#praying the quality didnt die out too much

[aruoqi]

Golden

(reup w bg fix)

[lightningandfireinmybones]

whaddub giiiirls! Live from my desk, hunched back like Quasimodo, full of mildly cold orange juice because it's been out of the fridge for a while and with the A/C on because my house feels like the basement of hell, I AM BACK WITH MY AEMOND THOTS!

um... long post... im so sorry, i dont think read more works for asks i had promised you them and now that i am in a good -relatively speaking- place with my assignments, I am back with the ch. 7 thoughts.

Aemond learned how to swallow past the emotion clogging his throat, to operate with his heart outside his body.

it's not just the breakup that made him operate this way unfortunatelly. Aemond in every universe is doomed to be the second and capable son of an unworthy father, too preoccupied with his losses to appreciate the people around him. I must once again restate the general consensus that the green kids were the exact thing that Viserys prayed for and still his hubris (however valid the reason behind his self inflicted grief may be) blinded him.

Aemond grew up knowing that he is the only one on his side, him and the very few people who do love him yet are unable to do much since they hold no real power to help protect him.

It made him colder, meaner, smarter, sharper. 

whatever doesn't kill you fucks you up mentally. Hey i know this girl, Valaena, the two of them would hit it right off!

It was an explosion he’d throw himself into repeatedly for the privilege of having her hurt him. 

him and Val are the same person, the same trauma except in different font and just expressed in an opposite manner. but the trumatized basis is there. Aemond may have had the control in their relationship and between the two of them however when it came to himself he really didnt have any control? like..

their relationship wasnt bad because of their dynamic but because of the Quality of said dynamic. Many people overeat or skip meals but not everyone has an eating disorder, if that makes sense. Their relationship was in that first stage i feel doomed from the start because the reason why thei came into it wasn't all there? I will elaborate more on this further down bellow if it isn't clear what i mean by this.

The anxiety that wracked her little form melted away, the pressure in his own head relieved by the way she gave in to him completely.

Their relationship at that point, I feel like, was not a partnership exactly? they were both too into their heads about this, too preoccupied with their trauma and with using each other as a balm, as an escape and as a way to make everything fall into the background that to an extent is was a quite selfish relationship? There was Love, undeniaably, passion, a bit of obsession, posessiveness, but that was more as an expression of each other's internal fear and anxiety towards their life rather than a well communicated and healthy thing. (i am still unsure as to whether or not i am expaining myself accurately)

Then, she’d left and taken the sunshine with her.

the way this must have hurt? this would have devastated him. not only to lose your lover, the girl you are in love with, the person you practically live with but also to be deprived of your main support person, your ride or die. We saw the exact same thing with Val. She knows all this which is why she is so terribly guilt ridden. she went through the same - if i may use the word- violent emotionally breakup. not physically violent but deffinitely violating.

like a new wound, a raw and infected one unable to heal.

In the two weeks since she escaped him, time has congealed into a meaningless mass of rage and fear and anticipation and something else. Something that tasted like satisfaction, like Valaena was finally fighting back, clawing her way back to him.

i can't imagine how complicated all those emotions must be for him. he isn't used to analysing them really, or voicing them even to himself. But the relief of at least having her back is palpable.

it must feel like the first drops of rain after a harsh devastating drought. My emotions how dare you Autumn?

Time was cruel, but not as cruel as Aemond is going to be when he gets ahold of Valaena again. // Valaena was playing with fire and he intended to burn her for it. // If either of them survived long enough to get there.

get her ass. sickos everywhere rejoice, you were meant to burn together except not in a self destructive way because ilysm and you both deserve the world so may the embers of your love grow into a warm flame of love

 Anything less than perfection was failure.

Aemond babe, i know right? i keep telling my therapist but she wont agree with me

“She’s in Dorne and safe,” Aemond clips out, returning to his files.

i love how the word he goes for is Safe because that's what it comes down to. it's not she's having fun, she's taking her time, she's enjoying herself. it's she is S A F E . because that's his greatest fear at this point. that something will go wrong, that he will lose her, that she will be hurt. not just bc of the Cannibal but previously as well bc of herself and her disregard for her own well being.

The agonizing peace he must feel knowing that she is doing well, is trying to get sober, and is just in a serene and safe place working on herself and getting some well earned rest... my loves!

[...] a cloud of incredibly expensive perfume taking him back to being eight years old, clutching one leg, Valaena on the other, Luke on her back.

i love the way you write his relationship with Rhaenyra. i hate how the show never bothered to show us the relationship of the siblings because bad blood or no, the very first years before Rhae had any kids it's more than normal to assume she liked her siblings and played around with them. I love how you show that and may your period cramps remain forever a thing of the past for including this.

the big sister vibes who isn't just a big sister close in age that you can curse at and be a bit cunty towards and give as good as you take. Instead the older sister who is a mature person, who acts a bit like a motherly figure, as a wise friendly more experienced person. And especially here it's not like he can hide from her.

Rhaenyra too fucked her uncle but also like... babes... you and Val haven't exactly ever been subtle about each other. Especially Aemond is as tactful as an elephant dancing on thin ice when it comes to his feelings for Val, and Val in general. Mr Unhinged Feral Hungry Simp

“You think she’s coming back to me?” Aemond can’t stop the words, a rare vulnerability, a chink in his impenetrable armor.

A PRECIOUS BABY

Laughing softly, Rhaenyra cups his scarred cheek. // [...] just presses a soft palm against his skin and gives him the benefit of the doubt. 

Give Aemond his regular tactile affection 2024! explicitly do NOT make it sexual. that man needs the everyday, unassuming, familiar display of love in this manner. fucking like crazy doesn't mean this man isn't touch starved and that's a hill i will doom myself and my entire bloodline upon. HE NEEDS THE SOFTNESS. imagine not having the warm and comforting touch of your mother, everytime she sees you she is retraumatized by your trauma. how would that make a small child feel? a child who cannot differenciate between the nuanced feelings of adults and his own confusion and fear and guilt over his perceived faults.

AEMOND MY BELOVED

Running yourself into the ground won’t do anything. You need to get it together, too. Fix yourself, let her fix herself, then maybe you two can work on fixing whatever is left between you two. Make sure you’re both worthy.”

nothing but facts. they need to be 100% into their own selves, they need to be in control of themselves and their emotions and not go around like emotionally damaged half life zombies. they won't be able to find peace and happiness with each other until they start feeling good about themselves. until they stop hating who they are and stop self crucifying themselves

He’s spent his whole life working to deserve her and she’d left anyway. As much as he loved Valaena, would worship the ground she walked on, he knew she had her own demons.

firstly, OUCH OH GOD FUCKED ME UP OH JEEZ GOOD LORD UGH. Aemond beloved, loving someone and having them love you back has nothing to do with "deserving" the other in this sense. there's no point past which you can say one is enough and appropriate for another, or a list to check things off of. my heart hurts for this

but also that last line.. dang but that's such an important thing for him to realize. because yes, she does have her own trauma to sort out and so does he. and that isn't a bad thing or anything. it's just him realizing that she doesn need space to do her own thing and i LOVE how this comes right after his thoughts of not deserving her. like... they both exist as individuals long before they can be only in reference to one another.

that's such a big thing for him to realise and he does it so casually after this one talk with Rhaenyra i love him so much you dont understand!

That Valaena has her reasons for doing things, even if he doesn’t understand them now.

YES KING EXACTLY!!!!! it will ALL be okay! trust! you just need to heal first (first on their own and then together as one solid unit)

Maybe he’d lost himself in it a little, too. Maybe part of him had always been missing, lost in duty and responsibility foisted upon him.

yes baby he just keeps on giving and giving yes Aemond!

Back when they’d been together, he’d laughed freer. He’d taken joy in things, in riding and live music and his education. He chafed under his father’s thumb, but he’d been more himself. 

exactly!!! i love these two lines so much bestie you don't understand!

he'd been more himself! he had his support, he had a person to confide in, to share the burden with and to have them lean on him too! he could help her, communicate with her, share her love and their days together, show affection and be familiar with someone! once they get back to it relieved from their use of their relationship as an unhealthy coping mechanism they will be so happy! and they will deserve it too! no more guilt ridden Valaena, no more fear of the future from her, no more unclear boundaries and no more anxiety ridden Aemond.

your honour i just need them to chill together and vibe ya know

For Valaena, wasn’t it worth confronting himself? Even if the thought of opening up to a therapist makes him want to skin a man alive, he can do it for her.

for her but also for himself. confronting oneself is hard work and tough work. i love him so much you dont understand

skipping a few paragraphs, the Cannibal has some balls but also an extreme lack of self preservation instincts. Bless Dalton i guess? Who also needs to learn how not to try and get himself killed. he.. i... Sir?!

You are going to talk to Aemond Targaryen like THAT about HIS NIECE and expect what? you did this for what? no no i'll wait.. go ahead.. name the reasons... dang

Your niece is a right freak in bed. Such a fucking slut [etc. etc.]

girl you done lost your mind. fare thee well

When Dalton dies, Aemond wants to do it slowly, precisely, with privacy to make him suffer.

you know what.. he earned this one. but also he kinda deserved it too. like... bless Dalton fr fr . oh to be there and see the shock in Aemond's eye. the sheer "!!!!" in his face, ya know? The man was too stunned to speak, for like a milisecond

Aemond sighs, adjusting his eye patch, eyes roving over the crowd to make sure the Cannibal hasn’t circled back now that Dalton is out of the way. “She’s okay?”

IM IN YOUR WALLS YOU WHORE!!!!!!!!! IM ALSO IN THE TRENCHES BUT TRUST I AM IN YOUR WALLS!!!

She looks at him like she sees through him and is not impressed with what she finds.

FUCK HIM UP MOMM- Help him heal Doctor. (i want to see her deontologically and ethically STEP ON HIM during therapy. make that boy see sense and heal his trauma girl)

Gods, she was beautiful. She was beautiful and she was insane and she was going to destroy him.

i can see him looking at her with a devastated, helpless, burning look, already sex drunk even though he hasn't even let himself take permission to touch her yet (that evening!! because trust that man is delulu, babe there's no modesty to be saved you are both HORNY MONSTERS). simp! aemond is top tier aemond

His niece (gods! His fucking niece, who he’d already crossed so many lines with) 

Aemond is also in your walls, screaming, crying, throwing up

Just him. It was just him and his niece in this cabin, snow picking up outside the rattling windows.

i love how he thinks of her as his niece yet. not allowing himself to use her name, resisting to the familiarity of it, insisting upon her title to keep himself in check

“You had to run away from school to a cabin with only one bed and no cell service with a blizzard on the horizon?” Aemond asks as he follows her to the bedroom if only to distract himself from the way her ass jiggles beneath the thin protection of the silk.  She’d run away to this cabin and had packed that nightgown. Valaena was a menace. 

KILL HIM!! GET THAT FATALITY!! RUUIIIN THAT MAN VAL! I AM ROOTING FOR YOU WE ARE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU

i will combust when we found out the full extent of their past

Candles are on nearly every available surface, dripping fat hot drops of wax on expensive furniture. 

waxplay when?

she shrugs, leaning back onto her elbows. It throws her chest forward, a practiced move.

serving CUNT!! before she serves the actual- oh you know what, i wont be crass. she is a baddie tho and that i Will mention (RIP Alyssa Targaryen you would have LLLOOOVED your great grandaughter. also Saera Targaryen, you would have appreciated her as well)

“Eyepatch too,” she instructs, a molten heat in her eyes that can only spell trouble. He complies, sliding into the king-size bed.

i am FERAL. hide nothing from each other!!!

“Don’t,” Aemond grits, grabbing her wrist before she can trace his scar.

She smiles beatifically at him, tightening the thigh she has draped over him. “It’s just cuddling, Kepus.”

oh she.... evil woman... she's evil... most definitely!!!!!

he's been calling her niece in his mind and she goes and does THAT! what a serve

 I will never be just your uncle again. I will never let you go. I will consume you.” The little siren sighs, shifting so she can wrap her legs around Aemond’s waist. “Big talk for a virgin.”

i- no comment..... she threw him on the ground and she keeps on kicking him, she won't let him have a moment.

“Why would I want gentle when I can have you as you are?”

girl bye... im done commenting.

[...] Shall we see if we can get you a third?”

i lied.

In that lavender haze of her eyes, he sees a future. He sees chaos and eternity and a purpose. He sees what she needs.

valaemond brainrot until the universe freezes over

“You called me a slut,” Valaena mumbles, her nose sharp on his collarbone. He takes the opportunity to press a kiss to the top of her head. He huffs a laugh, brushing hair away from her face. “And I think you liked it.” A sharp grin, showing off her canines. “Thank you.”

“The only responsibility I care about is you, Valaena. I think about you all day. Has Valaena eaten? Has she drunk enough water? Is she wearing thigh highs or stockings today? Did Valaena laugh today? Is she happy, taken care of? Will being with me make it better or worse?”

make it stop i've had enough!!! stop stop stop STOP!!!!!!

I love him so much. i am indeed chewing glass because even if he doesn't fully realise it, or calls it as such, he is so down bad for her. so in love... so... i.. i need to know when it really started. when he realized Oh Shit.. this isn;t just going to go away. the care he has for her??? and to know that despite all that love they still had to break up even if it was for the better? to know that THIS is what was in line? that THIS is what they're making their way back to? what they are both striving for? my heart

“Because I want to be with you, too. I choose you, Aemond. I’ll always choose you.”

and soon enough Aemond will truly feel that in his bones and understand it and will be able to find this solid thing, this dependable thing inside of him that will KNOW he deserves and has earned that love freely given just as Valaena will with the love freely given from Aemond.

you killed me dead bestie fr.

im so sorry it took so long for me to get back to you with this but i was getting my ass handed to me by Uni.

the newest chapter was amazing as well! we're all so glad to have you bag from your vacation, you deserved all that time away and the new scenery after these past months. i hope you're doing amazing and if you are still abit sick i hope you feel better and get well soon (iirc you were a bit under the weather, or was that during your time away?)

in any case! what an amazing work same as always. soft drunk off the recond free aemond in the newest chapter was also amazing. im assuming some time has passed between his therapy session and him arriving in Dorne?

“Don’t,” Aemond closes his eye, burrowing deeper into the pillow the way he used to do to her bare chest. “Don’t give me softness you’ll regret tomorrow.” “I won’t regret it,” Valaena whispers, propping herself up on her elbow to look down at him.  “Prove it,” Aemond orders imperiously, eye still closed.

prove it. prove you wont hate yourself or feel uncomfortable for the affection you showed me, for bringing me back into your life despite maybe not being sure you want me there. Prove you are okay with me, prove we are good, or at least we are better with each other. and she does...

even if he wont remember tomorrow she tells him about that one night where everything really hit her and it all came crushing down, unravelling from that point foreward. their time together was really uncomfortable to read. you managed to portray Val's freakout excellently because myself reading this... it made me feel lowkey triggered just like her. it felt like being suffocated, like being pushed down and unable to move and escape. and the worst part for her was that the only person who could make her feel better was the person who freaked her out.

i understand how to Aemond it may have been nothing but honestly... reading from her pov it was Just TOO Much, just the way i believe you intended it to be. i love val, she.. i just get exactly where she is coming from.

and i have to say Val is one of my favourite characters Period. she is exactly what you meant for her. a flawed, sometimes making mistakes but mostly trying yer best and failing as well as succeeding. i think she is an incredibly strong female character exactly because of this. you can only be brave when you are scared. and that's exactly what she does. she fumbles, she avoids, she is harmful to herself but she always deals with the situation, she always strives to make it work and works hard to earn that.

incredible work bestie from the bottom of my heart. <3

BESTIE

IVE BEEN SITTING ON THIS FOR FAR TOO LONG trying to stop kicking my feet and blushing and form a coherent response,,, the brain cells aren’t braincelling but I can’t keep reading this to myself every morning lmao it needs to be shared

THE TRAGEDY OF AEMOND,,, being viserys’ foil, building himself into something worthy for those that will never see it and appreciate it the right way

And Valaena,,, cursed to be always aching for something she can’t have, drowning in the legacy she fear and respects

I 10000% get what you’re saying and thank god I aimed for it!! Their relationship during the early years is the right person, wrong time, as neither of them had the emotional fortitude or strength to hold themselves up

They solely held each other up with no thought or concern for their own emotional/psychological structural integrity

And that weakness was only revealed when they ripped away their support beams from each other, leaving just the internal rot and negligence they’d put into themselves

So they have to heal themselves first!! And while aemond might not be able to admit it and say that, he recognizes that for the first step it is, when Valaena starts working on herself actively and with intention to do better

BUT HE IS ALSO A SICKO SO HE WILL NEVER ACTUALLY LET GO!! AN OBSESSED KING

But above all else, Valaena

And her safety first, mentally and physically and emotionally

I AM A SUCKER FOR SIBLING BONDS AND I REFUSE TO BELIEVE RHAENYRA GIVES UP ON THEM SO EASILY

and we come back to aemond and Valaena having to learn to exist outside of each other before they can exist together!!! Aemond rediscovering joy and Valaena rediscovering herself!!

THEY NEED TO HEAL!!!! AND THEY ARE!!! HEALING AND COMING BACK TOGETHER!!!

And vixen Valaena had to make an appearance eventually! Scandalizing poor virgin aemond!!!

I’m too dead to write a more eloquent response like this deserves but I want to say thank you!!

I cannot express the depth of how grateful I am you took the time and effort to write a thesis on valaemond!! It humbles me and brings me such joy and happiness to see you like Valaena and can think this much about my passion brainrot project!!!

[nyan-koii]

Tw // noncon, rape, bad grammar, my teacher didnt proofread this, brainrot

Currently thinking and manifesting tomioka giyuu, himself all alone, non-coning his only friend after the death of sabito. Apparently, the three of them were friends because sabito introduced y/n to giyuu. Y/n's not learning under urokodaki but they've became really close with one another.

The death of sabito pushed them both into a misery, agonizing state but y/n recovered first to help giyuu. You could say that she's basically his moral support and comfort person. Y/n helped giyuu so much he thanked the god again and again every night, thinking that life is not that bad with y/n. He began to fall in love with y/n. He was obssesed.

She reminded him of tsutako. Caring, kind, dotting and just overall really nice to him. A quality not every person shower him due to his aloof self. They thought of him wrongly but she was there to protect him, just like tsutako and sabito

Oh sabito.

Giyuu knew how y/n's madly in love with his best friend, dead best friend. Y/n would never miss a day praying for sabito's soul to rest in peace just like how he would never miss the chance to thank the god for bringing her to his life.

This sabito, that sabito. He became irritated and disgusted he felt bad about himself. Bad that he cursed his best friend like this. Bad because he fell too deep in her love and affection that whenever she mentioned the word sabito, he wanted to say "he's dead," to her face.

Giyuu is a selfish person. He learned to become one. Wouldnt it be fair if he behaves like this just because no one other than y/n care for him? He wanted to keep her for himself. He wanted to break those faces that goes near y/n. He yearn for her.

It's funny how at first she liked it. Guilty pleasure seeps into her as giyuu nibbled her skin, trying to claim her as his. It was the fact that she imagined it as sabito that causes her to like it. To love it. Not becauss of giyuu. Oh no never would she thought giyuu could become her soulmate. She saw him as a little brother. Brother in law.

So when she accidentally moaned out sabito's name instead of giyuu, the boy stopped all his actions and looked at her in the eyes. She flushed "s-sorry giyuu. It accidentally came out like a prayer," prayer. Why would she be praying in this kind of situation?

Does she not like it? Does she hate what im doing? Does she knows my feelings? Is she feeling good? Is she looking at me? Will she ever look at me?

It was the final straw for him when y/n sneakily took a peek at sabito's picture. She'll never look at him, a pathetic worthless person, tomioka giyuu.

She was taken aback when giyuu pushed into her forcefully, the feeling of burning sensation crawls up to her and she screamed. "G-giyuu slow down please it hurts,"

"Why did you say his name? Why cant you look at me?"

"Giy-giyuu please sto-stop aahh!! Not theree noo please please stop it hurts no moree. giy-AHH-"

Animalistic, no demonic behaviour, as if he was possessed by some kind of demon due to the strength in his hold. Life was unfair of how he took advantage in his size and physical appearance. Y/n couldnt do anything to stop him even though she tried to push him away forcefully just like how he's pushing himself in her. An unbalanced battle.

"I want you to forget about him and focus on me only,"

Y/n cried. And she called out for help. She called out for sabito's spirit. Not a very wise action from her if one day she ever recall this moment back. She wont.

"HE'S NOT HERE ANYMORE WHY THE HELL DONT YOU GET IT,"

Gripping her thighs harder, he slammed into her roughly she could barely speak properly due to the harsh force and choked sobs. It was painful for her to see him in such state. Why? She could only think of that.

Y/n no longer called giyuu by his name. Tomioka san stop, tomioka san please, tomioka san i cant.

It was better than never for him. At least after that, she didnt even dare to speak about sabito anymore. The thought of getting raped by her dead crush's best friend pains her. Giyuu wished to be a better person but he knew that he couldnt. Not after what he had done to her still linger in both their minds. Painful and sorrow.

They both wanted to die.

[lord-king-saint]

✨7TH HOUSE SHADOW WORK (PART ONE)✨

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DISCLAIMER: Depending on your level of integration, you may not relate to these descriptions of the signs. Without integrating the sister sign, there are deficits in the personality. As we integrate our sister signs' qualities, we tend to relate better to the world.

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✨aries: energetic and forceful mars rarely allows others to influence you or "impress" upon you. it guards you with its fiery armor against absorbing too many perspectives-- and rightly so! people who juggle too many perspectives always vaccilate and diffuse their energies! it can feel like a betrayal to you when someone is always taking the middle-ground. a warrior has to attach to its goal, or they die! so why are so many fools getting the jump on you? whats up with those "certain people" who get under your skin and drive you mad? how do they charm you and expose you so easily? its their ability to "drink in" your perspective. they allow themselves to be impressed upon by you, but they use that data like an artist. yeah, their energy is diffuse, and thats why you are so easily drawn into them, like everyone else. you may be jealous of people who are charismatic and very liked. aries can be popular and well-liked too, but its usually because your audience is compatible with your forceful energy-- or they like you despite it! but venusians win hearts, and relationships, because they make room for others in their psyche. can you make room? or does it feel like obliteration?

✨taurus: you see no need to rennovate your entire personality. youve carefully crafted yourself and your surroundings, based on what you think is beautiful, and valuable, and conserves the most energy. you dont have time to constantly deconstruct and rebuild yourself. even though you want to improve in some areas, you won't throw the baby out with the bath water. after all, you have earthy goals to achieve. youre comfortable in your skin and your rituals work for you, because theyre tailored to your delicate sensual nature. you dont want to be ruffled, or hurried, or over-stimulated. thats why those "certain people" irk you so much. theyre always trying to penetrate your exterior and reveal these deep truths about you. whats their angle? why do they want to unravel you? it feels like they just want to tear you apart, and then be the ones to put you together again. it feels like a power play-- and furthermore, it sounds exhausting. you dont need to expose the deep dark motivations inside you. youre doing just fine because you march steady and refined toward your goal. thats why youre confused when people say youre oblivious. when people confide in you, and you dont investigate the secret longings of their hearts, and the bitter past that forged them, they say they feel unseen. you want someone around because theyre "valuable", but when you dont merge with their inner world, youre treating them like an object. you prefer to build trust slowly. you notice that a person repeatedly respects your boundaries, so you let them in. but intimacy demands something deeper. they want to know that the deepest and most vulnerable parts of themselves are safe with you. are they? are their deep and messy hearts safe with you? or they just your "objects"?

✨gemini: youre like a surfer, arent you? it doesnt matter what the current is doing, as long as it gives you that wave! that moment of excitement and freedom! i mean, obviously you study the water, and know which waves will give you the most thrill, and you can probably anticipate when a good wave is coming-- or maybe you dont surf, but, you treat information this way. you know the people who have the best stories. you can sniff them out, you're drawn to them, and you know how to stay engaged with them-- until you don't want that anymore! until then, you download everything you can learn, to redistribute to others later. youre a fabulous messenger. collecting fascinating knowledge, person by person, media by media, and re-telling them in glib and colorful ways, is what maintains your excitement and thrill. your heart adores networking, and you love being at the center of the web you weave-- but then you meet those self-righteous types. those "certain people" who have actually been on journeys. they don't swim in the same surf, waiting for waves. they dont collect stories and glimpses of experiences. they arent messengers. they venture into the unknown themselves, for their own experience or vocation or belief system. these people know themselves. theyre the blunt types who scare people away sometimes. "but those people might've had good stories!" you cry. you hate their candor and their self-righteousness, but you cant help that you love their stories the most. theyre so knowledgable, like a teacher or guru. they may even make you jealous, because they arent just telling stories-- theyre telling experiences. they make you want to go on a journey and have an experience too! you want their self-knowledge and expanded worldview-- but, that would require that you choose a direction. it would mean starting your own story, and commiting to it step by step, rather than waiting in the surf for a thrill. which direction lies your story? can you devote yourself to it?

✨cancer: youve seen the world outside and its scary. everyone is so changeable, and they all want something from you. they all have angles-- but you know who didnt have an angle? mother. she didnt need anything from you, she just adored you and held you and fed you yummy meals and listened to you sympathetically. she would never exploit you. she only wanted the best for you. or, maybe your family wasnt like that, so you built your private world around that loss. you save the photographs of being unloved, and insulate your heart with familiar, emotional security. your pets and plants love you unconditionally, and so do your friends. actually, you make sure that every person in your life is "safe", which is why you tested them and only slowly let them in. you approached sideways, indirectly, but eventually the faithful made it into your den, where you adore each other and feed each other and protect each other's secrets. you take their photographs and hang them in your private world, and you pray to the moon that you dont hurt you or leave you one day, like the others. when the others left, it was too painful to put into words (even though you tried) and you continue to build your private world around that loss. so the scariest people are the insensitive people. those "certain people" who arent ruled by their feelings and they operate exclusively in the public world. whats so good about the public world? sure, you play in the system to give yourself security, but why bother being ambitious when the private world is so much safer? these people are disciplined and want to master the outside world, and even though you feel unnerved by them, theyre sensible providers of security, and security has always appealed to you. theyre brave and stoic on the outside, because they wear the mask of courage to provide for their families-- like an archetypal father. sure, theyve suffered, but their suffering and failures are what galvanizes their self-respect, and motivates them to try again. their resilience appeals to you, draws you like a magnet, but you resent their emotional strength because it makes them seem insensitive. but in order to accomplish our goals in the world, we have to be disciplined, put our feelings to the side, and be willing to fail. are you brave enough to climb the mountain? can you approach the world directly? the public world can be a scary place, but when you have courage and a wish in your heart, it makes for better photographs.

✨leo: your heart is a stage, and your beloved audience loves your warmth and glamor. youre so talented, so dignified, and you have that accessible "older sibling" aura that wins people's hearts. basically youre blessed, and your heart soars whenever you receive applause. like a good actor, people dont always know the work youve put into your identity-- unless, of course, its part of the act-- but youre not pretending! its just that applause affirms your existence, so naturally everything revolves around that. you love your audience and you cant imagine life without being seen and praised. humiliation could destroy you, but you will always rise like the graceful pheonix before a new audience, to dazzle and impress and entertain again. you have infinite creative potential inside of you, a kaledioscope of color and expression is at your fingertips. thats why you cannot stand those "certain people" who come around to expose your ego. these people are usually intellectuals who are penetrating and insightful, and they always try to bring you down a peg. when you tell a problematic joke on stage, theyre always advocating for the audience and viewing your act in an idealistic lense. "its just art!" you cry. "and its my art! so if you dont like it, you can leave!" but when the audience leaves, it always unearths your insecurities. how are these people so in-touch with your audience? how do they forecast the audience's needs so accurately with their insights? youre the one on stage, but these intellectuals know the rhythms of the future, and theyre forcing you to step up and change. you recognize their genius and want it for yourself, because your heart is a stage, and theater is about the interplay between the actor and the audience. can you use your heart to feel into the hearts of the collective? can you change with the age? is that something you even want?

✨virgo: your attention to detail is truly a gift, and it enriches everyone around you-- even if they dont notice. you can put your ego to the side and really analyze what truly needs to be done, and then you do it, without fuss. once you find the flaw with your eye for detail, you uproot it. even when its thankless work, you are a major service to those around you because you keep things efficient and organized, just like your own bodies and minds. when things are unclean, you keep them clean, just like your unconscious. in fact, you regularly go into the basement of your mind to take an inventory of your compulsions, obsessions, and needs. you may appear neurotic to others, and you may feel that way too! your eye for detail can sometimes paralyze you with all the ways you need to improve yourself. even when it comes to others, it may be hard not to see flaws and want to perfect them. it may be hard to relate to people outside of this ritual because youre so invested in the routine of that role. when your eye for detail sees all the flaws, how can you not aspire to a future of perfection? its hard work, but everyone should be working to be better, right? thats why "certain people" who are oblivious to their own flaws bother you. everyone has a responsibility to improve, but then you meet those people who laze about and dont improve themselves. and, you notice that they dont try to improve other people either! they accept people as they are, and you resent how others gravitate to them. you assume that theyre coddling them-- but with your eye for detail, you notice something. you notice that people around them slowly heal and improve by their influence, by some strange alchemy! and you cant trace back how it was done! because they accepted them as they were-- they changed, for the better. you also notice that it works personally for those people too. somehow, by not worrying and analyzing, by withdrawing from their obsessions and escaping into art or distraction, occasionally things work out for them! it doesnt happen enough to quantify, but the numerous occasions where inaction breeds positive results astounds you! how do they do that? how do they give their problems over to some higher force by escaping? you can barely escape your own mind without feeling guilty! and you notice that their ability to escape balances their ability to ground in the moment, especially with others. it seems so disorderly and contradictory-- but it works. how can inaction and acceptance change your life too? how would your loved ones improve if you accepted them as they are? can you tolerate uncertainty enough, to reap the rewards of acceptance?

[nolongerapileofashprobably]

I think about Zelink in each game and I seriously give Nintendo props for creating a compelling dynamic between the two no matter if it’s purely platonic or has romantic undertones or is just blantantly spelled out as soulmates.

OoT Zelink has romantic undertones. Don’t even try to argue with me if ya feel differently. It isn’t spelled out plainly enough that we could say it’s practically canon, but it does have that bond between them that’s undeniable.

In the game, you can literally go back into the castle as Young Link and show Zelda the different masks Link acquires through the side quests. And the entire idea of Link sneaking pst all those guards to show Zelda some mask is hilarious and adorable.

After the time jump, Sheik then accompanies Link and it’s 10000% obvious that he’s fascinated with them. Link wants to spend as much time with Sheik as he possibly can. Water Temple aftermath scene anyone? That made it obvious (for me) that OoT Zelink are soulmates, because it’s their souls pulling them together and creating this attraction. Gender has no say. (It’s also makes Link 10000% bi in this game since Sheik is considered a “guy” to everyone else and I live for this headcanon). No matter who they’re disguised as, the chemistry and attraction is THERE. Plus, in Kakariko when they’re attacked by the Shadow. Staying by the others side. Trying to protect each other. Please let me live.

And the final battle. Oh this poor bby. He sticks his arm out to protect her. He’s so loyal to this girl. He found out she was this person guiding him the entire time and she’s separated from him as soon as she reveals her identity. Foolishly banging on a crystal to free her? Desperate boy wanting to save the girl he cares so much about. Link’s entire life ends up revolving around Zelda in this game. She is the one person he truly truly cares about on a deep level.

I love Malon and all, but I never saw the connection. I’ve always headcanoned the idea that Link comes back from MM’s events and goes straight to Zelda and legitimately just grows up in Castle Town under Zelda’s orders and is trained for the Guard and eventually becomes the head of the entire Hyrulian Army. I also headcanon that OoT Zelink both die young, but not before they have a child who is then given to their trusted friend Malon to raise. (I know it’s a dark headcanon but hey I think it makes sense)

Twilight Princess, on the other hand, gives off much more platonic vibes. Partly because Zelda is barely in this game. I do love Midlink in this game too, but as an endgame, nope. The thing about Twilight Princess Zelink is that it could POSSIBLY happen after the game’s events. But during the actual gameplay? This Zelda and Link play their respective roles to ultimately defeat Ganon. It’s more professional.

People can debate about this one, with Link’s attention whenever Zelda is in the room being solely on her and all, but I see that more as a ranch hand meeting royalty for the first time and being awed by the regal and natural beauty she exudes. I have said that I can see them happening through a friends with benefits type of situation, but only after.

In game, the story pretty much implied that Ilia is the love interest and not Midna or Zelda. Tbh, I didn’t love her character but I knew for a fact that Link did so I went with it. But I’m replaying the game now and BOYYY it seriously points to Ilia and Link being an item. And it makes perfect sense too. But after everything, I’d see Link sticking around Zelda more because she at least understands. But again, in game and from the canon events, Zelink is more platonic than anything.

Skyward Sword is completely platonic. Idk how y’all got “soulmates” from this Zelda and Link, I mean-

Yeah no do I even have to talk about how this game is blatantly romantic? Its not even UNDERTONES like it’s full out “I’m doing this to save the girl that I love”. They’re literal soulmates and started the kingdom of Hyrule and I couldn’t be MORE PROUD! The first Zelda and Link happen to be in love and they managed to get cursed so in every incarnation they’re bound to meet each other and I think that’s beautiful (despite the angry third wheel that reincarnates with them). But otherwise, this game is legit a love story between Link and Zelda with a bit of action and adventure sprinkled in. Good quality and excellent eyeliner.

Breath of the Fucking Wild people. I know I already did romantic undertones but would I be me if I DIDNT go on a little rant about the beauty of this Zelink??? Didn’t think so. It’s also not even undertones. It’s also not blatantly romantic. It’s heavily implied.

So, you get the hate to love trope, the princess and her knight trope, AND the amnesia trope. All three in this very special pair. The memories play these two very well. The actual story to the game may have been a bit underwhelming, but Zelink’s story is MASSIVE. The memories show us a very complex Zelda, a mute Link who is loyal to a fault, and an epic love story between the two. This isn’t even a theory. It’s actually canon. (Thank you Kass, ily bby)

Now Link’s perspective isn’t fully fleshed out, but that’s the thing. It’s not supposed to be. But what we do get is a few pieces of information that makes you go “oh so he does have feelings for Zelda”. First being the Journal Entries. He wants to save Zelda ASAP so he can see her smile. He wonders if she will be pleased with how far he’s come. He is determined to save her after gaining all his memories of their relationship back. This Link only truly remembers Zelda. The Champion’s have some place in his mind, but he doesn’t remember like like he remembers Zelda.

Second being the little moments in the memories, like him staying by Zelda’s side in the castle to just hang out with her, listening to her ramble on about science things, being Extra Asf when the ground shakes and he immediately goes to make sure Zelda doesn’t stumble, turning around when Zelda begins to doubt herself, sheathing his sword despite being chased by murder bots. It’s just all those little things that makes you THINK.

Third being the flowers. The symbolism. It’s all too real and I won’t even get STARTED on how Nintendo gave us a canon ship name for BotW Zelink and we had the audacity to IGNORE IT!!!

Fourth being the fact that they practically debunk Miphlink after giving it the potential to become official. Stay with me. They painted Mipha as the typical childhood friend that falls in love with the protagonist. Except, I can say with certainty that it’s 1000% one sided. In the game, Link goes to Zora’s Domain as a kid and Mipha heals kid Link’s wounds because she a kind and gentle soul. There’s nothing romantic about that given the fact Mipha writes about it before she writes about the feelings she develops.

When Link goes back, she writes about how he looks past her, doesn’t open up to her, but still remains the kind soul she knows him to be. This in and of itself tells us that Link has no feelings for her whatsoever. He’s a knight and he does his best to protect whoever is in need. But he doesn’t truly reconnect with Mipha as a teenager because he remains closed off and in her diary, Mipha confirms the fact that he doesnt give her the same attention that she gives him. She makes the Zora Armor, yeah, but she didn’t present it to Link AND she prayed to Ruto. Ruto being the Zora that fell for Link but that relationship never happened because Link didn’t have feelings for her whatsoever. That in and of itself gives the impression that this relationship is also one sided. The thing that always stood out to me was how Mipha never presented the Zora Armor and how she realized Link and Zelda would grow closer because all the time they had was spent with each other. My theory is that Mipha saw Link and how he seemed a bit less weighed down. And it hit her that the Zelda is also more carefree at this point. And she puts two and two together and realizes that Link and Zelda have opened up to each other and gotten much closer as a result. Hence, why she didn’t give him the Zora Armor since she saw where Link’s heart truly lies. That’s just my own personal idea and theory on her not giving him the armor, so don’t judge lol.

But BoTW Zelink is so COMPLEX and is heavily implied to be canon after the events that I cannot wait to see how the sequel treats their relationship. It’s definitely going to be fun to watch and play.

OKAY SO MY POINT WAS

Nintendo provided all thes unique takes on two characters yet never gave them a toxic relationship, but always one where they can rely on the other when they needed to. And I think that’s beautiful.

*please take note that these are more of my personal opinions and how I view the relationships which may differ from others but that’s okay since LoZ is supposed to be a franchise where you are Link and so whatever you love, he loves. I’m just a slut for Zelink 🤷🏻‍♀️

[angstalottle]

Soulmate

I got @cantijustwish for the langst exchange, hope you like it

Everyone knew that finding your soulmate was both a blessing and a curse. After all it was only after the two first touch was it possible to feel. It was said that it was such a way so that a person could only truest experience life after they found their one true love. This is course was both a blessing and a curse, after all the same touch that will allow a person to feel a gentle hand caress their hair, is also the touch that will let them know the meaning of pain. Lance had grown up with stories from his mother how the pain was worth it, that nothing could cancel out the feelings of love that holding her husband and children brought her. Deep down Lance believed in love and longed for it, but as an accident prone child he also learnt to fear the possibility of falling in love with his soulmate and having to suffer because of it. But at 17 and now in space the possibility of actually finding his soulmate was slim to none. After all he had touched hands with all the members of the team and to his relief found that none of them were meant for him. Or so he thought. To say the mission had gone wrong was the understatement of the century. The paladins were playing diplomats in teams of two on separate planets. Keith and Lance had been placed together, Allura believing the two would work well to cancel out the others negative traits. The planet had welcomed the two with a ball and offered them both royal clothes of black silk pants and shirts with high collared capes in the colour of their respective armour colour. This meant that when the Galra attacked they were unarmed and lacked any way to call for backup. The first shot came so suddenly that Keith didn’t even realise it was coming until he was pushed out of the way and watching in horror as Lance crumbled to the ground blood seeping out from a wound in his shoulder. A wound that would have pierced Keith’s heart. Everyone began to scream and run as Galra soldiers stormed the room. With no other choice Keith pulled Lance to his feet throwing his good arm around his shoulders and ran towards the surrounding forest. As their hands made contact for the first time without Keith’s gloves a warmth spread through the red paladin. The smooth material of the clothes he wore. The softness of Lance’s hair tickling against his neck. The wetness of Lances blood dripping down his side. Lance however felt none of the warmth. Or the material, or Keith’s hair, or even the blood that made his arm slick. All he felt was pain. The white hot agony that engulfed his shoulder and seemed to jolt through him with every step. As the scream tore from his throat and darkness surrounded his vision a thought came to Lance’s mind and that was Keith. They ran into the dark cover of the trees not stopping until Lance’s legs finally gave out. Keith tried to pull him back to his feet but to no avail. Looking around frantically for some kind of cover Keith’s eyes fell upon a large tree with a rotted out indent in the base of its mighty trunk offering just enough room for him and Lance to squeeze inside out of view of their attackers.

Lance as since fallen silent, his breathing coming out in laboured puffs as his eyes were scrunched up in pain. His hand was covered in the sticky blood as he held his shoulder desperate for some kind of comfort.

The stench of blood hung heavily in the air as a puddle formed beneath Lance, Keith knew he had already lost too much… if he didnt do something soon Lance could die.

A lump formed in his throat as a fear he had not felt before settled in the back of his mind, he could lose his soul mate…

Shaking his head he got to work removing his shirt and ripping it into bandages before tieing them tightly, be it a little clumsily, over Lance’s wound.

Hearing the blue paladin cry out in pain as Keith secured the makeshift bandage was nothing more then awful.

“Im sorry…” Keith mumbled brushing Lance’s sweaty bangs out of his face.

A single blue eye opened up to look at him, it was watery and filled with pain “n...not your fault” Lance breathed out.

“How can you say that?!” Keith yelled “it's my fault you got hurt and it's my fault that you can feel the damage done to you!”

Keith didn't even realise he was crying until one of Lance’s hands shakily whipped away the tears.

Keith couldn't help but laugh as he placed his own hand over Lance’s. “Shouldn't i be the one comforting you?” Lance responded with a snort “Yeah well… looked like you needed it… mullet.” he teased quietly. Much too quietly.

Placing his free hand on Lance’s cheek Keith found it cold and clammy to the touch, even in the warm air he shivered and his skin had taken on a ashen grey quality to it.

Keith sighed “You've lost too much blood.”

Lance let out a low groan “yeah that sounds about right… how bad is it?”

Keith tried to swallow that lump in his throat but it stubbornly remained “i'd say we’re about a mile away from the palace and our armour, the others aren't due to pick us up for another two days and... “

“And i may not make it that long?” Lance asked doing his very best to hide his terror at the thought behind a confident smile “good thing i'm here with you then, Hunk would be a sobbing mess right about now.”

Keith smiled and before he could stop himself he leaned over and kissed Lance on the forehead “you don't have to worry about cheering me up, let someone worry about you for a change.”

The smile on Lance’s face faded away. He didn't say anything but when Keith tried to pull away he grabbed hold of his wrist and pulled him close.

That was how they spent the night.

Lance curled up against Keith’s chest shivering despite the heat that slowly began to come off him.

By the next morning Lance was burning with fever and no matter how hard Keith tried he just wouldn't wake up.

With no way to measure the growing temperature Keith could only watch and pray that it wasn't too high as he left Lance to go and try to find some water.

He only planned to be away a hour tops, but thanks to spotting a Galra patrol near the river, Keith had no choice but to take the long way back, meaning when he finally returned the sky was growing dark and Lance was convulsing on the floor.

The water was dropped and forgotten as Keith ran inside in a panic only to end up standing there helplessly.

There was so much blood sprayed across the floor and Keith knew he just knew Lance wasn't just going to bounce back from this.

Without having any other ideas he fell to his knees and began to sob.

Long and hard wails came from his throat in a way that he hasn't cried since he thought he lost Shiro all those months ago.

He was going to lose Lance

He was going to lose his soul mate.

Just as his cries reached their peak a loud raw came from above them.

Keith starred up as the Red lion descended through the trees above them.

Everything happened so quickly after that, Keith carried Lance into his lion and they raced back to the castle.

Keith didn't even slow down to explain to the others what he was doing back so early, he had to get Lance to a pods.

That was his mission, that was all he cared about.

Lance was in the pods for a week.

His fever was up to 106 and his wound was infected.

Keith didn't leave his side even for a moment.

Not even Shiro could get him to get some rest, nothing could pull him away from Lance, not now not ever.

Fairly early in the morning the pod hissed open and Lance fell out into Keith's waiting arms.

“Hey” Lance whispered.

“Hey” Keith replied “lance i-”

“Shut up” Lance cut him off as he pulled Keith into a kiss.

It was long and passionate leaving the two breathless when they finally pulled away.

“Wow… i… i never knew how amazing a kiss would feel” Lance laughed as Keith picked him up and spun him round.

“I always knew it would be amazing as long as it was with you...i...i love you Lance.”

Lance smiled at his soulmate “I love you too.”

[fullsunhyuckie]

in dreams we meet.

*here’s a low quality picture of a high quality person. i’m sorry i love this picture so much so i picked this :))))

dream coordinator!mark

in which mark coordinates people’s dream and yours is by far the hardest for him. 

disclaimer: this story is only fictional and purely made up,,,by me :) 

okay so letsgetit

after death, there are 3 stages. basically theres heaven, hell and the in between. 

we all know how heaven and hell works. the more good you do, you’ll go to heaven and the more bad you do, you’ll go to hell. as for the in between, its for those have a balance of both good and bad. 

in between requires all its inhabitants to,, work? people in here are made to do these jobs so that they can redeem themselves and eventually end up in heaven. 

the jobs in there are things such as grim reapers, guardian angels, fairies like tooth fairies etc. 

mark was 19 when he died. the cause of death on his death cert,,, unknown. its probably a dumb way to die, thats why. 

you could consider mark a saint, always saying his prayers before a meal or a test. but he died a teenager so obviously there were as many bad things he did. he probably killed a bug,,,,but dont worry he prayed after that because he was scared but i mean its still a sin. so here’s mark in the in between.

mark was assigned to be a dream coordinator. he was tasked to coordinate dreams for each human he was assigned to. 

there are 5 stages in each sleep cycle the first being the non-REM sleep which basically means light sleeping and the fifth stage the state of a dream in a dream or lucid dreaming

it has been 2 years ever since he started his job. well if you count it in earth years its probably about 70 years. 

so now, mark is a senior coordinator, which means he will overlook his team and also settle for the tougher cases. 

so thats how he got to know you, a university undergraduate majoring in neurology. you were bound to have trouble sleeping with all the stress. the nightmares you had weren’t helping you either but blame donghyuck for that he doesnt know how to handle people like you. 

mark was recruited and the first time he saw you, your textbooks were sprawled on the floor and you had your head on the study table with at least 50 pages on the nerve system scattered on it. you were drooling a little but mark found this all in all just,,, pure. 

he felt bad for you so he vowed to stick with you till he is able to fully heal your sleeping habits. 

truthfully speaking, it was tough to be your sleep coordinator. some nights you wouldnt sleep or you wouldnt get pass your non-REM sleep so he would be jobless. 

times like these made him wish he was instead a guardian angel so he could tell you to sleep right tf now. 

thankfully, there were some nights when you were able to fall asleep, in the REM stage, which is the stage where most people have dreams. he would coordinate dreams to make sure you would stay deep in sleep for at least 6-7 hours. 

he would access your memories that are good and bad, interests, hobbies, fears and all. so to be honest he knows a lot about you. he also knows that he might have a tiny crush on you but whatever :/ 

after coordinating your dreams he would sit by the corner of your bed and watch you, not in a creepy way, no. 

he’s merely doing his job to ensure nothing terrible happens in your dreams

he would look at you smile in your sleep when a good part comes up which made his heart flutter a little. here and there he would add bits and pieces of information about him in your dreams so that you could have an idea of him.

sometimes he has to fight his strong urge to properly meet you and he wishes he was still alive so he could talk to you :(

some nights he had to coordinate nightmares because the equilibrium between dreams and nightmare had to exist. this is so that your brain can register the fact that reality still do exist.

it breaks his heart when he has to do this. nights like these, he will make sure he will not leave your side so that he can ensure that the nightmares weren’t that bad. 

when you wake up crying he feels the urge to reach out to you and pull you into his warm embrace and whisper into your ears that you’ll be fine. so he does just that. but you wont realise. all you feel is the cold winter air from outside even though in reality, mark is right there beside you. and this is all because he’s just a dream coordinator. he will beat himself up because of this so whipped for you omg

it’s the worst when finals came, because that means you wont be able to get enough sleep and no matter what dream he coordinates, it will be to no avail. 

so he had to result to the last stage, the state of a dream in a dream. this way you would be sure not to wake up. better still, you would be able to control your dreams which means that it would be to your advantage because in dreams, anything is possible which also means that you can have a dream that is to your favour

stage 5, no matter how great it is, is very dangerous. because if it occurs too often the brain would be functioned to think that waking up does not necessarily mean that you are in reality. this is caused by all the false awakening during your dream in a dream. basically your brain is fked. and because finals dread on for at least a month and a half he becomes worried for you.

but because of his love for you he is willing to drain out his good points (basically a point system for people like mark to help mortals like you) in exchange for appearing in your lucid dreams to guide you into having the perfect one (which means not a nightmare :) ) to ensure that such side effects wont happen to you. 

3 years later and you’re graduating with a degree and 10 pounds of eyebags!! and mark  is so proud of you. he’s so happy for you he made you dream of having your first job and your first paycheck to encourage you. 

but as time goes by you got better in terms of your sleeping schedule. noooo for him but yay for you. this means that mark is no longer needed and donghyuck can take over. the hq back in the in between needs him especially after having donghyuck in charge. 

the last day he was assigned to you he made you dream about being loved. he wants you to know that there are people out there who cares about you, both living and dead. aka him because technically he’s dead 

you woke up crying not because you were afraid but because it felt so real and it truly was. mark gave you a kiss on your forehead and whispered ‘i’ll miss you’ in your ear. but once again you couldnt feel anything and kept on crying. mark could not bear to stay any longer so he left you there, a crying mess. he hates himself because of that.

mark had to work extra hours for using up his good points on you but he knows it was worth it so he didnt mind. 

the nights when he had to monitor donghyuck’s coordination of dreams were his favourite because he was able to see you. and thats all that matters to him 

every now and then he would appear in your dreams playing a minor or major role depending on his mood. by now, you somehow had a gist of how he looked like because of his recurring role in your dreams and you would gush about it to your friends. 

for now, mark thinks what you and him have is enough. because he knows that the only way you guys can encounter each other is through dreams. :))

-Z

[wang-yeon]

Silver Lining| Min Yoongi

Life has its hardships especially being fresh out of college luckily you have a gummy smiled friend to help you with your struggles. You managed getting a shabby apartment with a shared bedroom and when worst comes ends up having to share a cold shower as the warm water is shut off. Things arent going so pleasant as the electricity follows off too but the most treacherous of all, you being able to face what your feelings might actually hold. But your just friends right?

Warning: Smut, cursing, stuff, Best friend Yoongi!, So much friendly bickering like damn just fuck already

Genre: Smut and fluff

Word count: 13.2K Got a little carried away..

A/N: A wild update appears. Okay this damn comeback needs to back the fuck up. Yoongi looks like a meal and bighit is now becoming a jin stan everything it beautiful. School sucks thats the main reason my updates are late as hell. also i found this promt on pintrest but switched some shit. ALSO i am supposed to be doing homework but needed to update please pray for my grades. ALso my teacher was talking about college and im not even a senior so you need to calm the fuck down with that damn word. Okay im done

Oh and you know i had to get a blue hair yoongi on the screen.

Having a longing companion was a necessity to a longing life. Having someone to share the necessitates you were used to sharing alone. The feeling of having another comforting body against your side defeating the odds always seemed appealing. It was often rare for something to come along like so. You would rather find a needle in a hay stack then finding something as extraordinary as other couples demonstrate so. It was never an easy task to accomplish as everyone seeks for so, making your chances limited.

I soon accepted this fate and decided on second best, another companion that seemingly resembled the same. A best friend was well suited for my need, as they held the same traits but still remained rather different. A significant other held the qualities of love and romance as a best friend held the traits of honesty loyalty and bundles of fun. No argumentative sides or going a long period without talking as being away from the seemed like the end of your whole soul. I needed someone to rely on and cherish without that sexual desire yet it seemed almost impossible to find. I was hovering over ever possibility i could get, still lost in the endless hay stack.

Problems and situations seem to work out for you as soon as you stop seeking for the alternative, this played in my favor. I had reached the start of my first college class. The stress had already been pending the feeling of venting to someone was much needed. I took a quick seat near the door hoping to plan my escape as soon as it all ended. I was one of the very last people to enter the room before a loud closing door drove the dread from my head. The room had already been filled with eager students ready for the ending of the class already. Most students were held in the front taking in the professors important words while I sat in the back struggling to keep up with ever aspect he covered. Meaning that there was much more available seating held in the back, conveniently directed next to me.

The boy who most definitely appeared to be late to class sat next to me carting a seemingly big coffee cup filled with a strange substance that didn't seem to be coffee. The professor didnt bat an eye to his presence as he continued his lesson for the people who seemed to be paying attention. He went on about useless things that i managed to keep track with ignoring the cramp in my hand before the boy beside me decided to make his input.

"I'm going to fuck die due to this class."

He took a long drag of his drink displayed in his coffee cup letting out a small belch. I chuckled at his statement as i had been experiencing the same but somehow managed to keep a collective exterior. on the inside i was ambushed with all the notes we had to take this being the first day. He managed to let himself catch a breather as i directed my attention to the window trying to drown my sorrows with warm bodies roaming the campus.

There were some people who were sat against the trees alone soaking in the slight breeze that was displayed that day while others roamed making new connections while others already had them. I could already imagine myself out on the campus seen soaking things in trying to befriend everything that had been combined in my path. I saw college as a wonder filled experience, a chance to make new connections and roam new areas. I had been less worried about my school work as i had thought i would have it packed down and ready for the surface.

"It certainly is wonderful to see new faces but i hope it is equally as wonderful that everyone completed there summer essay as it is a key necessity to get a good start in the year."

Everyone went digging for this assignment he assigned us. In my opinion the essay was rather easy, stating the simple joy the art of food gives me. Talking about the history of food and the ingredients needed to make a certain dish pop. I had no trouble with the assignment but i did have a problem locating where it was placed in my backpack.

A set of panic was forming in my chest. I always hated that feeling but it rarely comes around as i normally have things prepared. I was seemingly expecting the same thing to always happen but the feeling of dread only engulfed my being. I began frantically looking for what I was longing for no longer having the need to patiently look as my professor was making his way up the isle rather quickly.

I began rummaging through out every inch of my book bag before i heard the small clearing of a throat signalling for me to met the bored eyes of our professor. I had removed my hands rather slowly away from my bag remaining eye contact as i was afraid at what may lay if if i dropped the sudden eye contact. My eyes slowly detached from his as i took in his strong posture seemingly intimidating as well. His arms laid crossed as if he was bored with the simple thought of me and my first impression I had been making for myself.

"Well, Ms. I presume you don't have your basic necessities for the first day of class. Seeing as you don't even have the first day essentials i suggest you leave my class before you make a fool of yourself."

He had certainly been blunt making me cower back in slight fear. I tried not to show that emotion as much as he seemed to feed into that only proving his point more. I wasn't suited for a class where he would judge off of my simple movement and my trying efforts. I truly did want a future for myself but his cold state was sure to make things feature more intense. I proceeded to grab my bag slowly making myself get up hearing the squeak of the chair run against the marble floor making me cringe.

It had been eagerly silent as i was on my going exit to the door before a longing voice broke the silence. Behind the professors cold eyes held a black haired boy behind him, the same boy I had observed with the coffee cup and iconic words following along with it. He didn't even clear his throat as he stood up and stated bits from his mind not afraid as I was.

"Are you seriously going to do such a thing from impulse. You arent supposed to give up on a student especially on the first day, you are supposed to push the student into excelling. You clearly got your bullshit degree from your ass as you go off things from the top of your mind rather than thinking them out like a logical person. So what she forgot a project that was assigned weeks back the point is that she worked hard on that as you can tell from the anxiety hurdling from her body. Let her show you what she can prove and not just kick her out leaving a longing impression like this. You dick."

Talking about his bullshit degree and him being a dick had certainly been the icing on the cake setting it all in. He was surely brave enough to state his opinion freely something i had admired right off the bat besides his attractive appearance. The professor seemed stunned by his words but tried to keep his cool as he was in charge of this whole operation. He still held a fuming exterior as the male keep his stance not afraid on what the professors input had entailed.

"Well mr. Min thank you for putting in your opinion but it surely isnt needed. Since you want to take the opposing side why dont you and ms. L/N please direct yourselves from my class room. Im sure the both of you wont be successful in life anyway as you are choosing this path."

The person who i presumed was Min smiled sarcastically wanting to seem more powerful then him as he grabbed a hold of my hand and exited the classroom. He held onto my hand firmly marching making sure to hold eye contact with the professor. As we left the room I stood in the hallway not knowing what was coming next till it hit me. He practically lost his position in this class just for my sake. Ultimately i felt like utter shit.

"You know you didnt have to do that, you know stick up for me. You didnt have to just leave that class because of that."

He had already began walking to where ever his destination held before he turned back to take in my speaking thoughts. He walked to where I was rather slowly still sporting a bored expression on his face. i hadnt known if that was permanently engrossed on his face but i took it as it was. He still held an attractive face as he had sharp facial features. I focused in on these details as he began talking.

"I know, its just something i chose to do. He was acting like a dip shit and frankly I didnt even want to join that dumb ass class. History of food isnt a topic im very well interested in, just needed an extra class is all."

He nodded off with his answer not thinking anything of it however as he finished i realized what had been done. he might have not liked the class but that class was sure enough to make a career at what i found a passion in. I had realized that this big impact that I had made had determined my whole future. It had been the first official day of college and i was already setting myself up for failure.

"Oh my fucking shit, this whole situation is fucked. Im going to become a bum at the age of twenty-one."

I had been running my fingers through my hair as Min had been looking at me curiously before he examined his cup that laid in his hand. He still held the same expression on his face as he directed the cup in my preferable vision signaling me to grab a hold of it, which i did hesitantly. I examined the cup before putting it against my lips.

"You definitely need that more than me."

I felt the energy drink disguised in a coffee cup slide down my throat. I had been taken back at the taste expecting it to be another substance but still took it as i needed the offer. As I handed the cup back to him he put his arm around my shoulder bringing us closer as we walked down the hallway together.

"If you keep sticking around me ill promise you energy drinks and friendship."

It seemed like an offer i most definitely couldn't refuse. I had been seeking for such thing for so long and for it to commence so easily and he certainly held up to his promise.

Since then the person who i now address as Min Yoongi had been the one to stick by my side till the end of our college days. We never made any other friends as we felt that having each other was merely enough. After school I would help him with his music and cook him cheap foods i found in the 'great value' section. We had been feeding passion to each other yet even after college we had no idea how to presume this. None of the less we chose to stick together and not question what might happen in the future as we had each other.

There were certain hard ships but in the end we always ended up by each others side even as graduation approached. We stood in the big crowd conjoined together as even after graduation we managed to stay together.

We were young adults not knowing where our path of life would take us. We settled for a cheap apartment that held a window view of brick walls and a single bed with limited space. I remember the first night being the most exciting as it was our first time together on our own home. Yoongi was anything but excited as he eyed the TV with a bored stare awaiting for my dish to be finished.

I had managed to cook up a cheap but exquisite dish as i sat it on the coffee table with a wide smile as Yoongis eyes went wide as well. He looked confused by the dish displayed in front of him deciding if he should eat it willingly or push it to the side. My eyes met his with a slight of worry wondering if the food was questionable itself. I had been fresh out of college with a culinary degree yet not processing any information i learned from my classes. I definitely could use some practice but as of now the exhibit in front of us would have to due.

I sat down on the coach picking up one of the plates as Yoongi still let his lay cold and full on the table. I held my plate in my hand awaiting for him to take a bite but he just stared at me with blank eyes. It surely was making me feel insecure about what i prepared making me slightly pout. I knew this action would make Yoongi feel some what guilty which was fairly rare but he still manged to huff and grab a hold of the plate.

I waited for Yoongi to take the first bite as the savory flavor hit his mouth. I took notice of his face as his lips wrinkled before turning to me with a soft smile nodding his head at the quality.  turned back to my food praising myself for my efforts before my taste buds engulfed the flavor of the stale food. I spit it out rather quickly turning to Yoongi who mirrored my actions.

"Thank god you spit that out, Cooking isnt for all of us."

I took Yoongis words in accepting that fact that my cooking was certainly below average. I definitely praised him for even holding the food in his mouth as for the first bite i nearly vomited from the displeasing taste. I still held a sad exterior as i was met with realization of my efforts. I had expected to much of myself and thought i could do things when i certainly couldn't. The professor was most likley right about me, i couldnt make it anywhere in life due to my efforts.

"Hey dont let it get to you, we can just order pizza."

I nodded slightly still feeling depressed about the whole ordeal. Yoongi slowly put his hand on my back rubbing slowly. Yoongi was always awkward in these situations not knowing how to take in my sadness and how to enhance it to happiness, however him just being there for slight support made things ever more better.

"Im sorry if i was harsh on your cooking you know how weird i am about expressing stuff. Please dont be sad or mad or any of this pointless shit, youre still my lil chef."

I smiled at the nickname Yoongi conjured up as i thought back to the memory. We had been laying in my dorm room watching Ratatouille when the red headed chef addressed the rat as little chef. I rolled my eyes as he began laughing his breathe away at has terrible joke comparing us due to our small interest.

"Come on that was funny."

"We must have different senses of humor because im not impressed by that comment."

"Whatever im a fucking genius."

Yoongi groaned putting the covers over his face grumbling about how hes Superior and other things that didn't add up.

I smiled at the memory looking at Yoongi dialing the number to the nearest pizza place. I focused on the pout that formed on his lips as he managed to say through out every sentence as the permanent pout was displayed on his face. It shook me on how his interior remind tough and sluggish sporting every honestly brutal opinion he could muster while his exterior displayed of a small fragile kitten. Min Yoongi was my best friend and i knew certain things he didnt know about himself or certain things he didnt want to accept. I hadnt known what i would do if a time would come if he wasnt apart of my future anymore. It was always us in any problem even when one of us managed to conjure it up.

"What the hell is wrong with you, were getting pizza so the taste of your sad food should drown your sorrows."

Yoongi smirked as he grabbed the remote changing the channel to the kids network. I shoved him slight getting up to scarp the food i had attempted to prepare. I held both of the plates in my hand as Min Yoongi watched me walk off to dispose of them before i made my way back into the living room with a comment back.

"You're the reason why my food taste like shit."

Yoongi snapped his head facing in my direction from my comment . He looked slightly offended as the cooking truly was terrible and him begin the key reason for it didn't make it any better. I knew he wouldnt do anything Jurassic about it besides saying a few comments back. He wouldnt go the extreme measure of actually wasting his energy and putting his time into getting me back. He did however deliberately use this to his advantage as he through a pillow.

Yoongi began snickering at his success as i used it to my advantage to through the Pillow right back at him. His face complexly shifted to a cold stare watching as i was now the one laughing. I clutched on my stomach as he huffed in the background while i sat down next to him giving a sarcastic smile. He still keep on his stone cold face bored by the whole thing not finding it entertaining in the slightest.

"Your lucky I cant get up or else you would have expressed the pain brought to you by Min yoongi."

"Oh no not that."

"I fucking hate it here."

Yoongi only huffed and groaned even more for me not taking notice of his so called genius and opinion. I knew his comment hadn't been real as he was only joking in a strange manor however this was his thing. Switching up how he actually felt. I knew he liked living with me and the small bickering conversations that were held inside of our cheap home. I secretly knew how much he loved every bit of it as did too. Even though he boiled my blood to the point of death he always revived me to the complete point of it being all over.

"I swear on my fucking life if you keep on talking about this bullshit interview im going to jump out of that damn window."

Yoongi and I had been sharing the bed we purchased but I was using it for everything else but sleep. I was anxious as to what was to come of the morning.I  was upholding a new job and was going in for an interview. It had been something i was looking forward to but also terrified of doing so. I knew it would offer me grateful opportunities but i wasn't confident enough to take them into my hands. All these thoughts were flooding my mind and i had the need to express them to someone preferable to the person sleeping conventionally placed next to me.

"But the Window has no view, there for youll only get a face full of brick."

"Ill take my chances if that means i wont have to finish this conversation."

I huffed ruffling my hair making a pout form on my lips. I truly was stressed about the whole ordeal and questioning why I even managed to hand myself this position that i seemed eager for at the time. I was confusing myself and what i wanted only making my head swirl, resulting in things for me to do.

"I think Im just going to not go at all."

The midnight air had enhanced everything as i came to my conclusion. Even as the dark atmosphere filled our room  could still see the shocked expression displayed on his face. I hadnt known on why he was so surprised. He wasnt fond of the topic which i understood as it was late but he never showed such interest any other time. It added to the other ideas roaming around my head making the stress increase more. In senescence i shouldn't have been stressing over this as he was finally showing the slightest bit of interest and was going to share his honest opinion. I knew his opinion always held the truth as he saw nothing wrong with his truth.

"Oh you are most certainly going to be attending this interview. I did not just waste a good amount of my sleep to listen to you go on about this damn interview. There are somethings in life that we dont want to do but we have to go through it to open new opportunists. Once the darkness comes in the light will slowly consume you over time. Just please go through with it."

I smiled softly at is input. Rather he knew it or not i surely did help me and impacted my conquest in a positive light. It was times like this when i appreciated him most and pushed the times i questioned our friendship to the far back of my mind. He really was by my side in ever situation possible and was there to attempt to make the broken remade. He made the sadness slowly transform into a lighter tone. I appreciated him but thoughts still consumed my mind as i couldnt make use of them even after Yoongis helpful statement.

"But what abo-"

I was silenced by a pillow colliding with my face. This action instantly shut me up and furthered anymore of my speech. Min yoongi left the pillow on my face as he curled up and attempted his well needed sleep. I pushed the pillow off of my head holding a bored expression on my face not fond of his previous action. I knew i had been talking excessively but I still didnt deserve a pillow to the face as it wasnt needed. With all the problems still swimming along in my head I began to twist in the bed. I wasnt able to say anything to make things harder than they once were. I couldnt keep still as every bad thing consumed me before i felt Yoongis arm sweep my mid section and places me on his chest as i cuddle up to him.

"You need to stop letting the thoughts get to you. You'll do more than fine you'll do amazing and if they didnt take you then they passed up an opportunity of a lifetime. Therefore you wont have to worry about anything as you have no need to worry about something that wont happen. now please can we get some sleep its a key necessity that i get this done in my daily life."

Strangely enough i agreed to his comment. Cuddling against his chest as the cotton rested against my cheek making me drift off into a state of oblivion. His hand had rubbed my lower back tracing small unknown patterns. He hummed a soft tune falling into utter bliss as i followed soon after. I hadnt had the worry or doubt in my head as i felt comforted by the situation of him being in my presence.

I had woken up rather early as the thoughts came back only managed to commence back into my inner thoughts. I slowly attempted to remove myself from Yoongi trying not to wake him as his sleep was a force to be reckoned with. I had already created the anger from last night as I keep him up more than usual due to my mind. I hadnt intended to due so but it so majestically happened to make an appearance. I teared myself away from him as i made my way to the closet unfolding the nicest dress shirt along with a skirt to make myself seem semi professional. I huffed looking at myself in the mirror taking in my appearance before i notice Yoongis curled up body in the background. I turn my head to gaze upon him smiling lightly as the reassuring words referenced my mind.

"What are you doing up so early?"

I meet the gaze of Yoongis slightly opened eyes and parted lips struggling to make sense. His ruffled bed head had been messily laying on the pillow along with his lower half jumbled up in the covers.

"im gonna make us some breakfeast."

"Really? It looks as if your checking out my beauty."

Yoongi smirked at his comment running his fingers through his hair tiredly. I rolled my eyes at his cocky behavior but couldn't stray away from it as he was slightly true. In assent i was minding my business taking in my appearance when i noticed his in the corner of my mirror. I couldn't help but take notice at his cozy up with his longing blanket. His face laid uflushed as he was drifted in a warmness of sleep but as of now his face lied with a smirk ruining his sleepy state.

"Min Yoongi you make me wanna become a lesbian."

"Glad i make you feel that way, wake me up when breakfast is finished."

Min yoongi grabbed the covers that once lied at his lower half up to his upper to the point of covering his whole head. His body had been consumed by the covers and he took advantage of the bed while he had it all for himself. I left him alone with his sleep as i prepared a bowl of cereal. We had been low on groceries as we had little to no food and only enough cereal for one bowl. It appeared that Yoongi would only have his daily energy drink in a coffee cup.

I placed the finished product on the table taking a seat on the stiff couch and turing on the TV. The TV had still been programmed on the child network and it seemed slightly interesting. it surely was pointless but yet still managed to grab my attention into a clouded fog. I had been so drawn into the TV that i didnt notice Yoongi walk sluggishly with the blanket wrapped around him till the coach sunk along with him.

I hadnt paid him any mind as i crossed my legs on the couch and proceeded to eat the cereal with the bowl placed firmly in my hand. Yoongi seemed uninterested in the show as he reached for the remote rather than his coffee cup. This action made me let out a small squeak in protest making his look at me with a questioned expression. I had been confused on why he wanted to change the channel as watching cartoons had been a natural thing for us however as of now he had other interest.

"I thought you loved watching cartoons with me?"

"I do but this show is plain stupid, seriously why would a dragon win in a fight against Godzilla?"

I turned my head in disgust at his perception of the show. It was a fairly good show for children of all ages but mostly some below my age. Due to my age i had gained enough common sense in life and this excellent show, just enough sense to realize a dragon would in fact win in a fight. It often saddened me that Yoongi didnt get certain concepts and this begin one of them. Almost anyone who had sprouted a brain would understand that a Dragon could easily win in such fight. Yoongi needed to be educated on this and i was more than glad to tell him as i sat my bowl down on the table and turned my body to Yoongis as he did the same.

"Yoongi, honey i get that your education isnt at its prime right now but please gather all the skills you can. This damn Dragon can fly spout fire all while choke him with his damn spiky tail. Now that you've gathered that use your context clues and understand that Godzilla has no chance."

I finished my statement proudly believing every word of it as i was right. In theory a dragon would have a semi chance in a fight in any animal that came in its way. I sat proudly at my observation while Yoongi was slouched with his mouth gaped with slightly closed eyes taking what i said in. I knew he had something to say back but with his brain in the just awakened mood he wouldn't have much energy to fight back on me with this. He hadn't even took a worthy sip of his daily energy drink meaning he defiantly had nothing to offer besides a soft grumble.

"Dragons arent even real."

"Neither is Godzilla, Yoongi."

"Fuck you, you know my genius gets effected in the morning."

Yoongi slightly pushed me signalling that he wanted the conversation to come to an end. As he pushed me the milk from my cereal had gotten onto my shirt making the shirt dirty and see through. I grumbled as i smelled the milk reddened shirt and sent daggers to Yoongi who displayed a gummy smile attempting to make things better. The gum of his smile had been poking out profoundly making the situation less terrible. I had won the conversation we were on about earlier giving me the advantage but that still didn't fix my milked shirt.

"Yoongi can you go get a dress shirt from your dresser or my dragon will light your ass into flames."

"Oh please my Godzilla will literally stomp you to death."

Yet Yoongi still managed to get up with a sigh sluggishly walking. I had usually borrowed his shirts on occasion. They weren't far off from my size only being one up. It certainly did make things more conventional and more manageable. It was a plus as the clothes resembled of his cologne. It was a joyous smell that engulfed my nose making me feel a slight fuzzy feeling in my heart. It hadnt been what we describe as falling for someone but rather knowing that you have the one person who makes you feel better be around you the whole day. Yoongi was always blunt and honest but that was the best kind of way into telling someone the truth. That was one of the ways i was so drawn into him, as he faced his opinion and stood up for me. I always managed to think back to that day when we are in our slightest situations like these. He was always going to push through rather it be telling his opinion for me in a big crowd or letting me borrow one of his shirts. I could always count on my best friend.

Yoongi entered back in the room with a plain button up shirt. He directed in my direction motioning that i still had on my milk shirt. I gestured for him to leave the room but he didnt get the hint as he stood there clueless with the buttoned shirt displayed in his hands.

"You can leave now, dont want you seeing my boobs."

"Are you fucking serious, weve been friends for years I promise i wont get a boner at the sight of your chest in a bra sack."

I rolled my eyes slowly taking off my shirt. For the amount of times we had been friends he had surprisingly never seen me naked as have I. This made things even more intimate as silence covered our atmosphere and his eyes directed to my clothed breast. I hadnt known what to do as i held my stance while he still held the button up shirt in his hands. I cleared my throat signifying that he could hand me the shirt which he did snapping out of his presences returning back to his unmentioned stare.

I began in attempt to button the buttons displayed on failing before i felt Yoongis cold hands take my place. He had a slight change in expression almost as if he had cared about something, affection. The state scared me as it brought by him, he never showed an ounce of expression besides disgust or nothing at all. This had been new but it was certainly something to get use to. His hands had been slowly been approaching my breast as his breathe began to grow agitated. Im sure it had been a long time since Yoongi had felt the longing touch of the opposite sex.

"Thats a nice bra, really makes your boobs look fantastic."

"Yoongi i swear-"

"What your gonna get your damn dragon on me again?"

I laughed at his comment as it brought light to the atmosphere, something that i needed. The thought of the interview had resurface into my head yet again floating around with bad possibilities. I couldnt help but fiddled with my fingers giving the obvious fidget a warning to Yoongi. His fingers had finished buttoning as he tucked in my shirt and fixed my collar. I had avoided eye contacting hoping that he wouldn't notice my nerves but it was Yoongi we were talking about. He mastered every aspect of me and how it was constructed. He could point out anything remotely wrong with me and this was one of those moments.

His hands slowly made  there way to my cheek making my eyes divert to his. His eyes read the affection that held a few minutes ago. This was a truly rare sight. Yoongi was rarely being genuine as he didnt like showing his true feelings to people, even being his best friend he managed to hide this from me. He went to these lengths to reassure me that things would be okay, risking his ego for me. It was a genuine thing wither he wanted to admit it or not. He did cared about people even when he didnt want to let that be known.

"I knew you may be in a struggle but i want you to know whatever happens ill be by your side. I know they will hire you or else they will surely be missing something valuable and thats there loss. When you get in the interview just keep on telling yourself how good you are for them because you truly are, you are to good for anyone. You deserve so much more than what you give yourself."

His hands had still been placed on my cheeks before he removed on replacing it with a small peck to the cheek. I smiled lightly taking in the moment before it was over. I nodded along to him gathering the information i had just received and made my way out the door giving him a longing hug for reassurance. I didnt need it but it was good enough to be engulfed by his rare aura and use it to its advantage.

The door shut behind me as I made my way down the hall before i heard the door being reopened to be met with Yoongis pale face.

"Oh and by the way that dragon you were on about is nothing compared to Godzilla."

And with that he closed the door with a small smirk and playful facial structure. He surely did make the worst of times turn into the best. Yoongi was right i didnt give myself enough credit but neither did he. People and himself often saw him a a sluggish loner who only cared about his own feelings however it stretched far beyond this. He was sensitive and caring when the time was to come and i always admired those times as he gave me strength from them. Yoongi was truly an amazing person and i wished he gave himself credit for so.

I looked at the door one last time smiling to myself at his behavior. The thoughts roamed my head about what he told me keeping it in the closest parts of my mind keeping it with me as i made my way to the interview.

I had been strolling the cart as Yoongi went on mindlessly about his gig he had later on today. I was touched on my own inner thoughts to his into consideration. Its not that i hadn't cared it was the simple fact that the interview had been playing over and over again demolishing every word that had managed to fall from my mouth. Had the words been to rehearsed or possibly unrehearsed. I had began to judge everything about every aspect of the interview even the smallest bit to my clothing. I had been grateful of Yoongis helping hand but the nagging though in my mind still knocked at my head at any possible excuse.

"Anyway, how did the interview go?"

My head had snapped to Yoongis direction who had mindlessly been walking in front of me as if his question didnt affect me. Of course i hadn't wanted to answer this as i wouldn't even answer this question myself. Well i assume i did have a basic understanding on who the whole ordeal went. In my mind it had gone terrible and i wanted to have nothing to do with the whole topic bu Yoongi gregariously brought it up. I had corrupted myself into making it much worst than it seemed but it already seemed terrible. Why not enhance that feeling i questioned myself. Yoongi and I had both unanswered questions only resulting in me driving myself closer to my insanity. Best bet was to abandon the whole conversation as it only made me think about the whole thing ever more.

"Hows your gig going."

"I already told you thats why i asked somethign about yo- wait were you even listening to what i said before?"

Yoongi already knew the answer to this question unlike his other one. Yoongi was fairly smart with his observations trying to make sure that no one takes notice in his stances and obstructions but luckily for me i did. He already knew i wasnt listening as i had all the weight on my shoulders but he went on to not ask further questions as it would only possibly break me down more. In a conversation where it was revolving around himself but he was rather thinking about my mental actions and state.

As he said his last sentence he hadnt asked anymore about it knowing what would only come from so. He may had pushed my buttons but he never pushed me off the edge. He knew his boundaries and what was acceptable. However I had still bent up anger over the dark themes it caused. I certainly knew that i was being over dramatic but i couldnt help myself to get like this when these situations commenced. I tended to make situations possibly worst by caring this mental emotion into my actions.

We had made our way to the cereal isle as we skimmed the cheapest cereals they could muster. Our favorite had been 'Astro Charms' an off brand 'Lucky Charms'. Yoongi and I had always found joy of making fun of the names they could come up with from the top of there head. They truly were genius people contributing genuine ideas for the cereal productions but atleast try and come up with your own product name. I suppose this was why me and Yoongi found showed joy and funniness out of their attempts.

I skimmed my eyes along the cereal seeking for the specific kind. Of course as i finished my skim they had been on the highest shelf possible. I hadnt been the tallest person ever and neither had Yoongi but he still remained taller than me to reach the farthest product of cereal. I groaned at my attempts to reach the cereal only failing. I tried to retrieve it once last time before placing my hands on my knees as if I had ran a full marathon. Yoongi took notice in my jumps smirking to himself behind his hand.

"You need me to get that for you?"

"How dare you judge the vertically challenged."

Yoongi shrugged to himself with a stifled laugh. He quickly went down the rest of the isle scanning any other food items we may had needed. I had stared down my computation while he did so, trying to find any possible way to retrieve this item from the top shelf without any assistants. The whole ordeal hadnt been playing out in my favor as i tried climbing up the shelfs but stopped mid way as the assumption that i would need Yoongis assistants to get down. Overall whatever plan i demised in my head included him which was basically a cycle in my daily life. Everything included him and I wouldn't even know it. I let out on last defeated sigh and accepted the eager help.

"Yoongi, help me."

Yoongi walked over with his same smirk painted on his face as it was last time but this time more evident and radiating with confidence. He felt needed as he grabbed the box of under rated cereal giving himself a well deserved hand. I noticed him standing on the tips of his toes as he reached the box making me smile to myself that even himself was struggling to get a box of cereal. It made me slightly ravish in victory in some way seeing him struggling in the same requirement as i was.

Yoongi plopped the item into our cart as i continued to stroll it him following by my side. He had been rather close and been faking intimidation for some unknown reason. I could tell as the smirk o his face turned to a more playful one signalling his joking side making me question his next choice of actions and wonder what they held.

"I would be a better astronaut."

It sure as hell was a random conversation starter as he kept his eyes on the 'Astro charms'. Im sure he pictured himself instead of the little space man directed on the box instead.However just because Yoongi thought this didnt mean it was true. What was he on about lately first it had been about Godzilla and now this topic? Obviously i would be a better astronaut then him as i held the better skill set. If Yoongi was in space and suddenly ran into an unknown species surely he would full under pressure and shoot them at any given chance he held. He was certainly unsuited for the task at hand.

"Yoongi, you know i support everything you do and what you want to become but i will gregariously take up that job position in a heartbeat."

"Y/N you both know i can jump higher than you."

"In space there is literally no gravity that shit wont matter."

"Rule fucking one of becoming an astronaut is begin able to jump cool, mostly when on the moon. So just accept it."

I sported a straight smile nagging at him in my head knowing he couldnt handle what i would say. Yoongi patted my back encouragingly trying to seem helpful in a way. I hadnt been overly upset at all just portraying so to make the joke go further and Yoongi knew this too. We always picked on each other with things even the stupidest of conversations. Just the simple conversation striking between us two was enough for us no matter the topic.

"How about this, we both gather all our saving to go to space and roam the moon hell we could probably buy the moon. Just us, together."

Yoongi proceeded to drag his arm along my shoulder bringing us closer. I was taken back by the sudden action as i swerved the cart before his hands steadied it. Suddenly we were both directing the cart lazily together with goofy smiles painted on out faces dreaming as far as our banks could take us, which wasnt as far as we could assume however we choose to live in the moment with one another.

"Get away from earths bullshit and just be with each other."

How lovely the whole aspect surrounding that idea sounded.

Yoongi and I had carried the grocery bags up the stairs heaving at each step we took to our apartment door. I dropped the bags at the front of the door retrieving my keys while an agitated Yoongi laid behind me, I had to make my movements quick. However my movements halted as i say the prominent brick red sign lying on our door. I dropped any other remaining items in my hand replacing it with the item on the door. The tape had been still attached freshly to the top of the paper as i skimmed throughout the whole paper.

"Whats taking so long."

I slowly diverted my eyes behind me looking at Yoongi who had his eyes close and lips quivering at the feeling of his arms about to give up on the heaviness of the bags. I motioned for him to put the bags down as i waved the paper in his face while he opened his eyes. He grasped ahold of the paper reading it in a faint whisper. Overall the paper was bad but it certainly could have been worse. Due to our lack in money and not being able to pay full rent our landlord decided to make the grasious decsion to turn off our warm water leaving us with coldness.

"Well there goes our savings to a trip to the moon."

Yoongi held a small frown at the idea sported only a few minutes ago was now vanishing from reality. It truly did seem like a good idea but certainly wasnt going to be an idea that could be escalated so easily. It was now a figment of our imagination but at least it was shortly lived. We still had each other which was a plus as having him around was certainly enough of an adventure.

"Well atleast we still have running water."

"Yeah but we cant use to much of it, only for a limited amount of time."

"Well i need to take a shower first because of my gig tonight and i dont feel like sweating on the stage with all those hot ass lights."

"But ive been sweating all day because of that damn interview."

"Yeah you have I just didnt want to say anything."

I looked at Yoongi with hooded eyes as he placed his gummy smile over his face making up for his previous statement. He sure was the character but that wasn't helping us with our shower situation and how it would make itself out. We both had to take a shower at this moment as it would satisfy what we needed but the problem was we were running limited on water, leaving on thought in my mind. I turned over to Yoongi who seemed to have mustered the same idea as I but i was quick to shut it down.

"Yoongi I am not taking a shower with you."

"Come on its just to save water nothing sexual."

"Okay but i swear if you pull something."

I let out a sigh as Yoongi rubbed his hands in determination for whatever reason he held. Two naked bodies in a shower together was sure to start an experiment well needed but made me feel uneasy as what it could lead to. We had been best friends for years yet nothing so opened has happened between us and i could tell Yoongi was opened to letting that streak to be broken.

"Yoongi I swear you better remove your dick from my ass right now."

"I cant just take my dick off and re attach it, sorry but it just doesn't work like that."

The beginning of the shower had been going fairly well washing up with soap and ignoring each other awkward glances however as time passed by it increased in strangeness. As we proceeded to shampoo our hair we came up with the brilliant idea to have the other person massage our head and wash out with water. It seemed good at first but know the poking of Yoongis dick seemed to drive things further south. It could have been worst as far as him getting a full on boner but just the feeling of my best friends dick so close to me made me think about certain things.

I tried to ignore the feeling focusing on the messaging has i hummed while his fingers combed throughout my hair. It certainly felt nice to have someone else take up this task besides me. I had began to let our small whimpers as the pleasure increased. I felt Yoongi stiffen from behind me at my small noises coming from my parted lips. I hadn't taken notice that i was even making theses noises till i felt the familiar object against my thigh being to become slightly upright. I halted my sounds as now the shower was filled with the patter of the water droplets hitting the chipped tub.

I had rinsed the remaining suds in my hair before turning around to now take care of Yoongis hair. However as i turned around he didnt copy my actions. His eyes soon darted down my body as mine did too. It hadnt been intentional it just happened rather quickly something that i couldnt process. My eyes ranked down his body observing every inch it could muster. I was surely flustered after doing so not sure what my next moves should consist of.

"Yoongi why didnt you turn around!"

I was quick to put the blame on him not wanting to come to terms that i was in the wrong as well as him. I did what i was doing best when i didnt want to come to terms to things. It was a bad habit for sure but it worked in situations like so.

"Well neither did you."

Shit he did have a point and I wish he didnt. Better yet his eyes still shamelessly ranked around my dripping body not ashamed of doing so. He was owning up to what he did while I hid behind his words making him eat up mine as well as his. He graciously did it without a care in the world as if it didnt have any consequences.

"You really are beautiful you know. I find it hard to believe that its been this many years and i hadnt been graced with your beauty."

What he was saying was definitely far fetched and seemed as if it all had been over dramatic but Yoongi never said anything along those lines. I hadnt even known why he had ushered those things falling out his lips. Usually he called me gross and rarely complimented me only when bad themes accrued. Never did he trail his hands along my waist let alone my naked waist. This whole thing had been new and taking big steps at something that i never saw coming in our friendship.

"Yoong-"

"Im serious Y/N, whatever happens i just want you to know that i care about you more than i have about anyone else."

It was true as i felt the same way but not to the extant he was talking about. He was in the heat of the moment and i could feel myself being drag in just as he was. It was tempting as it also felt oddly satisfying. I hated the way it made me feel and how it could risk things but I pushed those thoughts away from any of the verbal actions i could communicate.

"Listen Y/N i know were best friends so I wont do anything that your uncomfortable with and i want you to know whatever happens to use it wont change anything."

After his statement it surely sent my mind into overload. Taking up on all the different options that roamed around my full head of possibilities. I however didnt have time to answer as the alarm from the timer ad began ringing. Yoongi whipped away the remaining suds on the sides off my head before rubbing my damp hair with a small reassuring smile. I knew that this would be the last moment to be shared like this as it was there first ever time to actually happen.

Yoongi was always rare on these occations however they began to become more regular. This began to change things in a way that i couldnt put my finger on. I couldnt tell if it was strengthening our relationship or making it fade. Im liked to believe that we would be together through out everything but in certain aspects i wasnt sure of. He made me confused as hell while i stared at him drying himself off with his straight face as if the moment between the two of us never accrued. Thats just how he always portrayed himself. Pretending the moment had never accrued and never bring it up unless he wanted to.

I knew that these thought would only intensify and i would be left wondering if i could continue on with this feeling I didnt know i was capable of having for Yoongi. If i wanted to somehow follow on with this i needed to portray myself as Yoongi did to himself. Act as if nothing was happening and keep on the friendship unless i seeked for something more. Besides it wasnt important as of now. I needed to push my problems away and focus on Yoongi tonight as an important gig was surfing his way. I had no time of giving up on something as of now because it had always been me and Yoongi nothing more and nothing less.

Together we could conquer more the the earth but the entire universe including the well desired moon. No amount of money could change that.

It had been only a couple of more weeks till anything else meaningful had happened. Yoongi and I had been living out our regular days filled with playful arguments and meaningless conversations. In fact the night prier to the shower had been a rather eventful one for the both of us. Yoongi had managed winning first place in the solo musicians cafe night. His face remained stone like and nodding while proclaiming a quick thank you with a short speech. He seemed grateful but very expressionless. As for me i had been waving all of the possible limbs off of my body. I had been rather proud of him and having his talent actually gain notice, i had every right to be proud.Someone my overenthusiastic approach had left people with he idea of me having the title of his girlfriend.

As Yoongi stepped off of the stage and i engulfed him whole he patted my back lightly not sure on how to handle this affection. I could tell he was proud of himself even when he wasnt showing it on the outside. He didnt know how to react at his accomplishment or how to take them as people usually would He was left with an unreadable approach to people who hadn't come into communication with him. People would often call him ungrateful for his reactions not knowing what he a actually experiencing deep inside.

The host of the whole event took a step off of the stage and stood next to me and Yoongi. I tore my eyes away from Yoongis as they traced to the host who held a forced smile. He seemed very strained not as if he was bored wth everything but almost like smiling was his permeate job besides this.

"Suga i certainly can see a bright future and you surely are lucky to have your girlfriend to support you and your creativity."

"Shes actually my best friend."

We often got refereed to being in a relationship on occasion. It wasnt something that surprised us and neither did we take offense to it. We always were in a close proximity with one another giving off the impression but we didnt want to go as far to break that just for peoples perspective of things. This was how regular days went for us. Spending our days together and have people make assumptions. It wasn't very eventful but it was how our life went.

Now as we transformed into the weeks following things began to grow eventful. Not to the point of excitement but much rather to the brink of terrifying. I had been having a rough time at work trying to knock down the basics of each task. Things had been getting difficult and it didn't help the situation as i walked into a dark light apartment. I had been frighten to say the least as I keep on the side lamp on to refrain from the position i was in now. However when i turned on the lamp it didnt cooperate. I stood there for a second trying to find a possibility on why this would happen till it dawned on me. The landlord had turned off our electricity leaving the apartment with a darkened state.

I made my way to the kitchen cabinet to retrieve some handles and light them with the lighter.I placed the materials on the counter. I had only been focused on the task at hand not taking in my surroundings. I hadn't heard the closing off the door as i was to concentrated on lighting the candle till i felt a hand land on my shoulder and a voice.

"Why are the light of-"

I hadnt been focused on who the voice belonged to rather whos hand was attached to my shoulder and what actions would happen next. I only had one main thing on my mind as i grasped a fork in my hand and stabbed the persons hand as they let out a yelp. I quickly lit the candle and turned my attention to the person who was behind me. I positioned the candle in my hand and in there direction to get a clear vision of who the yelp belonged to.

"Ow what the hell Y/N! Did you just stab me with a damn fork."

Of course my mind had transformed Yoongi into a house invader. I quickly apologized trying to make up a good explanation. Of course i didnt have a good logical reason on why well at least not one he would listen to. Atlest his hand hadnt been seriously injured or he would have been seriously angry with me. Instead of shouting any forbidden words he wanted an explanation as to why the lights were out. Luckily that distracted him from the actions that i caused on him. I roughly explained the situation as what I could gather from it.

We had no electricity what so ever. Meaning we had no tv system or no entertainment. We had been living in an age where we depend on technology and now we were stuck without it. I placed the candles in our proximity. Yoongi had gone on a venture to find an entertainment system while i had been in charge of sitting on the floor making sure the candles didnt blow out. What a difficult task I had

Yoongi came back retrieving monopoly and a bottle of alcohol. I hadnt even known that we held those items but Yoongi managed to find them without hesitation. He placed these items on the floor in front of me as he sat across. He look at the bottle before placing it on the floor as well. We opened the box and placed the board down looking at the different colors of cards and various items. The figures were laied out across the board as i went to reach for the skate board one Yoongis hand did as well.

"Get your hands off my skate board."

"Your skateboard? Yoongi, you dont even know how to skateboard."

"That doesnt mean shit and i was the one the one who found this damn game."

"Fine."

I tossed him the small silver skateboard as he caught it with victory. I settled for a dog already excepting my disastrous fail. Yoongis eyes dotted to another figurine as he dropped the skateboard and replaced it with a tiny silver piano. He placed it on his knee and began fake playing the tiny instrument in his hand. It hadn't projected any noise as it surely was fake but Yoongi seemed like he took a few sips of the alcoholic beverage before retrieving it back. He seemingly enjoyed himself as he was pretending to play until his mouth parted and he began to spout lyrics from his agape mouth.

Yoongi had always played me bits of his sound and it seemed like this was own of his well written songs. This had to be a newly written one as it still had small errors or possibly he was to drunk to correct them in the very moment. However I still took in every word he said and memorizing it as if it was going to evaporate from my mind. No instruments had been playing yet he still manged t make it seem meaningful with just his voice.

Yoongi took a swig of the beverage after finishing such a performance. He hadnt thought anything of it as he was to intoxicated to actually take notice. I had wished he would give himself a certain amount of credit no matter the situation.

"Yoongi, that was really good."

"They dont call me Min genius for nothing."

He offered me a playful wink on tat i couldn't resist to laugh at. Maybe i had been over thinking everything and i needed to relax and not focus on things that didn't involve my input. I reached my arm out and took the bottle from Yoongi and replaced my broken words with the nap of the bottle. I felt the sting of the liquor hit the back of my throat as i coughed violently.The rest of the game had been filled with boastful laughing and liquor staggered breath filling the area.

I moved my figure lazily over the square before exclaiming what it said.

"Yoongi looks like you owe me your house."

"Your a damn cheater their is no way im giving my house to a dog."

He directed his attention to the dog figurine on the board. He lifted it up testing his theory proving him wrong. He let out a groan saying how this whole game was testing his patients. Due to the alcohol in my system i let out a small laugh and a small smile managed to crack from him. We both had the liquor coursing through our veins as nothing really mattered as of now.

"We should get a dog."

"Yoongi were broke."

"Oh we could name him Min Holly. Oh Min Holly."

Yoongi placed his hand on his heart dramatically while laying down on the floor. I laughed feeling the alcohol bubbling inside of me before we banned the game and settled on conversion. However we still remained quit soaking up the comfort in each other. We didn't focus on the bad themes of what was going on as they were surrounding us. We had millions of reasons to be stressed out but instead of worrying about these so called things we pushed them to the side and took in each other.

"You know i wrote that song about you."

"What?"

It was as if the alcohol that once lurked my system vanished completely. My once care free mind begin to move to assumption. I had an idea of the song being directed to an object rather than an actual person. It seemed weird to refer to it like that but it was an assumption that i corrupted.

"Yeah, I titled it first love out of respect to you. Certain aspects arent about you as i had multiple first loves but your the only person Ive grown an attachment to."

I could tell the alcohol had left his system as he began to speak his mind. Not completely all of it as he wouldnt actually let himself admit to something like this. He was slowly beginning to admit things more even when he didn't need to. He still didn't say everything on his mind as he saw that it wasnt needed. He would rather be alone with those thoughts even when he had me he didnt tell me certain things.He was feeling comfortable enough to actual to come to terms with this himself enough to tell me.

"What does that mean?"

I had fully known what he was hinting at but didnt want to come to terms with so. I had been struggling myself with this whole situation. I had always liked Yoongi but seeing the girls come in and out his life. It had damaged me in a way. I had always knew that i was one of the main parts of his life but just the sight of seeing him with someone else made things ever so difficult. I had always wanted to be in this position of me and Yoongi having an actual chance at something more than a friendship but as of now i had no idea what to make of it.

"It means I wrote you a song."

Yoongi had positioned himself as his elbows held him up. This way i could see his face more clearly as the candles lit across his face. His brown eyes sparkled as the flame danced across his iris. It certainly set me back to the time where i was just discovering myself becoming fond of him and his personality. I had felt something for him I couldn't feel with someone else so i asked myself why i felt so hesitant about the whole situation.

I reached my hand out for his as i engulfed his palm. I had ran my thumb across his as his eyes were glued to the small amount of affection. He never showed a sign of it unless on hard times did I as it was a strange aspect of our friendship. This however didnt mean that we never had a liking for each other we just remained more closed off to the idea. As now things were changing and maybe change was proved as a good thing.

My eyes flickered to his as his still stared at our interlocked hands. I carefully took my free hand to be placed against his jaw bringing his eyes to met mine. I took note in his appearance from the slight part in his lips to the mess black hair that laid atop of his head. I could smell the aroma of liquor still lingering from his breathe as my lips grew closer to his. The amount of space between our parted lips had been smaller then a thin string but we still didn't connect. I hadn't know what i was waiting for till I felt Yoongi lips meet mine and falling into a trance. Our lips had molded together perfectly after a longed wait. It felt longed waited after many years. Surprisingly we had never gone as far as hugging not even the most intimate of glances. We had tried to always seen each other as nothing more than friends until this very moment.

I pulled my lips away first opening my eyes lazily awaiting for Yoongi to do the same. As he did a small smile formed upon his lips but he tried to fight it as he didnt wan to show his soft side. I had found it another reason as why I had began to like him so much He couldnt fight what he felt and there were some moments where this emotion took him over so much to the point of actually showing what he felt out in the open. Of course he didnt want other people to witness this but i did. I was the reason why.

"Thank you, for writing the song for me."

Yoongi had nodded his head his eyes focused on something else. He had been concentrating on what i was saying as he lifted himself from his previous position to on his knees. He stood taller than me as his hands cupped my jaw taking in every aspect as i did him. He was feeling everything I did but this time he didnt take like as I did. His lips molded against mine yet again and was savoring each minute.

His tongue had graced upon my lips asking for entrance as i eagerly excepted. His hands that once cupped my jaw made there way down my body till they landed on the back of my thighs. He slowly used his strength to lift himself and me off of the floor. His hands had stayed firmly on my thighs as he walked to ur shared bedroom to put it to use.

My head hit the softened pillow as his warm lips still managed to collide with mine. My mind had been filled with carelessness yet again. Only few moments did i have nothing roaming around my head and he was able to unlock this. Nothing about what was to occur after this and how it would affect things. I was focused on now and what would come from it.

His hands traced along my shirt specifically the hem of my top. I knew his mind was ranking his abilities on how he could managed to take my top off without seeming overly cocky. I admired that he seemed like he was over thinking things judging his every movements but i wanted to make him feel as comfortable as possible.

I pushed him off of me slightly so we were both sitting up. I proceeded to grasp the hem of my top in my hands as Yoongis eyes followed my hands. His breathe had become slightly uneven at the sight. Things seemed to become more intense as the both of us hadn't been sexually active in quiet awhile. It certainly was riveting to be back in the state but even more better as I was sharing it with Yoongi.

I took off my shirt taking in his facial expression as he held a blank stare with his mouth slightly agape. I stifled a laugh not wanting him to seemed embarrassed. I had enjoyed seeing him in such a state and wanted to see how intense things could really get if i went the extra mile. I then proceeded to unclasp my bra making his eyes not break contact with my chest. Yoongi slightly mumbled if he could mantled my breast. I nodded along that it was okay to do so.

His lips clasped around the bud of my nipple. I cradled his head as he went on his assault on  my nipple. I moaned at the feeling ruffling my fingers through his hair needing something to grasp onto as i was experiencing such pleasure. His other hand grasped my other breast making sure to include it as well. His lips slowly made its way to my collar bone to my neck and up until they connected with my lips yet again.

My hands sorted its away around his shirt. I gripped it tightly signalling for him to take off his shirt next. Yoongi obeyed taking off his shirt quickly before coming back into the kiss. Yoongi leaned into the kiss resulting in me falling back down onto the bed. He wrapped his hands around my thighs directing them around his waist before his hands deepened down into my pants. I felt the slight chill while he did so. I felt my stomach dip at the feeling causing a small whimper to leave my lips. He took this as encouragement as he unbuttoned my pants and stuck his hands into my underwear all while kissing me.

"Fuck, Yoongi."

He hadnt even entered me yet i was already moaning for him. He was surely heightening up my senses making me hyper sensitive to the whole experience. His fingers dipped into my entrance making me squirm under his touch. I felt myself moaning more at just his fingers but also seeking for something more. I threw my head back at the feeling and also the longing feeling of him being inside of me.

"I love it when you moan my name princess."

The pet name had made me moan louder. I was practically dripping wet and Yoongi could tell easily as his fingers were feeling around for my juices. It seemed that Yoongi was getting his own excitement from this as i felt his cock poking against me. He decided to finally put the situation into action as he managed to take off my pant and underwear as he did the same to himself.

He had lined himself up taking control in the situation but still looked me in the eyes asking if this whole occurrence was okay with me. Overall we had been drunk at first but i was no more and i could certainly tell the same had been with him. The alcohol had been replaced with real feelings and how to act upon them so i nodded asking for him to do what was long waited for.

( PSA: Just because youre fucking Yoongi without a condom in this fan fiction doesnt mean that you shouldnt use a condom in real life AGAIN wrap your willy before it gets to silly!)

He slowly filled his cock with my entrance making us both let out a long waited moan. Yoongi had began to grow aggressive as he felt my walls around him. His grip on my waist had increased making the experience intensify in a good way making me moan louder than before. I couldnt believe that we hadnt done anything remotely like this but i was glad it was getting down as of now.

"I beat all your other boyfriend couldnt fuck you as good as I can."

I had only had one boyfriend in my whole life and Yoongi despised him in a way. I hadnt known why but a hatred had sported for him. He hated how he always held my hand and was affectionate as Yoongi knew him himself couldnt do these actions so easily. However times had changed and i was laying with Yoongi instead of him proving him something.

"Only you can, Yoongi."

"Thats right princess."

Yoongi ad began to go harder due to my response aiming to excel. He had easily already been the best guy i had slept with but just the added endurance made things intensify. I felt my walls clenching around me as i sure Yoongi did as his head went to the crook of my neck growling as he met every thrust before i came undone. I let out a series of moans as he did as well before releasing.

Yoongi turned to his side of the bed not knowing how to end on a good note, He hadnt meant for this to happen and neither did i leaving us with an awkward approach. I knew I liked Yoongi and I didnt want our friendship to be forever ruined due to the bump in the road. I wanted to come to terms with this instead of stray away from it so i decided to muster the courage and speak what was on my mind.

"I like you."

I had been looking at the ceiling taking a quick glance at Yoongis back muscles waiting to see how he would react but he didnt. He didnt move nore did he contribute to what I said. I had destroyed our friendship with the gracious amount of temptations. The thoughts commenced my head yet again setting me into  a saddened state. I had begun to scare myself at any possibilities but all that seemed to hush at the sign of reassurance.

Yoongis hand snaked around my hide section bringing us closer together. I felt him kiss my shoulder slightly smiling as if he had finally made the decision that would impact his life in the greatest.His hands wrapped over mine as if they were the most fragile thing in the world as well as they may slip away from his very hands. I was happy with what was occurring and could tell this feeling would never come to a halt and the words that ushered past his lips only confirmed this feeling.

"I love you too."

I had been anxiously biting my finger nails in anticipation. Yoongi had stood on the same stage yet again but held at a different venue. He had been begin judged on his performance staying on the stage trying to keep a collected exterior while awaiting his win.

Throughout his performance i had been sobbing and cheering him on as he preformed one of his so every loving songs. Tonight had been a special one due to it being'First Love'. The dedication he had mustered into each lyric really opened up his true emotions even to people who he didnt know. My cheers only increased as he made eye contact with me smiling slightly to himself at the accomplishments he was living.

He stood on the stage fiddling with his fingers trying not to make it noticeable but however as they called his name as first winner he couldnt contain his excitement. His mouth let out a squeak noise in shock at the sudden win grabbing ahold of the trophy as tears morphed. Theres was always something about the second win that made things seem more eventful. A sense that you actually made it rather being good for one thing.

The sudden jolt of energy had bolted into my whole being needed to be engulfed by his presences just to test how real everything was. Yoongi held his arms wide open as he took in my request rocking us back and forth while we cried into eachother shoulders. The answer began talking into the microphone but i didnt managed to pick anything up as i was to trapped in Yoongis being.

I pulled away wiping away his tears bringing us in a chaste kiss sealing everything. I looked into his glossy orbs taking into everything from each experience. Yoongi had been my best friend and still remained my best friend. He held an extra title is all rather than just being my best friend. My best friend had managed to make such an impact on my life and others as i look around the cheering people who were seated. It took me back to when our professor told us we wouldn't as succeed in life. I had taken up the offer of my dream job while yoongi had been living his dream. most important we had each other of all. Having another body to share these experiences with was the true key of life. Not the riches that came along with it but spending that time with someone.

Yoongi was my someone. He was my best friend and my boyfriend. Most people dreamed of having let alone one while i surpassed both. I truly was lucky and I needed to remind myself of this everyday as i couldnt believe it. I couldnt tell you exactly how it would end but i wanted to focus on the raw beginning. The beginning of our future and what was to come, I described it as a fiery passion with a burning desire of intensity and as he looked me in the eye i could tell he knew this too. We had been in our young adult years and have experienced the hard struggles of life but it was just the beginning.

And i couldn't wait to make more beginnings with him.

*corny i know*

[ot5]

oh I’m glad it cheered you up a bit then!! 🥺💓 ndksksk me tooo, only got maxi dresses and I LOVE them like don’t even have to think about my outfit bc I’ll just put on the damn dress and done? love that!! hmm I think their sizes are really different from each item like you really have to read their measurements on each article rather than rely on a certain size, I kept dresses from small to large or extra large lmao so that’s just something to keep in mind!! but for most articles the quality was actually kinda good for the price? there was only one out of like 10 dresses that felt like much shittier quality than advertised on their website so all in all a good experience I’d say!! what did you order? 👀👀

hmm I think he’s probably on there somewhere but I can just send you a picture of him otherwise!! ndjsksk chunky criminal, I told he got called that and he wasn’t too amused but honestly.. spot on 😭 and omg idk I don’t have the time and energy for a dog tbh and he doesn’t like other cats so idk guess we’re stuck w this lil menace 🥰 I love him tho so it’s fine

ndjsksk well where I live we don’t rly have a beach it’s just like a pathway along the ocean? if I wanna go to a sandy beach it’s like a 20 minute walk but yeah, I mean I definitely love that part!! like it’s amazing in summer ngl 🥵 ndjsksks well I mean I also studied languages so generally I don’t struggle too much learning languages but it’s different from when you actually take a class as opposed to just hearing it, promise!! the first time I visited my friends here and they spoke swedish I had zero knowledge of the language and legit no idea wtf they were talking about, I remember it sounded really strange to me but kinda melodic? and omg you know german? 👀👀 I took some dutch lessons on duolingo last year or smth but also forgot everything rip 😩

also lmaooo you’re right about the dubbing, I was indoctrinated and didn’t even know this wasn’t normal until I came to sweden and everything was english ndjsksks 💀 no I haven’t been, missed a flight connection in amsterdam when I was supposed to get my cat and my furtniture from germany and had to stay at a hotel over night but didn’t see anything of the city but tbh since amsterdam is so known for weed I haven’t been super drawn to it, can you recommend any other places? 👀👀

NDJSKSK omg no why didn’t she reveal herself that’s the whole point 😭 and same, I really enjoy talking to you (hence the long ass messages), the way you talk kinda reminds me of one of my best friends soo I’m happy I got to be your secret santa ✨ and omg no ndjsjs is it bc you don’t like henry </3

ohhh, which one did you get? and it’s been alright, actually went for a short walk (emphasis on short it was windy and freezing, idk what I expected) and I did use photoshop last night for an edit and actually followed a tutorial to change the background ndjsks photoshop queen, but now I’m back to not even knowing what I don’t know so 🤡 I wanted to go to a park tomorrow but let’s seee, otherwise probably just gonna stay in and read fanfic and do edits I guess 😬 do you have anything planned?

oh thanks!! that makes me feel less stressed about it evenho the only the only actual article of clothing i got is a skirt, and then some earrings and socks bc i felt like those were safe bets djkfsnd but omg CAN you send a picture???  idk if anonymous submissions are a thing or if we can finally send pictures thru asks im completely clueless when it comes to this place<3 but i’d love to meet him🥺 also whats his name👀 my cat’s called conchobar, conch for short🥰

you'd  have to walk 20 minutes for a sandy beach? the struggle😔✊ so cool that you studied languages tho omg you're THAT girl everyone wishes they were and i kinda hate you for it queen❤️ id probably die if i heard my friends speak a language i didnt understand...sometimes i rmr not everyone i know from tumblr is british or american.....thats just insane i think🥴

missed flight..rip but fair enough im not that big of a fan of amsterdam either. i cant remember ever going anywhere other than my house and the local grocery store...a wild concept💔 but utrecht and leiden also have those cute canals + good vibes id say!

is it bc i dont like henry SCREAMDJFKSJN thats probably the least of my concerns 😭 its more that sometimes being...neutral or not having a strong opinion on smth can be a lil controversial in this fandom😳😔 id like to think last years santa just got her reveal ask eaten by tumblr lord knows that happens a lot:/ lets pray we’ll make it thru BUT OMG MISS MA’AM????? my heart is YOURS🥺🥺🥺🥺 girl you must have great taste in best friends😌

it’s probably 10 times colder and windier over there than it is here but i feel that omg i went outside for 15 minutes today to walk our dog and i was dying<3 i was supposed to help clear out my grandma’s shed but corona & too many ppl so i got to stay home. inside🥰 making brownies and eating half the batch bc everyone else was gone anyway🥰🥰 tho i did stop by and almost tripped over an alarming pile of chemical waste (my grandparents used to be veterinarians) and finally got to see the skull that my uncle stole from the graveyard next door when he was little and then lost somewhere around the house lmao i hope they took it elsewhere😭 i also almost let our dog walk over glass so i think thats been enough outside adventure for me❤️ did you end up going to the park??

[askdurianrider]

It's a shame that you're going to ruin Tori's life. She could have had nice life, recovered from her ED, met a nice vegan boy, found a job she was passionate about. But she's met you and you're going to present her as nothing more then a body and an object, make her feel that her worth is purely based on her aesthetics,push her so hard until she burns out and then when she cracks you'll slander her and bully her into a shell of a person. We've seen it before. But it will be 10X worse with Tori.

I know you are just a troll looking for a bite but I will answer your fake sincerity based statement.

1. How can anyone ruin anyones life by helping them get fit AF, get healthy and get em on track with a career path they enjoy?

2. How can anyone ruin anyones life? Even those landmine victims in Cambodia don’t hold grudges to the person who laid the mine. They get on with their lives and stay productive or end up fucking up their own life by playing the blame game. Whenever we blame someone else for the reason we can’t enjoy life then we give our power over to someone else. I don’t know about you mate but Im in control of my thoughts and emotions. I determine my quality of life, NOBODY else.

3. You say ‘had a nice life’ as if we can predict the future or guarantee we will be alive for the next hour? Any of us could die at any minute mate. If you care about Tori so much then why don’t you put the effort into her that I have? Thats right mr troll, you couldnt give a flying fuck about anyone but yourself. When you pretend to care it is just so you can throw shade at a situation that involves someone you are jealous of.

4. ‘Present her as a body’ etc. What female doesnt put their aesthetic value as their highest priority? What planet do you live on mate? My issue is when people take things to the extreme and start starving themselves, doing drugs or botox etc to look a certain way. That aint healthy. Showing off a fit healthy body is normal and natural in my reality mate. It inspires other women to eat and live healthier. 

5. “Push her till she burns out’. NOBODY has ever burned out or ever will if Im coaching them. I don’t even have light bulbs or a sofa at my place. No chairs. You either lay down and rest or you are riding your bike. Every ride I monitor via wattages to ensure no elevated TSS values are sustained. You don’t even have a clue how to get yourself fit mate who what gives you the credentials to critique me? 

6. Tori isnt like FL and co. She isnt the slander type. Ive never slandered anyone in my life. Not only is it illegal, it is also against my personal values. I only speak facts my friend. 

7. Slander? Toby took me to supreme court last year for me claiming he was on anabolic steroids.(I never even said he was on them, I just laughed about him claiming natty status. I told him via instagram message that I knew he was though and could prove it at trial. (Adelaide gym scene is a small small place). He dropped the case a few hours later and was recently busted with illegal steroids and charged for possession of them. He faces court again in a few weeks. 

Slander is the action or crime of making a false spoken statement damaging to a person's reputation. I was just stating the facts and it got blown out way more than it needed too. Now the local media is reminding people that he took me to court about the steroids claim. They are having a field day with it. Its part of gym culture to use anabolic steroids and do them longterm. If you don’t you simply CANT build much muscle and if you are honest about it then people will make fun of you or sponsors will drop you. I understood why Toby lied but many say I was slandering him. I wasnt, I was just stating the obvious and with no malice. Malice is when you single someone out but let others who are doing the same thing get away with it. Ive been calling out fake natties for ever man!

Ive NEVER slandered Freelee. I just spoke the truth. 

*She did botox for years when I was with her and lied to my face about it.

*She did chronic ground work with robin whilst we were still together and lied to my face about it. She said they were ‘just online chat buddies!’. 

* FL used to kick, knee, scratch and punch me a lot. She always started it and it was mostly when I would reply back to a female viewer about a cycling or health question or if I didnt want to delete someone in my vlog.

*She did say one of the last times I spoke with her that she prayed someone would run me over on my bike and kill me. She said ‘I know Ive said that before and I didnt really mean it but this time I mean it with all my heart that someone runs you over and you die’.

*She blocked me from my own forum and cut my ebook sales from about 10 copies a day to about 1 copy a day. I made 30BaD the most active vegan forum on the planet I posted almost every day for almost 9 years. FL hadnt posted their for the 18 months prior to deleting me.

*FL still owes me $5000 that she promised to pay me over and over.

I could go on and on but its getting boring and my lawyers are onto it. If Ive slandered FL then she should take me to court like Im taking her vs run from Australia to avoid legal action.

What you have done mate is slander me. You are the ultimate hypocrite. The primary motivation to slander someone is you see that person as competition or you are jealous of them. Im not jealous of anyone and for me the word competition means competere which means ‘strive together’. Google it sometime mate.

That is why you slander behind a fake profile mate so nobody can sue you. 

[thorned-owl]

i need to write this out

even if no one really reads it. to get down in writing what my heart was feeling this morning.

at church service today the sermon was about...a lot of things, really. mostly it was about believing God at His word, having faith in Him even if its weary or uncertain or imperfect faith. realizing that it isn’t about your quality of faith but just about the One you’re putting your faith into.

but at the end, my preacher pulled it all together by talking about what God did to prove that we can believe His words, that He is trustworthy. he talked about how when abram asked God how he could know for sure that God was going to bless him with a son & endless offspring, God had Abram set everything up so that God and Abram could perform a blood oath, a covenant, together. which back then was basically signing a contract with someone promising to do something, and saying that if you don’t do it you will be cursed & die. but when Abram got it all set up God put Abram to sleep, and then God was the one who passed through the sacrificed animals, thus binding himself to his promise to Abram that he WOULD have a son and be the father of endless offspring. in a normal blood oath, abram would have then passed through the animals too thus signing his side of the contract and saying that he would hold up his end of the deal to always believe and follow God and stuff. but God didn’t make Abram do that. Instead, He kept Abram asleep and God took Abram’s place in the contract too. 

So basically God said, if I do not fulfill my promises to you, I will be cursed. And if you do not fulfill your promises to me, I will take the curse for you as well. And then, thousands of years later, He ultimately did because Jesus died on the cross for us after we couldn’t uphold our end of the covenant. God upheld His end.

and my preacher just slammed this point home by talking about how much God loves us and that He did that for us and Christ took the curse for us, for me, and I was just overwhelmed that this might be true. i, someone who spends time with God daily and writes to Him and feels like shes doing so good in her walk and all this stuff, i looked up at the cross and realized that i wasn’t even believing in the fundamental part of my faith: Jesus loves me. I can’t even really believe that. I didnt know it but the thought of it being true crippled me, and i just stood there. after the sermon i just stood there staring at the wall. and tears flowed.

eventually i went up to one of the prayer ushers and asked her to pray with me, that i would be able to truly grasp that God loves me. that i could believe it. as she prayed over me she said, “I dont know if this is applicable, but if there are any people in Carla’s life that have made her feel like she is unlovable, God I just reject those lies in the name of your Son.” and in that moment the tears poured down my face and my soul was shook because she, with the Holy Spirit, touched a place in me that i didn’t realize was broken. i didnt even know this hurt was there, but these words from these people that God loves me cut a gash in my soul and out poured this sour poison that had been sitting there, causing me to doubt my lovability, doubt my worth. i didnt even know, guys. i didnt even know.

when we stopped praying she asked me if i had a community around me to encourage me and i literally couldnt speak for a moment as my crying worsened. i was blubbering at this point, as i told her about the church i just left and how none of them have reached out to me. how i thought i had a family, a family i’d had for 5 years now, and i thought that they loved me but now that i’m not there they’ve forgotten me like trash. and i told her how my dad doesnt care to have a relationship with me and hasn’t talked to me in two months, and i told her that all these people keep throwing me away so how can i be lovable. how can i be loved by God.

i didnt know there was this brokenness in my heart. i mean, i knew the pain was there but i didnt know it cut so deep. i didnt know it infiltrated my relationship with God, the only One who has never failed me or left me or hurt me. 

Jesus, i dont know how to fix me. i dont know how to bind up these wounds that these broken people have left on me. they dont want me. i am not good enough. i feel like thats all ive ever been told, that i’m not good enough. and i dont want to be “enough”, like im all people need, i dont want that. but it would be nice to be enough to just be given love. normal love. from my own dad. Jesus, i dont know how to heal these hurts. i dont know how to make them not affect how i see you. I want to know that you love me despite what the world shows me. i want to REALLY know that, to feel it in my core and carry it with me without faultering and i want to just wear your love like a badge on my chest that no one can take away no matter how many times they beat me down. Jesus, show me your love every day until that badge is a tattoo that cannot be removed. please, Lord, drown me in love that washes away all my tears. i want to know your love more intimately than i know anything else. show me jesus, show me. your word says that you will restore my health and heal all my hurts. i believe. i believe you. i believe you. i believe you. i believe you. i believe you.