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succubusphan · 4 years ago

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Soft Speak with a Mean Streak

Summary: Phil was a lonely film student; Dan was a mysterious new classmate he got stuck in with for a big project. It was only a matter of time and the right circumstances.

Rating: G

Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, Roadtrip, Friends to Lovers Mentions of bullying, Mentions of homophobia, getting together, happy ending.

Word Count: 6k

A/n: This was written for the @phandomreversebang face the music edition, for the prompt and art created by @microoowave (thank you for working with me, Charlie!) and inspired by the song Cigarette daydream by cage the elephant . Especial thank for to my wonderful beta @ilikestopwatches.

Read on ao3 | [Art Link]

“Um, hi, sorry,” he said, putting on his best smile. “Is that seat taken?”

“No, why?” asked one of the guys.

Phil froze for a moment, his mouth moving but no noise coming out.

“Shut up Andrew!” A brunette girl elbowed him. “You can sit with us. I’m Viri,” she said with a smile before one of her friends pulled the purple beanie she was wearing over her eyes.

The hat covered her face down to her lips but the tiny knitted ears on it still managed to look cute. “Hi, Viri! I’m Phil,” he waved. “Thank you.”

Phil shimmied between the rows of seats and finally settled in his spot. The other people in the group introduced themselves, Andrew patted his shoulder and let Phil know that he was only joking, Ellis mumbled a shy hello behind their green fringe and Keith gave him a bro fist. He said a quick hello to them all and got his notebook and pen out of his backpack as the lecture was about to start.

The professor handed out the plan for the rest of the term and went about setting up his equipment. The door swung open and a guy rushed in, shifting from foot to foot as he eyed the room in search for a seat. Phil’s mouth hung open for a moment; he couldn’t look away from the guy in a Muse T-shirt, skinny jeans and a haircut quite similar to his.

“What’s your name?” The professor’s voice startled Phil.

“Um, Dan Howell.”

“Well, sit down already. I’m about to assign you your midterm project.” His tone was joking in a bit of a strict way.

He looked around and Phil waved his hand but he didn’t manage to get the guy's attention. Viri said something to Dan and pointed in Phil’s direction.

Dan looked at him and shrugged, before struggling to get to the free seat, mumbling “I’m sorry” and “Excuse me” repeatedly.

Dan sat down with a huff and rushed to get his things out of his bag.

“Hi, I’m Phil!”

“Uh, Dan. Hi.” He gave Phil a pained smile before continuing.

“And I’m Professor Wilkins! Now that we are all seated and have introduced ourselves let's make the grand reveal.” The class laughed at the joke, Dan sank deeper into his chair and Phil blushed furiously.

Wilkins tapped on his computer and the image projected onto the wall: “The future: what you have dreamed of and what you are doing to achieve that.”

Dan snorted beside him and the rest of class groaned.

“Now, now. Don’t discard the idea yet. I want you to film and edit a short film using every technique I will show you to the best of your abilities. I want you to give it the tone you feel suits it best. You can work in groups of up to four but make sure to reach a concept that encapsulates the dreams of the entire team.”

Phil looked around. He had a group of friends to his right and another to Dan’s left. Viri made eye contact with him and gave him an apologetic smile which he returned before turning to Dan. “Would you like to work with me?”

Dan stopped chewing on his pen, his eyes stopped staring into the void, and he blinked at Phil. “Huh?”

“The project,” Phil said but Dan’s expression made it clear that he had not paid attention to the premise at all. “We have to make a short film about our dreams and what we are doing to achieve them.”

Dan snorted and rolled his eyes. “Right.”

“So do you want to work with me?” Phil pressed. He really needed to work with someone to make sure he wasn’t going off the rail with his ideas again.

“Oh, sure,” Dan said, running his fingers through his fringe. “If you don’t mind working with me… I’m not very good at editing,” he mumbled.

“Don’t worry about it. We will figure it out together. I’m not a master of editing either.”

Dan smiled widely and Phil’s stomach flipped at the sight. Before he even knew it, the class was over and they only had a very vague idea of what they wanted to do but that was ok since they still had time to work on it.

Maybe it would’ve been wise to exchange phone numbers with his project buddy but it had totally slipped his mind so the following week had Phil silently praying that Dan would show up. Luckily he did, although he didn’t seem to be in a great mood.

Dan gave him a small smile that faltered when Andrew turned to them to make a snide comment about the professor. This time Dan set up his laptop and took some notes, adding them to the document with their project ideas and showing Phil some pictures he had downloaded as inspiration. Phil suggested that he start a project in an editing software and added them to the library so they didn’t forget but the laptop started acting up and eventually froze entirely, severely overheating until it rebooted effectively losing their progress.

While Dan was dealing with that Viri leaned over and wrote her phone number on Phil’s notebook, asking him to text her later since the group wanted to invite him to a party.

Phil wasn’t sure if she was trying to flirt with him or not, but she seemed really nice so he promised to text her about it. You can never have too many friends.

“I give up,” Dan huffed. “I’m so sorry Phil. Let’s meet another time to work on the project. I’m done with it today.”

Without waiting for an answer, Dan slipped between the rows of seats hurriedly and left the class.

Keith pursed his lips and shook his head, making his short curly hair bounce. “Is he ok? Do you want me to check on him?” he asked Phil.

“No, I’ll go. You guys work on your project. See you later.”

Phil shoved everything into his backpack and rushed out of the classroom but stopped short when he found Dan right outside leaning against the wall, his head tilted back with a sad looking expression.

“Hey, are you ok?” Phil asked.

“Yeah,” Dan said without looking at him.

“Really?”

Dan finally looked at him with a shocked expression. “Actually no, but I don’t want to talk about it.”

Phil leaned against the wall right beside Dan. “Ok, I’ll keep you company then.”

“You don’t have to, you know?”

“I know, but I want to,” Phil said, offering him a small smile. “Do you wanna grab some coffee?”

Dan’s lips curled into a smile to match his. “I could definitely do with some caffeine.”

“I’m buying,” said Phil and turned towards the cafeteria.

“Deal,” Dan said. “Hey, where are you going, man?”

Phil turned on his heels and pointed towards the direction he was heading. “To the c-”

“No, fuck that. Come on, I’m driving. You are buying me a Costa,” Dan said with a smirk and started walking in the opposite direction.

Phil followed along to the car park and waited patiently beside the blue Corsa for Dan to open the passenger door. When it finally opened, Phil was briefly presented with the sight of Dan’s collarbones until he leaned back into the driver seat. “Come on, man. Don’t just stand there, it’s about to start raining.”

“Uh, sorry,” Phil said before sliding into his seat.

“Seat belt, please.”

“Right, sorry,” Phil said before clipping it and setting his bag on the floor.”

Seeing Dan in a different setting made it clear that he was not as aloof as Phil had thought. Maybe Dan was trying to fit in, just like he was. Phil asked him what he wanted but Dan just smirked at him lifting his chin and said: “Surprise me.” Then he turned on his heels and sat at one of the tables near the window.

It was a test of sorts but, instead of overthinking it, Phil simply ordered two of what he usually had and two pastries.

Dan sipped from his cup without breaking eye contact before smiling. “Thank you, this is perfect.”

Phil let out a dramatic sigh and they both laughed. “Thank god, I didn’t want to ruin our blossoming friendship so early.”

Dan’s smile widened. “Is that what we are? Blossoming friends?”

Phil’s stomach twisted into knots. He was assuming too much already, but being a coward never helped anyone. “That’s the idea, if you’d like that.”

“I could use a friend,” Dan said. His smile gave him a more approachable appearance, especially when the dimples made an appearance. He was, for the lack of a better word, adorable.

Phil smiled back. “So, friend, you will need to share more about your dreams with me if we are going to make something good out of this project. What brought you to York?”

Dan’s smile finally fell. “I hate the premise of it, to be perfectly honest. I have abandoned every single dream I've had." He sipped from his coffee and let out a deep sigh. "Acting was a big part of my life growing up. I was a theatre kid; I also liked comedy, writing bits and pieces, but I’ve dropped it all. Filmmaking came as a last resort when I had to choose something to study, so I went for it. Luckily I quite enjoy it - even if I’m not good at it.”

“Why would you say that?" Phil frowned. "I’m sure you are good, but if you keep thinking that way it will hold you back. You may have not pursued your other dreams, but you found a new one and you are following it. I think that’s great.”

Dan blushed and made a noncommittal noise before sipping from his mug.

“I think that there’s no reason for you to give up on acting either. You could do both, you just have to want it,” Phil said.

“I don’t think that’s how it works, Phil.”

“Well, you’ll never know if you don’t try, right?” Phil knew he may be overstepping the line, but he hated to see his new friend sad. “Why don’t you act in the short film?”

Dan blinked. “What?”

“We only need to present our ideas and tell our story. We can start there and decide what you will do. The rest is the technical aspects of it and editing.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

“It can be,” Phil pressed.

“I think it could be, if my new friend acted in it too.” Dan looked at him expectantly.

Phil bit his lower lip but nodded. “Ok, we’ll do it together.”

Dan’s smile shone brighter than a thousand suns and Phil couldn’t help but smile as well.

The storyboarding went quite well. They fed off each other’s creativity and produced something they were both proud of. They used the campus as their playground, using the trees and the shift from autumn to winter to denote the passage of time. It was a lot of work and even more editing to film several time lapses on the same spots to achieve their desired effect.

They spent so many hours outside, running between the trees in the cold and acting to the best of their abilities, entering and exiting different paths, finding dead-ends in their journey, but in the end, it was all worth it. After a long voiceover session and about 20 cups of tea with honey, they were finally done.

The first week of December marked the deadline for their project.

Each short film was about to be projected for the class to see and discuss. Phil kept looking to the door, waiting for Dan to rush in and not leave him alone to answer any questions the professor or their peers might have about their video. He felt faint; his nerves were getting the best of him. He had texted Dan half an hour ago and there was still no reply.

Phil asked the professor to leave them for last since Dan’s car had broken down but he assured Wilkins that Dan was on his way. Thankfully that worked. Just when they pressed play, Dan ran in and Wilkins waved at him with a smile before lowering the lights.

Dan hurried to his seat beside Phil. “Hi, sorry I’m late.”

“Hey, you made it and that’s what matters.”

Dan smiled and turned towards the screen.

The short was a success. Their classmates were very interested in their storytelling and how they had managed to achieve some of the shots. Thankfully answering questions as a duo was easier than alone and they handled it pretty well.

Before everyone was out the door, Ellis turned to them. “Hey guys, are you coming to our party? This time it’s at Viri’s.”

“Mmm, I don’t think so. I’m not that much of a party person myself. Thanks for the invite though,” Dan said.

Phil was confused. Dan had mentioned going to parties before but he seemed to always put distance between anyone at York and himself - except Phil, of course. He would have loved to go to one of the parties since Viri’s group was the only people he spoke to other than Dan. But before he could say anything Andrew interjected. “Oh, come on. You can bring girls if you want. Why don’t you ever come to our parties?”

“I just dislike you greatly, Andrew,” Dan said with a petty smile and gathered his stuff before heading out. “You’re a dick,” he said over his shoulder just as the door closed behind him.

Everyone in the group laughed; everyone except Andrew.

Phil shrugged and hurried out but this time Dan was nowhere to be seen. Instead, he got a text from Dan: “Sorry, I’ll see you on Monday.”

Viri texted Phil on Saturday to check if he wanted to come to the party, and he did consider it, but it just wasn’t the same without Dan. His flatmates invited him to go out as well, but he declined. He climbed into bed and texted Dan asking him if he was ok but there was no reply, so he put on a movie on his laptop and fell asleep.

He woke up in the middle of the night, as a raging storm was falling over the city. He was quite a bit disoriented, his computer screen black, his jeans digging uncomfortably on his legs and his neck stiff as a rock.

A noise startled him. He left his laptop on the floor and shuffled to the window; there was something down there on the street, but he couldn’t make out the shape of it. Phil’s heart started beating a tad faster. He locked his bedroom door and ran back to bed and checked the time on his phone: 3 a.m. He had received a few messages and there was a missed call from Dan from 10 minutes ago, so he decided to call back.

“Dan?”

“Open up bitch, I’m soaking. You sleep like the fucking dead.”

“Where are you?”

“Downstairs, under the tree. We can chit chat later. Open up.”

Phil hung up and grabbed his keys before running down the stairs. He pulled the heavy glass door open and found a soaking Dan, shivering like a leaf. “Come in. Oh my god!”

“I’ve been calling you for like twenty minutes, I even threw rocks at your window.” Dan entered the building and wrapped his arms around his frame. “Fuck! I’m getting everything wet.”

“Shhh. Whatever, don’t worry about that. Come on, I’ll give you some dry clothes before you get sick.”

Once in Phil’s bedroom, Dan started to remove his wet clothes and Phil made it a point to keep his head inside his wardrobe as he looked for something to give him. Without turning, he threw a Muse t-shirt, a pair of boxers and joggers to him.

“Are you lending me your underwear?”

“Unless you want to go commando…”

“Nevermind,” mumbled Dan. “Thank you.”

“Do you need anything else?” Phil asked, noting that Dan was still shivering.

“Uh, a hoodie and some socks, maybe?”

Phil grabbed his York University hoodie and a pair of odd socks before sitting on the bed beside Dan. “Here.”

“Thanks,” Dan said, observing the socks for a moment before shrugging and pulling them on. Then, he slipped the hoodie on and sat against the headboard.

“Are you going to tell me what was so urgent that you needed to come discuss it at 3 a.m.?” Phil asked.

“It sounds stupid if you put it like that,” Dan said sheepishly and brought his knees up to his chest.

Phil put his hand on Dan’s knee. “Hey, no. Whatever is happening it’s not stupid. I've noticed that something has been bothering you.”

“Yeah, a lot of things honestly.”

Phil motions him to continue.

Dan looked to the opposite wall, his eyes focusing on Phil's Muse poster. “Everyone here is fake. Like, not you obviously. But everyone is so… I don’t know, just - not like me. And I feel like an outsider, like I don’t belong in their little cliques and I’m fed up with everyone.” He sighed and finally looked at Phil. “I didn’t even want to go to the presentation, but I couldn’t leave you alone to answer for both of us.”

“Thank you for not bailing on me even though you didn’t feel well,” Phil smiled.

“Hey, you are my only friend, I wasn’t about to fail you like that.” Dan smiled back. “I’m surprised that Wilkins didn’t call me out on being late again.”

“I told him that your car broke down.”

“Phil Lester! You lied!” Dan giggled.

“Only for my best friend!” Phil laughed. “I would do anything for you, Danny.”

“Even something crazy?” Dan wiggled his eyebrows.

“Like what?”

“Like going on an adventure! That’s why I came.”

“Explain yourself, Howell.”

“I’m leaving town… for a few days. I need to get away from everything so I’m going on a road trip and I want you to come with me - if you want.”

“Sounds fun, when?”

Dan gave him a meaningful look.

Phil's eyes widened. “What? Now? We are in the middle of the worst fucking storm of the year or something.”

“Listen, I made a hasty decision and I came here fueled by adrenaline. There was no thinking involved.”

“Well, I think it my duty as your best friend to join you in this adventure, but I will also be the voice of reason, so I think we should sleep here and leave in the morning. After breakfast, of course.”

“I never said you were my best friend,” Dan said with a smirk right before a pillow hit him straight on the face.

They fell asleep in a heap of tangled limbs in a bed way too small for both of them.

Phil woke up with face resting on Dan’s shoulder. He tried to roll away but Dan’s arm tightened around him. “Stay.”

“Sorry, I must have rolled in my sleep. Why didn’t you wake me up?” Phil asked, finally making eye contact with Dan.

“It’s a single bed. There’s not a lot of space to move around. Besides, you looked so adorable drooling all over me.”

Phil wiped the corners of his mouth hurriedly but noticed they were actually dry. Dan laughed and rolled away before Phil had the chance to throw another pillow at him.

Once their bags were packed, and the house was silent, they scurried away to Dan’s car. A stop at Tesco later, they were on their way.

Deciding to go on an adventure was quite easy, but the problem was that they didn’t have a plan.

“Where do you want to go?” Dan asked.

“I don’t know. What was your plan?

“I told you I don’t have one,” Dan huffed. “What was your favourite place to visit as a child?”

“Portugal and Miami, but I doubt that helps.”

“Pff, rich kid. I meant here.”

Phil shrugged. “Manchester, I guess. I grew up on Rossendale.”

Dan smirked. “That explains a lot.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Nothing!” Dan laughed. “ Let’s go to Manchester and then Rossendale but let’s stay away from the highway, that way it will take us longer.”

“That’s a short trip.”

“That’s only the first stop in our journey, worry not Frodo.”

“You are the one with the hobbit hair and I am the one joining you so you are Frodo.”

Dan gasped. “I can’t believe you mentioned my curly hair. I’m demoting you from being my best friend.”

Phil rolled his eyes but said nothing. The previous night Dan had mentioned Phil was his only friend, but he was not about to throw it back in his face.

Phil decided that he was in charge of the music, so he put Muse on and started to sing along horribly, trying to make Dan laugh. It worked and soon Dan was singing along too. Their little performance was only interrupted when one of them hit incredibly high notes and they dissolved into a fit of giggles.

The actual first stop in their adventure ended up being the Yorkshire Dales National park. Since it was close to York, it was a nice opportunity to explore and have a wintery day out. They drove around inside the park for quite a while before they found a spot to park and continue on foot. They found a surprising amount of waterfalls of different sizes and castles in ruins where they took many pictures. After a picnic they had under a massive tree, they started to make their way back to the car, but then a storm broke. The light drizzle that had accompanied them the entire day finally turned into a pouring rain.

That could've been a dampener on their otherwise perfect day, but they laughed as they raced each other to the car. Once they were safe inside, they changed their wet clothes for new ones and decided to settle for the night.

Dan pilled their bags against one of the rear windows and pulled out a massive fluffy blanket from under the driver's seat, wrapping himself in it and leaving a space between his legs for Phil. “Come here, it will be much comfier and warmer as well,” Dan said in a hushed tone.

“You have this all figured out, don’t you?” Phil mumbled, sitting between Dan's legs.

“Well, I like to drive around and sometimes I end up sleeping in my car somewhere.” Dan wrapped his arms and the blanket around Phil. “One time I wished I had a blanket, so I keep one here; another time I wished I could read so I have an emergency light and a few books that I switch around. You live and you learn, I guess.”

“That sounds nice. Thank you for inviting me, I’ve never done anything like this. My mum would’ve killed me.” Phil settled further into Dan’s embrace.

“Sounds like she cares about you,” Dan whispered.

“Yeah. My family is very close.”

“My family doesn’t care about what I do or where I am. I don’t think they see me as part of the family.”

“Dan… I’m so sorry. You deserve a loving family.”

Dan sighed deeply. “It’s ok, sometimes we meet our real family along the way, right?”

“Definitely,” Phil nodded.

“Thank you for coming with me. I know this came out of nowhere, but it’s the first time I feel like having someone with me on a trip would be nice.”

That touched Phil's heart. “Don’t mention it. I could do with a bit more adventure in my life. It has always been very plain.”

“You are the closest friend I’ve ever had. The only real one,” Dan whispered.

Phil poked Dan's leg. “That can’t be true, you are awesome!”

“No, I’m lame. I have always been lame, so I was a target and nobody else wanted to come near me in case they would be bullied for associating with me.”

Phil frowned and pulled Dan’s hands tighter around his frame. “I’m sorry, that must've been horrible. I wish I was there to help you back then.”

Dan shook his head. “You are here now, and I didn’t even have to do anything, you just - found me and decided to be my friend. I appreciate that a lot,” he admitted.

Phil decided to share a bit about his story too to let Dan know that he wasn't alone. “I didn’t have bullies, but I never had a friend as close as we are either. I was too weird and not cool enough to make friends that decided to stick around long enough to be close. The day you walked into class with your emo haircut and your skinny jeans and the Muse t-shirt I knew I had to be your friend, especially after we went out for coffee. Your personality is quite attractive -” Phil gasped. “I mean, interesting. You are very interesting.” Phil’s mind was going so fast that all his thoughts merged into a panicked mess. If Dan decided to -

Dan pulled Phil closer and settled his chin on Phil’s shoulder, pressing his cheek against the other's. “Your personality is pretty interesting too.”

Phil smiled and relaxed quite a bit. Their whispered conversation continued for a while but eventually faded as they were lulled to sleep by the stars.

Due to their sleeping arrangement not being that comfortable, they woke up quite early in the morning. Before starting their day, Dan recommended that they stretch their sore muscles and have a snack. Shortly after that was taken care of, they were off in search of a place to have breakfast.

Phil noticed that Dan looked much more relaxed than the previous day; possibly more relaxed than he had ever seen him. He even started singing along to Roxette, finally dropping his edgy guy facade.

Out of the corner of his eye, something caught Phil’s attention. “Oh,” Phil said, not able to hide his disappointment.

“What?”

“I just thought it was starting to snow early and got excited. I would love to have a white Christmas.”

“Oh,” Dan replied.

“What?”

Dan shook his head. “Tell me about your typical Christmas.”

“Oh, I love Christmas! It’s my favourite holiday!” Phil beamed. “I go back home to my parents, my brother Martyn and his girlfriend. We usually play scrabble and watch movies. It’s great. We also order food because my mum is a horrible cook, but she makes nice cookies, so we have those with hot chocolate by the fire. Oh! And my parents fill up our stockings with some useful gifts like toothpaste and caramel bars or something.”

“That sounds lovely,” Dan said but, even though he was staring at the road, Phil could see his sad eyes.

“Would you want to spend Christmas at home with me?”

“What!?” Dan yelled. “They don’t even know me!” Dan might have been trying to say no, but the small smile on his lips gave Phil a little hope.

“You could meet them when we get to Rossendale; they’ll love you! I’ve told my mum about you and she asks me how you are doing from time to time.”

Dan looked at him out of the corner of his eye. “Did you really tell her about me?”

“Of course. You’re my best friend!” Phil shook Dan’s arm excitedly. “You have to come!”

“Calm down your enthusiasm before we crash into a tree, man,” Dan laughed. “Can I think about it?”

“Of course! You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I would really love it and I know my family would welcome you.”

“Alright. I’ll let you know,” Dan said before he switched songs and started singing to ‘The Cardigans'.

Being creatures of habit, they stopped at the first Costa they crossed on their way to Rossendale. They got their orders and sat by the window, enjoying their drinks and 'people watching' in a comfortable silence. Their peace didn’t last long though. A group of men in their forties came into the shop, trying to get everyone’s attention by being assholes, being rude to the workers and mocking Dan and Phil’s matching haircuts and skinny jeans, saying how all the gays dressed the same way.

Dan was having none of it. “Let’s go, Phil,” he said in an icy tone. Dan grabbed his coffee and walked out, flipping the guys off as he exited the shop. Phil got his own drink and their pastries and hurried out as well.

Once Dan got in the car, he started it immediately, only waiting for Phil to hop in and fasten his seatbelt before driving away.

Phil looked at Dan worriedly. He was quiet, yet visibly angry. But the further they got away from the shop, the more Dan started to untense his muscles. The moment Phil asked him what was wrong was the moment Dan came back to reality.

He offered Phil a reassuring smile. “Let me find a spot to park so we can finish our coffees and talk.”

The car park of a local Tesco was the nearest option, so Dan drove in and turned off the car.

He grabbed his coffee and took a long sip before turning towards Phil. “One of the reasons I wanted to get away is because I want to be myself at uni and I haven't managed that. It makes me feel fake, like everyone else. And I didn’t even have the courage to tell you…”

“Tell me what?” Phil frowned.

Dan took a deep breath and kept a careful eye on Phil’s expression as he spoke. “I’m gay…” he paused, waiting to see his friend’s reaction, but it was a mere eyebrow raise. “That’s why I’ve been bullied all my life, just like at Costa. I'm always the laughing stock.” He sighed. “I want to be out, and I want people to respect that, but I couldn't even tell you - my best friend.” Dan was on the verge of tears but tried his best to keep his composure.

Phil shook his head. “Hey, don't say that. It's different for everyone. I didn’t have to come out to my parents. They just figured it out because one of my friends kept staying over - but they were cool about it.” Phil paused to allow Dan to ask any questions he might have, but he seemed to be shocked into silence. “I did come out in a very traumatising way to my friends. One of them outed me to the group last year. He found my profile on a dating website and sent it to everyone, so I made a group chat with all of them and told them that I was gay, but to respect me and my privacy, that my love life was not some sort of juicy rumour to spread. Everyone was pretty good about it and the guy in question apologised, but it was still quite horrible; especially considering that we weren’t that close.”

Dan just blinked at him.

Phil smiled and put his hand on Dan’s. “I’m just glad that you felt comfortable enough to share that with me. I will always respect your privacy and I will never abandon you, whether you decide to come out or not.

“Are you serious, Phil?” Dan laughed. “I was hoping that you were gay too, but I wasn’t sure!”

“Why?” Phil frowned.

Dan leaned in for a kiss very slowly, giving Phil the opportunity to say no, but Phil smiled and met him halfway, finally closing the distance between them. The kiss was soft and tentative, their lips brushing against each other lightly. Dan pulled away first and smiled looking into Phil’s eyes and his answering smile before kissing him again.

They spent the rest of the day driving around different small towns in their path. Phil decided that the occasion merited the use of his polaroid camera, so he fished it out of his bag and took a picture of them kissing - or ten.

By nightfall they finally made it to Rossendale, where they drove around as Phil told Dan all about his childhood. They visited the wall he broke, the construction site with the porn magazines, the school and finally, Phil’s family home. Dan encouraged him to go in, but Phil said he would rather spend the rest of the trip with Dan, so they took some sneaky pictures in front of the house and ran back to the car.

When Phil asked Dan if he had considered his Christmas invitation already, Dan finally said yes, but only if they could have another road trip on their way there.

Phil agreed promptly and pulled his phone out to show Dan the messages his mum had sent asking if Dan wanted to come over. What Phil didn’t notice was that as Dan was reading the conversation, his mum sent a new message. More importantly, Phim didn't know that said message asked if Dan was his boyfriend yet.

A very confused Phil watched Dan open the car door and run out with his phone, laughing maniacally as he typed a hurried “Yes I am!”

“What are you doing!?” Phil asked as low as he could manage to avoid alerting his parents of their presence.

“Your mum just asked if I’m your boyfriend yet, so I’m answering!” Dan said dangling Phil’s phone from his fingers.

Phil let out an exasperated “Da-an!” before running after him.

The last days before the Christmas break were quite blissful. They had agreed on not making their relationship public per se, but to not make any efforts to hide it from those who understood. Dan hung one of the pictures of them kissing in his bedroom as his way to feel a little more like himself. His roommates saw it but didn’t comment on it. Instead, they invited him and Phil to one of their parties for the first time.

Phil kept a picture of them in his notebook and when Andrew grabbed it without permission, Keith, Viri and Ellis took it from him and gushed about how cute they were. Viri looked into Phil's eyes before pointing to her pink, yellow and baby blue backpack. Keith put his hand on Ellis’s and smiled at him and Ellis lifted the collar of their shirt where their pronouns pin was attached. It read “He/they.”

Ellis smiled at him and returned the picture. “You guys should come to our parties! It’s just us… and Andrew, but nevermind him. He’s our token straight friend; we keep him around for diversity.”

Phil burst out laughing; he couldn’t remember if Ellis had ever spoken to him all semester but he decided that they were his new favourite person.

“Oi, don’t be mean! I’m not bad. I’m just ignorant!” pleaded Andrew.

Dan laughed. “Andrew, that’s the first accurate thing I’ve heard you say since I met you. Don’t worry, we’ll embarrass you until you stop being an idiot. Trust me, it works.”

“I don’t know about the party,” Phil hesitated. He didn’t want Dan to feel pressured.

“We’ll be there,” Dan smiled.

Phil wrapped his arms around Dan and sighed happily as the others awed.

#phanfiction #phanfic #my team #succubusphan fics #prb 2020 winter #prb face the music

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succubusphan · 4 years ago

Text

When in Doubt Try New Things

Summary: Phil has a simple request for Dan: “I want to try something new. I need to figure some stuff out, but it has to be on my own, so I’m asking you to go with the flow and react in whichever way feels natural but don’t ask me about it. I have no answers yet.”

Rating: Pg-13

Tags: Fluff, Tour fic, Interactive introverts Tour, Friends to lovers, Getting together, happy ending. Demi!Phil.

Word Count: 3.9k

A/n: Written for the @phandomreversebang Face The Music edition, based on the song “Home” by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes and the prompt provided by my lovely artist and friend @rainbowchristy, thank you for creating the gorgeous art for the fic and being awesome as always.

Thank you so much to my amazing Beta @phanallyhome who worked really hard on this fic despite my poor management skills and was also great at communicating which is excellent beta work if you ask me.

Read on ao3 | [Art Link!]

Dan put his luggage on the bed and pulled it open entirely before starting the oddly familiar tour packing ritual. He went to his wardrobe smiling as his fingers touched his favourite pair of jeans freshly out of the wash, where they had ended up after Phil spilt milk on them during the clothing exchange in their last video. Phil wearing his ripped jeans, awkwardly waving about the flap/ high fashion fanny pack they had, and his oversized black sweater was a sight to see. After nine years with Phil as his best friend, Dan should have gotten over it, his stupid little crush, but he couldn’t, and it had soon turned into love.

For many years Dan had tried to repress his feelings, but after starting therapy, he’d decided that doing so was drowning him. It was like shutting off an integral part of himself, and for what? He wasn’t hurting anyone. Phil was none the wiser, or if he was, he had the decency not to bring it up, sparing him that awfully awkward “I’m gay, and I love you but not like that” talk. Now Dan chose to enjoy the little moments with Phil, even if it was as a friend, daydreaming of what could be different if the feelings were mutual. Not much, perhaps. After all, they spent all their time together, worked together, lived together … just some kissing - or a little more.

Dan grabbed some of the clothes Phil had worn for the video and started folding them and put them in his suitcase; he’d make sure to wear them more often. He turned back to the wardrobe and caught sight of something red and glittery, the ladybird jumper. Dan would like to say he forgot to return it, but that would be a lie. He pulled it from the hanger and smelled it; he could faintly make up Phil’s scent mixed with his own.

There was a knock on his bedroom door even though it was open, Dan looked up and his eyes met Phil’s as he leaned against the door frame. “Hey, packing early?”

Dan pulled the sweater away from his face. “I - yeah. I didn’t want to rush at the last minute like the other times.”

“Good choice,” Phil gave him a pained smile. “Um, there’s something I wanted to ask you, and since it’s kind of urgent I thought I’d better ask before the tour.”

Dan’s stomach twisted into knots even though he didn’t know what Phil was on about. He knew Phil; this was something serious, potentially bad even. “What do you want to talk about?” Dan held the jumper a little tighter.

“Well, this flat was always supposed to be temporary, we can’t keep paying for two rents just to be able to have a living and a filming space. It just doesn’t make sense.”

Dan nodded.

Phil sighed and finally entered the room. “Look, I think it would make a lot more sense if we bought a house, and I think this is as good a time as any,” he said, his smile finally reaching his eyes.

“We?” Dan was beside himself. “Together?”

“Of course, why? Were you planning on moving out?” Phil’s smile fell.

“Well, n-no. I don’t know.” Dan’s head was spinning, so he sat on the bed with a sigh. “I thought we would discuss it when the lease was over, I guess.”

Phil sat beside him. “Financially it doesn’t make sense to keep waiting, and buying a house can be a long process, so I think we should start looking as soon as possible.”

“Do you really want to keep living with me?” Dan said and started chewing on his lips.

“Obviously. You are my favourite rat.” Phil giggled.

Dan rolled his eyes and threw the jumper at him. “I forgot to give this back to you.”

“Of course you forgot; that’s why you were smelling it when I came in.”

“I was checking that it was cleannnn!”

“Oh, I was just checking!!!” Phil mocked him, making his classic ‘odd hand scrunching motion’ instead of air quotes, but before he could continue, Dan had started hitting him on the face with a pillow. “Ah! Stop!”

“I hate you,” said Dan, doing a horrible job at hiding what he truly meant.

“Are we buying a house together then?” Phil smirked.

“Phil, you are 31. Don’t you think buying a house with your best friend instead of a partner or even alone would be wiser?”

Phil frowned. “No, why would I want to live with anyone else?”

“I don’t know. I’m just asking. I don’t think we can keep living together forever like when I was a college drop out, and you couldn’t even cook.”

“Why not? You are still a college drop out, and I still don’t know how to cook. We are the same people.”

“Are we?” Dan gave him a meaningful look.

Phil’s eyes dropped to the ground. “No, I guess we are not.” He sighed. “Are you moving out then?”

“Shit - I mean. No, I guess not. I just want you to be sure that you won’t regret being in your thirties and living with your buddy, you know. I don’t think you should rush this decision.”

“Yeah, ok. I’ll take the tour to figure it out, but-” Phil looked into his eyes, “I need you to do something for me. Would you?”

“Sure. Anything.”

“I want to try something new. I need to figure some stuff out, but it has to be on my own, so I’m asking you to go with the flow and react in whichever way feels natural but don’t ask me about it. I have no answers yet.”

“Okay, is there anything I should do or avoid doing?”

Phil shook his head. “Just do what feels right to you.”

“Okay, I think I can do that.”

“Thank you; you’re my best friend, Danny.” Phil poked Dan’s side.

“Any time, Philly.”

---

The tour started without a hitch. The first leg through the UK went by in a breeze. Nothing felt out of the ordinary; perhaps Phil clung to him a bit more. Sometimes, he asked Dan to share a room instead of having his own space, but it was nothing that Phil wouldn’t usually do when feeling lonely or sad. Dan thought nothing of it at first, opting for asking him if everything was ok or if he needed to talk, but Phil merely shook his head with a smile and clung to him a little tighter.

Eventually, Dan decided to lean into Phil as well, to enjoy those brief moments of privacy they got, cuddling up to each other and resting his head on Phil’s shoulder as the van made its way to the next city.

Once in Belfast, they checked into their joint suite and left the luggage abandoned haphazardly around the room, choosing to enjoy a movie night instead of putting their things away and getting to bed. They had dinner on the sofa as “Ready Player One” played on the TV. Dan wasn’t tired per se, but he felt content in a way that made him want to lay down and rest his head on Phil’s lap, so he did. Letting Phil run his fingers through his hair, Dan closed his eyes and enjoyed the touch of the person he loved the most for a little while. A finger strayed from the path, going down his forehead, the bridge of his nose, his lips, then disappearing when Dan smiled. He peeked one eye open and found Phil looking at him fondly.

“What?” Dan asked.

Phil shrugged. “Nothing… you just looked so happy, so carefree. It’s a rare sight.”

“Hmm, it is a rare day when I’m not stressed out of my mind.”

“It’s a good look on you.” Phil booped Dan’s nose.

Dan laughed and closed his eyes again. “Thank you, now please, keep running your fingers through my hair.”

“Lift,” Phil said and placed a soft cushion under Dan’s head. “Better?”

“Mmm, yeah.”

After a few minutes of silent fingers running through his hair, Phil paused. “Can I try something?”

Without opening his eyes, Dan nodded. “I would let you murder me right now,” he sighed.

Phil buried his fingers in Dan’s hair once again and held them there, lightly pulling. A gasp escaped Dan’s lips, and before he could ask what he was up to, Phil pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. Dan didn’t mean to respond immediately, but he was only human; he buried his fingers in Phil’s hair and kissed back more firmly, not daring to go further. Phil broke the kiss shortly after, Dan’s lips chasing after him pathetically.

“Thank you,” Phil said.

Dan opened his eyes and gave him a questioning look, but Phil shook his head and smiled at him. “Not yet.”

Dan’s mind was flooded by different tides of thoughts, feelings, and worries, conveying into a rough sea that threatened to drown him. ‘Not yet,’ he thought. He couldn’t deal with the questions swarming within him; he needed to break away from them before they pulled him down.

Dan tried to get up, but Phil pushed down on his chest softly and whispered: “Stay.” So Dan stayed and closed his eyes again, letting Phil run his fingers through his hair. He didn’t know what Phil was trying or looking for, but Dan could only hope it wouldn’t cost their friendship - or his sanity.

Something in them changed that night, but some things stayed the same. The first time Phil held his hand, Dan looked between their linked fingers and him questioningly, but Phil simply smiled and squeezed his hand gently, so Dan didn’t ask. Getting the little things he had always thought about doing with Phil was a bit weird but also comforting; it felt natural, so he went with the flow. Their hands naturally gravitated towards each other when they had a moment of privacy; it became a ritual of sorts.

The kisses still made Dan feel dizzy though. They were never too daring: A good night kiss before bed, a good luck peck before going on stage (guarded by the darkness), a kiss on the palm of Dan’s hand when they shared a movie night or worked side by side on the sofa. Kissing Phil felt natural, like something they should have always been doing but also scary, so Dan accepted it but was never the one to kiss first.

In a way, it felt like a dream he could wake up from at any point, so he decided not to risk it.

---

Russia brings a lot of worries but some happiness as well. A bit terrified that the Russian government would go through their phones and discover that they were gay, they switched to their older models for that portion of the tour, leaving their usual phones behind. Their management had suggested it and they had readily agreed, especially since they’d become closer. Phil had started collecting pictures of Dan, and unlike the usual creepshots, these were of a different nature; one of them even showed him resting his head on Phil’s shoulder as they laid on the couch.

As scary as it was, seeing all the pride flags and glitter in the audience and at the meet and greet left them with a soaring heart. Dan felt like he wanted to share his story, but he wasn’t ready yet, not entirely, but he felt so proud and welcome. Even if they didn’t know what they had done for Dan, he would always remember that.

Germany went by in a blazing breeze, sweaty backstage kisses, and a sightseeing afternoon later, they were in Poland celebrating Dan’s Birthday.

Dan had expected to return to their room and order some room service, maybe toast with champagne, but as soon as they shut the door, Phil asked him to get ready for a dinner reservation.

It was a nice pub where they could enjoy the local food and have some beer, nothing too fancy or elaborate but a thoughtful choice nonetheless. Instead of ordering a cake, they settled for a cupcake tower with different flavours to try a bit of everything and put a candle on it.

Phil grabbed his hand across the table. “Make a wish,” he said expectantly.

And Dan did. Just for that night, he allowed himself to dream that Phil’s little experiment would bring them together in the end. He smiled at Phil and blew the candle.

“What did you wish for?” Phil asked.

“I can’t tell you or it won’t come true,” Dan said, wiggling his eyebrows.

The rest of the night was spent taking pictures, drinking beer, and playing darts until they were too buzzed to stay awake.

A winding walk back to the hotel room was followed by flashes and a string of mental images and phantom feelings. Phil pushed Dan against the wall and kissed him deeply until they were both panting, but moments later, Dan grabbed him by the shirt and reversed their positions, pressing Phil against the wall without breaking the kiss. Before long, Phil pushed at Dan’s chest gently, their ragged breaths mixing in the hot summer night as they looked into each other’s eyes. A plea fell from Phil’s lips. “Dan,” he whispered with a ghost of a kiss, “I’m going to take a shower.”

“Was that wrong?” Dan asked.

Phil shook his head and smiled. “No, it wasn’t.”

Dan stepped away but held Phil’s hand. “Are we ok?”

Phil kissed Dan’s hand. “Yeah, I just… need to stop before I can’t.” He sighed loudly. “Happy birthday, Danny.” He grabbed the back of Dan’s neck and pulled him in for a last kiss before slipping into the bathroom.

Dan got into his bed and fell into a fitful sleep, the fragmented memories of the night playing in his dreams.

---

The American leg of the tour was quite challenging, although rewarding - the constant heatwaves threatening to be too much for their old and frail European bodies. At home there were five sunny days a year tops; thankfully, every single building had an aircon, otherwise they would’ve died.

Maybe they were a little crazy, maybe they did decide to go on a trip to the middle of the desert, and maybe Dan did wear black in the middle of the blazing summer, but he needed to let the lunacy out in some form. Phil was driving him barmy. One afternoon, while they were alone in the tour bus he’d even attempted to climb into Dan’s bunk bed, and although Dan loved Phil dearly, that was a bit too much. Phil shrugged but said he would request cuddles at a later date.

Overall the tour was great, minus the heat and Phil's mysterious mission that he still refused to talk about, plus all the kisses. By the time they reached California, Dan was adjusting to their new dynamic quite well as long as they kept things nice and innocent. There hadn’t been any risky incidents since the night of his birthday, but - Dan was not counting on having to sleep with Phil multiple nights in a row.

Apparently, the hotel was overbooked, and instead of giving them a suite with two single beds, there was only a king-size bed. Literally, there was only one bed. Dan snorted when he saw it, but Phil had the cheek of telling him that he had accepted the change without reservations since the bed was big enough for both of them. That was a problem.

Sure, they had slept together here and there platonically, but this was different. Phil was a cuddler, a cover hugger, and he sometimes kissed Dan’s shoulder in his sleep. The first night Dan barely got any sleep, Phil decided that unanimously that he would be the big spoon, so he rolled over to Dan’s side and wrapped his arms around him, tucking his chin on the crook of Dan’s neck with a sigh. It was nice - it was actually really nice, but Phil decided to move his hand under Dan’s t-shirt and rub circles on his tummy. Dan tensed up under his touch, unsure of what to do. He was definitely enjoying the moment, but he was afraid Phil would freak out if he tried anything. “Phil?”

Phil hummed.

“What are you doing?”

“Cuddling you, it’s nice.”

“I like cuddling, but unless you want to take things further, I suggest you don’t pet my stomach.” Dan laughed.

Phil’s hands stilled. “Oh, right. Sorry.” Instead, Phil held onto Dan’s hand and sighed. “Dan?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I get a good night kiss?” Phil pouted.

Dan smiled in the dark and turned his face towards Phil. “Sure, Bub.”

Phil kissed him softly before whispering a good night.

The following nights went by without any awkward moments, but that didn’t mean Dan didn’t think about their relationship in every waking moment. It was just too good to be true, and yet Phil wasn’t all the way in. Would they go back to their old ways after the tour? Would Phil decide to move out on his own? Dan didn’t hold a shred of a doubt that he didn’t want to go back to being just friends. After seeing a new side of Phil, he wasn’t willing to let it go.

---

The beginning of the end was marked by the United States / Canada border and a very sexy border patrol agent called Chan. He was a bit shorter than Dan himself but not by a lot. He had beautiful skin, dark straight hair, perfect cheekbones, and cute lips. Chan was also very nice. Even though he made everyone leave the bus, he was quite polite as he went through their stuff, checking that they didn’t have anything illegal and complimenting them on the state of their ride. Dan smiled widely at that since cleaning the bus was how he coped with being in a long tuna can for prolonged periods of time. He even made a few jokes that Chan laughed at, and he took pride in that.

Maybe it was wrong to flirt with the border patrol agent, but… Dan was officially single, so there was no harm in a little flirting, right?

Well, Phil didn’t seem to agree with that since he spent the following days teasing Dan about it, partially joking, but kind of not - he was being petty in true Phil fashion. Dan’s chest burst at every display of jealousy from Phil; it was honestly quite addicting. Maybe they did have a chance, maybe Phil did feel something for him after all - or maybe it was all in his mind.

Dan tried his best to wait until the tour was over like Phil had asked but honestly, trying to dissect their every interaction was taking its toll on his mind, trying to guess the future and what it all meant; if they didn’t talk about it he would surely go mad. So ten days after the Chan incident, Dan cracked.

Once again, they checked into a hotel, and Phil had switched them over to a suite with only one bed. He put his luggage in the closet, not bothering to unpack - the show was in a few hours and this would probably take a while.

“Phil, we need to talk.”

Phil glanced up from his phone with a quizzical look. “About what?”

“About whatever is happening between us, I just can’t keep thinking about this every day. I’m going mad.” Dan buried his fingers in his hair and pulled.

“Ok,” Phil pursed his lips. “Do you want to stop?”

“Yes. No - I don’t know,” Dan started pacing up and down the room. “I want to know what’s happening.” He sat on the bed with a huff.

“Ok, I’m sorry that this stressed you out. It wasn’t my intention” Phil sat beside him and held his hand. “I thought talking about it upfront would put a lot more pressure on us before I even got the answers I needed.”

“What are you actually trying to figure out?”

“My feelings for you.” Phil sighed. “I didn’t want to say ‘Hey, I want to see how we would work as a couple’ because I felt like you would’ve been too nervous about it, and I would’ve freaked out because it could have potentially ruined our friendship. ”

Dan’s heart dropped to his stomach. “Have you figured it out yet?” He felt on the verge of crying. “Your feelings for me, Do you have an answer?”

“I think so, partially,” Phil sighed. “I can’t see myself living with anyone else or sharing my day to day life with anyone besides you, but I also know that you have feelings for me. I didn’t think it would be fair of me to push you to buy a house and not be sure about what that meant for us. I knew you would if I asked, but I didn’t want to ruin your chance at being happy elsewhere.”

Dan felt like all the oxygen was being sucked out of his lungs. “And?”

“I always knew I loved you, but I wanted to know if this meant I was in love with you, if I could really cross that last barrier between us. What it would be like adding that extra layer to our friendship and I can say I’ve enjoyed it a lot. I didn’t want to risk our friendship by asking you to be my boyfriend and then maybe realize that I had made a mistake and break your heart in the process. I had no problems with staying just friends because I figured we would always be together, so I guess I was scared to make the jump.”

Dan took a deep breath and spoke as fast as he could. “You are literally killing me, stop going around in circles. You can’t say you were trying to figure out if you were in love with me and not tell me what you concluded about that. I’m begging you, please put me out of this misery.”

Phil laughed. “Sorry, I wanted to tell you in a few days in the house I rented for us in the forest. I love you, I am in love with you and I want you to buy a house with me… please.”

Dan grabbed Phil by his t-shirt and pulled him in for a kiss, mumbling against his lips. “I love you, I love you so much.”

Phil smiled against his lips. “So is that a yes? Are you my boyfriend? Are we buying a house?”

Dan pulled back for a moment. “Yes, but I want to come out, I’ve been working on it with my therapist. I want it to be about me, not about our relationship per se. I want us to keep it for ourselves, not hiding it but not posting about our private life on social media either. People will put two and two together anyway.”

Phil nodded. “As long as we keep our relationship a priority in our lives, I have no problem with that.”

“I like that. You do realize we will need to sort the lease thing out the moment we get back right? We could end up living in a storage unit,” Dan groaned.

Phil buried his fingers in Dan’s hair and leaned in for another kiss. “I wouldn’t mind. Home is wherever I’m with you, Bub.”

#phanfiction #phanfic #succubusphan fics #prb 2020 winter #prb face the music

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