#posting these now before the shame catches up w me and i delete them and crawl into a hole. okok. dies

[pawbeanies]

a boy can be So pathetic (spends an hour rolling around in bed with his plushies taking pics of his stickbug legs for no good reason)

[oh-for-fic-sake]

What will daddy Henry do if his little is sad because someone took something valuable from her?

So i wanst sure what to base this on entirely, so I'm going to go with something I went through over the last few weeks. I had a little bit of anon hate, which I deleted but the words stuck with me making me second guess everything i was working on and the confidence i had in my writing was taken away. so this is like a shameful self indulgent fantasy that im going to read to myself when ever im down.

Warnings: Pretty Personal For Me, Angsty, Fluffy, Self Doubt, Happy Ending, DDLG, Long!!

Tagging: @viking-raider @isitmine @tinabean37 @loserrlauraa  @msblkfire84 @henrythickcavill @plainbrunettelbl @dummiesshort @cynic-spirit @pandaxnienke  @two-unbeatable-beaters @libbymouse @wolfieash @eldarwen333 @princesssterek @mom2000aggie @blackestpinkworld 

(not sure who to tag in headcannons? these are the ones on my everything taglist)

Henry watched quietly with a frown as you sat down in the living room, eyes cast down at the tablet in front of you shoulders slumped.

"poppet what's wrong love?"

"n-nothing da-addy" you said with a small stutter

Henry shifted on his feet looking at you critically before coming over to you.

"nothing? So your sitting here almost in tears over nothing" he stated sceptically rounding the sofa sitting next to you.

"I'm not cryin" you sniffled trying to bite your lower lip to stop it from wobbling.

"not yet, but close enough poppet, hand it over" he said holding out his hand waiting for the tablet.

You whined not wanting to hand it to him at first but after a mini battle of wills you placed the colourful tablet in his hand.

Your head was cast down and you rubbed your eyes trying to catch the tears before they were noticeable.

"okay then, so this is your new story?" he asked scrolling through the page not reading it all but scanning the words, it was well written like always.

At the beginning of the pandemic he suggested you started a blog, and you had. A writing blog all full of fanfictions of... Him.

He didn't mind he actually love you doing something constructive, it kept you happy and busy which helped him because there wasn't many free days even in lockdown. He was working out, reading scripts or rearranging covid tests and travel.

Plus knew these smut blogs existed, even lurked on a few.

"y-yeah" you mumbled leaning on him hugging his arm scanning the page as he scrolled, you knew he wasn't reading everything maybe every few lines

"sooo what's the problem?" he said not finding an issue with the writing.

"i... I cant post it" you muttered looking down avoiding his gaze

"why?" he asked frowning not liking the defeated tone you had.

"j-just because..."

"ah I see, you have lost your confidence" he said quickly figuring out the problem, the downside to writing was everything was personal preference so tiny comments could knock your confidence.

In a way it was like his work, you put your heart and soul into it and then people don't like it? It was always a bummer. But he was used to it, you were not.

You nodded to him it was true you'd lost your confidence, you hadn't wrote for a while.

You couldn't seem to find the words to fit together anymore.

You felt silly, they were just a few mean comments, words from a nasty troll who didn't have anything better to do but it hurt, you poured your heart into every chapter and then for people to rip it to shreds? It stung.

"y-yes I... They didn't like it" you hummed fiddling with your fingers, drawing deep breaths trying not to cry

"and so what?" he said shrugging making you snap your gaze to him.

"wha?"

"it doesn't matter love, so a few people didn't like it, lots of people do, I love your stories"

"you have to your my daddy"

Henry huffed and shook his head at you ruffling your hair pressing a kiss to your head amused that you thought that's the only reason he liked your writing.

"don't stop writing just because of a few mean people nugget, it takes a lot of skill to write and a lot of bravery to share it. Your a brave talented little baby and I'm very proud of you"

He said cooing as that seemed to be the final push sending you over the edge making you burst out into tears.

He hugged you moving the tablet out of the way before pulling you to his lap, unbuttoning his shirt half way and squished you into his bare chest knowing you needed to feel him, not a shirt.

"shh its okay babygirl, your stories are wonderful, and you have fun writing them don't you baby?"

You nodded crying harder trying to get the words out but you just couldn't instead whining incoherently into him.

"and you enjoy making the little banners? And collect all your photos and gifs?"

"y-yeah but they di-dn't like it last time!"

"they don't have to like everything you do sweety"

"but I don't wana upset them!"

"did you do the warnings?" he asked knowing all about the do's and don'ts of posting your erotica.

You nodded whining you always did warnings on stuff to be safe.

"and make the little cut thingy you were telling me about?" again you nodded at him

"so your telling me they read the warnings, clicked to see it and then were mean?" you sniffled biting your lip trying to calm down but nodded to him humming quietly.

"well then it sounds to me like they were going out of their way, looking for someone to pick on" he said slowly rocking you slightly.

You fell quiet resting your head on his chest as he rubbed your back and patted your bottom soothing you.

"but what if they wasn't? What if my stories are bad- and encourage bad stuff!" you cried tucking yourself into him tighter.

"no-no you repeat after me, fiction is fiction" he said pulling you back wiping your tears waiting for you to say it out loud.

"fic-tion is f-fiction" you repeated

"I did everything I could to warn people"

"I-I did everyth-ing I could to w-warn people" he smiled at you as you drew a huge breath calming yourself down.

"and they are jealous because I'm an adorable, smart, funny kind and caring babygirl who has the cutest little peach butt in the world~" he said smirking at you from above holding you tightly to him pressing a kiss to your head.

"and they- daddy! Noo! I can't say that~" you gasped flushing as you realised what he had said

"oh yes you can because its the truth now come here let daddy bite that peach~" he growled playfully snapping his jaws at you.

"ah-no!" you screeched giggleing as he began tickling you all over wrestling you playfully trying to lean over and bite your but through your shorts.

He landed two solid bite's on your bottom before pulling back. Even though he had cheered you up he could see you were still doubting yourself.

Henry cast a glance to the tablet and smirked forming a plan that might just get you back on track. He was not going to let anyone steal your sparkle.

"come on you you've spent enough time writing go play in the garden with Kal"

Once you left henry got to work swiping up the tablet and going on your one drive seeing the meticulously organized notebooks, recognising a few by name.

A few weeks later Henry came in to the living room with a medium size box and plopped it on the sofa next to you.

"here we go nugget!" he said placing the gift next to you, they couldn't have come quickly enough, he had noticed you hadn't been writing at all, which upset him because he knew how much you loved it.

"what's that daddy?" you asked peering over the box not expecting any gifts.

"why don't you open it and find out?" he said sitting the other side of the box handing you a pair of scissors to slice the tape.

You moved slowly cutting it open and pulled the box open then froze.

"d-daddy? What thats my..." you trailed off pulling out the hard back books your banner on the front cover.

"your stories? Yes poppet, I realised that you were putting so much work into these things but could loose them, they are soo good that daddy wanted to read them over and over and now we can!" he said pleased with himself as you sat there shocked looking at the small collection of a5 books.

"but their- i dont..." you said happy but completely shocked, flicking through the pages, there were even a few comments in the margins from henry pointing out the pits he liked making your heart swell with pride.

Henry moved to stand behind you pressing a kiss to your hair.

"They are brilliant! So good I'm so proud of every thing you have achieved and I want them on our book shelf, in the living room" he said making you tear up.

"Really? You... You think their that good?" you whined eyes blurring with tears as you hugged the first book to your chest.

"absolutely poppet now go on, you do the honours~" he said pressing your shoulder urging you to go to the cube bookshelf.

You tiptoed over to it and slowly pulled out each little custom book with your banner on the front.

You sat down placing each one delicately on the shelf the five books each lining up with one another half filling the empty cube shelf.

"oh no baby look? The shelf isn't full is it? You know what that means" he said standing looking

"I-I've gotta write?" you asked sniffling weeping softly but this time because you were happy.

"exactly! You need to fill the whole shelf, so you keep up the good work and tell daddy when you finish your next story and we can keep adding to it!" he said cheerfully walking over handing you the tablet.

You smiled to yourself and looked to the books, your books- actual real life books on a shelf!

You grinned throwing yourself at him latching onto him feeling your confidence come back just from seeing how much you had done.

Suddenly the hate didn't matter, your daddy like them enough to make them into real life books! And even annotated them himself?

And if your writing was good enough for your daddy then it was good enough for you.

"daddy, can I have my screen time now, I want to write!!" you said jumping up and down on the spot excited to start your next chapter.

Henry grinned nodding deciding you can have as much screen time today as you wanted as long as it meant you wasn't giving up your new hobby.

[mythvoiced]

⭐️ (I just GOTTA know)

@wantedformanysins | — for each “⭐️” i get, i’ll write a headcanon about our muses.

---

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING IT, I was hoping you would >:3c You sent only one but uhm... I’m going to be very loud about the ships/muse combos we’re discussing, so beware for Length™ below the cut. Note: in no way shape or form is there any pressure to accept any of these headcanons and I would absolutely love to hear your thoughts on them, whether you agree or disagree with them, and just, all you’ve got to say, please ;W; Also, pretty sure I didn’t miss anyone (not included those we just recently started on) but, like, if I somehow did, shoot me in the face ♥

Going in no particular order.

-. Aziz & Nathaniel I like to think that, pre-wipe, they had a lot of unspoken agreements and settlements between them that were mostly of strategic and social nature, in the sense that, they naturally positioned themselves in ways physically and took on specific roles in conversations with new people (especially when they were up to no good) without having ever discussed who, for example, plays the good cop and who plays the bad cop. They were simply in sync with each other, naturally filling in where the other lacked, covering each other’s backs, backing up crap one of them made up on the spot, they worked together so astoundingly well without ever... sitting down and talking it out, they just completed and complemented each other’s ideas. This faded post-wipe because Aziz no longer remembered how to read Nathaniel, he’s meeting him for the first time again, and Nathaniel isn’t familiar with this Aziz either, but what if part of it is still present, what if subconsciously they still click with each other, especially when bullshitting their way out of things, in ways that would make an observant eye go “well damn, that’s a team, alright”. Now... that’d be lowkey neat, wouldn’t it.

-. Aziz & Diana When the one of them needs to talk, they just know. They walk into the room and the other just knows, from the way they walk in, from the look on their face, the way they hold themselves, they just sense it, when something’s wrong, because they know each other, but also because they care enough to be in tune with it, with the general energy, brightness the other is exuding. So whenever one needs to sit down and be held a while or get something off their chest, they just... know and open their arms.

-. Nathan & Caleb I don’t know where this one came from, but I literally deleted the headcanon I had written before it, just to write this in its stead, and, honestly, but late-night picnic on a spot overlooking a city and then sitting on the hood of a car to watch the stars, I don’t know why, but my brain would like this to be a date they went on at least once, to have it tranquil and romantic and loving, and there’s a lot of leaning on the other and hugging and soft making out - anything else could be done back at home - and enjoying one another’s presence and am I saying that this is the date Caleb would have proposed on? UHm........................ Absolutely

-. Nathan & Junghoon They keep in contact quite regularly even after Junghoon leaves the States, kind of coordinating time-zones until phone calls work, but before they do that, checking in with the occasional text, while Jung collects memes to send Nathan, and always keeps Nathan up to date with any news he gets on Nathan’s favourite artists if he has any, they get each other Christmas presents and basically just maintain this friendship in spite of the distance while Jung keeps telling Nathan that if he ever wants to fly in, he’s got a place to stay, and guaranteeing that he’ll drop in soon again, this time to hang out, though.

-. Aziz & Haniel Weekly meet-ups, or maybe monthly? Or, perhaps, unspecified time-span, but one thing is sure, every now and then Aziz and Haniel just get together to catch up (this when Aziz is with Nathaniel & Diana, so after Aziz & Haniel’s time hanging out together more regularly). They get together, sit down somewhere where they can listen to the wind or watch the sea, and they talk, it’s calm, it’s timeless, as if every time they sat together, the world would spin according to their needs, at their pace, and they’d talk, or maybe they wouldn’t, they’d sit there and enjoy the world breathing around them and one another’s company.

-. Aziz & Muninn They compare stories. Stories they accidentally eavesdropped on, or some tale they stumbled upon in an old book, or anything they might have picked up, when they’re not searching for stories together and when Aziz isn’t potentially too distracted by an episode to keep any in mind, they try to have a few at the ready to discuss when they’ll meet again.

-. Nathan & Chulsoo This one’s angsty and I need your thoughts on all of these, but mayhaps this one in particular, also in case I misunderstood Nathan in any way, but my headcanon for these two is that they spent a lot of nights awake simply lying next to each other without noticing the other was awake and doing the same thing, all the while pondering, and mulling their relationship over, just sleepless hours they dissected the past and the future of their relationship and got nowhere.

-. Emerson & Eunjae THIS ONE’S CUTE, OKAY, HOW ABOUT: exchanging bookmarks. Maybe they’re selfmade, maybe they have some sort of emotional value, or maybe they were bought for specifically this purpose, but what if Emerson and Eunjae got each other special, personalised maybe even, bookmarks as a sign of growing affection between them? Maybe the other’s name is written on it in stylised letters, or maybe a quote they relate to the other is printed onto it, whatever suits Emerson’s style more for what she’d make and what she’d like, basically.

-. Emerson & Catharina They become regulars at a very expensive restaurant that is traditionally or simply ‘usually’ frequented by man only, partly with the purpose to spite these men by navigating this place confidently and with zero shame, all while quickly becoming some of the best customers because they’re polite, treat the waiters with respect, and never showcase any of that stomach churning arrogance the other patrons do, heck, they most likely even memorise some of the employee’s names and just... become favoured because 1. they have the money, 2. they’re decent human beings who treat others with respect unless disrespected first. Also, they fking look amazing, they look like suits and gowns respectively were invented to be worn by them specifically, Emerson outshines every fella in the room by simply wearing what they’re wearing, just... better.

[juminsmysticmc]

RFA plus Sarean and V found out MC is secretly on anxiety and/or depression meds. She hid it from them because she was scared of their reactions.

RFA + Minor Duo with a MC who secretly takes anxiety/ depression medications because she was scared of their reaction

TRIGGER WARNINGS! MENTION OF DEPRESSION, FEARS 

Hello! Thank you for your request! Please everyone, be aware that this HC is triggering! My headcanons show only a scenario of this topic so please try to understand that this Headcanon won’t contain every detail. Thank you for reading the Headcanon. 

Jumin 

Once again it was a lonely Wednesday without your husband Jumin Han.

You sat on the black couch as you could felt that your breath went quicker. 

The muscles around your heart thighed up, making it feel as if there was no space in the inside of your chest. 

You looked at the blue-white box in your purse and opened it. 

You quickly put the white pill with trembling hands on your tongue, making it melt, tasting the mealy flavor. 

You still had side effects such as diarrhea sometimes even through you were taking the antidepressive for a long time now. 

,,So lucky that I can take them always at the same time���“ you mumbled and looked around you. 

Loneliness was around you. 

The darkness and coldness of the room made you shiver. 

You didn’t want this, you really didn’t. 

,,Jumin….“ you began to sob again out of the blue, feeling only shame for your weak state. 

You needed to hide this feeling, you wanted to support him after all, not being a burden for the man you loved the most. 

In a completely different place a certain man named Jumin Han was worried for you, his love. 

He realized that he left you alone since a long time now and he was really sorry for that. 

Especially today he thought that he had to return back home and so he left everything undone to go to you. 

You on the other side didn’t plan to see your husband until a few hours and decided to leave the medication on the table. 

Instead you decided to try to sleep to catch up what you couldn’t do in your last days. You hated this side effect, so called insomnia. 

Unfortunately this sleep wasn’t relaxing at all. 

Instead someone began to shake you as soon as you dozed off. 

,,Mc! What’s that!“ a man‘s voice asked you. 

When he came home everything seemed oddly dark and he found your body on the couch with some strange medications on the table. 

When he googled the medication he found out that you took antidepressants. 

Shattered. That’s what happened to the heart you came to warm up. 

Jumin hugged you tightly as he saw that you were about to cry. 

,,I‘m sorry! I was so scared to tell you….scared that you will leave me, hate me….I missed you and felt lonely…I‘m such a coward I‘m sorry.“ you said with a trembling voice. 

Your husband felt bad. 

It was partly his fault, wasn’t it? 

,,It’s okay. Okay….It’s no problem because we will get over it together….together, Mc….yes?“ 

Zen 

Your fingers began to tremble as you scrolled through the new Iphone you just got. 

It seemed as if the bad comments below your pictures would never come to an end. 

As if you fell into an endless pool of hate, jealousy and loneliness. 

You decided to click on the three little circles on the right to delete your Instagram post just to be boomed with hate messages, making you throw your phone in the last corner of the dark room. 

Zen was out once again and you seemed unable to hold your tears. 

When will it get better? 

When will you laugh again? 

When will you feel a warm smile on your lips, warming up the heart of the one you love? 

Thinking about Zen made you shiver and sob even harder. 

You finally decided to take the white pill which caused you often a dry mouth. 

But you could bear the side effects like dizziness and nausea as long as you finally got better. 

But unfortunately it seemed like it just couldn’t offer you the things you wanted to have. 

You groaned as you threw the pills to your phone, and laid your head on your palm.

 ,,Jagiya?“ none other than Zen called you and entered the room. 

You were too weak to look up, to make other noises than the sniffing ones. 

Zen immediately approached you and checked you. 

But the side effects of the pill made you dizzy once again and so you crushed against his body. 

Zen immediately held you in his arms and supported you. 

While he brought you to the couch he noticed the pills. 

,,Mc…..’’ he mumbled and showed them to you. 

,,What does that mean, princess?’’ he asked you calmly and waited for your explanation. 

,,Uhhhuhhhh, I am so…..sorry….! Don’t leave me…..please….’’ you begged. 

Zen stayed silent for a while and just hugged you. 

His palms formed circles on your back while you sobbed into his shirt, explaining why you hid it from him, that you were taking this medication. 

,,I….am so sorry….really…..the thing with Unknown and the Media scared me….out of the blue I wasn’t Hyun’s girlfriend anymore but Zen’s. Not only this, I was also the enemy of a lot of people….the haters….the situation scared me….I thought if I would tell you, you would leave me, hate me because I was a burden to your job….it scared me because I would never want you to stop being a star and so….-‚‘’ 

,,Mc….’’ he whispered. 

Just now you noticed that he was sobbing with you. 

,,You are so much more important….I will try to solve the whole situation, but if this won’t help, I will give up the agency for you….you are so much more important to me….really….’’ he told you and kept hugging you until you fell asleep. 

,,Really….you scared me…I thought that you found out….’’ Zen mumbled as he took a bottle from his bag and put the same pill on his tongue you used before. 

,,This is a sign, my parents always told me, a sign, we shouldn’t ignore it, should we?’’ he mumbled and began to write his resignation letter. 

Yoosung

You observed the picture of the young blond haired woman and your husband. 

Once again your fears hit you, your breathing began to get heavier, your hands began to tremble and got all sweaty as you thoughts went crazy again. 

In front of the picture you broke down, your knees supporting you on the cold floor as your nose almost touched the floor. 

You tried to breath in and out but you failed. 

What if Yoosung would leave you? Hate you for not being like Rika?

Or trying to find once again similarities between you and the deceased perfect girl to just find a reason to still stay by your side? 

You couldn’t handle the thoughts and opened the drawer with the last strength you had in your arms to take out the pills you hated the most. 

You took two, one of them was deeply red and the other one white. 

Both of them tasted awful but still, you needed them. 

Even through they made you lose your hair a lot and made you gain weight, your thigh feeling around your chest would get better immediately. 

But you still weren’t used to the side effects by the medicine. 

,,Try to hold it in…try….’’ you mumbled to yourself. 

You laid back on the cold floor as  tears streamed on the floor. 

But then you heard the door‘s click and some steps. 

,,Mc why are you laying on the floor?“ he mumbled with a kind, softly voice. 

,,Huh? Mc! Are you hurt? W-why are you crying?“ Yoosung mumbled softly and sat on the floor with you. 

You were scared, the thoughts that he could see your medication scared you and so the urge to hid it got bigger and bigger. 

You groped on the floor until you got them, while Yoosung looked at you.

But as clumsy as you were you let them fall once again, making your husband looking at your hand. 

,,What’s that…?“ he asked you still softly and took the medication to read it’s name. 

His smile quickly faded as he observed you, who were still on the floor. 

Your tears were still flowing and immediately you tried to get up.

,,What’s that?“ he asked you but immediately went on. 

,,Why do you need to take it? Why did you hid it?“ he mumbled and immediately cried with you. 

,,Yoosung….“ you kept sobbing and began to hyperventilate. 

,,MC!“ he yelled and abruptly got up to take a paper bag. 

,,Please….please calm down please I‘m here, I‘m here I love you….!“ he told you. 

Your breathing got better you however collapsed into his arms, sweat was on your front as you grabbed your shirt. 

,,Mc…why did you hid it?“ he asked you. 

,,I….I was so scared, Yoosung!“ you began to whisper. 

,,I was scared that you would leave me because….because I wasn’t as perfectly as Rika was….I didn’t want you to be disappointed….“ you sobbed. 

Yoosung hated himself, he thought that it was his fault that you were like this, scared and afraid. 

Only his fault… 

Yoosung‘s heart ached as he hugged you. 

He tried to mumble sweet things to you but right now you seemed deaf at his words. 

,,The two of you are completely different people…I love you as a woman, I want to protect you and cherish you…I want to own your love…so please be totally different from Rika….be yourself and however you will be, I will love you.“ 

Jaehee

,,Mc…“ Jaehee mumbled as she stroked your back while you vomited into the toilet. 

Please please please please please please don’t make her notice, worry, don’t….

You thought as the side effects of the medication hit you once more. 

,,We should go to the medical, Mc….since days you have been feeling sick…you’re always dizzy and don’t eat at all….besides….we don’t have much sex anymore…“ she mumbled and blushed. 

You wanted to say something as the nausea hit you once more, making you gag again. 

,,I will bring you something to drink…“ Jaehee mumbled and left you alone for a moment. 

She entered the kitchen to take a glass when she noticed that the water had run out. 

,,Well then, water from the bath will do it too…“ she mumbled and went to the bathroom to fill the glass. 

Unfortunately she noticed that your drawer was open and while closing it, she noticed two boxes. 

She oddly looked at them, realizing that this were depression meds. 

She felt sick and her hands began to tremble, why would you take them? And since when? How come you never shared your pain with her? 

She decided to approach you with the pills while you washed out your mouth in the sink. 

Jaehee entered the little toilet and observed you. 

,,Mc, could it be that your symptoms are side effects of the medication you’re taking?“ she asked you. 

Your eyes grew as you noticed her holding the pills. 

,,Jaehee….“ you began to sob immediately. 

,,I know…I know Mc but why didn’t you tell me?“ she asked you, perhaps her voice was a bit too annoyed. 

,,I‘m sorry…I really am….I thought that you wouldn’t like me…we don’t know each other so long time and didn’t want to scare you with this…“ you told her and looked down. 

Jaehee felt bad, out of the blue she began to cry with you, hugging you and comforting you. 

The two of you stayed together like that for a long time, you still were scared, what if she would leave you now that she knew your problems? 

While Jaehee was asleep you went out of your shared room and searched the pills, took the portion for the day and sank to the ground, crying. 

Saeyoung 

,,Yes, yes. Thank you.“ Saeyoung said over the phone as he talked to the third doctor of yours. 

He knew that something was awfully wrong and the doctor over the phone just confirmed his thoughts. 

You were sick for such a long time, feeling a dry mouth, not being hungry but still gaining weight or just having headaches. 

And you never got headaches….

It was totally odd and Saeyoung began to worry because he had an idea what it could be. 

After all Saeran had the same when he came home from Rika‘s mean doings-and he took antidepressants.  

He never thought that you, his lovely fiancé would be depressive. 

Would be so sick to take medication. 

But now he understood. 

Saeyoung sat down for a moment to try to collect his ideas. 

Were you already in therapy? 

Was there something else he didn’t know about? 

Saeyoung decided to first check which medication you were taking before coming to talk to you. 

He searched all over the place for the pills. 

But he couldn’t find any evidence. 

,,But the doctor said that yesterday she took them from the pharmacy again….“ he mumbled, now almost giving up. 

But then, he understood - they were still in your purse! 

He was an agent in the past, he knew how to hack computers and how to deceive people but Saeyoung Choi didn’t know how to take his fiancé‘s purse! 

When he finally found an opening his plan failed totally. 

,,Babe? What are you doing with my purse?“ you asked him. 

He could already hear that your voice was trembling. 

Saeyoung quickly tried to hide what he was doing but you quickly saw that your medication was in his hands. 

,,Wh-why do you have my medication in your hands?!“ you asked him. 

Saeyoung looked at you. 

,,The correct question is: Why didn’t you tell me?“ 

You looked away, you were simply trying to avoid his gaze but even through you couldn’t see his eyes, his gaze was burning on you. 

,,I….was scared.“ you finally confessed. 

,,Of what, Mc?“ he asked you softly when he noticed that your hands were trembling.

,,When we first met you…you were so angry at me….and then…You already had Saeran to look after….the agency was bugging you and V‘s death….how could I possibly annoy you with my problems? What if you would hate me, for being like that? I wanted your love and-“ 

,,Mc! You should have told me! Because you will never be annoying to me! I love you…you helped me so much and I didn’t notice that you were sad….Please tell me for the future. I want you to be happy with me….“ 

Saeyoung begged and hugged you. 

The two of you cried together for a long time. 

Saeyoung then asked you to do an appointment so that he could be with you and the doctor. 

He wanted to give his best at supporting you. 

Saeran 

He often noticed that his medication was missing, since he didn’t need it since a few months. 

However he never imagined that you, the one who saved him from despair would need them. 

When he found out he was devastated. 

He was angry. 

Angry at himself for not noticing that you were unhappy, that you weren’t well. 

Saeran felt as if his happiness was one sided. 

You seemed always cheerfully but you weren’t. 

But Saeran couldn’t see any side effects on you. 

,,Could it be that she takes them since such a long time that there aren’t any side effects anymore…….?’’ he asked himself. 

He was so puzzled, the two of you decided to go to the mountains for a few months, here the two of you didn’t have a doctor or a clinic. 

,,Saeran…’’ you mumbled when you came out of the room. 

Just now he noticed that you looked really thin and were really pale. 

,,Mc, did you take my medications?’’ he asked you bluntly.

Your surprised eyes made him sure that he was right with his accusations. 

,,Why….how….?’’ you asked him. 

,,Well, I saw that they were becoming less and lesser.’’ Saeran said. 

He approached you and stroked your cheek. 

You blushed immediately. 

Your eyes turned red and teared up. 

He put your hair behind your ear and took your hand, kissing every finger. 

You sobbed by now. 

,,What are you doing, Saeran?’’ you asked him, trying to get away. 

,,I’m kissing every part of your body, stroking your and showing you how much I love you. I want you to trust me, Mc….why didn’t you tell me?  I thought that after what happened to me the two of us would have a different bond…..’’ he told you. 

You gave him a nod ,,Yes yes I know….!’’ you sobbed harder. 

,,But you were troubled with your own problems, we still didn’t find Saeyoung….! Our plan was a fail and I didn’t want to worry you….I’m so sorry….I thought you would hate me because of this….’’ 

Saeran looked at you, his eyes showed pure love. 

His love for you grew only more, you needed him. 

He felt bad but at the same time he felt needed. 

He wanted to help you, to make you feel that he was right by your side. 

,,We will ask Jumin to help us out….okay?’’ he asked you and thought that you would agree. 

You however shocked your head. 

,,Let’s go through this together without Jumin, please….’’ 

,,Your wish is my order….I love you….’’ 

Jihyun 

You began to sob as you looked at the medication. 

Your table was filled with little boxes. 

You hated them but you also needed them. 

The biggest problem was that you couldn’t tell Jihyun. 

What if he would leave you? 

What if the same situation would occur? 

Would you end up like Rika? 

All these thoughts were killing you, making you sob harder. 

With trembling hands you approached the table and tried to take one of the pill. 

Unfortunately it slipped from your hand and crashed on the floor, spreading white powder all over the place. 

Your sobs seemed to attract Jihyun since just s few moments later he entered the room. 

When he saw the mess on the floor his heart dropped. 

Before saying anything he however first hugged you, pressing your face into his chest. 

,,Pssst….“ he summed making you sob harder. 

,,I‘m sorry!“ you whined as he comforted you. 

,,I‘m sorry….I didn’t want this….“ you cried and soaked his shirt. 

,,I know….“ he repeated and held you into his arms for a long time. 

Afterwards you told him why you never told him about your medication and when it first started. 

,,I know, I may not be able to make you feel better yet but please know that there’s a difference between you and Rika. 

The same goes with the feelings I have for you and for Rika. 

So please don’t worry and be assured, I won’t let you end up like her, I will protect you, and this time I won’t fail, okay?“ 

MASTERLIST 1MASTERLIST 2

06.05.’19// 00:00 MEST

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