#posting this in its current state bc i dont want to WORK ON IT ANYMORE !!!

[wwolfway]

infodumping :3

[Alt Text:

Panel One: Cross sitting on the floor excitedly talking about something. Fresh is listening intently.

Panel Two: Cross stops talking mid infodump

Panel Three: Cross puts his hand on his head with an embarrassed expressions. “is that too confusing”

Panel Four: Fresh does a double thumbs up with a “silly” on his glasses. “yah!”

Panel Five: Fresh leans down to Cross and places a hand on his head and says “But it’s aight!” Fresh’s glasses say “hehe”

/End Alt Text.]

[kindred-spirit-93]

*succinct & eloquent opening line. maybe a clever joke or quote* :D

do you ever sit there and contemplate your life choices after like a certain experience or a talk with a loved one?

do you ever come across a quote or a piece that seems like it was written for you in this particular moment in time? an anecdote that mirrors your current situation perhaps?

well im currently going through it & after a double whammy of mama lore TM during some resurfacing anxious & assorted crises, i dont even know what im going through anymore. but we shared a really sweet heart to heart and reminisced over good and less good times aw!

i am reminded that there is still much to life, light to be sought and found, good times yet to be had. its bittersweet. its mature. its scary? its like coming to terms with your mortality but on a smaller scale. or bigger whos to say...

i wont be venting anything, i think for now at least im content to vague post lmao. also my dad bought me some stress eating treats so i might need to go wallow in my feels for a bit

after i jinxed myself by saying im going on hiatus but failing to stay off the website lol (i had moot withdrawl symptoms sue me), i wont be repeating the same mistake, but with context clues i trust u can see where im going with this

it might sound presumptious to state so confidently that this next month of my life will be the hardest in my career, especially since im not even half way there yet, but the truth of the matter is that it is.

ive been struggling for well over a year now (mostly academically) and im both succeeding in places i didnt before (alhamdulillah!) but failing in the exact same places elsewhere. guys i may have anxiety lol

self fulfilling prophecies, nocebo effect, whatever it is & regardless of what you want to call it, its rough. its hard. im tired. theres still so much left and im tired. i shouldnt be this tired. or this empty. or careless. what have i let myself become? why am i punishing myself still?

this coming month will dictate the rest of my future and ill have no one to blame but myself if i let the opportunity slip through my fingers. but if all goes well inshallah i can put this all behind me and start anew so theres that silver lining :D

i kinda lost direction of this post about half an hour ago lol. my point is im going to try harder at balancing several life aspects bc i really cant put it off any more. i need to establish balance because ive been out of the loop for too long now. *shudders in python*

anyways there are plenty of things i have to work on, both in my studies and life, so i have that going for me *party kazoo noises*

id love to grace you all with some wise words or a life lesson or something but i dont have a neat one liner to sum up anything. despite that im writing this because sometimes letting thoughts float in my head isnt enough, i need to articulate and write it out because to let them roam in the vast expanses of my mind under the pretense that i achieved something is frankly silly as it is counterproductive.

a n y w a y , to anyone and everyone reading take care of yourselves and your loved ones. i wish everyone the best in life and in their endeavours. i will probably pop back in every now and again to catch up on messages and make sure everyone is alive and nothing burned down. i will however attempt to exert self control. (key word: attempt)

aight imma head out before i get too emotional or combust with the need to say something stupid like i love you be more unserious XD

[polandspringz]

tried writing about it in two diaries but im gen z and cant resist making a spectacle of myself by posting online or vague posting or whatever i just dont feel satisfied until i yell my thoughts into the void of the internet even though i know its not a void

been very frustrated lately. my irl friend pool has grown smaller since graduating high school, which is normal. i never had a big group of friends to begin with, and so the core group stuck, but it got smaller and smaller as we all went different paths. one of them is basically MIA in another state with a whole new life, so i dont even know if i should count that. one of my friends is no longer an irl friend as theyve been moving around since graduation and i only ever talk to them online, and every time they announce to me that theyre coming back to my state, its followed by a "oh well im actually visiting a DIFFERENT friend so idk if i have time to visit YOU" and its like why are you even telling me to begin with

and i didnt make many irl friends in college. the curse of community college + pandemic lockdown + transfer student to 4 year school meant nothing was permanent. no one was going to last in community college because we're all trying to go our separate ways anyway. the lockdown isolated me to the point i turned to dating sims so severely i started having weird delusions about reality. at least that was somewhat comforting. then transferring into a 4 yr school for the last 2 yrs of my degree meant i really didnt fit in anywhere. orientation put me with all teenage freshmen, who then all got close by having to take a freshman seminar class together. everyone in my major knew each other already. and everyone lived close to the school while i was a commuter. i made friends in my club but again everyone lives so far from me despite being in the same state. its hard to make plans with the one friend i did get out of college bc she cant drive and lives basically 2 hrs away.

my work doesnt put me with a lot of young ppl. my internship was all middle aged women, and my current job has been so trigger happy about firing people i cant get close enough to people/ the commute makes it impossible to hang out with anyone.

so the few friends i did have left im dependent on. but theres been problems there too. 2 of them are basically MIA. and all of them i just feel the friendships have become so one sided. for my entire life im always the planner, the one reaching out, making the plans and itinerary. and if im not the one doing it, nothing happens. i do not see people for months, for years. and its been a pattern my whole life but its become more and more exacerbated by my friend pool shrinking.

im just. im tired of seeing months of my own discord messages at attempts for conversation with no replies in between. im tired of reaching out to someone and them ignoring me, even if they have a good reason (mental health, deleted social media, etc.) because then I'm left wondering how to even keep up the relationship. when i decide to take the risk and not be the one to make plans, every falls apart. conversations dies. it feels no one actually wants to hang out around me. and (using this word again) its been exacerbating feelings ive been having about weirdness in my friendships, of wondering if people even LIKE me anymore.

I keep feeling like this one scene in A Silent Voice (timestamped) where Shoya keeps trying to make plans but is sort of just satisfying himself by dragging everyone around with him

idk im just getting frustrated. but theres no way for me to convey this people without sounding like a bitch or a horrible person. i just feel selfish, but im tired of putting all the work into my relationships. im tired of indecisiveness and then just getting silence for months on end. im tired of staring back at my own messages and then hating myself for just talking too much and being annoying. one-sidedness is my biggest pet peeve, and probably really a trigger, because it was what led to my bff in ms/hs falling out bc i felt like i was the one always making the plans or messaging and they were ignoring me. so to feel it happen again and again with my other friendships just. its so upsetting

and its also frustrating bc then i really have no one to share my interests with. bc my family doesnt really share the same things. like yes i watch anime and tv shows with my family, but when it comes to like. my interest in musicals, dance, singing, etc. i dont have anyone irl for that. my attempts to get friends into it gets me pushed away. and then i feel selfish anger which makes me hate myself, but i get these annoying "transactional" thoughts of like "well i get into x for you, so you should make sacrifices and watch y for me". but its frustrating bc i genuinely try out things i dont normally would like to try and build a bridge with my friends in hopes theyll try out something i like. and do it without making fun of it. idk i probably sound like a selfish or like a baby being like "I just want someone to watch a musical or smth with me" but to me friendship isn't necessarily transactional, but you try new things you may not like to make each other happy. and my brain rationalizes it as transactional as i try to make the bridge happen but im the only one crossing it ever. so i just keep building bridges and bridges and bridges and following after people but they never cross back over to my side

ive been feeling worse and worse since this summer, and 90% of it is likely my job stress just affecting all my other relationships. but ive been hyper sensitive (i hate that word so maybe hyper aware is better) of little comments. little things that just rub me the wrong way. change an interaction from 1 little thing to an "oh. I guess im bothering you after all" big thing. "Well I'm doing this for you" --> oh so you didn't want to do the thing we both agreed to do that I was actually only doing to make YOU happy. (again, i view relationships of transactional but that doesn't mean i LIKE them to feel that way).

ive made posts about this before i think but psychoanalyzing myself here- i like KNOW 90% of my problems with friendships stem from ym bullying and being taken advantage of / just trying to be accepted as a kid. i used to give away my snacks/lunch to people to try and get them to like me. and thats why gift giving has unfortunately become my love language. to the point where i freak out if i cant give someone a gift because its the only way i know how to calm my brain being like "check the box, i gave them smth so they have to like me at least another two months or smth" and the bullying def added to this bc i used to have to deal with my entire class not speaking to me for entire days which is why i panic when IM the only one reaching out and getting silence back

but at the same time i know im a hypocrite. i see a friend message about smth and i dont really care about it so i dont respond. or i dont want to watch smth. and so then i feel like i shouldnt be keeping tally in my head bc im just as guilty. and i shouldnt keeo tally to begin with bc thats still transactional. but its hard to ignore the feeling like the tally is still uneven

idk im just. upset. frustrated. tired. really im just lonely. the past few months i feel like the ppl i do still talk to have been growing distant and starting to dislike me more and more. i feel resentment from them, and its scaring me, because i feel like im losing the few people i have left.

and at the risk of the ppl im vague posting about reading this and connecting the dots by giving identifying conversations- like idk ive just felt so stressed when im with ppl. simple things like. oh no the playlist played more of my songs than theirs. oh im bad at parking the car. oh i did this. oh i did x. oh they made a joke about me having too many ideas. every time smth happens i just. shut down now. im just tired bc i feel such resentment and im trying not to cry when i do hang out with people but i just feel like no one likes spending time with me anymore and im tired of putting so much energy into keeping relationships alive but if i dont then they crumble. i feel like no one likes ME anymore or that they never did and I'm just a bitch and that feeling of "everyone secretly hates you" coming back full force.

all this to say im probably very depressed, but thats not going to solve anything knowing the obvious. im just tired. im tired and its exacerbated by the christmas shopping season bc im forced to face my own thoughts as i have to buy them a gift or else i dont have an excuse or reason for them to stay with me for another few months.

anyway im going to bed

[meowscarada]

posting this here bc i feel like i'd get crucified on twitter on both sides but honestly like....guys, you have to stop clinging onto a 14-year-old image of gorillaz. gorillaz isnt what it used to be and i guarantee a lot of the people clinging onto it rn werent even fully aware of gorillaz's nature and the extent of the project when phase 2 was happening (myself included). i'm not saying we cant critique gorillaz. in fact, i think people who are constantly shutting down criticisms because "isnt it enough to just enjoy the music?" isn't a good response. those people who get mad at criticisms often do so because they've attached their interests so deeply to their identities that an "attack" on gorillaz is an attack on them. that isnt healthy. if you really love something, you should be willing to observe it at all angles and critique it to make it better. ultimately, critics give opinions because theyre invested in the wellbeing and improvement of the project. at the end of the day, this project was made specifically to encourage criticicism of the music industry. and now that they're in the music industry, it only makes sense to extend that criticism to them. so yes, please critique and question gorillaz's choices! it's really important to do so!

my gripe comes, though, when people are like "gorillaz isn't gorillaz anymore, now theyre irredeemable :((" because at the end of the day, every second gorillaz is active will always be the most gorillaz they've ever been. the same way that youre currently the most you you've ever been. because thats how time works lol. it's not unfair to critique gorillaz by comparing it to what it once was. but what is unfair is upholding what it once was as the only definitive version of gorillaz.

i get it. you wanna lament what's no longer there and you wanna mourn the loss of what the project once was. that's understandable, and its unfortunate because that kind of change in direction happens with a lot of projects, especially long-lasting ones. your disappointment in this case isn't your fault. however, you can lament without expecting for modern gorillaz to suddenly turn back into phase 2 and then get disappointed that it didnt happen. at that point, your disappointment is your fault because youre putting expectations in a place that gorillaz has proven they will not reach since at least 2010.

you can't get mad at a penguin for not flying even if it evolved from something that once could. instead, place your expectations in its swimming capabilities since that's the new direction it evolved into. gorillaz has evolved in a different direction now. you have to accept that at some point. you have to accept that gorillaz is a different project now, and thusly mold your critiques around the project that it currently is rather than critiquing it under the context of a project it's not. if you're not molding your critiques to the project it currently is, then your criticisms lose a lot of relevance. depending on how disconnected they are, they cease to be criticisms at all. they just become complaints.

this is the part where i say obviously everyone is entitled to their own opinion and everyone is allowed to like or dislike content however they want. everyone is entitled to complain now and again. and at the end of the day, i can choose to mute people if i dont wanna hear endless complaints against gorillaz or endless defensiveness against critics (which i already have muted ppl on both sides). but im not necessarily saying this for my own sake. ive already got myself covered, ive already muted who i wanted to and will likely unmute once everything is less divisive. im saying this for the sake of those who are so distraught by the path gorillaz has taken and distraught by those with valid criticisms against gorillaz. you guys are making your lives a lot harder and youre exerting a lot of your mental and emotional energy investing in either A) a project that no longer exists and will never exist again; or B) valid critiques on said project that hurt your feelings because you've attached your identity to this thing.

all im saying is, if youre not having fun, you can go home. if it causes you so much anguish to see gorillaz or to see people talk about gorillaz, take a break from gorillaz. thats what i did, and it personally helped me gain a new perspective when coming back into it. i still prefer the older way that gorillaz handled things, and probably always will. but the new doesn't taint my experiences of the old anymore because i took a break from the tunnel vision i (and others) have been getting. it really affected my enjoyment of the media i once loved. this maybe wont work for you, but it's a suggestion. because i guarantee you, youre never gonna get what you want being in denial about the state of things. like it or not, accept it and move on with your life.

(in case anyone is wondering bc im not here to start drama, this is NOT against anyone or any group of people specifically. i may have referenced a few people's complaints here, but only bc it's what i saw on twitter. this is not a #vaguepost or #callout or whatever. this is a blanket statement for the entire fanbase. so i better not see anyone commenting "its ok op, you can just say [insert twitter handle here]")

[spidercrimes]

if it's not too much to write, how about All even numbers for the OC asks for either character of your choice! or both if you're feelin wild whatever works : ]

wheezes this took so long but im finally done holy shit

2. Do they have any titles? How did they get them?

Echo doesn’t have any official titles, and isn’t really planning on getting any, unless Champion of Sune counts?

4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents?

Echo has a very good relationship with her moms! To their knowledge, things were a bit tense after leaving Ivydome, but plenty of letters and visiting when they could helped with smoothing over their relationship. A good memory would be when her moms taught Echo how to bake! They can really only bake cupcakes and cookies but theyre like. Hella good ones. They dont really have any bad memories with/of their parents, since like. They will forcibly forget or repress anything that upsets them, as long as it only affected them. If the memory is something bad that affected others it will linger for however long Echo deems necessary(read: an extremely long time)

6. What were they like at school? Did they enjoy it? Did they finish? What level of higher education did they reach? What subjects did they enjoy? Which did they hate?

They were there and graduated fantasy high school what more do you want from them jkdxxjndk.  They started working at the local sweets shop after school, so no higher level of education here! They like history a bit, but that’s about it tbh!

8. Did they have pets as a child? Do they have pets as an adult? Do they like animals?

Yes! Echo had a pet cat back at Ivydome with her moms, and before the campaign she didn’t really have the money to keep another, so they settled for feeding and playing with the stray cats in Summervale.

10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?

Hmmm, Echo doesn’t mind children?? but there’s only so long they can be around them before she gets overwhelmed. Children like them well enough since Echo is always up for playing songs or messing around with cantrips. Echo would be the fun parent/godparent/babysitter, but. Please dont make them look after children they dont want any.

12. What is their favourite food?

Give my child spicy noodles or give him death

14. Do they have any specific memories of food/a restaurant/meal?

Their first cake made without supervision was. A disaster to put it lightly since someone was feeling ambitious.(it turned out like rubber and after that he was too flustered n frustrated to focus so everything else turned out badly too) So they dont bother with that anymore! Cake mistakes who i dont know her sdkjjkdbs. So half the time they pass by anything with some type of airy sponge cake they cringe lololol

16. Do they collect anything? What do they do with it? Where do they keep it?

She had a rock and shiny things collection back at Summervale! They’re mostly for decoration, although some with certain textures are used for stimming. Some rocks are kept on shelves, but most are stored in cool jars to save space

18. What’s their favourite genre of: books, music, tv shows, films, video games and anything else

Echo is a sucker for romance novels and fun, upbeat music! Idk if video games, films, or video games exist in-universe, but if they did, they’d like dramas and baking shows, rpgs, and more character focused games like nitw

20. Do they like musicals? Music in general? What do they do when they’re favourite song comes?

They love music, and they’d like musicals too! They will grab their lute and play along if their favorite song came on, and if nobody was around then maybe they’d sing too. Maybe. 

22. What are their favourite insults to use? What do they insult people for? Or do they prefer to bitch behind someone’s back?

tbh their go-to insult is calling someone a prick or a bastard, and it’s usually for whenever someone’s done something particularly scummy. Or if someone is just. The Absolute Worst. It’s a leftover habit from when they used to live in Ivydome, but Echo usually sticks to talking shit when the target is. Very far away/not in the area.

24. What is their sleeping pattern like? Do they snore? What do they like to sleep on? A soft or hard mattress?

They try and get around six hours, to varying success, and to their knowledge they dont snore! Echo loves soft things and would prefer to sleep on a soft mattress with So Many blankets and pillows and maybe a cuddle buddy

26. How do they act when they’re happy? Do they sing? Dance? Hum? Or do they hide their emotions?

Fun fact echo does a tounge blep when she’s happy!! They tend to do lil happy claps and bounce up and down in place when they’re really excited, but when it’s a more calm-type of happy he purrs loudly and smiles a lot more than usual! 

28. What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

He’s claustrophobic and is terrified of being alone again or having to leave people behind even when the situation calls for it. So like. He aint copin too well after the last session! They get very flustered and panicked and freeze when theyre scared

30. Do they exercise? Regularly? Or only when forced? What do they act like pre-work out and post-work out?

Does going on champion quests and running from his problems count as exercise or???

32. What do they dress like? What sorta shops do they buy clothes from? Do they wear the fashion that they like? What do they wear to sleep? Do they wear makeup? What’s their hair like?

Crop tops with long sleeves, shorts, and boots make up most of their wardrobe and they love it. Theyd go to like the fantasy equivalent of marshalls i think? Somewhere with good deals and a lot of options. Overlarge shirts, tank top crop tops, and more shorts make up their pjs. They dont really wear makeup, mostly bc they touch their face a lot and it feels weird the whole time, but they wouldnt be opposed to wear a lil bit every now and then! Their hair is floofy and a bit of a controlled mess since they cut it themselves

34. What is their body type? How tall are they? Do they like their body?

Echo is 5’9”/ 175.26 cm! Theyre on the average side i think? Like theyre not super skinny but not fat either so just. Avergae. And yeah, Echo likes their body, theyre so bright! And their horns are so cute and having a tail is very handy and claw maintenance can be a bit of a pain but like. Aesthetic am i right folks

36. What are they good at? What hobbies do they like? Can they sing?

Hes good at playing the lute and generally being very cute and giving out good vibes, and he likes baking and playing music! They can sing, but really only do that when theyre playing their lute ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

38. What do they admire in others? What talents do they wish they had?

Echo admires passion and creativity the most, and dont let anyone from the party know but he wishes he could be just. A bit smarter and know what to say + ask. Theyd also really like to be able to make a decent genoise sponge too like theyre not picky

40. Do they like energy drinks? Coffee? Sugary food? Or can they naturally stay awake and alert?

Theyre a tea drinker all the way, and arent the biggest fan of sweet things. He used to use more tart or mellow flavors when baking. They def arent alert after being tired for a while, and will space out a bit

42. What are their goals? What would they sacrifice anything for? What is their secret ambition?

No secret ambitions here, Echo is an open book(unless they roll high on deception dvdjxb)! Becoming Sune’s champion, making a decent sponge cake, and protecting his friends with his life/in any way they can are all their current goals. Echo doesn’t care too much if they get hurt, so physical well-being and maybe mental are things they wouldn't mind sacrificing, but as a whole they don’t really want to think about what they’d have to give up. He’ll burn that bridge when he gets to it. 

44. What is their favourite season? Type of weather? Are they good in the cold or the heat? What weather do they complain in the most?

If its cold, wet, or humid echo is not a happy camper lol. They prefer summer and the beginning of fall the most, and sunny days with lots of puffy white clouds are the best! They think its fun watching the clouds shadows on the ground. They’re better in hot weather than cold, since clothes for that type of weather are easier to dress for and they dont have to account for their tail or horns as much

46. Do they make a good first impression? Does their first impression reflect them accurately? How do they introduce themselves?

God i hope they make a good first impression im dying over here xjkxdk but honestly it depends! They try to make a good first impression and i think they usually do? But if theyve just finished with a job w the gang or theyre just. So tired they wont really introduce themselves at all.  Its pretty accurate of how they are, and their go-to greeting is “I’m Echo Barquiel, a pleasure to meet you dearie~” 

48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend?

In theory they’d like parties but being around so many people with that much noise for an unknown amount of time would not be. Ideal so smaller get-togethers with friends would be the most enjoyable! Echo doesnt really have the uh, space to host anything so theyd just turn up to other’s parties. Theyd be in a constant state of switching between ‘holy shit im so gay’ and ‘oh my god theres so many people/internal screaming’. If they were dragged to a party, theyd mingle for a leelte bit before stepping out

50. If they could only take one bag of stuff somewhere with them: what would they pack? What do they consider their essentials?

A bedroll, waterskin, food supplies, rope, knives, a lute, matches, money- yknow regular survival stuff!

[egggshellent]

How it feels to live in my head

Its like sailing with a broken boat on the open ocean while storms are lingering in the horizon. I try to throw the water out and sometimes i manage to fix the break with some bandaid solution but after a while the boat starts leaking again.

Its feeling so alien in my own body. Just reaching for warm and peace when my head is going nuts. Finding those moments of pseudo ok to fall back in my hole again. And to climb out of there again. Then fall back. Repeat 20 times per day.

No one around me cant truly know what its like. Even i cant even begin to compherend what others worse than me are going through because its such a special hell.

Everytime i hear a sound that doesnt hurt me i take it as a huge blessing but then remember someday i might not even be be to bear this sound without agony. One has to really count their blessing bc u never know if you can do a certain thing again in the future.

It's feeling like death is looming on top of me because at this point im a ticking time bomb. When i wake up i truly dont know if today is the day i get a huge setback for a silly reason and lose all my progress yet again. It's almost shameful feeling slightly relaxed because im used to being on edge constantly. Its facing insanity and uncertainty and deep sorrow. Not grief only for me but for others that face this shit every day. Hoping for a break that might never come.

Nothing is easy in life. Death truly terrifies me because that's another unknown. And it sucks feeling like im very close to the edge. Might not happen in a year, or five. But its so easy for my condition to worsen at any time it feels if i get truly severe someday, i just cant live in such a state. Because at its worst this condition is truly a constant torture and it makes your body and the world completely unhabitable. I dont want to stick around to see what it does to my mind if im in severe pain every day and completely unable to do anything whilst being forced to listen satans concerto every waking second.

Now im very grateful for being in low pain. I can whisper again to myself without feeling someones raping my ear canals with sandpaper. Screaming man tone- as i familiarly call him, has been gone after like a week of just screaming so im happy he's gone again for some time. Burning still comes very easy without protection but atleast earmuffs feel a little more protective now than they did a month ago.

When i just got home all sounds just pierced through them, even sounds like tap running very low, opening a door, plastic cup tapping against another one, walking across the room. And i have the most protective pair of muffs there is. I can very easily revert back to that state or much worse- permanently too so im glad i have more space to breathe currently.

Its still a constant dread looming behind me but at least couple last days have passed by easier than before. I haven't been acutely suicidal anymore, which is a relief. I have a little hope of managing to stay on this level without losing my mind, or even slightly improving since i have recovered already from the massive setback that was obligatory to get back home to a safer quieter place. Good things are happening! Once i work up to courage i might go outside since i havent done that since mid september. Idk why i wrote this rlly i cant talk much or write diary manually sooo lets just post on tumblr and regret it later hihi :D

[bma-2020]

POST-SERIES THINGS, HOW MALLY GOT TO THE OYSTER WORLD.

(Notice for spoilers to Sy/fy Alic/e if you haven’t watched it and care abt spoilers or smthn)

     WHICHEVER method of Mally during the miniseries we go with (Method one: She joins Hatter and Alice on their endeavors when Hatter goes to find her in the forest. Method two: She’s been trapped in the Casino for awhile, after Jack Heart finds out where she is, goes to interrogate Hatter, and she turns herself in to ensure he doesn’t get in trouble for it.) This is how it ends up.

As Bean pointed out in this one post from probably 2014 or so since I was already following bean by that point, that I will forever be linking to even tho Bean doesn’t write Hatter anymore n tries to hide the fact that Bean can do math better than basically everyone or at least me, before Hatter goes through the looking glass to find Alice, it’s at least three months in Wonderland time. That’s why he’s all healed up, has nicer hair, changed his hat, god better clothes, all that. 

Whatever happened, I do have it where Mally was with him during that time. Whether it’s the healing period from being trapped for so long, or just her trying to fix him up because he’s a wreck and in denial of being a wreck, either way, she’s not the kind to ditch her friend. Especially when the new king is the same dude who she was forcibly engaged to before she ran away, gaslit her, tried to convince her to ‘work with him’ and he could ‘convince his mother to let her go’ before she was sent down to the asylum, she’s not happy about the current royalty. That, on top of how he’s treated hatter in the past (I know the series doesn’t go into it but I highly highly highly doubt Hatter was that antagonistic towards Jack just out of jealousy and because he was the Queen’s son, it seemed a bit more personal than that. ) she ain’t about that.

But, she notices just about everything about Hatter. Now, of course, as much as I don’t say anything bc I don’t want ppl to be all ‘oh you’re trying to force ship’ when a: i’m not. b: unrequited shit. c: this was canon for her when I wrote w other hatters throughout 2013 or so through 2015, I didn’t say anything, I avoided saying anything, but Mally definitely has always had some kind of love for him. It’s in her nature, she is in love with Hatter, and she won’t say anything, so I don’t either. We all know how I am, I don’t even tell people when I do ship the muses and would wanna write it out cause yknow, I have massive anxiety about that and scaring people away so if I let them come to me abt it instead its not my idea first and I can’t be ‘awful or terrible’ for being a person yknow how it is. 

Anyways, she definitely would have noticed that he was missing Alice. And, while from how we know my writing goes, she has those reflections of the original wonderland, she has vague memories of the original alice ( which, in the version where she was taken by Jack and put back in the asylum, those memories expand a lot. Thus meaning, she remembers a whole lot more about the original wonderland because she can’t avoid it in that situation.) she liked Alice H, but she didn’t view her as the ‘legend’, she didn’t see her as an ideal, she honestly would have preferred if he wanted to go find the OG Alice, but long and behold.

She’d convince him to do what was best for him.

Even in the situation where he’d be trying to help her out of that trauma, she’d still tell him not to worry about her, because she only wants what would make. him. happy. 

And yeah, that fucks her up when he actually goes.

I don’t think she said that with the belief he’d actually go, so him actually going definitely wasn’t expected. She wouldn’t have wanted him to go, she wanted him happy, but I think inside she actually thought he’d just choose her over someone he knew for three days. That’s her headspace, don’t twist my thought process on this bc I actually ship this specific version of h/attice but mally would still be like ‘you knew her for three frickan days dude’

so she’s extremely not okay during the first few weeks after he left. Jack tried to contact her during that time, he’s still trying to get her to work with/for him, she’s not about that. Even in a completely damaged state of mind, she ain’t gonna go with Jack Heart for anything.

But, during that damaged period, is when the Cheshire Cat comes back. She’s talked to him before, he’s the only one with complete memories of the prior world and the current world, he doesn’t actually tell anyone anything. He talks to her about the Wonders. She does wander off to try and find the Vorpal Blade, and she does. In the process, she comes across Necros.

Necros spoke to her for a few moments, and ultimately when she said she didn’t want to be around him, he left her alone. One of the first people since Hatter to show her any ounce of respect like that, tbh. She does have a moment of time where she ends up in the Court of Swords, learns her mom is a Queen, all that jazz, realizes her own mother wants to use her for something, nothing pretty comes of that. 

But, within a few weeks, she ends up having a breakdown in the forest, she’s alone, she’s abandoned, nobody wants to help her, everyone she meets wants to use her, the one person she thought wouldn’t hurt her left her for a girl he knew for three days. and then Necros finds her, alone in the forest of Wabe, he doesn’t say anything to her, but he does offer her a hand, and she ends up going with him. That’s how she ends up coming to the underground.

Necros, Celeste, the underground just treats her nicely. She’s not used to it, she sees that nice treatment as a huge ‘what the fuck’ tbh, she’s just like ‘idk what’s happening rn but they arent hurting me so’ Necros has Monstrous Crow train Mally further, as Monstrous Crow can replicate others powers and helps them to fully achieve their ‘perfect’ status. From what she understood, they weren’t helping her to ‘use’ them, they were trying to help her not have to isolate herself anymore. With Monstrous Crow’s powers, they were able to develop a stronger version of her brother’s injectables that allowed others to touch her (as, March and Hatter were the only two that weren’t affected by her extremely cold temperature). 

This was a lot stronger than the one her brother developed. They made one that she could take instead. Granted, if she takes it, it weakens her excessively for days at a time, so Necros doesn’t recommend she take it over convincing whoever else to do it, cause they only need one injection and they’re done, never have to worry about it again. She’d have to do it every few days and it hurts her, they tried finding a way outside of that, because she could get to the point of her own power where she can stop it, but she’s not there yet. She might never get there. 

And, she chose to stay with them because the idea of completely getting rid of the Hearts family and bringing the true royalty back to Wonderland (the High Arcana, since the White and Red families weren’t around anymore, either finding a surviving relative fit to rule or convincing the court of fools to stop keeping away from it) and Mally actually made it go beyond that. She wanted Alice to come back and rule because nobody would be more fit to rule than her and Necros agreed, thus it seemed fitting to put her in charge of their operations in the Oyster land. 

Now, a lot of the underground are magical and they’re scientists. They learned methods to transfer back and forth from the oyster world without the time shenanigans that happen with others. This basically means that they can use the looking glasses they made to traverse back and forth and the time they spend in oyster land, when they go back to wonderland the same amount of time still passed. They went beyond the study of realm travel to ensure they didn’t lose anything. 

Monstrous Crow went with her, and the original idea was ‘saving’ oysters that... were better than average humans, and who were suffering in their realm and needed to be accepted, needed people to help them feel better about themselves, honestly because who better to convince to be on your side than someone longing for positive attention. Mally still helps with that, but she’s also going beyond that, and she’s trying to find out where Alice Liddell went. What happened to her. 

She knows that after 150 years of their time, it could have been more for the oysters, and she knows oysters dont live that long. But she also knows Alice wasn’t all human, that there was something supernatural about her that gave her the ability to control aspects of Wonderland. Therefore, she believes that she can’t be entirely gone. Part of her had to be reborn into someone or something else and that’s who Mally’s trying to find, particularly hoping that she’ll be like Mally is and have recollections of the past. That’s her main goal. 

But, there’s another goal she has too. She is actually trying to find Hatter. I think it’s more for closure on her end, to learn if he’s happy, see if his ‘ditching her’ made life better for him. That would lead to a lot more emotional spikes on her end cause, lbr, she’s gonna think abt the fact that he was only happy after leaving her behind, she acts extremely self confident but internally she’s a mess. 

[kronos-the-timelord]

do all the things !!!! from the admitting stuff post !!!!!!!! I dare you !!!!

i’ll do it,,, i’m not a weinie >:l

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? - it was one of my parents so no 2. You talked to an ex today, correct? - no 3. Have you taken someones virginity? - ???? idk???4. Is trust a big issue for you? - kind of,, i was raised to always be wary of ppl, but my friends are some of the ppl i trust the most5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? - no but he’s coming back to the states tomorrow!!!6. What are you excited for? - my bf coming back7. What happened tonight? - i ordered pizza and took a nap8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? - no, but i do get really worried for them bc ppl suck and are horrible9. Is confidence cute? - fuck yeah!!10. What is the last beverage you had? - water11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? - i trust more women, but the guys i do trust are mostly family and then like 3-5 friends/boyfriend’s family 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? - i only own skinny jeans13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? - hang out with my boy and his family14. What are you going to spend money on next? - probably a background check,,,, im not explaining it further15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? - it was my puppy,,, so no,,, but i do give him many cuddles16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? - probably,,,, hopefully,,17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? - tbh @memeathon and @keencheckerboard bc i see them a lot and ive known them for a while,, theyve heard and seen some things about me18. The last time you felt broken? - uhhhhhhhh,, not really sure,,,,, my memory is bad 19. Have you had sex today? - nope20. Are you starting to realize anything? - nuhuh21. Are you in a good mood? - yes22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? - fuck yeah, sign me up 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? - yes24. What do you want right this second? - more reeses 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? - i think the fuck not,,,,, no26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? - yes, but i wanna dye it27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? - no,, i gotta giggle,,i can’t just laugh at myself28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? - my giant dog was curled up on the smallest section of the couch so my mom could cuddle him 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? - my boyfriend ;-;,, he goes to school in england so he’s been gone most of the past school year30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? - i think it depends on the second chance,, like anyone besides someone who cheated, rape/molested, abused, ect. i feel like can get a second chance31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? - no :0,, it was my boy!! i love him!!!32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? - yes,,, he’s known for like 3-4 years33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? - kind of,,, i prefer to drink water, but sometimes i just need that bubble34. Listening to? - noises on my street35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? - yes!! i love pencils,, but ive been using marker pens lately36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? - he’s downstairs being cuddled my mom bc he’s a cuddly puppy37. Do you believe in love at first sight? - no,, like its more of attraction at first sight,, i wouldn’t call it love38. Who did you last call? - my mom39. Who was the last person you danced with? - i think it was one of my coworkers actually,,, we get bored sometimes and just jam at work when we’re doing nothing else40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? - he’s a v cute puppy,, he needs to know he’s loved41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? - i was actually about to go eat one,,,,42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? - yes!!!43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? - oh,, yeah,,,, definitely,,,,44. Do you tan in the nude? - i don’t tan45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? - no,, in fact, i would give him more smooches46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? - no47. Who was the last person to call you? - my manager Rachel!!! shes great and i love her48. Do you sing in the shower? - sometimes,, not lately tho49. Do you dance in the car? - no,, sneezing is difficult,, dancing is more so 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? - yes!! it was one of the years i was at girl scout camp!!51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? - about a year ago,,, it was for my senior pictures52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? - yes, but they’re great!!!53. Is Christmas stressful? - yes and i hate it 54. Ever eat a pierogi? - maybe??? idk55. Favorite type of fruit pie? - apple56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? - obstetric nurse!!57. Do you believe in ghosts? - yes,, too many weird things have happened to me and my family to not to 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? - yes,, when i was younger i used to get dreams that like, predicted, what was going to happen the next day,, like one that i remember is in 3rd grade is my friend was standing in front of the lockers in a blue shirt (i knew he didnt have one) and the next he came in and showed my his new shirt (blue) that he got after school that matched the lockers59. Take a vitamin daily? - no60. Wear slippers? - sometimes,, but i made them my outside slippers,,, ones that i wear when i dont want to wear actually shoes61. Wear a bath robe? - no, but ive looked at them before,, i want one62. What do you wear to bed? - t-shirt/tank top and either shorts or just my underwear63. First concert? - uhhhh, i think it was one on vacation,, but they were a band that dressed up as the beetles and played their songs64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? - ive sold my soul to target65. Nike or Adidas? - adidas (its my bf favorite brand)66. Cheetos Or Fritos? - cheetos67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? - sunflower seeds68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? - look what you made me do69. Ever take dance lessons? - i took ballet when i was younger70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? - not really,,71. Can you curl your tongue? - yes72. Ever won a spelling bee? - i got 3rd place in the one during second grade that was only for the second graders and v unofficial 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? - yes74. What is your favorite book? - the reciever of many series that @kata-chthonia has written,, its really good 10/10 would recommend 75. Do you study better with or without music? - its gotta be instrumentals or i do have a playlist that only has an africa cover my ninja sex party and i listen to that on repeat76. Regularly burn incense? - no,, but i burn many candles77. Ever been in love? - yes78. Who would you like to see in concert? - no one,,, im not the biggest fan of concerts79. What was the last concert you saw? - my highschools band 80. Hot tea or cold tea? - hot tea!!81. Tea or coffee? - tea!!!82. Favorite type of cookie? - chocolate chip83. Can you swim well? - yes,,, not commonly known fact but i wear a size 11 shoe (they’re actually bigger than my boyfriends and i think thats hilarious) so my feet are kinda like flippers84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? - yes, but not for long85. Are you patient? - yes86. DJ or band, at a wedding? - probably a dj bc its cheaper, but a band sounds fun!!!87. Ever won a contest? - yes, but it was a v tiny one on amino that im not part of any more 88. Ever have plastic surgery? - nope and dont want it89. Which are better black or green olives? - black,, but i do like the purple ones90. Opinions on sex before marriage? - im cool with it,, just depends on the ppl91. Best room for a fireplace? - living room92. Do you want to get married? - yeah

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

I'm ftm (pre everything) and am in choir but I also want to sing and maybe pursue it later but if I go on hormones then I'm afraid I won’t be able to. Advice?

Lee says:

I like singing, how will T affect my voice?

We can’t tell you what will happen to your voice- people tend to be able to sing well (once their voice is done changing!) if they could sing well before, but there are instances of people losing their singing voices.

We’ve anecdotally heard of some people on T being able to keep their high notes, but it’s much more likely that you lose your high notes as your vocal cords thicken. 

T will most likely deepen your voice so your range will change, but as long as you continue to practice and don’t overwork your voice into notes you cannot reach anymore your singing voice probably will be okay- different, but okay.

But we can’t guarantee this, and it’s your decision whether testosterone and passing/being comfortable in your body are worth the risks of losing your singing voice for you.

This post has a bit more on singing

The Changing Female-To-Male (FTM) Voice

The Changing Female-To-Male (FTM) Voice Pedagogical Notes 

Testosterone And The Trans Male Singing Voice

Training the Transgender Singer: Finding the Voice Inside

Followers, any examples of trans singers on T for us to add? Or any personal experiences to add on?Followers, any personal experiences to add?

Followers say:

aeolianchemistry said: have a lot to say about this! i may not be the most coherent bc im half asleep lol, but anyone feel free to message me about this anytime and ask for more details!,

this was my biggest Thing when i was deciding to pursue hrt. ive been in various choirs for years, and its a very Important part of my life. but also my voice was my #1 source of dysphoria, and the #1 thing i needed to change. i searched for weeks to find anything about what to expect from hrt as a singer, esp bc ive heard stories of trans ppl losing their siging voice entirely. i was terrified, and couldnt find resources to shed any significant light on the topic.

and so, in no particular order bc im half asleep, here are some things to expect and things that i’ve experienced so far (almost six months on hrt):

- practice while your voice is dropping! feel it out every step of the way. get to know your voice while it’s changing, and try to maintain those high notes. i didnt do a v good job of this and my high range kinda just shriveled up. i cant be sure that it wouldve been hugely different if id practiced more, but ive heard it does help

- yoir voice will feel different. unfamiliar at times. you wont be using it the same way youre used to. technique will change, placement will change

- my speaking voice shifted downward after just a month or two (i had mild hyperandrogynism before, so this wont be as quick for everyone), before my singing voice did. i didn’t start getting new low range until later, but within my pre-t vocal range, my voice just sat a bit lower than it used to. my low alto filled out more. than i started getting new notes, slowly

- there will be periods of time where it cracks or breaks or is unreliable. dont push it, but dont despair either. keep practicing as well as you can

- my voice is somewhat fragile. if i yell (which i can only somewhat do currently) or push it or force it thru cracks/breaks/weak spots, it will get tired easily and take quite a while to recover. be nice to your voice. dont push high notes if they cause strain. dont push the low notes either, even tho im sure youre excited about them

- your voice will be weak while it’s shifting. this can cause frustration and anxiety. i’m two months into my choir season singing w two and a half choirs, and i’m dealing w lots of Complicated Feelings bc my voice just cant do all the things i want it to. i cant project much, and i certainly dont have the strength (yet) to audition for any of the solos i’d like to. Patience

- the Weird Spots and the Weak Spots will continue to shift around. i have this one area in the middle of my range (currently its about Ab3-B3, but a few weeks ago it was B3-C4) where its weird and weak and its kind of like a break in register but also a bit like a black hole, bc i Cannot Project there and theres no good placement for singing those notes, and notes in the vicinity of those are also Weird but Less So. it’s slowly sliding downwards, and i am learning to navigate it better. i’m hoping it will settle and go away soon, but we’ll see

- breath support is v important. as mentioned, your voice may be quite fragile, and putting strain on it could cause it to glitch out on you for a while. supporting your voice w lots of breath will put less demand on your vocal chords

- NEVER SING IN A BINDER or compressive garment. you need those lungs!

- you’re going to miss out on some of the nostalgic singalongs of old choir songs, bc you no longer have the range to sing your old parts. this is possibly the #1 consequence of transitioning that im the most sad about lol

- i have a very weird quality to my high range rn. it seems to be caught midway between the head voice it used to be and future falsetto or whatever it’s moving toward. for now its just Strange to listen to

the current state of my voice is this:

low range is down to almost the bottom of the bass clef. i can sing down to Bb2, A2 on a good day.

from there up to F3ish is quite comfy and possibly the strongest part of my singing voice, but i do find that if i spend too much time down there it can strain the rest of my range (i used to have this problem before too: if i sang in my low alto range too much or too enthusiastically, my sop range would get tired).

from G3-C4, it’s Awkward. the Awkwardness shifts around, and some parts of it can be more comfy than others sometimes, but it’s all v inconsistent. i cant project much here, and placement is veryvery Weird.

D4-F4ish is typically comfy but has a bit of that Strange quality to it. these notes are a bit floaty, but not bad.

G4-B4 are unreliable. somedays i can get up there. some days it’ll blink out or crack or break or just Not Be There. i am predicting that once my high range settles into a proper falsetto, i’ll be able to work on this range more and it’ll have less of that Strange quality to it, but only time will tell

again, apologies for being Scattered, it’s 1am and ive had a long day. any of yall are welcome to message me for more details ☺

there is a lot of weirdness and weakness and Awkward in the transition period. but while i’m frustrated at times, i’m not worried. everything i’m dealing w is temporary. now i can’t be 100% sure how my voice will settle or when, but i’m not afraid i’ve lost it forever. as far as i’ve heard, the stories of trans ppl who lose their singing voice on t are very rare cases. youre going to go through weeks or months where singing is Weird in constantly shifting ways, but itll keep on moving and developing, and personally i’m so excited to see where it goes.

i’m currently singing tenor2 in my choirs, and occasionally i get to take a trip down and sing baritone. im not even 6months in! that has transformed my choir experience to be even better than before, even w all the awkwardness. it was so weird and beginning to get verg uncomfy to be in a place like choir, which is so important to me, which i love dearly, which has had a significant impact on my life, but which revolved around the use of my one most dysphoric feature. but now i don’t have to worry about that. now i can sing the parts i’ve been wanting to sing for years.

i do occasionally miss some of my old voice. i miss soaring soprano lines, i miss all the old alto parts in songs i used to know. i miss the confidence and strength of a familiar, complete voice. and im allowed to miss those, i dont feel bad about having that longing or sadness, bc i have zero regrets. i also occasionally miss playing with and styling my super long hair, but in five years i have not once regretted cutting it all off. i own those memories and that nostalgia, but i keep moving forward to new and better things

pinesboi said: If you keep working at your voice and take lessons to make sure you never let it get out of practice, everything should be okay. I’m on T now about 3-4 months, and I’m still singing high tenor musical theatre

[josephvaldez6-blog]

Why is car insurance mandatory but human insurance isn't?

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Around howmuch might insurance price to get a 17 year old boy in a downtown city. Auto is really a 2001 audi a6, with a clean report." Would it not be cheaper for me get my own personal insurance policy or to be on my parents insurance? I go to the 19th of November for my certificate and am 16, im paying for it myself. Our parents have geico, i named Allstate nowadays to obtain a quotes and they explained about 210, please support!(:" Can anybody offer any perception on approximate costs for automobiles car insurance that is / to me? In safety of my ignorance, I'm merely sixteen, and Iam looking to figure out how long it will take to save up to get a vehicle/driving school/ insurance that stuff. And since I actually donot already have a vehicle nevertheless, I can not get yourself a quotation on insurance. Furthermore, I recognize that every scenario differs, rates change, and it's hard proper to give me an absolute response, but I am asking for is approximation. 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I need full-coverage if i go to my insurance tommorow to obtain my new-car and put full coverage on my vehicle will i be able to grab the car precisely the same time? from there will help, ps i live-in boston sooo folks" Need help on auto insurance for young driver? Hello! I've been struggling to get a good quotation for car insurance for a while today. I tried all-the big name comparison sites and every one is estimating me 4k (monthly payments). I opted for 3rd party and theft, i am 22 years and my postcode starts with sl1 (slough) and that I got cross plus and had my permit (guide) since march 2011. I got my vehicle presently its a Peugeot 206 petroleum manual 1999 3doors. For those who have time you can test together with the above facts for yourself the estimate is freaking a lot of. Is that this exactly how it is or am i doing something very wrong? When you can point me for the right route that could be awesome!!" 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I'm a fresh, young driver, and in order to reduce the price of auto insurance I'm considering the Black-Box (I am conscious of the advantages and disadvantages). Nevertheless, when locating a...display more" Auto insurance charge... roughly? I'm thinking about obtaining my dads 1971 Plymouth duster as my vehicle after Iam 16, what could the annual expense be and 15?" Simply how much do insurance costs fall after one year for youthful individuals? I am a 17 year old guy and spending 125 a month when you would ever guess its a large attack to my bank account. May my charges fall in the next year of course if so by how much although im on my moms policy?" Miguel's insurance provider repair costs 80% of value. Continual $8000 worth of injury what was importance of car.? The insurance carrier repair of Miguel prices 80% of-value. Experienced $8000 worth of damage what was price of car.? Pupil health insurance...please help? Since becoming independent, so, I am searching for my first healthinsurance. What's an acceptable sum for the value per office visit as well as the deductible premiums? I truly don't know...cheers for any advice. i'm the full time student btw and i'm 19 female" Medical Insurance for 20 yr old in NJ.? I reside in New Jersey. I am 20. I havent since i was about 15 had health insurance, and I stay with a friendis household since I've no parents. Is there anyhow I will get medicaid or any type of inexpensive insurance? I study that Medicaid is just open to handicapped, seniors, and folks with children. Do i have another choices if thats accurate? (My mom had medicaid and that I was on her behalf policy before she died). Likewise, health is offered by im in college full time, although not in a college, hence the faculty doesnt. Any opinons/info is valued." Insurance for 16 year old? I switch 16 and acquire my permit in June(I'm a man). I'm going right through People on my father's strategy that has 5 cars onto it previously, and getting a 2003 Toyota Rav4. Simply how much will impact and responsibility charge for me personally?" Why is car insurance mandatory but human insurance isn't? You people really think car insurance pays for anything? I recommend you to visit this internet site where one can compare rates from the best companies: http://insuretips.xyz

[toridomi]

What program do you use for animation and art in general? And would you recomment Pratt as a college? Its in my state and I'm considering it but I'm debating over Pratt and FIT. You're the only person I ever met ftom Pratt and your opinion would very much be appreciated. Thank you

i currently use krita almost exclusively for art and animation! Occassionally (usually for text formatting or if im being really particular about some final touches) ill use photoshop (CS5) but krita is free and does illustration and animation very well! its perfect for practicing, as it works more like photoshop or SAI than flash. Im trained in flash and toon boom, and while flash can handle some things better (and youd prob learn at school) I prefer to use krita when i can (which isn’t a lot these days as i dont do much animation). Flash is industry standard, but youd prob learn it wherever u go if you take any animation 1 and/or 2 class. Pratt is...strange. They were updating their animation program a bit while and after i was there, so i dont know how much better it is nowadays, but it was kind of a beuracratic mess, particularly with the animation major i was in. The head of the department is NOT a film a or animation professional (he was an ‘interactive’ silk screen printing fine artist or something???) and that made things Very Fine Artsy and difficult to communicate with him our needs as animation students. We kinda got shoved to the side bc we were part of the film department (and not COMD which houses Pratts faves; illustration & graphic design & industrial design). We didn’t get first dibs on a ton of electives (COMD got first picks) and thus missed out on a lot of good profs and classes. COMD also got more help (note: could still get more help but better than what we got which was: “We have an animation Program?”) from Pratt’s job placement resources, and had more options in terms of paid internships and opportunities within the city.Pratt isn’t bad, the facilities and location and people are amazing. Their professors are a mixed bag, but if you pay close attention to your scheduling and options it can be a really positive experience. I can’t wholeheartedly recommend the animation program - but there’s not many animation programs i know of outside of calarts (which has its own mess of issues) I’d wholly recommend either. SVA is slightly better than pratt’s program, as its been around longer and has a bit more clout, and allows/encourages students to collaborate for thesis (also it’s in manhattan), but has its own issues. Pratt strongly discourages collaboration (BAD BAD BAD) and that makes thesis/senior year kind of hellish.Pratt’s illustration program is very good, and honestly If i could do things over again, would probably major in illustration and take animation courses as electives, and be active in the animation club and make friends with the animation students through that. I think a lot of the things learned in their illustration program; composition, theming, technique, sequential art, etc; transfer EXTREMELY well to animation, and were nearly entirely absent from pratt’s animation program (which emphasized purely the technical ability to animate, which was exhausting, and completely impractical to finding work in animation after school, which is mostly storyboarding) Hope this helped at all! IDK much about FIT; my friend took some classes there and absolutely hated it, but i dont remember many specifics. I know a great deal of amazing folk who graduated from SVA and Pratt and are doing well! So even with my negative experience, it’s much more what you do with it than the programs themselves. Let me know if there’s anything else you’d like to know! And feel free to keep me updated or need anymore animation advice and junk! this goes for anyone:3!Here’s a post i made a couple years ago with some starting advice, sorry for allt he broken linkks but i dont have them anymore 8 A 8 but could help! Good luck!! https://toridomi.tumblr.com/post/148595109975/do-you-have-any-advice-for-people-who-want-to-get

[byunrelatable]

ok on the ask game, 5 + 19 !! this is gonna get long bear with me oof. i’ve confessed to two people, one was a boy that i was once close with but he ignored me after we broke up :”) it’s fine he’s an ass anyway. but the second person is my current gf and holy uh this is actually kinda personal so i won’t go too in depth but we can say i did it bc it was too much not to anymore (pt 1/?)

.hi kam!! i love u thanks for the asks and thanks for sharing your story!! im really glad things worked out with you and your gf, sounds like you two have truly been through thick and thin together, you must have a very strong bond. that makes my heart feel very warm, im so happy for you!!

im going to put the rest of your asks, as well as my responses to the questions, under the cut so this doesnt become a super long post. to answer 5 and 19 in short, i will say that my answer to 5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? is yes, and its an embarrassing story, it also involves underage drinking so anyone uncomfy with that should not look under the cut!! and my answer to 19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted, i’ll probably keep that answer pretty short but true to my word, everything is going under the cut from here on out. thank you for sharing your story kam

send me two way asks!!

here’s the rest of kam’s asks:

we didn’t date then bc things were complicated (like i said, pERSONAL) and i,,,, did it a second time with her months later,,,,, i wouldn’t have if my friends didn’t push me to do it but they did annnddd we started dating then!! and haaaaa i uh,,,, did it once more at the end of feb this year,,,,,, bc we weren’t together at the time (this is also very personal so i could tell you abt the whole thing privately if you wanted) (pt 2/?)

in short i woke up and she asked me to be her gf again sOo, lol it’s all fun. aaannnddd here we go okay i literally just texted my gf as i write this oof but i think one of the fondest memories i have is both kinda negative but i view it positively? it was around the end of january in 2016 and we had been talking for a month or so. at the time i wasn’t in the best state of mind. (pt ¾)

i don’t remember the conversation word for word, but i have recollection of crying a lot at school waiting for my exam and just realizing how much i cared abt her and her about me and i think that marks the moment we became best friends rlly and damn who would even think to get to where we are now oof not me?? (pt 4/4 i went all out i’m sorryajsndnf)

what a story!!! like i said before, im really glad it all came together in the end, and that you have such a wonderful supportive gf

5. have you ever confessed your feelings to someone? yeah okay. from seventh grade until 11th i had a huge crush on this boy in my class. he was always doing crazy cool exchange programs. in 8th grade he went to school in coasta rica for a year, we e-mailed (lmao) all the time while he was gone. he came back in 9th grade and i was so so excited to see him again. he left again in 10th grade, and that was a hard year for me. my dad and step mom (who practically raised me) were getting divorced and i was going through some weird shit with an older guy (gross. he’s gross and predatory and i didnt know better cause i was like 15/16). so i started drinking and sneaking out and partying. 

the kid i had a crush on came back in 11th grade and i was ecstatic. we picked up our friendship where we left it off. but here’s the kicker: he was (and probably still is? but probably isnt as much of a hardass about it) a devout christian, and drinking was NOT in line with his values. he had heard from his mom that i had been doing stuff like that, and he brought it up and said he was concerned. i told him i’d stop, because i was young and i had had a crush on this kid for over four years at this point, and our mutual friend kept dropping hints that he was interested, and.. sigh. so i told him i’d cut the partying and he said he had to see it. fast forward to spring, i applied and got into a program which sends students to japan for two weeks, and this kid also got in, and i was STOKED to be in japan with him for two weeks. the first week it was fun. our last night in tokyo, i wanted to spend some time alone with him, and the rest of our friends were planning to buy some sake (we were literally 16 but they did it, they didnt get carded) and drink it at the hotel, and they wanted me to distract him cause they were worried he’d rat them out, and i was so down to try that because i wanted to spend time with him anyways. so i asked if he wanted to go on an adventure–just go get on a random subway line and see where it leads. he kinda blew me off, which stung. then in an effort to get him to hang out with me, i told him what the other kids were planning (they had specifically told me not to tell him). i told him, and said “so i really think we should just go somewhere else so we dont have to be around that.” he didnt listen to me, instead he followed the rest of the group into the convenience store and they were like uhhh, then he went up to my friend hannah and was like “so you’re buying sake huh?” and she looked at me like what the fuck arianna and i looked at her like im sorry i couldnt get him to come with me and he was like whatever and then he left the convenience store and our other friend jay went with him. i assumed they went back to the hotel. so i went back as well but they werent there. when i asked someone else where they were, they said “oh, they went out into the city on a random subway line just to go on an adventure!” the literal exact thing i had suggested. i was livid. moreso, i was really hurt. so i decided to say fuck it and get drunk, cause i had been abstaining from alcohol ALL YEAR for the sake of this ONE GUY who had really played me and led me on ALL FUCKING YEAR and lowkey for the past FOUR YEARS. so i was like, whatever. so i got drunk. then jay and the guy came back from their adventure. i asked my other drunk companions if i seemed sober (bad, bad idea. they were not good judges) they all said i seemed fine, so i went to give the kid a piece of my mind. get to his room and its just him cause his roommate had been with us in the drinking room. so i say, hey i need to talk to you. the first thing he asks is if i had drank, and i said no, like a liar with a big fat crush. then we sit down on opposite beds, and i told him i was really hurt that he rejected my offer to go on an adventure and immediately did the same thing with jay. he gave me a bs excuse like “it was kinda spontaneous” and i was like, thats bullshit. then i poured out my heart, about crushing on him for the last four years, about being a good friend when he dated hannahkate in seventh grade, about always waiting for him to come back, about working so hard to stop drinking just to be the person he wanted me to be. and i told him i loved him.

his response? “thank you for telling me.” and it shattered my heart.

when he walked me to the door of his room, he said “by the way. you were slurring the whole time, and your breath smells like alcohol. i knew you had drank from the start.” needless to say, THAT was embarrassing.

i go back to the room, drink more, eventually everyone leaves and its me and hannah. i tell her what happened, freak out a bit, cry.

the next day we woke up kinda early and went to this man-made island place i dont remember the name of, and we spent the day there. i was really quiet and reserved all day (not like me, then or now). i did not eat. when we got back to the hotel that night, hannah gave me a melon bread, and i said i wasnt hungry. she said “you havent eaten all day. if you dont eat this right now, im going to take your phone, delete [kid’s name] from all your contacts, delete every picture or video you have on your phone, erase him from your life. do you want that?” to which i said, no. and i ate the bread. it was tough love and i needed it. i was a little better the next day.

a few days later in kyoto the kid and i talked on a rooftop at sunset. i felt a little better after that. it was hard going through all of that, after four years of pining for him, but.. it was good. it was closure. i laid my cards on the table, i finally told him how i felt, and he rejected me. and it hurt, but there was nothing left to say, and it finally closed that door that had been slightly ajar for four years. and i was able to move on after that, fairly quickly actually. jumping back into partying cause i didnt have someone to impress kind of helped. well, it also kind of spun my life off in a horrible direction that led to a horrible depressing senior year of high school, but thats another story.

yeesh, that was long. on to the next one!!

19. share a positive memory about the last person you texted the most recent person i texted is my friend named nico. the first memory that comes to mind is last summer, we used to hang out a lot, one night we went to this 24 hour diner called beth’s cafe that we both love. we went at like 4 am and it was so so so fun. afterwards we watched emperors new groove in his bed and then passed out. i love nico so much. we used to be a lot closer in the summer, but at the end of summer i fucked up and we had a falling out. we still are friends and we still talk (i.e. we texted today planning to hang out this week) but.. its not the same. and i really miss the way things were before. golly isnt that bittersweet. now im a lil sad. but thats okay

thank you to anyone who read all that garbage uidsgfihjs

[donghun-s]

the very large sp3arb tag

so @sp3arb has tagged me in a total four tags recently and i’m finally getting around to all of them!! tysm for all the tags, meri (btw i love your name?? i think its super cute!) and i hope you learn a bunch of unnecessary stuff abt me lmao (under the cut bc this is a long ass post)

i dont have a name for this tag

1ST RULE: Tag 9 people you want to get to know better

im not tagging anyone bc im bad at things and most ppl i wanna know about, meri has already tagged so

2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true.

APPEARANCE: - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo - I have at least one piercing - I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair - My abs are at least somewhat defined - I have or had braces

PERSONALITY: - I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know- I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY: - I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory - I am good at doing maths in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES: - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in a orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority  - I do some form of Martial arts

EXPERIENCES: - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol - I have scored a winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event - I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have visited another country - I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

MY LIFE: - I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend - I live close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling - I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smart phone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS: - I am in a Relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a Relationship - I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily - I have had a crush for over a year - I have been in a relationship for over a year - I have had feelings for a friend

RANDOM: - I have break-danced - I know a person named Jamie  - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone - I have eaten a waffle today - I know what I want to do in life - I speak at least two languages [i don’t speak two, i speak one and sign in another] - I have made a new friend in the past year

alphabet tag

Rules: answer the questions in a new post and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better

I was tagged by Roxanne ( is it ok if I call you Roxy? I like Roxy) Actually @lxx-fxlix  And for some reason it did not give me the notification you did, I was casually stalking your blog when I saw:

A: age? 16 (01 liner)

B: birthplace? North Carolina

C: current time? 7:53 pm

D: drink you had last? Arnold Palmer (half sweet tea, half lemonade)

E: easiest person to talk to? for me, it’s my irl best friend gwen and my best friend on here, krys

F: favorite song? oof i’m super indecisive so i’m just gonna commit to mayday by got7 (it always changes but mayday has stayed on my constantly rotating playlist for nearly six months now; most are on for six weeks, max)

G: grossest memory? uh probably when one of my swim lesson kids tried to eat a bug (they were like four) and i had to make them spit it out into my hands 

H: hogwarts house? proud slytherin!!

I: in love? i love a lot of people, but i’m not IN love

J: jealous of people? not anymore, my self-esteem has gotten so much better in past years

K: killed someone? uhm a couple of times in fics (*cough* jinjin in not like this *cough*)

L: love at first sight or should i walk by again? not love but pls walk by again bc i’m probably enjoying your aesthetics

M: middle name? christine

N: number of siblings? one, an older sister

O: one wish? to adopt a kid with no family or an unhealthy one (obvs when  older and financially stable)

P: person you called last? my sister called me yesterday morning, and before that i had called my friend to tell him abt a near death experience when i was driving

R: reasons to smile? something good will happen to you, you’ll meet someone wonderful, and there’s always new experiences to happen

S: song you sang last? poet by bastille (an underrated fave)

T: time you woke up? about 8 am

U: underwear color? light heathered grey

V: vacation destination? i’d love to go to greece someday! santorini would be my first choice, and then my great-grandparents old village near thessaloniki

W: worst habit? probs my dermatillia (picking at acne on my face until it bleeds, then picking at the scabs, leaving a bunch of scars that will never go away)

X: x-rays? i got one on my tailbone one time, two years after i sprained it bc my mom didn’t believe me

Y: your favorite food? uhhh most anything tbh; i quite like the honey butter chicken sandwich from pdq

Z: zodiac sign? libra

✨ Fun Facts Tag ✨

Rules for this are:

Have fun with it!  

Tag some of your mutuals

1) Favourite colours:

orange!! and after that, any kinds of pastel or muted darks

2) Favourite song at the moment:

lotto by exo has been on replay in my head, my car, and my earbuds

3) Last book you read:

the sun and her flowers by rupi kaur

4) Last TV show you watched:

i tried to watch part-time idol bc hyunbin from jbj was in it, but within the first 15 minutes they set up an unnecessary relationship so i had to nope out of there real hard; i then reverted back to rewatching white collar for the fifth time

5) Last movie you watched:

does john mulaney’s nerflix comedy special comeback kid count?? if not, probably nightmare before christmas way back around christmastime

6) If you have a pet whats their name?:

four dogs: pheonix, kino, midge, and bess; three horses: little man, gem, and andy (ironically i’m allergic to dogs and horses, and my dad keeps buying more)

7) If you have siblings how many?:

one, my older sister

8) Favourite thing to do on a weekend:

i love doing my swim lessons and seeing all my kids!! i haven’t been able to lately bc of the weather, 

9) Best tumblr friends:

i only talk to @cheesyramynry on a daily basis, but i have a lot of blogs that i consider friendly acquaintances or casual friends as well!!

10) Favourite thing about yourself:

i value my compassion and empathy above all else; i am very much the mom friend and love to be it

11) Favourite memory:

ah i have so many; i think rn i’m gonna go with this past christmas, bc it was my last one with my grandfather

12) 3 weird habits:

swallowing gum, taking all my pills in descending size order, i tend to mimic how a singer sounds when i sing along to the song (ex: if they have a british accent, i’ll subconsciously sing in a british accent; if they stress certain syllables in certain ways, i’ll do it too)

13) What would you call your style?:

comfortable (stretchy jeans, t-shirts, hoodies) and with a few signature Gay Things (jean jacket, flannels, oversized mens’ button ups, a couple gay/bi pride shirts)

14) Odd talent:

if i have lyrics in front of me to a song i’ve never heard before, i can predict the pattern of the tunes and rhythm and sing along the first time

15) Do you have a tumblr crush?:

literally all of aroha and all of the sk fandom (y’all are the loveliest fandoms i’ve ever been a part of)

the stray kids tag

Rules: answer the questions in a new post, and tag 10 blogs you would like to get to know better.

I’ve decided that in celebration of Stray Kids pre-debut album I needed to create a tag. The ultimate goal for The Stray Kids Tag is to learn about your Tumblr mutuals, and have fun answering the Stray Kids related questions!  Here we go:

1: When did you decide to join the Stray kids fandom?

i saw a thread of information abt the suspected nine members before they were officially announced and was like ‘yes i must stan them and love them with all of my heart.’ so uh,,,,, back in august or september??

2: What is your favorite episode of Stray Kids? uhm, i’m gonna expose myself rn and let y’all know that i’ve never actually seen a full episode of the show; as soon as i heard it was gonna be a survival show, i knew that i couldn’t watch it bc my heart was too weak and i was emotionally incapable of becoming too invested while watching it; but from clips, i quite like the episode with the 3:3:3 mission, and also the last episode when all nine were reunited and told they were going to debut together

3: Who would you say is your bias in Stray kids?

my initial one was chan, and they i got rlly confused, and then slowly came to realize that it was jeongin (anything else after that is a fucking mess)

4: Who would you say is your bias wrecker in Stray kids?

literally kill me all of them bias wreck me so hard bUT hyunjin, jisung, seungmin, and chan have been wrecking me so hard in particular lately

5: What line would you want to be apart of in Stray kids? uHHH not dance line bc swimmers have 0 coordination on land; i quite like singing even tho i’m not good at, so probably that, but i can also hit all of chan’s english rap parts in 3racha songs, and keep up with lafayette’s raps in hamilton, and a lot of the english rappers i like too so uh,,, sign me up for rap line too

6: What is the first song you heard of Stray kids? hellevator

7: What is the first song you heard of 3racha? i think it was either hoodie season or runner’s high

8: What is your favorite song on their pre-debut album?

young wings or school life or yayaya (or grr or 4419 or glow or hellevator)

9: What is a concept you’d like to see Stray Kids try in the future?

i love their current optimistic and slightly rebellious teenager concept rn bc its an Eternal Mood; but i always love myself a soft boyfriend concept 

10: if you could meet with the members of Stray kids for one day what would you say to them?

how proud of them i am, and how proud of themselves they should be; i would tell them about how they’re saying things that resonate deeply for their fans and i love that they’re talking abt real world problems; i would also make sure to tell them (chan and 3racha especially) to make sure to rest more, and eat well, and take care of themselves emotionally as well as physically; and finally i’d like to tell jeongin how wonderful he is and that he’s doing so much at such a young age (lmao he’s actually eight months older than me but that’s no the point) and to never lose his cute little smile

finally done!! meri, if you actually read all of this, uh thank you????? i hope you now know everything you wanted to know abt me, and probably more than you wanted to know

i’m bad at tagging people, so if you also made it this far and haven’t done some of these tags, choose one, or a couple, or all of them and do them yourself!! just say that i tagged you!!

[janiedean]

(part 1) ur gonna roast me for this but im legit curious why mafia AUs are so bad? im asking in a non confrontational way, i get it romanticizing mafia is wrong, but i also believe that 1)most mafia AUs are a really toned down type of mafia;2)they do make for some interesting kinds of dynamics with fanart and with fics; 3)in a fic specifically u can create your own world and call something mafia and still make it so they don't kill innocent people but only idk members of other gangs or sth

(part 2) plus theyre a way to put ur charas in a completely diff context and see what theyll do. i mean i dont believe that writing ships in a certain context (like mafia) equals romanticizing that context. mafia AUs arent even my fav things to read (in fact i almost never do), im sure many ppl romanticize it and i obvs dont agree with that but im just trying to udnerstand bc i believe fandoms are a way to explore things that we normally wouldnt.

I’m not gonna roast you don’t worry xD okay wait let me check if I replied to this already if yes I’m gonna c/p because it’s half past midnight otherwise I’ll just go at it again wait *checks tags* fff obviously I don’t have a general post but anyway pls read this after you’ve done with my post and then this which is also choke-full of links. plus for a (not nice) laugh: here. AH WAIT I FOUND THE POST.

okay, so, let’s have it out of the way: I have nothing against mob aus or crime aus. I have a problem against calling them mafia AUs because in the US mafia = organized crime at large, in Italy mafia = ACTUAL EXISTING ORGANIZATIONS THAT ARE ACTIVELY HARMFUL. now that I introduced the topic I’ll c/p you the reply I gave to another anon who while discussing the issue pointed out that most writers don’t even know Italian mafia is a thing, which is pretty much on the same discourse so...

*The thing is - in the US it might not be enough of a deal anymore and I honestly do get why people make the mafia = regular mobsters, since the mafia was the first foreign organized crime being exported to the US via italian immigrants (sorry if this sounds horrible in English but I just woke up and I still didn’t have coffee) so I understand that mafia became the umbrella term.But the thing is that - as you said, these people don’t even know that there’s a mafia in Italy anymore or where the word comes from.

 I’m going to link to italiansreclaimingitaly’s tag about the mafia and its perception outside Italy because they posted about this extensively and it’s an excellent resource, but meanwhile I’m gonna do a very short bullet point list and about the topic:

Mafia might not be a big deal in the US, but it still is here. We have the beauty of four different mafias (Cosa Nostra - the Sicilian one, camorra which is the one in Campania but has tendrils spread everywhere, the 'ndrangheta which is in Calabria and the Sacra Corona Unita in Puglia) which are all active [especially camorra and 'ndrangheta] and whose actions have direct impact (negative) on our economy and on our society. Actually mafias are one of the main reasons we’re currently economically fucked up, and if I start talking about how mafia culture keeps some areas literally backwards I could talk about it for three months.

There are still people who are killed for standing up against them. These days the most prominent personality is Roberto Saviano who is a writer who dared to put together a book documenting minutely the way camorra works and he’s been living under protection for years by this point. Like, they want him dead because he wrote a book. And I’m sorta sure that he was talking about leaving Italy and going to the US after years of sticking with it here because he can’t take it anymore but I don’t know if it was a taken decision or if it’s still debating it.

It wasn’t even thirty years ago that we had the stragi di mafia - in english it’d be something like the mafia slaughters, basically around the beginning of the nineties there were a number of bombs planted by the mafia targeting people who were trying to oppose it including judges Falcone and Borsellino, actually the anniversary of Falcone’s death is like... tomorrow. And they’ve killed people for way longer than that. Here is a list of only Cosa Nostra victims including the ones from the eighties/nineties. And people are still dying because of it. The slaughters I’m referring to are just the ones in the nineties which are enough of a number.

They also perpetuate a culture where if you testify against your mafia-employed relatives you’ll be shunned forever. There are women who testified against their families and couldn’t see their children anymore never mind that they weren’t automatically considered a relative anymore the moment they sided against the mafia. Some people have committed suicide after becoming witnesses also because our police force/justice system can be terribly non-supportive in this kind of situation so they got left on their own. Never mind that back in the day - it was the beginning of the nineties? - I recall at least a particular story of - I think, correct me if I remember wrong but I can’t remember the names for the life of me - where this guy testified against the local mafia when he either used to work for them or was forced to pay them the pizzo and in retaliation his six-year old (or five? Anyway he had a son younger than ten for sure) got kidnapped, killed and thrown into acid to dispose of the body. That happened in what, 1993? 1994? It’s pretty much yesterday. And now the camorra is doing the same - there’s a list here of camorra victims among which accidental passerbys that got killed because they were in the way which I can tell just by glancing is not complete. And I’m not even going into the 'ndrangheta. That is to say, here mafia still kills people and cripples our country.

Now, I get that it’s a word, but the point was: let’s say that instead of the Italians the Japanese came to the US first and the umbrella word for organized crime was yakuza rather than mafia and let’s say yakuza was still what it was originally in Japan while in the US it stopped being a big deal and people write yakuza!AU instead of mafia AU. Let’s say someone Japanese gets angry at that and goes like 'listen the yakuza is a real deal it does this this this and that and it’s a plague in our country so can you please at least look it up before writing your fanfic’, which is what had happened way back then when this whole mafia and fanfic thing blew up. A bunch of people told us to get over it because it’s just a word and if it’s a problem in Italy it’s not in the US so why should they care? Now, if we had been Japanese (or Chinese or Russian or Mexican) would they have said the same thing? Considering the general tumblr attitude I’m pretty sure they would have received either an apology or 'this is an important deal let’s keep that in mind’ with signal boost reblogs and stuff. 

It’s the fact that we should get over people not knowing that it’s still a real problem for us and that they can’t take five seconds to google it that is the problem imo. Especially when instead of mafia au you can just say mobsters au or tag it as organized crime and everyone is a lot happier, mostly because as the tag above explains romanticising the mafia is a good thing for them because it means they can act outside Italy with less stigma because everyone thinks that the mafia is dead or not relevant anymore, if I’m explaining myself. (And it’s active outside Italy - like, there was a mafia kill in Germany in 2007 where six people died (sorry the link is in Italian but there isn’t an English wiki page, if you look the city up you’ll find something probably) and it was because of the 'ndrangheta.

I’d really like to not get worked over it because it meant it was a thing of the past y'know, but the problem is that it isn’t and I’d rather spread some awareness in hope some of these writers look it up (because it’s a good thing that people know what mafia is since as stated they have tendrils everywhere - if you read Saviano’s book the entire first chapter is about how camorra regularly deals with Chinese import/export in Italy for one) than shrug and figure that since they’ll think everything is good for fanfic then it’s not even worth my time.*

Now, ^^^ that was the c/p-ed reply that should answer most of your doubts. What I didn’t address was:

im sure many ppl romanticize it and i obvs dont agree with that but im just trying to udnerstand bc i believe fandoms are a way to explore things that we normally wouldnt.

aaaand as we say here in Italy, this is where the donkey falls (sorry we have weird sayings), because in theory there’s nothing wrong with that... except that in 99% of the mafia aus I’ve seen around the thing is that they’re supposed to be cute.

like, I see a lot of shit with TINY MAFIA BOSS STEVE ROGERS with RUSSIAN ENFORCER BUCKY (????? bucky isn’t even russian???) and the yoi thing I saw before had the japanese character being the leader of a russian mafia gang which is... like... guys it doesn’t happen it really doesn’t, and a lot of them re-use wrongly terminology taken from the godfather without context or knowing what the hell it means, and it’s always from the criminals’ pov and they’re somehow seen as criminals doing justice where the police can’t (???) and like... no. mafia bosses/enforcers/employees are bad people period, and at least here if you try to leave or repent they kill your family in retribution. like, not even ten years ago there’s been a woman who used to belong to a mafia family (or one colluded with the mafia) who testified and her entire town/family shunned her and she couldn’t take it anymore and... killed herself drinking acid if I don’t recall wrong. it’s not even special cases. this shit is not funny, it’s not cute, it’s not adorable and it’s not good fodder for your imagine your otp scenario (srsly I saw one like.. let me find it,

LIKE. just look at this shit. in a regular context, the enforcer goes to the show owner to force them to pay a monthly sum to their boss lest they destroy their shop and their lives and their family’s life never mind that mafia culture is deeply homophobic so the mafia enforcer flirting with the shopkeeper is like completely fucking out of the question. I mean, people here like to shit on the sopranos but that show was actually excellent representation of Horrid Criminals Who Were Never Supposed To Be Good People and the small arc that happened when one of tony’s friends turned out to be gay (closeted) was REALLY well done. btw, it ended that when they found out he was gay most of the crowd rejected him and thought badly of him until I think they killed him also for other reasons, but that spiraled from finding out he liked dick. and that’s american mafia that they actually based on well-done research of the culture in Italy it came from, I assure you that here it doesn’t work that differently. like. the shit above is so inaccurate and frankly offensive, it’s like... I get people romanticizing problematic stuff but the thing is that when you tell them that it’s actually offensive you get brushed off as ‘ah well you’re being too sensitive it’s just a word u__u’. now, I’m all for exploring shit we wouldn’t be into, but not like THAT, because that’s like mafia romantic comedy and that’s not how it works. now, you wanna do a fic where the mafia characters are deeply flawed and bad people and the police tries to catch them? fine, great, go ahead. you wanna do a fic where the enforcer above deals with dunno an entire life of internalized homophobia when he finds the shopkeeper attractive and feels conflicted over having to con money out of him and doing horrible shit for a living and maybe understanding that crime isn’t worth it and then he actually collaborates with the police and gets shit from about everyone he knows and loves for that? okay, awesome, go ahead. nothing bad in that.

but the shit above is not exploring things we wouldn’t/writing darkfic, it’s THINKING THAT A CRIMINAL ORGANIZATION WHICH IS STILL A THING IN OUR PART OF THE WORLD IS CUTE AND ADORABLE. and that only plays in their favor because it takes the bad aura out of the word and we really should not let that happen. like. that is what is bad about mafia aus and mafia discourse, that people don’t realize the mafia is alive and well and thriving and not a thing that doesn’t exist or a generic word for organized crime.

you wanna write the shit above? okay, CALL IT CRIME AU or mob au, not mafia au.

btw, add-on: idk if I mentioned it in the above post or not, but in case I didn’t, I said that people would balk at the idea of a mexican cartel au. sadly since then I’ve found out a fandom where not only there is one but it’s also extra cutesy and people apparently love it and it has a bunch of kudos/comments and idek I’m not even touching that with a ten foot pole but like... I’ve avoided it and everything that author wrote because to me it’s just... nope. like, nope. if you do mafia aus don’t make them fucking cute. (also: in the same fandom I had to mute a v. famous fanartist whose art I actually liked but did cutesy mafia aus and.. like... haahahhaahahahahaha nah sorry. can’t go there. nope.)

[neostitch]

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING: talk of mental disorders + others⚠️

alright so this is just a rant, nothing else.

i feel so weird right now. like dude i want to break my knee caps. i know that sounds so absolutely off the wall and bizarre and frankly kind of concerning considering my history of self harm but that not the xase. like i cant explain it. honestly yall idk if im hallucinating or having an episode or sometjing bc of what im feeling n seeing rn but i alsokinda think im just high but i get like this all the time high or not. i sent my grandma (legal guardian as well as the one i live with currently) this video becase i feel like Daniel puts everything i feel into words perfectly. a car just rumbled by n i felt like i was going to puke bc i thought i was someone knocking on my door. there are somany sounds and vibrations in this house and i feel like someobws after me. like i have to go to the library at 2pm~ to do schoolwork since i cant go to school physically. i think i found out the specific trigger for tgat, people! like yesterday a lot of people came into the lil study area of the library yesterday and im twitching just remembering because i feel like im there. i feel like im going to be flayed alive when i post this because there are a lot of really mean mental help people on here so im really sorry if you think im lying or faking i just really want to write all this out while im experiencing it. i kinda want to talk abouz peggy my grandma cshes highkey abusive n manipulative n i feel like if i leave in this state and have a breakdown shell think im lying or overreacting like she always does and that makes me not wantto go anywhere but the last time i did that she almost beat me and said she was happy my moms dead. my momma died on november twelfth of last year and ever since then peggy has hated me more than ever. she fought to have legal custody of my but everytime i dont do ny work or something she threatens to throw me out or call the cops because im an out of control teen and im realky feelung kind of suicidal right now because she thinks ive done some work for a while now and shes gonna find out sooner or later and i seriously feel like im gling to have a heart attack. im so scared of her. i know i yell a lot and im sorry and i wish i was normal too peggy do you really thing i want to be like this. every single little noise and creek is making me jump out of my skin im so scared its her. and im afraid to go in the car with her because she talks with her hands snd i think she gonna hit me or touch me and ive told her that but she thinks im stupid and overeactong and i feel like if i stop typing shell come and get me and im so scared and no one believes me im going fucking crazy i think ill end this here because i cant think anymore

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

I like singing, how will T affect my voice?

We can’t tell you what will happen to your voice- people tend to be able to sing well (once their voice is done changing!) if they could sing well before, but there are instances of people losing their singing voices.

We’ve anecdotally heard of some people on T being able to keep their high notes, but it’s much more likely that you lose your high notes as your vocal cords thicken. 

T will most likely deepen your voice so your range will change, but as long as you continue to practice and don’t overwork your voice into notes you cannot reach anymore your singing voice probably will be okay- different, but okay.

But we can’t guarantee this, and it’s your decision whether testosterone and passing/being comfortable in your body are worth the risks of losing your singing voice for you.

This post has a bit more on singing

The Changing Female-To-Male (FTM) Voice

The Changing Female-To-Male (FTM) Voice Pedagogical Notes 

Testosterone And The Trans Male Singing Voice

Training the Transgender Singer: Finding the Voice Inside

Followers, any examples of trans singers on T for us to add? Or any personal experiences to add on?

Followers say:

aeolianchemistry said: have a lot to say about this! i may not be the most coherent bc im half asleep lol, but anyone feel free to message me about this anytime and ask for more details!,

this was my biggest Thing when i was deciding to pursue hrt. ive been in various choirs for years, and its a very Important part of my life. but also my voice was my #1 source of dysphoria, and the #1 thing i needed to change. i searched for weeks to find anything about what to expect from hrt as a singer, esp bc ive heard stories of trans ppl losing their siging voice entirely. i was terrified, and couldnt find resources to shed any significant light on the topic.

and so, in no particular order bc im half asleep, here are some things to expect and things that i’ve experienced so far (almost six months on hrt):

- practice while your voice is dropping! feel it out every step of the way. get to know your voice while it’s changing, and try to maintain those high notes. i didnt do a v good job of this and my high range kinda just shriveled up. i cant be sure that it wouldve been hugely different if id practiced more, but ive heard it does help

- yoir voice will feel different. unfamiliar at times. you wont be using it the same way youre used to. technique will change, placement will change

- my speaking voice shifted downward after just a month or two (i had mild hyperandrogynism before, so this wont be as quick for everyone), before my singing voice did. i didn’t start getting new low range until later, but within my pre-t vocal range, my voice just sat a bit lower than it used to. my low alto filled out more. than i started getting new notes, slowly

- there will be periods of time where it cracks or breaks or is unreliable. dont push it, but dont despair either. keep practicing as well as you can

- my voice is somewhat fragile. if i yell (which i can only somewhat do currently) or push it or force it thru cracks/breaks/weak spots, it will get tired easily and take quite a while to recover. be nice to your voice. dont push high notes if they cause strain. dont push the low notes either, even tho im sure youre excited about them

- your voice will be weak while it’s shifting. this can cause frustration and anxiety. i’m two months into my choir season singing w two and a half choirs, and i’m dealing w lots of Complicated Feelings bc my voice just cant do all the things i want it to. i cant project much, and i certainly dont have the strength (yet) to audition for any of the solos i’d like to. Patience

- the Weird Spots and the Weak Spots will continue to shift around. i have this one area in the middle of my range (currently its about Ab3-B3, but a few weeks ago it was B3-C4) where its weird and weak and its kind of like a break in register but also a bit like a black hole, bc i Cannot Project there and theres no good placement for singing those notes, and notes in the vicinity of those are also Weird but Less So. it’s slowly sliding downwards, and i am learning to navigate it better. i’m hoping it will settle and go away soon, but we’ll see

- breath support is v important. as mentioned, your voice may be quite fragile, and putting strain on it could cause it to glitch out on you for a while. supporting your voice w lots of breath will put less demand on your vocal chords

- NEVER SING IN A BINDER or compressive garment. you need those lungs!

- you’re going to miss out on some of the nostalgic singalongs of old choir songs, bc you no longer have the range to sing your old parts. this is possibly the #1 consequence of transitioning that im the most sad about lol

- i have a very weird quality to my high range rn. it seems to be caught midway between the head voice it used to be and future falsetto or whatever it’s moving toward. for now its just Strange to listen to

the current state of my voice is this:

low range is down to almost the bottom of the bass clef. i can sing down to Bb2, A2 on a good day.

from there up to F3ish is quite comfy and possibly the strongest part of my singing voice, but i do find that if i spend too much time down there it can strain the rest of my range (i used to have this problem before too: if i sang in my low alto range too much or too enthusiastically, my sop range would get tired).

from G3-C4, it’s Awkward. the Awkwardness shifts around, and some parts of it can be more comfy than others sometimes, but it’s all v inconsistent. i cant project much here, and placement is veryvery Weird.

D4-F4ish is typically comfy but has a bit of that Strange quality to it. these notes are a bit floaty, but not bad.

G4-B4 are unreliable. somedays i can get up there. some days it’ll blink out or crack or break or just Not Be There. i am predicting that once my high range settles into a proper falsetto, i’ll be able to work on this range more and it’ll have less of that Strange quality to it, but only time will tell

again, apologies for being Scattered, it’s 1am and ive had a long day. any of yall are welcome to message me for more details ☺

there is a lot of weirdness and weakness and Awkward in the transition period. but while i’m frustrated at times, i’m not worried. everything i’m dealing w is temporary. now i can’t be 100% sure how my voice will settle or when, but i’m not afraid i’ve lost it forever. as far as i’ve heard, the stories of trans ppl who lose their singing voice on t are very rare cases. youre going to go through weeks or months where singing is Weird in constantly shifting ways, but itll keep on moving and developing, and personally i’m so excited to see where it goes.

i’m currently singing tenor2 in my choirs, and occasionally i get to take a trip down and sing baritone. im not even 6months in! that has transformed my choir experience to be even better than before, even w all the awkwardness. it was so weird and beginning to get verg uncomfy to be in a place like choir, which is so important to me, which i love dearly, which has had a significant impact on my life, but which revolved around the use of my one most dysphoric feature. but now i don’t have to worry about that. now i can sing the parts i’ve been wanting to sing for years.

i do occasionally miss some of my old voice. i miss soaring soprano lines, i miss all the old alto parts in songs i used to know. i miss the confidence and strength of a familiar, complete voice. and im allowed to miss those, i dont feel bad about having that longing or sadness, bc i have zero regrets. i also occasionally miss playing with and styling my super long hair, but in five years i have not once regretted cutting it all off. i own those memories and that nostalgia, but i keep moving forward to new and better things

pinesboi said: If you keep working at your voice and take lessons to make sure you never let it get out of practice, everything should be okay. I’m on T now about 3-4 months, and I’m still singing high tenor musical theatre