the spanish championship and i'll see if i can find anything on his enduro and motocross years) I think I'm going to make this multiple posts due to the photo limits as i want to include pictures of what i'm talking about (it will probably be 2008/09 together and then each season after that will be its own thing and maybe even multiple posts for each year as i want to do a deepdive into each race.)

The Deep Dive into Marc Marquez career - statistics, podiums, wins, injuries and world championships (Part 1)

125cc Career (Part 1)

2008

Marc joined the world championship in 2008 at the age of 15 racing for the Red Bull KTM team, he had to withdraw from the first 2 races of the season due to a right arm fracture that he sustained during the pre season also during a TNT interview from 2014 with Marc where Gavin Emmett is a guest host he says Marc showed up to the paddock for the first time and had two broken ankles. His first race was in Portugal where he came 18th. He scored his first every world championship points at the next race in China finishing 12th. In his 6th race he got his first podium, making him at the time the youngest person to get on a podium in the world championship. In the remaining 7 of 9 races of that season Marc DNF'd 3 times and finished in the points 4 times. He had to withdraw from the final 2 races of the season due to an injury caused by a crash in practice at Sepang (It's a cursed track I swear). This accident caused both his legs to be trapped between the back wheel of his bike and the swingarm, this resulted in a dislocation of the cartilage of his right tibia, he had to go back to Spain for surgery. Despite 4 withdrawals, 4 DNF's and 2 non point scoring races Marc finished 13th in the standings with 63 points.

2009

In his second year in the 125 class Marc started the season off in Qatar with a DNF, it was then onto Japan were he finished 5th, he then got his second career podium at the Jerez GP. Marc DNF'd 4 times in 2009 (one of them being Germany, that didn't happen again until 2023 were he DNS), he had 2 non points scoring races. His highest non podium finish was 4th and his lowest was 17th. He also became the youngest pole sitter in the class at the age of 16 years and 68 days. Marc finished this year in 8th with 94 points.

[bsdworldbuilding]

Pitch #09

Characters/Ships: Atsushi Nakajima/Lucy Maud Montgomery

BSD Universe: Pre-canon to the series, Character Backstories

Summary: Set in the past before they joined their respective organizations, a new kid transfers to Lucy's orphanage, who turns out to be Atsushi. These two bond and form a friendship together, unfortunately due to the mistreatment given to both of them being labeled "freaks". In the end however, due to Atsushi being unable to control his ability, he is once more kicked out of the orphanage and transferred elsewhere, not even giving a chance for Lucy to say goodbye.

Additionally, due to them being close, Lucy shares a secret about her ability to Atsushi. Potentially could turn into angst where Atsushi gets scared of Lucy's ability (possibly due to seeing Anne) without meaning to hurt her (but she does). Before they could reconcile, Atsushi is then kicked out. To make it aligned with canon, they never shared their names / they forgot about each other, so when they meet when they are older (canon season 1 episode 12) they don't recognize each other.

...And if this and other pitches interest you and you're an artist, we'd love to have you in our BSD worldbuilding minibang! Here is the sign up form to participate!

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[estebunny]

esteban ocon in 2024 season part 5/?

2024-02-21 Bahrain Pre-season Testing

2024-03-02 Bahrain GP

2024-03-09 Saudi Arabian GP

2024-03-24 Australian GP