#posting this out of lowkey guilt for taking so long with the next update HAHA

[paimonial-rage]

of hopes and prayers - zhongli

ship: zhongli x reader

synopsis: in which alcohol brings about a moment of vulnerability

notes: a short deleted scene of bookkeeping!verse that takes place immediately after but it’s better than drinking alone with references to blasphemous assumptions

"You know,” you began as you walked to your homes, “I'm not sure if you heard that day, but one time I told Meng and the Ferrylady that Rex Lapis would never sit alone listening to tales of his life. After thinking about it more, I think I was a bit shortsighted to say that."

"Oh? Why is that?"

"They say that Liyue is 3,700 years old, but Rex Lapis is even older than that. He's one of the oldest gods in all of Teyvat. How many people do you think he's outlived? How many friends had he said goodbye to throughout his life? It wasn't as if he could leave either. He was the Geo archon. It was his duty to watch over Liyue, its people, the adepti... Being forced to see people come and go... I can't help but imagine how lonely of an existence that must have been. Dealing with that, maybe it would be easier to just reminisce alone. That way it would hurt less when they leave... at least, that's what I imagine.”

He chuckled.

“Did you perhaps come to that conclusion after our conversation this evening?”

You shook your head, “No, but I can’t say you didn’t play a part in it. Thinking about it makes me think… makes me hope…”

You bit your lip, lapsing into silence. There was a reason you brought this up. You had more to say, but… You cursed as you felt tears begin to gather at the corners of your eyes. You blamed it on the alcohol. Really, you shouldn’t be getting so emotional over such a childish thought, but with the moon shining beautifully in the sky and crickets chirping around you, honesty found itself coaxed to your lips.

“It makes me hope that he wasn’t alone. That he had someone at his side that he could talk to, not out of duty or respect, but as a friend. That someone was there for him on beautiful nights like this.”

You hated the way your voice wavered, unintentionally letting frustration weave its way between your words. It was stupid thought, a foolish thought of a naive mortal. It probably was an insult to project such immature emotions onto beings like the gods. And yet the more you thought about it, the more sorrow weighed at your heart. You felt a tear slip down your cheek.

“I would think so,” he replied.

It was such a simple statement from your companion, and yet as his shared sentiments sunk in, more tears began to flow. It was embarrassing, it was frustrating, you wanted to die. His words really shouldn’t have meant as much as they did. He was supposedly a mere mortal like you, but… The relief that filled your chest was almost impossible to bear. All you could do was cry.

A chuckle came as a finger brushed your tears away. You could barely hold his gaze for a second before you looked away in embarrassment. You felt your face begin to flush and your heart begin to beat. Did he really have to look at you like that? With amusement? With an undeniable warmth that turned his amber eyes positively molten?

“I’m sure he was very thankful for them too.”

[missingn000]

Hi!! I’m sure you probably already know this but pls don’t ever feel guilty over not updating tpg in a while (and it literally hasn’t even been that long haha)! Tpg is a phenomenal and LONG fic that you busted out insanely quickly for FREE. Fans are never entitled to fanfiction and we’re all grateful that you even brought you fic to life in the first place. Personally, I’ve waited (and am still waiting) for certain fanfictions to update even after YEARS of nothing. One of my all time favs last updated probably three years ago and I continue to patiently wait for an update that will never come, but it’s ok because even if it’s never updated again, I’m glad that that fic exists because it inspires me to daydream and constantly think about it, and tpg is exactly the same. Also to work on a fic as long and detailed as tpg while also being a masters student and working in aerospace? I think you’re superhuman lowkey cuz that’s insane haha, take your time with the hiatus even if that means you won’t feel ready to come back for a few months or even over a year! An update that you can feel proud of that you didn’t struggle to create will ALWAYS be better than an update that left you stressed and didn’t come out how you wanted. I always feel for authors who say that fics that they once loved writing ended up becoming sources of pain. Also I’m so damn happy you’re into one piece and working on a seraphim ace centric fic! Literally the perfect thing to read while in between tpg updates.

Sorry if this got kinda wordy or came out of nowhere, I’m in my yearly jjk phase and I was reminded that tpg is a thing after rewatching toji in season 2, I’m catching up on tpg so I have no idea if the megumi reveal came already but I’m eager to get into the sukuna backstory >:) I know this ask is kinda like preaching to a choir since you’ve mentioned in your tpg hiatus post that you’re gonna take it easy with the fic, but I just wanted to say it from the perspective of a reader too 🫶 anyway, I love your writing style, the way you describe the appearance of certain settings made me tear up one time and the way you described getous domain was one of the more gorgeous things I had ever read. It was the same as the feelings I had while reading the description of Gojo in the fic Cannibalization of the Apex (please read that if you haven’t, it’s beautiful)

WOW I’m sorry I really didn’t shut up in this ask huh. I hope you enjoy reading it regardless 😅 have a good day/night!!

HI!! oh my god this message is SO sweet, i truly thank you from the bottom of my soul for sending it. there's definitely still a lot of lingering guilt for not updating tpg in so long, so receiving such a kind, understanding, heartfelt reassurance lifts a HUGE weight off my shoulders!! it truly means so much to me, more than i can put into words (despite being an author...) and from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU for sending this. you're too kind and i feel truly lucky to have a reader like you!!

AS FOR THE SERAPHIM ACE FIC -- i'm continuing to write and develop it, and i'm having a blast so far. i plan to post the first chapter (read: unleash the first slice of another monstrosity) on ace's birthday, because one of the things that stressed me out most about tpg was updating a chapter and then trying to pump out the next one ASAP, so i'm doing my mental health a favor by writing a lot ahead this time. BUT, NEVER FEAR, i'm preparing some very fun announcements regarding this fic very soon (really huge and exciting stuff, STAY TUNED) and i'll start posting previews and information about it soon!! lord knows i'm too impatient to wait until ace's birthday to actually start inflicting pain on you people. lots more to come very soon. <33 thank you again for sending this, you're too kind!!

[rosesradio]

random number spam: 2, 3, 18, 14, 12, 16,

thank you !! gonna put these numbers in order bc it'll bother me otherwise lol

2.) What fanfic do you wish you got more response on?

can i say all of them? 😭 i'm a shameless attention whore at this point. but no i'd probably say my most recent one, camp triple pine. it's gotten loads of attention and i'm super grateful (not to sound spoiled because i've gotten some amazing gifts but i'd love fanart, if that counts as a response...this isn't a guilt tactic though, because once when i was in the s*nders s*des fandom on wattpad i said i wanted fanart lowkey and someone called me manipulative and blocked me :') but that's a whole other thing entirely. i used to get so much attention for my tss fics back in the day i didn't want to leave...now i'm rambling--)

3.) What’s a fic idea that you have but haven’t written yet?

oh there's so many !! i'm gonna do a writer's update post once i finish ctp but i have a lot of ideas. one’s 10k for byler, one’s a one shot for caswen, i have a few gifts for friends i wanna catch up on, etc...

to give an idea i’ve mentioned here and there, my next long-term lawrusso fic i wanna do is a 90s lawrusso merman au. johnny’s staying with bobby at the brown family beach house and he meets daniel, a merman who he helps sort-of turn human after he “saves” daniel from drowning. he then shows daniel about what it’s like being human, daniel tries ice cream, explores the santa monica pier, tries human mating several times, and i plan for it to be super cute and fun ! plus it’s got the jessica/bobby/ali thruple together at the start bc i will force it into every lawrusso fic until people like it :-)

(p.s. if anyone steals any of my ideas you will meet your end by my hand <3)

12.) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i definitely read all the comments i get many times :’) but i do try to respond to a lot of comments, but sometimes i get busy, and honestly the comments leave me so flustered because i feel undeserving of them, that by the time i get to them i feel like it’s been a while and it’s weird. who and what i respond to is pretty random, though i do respond to more in-depth comments, and not to just one sentence comments (but i appreciate all comments, you don’t have to write a novel but just knowing you were there is really cool !)

14.) Have you ever co-written a fic?

haha, uh...no. i’ve made plans with friends and authors i admire, but i mostly work alone. the closest i ever got was working with the most popular author in the s*nders s*des fandom on a welcome to night vale au (guess what year that was lol). we had a google doc and everything but scheduling and everything didn’t work out. i have bounced around ideas though without actually writing them into fic so if anyone wants to do that i’m happy to help !

16.) How long is your longest fic?

according to ao3, 97,252 words ! damn, i should have gotten to 100k, but i tell people 100k usually. it’s a s*nders s*des (i censor for tags not bc i hate the fandom or anything, i’m just not in it anymore...it’s embarrassing how most of my fics are for this fandom but i pretty much wrote exclusively for it for 5 years--) anyways it’s a s*nders s*des selection (bachelor) au where i condensed three books into one longfic. i believe it’s also one of my most popular books on my wattpad besides my one shots book for the same fandom. it’s got a playlist and fanart and everything...i wrote it during the driver’s ed period of sophomore year bc they never let me drive lol...good times...

18.) Recommend someone else fic! (And tag them if they have a tumblr!)

i rarely read fic, but take my most recent read, Everything Beautiful’s Fiction by narcissablaxk (i don’t know their tumblr but they’ve written a lot of fics so i’m sure someone around here does). i had a craving for ruben/chris (bc it’s adjacent to 90s lawrusso) and this filled just that ! it was hurt/comfort-y and overall a pretty good read !

i think that’s it, thanks for the ask, and i’m not sorry i rambled bc this was fun ! <3