#praying my application was decent bc this is kinda ideal situation for next year at this point
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applied for a job!!!
#praying my application was decent bc this is kinda ideal situation for next year at this point#I’ve been getting rlly upset abt everything and was feeling Bad this weekend for nebulous reasons that I think can largely be traced back to#not knowing what I’m doing next. so I’m feeling a little better now I’ve done this! and the application wasn’t even that painful to do#it just took a while. I saw it like two weeks ago while I was deep in dissertation hell and checked back today and Oops Closes Tomorrow#so I was working on it solidly from 5pm-1am with like an hour break to eat#man that’s a full 8 hour workday#did also manage to destroy a bunch of progress I’d made in not picking my nails (anxiety 😔) but bleugh can’t kick a lifelong habit instantly#but god yeah I’m like. really unsure what to do even if I get this job bc then I need to find somewhere to live and prepare myself for maybe#immediately working once I graduate? which would kinda suck but might be how it is#and also deal with staying in this city for another year#I don’t know how to feel about any of it and I’ve been really confused and upset by the whole thing bc I don’t like any options I have rn#what I would like to do is be going to start a PhD now I know I want to do one and go somewhere completely new with a framework built in for#reestablishing my life there. bc that’s the expectation when you start a phd#staying in this city is frustrating because the housing market is a COMPLETE shitshow and worse bc I can’t cycle or drive (I should learn)#and bc majority of my friends moving away and I have a feeling the ones who aren’t have other plans‚ and idk how much I’ll see them#going home is an even worse option but my parents really want me to. reeeaaally pushing that rn#I am not going into that here I will retain some dignity#but goddamn okay. I’m proud of myself for doing this and for managing to be optimistic about it while I was writing#it’s never been that easy before and I think I wrote a really good application#cautiously optimistic abt my prospects and abt the idea of staying here. this is just the first step towards that#and I have space to figure stuff out but this would give me some stability and I really want that right now#yeah! :D ooOOoOoOooOo you want to employ me so bad oOooOoOOoOoo#luke.txt
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